Shark Tank and the Biscuit

The Dark Ages – Volume 08: On this episode the boys interview a presidential candidate, some nerds who run a podcast about books, a dude who ran for mayor of Spokane one time, some guy who owns a brewery in butt-fuck Idaho, several standard lame-ass comics, one exceptionally lame-ass comic, a bunch of bands/rappers/college folk singers, probably an artist who works with crystals or something, and Mark Morris. We cover the same subject matter with each of these guests and recite the same anecdotes and jokes, and then sit back, arms folded in smug self-appreciation, as they laugh politely at yet another hack retread of already retreaded hack material. Also, endless drivel about the effects Covid-19 has had on “real road comics”. #ComedyIsDead #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #SpokaneSucks #Podcast #Comedy #ComedyWar #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #STATB #Merchus #ToweringPylonsOfIndisputablePowerAndTalent #Humble Get it! It's a podcast! Go find it in podcast places! soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

The Dark Ages – Volume 07: This is getting to be too much. There is an overwhelming artificial-citrus stink to this whole episode. There's a battle at one point but it happens on a molecular level so there's, honestly, not much to see or hear. The testosterone levels in this episode are essentially undetectable. It's a bit of a slog, much like the slog one might discover settled in the bottom of a deep-fat fryer after a particularly busy mid-December Fish Friday at The Cactus Cafe in Yuma, Arizona. #ComedyIsDead #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #SpokaneSucks #Podcast #Comedy #ComedyWar #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #STATB #Merchus #ToweringPylonsOfIndisputablePowerAndTalent #Humble Get it! It's a podcast! Go find it in podcast places! soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

The Dark Ages – Volume 06: Blake continues his campaign of emasculating Derek by effortlessly outclassing Derek's audio set-up. Blake thinks he's pretty cool because he can have good internet and good audio equipment in a room that is apparently cooled by a whisper-quiet air central conditioning system or more likely cooled silently by the rocks and dirt that surround this mystical room of good internet connection, and good audio equipment, and 12 guitar's framing Blake's beady little head. Derek has repeatedly offered to do the podcast in person, only to be rebuffed by Blake and Blake's fear of male-on-male intimacy. Blake seems to think just because Derek doesn't, “use soap” or “feel that clean needles are essential” or “wash my hands after going to the bathroom in an explicit bid to spread the Covid-19 virus” that somehow it's not safe to get together and hug a little bit. #ComedyIsDead #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #SpokaneSucks #Podcast #Comedy #ComedyWar #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #STATB #Merchus #ToweringPylonsOfIndisputablePowerAndTalent #Humble Get it! It's a podcast! Go find it in podcast places! soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

The Dark Ages - Volume 5: Here's a little story: When she spent time thinking about the future, Meg recognized that she was often inclined to not see much of anything. More to the point, all that she imagined seemed small. Not objectively small, but small in relation to the scope of her vision. She saw wealth and power on her horizons and that was a problem. It wasn’t that they were far away but as concepts they were dwarfed by her horizons. She felt no anxiety about the present, no regret about the past, and the future only seemed faulty in its tendency to underwhelm her. In her life there was nothing that could compare to her vast expanse of vision, it seemed infinite in its width and depth. In the present she was a seeker of experience, and all experience fit well only into the present moment – in comparison to the concept of Meg’s comprehension as an entity, a single moment was hilariously trivial. Even in her contemplation of death it seemed that death was just an exceptionally token part of her eventuality. She often wondered if the wall that separates most people from their future lives was not present in her, and if she was currently experiencing the entire future of all her future selves. It just seemed like the space where all of her experiences were stored was an inexplicably enormous, empty space. Love couldn’t fill it, or talent, or passion, anger, fear, pain; nothing even began to fill the space in any meaningful sense. She wondered if she gathered up every person who ever lived, and every person who ever would live and she lined them up in nice tidy little rows, if the spectacle would satisfy the space. She figured it would come up lacking. It seemed a big enough area that everything that ever was, or would be, could fit inside multiple times over. Taking everything that there ever was, or would ever be and putting it into a place was a paradox, not to mention multiplying the entirety of everything in an attempt to fill a space that wasn’t satisfied by having everything added to it. Meg wondered if her future was a portal out of the universe. She was comforted by the idea of a space big enough to hold everything, and everything again. The idea that she could hold such a place of untold enormity within herself to begin with was a comfort. She imagined all of everything there ever was and ever would be, smashed up into a little luminescent clump, lined up with other luminescent clumps of everything there ever was, or ever would be, all in tidy rows, dwarfed by the horizon. Billions of little clumps of luminescent everythings, lined up nice and straight. Sitting in the sun, her skin burnt red, she could imagine the sun as a pinprick of light in her future. She imagined her life next to the pinprick of the sun, and the luminescent clumps of everything ever, and all of the people ever, standing in lines next to their souls, shadows, ideas, and dreams, along with a living, physical representation of every moment of their own personal lifespan, and every future and past life, all with their shadows, and souls, and ideas, and dreams, and a living physical representation of every moment of their own person lifespan, amid all of those things, Meg’s own singular life was all but undetectable and yet she housed a future of such size that all this other shit could barely even cramp the space. She had watched Scottsdale burn and had a peripheral idea of what was going on now in that city. She had a new job at an Arby's near her apartment in Phoenix and wasn't really worried about Scottsdale. It seemed to be worlds away. soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

The Dark Ages - Volume 4: Here's a poem for these trying times: Shit, mother-fucker, I rap better than Emenim, Rewind the tape, and I'll rap better than him again, Cuz I live for this shit, and you live for nothing, I’ll eat your fuckin' dreams like a blueberry muffin, Keep you in my sights, fuck boy gunnin’, And you'll only die tired if you keep on runnin’, cuz, I've been known to spit a little bit of venom in ‘em, when a mother fucker need reminding, that he’ll never come out winnin’, been in it for a minute, plan to finish, I demolish and diminish all you other punks bitchin’, and, I never need another mother-fucker tellin’ me, How to rip a fuckin’ track, and smoke a fuckin’ beat, it’s, Simple addition, a paper stackin’ mission, You can fuck with them, but don't fuck with this’n, If you can’t handle the beginnin’, Then the end’ll have you sportin’ fuckin’ casket linen, Yeah! I'm the Joker I'll put you in a casket grinnin’, I'm John Henry, I'll blow a fuckin’ gasket winnin’, Sheeeeeeiiiit, You got nothing for me chump, I'll cut my cock off and fuck your mother with the dick stump, You can't slay me cuz I live in hell, baby, Drive a fat Caddy that breaks down daily, So far out the game I cant see the players, I piss novocaine, and make it rain on haters, Slap a fat vein and tap it slow, I Use a dirty needle to inject this flow, Cuz it's old school fuckin' gangster shit Certified platinum radio hit, uuh! #ComedyIsDead #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #SpokaneSucks #Podcast #Comedy #ComedyWar #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #STATB #Merchus #ToweringPylonsOfIndisputablePowerAndTalent #Humble Get it! It's a podcast! Go find it in podcast places! soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

The Dark Ages – Volume 03: Wow. Those descriptions for episode 19 and 20 are pretty crazy in retrospect. Zoom is somehow worse than Stalin, who was arguably worse than Hitler who remains somehow sexier than anybody who has ever used Zoom. Comedy is dead. It's time to lower our standards. #ComedyIsDead #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #SpokaneSucks #Podcast #Comedy #ComedyWar #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #STATB #Merchus #ToweringPylonsOfIndisputablePowerAndTalent #Humble Get it! It's a podcast! Go find it in podcast places! soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

The Dark Ages – Volume 02: The end of the beginning of the world as we know it. It's all uphill from here. #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #SpokaneSucks #Podcast #Comedy #ComedyWar #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #STATB #Merchus #ToweringPylonsOfIndisputablePowerAndTalent #Humble Get it! It's a podcast! Go find it in podcast places! soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

The Dark Ages – Volume 01: The beginning of end of the world as we know it. It's all downhill from here. #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #SpokaneSucks #Podcast #Comedy #ComedyWar #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #STATB #Merchus #ToweringPylonsOfIndisputablePowerAndTalent #Humble Get it! It's a podcast! Go find it in podcast places! soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

There's no stopping us now! IT'S BECOME TOO MASSIVE TO CONTROL! THE END IS NEAR!! #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #SpokaneSucks #Podcast #Comedy #ComedyWar #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #STATB #Merchus #ToweringPylonsOfIndisputablePowerAndTalent #Humble Get it! It's a podcast! Go find it in podcast places! soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

Death, madness, Ford v Ferrari, electroshock therapy, yes sir, this episode has it all. Settle in with a big gooey pot of gumbo and soak your tired feet in the sauce of life. #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #SpokaneSucks #Podcast #Comedy #ComedyWar #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #STATB #Merchus #ToweringPylonsOfIndisputablePowerAndTalent #Humble Get it! It's a podcast! Go find it in podcast places! soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

WAR! While looking to start a battle against nothing less than the whole world, the STATB guys find themselves awash in Nostalgie de la boue, or more specifically an aching desire for the sweet embrace of Hulk Hogan's brand of pasta bliss, Pastamania. In the end they settle for a war with Spokane comedy and a hulking plate of Christmas French Fries. #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #SpokaneSucks #Podcast #Comedy #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #STATB #Merchus Get it! It's a podcast! Go find it in podcast places! soundcloud.com/sharktankandthebiscuit facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

Get ready for a whole mess of chewing, yelling, dogs barking, long stretches of silence, unsavory uses of the term 'grown up money', belching, Hawaiian pizza, drunken loneliness, inept Robocop commentary, coughing, farting, and Micheal Rappaport. Cool? #SharkTankAndTheBiscuit #SpokaneComedy #Podcast #Comedy #Funny #Hilarious #Derek #Schoonover #SharkTank #Biscuit #Humor #KanyeWest #Spokane #StandUp #SpokaneSucks #STATB #Merchus www.youtube.com/channel/UCqHQhBpay2tHtj7c5zUocUA @sharktankandthebiscuit www.facebook.com/sharktankandthebiscuit rockettalkpodcasts@gmail.com

STATB brought to you by: Spiro Agnew Watches, Derek's Dining Room, Mobile Soup, and Leftover Booze from the Checkerboard Bar!

Here it is! The final episode of STATB filmed at the Checkerboard Bar before it was sucked into an vortex of unknown origins. The bar was sucked into a vortex. The pod is still alive and well. Well, it's still alive. As alive as a construct can be. I mean it exists, for sure. There's no doubt about that.Just like there's no doubt about my gout. Rest assured that any doubt about my gout would make me feel like a lout, and I would surely pout, also i would shout out about the internal drought of self-doubt in a roundabout knockout tantamount to an unannounced payout of trout sprout sauerkraut. Holy shit, I spelled 'sauerkraut' right on the first try! That's going to carry me through the day!

There they go! Look at how bright they burn. So spectacular. So tragic. So spectacularly tragic. Featuring Phil Cocknazi on the drums! Get some!

Nobody dies in this episode. Also no graphic nudity, huffing gas, or space travel. There's no slapstick violence, slapstick humor, or humor of any kind, really. Might as well skip it and watch Cheers.

It's a real juicy meatball! Get in there and tear the flesh from the bone! Then boil down those bones with some root vegetables, and aromatics! Finally, enjoy a delicious biscuit broth!

I'm not going to lie: this episode is rough going. Even the most masochistic among STATB viewers will find themselves tested. IT"S A FUCKING SHIT-SHOW! Blake almost saves it at the end with an improbable and entertaining basketball story but to be honest I was pretty hammered by that point. To be further honest, Blake's story might just be the only string of coherent words that happened during the entire episode.

Just a buncha good ol' fart boys, fartin' around the fart spout. Just really, you know, gettin' in there and chippin' away at the musty deposits, and maybe, just maybe, they can find true love along the way. A buncha fuckin' fart boys. #FartBoys

If you listen closely you can hear Blake's soul die. Pray for his sweet eternity.

It's the unofficial roast of Mark Morris. Actually it's the official roast of a picture of Mark Morris. If that sounds boring, there's also a lot of dick talk. It's the official roast of Dick Talk. Like and Subscribe to Dick Talk, the new podcast, within a podcast, within a podcast, within a podcast, from the creators of a podcast, within a podcast, within a podcast Shark tank and the Biscuit, and one creator of a podcast, within a podcast, Rocket Talk!

I'm not going to lie, this one gets real shitty, real quick. Strap in your brain-balls because it's a bumpy ride.

Just a lot of intelligent discussions about politics and science, and also history. There's barely any dicks.

Recorded 9-12-2019. Yeah I know it took me a month to upload this video...so sue me. I have my doubts that anyone actually listens to these, let alone reads the description that I write. If you actually read this, please comment below with who you think "the Biscuit" is.

And now a group of people trying to figure out why they are making a podcast.

Episode 001 of a new exciting podcast where two guys stand next to a building hosting open mic comedy and talk to the weirdos walking by. Also, we changed the title of the show half at through so that was weird.