Pretty Girl Problems

In short? A place of study, reflection and expression. Press play to hear what that might look like...

Let's play never have I ever…never have I ever woken up one day and “randomly” felt super unfulfilled…dissociated from my environment, unexplainably moody…borderline bed rotting and felt like, what is life, what am I doing and what is the point of all of this? On this episode we unpack trauma responses and what it looks and feels like to be in a functional freeze. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/octoberseventh/message

What if I said fasting is an art and that your body and mind are taken to a state of excellence that can only be achieved in the absence of food and “worldly” habits? Science and religion don't always compliment each other but on this episode we explore the power and value of what it means to fast, how to do it and what it does for you. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/octoberseventh/message

How do you know you're not a narcissist? Did you know narcissism has a spectrum and that some, if not all people have tendencies, whilst others demonstrate at least five of the “special me” traits and meet the diagnostic criteria for the disorder? On this episode we unpack a real life story to see how we show up as narcissists with self-fulfilling interest, and explore the different moving parts of what narcissism is and what it looks like. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/octoberseventh/message

Why is it such a crime to label perspectives and responses to cheating as the emotional reactions they often are? This episode is not about condoning, justifying or encouraging cheating; we can all agree that to be decided and betrayed is wrong and painful. Now, to cut a long story short, are you unhappy and/or are you possessive? Can you work past it or is your ego too bruised? I wonder…Anyways, the focal point is to loosely consider if this new age obsession with the topic of cheating is rooted in fear and insecurity? Is it really about discipline and integrity or power and control? Also, do people understand that you're not asking the right questions, being manipulated or deceived (which are fundamental components of cheating) you aren't actually being cheated on? Oh…and why, why does no one talk about “attention” being the currency most women use to cheat? Is there a cheating spectrum or do men and woman basically cheat according to their their design? Also, I didn't say on the episode but, chances are, if a person lacks integrity and discipline it shows in other parts of their expression and more often than not we either don't look hard enough or ignore such flags because we don't consider that we could be subject to experiencing the given red flags personally AND, whilst we are hear let's stop pretending that when it comes to relationships most people don't cut their nose to spite their face because they do. Another day we can talk and compare who has more heart us, or our seniors but today, if anything, “men with happy wives and stable homes are at luxury to cheat” seen as women get their egos stroked everyday with attention. A theory?

You cannot force feed people into seeing things the way you do. Why do people spend so much time judging and dictating how everyone else should or shouldn't be instead of literally concerning themselves with self refinement? Now whilst I'm all here for the, “I am brothers/sisters keeper” phenomenon I do not believe in unsolicited judgment on others to the point of voicing said opinion to said person without permission because we just don't have that kind of authority on each other no matter how passionately we feel about how things should be.

Sometimes awareness sucks! There's nothing worse than knowing what you should do but not wanting to do it; actually there's nothing worse than seeing your inner child show up and having to check yourself because you know that whilst your feelings may be valid, your reactions aren't self serving. On this episode I reflect on how I showed up after being mishandled and how difficult it is to unlearn the parts of being nice that ultimately leave space for people to mishandle you without going to the polarised side of the expression where you are mean. Does anyone else feel disappointed when they know they have been mean but still can't find it in themselves to apologise because they can't look past how they were made to feel? Or better yet does anyone ever hate feeling like you are being “forced” to demonstrate a side of you that isn't the nicest or kindest all in the name of, “we can all be rude and mad” etc? Hands up if like me you'd love to master the art of responding rather than reacting…

Disputes are interesting because they allow you to see parts of peoples character that you either don't usually see or overlook because you don't experience in a capacity where you're looking at said individual(s) objectively; but then, it's also interesting how quickly we disassociate peoples nature during disputes to compliment narrative and/or versions of people we have in our heads. How you receive and experience people is a choice and we don't realise that sometimes we are too busy living in our own subjectivity that we don't give people grace to live in theirs meaning that we often attach or project our fears, insecurities and other parts of our shadow selves to peoples identity by way of assuming intention…which is always a great a recipe for disaster. On this episode I vent about a eye opening dispute I had and how it made me feel.

Why is introversion often associated with misery? Sometimes we just need down time, for some people downtime is a season in the year, for others it's a time in the day, a period of the week or month. Sometimes our bodies force us into recluse, other times our brains crash and we need to reboot and let's not forget, the times our soul cries and we yearn for stillness so we can feel grounded and reconnect with self. The moral of the story is that sometimes we just want or need to be left alone…we should probably communicate that with each other better but that's not the point of this episode.

Pretty Girl Problems is a platform which seeks to explore concepts and topics within popular and urban culture, whilst educating, enlightening and empowering its audience by way of dissecting theories and principles surrounding personal development and emotional intelligence.

I question my security often; I question my impulses and my reactions and try to understand the root of them, whether principles and boundaries are fed to me by my environment or whether I create them to feel safe and/or in control. On this episode I dissect a work husband and work wife scenario and I think about why so many people felt triggered. Besides the fact that accepting gifts and gestures can be misleading, the conclusion was that if you feel secure in self and in your unit you won't internalise other peoples intentions for your partner but that all boils down to ego…let's unpack that.

People sometimes get offended when I tell them that religious text is no different from any other text we consume; they don't like it when I say that the stories, messages and translations of history are just that, accounts of history. Spirituality is really just a concept that mirrors “research”. The older I get the more I feel like religion is a Political tool used to control people as done throughout history; I do recognise where and how the principles and stories within religious text and teachings are great guides for life but I believe spirituality is where we establish our own relationship with a higher being by way of our own experiences and testimonies. I met a witch, I can't believe I had such a narrow minded perspective witchcraft entails…I really ever considered the dark side of it all, perhaps because of culture and society but still…

Let's be honest…we are all winging it. As intentional and aware as we all might feel we are we don't have a clue what the most of our dating outcomes entail. What we do know is that some actions create a domino effect of turnouts and that essentially we are responsible for how we show up in dating and romantic interactions. What does that actually mean though?

Casual sex is not immediately fertile ground to build a relationship…no surface interaction is fertile ground to build relationships however in this day and age where luxury, friendships and sex are so easily accessible, it is important to identify ways to remain aware, honest and intentional about what your true desires are; it goes without saying that this is very difficult to master and know whilst going through the motions of life, so, on this episode I dive deep into a theory which propose the art of dating lies in a healthy rotation of three and discuss the risk of unintentional casual sex and interactions.

Stay away from men who believe in “humbling women” or men who's sense of power and control is rooted in sex and intimidation. On this episode we loosely discuss the varying male personality types and identify the true traits of an alpha male. What's your type?

Woman who are deemed as “traditional” or those who may be more conservative in expression are titled as “good girls” and sometimes “boring” whilst the modern woman who may fit the frame of being a “city girl” has to deal with being perceived as “not wifey material” and a “Bad b***”. Why do we assume that these expressions are linear? Better yet what's with all the stigmas? On this episode I discuss the two expressions and explain how most women do both.

Can we normalise 'dependancy'  just as much as much as 'independence' please?  Is anyone else tired of pretending they don't crave true intimacy, companionship and support?  When did the fight for equality turn into, the 'we don't need men' campaign? Of course we can talk about how powerful and valuable an independent woman is, or why the fight for equality must go on but can we do all that without pushing these fake narratives which suggest we are all heartless, that we don't crave to be seen and heard beyond the surface and that that everyone is disposable? Whilst this episode does not immediately discuss the varying waves and expressions of feminism, it definitely kills the most common misconception that all feminist hate men. Whilst we are here, am I the only person who thinks most men don't know what else to bring to the table besides their ability to provide for you financially?     

If you're on a quest for security, intimacy and companionship then this is the episode for you. On this episode we discuss the four different types of attachment styles, the art of detachment and how to be more intentional when it comes to dating and interacting with people both romantically and platonically. Most of us would argue that that we are not insecure, that we know how to communicate and know how to attach and detach in a healthy way; the truth is, we all have fears, insecurities and egos which often get in the way of us healing, taking accountability and facilitating positive outcomes by way of intention. What is your attachment style?

Do you think 'love'  is just love or that there are different types of love? What if I told you that you only fall in 'real' love three times in your life?  On this episode we revise the different types of love that exist and explore where we find them according to both Greek and modern philosophy. Whilst Aristotle and Plato are the first writers to explore the concept, their philosophies have since been developed by the likes of Robert Stoneberg who suggests that there are 7 types of love we can experience and express. Let's talk. Oh and, don't forget share your thoughts via twitter and instagram @shoutprettygirl. 

Identity relates to self-image; the mental model of yourself, self-esteem, and individuality. Imagine knowing who you are, the way you think about yourself, the way you are viewed by the world and the characteristics that define you then BOOM.......ITS A PANDEMIC!!! Is it me or does it feel like the individuation process is scary and never ending? Who are you when you can't go to the museum, when the gyms are closed, when you can't just meet your friends for drinks, or when you're forced to work from home? When your artificial lights of expression are taken away from you, what makes you feel alive? On this episode, we dive head first, straight into the deep end to pick apart, what seasonal transformation and escapism look like as well as what Carl Jung has to say about the bodies of identity.

Join Naomi Mbelu as she chops it up with trans activist Terrell and musician and host Tinyman as they explore and discuss battling with stillness, 'McDonald-ization' and Metacognition. You can find and connect with this episodes guest via Twitter and Instagram: -Terrell @_editmyfengshui_ -Tinyman @tinymanmusic Keep up with everything pretty @shoutprettygirl

Self validation is accepting you own internal experience, your thoughts, and your feelings. Self validation doesn't mean you believe your thoughts or actions are justified; there will be times when you will be shocked by your own thoughts and actions because they reflect your truest self, or times when when you are disheartened by experiences because they don't seem fair. If you fight your thoughts, your feelings and judge yourself for having them or for making mistakes then you will increase your emotional upset and look past the truth which is that you are human; that you feel, that you can change and that who you were yesterday doesn't have to be who you are today. The sooner you learn, understand and accept that you are not defined by your experiences, by people's actions and perceptions, the sooner you realise that, "you are you and that is your power' and that perfection isn't a destination but a journey you embark on, a hill you climb and wars you overcome. Moral of the story? Be gentle with yourself and find ways to, ”make peace with yourself”. We are all winging it when it comes to this thing called life. Don’t forget to follow us @shoutprettygirl

I got physically assaulted by a man and retaliated by shaming his car, at first I felt good about it, I even bragged about it online, then it all spiralled out of control, I got overwhelmed with attention, to be honest, as much as I satisfied by anger be retaliating, by the time I made my way home I realised that I acted out of character...but by then it was too late, my secret was out, that I was human, and that I made a mistake. Moral of the story? Sometimes you just need someone to talk to, sometimes you have to take accountability for your actions and recognise where you went wrong, all the time you have to remember that growth isn't a destination but a journey and that you've come a long way.

There is a fine line between being compulsive and being conscious, I tell you this because it is very easy to believe that you are being vulnerable when the truth is you're controlling. Control makes us feel safe and being safe doesn't build character. The gag is...it takes strength to be vulnerable; whilst you cannot be strong AND vulnerable, being vulnerable it's a choice you make, it's not something that just happens. Being vulnerable is a challenge because that's when you not only recognise where you may be weak or broken but, what you need to heal and be strengthened. On this episode I dissect where my comfort in overthinking comes from, I talk about identifying as the, “crying clown” and how I shut down for a month because I, instead of processing my experiences...I just opened tab after tab of thoughts in my head and ended up crashing like a computer.

I always think about how crazy it is that you'll only ever see your reflection, you'll never know what it's like to look at you, to see yourself...maybe that's why deep down we all just want to feel validated? Maybe that's why we seek to be seen and heard? Because we don't see or hear ourselves because some of us are just stuck living in our heads? Lately I've e been wondering if the way I am Is how I was always supposed to be or whether the adult me lives her life reacting, running and resisting her childhood. Quick question, does ones power lie in feeling things through or in learning the lesson? Listen in as I question my identity and seek validation from a friend about my fear of being misunderstood, surviving life in ”autopilot” and, resisting emotional detachment.

There is this urban myth that only crazy people need therapy, in that case, it might be worth considering that perhaps we are all crazy because we all need to talk to someone about the things that scare us, about the things that have conditioned us, about the things we don't understand and about the things we want but don't know how to attain. On this episode, we not only discuss the difference between, therapy, counselling, and psychiatry but also dissect my first counselling experience, what it entailed, and how uncomfortable yet validating the experience was. Did you know that you could be an empath but still be emotionally detached? Also that your desire to heighten your emotional intelligence and personal development could be your defence mechanism? I've always wondered whether my, confident, "go lucky" demeanour was my defence mechanism, follow me as I undergo counselling and find out. Let's crack on shall we... Oh, don't forget to follow us @shoutprettygirl

It's all fun and games being a hopeless romantic until you realise that you're scared, until you realise that you very much you need to work on yourself...until you realise that, only time tells you whether or not you're compatible with some and for the most part, all you can really do is put your best foot forward in hopes of building authentic chemistry. Why does no one talk about the fear of admitting you want to love and be loved? Why does no one highlight all the different aspects of dating which contribute to shaping your desires? Why does no one talk about the confusing stage when you just don't know what you want? Do you feel dumb because you continue to expect and hope? Or, is more a matter of numbness because you're scared of being disappointed and therefore run from the idea of committing and investing? Do you feel under pressure to find love when really, you just want company or a bit of fun? What is it, are you just scared to admit you want to experience love for everything it is? Whether you know what you want, or you don't, the first step is, to be honest with yourself about how you feel and why. Thank me later xx -The Diva

Preparation. Details such as how you start your day and how you end your day matter; it's not until you pay attention and start creating routines which stabilize you, that you really begin to maximize your day and enjoy peace. ...preparation will mean different things for everyone, what works for me may not work for you. You have to identify what it is that lifts your spirit, calms you down, motivates you and prepares you for the day. Whether it's eating breakfast, playing music, reading, dressing up, saying affirmations, twerking or even getting some first thing in the morning...you have to do what you gotta do to make sure that you start your day the best way you can; take control. (ps, you may not be able to adhere to your routine everyday of your life, but what matters is that you try). Thank me later -The Diva xx