Love Like Hell

We can often get so wrapped up in maintaining the longevity of a romantic relationship that we become rigid and fixed in our viewpoints. We create rules and boundaries that get in the way of growth and expansion. When the relationship can truly be based in friendship, there is so much more room for new opportunities and new experiences. Today Kristi and Rainer talk about how important it is to keep that friendship alive for a relationship that's on fire.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Celebrating our partner's opportunities in lifeWhat it's like to put friendship first in a romantic relationshipWhy love can't be lazyReshaping how we evaluate a successful relationshipCommunicating truthfully to both ourselves and our partnersFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWork with Rainer and KristiThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Everything in life has an ending. When major parts of our lives end or change, it's easy to look back and only remember the good or only remember the bad. Remembering rightly takes a conscious effort of looking at multiple points of data and recognizing the perspective and feelings of everyone involved. From that place of remembering rightly, we can move forward in truth. This episode takes a look into the steps to do that.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Why we only remember the bad times Not trusting the past based on present events Differentiating objective vs subjective reality A look into how we create memories Validating another's perspective Follow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornCheck out IndulgenceThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Sex is the originating source of life. It is such a potency and such a power….and so many of us are so afraid to talk about it. Why is that? This episode dives into the topic of sex. Where did we learn about it, what shapes our perception of it, and why is it such a heavy topic of conversations? Everything gets laid out here.In this episode of Love Like Hell:The first time we talk about sex in relationshipsWhere and how we learn about sex How culture shifts our perception of sex The fear of sexuality Learning to suppress and repressFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Love is expansive and cannot be placed in a box. Marriage is more nuanced than a simple piece of paper or agreement. There's depth in the journey and how do we navigate that journey, how do we move forward together. What is the real meaning of marriage? What is the real meaning of love? In this episode, Kristi and Rainier open up about their experiences and everything they learned in this journey.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Uncovering where our beliefs about marriage beganThe societal construct we put around marriage Marriage is dynamic, not staticWanting the best for the relationship even if that means ending itRedefinining the meaning of “commitment”Follow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Love is expansive and cannot be placed in a box. Marriage is more nuanced than a simple piece of paper or agreement. There's depth in the journey and how do we navigate that journey, how do we move forward together. What is the real meaning of marriage? What is the real meaning of love? In this two part episode, Kristi and Rainier open up about their experiences and everything they learned in this journey.In this episode of Love Like Hell:We're married, now what? The history of marriage: Where did it start?The modern origins of marriage Reflecting on the past to inform future directionFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

How often do we find ourselves losing “our self” in relationships? We have a tendency to self sacrifice and betray our own wants and desires for the perceived needs of another. That tendency is a road to self betrayal. It is profoundly important to both mutually and independently trust ourselves and create an atmosphere where our partner can trust themself. Then we can both accept the whole of ourselves and the self in the other. This episode dives into the personal experiences of this type of self betrayal in Kristi and Rainier's own relationship.In this episode of Love Like Hell:The shadow side of taking responsibilitySelf betrayal as an opportunity for self remembrance Finding the “self” in relationshipEntering relationship to see a reflection of ourselves and not an appreciation for another Follow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Resentment can be like an infection. Once it starts, it can grow and worsen over time. The only way to heal it is to look at the issue, clean out the poison that's crept in, and then start the process of healing. Without looking at our resentment in a relationship, there is no way to begin to even think about forgiveness. So how do we do it? How do we look our partner in the eyes and say “I resent you for this…..you hurt my feelings in this way?” Learn more in today's episode.In this episode of Love Like Hell:How resentment can compound on itself The relationship between resentment and forgivenessWhere is the line of being too transparentHow unexpressed feelings can create unconscious door stops in relationships The way to addressing resentmentFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Forgiveness is a multifaceted process. Anything can be forgivable and there can also be times when forgiveness is not an option, at least in the moment. True forgiveness requires responsibility taking and reverence. Forgiveness is a freedom for all parties involved. This episode dives into the nuances of what it means to forgive and be forgiven.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Redefining the unforgivable sin Redemptive vs. punitive justice The forgiveness process & when is the right time to forgive?True forgiveness requires responsibility takingWhen forgiveness is not the right choiceFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThe Book of Forgiving by ​​Desmond TutuThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Many times, the most challenging thing is to be vulnerable, even with our most intimate relationships. Expressing vulnerability means that the thing we're expressing may be true of us and the emotions we are trying to avoid can come out, so it's easier to ignore. That ignoring can eventually lead to crisis in relationship. This episode explains what vulnerability factors are, how to identify them, and work through them.In this episode of Love Like Hell:How emotions change with situational contextHandling actions and emotions during states of overwhelmWhat are vulnerability factors and how they affect our relationshipsThe cycle of feeling unseen but being afraid to be seenFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Love is a mystery, but it's a mystery that's solvable. So much of how we show up in love, the roles we play, the character we become, comes from our learned experiences as a child. We adapt certain parts in order to fit in and belong. It's not necessarily a “good” thing or a “bad” thing but understanding the origins of behavior can give us the freedom to make the choice to change the script.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Changing the lens of how we view love The characters we play in our lives Uncovering childhood patternsFamily roles and implicit agreements Breaking the cycle of needing validationFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

When there is a breach of trust, large, small, implicit, or explicit, the thrill of a relationship goes away. The connection is strained and intimacy can be the furthest thing from our minds. Building back that connection through means of erotic recovery is a tool the come back to one another. This episode goes into what erotic recovery means and how to use it.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Bringing safety back to intimacy A breach of trust comes in many formsConnection returns through walking one foot at a time in willingness Connection over expectationStrengthening the practice of acceptanceFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

When relationships don't work, it's rarely because of whatever is going on in the present moment. There is a history at play. When that history isn't brought to the surface, evaluated, accepted, and processed, then patterns continue to play out. This episode takes a look at how where we've been can tell us where we're going next.In this episode of Love Like Hell:Avoidance and pursuit: Uncovering patterns in relating Rewriting our unconscious contractsWhat is shadow workDeciphering defense mechanismsHow history reveals the here and nowFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comCheck out The Rope - Men's CircleListen to episode 2. Foreshadowing about family of originThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

So many of us are afraid to be seen for who we really are. Sometimes we don't even want to truly see ourselves. The more we reinforce that pattern of unintentional deception, the harder it is to be honest when we need help to change. It takes courage to change and it takes courage to change. In this episode, Kristi and Rainier discuss what it was like to finally accept where they were and reach out for help. In this episode of Love Like HellReal life crisis and being afraid of being seenFinding stability in the chaos of lifeStepping out of the comfort zone to change what can't be changedRealigning to Integrity and relentlessly pursuing authenticityMaking the decision to ask for helpFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comCheck out The Rope - Men's CircleThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

We all have a tendency to showcase our greatest traits in the beginning of a relationship. We don't want to go into the shadow side, the mistakes, the challenging questions. We don't want the other person to run, we want to belong. Eventually we can't hide anymore and shadows come to light. In this episode, Kristi and Rainier talk about the beginning stages of their relationship and how that shaped their relationship now.In this episode of Love Like HellProjecting our own stories onto others Remembering the roots of relationship Dating apps and knowing what we're getting intoRed flags and why we ignore themFocusing too heavily on the relationship, and not the partner Follow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

In the aftermath of an affair, there's a desperate search. It's a search for some kind of anchor in a whirling storm that has no end in sight. Shame, guilt, anger, it's challenging enough to navigate one's own emotions, let alone another's. Who can you trust, who can you rely on to be a support, to feel seen, to be heard, without preconceived stories getting in the way. We need backup.In this episode of Love Like HellLooking for help: Who can you rely onUnpacking the paralyzing story of shameNavigating family dynamics in crisisAfter the affair: To leave or to stay Holding another's emotions without villainizing the storyFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

Relationship dynamics, personal roles, how we deal with conflict, these patterns can be passed down for years and years, generation after generation, until someone takes a look at its origin. If we don't get curious about how our past can affect our future, we can get stuck in the grooves of time. The clues that foreshadow our path are there, are we brave enough to look?In this episode of Love Like HellUncovered family truths Identifying intergenerational patterns and tools for working through them Finding hope when there is seemingly only fear Questions to ask your partner about family of originFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

What happens when the one who brings you the most comfort is the one that hurts you? How many questions come up when you become a stranger to yourself and everything you know about the life you have comes crumbling down in a single moment? To solve a mystery, start at the scene of the crime.In this episode of Love Like HellDiscovering the double life: When your husband becomes a strangerMaking sense of infidelityManaging crises in relationship The rule book for when the one you love is the one who hurt you Building a relationship on rocky foundationFollow Rainier:Instagram: @rainierwyldeNewsletterFollow Kristi:Instagram: @kristimariebornWebsite: kristiborn.comThis show is produced by Soulfire Productions

A couple investigates the landscape of modern relationships, exploring their own issues as they reveal how connections are often born, solidify, and at times unravel. Rainier Wylde and Kristi Born (both highly trained as clinical psychotherapists) take an intimate and probing look at the mysteries of committed connections, monogamy, infidelity, marriage, eroticism, forgivingness, attachment and trust. Their story offers a vision of real people taking extraordinary risks, caring courageously and loving like hell.