Cow Children

Welcome to Ms. Havisham's house of fun and oblivion! Which would you choose, and which will tempt Fil? Can she find delight in the West's first 'computer game', or leap into the eternal purgatory of the Black Darkness? A stand-alone audio adventure, colourfully revivifying Dickens's non-Western classic. Great Big Expectations was written and directed by Ben Swithen. Starring Hannah Goudie-Hunter as Fil and Sandra Baker Donnelly as Ms Havisham, with Charlotte Creasey as Beatrice Pocket, Sarah and Angus Goudie as the Joes and Tim Packer as Pumblechook.   cw: threats of violence, despair, family strife, imprisonment and furries

It's Pancake Day! This year's pancake race has a fantastic prize: the winner can commit one murder, free of consequences! Wackless Races, by Ben Swithen. A stand-alone audio adventure - though with a number of returning characters.With Charlotte Creasey as Barabashkin Cowhaver, Tom Hagley and Ben Swithen as Trevor and Scott, Jazz Chatfield as Tato, Moya O’Rourke as Rowan McGowan, Dylan Reid Miller as August Sol, and Stuart Dunlop as Mayor Jeffers. cw: cars, death, gunshots, explosions, cartoon violence, discussion of euthanasia

Bachelors are going missing! Skunk Boy and Franklin Marter pose as bachelors, and enter the trap! What will be left of Skunk Boy when his identity and his odour are stripped away? An audio adventure by Ben Swithen, starring Steve Allen and Fey Sunflower, with Chris Mowat, Tim Packer, Stuart Bryant, Charlotte Creasey and Michael Friend. The characters Franklin Marter and Skunk Boy previously appeared in 'Skunk Boy and Lothario'. This is their second adventure together, but this tale can be enjoyed as a stand-alone. cw: murder, brainwashing, action violence, gunshots, broken glass

It's the Children's Chess Championship! Time for Davie Bandero to prove he's more than just muscle. Time for Fennel to learn the difference between friends and enemies. Choose wrong, and it's frog consequences!

It's Nativity o'clock! Joseph gets an unexpected chance at fatherhood. But how can you parent a Christ?Unlike most nativities, in which Jesus doesn't do anything, this Biblical adventure keeps rolling to give us the full Joseph story!Starring Eliah Ward as Joseph and Hannah Goudie-Hunter as Mary, with Fey Sunflower as Jesus of Nazareth.cw: babies, singing, Christmas, crying, crucifixion, death, mild swearing, and a happy ending 

Two jilted brides take a trip to the brewery at Lemlie Corn. But the brewery is dark, violent, as tall as the sky - and haunted by a goose with a golden beak!A stand-alone audio adventure in the wide and infinite and (on this occasion) very tall land of The West.The Jilts, by Ben Swithen, starring Charlotte Creasey as Daisy and Josie Hypatia Grounds as Karen, with Tom King as Bluejack at Marielle Evans as Goosinder.cw: skeletons!

The audio adventures of Mike Love's Beach Boys! Can the band prosper in the face of bad dads, literal murderers, master manipulators and an enemy within? Actually no!An audio biopic of Mike Love, Brian Wilson and the glorious others, with Dylan Reid Miller, Ben Swithen, Jonathan Higgs, Beepsalt, Candy Anderson and several several more!cw: death, murder, anger, blackmail, drowning, assassination, terrorism, Charles Manson, family deaths, Donald Trump

Sinbad's loneliness is punctured by invaders, intruders, monsters, manslaughter and guns! Will a new puppet bring calm to the cursèd city, or bring destruction to life as we know it?Sinbad Tries His Best, an audio play by Ben Swithen, with Tristan Lánstad as Sinbad, and the voices of Agnes Henson, Spleeny Dotson, Tom King, Steve Allen, Little Jeremey and Natalie Ashton

The Gelato Havers are coming for Don Gelato! But the Don renounced gelato and turned to iced cream long ago. Can she stop the rustlers? No.With Sandra Baker Donnelly as Donatello, Ben Swithen as Remy, Chris Mowat as Dabney and Sean Morley as Gantry #9 cw: death, guns, romance

Fennel is the Laird of MacGyver! An ancient artefact has declared it! But what is a laird, what evils lurk in the chimneys, and whatever became of Lady Roxanne? A stand-alone audio-adventure set in mysterious North of the dangerous West. With Ben Swithen as Fennel, Deanna MF Midnight as Lal Tarrant, Tim Packer as MacTeon the Hunter, Natalie Ashton as Diana Corsair and Hannah Goudie-Hunter as Mrs Mandelenian.

Franklin Marter is on the case, and he needs the help of the malodorous Skunk Boy. Can the lothario and the human skunk find the missing admiral? No. But their error will lead them on an even deeper scheme. Skunk Boy and Lothario by Ben Swithen. With Steve Allen as Franklin Marter, Fey Sunflower as Skunk Boy, Tom Burgess as Dichael Box, Emily Howse-Long as Auntie and Jasmine Chong as Laura Llal. cw: guns, bombs, scorpions, explosions

To tide the world over until episode 16 (Skunkboy and Lothario) here is a Cow Children interlude, including short story 'The Boat', and a run-down of the 15 episodes to date.

Emma Gygenhallendorf has a magical hat, containing all the days of the West. But she never wanted magical powers; she wanted the skill of a stage magician, not a world-conquering sorceress. And now she wants a friend. With Ava Liversidge, Harlan Bryant, Dylan Reid Miller and Stuart Bryant

Bandagongo means disaster! Disaster for the whole planet! In the short term it could destroy all life on Earth. In the long term it could interrupt the love of two semi-retired cricket-commentators. Cow Children: Bandagongo, by Ben Swithen. Starring Tom Hagley as Trevor and Ben Swithen as Scott. A story of plagiarism, apocalypse, and the romance of the increasingly elderly.

A railroad prospector named Person Sandchester finds a desolate station that harbours ancient horrors. A tale of railways, friendship, emptiness and evil demon spirits. A stand-alone audio adventure, starring Christ Mowat as Person, Rum Samuel as Olly, Moya O'Rourke as Synium and Dan Dudley as John Macklemurray. cw: death by explosion, the spirit world, betrayal, loneliness, one f-bomb

What begins as merry old sex swiftly turns into a life of terrible adventure! Will Janet ever paint again, or will the combined forces of death, debt and despair end her art forever?Cow Children: The Forest of Sex, by somebody. Starring Nicky Hindmarch as Janet and MJ Sargeson as Johnny. cw: death, funeral, pregnancy, crying baby, debt, financial tragedy, sex (in vague terms)

Hector Brovnik wants to become a robot, because he cannot bear to live as himself. Can he escape the world of mortality before August the 24th? No. A stand-alone audio drama by Ben Swithen. cw: death, despair, execution, robots, family drama

In the aftermath of a tragedy, Wendy Gwennan wants to put the famous gunfight on stage. However, the mastermind behind the crime has the town in his hand, and looms large over the theatre. A play by Ben Swithen, starring Natalie Ashton as Wendy, Rose Garratt as Rex Jameson and Tom Hagley as Petras. 

Dear listener, you're awake at last. Please relax and enjoy this haircut while I propel you across the desert and fight off the violent men who hound us, and vice versa. Please do not start the fishing game, or you could doom us both! With Ben Swithen as the Fishing Tutorial and you, dear listener, as yourself. cw: blood mention, gunfights, body horror (mild, affirming), menstruation mention

Baseball Boy is coming. A promise, or a threat? When Baseball Boy brings sport and excitement to town, some are concerned it will lead to sin, death and hell, and they're entirely correct.Through catchy songs and invisible dances, the tale of cursèd Baseball Boy seeks to deliver you the authentic summer childhood experience. It also attempts to answer that age old question: if (and it's a big if) there are boys' sports and girls' sports, which are the non-binary sports?A baseball musical by Ben Swithen, with additional material by Sam Nicoresti. Starring Sam Nicoresti as Baseball Boy, Hannah Goudie-Hunter as Bessie Hickman, and Dylan Reid Miller as the mountain man, and thus as Holly Jolly Hugelarge.cw: death, sport, infanticide, guns, hell, fart, mascot, crying, inability to cry

Izzy McManus travels the wilds of the West, seeking to reunite her favourite boyband. But in an age without mass communication, how many remain, and how many have changed beyond recognition. 'Band of Boys' features Charlotte Perry, Stan Skinny, MJ Sargeson and Sean Morley.This is a stand-alone instalment of Cow Children - a broader category than cowboys! Content warnings: abrupt gunshots (none are canonically fatal), death, mourning, gender, skeleton, paranoia

A convict is released from her dungeon cell on condition that she becomes a clown forever. This is the story of Monkeypuzzle the funny clown, and the tiny mouse who lives in her mouth and pilots her mind into perpetual jollity.  Cast: Natalie Ashton Tidbit, Dylan Reid Miller, Ben Swithen, Ben Martin, Chelsea Hare and Philip J. Cookcw: clowns, bear attack, death, murder (briefly), military, imprisonment, enslavement, mice

Professor Clayton's vendetta has burned across the desert, destroying everything it touches. But for her trusty horse, this present rage is just the latest life in a cycle without end.Can the conflict ever end, or will Horse see the inside of a sausage factory before he ever sees peace in the West?With Charlie Benjamin as Horse and Rose Garratt as Professor Clayton, and the voices of Stuart Dunlop, Rob Reed, Henry Lim and Tom King.Words and editing by Ben Swithen.cw: guns (non-fatal), drugs mention, meat, frank discussion of mortality.

Jean-Jaques Gaspard travels the endless West seeking an answer to an eternal question. Will he find the knowledgable person? Yes. What ensues encompasses all of recorded history, but threatens to destroy the future!King Kang Kong is an uncommonly informative episode of Cow Children, a very loose Western anthology series of gender, friendship and happy nightmares.content warnings: guns, gunshots, bombs, sex (vaguely described, positive), monarchy, the Bible, mortality

It's a Wild West, but not the Wild West. Today's threats are burning alive and burning dead. What horrors can grow from a humble volcano? Find out in this audio drama or come up with your own answer inside your head.With the voices of Thom Williams, Moya O'Rourke, Laura Morley, Michael Friend, Amellia Watson and Rob Reedcw: death, guns, fire, immortality, supernatural death by magma

In a town of the starving and doomed, a furry organ-grinder with no employable talents comes to terms with the loss of zir sole source of income. When all you have is your identity, is compromise too high a cost to stay alive?Another desperate instalment of Cow Children, a series of stand-alone happy nightmares.Cow Children: The Stramineous Gift, by Ben Swithen. Featuring the voices of Jazz Chatfield, Moya O'Rourke, Tony Kennick, Dylan Reid Miller, Stuart Bryant and Natalie Ashton cw: death, furries, discussion of suicide, starvation, death and sexP.S. Stramineous literally means 'of straw', and a stramineous gift is an outdated term for a gift of no real value. The episode neglects to explain either of these terms, but now you know. And knowledge is dangerous.

Pancake Day is nigh! Meg intends to win the pancake race, and therefore the right to marry her beloved Jane. However, Corvax has other plans.The first exciting adventure of Cow Children, a pseudo-western anthology series looking at classic Western themes of despair, friendship, gender and catastrophe through a lively lens.With the voices of Charlotte Perry, Jasmine Chong, Hannah Goudie-Hunter, Stuart Dunlop, Tim Packer and Ben Swithen.