Master Bastard

The Bastards are back! Where did they go? Nowhere! They fill you in on their adventures, treasures, tragedies and Sir Chapsworth makes sex noises. Classtard!

The Bastards are back with another episode that Terlet took his time on editing. This episode is chock full of all the steaming filth that you’ve come to expect and adore. Lotion up your Ladybugs and get ready to get filled with podcasty goodness. Classtard!

Well well, the Bastards are back… Surprised? Confused? Titillated? Good, those are all positive feelings to associate with this podcast. Why not lay back and breath deep… just breath in… and out… in… and out. Isn’t that nice? Do you feel relaxed? Good, good. Why not take of those tight pants? Give us a gander at your slander? Give us a queef of that beef? Give us a plop of that slop? Give us a poke with that joke? Give us a choke with that stroke? Show us your genitals? No? Classtard.

The Bastards are back and boy are they chubby. Hamtackle finds Bruce Vilanch disgusting and I think that is his way of covering up the fact that he really reeeally wants to fuck him. There is also buckets of limericks and some good old Para-Files. Classtard!

The Bastards are back and they love to snack! Terlet briefly tests the Bastard’s ASMR waters and celebrity death is discussed, heavily. Get a grip of those Classtardy hips and give em a tush push!

The Bastards are back. Isn’t that nice? Lot’s of passionate pandemic palaver is peppered with paltry penile prattle. You know, the usual. Classtard.

The Bastards are back! You thought/hoped we were done, but you were wrong! Do you feel stupid now? You should, you dumbass… The Bastards pick new Celebrity Death Pools and chat about their favorite potential apolcalypses… Apocalypsi? Classtard!

Trooper is back and he brought gifts! The Bastards chat and then play a very visual online game. Just skip the last 20 minutes unless you love Audio Gold! Classtard! Get your hot, Classtard, here!!

The Bastards take a belated dive into the trailers from San Diego Comic Con 2019. Their rundown is constantly interrupted by argument based side quests and long kept secret revelations. I Classtard my pants.

The Bastards talk about Bullet Head, boozing and renaissance art. Then they chatter on about the woes of Olde English 800 diarrhea. Terlet gets annoyed with the random topic shifting, shame and shouting ensues. Classtard.

The Bastards bring that new hotness. Do people still say that? Is New Hotness now the Old Hotness? Is Old Hotness now cool? Is cool still cool? Terlet gets drunk on Olde E and shrieks… a lot. There is buckets of fight sports, urban legends and the general chatter that you know and tolerate. Classtard!

The Bastards chat about the wonders of home ownership and yard maintenance. Then it’s limericks, misogyny, and bit of bagel guy. We’ve got buckets of Classtard, go ahead and grab a gooey handful.

Hamtackle likes sports! Did you know that? Well, he does. Hamtackle can talk about sports without warning, at any moment. Fight sports! Ball sports! Almost any kind of sports! SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS! Classtard, if there is time for it with all them sports!

The Bastards talk about the movie “Get Carter”. The Michael Caine one, not the Stallone one. They get all creative with limericks and dream journals. Then it’s time to discuss Sean Penn’s performance in “I am Sam”. Insensitivity, ahoy!! Classtard.

The Bastards are back and they love ice cream. The full hour is the sounds of spoon licking and bowl clinking. Did someone say Sprinkles? Fuck, yes. Thatsa spicy Classtard!

Star Trek, birthmarks, painful death, grandpa compost and SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS! That’s Classtard.

The Bastards talk about the 10 Commandments of Office Etiquette. They chat about the Picard Star Trek show, read an article about a man who ate pasta, belligerently. While discussing a porn video game, they discover that Sir Chapsworth has never heard of hentai. They watch hentai. Classtard.

The Bastards get real luscious. Like draped in taffeta, eating pealed grapes kind of luscious. They spoil the Chinese blockbuster, The Wandering Earth, chat about Mickey Rooney and his moist casting couch, review the 2019 Death Pool and a bunch of other garbage. If succulence was a man it would be Sir Chapsworth. Classtard.

The Bastards try to pick which actors resemble each other. It ends up as you would expect with people getting offended. Terlet fat shames, Sir Chapsworth gurgles, Hamtackle argues and Ramtang looks like Josh Hartnett. You’re telling me that that that… that shot of Angel Batista you have there doesn’t look like he’s trying to maybe, uh, playfully grab at your crotch? Classtard.

Strap on your pleasure bag, the Bastards are back from their break and boy are the boisterous! Sports, birthday surprises, video games and Facebook fills most the conversation. Take it, rub it, lick it and stuff it. That’s Classtard…

The Bastards are handsome, strong, wise and kind. The Bastards represent love and charity. The Bastards don’t require your adoration even though they are deserving of it. Don’t let your unflinching reverence of the Bastards interfere with responsibilities. Plop Plop. Who’s there? Classtard. Classtard who? It’s just Classtard. Please let me in I’m about to have a diarrhea!

It’s part 2 of the Master Bastard Rapper Talent Tournament 2019! You must be wondering “How can they pick a champion with such a crowded field of rapping talent?” Well we do, get over it. Classtard!

It’s big, it’s bad and it’s back!! March Madness mean it’s time for talent! Musical talent! It’s time once again for the Master Bastard Rapper Talent Tournament 2019! Open wide for steaming spoonfuls of white men critiquing absurd, popular and/or terrible rap. Viva Classtard!

Oh, them Bastards… Donatello Dona-tells us all about guns and ammo. There is a ton of really bad, old music. We consult the stars and review Ramtang’s horoscope. Celebrities are slandered and future movies are discussed. All this and generous amounts of general insensitivity. Classtard.

Donatello is back with tales of wonder from around the world! There is also sandwich rats, German pizza, video games, Horny For Horner and jingles, jingles galore!

The Bastards are back and boy are they blah blah blah. There is stuff and they talk about things. Arguments? Yeah, there is a lot of those. Did somebody request awful radio sounds? No? Oh well. Somebody says something insensitive and somebody else overreacts. I can has Classtard?

Baby Love the cherub is back and boy does he have love to spread! This adorable cupid will win your heart with his cute antics and chubby cheeks. But if those don't work, he could always force your affection with his love arrows! Oh, Baby Love... You're my best friend. Happy Classtard!

The Bastards chat about buckets of upsetting topics. Terrible rappers, terrible rapists, poop games and light suicide discouragement. Don't cry in your classtard!

Enter the world of "Willow." Journey to the far corners of your imagination, to a land of myth and magic, where dream and reality live side by side ... to a place that never existed, a time that never was. It is a world where a young man named Willow lives out an adventure that explodes beyond the boundaries of his own hopes and fears. That and Ramtang's nose job. Classtard!

The Bastards talk mostly and moistly about Barry Gordy's The Last Dragon. Get ready because when you feel like you're ready to go somewhere you've never been make a wish and the dream in you grows shining as bright as day carrying you far away the story begins with the light in your heart a fantasy a dream and a spark once you believe you are ready to shine the princess inside you will show you are the glow you are the glow look around take in all that you see you just might be surprised a world of enchantment and pure majesty you'll be discovering the princess that you're meant to be the story begins with the light in your heart a fantasy a dream and a spark once you believe you are ready to shine bright as the world's ever known you are the glow feel your strength, you can face the world believe every day everything is possible a magical journey awaits the story begins with the light in your heart a fantasy a dream and a spark once you believe you are ready to shine the princess inside you will show you are the glow you are the glow you are the glow.

It’s just Hamtackle and Terlet. Face to face. Eye to eye. Tip to tip. They talk about Minecraft, a lot. Then they bore each other with topics that only interest one of them at a time. Classtard.

It’s a new year so it’s time for a new Celebrity Death Pool! The Bastards discuss upcoming movies, genital gangrene, eat grandma style hard candy, watch wrestling and read about pulling mucus and poop coated gauze out of your mouth. Happy New Classtard!

The Bastards gathered early and recorded a Christmas episode that was released late. I hope you aren't sick of Christmas music! Merry Classtard!

The Bastards are back and boy are they shouty! There is Batardpiece Theatre, far too much Horny For Horner and an excruciating round of Mystery Guest. Classtard…

Christmas has come early as Frank from GeeksAmok.com has provided our sweet, baby Bastards with the finest of toys! There is also limericks and ever so much witty banter! Oh, and tea! We drink hot chamomile tea, eat biscuits and take turns punching each other on the dick. All this and more on this episode of Barnaby Jones! Classtard!

The Bastards talk about stinking buttocks, kangaroo attacks, force field fails and cowboy video games. Then they’ll delight your ears by looking at pictures online. Classtard.

Guess who's back, back again. Chap's back, tell a friend….if you have any. Heaping helpings of homemade cider! Bustling baskets of birthday gifts! Steaming sacks of sports talk! Leaking lumps of limericks! Then we over-explain an episode of Black Mirror. Classtard up that asstard!

The gimmick continues! The Bastards and special guests continue their adventures in the Mystery Machine under the cross eyed gun sights of Shimbles. Viva la Classtard!!

The Bastards are back with their 200th episode! They are joined by two lovely ladies and one extra special seasonal character. Scrub all you want, that Classtard will not wash off!

Sweet Sally O’Malley! The Bastards are back and scented of pumpkin spice! Trooper describes some of the worst fatalities he’s seen as a Trooper. Scatapults are constructed and tested. Gators are wrestled and then kissed. All this and whore! Classtard.

Trooper joins the Bastards for a four-man, greased bathtub experience. Gettin’ all glisteny and tumblin’ around making them animal sounds. There is also limericks, Black Mirror spoilers and lots of looking at dildos online. Classtard.

William Henry Cosby Jr. is an American stand-up comedian, actor, musician, author, and convicted sex offender. He was also in Leonard Part 6! Classtard!

Sausage, robots, rappers and more! The Bastards get hot and heavy with eye contact and hand holding. Whatcha talkin’ bout Classtard?

The Bastards strap on their lederhosen, dust off their steins and prepare their bodies for ample sausage. It’s Oktoberfest and the Bastards are the Oktoberbest of buds. Prost!

The Bastards dive into some Bollywood Action, Ramtang reads the future, Terlet shows off his new skull, Hamtackle has a birthday, Star Trek talk and Sir Chapsworth makes audio gold by repeatedly drinking from an aluminum bottle full of ice. Classtard!

Listen along with the Bastards for some delightful Christian comedy followed by a full listening of Corey Feldman's Dance/Rock albums. We are negativity! Classtard.

Not Goldie!!  Hot western action!  The loudest monkey gets the grease!  Cocka-too terrifying!  Praise the Holy dinosaur!  McCain!  Ramtang believes in magic!  Classtard!

A team of ex-special forces soldiers on the lam from the military police (even though they didn't really commit the crime for which they'd been imprisoned) leaves a trail of explosions in its wake. But Hamtackle, Sir Chapsworth, Ramtang and Terlet always stop to help the little guy against some corrupt local bigwig before escaping the MPs once again.

The Bastards are back and full of beefy flavor!  The boy gets a pet, the bastards are disappointed with a movie, porcine profanity and anybody can be a pilot!  All this and less on this episode of Mhlasthdaard Buhlasthdaaard!!

The Bastards are back and boy are they sassy!  There's butter cream limericks, Battle Toads, mystic readings, Crapmus gifts and movie reviews.  You better loosen that belt, you 'bout to get stuffed!!  Classtard.

Terlet inflicts game show goodness upon the Bastards with a spirited round of The Master is Bastard!  It's the Price is Right for sex toys. Classtard, come on down!