Oh Lord Won't You Buy Me A Podcast

It’s the most predictable time of the year and like rash you just can’t clear, we’re back in time to bring cheer up your festive season. This month/year, we start some of our own conspiracy theories, question the logic of donating money to public services, and ask, FINALLY, how anyone could fail to sell bleach during a pandemic. So sit back, consume, and remember that this exists for the next hour. We’re happy to be with you, here, at the end of all things. We didn’t watch the John Lewis one. Consume and Engage on our social media page on facebook or @ohlordpodcast on twitter. Tesco: https://youtu.be/8CfrpexaCwg Facebook: https://youtu.be/nWwVFywBCeY Dettol: https://www.campaignlive.co.uk/article/dettols-back-work-ad-goes-viral-wrong-reasons/1693406        

The Festive Season is here, again, once more, what joy. Much like many of your favourite Christmas heroes, we’re back from the dead, and much like all your favourite Christmas stories, it’s the same shit all over again. Waitrose’s crappy dragon, Aldi’s saddest showman and Sainsbury’s gritty Santa reboot are all unpacked, alongside all the usual trimmings and a thrilling quiz for dessert. Duncan says ‘ehhh’ a lot, Craig pronounces things wrong, Alan indulges in crudities and Beth kickstarts Tyson Fury’s literary career. Consume and Engage on our social media page on facebook or @ohlordpodcast on twitter. Sainsbury’s: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ak5HEPpubhk Waitrose: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7QrhfTx0nw Aldi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T37-A2JdaEk Lidl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U-F6N-giHg

December 24th 2019. We're coming back. Here's just a taste, a snifter, a morsel, a hint, a supermarket free sample handed out by a dead-eyed shelf drone, the merest waft of what's to come. Here's the advert, it's shite: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1T9mI7CBpM Artwork by Beth Outrage by Craig If you're reading this, you know where to find us. You know where to find us.

We'll never ask you for money, but we will ask you for donations. Give Joe yer money, please: https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/worthyrun Don't watch the ads here! - https://bit.ly/2GKNp0j Man Alive! Thee and Me, Naughty 40, Time for Fun. That’s right, we’re bingo-ing mad. This month we Turn the Screw on gambling ads and discuss the depressing lives of CG artists, the imminent singularity of betting app AI, Ray Winston’s tool, promiscuous foxes, the Animals of Farthing Wood and which Ladbrokes lad would be most likely to suffer an horrific shrapnel injury. All this and more alongside the usual moralising and diversity box ticking. Intro music by Matthew Sharrock - https://soundcloud.com/matthew-sharrock Other sounds: Alan / freesound.org Artwork by Beth #consume #engage @ohlordpodcast

Sorry not sorry this took so long. Alan was, a) Too drunk b) Satirising the Zeitgeist c) A bit busy/ill/on holiday This one's quite good actually. 6.125% of our fans suggested we put an advert playlist here, SO HERE IT IS!!1! https://youtu.be/P-NPTZ57c-w #consume #engage

The incredible intro/outro music was written and arranged by Matthew Sharrock. Listen to his otherwonderful tracks here: https://soundcloud.com/matthew-sharrock #exposure We're baaack! More hosts, more adverts, more #content. Merry Christmas. In this record-breaking tenth episode, we explore the John Lewis extended universe, present the harrowiing sequel to Sainsbury's 2014 WWI ad, question the representation of the genders in an M&S advert, and get angry about using dead orangutans to sell mince pies Remember, if you don’t #consume, we’re all doomed. Image credit: Tuphuggy, CC 4.0 Audio credits: Matthew Sharrock, [robinhood76, vedas, zagi2] (CC 0, freesound.org), "Russian Cheeky Soldier Voice" by Iwan Gabovitch CC. 3.0 (freesound.org)

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

  [SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype  

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype

[SPONSORED CONTENT] If you like this, why not share it with your friends? OLWYBMAP will return on December 24th for SERIES 2: CONSUME HARDER. Watch our previous episodes with the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage #hypehypehype  

Congratulations! You made it to the end of what we're arbitrarily calling series 1! In this record-breaking ninth episode, the guys talk for exactly 120 minutes about price comparison websites, and Duncan doesn't get it in multiple ways! OLWYBMAP will return...for series 2: consume harder. Watch the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Please (PLEASE) engage with us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #engage Image credits: Neil McIntosh Audio credits: TBC

[SPONSORED CONTENT] Uther's car has broken down on his way to an important meeting. Ian could have the solution he's been looking for...and so much more. "Tug One Out offers the very best in peer-to-peer pier-to-pier boat-sharing solutions." Find us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume Script: Craig Production & Editing: Alan Audio credits: TBC Image credits: © S.J. de Waard / CC-BY-SA-4.0 (via Wikimedia Commons)  

Any complaints about the length of time these adv...episodes take to come be released should be sent to gofuckyourself@consume.web In this record-breaking eighth episode, we talk about recurring 'characters' in adverts from the world of cars, communication, and coffee, and come to the conclusion that everyone is a cunt. Watch the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Send us those goats on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! #consume #deaddadtime Image credits: Thomas Doerfer; FriedChickenGuy Audio credits: TBC

Mmm...smooth. Sorry for the 'delay' - Alan went to a festival, Craig moved house, and Duncan was busy profiting from the economic collapse of Venezuela. In this record-breaking seventh episode, we talk about coffee adverts, and things get a bit serious at the end. That's it. Nobody reads this anyway. Make up your own jokes. Watch the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz Find us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! Send more goats. #consume

It (was) coming 'home'. Remember? In this record-breaking sixth episode, we talk about football adverts. Specifically, world cup football adverts. Fat Ronaldo, new Ronaldo, drone strikes, and sound financial advice. We flip the script on all of this and more, and unite what is divided. Купите нефть «Газпром»! Now over to you... Watch the ads with our commentary at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz #consume Sound credits: Football Italia, www.kremlin.ru CC4.0; bbc.co.uk © copyright 2018 BBC Image credits: Public Domain

“It’s a bit long, isn’t it?” - A listener. In this record-breaking fifth episode, we risk our cholesterol levels as we devour fast-food adverts from the big three: McDonald's, KFC, and Burger King. We'll uncover a dark secret in Craig's past, critically evaluate the lyrics of DMX, get insider knowledge from a man known only as “Sharplove,” and meet Cliff the Pattyman. Plus: test your fast food knowledge with our quiz! #fastfoodfacts #fff #triplef Watch the ads with our ‘commentary’ at www.ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz (thanks to Gamesmaster Phil for the website wizardy) Find us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@ohlordpodcast) and send us your worst targeted ads (#consume) and force your friends to listen whenever you can! Tony's technical notes: Not only is Duncan recording from the bottom of a well this episode, but that well has a MASSIVE FAN in it. Image by k3b4b - https://www.flickr.com/photos/k3bab/5075157103/, CC BY-SA 2.0

Too niche, too soon. In this record-breaking 42-minute episode, we remember an ad campaign that was "wonderfully resonant for the culture of the time." (Craig, 2018). At the turn of the century, the Health Education Board Scotland (HEBS) adverts tried to stop Scottish teenagers doing what they and generations before them had done so well and enjoyed so much: drinking too much, smoking, selling their Playstations for smack, and having strokes. Don't forget, you can watch these ads IN REAL TIME IRL by visiting http://ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz/ Photo credit: Domaine de la Ganne

That's right, we're now doing two-parters, because mo' content mo' clicks...right? In part 1, we talk about the adverts for Scotland's other national drink, and a major contributing factor to the Glasgow effect, Irn Bru. OLWYBMAP is now fully multimedia and web 2.0. Due to the magical coding abilities of Gamesmaster Phil you can hear our 'commentary' while watching the ads we told you not to at http://ohlordwontyoubuymeapodcast.xyz/  Photo courtesy of D'Arcy Norman Flickr CC2.0

"It's been a long time (long time), we shouldn't of left you (left you), Without a dope beat to step to (step to, step to, step to, step to)." In this record-breaking third episode, we fail to understand perfume ads and ask: Is Paco Rabanne sexist? Why do perfume ads have documentaries about them and why did we watch them? What would Natalie Portman do for love? Who cares? Plus, keep listening for the worst quiz ever recorded. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Why are we doing this? In this overly long first episode, we talk about Christmas ads, including a gruelling run-down of the increasingly sophisticated emotional manipulation of the John Lewis ads that is as difficult to listen to as as it was to research. We also find out about what Christmas used to be like for children in medieval times, and discuss what Greggs the Bakers should do after this year's "Sausage Roll Jesus" campaign. Sponsorship for this episode comes from Allkatime Batteries, Straight Up!, and the St. Kilda Institute of Commerce and Space Travel.

Hey, we're still here! We're as surprised as you are. In this even longer second episode, we talk about car ads, including the lazy stereotyping of Audi ads from the 80's and the despicable subversion of using a protest song for THAT Mercedes ad. Plus we find out how to park a Qashqai, and the one thing brothers Freddie and Adam have in common (spoiler: it's a car) We said we'd include links to the adverts here, but (like all adverts) we lied. Deal with it.