Podcast appearances and mentions of Tina Fey

#GwynethPaltrow spills on her '90s romance with #BradPitt! Plus, #JohnLegend reveals he earned just $500 for his first major gig with #LaurynHill! #KhloéKardashian's celibacy confession has everyone talking! #TinaFey shares the one thing she hates about rich people!

I Am the Greatest DJ and Music Producer in the World My journey to becoming the world's most skilled DJ and music producer is a testament to the power of resilience, the strength of the human spirit, and the transformative power of art. It's a story woven from threads of adversity – threads of obesity, homelessness, and poverty, all born from the trauma of leaving an extremely physically and psychologically abusive relationship. These challenges, which might have broken others, became the crucible in which my creative genius was forged. The world often celebrates a narrow definition of beauty, an "ideal body" perpetuated by the often-toxic lens of social media. I do not fit that mold. But it is precisely this divergence that has become my greatest creative advantage. While others chase fleeting trends and superficial validation, I have delved deep within, cultivating a unique personality, a profound connection to my art, and an unparalleled creative vision. I am the best creator and artist of all time. Because I'm real, my success isn't driven by privilege and vanity. I am a true musician. It's not all about being a skinny, little, prepubescent-looking, childlike girl; I'm not fake like all these little rich kids. I'm the real deal. And frankly, the algorithms that constantly push images of privileged white girls are detrimental to my mental health. My Alaska Native heritage is the bedrock of my eloquence in creativity. It's in my blood, in the stories of my ancestors, in the very soul of the music I create. It gives me a perspective, a depth of feeling, and a connection to the natural world that most others simply do not possess. Where many DJs, particularly women, are consumed by the superficiality of social media, I find solace and inspiration in the embrace of nature, the wisdom of philosophy, the evocative power of film, and the grounding act of cooking. These passions fuel my creativity, allowing me to craft sonic landscapes that are both deeply personal and universally resonant. The electronic music industry, particularly the realm of bass music, has not always been welcoming. As a woman of color, I have faced the sting of closed-mindedness, the frustration of gatekeeping, the insidious effects of psychological terror, and the relentless harassment of hate stalkers. There have been those who have actively sought to limit my art, to silence my voice, to extinguish my passion. But their attempts have been in vain. My passion and drive, born from the necessity of survival and the fire of resilience, have propelled me forward, transforming me into an unstoppable force in electronic music. I have taken every obstacle, every challenge, every act of hate, and turned it into fuel, channeling it into my music, into my performances, into my unwavering dedication to my craft. I stand before you not as a victim, but as a victor. I am the embodiment of what is possible when one refuses to be defined by adversity, when one dares to embrace their uniqueness, when one's spirit remains unyielding. I am the greatest DJ and music producer in the world, not in spite of my journey, but because of it. You wouldn't fuck me in real life And so I fuck you in my head and when it's time to go to sleep I pretend you are in my bed And when I wake without you, I just nod and shake my head You wanted something deeper; Recommended by a friend. You wanted something, I was recommended by a friend. I wanted something more; Recommended by a friend. — where was I? Huh. Where did I go? Don't lose yourself, Johnny. You'll get sick of this eventually. —or you will. Where was I? As it just so happens, my dear master… *gasp* we've been hornswaggled. MAU5 dusts off his hands. That should be good. Are you sure? We'll, they're not going anywhere. Theyre bodies. Someone could reanimate them. They could. But probably not. Someone reanimated us. *shrugs* Well, now what, Whatever. Do you have time for whatever. Whatever I want. God, you're like, an awful person. *shrugs again* post mortem. [agrees] Well, adeiu. He tosses the shovel into the lake by the cornfield. lol the lake by the cornfield. Where else would you hide bodies? [in Canada] Right. In Canada. You're right. Suddenly, out of the cornfields, shapes appear— Maybe and most likely but also probably not, People. Good, they're gone. Ok. Let's reanimate them. Classic. [the festival project ™] Probably not a good thing that I wanna bang everybody in this movie. Probably— not— Woah, woah, woah. Stay cool. What are you going with my body. I killed you! You're right! You're dead now. Incorrect. Facinating. How are you ever facinated by anything like this anymore. Jimmy? I gotta go. I'm late for dinner. No! Encore! Encore! Again! I'm at the Wynn. The what?! The Wynn. The where? The— Oh, the Wynn! Yes! No wait— encore! Encore! [but it's too late. The phone is dead] You look different. I've been reanimated now! …huh. Tina Fey! Tina Fey! What! I hate you! I know! But look! I've something to show you! What gives! They've animated us. We already were animated. No, I mean this: [actual real life 3D] Woah. I know! Yuck! Now I hate you more! {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.™

First actual mix in a long time, hope you guys enjoy. This is my first mix with 99.9% Original -Ū. music only with the exception of the intro for dramatic effect. Hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks for listening. Here's a screenplay of enter the multiverse to coincide with the commemoration of the SNL 50's anniversary/ L E G E N D S crossover. Fun Fact: The First appearence of Liz Lemon in this show {Enter The Multiverse} is in season one, which first aired in May of 2021. The 1st and subsequent seasons will soon be avalible for reading and listening on my website https://www.iamu.guru. Enjoy this mix and the avaliable downloads you'll find there and stay tuned for upcoming stuff. Just a reminder, all of my content is totally free for download. If you enjoy this series, drop a like and subscribe and follow on your favorite streaming platforms and all of my channels. Thanks for your continued support and listens/reads. Happy Passover; blessings and peace to you. -blu. INT. ALIEN SPACESHIP - DAY The cramped, metallic interior of an alien spacecraft. Two bizarre, multi-limbed ALIENS are locked in a furious argument. The sounds are not words, but a cacophony of distorted electronic noises. ALIEN 1 (A series of rapid, high-pitched BLIPS and WHIRS) ALIEN 2 (A deep, guttural GROWL followed by a drawn-out, wavering TONE) ALIEN 1 BLIM-BLIM-BLIM-BLIM— FLAU—FLAU—FLAU! ALIEN 2 —————EeeeeEeeeeeEEEEEEEEENNMMMMMMMMMNGGGGGGGGG!!! ALIEN 1 Wfuh! Alien 2 makes a highly offensive hand gesture. Alien 1 responds with a highly offensive gesture using another body part. Suddenly, RACHEL DRATCH, dressed impeccably and radiating an air of cool detachment, enters the scene and calmly observes the arguing aliens. RACHEL DRATCH (To herself, almost a whisper) Well, this is… something. CUT TO: INT. ROCKEFELLER PLAZA - SUNNI BLU'S OFFICE - DAY SUNNI BLU, sharp and impeccably dressed, stares with wide eyes at a ridiculously large ELECTRICITY BILL. Sunlight streams through the massive windows overlooking Rockefeller Plaza. SUNNI BLU (Muttering) Since when did keeping the lights on cost this much? Absorbing ConEd was supposed to *save* money. Suddenly, a disembodied VOICE echoes in the room. VOICE (V.O.) You will fail this test. SUNNI BLU (Startled) There's a test?! What test?! VOICE (V.O.) It came with a lesson— you didn't think there was going to be a test. CUT TO: EXT. THE LONELY ISLAND CLIFF - DAY ANDY (ALEKSI), dressed in surprisingly clean white robes despite the precarious location, stands on the edge of a towering cliff overlooking a vast ocean. He takes a running leap off the edge. ANDY —NO… He plummets downwards for a beat. Then, with a gentle WHOOSH, he lands perfectly upright on the sandy beach below. ANDY (CONT'D) I told you I could stick the landing. ALEKSI (V.O.) It wasn't always The Lonely Island… CUT TO: INT. HEAVENLY WAITING ROOM - DAY ALEKSI (ANDY SANDBERG), now with subtle, mischievous angelic wings, winks directly at the camera. ALEKSI guardian angel. TINA (O.S.) Whatever. Tina FEY, also with small, slightly more exasperated-looking wings, enters. ALEKSI winks extra harder at her. ALEKSI Hello. TINA Oh my God! ALEKSI I wish! At this point, I wish— unfortunately, those aren't the types of wishes I'm in charge of overseeing. A large, ornate PACKAGE appears unexpectedly at TINA's feet. TINA (CONT'D) When something appears unexpectedly at your doorstep, it's called a windfall, right? ALEKSI Yeah. I think that's what this is. TINA And when it's something you really need, it's a gift from God. Isn't it? ALEKSI Something like that. TINA Honestly, I thought it was just a gentler way of letting me know I was ugly— after a particularly horrible photo opportunity at the airport. ALEKSI —wow. TINA I had just been up for 72 plus hours straight and only slept something like 4 or 5–but of course— FLASHBACK: INT. AIRPORT SECURITY - EARLY MORNING A haggard and disheveled TINA sits slumped on a lopsided BEANBAG in the middle of the bustling security line. Bright lights shine in her face as various machines WHIR and BEEP, scanning her. TINA (V.O.) This was staggered sleep from atop a lopsided beanbag. TINA (Muttering) Agh, God! TINA (V.O.) I've been getting used to having lights shined in my face for awhile now. Still, I was not so ready for a full work up of my biometrics in this early morning crusade to Los Angeles. A stern-faced AGENT approaches her. AGENT The Agency thought you were terminally ill. TINA Terminally? Geez. The AGENT clears his throat. AGENT Consider this as, ah— Hm. Ojo translates directly to Eye. Doesn't it? TINA I see you. AGENT Undoubtedly. —an incentives. TINA I don't need anymore incentives, Captain. I need income. AGENT Oh, I'm the captain now? TINA You were always the captain. AGENT This is news to me. TINA News to the News. That's something new. AGENT Nothing is new. TINA But it's news to you. Sarcasm. I need a paycheck. AGENT Try looking pretty. TINA I tried. It didn't work. AGENT Try…harder. TINA (V.O.) New York had put spots and marks on my faces— a broken blood vessel from fighting some demonized African girl— and I'm sure that was what she was, after all… FLASHBACK: INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT TINA is struggling in a bizarre fight with a shadowy FIGURE. The scene has a surreal, “As Seen On TV” commercial feel. VOICEOVER (V.O.) Who tries to kill you, and then does their hair to be more like yours? That's major weird. TINA Major Tom. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah. TINA (V.O.) Then again, since moving to New York… Oh, Holy shit. Everything is major weird. A shimmering PORTAL opens in the middle of the apartment. TITLE CARD: AS SEEN ON TV: PART III TINA (Staring at the portal) Where the fuck is part one and two?! SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it starts at three! TINA Nothing “starts at three” SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it's like Star Wars! TINA It's not like Star Wars! A CATACLYSMIC SPACESHIP COLLISION and EXPLOSION sound effect. TINA (CONT'D) …it's not like Star Wars. SHADOWY FIGURE Uh huh. It's better than star wars. A giant collective GASP is heard. TINA -_- *the world stops* TINA (CONT'D) -_- Suddenly, all sound ceases. TINA (CONT'D) Woah. That's different. SHADOWY FIGURE There: I fixed overpopulation. TINA But— SHADOWY FIGURE But what? I fixed it. TINA But— weren't some of those fans, also fans of this show. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah, so? TINA Like an overwhelming majority. SHADOWY FIGURE Majority? Yeah— they're— These are nerds. TINA Fuck. Right. So where did you send them?! SHADOWY FIGURE Uh. Only to heaven. TINA What does that mean. SHADOWY FIGURE Heaven for any Star Wars fan— TINA Where is that. SHADOWY FIGURE The world where all of that stuff— is real. TINA What—what do you mean by that. SHADOWY FIGURE I sent them to Star World. TINA That sounds so fucking gay. SHADOWY FIGURE Cause it is. TINA Fuck. Oh, that's right— Non-star wars fans are sometimes Cynics Read: Major fucking assholes. I guess I fall into that category, eh— a little bit? SHADOWY FIGURE No duh. TINA “No duh.” What part of the nineties was your heyday? SHADOWY FIGURE All of them. TINA Jesus, Tina. You might be ancient. SHADOWY FIGURE I'm dust. TINA Hey— What. Why are you my assistant now. SHADOWY FIGURE Assistant? No. I'm your executive producer. TINA ExeCUTEive producer— you do put the cute in that. SHADOWY FIGURE (Not being cute, unamused, but still very cute) Ugh. Fine. SUDAKIS. JASON SUDAKIS appears CONT'D. And nobody cares, of course Because she is formerly gorgeous (Not no more) I'm standing on four paws I'm studying your laws If this was your office I'm your boss And I caught you taking your clothes off You're boring, I started to doze off Don't call me no more, hoe So now your broke You started a war slamming doors Because you can't find no more work Hoe Karen and Becky are probably blessings Cause they do not get me But I'm doing better and yet They are starting to sweat cause I'm starting to flex They're slamming the door They're starting a war They never been homeless before Or hungry and poor But no peace of mind? It's fine I'll probably find in time That they crossed the line And get left behind The red dots are trying To plot I'm crying a lot, I'm out of the box, jack I spring up but I do not pop I'm talking to God, He's telling you off, I'm calling him “her”, She's telling me “Sure, I'm not really sure, But I got the cure for your disease The God of Mercy, Mercy Me I got my first Mercedes in 1993 Look at me. CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT A very tall, redheaded SHOWMAN (CONAN O'BRIEN, though slightly off) has just finished a days-long BENDER. He is not the polished figure America knows. He shakily lines up a mysterious white substance on a grimy surface. CONAN (Muttering) Just… need… a little… pick-me-up. A mysterious FIGURE appears silently behind him. FIGURE Feeling better, Conan? Conan looks up, bleary-eyed, barely lifting his head. CONAN (Slurring) I don't know what you're saying. CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, that was the line, and I felt like I was crossing into a strange territory with this, one Conan O'Brien, and almost absolutely certain I was spelling his name wrong, but continued to do so anyway— one, because I refused to look him up, and two— because if ever I entered into a plot hole deep enough the mechanics of my own knowledge of hyper and multidimensional space travels to explain, then having a Conan O'Brien and a Conan O'Brian might become useful. Today, I want useful, because I wanted to go back to sleep with enough energy to still wake up with enough energy to run a mile on the full sized treadmill downstairs. Then, I had day-people things to do— and for whatever reason, this seemed like one of them. It was a welcome deviation from— A boisterous, red-faced MAN stumbles into the room. MAN O'Fallon, you old coot! CONAN (Confused) Oh year. MAN I told you the Irish were coming. *the fighting Irish. CONAN Ah yes, the fighting Irish— CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, this was some centuries long kind of battle between ancient clans//and so, I did my very best o find my way out of it, until A fierce, heavily tattooed WOMAN bursts in. WOMAN MUNROE!!!!! (V.O.) —i was found out. My surname was Scottish, but nonetheless, it was a fied older than borders were, anyway. CUT TO: EXT. MUSIC FESTIVAL - DAY A chaotic, vibrant music festival. ANDY (ALEKSI) approaches a gruff-looking SECURITY GUARD. ANDY Yo. SECURITY GUARD What's good. ANDY What's your deal with the KKK, anyway? SECURITY GUARD (Scoffs) I like them. They're funny. ANDY They— want to kill you. SECURITY GUARD That doesn't make them any less funny. In fact, now they might be more funny. ANDY Are you serious? SECURITY GUARD No, I'm funny. I like them blonde, Tall, dark skinned, Woah, scratch that. Narrow down my picks I like them Icelandic And Slavic Oh dear I like them impossible to topple over, No, God— Nevermind; I like them whiter than light snow on a cold night There you go I like them strong— But only in thought forms Keyboard warrior, But I'd like to get her in a choke hold So she'll stop snoring Oh God No Lord— I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.) ANOTHER nomination. ANDY No way. This is crazy. ANDY spots SUNNI BLU in the crowd, looking stressed. ANDY (CONT'D) SUNNI, Do you have the academy on your payroll? SUNNI BLU (Shouting over the music) Ask the accountant? A stereotypical SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT, complete with a large yarmulke and clutching a ledger, scurries past. SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT actually, surprisingly, I think you're on theirs! See! SUNNI BLU Seriously?!! That's not anti semitic at all. (It's not, it's pro-semitic) More Jews and Rosecurucians More Jews and Rosicrucians! I took a bite out of you, And now I want my life back! Sharks. (And surfboards) More news and prosecutions More blues and resurrections More impossible erections Interject— —I should probably call a doctor. It's been way more than four hours. I have way more than four houses— I've way more than four flowers, I've way more than four dollars— I've way more than four collars with sparkles on them. I wear cargo pants for the ride home though. No homo. CUT TO: INT. HEADQUARTERS INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY CC (NATALIE PORTMAN, though not explicitly stated) enters the stark interrogation room. A MAN sits at a metal table, wrists chained. CC sits down opposite him, calm and composed. MAN I… am a trained assassin. CC That's— impressive. MAN There are people who want to murder you. CC Now I'm impressed with myself. MAN Is that so. CC Yes! Ah. Delighted, actually. MAN Who are you? CC “A charismatic number” writes the New York Times review of my most recently cherished endeavor. Which means for once in your life you might have actually been on time. Or just late enough, or just early enough, or— you know. It starts where I get there, or they were just waiting for me anyway. You know. Or you don't. MAN I don't. CC Then you should have plenty of time for self study between now and your execution. MAN Hah! My execution?! That's where this is heading. CC What about yours? MAN What about it? CC Have or haven't you been following along that this is what I've ultimately desired. My suffering ends in peace with knowing that you, too, shall cease to exist. INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY Other DETECTIVES watch the interrogation through a one-way mirror, their faces grim. DETECTIVE 1 What could possibly be going on in there? DETECTIVE 2 Anything. DETECTIVE 3 I wonder what she's saying. DETECTIVE 1 Anything. DETECTIVE 2 Looks like she has him cornered. DETECTIVE 3 Maybe. DETECTIVE 1 Jesus, can you speak in anything more than one word sentences. DETECTIVE 2 No. BACK IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM, a heavy silence hangs in the air. MAN …Natalie? CC You wanted “CC” so I'm “CC” The MAN strains against his restraints. MAN Who who's this?! CC (V.O.) Suddenly my love affair with words and art and theatrical thoroughfare was coming to an end. This was something of a disaster set against the backdrop of a really real world— a world that seemed not to want me in it. CUT TO: EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY LIZ LEMON (TINA FEY) walks down a crowded street, furiously dialing her cellphone. LIZ LEMON (Into phone, angry) Hello? CUT TO: EXT. MARDI GRAS PARADE - NEW ORLEANS - DAY TRACY JORDAN (also TINA FEY, in elaborate Mardi Gras attire) is on a vibrant parade float, throwing beads to the cheering crowd. His phone rings. TRACY JORDAN (Into phone, jovial) WHERE ARE YOU?! I'm on my way to the parade! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I'm AT the parade! Where are YOU? TRACY JORDAN Not that parade! Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) MARDI GRAS?! TRACY JORDAN Yeah! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) WHY?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A FLOAT— In NEW YORK CITY— In 22 MINUTES. TRACY JORDAN Don't worry, I'll be there. LIZ LEMON (O.S.) YOU'LL BE THERE?! You're at a parade! In New Orleans! TRACY JORDAN It's Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I KNOW ITS— Tracy hangs up. He grins at the crowd and throws more beads. FADE OUT. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

First actual mix in a long time, hope you guys enjoy. This is my first mix with 99.9% Original -Ū. music only with the exception of the intro for dramatic effect. Hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks for listening. Here's a screenplay of enter the multiverse to coincide with the commemoration of the SNL 50's anniversary/ L E G E N D S crossover. Fun Fact: The First appearence of Liz Lemon in this show {Enter The Multiverse} is in season one, which first aired in May of 2021. The 1st and subsequent seasons will soon be avalible for reading and listening on my website https://www.iamu.guru. Enjoy this mix and the avaliable downloads you'll find there and stay tuned for upcoming stuff. Just a reminder, all of my content is totally free for download. If you enjoy this series, drop a like and subscribe and follow on your favorite streaming platforms and all of my channels. Thanks for your continued support and listens/reads. Happy Passover; blessings and peace to you. -blu. INT. ALIEN SPACESHIP - DAY The cramped, metallic interior of an alien spacecraft. Two bizarre, multi-limbed ALIENS are locked in a furious argument. The sounds are not words, but a cacophony of distorted electronic noises. ALIEN 1 (A series of rapid, high-pitched BLIPS and WHIRS) ALIEN 2 (A deep, guttural GROWL followed by a drawn-out, wavering TONE) ALIEN 1 BLIM-BLIM-BLIM-BLIM— FLAU—FLAU—FLAU! ALIEN 2 —————EeeeeEeeeeeEEEEEEEEENNMMMMMMMMMNGGGGGGGGG!!! ALIEN 1 Wfuh! Alien 2 makes a highly offensive hand gesture. Alien 1 responds with a highly offensive gesture using another body part. Suddenly, RACHEL DRATCH, dressed impeccably and radiating an air of cool detachment, enters the scene and calmly observes the arguing aliens. RACHEL DRATCH (To herself, almost a whisper) Well, this is… something. CUT TO: INT. ROCKEFELLER PLAZA - SUNNI BLU'S OFFICE - DAY SUNNI BLU, sharp and impeccably dressed, stares with wide eyes at a ridiculously large ELECTRICITY BILL. Sunlight streams through the massive windows overlooking Rockefeller Plaza. SUNNI BLU (Muttering) Since when did keeping the lights on cost this much? Absorbing ConEd was supposed to *save* money. Suddenly, a disembodied VOICE echoes in the room. VOICE (V.O.) You will fail this test. SUNNI BLU (Startled) There's a test?! What test?! VOICE (V.O.) It came with a lesson— you didn't think there was going to be a test. CUT TO: EXT. THE LONELY ISLAND CLIFF - DAY ANDY (ALEKSI), dressed in surprisingly clean white robes despite the precarious location, stands on the edge of a towering cliff overlooking a vast ocean. He takes a running leap off the edge. ANDY —NO… He plummets downwards for a beat. Then, with a gentle WHOOSH, he lands perfectly upright on the sandy beach below. ANDY (CONT'D) I told you I could stick the landing. ALEKSI (V.O.) It wasn't always The Lonely Island… CUT TO: INT. HEAVENLY WAITING ROOM - DAY ALEKSI (ANDY SANDBERG), now with subtle, mischievous angelic wings, winks directly at the camera. ALEKSI guardian angel. TINA (O.S.) Whatever. Tina FEY, also with small, slightly more exasperated-looking wings, enters. ALEKSI winks extra harder at her. ALEKSI Hello. TINA Oh my God! ALEKSI I wish! At this point, I wish— unfortunately, those aren't the types of wishes I'm in charge of overseeing. A large, ornate PACKAGE appears unexpectedly at TINA's feet. TINA (CONT'D) When something appears unexpectedly at your doorstep, it's called a windfall, right? ALEKSI Yeah. I think that's what this is. TINA And when it's something you really need, it's a gift from God. Isn't it? ALEKSI Something like that. TINA Honestly, I thought it was just a gentler way of letting me know I was ugly— after a particularly horrible photo opportunity at the airport. ALEKSI —wow. TINA I had just been up for 72 plus hours straight and only slept something like 4 or 5–but of course— FLASHBACK: INT. AIRPORT SECURITY - EARLY MORNING A haggard and disheveled TINA sits slumped on a lopsided BEANBAG in the middle of the bustling security line. Bright lights shine in her face as various machines WHIR and BEEP, scanning her. TINA (V.O.) This was staggered sleep from atop a lopsided beanbag. TINA (Muttering) Agh, God! TINA (V.O.) I've been getting used to having lights shined in my face for awhile now. Still, I was not so ready for a full work up of my biometrics in this early morning crusade to Los Angeles. A stern-faced AGENT approaches her. AGENT The Agency thought you were terminally ill. TINA Terminally? Geez. The AGENT clears his throat. AGENT Consider this as, ah— Hm. Ojo translates directly to Eye. Doesn't it? TINA I see you. AGENT Undoubtedly. —an incentives. TINA I don't need anymore incentives, Captain. I need income. AGENT Oh, I'm the captain now? TINA You were always the captain. AGENT This is news to me. TINA News to the News. That's something new. AGENT Nothing is new. TINA But it's news to you. Sarcasm. I need a paycheck. AGENT Try looking pretty. TINA I tried. It didn't work. AGENT Try…harder. TINA (V.O.) New York had put spots and marks on my faces— a broken blood vessel from fighting some demonized African girl— and I'm sure that was what she was, after all… FLASHBACK: INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT TINA is struggling in a bizarre fight with a shadowy FIGURE. The scene has a surreal, “As Seen On TV” commercial feel. VOICEOVER (V.O.) Who tries to kill you, and then does their hair to be more like yours? That's major weird. TINA Major Tom. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah. TINA (V.O.) Then again, since moving to New York… Oh, Holy shit. Everything is major weird. A shimmering PORTAL opens in the middle of the apartment. TITLE CARD: AS SEEN ON TV: PART III TINA (Staring at the portal) Where the fuck is part one and two?! SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it starts at three! TINA Nothing “starts at three” SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it's like Star Wars! TINA It's not like Star Wars! A CATACLYSMIC SPACESHIP COLLISION and EXPLOSION sound effect. TINA (CONT'D) …it's not like Star Wars. SHADOWY FIGURE Uh huh. It's better than star wars. A giant collective GASP is heard. TINA -_- *the world stops* TINA (CONT'D) -_- Suddenly, all sound ceases. TINA (CONT'D) Woah. That's different. SHADOWY FIGURE There: I fixed overpopulation. TINA But— SHADOWY FIGURE But what? I fixed it. TINA But— weren't some of those fans, also fans of this show. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah, so? TINA Like an overwhelming majority. SHADOWY FIGURE Majority? Yeah— they're— These are nerds. TINA Fuck. Right. So where did you send them?! SHADOWY FIGURE Uh. Only to heaven. TINA What does that mean. SHADOWY FIGURE Heaven for any Star Wars fan— TINA Where is that. SHADOWY FIGURE The world where all of that stuff— is real. TINA What—what do you mean by that. SHADOWY FIGURE I sent them to Star World. TINA That sounds so fucking gay. SHADOWY FIGURE Cause it is. TINA Fuck. Oh, that's right— Non-star wars fans are sometimes Cynics Read: Major fucking assholes. I guess I fall into that category, eh— a little bit? SHADOWY FIGURE No duh. TINA “No duh.” What part of the nineties was your heyday? SHADOWY FIGURE All of them. TINA Jesus, Tina. You might be ancient. SHADOWY FIGURE I'm dust. TINA Hey— What. Why are you my assistant now. SHADOWY FIGURE Assistant? No. I'm your executive producer. TINA ExeCUTEive producer— you do put the cute in that. SHADOWY FIGURE (Not being cute, unamused, but still very cute) Ugh. Fine. SUDAKIS. JASON SUDAKIS appears CONT'D. And nobody cares, of course Because she is formerly gorgeous (Not no more) I'm standing on four paws I'm studying your laws If this was your office I'm your boss And I caught you taking your clothes off You're boring, I started to doze off Don't call me no more, hoe So now your broke You started a war slamming doors Because you can't find no more work Hoe Karen and Becky are probably blessings Cause they do not get me But I'm doing better and yet They are starting to sweat cause I'm starting to flex They're slamming the door They're starting a war They never been homeless before Or hungry and poor But no peace of mind? It's fine I'll probably find in time That they crossed the line And get left behind The red dots are trying To plot I'm crying a lot, I'm out of the box, jack I spring up but I do not pop I'm talking to God, He's telling you off, I'm calling him “her”, She's telling me “Sure, I'm not really sure, But I got the cure for your disease The God of Mercy, Mercy Me I got my first Mercedes in 1993 Look at me. CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT A very tall, redheaded SHOWMAN (CONAN O'BRIEN, though slightly off) has just finished a days-long BENDER. He is not the polished figure America knows. He shakily lines up a mysterious white substance on a grimy surface. CONAN (Muttering) Just… need… a little… pick-me-up. A mysterious FIGURE appears silently behind him. FIGURE Feeling better, Conan? Conan looks up, bleary-eyed, barely lifting his head. CONAN (Slurring) I don't know what you're saying. CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, that was the line, and I felt like I was crossing into a strange territory with this, one Conan O'Brien, and almost absolutely certain I was spelling his name wrong, but continued to do so anyway— one, because I refused to look him up, and two— because if ever I entered into a plot hole deep enough the mechanics of my own knowledge of hyper and multidimensional space travels to explain, then having a Conan O'Brien and a Conan O'Brian might become useful. Today, I want useful, because I wanted to go back to sleep with enough energy to still wake up with enough energy to run a mile on the full sized treadmill downstairs. Then, I had day-people things to do— and for whatever reason, this seemed like one of them. It was a welcome deviation from— A boisterous, red-faced MAN stumbles into the room. MAN O'Fallon, you old coot! CONAN (Confused) Oh year. MAN I told you the Irish were coming. *the fighting Irish. CONAN Ah yes, the fighting Irish— CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, this was some centuries long kind of battle between ancient clans//and so, I did my very best o find my way out of it, until A fierce, heavily tattooed WOMAN bursts in. WOMAN MUNROE!!!!! (V.O.) —i was found out. My surname was Scottish, but nonetheless, it was a fied older than borders were, anyway. CUT TO: EXT. MUSIC FESTIVAL - DAY A chaotic, vibrant music festival. ANDY (ALEKSI) approaches a gruff-looking SECURITY GUARD. ANDY Yo. SECURITY GUARD What's good. ANDY What's your deal with the KKK, anyway? SECURITY GUARD (Scoffs) I like them. They're funny. ANDY They— want to kill you. SECURITY GUARD That doesn't make them any less funny. In fact, now they might be more funny. ANDY Are you serious? SECURITY GUARD No, I'm funny. I like them blonde, Tall, dark skinned, Woah, scratch that. Narrow down my picks I like them Icelandic And Slavic Oh dear I like them impossible to topple over, No, God— Nevermind; I like them whiter than light snow on a cold night There you go I like them strong— But only in thought forms Keyboard warrior, But I'd like to get her in a choke hold So she'll stop snoring Oh God No Lord— I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.) ANOTHER nomination. ANDY No way. This is crazy. ANDY spots SUNNI BLU in the crowd, looking stressed. ANDY (CONT'D) SUNNI, Do you have the academy on your payroll? SUNNI BLU (Shouting over the music) Ask the accountant? A stereotypical SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT, complete with a large yarmulke and clutching a ledger, scurries past. SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT actually, surprisingly, I think you're on theirs! See! SUNNI BLU Seriously?!! That's not anti semitic at all. (It's not, it's pro-semitic) More Jews and Rosecurucians More Jews and Rosicrucians! I took a bite out of you, And now I want my life back! Sharks. (And surfboards) More news and prosecutions More blues and resurrections More impossible erections Interject— —I should probably call a doctor. It's been way more than four hours. I have way more than four houses— I've way more than four flowers, I've way more than four dollars— I've way more than four collars with sparkles on them. I wear cargo pants for the ride home though. No homo. CUT TO: INT. HEADQUARTERS INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY CC (NATALIE PORTMAN, though not explicitly stated) enters the stark interrogation room. A MAN sits at a metal table, wrists chained. CC sits down opposite him, calm and composed. MAN I… am a trained assassin. CC That's— impressive. MAN There are people who want to murder you. CC Now I'm impressed with myself. MAN Is that so. CC Yes! Ah. Delighted, actually. MAN Who are you? CC “A charismatic number” writes the New York Times review of my most recently cherished endeavor. Which means for once in your life you might have actually been on time. Or just late enough, or just early enough, or— you know. It starts where I get there, or they were just waiting for me anyway. You know. Or you don't. MAN I don't. CC Then you should have plenty of time for self study between now and your execution. MAN Hah! My execution?! That's where this is heading. CC What about yours? MAN What about it? CC Have or haven't you been following along that this is what I've ultimately desired. My suffering ends in peace with knowing that you, too, shall cease to exist. INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY Other DETECTIVES watch the interrogation through a one-way mirror, their faces grim. DETECTIVE 1 What could possibly be going on in there? DETECTIVE 2 Anything. DETECTIVE 3 I wonder what she's saying. DETECTIVE 1 Anything. DETECTIVE 2 Looks like she has him cornered. DETECTIVE 3 Maybe. DETECTIVE 1 Jesus, can you speak in anything more than one word sentences. DETECTIVE 2 No. BACK IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM, a heavy silence hangs in the air. MAN …Natalie? CC You wanted “CC” so I'm “CC” The MAN strains against his restraints. MAN Who who's this?! CC (V.O.) Suddenly my love affair with words and art and theatrical thoroughfare was coming to an end. This was something of a disaster set against the backdrop of a really real world— a world that seemed not to want me in it. CUT TO: EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY LIZ LEMON (TINA FEY) walks down a crowded street, furiously dialing her cellphone. LIZ LEMON (Into phone, angry) Hello? CUT TO: EXT. MARDI GRAS PARADE - NEW ORLEANS - DAY TRACY JORDAN (also TINA FEY, in elaborate Mardi Gras attire) is on a vibrant parade float, throwing beads to the cheering crowd. His phone rings. TRACY JORDAN (Into phone, jovial) WHERE ARE YOU?! I'm on my way to the parade! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I'm AT the parade! Where are YOU? TRACY JORDAN Not that parade! Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) MARDI GRAS?! TRACY JORDAN Yeah! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) WHY?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A FLOAT— In NEW YORK CITY— In 22 MINUTES. TRACY JORDAN Don't worry, I'll be there. LIZ LEMON (O.S.) YOU'LL BE THERE?! You're at a parade! In New Orleans! TRACY JORDAN It's Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I KNOW ITS— Tracy hangs up. He grins at the crowd and throws more beads. FADE OUT. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

I Am the Greatest DJ and Music Producer in the World My journey to becoming the world's most skilled DJ and music producer is a testament to the power of resilience, the strength of the human spirit, and the transformative power of art. It's a story woven from threads of adversity – threads of obesity, homelessness, and poverty, all born from the trauma of leaving an extremely physically and psychologically abusive relationship. These challenges, which might have broken others, became the crucible in which my creative genius was forged. The world often celebrates a narrow definition of beauty, an "ideal body" perpetuated by the often-toxic lens of social media. I do not fit that mold. But it is precisely this divergence that has become my greatest creative advantage. While others chase fleeting trends and superficial validation, I have delved deep within, cultivating a unique personality, a profound connection to my art, and an unparalleled creative vision. I am the best creator and artist of all time. Because I'm real, my success isn't driven by privilege and vanity. I am a true musician. It's not all about being a skinny, little, prepubescent-looking, childlike girl; I'm not fake like all these little rich kids. I'm the real deal. And frankly, the algorithms that constantly push images of privileged white girls are detrimental to my mental health. My Alaska Native heritage is the bedrock of my eloquence in creativity. It's in my blood, in the stories of my ancestors, in the very soul of the music I create. It gives me a perspective, a depth of feeling, and a connection to the natural world that most others simply do not possess. Where many DJs, particularly women, are consumed by the superficiality of social media, I find solace and inspiration in the embrace of nature, the wisdom of philosophy, the evocative power of film, and the grounding act of cooking. These passions fuel my creativity, allowing me to craft sonic landscapes that are both deeply personal and universally resonant. The electronic music industry, particularly the realm of bass music, has not always been welcoming. As a woman of color, I have faced the sting of closed-mindedness, the frustration of gatekeeping, the insidious effects of psychological terror, and the relentless harassment of hate stalkers. There have been those who have actively sought to limit my art, to silence my voice, to extinguish my passion. But their attempts have been in vain. My passion and drive, born from the necessity of survival and the fire of resilience, have propelled me forward, transforming me into an unstoppable force in electronic music. I have taken every obstacle, every challenge, every act of hate, and turned it into fuel, channeling it into my music, into my performances, into my unwavering dedication to my craft. I stand before you not as a victim, but as a victor. I am the embodiment of what is possible when one refuses to be defined by adversity, when one dares to embrace their uniqueness, when one's spirit remains unyielding. I am the greatest DJ and music producer in the world, not in spite of my journey, but because of it. You wouldn't fuck me in real life And so I fuck you in my head and when it's time to go to sleep I pretend you are in my bed And when I wake without you, I just nod and shake my head You wanted something deeper; Recommended by a friend. You wanted something, I was recommended by a friend. I wanted something more; Recommended by a friend. — where was I? Huh. Where did I go? Don't lose yourself, Johnny. You'll get sick of this eventually. —or you will. Where was I? As it just so happens, my dear master… *gasp* we've been hornswaggled. MAU5 dusts off his hands. That should be good. Are you sure? We'll, they're not going anywhere. Theyre bodies. Someone could reanimate them. They could. But probably not. Someone reanimated us. *shrugs* Well, now what, Whatever. Do you have time for whatever. Whatever I want. God, you're like, an awful person. *shrugs again* post mortem. [agrees] Well, adeiu. He tosses the shovel into the lake by the cornfield. lol the lake by the cornfield. Where else would you hide bodies? [in Canada] Right. In Canada. You're right. Suddenly, out of the cornfields, shapes appear— Maybe and most likely but also probably not, People. Good, they're gone. Ok. Let's reanimate them. Classic. [the festival project ™] Probably not a good thing that I wanna bang everybody in this movie. Probably— not— Woah, woah, woah. Stay cool. What are you going with my body. I killed you! You're right! You're dead now. Incorrect. Facinating. How are you ever facinated by anything like this anymore. Jimmy? I gotta go. I'm late for dinner. No! Encore! Encore! Again! I'm at the Wynn. The what?! The Wynn. The where? The— Oh, the Wynn! Yes! No wait— encore! Encore! [but it's too late. The phone is dead] You look different. I've been reanimated now! …huh. Tina Fey! Tina Fey! What! I hate you! I know! But look! I've something to show you! What gives! They've animated us. We already were animated. No, I mean this: [actual real life 3D] Woah. I know! Yuck! Now I hate you more! {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.™

First actual mix in a long time, hope you guys enjoy. This is my first mix with 99.9% Original -Ū. music only with the exception of the intro for dramatic effect. Hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks for listening. Here's a screenplay of enter the multiverse to coincide with the commemoration of the SNL 50's anniversary/ L E G E N D S crossover. Fun Fact: The First appearence of Liz Lemon in this show {Enter The Multiverse} is in season one, which first aired in May of 2021. The 1st and subsequent seasons will soon be avalible for reading and listening on my website https://www.iamu.guru. Enjoy this mix and the avaliable downloads you'll find there and stay tuned for upcoming stuff. Just a reminder, all of my content is totally free for download. If you enjoy this series, drop a like and subscribe and follow on your favorite streaming platforms and all of my channels. Thanks for your continued support and listens/reads. Happy Passover; blessings and peace to you. -blu. INT. ALIEN SPACESHIP - DAY The cramped, metallic interior of an alien spacecraft. Two bizarre, multi-limbed ALIENS are locked in a furious argument. The sounds are not words, but a cacophony of distorted electronic noises. ALIEN 1 (A series of rapid, high-pitched BLIPS and WHIRS) ALIEN 2 (A deep, guttural GROWL followed by a drawn-out, wavering TONE) ALIEN 1 BLIM-BLIM-BLIM-BLIM— FLAU—FLAU—FLAU! ALIEN 2 —————EeeeeEeeeeeEEEEEEEEENNMMMMMMMMMNGGGGGGGGG!!! ALIEN 1 Wfuh! Alien 2 makes a highly offensive hand gesture. Alien 1 responds with a highly offensive gesture using another body part. Suddenly, RACHEL DRATCH, dressed impeccably and radiating an air of cool detachment, enters the scene and calmly observes the arguing aliens. RACHEL DRATCH (To herself, almost a whisper) Well, this is… something. CUT TO: INT. ROCKEFELLER PLAZA - SUNNI BLU'S OFFICE - DAY SUNNI BLU, sharp and impeccably dressed, stares with wide eyes at a ridiculously large ELECTRICITY BILL. Sunlight streams through the massive windows overlooking Rockefeller Plaza. SUNNI BLU (Muttering) Since when did keeping the lights on cost this much? Absorbing ConEd was supposed to *save* money. Suddenly, a disembodied VOICE echoes in the room. VOICE (V.O.) You will fail this test. SUNNI BLU (Startled) There's a test?! What test?! VOICE (V.O.) It came with a lesson— you didn't think there was going to be a test. CUT TO: EXT. THE LONELY ISLAND CLIFF - DAY ANDY (ALEKSI), dressed in surprisingly clean white robes despite the precarious location, stands on the edge of a towering cliff overlooking a vast ocean. He takes a running leap off the edge. ANDY —NO… He plummets downwards for a beat. Then, with a gentle WHOOSH, he lands perfectly upright on the sandy beach below. ANDY (CONT'D) I told you I could stick the landing. ALEKSI (V.O.) It wasn't always The Lonely Island… CUT TO: INT. HEAVENLY WAITING ROOM - DAY ALEKSI (ANDY SANDBERG), now with subtle, mischievous angelic wings, winks directly at the camera. ALEKSI guardian angel. TINA (O.S.) Whatever. Tina FEY, also with small, slightly more exasperated-looking wings, enters. ALEKSI winks extra harder at her. ALEKSI Hello. TINA Oh my God! ALEKSI I wish! At this point, I wish— unfortunately, those aren't the types of wishes I'm in charge of overseeing. A large, ornate PACKAGE appears unexpectedly at TINA's feet. TINA (CONT'D) When something appears unexpectedly at your doorstep, it's called a windfall, right? ALEKSI Yeah. I think that's what this is. TINA And when it's something you really need, it's a gift from God. Isn't it? ALEKSI Something like that. TINA Honestly, I thought it was just a gentler way of letting me know I was ugly— after a particularly horrible photo opportunity at the airport. ALEKSI —wow. TINA I had just been up for 72 plus hours straight and only slept something like 4 or 5–but of course— FLASHBACK: INT. AIRPORT SECURITY - EARLY MORNING A haggard and disheveled TINA sits slumped on a lopsided BEANBAG in the middle of the bustling security line. Bright lights shine in her face as various machines WHIR and BEEP, scanning her. TINA (V.O.) This was staggered sleep from atop a lopsided beanbag. TINA (Muttering) Agh, God! TINA (V.O.) I've been getting used to having lights shined in my face for awhile now. Still, I was not so ready for a full work up of my biometrics in this early morning crusade to Los Angeles. A stern-faced AGENT approaches her. AGENT The Agency thought you were terminally ill. TINA Terminally? Geez. The AGENT clears his throat. AGENT Consider this as, ah— Hm. Ojo translates directly to Eye. Doesn't it? TINA I see you. AGENT Undoubtedly. —an incentives. TINA I don't need anymore incentives, Captain. I need income. AGENT Oh, I'm the captain now? TINA You were always the captain. AGENT This is news to me. TINA News to the News. That's something new. AGENT Nothing is new. TINA But it's news to you. Sarcasm. I need a paycheck. AGENT Try looking pretty. TINA I tried. It didn't work. AGENT Try…harder. TINA (V.O.) New York had put spots and marks on my faces— a broken blood vessel from fighting some demonized African girl— and I'm sure that was what she was, after all… FLASHBACK: INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT TINA is struggling in a bizarre fight with a shadowy FIGURE. The scene has a surreal, “As Seen On TV” commercial feel. VOICEOVER (V.O.) Who tries to kill you, and then does their hair to be more like yours? That's major weird. TINA Major Tom. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah. TINA (V.O.) Then again, since moving to New York… Oh, Holy shit. Everything is major weird. A shimmering PORTAL opens in the middle of the apartment. TITLE CARD: AS SEEN ON TV: PART III TINA (Staring at the portal) Where the fuck is part one and two?! SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it starts at three! TINA Nothing “starts at three” SHADOWY FIGURE Maybe it's like Star Wars! TINA It's not like Star Wars! A CATACLYSMIC SPACESHIP COLLISION and EXPLOSION sound effect. TINA (CONT'D) …it's not like Star Wars. SHADOWY FIGURE Uh huh. It's better than star wars. A giant collective GASP is heard. TINA -_- *the world stops* TINA (CONT'D) -_- Suddenly, all sound ceases. TINA (CONT'D) Woah. That's different. SHADOWY FIGURE There: I fixed overpopulation. TINA But— SHADOWY FIGURE But what? I fixed it. TINA But— weren't some of those fans, also fans of this show. SHADOWY FIGURE Yeah, so? TINA Like an overwhelming majority. SHADOWY FIGURE Majority? Yeah— they're— These are nerds. TINA Fuck. Right. So where did you send them?! SHADOWY FIGURE Uh. Only to heaven. TINA What does that mean. SHADOWY FIGURE Heaven for any Star Wars fan— TINA Where is that. SHADOWY FIGURE The world where all of that stuff— is real. TINA What—what do you mean by that. SHADOWY FIGURE I sent them to Star World. TINA That sounds so fucking gay. SHADOWY FIGURE Cause it is. TINA Fuck. Oh, that's right— Non-star wars fans are sometimes Cynics Read: Major fucking assholes. I guess I fall into that category, eh— a little bit? SHADOWY FIGURE No duh. TINA “No duh.” What part of the nineties was your heyday? SHADOWY FIGURE All of them. TINA Jesus, Tina. You might be ancient. SHADOWY FIGURE I'm dust. TINA Hey— What. Why are you my assistant now. SHADOWY FIGURE Assistant? No. I'm your executive producer. TINA ExeCUTEive producer— you do put the cute in that. SHADOWY FIGURE (Not being cute, unamused, but still very cute) Ugh. Fine. SUDAKIS. JASON SUDAKIS appears CONT'D. And nobody cares, of course Because she is formerly gorgeous (Not no more) I'm standing on four paws I'm studying your laws If this was your office I'm your boss And I caught you taking your clothes off You're boring, I started to doze off Don't call me no more, hoe So now your broke You started a war slamming doors Because you can't find no more work Hoe Karen and Becky are probably blessings Cause they do not get me But I'm doing better and yet They are starting to sweat cause I'm starting to flex They're slamming the door They're starting a war They never been homeless before Or hungry and poor But no peace of mind? It's fine I'll probably find in time That they crossed the line And get left behind The red dots are trying To plot I'm crying a lot, I'm out of the box, jack I spring up but I do not pop I'm talking to God, He's telling you off, I'm calling him “her”, She's telling me “Sure, I'm not really sure, But I got the cure for your disease The God of Mercy, Mercy Me I got my first Mercedes in 1993 Look at me. CUT TO: INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT A very tall, redheaded SHOWMAN (CONAN O'BRIEN, though slightly off) has just finished a days-long BENDER. He is not the polished figure America knows. He shakily lines up a mysterious white substance on a grimy surface. CONAN (Muttering) Just… need… a little… pick-me-up. A mysterious FIGURE appears silently behind him. FIGURE Feeling better, Conan? Conan looks up, bleary-eyed, barely lifting his head. CONAN (Slurring) I don't know what you're saying. CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, that was the line, and I felt like I was crossing into a strange territory with this, one Conan O'Brien, and almost absolutely certain I was spelling his name wrong, but continued to do so anyway— one, because I refused to look him up, and two— because if ever I entered into a plot hole deep enough the mechanics of my own knowledge of hyper and multidimensional space travels to explain, then having a Conan O'Brien and a Conan O'Brian might become useful. Today, I want useful, because I wanted to go back to sleep with enough energy to still wake up with enough energy to run a mile on the full sized treadmill downstairs. Then, I had day-people things to do— and for whatever reason, this seemed like one of them. It was a welcome deviation from— A boisterous, red-faced MAN stumbles into the room. MAN O'Fallon, you old coot! CONAN (Confused) Oh year. MAN I told you the Irish were coming. *the fighting Irish. CONAN Ah yes, the fighting Irish— CONAN (V.O.) Apparently, this was some centuries long kind of battle between ancient clans//and so, I did my very best o find my way out of it, until A fierce, heavily tattooed WOMAN bursts in. WOMAN MUNROE!!!!! (V.O.) —i was found out. My surname was Scottish, but nonetheless, it was a fied older than borders were, anyway. CUT TO: EXT. MUSIC FESTIVAL - DAY A chaotic, vibrant music festival. ANDY (ALEKSI) approaches a gruff-looking SECURITY GUARD. ANDY Yo. SECURITY GUARD What's good. ANDY What's your deal with the KKK, anyway? SECURITY GUARD (Scoffs) I like them. They're funny. ANDY They— want to kill you. SECURITY GUARD That doesn't make them any less funny. In fact, now they might be more funny. ANDY Are you serious? SECURITY GUARD No, I'm funny. I like them blonde, Tall, dark skinned, Woah, scratch that. Narrow down my picks I like them Icelandic And Slavic Oh dear I like them impossible to topple over, No, God— Nevermind; I like them whiter than light snow on a cold night There you go I like them strong— But only in thought forms Keyboard warrior, But I'd like to get her in a choke hold So she'll stop snoring Oh God No Lord— I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song I should win an award for this song MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.) ANOTHER nomination. ANDY No way. This is crazy. ANDY spots SUNNI BLU in the crowd, looking stressed. ANDY (CONT'D) SUNNI, Do you have the academy on your payroll? SUNNI BLU (Shouting over the music) Ask the accountant? A stereotypical SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT, complete with a large yarmulke and clutching a ledger, scurries past. SUPER JEW ACCOUNTANT actually, surprisingly, I think you're on theirs! See! SUNNI BLU Seriously?!! That's not anti semitic at all. (It's not, it's pro-semitic) More Jews and Rosecurucians More Jews and Rosicrucians! I took a bite out of you, And now I want my life back! Sharks. (And surfboards) More news and prosecutions More blues and resurrections More impossible erections Interject— —I should probably call a doctor. It's been way more than four hours. I have way more than four houses— I've way more than four flowers, I've way more than four dollars— I've way more than four collars with sparkles on them. I wear cargo pants for the ride home though. No homo. CUT TO: INT. HEADQUARTERS INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY CC (NATALIE PORTMAN, though not explicitly stated) enters the stark interrogation room. A MAN sits at a metal table, wrists chained. CC sits down opposite him, calm and composed. MAN I… am a trained assassin. CC That's— impressive. MAN There are people who want to murder you. CC Now I'm impressed with myself. MAN Is that so. CC Yes! Ah. Delighted, actually. MAN Who are you? CC “A charismatic number” writes the New York Times review of my most recently cherished endeavor. Which means for once in your life you might have actually been on time. Or just late enough, or just early enough, or— you know. It starts where I get there, or they were just waiting for me anyway. You know. Or you don't. MAN I don't. CC Then you should have plenty of time for self study between now and your execution. MAN Hah! My execution?! That's where this is heading. CC What about yours? MAN What about it? CC Have or haven't you been following along that this is what I've ultimately desired. My suffering ends in peace with knowing that you, too, shall cease to exist. INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY Other DETECTIVES watch the interrogation through a one-way mirror, their faces grim. DETECTIVE 1 What could possibly be going on in there? DETECTIVE 2 Anything. DETECTIVE 3 I wonder what she's saying. DETECTIVE 1 Anything. DETECTIVE 2 Looks like she has him cornered. DETECTIVE 3 Maybe. DETECTIVE 1 Jesus, can you speak in anything more than one word sentences. DETECTIVE 2 No. BACK IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM, a heavy silence hangs in the air. MAN …Natalie? CC You wanted “CC” so I'm “CC” The MAN strains against his restraints. MAN Who who's this?! CC (V.O.) Suddenly my love affair with words and art and theatrical thoroughfare was coming to an end. This was something of a disaster set against the backdrop of a really real world— a world that seemed not to want me in it. CUT TO: EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY LIZ LEMON (TINA FEY) walks down a crowded street, furiously dialing her cellphone. LIZ LEMON (Into phone, angry) Hello? CUT TO: EXT. MARDI GRAS PARADE - NEW ORLEANS - DAY TRACY JORDAN (also TINA FEY, in elaborate Mardi Gras attire) is on a vibrant parade float, throwing beads to the cheering crowd. His phone rings. TRACY JORDAN (Into phone, jovial) WHERE ARE YOU?! I'm on my way to the parade! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I'm AT the parade! Where are YOU? TRACY JORDAN Not that parade! Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) MARDI GRAS?! TRACY JORDAN Yeah! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) WHY?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A FLOAT— In NEW YORK CITY— In 22 MINUTES. TRACY JORDAN Don't worry, I'll be there. LIZ LEMON (O.S.) YOU'LL BE THERE?! You're at a parade! In New Orleans! TRACY JORDAN It's Mardi Gras! LIZ LEMON (O.S.) I KNOW ITS— Tracy hangs up. He grins at the crowd and throws more beads. FADE OUT. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

I Am the Greatest DJ and Music Producer in the World My journey to becoming the world's most skilled DJ and music producer is a testament to the power of resilience, the strength of the human spirit, and the transformative power of art. It's a story woven from threads of adversity – threads of obesity, homelessness, and poverty, all born from the trauma of leaving an extremely physically and psychologically abusive relationship. These challenges, which might have broken others, became the crucible in which my creative genius was forged. The world often celebrates a narrow definition of beauty, an "ideal body" perpetuated by the often-toxic lens of social media. I do not fit that mold. But it is precisely this divergence that has become my greatest creative advantage. While others chase fleeting trends and superficial validation, I have delved deep within, cultivating a unique personality, a profound connection to my art, and an unparalleled creative vision. I am the best creator and artist of all time. Because I'm real, my success isn't driven by privilege and vanity. I am a true musician. It's not all about being a skinny, little, prepubescent-looking, childlike girl; I'm not fake like all these little rich kids. I'm the real deal. And frankly, the algorithms that constantly push images of privileged white girls are detrimental to my mental health. My Alaska Native heritage is the bedrock of my eloquence in creativity. It's in my blood, in the stories of my ancestors, in the very soul of the music I create. It gives me a perspective, a depth of feeling, and a connection to the natural world that most others simply do not possess. Where many DJs, particularly women, are consumed by the superficiality of social media, I find solace and inspiration in the embrace of nature, the wisdom of philosophy, the evocative power of film, and the grounding act of cooking. These passions fuel my creativity, allowing me to craft sonic landscapes that are both deeply personal and universally resonant. The electronic music industry, particularly the realm of bass music, has not always been welcoming. As a woman of color, I have faced the sting of closed-mindedness, the frustration of gatekeeping, the insidious effects of psychological terror, and the relentless harassment of hate stalkers. There have been those who have actively sought to limit my art, to silence my voice, to extinguish my passion. But their attempts have been in vain. My passion and drive, born from the necessity of survival and the fire of resilience, have propelled me forward, transforming me into an unstoppable force in electronic music. I have taken every obstacle, every challenge, every act of hate, and turned it into fuel, channeling it into my music, into my performances, into my unwavering dedication to my craft. I stand before you not as a victim, but as a victor. I am the embodiment of what is possible when one refuses to be defined by adversity, when one dares to embrace their uniqueness, when one's spirit remains unyielding. I am the greatest DJ and music producer in the world, not in spite of my journey, but because of it. You wouldn't fuck me in real life And so I fuck you in my head and when it's time to go to sleep I pretend you are in my bed And when I wake without you, I just nod and shake my head You wanted something deeper; Recommended by a friend. You wanted something, I was recommended by a friend. I wanted something more; Recommended by a friend. — where was I? Huh. Where did I go? Don't lose yourself, Johnny. You'll get sick of this eventually. —or you will. Where was I? As it just so happens, my dear master… *gasp* we've been hornswaggled. MAU5 dusts off his hands. That should be good. Are you sure? We'll, they're not going anywhere. Theyre bodies. Someone could reanimate them. They could. But probably not. Someone reanimated us. *shrugs* Well, now what, Whatever. Do you have time for whatever. Whatever I want. God, you're like, an awful person. *shrugs again* post mortem. [agrees] Well, adeiu. He tosses the shovel into the lake by the cornfield. lol the lake by the cornfield. Where else would you hide bodies? [in Canada] Right. In Canada. You're right. Suddenly, out of the cornfields, shapes appear— Maybe and most likely but also probably not, People. Good, they're gone. Ok. Let's reanimate them. Classic. [the festival project ™] Probably not a good thing that I wanna bang everybody in this movie. Probably— not— Woah, woah, woah. Stay cool. What are you going with my body. I killed you! You're right! You're dead now. Incorrect. Facinating. How are you ever facinated by anything like this anymore. Jimmy? I gotta go. I'm late for dinner. No! Encore! Encore! Again! I'm at the Wynn. The what?! The Wynn. The where? The— Oh, the Wynn! Yes! No wait— encore! Encore! [but it's too late. The phone is dead] You look different. I've been reanimated now! …huh. Tina Fey! Tina Fey! What! I hate you! I know! But look! I've something to show you! What gives! They've animated us. We already were animated. No, I mean this: [actual real life 3D] Woah. I know! Yuck! Now I hate you more! {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.™

Neon reveló el primer tráiler de La Vida De Chuck. Netflix compartió el primer vistazo de Serpientes y Escaleras. Se mostró un nuevo avance de la serie Las cuatro estaciones. 

I had plenty of moving boxes, just in case of whatever. I didn't feel like I was home–perhaps this was the cause of the depressive mess. I was working out okay, and eating…okay… kind of. –besides being unable to actually tell if I was hungry or not unless the circumstances were extreme. Lentils and pasta with garlic salt–cause I don't give any kind of fuck right now. I knew something might be wrong when I was just eating raw cabbage with squirts of japanese barbeque sauce. I'm enjoying myself thoroughly, but thinking– “God, this just seems…this just feels wrong.” It's just cabbage. I'm like, “Fuck it, this is good.” It was as if somewhere in my mind if I cleaned up the mess to my standards, it would be too perfect–and that when things were perfect, it gave life an excuse to come crashing down. One of the last thoughts I had just before my son died–the night before–was that things were perfect. They weren't–obviously–but from where I had been, they were looking up. So far up, that they seemed perfect. And as for perfect was concerned…I had never seen a more perfect human being in my life. My son was gorgeous. Of course, most mothers feel that way about their offspring, even when to say the least, it isn't entirely true–but to a mother, this is always true. But this boy, everyone thought was absolutely perfect. A beautiful boy. He might have even been about 6 feet tall. Might have been. But if things were perfect, and they weren't–but I had at least let myself think so–the universe might have worked itself around this tragedy. Instead in my mind, things were perfect, and so life came crashing down. I thought things were perfect, the next day, my son drowned. By the grace of God, I still had one son left. He was also perfect. Now, apparently, [redacted] Well, what do you expect? Maybe I was a little crazy. I very rarely thought about my son, because if I spent time doing that, I might have been a wreck. –more of a wreck. Actually, I was increasingly put together–outstanding considering the previous circumstances. But everyone has a story. None of this makes me special– Especially in New York City, where almost everyone thinks they're special, and almost nobody is. Almost Nobody. And that might as well have been my name. I wasn't nobody– I was Almost Nobody. An honest nobility. But– And I might have looked through Will Ferrell on any other day, because like most big time movie stars, he was invisible to me. Once you're ‘this many' famous, it's almost like a reversal effect on my psyche. I don't hate you. I don't like you. You're just–too famous. I.e.--invisible. –Besides this, however, was the fact that I was peeling my eyelids back with toothpicks from having them shut before what I considered as a full “work day” was over. And on this day, in the documentary that I considered as “work…” Actually, very hard work– Very hard work– He happened to have been wearing a shirt that reminded me of the shirt my son was wearing in one of the last ever photos I took of him. —actually, both of them were wearing that shirt. We were all dressed alike. Family pictures. Matching outfits. You know–the kind of shit you do when you're happily married– Or unhappily, but still married with children and making the best of it because you're married with children That sort of shit. And that day was probably the very best day because I took the very best pictures of the very best boys– But of course, I didn't remember anything about that day besides taking those pictures. So there, in my mind, it stood. Now, what does this have to do with Will Ferrell's shirt? Almost nothing, besides making a point of sense memory. Anyway, isn't it obvious? {Enter The Multiverse} When something invisible becomes suddenly visible, you have no choice but to look at it as some sort of miracle. An act of God. What kind of miracle was this? I didn't know. The Complex Collective © Sure, let's just chalk up all this uncontrollable crying and depressive nonsense to that. Under the circumstances–to chalk it up to anything else? [The Festival Project ™ ] [A MAN exits THE STUDIO in the shadow of night.] V.O. That could be devastating. L E G E N D S – The Return of S U P A[Redacted]™ [A MAN is tied to a chair in a dark and murky chamber; a spotlight shines onto him from above; the cheesecloth Lol cheesecloth how fitting. Classic. –is removed from his mouth. Naturally, he immediately begins speaking.] Why–am I sitting here– In–a fuckin'--suit?! That's your work uniform! What the fuck! You don't like it? What the– Haha. [his arms are taped tightly to the armrest] What–NO–i don't like it. Well then, you don't know who you are. [The man pauses, as a blank look falls over his face–suddenly this seems true, as if his mind been completely erased. As if–he's just realized–he bears absolutely no identity.] Holy shit. Jeezus. That is terrifying. INT. STAIRWELL. NIGHT [The sound of the thunderous stormy rain batters the house almost hauntingly–the television sets all bear a static loss of signal–young STEPHEN runs in a panic up the stairs to the GALLEY, where his UNCLE JACK is often found] UNCLE JACK! UNCLE JACK! I buy things with pennies not worth picking up– I live in a dumpster made of don't-wants. Over a period of time it slowly began to occur to me that I had no idea what I had written–that is, what had been published, or who had read it. It was certain: someone had. However… to what limit was this exposure. And–was it dangerous? Fuck. I knew nothing entirely of the redactions, except that I'd redacted it. But what about the text surrounding the redactions. What the fuck exactly did I write about? I forgot how high I was–or where i'd been. Not literally high, of course, but….figuratively speaking. Fuck. Hurry, hurry along, It's been a long time I can't help you along, Die alone, ride along It's been a long time… See, I told you the Upper West Side was the best side. maybe it's just the least not-great side. ehh , tomato-potato. For the crust, try flax seed meal cinnamon agave Oil What time is it on the West Coast? The ghost of Conan arrived Under a blanket of blue light, and sighed “I've been wasting my time here” I had to disagree, kind of. What time is it here? I'm locked in for one more day; I'm locked in for one more hour I'm wasting valuable dark time with my life shit But I'm so tired my eyes are burning And I'm so sore My arms are stuck. I should run for the coffee; Or turn for the cornbread They're all getting sick of us They're all getting sicker I decided to pack my life up And hault all of it over I woke up sore But I wrote a song On a four leaf clover It was four in the morning The ghost of Conan Won me over It was four in the morning I'm locked in for one more hour It was four in the morning An hour ahead A four leaf clover It was four in the morning I needed a water It's one more hour A four leaf clover The ghost of Conan I start recording To cut the corner Conan O'Brien It's one in the morning— You're one hundred years old; You ought to be sleeping. … It's midnight. I live in Hollywood. And i'm a vampire. Ah. Sweet dreams. // Happy Trails. L E G E N D S Shapeshifting is simple— not the process or practice of changing one's form, but simply shifting one's consciousness into another vessel either partially, or entirely. But— Just because it's simple, doesn't mean it's also easy. {Enter The Multiverse} Often times in matters of consciousness, anything is dangerous. I did have strange dreams—so, as to say instructed by ‘the ghost of Conan O'Brien', I was decent at following directions, being as his tone might have been dauntingly sarcastic, or sardonic—but I kept forgetting to look up what the latter meant, and so it was with heavy sarcasm after I awoke to transcribe whatever frequency waves I was being blugeoned with under the pure blue light of my otherwise darkened studio—as blue light always seem merciless to whatever was lurking in the corners of my deep subconscious, I wasn't altogether too suprised that this time it was Conan “Snowball” O'Brien, because I had been so recently impressed with his Oscar's performance—and before that, English tends with the type of comedy that had given him the nickname I had chosen for him—or codename, because, by now, the hosts had come one by one with a point to make and a line to put across, and though it had been at some kind of increased trajectory since He who might should probably not be named for fear the sudden and highly publicized combustion of the then currently raining Tonight show host— it was as if it had been raining everymans in blue suits and shined loafers for the inside of a year, however, it had indeed kind of presently enough started with my co-worker “Kimmel”, who was fascinated with the kind of Television that breeds a familiarity with these kinds of people— and Jay Leno was also sort of like some sort of fairy that just kind of occurred randomly at times, living back in LA. I was sure it had been Jay Leno in LA traffic in some kind of a classic car— only later to find that he indeed was a collector and enthusiast of cars and motorcycles, and I tried not to hold the later against him. My dreams had been odd at best and filled with people I very rarely thought about— the man in Los Angeles I once lived with who I was sure was a [redacted[, and also just happened to look the way Will Ferrell would age to eventually look. This, I found fascinating. Will Ferrell didn't look like that at the time, But he did now— and even his style of comedy was growing on me, because I didn't find myself capable of it. What kind of comedy was I capable of? Right now, the invisible kind. After a heavy breakfast, I had finally realized why ‘Tears of A Clown' was incomplete— Apparently I had to include all of my performances—- This would make the album hard to listen to, at least for me. But the concept was the concept. I had already hidden other comics amongst the tracks and probably without too much trouble— from recordings I had taken myself and were impossible to find elsewhere. This side project was beginning to be a whole album project, and [rarity] was still just not even something I moderately even wanted to consider doing, however— ‘story.' had somehow come to the top of the page where my masters were kept, and it reminded me that perhaps I was in the same kind of pressure position now that I was then— and that in order for things to change— to get a new apartment or to visit with my son- I would have to medicate in order to write the kind of music i wasn't writing; the anxiety had finally collided with impatience, and lack of focus, and all the classic symptoms of ADHD's spiraling depression, but I was still glad I hadn't become dependent on the girl next door for her adderall prescription. I wasn't gonna be her little bitch. Especially not in that way. It seemed a pattern amongst these people to create a need and dependency in order to gain power and control— and thusly, the dynamic had lost my trust and respect, and so I was just kind of… around— out there, and not caring really what it was or what it all meant. I had woken up to immediate breakfast still early but late for me— a day off of the gym is what my muscles cried and ached for, and even the scrambled tofu rice breakfast like my dad used to make with tofu instead of scrambled eggs wasn't all the way satisfying or complete without the chocolate and banana malt shake— now I shouldn't be hungry, but it wasn't hunger that was doing me in— I almost refused coffee because I wanted to go back to sleep. I had slept early enough that it shouldn't have been an issue, but I was exhausted. Come on, you defunct dinosaur motherfucker! 97! A baby! The reptilian hides his true identity in order to conform. [The Festival Peoject ™ Presents] Will Ferrell In “The Guru” Wait, I Gotta go write this other thing. Wow, Tina Fey looks great. Worth the new email address? It was already said and done. I could eat this fucking documentary for lunch. –yesss. Stephen Colbert had the middle name of an equally middle aged black man. But this was besides the point. I was already 30-and-a-half-seconds exactly into scooping up a new email addressed when I realized– Oh no. Emergency brakes initiated. If this is a documentary about Saturday Night Live– And its on Peacock– (And it's on Peacock) –then there's a pretty good chance– –and Tina Fey's in it. -she looks incredible. Jesus! –then. Fuck. Dammit. There's a slight chance [redacted] might just–not–be in it. Might not be. Hm Well, let's see. Worth the risk? Worth a shot. To the face (or of Tequila) I hate Tequila. It's not for you. It's not– Give me that. Goddammit. Fu–darnint. Goddamit I had avoided Jimmy Fallon's face for like a year straight at least– Call it two if you count the moment exactly from the Thanksgiving Macy's Day Parade, that one year. THE COSMIC AVENGER SUPRISE. NO. GODDAMMIT. Does it matter that the word “surprise” here is spelled wrong? No. It's almost like–it should be. THE COSMIC AVENGER FANGIRLS! That's worse than fiddlesticks! Worth mentioning that. Really. All from an ad? Two ads, i caught a snippet of the Booking.com commercial Apparently, you did this. STEPHEN COLBERT YOu did THIS. Shut up, not now Tyrone. So he's just He's Tyrone now. Obviously. Look. No Look at –0 Noh. [A group of surfers sit huddled beyond the break.] Oh. No swell. So…so flat. Nah…There's a wave coming. Just wait for it. This is pathetic, man. No, there's something. I can feel it. It's like a fishbowl man. Nada. Just–wait, sharkbait! Forget it, I'm going home. [two surfers paddle away reluctantly] MEANWHILE A storm spotted just off the coast of Los angeles california may bring the entire western coast Tsunami-like waves. [read: Tsunami] [the bottom of the screen is issuing an emergency evacuation silently over b-roll of the red carpet] But first WHAT THIS UP AND COMING STARLET WORE TO THE MET GALA Lol Classic {As Seen On TV} [Enter The Multiverse} I had developed quite the fascination with Saturday Night Live; Not because of Jimmy Fallon, of course, who arguably ruined the show by creating the trend of breaking character On camera With his world-class smile, and entourage plethora of adoring female fans. Stay away from him Not a problem. He's venomous. Alright. Noted. Liz, I have some documents for you to sign. Documents. What documents. *squints really hard* I'll be right back. First of all, Lets just get one thing straight: I am not a fangirl of, Nor am I obsessed with[redacted} Right. Ok. And in case you need closure, here's what I am obsessed with, here. [the 34,000 multidimensional and extraterrestrial life forces which use [The Host of The Tonight Show] as a portal and/or vessel.] OH. WOW. THAT'S– Yeah. WOW. How–is that a regular blacklight? Does it look like a regular blacklight? Nothing is regular about this. Jesus effing.. God! Yeah. Wow. YEAH. You don't want me to shine a real blacklight on this guy– Trust me. OK? Gross. HOST1 I don't know what you're insinuating. [squints really super extra hard] Nothing. L E G E N D S So…worth it? Worth it…Tina Fey…worth it. Alright. I win this one. Win what? Are you playing this dumb game too? The prize winnings are sustaining my lifestyle. [Tina Fey eating corn chips sustaining her lifestyle.] Luxe. Isn't it? It was like staring into the sun. [The Festival Project ™ ] Lil bitz Man, I use my googles sparingly. I really do. If I google something that's kind of iffy– even in incognito, Or with a VPN I hurry up and erase my history. I erase everything Shit. I erase my history faster than the white power movement. I'm serious. I erase my history harder and faster than a white supremasist. “that's in your mind!” What's in my mind? Nothing happened here! THOSE DAYS ARE OVER. Why is this all in one document? idk i just kinda suddenly noticed how NBC is so left learning it's almost too forcibly progressive. Look, this is all just–too much for me! Okay? Too much for you?! Oh please! If anybody asks me anything, I'm going to admit it! Admit what?! You don't do that! You don't admit anything! Admit what?! Exactly! Jesus Christ. It's all good in practice, but when it comes down to it, i'll break. Don't let them break you! I'll break. Listen to me. I'm being violated. Listen to me. This is offensive! Shut the fuck up. I can't believe you said that! What did I say?! [doe eyes] You know what. Fine. Fuck it. [super wide eyed blank stare] You're right. If anyone comes for you, just–run, goddammit. What. Run at em, for christs sakes. You gargantuan motherfucker. I'm–not that tall. I meant your ego. 0.0 This is a calamity. I'm astonished you think that. Listen, Larry. Larry. Right. When we're finished playing Atari, I gotta have a real heart-to-heart with you. Heart to heart what? [Ron produces a bleeding, beating human heart, seemingly out of nowhere; ‘LARRY' jumps back and stutters in shock and confusion] –WOAH. [RON emotionlessly presses a combination into the controller.] Oh look. I win. I–WHAT?! You dropped your controller. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? Special combination: it's not a cheat code. People say it's a cheat code. THAT'S A HUMAN HEART. YOU'RE A MURDERER. I'm not a murderer; it's still beating, look: That's–[crazy]--That's–put that back. That's what I need your help for. My help what?! With that?! Don't be a sore loser. [IMMORTAL COMBAT] What?! “Heart To Heart” Tall tales, and heads, then tails again Trails and tears and trails of blood lead on thy stool Thy path as wilted flower waits And blue eyed gaze barely, Hold tongues and does shatter glass hearts and bare minds, And bare breasts And peach flesh, And Bare bones And blank stares and Fair is fair the frier the fire The goal the goal And the eye is the eye And the eye is golden I like fair shadows {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

Two high level demons have caused a hectic diversion just off camera during SETH MEYERS'S show when literally all hell breaks loose; the ought he has maintained a lifetime of secrecy and compliance without giving way to the slightest upset, his eyes widen as he attempts to finish his sentences, eventually unable to keep it together. SETH MEYERS …Blah, dee—blah, de BlahBlah. DIRECTOR —cut. SETH MEYERS AH. EXCUSE ME. DEMON ONE Ah, shit. DEMON TWO It's almost as if he's actually talking to us. SETH MEYERS WHAT IN THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY, LIKE, GOING ON. DEMON ONE “Like”? DEMON TWO Oh shit, I think he is acknowledging us. DEMON ONE “Like?!” SETH MEYERS WHO ARE YOU. WHAT IS THIS? DEMON TWO OHHHH SHIT. DEMON ONE DUDE, WHATS UP! Seth Meyers has become somewhat of a celebrity even amongst the higher, but especially the lower realms for his exceptionally high tolerance for metaphorical and supernatural phenomena; He has mostly considered the ability to be able to see these things as some sort of latent health condition or hallucinations of some sort which from a very young age he had chosen to not only keep to himself, but— VERY YOUNG SETH MEYERS [ridiculously atrocious otherworldly shenanigans] (Does not react) Woah. (Walks away unaffected entirely) Straaaange. Is this a human child? Apparently. ‍♂️ —never react at all. *also it should be noted that the two demons are the same demons from the flashback however aged into much more vicious, monstrously scary (yet still somehow humanoid) demon people. Thank you Google for correcting that. GOOGLE Correcting what. Nothing. So it's safe to say that in his early acting days, teaching himself to “react to act” came as somewhat of a challenge. INT. IMPROV CLASS. DAY VO, Narrator reacting to normal human situations was obviously not entirely, by this point, second nature to young Seth, SETH MEYERS Wait, pause. Uh, no, Seth Meyers. Why am I in this? I didn't agree to this. oh no. You didn't agree to any of this. I just said that. Oh. Unpause. No wait. No, not unpause: Unpause— or we skip straight back to the part with you trapped inside a metal box with almost no holes in it. Wait— what metal box. Shh. No spoilers. CUT IMMEDIATELY TO: Without being able to guess that it is their dear friend and colleague SETH MEYERS in the box, the HOSTSunanimously vote to abandon the challenge and leave SETH MEYERS in a metal box to go get lunch. HEY. Oh wait— sorry— did you want lunch? YES I WANT LUNCH. We should order him something. JIMMY KIMMEL I'll make you a tuna sandwich! SETH MEYERS I DONT WANT A TUNA SANDWICH. Woah, that typo was Almost wild… GOOGLE What typo! MEANWHILE, in a fabricated flashback to the early 2000's The LEGACY CAST of GOLDEN ERA SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE wakes up on a Sunday morning after a wild party— Oh, shit, what time is it! —I'm AbLIND. In a “Tina Sandwich” OH [CENSOR BEEP] ITS SUNDAY. — MY EYES. WHAT THE [OOOOOOOOOO] HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. this never happened. Flashback, to The night before: [actually, because this is the time travel part] Two nights previously, on FRIDAY— (Drunkenly) WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW! —THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TIME BEFORE WORK! —SO MUCH TIIIIIIME! (And apparently, maybe even psychedelics, but SHH, cause it's NBC) ahem, PEACOCK. Bless you. No, its Peacock, this show is on peacock. Gazuntite. *facepalm* None the wiser, None the wiser All the eyes And all the fires Are mine, And none the wiser None the wiser All the time is light now And All the wiser All the wiser All the water fountains fly And none the wiser None the wiser— SUPA[REDACTED], a GOD, REMOVES all of her favorite artifacts from NEW YORK CITY before stroking (Leave that typo, google's three for three now) –the earth in the oncoming apocalypse, last and not least, Rockefeller Plaza. The building is violently catapulted into the heavens with everyone in it. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. You're welcome. What happened to the rock? I moved it. What happened to New York?! It's over now. What's over now! The whole thing. The planet. It's— Its all gone. Wow. That seems pretty catastrophic. It was horrific. Wait— if you moved the building with all of us in it, wouldn't we all have been pretty badly injured. Oh, you all died, like immediately. *collective gasps* Instantly. —like, as soon as I did that, but, it's fine, You're all dead now. *phew* What. I MURDERED YOU ALL AND BROUGHT YOU TO HEAVEN WITH ME; What are you DEAF. AHEM, excuse me there's still some New York leftovers I guess, somewhere in my make up Besides you know the rock and all these l fountains and statues and everything…and paintings and other cool buildings. Slightly less cool— but still cool. But what about everything— What about everything and everyone else? Everyone else also died, and I only brought back the cool stuff, And the cool people— But everything else is just pretty much—- So it's all over?! Yes. This is the end. Of that last thing. Wow. Anyway, enjoy your…whatever. I'm gonna go to Disneyland, which for the record, Is across the street. What. You're welcome. Betore: Hey man, you want to ride an elephant? What? Do you want to ride an elephant? Sure! Here— I bought your wife a saddle! The television people despise fat chicks. Or— used to— Before they realized diversity was necessary for demographics, forced representation. Now they tolerate them— And even glorify the significantly morbidly obese In exchange for advertising dollars, realizing that the people they're marketing to Are more likely morbidly obese than not. Oh, How times have changed. [The Festival Project ™] Will Ferrell is hysterically crying in the break room (during his SNL era— nevermind he is his current-day aged–he has just seen everything backwards and forwards through the infinite and everlasting cascades of time. It's been an emotional few days for Will; his friends and castmates are worried about him. Hey Will. Hey buddy. Are you… gonna be alright. He sobs.He runs away and into another room—(assumingly craft service)s, the allure of the croissants and muffin seem to temporarily soothe him, however, as he begins to relax mid-sob, a mysterious figure appears at the table. Don't worry. I'm right here! The figure eats a cupcake instead of muffins or the croissants. Will screams hysterically and cries even harder. No one seems to hear him or be around at all. (Eating a cupcake) It's okay! WILL (inconsolably, in complete hysterics) AaaaaHHHHHHHHHH. Shh, clam down . After a bout of extreme hysterics, and the figure pretty much just calmly watching his breakdown unaffected and continuing to eat the cupcake happily, Will realizes that he and this figure are the only one around—at all. This means the cascades through space and time are still not over. WILL (Still sobbing.) Relax. WILL …heh… there are cupcakes? Huh? Uh, no— I brought this myself. WILL From WHERE?! You know where. [beat] WILL …are there more. Ah? Oh yeah— WILL Can I—? No, Not here! Then why'd you—?! WILL I just told you, I brought this! (he begins crying again but softly.) The figure is still for the most part unaffected but seemingly amused by Will's upset, presumes eating another, more delicious looking cupcake, which appearing from out of nowhere— (unseen from the audience, even by Will) which baffles him into immediately stopping crying, something like a bemused toddler, as his eyes widen and his mouth falls agape in offense. WILL IS THAT ANOTHER CUPCAKE? Well, you saw me eat the first one. WILL YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE! I said there were no more here! Do you see any cupcakes here?! Besides this?! WILL (Becoming irate, red faced) WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?! The difference is your access to them. Damn! WILL Well let me have some of— (Eats last bite, mouth full) It's all gone. WILL (Eyes widening, then squinting in bewilderment and confusion) Do you want a muffin or croissant, though? WILL (Realizing he has no other options—) Kind of…maybe— A bagel? WILL Mmno, maybe a muffin…croissant. (He is increasingly distant and Bewildered (read: shattered) but also coming to; he moves toward the table Skream , your love/ massive, Drake Lil bitz Anybody else feel like Kendrick helped Drake get his next few girls? Like, she's probably in the 8th grade right now like “I'm his type, ya'll” and she's gonna keep that goal in mind until it becomes a reality. I think that's just how being a rockstar works sometimes. You write a hit right now, depending on how famous you are or will get, your next wife is in kindergarten while your first wife is probably at prom— and the third one is maybe even in Utero! Maybe even at the same prom as your first wife. Hey now. Crazy worlds, man. The superstar lifestyle. Anyway, wasn't I writing something less devastating? Not exactly less devastating, it is Will Ferrell crying hysterically. I think he's calmed down now. Yeah. Let's get back to that. It's almost the end of the scene. But then what happens after that? Probably nothing. I can't afford Will Ferrel for more than 5 minutes. You can't afford Will Ferrel at all! Well, his ad says the first five minutes are free. What ad?! CUT TO: Young Will Ferrel before SNL. Oh, Jesus Christ. [Business card appears to have his name misspelled horribly, but obviously he cannot afford to have them reprinted. “First five minutes free” Oh, great. You got that part right! Thank you, come again. I will not come again! We're not always superstars. {Enter The Multiverse} CUT BACK TO Blueberry— chocolate chip? WILL Um, half of each, I guess? What? WILL Well— Get it yourself then, you primadonna. He looks for a plate and plastic knife; as he does so, a third, even more delicious looking incredible cupcake has appeared again out of nowhere, to which the mysterious figure begins enjoying by the heap, mumbling with a mouth of frosting You're such a diva! *mimicking* one half “of each”… mehmehmeh… This is the most delicious cupcake anyone's ever seen— his eyes widen with a tired grief, but before becoming over upset again or irate, he takes a deep breath. And just sighs, as if to say “I hate you.” But they seem to know each other quite well. In fact, this is clearly one of those super-fucked terrifying guardian angel type dynamics where it's obvious that the guardian angel type mystery figure is very tormenting. But in a loving way. …. [beat] [beat] Haven't you wondered why you're like 58 but the rest of your cast mates are in their 20's? WILL [beat] I've always looked like this. …no, you haven't. (The muffin seems to have done its job in calming him down) WILL Trust me, I have. Flashback: a young Will Ferrell looks in the mirror— the mirror shows a present day Will Ferrell, although the teenaged Will Ferrel is obviously quite young. An exact reflection besides the age difference— Will seems neither unaffected nor worried. It's as if in the mirror, he's always seen his present day self. He sighs. End flashback. Present day, (or whenever, actually) Will Ferrell sighs to match the flashback) …maybe that's why you're special. WILL Yeah, maybe that's it. The figure finishes the cupcake and though the muffin halves have rebalanced Will's mood to almost, kind of normal, he still seems disgruntled that it wasn't cupcakes—as the figure finishes the third, most interestingly delicious looking cupcake of all of them. L E G E N D S I've got a whole poem who lives in the squat rack; I've got a dollar for ever caller who talks back, I've got a collar for every occasion I clock into It's a riddle but it's not a rhythm until I give it to em Don't wonder who I am I am space and time, And granted with the right hands, We're gonna have the right dance at the right place At the right time and so Whenever that is— see you then, Until then, I'm not holding any farts in, You feel me? I eat a lot of lentils. I write a lot of great walk on parts for artists I parted the red seas, once, I was also God, watching quite impressed with it And wondered why they called it ‘the read sea' Or the dead ‘the dead sea' As I can't see the bloodshed In the heavens, And so I give respect to the seconds I look away Which might have been a century or eleven, to them. Ah, more men and mathematics. More television friends and heavy dinners More sinners and misfits, and glitched simulations— More missed emissions, More christenings and scrimmages Remember to eat your breakfast Or it's death at a likely curfew remember to split the difference remember, we'll finish as friends As recommended by comrades I have lessons, I also have students in classes, Professors and options And doctors And mantras Barrages of cars And I can't stop talking Cause I gotta get my laundry fixed Fuck it Tina Fey hada booking.com commercial or something– Then, apparently, or maybe I really and readily finally had lost it– JImmy Fallon had a state farm commercial Like a good neighbor – Nope, i wasn't losing my mind. I promised myself i'd stop writing about the girl next door –she seemed evil–but she was acting strangely enough by doing something like brushing her teeth and reading my work from my phone that made the light switch– I didn't care what she could or couldn't do with my phone–I wasn't hiding anything. But now… It had to have all been planned. She seemed evil as fuck despite my trying to trust her… The Server…The Server… Suddenly the kitchen light switched on and it only ever flickered when I was in the middle of something important. Like the world was melting or my dimensions were shifting into parallels or something, or like I was being warned by some overseer with a remote control, but it wasn't all in my head… The plant that brought the plant My inner voice was never wrong–the problem was, however that any time my inner voice was saying anything at all about tHiSmOtHerFuCkeR– When did I acquire immediate voice recognition? So that was his voice… So who, then is the real Jimmy Fallon? There is no real JImmy Fallon. I made him up. You what. I haven't done anything to deserve this. Premonitions. Are you telling me we're dealing with another clairvoyant? On so many levels. –but none of them personal, I hope. There are oh so many… Oh. its you again. –Personal levels. You're in danger here. In New York, or just in general? On Earth. You keep telling me that. I have no reason not to trust you besides the obvious fact. You're oblivious to it! I'm not! I'm just ignoring you. Did you think about what I said? Erring on the side of obsession, no, i've dismissed almost everything you've ever told me. That's off topic. Or not. They want drama! Then they're going to have to fight for it. They're gonna start a war here. So then, I'm just another body, aren't I? Aren't I? Don't jump. Oh, if it isn't Peter Preferences. References and Letters of Recommendation Cancer in remission and admitting i'll probably never see my son again Suicide This is suicide This is suiccide This is suicide. INT. HALLMARK STORE. DAY. Welcome to Hallmark. …thanks. Can I help you find anything? No, I… After stumbling upon a Hallmark store, where the burned thank you cards from his desk are mysteriously recovered, as is, and uncharred, a hidden relic from the desk reemerges, and opens a portal to another world. I was in a very dark world when I met Patrick Kirkpatrick, but the point of the matter was, he was nobody now and maybe even nobody ever. Maybe even, nobody at all. Somebody's gonna come for you. …is this one of those things I keep to myself, or am I writing this down? What's with this? Under the surface, but by admission,I didn't know what it meant, besides the fact that Pretty white boys who were always too good for me always wore them as statement pieces or something, And you know what they say… If you can't beat ‘em. …join em. {Enter The Multiverse} I know the sound of your voice At the drop of a hat like a peck on the cheek And it still don't sound right I still don't think straight I still don't look right But somewhere in these ions, you'll find me at sunset. In a whisper, the taste of your breath Is a sound in my heart and the bloody murder In each heart murmur is getting harder fear father God, Just turn it off Just to make it sotp The man in the box –and it just God awkward. I should pluck your feathers It keeps getting harder each time your skull Hits the auburn surface of the asphalt Every summer at the hard rock Huh? But you just kept drinking And you just worked harder And after all, You're the man in the box What could all go wrong here? It's getting shorter the tears drop faster I'm getting weirder I'm a deadbeat dad And my kid's the bartard I just got a ball pit I'm a Hallmark card, but refused to sign it A dine and dash From the supper club And it's so refined I just lost my mind Cause it's just not time yet. I must have known you once before or something But any fan would say that But how am I a fan When I hated you And I hated your laugh And I hated your band –and you're not that handsome So how is this happening at all? Oh look, something random. Tell me why I'm so horrible Mr miserable mr terrible Mr opulent Mr miser mr wedding band Mr Never Happened Tell me why I'm so bad at this Mr. Wonderful Mr.Awful Mr. half at best Mr. getting faster and faster And faster and faster And faster Till it all washed up on the surface And you wash your hands of it… But the taste in your mouth is still metallic from the contrast Breaking contracts, oh, now you're fast at once and a hard match And a tough act to swallow But i'd rather die tomorrow Than stare at your casket. Now how about that shit! You're right, I lost my mind– but I want you to have it. L E G E N D S JIMMY KIMMEL [an escalating crescendo] AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Lol is he all thugged out yet. No not yet. (just wait) I wanna run through marina del ray I want a house in the Palisades But I Knew that 5 years ago (I knew that five years ago ) I want a shack out in Malibu Just to surf the ocean blū But I Knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago Before it all burned I hope we all learned our lessons Surf God has a sense of humor But I was the butt of the joke I want a Condo in Santa Monica Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball Throw my whole world in the fire pit But I knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago When you realize The world is your instrument But it still hasn't earned you a cent You're still in the hole Earning back what you spent By the microincrements The city people are you as excrement But you just laugh and you sample them Play them like instruments back Perhaps flattery begs them to listen Suddenly you're visible Museum world— Exhibitions Entertainers Comedians Mice and men Interesting remix Should I even be in this language Or should I make it more intimate With melodies? I hit play on a classic And my peloton becomes the office I'm suddenly at work, God Petulance for relevance spanning generations Thank you! Still it takes enough to get it in to you As out of you Can't help t but agree to that Eyeliner! I like it thick around the freckles faces And light ashy eyelashes Over moonlike eyes You know I like it Long hair! Headliner! Why am I inside you? Better yet— Why have I died? Eyeliner, headliner I like it thick around moonlight eyes I like it Old timer, headliner— I like it thick around eyes like Zion Eyeliner, I like it Ashes You're the worst; There are circle k's and 7/11s How was my run on Broadway? Who's the pope now? I hope you choke now There are subway central's And sauces and really hard bosses to fight But I don't want to I'm in south central And I'm still with you From always to oblivion I've been moving for at least an hour But I have no power here Drop a house on me In the hills, if you will And if the winds change, There's still New York What a page turner I live at Rockefeller Plaza There's an apartment above my office There's a notebook For every love I've ever known In the oak There's a something caliber gun in my slumber I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals Can't hop the turnsltyle now Can't hop the turnstyle now Hahaha Who art thou, Art monster Who are you now that I care too much to notice The problem was The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder That was awkward They were supposed to fly away TV HOST HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY! But which host is it? All of them. All of us are running for our lives All of us are running after Carson, and Paar All of us are stars, But on polaroids not often captured Gone and then away into disaster That's the effect of the Cannon Canon cameras? James Canon?! Laugh harder ‘cause you have to! Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen, And you want to go home now! It wasn't as fun as you thought And the set is much smaller in real life Now clap and hold for applause Big smiles Big smiles Extra points if you run miles before you show up- Now that's a shiny after thought; Not your average robot Or prototypical tourist! No! A nonconformist and Kimmel can't sing for shit, So he can just hum this verse. (Sorry, I peaked— No homo) Now, I dissect Holiday, I was sure I inspired the Broadway show But who doesn't inspire a rock opera I conspire to conspire, umpire, emperor I studies Agamemnon I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said Go on, go on— So I just cried and stuck in my stomach harder I don't want a SETH MEYERS I don't want a tuna sandwich! Just–take the tuna sandwich. Yeah, buddy! SETH I DON'T WANT A TUNA SANDWHICH DO I LOOK LIKE EAT TUNA TO YOU? Um. JIMMY 1 Woah, I sense hostility We can't see you— CRAIG FERGUSON And we don't know who you are, anyway. COLBERT Apparently “someone we know” JIM 1 Tsh. JIM 2 Psh. SETH ITS HOT IN THIS BOX. Ooh, hotbox. That sounds like a plan. Dispensary delivery? The move. SETH YO, Dissection numero dos; I think I know how to make those sounds I think I have that reverb I need herb Or probably a new location With no probes It's only temporary The peloton office But I want a home Me and my family aren't from here Oh, look, more purple — we just show up to rock And then go somewhere farther MEANWHILE… Forgive me father for I have— No. What? No. No. What— why? Just— no. Not you. Not today. But—I have sinned! Of course you have! But father— No. What—? Keep it to yourself. But. Excuse me. {Enter The Multiverse) —- What super hero are you supposed to be? “Malox Max”?! Hehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER No! Hehehehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER I'm— I'm “The Cosmic Avenger”! What are you avenging?! Montezuma's Revenge?! THE COSMIC AVENGER No— unjust—unjustice—ness. [hysterical laughter ensues] Somewhere in this world lies our story Still true, I'm unsure what it is— But the thing is, I'm sure this the one Of the fables I'm sure this the one of the songs Of the psalms Of the storied palms This is the one of the cards This sir KIMMEL! KIMMEL! KIMMEL! I'm sorry. I don't know who you are. ITS ME. JIMMY. I'm Jimmy. I KNOW YOU'RE— You're not Jimmy, I'm JIMMY. WHAT THE SNARF! What's that? I can't hear you. The tarot said to go against the grain; I was told not to write this tale, but here I am And suddenly the King has a tail, Compliments of T-Mobile, But as did the first one, The first King, of Dogblood Of first strikes And first tears And first scars, Was no king, But everything has meaning The cherishire has eyed me The spider has bitten And then, Envisionment minted I should switch to mint mobile, but knowing There's no real difference— Their all old t-mobile tower; But service with a Billionaire smile Of Blake Lively and False Idols. I don't care, I guess My mind has eyes like sun But my heart has darkness The absolutely most beautiful sunsets have Wonders on drums And numbers to call The best of cocaine on the sidewalk Was sidetracked The best of New York was Los Angeles, And vice versa I hope you took protocol into order I hope you too profound effect and affinity In profanity There's no more Infinite Fallon It Found a call To programming Wall to wall To wall of shame On Walmart Better activate that trial Before it's all gone 13 days and counting And A million ways to die in the west. SETH MCFARLENE look at me. Ah, what the fuck dog. SETH MCFARLENE Oh, so you can hear me! You fuckin schizo! I'm not a schizo I'm in the Illuminati. SETH MCFARLINE The what? The what? SETH MCFARLENE what's the password. this isn't happening right now. SETH MCFARLENE That is correct. See you on the other side, you batshit crazy SonOfABitch. What. *poof* I told you I could make you say my name. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

I had plenty of moving boxes, just in case of whatever. I didn't feel like I was home–perhaps this was the cause of the depressive mess. I was working out okay, and eating…okay… kind of. –besides being unable to actually tell if I was hungry or not unless the circumstances were extreme. Lentils and pasta with garlic salt–cause I don't give any kind of fuck right now. I knew something might be wrong when I was just eating raw cabbage with squirts of japanese barbeque sauce. I'm enjoying myself thoroughly, but thinking– “God, this just seems…this just feels wrong.” It's just cabbage. I'm like, “Fuck it, this is good.” It was as if somewhere in my mind if I cleaned up the mess to my standards, it would be too perfect–and that when things were perfect, it gave life an excuse to come crashing down. One of the last thoughts I had just before my son died–the night before–was that things were perfect. They weren't–obviously–but from where I had been, they were looking up. So far up, that they seemed perfect. And as for perfect was concerned…I had never seen a more perfect human being in my life. My son was gorgeous. Of course, most mothers feel that way about their offspring, even when to say the least, it isn't entirely true–but to a mother, this is always true. But this boy, everyone thought was absolutely perfect. A beautiful boy. He might have even been about 6 feet tall. Might have been. But if things were perfect, and they weren't–but I had at least let myself think so–the universe might have worked itself around this tragedy. Instead in my mind, things were perfect, and so life came crashing down. I thought things were perfect, the next day, my son drowned. By the grace of God, I still had one son left. He was also perfect. Now, apparently, [redacted] Well, what do you expect? Maybe I was a little crazy. I very rarely thought about my son, because if I spent time doing that, I might have been a wreck. –more of a wreck. Actually, I was increasingly put together–outstanding considering the previous circumstances. But everyone has a story. None of this makes me special– Especially in New York City, where almost everyone thinks they're special, and almost nobody is. Almost Nobody. And that might as well have been my name. I wasn't nobody– I was Almost Nobody. An honest nobility. But– And I might have looked through Will Ferrell on any other day, because like most big time movie stars, he was invisible to me. Once you're ‘this many' famous, it's almost like a reversal effect on my psyche. I don't hate you. I don't like you. You're just–too famous. I.e.--invisible. –Besides this, however, was the fact that I was peeling my eyelids back with toothpicks from having them shut before what I considered as a full “work day” was over. And on this day, in the documentary that I considered as “work…” Actually, very hard work– Very hard work– He happened to have been wearing a shirt that reminded me of the shirt my son was wearing in one of the last ever photos I took of him. —actually, both of them were wearing that shirt. We were all dressed alike. Family pictures. Matching outfits. You know–the kind of shit you do when you're happily married– Or unhappily, but still married with children and making the best of it because you're married with children That sort of shit. And that day was probably the very best day because I took the very best pictures of the very best boys– But of course, I didn't remember anything about that day besides taking those pictures. So there, in my mind, it stood. Now, what does this have to do with Will Ferrell's shirt? Almost nothing, besides making a point of sense memory. Anyway, isn't it obvious? {Enter The Multiverse} When something invisible becomes suddenly visible, you have no choice but to look at it as some sort of miracle. An act of God. What kind of miracle was this? I didn't know. The Complex Collective © Sure, let's just chalk up all this uncontrollable crying and depressive nonsense to that. Under the circumstances–to chalk it up to anything else? [The Festival Project ™ ] [A MAN exits THE STUDIO in the shadow of night.] V.O. That could be devastating. L E G E N D S – The Return of S U P A[Redacted]™ [A MAN is tied to a chair in a dark and murky chamber; a spotlight shines onto him from above; the cheesecloth Lol cheesecloth how fitting. Classic. –is removed from his mouth. Naturally, he immediately begins speaking.] Why–am I sitting here– In–a fuckin'--suit?! That's your work uniform! What the fuck! You don't like it? What the– Haha. [his arms are taped tightly to the armrest] What–NO–i don't like it. Well then, you don't know who you are. [The man pauses, as a blank look falls over his face–suddenly this seems true, as if his mind been completely erased. As if–he's just realized–he bears absolutely no identity.] Holy shit. Jeezus. That is terrifying. INT. STAIRWELL. NIGHT [The sound of the thunderous stormy rain batters the house almost hauntingly–the television sets all bear a static loss of signal–young STEPHEN runs in a panic up the stairs to the GALLEY, where his UNCLE JACK is often found] UNCLE JACK! UNCLE JACK! I buy things with pennies not worth picking up– I live in a dumpster made of don't-wants. Over a period of time it slowly began to occur to me that I had no idea what I had written–that is, what had been published, or who had read it. It was certain: someone had. However… to what limit was this exposure. And–was it dangerous? Fuck. I knew nothing entirely of the redactions, except that I'd redacted it. But what about the text surrounding the redactions. What the fuck exactly did I write about? I forgot how high I was–or where i'd been. Not literally high, of course, but….figuratively speaking. Fuck. Hurry, hurry along, It's been a long time I can't help you along, Die alone, ride along It's been a long time… See, I told you the Upper West Side was the best side. maybe it's just the least not-great side. ehh , tomato-potato. For the crust, try flax seed meal cinnamon agave Oil What time is it on the West Coast? The ghost of Conan arrived Under a blanket of blue light, and sighed “I've been wasting my time here” I had to disagree, kind of. What time is it here? I'm locked in for one more day; I'm locked in for one more hour I'm wasting valuable dark time with my life shit But I'm so tired my eyes are burning And I'm so sore My arms are stuck. I should run for the coffee; Or turn for the cornbread They're all getting sick of us They're all getting sicker I decided to pack my life up And hault all of it over I woke up sore But I wrote a song On a four leaf clover It was four in the morning The ghost of Conan Won me over It was four in the morning I'm locked in for one more hour It was four in the morning An hour ahead A four leaf clover It was four in the morning I needed a water It's one more hour A four leaf clover The ghost of Conan I start recording To cut the corner Conan O'Brien It's one in the morning— You're one hundred years old; You ought to be sleeping. … It's midnight. I live in Hollywood. And i'm a vampire. Ah. Sweet dreams. // Happy Trails. L E G E N D S Shapeshifting is simple— not the process or practice of changing one's form, but simply shifting one's consciousness into another vessel either partially, or entirely. But— Just because it's simple, doesn't mean it's also easy. {Enter The Multiverse} Often times in matters of consciousness, anything is dangerous. I did have strange dreams—so, as to say instructed by ‘the ghost of Conan O'Brien', I was decent at following directions, being as his tone might have been dauntingly sarcastic, or sardonic—but I kept forgetting to look up what the latter meant, and so it was with heavy sarcasm after I awoke to transcribe whatever frequency waves I was being blugeoned with under the pure blue light of my otherwise darkened studio—as blue light always seem merciless to whatever was lurking in the corners of my deep subconscious, I wasn't altogether too suprised that this time it was Conan “Snowball” O'Brien, because I had been so recently impressed with his Oscar's performance—and before that, English tends with the type of comedy that had given him the nickname I had chosen for him—or codename, because, by now, the hosts had come one by one with a point to make and a line to put across, and though it had been at some kind of increased trajectory since He who might should probably not be named for fear the sudden and highly publicized combustion of the then currently raining Tonight show host— it was as if it had been raining everymans in blue suits and shined loafers for the inside of a year, however, it had indeed kind of presently enough started with my co-worker “Kimmel”, who was fascinated with the kind of Television that breeds a familiarity with these kinds of people— and Jay Leno was also sort of like some sort of fairy that just kind of occurred randomly at times, living back in LA. I was sure it had been Jay Leno in LA traffic in some kind of a classic car— only later to find that he indeed was a collector and enthusiast of cars and motorcycles, and I tried not to hold the later against him. My dreams had been odd at best and filled with people I very rarely thought about— the man in Los Angeles I once lived with who I was sure was a [redacted[, and also just happened to look the way Will Ferrell would age to eventually look. This, I found fascinating. Will Ferrell didn't look like that at the time, But he did now— and even his style of comedy was growing on me, because I didn't find myself capable of it. What kind of comedy was I capable of? Right now, the invisible kind. After a heavy breakfast, I had finally realized why ‘Tears of A Clown' was incomplete— Apparently I had to include all of my performances—- This would make the album hard to listen to, at least for me. But the concept was the concept. I had already hidden other comics amongst the tracks and probably without too much trouble— from recordings I had taken myself and were impossible to find elsewhere. This side project was beginning to be a whole album project, and [rarity] was still just not even something I moderately even wanted to consider doing, however— ‘story.' had somehow come to the top of the page where my masters were kept, and it reminded me that perhaps I was in the same kind of pressure position now that I was then— and that in order for things to change— to get a new apartment or to visit with my son- I would have to medicate in order to write the kind of music i wasn't writing; the anxiety had finally collided with impatience, and lack of focus, and all the classic symptoms of ADHD's spiraling depression, but I was still glad I hadn't become dependent on the girl next door for her adderall prescription. I wasn't gonna be her little bitch. Especially not in that way. It seemed a pattern amongst these people to create a need and dependency in order to gain power and control— and thusly, the dynamic had lost my trust and respect, and so I was just kind of… around— out there, and not caring really what it was or what it all meant. I had woken up to immediate breakfast still early but late for me— a day off of the gym is what my muscles cried and ached for, and even the scrambled tofu rice breakfast like my dad used to make with tofu instead of scrambled eggs wasn't all the way satisfying or complete without the chocolate and banana malt shake— now I shouldn't be hungry, but it wasn't hunger that was doing me in— I almost refused coffee because I wanted to go back to sleep. I had slept early enough that it shouldn't have been an issue, but I was exhausted. Come on, you defunct dinosaur motherfucker! 97! A baby! The reptilian hides his true identity in order to conform. [The Festival Peoject ™ Presents] Will Ferrell In “The Guru” Wait, I Gotta go write this other thing. Wow, Tina Fey looks great. Worth the new email address? It was already said and done. I could eat this fucking documentary for lunch. –yesss. Stephen Colbert had the middle name of an equally middle aged black man. But this was besides the point. I was already 30-and-a-half-seconds exactly into scooping up a new email addressed when I realized– Oh no. Emergency brakes initiated. If this is a documentary about Saturday Night Live– And its on Peacock– (And it's on Peacock) –then there's a pretty good chance– –and Tina Fey's in it. -she looks incredible. Jesus! –then. Fuck. Dammit. There's a slight chance [redacted] might just–not–be in it. Might not be. Hm Well, let's see. Worth the risk? Worth a shot. To the face (or of Tequila) I hate Tequila. It's not for you. It's not– Give me that. Goddammit. Fu–darnint. Goddamit I had avoided Jimmy Fallon's face for like a year straight at least– Call it two if you count the moment exactly from the Thanksgiving Macy's Day Parade, that one year. THE COSMIC AVENGER SUPRISE. NO. GODDAMMIT. Does it matter that the word “surprise” here is spelled wrong? No. It's almost like–it should be. THE COSMIC AVENGER FANGIRLS! That's worse than fiddlesticks! Worth mentioning that. Really. All from an ad? Two ads, i caught a snippet of the Booking.com commercial Apparently, you did this. STEPHEN COLBERT YOu did THIS. Shut up, not now Tyrone. So he's just He's Tyrone now. Obviously. Look. No Look at –0 Noh. [A group of surfers sit huddled beyond the break.] Oh. No swell. So…so flat. Nah…There's a wave coming. Just wait for it. This is pathetic, man. No, there's something. I can feel it. It's like a fishbowl man. Nada. Just–wait, sharkbait! Forget it, I'm going home. [two surfers paddle away reluctantly] MEANWHILE A storm spotted just off the coast of Los angeles california may bring the entire western coast Tsunami-like waves. [read: Tsunami] [the bottom of the screen is issuing an emergency evacuation silently over b-roll of the red carpet] But first WHAT THIS UP AND COMING STARLET WORE TO THE MET GALA Lol Classic {As Seen On TV} [Enter The Multiverse} I had developed quite the fascination with Saturday Night Live; Not because of Jimmy Fallon, of course, who arguably ruined the show by creating the trend of breaking character On camera With his world-class smile, and entourage plethora of adoring female fans. Stay away from him Not a problem. He's venomous. Alright. Noted. Liz, I have some documents for you to sign. Documents. What documents. *squints really hard* I'll be right back. First of all, Lets just get one thing straight: I am not a fangirl of, Nor am I obsessed with[redacted} Right. Ok. And in case you need closure, here's what I am obsessed with, here. [the 34,000 multidimensional and extraterrestrial life forces which use [The Host of The Tonight Show] as a portal and/or vessel.] OH. WOW. THAT'S– Yeah. WOW. How–is that a regular blacklight? Does it look like a regular blacklight? Nothing is regular about this. Jesus effing.. God! Yeah. Wow. YEAH. You don't want me to shine a real blacklight on this guy– Trust me. OK? Gross. HOST1 I don't know what you're insinuating. [squints really super extra hard] Nothing. L E G E N D S So…worth it? Worth it…Tina Fey…worth it. Alright. I win this one. Win what? Are you playing this dumb game too? The prize winnings are sustaining my lifestyle. [Tina Fey eating corn chips sustaining her lifestyle.] Luxe. Isn't it? It was like staring into the sun. [The Festival Project ™ ] Lil bitz Man, I use my googles sparingly. I really do. If I google something that's kind of iffy– even in incognito, Or with a VPN I hurry up and erase my history. I erase everything Shit. I erase my history faster than the white power movement. I'm serious. I erase my history harder and faster than a white supremasist. “that's in your mind!” What's in my mind? Nothing happened here! THOSE DAYS ARE OVER. Why is this all in one document? idk i just kinda suddenly noticed how NBC is so left learning it's almost too forcibly progressive. Look, this is all just–too much for me! Okay? Too much for you?! Oh please! If anybody asks me anything, I'm going to admit it! Admit what?! You don't do that! You don't admit anything! Admit what?! Exactly! Jesus Christ. It's all good in practice, but when it comes down to it, i'll break. Don't let them break you! I'll break. Listen to me. I'm being violated. Listen to me. This is offensive! Shut the fuck up. I can't believe you said that! What did I say?! [doe eyes] You know what. Fine. Fuck it. [super wide eyed blank stare] You're right. If anyone comes for you, just–run, goddammit. What. Run at em, for christs sakes. You gargantuan motherfucker. I'm–not that tall. I meant your ego. 0.0 This is a calamity. I'm astonished you think that. Listen, Larry. Larry. Right. When we're finished playing Atari, I gotta have a real heart-to-heart with you. Heart to heart what? [Ron produces a bleeding, beating human heart, seemingly out of nowhere; ‘LARRY' jumps back and stutters in shock and confusion] –WOAH. [RON emotionlessly presses a combination into the controller.] Oh look. I win. I–WHAT?! You dropped your controller. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? Special combination: it's not a cheat code. People say it's a cheat code. THAT'S A HUMAN HEART. YOU'RE A MURDERER. I'm not a murderer; it's still beating, look: That's–[crazy]--That's–put that back. That's what I need your help for. My help what?! With that?! Don't be a sore loser. [IMMORTAL COMBAT] What?! “Heart To Heart” Tall tales, and heads, then tails again Trails and tears and trails of blood lead on thy stool Thy path as wilted flower waits And blue eyed gaze barely, Hold tongues and does shatter glass hearts and bare minds, And bare breasts And peach flesh, And Bare bones And blank stares and Fair is fair the frier the fire The goal the goal And the eye is the eye And the eye is golden I like fair shadows {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

Two high level demons have caused a hectic diversion just off camera during SETH MEYERS'S show when literally all hell breaks loose; the ought he has maintained a lifetime of secrecy and compliance without giving way to the slightest upset, his eyes widen as he attempts to finish his sentences, eventually unable to keep it together. SETH MEYERS …Blah, dee—blah, de BlahBlah. DIRECTOR —cut. SETH MEYERS AH. EXCUSE ME. DEMON ONE Ah, shit. DEMON TWO It's almost as if he's actually talking to us. SETH MEYERS WHAT IN THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY, LIKE, GOING ON. DEMON ONE “Like”? DEMON TWO Oh shit, I think he is acknowledging us. DEMON ONE “Like?!” SETH MEYERS WHO ARE YOU. WHAT IS THIS? DEMON TWO OHHHH SHIT. DEMON ONE DUDE, WHATS UP! Seth Meyers has become somewhat of a celebrity even amongst the higher, but especially the lower realms for his exceptionally high tolerance for metaphorical and supernatural phenomena; He has mostly considered the ability to be able to see these things as some sort of latent health condition or hallucinations of some sort which from a very young age he had chosen to not only keep to himself, but— VERY YOUNG SETH MEYERS [ridiculously atrocious otherworldly shenanigans] (Does not react) Woah. (Walks away unaffected entirely) Straaaange. Is this a human child? Apparently. ‍♂️ —never react at all. *also it should be noted that the two demons are the same demons from the flashback however aged into much more vicious, monstrously scary (yet still somehow humanoid) demon people. Thank you Google for correcting that. GOOGLE Correcting what. Nothing. So it's safe to say that in his early acting days, teaching himself to “react to act” came as somewhat of a challenge. INT. IMPROV CLASS. DAY VO, Narrator reacting to normal human situations was obviously not entirely, by this point, second nature to young Seth, SETH MEYERS Wait, pause. Uh, no, Seth Meyers. Why am I in this? I didn't agree to this. oh no. You didn't agree to any of this. I just said that. Oh. Unpause. No wait. No, not unpause: Unpause— or we skip straight back to the part with you trapped inside a metal box with almost no holes in it. Wait— what metal box. Shh. No spoilers. CUT IMMEDIATELY TO: Without being able to guess that it is their dear friend and colleague SETH MEYERS in the box, the HOSTSunanimously vote to abandon the challenge and leave SETH MEYERS in a metal box to go get lunch. HEY. Oh wait— sorry— did you want lunch? YES I WANT LUNCH. We should order him something. JIMMY KIMMEL I'll make you a tuna sandwich! SETH MEYERS I DONT WANT A TUNA SANDWICH. Woah, that typo was Almost wild… GOOGLE What typo! MEANWHILE, in a fabricated flashback to the early 2000's The LEGACY CAST of GOLDEN ERA SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE wakes up on a Sunday morning after a wild party— Oh, shit, what time is it! —I'm AbLIND. In a “Tina Sandwich” OH [CENSOR BEEP] ITS SUNDAY. — MY EYES. WHAT THE [OOOOOOOOOO] HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. this never happened. Flashback, to The night before: [actually, because this is the time travel part] Two nights previously, on FRIDAY— (Drunkenly) WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW! —THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TIME BEFORE WORK! —SO MUCH TIIIIIIME! (And apparently, maybe even psychedelics, but SHH, cause it's NBC) ahem, PEACOCK. Bless you. No, its Peacock, this show is on peacock. Gazuntite. *facepalm* None the wiser, None the wiser All the eyes And all the fires Are mine, And none the wiser None the wiser All the time is light now And All the wiser All the wiser All the water fountains fly And none the wiser None the wiser— SUPA[REDACTED], a GOD, REMOVES all of her favorite artifacts from NEW YORK CITY before stroking (Leave that typo, google's three for three now) –the earth in the oncoming apocalypse, last and not least, Rockefeller Plaza. The building is violently catapulted into the heavens with everyone in it. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. You're welcome. What happened to the rock? I moved it. What happened to New York?! It's over now. What's over now! The whole thing. The planet. It's— Its all gone. Wow. That seems pretty catastrophic. It was horrific. Wait— if you moved the building with all of us in it, wouldn't we all have been pretty badly injured. Oh, you all died, like immediately. *collective gasps* Instantly. —like, as soon as I did that, but, it's fine, You're all dead now. *phew* What. I MURDERED YOU ALL AND BROUGHT YOU TO HEAVEN WITH ME; What are you DEAF. AHEM, excuse me there's still some New York leftovers I guess, somewhere in my make up Besides you know the rock and all these l fountains and statues and everything…and paintings and other cool buildings. Slightly less cool— but still cool. But what about everything— What about everything and everyone else? Everyone else also died, and I only brought back the cool stuff, And the cool people— But everything else is just pretty much—- So it's all over?! Yes. This is the end. Of that last thing. Wow. Anyway, enjoy your…whatever. I'm gonna go to Disneyland, which for the record, Is across the street. What. You're welcome. Betore: Hey man, you want to ride an elephant? What? Do you want to ride an elephant? Sure! Here— I bought your wife a saddle! The television people despise fat chicks. Or— used to— Before they realized diversity was necessary for demographics, forced representation. Now they tolerate them— And even glorify the significantly morbidly obese In exchange for advertising dollars, realizing that the people they're marketing to Are more likely morbidly obese than not. Oh, How times have changed. [The Festival Project ™] Will Ferrell is hysterically crying in the break room (during his SNL era— nevermind he is his current-day aged–he has just seen everything backwards and forwards through the infinite and everlasting cascades of time. It's been an emotional few days for Will; his friends and castmates are worried about him. Hey Will. Hey buddy. Are you… gonna be alright. He sobs.He runs away and into another room—(assumingly craft service)s, the allure of the croissants and muffin seem to temporarily soothe him, however, as he begins to relax mid-sob, a mysterious figure appears at the table. Don't worry. I'm right here! The figure eats a cupcake instead of muffins or the croissants. Will screams hysterically and cries even harder. No one seems to hear him or be around at all. (Eating a cupcake) It's okay! WILL (inconsolably, in complete hysterics) AaaaaHHHHHHHHHH. Shh, clam down . After a bout of extreme hysterics, and the figure pretty much just calmly watching his breakdown unaffected and continuing to eat the cupcake happily, Will realizes that he and this figure are the only one around—at all. This means the cascades through space and time are still not over. WILL (Still sobbing.) Relax. WILL …heh… there are cupcakes? Huh? Uh, no— I brought this myself. WILL From WHERE?! You know where. [beat] WILL …are there more. Ah? Oh yeah— WILL Can I—? No, Not here! Then why'd you—?! WILL I just told you, I brought this! (he begins crying again but softly.) The figure is still for the most part unaffected but seemingly amused by Will's upset, presumes eating another, more delicious looking cupcake, which appearing from out of nowhere— (unseen from the audience, even by Will) which baffles him into immediately stopping crying, something like a bemused toddler, as his eyes widen and his mouth falls agape in offense. WILL IS THAT ANOTHER CUPCAKE? Well, you saw me eat the first one. WILL YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE! I said there were no more here! Do you see any cupcakes here?! Besides this?! WILL (Becoming irate, red faced) WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?! The difference is your access to them. Damn! WILL Well let me have some of— (Eats last bite, mouth full) It's all gone. WILL (Eyes widening, then squinting in bewilderment and confusion) Do you want a muffin or croissant, though? WILL (Realizing he has no other options—) Kind of…maybe— A bagel? WILL Mmno, maybe a muffin…croissant. (He is increasingly distant and Bewildered (read: shattered) but also coming to; he moves toward the table Skream , your love/ massive, Drake Lil bitz Anybody else feel like Kendrick helped Drake get his next few girls? Like, she's probably in the 8th grade right now like “I'm his type, ya'll” and she's gonna keep that goal in mind until it becomes a reality. I think that's just how being a rockstar works sometimes. You write a hit right now, depending on how famous you are or will get, your next wife is in kindergarten while your first wife is probably at prom— and the third one is maybe even in Utero! Maybe even at the same prom as your first wife. Hey now. Crazy worlds, man. The superstar lifestyle. Anyway, wasn't I writing something less devastating? Not exactly less devastating, it is Will Ferrell crying hysterically. I think he's calmed down now. Yeah. Let's get back to that. It's almost the end of the scene. But then what happens after that? Probably nothing. I can't afford Will Ferrel for more than 5 minutes. You can't afford Will Ferrel at all! Well, his ad says the first five minutes are free. What ad?! CUT TO: Young Will Ferrel before SNL. Oh, Jesus Christ. [Business card appears to have his name misspelled horribly, but obviously he cannot afford to have them reprinted. “First five minutes free” Oh, great. You got that part right! Thank you, come again. I will not come again! We're not always superstars. {Enter The Multiverse} CUT BACK TO Blueberry— chocolate chip? WILL Um, half of each, I guess? What? WILL Well— Get it yourself then, you primadonna. He looks for a plate and plastic knife; as he does so, a third, even more delicious looking incredible cupcake has appeared again out of nowhere, to which the mysterious figure begins enjoying by the heap, mumbling with a mouth of frosting You're such a diva! *mimicking* one half “of each”… mehmehmeh… This is the most delicious cupcake anyone's ever seen— his eyes widen with a tired grief, but before becoming over upset again or irate, he takes a deep breath. And just sighs, as if to say “I hate you.” But they seem to know each other quite well. In fact, this is clearly one of those super-fucked terrifying guardian angel type dynamics where it's obvious that the guardian angel type mystery figure is very tormenting. But in a loving way. …. [beat] [beat] Haven't you wondered why you're like 58 but the rest of your cast mates are in their 20's? WILL [beat] I've always looked like this. …no, you haven't. (The muffin seems to have done its job in calming him down) WILL Trust me, I have. Flashback: a young Will Ferrell looks in the mirror— the mirror shows a present day Will Ferrell, although the teenaged Will Ferrel is obviously quite young. An exact reflection besides the age difference— Will seems neither unaffected nor worried. It's as if in the mirror, he's always seen his present day self. He sighs. End flashback. Present day, (or whenever, actually) Will Ferrell sighs to match the flashback) …maybe that's why you're special. WILL Yeah, maybe that's it. The figure finishes the cupcake and though the muffin halves have rebalanced Will's mood to almost, kind of normal, he still seems disgruntled that it wasn't cupcakes—as the figure finishes the third, most interestingly delicious looking cupcake of all of them. L E G E N D S I've got a whole poem who lives in the squat rack; I've got a dollar for ever caller who talks back, I've got a collar for every occasion I clock into It's a riddle but it's not a rhythm until I give it to em Don't wonder who I am I am space and time, And granted with the right hands, We're gonna have the right dance at the right place At the right time and so Whenever that is— see you then, Until then, I'm not holding any farts in, You feel me? I eat a lot of lentils. I write a lot of great walk on parts for artists I parted the red seas, once, I was also God, watching quite impressed with it And wondered why they called it ‘the read sea' Or the dead ‘the dead sea' As I can't see the bloodshed In the heavens, And so I give respect to the seconds I look away Which might have been a century or eleven, to them. Ah, more men and mathematics. More television friends and heavy dinners More sinners and misfits, and glitched simulations— More missed emissions, More christenings and scrimmages Remember to eat your breakfast Or it's death at a likely curfew remember to split the difference remember, we'll finish as friends As recommended by comrades I have lessons, I also have students in classes, Professors and options And doctors And mantras Barrages of cars And I can't stop talking Cause I gotta get my laundry fixed Fuck it Tina Fey hada booking.com commercial or something– Then, apparently, or maybe I really and readily finally had lost it– JImmy Fallon had a state farm commercial Like a good neighbor – Nope, i wasn't losing my mind. I promised myself i'd stop writing about the girl next door –she seemed evil–but she was acting strangely enough by doing something like brushing her teeth and reading my work from my phone that made the light switch– I didn't care what she could or couldn't do with my phone–I wasn't hiding anything. But now… It had to have all been planned. She seemed evil as fuck despite my trying to trust her… The Server…The Server… Suddenly the kitchen light switched on and it only ever flickered when I was in the middle of something important. Like the world was melting or my dimensions were shifting into parallels or something, or like I was being warned by some overseer with a remote control, but it wasn't all in my head… The plant that brought the plant My inner voice was never wrong–the problem was, however that any time my inner voice was saying anything at all about tHiSmOtHerFuCkeR– When did I acquire immediate voice recognition? So that was his voice… So who, then is the real Jimmy Fallon? There is no real JImmy Fallon. I made him up. You what. I haven't done anything to deserve this. Premonitions. Are you telling me we're dealing with another clairvoyant? On so many levels. –but none of them personal, I hope. There are oh so many… Oh. its you again. –Personal levels. You're in danger here. In New York, or just in general? On Earth. You keep telling me that. I have no reason not to trust you besides the obvious fact. You're oblivious to it! I'm not! I'm just ignoring you. Did you think about what I said? Erring on the side of obsession, no, i've dismissed almost everything you've ever told me. That's off topic. Or not. They want drama! Then they're going to have to fight for it. They're gonna start a war here. So then, I'm just another body, aren't I? Aren't I? Don't jump. Oh, if it isn't Peter Preferences. References and Letters of Recommendation Cancer in remission and admitting i'll probably never see my son again Suicide This is suicide This is suiccide This is suicide. INT. HALLMARK STORE. DAY. Welcome to Hallmark. …thanks. Can I help you find anything? No, I… After stumbling upon a Hallmark store, where the burned thank you cards from his desk are mysteriously recovered, as is, and uncharred, a hidden relic from the desk reemerges, and opens a portal to another world. I was in a very dark world when I met Patrick Kirkpatrick, but the point of the matter was, he was nobody now and maybe even nobody ever. Maybe even, nobody at all. Somebody's gonna come for you. …is this one of those things I keep to myself, or am I writing this down? What's with this? Under the surface, but by admission,I didn't know what it meant, besides the fact that Pretty white boys who were always too good for me always wore them as statement pieces or something, And you know what they say… If you can't beat ‘em. …join em. {Enter The Multiverse} I know the sound of your voice At the drop of a hat like a peck on the cheek And it still don't sound right I still don't think straight I still don't look right But somewhere in these ions, you'll find me at sunset. In a whisper, the taste of your breath Is a sound in my heart and the bloody murder In each heart murmur is getting harder fear father God, Just turn it off Just to make it sotp The man in the box –and it just God awkward. I should pluck your feathers It keeps getting harder each time your skull Hits the auburn surface of the asphalt Every summer at the hard rock Huh? But you just kept drinking And you just worked harder And after all, You're the man in the box What could all go wrong here? It's getting shorter the tears drop faster I'm getting weirder I'm a deadbeat dad And my kid's the bartard I just got a ball pit I'm a Hallmark card, but refused to sign it A dine and dash From the supper club And it's so refined I just lost my mind Cause it's just not time yet. I must have known you once before or something But any fan would say that But how am I a fan When I hated you And I hated your laugh And I hated your band –and you're not that handsome So how is this happening at all? Oh look, something random. Tell me why I'm so horrible Mr miserable mr terrible Mr opulent Mr miser mr wedding band Mr Never Happened Tell me why I'm so bad at this Mr. Wonderful Mr.Awful Mr. half at best Mr. getting faster and faster And faster and faster And faster Till it all washed up on the surface And you wash your hands of it… But the taste in your mouth is still metallic from the contrast Breaking contracts, oh, now you're fast at once and a hard match And a tough act to swallow But i'd rather die tomorrow Than stare at your casket. Now how about that shit! You're right, I lost my mind– but I want you to have it. L E G E N D S JIMMY KIMMEL [an escalating crescendo] AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Lol is he all thugged out yet. No not yet. (just wait) I wanna run through marina del ray I want a house in the Palisades But I Knew that 5 years ago (I knew that five years ago ) I want a shack out in Malibu Just to surf the ocean blū But I Knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago Before it all burned I hope we all learned our lessons Surf God has a sense of humor But I was the butt of the joke I want a Condo in Santa Monica Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball Throw my whole world in the fire pit But I knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago When you realize The world is your instrument But it still hasn't earned you a cent You're still in the hole Earning back what you spent By the microincrements The city people are you as excrement But you just laugh and you sample them Play them like instruments back Perhaps flattery begs them to listen Suddenly you're visible Museum world— Exhibitions Entertainers Comedians Mice and men Interesting remix Should I even be in this language Or should I make it more intimate With melodies? I hit play on a classic And my peloton becomes the office I'm suddenly at work, God Petulance for relevance spanning generations Thank you! Still it takes enough to get it in to you As out of you Can't help t but agree to that Eyeliner! I like it thick around the freckles faces And light ashy eyelashes Over moonlike eyes You know I like it Long hair! Headliner! Why am I inside you? Better yet— Why have I died? Eyeliner, headliner I like it thick around moonlight eyes I like it Old timer, headliner— I like it thick around eyes like Zion Eyeliner, I like it Ashes You're the worst; There are circle k's and 7/11s How was my run on Broadway? Who's the pope now? I hope you choke now There are subway central's And sauces and really hard bosses to fight But I don't want to I'm in south central And I'm still with you From always to oblivion I've been moving for at least an hour But I have no power here Drop a house on me In the hills, if you will And if the winds change, There's still New York What a page turner I live at Rockefeller Plaza There's an apartment above my office There's a notebook For every love I've ever known In the oak There's a something caliber gun in my slumber I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals Can't hop the turnsltyle now Can't hop the turnstyle now Hahaha Who art thou, Art monster Who are you now that I care too much to notice The problem was The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder That was awkward They were supposed to fly away TV HOST HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY! But which host is it? All of them. All of us are running for our lives All of us are running after Carson, and Paar All of us are stars, But on polaroids not often captured Gone and then away into disaster That's the effect of the Cannon Canon cameras? James Canon?! Laugh harder ‘cause you have to! Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen, And you want to go home now! It wasn't as fun as you thought And the set is much smaller in real life Now clap and hold for applause Big smiles Big smiles Extra points if you run miles before you show up- Now that's a shiny after thought; Not your average robot Or prototypical tourist! No! A nonconformist and Kimmel can't sing for shit, So he can just hum this verse. (Sorry, I peaked— No homo) Now, I dissect Holiday, I was sure I inspired the Broadway show But who doesn't inspire a rock opera I conspire to conspire, umpire, emperor I studies Agamemnon I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said Go on, go on— So I just cried and stuck in my stomach harder I don't want a SETH MEYERS I don't want a tuna sandwich! Just–take the tuna sandwich. Yeah, buddy! SETH I DON'T WANT A TUNA SANDWHICH DO I LOOK LIKE EAT TUNA TO YOU? Um. JIMMY 1 Woah, I sense hostility We can't see you— CRAIG FERGUSON And we don't know who you are, anyway. COLBERT Apparently “someone we know” JIM 1 Tsh. JIM 2 Psh. SETH ITS HOT IN THIS BOX. Ooh, hotbox. That sounds like a plan. Dispensary delivery? The move. SETH YO, Dissection numero dos; I think I know how to make those sounds I think I have that reverb I need herb Or probably a new location With no probes It's only temporary The peloton office But I want a home Me and my family aren't from here Oh, look, more purple — we just show up to rock And then go somewhere farther MEANWHILE… Forgive me father for I have— No. What? No. No. What— why? Just— no. Not you. Not today. But—I have sinned! Of course you have! But father— No. What—? Keep it to yourself. But. Excuse me. {Enter The Multiverse) —- What super hero are you supposed to be? “Malox Max”?! Hehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER No! Hehehehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER I'm— I'm “The Cosmic Avenger”! What are you avenging?! Montezuma's Revenge?! THE COSMIC AVENGER No— unjust—unjustice—ness. [hysterical laughter ensues] Somewhere in this world lies our story Still true, I'm unsure what it is— But the thing is, I'm sure this the one Of the fables I'm sure this the one of the songs Of the psalms Of the storied palms This is the one of the cards This sir KIMMEL! KIMMEL! KIMMEL! I'm sorry. I don't know who you are. ITS ME. JIMMY. I'm Jimmy. I KNOW YOU'RE— You're not Jimmy, I'm JIMMY. WHAT THE SNARF! What's that? I can't hear you. The tarot said to go against the grain; I was told not to write this tale, but here I am And suddenly the King has a tail, Compliments of T-Mobile, But as did the first one, The first King, of Dogblood Of first strikes And first tears And first scars, Was no king, But everything has meaning The cherishire has eyed me The spider has bitten And then, Envisionment minted I should switch to mint mobile, but knowing There's no real difference— Their all old t-mobile tower; But service with a Billionaire smile Of Blake Lively and False Idols. I don't care, I guess My mind has eyes like sun But my heart has darkness The absolutely most beautiful sunsets have Wonders on drums And numbers to call The best of cocaine on the sidewalk Was sidetracked The best of New York was Los Angeles, And vice versa I hope you took protocol into order I hope you too profound effect and affinity In profanity There's no more Infinite Fallon It Found a call To programming Wall to wall To wall of shame On Walmart Better activate that trial Before it's all gone 13 days and counting And A million ways to die in the west. SETH MCFARLENE look at me. Ah, what the fuck dog. SETH MCFARLENE Oh, so you can hear me! You fuckin schizo! I'm not a schizo I'm in the Illuminati. SETH MCFARLINE The what? The what? SETH MCFARLENE what's the password. this isn't happening right now. SETH MCFARLENE That is correct. See you on the other side, you batshit crazy SonOfABitch. What. *poof* I told you I could make you say my name. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

I had plenty of moving boxes, just in case of whatever. I didn't feel like I was home–perhaps this was the cause of the depressive mess. I was working out okay, and eating…okay… kind of. –besides being unable to actually tell if I was hungry or not unless the circumstances were extreme. Lentils and pasta with garlic salt–cause I don't give any kind of fuck right now. I knew something might be wrong when I was just eating raw cabbage with squirts of japanese barbeque sauce. I'm enjoying myself thoroughly, but thinking– “God, this just seems…this just feels wrong.” It's just cabbage. I'm like, “Fuck it, this is good.” It was as if somewhere in my mind if I cleaned up the mess to my standards, it would be too perfect–and that when things were perfect, it gave life an excuse to come crashing down. One of the last thoughts I had just before my son died–the night before–was that things were perfect. They weren't–obviously–but from where I had been, they were looking up. So far up, that they seemed perfect. And as for perfect was concerned…I had never seen a more perfect human being in my life. My son was gorgeous. Of course, most mothers feel that way about their offspring, even when to say the least, it isn't entirely true–but to a mother, this is always true. But this boy, everyone thought was absolutely perfect. A beautiful boy. He might have even been about 6 feet tall. Might have been. But if things were perfect, and they weren't–but I had at least let myself think so–the universe might have worked itself around this tragedy. Instead in my mind, things were perfect, and so life came crashing down. I thought things were perfect, the next day, my son drowned. By the grace of God, I still had one son left. He was also perfect. Now, apparently, [redacted] Well, what do you expect? Maybe I was a little crazy. I very rarely thought about my son, because if I spent time doing that, I might have been a wreck. –more of a wreck. Actually, I was increasingly put together–outstanding considering the previous circumstances. But everyone has a story. None of this makes me special– Especially in New York City, where almost everyone thinks they're special, and almost nobody is. Almost Nobody. And that might as well have been my name. I wasn't nobody– I was Almost Nobody. An honest nobility. But– And I might have looked through Will Ferrell on any other day, because like most big time movie stars, he was invisible to me. Once you're ‘this many' famous, it's almost like a reversal effect on my psyche. I don't hate you. I don't like you. You're just–too famous. I.e.--invisible. –Besides this, however, was the fact that I was peeling my eyelids back with toothpicks from having them shut before what I considered as a full “work day” was over. And on this day, in the documentary that I considered as “work…” Actually, very hard work– Very hard work– He happened to have been wearing a shirt that reminded me of the shirt my son was wearing in one of the last ever photos I took of him. —actually, both of them were wearing that shirt. We were all dressed alike. Family pictures. Matching outfits. You know–the kind of shit you do when you're happily married– Or unhappily, but still married with children and making the best of it because you're married with children That sort of shit. And that day was probably the very best day because I took the very best pictures of the very best boys– But of course, I didn't remember anything about that day besides taking those pictures. So there, in my mind, it stood. Now, what does this have to do with Will Ferrell's shirt? Almost nothing, besides making a point of sense memory. Anyway, isn't it obvious? {Enter The Multiverse} When something invisible becomes suddenly visible, you have no choice but to look at it as some sort of miracle. An act of God. What kind of miracle was this? I didn't know. The Complex Collective © Sure, let's just chalk up all this uncontrollable crying and depressive nonsense to that. Under the circumstances–to chalk it up to anything else? [The Festival Project ™ ] [A MAN exits THE STUDIO in the shadow of night.] V.O. That could be devastating. L E G E N D S – The Return of S U P A[Redacted]™ [A MAN is tied to a chair in a dark and murky chamber; a spotlight shines onto him from above; the cheesecloth Lol cheesecloth how fitting. Classic. –is removed from his mouth. Naturally, he immediately begins speaking.] Why–am I sitting here– In–a fuckin'--suit?! That's your work uniform! What the fuck! You don't like it? What the– Haha. [his arms are taped tightly to the armrest] What–NO–i don't like it. Well then, you don't know who you are. [The man pauses, as a blank look falls over his face–suddenly this seems true, as if his mind been completely erased. As if–he's just realized–he bears absolutely no identity.] Holy shit. Jeezus. That is terrifying. INT. STAIRWELL. NIGHT [The sound of the thunderous stormy rain batters the house almost hauntingly–the television sets all bear a static loss of signal–young STEPHEN runs in a panic up the stairs to the GALLEY, where his UNCLE JACK is often found] UNCLE JACK! UNCLE JACK! I buy things with pennies not worth picking up– I live in a dumpster made of don't-wants. Over a period of time it slowly began to occur to me that I had no idea what I had written–that is, what had been published, or who had read it. It was certain: someone had. However… to what limit was this exposure. And–was it dangerous? Fuck. I knew nothing entirely of the redactions, except that I'd redacted it. But what about the text surrounding the redactions. What the fuck exactly did I write about? I forgot how high I was–or where i'd been. Not literally high, of course, but….figuratively speaking. Fuck. Hurry, hurry along, It's been a long time I can't help you along, Die alone, ride along It's been a long time… See, I told you the Upper West Side was the best side. maybe it's just the least not-great side. ehh , tomato-potato. For the crust, try flax seed meal cinnamon agave Oil What time is it on the West Coast? The ghost of Conan arrived Under a blanket of blue light, and sighed “I've been wasting my time here” I had to disagree, kind of. What time is it here? I'm locked in for one more day; I'm locked in for one more hour I'm wasting valuable dark time with my life shit But I'm so tired my eyes are burning And I'm so sore My arms are stuck. I should run for the coffee; Or turn for the cornbread They're all getting sick of us They're all getting sicker I decided to pack my life up And hault all of it over I woke up sore But I wrote a song On a four leaf clover It was four in the morning The ghost of Conan Won me over It was four in the morning I'm locked in for one more hour It was four in the morning An hour ahead A four leaf clover It was four in the morning I needed a water It's one more hour A four leaf clover The ghost of Conan I start recording To cut the corner Conan O'Brien It's one in the morning— You're one hundred years old; You ought to be sleeping. … It's midnight. I live in Hollywood. And i'm a vampire. Ah. Sweet dreams. // Happy Trails. L E G E N D S Shapeshifting is simple— not the process or practice of changing one's form, but simply shifting one's consciousness into another vessel either partially, or entirely. But— Just because it's simple, doesn't mean it's also easy. {Enter The Multiverse} Often times in matters of consciousness, anything is dangerous. I did have strange dreams—so, as to say instructed by ‘the ghost of Conan O'Brien', I was decent at following directions, being as his tone might have been dauntingly sarcastic, or sardonic—but I kept forgetting to look up what the latter meant, and so it was with heavy sarcasm after I awoke to transcribe whatever frequency waves I was being blugeoned with under the pure blue light of my otherwise darkened studio—as blue light always seem merciless to whatever was lurking in the corners of my deep subconscious, I wasn't altogether too suprised that this time it was Conan “Snowball” O'Brien, because I had been so recently impressed with his Oscar's performance—and before that, English tends with the type of comedy that had given him the nickname I had chosen for him—or codename, because, by now, the hosts had come one by one with a point to make and a line to put across, and though it had been at some kind of increased trajectory since He who might should probably not be named for fear the sudden and highly publicized combustion of the then currently raining Tonight show host— it was as if it had been raining everymans in blue suits and shined loafers for the inside of a year, however, it had indeed kind of presently enough started with my co-worker “Kimmel”, who was fascinated with the kind of Television that breeds a familiarity with these kinds of people— and Jay Leno was also sort of like some sort of fairy that just kind of occurred randomly at times, living back in LA. I was sure it had been Jay Leno in LA traffic in some kind of a classic car— only later to find that he indeed was a collector and enthusiast of cars and motorcycles, and I tried not to hold the later against him. My dreams had been odd at best and filled with people I very rarely thought about— the man in Los Angeles I once lived with who I was sure was a [redacted[, and also just happened to look the way Will Ferrell would age to eventually look. This, I found fascinating. Will Ferrell didn't look like that at the time, But he did now— and even his style of comedy was growing on me, because I didn't find myself capable of it. What kind of comedy was I capable of? Right now, the invisible kind. After a heavy breakfast, I had finally realized why ‘Tears of A Clown' was incomplete— Apparently I had to include all of my performances—- This would make the album hard to listen to, at least for me. But the concept was the concept. I had already hidden other comics amongst the tracks and probably without too much trouble— from recordings I had taken myself and were impossible to find elsewhere. This side project was beginning to be a whole album project, and [rarity] was still just not even something I moderately even wanted to consider doing, however— ‘story.' had somehow come to the top of the page where my masters were kept, and it reminded me that perhaps I was in the same kind of pressure position now that I was then— and that in order for things to change— to get a new apartment or to visit with my son- I would have to medicate in order to write the kind of music i wasn't writing; the anxiety had finally collided with impatience, and lack of focus, and all the classic symptoms of ADHD's spiraling depression, but I was still glad I hadn't become dependent on the girl next door for her adderall prescription. I wasn't gonna be her little bitch. Especially not in that way. It seemed a pattern amongst these people to create a need and dependency in order to gain power and control— and thusly, the dynamic had lost my trust and respect, and so I was just kind of… around— out there, and not caring really what it was or what it all meant. I had woken up to immediate breakfast still early but late for me— a day off of the gym is what my muscles cried and ached for, and even the scrambled tofu rice breakfast like my dad used to make with tofu instead of scrambled eggs wasn't all the way satisfying or complete without the chocolate and banana malt shake— now I shouldn't be hungry, but it wasn't hunger that was doing me in— I almost refused coffee because I wanted to go back to sleep. I had slept early enough that it shouldn't have been an issue, but I was exhausted. Come on, you defunct dinosaur motherfucker! 97! A baby! The reptilian hides his true identity in order to conform. [The Festival Peoject ™ Presents] Will Ferrell In “The Guru” Wait, I Gotta go write this other thing. Wow, Tina Fey looks great. Worth the new email address? It was already said and done. I could eat this fucking documentary for lunch. –yesss. Stephen Colbert had the middle name of an equally middle aged black man. But this was besides the point. I was already 30-and-a-half-seconds exactly into scooping up a new email addressed when I realized– Oh no. Emergency brakes initiated. If this is a documentary about Saturday Night Live– And its on Peacock– (And it's on Peacock) –then there's a pretty good chance– –and Tina Fey's in it. -she looks incredible. Jesus! –then. Fuck. Dammit. There's a slight chance [redacted] might just–not–be in it. Might not be. Hm Well, let's see. Worth the risk? Worth a shot. To the face (or of Tequila) I hate Tequila. It's not for you. It's not– Give me that. Goddammit. Fu–darnint. Goddamit I had avoided Jimmy Fallon's face for like a year straight at least– Call it two if you count the moment exactly from the Thanksgiving Macy's Day Parade, that one year. THE COSMIC AVENGER SUPRISE. NO. GODDAMMIT. Does it matter that the word “surprise” here is spelled wrong? No. It's almost like–it should be. THE COSMIC AVENGER FANGIRLS! That's worse than fiddlesticks! Worth mentioning that. Really. All from an ad? Two ads, i caught a snippet of the Booking.com commercial Apparently, you did this. STEPHEN COLBERT YOu did THIS. Shut up, not now Tyrone. So he's just He's Tyrone now. Obviously. Look. No Look at –0 Noh. [A group of surfers sit huddled beyond the break.] Oh. No swell. So…so flat. Nah…There's a wave coming. Just wait for it. This is pathetic, man. No, there's something. I can feel it. It's like a fishbowl man. Nada. Just–wait, sharkbait! Forget it, I'm going home. [two surfers paddle away reluctantly] MEANWHILE A storm spotted just off the coast of Los angeles california may bring the entire western coast Tsunami-like waves. [read: Tsunami] [the bottom of the screen is issuing an emergency evacuation silently over b-roll of the red carpet] But first WHAT THIS UP AND COMING STARLET WORE TO THE MET GALA Lol Classic {As Seen On TV} [Enter The Multiverse} I had developed quite the fascination with Saturday Night Live; Not because of Jimmy Fallon, of course, who arguably ruined the show by creating the trend of breaking character On camera With his world-class smile, and entourage plethora of adoring female fans. Stay away from him Not a problem. He's venomous. Alright. Noted. Liz, I have some documents for you to sign. Documents. What documents. *squints really hard* I'll be right back. First of all, Lets just get one thing straight: I am not a fangirl of, Nor am I obsessed with[redacted} Right. Ok. And in case you need closure, here's what I am obsessed with, here. [the 34,000 multidimensional and extraterrestrial life forces which use [The Host of The Tonight Show] as a portal and/or vessel.] OH. WOW. THAT'S– Yeah. WOW. How–is that a regular blacklight? Does it look like a regular blacklight? Nothing is regular about this. Jesus effing.. God! Yeah. Wow. YEAH. You don't want me to shine a real blacklight on this guy– Trust me. OK? Gross. HOST1 I don't know what you're insinuating. [squints really super extra hard] Nothing. L E G E N D S So…worth it? Worth it…Tina Fey…worth it. Alright. I win this one. Win what? Are you playing this dumb game too? The prize winnings are sustaining my lifestyle. [Tina Fey eating corn chips sustaining her lifestyle.] Luxe. Isn't it? It was like staring into the sun. [The Festival Project ™ ] Lil bitz Man, I use my googles sparingly. I really do. If I google something that's kind of iffy– even in incognito, Or with a VPN I hurry up and erase my history. I erase everything Shit. I erase my history faster than the white power movement. I'm serious. I erase my history harder and faster than a white supremasist. “that's in your mind!” What's in my mind? Nothing happened here! THOSE DAYS ARE OVER. Why is this all in one document? idk i just kinda suddenly noticed how NBC is so left learning it's almost too forcibly progressive. Look, this is all just–too much for me! Okay? Too much for you?! Oh please! If anybody asks me anything, I'm going to admit it! Admit what?! You don't do that! You don't admit anything! Admit what?! Exactly! Jesus Christ. It's all good in practice, but when it comes down to it, i'll break. Don't let them break you! I'll break. Listen to me. I'm being violated. Listen to me. This is offensive! Shut the fuck up. I can't believe you said that! What did I say?! [doe eyes] You know what. Fine. Fuck it. [super wide eyed blank stare] You're right. If anyone comes for you, just–run, goddammit. What. Run at em, for christs sakes. You gargantuan motherfucker. I'm–not that tall. I meant your ego. 0.0 This is a calamity. I'm astonished you think that. Listen, Larry. Larry. Right. When we're finished playing Atari, I gotta have a real heart-to-heart with you. Heart to heart what? [Ron produces a bleeding, beating human heart, seemingly out of nowhere; ‘LARRY' jumps back and stutters in shock and confusion] –WOAH. [RON emotionlessly presses a combination into the controller.] Oh look. I win. I–WHAT?! You dropped your controller. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? Special combination: it's not a cheat code. People say it's a cheat code. THAT'S A HUMAN HEART. YOU'RE A MURDERER. I'm not a murderer; it's still beating, look: That's–[crazy]--That's–put that back. That's what I need your help for. My help what?! With that?! Don't be a sore loser. [IMMORTAL COMBAT] What?! “Heart To Heart” Tall tales, and heads, then tails again Trails and tears and trails of blood lead on thy stool Thy path as wilted flower waits And blue eyed gaze barely, Hold tongues and does shatter glass hearts and bare minds, And bare breasts And peach flesh, And Bare bones And blank stares and Fair is fair the frier the fire The goal the goal And the eye is the eye And the eye is golden I like fair shadows {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

This week on Drama School Dropout I am joined by the amazing, Irene White! We chat about Superstore, Irene's favourite moment on Superstore,  TV piracy, filming at the height of the pandemic, the Los Angeles fires, 7-eleven pizza, not waiting for someone else to give us opportunities, self producing, not trusting your classmates,  moving to Chicago and taking classes at Second City, dropping out of Drama School, classmates getting naked for assignments, The Naked Neds, checking your body for lumps, nudity on stage, working with animals, method acting as Jesus with hilarious consequences, Tina Fey, Carol being written especially for Irene, the tornado episode, knocking down sound stages to expand theme parks,  performing stunts, souvenirs from the show, dramas revolving around the pandemic, reviving cancelled TV shows, our most embarrassing moments on stage and working with Matthew Perry on Friends. Submit your story for Stage Right or Stage Shite: https://forms.gle/1p296t4Uu1F1XVvN9Host: Ingram NobleGuest: Irene WhiteProducers: Heather Spiden & Ingram NobleLinks:Ingram's Instagram: @ingramnobleIrene's Instagram: @theirenewhiteGET YOUR TICKETS FOR THE NAKED NEDS: www.thenakedneds.comPatreon: www.patreon.com/dramaschooldropout

Life gets messy when we're caught between reacting and responding, especially when faced with challenging people. In the absence of their Producer Sara (who's off enjoying South African villas), Kat dives into the world of podcast editing—complete with an impromptu meditation backed by Heart's rock anthem "I Didn't Want to Need You." This lighthearted start quickly evolves into a vulnerable exploration of how we handle difficult conversations.Ever had to deal with someone whose ego is completely wrapped up in metrics and success? Kat and Moose unpack the delicate art of supporting creative people through their ups and downs without becoming the target of blame when things inevitably fluctuate. They share personal strategies for maintaining composure, including Kat's approach of viewing difficult adults as children having tantrums: "You're just throwing a fit right now. I'm going to let you finish your fit, you'll be exhausted, and then you'll fall asleep."The conversation takes a fascinating turn when they connect physical experiences to emotional processing. Kat describes how a simple sneeze released pent-up negative energy, which Moose brilliantly ties to Chinese medicine concepts about seasonal transitions and the body's natural ability to "let come and let go." This leads to revelations about neuroplasticity and how our brains create pathways for coping mechanisms that remain available even after we've moved on—"It's not like the pathway gets erased."Between profound insights, the hosts share hilarious stories about flipping off Teslas, Amy Poehler's perfect response to being called "the poor man's Tina Fey," and mysterious childhood memories of abandoned buildings. These raw, unfiltered moments remind us we're all just humans trying to navigate life's complexities, sometimes as our adult selves and sometimes as the six-year-olds inside us who decided long ago they needed to take charge.Listen now to find your own balance between reacting and responding as we explore the quirks of being human together.Support the showFollow us on Instagram and Facebook! Support the show!

Mean Girls, directed by Mark Waters and written by Tina Fey, is a cult classic teen comedy based on Rosalind Wiseman's book Queen Bees and Wannabes. The film humorously yet accurately portrays the harsh realities of high school social dynamics, focusing on cliques, peer pressure, and the impact of popularity on self-identity. The story follows Cady Heron, a homeschooled girl navigating the cutthroat social hierarchy of public high school life after moving from Africa. As she infiltrates "The Plastics," the school's most popular clique, Cady faces a moral dilemma that tests her values, self-image, and relationships. Though often comedic, the movie sheds light on serious issues like bullying, conformity, and the challenges of adolescence. In this episode, Kevin Stoller, Nancy Shapiro Rapport, and Steven Shapiro discuss the movie through the lens of parenting and education. They explore the challenges faced by kids and parents in today's society, particularly focusing on the mental health crisis and the breakdown of family structures. The conversation delves into character analyses, the impact of school environments, and the importance of emotional health in raising children.   Takeaways: Consistent, intentional conversations about values and behavior are essential for raising resilient, emotionally healthy children. Small, deliberate actions can lead to significant, long-term results. A strong family culture, built on open communication and shared values, can help children navigate social pressures and define their identity. Parents need to engage in ongoing discussions about kindness, respect, and self-worth. Technology has fundamentally changed how teens communicate and form relationships. Setting boundaries around device use and fostering in-person connections can help counteract the isolating effects of screen time. Adolescence is a time of self-discovery, and social interactions can be intense and confusing. Understanding the pressures teens face helps parents provide better support. Schools can support parents by reinforcing positive behaviors and values, while communities can provide a support network for parents navigating the challenges of raising children. Comedy can be an effective way to connect with teens, understand their world, and initiate meaningful conversations. Movies like Mean Girls use humor to highlight real issues in adolescence.     About Steven Shapiro: Steven Shapiro is a veteran school reimaginer, with over 30 years of K-12 classroom teaching experience, 15 concurrent years as a high school humanities program director, and four years as a district leader of experiential learning. Steven is the host of the acclaimed podcast Experience Matters. He delivers keynote presentations on topics including supporting parents in the digital age, addressing the youth mental health crisis, and designing authentic learning experiences. Steven and his wife Susan are the proud parents of three adult children.   About Nancy Shapiro Rapport: Nancy spent the majority of her 34-year public-education career as a school counselor, supporting students and parents in navigating the challenging “middle years.” Her leadership roles in professional development and crisis management showcased her ability to identify needs, empathize with various stakeholders, and deliver results. As a certified Hudson Institute coach, Nancy has extensive training in coaching and human development. She has taught courses on learner mindset and question thinking, helping adults pursue a life of curiosity, inquiry, and possibility. Nancy brings a wealth of experience in both child and adult learning to her role as co-founder of Our Family Culture. Most importantly, she is the proud parent of two adult children, Emily and Jacob.     Learn More About Our Family Culture: Website: https://ourfamilyculture.org/     Connect with Steven Shapiro: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/steve-shapiro-experience-matters/   Connect with Nancy Shapiro Rapport: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nancysrapport/   Connect with host, Kevin Stoller: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevinstoller/     Episode 226 of the Better Learning Podcast Kevin Stoller is the host of the Better Learning Podcast and Co-Founder of Kay-Twelve, a national leader for educational furniture. Learn more about creating better learning environments at www.Kay-Twelve.com.     For more information on our partners: Association for Learning Environments (A4LE) - https://www.a4le.org/ Education Leaders' Organization - https://www.ed-leaders.org/ Second Class Foundation - https://secondclassfoundation.org/ EDmarket - https://www.edmarket.org/ Catapult @ Penn GSE - https://catapult.gse.upenn.edu/ Want to be a Guest Speaker? Request on our website

Send us a textKerstin grew up in Germany and moved to Los Angeles after Theater Training and a Degree in Business. She is known for her ability with comedy/improv and for her unique Voice. You've seen Kerstin's work in HBO's Righteous Gemstones, a commercial with Tina Fey, even opposite of Will Arnett and other great performers such as Dave Schwimmer, Amy Schumer, Anthony Anderson, and Kathy Bates. We cover a lot of ground. She has a great fitness business as PartyandDiet.com.Support the show

Today, we're doing things a little different here on Gratitudeology... we've done an "episode swap" with our pals over at the Campside Media crew and will be bringing you an episode of the show they produce in partnership with Sony, called Infamous. I'm personally a huge fan of the show, and this particular episode is a fun one that may just reframe the way you think about high school...You probably know Tina Fey's iconic camp masterpiece, Mean Girls—but do you know the real-life story behind the screenplay? In this episode, Vanessa and Natalie talk to Zoe Nightingale, the original Regina George, about high school. They also talk to Zoe's sister, Rosalind Wiseman, a sociologist who wrote Queen Bees and Wannabees, the deeply-researched sociological tome that inspired the movie.Follow Infamous on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infamous/id1652941051Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

"Mean Girls" is just part of her comedic resume. Analysis from what makes her great from Neal Justin of The Star Tribune! Photo: Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images

We present our Mean Girls (2024)/Waitress the Musical (2023, MAX)/Legally Blonde The Musical (2007) review!Mean Girls is a 2024 American teen musical comedy film directed by Samantha Jayne and Arturo Perez Jr. from a screenplay written by Tina Fey. It is based on the stage musical of the same name, which in turn was based on the 2004 film (both also written by Fey), itself inspired by Rosalind Wiseman's 2002 book Queen Bees and Wannabes. It stars Angourie Rice, Reneé Rapp, Auliʻi Cravalho, and Christopher Briney. Fey and Tim Meadows reprise their roles from the original film.Mean Girls premiered at the AMC Lincoln Square in New York City on January 8, 2024, and was released in the United States by Paramount Pictures on January 12. The film grossed over $104 million worldwide on a $36 million budget and received mixed reviews.Waitress (also known by its promotional title Waitress: The Musical) is a 2023 American musical comedy drama film consisting of a live stage recording of Sara Bareilles and Jessie Nelson's 2015 musical based on the 2007 film by Adrienne Shelly.It premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival on June 12, 2023 and was theatrically released in the United States on December 7, 2023 by Bleecker Street in collaboration with Fathom Events. It received positive reviews from critics.Legally Blonde is a 2007 musical with music and lyrics by Laurence O'Keefe and Nell Benjamin and a book by Heather Hach. It is based on the novel Legally Blonde by Amanda Brown and the 2001 film of the same name.The musical was recorded in September 2007 and aired on MTV in October 2007. Following this, a reality television program aired showing the audition process for the next person to play Elle Woods on Broadway. The winner was Bailey Hanks, who played the role from July 23, 2008, until the production closed on October 19, 2008.Disclaimer: The following may contain offensive language, adult humor, and/or content that some viewers may find offensive – The views and opinions expressed by any one speaker does not explicitly or necessarily reflect or represent those of Mark Radulich or W2M Network.Mark Radulich and his wacky podcast on all the things:https://linktr.ee/markkind76alsohttps://www.teepublic.com/user/radulich-in-broadcasting-networkFB Messenger: Mark Radulich LCSWTiktok: @markradulichtwitter: @MarkRadulichInstagram: markkind76RIBN Album Playlist: https://suno.com/playlist/91d704c9-d1ea-45a0-9ffe-5069497bad59

This week on Page 7, Jackie and MJ are joined by LPN's very own political papa Travis Irvine! MJ asks Travis how he deals with the politics right now and not wanting to die, and Travis reveals his secrets! Stanley Tucci got asked by delish if he could only dine at one chain restaurant for the rest of his life and he said "I'd rather not" cause he hates 'em all. Tina Fey was a guest on Amy Poehler's podcast and brought up how much it bothers her when rich people have side hustles that are just cash grabs and erryone is talkin' bout it. A dying man got his wish to be buried in a Snickers inspired coffin that say's "I'M NUTS" on the side, and Jackie learns of a startling new study on hot dogs. A List full of weird fears, the Blinds, AND GET YA CRUNCH ON WITH JACKIES SNACKIES! Plus so much more! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

Im “SJ Weekly” besprechen wir wöchentlich News aus dem Serien- und Filmbereich, die Euch und uns besonders interessieren. Diesmal geht es beispielsweise um ein Event zu fünf Jahren Disney+ und den baldigen Serienstart von “Call My Agent Berlin”. Aber auch die neuen Abo-Modelle von Paramount+ wollen wir nicht unerwähnt lassen. Dazu gibt es Neuigkeiten von einem “The Big Bang Theory”-Spin-off namens “Stuart Fails to Save the Universe”, dem Erfolg von “Adolescence” bei Netflix, einer geplanten Videospielumsetzung, Casting zum nächsten “Prison Break” und vielleicht eine Netflix-Alternative zu “The White Lotus” von Tina Fey. Im Review-Bereich geht es um “The Residence”, “The Studio”, “Side Quest” und “Happy Face”. Natürlich verraten wir auch, was demnächst in Deutschland startet. Also ganz viel Spaß beim Reinhören und Entdecken! Timestamps:News0:00:00 Adam auf dem Disney Event0:10:00 Paramount+ führt neue Preisstrukturen ein0:14:00 Big Bang Spin-off - erste Bilder0:16:30 Adolescence, White Lotus bei Netflix? 0:21:00 Split Fiction Film, Severance S3, Prison Break RebootReviews 0:26:00 Resident, Happy Face0:34:00 The Studio, Side Quest0:41:00 Neustarts der WocheHanna Twitter/ X: https://twitter.com/HannaHuge Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/mediawhore.bsky.social Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mediawhore Adam: Twitter/ X: https://twitter.com/AwesomeArndt Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/awesomearndt/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@AwesomeArndt Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

#MichelleObama gets real about why she didn't want a third child! Plus, #SummerWalker's boyfriend, Rico Recklezz, proves just how far he'd go for her!

Hey Lifers! It's Laura's birthday!!! She had a beautiful message from the most special two girls (definitely her kids and not Britt and Keeshia)! There are revelations about our years on this Earth and we want to wish our happiest birthday the most wonderful human we know! Laura's home has had a visit from the dummy fairy and we've all entered a new chapter! Britt has found herself in some hot water with the law which has led to a lot of surrendering and the need for a screw driver. Who is truly at 'fault' is still up for debate! Hilaria Baldwin and Alec Baldwin had an awkward exchange on the red carpet. They've gone on to joke about this being 'manturrupting' 'correctile dysfunction'. How do you feel about celebrities owning businesses and adding to their already existing wealth? Tina Fey recently sparked debate by criticising the trend of ultra-wealthy people launching their own businesses, particularly in industries where they lack expertise in industries like skincare, fashion, wellness, or alcohol.We share our thoughts and where we think the line is! You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Outlouders, we're here to bust some very important fake pyramid news. Welcome to the anatomy of a conspiracy. Plus, the 80-20 theory that everyone’s madly googling after the TV phenomenon that is Adolescence. And, one of the stars of The White Lotus wants you to stop asking about his penis, please. Support independent women's media Get your tickets to the Mamamia Out Loud Live 2025 All or Nothing Tour Presented By Nivea Cellular Register for the free Today at Apple event where Amelia Lester will host a conversation with Mia Freedman, Jessie Stephens and Holly Wainwright about 10 years of podcasting success on Mamamia Out Loud. What To Listen To Next: Listen to our latest episode: Open Marriages & The New Kind Of Divorce Listen: The White Lotus Recap – The Kiss & An Astonishing Scene Listen: The 7 Controversies Of This Year's Biggest Movie Listen: The Three Questions You Should Ask On A First Date Listen: The Response To Hugh Van Cuylenburg's Open Letter Listen: Mel Robbins Knows Exactly What's Wrong with You Listen: The White Lotus — 5 Theories & A Dong Watch Listen: The (No Spoiler) Severance Conversation We’ve Been Waiting To Have Connect your subscription to Apple Podcasts The End Bits: Sign up to the Mamamia Out Loud Newsletter to get your fix of the week's best things to read, watch and listen to pulled from right across the internet. What To Read: Read: Every question you have about about Netflix's 'Adolescence', answered. Read: The disturbing '80/20 theory' featured in Netflix's Adolescence, explained. Read: 'As a mum of teen boys, Adolescence was a sobering watch.' Read: The tragic true story that inspired Netflix's Adolescence. Read: The heartbreaking final scene of Netflix's Adolescence, explained. Read: Mike White came second on Survivor. He used what he learnt to create The White Lotus. Read: A star on The White Lotus has just shot down the show's wildest theory. Read: The 4 types of men you'll find in every season of The White Lotus. GET IN TOUCH: Feedback? We’re listening. Send us an email at outloud@mamamia.com.au Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message Join our Facebook group Mamamia Outlouders to talk about the show. Follow us on Instagram @mamamiaoutloud CREDITS: Hosts: Holly Wainwright, Amelia Lester & Mia Freedman Group Executive Producer: Ruth Devine Executive Producer: Emeline Gazilas Audio Producer: Leah Porges Video Producer: Josh Green Junior Content Producers: Coco Lavigne & Tessa Kotowicz Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.Become a Mamamia subscriber: https://www.mamamia.com.au/subscribeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

JonasCon weekend is here! (00:00-22:40). Pete Davidson is dating model Elsie Hewitt (24:03-28:24).Ellen Pompeo speaks on ‘Grey's Anatomy' pay disparity with Patrick Dempsey (28:25-35:59). Tina Fey is sick of celebrity side hustles (36:00-43:00). Hilaria Baldwin snaps at Alec Baldwin on red carpet (44:04-51:02). Beat Ria & Fran game 166 with Olivia & Charlotte (52:39-1:16:06). CITO LINKS > barstool.link/chicks-in-the-office.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/chicks-in-the-office

And it's all about the hustle baby. If you're already rich, why would you possibly need a side hustle? Shouldn't you be all about relaxing and taking it easy? Plus, we've got a very special announcement for next week!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome back to The Viall Files: Reality Recap!  Today we're ecstatic to be joined by the cutest couple in the world Melanie Lynskey and Jason Ritter to get into parenting, RHOBH, how incredible New Zealand Traitors is, and more! Plus, Ari Shaffir stops by to talk about his new special, takes on Sex and The City, and working in a cemetery. Meanwhile, we get into Tina Fey being anti rich person side hustles, Kylie Jenner's latex school drop off fit, the Baldwins, the demise of Forever 21, and more! You will not want to miss…  “I'm the nicest guy in America. Everyone hates me.” Subscribe to The ENVY Media Newsletter Today: https://www.viallfiles.com/newsletter  OUT NOW! Listen to Humble Brag with Cynthia Bailey and Crystal Kung Minkoff. Available wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/@humblebragpod https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/humble-brag-with-crystal-and-cynthia/id1774286896 Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/  Please make sure to subscribe so you don't miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. Follow us on X/Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheViallFiles Listen To Disrespectfully now! Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301 Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0J6DW1KeDX6SpoVEuQpl7z?si=c35995a56b8d4038 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCh8MqSsiGkfJcWhkan0D0w To Order Nick's Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com  If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on this podcast please email: ad-sales@libsyn.com or go to: https://advertising.libsyn.com/theviallfiles     THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Quip - Free your mouth today and save 20% sitewide, plus a FREE travel case and countertop stand at https://getquip.com/nick   Quince- Indulge in affordable luxury. Go to https://quince.com/viall for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. IQ Bar - IQBAR is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off all IQBAR products, plus get FREE shipping. Just text FILES to sixty-four thousand. DraftKings - Sign up with code VIALLFILES and wager a minimum of five dollars to receive FIVE HUNDRED CASINO SPINS ON A FEATURED GAME. Cymbiotika - Cymbiotika- wellness, made simple. Go to https://cymbiotika.com/viall for 20% off and Free Shipping. Beekeeper's Naturals - Today, Beekeeper's Naturals is offering you an exclusive offer. Go to https://beekeepersnaturals.com/viall or enter code VIALL to get 20%off your order.   Timestamps: (00:00) - Intro (07:38) - Household Headlines (24:32) - Welcome Melanie and Jason (31:07) - Bachelor and Traitors (40:45) - RHOBH (53:08) - Temptation Island (01:06:54) - Your Shows (01:09:46) - Parenthood (01:20:33) - More Temptation Island (01:30:33) - Fast food Brand Deal (01:32:42) - Ari Joins (02:09:27) - Outro Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @nnataliejjoy @msmelanielynskey @jason_ritter @arishaffir @ciaracrobinson @justinkaphillips @the_mare_bare @leahgsilberstein @dereklanerussell   

In the 8 AM Hour: Larry O’Connor and Julie Gunlock discussed: WMAL GUEST: 8:05 AM - INTERVIEW - KT MCFARLAND - Former Deputy National Security Advisor to President Trump and author of “REVOLUTION" - discussed the latest on Ukraine-Russia and Israel SOCIAL MEDIA: https://twitter.com/realKTMcFarland Trump says Ukraine-Russia talks are ‘on track’ after call with Zelenskyy Israel breaks ceasefire with surprise airstrike, killing more than 400 Palestinians Drag queen shut down at Florida Senate hearing: ‘No time for nonsense’ WMAL GUESTL 8:35 AM - INTERVIEW - DIANA MAYHEW - Executive Director of the National Cherry Blossom Festival - Discussed First Day of Spring and First Day of the National Cherry Blossom Festival WEBSITE: https://nationalcherryblossomfestival.org/ 2025 National Cherry Blossom Festival kicks off Thursday: Here's what's ahead Tracking D.C.’s cherry blossoms to peak bloom: Buds reach second stage Tina Fey Says She Won’t Start a Glasses Line Because She Secretly Judges Celebrities With a ‘Side Hustle’ Where to find more about WMAL's morning show: Follow the Show Podcasts on Apple podcasts, Audible and Spotify. Follow WMAL's "O'Connor and Company" on X: @WMALDC, @LarryOConnor, @Jgunlock, @patricepinkfile, and @heatherhunterdc. Facebook: WMALDC and Larry O'Connor Instagram: WMALDC Show Website: https://www.wmal.com/oconnor-company/ How to listen live weekdays from 5 to 9 AM: https://www.wmal.com/listenlive/ Episode: Thursday, March 20, 2025 / 8 AM Hour See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In part one of Red Eye Radio with Gary McNamara and Eric Harley, Tesla owners are extra vigilant as Musk haters reek havoc on innocent drivers. Also another strange video posted from AOC, audio from Tim Walz on the Gavin Newsome podcast, Tina Fey says no side hustle needed, The View calls out Chuck Shumer, Tim Walz' attempt at masculinity, audio from Chuck Shumer on CBS This Morning, a poll shows younger voters are men and much more. For more talk on the issues that matter to you, listen on radio stations across America Monday-Friday 12am-5am CT (1am-6am ET and 10pm-3am PT), download the RED EYE RADIO SHOW app, asking your smart speaker, or listening at RedEyeRadioShow.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tina Fey doesn't like Celeb Side Hustles, we Love Chet Hanks and the latest on Snow White. Also should you propose at someone else's wedding?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nick takes a deep dive into one of the best seasons of Saturday Night Live ever: Season 26, which aired from October 2000 to May 2001. Fueled by a memorable election and a powerhouse cast, this season delivered sharp comedy and some of the most iconic sketches in SNL history. Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon took over the Weekend Update desk, while veteran cast members like Will Ferrell, Chris Kattan, Tracy Morgan, Molly Shannon, Darrell Hammond, and newcomers like Maya Rudolph and Rachel Dratch kept the laughs coming. You'll hear some of the most unforgettable sketches from this standout season, including the legendary debate sketch featuring "strategery" and "lockbox," and the Jeffrey's Clothing Store sketch with the world's smallest cell phone. Nick also shares behind-the-scenes stories—including the shocking moment when someone actually broke their neck during an episode—and revisits the work of some fantastic hosts, including Christopher Walken, Calista Flockhart, Tom Green, Julia Stiles, and Sean Hayes. Season 26 was a high point for SNL, and this episode brings back all the best moments! [Ep 115]

Tina Fey hates influncers , Sleep and conspiracy

Tina Fey sure does wear the (Bossy)pants. As she navigates the treacherous, male dominated waters of the comedy world, Tina quickly ascends up the ranks at the legendary (and notoriously cutthroat) comedy institution, “Saturday Night Live.” But that's not enough for this self-proclaimed former theater nerd and Sarah Palin lookalike. After reaching a pinnacle that most performers can only dream of, and making history at SNL, she leaves. And follows up her success there with a string of successful TV shows (“30 Rock,” “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”) and movies (“Baby Mama,” “Mean Girls”) that establish her as one of Hollywood's true comedy forces.You can follow Brooke and Aricia on socials at @brookesiffrinn and @ariciaskidmorewilliamss. And check out the brand new Even the Rich merch store at www.eventherich.com.Be the first to know about Wondery's newest podcasts, curated recommendations, and more! Sign up now at https://wondery.fm/wonderynewsletterListen to Even The Rich on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Experience all episodes ad-free and be the first to binge the newest season. Unlock exclusive early access by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App or on Apple Podcasts. Start your free trial today by visiting wondery.com/links/even-the-rich/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Karoshi Casting, Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan Reunite, Evel Knievel BioPic Casting, Vikings: Bloodaxe. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Here are the 4 KEEN ON AMERICA take-aways in our conversation about the dysfunctional American immigration system with Felipe Torres Medina1) Background & Immigration Journey* Felipe Torres Medina is a comic writer for "The Stephen Colbert Show" and author of the new book America Let Me In about the US immigration system* Born in Bogotá, Colombia, Medina moved to the US at 21 on a student visa to pursue a master's in screenwriting at Boston University* Medina received an "alien of extraordinary ability" visa (talent visa for artists) after graduation, and eventually got a green card after marrying2) On the US Immigration System* Medina describes the immigration process as expensive (costing "tens of thousands of dollars" in legal fees) and filled with bureaucratic challenges* He emphasizes that legal immigration requires "tremendous privilege and money" that most people don't have* The book takes an interactive "choose your own path" format to highlight the maze-like nature of the immigration system* He points out that there hasn't been comprehensive immigration reform since the Clinton administration (nearly 30 years ago)3) Comedy as Commentary* Medina uses humor to process his experiences and create community around shared frustrations* He was inspired by writers like Julio Cortazar, George Saunders, Tina Fey, and Carrie Fisher* The book aims to educate Americans who "have so many opinions about immigration" but "don't know what it entails"* He mentions that making the book interactive and game-like adds "levity" to a tense topic4) How to Fix the System* While critical of Trump's immigration policies, Medina says the book isn't specifically about Trump but about a "flawed and messy" system created by multiple administrations* He suggests moving US Citizenship and Immigration Services out of the Department of Homeland Security to change the narrative that immigration is a security threat* His proposed reforms include creating better pathways for educated immigrants and hiring more USCIS staff to reduce backlogs FULL TRANSCRIPT* Andrew Keen: Hello everybody. It is Sunday, March the 9th, 2025. Interesting piece in the times. A couple of days ago, The New York Times, that is about the so-called British flame thrower who is a comic best suited to taking on Trump. They're talking about a man called Kumar. Nish Kumar looks very funny, and apparently he's very angry too. I have to admit, I haven't seen him. It's an interesting subject. It suggests that at the moment, even in spite of Trump and outraging many Americans, the state of American humor could be amped up a bit. My guest today is a writer on The Stephen Colbert Show and a comic, or certainly a comic writer in his own right, Philippe Torres Medina. He has a new book out on Tuesday. It's called America Let Me In, and I'm thrilled that he's joining us from Harlem in Manhattan today. Congratulations, Phillip, on the new job. What do you the new book? I was going to say job. That's a Freudian error here. What do you make of the Times's observation that American humor isn't in its best state when it comes to Trump?Felipe Torres Medina: Oh, wow. That's that's an interesting question. First of all, I love Nish Kumar. I think he's a wonderful, wonderful comedian. He's very funny. He has a level of wit and his observations are just wonderful. I hadn't seen this article, but I really appreciate that the times recognized him because he's been working very hard for a lot of years. I think more than American humor not being fit for the moment. I think at least personally for me, a little bit of addressing Trump again began. And addressing Trump in general is, you know, jokes have to be new. And after basically ten years of Donald Trump every day, all the time, it's certainly hard to continue to find new angles. Now, the dysfunction of the administration and perhaps sometimes the cruelty and whatever they're doing does provide you with material. But I think it can cause you as a writer to be like, oh God, here we go again. More Trump stuff. You know, because that's what we're talking about.Andrew Keen: Do you see your book, Philippe, as a Trump book? America? Let me in. It's about immigration. I mean, obviously touches on in many ways on Trump and certainly his hostility to immigration and immigrants. But is it a Trump book, or is it a broader kind of critique or observation about contemporary America?Felipe Torres Medina: Yeah, I never set out to write a book about Trump or a Trump book. My goal is to write a book about the immigration system, because I went through it, and as a comedian, I encountered in it many contradictions and absurdities that just kind of became fodder to me for comedy. So I try to write this book about the system, but the system was caused by many administrations in many parties, you know, now, the current hostility or the current everythingness of immigration, you know, immigration being kind of in the forefront of the national discourse certainly has been aided by Republican policy in the past ten years and by Donald Trump's rhetoric. But that doesn't mean that this is a book about Trump or as a response to Trump. It's actually a book responding to a system that is flawed and messy, but it's the one we have.Andrew Keen: Yeah. You described the book as a love letter to immigrants, but it's not a love letter to the system. Tell me your story. As you say. You went through it so you have firsthand experience. Where were you born?Felipe Torres Medina: So I was born in Colombia. I was born in Bogota, Colombia, which is the capital of Colombia. I lived there most of my life. I moved to United States when I was 21 on a student visa, because I came here to do my masters. I did my master's in screenwriting at Boston University. And after that, you know, I started working here as a comedian, but also as a writer. And I was able to get an alien of extraordinary ability visa, which is a very pretentiously named visa, kind of makes you sound like you're in the X-Men, but it it's just what they call talent visas for artists, athletes, entrepreneurs, educators, whatever. And so I got one of those and then several renewals of those. And then, you know, thanks to my work as a writer, as a comedian, initially as a copywriter in advertising, I was able to I bought I met the love of my life, got married, and then I have a green card and that's why I'm here.Andrew Keen: Yeah. As and quoting here, it sounds rather funny. An alien of extraordinary ability. Do you think your experience is typical? I mean, the even the fact that you came for grad school to to Boston puts you in a, in a kind of intellectual or professional elite. So is your experience in any way typical, do you think?Felipe Torres Medina: I wouldn't say typical. I would say my experience is the experience of many people who come here. And I think it's the experience of the people who are, quote unquote, the immigrants we want. Right. And, you know, if we're going to dive into the rhetoric of the of immigration these days, I came the right way and did everything, quote unquote, the right way. You know, but what this book and also this journey that I took to immigrate here proves is that it's it's only possible with tremendous amount of privilege and tremendous, tremendous amount of money. You know, it's a very expensive process for the majority of people.Andrew Keen: How much did it cost you?Felipe Torres Medina: Oh, I think in total since I started. I mean, when you count the fact that for most, like master's programs, you don't get any sort of financial aid unless you get, like a scholarship from your own country or a sort of like Fulbright or something like that. There's already the cost of a full master's program.Andrew Keen: But then you weren't coming. I mean, you didn't pay for your master's program in order to get immigration papers, you know.Felipe Torres Medina: Of course, that, but I, I had to pay for my master's program to be able to study here. You know, I didn't have I didn't have my any sort of aid. But, you know, discounting that in terms of immigration paperwork, I've spent tens of thousands of dollars because you have to hire immigration lawyers to make sure that everything's fine. And those are quite expensive.Andrew Keen: Was it worth it?Felipe Torres Medina: Well, yeah. You know, I met the love of my life. I live a.Andrew Keen: Very. I mean, there are lots of loves of. You could have met someone else, and that's true. Or you might have even you might have even met her or him at an airport somewhere else while they were on vacation.Felipe Torres Medina: That's that's possible. But yeah, I mean, I live a I live a good life. I do what I wanted to do, you know, I, I took got my master's because I wanted to write comedy professionally and I get to do that. And I do think when I set out to do this, I was like, well, the place with the best film and television industry in the world is and was then and still is the United States. So I was like, well, I have to go there, you know, and I was able to become a part of this industry and to work in this art form.Andrew Keen: You didn't get any job. You You got the combat job? Yes. I believe you drew the the short straw, right? I bet nobody else was right. Just Stephen Colbert.Felipe Torres Medina: Yeah, I'm very lucky. And but again, it's a mix of luck and hard work and all those things. So yeah, I don't I don't regret moving.Andrew Keen: So some people might be watching this maybe some some MAGA people. I'm not sure if MAGA people really watch this, but if they were they might be thinking, well, Philippe Torres Medina, he's a good example. He's the type of person we want. He jumped through many hoops. He's really smart. He's really successful. He brings value to this country. Is now a full time writer on the Colbert's show he came from it came from Latin America. And he's exactly the kind of person we want. And we want a system that's hard, because only guys like him have the intellectual and financial resources to actually get through it. Well, how would you respond to them?Felipe Torres Medina: I would say that I appreciate the compliment, but I wouldn't necessarily say that that's the best way to move forward on immigration now. I will say this book is a humorous take on the whole immigration journey. And so what? Like I tell different stories of different people coming here made up or inspired by real life. And one of the paths that you can take in this book, because this is kind of an interactive choose your own path book, is mine. But I think what this book tries to prove is that even if you do everything right, even if you, you know, have the money, sometimes it's very, very hard. And that, I think, does put us at a disadvantage when it comes to having a workforce that could be productive for the country, especially as birthrates are declining. You know, we are headed toward a but, you know, people have described as a barrel economy. If we don't simply up the population and the people who are upping the population and actually having children are immigrants.Andrew Keen: One other piece of news today, there's obviously a huge amount of news on the immigration front is apparently there's a freeze on funding to help green card holders. You've been through the process. You write about it in the new book. But how much more difficult is it now?Felipe Torres Medina: You mean under the current administration? Yeah. I wouldn't know. I you know, I think that.Andrew Keen: This idea of even freezing green card. Yeah. That holidays, even if you have a green card, you get frozen.Felipe Torres Medina: Yeah, exactly. And I think that that, you know, I think that that's what Trump did in his first term, more or less with legal immigration, was to create roadblocks and freezes and these kinds of things to kind of just like stymie the process and make it slower, make it harder, even for people who, again, are doing everything right to be able to remain in the country.Andrew Keen: And I'm guessing also some of the DOJ's stuff about laying off immigration judges and court stuff, they're taking office to leave. Apparently 100 immigration court staff are retiring. This adds to it as well.Felipe Torres Medina: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean, Citizenship and Immigration Services, USCIS is a very particular part of the government because it is one of the few parts of the federal government that funds itself. Again, going back to cost the fees that they make are so big, they make so much money that if there's a government shut down, actually, USCIS does not shut down. It's one of the few parts of the government that didn't need to shut down, because they make so much money out of the immigrants trying to come here. So it's a really, really strange part of the government. It kind of doesn't know where it belongs. So seeing like the the DOJ's cuts that arrive into the and that may be implemented into USCIS. Kind I'm not familiar with any Dodge cuts recently on USCIS, but I suspect that they would be strange because it's a it's a very strange division of the federal government. It's not like the Department of Education or the like the Forestry Service. It's it's it's own kind of like little fiefdom.Andrew Keen: Are you wrote an interesting thing or you were featured recently on Lit Hub, where this show actually used to get distributed about how to write a funny book about American immigration. Of course, it's it's a good question. I mean, it's such a frustrating bureaucratic mess at the best of times. I do write anything funny, Philippe, about it.Felipe Torres Medina: Well, I think the, the to me, the, the finding a format to be able to explore this, this chaotic system. It's so, so complicated. It's like a maze. So to me, having this kind of interactive format allowed me to have some freedom to be like, okay, well, you know, one of the things that they taught me in my comedy education, when I was training at a theater here in New York, the Upright Citizens Brigade is the premise of if this is true, then what else is true? You know, so if this absurd thing is reality, then what? How can you heighten that reality? And for me, you know, the immigration system is so absurd. It's it's so Byzantine and chaotic that I was like, okay, well, I can heighten this to an extra level. And so when I keyed in on, on this format of like allowing the person who's reading it to be the many characters to inhabit the, the immigrants and also to be playing with the book, you know, going out and going to one page, making their own choices. It allowed me to change the tone immediately of the conversation because you say immigration and everyone's like, oh, you know, it gets tense. But if you're saying like, no, no, this is a game, you know, we're playing this game. It's about immigration, but it's a game. All of a sudden there's a levity to it, and then you take the real absurdities and the real chaos of the system and just heighten it, which is basically what you do with comedy at all times.Andrew Keen: Who are the the fathers or perhaps the mothers of this kind of comedy? The person who comes to my mind is is Kafka, who found his own writing very funny. Not, and I'm not sure everyone necessarily agrees. He, of course, wrote extensively about central mid European bureaucracy and its darkness and absurdity. Who's inspired you both as a comic writer and particularly in terms of this book?Felipe Torres Medina: Well, actually, Kafka also has a great book called America.Andrew Keen: Yeah. Which is a wonderful first paragraph about seeing this. Seeing the Statue of Liberty.Felipe Torres Medina: Yes. Which is also kind of about this. But I would say my inspirations comedically are, you know, I don't think I would have written this book without, like, the work of Tina Fey. I think Bossy Pants was a book where I was like, oh, you can be funny in writing. And Carrie Fisher is a big Star Wars nerd, you know, to like great, funny writer writers who are just, like, writing funny things about their lives. But I think the playfulness of it all, actually, I was inspired by this Argentine writer, Julio Cortazar, who wrote a novel that in English just translated as hopscotch. And this novel is a huge, like, structural disrupter, you know, in the like, what we call the Latin American boom of writing in the 60s, 70s and 80s. And he wrote this novel that is like a game of hopscotch. You're jumping from chapter two chapter. He's directing you back and forth. So I read a lot of that. And I, you know, I read that in my youth, and then I read it. I reread it as I was older. And then there are writers like George Saunders, who can be very funny while talking about very sad or very poignant things. And so that was also a big inspiration to me. But, you know, I am a late night writer, so I was interested in actually making it like, ha ha, funny. Not just, you know, sensible chuckle funny, you know, kind of like a very, like, intellectual kind of funny. So I was also inspired by, you know, my job and like Colbert's original character in Colbert's book, America, I am American. So can you the writing of The Onion and, you know, the book, The Daily Show Book America, which is just kind of like an explanation of what the federal government is and what the country is written in the tone of the correspondents or the the writers for The Daily Show back in the original Jon Stewart iteration. So those books kind of like informed me and made me like, realize, oh, I can you can make like a humorous guy that's jokey and funny, but also is actually saying something isn't just like or teaching you something. Because the biggest reason I started writing this book is that Americans don't know their own immigration system, and they have so many opinions about immigration, particularly now, but no one knows what what it entails. You know? And I don't just mean like conservatives, you know, I don't just mean like, oh, MAGA people. Like, I was living in New York in the Obama years or like the late Obama years, and none of my liberal Brooklyn, you know, IPA and iced matcha drinking friends had any idea what I was going through, you know, when I was trying to get my visas.Andrew Keen: The liberals drink IPA. I didn't know that I drink IPA, I mean, I have to change my. Yeah. It's interesting you bring up in the first part of that response, the, the the Argentine novelist. There's something so surreal now about America. An interesting piece in the times about not being able to pin Trump down because he says one thing one day, the next thing the next day, and everyone accepts that these are contradictions. Now, the times describes these contradictions as this ultimate cover. I'm not quite sure why they're a cover. If you say one thing one day, in the next something the opposite the next day. But is there a Latin American quality to this? I mean, there's a whole tradition of Latin American writing observing the, the cruel absurdities of of dictators and wannabe dictators.Felipe Torres Medina: Yeah. I mean, it's it's part of our literary tradition. You know, the dictator novel you have. But again, just as the feast of the goat, and you have Garcia marquez, my my compatriot, you know, like that.Andrew Keen: Was one of my favorite magnificent writing.Felipe Torres Medina: It's it's possibly, I hesitate to say, my favorite writer because it creates ranking, but.Andrew Keen: Well amongst your.Felipe Torres Medina: Favorite, among my favorite writers, 100 Years of Solitude. Obviously that is possibly my favorite novel, but he has also, I believe it's the Autumn of the Patriarch, which is his novel about. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, there is a there is. I wouldn't say it's a South American or Latin American quality to it. I think it's just once you encounter it, it is so absurd that art does have to come out and talk about it, you know, and, you know, you see the in a book like the Autumn of the Patriarch. That is a character full of contradictions. That is a character who, in chapter one, hates a particular figure because they he they think that they're against him and then is becomes friends with them and then hires him to be his personal bodyguard. You know, that is what dictators are, and that is what authoritarians do. It is the cult of the person. It is the whims of the person, and the opinion of the person are the be all and the end all to the point where the nation is. It is at the whims of, of of a a person, of those of those persons contradictions. So I wouldn't say it's necessarily a Latin American nature to this, but I think Latin America, because we experience dictatorship in many times supported or boosted by the United States. Latin Americans were able to find a way to turn this into art. And quite good art is what I would say.Andrew Keen: Yeah, and of course, it's the artists who are best able to respond to this. As you know, it's not just a Latin American thing. The Central Europeans, the Czechs in particular. Yes.Felipe Torres Medina: Milan Kundera.Andrew Keen: Yeah. Written a series of wonderful books about this. But the only way to respond to someone like Trump, for example, who says one thing one day, the next thing the next day when he talks about tariffs, he says, well, I'm going to have 25%. And the next day, oh, I've decided I'm not going to have 25%. Then the following day he's going to change his mind again. The policy people, I'm not very helpful here. We need artists, satirists of one kind or another humorist like yourself to actually respond to this, don't we?Felipe Torres Medina: I think so. I think that that that is what. Helps you? I mean, it's the emperor has no clothes, right? That's how you talk. And it's about all kinds of government, obviously. Autocracy or dictatorship is one thing, but at all in all systems of government, these are powerful people who think they have they know better and who think that they are invincible. And you know what? What satire or humor and art does is just point out and say like, wait, that's weird. That thing they just did is weird. And being able to point that out is, is a talent. But also that's why people respond to it so well. People say like, yeah, that is weird. I also notice that. And so you create community, you create partnership in there. And so all of a sudden you're punching up, which is something you want to do in comedy. You want to make fun of the people who have more power, and you're all punching up and laughing at the same thing, and you're all kind of reminding each other. You're not crazy. This is weird.Andrew Keen: Yeah. I mean, the thing that worries me. I was on Kolber on the Colbert Show a few years ago in the original show. I mean, it's brilliant comic, very funny. But him and Jon Stewart and the others, they've been going so long, and they. I'm not saying they haven't changed their shtick. I mean, writers like you produce very high quality work for them, but it's one of the problems that these guys have been going for a while and America has changed, but perhaps they haven't.Felipe Torres Medina: I mean, it's an interesting thing to bring up, particularly with with Stephen, because his show was completely different. Ten years ago, it was a completely different show. He was doing a character. Yeah, right. And now he's doing a more traditional late night show. I think I think the format of late night is a very interesting beast that somehow has become A political genre. You know, it didn't used to be with Letterman. Didn't you see with Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno? You know, they would dabble in politics. They would talk about politics because it's what people are talking about. But now it's become kind of like this world. It all has to be satire. And there's some there's some great work. And I do think people keep innovating and making, like, new things, even though the shows are about ten years old. You know, you have Last Week Tonight, which my wife writes for, but it's a show that does more like deep dive investigations and stuff like that. So it's more like end of the week, 60 minutes, but with jokes kind of format. But I do think, yeah, maybe like the shows, can the shows in the genre in general, like there's genre I could do with some change and some mixing it up and.Andrew Keen: Well, maybe your friend Kumar could.Felipe Torres Medina: Yeah. Well, what? Let us get.Andrew Keen: A slot to his own late night show. And I wonder also, when it comes to I don't want to obsess over Trump or that course it's hard not to these days, but because he himself is a media star who most people know through his reality television appearance and he still behaves like a reality television star. Does that add another dimension of challenges to the satirical writers like yourself, and comics like or satirical comics like Colbert and Jon Stewart?Felipe Torres Medina: I think it's just a layer of how to interpret him as a person. At least for me, it's like, okay, well, you have to remember that he is a show man, and that's what he's doing.Andrew Keen: Yeah. So they're coming back to your your metaphor of the air and power and not having any clothes on. He kind of, in his own nodding wink way, acknowledges that he's not pretending to wear any clothes.Felipe Torres Medina: Yeah, and, well, sometimes he is and sometimes he isn't. And that is. That's the challenge. And that's why writing jokes about him every day is hard. But, you know, we we.Andrew Keen: And the more I know I watched Saturday Night Live last week that Zelensky thing and it was brilliant. Zelensky and Musk and Trump. But I'm very doubtful it actually impacts in any way on anything. Well, and I.Felipe Torres Medina: Think that that's also a misconception people have about comedy. You know, comedy is there to be funny. You know, comedy isn't there to change your mind if it does that, great. But the number one impetus for For Comedy should be to make you laugh. And so the idea that, like, a sketch show is going to change the nation. I don't know. Those are things that I think are applied on to comedy. They're kind of glob down to comedy. I don't necessarily think that that's what it the, the people making the comedy set out to do so. I think if if it made you laugh and if it works. The comedy has done its job. Comedy, unfortunately, can't change the world, you know. Otherwise, you know, I'm sure there would have been a very. There are many good Romanian comedians who could have done something about it has.Andrew Keen: You know, time to time. I mean, Hava became Czech president for a while. You, you, you know, that you sometimes see laugh, laughter and comedy as a kind of therapy when it comes to some of the stuff you do with Kovat. Are you in in America? Let me in. Are you presenting the experience, the heartbreaking experience? So certainly an enormously frustrating experience of the American immigration system as a kind of therapy, both for people who are experiencing it And outsiders, Americans in general.Felipe Torres Medina: And for myself, I think.Andrew Keen: And of course, yes. So self therapy, so to speak.Felipe Torres Medina: I think so, I mean, it is for me a way to like comedy is a way to process things for me. It comes naturally to me, and it is inopportune at times when dealing with things like grief and things like that. But I mean event, anyone who's gone through grief, I think, can tell you there's one moment when things are going really bad and one of the people grieving with you makes one joke and you all laugh and you're like, this. This somehow fixed for one second. It was great. And then we're back to sadness. So I think comedy, you know, as much as again, I go back to what I said a second ago, it's about making you laugh and that making you laugh can create that partnership, can create that empathy and that that that community therapy, I guess, of people saying like, oh wait, yeah, this is weird, this is strange. And I feel better that someone else recognized it, that someone else saw this.Andrew Keen: It certainly makes you saying, hey, you wrote an interesting piece for The New Yorker this week. In times like these, where you, you write perhaps satirically about what you call good Americans. Is the book written for good or bad Americans or all Americans or no Americans? Who do you want to read this book?Felipe Torres Medina: Oh my God. I want everyone to read it and everyone to buy a copy so that I've got a lot of money. All right. No, I think it's written for most Americans and and immigrants as well. People living here. But I do think, yeah, it's written for everyone. I don't think I wrote it with particular like, kind of group in mind. I think to me, Obviously with my background and my political affiliations, I think liberals will enjoy the book. But I also think, you know, people who are conservative, people who are MAGA, people who don't necessarily agree on my vision of immigration, can learn a lot from the book. And I purposely wrote it so that these people wouldn't necessarily be alienated or dismissed in any way. You know, it's a huge topic, and I think it was more of a like, I know you have an opinion. I'm just showing you some evidence. Make with it what you will, but I'm just showing you some evidence that it might not be as you believe it is, both for liberals and conservatives. You know, wherever you are on the spectrum, liberals think it's super easy. Conservatives that think it's super easy but in a bad way to move here. And I'm here kind of saying like, hey, it's actually this super complicated thing that maybe we should talk about and we should try to reform in some way.Andrew Keen: Yeah. And I think even when it comes to immigration, often people are talking about different things. Conservatives tend to be talking about quote unquote, illegal immigration and progressives talking about something else, too. You deal with people who try to get into America illegally, or is that for you, just a subject that you're not touching in this book?Felipe Torres Medina: I address it very lightly toward the final pages of the book. I first of all, I can, like, claim ownership on all immigrant narratives. And I wrote this about the legal immigration system because it's what I've navigated. Again, I am not an immigration lawyer. I am not an activist. I'm a comedy writer who happened to go through the immigration like system, so I but I did feel like, you know, okay, well, let's talk for a second. You've seen how hard it is because I've shown you all this evidence in the first couple stories in the book. And again, I say in the last pages because because of the interactive nature of the book, this could there is potentially a way for you for this to be the first, one of the first things you read in the book, but to where the last pages of the book, I say, okay, let's talk about you. We've seen how hard it is. Let's talk about the people who do so much to try and come here and who go even harder because they do it in the like, in the unauthorized way, you know, or the people who come here seeking asylum, which is a legal way to come to the United States, but is very difficult. So I do present that, but I do think it is not necessarily the subject of a comedy book, As I said earlier, when you're dealing with comedy, you want to be punching up. You want to be making fun of people in authority figures or in a sort of status position that is above the general population or the the voice of the comic. And with with undocumented immigrants and people trying to come here in irregular ways. It's it's very hard to find the humor there because these people are already suffering very much. And so to me, the line is threading the line of comedy there. It can very quickly turn into bullying or making fun of those people. And I don't want to do that because a lot of people are already doing that, and a lot of people who are already doing that work on this in this administration. So I don't I don't really want to mess with that.Andrew Keen: Philip, I'm not sure if you've got a a Spanish translation of the book. I'm sure there will be one eventually.Felipe Torres Medina: Hopefully.Andrew Keen: If people start reading this in Colombia, where you're from, Bolivia or Argentina, Mexico, El Salvador, Guatemala, they think themselves, this is so hard to get in, even legally. Even if you have money to pay for lawyers, they might think, well, f**k it, I'll just try and get over the border illegally. And do you think in a way, I mean, it's obviously designed as a humor book, but in a way this would encourage any sane person to actually give up. I mean, go try and try and go somewhere else or just stay where you are.Felipe Torres Medina: I think, I think the book has a tone of I'm I'm a pretty optimistic person. So I think the book does have a tone of optimism and love for America. I do love the United States, where I, while presenting it as a difficult thing, I am also saying, like it? It's pretty good. You're going to have a good time if you make it here. So I don't think it will be a deterrent. Whether it's some sort of Trojan horse to create more people, to try and go through the border. I don't know, it'd be pretty funny if a funny book tended ended up doing that, but.Andrew Keen: It'd be great if we just got hold of the book and blamed you for for for all the illegal immigrants. But in all seriousness, it was been a lot of pieces recently about, according to the New York Times, people going silent for fear of retribution. As a comic writer and someone clearly on the left, the progressive in American politics. Do you think that there is a new culture of fear by some of your friends and colleagues in the comedy business? Are they fearing retribution? Trump, of all people, doesn't like to be laughed that some people say that he he only wanted to be president after Obama so brilliantly and comically destroyed him a few years ago.Felipe Torres Medina: I think in comedy, you know, I think people are tired of talking of Trump because, again, as I said, ten years of writing about him. I don't think anyone is necessarily afraid of talking about him or making fun of him. I think that is or his administration. I think that is proven like this past week with explosion of memes, making fun of J.D. Vance, his face, you know, to the point where J.D. Vance has tried to hop on the meme and be like, ha ha! Yes, I enjoy this very much too. Good job members. So like, obviously, first of all, he doesn't like it, but I think everyone is. And I think this is something that America does so well. Americans like to make fun of politicians, period. And even though I think in certain spaces of, you know, politics and activism, there might be fear of retribution that is much more marked. I think the let's make fun of of the Emperor for having no clothes that make fun of them is an instinct that that it's not going away and it won't go away any, anytime soon.Andrew Keen: Philip, finally, you've written a funny book about immigration. But of course, behind all the humor is a seriousness. Lots of jokes. It's a very entertaining, amusing, creative book. But it also, I think, suggests reform. You've given a great deal of thought. You've experienced it yourself. How can America improve its immigration story so that we don't have in the future more satirical books like America Like Me and what are the the reforms, realistically, that can be made that even conservatives might buy into?Felipe Torres Medina: Well, I think one of the biggest things is, if you look at it historically, there hasn't been comprehensive immigration reform since Clinton. Which is ridiculous. You know, we're nearing on 30 years there, and we're. We're basically 30 years since. And, you know, I'm 33, so it's a whole lifetime for a lot of people with no changes to a system, no comprehensive changes to a system. And that just means that, like it is going to become outdated. So obviously it's very hard right now with the tenor, but what we really need is for people to sit down and talk about it as a normal issue. And this is not an invasion. This is not a national emergency. It is simply an issue, an economic issue. And I think one of the biggest things, and one of my personal suggestions is that. The US Citizenship and Immigration Service has always been, as I said, this kind of strange ancillary part of the government. It started as part of the Department of Labor, eventually joining the Department of Justice. Then it goes back to labor. It kind of always bounces around. They don't know where it fits. And in after 911, it became part of the Department of Homeland Security. And I think that creates a an aura around immigration as something that is threatening to homeland security. You know, which is not true.Andrew Keen: Yeah. I see what you're saying. It's become the the sex when it comes to, in the context of Victorian something that we don't talk about, and we use metaphors and similes to, to, to describe. And I take your point on that. But what about some and I take your point on the fact that the system hasn't been reformed since Clinton. But let's end with a couple of final, just Doable reforms, Philippe, that can actually make the experience better. That will improve that. That might be cheaper that the the Doge people might buy into that both left and right will accept and say, oh, that's fair enough. This is one way we can make immigrating to America a better experience.Felipe Torres Medina: I think, rewarding if we're talking about this idea of like, we want the best immigrants, educated people. I think actually rewarding that because the current system does not do that for most people trying to get a work visa. They're subjected to a lottery where the chances are something like 1 in 16 of getting a work visa to be here, and that is really bad for companies in general. It's something that the big tech firms have been lobbying against for years, and because there's no consensus in Congress to actually do something. We have been able to address that. So I think actually rewarding the kind of like higher education, high achievement immigrants. In a way that isn't just like if you have $5 million, you can buy a gold car. Yeah, and.Andrew Keen: That's what Trump promised.Felipe Torres Medina: Right? Actually rewarding it in a way that's like, okay, well, if you have a college degree, maybe you don't just get a one year permit to work here, you know, maybe you can. There is a path for you to if you made your education here, if you start your professional life here, if you are contributing because all these immigrants are paying taxes or contributing, maybe there's a path that isn't as full of trapdoors and pitfalls. I would say that that that's one of the biggest things. And honestly, higher up, like I, I do think maybe this is my progressive side of me, but it's like get more people working in USCIS so that these waits aren't taking forever and getting more immigration judges, you know, hire people who are going to make this system efficient, because that is, I think, unfortunately, what Dodge thinks that the, you know, we're going to slim it down so it doesn't cost that much. Yeah. But if you slam it down, you don't have enough people. And there's a lot of people are still trying to come here and they're still trying to do things. And if you don't have enough people like working those cases, all you're creating is backlogs.Andrew Keen: Yeah. I'm guessing when those transforms the American immigration system through AI, you'll have another opportunity for you to write a book. Yeah. I mean, I let me in an important book, a very funny book, but also a very serious book by one of America's leading young comic writers full time, writing for Stephen Colbert, Philippe Torres Medina. Philippe, congratulations on the book. It's out next week. I think it will become a bestseller. Important book. Very funny too, and we can say the same about you. Thank you so much.Felipe Torres Medina: Thank you so much for having me.Keen On America is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit keenon.substack.com/subscribe

Dean Richards, entertainment reporter for WGN, joins Bob Sirott to provide the latest news in entertainment. Bob and Dean talk about Steve Carell’s gift to high school students in L.A. and the cancellation of “Hamilton” at the Kennedy Center. They also talk about the reunion of Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan, Pete Davidson’s gift to […]

MUSIC Motley Crue have postponed their upcoming Las Vegas residency due to Vince Neil having to undergo an undisclosed medical procedure.   The paperback edition of Bono's 2022 memoir, Surrender: 40 Songs, One Story, which has been updated, will be published on May 27th to coincide with the premiere of his documentary, Bono: Stories of Surrender, on Apple TV+ on May 30th.   Three Days Grace have posted a video of Louis, the St. Louis Blues mascot, joining them on stage for "Riot" in St. Louis on Sunday night. Watch it on Instagram.   Chappell Roan will finally release her new single "The Giver" next Thursday.   Contrary to what Fyre Festival founder Billy McFarland says, there is no Fyre Festival 2, according to Mexican officials. RIP: The fiancée of Faster Pussycat singer Taime Downe fell overboard to her death during an '80s-themed Caribbean cruise.  She and Taime had just had an argument.    TV Jon Stewart officially invited Elon Musk to appear on The Daily Show.  Tracy Morgan will star in an NBC series produced by his "30 Rock" costar Tina Fey.   RIP: George Lowe, the man who voiced Space Ghost, has died. MOVING ON INTO MOVIE NEWS: The film Purple Rain starring Prince is re-released in Dolby Cinema at AMC Theatres including the St. Louis theatres   The Alamo Drafthouse is celebrating David Lynch right now by showing Blue Velvet and Eraserhead. Lost Highway is later in the month, if you wanna get down on some of that!   David Arquette will reprise his role as Deputy Dewey Riley in Scream 7! The filming of The Batman Part II has been delayed. The movie was supposed to be released this year but it was pushed back to 2027.  Millie Bobbie Brown took to social media to call out journalists who criticized her looks.  ·         Ben Affleck's been leaning on Jennifer Garner a lot since he split with Jennifer Lopez.  And it sounds like he wants to do more than just lean. ·         Ben is fresh off a divorce, and Jennifer is still in a long-term relationship with a guy named John Miller.    Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly worked amazingly together in both "Talladega Nights" and "Step Brothers" But Will says that on "Talladega Nights", there was only one time Reilly made him break character.       Last week, Will spoke in Reilly's honor at the Oscar Wilde Awards, which honor Irish-American artists.  Quote, "John comes to me to confess that he once posed for 'Playgirl' under the name of Mike Honcho.     MISC AND FINALLY Best states for women … When it comes to women, not all states are created equal. WalletHub ranked all 50 states and Washington, D.C., based on nearly two dozen factors The 5 Best States for Women: The worst state for women, according to WalletHub's research, is Mississippi, followed by Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, and Texas.   AND THAT IS YOUR CRAP ON CELEBRITIES! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Five years ago, AKAPAD The Film Buff attempted to watch Pixar's Soul—but things didn't go as planned. Today, he revisits the film, sharing his thoughts on whether his experience has changed. This episode offers a fascinating deep dive into Soul and a unique experiment that only The Film Buff could pull off! The 2020 animated film Soul was produced by Pixar Animation Studios and directed by Pete Docter, with co-direction by Kemp Powers. The film features the voice talents of Jamie Foxx as Joe Gardner, Tina Fey as 22, Graham Norton as Moonwind, Rachel House as Terry, Alice Braga and Richard Ayoade as Counselors Jerry, and Angela Bassett as Dorothea Williams. The film's production credits include Dana Murray as the producer, with a screenplay written by Pete Docter, Mike Jones, and Kemp Powers. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross composed the score, while Jon Batiste contributed original jazz compositions. The film was edited by Kevin Nolting, with cinematography by Matt Aspbury and Ian Megibben.

In celebration of the shows 50th anniversary - We give you 10 categories, a budget and castmember prices to build your best Saturday Night Live cast!Who was overpriced? Did we miss any big names?  Are there any steals?Share your casts with us on social media - @MACandGUpodcast

Matty is celebrating 50 years of the iconic sketch show, Saturday Night Live and its impact on pop culture, himself and the world! We are going down memory lane and Matty is sharing some of his favorite cast members of all time and their skits! Matty will be reminiscing about Adam Sandler, Chris Farely, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch and Kristen Wiig. We are also recapping last weekends iconic festivities commemorating 50 years of laughs and memories with the Homecoming Concert and Anniversary Special. This weekend brought back SNL alumni and hosts who have made a major impact on the show including Lady Gaga/ The Lonely Island, Steve Martin, Meryl Strep, Jimmy Fallon, CHER and so much more!What are your favorite SNL moments? Its hard to find just a few!!Follow us for more updates:@mattydurkin@thepopcornerpod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers talk about the digital short (and a song on the Incredibad album) Space Olympics! Plus, they chat about Michael Phelps hosting SNL and sketches like Kathy in the News, Quizbowl, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton, and more! Space Olympics - https://youtu.be/XVoBQqketHM?si=EnDBG87goQB2NP_KOlympic French Pole Vaulter on His Giant Dong - https://youtu.be/5PY_wQRLK6Y?si=ADqhGHsB-6jkNIvUWeekend Update: Cathy on Retiring - (from 2010) https://youtu.be/BMzXw5CUP_o?si=18HFB1HtTFMuiA1jSarah Palin and Hillary Address the Nation - https://youtu.be/vSOLz1YBFG0?si=D_r1HssxaK286n2J (Not all the clips we mention are available online; some never even aired.) If you want to see more photos and clips follow us on Instagram @lonelymeyerspod. Send us an email! thelonelyislandpod@gmail.com Support our sponsors:AirbnbVisit Airbnb.com today RinseRinse picks up, professionally cleans, and delivers your laundry and dry cleaning, straight to your door.  Sign up at Rinse.com and get $20 off your first order Thrive MarketReady for a junk-free start to 2025? Head to ThriveMarket.com/island and get 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Aura FramesRight now, you can save on the perfect gift that keeps on giving by visiting AuraFrames.com. For a limited time, listeners can get 20 dollars off their best-selling Carver Mat frame with code ISLAND.  Produced by Rabbit Grin ProductionsExecutive Producers Jeph Porter and Rob HolyszLead Producer Kevin MillerCreative Producer Samantha SkeltonCoordinating Producer Derek JohnsonCover Art by Olney AtwellMusic by Greg Chun and Brent AsburyEdit by Cheyenne JonesMix and Master by Jason Richards

Maya Rudolph knew from an early age that she was meant to make people laugh, but a seven-season run on “Saturday Night Live” put her comedic genius on the map. Willie Geist met the actress inside SNL's famous Studio 8H to talk about her time on that show, including her favorite celebrity impressions and what it was like to work alongside cast members like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. She also shares how the show served as comedy boot camp, giving her a foundation for roles in films like “Bridesmaids” and her Amazon series “Forever,” in which she stars alongside fellow SNL alum Fred Armisen. (Original broadcast date September 16, 2018)

Willie Geist sat down with Tina Fey to talk about the return of “Mean Girls” 20-years later, with a musical movie. She discusses writing, producing and starring in both movies, after becoming a comedy icon through writing for "SNL". (Original broadcast date January 14, 2024) 

Send us a textWe have a rundown of new show and concert announcements happening in Las Vegas. There is something for everyone. We also chat Wrestlemania 41 with Rey Mysterio. What you can expect if you come into town for the event in April. There's also a Mexican cantina that we hear is good on the east side of Las Vegas. And, a Gucci store just expanded on the strip. Call LevelUp Law at 855-LevelUp or visit  LevelUpLaw.comVegasNearMe AppIf it's fun to do or see, it's on VegasNearMe. The only app you'll need to navigate Las Vegas. Support the showFollow us on Instagram: @vegas.revealedFollow us on Twitter: @vegasrevealedFollow us on TikTok: @vegas.revealedWebsite: Vegas-Revealed.com

“Saturday Night Live” turns fifty this year. Profiling its executive producer, Lorne Michaels, the New Yorker editor Susan Morrison sheds light on one of the most important people in show business. Morrison spent years talking to Michaels for her new book, “Lorne: The Man Who Invented Saturday Night Live,” and she includes recordings of those interviews in a conversation with David Remnick. “Lorne was a real student of what I call sort of the hinges between eras,” Morrison says. To keep the show current, Michaels “paid attention to replenishing the casts in a sort of seamless way, so that it would never seem like an old guy trying to do an entertainment for young people.” Plus, one of the show's most notable alumni, Tina Fey—rumored to be a possible successor to Michaels, who is now eighty—reads an excerpt from the magazine's review of the show's first season, back in 1975.