Shit We Wrote

The moment we've all been waiting for — the (boring) Epilogue of Aliya's story with a follow up of her writing playlist and a re-read of the comments now that we have a little more context. Are you ready for season three?   Support the show

We're SO close to the end we can almost taste it. In this last set of chapters we get a trial for Scarlet and visit Christopher! Due to time constraints (AKA recording too closely to when Tanner needed to clock in for work) we'll have *one* last episode where we read the Epilogue and Aliya's playlist for the story as well as look ahead to season three!Support the show

Aliya and Tanner are back, and we're starting to wrap things up for this book! Now that Darby is officially the Dark Queen, Kellen and her visit Seth one more time to reminisce and discuss the future. (Could this be the beginning of a throuple? Probably not — but it can be in our fan fiction!) Support the show

We're back with another Aliya episode as we inch slowly closer to the end of her book. In this episode we talk about all the possible turns the story could have taken in this chapter, and honestly any of them would have been better than how this story actually turns out. Support the show

We're finally here! We've finally reached Aliya's first written sex scene and it's just as wild and convoluted as you'd expect it to be! Tanner makes fun of all of Aliya's word choices (rightfully so) and we get the most chaotic break up to hooking up chapter probably ever in existence. You're welcome. Support the show

Are we finally back to a regular release schedule? We're going to try! While Aliya and Tanner try to work with each other's schedules, please enjoy the much awaited for FINALE of Tanner's angel cafe story finale. We've come a loooong way from that cafe. Support the show

Aliya and Tanner are finally back with new content! This month has been a lot for a whole handful of reasons, and we weren't able to record a lot. BUT we're finally back with a few more of Aliya's chapters before diving into the conclusion of Tanner's book next week. Prepare for the war to start, end, and leave the future up in the air. Support the show

We're taking a little break from our regularly scheduled content to bring you this special episode of Tanner's college stories!Support the show

Aliya was out of State last week so to make up for it, here are THREE chapters this week to satisfy all the faerie drama needs you may have. In this episode, we're gearing up for the war and realize that Sorus's role as God is literally just a therapist. Aliya also teases if anyone dies in the war. Better listen to find out!Support the show

Aliya and Tanner are back with *three* chapters of the angel story ending on a major character death! And it's not the death of a female character this time! Any guesses on who it is? Listen to the episode to find out.Support the show

Aliya and Tanner are back with an opening about Heartstopper and Our Flag Means Death — two very different gay energies. Then we follow Darby on a quest to get information out of Kellen to use against him which (to no one's surprise) doesn't work. We also get a peek into Aliya's lame childhood head where she definitely took a song lyric she liked to put into her story as dialogue. Big yikes all around. Also, is anyone taking this war seriously??Support the show

Aliya and Tanner are back with new character perspectives! The story has taken a turn and now we're getting chapter spinoffs focusing on different characters. Along with a cute gay meet cute, we also talked about Avatar because of course we did. Enjoy!Support the show

Aliya and Tanner are coming at you from the road! In this episode, Darby gets religious and goes to talk with Sorus — God of the Faeries. We'll see how helpful that is. Support the show

Aliya and Tanner are back — and sleepy. This early morning episode is catching you before the coffee has kicked in. We're here with a new plot twist and Tanner bringing the expected albeit disappointing news about our sapphic couple. We also get a hint of steaminess on a boat before the drama kicks off, so this episode will give you a little bit of everything.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

A slightly later podcast! Aliya came back from traveling too late to edit so — Happy Thursday!In this episode, Aliya and Tanner are again joined by Stephanie Hofmann cooking in the background. We find out what it is Stephanie's cooking, that Tanner doesn't know how tampons work and that Seth and Darby's relationship is the elevated(?) version of Twilight. Enjoy!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Get ready for some cooking ambiance, because Tanner and Aliya are recording in the kitchen with Special Guest Stephanie Hofmann! In this episode, we go all mission impossible and get to the line that Tanner was sure readers were going to get tattooed on them. It's a chaotic episode, but would you expect anything less?Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are sorry to miss everyone this week, but due to Aliya taking care of her mom recovering from surgery the week prior, we have not had the opportunity to record together yet. Next Wednesday though, you're regularly scheduled shit will be back!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with Special Guest Stephanie Hofmann for this next chapter where Kellen announces his war plans to Seth and Darby, and Stephanie makes fun of Darby's name. This episode also features Tanner's Grindr adventures and making fun of baby Aliya's life choices.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

After the plot twist that happened last chapter, you'd think we'd be back for more — instead enjoy a fun romp in London and a heartfelt moment with Lucas.Also in the episode, Aliya and Tanner reflect on how long this story has been going on for, and Aliya is told she's in the wrong for not thinking "Dance" is a cool enough name. Stephanie Hofmann is a special guest this episode and partakes in our asides about Dance, Dance Revolution and theories that the Queen of England is secretly dead. You're going to want to strap in for this one!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with an episode recorded during 2020 where Aliya reads another one of her childhood stories. Are Aliya and Tanner drawing out the drama of their current reads by uploading this? Have they just been unable to get together to bank some episodes? Who knows! But you're regularly scheduled content should start again next week. For now, enjoy! Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back for a quick chapter, a description of Camelot, and at the end Aliya out-jokes Tanner's dirty mind. You love to see it. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Tanner starts off the show with a laundry mishap and then we end the chapter with a revolutionary discovery that you're not going to want to miss. Look at this plot coming through!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

We're digging into the old Patreon vaults to deliver a special episode of Aliya's first ever story she wrote when she was in elementary school. Recorded in 2020 during the height of the pandemic, this little time capsule is a wild ride through baby Aliya's psyche. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner read as Kellen gets easily talked into starting a war by Scarlet and they discuss how Aliya's redemptive arc is nowhere near as good as Zuko's in Avatar. This conversation obviously also sparks Aliya and Tanner talking about gayness in Avatar for far too long. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Stephanie joins us briefly to add spice to our intro before we dive into a wedding scene! The characters leave Rio after they just arrived and are now off to gather all their siblings. We also visit the underworld and end on a cliff hanger! *kinda*.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

In this double chapter episode, Tanner and Aliya dive into Kellen's emo reaction to the breakup and then Seth moving *way* too fast to try and get with Darby. Break ups are weird and hard — but this sure isn't the way to do them! Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with special guest (who joins halfway through) Stephanie! We're on Air Force One when demons attack and then the romance heats up when we land in Brazil.  They discuss languages, hypothetical demon fighting scenarios and who edits the podcast. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back to get into what happens after Darby tells Kellen she loves him. This is the drama you know you're here for. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner talk about how their 2021 went and their aspirations for 2022 before diving into the next installment of Tanner's story. We're meeting the president (who is female and in a sapphic relationship — helloooo) and just overall making this plot even more convoluted. Let's go!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

It's 2022 bitches and Aliya and Tanner are back! We talk about Tanner's impending doom of turning 30 and dive right into the mess that is Kellen and Darby trying to figure out what they want to do that day. This episode ends on a cliff hanger because we're finally getting some dramaSupport the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with a two-chapter episode! After Tanner's last chapter ended on a cliff hanger, they unpack his reasoning for using cliff hangers and spares us from yet another...although where he left off really only gave us more questions than answers. Trust me, you're not going to expect where we go next.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner celebrate last episode being their 100th and dive into the messy Fey world. We get a weird date that reintroduces us to Scarlet and then a conversation between Darby and Phillip where essentially Aliya dumps all the world building while also undermining her own magic system. Woo. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Things are heating up in Tanner's next installment of Angel's Cafe! Everyone gets together for a council meeting and Chance does not get a very warm welcoming from the group — except by one person, who is Tanner's favorite character. We also get a bomb dropped on us with the closing line. We actually can't wait to see what happens next!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back to deal with the fall out of the events from the funeral. Darby doesn't have any of the anger or feelings you would expect her to have, and boy does she immediately forgive Kellen and Seth for lying to her. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back and bitching about late-stage capitalism and Elon Musk. Then we actually start reading this chapter where we learn more about Luke and Daniel's relationship and how Daniel coming back through Chance could possibly lead somewhere. We also get more hints to what Chance is and how he is kind of Daniel. Although the chapter is on the shorter side, Aliya dives into her theories and Tanner gives away some minor spoilers for the rest of the book! Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back reading about the consequences of spending all your money in Vegas and what happens to one faerie who drugs Darby. Our love triangle also heats up as Darby sees Seth again, and she has the right reaction of blaming both him and Kellen for continuously lying to her. You know, standard romance stuff.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back and we're finally learning the details of what is up with Chance and his history. Turns out reincarnation may be afoot? You'll have to listen to know for sure!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with special guest and Tanner's boyfriend, Jay! As we catch him up on what he's missed from season two, we strap in for a trip to Vegas where Kellen and Darby make money, find romance, and lose their money all in one night. Sounds like Vegas. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back for the third passage in his Angels cafe story — Although it now seems more focused on demons? Along with that wild twist, we get another random, writing style twist — A switch in narrative style! That's right, for no reason whatsoever we've moved from first person to third. You're going to want to know what happens next!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with new chapters AND a deep dive into Aliya's lesbian psyche. In this episode Kellen and Darby get closer and take a surprise trip, and Seth learns that Darby is a Light Faerie that is staying with Kellen. We're also introduced to Aliya's favorite character, Scarlet, who is just a disaster in the best way. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with Stephanie Hofmann to dive into part two of his angels cafe story. If part one involved trauma dumping, part two involves weird family dynamics, adopted siblings in relationships with each other, and demons. This story took turns Aliya and Stephanie did not see coming. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with two chapters from Aliya's faerie book. Kellen and Darby have officially met now that she has transformed, and Kellen is determined to make her his. Only problem is, which kingdom does she belong?Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back to start a new one of Tanner's stories! We get some gays and trauma dumping on a first date (aww, how sweet), as well as a magical bookish cafe. There's something kind of ethereal about the whole thing, we just can't put our finger on what it is yet. . .  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with a doozy of a chapter! Darby finally transforms! What does this mean? How does her family react? Where does she go from here? Who knows! Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with another finale taking place in a very special location — Tanner's car! Aliya takes the reading reigns while Tanner drives and together they finish the Adventure Fantasy series where Tanner stopped writing it, and it goes on a journey you won't expect. Afterwards, Aliya shares Tanner's notes for where the series would have gone had he continued with it and tease what they'll be reading next!Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with an episode in the car featuring the Taco Bell drive thru! In these chapters, we learn more about Seth and his rival relationship with Kellen and his weird love-before-first-sight with Darby. Now Darby has met both Kings and they have both already lied to her, like all makings of a great relationship.  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with not one, but TWO chapters in this episode. While chapter two continues to set up the scene, chapter three gets into the drama by introducing Bryce back into the story (with a change in character perspective) and the main point of conflict. There's only one chapter left in this story and Aliya and Tanner are going to be sad to say goodbye to this wild world. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are joined by Special Guest Melissa Nelson, who reads the first chapter of a werewolf story she wrote in high school. Melissa was heavily inspired by Anne Rice and serves all the drama and goth vibes. Melissa can be found on instagram @ml_coates. She is currently working on her debut novel, Belly Full of Roses, which is a contemporary book with elements of horror and supernatural, urban fantasy. It centers around a medical cult and yes — werewolves are involved.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with Special Guest Stephanie Hofmann to roast Aliya's chapter. They discuss how problematic it is to write a bad-boy immortal character when you're 14 and are trying to write "adult." This episode also features Stephanie's pretend adverts, fake merch and Tanner maybe getting professional boudoir photos.  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Tanner and Aliya are back with Special Guest Stephanie Hofmann to crack open book two of Tanner's fantasy adventure book. They do a brief recap for Stephanie and start the book off on an emo note. Stephanie also ends the show with a commercial for Ted Lasso, which Shit We Wrote is not sponsored by. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)

Aliya and Tanner are back with season two! To start off the season and new book right, Aliya reads the reviews from her high school friends about the book and shares some insight into how this book differs from her rewrite. (Spoiler: it's truly a new story — thank God.)Already Aliya and Tanner are relieved that this book has better writing than Confessions of a Kidnapped Runaway, so you have that to look forward to too. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/shitwewrote)