Anxious Laughter

Right now, we were supposed to be about halfway through Season 2 of the podcast. But with lockdown, I've run out of new episodes, and it's not possible for me to keep recording them at the rate I'd need to in order to keep going. So things are going on hold for a little while...

In lockdown, I've got back into running six days a week. But am I actually enjoying it? Well no. I'm not. In this episode, I explore my relationship with running a bit, I think about how I used to run long distances, and how I once entered the ballot for a place in the London marathon and was relieved when I didn't get a place - but not for the reason you may think.

In this episode, I talk about getting out into nature for walks, and how nature has a soothing effect, even if it's nothing mystical or spiritual. And I talk about how bad I am at doing nothing. How much I'd hate a beach holiday sitting by the sea, or by a pool. And about how threatening cows can be.

Recently was the date of the cancelled Eurovision Song Contest 2020. But rather than late the date pass without ceremony, I set up a studio in my garage and hosted my own. I sang a few songs, did all the video editing and pulled the show together. I even presented it live and coped with the internet went down halfway through the broadcast. Only confident, charismatic people can do that sort of stuff, right? We are all contradictions, and we're all moulded and beaten into shape by the people and circumstances around us. In maybe the most raw and personal episode yet, I talk about being a contradiction, and what life may be life without anxiety.

In this episode, I have a conversation with Scott Bird, a personal trainer from London, on the subject of body confidence. It's easy to very personal trainers are people who've always been fit and sporty, and to think that they are comfortable and confident in their bodies. But in this episode I ask Scott what it was like being overweight as a teenager, and how he finds the gym environment as both a trainer and someone with body confidence issues. You can find Scott at https://birdpersonaltraining.com/ for information and to sign up to train with him! :-)

This episode, I continued my conversation with Duncan Skelton. This time, we talked more about the interplay between a leader and their team members, we talked about creating a place of safety for team members to express themselves and also whether everyone who wears a pretty hat is gay. They aren't. At least not anymore. Duncan is a leadership coach, and you can find out more details of what he does - and even book in for a free first session - on his website... https://duncanskelton.com/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/duncanskelton/

This episode was recorded last week, and touches upon the virus and working from home as a result of it. In other episodes, I've not really talked about coronavirus or the lockdown, but in this extra episode Richard Jackson (https://www.linkedin.com/in/rjacksonuk/) and I talk in detail about the impact of the virus on our working lives, how we cope with working from home full time and how neither of us really abide by the list of "best practices" that are floating around the internet. We talk about how much fun it is being able to see into other people's houses, what rubbish we both have piled up in our studies and whether it's OK to check your work email of a morning before you're dressed and showered.

In this episode, I have a conversation with Duncan Skelton, about anxiety in leadership. How do leaders feel, and what does it mean to be a leader? During the course of the episode, we'll take about how our personal values affect whether or not we intervene in situations we don't feel comfortable with, we talk about whether it's OK as a leader to be open about your mental health with you team and we also mention Beyoncé because - you know - she's Beyoncé and she is amazing. Duncan is a leadership coach, and you can find out more details of what he does - and even book in for a free first session - on his website... https://duncanskelton.com/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/duncanskelton/ Links to some of the books we talked about can be found below: The book in which talked about competent vs. confident leaders was the - brilliantly named - "Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders?" Brene Brown, "Dare to lead" Simon Sinek, "The infinite game" Google reWork guide, "Understand team effectiveness". Available from https://rework.withgoogle.com/print/guides/5721312655835136/ Nick Robinson, "Leadership, Role-modelling and behaviour" (blog) Available from: https://www.nickrobinson.org/reflections-on-leadership-role-modelling-and-behaviour/ Additional info - we mentioned a couple of other topics lots of resources are available - suggestions below Impostor syndrome Gill Corkindale, "Overcoming Imposter Syndrome", Harvard Business Review. Available from: https://hbr.org/2008/05/overcoming-imposter-syndrome Neurodiversity R. D. Austin, G. P. Pisano, "Neurodiversity as a Competitive Advantage", Harvard Business Review. Available from: https://hbr.org/2017/05/neurodiversity-as-a-competitive-advantage

For the first time on Anxious Laughter, I talk a bit about work. This is an introductory episode to my work life, how I got here and why I moved down to London.

After a rather longer break than I expected, I'm back. This episode is a bit of a warm up for the 2020 episodes, and brings the story up to date. Mostly it's just setting the scene for the episodes coming up in the next few months.

In this episode I talk about the effect on my dreams of taking anti-anxiety medication, along with some of the weirder dreams I've had. I also talk about the worst things about growing up in a house in a very pretty village, and of going to the bathroom on a cold night.

This episode was recorded whilst on a business trip in Valencia. I talk about what life is like on the Executive Floor, how hard it is to turn off the light in a hotel room and trying to buy just three things in Boots. This episode is quite a light, wry one but there's a postscript, recorded a couple of weeks later, in which I talk about what happened to me on the flight back to London. It's a story which is still hard for me to tell, although most of the upset has dulled now.

In this episode, I start to talk about a subject which is a difficult one for me to discuss - body image. This won't be the last time I return to this subject, but it's a good introduction to my thoughts.

This episode was recorded in response to breaking my mobile phone whilst on holiday. I talk about my relationship with technology, how I ended up working in technology despite not really being a technologist and get my thoughts on whether it's a bad thing that we always talk to each other over WhatsApp and Facebook these days rather than talking on the phone.

This is the second of my episodes where I talk about travel. This time, I have a bit of a rant about the pressure to "join in" and talk about how I hate the "quiet coaches" on trains. This episode is also available as a video, if you want to see me. Just go to the Facebook group for this podcast ( https://www.facebook.com/anxiouslaughter ) to watch it.

Just a ten minute reflection on what World Mental Health Day means to me, and why it'd be nice if we were all a little more open to talking about Mental Health with each other...

In the first of two episodes talking about travel, I talk about taking a trip to a British seaside resort, my childhood memories of visiting and the time I had to decide whether to steal a newspaper from someone who may be dead on a flight back to the UK. This episode was recorded at home in London, on a train and in a few other places. I had to do a few re-takes back at home in London due to the sound quality of my mobile recording kit, but it doesn't impact any of the bits recorded out and about - all the background noises you hear are genuine rather than post production effects :-) This episode talks about the logistics of travel. In the next episode I'll talk about how anxiety travels with me, and what my head was saying to me whilst I was on the train...

This time, I look at some of the smaller things that get impacted by anxiety. Like asking to go to the toilet or giving your name in Starbucks to get a cup of coffee. This one is much lighter than previous episodes... hope you enjoy it!

In this episode, I open up for the first time about seeing a therapist - and talk about how to find one, and the fact that therapy rooms are so boringly decorated. Oh, and I talk a bit about personal trainers again, obviously :-)

This week I talk about a big subject. And it's one I'll come back to, but it's one I can't avoid any longer - Social Anxiety. I chart my thoughts on parties from when I was a kid, through to the huge parties I throw for friends these days. If you're looking for an episode with a happy twist at the end, this one isn't going to give it to you, I'm afraid.

In this episode, I'll talk about learning to play the recorder, then the violin and how I moved onto the piano. And then about how I've moved onto singing in recent years. A couple of relevant links from this episode. How do stereo vinyl records work: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereophonic_sound#Vinyl_records That ABBA song about the guy looking for the threesome: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaXMELKmFYE Also - as I say at the start of this one, forgive the fact that I have a cold and sound a bit funny this time around.

Just a little three minute bonus with a few words about the podcast theme... Enjoy!

In the final episode of the opening, scene-setting trilogy, I rattle through my days at school, and mention the word "gay" for the first time. Something a little different next time, likely in about two weeks...

In this episode we go back to my first memory. And then to my second. And from there we take a look at my PE teachers at school, and just what they did to me.

This is the first episode, in which I set the scene, and talk about what I'm going to be talking about. I'm getting this episode out there, and there may be a small pause before the next one, but my eventual aim is to get an episode out every two weeks or so.