Vanilla Beaners

Hey, hi, here's a new episode! We talk to musician, philanthropist, and all around badass Torrie Lane about everything from learning to let go to the CLITS. XOXO and C U Next Tuesday friends!

Hey friends, in person podcast episode with Mr Sweat AKA Eric/Sherrod Hightower! Mental health, toothless blow jobs, and family dinners with dad on this in depth convo with the one and only "Mr 280 to be a lady."Paul wants to know would you wear a diaper? And Selena wants to remind you about your spiritual sweet 16. XOXO and keep your mind off that bullshit!

Batten down the hatches y'all! We're back with another episode featuring JJ Howell! We talked about ice cream obsessions (sponsor us J's Creamery), his starbucks cup collection, and then we get real serious about mental health. Remember kids, it's not the end of the world, unless it is. Keep washing those hands because it's just the nice thing to do! XOXO

Jake Baker is a fresh pretty face in the Lubbock comedy scene. He's a burger/no cheese, waffle/no syrup kind of guy and he's here to teach us a little about writing every day and defying oddness since high school. You can follow him down an alley and admire his glutes but you cant follow him on social media because he's a libertarian aka a bipartisan serial killer. Get on his level! XOXO, wear your mask and hold your farts in public because it's the nice thing to do, ya meatheads!

Part Tres with bonus host Steven! We're all in lesbians with Jayden Dodson on this episode because he has no internal monologue and he's crushing those dick ups! IDK what that means honestly but maybe that was my fault? Anyways you cant find him on social media but you can find Paul and his crocs, Selena and her endless social justice worrierism, and Steven and his new bird on insta, FB, and twitter. XOXO and remember to shrink your circumstance whenever you can!

Part Deux of episode 29 with our bonus host Steven Feldman! We chat with our favorite bemidjian bisexual Chrissy Covington about how her cat's a perv, being a night farter, and TVP (which is in fact, not an STD). Sit down and grab some carrots and enjoy the show! XOXO

THREE PART EPISODE! Steven Feldman, the artist also known as the Prince of Puns, is our bonus host for this saga of conversational podcasting. This is Part 1 with Matt Villegas, a veteran podcaster/comedian/anti-cardio activist. It's a fucking Croc bro! Find clemente's corner wherever you find your pods and put on a house show because it's gotta last forever, right?! XOXO and do the right thing!

Bathroom anxiety, underfunded school districts, and vaginal energy. We talk about all that and more with comedian and teacher (the ONE and ONLY) Corey Evans! From Lubbock, to Chicago, to Houston and back, he steady stays teaching and telling jokes. Don't find him on social media though, he's gotta keep his job at *redacted* middle school. Thanks for listening, and keep telling your emotional truth, unless that truth is that you want to fuck a dog then keep that shit to yourself! XOXO and wear your masks you monsters!

We're talking blacking out, biking, and bone cones with our friend Val Burba in our nastiest episode yet! She's not fucking her dog, she kind of believed in god, and arent relationships so hard!? Get a trim and some mental stim from @valburba on instagram! Also, Paul got gay cruised and Selena is not so secretly afraid of teens. XOXO and please reach out if you need someone to talk to Rest in Peace and Laughter J.H.

Our longest episode ever and Paul has never been so quiet! We had a very in-depth discussion with local activists and organizers Nanci Glitterati and Kirsten Davis. We hit on our own personal experiences with law enforcement, racial injustice, and some of the goals of Lubbock Activists Striving to End Racism (LASER). Also, Selena has so many problematic favs! So much talk! Never forget PRIDE is a RIOT and let's Defund the Police XOXO

If you're looking for a distraction from matters that you should definitely be paying attention to, here's a show we did with Michael Pasvar of the DFW area. He's a comedian, a father, and a #juicyjogger. He talked to us about what it's like to be cast as a douchebag college guy, how to find shows in Big Spring where the milk is plentiful, and his new hashtag taking over finspo insta. Pretty sure Paul wants to have sex with him, and Selena is too occupied by the BLM movement against police brutality to have much else to talk about at the moment. Join the #JuicyJogger nation and punch a local racist today! XOXO and VIVE LA RESISTANCE!

BONUS EPISODE! Talking about where we draw the line when it comes to controversial comedy with the low-key verbal assassin himself, Aaron Durbin. Also Paul is wrong and Selena will try to be more sensitive in the future. Check out Laugh Hub City - Lubbock Comedy on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to see who else we might accidentally offend in the future. Who let the dogs out? We may never know. XOXO

Part coyote, part father and all badass; that's Efren. Listen closely now as he tells you about his adventures in self defense, immigrant smuggling, and what happens when people get stingy with their coke. And remember: sharing is caring bro! XOXO

This episode features our good long distance friend Adam Telfah! We talk about intermittent fasting, Adams intro to comedy and unemployment, and his new project: Telfah Tells the News! Check him out on insta @adamstelfah to see pictures of his windbreakers and all his other adventures, and on snapchat @adamstelfah and maybe he'll send you videos of him rubbing honey on his belly. Also, subscribe to his youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/SuperTelfah. Ramadan Mubarak everybody! XOXO

For this weeks episode we started  talking about the pending demise of the natural gas industry, and if things will be different BC, before corona, and AD after disease. Then we talk to Paul's friend Kyle *REDACTED* about pumping Paul and cockfighting, which, believe it or not, are actually two different topics. What do you guys think? Problematic or survival of the fittest? Anywho, thanks for listening and please engage with us on social media or Paul is gonna buy another pair of crocs and no one wants that to happen, especially Selena. XOXO and wash your damn hands!

Paul and Selena talk briefly about Easter and blasphemy before we introduce this weeks guests on the show. We learn that Kelsey's not really gay because she's never watch Glee; Evett tells us about day-drinking during a corona virus scare; and finally we learn about the history of the local tejano music scene from Lubbock radio legend DJ Tony T. Anywho, follow Kelsey on insta @kelsey_snipes for pictures of fancy beer and her OOTD. Follow Evett on insta @evett_ann for pictures of her SFX makeup artistry, or add her on snap or fb @Evett Arias. And follow Tony T, professional DJ services on facebook, for all your DJ needs. Most importantly relax, have a beer or some jager, and take it one day at a time.  XOXO and wash your damn hands!

It's a Good Friday with our friend (and one of the founders of Laugh Hub City) Caleb Davis! He's here to tell you that it's a shit show in desperate need of guacamole. Follow him on twitter @calbandini for more solid advice like "tell jokes always" and "appreciate each other" and of course "live it, love it, FOREVER!" Thanks for listening you social distancing dweebs, we love you like the non-existent second family of children Paul will not pay child support on. XOXO and wash your hands!

Going to the ER, Bath and BodyWorks, and stand-up comedy. These are the things our guests on this episode miss about life pre-COVID19. Plus Paul says something surprisingly enlightening so don't miss it, it may never happen again! Follow Jorge Mariscal @artvisualphotography on instagram and hit him up for pictures (at a safe social distance of course). You can find updates on #freebritney with Cassandra @cassandravkelley on twitter. And if you're looking for some good old fashioned imaginary friend humor, follow Gary Dorsey and Mister Skip on facebook. Remember "don't fear it, but have a healthy respect for it" and please be safe everyone. XOXO 

 In this corona call-in episode we talk to Hartli from Dallas about coming out to your friends and how to cope with depression in times of quarantine. You can follow her on twitter @hartliquinn and maybe you'll see her manic tic-tok videos.  We also hit up the host of Lamons Terms, Dereck, and he tells us about WHORES (the band) and keeping your veganism to yourself, and dont forget to listen to his podcast for the musings of the most interesting man in Lubbock comedy. How are you guys doing? We really want to know! Hit us up on twitter, insta, and facebook @vanillabeaners if this social distancing thing has got you losing your mind. Thanks for listening and wash your goddamn hands! XOXO

Hey friends, since we're all going through this situation together Paul and Selena decided to reach out to friends and family to see how everyone's coping. This episode was recorded on March 21st, when there were 5 confirmed cases in Lubbock; on the day this airs there are 25 confirmed cases; so much can change so quickly. In this episode, we talk to Selena's mom Letticia about how this pandemic is affecting the local economy and the Catholic church, then we put on our tinfoil hats and talk to Ryan Schneider about conspiracies and prepping for the end of the world, and then we hit up our friend and newly-named DJ Durb about the effect this is having on comedy and how he's using his time. Thank you all for listening, we love you and please stay home if you can. XOXO

We're still out here y'all and back with a fun drinking game episode! In this weeks episode we talk to Dave Longren about Laugh Hub City Origins, Paul being an asshole (as usual) and why the Scottish hate the Irish. Have you met the Dirty Possum? You can find him at Nightmare on 19th St during the Halloween Season, sitting on a toilet and smoking a cigarette, or you can probably catch him at Tova enjoying a Cuban. The drinking/smoking game is this: take a shot/hit every time Dave says fuck you/them/it, or chug your beer every time Dave calls Paul a fat fuck. We are not responsible for any blacking out that may occur during this episode! Anyways, follow us on facebook and we will try to keep you all entertained during this global pandemic that is definitely real Paul! XOXO and wash your hands!

Paul is back and he joins Selena at Growler USA to talk mostly about the corona virus. What do you guys think, are you stocking up on toilet paper and dry goods or is it like the tooth fairy and cholesterol (fake news)? Anyway, follow us on social media please and wash your goddamn hands! XOXO

This week we have a special guest host: Derek Lamon, aka Dizzy, aka the White Joe Cash from our brother podcast Lamons Terms! Dizzy and Selena talk to Jacob Carrizales about Desperado Dan's origins, the intricacies of D&D, and he teaches us how to spell ukulele and even plays us a little ditty about dreams. Remember kis, follow Desperado Dan's Windowless Van of Musical comedy on facebook and Youtube and do drugs! Also, follow Lamons Terms on all streaming services and social media to keep up with the most interesting comic in Lubbock. And follow the vanilla beaners to stay up to date on Paul's racism and Selena's haircut. XOXO

This Tuesday episode is a take over! We talk to Joe Cash the Entertainer about his history of being a performer and how to keep it real. As always, follow the show @vanillabeaners on twitter and @vanillabeanerspodcast on instagram. Follow Paul on Twitter @thebigdaddypolo for some light racism and Selena @selenawhateverz for some night shift thoughts. XOXO

In this weeks episode we sat down with one of Laugh Hub City's founding members Aaron Durbin aka the low-key verbal assassin! We learned more about his experiences travelling across the (mostly white) world, and his beginnings in comedy. Turns out Selena and Aaron share an unnatural love for Jessica Alba and Aaron and Paul both know too much about 80s and 90s pop culture. Follow Aaron on twitter @slyd and instagram @sly_d and beware of the nacho cheese! As always, follow the show @vanillabeaners on twitter and @vanillabeanerspodcast on instagram. Follow Paul on Twitter @thebigdaddypolo, and ask yourself, "what would timmy do?" And follow Selena @selenawhateverz for jokes about nipples. XOXO

For this bonus episode, recorded on location at the World of Beer, we got a chance to talk to the competitors, the host, and the judges about the very first West Texas Roast Battle. Congrats to Joe Cash the Entertainer the first champion! Then Paul and Selena (doing her best impression of a sportscaster) are joined by Cole Headrick and Steven Feldman to discuss the twists and turns of the show, and how a show like this changes the history of comedy in West Texas. As always, please follow us on social media, and follow Cole on twitter @therolleycoley to see how he made Pat McAfee laugh that one time! XOXO

Who will win tonight's inaugural West Texas Roast Battle? Paul's money is on Matt Villegas, but one thing's for sure, it's gonna be brutal! Follow paul on grindr and upside down pineapple @thebigdaddypolo, and follow selena the spoon thief on twitter @selenawhateverz. XOXO

In talking to our good friend and local story teller Rafa, we learn that not only can he do a lot with his two fingers, but he also allegedly has the tequila virus! Stay tuned to Laugh Hub City to check out more of his outrageous stories,. Please follow our newly added (and currently suspended for unknown reasons) instagram account @vanillabeanerspodcast, for a visual guide to the show. Wanna be our next interview? Let us know on twitter and facebook @vanillabeaners. Use your two fingers for good and dont start rumours! XOXO

This is the episode where we find out that Paul and Selena have a 22% chance of getting a divorce, and single people hate valentines day (duh). Head nod to everyone who took the time to talk to us this week about Valentines Day! First person to prove that they won Vday bingo wins a $10 gift card to Tova, so send us a pic of you holding your coffee mug with two hands just to make Paul mad. AS always, please follow us on social medias and buy us drinks in real life.Happy Valentines Day everyone and bone responsibly!

In this episode Steven Feldman talks to us about graffiti, being a eunuch, and one liners. Follow Steven @thereaslishstevenfeldman on instagram and @dammitsteven on twitter and stop eating pepperoni pizza it's garbage! Come see our shows with Laugh Hub City, we've got a lot going on this month you won't want to miss! As always, follow us on facebook and twitter, enrage Paul(aka the basic-est b*tch) by sending him pictures of two handed coffee drinkers, and let Selena know if you wanna be on the show. *We are not sponsored by Capital Pizza but we should be right? Closing song is called 3 Vets by The Future Kings and intro music, as usual, by Selena. Support local comedy and local pizza! XOXO

Kelsey Snipes is our guest in this episode. We talked about Kobe Bryant, the military, and beer! Follow her on twitter @redlacedoxfords and on instagram @kelsey_snipes. As always, please follow us @vanillabeaners on twitter and facebook and follow the hosts Selena @selenawhateverz, and Paul @thebigdaddypolo on twitter. Email us with your comments and dont shit in bags! XOXO

Our first official guest and un-official assistant sound engineer Dereck Lamon talks to us about public intoxication, being white passing, and getting hemorrhoids from boofing ecstasy. Listen to his podcast Lamons Terms on all platforms and follow all of us on all the social medias. In the wise words of our friend Dizzy, you'll only be as young as you are tonight! XOXO

IN this episode, Paul and Selena are dissatisfied with their sets and try to figure out if Selena is in fact setting back the gay rights movement. As always, please follow us on social media and visit your friends in the hospital. XOXO

Just Paul and Selena talking about the aftermath of the Laugh Off, pathological liars, and second chances. As always, follow us on twitter @vanillabeaners, and follow Paul @thebigdaddypolo, and selena @selenawhateverz. XOXO

For this episode, Paul and Selena interview each other and other comics about competing in the legendary Lubbock Laugh Off. Paul remains bitter about his losses and Selena overthinks everything. Listen to hear the inner thoughts of past competitors and multi-time champs of Lubbocks hottest comedy show. As always, follow us on social media but not in real life because Selena has a taser. XOXO Vanilla Beaners

In this episode we talk about WW3 memes, productivity and the comedian's process, and other interesting podcasts. Anyways, as always please follow us on twitter @vanillabeanerspodcast, and follow your hosts @theBigDaddyPolo and @selenawhateverz and let us know what you think of the show! XOXO

In this bonus episode Selena talks to Cassandra Kelly about kids, concerts, and conservator-ship. As always, follow us on twitter @vanillabeanerspodcast and follow Cassandra @cassandravkelly! Thanks boys and girls and be nice!

Thanks to everyone who participated in this weeks episode! Also, go to our facebook page VanillaBeaners Podcast to download and play a game of podcast bingo for a chance to win a starbucks giftcard. As always, please follow us on twitter @vanillabeaners, and follow your hosts @thebigdaddypolo and @selenawhateverz, and let us know what you think about the show! XOXO

Due to a family emergency, the originally scheduled episode will be delayed until further notice. Listeners may have this quarter sized episode, as a treat. Thanks boys and girls!

Selena and Paul talk about crocs, hot dog juice, Christmas, and the unhoused. Merry Christmas m*****f******! Enjoy and tell your friends. As usual, you can follow us on twitter @vanillabeaners, follow Selena @selenawhatevers, and follow Paul @thebigdaddypolo. Also like our facebook page VanillaBeaners Podcast! Comments, questions, suggestions welcome on any of those platforms, or you can email us at vanillabeanerspodcast@gmail.com. Thanks for spending some time with us!

This is just a snack! Enjoy and tell your friends! Follow us on twitter @vanillabeaners; and follow your hosts Paul @thebigdaddypolo, and Selena @selenawhateverz.