Lez Get Freaky

No best, but better! Greetings from 3 different time zones! Hannah (aka Robert) is thousands of miles away and Mabon is fed up with Erika's screeches. Sarah's nostril collapses under the pressure of looking so damn good as Zoë's nose disappears altogether in preparation for her star turn as He Who Shall Not Be Named.  AVADA KEDAVRA!

Send help!It's another episode of Lez Get Freaky and absolutely no one is doing well.  Hannah and Erika are masked and miserable, Sarah pairs whiskey with steroids and hacks up a lung, and Zoë is a weepy puddle after spending the day with her hero. Nevertheless, we power through another chapter of Cirque du Freak with Erika steering us bravely through! And for the record, Darren Shan is a July Cancer.

Strike! On this week's LGF, Hannah paraphrases a full fortnight of pages as Erika allows us to peek into the deep recesses of her mind. Morgan slips effortlessly back into his own pants and manages to bleep out each of Sarah's several references to p*st str*ct*r*l*sm, and Zoë shares her mother's wisdom and a fun panty surprise. Enjoy the episode, just promise you won't disturb me while I show Steve how to play my flute, k?

Hammy Holidays! It's Christmas Eve and the ladies are back with an exciting new chapter of everyone's favorite Christmas story: Cirque Du Freak! This week, we discover that Sarah Emanuel, PhD., lacks basic reading comprehension skills while Zoë calls out the sexism of the so-called Platinum Gays, Hannah whips out her summer sausage, and Erika enjoys her Christmas ham alone. So take a seat, give your butt-arms a rest, and settle in for another episode of Lez Get Freaky!

HONEY, WE'RE HOOOOOME!  A whole month later, the gals are back and better than ever, equipped with new cars, new therapists, and entirely new faces! Zoë leads the chapter and defends Darren's questionably Irish pizza preferences.  Erika takes us to Carol's Butterfly Garden as Hannah commits a true act of bravery by confronting her dumbest fear.  And Sarah thinks that what she would think would be happening would have happened if it were going to happen, but it doesn't happen! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTY!

Don't flush! After a 3 week hiatus, the gang is back with a fresh new chapter to dissect.  Erika tells us all about Samhain and does a spot-on impression of a 12-year-old boy (not at the same time). Sarah, recovering from her nasal circumcision, introduces mayonnaise to the Pauline epistles. And Zoë and Hannah introduce us to The Man, a terrifying half-human they invented as children. Oh and P.S. this is definitely not Steve.

Lez be honest... It was only a matter of time before we wasted 10 minutes discussing our menstrual cycles on the air!  But don't worry, there's so much more.  Erika's body may be a wonderland, but her brain is a thesaurus.  Sarah addresses her internal biases towards stamp collection but her nose won't stop mansplaining to Zoë.  And Hannah gets way too worked up about the logistics of telepathy.  Come back next week to see if we've turned into a Squid Game fan podcast. So much for the wisdom of grown-ups!

Four oh Ford!With Morgan and Sarah preoccupied by their “careers” and “obligations,” Zoë, Hannah, and Erika are on their own this week with another not-so-mini-sode! We'll get to chapter 16 next time, but for now, sweet Vampians, we hope you enjoy our ramblings on food poisoning, cis-heteros in queer spaces, and of course, Halloween costumes! But you best listen hard, now, or Old Linda might come a-knockin'!

But what will the editor think?!Morgan is finally back in his own pants and it's time to get freaky!  Sarah, our resident professor, delivers a perspectival recap of Chapter 15 and catches a fly in mid-air.  Erika entertains us with spooky snorts and snarls, but Hannah gets booted from the pod for dropping spoilers. And Zoë? Well, she falls asleep at the end.  As Mr. C always says, it's a horrible life!

Brand spankin' new!After a late-night deep-dive into copyright law, the ladies are back this week with an ALL NEW FORMAT!  That's right, folks: in an effort to keep things interesting and not get sued, we are switching things up from here on out.  Hannah gets a snake boy for a stripper, Erika takes over the soundboard, Sarah brings up Revelation again, and, as per our new format, Zoë paraphrases the next chapter of Darren Shan's autobiographical saga in excruciating detail. And best of all? The vampires have finally arrived!

Just like at 54 Below!Another Friday, another gut-wrenching episode where the ladies dissect the exquisite text that is Cirque du Freak. Both couples touch skeletons by way of teeth. Erika performs a transformational character interpretation. The girls take a trip to an exclamation park (!). Hannah's goose-looking friend steals from a bodega. Sarah is stoned. And Zoe's Morgan-pants look absolutely stunning on her. Tune in next week for a slightly different but just as chaotic format on your favorite pod!

Boo! Happy Friday the 13th! We *definitely* recorded this synchronously and not separately at two different times as it may seem...SPOOKY! Get to know the ladies of LGF in this...uh..."mini?!?"-sode. Sarah takes an ill-planned trip to Turkey, Zoë and Erika have the same favorite movie, and Hannah makes an interesting first impression at her new school. It was so fun all being together to record this mini-sode! Yay Friday the 13th!

Better late than never!The gals are back on this Freaky Monday (

Y'all - this episode is historic. To start, Hannah blatantly says no to being Zoë's maid of honor after 20+ years of friendship. The ladies name their fan base “Vampians” and discuss sucking up and spitting out a load. Hannah explains upside-down faces. Erika rewrites the lyrics to “Ridin' Dirty.” There are minions galore. Sarah gets robbed… again. And to quote Hannah, “the single first important thing” finally happens in the book. It's a big week for us.

We've got a guest!Although they've yet to listen to even one episode, a dear friend of the pod, Steph Seiden, joins us this week to validate just how cringey Darren Shan's choice of words can be.  Zoë apologizes…profusely.  Sarah officially becomes our dramaturg.  Erika forgets Hannah's name.  Steph cannot stop crying.  And Hannah gets a handful of grade-A cocaine from a random man at a bar!

Maybe it was both of us?We're back this week with an even more chaotic episode! Our thousands of fans are dying to know what actually happens in this book, and trust me - we're getting there. We make it to the circus. Zoë finds a low-budget sound board and keeps the ladies on track. Sarah finds out she's queer through her obsession with Wicked. Hannah shaves off her knees. And to finish it off, Erika does a short but sweet Tarot card reading.

It's Pride Month, and that means you're homophobic if you're still not listening to the pod!Kidding. But this week we're saying “goodbye” to exposition and “hello” to plot. The ladies breakdown their filler words, Sarah gets robbed and doesn't cry, Zoë goes to specifically Ecuador, and Erika somehow knows more about Judaism than the three Jews in the studio. Update: still no vampires.

Yes and no?!?!?Your favorite gaggle of queer ladies sober up and return to power through the next two chapters of Cirque du Freak by Darren Shan.  Sarah discusses postcoloniality, Erika and Hannah chew gnocchi into the mic, Zoë demonstrates a French inhale, and absolutely no one wears a bra! There are vampires in this book, we promise.  Just not yet.

Are we cheugy? Oops, we got a little too drunk for this one. The foursome of queer women (Erika, Hannah, Sarah, and Zoë) talk about their Hogwarts houses, the Dad Patriarchy,  and Chuck E Cheese birthday parties. They also read chapter 4 of Cirque du Freak by Darren Shan.

What is a cult?Zoë, Hannah, Sarah, and Erika read, discuss, and drink their way through chapters 3 and 4 of Darren Shan's 12-book saga, Cirque du Freak. Forrest Gump makes a cameo, Hannah tells a story about role-playing with Zoë in school, and Mrs. Leonard is planning her escape. CW: Discussion of sexual trauma. 

And what is a noun?!? Zoë and Hannah have been best friends since Kindergarten and obsessed with the young adult vampire series Cirque Du Freak since middle school.  Now, they're both queer and want to introduce their partners to Darren Shan's 12-book saga. It's your favorite queer boozy book club: Lez Get Freaky!