Podcasts about Guys

In our 2026 season finale, we are turning the page and looking ahead with our Way-Too-Early 2027 Dynasty Baseball Bold Predictions. We apply our signature metrics-first approach to cut through the early offseason noise, projecting massive breakout candidates, post-hype prospect surges, and the underlying data that signals major dynasty trade value shifts heading into next year.Welcome to the 2026 Season Finale of the 2 Guys 1 Roto Show! Hosts David Whitcomb and Rich Sayre want to express their gratitude to everyone who tuned in and enjoyed this season's shows—we couldn't have built the 2 Guys 1 Roto community without your support all year long! Whether you are fresh off a championship run or executing a full offseason rebuild, this episode is packed with the long-horizon strategy you need to dominate your league before the winter freeze sets in.WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:- Pete Alonso's Value Cliff: Is the 2026 season officially his swan song in dynasty formats?- Pumping the Brakes on Roman Anthony: Why dynasty managers expecting an immediate 2027 bounceback should temper expectations.- Targeting Miami's Sleeper Duo: Why Javier Sanoja and Jakob Marsee are critical buys for dynasty and redraft leagues alike.- The Case Against Munetaka Murakami: Predicting MLB's biggest bust candidate heading into 2027.

October has arrived, and with it comes West Virginia's first Big 12 road test.The leaves may still be on the trees, but Saturday's trip to Iowa State could tell us plenty about where the Mountaineers fit in the conference landscape.Was last week's disappointing loss to Oklahoma State simply a bad night? Or did it expose problems that must be corrected before WVU can establish itself in the upper half of the Big 12?Ames should provide some answers.In this episode, the “Guys” take a deep dive into the Cyclones under first-year head coach Jimmy Rogers. They examine the matchups, numbers and pressure points that could determine whether West Virginia can respond with an important road victory.Hoppy Kercheval delivers his Obvious Observations, while Brad Howe opens the statistical fire hose with Spreads on Stats.Listener questions and comments complete the episode with Textual Healing. 

Recorded on location at the Martini Expo in Chicago.Why This Episode MattersColin Asare-Appiah takes The Guys inside Ajabu, the cocktail and spirits festival connecting bartenders across Africa and the wider cocktail world, and discusses Black Mixcellence and the Black voices too often missing from cocktail history.François Monti explains why vermouth deserves far more respect than the neglected bottle at the back of the bar and how Madrid's cocktail culture changed the way he thought about both vermouth and the martini.Ryan Maybee traces the unlikely revival of J. Rieger & Co., from a pre-Prohibition Kansas City whiskey brand to a modern distillery and hospitality destination, and explains why their American gin deliberately looks to classic London dry tradition.The ConversationColin Asare-Appiah talks about co-founding Ajabu, created to spotlight the ingredients, bartenders and rapidly developing cocktail cultures across the African continent. The conversation turns to his book Black Mixcellence, the importance of recovering Black contributions to cocktail history, the enduring legacy of Tom Bullock and the Pornstar Martini created by his late friend Douglas Ankrah. Colin also explains why he sees the martini as a timeless drink—and why his choice between gin and vodka depends on what's on the table.Belgian-born, Madrid-based writer François Monti joins The Guys for a deep dive into vermouth. He explains Spain's culture of drinking vermouth on its own, his journey from Belgian beer to cocktails, and Madrid's long history of serious cocktail bars. The conversation eventually becomes unexpectedly personal when Mark explains why he disliked his early martinis: old vermouth or virtually no vermouth at all, and the fresh bottle that finally convinced him that vermouth could be delicious.Ryan Maybee tells the story of discovering the forgotten J. Rieger & Co. whiskey brand while researching the history of a Kansas City hotel and ultimately helping bring it back to life. He recalls the visit to Milk & Honey that changed his career, describes the easygoing Midwestern hospitality he brought to Manifesto, and explains the historical use of sherry in Kansas City whiskey. The Guys taste Rieger Gin before Ryan discusses the freedom of American gin, why his own version deliberately embraces London dry tradition, and the classic martini experience that showed him just how much presentation matters.Guest BiosColin Asare-Appiah is a Ghana-born, London-raised bartender, drinks industry veteran and co-founder of the Ajabu Cocktail and Spirits Festival in South Africa. He is co-author of Black Mixcellence: A Comprehensive Guide to Black Mixology.François Monti is a Belgian-born spirits and cocktail writer based in Madrid. His work has appeared in publications including Punch, and he is the author of 101 Cocktails to Try Before You Die.Ryan Maybee is a bartender, restaurateur and co-founder of J. Rieger & Co. in Kansas City. He previously opened Manifesto and has played a significant role in the development of Kansas City's modern cocktail culture.Timestamps00:00 — Back at the Martini Expo: three more conversations from Chicago02:30 — Colin Asare-Appiah and the Ajabu cocktail experience09:30 — Black Mixcellence, Tom Bullock and recovering Black cocktail history17:00 — The Pornstar Martini, the cocktail canon and Colin's martini philosophy22:30 — François Monti: from Belgian beer to Madrid cocktail culture28:30 — Why vermouth is more than a martini ingredient34:00 — François' martini revelation—and Mark's problem with bad vermouth39:00 — Ryan Maybee: resurrecting J. Rieger & Co.50:30 — American gin, London dry tradition and Ryan's martini momentInfoMartini ExpoColin Asare-Appiah — Ajabu Cocktail and Spirits FestivalBook: Black Mixcellence: A Comprehensive Guide to Black MixologyFrançois Monti — 101 Cocktails to Try Before You DieWriting: Bottoms UpRyan Maybee — J. Rieger & Co., Kansas City, MOOct 23, Friday - Winemaker Dinner w/ Neri Capponi of Villa Calcinaia WineryOct 26-31 - Spooky BarOct 27, Tuesday - Robert Simonson book signing cocktail partyMore info - https://www.stageleft.com/events/ Subscribe: Restaurant Guys' Regularhttps://restaurantguysregulars.buzzsprout.com/Magyar Bankhttps://www.magbank.com/Stage Left Wine Shophttps://www.stageleftwineshop.com/Our PlacesStage Left Steakhttps://www.stageleft.com/Catherine Lombardi Restauranthttps://www.catherinelombardi.com/Stage Left Wineshophttps://www.stageleftwineshop.com/Reach Out to The Guys!TheGuys@restaurantguyspodcast.com

The former Utah Jazz Assistant Coach on the Utah Jazz & NBA, Guys last chance to make a roster as training camps wind down, Latest on the bidding war for the Vegas expansion team + more

The Guys breaks down the midterm battlefield, from the biggest Senate, governor, and House races to polling and ad spending, while Sen. Ted Cruz joins the progrum to discuss his bipartisan college sports bill and new book on Justice Clarence Thomas. #RuthlessPodcast #Midterms #CollegeSports 0:00:00 Intro 0:04:29 What the Generic Ballot Says About the Midterms 0:10:18 The Senate Battleground Map Takes Shape 0:12:01 Kansas Senate Race Moves Into the Spotlight 0:14:25 Minnesota Senate Race Tightens 0:17:43 Ohio and Iowa Senate Polling Under the Microscope 0:22:07 Maine and Michigan Senate Races Heat Up 0:24:07 The Key Governor's Races to Watch 0:36:46 Critical House Races in New York and Pennsylvania 0:43:14 Republicans' Midterm Ad Spending Advantage 0:46:07 Adam Gray Faces Questions Over a California Infrastructure Deal 0:56:18 Ted Cruz on the Protect College Sports Act Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ryan Conner is a comic and now an AUTHOR (“12 Guys walk into a Kitchen”) ryanconnercomedy.com and I learn about a VERY SPECIFIC kind of soccer/football strategy that the Dutch play. You will love. Donate to The Dork Forest if you like the show. The paypal email ⁠⁠jackie@jackiekashian.com⁠⁠ and venmo is @jackiekashian. There is MERCH: ⁠⁠www.JackieKashianStore.com⁠⁠ is the direct. Links to everything is at ⁠⁠⁠www.dorkforest.com⁠⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠⁠www.jackiekashian.com⁠⁠⁠ Extra TDF/standup and a storytelling album are available here: https://jackiekashianinc.bandcamp.com/ YouTube has the videos: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@JackieKashianInc⁠⁠ And it's @jackiekashian on all the social mediaz. Audio and Video by Patrick BradyMusic is by Mike Ruekberg

This week the Guys are back on their rum game, exploring an exciting new brand, The Rums of Mexico. They represent a selection of some of Mexico's finest rum makers covering a wide variety of terroir and production methods. They sample through 4 of these very distinct impressions, each with their own unique story.

Back again for a cheery episode involving Death and Grief and how we cope in our own ways. We hope you enjoy this episode.     Shonky Lab is a proud member of RogueTwoMedia Please do check out some other fine podcasts The Black Dog Podcast – Movie Review Show. The Great Derelict – Space, spaceship and...

Coming to you from a graveyard outside Gettysburg at 3 in the morning, the 3 Guys and a Flick crew is taking the field for *Remember the Titans*. Don, Ken, and Jon dig into the training camp scenes, Denzel Washington's commanding Coach Boone, and the friendship between Gerry and Julius that gives this movie its heart. They talk about racial tension, team bonding, and the moments that still hit hard, then ask how much of this “true story” actually happened. Is the first half stronger than the second? Does *Rudy* do football better? And can Don stay friends with anyone who gives this movie less than a five? We've got trivia, historical liberties, listener feedback, and a few heated ratings before the final whistle.

Time for us Broadway fans to get a 30,000 ft/macro/big picture look at the songs we love best. So we're dishing things up a little differently today. We showcasing the top/most memorable song from each Broadway that was produced from 1955 - 1973, with a couple of exceptions. There are some songs, VERY well known, that we don't want you to ever tire of hearing and so they have been held back. But, sit back and enjoy hits from “Guys and Dolls”, “The King and I”, “West Side Story”, “The Sound of Music”, “Sweet Charity” and many more.

On today's episode, Rich gives us a story that Sara loves to laugh at to this day. And does everybody think they're good at **wink wink**? How do we feel about Madonna after the VMAs? Rich shows Nicole a video about advising your daughter on what to do when a guy asks for a photo. This leads to talking about kids going to parties. Guys, looks like the millennial pose is finally going away. How will you handle it if your kid cheats on their high school bf/gf on a test...what do you do? Are you getting judged by your children for your fashion choices, too? Please share this with any parent you know who needs some levity in this whole parenting thing! Let's grab some more B!tches for our village! Every like, subscribe, download, share, comment...all of it helps us out, and we cannot appreciate it enough! Thank you! Have Kids, They Said... is a SiriusXM Network Podcast made by Nicole Ryan and Rich Davis.If you'd like to send us a message or ask a question email us at HKTSpod@gmail.comFollow on social media:Instagram @havekidstheysaidpodNicole @mashupnicoleRich @richdavisand @siriusxm Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This week we did another episode with another cool band that makes us look cool Chat Pile! We got to read some powerful (comedy) riffing, where did Korn get their name we have competing theories. Ticketmaster reviews where a guy didn't even get to see the show and some Shoots and Ladders theories  Listen to Chat Pile's new album Who Loves The Sun everywhere that you can listen to albums! To listen to the writers room, Chris's podcast with Bryan, Stefan, Chef Kevin, Mike and Jesse from YKS, go to patreon.com/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/guyspodcast, Join us on the Sunday Night Stream every Sunday night at 8:00 EST at twitch.tv/notevenashowand I am on https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social  Guys is on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/guys.pod Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201

Recorded on location at the Martini Expo in Chicago.Why This Episode MattersToby Maloney looks back at the first wave of the modern cocktail renaissance from Milk & Honey to The Violet Hour and explains why great ice, precise dilution and serious technique still have to serve hospitality.Jackson Cannon recalls bringing serious cocktails into a high-volume Boston restaurant at Eastern Standard, building a team around consistency and collaboration, and why, after all the technique and innovation, the guest still matters most.Federico Lombardi, formerly of Barcelona's Paradiso and now working in the U.S., compares European and American cocktail cultures and explains the lesson that taught him why temperature, dilution and precision make the martini such an exacting drink.Dan Smith takes The Guys inside Chicago's Queen Mary Tavern, where a 1940s neighborhood bar became an elegant cocktail destination without losing its soul and explains why, when every small detail of a martini comes together, “it is perfection.”BanterBefore heading into the Expo, The Guys compare notes on their very compact Chicago hotel rooms and discover that the Moxy apparently shares Stage Left's taste in wallpaper: monkeys smoking cigars and drinking vodka.The ConversationToby Maloney goes back to the beginnings of the modern craft-cocktail movement, including becoming the first bartender hired at Milk & Honey and later helping establish The Violet Hour in Chicago. He and The Guys geek out over metal-on-metal shakers, why experienced bartenders can hear the quality and quantity of ice in a tin, and how dilution changes a drink. Toby also reflects on The Violet Hour's influence, the danger of cocktail expertise becoming pretentious, and his newer project, The Elbow Room in Vancouver, Washington. Then he explains his unusual martini built around vermouth-and-sherry granita topped with frozen gin.Jackson Cannon joins the conversation to talk about opening Eastern Standard in Boston in 2005, when serious cocktails were still largely disconnected from serious restaurant dining. He recalls the self-taught first generation of the cocktail revival, building consistency across a large bar team and creating buy-in rather than simply dictating technique. Looking at where cocktail culture has gone since, Cannon argues that technique and creativity aren't enough to sustain a career behind the bar. What matters most is still the guest: as he puts it, borrowing from Julia Child, “It's not what's on the table, it's what's on the chairs.”Federico Lombardi compares the cocktail cultures of Italy, Spain and the United States, talks about creating drinks through the lens of chefs and food, and recalls the training that made him understand the martini as a drink in which every detail has to be right. Finally, Dan Smith explains how old movies first made him curious about cocktail culture, how The Violet Hour turned that curiosity into a career, and how a Polish neighborhood tavern sealed up for four decades became Queen Mary Tavern. He gets into the judicious use of salt in cocktails, the gin-and-rum Navy Strength Old Fashioned, and the Violet Hour martini that showed him what happens when dilution, bitters, temperature and technique all land exactly where they should.Guest BiosToby Maloney is a bartender, author and longtime figure in the American craft-cocktail movement. He was the first bartender hired at Milk & Honey and later helped open Chicago's influential Violet Hour. He is the author of The Bartender's Manifesto and The Classic Cocktail Sessions and is now involved with The Elbow Room in Vancouver, Washington.Jackson Cannon helped shape Boston's modern cocktail culture as the longtime bar director at Eastern Standard, which opened in 2005 with serious cocktails integrated into a large, full-service restaurant. He later partnered in The Hawthorne and became an influential mentor to a generation of Boston bartenders.Federico Lombardi is an Italian bartender who worked at Paradiso in Barcelona when it reached No. 1 on The World's 50 Best Bars list. He has since moved to the United States and works behind the bar at Dante in New York.Dan Smith is managing partner of Queen Mary Tavern in Chicago's Ukrainian Village. His approach combines serious cocktail technique with the warmth and accessibility of a neighborhood tavern.Timestamps00:00 — Chicago, Martini Expo and the Moxy Hotel03:45 — Toby Maloney: Milk & Honey, The Violet Hour and hearing the ice14:30 — The Elbow Room, free pouring and Toby's vermouth-granita martini24:45 — Jackson Cannon: bringing craft cocktails to Boston31:00 — Building bartenders, cocktail culture and hospitality34:45 — Federico Lombardi: Europe vs. America and his martini lesson42:45 — Dan Smith: The Violet Hour and the story of Queen Mary Tavern54:00 — Navy Strength Old Fashioned and Dan's perfect martini moment InfoMartini Expo — https://www.martiniexpo.com/Toby Maloney — The Elbow Room, Vancouver, WABooks: The Bartender's Manifesto; The Classic Cocktail SessionsJackson Cannon — Eastern Standard; The HawthorneFederico Lombardi — Paradiso, Barcelona; Dante, New York CityDan Smith — Queen Mary Tavern, ChicagoOct 23, Friday - Winemaker Dinner w/ Neri Capponi of Villa Calcinaia WineryOct 26-31 - Spooky BarOct 27, Tuesday - Robert Simonson book signing cocktail partyMore info - https://www.stageleft.com/events/ Subscribe: Restaurant Guys' Regularhttps://restaurantguysregulars.buzzsprout.com/Magyar Bankhttps://www.magbank.com/Stage Left Wine Shophttps://www.stageleftwineshop.com/Our PlacesStage Left Steakhttps://www.stageleft.com/Catherine Lombardi Restauranthttps://www.catherinelombardi.com/Stage Left Wineshophttps://www.stageleftwineshop.com/Reach Out to The Guys!TheGuys@restaurantguyspodcast.com

Latest midterm polling. Senate passes Protect College Sports Act with decisive vote. Mike Lyons, military analyst, talks about the latest news from the middle east wars. Chelsea handed fine but avoids points deduction for making 'undisclosed payments' of $62M. GoFundMe for Texas man who went viral hauling bags for wife's cancer bills is removed over ‘factual' issues. Guys and dating. Lindsay Clancy returns to court for hearing to help determine whether she will be retried. Tennessee to execute first woman in over 200 years. Donald Trump losing the youth vote. 

ACT Party leader David Seymour says while the PREFU numbers are “hopeful”, they rely on there being further significant reduction in Government spending by the end of the decade. Asked how reliable the forecast was, Seymour told Ryan Bridge the 2023 PREFU had promised a $2 billion surplus by the current financial year, with debt at $193 billion, and in reality it was now at $209 billion. “So what this document has told us is that the surplus will be two years later than we were promised last election, and debt will be $16 billion higher than we were promised last election,” he said. Government spending was currently 32.5% and needed to be below 30% by 2030 for the PREFU figures to be accurate. “As the person in the Government who's been saying, 'Guys, we've got to save more money, we've got to save money faster', all of this slippage is in some ways a vindication, but also very bad news,” Seymour said. “We're going to have to work a lot harder if we're going to make the numbers real this time, as they did not become real over the last three years.” LISTEN ABOVE See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is part 2 of a 2-part recapLu loses her mind when someone shows up two hours late to her party on The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. Guys it was TWO HOURS. We're back on tour Oct 3! Get our In the Mix tickets for your city at watchwhatcrappens.com. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, sign up for our free weekly newsletter and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is part one of a two-part recapLu loses her mind when someone shows up two hours late to her party on The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. Guys it was TWO HOURS. We're back on tour Oct 3! Get our In the Mix tickets for your city at watchwhatcrappens.com. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, sign up for our free weekly newsletter and get ad free listening, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mazel Morons! On today's very special episode, we welcome Dylan Sprouse and Brendan Columbus, hosts of the new podcast Wildmen. We talk about energy drinks and vapes, how their podcast and friendship came to be, the last time Josh and Dylan saw each other, and life as a child star in college. Then, marriage and fatherhood, Josh's audition (or lack thereof) for Brendan's dad, Robin Williams' secret life as an online gamer, and a What Are You Nuts? on flip flops.  What are ya nuts?! Love ya! Episode Sponsors: Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to hero.co and use code GUYS at checkout. Sometimes, we can't make the journey easier. But we can bring a little warmth to it. Learn more at www.minkycouture.com. Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. Visit our link in bio. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at DRINKAG1.com/GOODGUYS. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

(5:00) Uninspiring win(12:00) We didn't talk enough about how tough this schedule is?(16:00) Energy in the stadium, on the field beginning to wane?(23:30) Wins not being celebrated properly?(27:00) No good immediate options for defense(32:00) Is this a legit solid offense or just good enough to hang then fade?(45:00) Guys split on Manny Diaz(59:00) Things can change fast but you must make the right hireMusic: Zebrahead - A Perfect Life Is Such A BoreFollow CumminsLifestyle on IGPolymarket app. $50 bonus for a $10 deposit upon sign up with code On3. 18+ Only. Restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Not available in all jurisdictions. Trading is risky. 100% loss can occur. See polymarket.com/tos for more information. The Polymarket US App serves as an independent software provider and affiliate of Polymarket US and Polymarket Clearing, the CFTC-regulated exchange and clearing organization Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

(5:00) Uninspiring win(12:00) We didn't talk enough about how tough this schedule is?(16:00) Energy in the stadium, on the field beginning to wane?(23:30) Wins not being celebrated properly?(27:00) No good immediate options for defense(32:00) Is this a legit solid offense or just good enough to hang then fade?(45:00) Guys split on Manny Diaz(59:00) Things can change fast but you must make the right hireMusic: Zebrahead - A Perfect Life Is Such A BoreFollow CumminsLifestyle on IGPolymarket app. $50 bonus for a $10 deposit upon sign up with code On3. 18+ Only. Restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Not available in all jurisdictions. Trading is risky. 100% loss can occur. See polymarket.com/tos for more information. The Polymarket US App serves as an independent software provider and affiliate of Polymarket US and Polymarket Clearing, the CFTC-regulated exchange and clearing organization Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Life in the Peloton is proudly brought to you by MAAP The 2026 Montreal Road Race World Championship was the best race I've ever seen. I am actually a bit lost for words after watching that. With Pogačar out, we knew it was going to be exciting, but who could have predicted THAT?!  A race like that deserves an emergency podcast, so I called up EF Education Easypost DS Tom Southam and Greenedge pro cyclist Luke Durbridge for this special episode of The Race Communiqué.  In this episode, Luke, Tom, and I unpack everything that went down on the streets of Montreal. 270 kms with almost 4,000m of elevation was always going to be a brutal day out that left only the strongest riders fighting out for the win, and that's exactly what we got.  Endless attacks from Pidcocks, dramatic collapses from Evenepoel and Seixas, an incredible comeback from Pedersen, and a ridiculous show of strength from USA Jorgenson, Simmons, and - the eventual winner - Brandon McNulty; you could not look away from start to finish. Guys, there are just so many stories from this race to list here. You're gonna have to sit back, get yourself a big steaming bowl of Poutine, and relive this absolutely incredible race with us right here on the Race Communiqué Cheers, Mitch The Race Communiqué is brought to you by TrainingPeaks! Track, plan, and train smarter - just like the pros. Get 20% off TrainingPeaks Premium now at trainingpeaks.com/litp

00:00 — Intro00:50 — QB Props03:04 — Receiving Props08:00 — Check Out the Guys' Best Bets09:47 — Rushing Props13:00 — ATTD + Other Props15:00 — Dan's Thoughts16:31 — Eagles vs Bears SGP20:00 — Overreactions?

As we continue this month's conversations about Attachment to God, Self & Others, JTG has guest Dr. Jim Wilder as they discuss Dr. Wilder's books Solution of Choice & Passages of Men.Today, the "Guys" talk with Dr. Jim Wilder based on concepts from Other Half of Church, Passages of Men & Solution of Choice.

From Wayne Jackson Studios, the 11th annual Junktime AFL Podcast / 2 Guys 1 Cup Grand Final Live Show with Freo fan Neroli Meadows and Lions fan Dom Fay. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, that was painful.One week after West Virginia energized Mountaineer Nation with an impressive victory over No. 25 Virginia, the momentum disappeared in a 41-24 loss to Oklahoma State.The result was more than a disappointing start to Big 12 play. It exposed problems that must be addressed quickly and left the Mountaineers facing an unavoidable question:Now what?There's little time to dwell on the answer. West Virginia must identify what went wrong, correct it and prepare for its first Big 12 road test Saturday at Iowa State.In this episode, the “Guys” dissect the loss to the Cowboys, dig into the numbers behind the result and examine what must change for WVU to rebound in Ames.Hoppy Kercheval delivers his Obvious Observations, while Brad Howe goes inside the numbers with Spreads on Stats.And yes, there's plenty to discuss. Listener questions, frustrations and observations pour into Textual Healing.The “Guys” return Thursday with their complete preview of West Virginia's matchup against Iowa State.

Peter Filichia, James Marino, and Michael Portantiere talk about The Dining Room @ Antrim Playhouse, The Sound of Music @ The Paris Theater, Schmigadoon!, The Invention of Love @ Theaterlab, Guys and Dolls Studio Cast Recording, and Helder Guimarães's The Hope Theory @ New York City Center Note: This week read more

First aired September 6, 2026 Dennis Bairos oversees more than 29 fitness locations across Texas, and somewhere between the grand openings and the late-night emails, he noticed a pattern: he was the guy who'd rather miss a flight than admit he needed help, the coach whose sideline energy made his own wife ask if he was okay, and the traveler who'd rather squeeze in one more phone call than let 20 free minutes in a rental car go to waste. That pattern became his book, Wired Like This: Why Men Push Too Far and Still Say, I Got It!, a look at the small, everyday decisions at home, at work, and on the sideline of a kid's game that shape how men actually behave, often without them noticing. We talk about why "I got it" might be the most dangerous phrase a man can say, the difference between healthy work ethic and ego-driven burnout, why men go all-in on a hobby and then abandon it completely, and how his wife became the one voice who could see what he couldn't. Watch this episode https://youtu.be/sRsXcIgmVAo In this episode Why "I got it" might be the most dangerous phrase men say, and the ego hiding underneath it How Dennis's competitive, all-or-nothing wiring showed up coaching his kids' T-ball team, and the moment his wife had to tell him he'd gone overboard The real story behind missing a flight because he couldn't stop multitasking, even for a 20-minute drive to the airport Why work ethic can be a genuine skill and a trap at the same time, and how to tell the difference before it becomes burnout What's actually happening when a man goes all-in on a hobby, buys all the gear, and then drops it completely a year later How framing "asking for help" as the next level of leadership, instead of a weakness, changes the way teams operate Why a leader's pace becomes part of their identity, and the hidden cost that pace puts on everyone who reports to them Timestamps (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet Dennis Bairos, author of Wired Like This (00:57) His background in high-growth fitness leadership, and how that pace carried over to parenting (03:51) "Stop half-assing it": the moment Dana's own son called out her push, push, push mentality (05:54) Is "I got it" a male trait, or does Dana see it in women too? (08:38) The fear of slowing down: work ethic, ego, and the competition to be first in, last out (12:06) The missed flight: a real-time example of multitasking costing more than it saves (14:55) Why "I got it" might be the most dangerous thing men say (18:25) Reframing asking for help as the next level of leadership, not a weakness (22:13) What his wife saw in his coaching that he couldn't see in himself (24:52) The T-ball season that revealed his coaching had gone overboard (27:13) Why men go all-in on a hobby, then drop it completely (33:22) The airport conversation that changed how he leads: why a leader's pace becomes their identity (36:53) Where to find Dennis, his book, and his Instagram About Dennis Bairos Dennis Bairos is the author of Wired Like This: Why Men Push Too Far and Still Say, I Got It! A husband and father of three, he oversees more than 29 fitness locations across Texas as a senior leader in high-growth, high-volume organizations. He writes about the small, everyday decisions at home, at work, and on the sideline of a kid's game that shape how men actually behave. Connect with Dennis on Instagram or LinkedIn. His book, Wired Like This, is available exclusively on Amazon. Favorite quotes "I got it" might be the most dangerous thing men say. —Dennis Bairos "When your pace becomes your identity, the people who follow you don't just see the results — they see the costs." —Dennis Bairos "You will be more successful, and looked at as someone that's admired a little bit more, because you took that extra step and showed courage to ask for help." —Dennis Bairos Resources mentioned Wired Like This: Why Men Push Too Far and Still Say, I Got It!: Dennis's book, available exclusively on Amazon Dennis on Instagram: @keep.the.edge Dennis Bairos on LinkedIn Subscribe & connect If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show. Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here. Ready to find your own voice on stage? Dana's a big fan of Mic Drop Academy, a public speaking and group coaching program built for women. Watch the free webinar, join a workshop, or dive into the bootcamp to build the confidence to speak up and be heard. (These are affiliate links — Dana may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.) Read the full transcript [Dana] (00:01) Welcome, friends. Whether you're out on a walk, running errands, or relaxing at home, it's wonderful to connect with you. Joining us today is Dennis Bairos. Dennis is the author of Wired Like This: Why Men Push Too Far and Still Say, I Got It! He's a husband, a father of three, with a background in senior leadership. He writes about the small, everyday decisions at home, at work, on the sideline of a kid's game, that shape how men actually behave. Dennis, welcome to Phoenix and Flame. [Dennis] (00:47) Yeah, thanks for having me. Guilty — yeah, all of that's correct. I did write that book. Happy to be here, and looking forward to the conversation. [Dana] (00:57) This is fantastic. First of all, I'm interested in a bit of your background. You said you were in senior leadership — since I do a lot of work in the corporate space, helping people with burnout, that was one of the things that drew me to you: the masculine, the male mindset that could possibly trip somebody up at work. I work with high performers, and they say the things that are in your book. So I want to create some space for you to share — what experiences have you had in senior leadership, what have you noticed there, and also with your family, and how these things helped you arrive at writing a book? [Dennis] (01:47) Yeah, so I've been in the fitness industry for quite some time — practically my entire career. Most of the organizations I've been with, including the current one, have been really high-volume, high-growth companies. I currently oversee over 29 locations here in Texas, big-box fitness spaces, so really rampant growth. Most of my career, I've had to move pretty fast — it's nonstop. I've had to work a lot, and most of it is self-induced, just me trying to keep up and trying to be a high performer myself. I think that's natural for me — I'm a natural leader, so I'm always taking probably more ownership than the average person. And that's carried over to my family and my children. I noticed early on that I brought that over to my kids as well. Once they started getting into youth sports, that drive, that push, the long practices, the long hours — it's funny, on a podcast last week I was asked, "do you feel like you're bringing over your own competitiveness from your past as a child competing in sports?" And I thought about it for a second — I don't think so. I don't have this unsettled, failed athletic career I'm trying to settle through my children. I think it's just natural for me to push, to teach kids that if you want to get better at something, you've got to keep practicing, keep moving. I'm kind of an all-or-nothing person. I don't watch many sports, but the ones I do, I'm all in, a diehard fan. That's really how I run my life — it's very much natural. [Dana] (03:51) I love this description. I'm taking notes as you're talking, because I don't want to interrupt you. I'd like to be able to say the same — no, I'm a very competitive person. I get bruises playing musical chairs, and that's not hyperbole — I literally had bruises from my shoulders to my ankles playing musical chairs one year at a fall festival at my church. So I'm thinking of the phrase, "if you're not bleeding, you're not playing." I have three kids as well, and my husband is also a very competitive person. And my youngest son confronted me, appropriately so, one time — I'd said to him one too many times, "stop half-assing it," and he called me on it. I feel like it was appropriate, because I was so in my own head about push, push, push, push, and he'd had it — I'd gone too far. I think that's a lot of what you're talking about in your book, and I want to hear more. Your book is focused on men, and I want to ask — if your experience has been, not necessarily with your daughter, but with coworkers, friends — do you feel like this can be a personality style? Have you run into men who didn't have this "I got it, I'm not going to use GPS, I'm going to figure this out" kind of drive? How much of that do you feel is a male trait, which I think a lot of people would agree with, and have you seen these traits in some of the women you've interacted with as well? [Dennis] (05:54) Certainly. From a female perspective — my wife and I, the dynamic between us — my wife works incredibly hard, works remote, homeschools all three of our children, works out every day, but she's got this self-regulation in her that I don't seem to have, or at least mine doesn't work the same way. She'll come up with reasons to sleep and the need for sleeping, and I come up with reasons not to sleep. Even though I have a fitness-minded background and know the importance of it, for whatever reason, I can't seem to sleep past 6 a.m. on a Saturday. So I see similarities across the board. What's interesting is when I released the book, I started getting calls and texts, or I'd run into people — men who I'd think have completely different personalities from mine. Guys who don't have children, don't participate in sports, aren't ultra-competitive — they'd read my book and tell me, "we're a lot alike." I found that interesting. There are so many patterns and similarities, whatever it may be, male or female — I'm focusing on the male perspective because that's who I'm mostly around, but at the surface it may look a little different, while deep down there are drives in people that are very similar. [Dana] (07:37) I get that. You pointed out something in your book I thought was really interesting, especially given my exposure to high performers — I've had them in my office on FMLA, having panic attacks, because they just push, push, push and don't know how to set boundaries. I'm known as the Queen of Boundaries, and they didn't know how to set them, they were just pushing. There's this idea in your book — this feeling that if you slow down, if you're not the first one there, not the first one with the answer, if you bring it down from 85 miles an hour to 55, you're simply going to lose out, someone else is going to get there first. I think that's such a common experience. Tell us more about your experience with that, people you've seen, and what's in your book about it. [Dennis] (08:38) Yeah, I can offer two perspectives. One is, as I grew up, work ethic was, and still is, really my main skill. I think that for people like me, we believe that if you work harder than most people, you're going to be much further ahead. I think that can be true in many cases, and it carries on naturally for me. The other side of it is the ego and the pride — I think that still exists in so many pieces of business and leadership. When I travel a lot for work, and we do grand openings for new locations, there's a lot of executive leadership there, peers of mine, and there's almost this competition of who's going to leave first, who's going to stay later. It's so silly, but it drives people — who's going to be the first to leave, who's going to be last, who's putting in longer hours. I think that exists, and subconsciously it fuels exactly what we do in some cases. So I think work ethic is still a main skill, a trait that carries most people further than others. And there's a lot of talk and a lot of opinions being thrown around about younger generations and how their work ethic is lesser or whatnot, so I think it's even more amplified now, trying to show younger generations that you do need to put in the work. But you've got to find the balance, and avoid that hot word: burnout. [Dana] (10:40) That's a big deal. I love the word "balance," because that's it, in a big way. It's sort of like if you go too far with push, push, push, push, you're going to burn out if you add too many things. But on the other hand, if you don't have some kind of work ethic, then yes, other people are going to perform better than you, and they're going to get the raises, the promotions — that's just how life works. It's trying to find that balance. You mentioned something in your book about the cold plunge, and I love this example. I'd like to hear you talk about how we sometimes add things like that, thinking, "this is going to give me the edge, this is a good idea" — and there's always another good idea around the corner. I'm interested in your thoughts about the short game versus the long game, because in terms of burnout, how many things can we add that make us look fantastic in the short game, but we're not going to last long doing all of that? What was your experience, and your thoughts, on the cold plunge and cracking that ice outside? [Dennis] (12:06) Well, I'll give you a great example — I do write about this. I consider myself not a professional multitasker, but certainly someone who just lives on that most of my days and weeks. I'm conscious about it — I'm like, hey, Dennis, you're doing too much, you should stop. But I'm just wired like that, where I have to find every opportunity to use up my time. Not long ago, I was traveling for work, heading to one city for an interview, then right back to the airport to another city, where I'd be for a couple of days. I'm in the rental car driving to the airport, and I thought, I've got about 20 or 25 minutes, I need to make a couple of calls. When I'm in work mode, there's no podcast, no music — I'm just trying to find every single thing I can do throughout the day. So I take two calls, pull up to the airport, disconnect the Bluetooth, put my headphones in, wave the rental car woman off, start walking to the terminal. I get to TSA, grab my briefcase, and I'm like, wait, where's my carry-on? I left it in the car. I'm walking back, finally finish my phone call, of course — call my wife, let her know. I said, "hey, I left my carry-on, just a heads up." She's like, "are you going to make it?" And without a doubt, I'm like, "yeah, I'm going to make it, it's only a five-minute walk." I get back and the car is gone, nowhere to be found. I'm sitting there waiting, waiting, waiting. That's a mistake I often make, and I'll reflect on it, but it's sometimes hard to peel back — the multitasking, trying to cram everything into every minute. It cost me: I missed my flight. [Dana] (14:16) Oh my gosh, that is such a useful and practical example. I'm sure listeners right now, or viewers on YouTube, are thinking, "yeah, I've done that, I know what that's like" — like spinning so many plates that they just start dropping. You write that "I got it" might be the most dangerous thing men say. Talk about that — what do you mean, and why do you feel like that could be the most dangerous thing men say? [Dennis] (14:55) I've seen it in a couple of different ways. Interestingly, I actually had somebody come to me after reading my book, thinking the "I got it" phrase was something different than I intended, but I'll expand on that. I think there's certainly a lot of ego that plays into it, and there's a sense of security for others. For example, my wife, since we moved to North Texas, has become this expert storm tracker — I'm not even kidding, the minute we got off the plane and had our first thunderstorm, she started following all the experts. It's funny, because she knows way more about storms than I do now, yet she's still much more bothered by it. I ignore all of it — if it's going to rain, it's going to rain, we'll deal with it. So I'm naturally the person who says, "we'll deal with it when we get to it, it's not a big deal, we'll be okay." Sometimes I say that without even consciously meaning to — it's just a habit for me to repeat back. Same thing with traveling a lot — I write about this in the book — I'll think, "hey, I'll make my flight, when I get there, I get there, it's no big deal." I say that naturally, and I think it hurts me sometimes, for sure. The other side of it, and the perspective somebody pointed out to me, is more of a growth-mindset miss. I think people, especially in the leadership world, feel like they have to put out that they have all the answers, all the solutions. So I hear a lot of guys say "I got it," meaning "I understand the objective, I understand what I need to do" — and it's really not happening. I think they're sugarcoating what's actually going on, and they're afraid to say, "hey, I don't actually have it, I need more clarity on this, I need to learn more about this." So it can hit in a couple of different ways, and I'm seeing that in leadership a lot as well. [Dana] (17:26) That makes a lot of sense, and I've seen this too, heard people talk about it — this fear of admitting they don't know how to do something, because if they admit that, that's failure, and they might be passed over for a promotion, someone else might get ahead of them. I'm wondering if you have any insight on how we could create an environment in the workplace that would allow men to admit, "look, I've got this part on lock, but I don't know much about this part over here — can we team up, can you help me?" What are your thoughts on phrases, words, an atmosphere that could move things in a better direction? [Dennis] (18:25) Yeah, what I try to do, especially as a leader and also as a father, is explain: hey, I expect you to be as resourceful as you can. I admire that, and you're going to get a lot of credit for being the person who just figures things out and doesn't always have to ask for help. You're going to be more successful than the average person if you do that. However, when you get to the point where you can't figure it out anymore, where you've exhausted the resources, you have to be able to pause and think, "who else can I reach out to, what kind of expert can I go to?" That's the next level. Framing it that way — that you'll be more successful, more admired, because you took that extra step and showed the courage to ask for help — has helped others in my field, and with my children as well. [Dana] (19:38) I love this example. I'm thinking about how teams work, from a psychological perspective — that could even offer an opportunity to lift up a teammate and help them feel like they have something to contribute, something you need, because you're going to them saying, "hey, I feel like you're an expert in this area, I'm not — can we have coffee for twenty minutes and let me pick your brain?" That seems like it would really help the whole team environment, help everyone feel a little more appreciated and acknowledged for what they know. [Dennis] (20:17) Sure. Yeah, I use the term "level up" a lot, and being a difference maker. Framing it that way — most people are going to do what you're doing, they're going to figure it out, do all the research they can, but once they get to the point where they can't do it anymore, that's where the next level up happens, that's where changes really start. And also explaining that the pride sitting in the way, thinking "if I go to this person for guidance, they're going to think of me as lesser or weak" — trust me, they're going to be thinking more about how good it feels that you went to them. So it's a mindset shift, and it's been a key unlock many times in my career. [Dana] (21:12) As you're explaining this, I'm thinking about the word "balance" you used earlier, and about different personality styles on teams. On one end you have someone with a lot of pride who's afraid to admit they don't know the answer — after a while, you can't trust that person, because you know they're going to go too far, they're going to say "I got it" when they don't, and you're wondering when that's going to play out in front of a client. On the other end, you have people who won't ever take initiative, maybe because they lack confidence, and they're always asking "how do I do this," very dependent on those around them. That doesn't work either. So I love the balance you're talking about. Now, your wife is a recurring voice in your book. What do you think she saw in you that you couldn't see? [Dennis] (22:29) It's interesting — she often calls me a unicorn, and when I came up with the idea for the book, she said, "Dennis, this isn't going to hit home with anyone, you're unique, I don't know anyone like you." I was able to convince her otherwise, because I've had so many people respond saying, "I'm just like you, I do the same things, maybe a little differently." She only sees what she sees. The biggest part I got from her was centered around the youth coaching piece — she was able to bring to light that I visibly appeared more bothered coaching my kids than other coaches did. We'd get in the car, and she'd say, "are you okay? I could tell you were pacing, getting louder than you normally do — you've got to chill." I'd brush it off at first, but it continued, and it kind of snowballed into other stories. I'm so passionate about coaching, leading, sports in general, and developing children, that I would have just kept going in that direction — to me, it was normal. I see an opportunity to coach a child, I do it. I see an opportunity to address a referee, I do it. That's what I signed up for as head coach, that's my job. She was able to frame it differently for me: "look, you're acting a little different than other coaches." That's probably been the most impactful thing for my life, and my parenting — she was able to offer that lens. [Dana] (24:30) When she was making that observation, what do you think she was actually observing? You said she said you act different from other coaches, that you seemed more bothered — with some hindsight now, what do you think was going on with you that was causing those behavioral changes she noticed? [Dennis] (24:52) Starting off with, say, T-ball, five or six year olds, maybe a little younger — I noticed most coaches were very hands-off, just high fives, "you're doing a great job," very little direction given, which is fine. But I started to notice children who signed up for T-ball would give it a year and not come back, because very quickly in baseball and other sports, kids get exposed — they're a step behind other kids, and it's not fun anymore because they're not playing well, they're getting embarrassed. I spent a lot of time with my kids playing in the backyard, put in that extra work with them, and saw the difference. Parents started coming up to me saying, "how much does your kid practice, they seem like a natural" — and I'd get offended, I'd say, "my kid's not a natural, I know where he started, I put in the extra work with him." I saw the difference between a child who just goes home and doesn't practice and one who shows up for practice once a week. So my first year of coaching, that carried with me — I continued to be that coach who provided more development, more direction, constant feedback. But then it started to go a little overboard — raising my voice, not necessarily at the kids, sometimes directed at the environment or the other coaches. I saw it work for my child, and it just naturally progressed. That's when she started to notice, "hey, I think you're going a little overboard." [Dana] (26:56) That makes sense, I totally understand that. So to that point — thinking about coaching as a hobby, or other hobbies men get involved in — what do you think is actually going on when a guy goes all-in on some hobby? We all know guys who go all-in on some hobby for a few years, buying all the stuff, looking it up online, all the things, and then they just drop it. All of a sudden, they drop it, and now there's a garage full of equipment, all this time and money allocated. What's going on at that point, when you see a man doing that? [Dennis] (27:47) For me, the reason we go all in is it becomes an identity — this is who we want to be. I think it's a way to stay competitive, a way to latch onto something. Once you realize this isn't the identity you want anymore, or it's not working, you completely drop it — it's almost like you want to forget it ever happened, and you latch onto something else. There's some competitiveness to it, some drive — you start a new hobby, you see where you can get to with it. But for most, I think it's an identity thing: I want to be the golfer, or the car guy, or whatever it may be. That's mostly where it comes from. [Dana] (28:50) So then why do they just automatically stop? What happened to that need to identify with it? [Dennis] (29:00) Again, for me, it's realizing it's either not working, or it becomes something you feel you failed at — you never got to the level you wanted to be. For example, with golf: I started golfing myself, and my son naturally picked it up. As soon as I realized this wasn't going to be something I'd do for a long time, or reach the level I wanted to, and now my son's into it — it automatically changes, now it's about my son. So I think it's a little bit of giving up, realizing this isn't going to be something I'm going to be amazing at, so why not cut ties with it now. It loses its luster — it's not as sexy as it was in the beginning. [Dana] (29:57) It's not as novel anymore. [Dennis] (29:58) Right — and maybe also, reminders from the wife that you're spending too much money on something, that you've gone overboard, help too. So I think for me it's mostly that I'm not getting to where I initially thought I would, and so why don't I cut ties. [Dana] (30:20) I can totally understand that, and again, back to balance — I can see how in some instances that makes total sense, but in other cases, if somebody had a habit of doing this over and over, with an expectation of themselves as being "a-plus" at something, the whole perfectionism thing — if they're not a-plus, they won't have anything to do with it. [Dennis] (30:45) Yeah, well, and then there's also my obsessive personality and nature, where I want to be an expert at whatever hobby I have. I mention in the book that I was a wannabe wine connoisseur at one point, pairing meals and all these things, and fast forward a couple of years, I don't even drink it anymore. But at the time, I was really excited and passionate about it, wanted to learn everything about it. So I think that initial burst of energy that goes into learning something new is what carries on and creates the habit, or the obsession, or whatever it is. I don't know if it's like that for most, but for me, for sure, it's that initial burst of energy that also triggers the all-in approach. [Dana] (31:42) As you're explaining that, I have an observation and a question. The behavior pattern you're describing, being drawn to something novel, wanting to learn something new — that's very common for people with higher levels of intelligence, because they learn quickly, then get bored easily, and want something new. That's fabulous, but I'm also trying to lay that over the business realm. What's your experience been with men and how they can satisfy this need to learn more, to do more, this wiring toward pushing, without burning out? How do they find that balance when they're in a workplace, in leadership, maybe smarter than the average person in the room, or in a room full of very smart people, and wanting that novelty — how do they not take that too far, set that boundary? And along the same line, what if their employer wants them to stay in one particular area because they're fantastic at it, and they start getting burned out because they want something new? What's your experience been with men along these lines? [Dennis] (33:22) I'll comment on your first point. It's a little easier in leadership to reflect on this, but one of the biggest lessons I've had over time — I used to be the guy sending out emails at midnight or 4:30 in the morning. I still occasionally do, not intentionally, just catching up, or getting up early. What most leaders don't realize is the impact that has on the recipient of that email — some are going to think, "my boss is emailing me at midnight, now I need to respond." One of the biggest learning lessons I had was at an airport one day — I often talk to other business travelers, and that day I happened to be on a midday flight, which I almost never do, usually a 6 or 7 a.m. flight, I don't like flying anything later than 9 a.m., it feels like I'm losing time. I started chatting with a guy and said, "I normally do early morning flights," and he looked at me and said, "I never do early morning flights — I used to, when I was younger." We got into a conversation, and he basically told me that, especially as a leader, when your pace, your work ethic, becomes your identity, the people who follow you, who work for you, don't just see the results — they see the costs. They start to internalize, "I don't know if I want to do what he does, I don't know that I want to be sending emails at 4 a.m., jumping on a plane at 6 a.m. every Monday." That had a profound effect on me, realizing my pace was potentially putting a damper on others, especially the people who report to me — I don't want them to feel like they have to catch up. That's been a huge shift for me. As for the novelty piece — I do move on from things pretty quickly, but I have seen others who want to move from one thing to the next, and I can say that I do complete my work, complete my projects. I put excellence and doing things well over quantity, so I'm not someone who wants to move on to the next job or anything like that — I truly want to master my craft in whatever environment I'm in now. But I have seen several people who want to move from one thing to the next. [Dana] (36:13) Yeah, again, back to balance, trying to figure that out — it's a minefield sometimes, and it's about choices, figuring out how to do it the right way. We are unfortunately out of time today, but Dennis, I know the listeners and viewers want to know how to get a hold of you, how to learn more about you and your book. And since I have the book right here, I'm going to show it — anyone on YouTube will be able to see this. I love it. So, is there a website you'd like them to visit? How would you like them to access you? [Dennis] (36:53) The best way would be Instagram. It's funny — before I wrote my book, I hadn't done a Facebook post in seven years. I naturally don't have a large audience, I was very rarely on social media, just focused on parenting, work, and taking care of myself. Then I wrote the book and realized I've got to market this thing, so I started an Instagram page, and I've been having a lot of fun with it, trying to keep it light and post content that adheres to a lot of different audiences. It's "keep the edge" on Instagram — keep dot the dot edge. That's the best way to find me. And the book is available exclusively on Amazon, so that's the best way to catch me. [Dana] (37:53) Fabulous, got it. And that's all going to be in the show notes. Dennis, I really appreciate you spending your precious time, your knowledge, your wisdom, your experience, your stories with myself and all of my listeners and viewers. Thank you very, very much. [Dennis] (38:12) Yeah, thank you so much for having me, and appreciate your time as well. Take care. [Dana] (38:16) Now, listeners, viewers, I know you've heard multiple things today that made you think, "I have a friend, a family member, a coworker who needs to hear exactly what Dennis is saying." Take this podcast episode, copy and paste the link, send it in a text, send it in an email, post it on your favorite social media sites, so we can grow our Phoenix and Flame community and let people know: you are not alone. I hope your day has been great. I hope the rest of your day is fantastic. I'm Dana, on Phoenix and Flame. Are your work boundaries supporting you—or quietly draining you? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz and find out where you stand. Take the Free Quiz

Vi har været til hele tre premiere i denne uge og dem taler vi om. Stupid Man, Guys and dolls og Olivia og skyggedanserne. Lyt med og læs eventuelt også vores anmeldelser på hjemmesiden www.digogmigogmusicals.dk  

The Guys are giving out The Wise Picks for NFL week 3! Then previewing the rest of the big games for NFL week 3.

During this episode we had many questions. How much midriff is excessive? How much torture did the leads of this movie have to go through with this god-awful script? Did this movie need to exist? Why does this movie exist? and many more...Casey's new show: She Loves MeFind Us Online-Instagram: @SuperPodHeroCast-Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/superpodherocast.bsky.social-Mastodon: @TSPHC@mastodon.socialCredits- Host: Casey Ryan. Bluesky: @notryancasey Instagram: @not.ryancaseyLetterboxd : cjract TikTok: @notryancasey- Host: Todd Panek. Bluesky, Instagram, TikTok: @TMPinSYRAbout UsThe SuperPodHeroCast, Guys with beers talking about movies with capes. BE HEROIC!The SuperPodHeroCast is part of the Night Shift Radio network and distributed by Night Shift Media Group. Visit them on the web at NightShiftRadio.com

Robbie and Jay were faced with a dilemma: what should we talk about today while Art is out near the birthplace of pickle ball? Tradition and hunger led to yet another invitation for friend of the show, most frequent guest host, and oft-mentioned candidate for Jay's replacement: Wes Shelton.   Wes even brought a Geek of the Week: one of his favorite Reeds (Jay is surely the other) is being inducted into the Barbecue Hall of Fame.  Jay stays food-related, too, with another travel tip, this time to Storm Crow Manor, a bar and grill for nerds (like the Guys, not the candy) where you can let the D20 dice choose your meal as well as your adventure.  Robbie sticks to tech: will he buy the new iPhone Duo?  Does he have enough folding money? After the break, this Trio talks all things meat.  Where to get great deals locally (sorry, listeners in Toronto - and apparently there is one), how to build a two-zone fire and use it for the perfect steak, why Alton Brown is re-visiting some of the earlier methods he espoused, and whether or not the Bourbon Street steak at Applebee's still passes muster.   There might even be a tale of a table dance at a Chili's in Dubai.  Listen to see which of Jay's children is internationally famous.  

Things are about to get very interesting for the Mountaineer football team.Saturday night's Big 12 Conference opener against Oklahoma State gives WVU a chance to match last season's win total before September is over.It's a clash of contrasting styles—and two teams that have recorded statement wins. WVU's run-heavy attack blossomed in last week's victory over No. 25 Virginia, while Oklahoma State arrives with a win over No. 8 Oregon on its résumé.In this episode, the “Guys” break down the key matchups and what it will take for the Mountaineers to open conference play with a victory.Hoppy delivers his Obvious Observations, Brad presents Spreads on Stats, and listener questions and comments round out the episode with Textual Healing.

This is a Vintage episode from 2006.Why This Episode MattersRick Tramonto makes the case for fine dining that is polished and precise without being stiff or intimidating.The Guys tackle an enduring hospitality dilemma: when does accommodating one guest diminish the experience for everyone else?Tramonto reflects on restaurants as a place for nontraditional careers, mentorship and finding a sense of belonging.The conversation ends with the importance of cooking, family and gathering around the table.BanterMark and Francis discuss a 2006 proposal to block cell-phone signals in movie theaters—and whether restaurants should do the same. That leads to the story of guests who opened a laptop in the Catherine Lombardi dining room and started watching a movie with the sound on.The ConversationRick Tramonto joins the cell-phone debate from the perspective of Tru, where the philosophy was to cherish the customer and say yes whenever possible—until one guest's behavior began interfering with everyone else's experience. From there, he explains his approach to fine dining: maintain impeccable technical standards, but lose the stiffness, read the table and make people feel comfortable.The conversation broadens into why restaurants attract people who take unconventional paths. Tramonto talks about cooking as a combination of art, science, craft and business, and about the responsibility chefs and operators have to mentor young people drawn to the intensity of restaurant life. He closes with the importance of home cooking, family meals and keeping people gathered around the table.Guest BioRick Tramonto is an acclaimed chef, restaurateur and cookbook author. At the time of this 2006 conversation, he was chef-partner of Chicago's celebrated Tru restaurant and one of the leading figures in American fine dining.Timestamps00:00 Vintage introduction01:00 Cell phones and dining-room etiquette08:00 Rick Tramonto joins: when hospitality has to say no14:00 Taking the intimidation out of fine dining18:00 Restaurants as a path for nontraditional learners22:00 Mentorship and restaurant culture25:00 Family, home cooking and gathering around the tableInfoMore about Rickhttps://tramontocuisine.com/Oct 23, Friday - Winemaker Dinner w/ Neri Capponi of Villa Calcinaia WineryOct 26-31 - Spooky BarOct 27, Tuesday - Robert Simonson book signing cocktail partyMore info - https://www.stageleft.com/events/ Subscribe: Restaurant Guys' Regularhttps://restaurantguysregulars.buzzsprout.com/Magyar Bankhttps://www.magbank.com/Stage Left Wine Shophttps://www.stageleftwineshop.com/Our PlacesStage Left Steakhttps://www.stageleft.com/Catherine Lombardi Restauranthttps://www.catherinelombardi.com/Stage Left Wineshophttps://www.stageleftwineshop.com/Reach Out to The Guys!TheGuys@restaurantguyspodcast.com

The Guys are BACK! We start off with WEEK 2 takeaways and give our picks for EVERY WEEK 3 matchup, from Thursday to Monday!After, we wrap up with some college football in our new “College Corner” segment.With bold takes, real debates, and plenty of sports talk, this episode brings the Run It Up energy across the sportsverse.Timestamps00:00 Welcome Back!01:10 Please Subscribe :)02:00 Week 2 Takeaways24:19 Players of the Week27:12 Friendly Bet30:57 Week 3 Picks!1:05:37 College Corner1:09:01 Songs of the Week 1:09:44 Thank You!Songs of the Week:Najee - All on You by Hurricane Wisdom Jalaal - So Good by Jhené Aiko (feat. Kendrick Lamar)Follow Najee on Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@Najeeadams_ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow Jalaal on Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@JSandy45_⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow The Run It Up Podcast on Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@RunItUpPod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow The Run It Up Podcast on TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@RunItUpPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow The Run It Up Podcast on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@RunItUpPod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

We 3D Print Appliances, Ladders and Propane Tanks

David Bahnsen, Founder & Managing Partner, The Bahnsen Group From $600mm to $10.5B, David Bahnsen built The Bahnsen Group almost entirely through organic growth. He shares the decisions behind that growth, the value of reinvesting in the business, and why selling to longtime partner Hightower became the right next step. In Summary David Bahnsen left Morgan Stanley in 2015 with eight people and $600mm in client assets, motivated less by dissatisfaction than by what he calls being “intoxicated by the idea of freedom.” Eleven years later, The Bahnsen Group has grown to $10.5B in assets, 106 employees, and 13 offices—with virtually all of that expansion driven organically.  But the more instructive story is how that growth happened. David explains how original content and thought leadership became a powerful source of new business, why attracting clients only matters if the firm can deliver an experience that keeps them, and how continual reinvestment in people, tax, planning, investment management, and family office services helped turn a founder-led practice into a national enterprise. He also shares the thinking behind his decision to sell The Bahnsen Group to Hightower after more than a decade of working within its ecosystem. The transaction gives the firm greater resources for technology, HR, supervision, and future inorganic growth while allowing David to maintain control over the brand, P&L, strategy, and client experience.  The Storyline When David Bahnsen first appeared on the Diamond Podcast in April 2020, The Bahnsen Group was five years removed from its Morgan Stanley breakaway and had grown from $600mm to roughly $2B. Today, the firm manages $10.5B across 13 offices with more than 100 employees. The numbers are notable, but David's approach to building the business provides the real lessons. Rather than pursue acquisitions, The Bahnsen Group built an organic growth engine around content, thought leadership, and a distinct investment philosophy. David's Dividend Cafe now reaches roughly 35,000 subscribers organically, but he is clear that attracting prospective clients was only half of the equation. The firm continually invested in the people, capabilities, and services necessary to deliver on what the content promised.  That philosophy extended to how David structured the business. He chose to keep functions that created what Louis describes as “surplus value” inside the firm while relying on Hightower for areas such as supervision, regulatory support, and technology. At the same time, David resisted the temptation to maximize current margins, instead investing in advisor capacity, planning, tax, investment management, family office capabilities, and infrastructure. The result was a business with significant organic growth and enterprise value. Now the story enters its transact phase. After years of operating within Hightower's ecosystem, David agreed to sell The Bahnsen Group to Hightower. Yet the transaction is less an endpoint than another evolution of the model: Hightower becomes owner while David retains substantial operating autonomy and gains resources to professionalize the firm further and supplement its organic growth with carefully selected acquisitions. It's the full Build, Grow & Transact arc—and an example of what can happen when independence is treated as the beginning of building a business rather than the destination.  Topics Covered How The Bahnsen Group grew from $600mm to $10.5B Building an organic growth engine through content and thought leadership Why attracting clients is only the beginning of sustainable growth Reinvesting profits to build long-term enterprise value Creating advisor capacity without sacrificing the client relationship Deciding what capabilities to own versus outsource Why maximizing margins can limit the business you ultimately build The evolution of David's relationship with Hightower Why Hightower became the natural buyer of The Bahnsen Group Preserving autonomy and continuity after a transaction Balancing organic growth with future acquisitions Why independence can be a starting point rather than an end goal > Download a transcript of this episode… Listen and Learn Highlights for Advisors Why freedom – not dissatisfaction – drove the breakaway. [04:44]David explains why he left Morgan Stanley despite being successful and well served there. The appeal was ownership: the ability to control how the business operated, how clients were served, and what the firm could ultimately become. How authentic content became an organic growth engine. [09:34]What began as written market updates during the 2008 financial crisis eventually evolved into Dividend Cafe, books, television, podcasts, and other thought leadership. David explains why the content works precisely because attracting clients was never its primary purpose. Why attracting clients isn't enough. [15:59]A strong content engine can create interest, but the business still needs to deliver. David describes the continual investment in planners, tax capabilities, investment management, family office services, and client experience that allowed the firm to retain and serve the clients its content attracted. Knowing what creates “surplus value.” [22:03]David and Louis discuss the importance of identifying what a firm does exceptionally well and what is better handled by an outside partner. For The Bahnsen Group, that meant keeping investment management, business development, branding, and the client experience close while outsourcing functions such as supervision, regulatory support, and technology. Why maximizing income and building enterprise value are different objectives. [25:08–35:26]David explains why he has continually reinvested in the firm rather than optimizing margins, while Louis connects that philosophy to a recurring Build, Grow & Transact theme: owners willing to sacrifice some current income can create capacity, growth, and greater enterprise value over time. How the advisor role changes in a scalable enterprise. [29:15]With advisors limited to roughly 80 households, The Bahnsen Group surrounds them with planning, tax, estate, operations, marketing, content, and business development resources so they can concentrate on client relationships. David also explains why he believes the industry has more of an “opening business” problem than a closing problem. Why Hightower became the buyer. [37:09]David wasn't looking to sell. He explains why maintaining control over the brand, P&L, hiring, strategy, and business was non-negotiable—and how Hightower structured a transaction that preserved that autonomy while adding resources the firm needs for its next phase. Why inorganic growth is now entering the picture. [44:01]At $10.5B, the law of large numbers changes what 30% growth requires. David explains why acquisitions will become a supplement to—not a replacement for—the firm's organic growth engine, with cultural fit playing a critical role in the strategy. Why independence was always the beginning. [50:51]David never viewed breaking away as the achievement itself. Independence gave him the ability to build the business he envisioned, and he now sees the Hightower transaction as the beginning of another phase of that journey. Key Takeaways Organic growth is more than business development. The Bahnsen Group's content creates awareness and opportunity, but its growth has been sustained by building the capabilities necessary to deliver an increasingly sophisticated client experience. Enterprise value often requires sacrificing current income. Hiring ahead of need, expanding services, creating capacity, and investing in infrastructure may compress margins today while building a stronger and more valuable business over time. Scale should support relationships, not replace them. David rejects the idea that client relationships themselves can be scaled indefinitely. Instead, the firm scales the resources surrounding its advisors so those advisors can remain focused on clients. Outsourcing can be a strategic advantage. The goal is not necessarily to own every capability. David's approach is to retain the functions where the firm has passion, expertise, or differentiation and leverage outside scale for others. The right transaction can preserve what already works. David's decision to sell was contingent on maintaining meaningful control over the brand, strategy, P&L, and operating model rather than changing the formula that created the firm's growth. Organic and inorganic growth don't have to be competing strategies. The next phase will combine The Bahnsen Group's existing organic engine with selective acquisitions designed to add scale without creating a collection of disconnected businesses. Independence is a means, not necessarily an end. The larger lesson from David's story is that independence created the freedom to build. What mattered afterward was how that freedom was used. https://youtu.be/_s8MFJtrbS0 Quotable Moments “I was very intoxicated by the idea of freedom.” — David Bahnsen [04:44] “Relationships don't scale.” — David Bahnsen [29:15] “Twenty cents of something big is a lot more than 40% of something small.” — David Bahnsen [33:31] “I did not want to go to independence as an ending point. It was a beginning.” — David Bahnsen [50:51] FAQs How did The Bahnsen Group grow from $600mm to $10.5B? The firm's growth was overwhelmingly organic. David attributes much of the business development engine to original content and thought leadership, supported by continual investment in advisors, planning, tax, investment management, family office capabilities, and the broader client experience. How did content creation contribute to The Bahnsen Group's growth? David began writing regular market commentary during the 2008 financial crisis. After becoming independent, he developed that work into Dividend Cafe and expanded into books, television, video, and podcasts. Dividend Cafe now has approximately 35,000 subscribers, which David says were acquired organically. Why does David Bahnsen believe in reinvesting in a wealth management business? Rather than maximizing current profit margins, David has invested in people and capabilities when he believes they will improve the client experience or create a better environment for advisors. His philosophy favors building a larger, more durable enterprise over extracting the maximum amount of current income. Why did David Bahnsen sell The Bahnsen Group to Hightower? David says he was not actively looking to sell. The transaction became attractive once Hightower was willing to preserve the firm's autonomy while providing additional resources in areas including HR, technology, AI, supervision, and future inorganic growth. Will The Bahnsen Group continue to operate independently after the Hightower transaction? According to David, the firm will operate as a wholly owned independent subsidiary. He expects to retain authority over the P&L, hiring and firing, strategy, branding, and other core aspects of the business while drawing more extensively on Hightower's resources. How will The Bahnsen Group grow after the Hightower transaction? David expects organic growth to remain the foundation. However, as the firm becomes larger, he plans to supplement that growth with selective acquisitions and advisor additions that fit The Bahnsen Group's system and culture rather than simply aggregating assets. What can financial advisors learn from David Bahnsen's independence journey? His experience illustrates the importance of defining what independence is intended to accomplish. For David, leaving the wirehouse was not the destination; it provided the control necessary to invest, create, hire, build services, and develop an enterprise around the client experience. The firm's growth was overwhelmingly organic. David attributes much of the business development engine to original content and thought leadership, supported by continual investment in advisors, planning, tax, investment management, family office capabilities, and the broader client experience. David began writing regular market commentary during the 2008 financial crisis. After becoming independent, he developed that work into Dividend Cafe and expanded into books, television, video, and podcasts. Dividend Cafe now has approximately 35,000 subscribers, which David says were acquired organically. Rather than maximizing current profit margins, David has invested in people and capabilities when he believes they will improve the client experience or create a better environment for advisors. His philosophy favors building a larger, more durable enterprise over extracting the maximum amount of current income. David says he was not actively looking to sell. The transaction became attractive once Hightower was willing to preserve the firm's autonomy while providing additional resources in areas including HR, technology, AI, supervision, and future inorganic growth. According to David, the firm will operate as a wholly owned independent subsidiary. He expects to retain authority over the P&L, hiring and firing, strategy, branding, and other core aspects of the business while drawing more extensively on Hightower's resources. David expects organic growth to remain the foundation. However, as the firm becomes larger, he plans to supplement that growth with selective acquisitions and advisor additions that fit The Bahnsen Group's system and culture rather than simply aggregating assets. His experience illustrates the importance of defining what independence is intended to accomplish. For David, leaving the wirehouse was not the destination; it provided the control necessary to invest, create, hire, build services, and develop an enterprise around the client experience. Related Resources The RIA Builder's Blueprint How the Freedom to Communicate During a Crisis and Beyond Translated to 4x Growth for this ex-Morgan Stanley Team Mentioned in This Episode Dividend CaféThe Bahnsen GroupHightower David L. Bahnsen Founder, Managing Partner, and Chief Investment Officer David L. Bahnsen is the founder, Managing Partner, and Chief Investment Officer of The Bahnsen Group, a national private wealth management firm with offices in Newport Beach, New York City, Bend, Nashville, Minneapolis, Austin, Phoenix, West Palm Beach, Dallas, and Grand Rapids, managing over $10 billion in client assets. Prior to launching The Bahnsen Group, he spent eight years as a Managing Director at Morgan Stanley and six years as a Vice President at UBS. He is consistently named one of the top financial advisors in America by Barron's, Forbes, and the Financial Times. He is a frequent guest on CNBC, Bloomberg, Fox News, and Fox Business, and is a regular contributor to National Review. He hosts the popular weekly podcast, Capital Record, dedicated to a defense of free enterprise and capital markets. He writes a weekly macro commentary at dividendcafe.com. David is a founding Trustee for Pacifica Christian High School of Orange County and serves on the Board of Directors for the Acton Institute, National Review, and Hightower Advisors. He is the author of several best-selling books including Crisis of Responsibility: Our Cultural Addiction to Blame and How You Can Cure It (2018), There's No Free Lunch: 250 Economic Truths (2021), and Full-Time: Work and the Meaning of Life (2024). His newest book, Profit from the Profit: The Past, Present & Future of Dividend Growth Investing, was released in August 2026. David's true passions include anything related to USC football, the financial markets, and politics. His ultimate passions are his wife of 24 years, Joleen, their children, Mitchell, Sadie, and Graham, and the life they've created together on both coasts. NOTE: The views and opinions expressed by the guests on this podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Diamond Consultants. Neither Diamond Consultants nor the guests on this podcast are compensated in any way for their participation. View the transcript of this episode… Build, Grow & Transact: David Bahnsen on Building a $10.5B Business Worth Selling A conversation with Louis Diamond and David Bahnsen, Founder & Managing Partner of The Bahnsen Group.     Louis Diamond: Welcome to the latest episode of our podcast series for financial advisors. Today’s episode is Build, Grow & Transact: David Bahnsen on Building a $10.5B Business Worth Selling. It’s a conversation with the founder and managing partner of the Bahnsen Group. I’m Louis Diamond, and this is the Diamond Podcast for Financial Advisors. Mindy Diamond: At Diamond Consultants, we help elite advisors identify the right environment for their businesses to thrive, whether that’s at a wirehouse, boutique or independent firm. With nearly three decades of experience, we’ve guided thousands of advisors and represented more than a quarter of a trillion dollars in assets transitioned. And each year, one in four advisors managing a billion dollars or more who change firms are our clients. Our process is education-driven and based on building relationships, starting as your strategic partner well before you’re even thinking of a move. To schedule a confidential conversation, call us at 908-879-1002. Wondering why advisors change firms and where they’re headed? Are transition deals going up or down? Those very questions and more inspired us to create our annual Advisor Transition Report. It’s the award-winning, data-driven resource designed for advisors that connects the dots between the motivations around movement and the firm’s appetite for top talent. Arm yourself with the knowledge you need to make smart decisions. Download your copy at diamond-consultants.com/transitionreport. Louis Diamond: There’s a big difference between breaking away to create a better version of the business you already have and breaking away because you see an entirely different business you want to build. And I think that distinction becomes even more important as we look at what creates real enterprise value in the wealth management industry today. My guest, David Bahnsen, is a pretty remarkable example. David first joined us in April of 2020, five years after leaving Morgan Stanley with eight people and 600 million in assets. At that time, the Bahnsen Group had grown to roughly two billion. Today, it’s a $10.5 billion business with more than 100 people and 13 offices across the country. Perhaps the most interesting part of that growth story is that virtually all of it has been organic. David didn’t build the firm by buying AUM. He built it by creating an authentic voice, an incredibly effective content engine, investing heavily back into the business, adding services clients actually wanted, and being very deliberate about what his team should own versus what was better outsourced. There’s a lot in that playbook for any advisor who wants to build a business with real enterprise value. But David’s story also gives us something we often don’t get to examine, the full build, grow, and transact arc. For more than a decade, Hightower went from employer to service provider while David maintained ownership and control of the business. Now, the Bahnsen Group is being sold to Hightower, giving David additional resources to pursue the next stage of growth while preserving much of what made the firm successful in the first place. So we get into the decisions behind that extraordinary organic growth, why maximizing current income can work against building long-term enterprise value, how David thinks about content, clients, and scale, and ultimately why someone who was once intoxicated by the idea of freedom decided the next right move was to transact. It’s a great case study in what can happen when independence becomes a starting point rather than the destination. So let’s get to it. David, thank you for coming on our show again. David Bahnsen: Well, it’s wonderful to be back with you. I love listening to the show every week. Louis Diamond: Oh, there you go. Just flattering us now. So for anyone who probably, myself included, doesn’t remember the last time you were on our show, it was April of 2020, a time warp into a crazy time. It was the five-year anniversary of your breakaway in the very, very beginning of the pandemic. Then you still had an amazing business, two billion in assets. But for listeners who may have missed it, and even just to catch us up, can you give us the quick version of your origin story of leaving Morgan Stanley in 2015 with 600 million and eight people and why you did it, just the speed round of compressing a stressful and very important time in your business arc? David Bahnsen: So I was one of those people that in an almost cliche, typical way, the types of folks that your business deals with all the time, left because I wanted independence. I wasn’t unhappy at Morgan Stanley. I wasn’t in need of any particular change, but I was very intoxicated by the idea of freedom and became very committed to the idea that if I were going to run my own business, I needed to run my own business. It started in 2014. We made our official exit in early 2015. And as you said, there were eight people, all of which were folks on my team at Morgan Stanley and 600 million of client assets, and we basically moved 100% of that. When I was on the podcast, April 2020, it’s funny when you were saying that, I can visualize myself at my home office at that point in time in Southern California recording this. And we would’ve been our five-year anniversary, couple billion, so we had a little bit over tripled. We probably had, if I remember correctly at that time, 25, 30 employees. And it’s interesting the linear arc of it, because you fast-forward now, we’re at 10.5 billion and 106 employees. And so it’s just proportionate, the AUM and the headcount and the time gone by, it’s been a very nice, steady arc. But I really loved the idea of being independent. I turned 40 years old in 2014 when I began the extensive due diligence that led to me leaving Morgan Stanley. And it really was that moment that I said, “If I’m going to stay as a corner office guy at a wirehouse, I will stay at Morgan Stanley forever.” I had no issues there. My manager at the time is still, to this day, my best friend in the world. We’re like brothers. I just dedicated my new book to him. I wasn’t unhappy with Morgan. I just liked the idea of having my own business and haven’t looked back since. Louis Diamond: Amazing. Seems like it was probably a pretty good move based upon what you shared, but I think it’s an interesting perspective because I feel like I’m starting to see that more and more is the profile of the advisor who doesn’t have these intense pain points and is relatively well served, is going to be successful, knows how to operate at their firm, but they just want something more. There’s an intangible that staying isn’t going to solve for them. For many, it’s being a business owner, like the path you took. For others it’s, hey, I just want to be recharged. I don’t want to be static. I want something different. I want to monetize. I want to work in a bit of a different way. I think you’re early on that trend, to be honest with you. You were probably right in the middle, even probably even the beginning innings of the independent movement, and I am very excited to dig into how you got from 600 million in 2015 to over 10.5 billion, 11-ish years later. So let’s jump to today, and we’ll spend some time going through dissecting that growth. But today, like you said, 10 and a half billion under management, 100 plus people, 13 offices, including Santa Barbara where you just opened, but Newport Beach, New York City, Nashville, Tennessee, Palm Beach. It’s a real national firm. And I read that you’ve grown over 30% organically over the last decade. So when you look at the firm now versus 2015, what stands out the most? Let’s really dive into that. David Bahnsen: Well, a lot of this is where we’re going to end up going later in the conversation with where I see the next iteration of the company. But when you talk about the last 10 years, it has been the textbook definition of organic growth. There are 13 offices open and zero of them came by acquisition or merger or purchase. We’ve hired two or three advisors out of our 26 advisors that had a little bit of a book, but I mean under 100 million. We never paid for it. I’m talking about hiring people. But you’re looking at an organic story, and I am proud of that, but I also recognize that it wasn’t intentional. And what I mean by that is I didn’t have this strategy in 2014, ’15 where I said, if I can just go independent, I have this evil genius behind me that is going to drive a mousetrap that will get me up to 10.5 Billion. I’ve been as surprised, as many outside observers, but I have a lot of gratitude for it. I understand now why it has worked, and I think that there are people inside of our business that are a little more qualified to understand how the business works than people who are outside of it. Your consultants and professional investors are very smart at what they do, but they don’t necessarily always understand that advisor-client dynamic. And I get why we’ve been successful with it. But I also don’t want to take credit for it as if it were this master strategy. We just tried things and those things that worked, we kept doing more of, and this is where we are. A lot of it, and I spoke to Mindy about this six years ago, it’s been content creation, thought leadership, and the voice that, much to my surprise, has attracted people and never doing it for the purpose of attracting people. This very natural and sincere delivery of a belief system about markets, about the economy, about the world around us, I share things sometimes about my faith, politics in a public square. I’m on television, this podcast. And then the major driver is the written word, which some people might be shocked to hear as we’re talking about a podcast still even exists. But my weekly Dividend Cafe, which is my weekly market commentary, is up to 35,000 subscribers, 100% organic. We’ve never done anything to get any subscribers. And our video and our podcast and everything, the books I write, the television hits, they all have their audience. But most of it goes through that written word. That’s where I get to connect with people that if they like me, they may end up becoming a client. And if they don’t, they won’t, but that’s really been our story though. Louis Diamond: That’s absolutely amazing. There’s so much to unpack there. That amount of growth without anything inorganic, especially the way this industry is going, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before. That’s amazing in and of itself. But just the way you can track back your meteoric rise to content creation, I think for many listening, it’s either, “Oh my God, that seems so daunting and so crazy.” Others would be like, “Well, I can’t do that, but that sounds great. Of course, he’s been able to grow because he can have an original voice.” As a firm that puts out a lot of original content, podcasts written, Mindy wrote a book, white papers, et cetera, I know the amount of work and dedication and commitment it takes to stick with that for so long. So if you don’t mind, can we double-click into that written word story? How did you get started with it and what’s been the arc or the growth journey? Someone who’s listening who would love to do that, where did you get started? You didn’t just all of a sudden have a book and show up on TV. How did you get started? David Bahnsen: In the truest sense of the word, I grew up loving writing. My father died in his 40s and I was only 20, but he was an intellectual, a brilliant writer, had several books, and I was a nerd in high school. Luckily, I had basketball so that I could still meet a girl here and there and have friends on the team. But I mean, if it were up to me, I would’ve been home reading books and writing papers, and I would turn in extra credit papers more than I would study for a test because I loved writing. So the written thing was there. I don’t know if I was ever good at it or not, but I know I loved doing it, and I would credit my late father with the early seeds of that. When the financial crisis happened in September, the actual week of Lehman’s bankruptcy, September of ’08, about three, four days later, Morgan Stanley’s credit default swaps were blowing out, and now it was not just the market was crashing every day. And of course at that point, Merrill had gone down, AIG had gone down. We were in this cascade, and everybody who lived through it remembers it all well. I remember every detail of it like it were yesterday. But all that happened was once I got my 80th call about what the hell was going on with Morgan, I decided to write up a piece, not send it to compliance for approval and send it out to everyone. And if the firm was at risk of not making it for another day, I wasn’t especially worried about compliance getting mad at me at the time. And I did that, and then a couple days later did it again, just broad update on everything going on, and I never stopped doing it. That’s what it was, just every Friday since September 2008. And then when we left Morgan, at some point along the way I started getting compliance approval and getting a bit more of an audience. We had hundreds of clients that were reading it, and we’d have a few guests that would ask to be signed up as clients were forwarding it around, but that was it. It didn’t have a website, it didn’t have a subscribe feature, it wasn’t a real blog or anything like that. So then in going independent, I was able to incubate it, and we branded it as Dividend Cafe. We’re Dividend Growth investors at my firm. So we put a brand around it. We had a website, and I think we started a podcast and video that was becoming a very large medium around the mid-tens as well, and so we added that shortly later, but it was just because I had the freedom to do it. And then I did do some hit on CNBC like Asia or CNBC World or something. It wasn’t anything with a big audience, but then we sent the clip to someone at Fox and they really liked it, and then they had me, and then I started getting invited more regularly. So now the TV thing was happening, and I always say that TV can be a really good thing for a very small number of people. Obviously, Josh Brown has been incredibly successful with it. He’s very good at it, and it’s done okay. It’s done well for me, but it’s different than people think. You do not go on TV and then get done and all of a sudden the phone rang and someone said, “I saw you. You’re so handsome. I want you to be my advisor.” What it does is it might drive them to other content. It might drive them to the internet where they’re going to find other things about you. And if my name was David Johnson instead of David Bahnsen, I think I would’ve got lost in the SEO and nothing would’ve come of it. I really believe that. But it enabled some people that liked what they heard on TV to start following me in other more substantive and perpetual mediums. And then in 2017, I wrote a book that I wouldn’t have been able to write at Morgan Stanley. I had very strong opinions about the origins of the financial crisis. And I did not believe the left-wing narrative that it was caused by unfettered markets, and I didn’t really believe the right-wing narrative entirely either that it was exclusively caused by government intervention. I believed that all of those things were true but were missing this cultural and moral component about Main Street. I wrote a book on it and I thought there might be 200 clients of my firm that would read it, and it ended up being a bestseller, and that created more television invitations and just to a slightly larger audience. And at this point now, I realized that all of these things were dovetailed together, content, the mediums, coming to Dividend Cafe, coming to an authentic point of view about markets. And then, and this is the thing that is so important because of what you do and do so well in your business and within the kind of practitioners that listen, it wasn’t enough to have a mousetrap that drew people to us. We had to keep them. We had to deliver an advisory experience, and so we were just relentlessly reinvesting back in the business, adding planners, adding tax, adding more investment sophistication, family office, just improving our business, and that’s why we’ve added so much to headcount because we have just constantly wanted to really be what we were attracting people to. Louis Diamond: It’s amazing. The key themes I heard there, there’s a lot, but is it’s not one thing that works. It’s a coordinated strategy. I can attest to that for the content work that we do. There isn’t one single point of growth that comes from content creation. It’s everything working together. You don’t know, especially in this day and age, how people consume information or how a message gets across to them, whether they’re a reader, whether they find you in AI, whether they watch video, whether they saw CNBC in their barbershop. So I think that’s absolutely amazing, and congratulations. Let’s talk a little bit about your breakaway setup, if you will. So when you broke in 2015, you signed on with Hightower, but in a bit of a different way, certainly different than today. You paid Hightower an override on your revenue, or basis points and assets, to be on their platform. But you owned 100% of your business, ran your own P&L, and they provided certain services to you. Thinking back to 2015, and then even up until your recent decision to sell to Hightower, why did you structure it that way rather than under their brand or as an employee or even just having your own RIA, especially given your size and scale? David Bahnsen: There’s actually one piece missing there. You may not have known, but I think is important to the story. When we came in 2015, we were employees and they had a 50/50 net model, and we joined in that capacity. And then when they recapped in 2017, brought a new investor on, eventually changed CEO about a year later, at that point, we were growing. I felt very comfortable with the independent space. I now knew what I didn’t know. I knew what I thought they did well, and I knew what I thought we could do well, and I took advantage of that moment to say, “Guys, I need to be on my own. We need to run our own firm, our own finances, our own payroll, our own brand.” And what the investors wanted at that time was some sort of affiliation that they could count on and not be vulnerable, but I didn’t want to sell and I wanted full control. So I got control, much better control than I had had in my first couple years, and they got a extension of agreement of these services that they could feel good I was going to be a part of their ecosystem. And the cash flows were pretty meaningful as we grew from, at that point, a billion to over 10 billion, and we became obviously a very meaningful contributor to their earnings and revenues. And the CEO who came in was the second CEO in the history of the company. And they now have a third, but that individual, Bob Oros, I knew well because he had been at Fidelity when I chose Fidelity as our primary custodian. Bob and I got along very well. And so over the years, there’d be things that we had impediments that we had to work through, and we worked through them just like adults, like businessmen and women and got stuff done. So it was a good relationship. But we were really quite independent. Very few of my people that worked at Bahnsen Group even knew who Hightower was because we had our own brand, we had our own investment process, the HR, the payroll. And unlike a lot of the other platform teams, they didn’t have too many platform teams, but ours, the accounts payable were massive. I mean, we had to have a whole finance department just because of our growth. So it became a difficult thing for them at this stage to have such a meaningful company within their ecosystem not aligned and not harmonized within the economic model of the rest of the firm. But I would say that decision for 2017 until this year, I don’t regret it at all. Hightower doesn’t regret it at all. They benefited immensely from this growth we’ve gone through, and I very much desired that freedom. Look, if I’m being very candid, Louis, you brought up why didn’t go on my own ADV? At the time in ’14 and ’15, I didn’t know enough. I didn’t understand. And I met with Focus, I met with Dynasty, I met with some others, and you just meet with different people, hear the stories, and the one I went with was Hightower, and there’s pros and cons to all the models. It’s one of the things I wasn’t joking at the beginning. I listen to your guys’ show every week. I’m a sucker for everything happening in our industry. I hear the stories of different successful advisors, and every one of them resonate with me in one way. There might be nine ways it doesn’t resonate, but one way that does because there’s always something that each person’s looking for that some of us can connect with. And at the time, I didn’t know what I didn’t know, but I felt good about the Hightower story, went in that path, and I would argue that we got the best of all worlds in that 2017 to 2026 story because we really got to function independently. We were under their corporate RIA, but other than that, felt very independent. And that’s a testimony to Hightower that they honored that autonomy, but I think it gave me the entrepreneurial thing I needed, and I’m grateful for it. Louis Diamond: Fantastic. So let’s say from the 2017 to 2026 timeframe when you decided to finally sell to Hightower, how did you weigh the leverage that outsourcing certain things provided your business versus paying a fee, obviously, more than what it cost Hightower and not having complete and utter control over your business? How do you track that to your growth, if at all? David Bahnsen: The criteria was always anything we like doing or are good at doing, we’re going to do it, whether Hightower offers it or not. So for example, I’m sitting here in a beautiful office. We have the 31st floor of a building on 54th Street and 6th Avenue, and Hightower has a whole facilities department. We’ve done 13 office leases with no involvement from their facilities department because my wife loves designing the offices. She’s an interior designer. My team loved picking our own locations. I didn’t find negotiating with a broker all that hard. So we were able to do it, we liked it, so we did it. But then the supervision side, the regulatory side, and candidly, a lot of the technology side, which is where some of our talk is about to go in terms of the new transaction, those things I felt more comfortable outsourcing to Hightower who had entire departments and resources geared towards it. And we would do them if we had to, but we weren’t passionate about it. I didn’t want to go understand all the nooks and crannies of the regulatory apparatus. So that was part of their ecosystem, and we were happy to utilize their services there. Investing money, financial facilities, the business development mousetrap we built, those things we were good at, and so we held onto that, and that’s how we viewed the division of labor. Every firm, RIA, IBD, a wire, W, it doesn’t matter. Everyone who optimizes this challenge of doing what you like and not doing what you don’t like is going to grow. It’s hard to do. It’s easier said than done, but that’s the challenge right there. Louis Diamond: I absolutely love that. I think it’s so true, knowing what’s actually going to add surplus value relative to the amount of time you’re doing versus what’s commoditized or back of house or isn’t something that lights you up. Because there’s plenty of RIAs that I’ve interviewed or that I know where they enjoy building technology, they like designing their own compliance organization, and to them, that’s their superpower. That’s what makes them different. For you, it sounds like it was very clear. You knew exactly what you wanted to do. As long as you’re able to still do it, you’re very comfortable with outsourcing certain things that would’ve been a distraction or something that you and your team weren’t world-class at. I want to talk a little bit about some of the deliberate choices you made to take the business from, I would assume it was you as the rainmaker, and now you said you have over 25 advisors. So just thinking about hiring, structuring the business, investing in the business and platform, because I’m sure you’ve had the temptation, maybe not because you’re a business builder, but I think a lot of people love, “Hey, I can make a ton of money if I don’t make that second, third, 125th hire, and instead I just take cash flow. I don’t necessarily need this person. I can make more money or distribute more to my partners.” So I’d love to hear a little bit about some of the deliberate choices you made on hiring and investing in your business. David Bahnsen: There’s two things that I am very hesitant to take credit for, even though they’re true. You had mentioned before when we left in 2014 that we were early innings of wirehouse defections to the independent movement. I was early, but I wasn’t a first inning guy. The real trailblazers were going in 2006, 2007, 2009. 2014 is a lot earlier than those that have gone in the last two or three years, but I was like a third or fourth inning guy, and I don’t deserve credit to be a first inning guy. The other issue is that I reinvest in the business constantly and have not been greedy about maximizing all the margin, but that is easy to say once you’ve already scaled the business, right? You’re already in a place where things are going very well, and then from there, deciding you just really want to run the business the way you want to run it. It’s not as selfless a decision as people may think. It was a luxury. And at the same time, I cannot tell you how bizarre I think it is when people are focusing on maximizing margin versus running the business that they want to have. It’s a high-margin business. There is not a lot of operating leverage in it. More or less, not completely, but more or less expenses go up in proportion to revenue. Particularly for us opening new offices and hiring a lot of new people, our biggest overhead far and away is people. And we started an ETF a couple years ago and I got a chance to learn the polar opposite where my business has tons of pricing power and very little operating leverage and asset management has unbelievable operating leverage. I basically have zero dollars of expenses on my next dollar of revenue, but no pricing power. Louis Diamond: So interesting. David Bahnsen: Yeah. I mean, it really is just two different business models. When we have hired more people, we’ve always done it based on are we going to serve our clients better and enjoy running our business better with these people? We don’t want wasteful positions, but we want the maximum optimization for how to service clients and how to give advisors an ecosystem to function in. So a one-to-one operations to advisor, having planners that are not the client-facing advisor themselves, but are devoted to the behind the scenes planning process. Having a full tax department that does not provide tax services to non-wealth clients, that is only there, a robust tax consulting, tax preparation, tax advisory arm to drive a better client experience for us. These things all erode at margin, and I wouldn’t do it any other way. And the biggest thing, by the way, is the investment management, because then you’re not just talking about profit margin. We’re talking about time. I am a 3:45 AM guy every day because we’re inside markets. We have analysts, traders, investment folks. I think it’s something like 10 or 11 people on the org chart. It costs me millions of dollars a year for us to manage money in-house. There’s no justification for that other than it’s what we want to do, what we believe in. And those that have a outsourced Vanguard DFA-type model, I have no criticism of it in the world, but it just wasn’t us, and so we had to do what we liked doing. Louis Diamond: Yep. And once again, the authenticity shines through. Can we talk a little bit about the financial advice part of the business? I would assume when you’re at Morgan Stanley, you were probably the driver of growth, you were serving personally probably every client or just about all of them. Today, with 10 and a half billion, 25 advisors, just the immense scale of the organization, how do advisors advise? Are you still providing financial advice to clients directly? Are you more of just the CEO, the rainmaker, the strategist? I mean, how do you think about, I guess, allocating clients to your advisors? How have you grown your capacity for financial advice? David Bahnsen: So our leverage is entirely limited by my ability to find like-minded advisors who can go deliver our client experience and be in relationship to clients. It’s why I’m not a big believer in this notion of scalability. I think technology helps scale. I think there’s all kinds of processes you can do more efficiently, but it’s a relationship business and relationships don’t scale. And we have an internal policy philosophy preference, if you will, that no advisor will cover more than 80 households. And so for us to continue growing at the number of households, number of AUM, and therefore number of revenues, all those numbers, of course, have some proportionate relationship with one another, we have to have the advisors to do it. And so as we find advisors that can not drool on themselves and be professionals and deliver an experience to clients, we want them to be generalists. We want them to be very good at what they do, but we don’t want them entering trades. We don’t want them doing their own operations work. We don’t want them having to pick stocks. We’re providing this ecosystem of the tax, the planning, the estate, the operations, the content, the marketing, and the biz dev. They don’t have to go try to rainmake at their kid’s soccer game or join the chamber of commerce or things like that. That we believe we have enough internal biz dev opportunity that what they need to do is cultivate the relationships with the prospective clients we give them. They do have to close that business, but our industry, for all of the talk about this, people diagnose it wrong. We do not have a problem with closing business in our industry. We have a problem with opening business. And so the sourcing is the issue. And for whatever reason, it’s a mystery to me, it’s been a mystery for 27 years, I’ve been pretty good at sourcing business. And so we can share that with our advisors and then expect them to, their job when they wake up and go to bed and everything in between is to be in relationship with clients. Louis Diamond: If I think about, just think of 20 highly successful RIAs and think of some of the biggest and best names in the space, I think a critical connection point or commonality for all those firms is they’ve somehow figured out lead flow or some mechanism or capacity to bring in clients for their advisors. To me, that’s the truly only scalable way to keep adding advisors and growing a business is if there’s enough inbound lead flow that’s cultivated or created by the firm to really feed all the different advisors, and it’s not snap our fingers and it happens. But if you compare that to many other models, the wirehouse model where it’s all on the advisors to go out and find clients, that’s great. And if you find some amazing rainmakers, amazing, and it’s additive, et cetera, but you eventually hit a ceiling because it’s hard to find advisors who have that knack. You’re not bringing in the ideal client every time, and it’s an unpredictable way to grow. So I think I wouldn’t gloss over the fact that you’ve been able to create enough inbound traffic or lead flow through all of your content and thought leadership that you’re able to sustain that type of model. Because it is the best way to grow a business is keep your advisors focused on just being advisors, solve for organic growth, solve for the other things they have to do. And then when you open up a new market or hire an advisor, boom, you got capacity, you got someone trained up, and it’s predictable, your close rate and your ability to scale it from there. So I’ll get off my soapbox, but I think that’s such an important element of the biggest and best and most valuable firms in our industry today. David Bahnsen: I agree with you a thousand percent. And even if you put numbers around it, somebody who has to go make their own rain and service the client, they will expect, if you use wirehouse-like grids around it, this is just round numbers, I know you could turn a knob a little bit, but I view the business as more or less it costs something in the range of 40 cents of a dollar revenue to run the business. There’s 20 cents available to the owner, 20 cents to the person who makes rain and 20 cents to the person servicing the client. It’s back of napkin math. If you are a wirehouse advisor, you’re making the rain and servicing the client, you’re getting two of the 20 cents, you’re getting 40 cents, let’s say. And if you’re the person who owns the business and makes the rain and is the advisor, you can make 60 cents on the dollar. That’s a wonderful margin, and you cap out at a certain level where you just cannot grow any further. I would rather make 20 cents on where we are now. My advisors would rather make 20 cents on where they are because 20 cents of something big is a lot more than 40% of something small. And again, and my numbers are, I’m rounding, but you get the idea. That’s really the kind of business model we’ve done here. Louis Diamond: I think it’s brilliant. And some would argue about the percentages and would say, oh, it costs 40 cents to 30 cents to run a business and we have a small team, but I think philosophically that’s exactly right. And I think something you said too, which is there’s been a common thread in our “Build, Grow, Transact” series. You think about Jason Fertitta of Americana Partners or Matt Kilgroe from Cyndeo and many others that we’ve had or will have, it’s really playing the long game. No one we’ve had on the show is optimizing for how much money can I make this year, next year or the year after. It’s the intentional decisions to invest in capacity, invest in growth, and by choice take less as the owner of the business, but doing it because what you’re building is enterprise value that will sell at a dramatic multiple of that growth and have room to run. So I think that’s the big thing is, again, it sounds easy, it sounds great, but it’s not an easy decision to say, “Hey, I’m going to make less money today and over the next few years because I want to hire the next person or invest in an organic growth funnel.” That’s discipline, for sure. But I think it’s a great takeaway for anyone listening is play the long game, invest where it makes sense, and the riches will follow you later. They don’t have to follow you today or tomorrow. David Bahnsen: And it’s a whole business of playing the long game, not only in the value creation and enterprise value of being independent. But even for wirehouse advisors, I remember back as I was entering the business, that debate about fee-based business versus transactional, and all it was, are you going to play the long game or get more money quickly? There’s temptations in both ways. There’s goals, there’s overhead, reality. Anyone who played the long game in that story from 30 years ago benefited immensely. And now you see it, of course, in what we’re talking about here, playing the long game in the way you run your business has just been the smartest thing anybody could do. Louis Diamond: Absolutely. Especially in this industry where each new client that’s brought on, there’s a lifetime value of a client. That success compounds with market appreciation, with them adding new monies, and then ultimately they’re going to give you referrals hopefully. And then over time, that’s where the real money is. It’s the compounding nature of doing the next right thing rather than, we’ll say, taking a shortcut or not making that investment in the business. I have a ton more questions for you on this topic, but I want to spend enough time on your important decision to sell the business, sell the Bahnsen Group to Hightower in April of 2026. So after more than a decade of being an employee of Hightower, being affiliated with them but really owning your own business, you decided to not just sell the business, but to sell it to the very platform that you’re operating on. So can you just talk about that decision? Why was 2026 the right time? Why did you decide to stay with Hightower rather than any of the other 100 acquirers or a random private equity firm that would love to buy a business that’s growing 30% per year? David Bahnsen: It’s interesting to think about as our deal gets ready to close here at the end of September, if I had gone out and run a process, if I was looking to sell, would I have been interested in conversations with others? And I don’t know the answer to that because I wasn’t looking to sell. There was nothing broken, in my mind, in what we were doing. But when Hightower and her investors came to me, the entire conversation centered not around what we needed and wanted to be a seller, but on what we didn’t want or couldn’t have. And I’ll share the story because I haven’t shared it publicly with anyone. As we were having conversations about a variety of things in the relationship between Hightower and the Bahnsen Group and Hightower’s investor and so forth, there were a couple of different meetings and things and we ended up having a pretty significant meeting in person in their conference rooms here in Midtown. And I’ve had seven eye surgeries, and I have challenges with my eyes and there are all these numbers up on a screen in the conference room. I couldn’t see any of them. And it occurred to me that there was an offer on the screen they wanted to buy the business. We had not discussed that. And I turned to the folks and said, “I don’t really know exactly what it says, but I just want to make something very clear to save time and drive our conversation constructively. There’s no amount of money that I would sell for if I can’t be fully in charge of what we’re doing. Our brand, our business, our autonomy is what I care most about. If there’s a way to have that, protect it, enhance it and do a commercial transaction, I’m open to it.” And I didn’t really think that would be possible, but I will say to their credit, they did not want to interfere with that autonomy and what they believe to be a successful formula inside our company at all. And so while they’re doing a lot right now to build their Hightower Signature Wealth brand, both internally and externally, and are coming up on $50 billion of assets that they’ll have moved onto that platform in trying to create more centralization and consolidation, which I think has a lot of commercial rationalization behind it, what they’re looking to do with the Bahnsen Group is have a wholly owned independent subsidiary where I still have plenary authority to run the business, control of the P&L, hiring and firing, strategy, branding, and yet the resources of Hightower at my disposal more now in the HR front. That gets a little trickier with 106 people that will soon be 150 than it was when it was 20. I’m committed, Louis, to knowing every one of my employees’ names forever and it’s getting harder, but luckily I have a pretty good memory. But the technology side, the AI moment, the way in which a tech stack all intersects, I hate this stuff. And they not only are good at it and like it, but are heavily invested in it. And so it felt to me like if they’re really going to allow me to continue running this and have that control of the P&L, it could be best of all worlds and certainly very value additive to the enterprise of Hightower. And that’s what we worked a few months to put together and everybody is really pleased with the outcome. Louis Diamond: Amazing. I mean it’s an interesting shift in the way I’m seeing a lot of these platforms, that they start off as a fee-for-service affiliation platform and then over time they morph to being buyers of businesses, investors in businesses. And Hightower is definitely, they’re probably at the forefront of really completely shifting or re-identifying themself in the market, especially on buying practices. So I think it’s very interesting that you had this long-term relationship and ultimately having such an amazing business, they were the ultimate buyer of the business. David Bahnsen: And I think it’s important to say for our listeners, you know as well as I do, if we went to market, there would’ve been a lot of interested parties. Louis Diamond: That was going to be my question. David Bahnsen: The organic growth alone would’ve commanded something pretty attractive. We were under Hightower’s ADV. I not only had a positive relationship with them and a good cultural dynamic, which I wouldn’t want to risk changing, but I don’t want to re-paper the size of this business, and so it was just a non-starter. I talked to a couple investment bankers after we were already in LOI and they all said the same thing. You had your most natural buyer. It was the one you were already dating. And that’s how I feel, is if there was going to be a transaction, it made the most sense for us to do it with the one we were already partnered with. Louis Diamond: So was it like, hey, you know exactly who we’re getting in bed with because they’ve already been our partner in this business for a while, and as long as I get what I think is fair value for the business, that’s good enough? I’m sure you could have gotten a turn or two more to have 50 bids and to have the shark circling to push Hightower higher. But it sounds like for you, that was of course important, but that wasn’t the number one driver. It was more how do we preserve what we like, preserve our autonomy and do it with people that we like and trust? David Bahnsen: Yeah, that continuity, in a funny way, I did it the wrong order. I ran a process after I was already at LOI, meaning I did enough to find out, hey, did I just do a good deal or not after I’d already done the deal. And the good news is I did, but it wasn’t the way most people go about doing it. But the continuity thing is there’s always two fronts to it at our size of business. There’s the client continuity and the team. Our team is going to move the payroll from being under Bahnsen Group to Hightower, and there’s benefits and changes and things. But the clients don’t know any difference whatsoever. Custodial, the G numbers, the ADV, there’s no signature required, no negative consent required because they already were under the Hightower ADV before. So this transaction all at once allows us to go into the next iteration of our business, which I’m very excited about, and I think is a wonderful deal for Hightower and what their goals are, but we didn’t have to bother clients with it. And when we say to clients, “Nothing’s going to change,” we can actually mean it. Louis Diamond: Yeah, that’s the definition of it. You mentioned there you’re excited for this next iteration or the next chapter of the company. Can you explain that? I would imagine just continuing your strategy that’s worked so well for the last decade plus, you keep doing that, I mean, you’re going to have a 20, 25, $30 billion business over the next handful of years. So what’s the next chapter? Why change it at all? What are you thinking about? David Bahnsen: Well, it’s funny in a moment now where, first of all, I’ve went out of my way to say that we didn’t grow at all inorganically, and a lot of people have now decided that inorganic growth is a little bit less impressive than organic growth. One of the issues with the law of large numbers is growing 30% at two billion meant adding 600 million and growing 30% at 10 billion means adding three billion in a year. Louis Diamond: That’s fair. David Bahnsen: And then 3.6 billion, the exponential nature of it. And I believe that there are… I’ve never gone to a meeting with an advisor with a checkbook or with a balance sheet, and we want to find some folks that want to join us, join our system, join our culture, not merely aggregate a bunch of unified parts, but in some cases doing that with other people demographically would mean some monetization events. So I do believe that there will be some inorganic growth that we will add to our toolbox as a supplement to our core underlying strategy, which we think is industry leading organic growth. So we want to continue doing more of what we’re doing. And then just as we continue to professionalize based on our size and scale more of those things that are not passions for us, technology, supervision and HR, utilize the mousetrap Hightower has that they do well while maintaining the things that make us uniquely us, which is our branding, our business development, our investment strategy, our delivery of services to clients. I’m not naive enough to think that there won’t be some growing pains and some hiccups and whatnot, but we believe that model, all the parties are very committed to it, and we believe it’s the right model for us. Louis Diamond: Absolutely. I think what’s really cool about what you said was, one, I agree with the concept of law of large numbers. I mean, it’s a fact, right? No matter how much content you put out, it’s going to be hard to bring in 10 billion of net new assets eventually without going inorganic. But I think to me at least the big trap in the industry today is firms either completely ignoring the organic and just focusing on buying and growing that way and pointing to, oh, we grew by this amount. But what you said, which is really cool and important I think is we’re going to continue the organic side to the best of our ability. That’s not going to change. Inorganic is a supplement. It’s not the replacement. I think that’s a really important lesson or discipline that it’s the combination of the two that really builds an enterprise and builds scale. You already had your transaction, but anyone who’s weighing a transaction in the future, buyers will always value a dollar of organic growth than they would inorganic growth. So if you can hit both and you do transactions strategically, you’re not just trying to buy anyone or everyone, but you’re doing it to add the right capacity, add a new discipline, diversify the talent pool, ho

There are certain actors who immediately take you back to the movies and television shows you grew up watching.Today's guest appeared in everything from Knight Rider and The A-Team to The Love Boat, and on the big screen worked alongside stars like Sally Field, Mary Steenburgen and Tom Hanks.But for a generation of '80s movie fans, we'll always remember her as Denise — Terry's loyal, funny and occasionally brutally honest best friend in the 1985 cult classic Just One of the Guys.Today on Retro Life 4 You, we're going back to the '80s with actress, producer, writer, dancer and choreographer Toni Hudson.If you are new to the podcast then please consider following us on the platform that you love, we can be found most anywhere that you listen to your favorite podcasts. Please leave us a rating and review if you listen on iTunes and a 5 star rating if you listen on Spotify. If you like what you hear then please share the show with your friends and family. If you would like to help support the podcast by donating a small amount or any custom amount you choose then please visit the following link:https://retrolife4u.com/supportThis is not a membership or anything just a way for you to help support us without paying a reoccurring monthly fee when you feel like you are able to help.If you have any questions, comments, suggestions for shows or you have a question you would like us to read on air then email us at retrolife4you@gmail.comYou can find us on social media at the following places:FacebookInstagramTik TokYouTubeRetro Life 4 You Website

Welcome back to Warehouse and Operations as a Career. I’m Marty and today, I thought we’d talk about three things that we see in just about every warehouse, manufacturing facility, distribution center, and production environment at one time or another.  Horseplay. Drama. And standing around. Now, individually, they may not sound like the biggest workplace problems in the world. Somebody jokes around a little too much. Two people are talking about what somebody else said. A couple of associates are standing at the end of the aisle talking when there isn’t anything happening for a moment. No big deal,  right? Well, maybe it is. Today I don’t want to look at these three things only from the perspective of safety or productivity. I want to talk about what they can do to our reputation, opportunities, and ultimately our career.  Let’s start with horseplay. I’ve spent a lot of years around warehouses and operations, and one thing I’ve learned is that people like to have fun at work. And I believe we should. There’s nothing wrong with laughing and enjoying the people you work with. There’s nothing wrong with having a little personality. We’re going to spend a lot of hours with the people around us, and nobody wants to work someplace where everybody walks around looking miserable. But there’s a difference between having fun and horseplay. Horseplay in a warehouse can turn serious very quickly.  Think about our environment. Forklifts, pallet jacks, conveyors, dock plates, trailers, pallets, racking, knifes, strapping, machinery, heavy products, blind spots. We’re surrounded by things that don’t care whether you were just joking. Push somebody jokingly and they can fall into a piece of equipment. If we throw something across an aisle and someone may instinctively step into traffic. Or sneak up behind somebody and startle them while they’re using a knife or operating equipment. Suddenly, the joke isn’t funny anymore. And the important thing is. When leadership sees you participating in horseplay, they’re not just thinking those guys are having fun. They may be thinking, can I trust this person?   We know that safety and responsibility go together. If you want to become a trainer, lead, supervisor, or manager someday, people need to trust your judgment. And every day we’re building that reputation.  Now let’s talk about something that can spread through a warehouse faster than almost anything else. Workplace drama. Who said what? Who doesn’t like who? Who moved to another department? Who got written up? Who got promoted? Who didn’t get promoted? Why did the supervisor talk to them? Why does she always get that assignment? Why does he get to leave early? Before you know it, five people are involved in something that originally concerned two people. And nobody is talking about today’s production numbers anymore.  Drama is distracting. And distraction in an industrial environment can become a safety problem quick.  But drama also damages teamwork. I’ve watched small misunderstandings become department wide problems simply because everybody wanted to participate in the conversation. Sometimes the smartest thing we can say when somebody brings us workplace gossip is I don’t know anything about that. And then get back to work. We don’t have to attend every argument we’re invited to. That little piece of advice can save you a lot of headaches in your career.  Here’s what leadership notices. They notice the people who calm situations down. And they notice the people who stir situations up. They see the person who says “Hey, let’s get back to what we’re doing.” And they also notice the person walking from department to department making sure everybody knows the newest piece of gossip. Which one do you think they’re considering when they’re looking for their next lead?  And then there’s just standing around. This one can be tricky, because sometimes there really isn’t something happening for a moment. The conveyor may be down, or you’re waiting on product, or a trailer hasn’t backed in yet, or our machine is being adjusted.  There’s a difference between waiting on the operation and developing a habit of standing around. I think, or hope, we’d all agree there’s always something to do in a warehouse. Housekeeping, straightening pallets, cleaning your area, maybe checking equipment or machine, restocking supplies. And of course a couple of my favorites, how about learning another position, helping another associate, or asking your lead what needs to be done next. And here’s a sentence I want everybody to remember. We are being observed even when we don’t realize we’re being observed. Your supervisor may walk by. The facility manager may be on the floor. The customer may be walking through. Even a visiting corporate manager may see us. And they don’t know that you’ve been working hard for the previous three hours. They only know what they see right now. You’re leaning against a pallet talking. Perception becomes reality very quickly.  And standing around doesn’t just affect your reputation. It affects the operation. If ten people waste ten minutes, that’s 100 minutes of labor. That’s more than an hour and a half of paid labor time. Those little periods add up.  Here’s one we’ve all heard or maybe even said. “But everybody else was doing it.” Maybe they were. That doesn’t change the conversation about you. Here’s one of those opinions of mine. One of the biggest lessons we can learn in our careers is to stop measuring our behavior against the lowest standard around us. Instead, ask yourself.  If your goal is simply to get through today’s shift, that’s one thing. But if you want more responsibility, better opportunities, higher pay, leadership positions, or a career, then your standard has to be different.  And this may be the most important part of today’s episode. Let’s say your supervisor walks over and says: “Guys, quit standing around and get back to work.” How do you respond?  Option one. “We weren’t doing anything!” “We’ve only been standing here for a minute!” “What about those guys over there?” “Why are you always saying something to me?” Now we’ve taken a simple coaching moment and turned it into a confrontation.  Option two. “Got it.” And you go back to work.  Which employee do you think is easier to coach? Which employee would you trust with additional responsibility? I understand that none of us enjoy being corrected. I don’t care if you’re 18 years old or 65 years old. Nobody wakes up in the morning hoping somebody points out something they did wrong. But being coachable is a career skill. Your supervisor shouldn’t have to debate with you every time they give you direction.  And here’s something I’ve seen happen throughout my career. Sometimes the original issue wasn’t that serious. Maybe somebody was standing around for a couple minutes. The supervisor says something. Instead of simply correcting the behavior, the employee becomes defensive, argumentative, or disrespectful. Now the problem isn’t standing around anymore. The problem is behavior. A ten-second coaching conversation has turned into something much bigger. Sometimes we’re responsible for escalating our own situation.  I’ve shared many times, I believe any way, that our reputation is being built every shift. Here’s something I wish every new associate was told or understood on their first day. Your reputation isn’t built when a promotion becomes available. It’s built months before the promotion exists. Every shift you’re answering questions people may never ask you directly. Are you dependable? Are you safe? Do you work without somebody constantly watching you? Can you handle correction? Do you bring solutions or problems? Do you stay out of unnecessary drama? Can you work with different personalities? Can you be trusted? That reputation follows us ladies and gentlemen.   Let’s look at this scenario. One day a lead position opens. The manager walks into the office and asks his or her supervisors. “We need another lead on second shift. Who do we have?” And names start being mentioned. That’s when your previous six months start talking for you. Someone might say, “He’s productive, but he’s always involved in drama.” Or, “she’s a good worker, but we’ve had to talk to her several times about horseplay.” Or, “He knows the job, but every time you walk through his area he’s standing around.” I feel we need to remember, Yes, those may sound like little things day to day. But, like in this scenario, they can become big things tomorrow.  So, with all that being said. The message I want to leave you with today is, don’t let little things cost you big opportunities. Horseplay, drama, and standing around. Three things that can seem small. But they can become habits. And they are three things that can keep you from becoming the person management looks at when opportunity knocks.  I’m not saying we have to be perfect. None of us are. You’re going to make mistakes, going to have conversations, and going to joke around. And every once in a while you’re probably going to get called out for something. The important part is what happens next. Can you accept the coaching? Can you correct the behavior? And can you move forward?  Because sometimes career growth isn’t about learning one more piece of equipment or increasing our cases per hour. Sometimes it’s about, lets see, what word am I looking for, lets use maturity. Knowing when to joke and when to work. When to walk away from drama, knowing when to find something productive to do, and knowing how to respond when someone tells us we’re falling short of the expectation.  So tomorrow when you walk through those warehouse doors, ask yourself. What reputation am I building today? Because somebody is noticing. And that little decision we make today may have a lot to do with the opportunity we’re offered tomorrow.  Until next time, stay productive, keep learning, and keep building that career. And above all else, be safe in all that you do.  

Aaron Boone joins Jimmy & Jake to explain his thought processes the final week of the season with the Yankees now locked in as the top Wild Card team in the playoffsFind out how baseball hits different with T-Mobile at https://www.T-Mobile.com/MLBUse our code for 10% off your next set of MLB tickets on SeatGeek*: https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/YANKS2026. Sponsored by SeatGeek. *Restrictions apply. Max $20 discountDownload the Fanatics Sports & Casino App now, the new all-in-one app for sports fans, bringing together ways to bet, trade, or play in one experience.Disclaimer: 21+ only. Availability differs by state. Terms apply. See app for details. Sportsbook: GAMBLING PROBLEM? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or 1-800-MY-RESET, CT call (888) 789-7777, MA call (800)-327-5050, NY call (877) 8-HOPENY, MD visit mdgamblinghelp.org. Markets: Event contract trading is offered by Morton St. Trading Investments, LLC, d/b/a Fanatics Markets, a CFTC-registered futures commission merchant and NFA member. Event contracts carry risk of total loss and changing prices. Not good for all investors. See app for important disclosures.++++++++Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 3:47 Aaron Boone Joins the Show4:30 Yankees Playoff Seeding is LOCKED IN as the Top Wild Card6:00 Volpe Will Play 3B and Other Things Boone Will Try Out This Week8:05 Guys on the Way Back 12:05 Platoon Heavy Roster and the Decisions That Creates17:28 Bunts21:20 Ryan McMahon's Role24:20 Carlos Rodon's Been Special Lately28:35 Kermit Talk30:16 What is the Playoff Roster Going to Be? Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Guys look who it is, it's Ray-Ray! In today's episode, Winona Ryder is here - and she made out with Rachel?! Plus, Joey tries to get his parents invited to the wedding, and Ross and Chandler fight over celebrity tuxes. Also, Katie and Chloe talk about classic beauty guru channels, how hot Jesus is, Sex and the City, and create a sacrilegious nail polish line. FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Katie - @littlebabykatesChloe- @cuckooforchlochlopuffsPodcast - @theywereonabreakpod

Grab the hummus and make your hair silky smooth: the 3 Guys and a Flick crew is taking on Adam Sandler's You Don't Mess with the Zohan. Don, Ken, and Jon talk cast performances, surprise cameos, production trivia, and the movie's most outrageous moments. Is Zohan's nonstop absurdity comedy gold, or does the joke get stretched too far? The guys disagree, dig into the film's message of unity, and test their Zohan knowledge with trivia. Tune in for the laughs, the debate, listener feedback, and three individual ratings. No matter which side you're on, you don't mess with the Zohan without talking about it afterward. Prepare to make sticky!

Tina Stafford, Tour Director for the Ladies International Poker Series (LIPS), joins the Nerdthusiast Poker Podcast to talk women in poker, the growth of the LIPS tour, her journey in the game, and what's next for ladies poker.Tina also joins us to promote the upcoming WPF Ladies Weekend USA at Rivers Casino Philadelphia, happening October 16–18, 2026.♠️ WPF LADIES WEEKEND USA – RIVERS CASINO PHILADELPHIAFriday, October 16• 7–10 PM — WPF Ladies Weekend Meet Up Game / Cash GamesSaturday, October 17• 10 AM — Coffee & Chat• 12 PM — Main Event• $320 NLHE• 30K starting chips / 30-minute levelsSunday, October 18• 1:15 PM — “Invite the Guys!” Kings & Queens• $150 NLHE• 25K starting chips / 20-minute levels• Trophy for the last man “King” and last woman “Queen” standingFollow Tina Stafford on Instagram: @tinalasvegas

This week on Guys we had our friend and doughboys producer Amelia Marino to talk about some very rich guys! Is it better to buys a fake rolex or a real one? How is your relationship with your jewler? How big of a watch should you wear? So get ready to strap (like the part of the watch) in and watch these guys eat each other alive!! To listen to the writers room, Chris's podcast with Bryan, Stefan, Chef Kevin, Mike and Jesse from YKS, go to patreon.com/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/guyspodcast, Join us on the Sunday Night Stream every Sunday night at 8:00 EST at twitch.tv/notevenashowand I am on https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social  Guys is on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/guys.pod Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201

Guys… suspended bass. The most frustrating fish in the water.

Recorded on location at Monteverde Restaurant & Pastificio in Chicago Why This Episode MattersGrueneberg explains why being willing to step down in title to keep learning can be one of the smartest career moves in hospitality.Monteverde turns pasta production into part of the dining-room experience with its open pastificio, including filled pasta made to order.The restaurant's batteria of balsamic barrels isn't just decoration: Grueneberg sees the continuously aging, fermenting vinegar as part of Monteverde's living soul.She also shares what comes next: Trattoria Lo So, Monteverde's forthcoming second restaurant in Chicago's Bucktown neighborhood, with longtime Monteverde chef Bailey Sullivan leading the kitchen.The ConversationGrueneberg traces the path from Brennan's of Houston to Chicago, where she deliberately went back to garde manger at Spiaggia because she wanted to learn Italian cooking. She and The Guys talk about the value (and ego check) of taking a lower position in order to learn from the right people, as well as what Chicago's restaurant culture gave her that she was looking for at that stage of her career.At Monteverde, that education shows up in both the food and the room. Grueneberg wanted guests to feel what she calls “calm chaos”: a restaurant alive with music, smells, movement and pasta being made in full view. She explains why the pastificio was brought out of the prep kitchen and put onstage, how Monteverde handles both extruded and filled pastas, and why its seven-barrel balsamic batteria has become part of the restaurant's identity.The conversation moves into Grueneberg's approach to Italian cooking “a traditional heart with a modern hand” from pork neck ragù to cacio whey pepe, and how traveling through Italy gave her permission to respect tradition without simply reproducing it. She also breaks news about Trattoria Lo So, her team's next Chicago restaurant. Then, after dinner, Mark and Francis return to the microphones to report on whether Monteverde lived up to everything they had just heard. Spoiler: Mark finds a meatball worthy of discussion, which is not a low bar.Guest BioSarah Grueneberg is the chef and co-owner of Monteverde Restaurant & Pastificio in Chicago's West Loop. She previously spent eight years at Spiaggia, rising to executive chef during a period when the restaurant earned one Michelin star for three consecutive years, and is a James Beard Award winner for Best Chef: Great Lakes. Her cooking combines Italian traditions with influences from her Texas upbringing, travels and training.Grueneberg and her Monteverde partners are preparing to open Trattoria Lo So in Chicago's Bucktown neighborhood in early 2027. Bailey Sullivan will lead the kitchen as executive chef, with Grueneberg serving as creative director. Timestamps00:00 The Restaurant Guys arrive in Chicago and head to Monteverde01:30  Sarah Grueneberg's path from Houston to Spiaggia; taking a step backward to learn08:00 — Chicago hospitality, “Midwestern nice” and building a restaurant team14:00 — Creating Monteverde's “calm chaos”18:30 — The pastificio: fresh pasta, filled pasta and making it to order21:00 — Monteverde's balsamic batteria and how traditional balsamic is made28:00 — Grueneberg's approach to Italian cooking “Traditional heart, modern hand”33:00 — The Italy trip that changed her career37:00 —  Sarah's new Trattoria Lo So and what comes next39:00 — After dinner: The Guys review Monteverde, from meatballs to agnolottiInfoMonteverde Restaurant & Pastificio https://monteverdechicago.com/Trattoria Lo So  Bucktown, Chicago; expected to open in early 2027Oct 23, Friday - Winemaker Dinner w/ Neri Capponi of Villa Calcinaia WineryOct 26-31 - Spooky BarOct 27, Tuesday - Robert Simonson book signing cocktail partyMore info - https://www.stageleft.com/events/ Subscribe: Restaurant Guys' Regularhttps://restaurantguysregulars.buzzsprout.com/Magyar Bankhttps://www.magbank.com/Stage Left Wine Shophttps://www.stageleftwineshop.com/Our PlacesStage Left Steakhttps://www.stageleft.com/Catherine Lombardi Restauranthttps://www.catherinelombardi.com/Stage Left Wineshophttps://www.stageleftwineshop.com/Reach Out to The Guys!TheGuys@restaurantguyspodcast.com

I don't usually lead with this, but most of you have heard pieces of my story and I want to give it to you straight. Real anxiety by age 10, medicating with porn and masturbation by 14. Married my high school sweetheart at 18, three kids by 24, divorced at 27, raising my kids as a single dad. At 29 I hit a full nervous breakdown, the kind where your life feels like it's on fire and you have no idea how to put it out. I got remarried at 31 and spent the next 12 years on medication just to regulate my own nervous system. Then at 35, my wife and I finally got pregnant after five years of trying, and at our 10-week checkup we found out the baby had already died. I'm telling you all of this because here's what I've come to believe: you and I were born into a war whether we agreed to it or not. And here's the part most guys miss, we were also created for it.In this episode I walk through Ephesians 6 and the full armor of God, and I break down why the fight you're actually in isn't with your spouse, your kids, your finances, or the guy who cut you off in traffic, it's a spiritual one, and you can't win it by how much you bench press. I give you three keys to actually winning the war within. First, how you see the battle determines the outcome, and I'll tell you about my dad standing on the sideline of my soccer games, the story of the twelve spies who saw giants and called themselves grasshoppers, and Gideon sneaking into the enemy's camp the night before the fight of his life. Second, don't back down when it gets hard, because pain without vision is the worst pain there is, vision is what gives your pain a purpose. Third, the fastest way to lose a war is to fight one you were never equipped for, which is exactly what happens every time you compare your life to somebody else's highlight reel instead of staying in your own lane like David did on his way from shepherd to king.I get real about the seasons where I wanted to run, where doubt crept in and told me I didn't have what it takes, and why I've made the hard call not to rescue my own kids from every struggle they face, because hard times make strong men and I refuse to raise weak ones. This one is personal, it's not a highlight reel, it's the real fight, and I hope it gives you a roadmap for whatever war you're standing in the middle of right now. Guys, thank you for joining me today. Stay Brave. If this episode hit home, do me a favor and rate the show, leave a review, and share it with a friend who needs to hear it, that's how we get this message to more men. We'll see you next week.Chapters:00:00 – My Story 04:16 – The Dark Place You're Called To08:29 – You're Not Fighting People. You're Fighting This. 12:48 – The Doubt That Creeps In When You're Already Doing the Work 17:06 – Why I Won't Rescue My Kids From Every Hard Thing 21:13 – How You See the Battle Decides It 25:32 – Gideon's Move29:49 – Why I Get Up at 5:45 AM Anyway 34:02 – Comparison Is a War You Were Never Built to Fight 38:18 – Staying in Your LaneCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Can you hear that?Mountaineer Nation is still buzzing after West Virginia delivered its most complete performance of the young season, imposing its will on No. 25 Virginia in Saturday night's 38-27 victory in Charlotte.For a rebuilt WVU roster that had shown promise but lacked consistency in victories over Coastal Carolina and UT Martin, this felt different.The Mountaineers were physical. They were productive. And, perhaps most importantly, they offered the clearest evidence yet of what this team could become.Now comes the next test.In this episode, the “Guys” break down the victory, dig inside the numbers and examine what Saturday's performance revealed about West Virginia as it prepares for its Big 12 opener against Oklahoma State.Hoppy Kercheval delivers his Obvious Observations, while Brad Howe goes inside the numbers with Spreads on Stats.The crew returns Thursday with its complete preview of WVU versus Oklahoma State.

Oral Sex, Frequency, Desire, and Other Topics Couples Negotiate in Marriage: An Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma (Episode 300)   *Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message.*   Deuteronomy 30:19 + 20 “This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”   *Transcription Below*   Dr. Michael Sytsma has been working with couples in a variety of capacities since 1987. He is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Georgia, a Certified Sex Therapist, and a Certified Professional Counseling Supervisor. He is also an ordained minister with The Wesleyan Church and has served as a staff pastor for churches with attendance from 30 to over 1,000. He is currently appointed to Building Intimate Marriages, Inc. by The Wesleyan Church, where he provides marriage and sex therapy and training to other professionals. Michael also cofounded Sexual Wholeness, Inc., a Christian non-profit dedicated to training, equipping, and certifying professionals in human sexuality.    After earning a Bachelor of Science in Christian Ministry from Indiana Wesleyan University, Michael went on to receive a master's degree in community counseling from Georgia State University and a diploma in Christian counseling from Psychological Studies Institute. He subsequently earned a Ph.D. from the University of Georgia in Child and Family Development/Marriage and Family Therapy, where he specialized in marital sexual therapy. His dissertation topic was “Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Married Couples.”    Building Intimate Marriages Secrets of Sex and Marriage   Thank You to Our Sponsor: WinShape Marriage   Questions and Topics We Cover: What habits do you see drawing married couples closer together and also what behaviors or mindsets are pulling them apart? What are the different types of desire discrepancy? Can you share what the Bible says about oral sex and also share research findings?    Previous Savvy Sauce Episodes with Dr Mike: Ten Common Questions About Sex Enjoying a God-honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse Remaining Sexually Engaged Through The Years with Dr. Michael Sytsma  Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Marriage Secrets of Sex and Marriage   Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”    Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”    John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”   *Transcription*   Music: (0:00 – 0:09)   Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 1:47) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.   Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message.   I'm thrilled to introduce you to our sponsor, WinShape Marriage. Their weekend marriage retreats will strengthen your marriage while you enjoy the gorgeous setting, delicious food, and quality time with your spouse. To find out more, visit them online at winshapemarriage.org/savvy.   Today, I get to bring back our most repeated guest, Dr. Michael Sytsma. Our show notes are going to have links back to all of his previous episodes on The Savvy Sauce, and you're going to find out why he is invited back so frequently. Dr. Sytsma is a Christian sex therapist, an author, a counseling supervisor, and ordained minister. With a pastoral heart, a gift in teaching, and a passion for helping couples grow in marriage, Dr. Sytsma is the perfect guest for today to discuss these sensitive and sacred topics related to sexual intimacy in marriage. Here's our chat.   Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Dr. Mike.   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (1:47 - 1:52) Thank you so much. It's such an honor. It's always a joy to be with you and to talk through this.   Laura Dugger: (1:52 - 2:19) Well, I'm always looking forward to these conversations. And I just want to begin with a broad overview where we can discuss both relationship builders and some of the sneaky relationship retractors. So, what habits do you see drawing married couples closer together? And then also, what are the behaviors and mindsets that are pulling them apart?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (2:21 - 5:57) So, when I sit with couples, obviously the bulk of the couples that I work with are those that are struggling or wanting things to be better. So that may be a bit of a skewed. The couples that come into workshops even are often aware that something's not quite how they want it to be. And so, watching to see what makes a difference, exactly what you're asking. And one of the biggest things I see is just the intentionality of couples that are doing well. I think many times our culture tends to say that if you've picked the right person, if everything is going well, it'll be easy and everything will just flow well. And I find that amusing because it doesn't work in any other area of life. In our finances, we have to be disciplined with them. In parenting, we have to be disciplined with it. In our own health and exercise and what we eat. If we just ate whatever we wanted, I don't think things would be good. If we waited to feel to eat healthy, I don't think we would eat healthy.   And yet couples almost have this idea that you need to desire, you need to feel the urges to do what's healthy in the marriage. And those that wait for it and wait for their spouse to do it, they tend to get irritated and disillusioned and start to see each other negatively and pull apart versus those that sit down and develop a vision. Here's who we want to be as a couple. Here's who I want to be as a husband. Here's who I want to be as a wife. And we begin to lock ourselves into who we're becoming and who we're becoming as a couple and then live intentionally towards that. I see those couples do so much better.   Part of it is, you know, if you say to your husband, here's who I want to be as a wife. And he believes that. He believes that's your heart. Then the day that you get up, and I'm sure this never happens to you, but the day you get up and you're just not in a good mood, you know, the kids kept you awake at night or you didn't eat something that was good for you. You wake up and you're not in a mood. He can extend a ton of grace because he knows you're not satisfied with yourself. He knows that you're not going to like who you are right now and you're not going to tolerate that very long. So, he doesn't have to step in and try to control you, to manipulate you, to make you to be who he wants you to be. He can step back and extend grace knowing that you're probably going to come to him later that day or tomorrow and go, sorry, I wasn't in a good mood yesterday. It was probably tough to live with. And he knows you will reset and the same for him.   If he has a rough day and he doesn't treat you with the cherishing care that you know he wants to be, then you kind of step back and we'll give him a little bit of space. He'll figure it out. And he does. And he resets and he comes back and you make intentional steps towards that vision that you guys have co-created. Those couples tend to do really well. And I see those steps being a little different for different couples because their vision might be slightly different. But the consistent patterns and habits that I see are establishing that vision, locking into it and trusting that you'll do your work and I'm going to do mine. And we're intentional in moving forward with it.   Laura Dugger: (5:58 - 6:20) Okay. So, I'm kind of hearing start with the end in mind, get on the same page with the conversation of what our vision is. And then intentionally, it sounds like pre-deciding before you're waiting for these feelings to come up to even pre-decide practical things of how often do we want to come together? What do we want that to look like? So, am I hearing that right?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (6:20 - 9:28) Yep, very much so. And obviously there's a lot that's wrapped in it. Couples have to be able to communicate effectively, you know, hear and be heard to be able to sit down and sort through who do I want to be? Because usually a few years into marriage, we're starting to ascribe motivation and desire to our spouse that's not fully accurate. And we begin to define them different than they see themselves to be able to hear that, to be able to figure out who do I want to be? How do I work with the personality that I have? Mike works in idiosyncrasies and who's the best person that I can become? And then to be able to share that with each other.   So many couples don't sit down and really talk through. As you know, sex therapy is my primary research and interest area. And so, working a lot with couples that most of the couples I work with have never shared their vision for what they want their sex life to look like. They might've argued about frequency or certain behaviors, but they've never really shared vision. And most when I challenged them to don't have a clue of themselves really how to articulate what they want. So once that vision has been discussed and talked about, then yes, they can start to sort through, well, how do we get there? And can we give ourselves permission for some time?   I told a couple of you yesterday, guys, this is going to take decades to get to where you want to be. And you get to see his face. I said, this doesn't mean that we wait decades till we get there, but you've created a really beautiful vision and nobody can do that overnight. You're going to have to regularly work at it. And you're right. That intentionality of what are we going to do?   I tell couples my recipe is 15 minutes of connect time every day where you're leaning into each other. How are you doing? Really? What's going on? And then a one hour a week, a business meeting, I call it a working date where we sit down, we do the business of marriage. Just being intentional in how do we do this? Well, at least every other week to do a fun date where we are just going and playing together. We're not trying to work on anything. We're not talking about anything difficult. We're playing together. And then once a year, some kind of a continuing ed for their marriage, whether that be some marriage therapy, a retreat, a workshop, going through a sermon series and talking about it, reading a book together, something that gets them to really focus back on how are we doing and how do we make this better? Those are all intentional things that have to be done on a regular basis. Couples who make those, like you say, early decisions and then work to consistently follow through on them. Not perfectly, but consistently following through.   Laura Dugger: (9:30 - 10:08) I love that because the fruit of it is so enjoyable then to be married to one another if you've got this intentional relationship rather than the other option is for it to really overflow into all areas of life and be difficult. But you're clearly a world-leading Christian sex therapist, so I'm very eager to hear your insight on this as well. What would you say is the current trend for trouble areas with sex and intimacy that you're seeing with your clients or people that you meet through traveling the world to speak?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (10:11 - 12:58) Obviously, some of the standards that have been a part of human culture, especially my area of interest, is desire discrepancy. Whether that be husbands and wives who desire different frequencies, who desire different practices, who desire a different tone. I want wild and crazy and you want soft and nurturing. The differing desires are a primary area of conflict for couples. Because if you're not doing what I want, my natural instinct is to lean in and start to make you be that way. And humans don't tend to do well with pressure, so it tends to shut things down and then it spins out. So that's always an ongoing one, but that's also being my primary area of research and focus, one that I see a lot just in looking.   But one that the research seems to be showing that is a bit disturbing, and we've got theories behind what's going on, but we're seeing a decrease in sexual frequency amongst couples, a decrease in couples connecting. Whether that be connecting centrally, nurturing kind of touch, you know, the tender hugs and kisses, caresses, the snuggling together at night, or the more intimate sexual encounters where couples are having intercourse or they're engaging for sexual pleasure, we're seeing a drop in those. We saw it drop. COVID was not friendly to many aspects of marriage, and we saw a lot of it drop towards the end of that. And in many respects, it hasn't recovered, according to some of the research. So that would be an area of concern, because if couples are not connecting, many times they're acting out on their own, because it's easy, I don't have to negotiate you, there's plenty of options and ways to go about doing that. And the experiences, the chemicals that are released when we connect with each other, the associating you with pleasure, all of those things decrease, and they're critical in marriage. So that would be an area that we're kind of keeping an eye on. Is that going to bounce back? What is really going on? Is it a temporary thing, or is it just a glitch in the numbers? And it doesn't seem to be, seems to be what's happening.   Laura Dugger: (13:00 - 13:19) Wow, that is kind of alarming. And since COVID, that is so interesting. You said you have a few theories, and I know you're very scientifically based, so it's too early to report the research findings. But what are your opinions or thoughts on the reasons for that?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (13:21 - 18:05) I think in working with couples, there's a couple of things that I see play out. One is we are in an age of information overload and anxiety overload. We hear so much that is disturbing, and we don't feel like we have any agency in creating change for it. So, the internal stress level just goes up, you know, wars and economy, and things that we dislike that we're out of control with. And we see a general level of stress and anxiety go up for us right now. You know, there's some insecurity in terms of what is the economy really going to do. And all of that, I believe, has an impact on our sexual behavior.   I think, in part, we're wired for that. We think through human history. However long you happen to believe humans have been around, it's a while. For most of that time, we couldn't manage our fertility. So, if a couple engaged in sex, she was going to get pregnant. Well, if I don't have the emotional energy, the bandwidth, the resources to produce a child and to raise them, it makes sense to me that we are wired to not have desire to engage sexually with somebody. We see that especially for women. If stress level goes up, they're not interested. And I think that makes sense. I think it's a wiring in. Why would you want to reproduce if you're living in a stress-filled environment? We need to raise these kids up enough that I have the bandwidth to do another one or we need to have the food resources or whatever is needed. And our brains don't always think through the details of my refrigerator's full. We're fine. It just experiences the stress of what we're in.   Guys are the same way. You tend to have to push guys to a much higher level of stress before it affects their sexual desire. But I watch it almost every day in my office. Guys come in that have lost interest in sex. I look at their lives. I'm like, you're stressed to the max. You're working 60, 70 hours a week. You're not sleeping. You're eating like crap. You're not exercising. Of course you don't have interest. So, living in a culture that has that high level of anxiety and out of control, I think is part of what's going on there. We don't give time to just sit back and relax and realize that we are a blessed people living in a blessed time. We have a lot of resources. We could do this.   I think the other side of it is the impact of, we'll just call it social media, the impact of all of the information we're able to get. And it's curated information. And we only put online the things that we're proud of. So, we put online all of these great images. We look at everybody else's life. And sometimes in the research, we'll talk about monitoring the alternatives. I'm looking at my spouse and I'm looking at them and I'm going, wait, I like what they're doing better than what you're doing. And it creates an overall dissatisfaction that we start to try to make our spouse to be different. And they don't respond well to that. They get defensive and they push back on trying to make us different. And now we've got a power struggle going on and sex doesn't do well in those kinds of settings. Sex doesn't respond well to pressure. Hearts don't respond well to pressure. So, we start to pull away. Then we experience pleasure with you less. And I experience pain and frustration with you more. And when I look over here, it increases that because they're saying this is what it's like for them. That's not what it's like for me. I want that. And I don't know that I can have that with you. So, I want to have sex with you. And it's easier to negotiate pornography. It's easier to negotiate my fantasy stories. It's easier to negotiate something individually than it is to try to negotiate you. And so, the opportunity to experience profound pleasure with our spouse goes down and the frustration goes up and the cycle just continues to spin up. So those would be, they're interrelated, but a couple of ideas that I would have at this point.   Laura Dugger: (18:06 - 20:42) And now a brief message from our sponsor. Friends, I'm excited to share with you today's sponsor, WinShape Marriage. Do you feel like you need a weekend away with your spouse and a chance to grow in your relationship together at the same time? WinShape Marriage is a fantastic ministry that provides weekend marriage retreats to help couples grow closer together in every season and stage of life. From premarital to parenting to the empty nest phase, there is an opportunity for you. WinShape Marriage is grounded on the belief that the strongest marriages are the ones that are nurtured, even when it seems things are going smoothly, so that they're stronger if they do hit a bump along their marital journey.   These weekend retreats are hosted within the beautiful refuge of WinShape Retreat, perched in the mountains of Rome, Georgia, which is a short drive from Atlanta, Birmingham, and Chattanooga. While you're there, you will be well-fed, well-nurtured, and well-cared for. During your time away in this beautiful place, you and your spouse will learn from expert speakers and explore topics related to intimacy, overcoming challenges, improving communication, and more. I've stayed on site at WinShape before, and I can attest to their generosity, food, and content. You will be so grateful you went.   To find an experience that's right for you and your spouse, head to their website, winshapemarriage.org/savvy. That's W-I-N-S-H-A-P-E marriage.org slash savvy, S-A-V-V-Y. Thanks for your sponsorship.   That's so insightful. I have a lot of follow-up questions, so I'll try to organize them because I'm thinking of three categories. First, about just pleasing yourself and not working with your spouse and negotiating. Then also desire discrepancy going further into that and social media. Let's start with the first one. When you see the numbers go down of how often couples engage sexually in marriage, you're seeing those numbers go down. Would you say that automatically means that they are just seeking this out themselves with pornography or doing things in secrecy? Would you like to clarify that?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (20:42 - 23:50) Not necessarily. It is worth asking the question, but I think one of the myths our society has, especially in the church and culture, is that sex is a need. If you're not fulfilling it with me because it's a need, you're getting it someplace. For some people, sex is a strong drive. It's a strong urge. I think it's designed in us that way to draw us to our spouse, to draw us to connecting, but it is not a need. Nobody dies from lack of it. I could line up a whole string of clients that practice sexual fidelity, sexual integrity, and they're not at a place that they can express their sexuality in a way that they believe is honoring, so they don't. Nobody dies. Nobody does poorly, even. Many times, they thrive. The belief that if you're not getting it with me, you're getting it someplace, that may be true, but that's not a foregone assumption.   For some, though, it is. It is something that I want, something that I desire. It meets a lot of my desires. I think sex meets a lot of our needs, a need of acceptance. I do believe that's a need. I think we have a need to be desired, to be pursued. I think those are God-reflective needs in us. God desires those things. I think it's fair to say that those are needs, and we often get those needs met through sex. Even in an altered, hollow way, masturbatory sex can give something towards those needs. It's worth asking, as somebody pursuing that individually. A couple last week, they sat down for the first time and started to talk about that with each other. What do you do? We're only engaging this frequency. What do you do outside of that? They were both surprised at what each other does, and able to step back and say, I'm challenging them to do vision work. What do we want? For one of them, they said, “I don't want this part of my life. I want it to be only you, but that doesn't always work well. What do we need to do so it can be?” The other is not so sure that they want to give up some of what they're enjoying in their individual time. How do we wrap that in? It's interesting to watch them work through the vision and try to figure out who do they want to be as couples. But to go back to your question, no, it's not a foregone that they're going to be acting out. But it's worth asking, and worth asking, is that what you want? Or are you taking that as a second best because you don't see an opportunity to pursue what's really good? If that's true, can we maybe figure out how for both of us to get what we truly desire?   Laura Dugger: (23:51 - 24:19) That's so wise. Then to elaborate also on desire discrepancy, you've shared this is your primary research area. Can you expand a little bit on, I won't hit all of these, but you had talked about it being a desire discrepancy with frequency, with the type of activity, and I feel like there was one other topic. In practices. Can you share more about each of those?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (24:20 - 27:48) Yeah, the primary conflict that comes into my office is often illustrated by frequency. Generally, in most couples, the husband, the male, has a desire for a higher frequency. The female has, her frequency desire tends to be lower. In Secrets of Sex and Marriage, we have all the numbers that play that out. What's interesting is when we test them, they're not as far apart as they believe they are. Actually, in our survey, 22% of couples were wanting the exact same amount. Only 14% or 15% believe that they wanted the same amount, which is a pretty significant difference. Couples are closer together than they think they are. And most of those couples, even when they were different, were only one mark different. She said that she would like to have sex one to two times a week, and he said he would like to have sex two to three times a week. That's one mark different. Most couples were not that different, even when there was one.   Usually what is being expressed there is, I don't know that you desire me as much as I desire you. I desire you in a way that's physically connecting, and you don't seem to. What does that mean about me? What does that mean about am I a desirable person? Would you prefer to have somebody else other than me? Often, underneath that is the fears of, do you choose me? Do you want me? Do you like playing with me? I want a playmate. I want somebody who we can just relax and be together. I want somebody who holds me and nurtures and comforts me, and you don't seem to want to do that. What does that mean about me? The fight about the frequency, but really what's underneath it is a lot of fears.   That comes into the types as well. I want sex that is wild and crazy and spontaneous. I want to be able to walk into the room and you lose your mind. That never happens anymore. I want sex that follows us having long talks where you've cared for my heart and you've nurtured me. We've gone slow and you've really just cherished me. You just want something wild and crazy and to lose your mind. How do we bring those two together? Or practices. I enjoy bringing toys in and playing. You don't like that. You like the one kind that helps you to feel connected. I want to play more. The research on oral sex that we just finished comes into that and how they desire differently around even those practices. So, all of that comes into the office. I'm sure you're hearing at one level it is we're arguing about what I want versus you want. At another level, it's what does that mean? What does it mean to my heart and how do I interpret that you don't want to do this? That comes into play pretty heavily and it's worth couples trying to unpack and figure it out.   Laura Dugger: (27:48 - 28:01) And would you say that to unpack and figure it out is that most beneficial at a neutral time or what kind of conversation starters would be helpful for them?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (28:04 - 29:54) Not to advertise, but Secrets of Sex and Marriage was designed, we wrote it, and my heart desire in it was to have a book that couples could sit down and read out loud to each that would start these conversations. So, if they read through a session or a section that talks about one type of sexual behavior to pause and go, I think this author is stupid. Nobody wants that. And to start the conversation about what do each of them like and what do they want as a couple. I think it often takes something outside of them to help get the conversation started. And we always tell couples don't have these conversations around sex. Don't have it in the bed. Have it at the coffee table the next day. Have it in structured working dates. Have it in times that we're going to talk about this. So, we're doing our best to be our best while we're talking about it. Keep those conversations time limited or you run out of energy. Step at it, work on it a bit, then step back, get a break, rethink. So, all of the stuff that we know how to do with difficult conversations in business, we bring those skills in because heart issues are involved and we're not always aware of the heart issues. If I start to get defensive, we need to step away from it because curiosity is the only thing that's going to work here. So yes, structuring it. Most couples struggle to do that on their own. They struggle to do that on finances and parenting, how to manage your mom, let alone something as intimate as sex. So many times they will need a coach or a therapist or somebody just to hold the space for them so they can have that conversation.   Laura Dugger: (29:55 - 30:08) That's brilliant advice. And I like that kind of step care mentality of getting the book and trying that first. It still is a neutral third party and I think that's a great place to begin.   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (30:09 - 30:26) I love when couples come in and say, well, we read this section and he said, well, that's just stupid. And I look at him like, what do you mean that's stupid? I think that way. And as long as they can stay curious and not critical, those conversations go really well.   Laura Dugger: (30:28 - 30:48) That's good. Staying curious. Okay. So, then you also mentioned social media. So can you speak more to this demand that people are having to, I guess the way that you've worded it in the past is the demand for fantasy that people see in social media and pornography.   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (30:50 - 34:18) Maybe a stupid example. My wife and I are looking at redoing our master bathroom closet. It's been a lot of years. The first person we had come in and take a look at it went, yeah, this has been here a while. Okay. So yeah, maybe it needs to be redone. And so, what do you do? You start jumping online and looking, well, what are people doing today? What do bathrooms look like? And you start looking at them going, wow, I want that. Well, I can't fit that space into my space. So, do I need different space? And all of a sudden, all of these desires that I have and what I fantasize about living in, what if it's not even possible where I'm at? What do I do with the tension in it? Can I look at what I've got and really appreciate it and work on making it maybe better, but not need to swap it out for something else or not stay in a state of discontent with what I got, even after it's been upgraded and redone.   A stupid little example, I think of what goes on in relationship as we watch a couple and their gorgeous pictures of their vacation or their family pictures of, it looks like this big family with all the grands and they're having so much fun together. And every time my kids get together, we have knockdown drag outs, or two of my kids won't even show up, or the grands act out every time that they're around. And my family isn't the ideal family. My spouse isn't the ideal spouse. Here's a picture of him with his arms wrapped around looking so nurturing. And I don't know that my husband ever does that to me. He's always irritated with me. And we go to, I desire to be pursued. I desire to be chosen. I desire to be nurtured. And I see that in all of these images out there, and I'm not experiencing it. And I increase the fantasy of what I could have, what I desire to have. And I look at you and I think, it's not even possible to have that with you. You're not that kind of person. I'm not sure I picked right. And we're creating something that is really destructive in the process.   When we go back a few hundred years ago, and your spouse was chosen for you, or your spouse was one of only a handful of people that were even options. I got the best of those. This is pretty good. And we're working to make it good. And no, it's not perfect. Nobody expected it to be perfect. I love the song in Fiddler on the Roof, Do You Love Me? My father told us that I'd be lucky if in time, we would fall in love with each other, because they didn't marry for love. And then realizing that over the years, they had developed a rich kind of love. That's a very different experience than we have today, where we want the fantasy right up front. And we never want to step out of the fantasy, because it looks like it's all around us. And I don't know that's necessarily good for us, because the real takes work. I don't want to work. I want you to be who I want you to be without me working.   Laura Dugger: (34:20 - 34:39) That's so interesting. And that, I guess, pairing social media and phones, which are relatively recent changes, and then COVID, and there's so much curiosity around why have things changed so much sexually for married couples since COVID? But all of these consequent...   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (34:39 - 35:33) We think in part, it was pushing couples together, because we saw a spike in activity when we first shut things down. I'm blocking on the word that we use for it. But when we first shut things down and lock people up together, we saw an initial spike, and then we saw a drop. And it's that sense of, okay, now you're wearing on me, and I don't know that I want to do this with you. I think some of it was pushing people into the online world. I talk about social media, but it covers all of that online consuming that we do, and the dissatisfaction growing in. So, when you push people together, there's plenty of that talk about that. It doesn't always do real well, unless they're intentional and work at it.   Laura Dugger: (35:34 - 37:26) Okay, that is interesting. As you say, social media, maybe putting it even with phones, even just the amount of time that people you're giving so much attention to your screen, rather than one another. And it does seem like that was from COVID.   By now, I hope you've checked out our updated website, thesavvysauce.com, so that you can have access to all the additional freebies we are offering, including all of our previous articles, and all of our previous episodes, which now include transcriptions. You will be equipped to have your own practical chats for intentional living. When you read all the recommended questions in the articles, or gain insight from expert guests and past episodes as you read through the transcriptions, because many people have shared with us that they want to take notes on previous episodes, or maybe their spouse prefers to read our conversations rather than listen to them or watch them now that we're offering video rather than just audio. So, we heard all of that. And we now have provided transcripts for all our episodes. Just visit thesavvysauce.com. All of this is conveniently located under the tab show notes on our website. Happy reading.   So, this is kind of a big question, but whether it's thinking of wisdom for married couples, or even the way that they train their children so that they can avoid some of these pitfalls later on when they're adults. So, I'm thinking of the engagement and connection in real life face-to-face versus screens. Do you have any other wisdom that may actually impact them sexually someday?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (37:27 - 40:25) There are some foods that we don't eat because they're poisonous to us. There are some things we don't take into our brains because they're toxic to us. Yeah, we do. We learn to stay totally away from those. But yeah, I was thinking more the experiences that I have of even a spouse saying, “you can't have access to anything because I'm so angry at you.” I don't know if that's helpful.   Laura Dugger: (40:26 - 40:56) I see what you're saying. Appreciate the heart behind that, not controlling them and also taking the responsibility of self-discipline. So, there's another topic that many married couples may want to know more about, but they don't know where a safe place is to go and ask. So, this is the topic of oral sex. And so, Dr. Mike, can you share first what the Bible has to say about oral sex, but also share with us some of the research findings?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (40:57 - 52:46) Okay. So, we've got three more hours, right? So, if we tried to collapse it down a little bit, this comes a bit out of just working with it for so many years. We do the couples' workshops. We always do an Ask Dr. Mike. And so, through the entire workshop, today's technology, we used to use three by five cards, but today's technology, they can anonymously send a message in to me. And we take an hour of workshop and just go through those and answer them. And I am always going to get several on the subject. So, it's just been something that we know couples want to know about. Because it is a desire discrepancy, it is of interest to me. And so, we rolled questions about it into our last survey, the Marital Intimacy Project, where we surveyed 501 married couples, and a nationally representative sample. So, these weren't Christian couples, they weren't non-Christian couples, they weren't. The sample represents the 2018 U.S. Census data for the United States. So, in racial mix, racial ethnic mix, and religious mix and age, where they're at in the country. So, this is what these married couples are telling us about. So that's the background that some of this embeds in.   And your first question is, what does scripture say about it? Well, that depends on who you ask. You know, if we go back through most of church history, the purpose for sex was procreation. And anything that wasn't procreative act was considered outside of the boundary of God, because sex was about procreation. And many even teaching that once you got to the age that you weren't trying to have kids any longer, you should stop having sex, because the purpose for sex is procreation. And if you're doing it for pleasure, you're risking sin. If you're doing it for connection, you're risking sin. Well, if sex is about procreation, first, foremost, and sometimes only, oral sex is not acceptable, because it's not a potentially procreative act. That's the language that's often used in some of the church history teaching, that it needs to have the potential for procreation. And if it doesn't, then it's sin, it's outside of God's boundary. So, for hundreds of years, we have teaching that says that oral sex is totally unacceptable because it's not procreative.   If you take a perspective that sex is about connection, or sex is about play, sex is about intimacy, and sex is about pleasure, then all of that is re-evaluated. So, we have those theologians that look at Song of Solomon, where he talks about tasting of her garden. Nobody questions what her garden is in the story, the imagery that's used there. But there are those, or the flip side of that, she talks about drinking of his spring. And many theologians would look at that and say, no, no, no, that's not about oral sex. God would never talk about oral sex because that's unacceptable. It's not a procreative act. He is using imagery there to talk about the intensity of the love and the desire. This is strictly a spiritual story. And then others come in and say, yeah, no, I think it's about the physical. God would talk about that because couples do this, and it's playful, and it's fun, and it's good, and it allows them to connect. And the pleasure is not a bad thing. And when he's talking of tasting of her garden, when she's talking of drinking of his spring, they're talking about oral sex and scripture. And God talks about drink deeply, enjoy. And so, the other side of the argument says, for couples that enjoy this, there's nothing wrong in it.   Now, I think we can make a larger argument. Scripture talks about consent. Scripture talks about honoring one another. Scripture talks about desiring for one another. So anytime we step in and we start using demands, that is not scriptural. You know, Christ was profoundly invitational. He was profoundly inviting in who he was. The language I use for it sometimes shocks people. I say Christ was profoundly seductive. He had the ability to woo, to draw, that he can step up to somebody whose generational career is fishing. This is what their family is about. And he walks up and he says, “Hey, come follow me.” And they drop their nets and leave. I mean, who has the ability to do that? And it wasn't a command, you need to do this, or you're going to burn in hell. No, it was a wooing invitation. He had profound ways to look at somebody and point out their sin. Yeah, I know you've been married to what was it, four men already, and the one that you're living with is not, you're not married to him. He calls out her sin in such a way that she leans into the story. You know, how seductive, how invitational. I want to be a fly on the wall of that well, to experience what it was like to listen to him talk. And how did he draw people so well? That's who we want to be in marriage. We want to be the seductive, the person who draws, not the person who commands. So, if we take any of these principles and we start to demand of our spouse, I think that's not scriptural. So, when you ask, what does scripture say? I think it talks about honoring one another, nurturing one another, inviting, if that's something that's pleasing to you.   So, the question was, well, what do couples do? What do they want? And so, we asked all of these couples to, how often do you perform on your spouse? And what would you like? Do you enjoy it? Do you enjoy performing on your spouse? Do you enjoy having it performed on you? And it was really fascinating. You know, there's a lot of numbers that come into it. But the first thing that we learned is this tends to be couple scoring. If one does, the other one likely does. If we move into desire, that's more individual scoring. But if we move into practice, it tends to be couples. So, the couples where both of them said we never do, couples where both of them said we often do or occasionally do, and couples who said we regularly do or always do, those were clubs. The ones where he said, well, I always do. And she says, “I never do.” Those were rare, which was interesting. And then when we had it broken down into a lot of categories, but when we clumped them all together into the never, rarely, occasionally, sometimes, and often, always, we get almost third, third, and third. And so, couples have said in my office, but everybody does it. Actually, no, they don't. The largest group when we had it all broken down were couples that never do. That was the largest group. And the couples that always do was half of the never do. But if we get the larger categories, it's almost a third, third, and third, which says to me, it's perfectly okay, whatever the couple decides. Let's let them decide their comfort, what they enjoy with it, what it means to them. And that's more important than the behavior of it.   Then when we do get into, and I'm looking over here at my numbers, so I get them kind of right. We did not see a huge difference in age. I expected there to be a difference in practice with age. We didn't see a huge difference. And there was no difference in marital satisfaction or in sexual satisfaction between the couples that did and didn't. The only times we saw a difference was when they were what we would call asymmetrical. And those few couples where she said, “I always do”, and he says, “I never do.” Or the other way around. We got asymmetrical, we saw a decrease in marital and sexual satisfaction. But there was no difference in the couples that say we never do and the couples that say we always do. So, it didn't have an impact on sexual satisfaction. It had a bit of an impact on her orgasmic frequency, which that kind of makes sense. But the biggest difference was in desires and how, whether you like to or not.   So, we asked husbands, do you like to have it performed on you? And we asked wives, does he like when you perform on him? And wives have us figured out. The answer is almost identical to us. When we asked husbands, “does your wife enjoy doing this?” And we asked wives, “do you enjoy performing on him?” Husbands really overestimate how much she enjoys this, which was fascinating. Not a surprise, but fascinating. And there was a big difference between what the husband enjoys and performing on him and what the wife enjoys and performing on him. That was a massive difference. And then in the middle of that is performing on her. And they weren't near as far apart there. But once again, husbands overestimated her enjoyment. Wives underestimated his enjoyment, which was interesting. But there wasn't a huge difference. So, if we take the wife enjoying performing on him, husbands enjoying being performed on, those are quite a bit different. And right in the middle was wives saying that they enjoy it and husbands saying they enjoy performing on her. So that was interesting in looking at what they do and don't like.   Now, I haven't broken it down into some of the categories of couples. Yeah, I did look at it in terms of desire types. And there was some big differences there, which we would expect that an initiating type of a desire is going to want more versus a receptive or resistant, a little less. But I haven't broken down some of it even more detailed. Those initial numbers have been fascinating to see. And I think the takeaway is what we started with. What's your vision? What do you want and why? What does it mean to you? Let's decide what you want in your marriage. And then let's take steps to make it healthy and to be good and to move toward it. And it doesn't have to be tomorrow. We can slowly grow to that.   Laura Dugger: (52:47 - 53:09) That is so interesting. And I'm sure that's so helpful when a majority of people are submitting those kind of questions. Now you have some normative responses. And you also mentioned something in there about the different types of initiation or desire, and one is resistant. So, can you go into all three of those and define that?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (53:10 - 58:20) Yeah. We have the cultural message that desire is being harmed. And it is. That we feel we wake up and I'm interested in sex or you walk by and I'm interested in sex. I want to have sex. We think of it as spontaneous. It's not actually spontaneous, but we think of it as spontaneous. That's an initiating type of desire where we're aware of the desire before arousal. We pursue the sex for arousal is the experience of it. The second, and for that I've shifted to in the book, we talk about a car and being driving neutral and parking, but I've shifted to talking about in terms of boats, you know, that initiating desire is a speedboat, sometimes a really big engine, sometimes not so big of an engine, but it's powered, it's moving forward. Receptive desire requires arousal before the desire shows up. So, it takes an intentional step to move forward. Yeah, we can do that. And I'm enjoying doing this. Oh, my body's enjoying this too. This is good. And then the desire clicks on. So, desire sometimes may not show up till five to 10 minutes into the sex act. Now I want this, please don't stop, you know, please do it this way. Now the desire is there. That's the receptive desire. And I talk about that as kind of like a sailboat. You know, it's not powered by an engine. It needs an external force to kind of get it moving forward. But I also have to have the sails up. And what does it take for me to have the sails up on my sailboat? And what seduces me, what draws me, what helps me to move towards that desire?   And then resistant is the motor's pulled up out of the water, the sails are tied down, and there's two anchors that are, you know, doesn't matter what you do, I'm not moving. I'm not going to allow anything to move me. Or those anchors are there for a good reason, because of trauma, because of wounds, maybe that you have done. Maybe the relationship is not safe. If I get naked, I'm going to be criticized. I don't care to get naked, whether that be emotionally or physically. So, most of the time when I'm working with somebody who's resistant, the resistance is there for a good reason. And we have to figure out what's going on and how do we get rid of the anchors? Or how do we get this engine started again? And it may be physical, it may be emotional, may be relational, may be spiritual. But the resistance is going to be something has got us locked down in our sexuality, or locked down towards you. I'm still interested in sex, just not with you. And so, we have to kind of unpack that.   I do think that generally requires a third party, a therapist who's skilled in this who can work with it. My concern is even most therapists are defining receptive desires, low desire. And so, if somebody comes in and says, well, I have low desire, and they even if they realize they have receptive desire, all of the interventions are designed to increase initiating desire, rather than help somebody to nurture their type of desire, to nurture the receptive type of desire, or to figure out there's a reason you're resistant. Can we step back and create the space for you to drop the guards to figure out why you're resistant? Because he may be resistant and not even know why. He just, I'm not going to go there. And we have to create the space for him to even sit in it and start to figure it out. Or she may be, same thing for her, she may be resistant, and she might have an idea why, but we haven't unpacked it enough to really figure out what's going on. She just feels like she's broken and is being criticized by her husband. So, to step back and figure out which of those three is really going on, and how do we work with it?   So those types, within those, there are different levels, you know, we'll have an initiating desire that has a really big engine. They want sex all the time. Or an initiating desire that has a smaller engine. They don't want it all that often, but when they do, they're going to pursue it. A receptive desire that has really big sales doesn't take an awful lot to get them moving forward, but it doesn't come from within. And those that, you know, it takes a lot of work to get this thing moving forward. Is there a way we can increase the sales a little bit, so it doesn't take quite so much work internally and to the spouse? So, we're looking at types, we're looking at levels. It gets really complex, which is part of the fun of it, but part of what makes it tough for couples, and they default to the, you're broken, you don't want me, you don't like me. They default to simple answers that don't work. Mm.   Laura Dugger: (58:21 - 58:37) Okay. So, it sounds like you're saying the goal isn't to get everybody to have the engine, which is maybe where some therapists could direct them in the wrong way, but to grow in the freedom and releasing and get closer to the vision.   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (58:38 - 59:38) I was teaching this to some therapists and one of them came up on break and she says, “okay, I hear all of this, but you've got to be honest that truly the healthy person, when they've done good work, is going to have initiating desire.” If you walk into the therapy office with that, the receptive desire person, you're always internally thinking you're broken, you're immature, you're something, you're not okay. That's wrong. No receptive desire is a legitimate type. We're not trying to get the receptive person to be initiating. That's probably, I suspect that's not how they're wired. So, asking them to be that different, and they'll say, but there was a time that they were, well, yes, but that was a unique season of life where biology was very different. Now they're kind of, they're normative, so.   Laura Dugger: (59:39 - 1:01:06) That's so great. And that's what I always appreciate. Dr. Mike, you always offer hope for everyone, even the one who's locked down with the anchors. It's a, how can we start to lift those anchors? There's hope that there is change and restoration possible. And I've just loved this conversation. Deuteronomy 30 keeps coming to mind. There are two verses because I feel like you've laid out wisdom for intentionality or the negatives and hazardous results that can come from overindulging, prioritizing, connecting with our phone rather than our spouse. And so, I just want to read these two verses from Deuteronomy 30, it's verses 19 and 20. It says, "This day, I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord, your God, listen to his voice and hold fast to him for the Lord is your life. And he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." So, it's just been such a delight to have this conversation. And I know we could talk all day, but you still have a full day of work to also get back to. So where can we go after this chat to learn more from you?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (1:01:07 - 1:01:38) My primary website is intimatemarriage.org. And there are links through that to even get to like my link page that has some of the professional articles. We're putting together some little teaching videos that grab some of this. All of that can be located through intimatemarriage.org. And of course, secretsofsexandmarriage.com is the book website too. There are a lot of resources there.   Laura Dugger: (1:01:39 - 1:01:59) I highly recommend both of those. So, we'll add the links in the show notes for today's episode. And you're familiar as our most repeated guest that we are called The Savvy Sauce because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so, my final question for you today, Dr. Mike, what is your savvy sauce?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (1:01:59 - 1:02:37) I think it would flow from what you were just reading there in Deuteronomy. What does it take to choose life versus choose death? I can choose death by being passive, by waiting for something to happen. If I'm going to choose life, I'm working on it. So, it goes to what we started with, a vision-based intentionality. Is the savvy sauce, who do I want to be? Who do we want to be? And how do I be intentional and consistently and regularly moving toward that? Not perfect in it, but I know what I'm striving toward and I'm being intentional and taking steps that direction.   Laura Dugger: (1:02:38 - 1:03:07) So good. And Dr. Mike, just thank you for being a safe place where we can go for these sensitive and sacred topics. I think it's going to be fascinating someday in heaven to hear all of the people saying, “oh yeah, he helped us with our marriage too. And he helped us.” So we've been so enriched because of your work. So, thank you for your investment in your work that impacts people for eternity. And thank you for being my guest.   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (1:03:08 - 1:03:09) Well, thanks for having me back.   Laura Dugger: (1:03:10 - 1:06:52) One more thing before you go, have you heard the term gospel before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you, but it starts with the bad news.   Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death, and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved.   We need a savior, but God loved us so much. He made a way for his only son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with him.   That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life. We could never live and died in our place for our sin.   This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished. If we choose to receive what he has done for us, Romans 10:9 says, “that if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”   So, you pray with me now. Heavenly father, thank you for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to you.   Will you clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare you as Lord of their life? We trust you to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus name we pray.   Amen. If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring him for me. So, me for him, you get the opportunity to live your life for him.   And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So, you're ready to get started.   First, tell someone, say it out loud, get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes and Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible and I love it.   You can start by reading the book of John. Also get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.   We want to celebrate with you too. So, feel free to leave a comment for us here. If you did make a decision to follow Christ, we also have show notes included where you can read scripture that describes this process.   And finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, “in the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.   And if you've already received this good news, I pray you have someone to share it with. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

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