Steamy & Schemey

We haven't posted in 99 days, but a bitch ain't worried about it. Clearly, we do not know how to be consistent, organized adults and we lie. But so does that wanker, Elon Musk. Honestly who wants to go to the #moon, when you can instead go under the sea to find the Flying Dutchman? This entire episode is furrr suure financial advice. Let's ride baby! ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

Does your dick qualify for Penuma? Snap a pic to 1-800-Big-Dick and we will decide if you need the large, XL, or XXL implant. This episode is a complete roller coaster, so strap in and hold on for dear life. We might or might not be going through a mid-podcast crisis and Whitney may or may not have blacked out in the middle of this episode. Bonus game from this episode: take a shot every time we say penile, penis, Penuma, or dick and you’ll be slurring your words like Whitney in no time.

Roses are red. Queen Victoria is blue. Thank God this bachelor szn is coming to an end. All the drama, we can't even comprehend. Matt is boring. The audience is snoring. The producers are scheming. The competition is steaming. Who will become Matt's wife? And who will just become an influencer for life? Listen to hear our take on this week's episode of the Bachelor & some insider gossip. *Spoilers included*

Get woke or get f*cked. Welcome to the round 2 simulation sesh. We still are unsure if anything is real. We are anticipating the CIA will come bust down our doors after releasing this episode, but maybe they'd be down to do an interview for Steamy & Schemey. The CIA do be on that schemey shiiii. We also lied when we said we would release this two weeks ago, so for that we apologize. Next week, we WILL be on time. Tune in to hear more of our belligerent thoughts & get stimulated by our straight fAcTs.

Would you consider the idea that we are in a simulation: steamy or schemey? In this episode, we dive into the spicy topic of simulations and discuss parallels between our world and the novel Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. This genius novel was made into a 1-season TV show on Peacock that you should definitely peep. Is polygamy the 20th century wave? Are drugs really even that bad? Is life even real, like for real? Are we really in a simmy, with no stimmy, in the middle of a civvy? Tune into to hear our thoughts on these topics & stay tuned for part 2 next week! XO.

Happy new year & happy belated holidays! Apologies for the long wait... but we are back & better than ever in bucket hats. It's honestly Blair's fault we took so long to post because she was exposed to COVID, but it's fine. Quick shout out to our listeners (more than 5 now lmao) we are so grateful for you!! If you know of someone who is getting cheated on and want a lowkey way to tell them, email us at anonscandaltipshotline@gmail.com. We will handle the scandal. *handshake emoji* Tune in to hear us talk about some random ass topics (we are still a little rusty from our long break - but ayyy still back). XO.

Why is being a sloot online the only way to make money in 2020? We don't know, but we want in. Tune in to hear us discuss dating profiles, a morality debate about Onlyfans, and other random ass shit that's been on our minds. Also, Jeff Bezos is robbing us blind. We know you missed us last week, but listen to get your Steamy & Schemey tea dish now! New content next week. XO.

So so sorry to our 5 listeners, the podcast was delayed by the election! We all know JFK was a daddy and Trump is a POS. Enjoy this episode of us two b*tches who know nothing about politics, talking about politics! Fun! Anyone else tryna dip out of the country with us? Let us know, Whitney's French is getting very diverse. Au revoir, XO.

What's up, welcome to our decade episode! Hell ya baby, one decade of episodes. JK. We don't really know what is going on in this episode tbh but we do wrap up The Power of the Pussy by Kara King. Tune in to try to figure out wtf is going on and also to learn about the power of appreciation & to shake ya miracle maker. XO cheers!

For this episode, we decided to j chill and ask each other some surprise interview questions. Want to know Blair's dirtiest sexual fantasy? Or Whitney's favorite sex position? Tune in for answers to these questions & more steamy content. We are soooo not political, but we got kind of political oops. Jamie Foxx for President 2020 or literally anyone else!! XO & cheers!

How many times a week is your ideal number of times to have sex? Can you think with your heart instead of your dick? How does sex change when you're in love with someone? Tune in to this week's steamy episode to hear the answers to these questions & more from our hot guy guest star (he works out). Listen to hear him give his perspective on whether a woman is wifey material or a booty call. Just two girls and a guy in the closet sipping on the latest tea and learning how to act & think like a man.

In episode 7, we cover two more chapters from the book The Power of the Pussy by Kara King. Stay busy and stay dating. Date all the men, all at once. Keep yourself unavailable, so no fuck boys can slide in to those DMs. Online dating started in the 1990's and is booming today, even though it kinda sucks ass. Stay classy and stay single!! Make sure to listen next week where we will have a guest speaker to give a man's perspective on all of the topics we have been covering! Tea! X

What do you keep in your notes app? Anything Steamy or Schemey? In this week's episode, we cover Selective Attraction & The Power of Action from The Power of the Pussy by Kara King. Learn how to pick between the 3 types of men: Tom, Dick, & Harry. Keep your standards high and your options open. Cheers! XO.

How long do you hold onto mediocre, shitty guys? Probably too long. Do you always try to fix those damaged, emotionally vacant men? We have been there, done that. Learn how to take the mf trash out, spot users & losers, and use your intuition to save your ass from getting hurt again on this week's episode. We also make & try the Chick-Fil-A Crunch Wrap Supreme inspired by Cody Ko. Cheers to another episode of Steamy & Schemey!

The Cactus Jack burger hits. Confidence smacks. Playing games slaps. Join us on this week's episode as we cover chapters 3 & 4 of The Power of the Pussy by Kara King. Learn how to use your confidence to stay catching dubs when playing games with men. Spike your ~electric~ McDonald's sprite to cheers and get lit with us on Episode 4!

Ever jump into bed too quickly with a guy and then never hear from him again? Oops- us too. We're sick and tired of dealing with fck boys' "hump & dump" mentality and we're sure you are too. Listen to hear advice from Chapter 2 of Kara King's book and our interpretation of how to harness the power of your pussy to keep the upper hand when it comes to dealing with men. This weeks episode also comes with a drinking game: take a shot every time we say "like," but don't get alcohol poisoning. Cheers!

Tired of getting emotionally invested in guys who just want to use you to romp around in the sheets? Same sis. Sick of being emotionally used and abused by men? Duh. In our second episode, we dive into Chapter 1 of The Power of the Pussy by Kara King. We give you our personal steamy take and explanation of how to use the power of controlling your emotions to your advantage. Tune in to take the first step toward being the boss ass bitch/man you know you are. Cheers!

In our pilot episode, we share juicy personal stories, reflect on our boo boo time in quarantine, and give a sneak peek into our first series. Listen to this if you wanna have a good a$$ time and gain some more insight into the power of the p****.