Reality Hoes

Who likes greeting cards anyways? Stupid Chris. Big thanks to Matt James for giving us a monumental season of The  Bachelor! You're invited into our living rooms anytime! Also, big thanks to Emmuanel Acho! You are the ATFR host we never knew  we desperately needed. We were happy to hear some uncomfy convos to end a  Monday night. Takeaways:   - Matt protected his mental health and broke up with Rachael   - Rachael claimed to be learning  (hopefully she really is because she didn’t give any resources)   - Michelle and Katie are the next TWO bachelorettes   - Tayshia and Kaitlyn will be filling in for Chris Harrison (hopefully forever)

Fantasy Suites! We heard a very important (what should have been private) conversation between Matt and his father right at the top and that really set the tone for the rest of the episode. Matt showed he was serious, he needed to say what was on his mind, and he is ready to go to the next level with these ladies. Through all the seriousness there was also some silliness thrown in (i.e. butter massages, pitching a tent made for one, and pottery pouting). In the end our sweet fav Bri was sent home and to that we say - #BriForBachelorette

Women Tell All? More like — What did Heather do to get cut out of Every. Single. Shot? This women tell all revealed secrets without giving us satisfaction as to why they were secrets in the first place. Why didn’t we see Tayshia and Jojo? Why didn’t we see the bug date? Why wasn’t Sarah there or made mention of when she took up the majority of the first 3 episodes? What did Katie do that so many women were against her? Why didn’t we get to see Heather? Why was Brittney’s false accusation aired when Chris claimed it is the worst thing someone could be called? Needless to say, the tell all left us confused and unsatisfied, but ready to move on to Fantasy Suites!

Hometowns Nemacolin Edition. We see Michelle’s Minnesota teacher life, Rachel’s skydiving fiasco, Bri’s off-roading extravaganza and Serena’s Canadian roots. Matt also gave us insight into who he’s feeling the most. Rachel. Something we saw early on, but we’re really able to confirm through their conversations. And the only thing we have left to say if he chooses Rachel is… BRI OR MICHELLE FOR BACHELORETTE

And then there were 4... Matt sends home literally half the women during the duration of this episode and we couldn't be happier! We discuss the fire Chris Harrison news, the Rachael Kirkconnell updates, and try not to overlook a truly iconic season of the bachelor because of ignorant white people. Speaking of the bachelor he is making some interesting decisions! Serena over Pieper? Shocking! Rachel over Abigail? Flabbergasted. But you like who you like and Matt is not afraid to tell those certain ladies what he is feeling -- HARD.

We have gas lighters, firestarters, makeout seshs, nipple rubbing, minivans, motels and more all rolled up into a two hour episode. Mj is sent home - stunned that her actions have consequences. And Jessenia rises victorious as suspected. Pieper is a Disney princess — nuff said. Tyler C. joins his BFF and gets a different type of happy ending massage. And finally... Heather wants to meet Matt because Hannah B. swears they’re meant to be, which (to us) makes Hannah a bad friend. She should’ve tried to hook it up ages ago!

Goodbye to the one we loved to hate. Victoria your petty talk will only be missed a little, but your relatable bra showing will be missed a lot! We said goodbye to four other women tonight and that honestly still wasn't enough. Next week we will be in week six with 15 (soon to be 16 when Heather comes) women left. But for the juiciest part of the episode. MJ will soon be removed from her "varsity squad" and Jessenia will come out victorious. If she doesn't Matt and I will have serious issues.

I think I’d want to be on the JV team tonight. Varsity somehow seems too high school… Claws are out, hair is flipped, and Katie is just trying to keep the peace. Five new women “invade” the house and our evening just got a whole lot more interesting. Insecurities are running high and the tension is thick but the “OG’s” feel a false sense of entitlement. Idk, to us it seems like some of these women need to read He’s Just Not That Into You and move along.

ATTACK! Welcome to the warzone. The emotional warzone that is. This episode consisted of Sarah crying and the girls making it known that they were not ok with it. (They were so cut-throat that I almost forgot this episode started with a group date all about smut!) Anyways, we had our first dramatic exit of the season and we find out that next week we’ll have FIVE new dramatic entrances — ruining our bracket. Thanks a lot ABC.

Mission accomplished Victoria. We’re talking about you, but I wouldn’t say all press is good press. My main takeaway? Hurt people, hurt people. Let’s try and focus on more positive energy next week, k? Thx! Anyways, Matt is definitely starting to like some of the women. He’s gonna hop on his pelton and cycle into someone’s heart ASAP. Let’s go on the ride of our lives!

Getting to know you, getting to know [some] about you. Bachelor nation officially meets Matt and all 32 of his potential love interests. May we just say, ABC really tried to show up with more diversity this season and it is much appreciated! They are moving in the right direction. Do they still have a long way to go? Yes, but we are here to support (and pressure) them through the journey. Back to Matt — we can see how pressured he feels in this situation coming in with no experience, but that could make his time all the more exciting!

Let’s talk ladies! We are breaking down all of the women on Matt’s season and giving our opinions on the little to NOTHING we know about them. But never fear, some research did go into the production of this episode. Zodiac signs! We scoured the internet, high and low, to find birthdays and talk compatibility. Verdict? So many Pisces and for our Sagittarius king we are predicting a bit of an issue. ***disclaimer: we are not professionals in astrology at all and know next to nothing, this is just for fun!

And the winner is *drum roll* Zac Clark As predicted "by us" Zac Clark stole her heart. But the biggest contraulations goes to the Adam's Family for being cool as cucumbers after meeting her men in 120° heat with the AC turned off for a better audio experience for the viewers at home. You really are willing to do anything for your daughter and look great doing it! BUT where is our After The Final Rose? The last 5 minutes of the episode did not have to be dedicated to a Matt James promo when we could've had a look into Tay & Z's current life set up.

And then there were three. Whoops, two. Nope back to three? Our guys meet Tayshia’s and the crowd favorite is unanimous — Ivan is the man for our men! But he’s certainly not the man for Tayshia. When comparing her interaction with Zac and Ivan, she really looks like her sights are set on Zac. The most heartbreaking news of the evening: Brendan made a self exit BEFORE fantasy suite and in that moment, Tayshia must’ve wanted him more than ever! We certainly did! The most annoying news of the evening: Ben returns to share his feelings for Tayshia. Just accept your paradise moment in a few months my guy.

Do four better men exist? (Besides Joe because we will always have a special place in our hearts for him) No! Brendan’s dance skills impress, zac hails a cab like a 1980s movie dad, Ivan shows culinary excellence and Ben looks too blissed out for words. Only three survive and we really don’t think the decision is easy FOR HER at this point. For us? Super easy. Brendan is so attractive it hurts. But Ivan is so damn cute I eat up every word! Maybe it is harder than we thought…

We have our final four and they are exactly who we expected. No surprises here in this weird half episode, half Men Tell All. Noah and Bennet are still arguing. Tayshia has to justify why she sent men home (when "I'm just not that into you" should've been enough) and we see a whopping 2 minutes of bloopers. We got throught the worst episode of every season, proud of us!

As the men continue to share their real authentic experiences and upbringings, We’re transported back to the time before. A time when we had to listen to Cam talk about giving back a puppy or Annaliese’s traumatic bumper car incident. Grateful we are past that time. Kudos to the casting department this season — Real people, real stories! And thanks Ben for sharing your story with the world, we are all happier you’re around. Now for something we’re not happy about, Chris is still not back?! I miss his long pauses and uncomfy greetings. Come back to us Chris! And speaking of back, a certain someone is back but they’re making us wait until next week for all those details!

Ok, the men get DEEP! Whether it's about their personal feelings, past experiences or dig themselves a big deep hole to lie in (Bennett) - We see things we never have before! Is gift giving Bennett's love language? If so, he must work on his delivery. Tayshia your decision is easy, send them both home. Don't let the producers sway you, you don't want either of them girl!

Tayshia never disappoints and we have to argue about which one of the guys looks best with her - What a hard decision! Truth or dare? Truth. Ivan wins our hearts, Noah is the obvious villain, we still need our spa date with Bennett and we lose one of the best guys to ever go on bachelorette (still not over you Joe)!

The Grown Ass Man Award goes to Bennett (and probably Joe and Bendan as well but they weren't on this date). The men act like children and we watched for a solid 2 hours, our only solace being the commercial breaks. Petty fights, grammar lessons, male grooming sessions and make outs! All you need for a relaxing night in!

Let’s try that again? - Bachelor Producers (probably). Tayshia’s first official episode and she is making it known that she’s NOT like Clare! Although her motives are the same – find love in the end – she is going to FLIRTayshia her way through it. We are seeing guys that were truly left in the dark while we watched the Clare & Dale show and it is both intriguing and confusing. From pool fights to Chris Harrison’s one man show. We really get it all this episode and it still wasn’t enough!

You know when you know - Clare If the last episode was a rollercoaster, this one is more of a lazy river. Clare makes the decision that she's done with all the other men, officially blowing up the bachelorette! She's a woman that knew what she wanted and was willing to risk it all for love. Her and Dale just enjoy each other's company and we are happy to see it, but what does this mean for the other men? A hard breakup and an abiguous proposition. They don't know Tayshia has been waiting for them this whole time!

So...We’re a little late. We’re usually prompt. I swear! In this episode we go over all things Bachelorette Season 16 Ep. 3 a wild rollercoaster of emotions! Starting with Yosef’s ridiculousness, to a romantic teen comedy, cruising by a MAJOR no no, sprinkled in with a bit of the yuck, some producer shade and the ending that left us all speechless. Enjoy!