Thomas and the Bible

I was joined by around 10 amazing listeners to reminisce about the show! Thank you guys so much for participating! I’ll be away for a few weeks, next week at Mythinformation con 3 and after that, I’ll need time to make a new intro and ready the next book. But then I’ll be back! This … Continue reading T and the B Wrap Up, Part 2! →

I was joined by around 10 amazing listeners to reminisce about the show! Thank you guys so much for participating! I’ll be away for a few weeks, next week at Mythinformation con 3 and after that, I’ll need time to make a new intro and ready the next book. But then I’ll be back! This … Continue reading T and the B Wrap Up, Part 1! →

Guys, this is it. The last one. We’re done with the bible after this. Done. I’m already done since I had to record this before you listen to it. So I’m way ahead of you and quite emotional right now. Please come to my hangout on Thursday 10/13 6 pm Pacific. I’ll send out the … Continue reading Revelation 19-22 →

Jeeeeeeez last two episodes left!!!! This one sucks. Sorry. This book is still crap. Guess what, a bunch of gross stuff is going to happen to us. Bugs and fire and stuff and whatever. Yeah we’re all dead. Nice job god you’re so awesome. http://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/media.blubrry.com/tandtheb/p/www.thomasandthebible.com/Podcasts/Episode259.mp3 Podcast: Play in new window | Download Subscribe: iTunes | Android … Continue reading Revelation 12-18 →

Some more Revelacion! But first, a SPECIAL SPECIAL SPECIAL guest!!!! Oh my god it was a total surprise to me and it was the best ever!!!!!!!!!!! Also god is totally going to reign. He’s going to rule the crap out of heaven, since that’s what gods do.

REVELATIONNNNNNN! It’s here! The end of the world is at hand! This reading was actually pretty fun. I’m going out with a bang! And hopefully the world ends right when I finish Revelation and then we’ll know for sure all this shit was true. http://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/media.blubrry.com/tandtheb/p/www.thomasandthebible.com/Podcasts/Episode257.mp3 Podcast: Play in new window | Download Subscribe: iTunes | Android … Continue reading Revelation 1-5 →

We use the John a couple more times and then it’s hey Jude.

We’re really getting close to finishing this thing, but first we have to hit a few Johns. Did you know that god is love and love is god and you are love if you are god and we are all together?

We’re finishing an epistle allegedly written by Peter and moving onto another epistle even more allegedly written by Peter Showbox APK. In it, he emphasizes how this is definitely not his first rodeo OR epistle, and that people are idiots for thinking the world isn’t ending any minute. Signed, 1900 years ago. http://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/media.blubrry.com/tandtheb/p/www.thomasandthebible.com/Podcasts/Episode254.mp3 Podcast: Play … Continue reading 1 Peter 3-2 Peter 3 →

Oh cool some more boring letters to and from people we don’t know or care about. Kevin is back with a vengeance. His intro is killer. Several thousand dollars worth of studio magic went into his Showbox APK 40 second intro this week. He took out a second mortgage for this one. The least you … Continue reading James 2-1 Peter 2 →

We finish up with those dirty Hebrews and then move onto a “general epistle.” Always interesting are those letters people just write in “general.” Hi I’m just writing to whomever about whatmever.

More Hebrews. I’m up to my ass in Hebrews and they aren’t interesting either. If they were maybe the slightly interesting kind of Hebrews, that would be ok. They’re not. They’re actually the mega-boring Hebrews you’ve heard about in the news.

We’ve got a nice quickie in Philemon, a slave owner to whom Paul is trying to return a slave he found… And then we move onto Hebrews, which is an incredibly boring book about trying to make Jesus sound cool to Jews and stuff. Make sure to go to thomasandthebible.com/poll to choose the future of … Continue reading Philemon-Hebrews 4 →

It’s more Psaul or is it? We’re not sure. Someone wrote these craps and we’re now forced to read them. That’s pretty much all there is to it. I don’t think we’re meant to be reading other people’s mail. It’s terribly dull and pretty meaningless seeing as how it’s 2,000 years later and I don’t … Continue reading 2 Timothy 1-Titus 3 →

It’s Psaul with another letter except it’s not Psaul it’s some dude who was such a colossal loser that he had nothing better to do than pretend he was Psaul in order to write MORE boring letters. So that’s even worse than Psaul.

We’re reading the crap out of Thessalonians today. We’ve got 1 Thessalonians, we’ve got 2 Thessalonians. All the Thessalonians you could want! Oh most importantly, go to thomasandthebible.com/poll to vote for the next book that I’ll do!

SLAVES OBEY YOUR MASTERS! That’s Psaul’s godly advice! Everyone be good and fair, especially you slaves over there. I’ve got my eye on you. Slaves. You make sure to be very nice your poor masters. They have a lot on their minds. You think it’s easy being a slave master? Well it’s not, ok?

This time Psaul is writing to the fallopians! This time it’s more of a positive letter since apparently the fallopians have decided to do what Psaul wants so they stop receiving bitchy epistles. Oh also, Psaul is doin’ time. He’s such a badass.

So according to Psaul all we have to do is believe in Jesus and we’re good! Forget all those commandments and stuff! That said, he’s got a bunch of…. not commandments but let’s say “guidelines” that you still need to follow because he says so. Despite the fact that it contradicts what he just said. … Continue reading Ephesians 1-6 →

Psaul is back to ruining our life, one city at a time. The city in question no doubt making constant jack off motions in the air while reading Psaul’s pathetic letters is Galatia? Or something like that. Some people REALLY want to chop off their foreskins despite Psaul telling them like you really don’t need … Continue reading Galatians 1-6 →

We’re finishing 2 Corinthians!! Wooohoooo! Surely we’re all done with Psaul then. There’s no way the dude had time to write EVEN MORE letters to unwilling receivers. Not possible. He’s all lettered out by now most likely. I’m guessing he lived out the rest of his days with a killer hand cramp which he eventually … Continue reading 2 Corinthians 10-13 →

Just when you think Psaul can’t get anyer morer bonringer, he goes and does just that. I expect the next book to be him balancing his checkbook; listing off where he spent a few dollars here and there. Surely this letter never should have been read by anyone not named Corinth. But I thought of … Continue reading 2 Corinthians 3-9 →

I’m getting really tired of Paul and all his shit. Fortunately we’re finishing 1 Corinthians so we’re definitely done with Paul!!! Woooooo! Alright let’s see what’s next… something called 2 Corinth…… Oh god.

We’re back with some more Psaulsplaining! He keeps on telling us more and more about life and the secrets of a god he met for 5 seconds in an alleged visitation. Well, that surely warrants his dispensing of knowledge like why women should be covered when they pray! It’s because they are of man of … Continue reading 1 Corinthians 9-13 →

Wow seriously who died and made Psaul king of the world? This week we learn that he never got laid in high school and is now taking it out on the rest of us. But we really should take his word for it, because he’s pretty sure he’s like totally holy and stuff.

It seems there’s no respite from Psaul. We’re stuck with him forever. He’s completely hijacked this religion and this book and it appears as though no one can stop him. He’s writing some more boring letters to people who will probably toss them out along with the supermarket coupons no one uses anymore that still … Continue reading Romans 15-1 Corinthians 2 →

Back for more of Psaul’s rules. He basically gets to tell us what to do since that once time he saw something shiny and decided it was Jesus. Somehow that gave him the authorization to the ultimate boss of everything we do in our lives. Psaul really did essentially invent Christianity!

We get more rules from Psaul for his totally epic RPG! He has a hilarious habit of asking himself questions that totally undermine what he’s saying. Like, is my podcast really boring? OF COURSE NOT NOTHING TO SEE HERE WHY DID YOU ASK THAT.

Starting a new book! Warning though, this book doesn’t actually contain any Romans or like badass Roman battles or something. It’s just a really boring letter or “EPISTLE” for the super fancy among you. Paul is a huge blowhard who pretty much single handedly inflicted this Christianity crap on us. Punch him in the nuts … Continue reading Romans 1-4 →

After the best intro ever, we’re finally putting an end to all these Acts. The 28th axe will be the final axe to grind as far as I’m concerned. Will something significant happen to Paul? Will it be a cliffhanger ending or more like guy named cliff buying clothes hangers type ending? You decide.

Saul AKA Paul AKA 2 Chainz is at it again. The one thing that can be said about this episode is there is kind of a plot. That’s certainly new for this show. Things happen and people do stuff but not just in a random boring way, like they actually kind of are interesting maybe sort … Continue reading Acts 21-24 →

I’ve got an axe to grind. Axe 18-20. We get to hear some boring nothing stories about the apostles and there’s some semi interesting stuff in there. Also at one point, Paul is just plain DONE with the Jews. Jews, amiright?

More adventures of the Apostles mysteriously better at converting people than Jesus! Up for debate in today’s episode: does the omniscient all-powerful god want me to cut off my foreskin or is it ok if I don’t do that? Deep questions!

This week the Jews finally get what’s coming to them. It’s all about the Gentiles now, baby. One wonders why the Jews were ever the chosen people, if the New Testament is to be believed…

Today we’ve got some awesome contradiction for you! Remember that whole free will thing? Well it turns out it doesn’t always matter as much as Christians would have you believe….

Fun episode this week, we get some more tales of the people after Jesus called Jesustians. I think. And then we get a really really long story by some dude named Stephen with an abrupt hilarious ending. Tune in to find out what that was!

We’re onto a new book with a total sequel name. Jesus 5: Acts of the Apostles! We finally get to learn what happens after Jesus dies for the 4th time. Those apostles have to take up the mantle and get everyone all Christiany as fast as possible!

We’re finishing John! This particular account of Jesus’s death features some creative rewrites. It’s much smoother than the last ones. I think the authors really put in the extra effort in their revisions on this one and it’s certainly appreciated by this podcaster! Support the show by clicking here!

Today we get almost to the end of this Jesus nonsense, for the 4th time. Highlights include Jesus telling god a lot of stuff… think about that… he’s God. He’s also Jesus. So it’s an omniscient being telling itself stuff it doesn’t know…  Idiotic on a million levels.

I’ve got an action packed episode for you this week! John has quite a different take on Jesus’s final days. Did you know the devil made Judas betray Jesus? Isn’t Judas kind of off the hook then? Sounds like a victim in all this. Poor guy!

This was a particularly painful round of people asking Jesus “How do we know you’re the song of god?” Jesus: “Oh because my dad said so!”

Jesus’s brothers don’t even believe in him. I think that’s a pretty telltale sign that one is not a prophet. I think a real prophet would be so prophetable that even their own family would recognize it.

We are finally to the famous John 3:16! Find out just how stupid the quote actually is! I bet you had no idea! Wait you probably did because you aren’t a moron…

It’s a Christmas miracle! A totally mediocre podcast! WOW! Oh also Jesus rose from the dead AGAIN and then we have to Groundhog Day it back to the beginning. Because John probably has totally new and interesting things to say about this boring story! Not!

You know how it goes. Jesus. Betrayals. Executions for no reason. We’ve all been here before. It’s a glitch in the damned Matrix.

Basically anything you do in front of Jesus is wrong because apparently he’s like the best or whatever AND HE’S SO PERFECT AND NOTHING HE EVER DOES IS WRONG AND EVERYTHING WE DO IS THE WORST APPARENTLY

Some more confusing parables from our favorite confusing son of god who is also god!

Some more of the old Jesussy stuff. Also, fixed a problem that was limiting my feed to only the most recent 10 episodes. Sorry for that, all better now!

And we’re back! I bet you thought this day would NEVER get here!! The day when you get to FINALLY hear another boring part of the same story for the third time told slightly differently? WOWOWWOWOWOWOW

This one was really fun! Seriously some shows are better than others, and frankly, this one was one of those. I mean one of the two. Either better or the others. You figure it out.

Lots of funny stuff in today’s episode! We’re back to the pointless temptation of Jesus. Seriously, what is the point of that? Makes absolutely no sense. And then there are some other wacky happenings.Roblox Free Unlimited Robux and Tix http://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/media.blubrry.com/tandtheb/p/www.thomasandthebible.com/Podcasts/Episode212.mp3 Podcast: Play in new window | Download Subscribe: iTunes | Android | RSS