Support For Guys

Trauma is an emotional response to some type of terrible event in a person's life. Types of trauma include physical violence or injury, natural disasters, illnesses, emotional abuse or neglect, sexual abuse, severe loss, bullying, and many other adverse events. These may be one-time events, multiple instances, or a series of long-lasting repetitive events. Without addressing past trauma, many people wind up living considerably altered lives as a result of avoiding it. Trying to ignore it, compartmentalize it or lock it away doesn't solve the problem and the residual effects can be devastating in many ways.

I recently had the good fortune to be a guest on the Fair Game podcast hosted by Leah Remini and Mike Rinder. It is a more raw continuation of the discussion started by their show Scientology & the Aftermath, which won multiple Emmy Awards on A&E and now all three seasons are available on Netflix. If you haven’t seen the show, I would absolutely recommend it. Their Fair Game podcast hones a bit more into the harassment and dirty tricks part of Scientology that it uses against people who go against them, especially former members who become whistleblowers and speak out to expose their lies and corruption. We spend some time in the episode talking about all of the different Scientology front groups that had been created to try and appear legitimate and lure more people in while attempting to gain more power and control. Cult indoctrination is a popular topic again with the recent sentencing of Keith Raniere for his NXIVM and Executive Success Program operations and the depravity he was guilty of. Shows on HBO and Starz have documented much of that, and indicated how Raniere borrowed quite a bit from Scientology, while at the same time trying to distance himself from “cults like Scientology.” From what I see, there are way more cults in America and around the world, and we often belong to several, whether we’re aware of it or not.

There are a lot of helpful tips and resources out there for getting past the hang-up of worrying about what other people think. Some of them are simple and practical, and others involve a little more soul-searching. What I find to be most helpful so far is to use a self-inquiry process of checking my intentions and weighing them against any potential fallout. As long as I can be honest with myself about who I am and what I’m doing, then I have to be willing for others to not like me. Hopefully this will also translate into removing some of my other fears that I have been allowing to hold me back as well. After all, our happiness is our responsibility, not someone else’s.

We are living in stressful times, and for most of us, our respective political parties are working to create more division and unrest. Both the liberal and conservative parties need each other to exist, to have a "them" to fight against. And, since they're the controlling parties, they make the laws that shut out other political parties from having a legitimate chance for introducing more peaceful change that strives for unity rather than division. It is easy for one party to point a finger at the other, and both would be correct. It is time for a different approach.

We live in a world where we are constantly being told what we should look like, who we should idolize, what we should buy and how we should act. Generations of people are being subconsciously programmed into thinking and acting out values generated by others for their benefits and agendas rather than ones we have discovered for ourselves that are truly ours. So how do we define what our values really are? Well, it can start with asking ourselves some key questions about experiences in our lives and what is important to us - how we really think and feel about things from our own unique perspectives and individual consciousness. For more on this, visit http://lucascatton.com.

As an Empath, one of the most difficult things can be to not take on the feelings of others, but this goes for everyone. We can be kind and caring and supportive of others but we cannot be responsible for other people's happiness. We have to set boundaries and learn from our experiences and allow others to do so as well. Here are the books I mentioned in this podcast: The Empath's Survival Guide - by Dr. Judith Orloff Quiet - by Susan Cain The Energy Codes - by Dr. Sue Morter Here is a link to an article by Dr. Daniell Dowling regarding other people's happiness. And hit me up any time at LucasCatton.com

I have driven across the country on long road trips, from coast to coast and up and down the East coast and many places in between. Before smartphones and apps and even before early GPS systems were common, I would print out directions on MapQuest, and I had a road atlas in my car. I would usually study the directions or map before leaving, and then just drive. Sometimes hours on end without even listening to music or speaking to another person at all and other times getting completely sucked into some of my favorite music that evoked various emotions. Mostly I loved just being there on the road, taking in the sights of the places I was traveling to and through. Then, when I would get closer to my destination I would stop and study the map and directions in detail again to know exactly where I was going. Then I would repeat for the next trip. Driving is such a great metaphor for my life, both in how I do long trips with a goal in mind, but am not only focused on the details of the destination, and instead enjoying the trip itself. Also the part about creating space and freedom and a bit of separation from the pack by taking opportunities when I see them and going just a little bit faster than most other drivers.

When there are conflicts or opposing forces, it is often easy for one side or another to feel like they need to exact revenge on the other. However, revenge is usually an anger-driven reaction that only perpetuates the fight rather than ending it. Instead, seeking redemption can help find justice or resolution and begin healing a conflict. This is something I struggled with that I chronicled in my memoir Reconnection.

With all of the unrest and uncertainty happening in the U.S. and throughout the world, there are a lot of systems and institutions being questioned. Some are being torn down completely. And although this can be an extremely difficult or uncomfortable process at times, it is also very necessary on occasion so that something better can be created or built in its place. MindValley founder Vishen Lakhiani calls this beautiful destruction, saying that "sometimes in life you have to destroy what is merely good to allow what is truly great to enter." We see this not just on a global level, but also with our careers, relationships, belief systems, physical structures and our egos. A healthy dose of inquiry and questioning our true values can help us determine with things need to be torn down and built anew.

Right now there are thousands of people around the country who are seeking other options for opioid abuse and addiction. This includes a small percentage of the 400,000 who are enrolled in daily opioid maintenance programs who wish there was an affordable option for private recovery help. It also includes people in rural areas where options for treatment or recovery assistance are extremely limited. There are also people who are either exiting a detox or residential treatment facility and are looking for something different from what they have already tried in their areas. The Opioid Independence™ Program offers a customizeable hybrid recovery framework that includes online lessons as well as groups and individual sessions with recovery coaches and/or therapists for a personalized and private recovery experience over a 6-month period. For more information, visit http://opioidindependence.com.

This global crisis has taught us many things, and in many cases they are contradictory at times, depending on when they're experienced. I shared a blog post over a month ago about re-emerging after this crisis is over. As bad as it all has been for many of us, I am grateful for the experience and what I've been able to learn from it. How about you?

The fallout from the Coronavirus pandemic and COVID-19 illnesses is an economic crisis never seen before in the U.S. or around the world. We all of course want to save lives and protect those who are most vulnerable, but perhaps the reactions to shut everything down will have a much worse result on society. To help get through this very difficult time, one in which ten million unemployment claims were filed just in the past two weeks, here is a list of eight things that you can to to help make it through.

Tim Harrington is the founder of Sustainable Recovery and co-founder of the Wide Wonder tour and movement. A champion of mental health and substance use recovery and support, Tim has made it a mission in life to help create space for individuals, families and communities to heal and innovate together to find functional solutions to many issues facing our living systems today. For more visit SustainableRecovery.net and WideWonder.life

Our minds and brains can get us into trouble, at least when we listen only to the stories that we sometimes tell ourselves instead of incorporating our hearts. In this episode we talk about leading with your heart, both your physical heart and spiritual heart center, can improve your overall health and happiness. Check out HeartMath.com and HeartBased.org for some more helpful information.

Everything is in a constant state of change. The concept of impermanence, though rooted in Eastern philosophy, appears plenty of places elsewhere, often stated as "this too shall pass." Becoming more mindfully aware of impermanence helps us to accept the present as it is and move from moment to moment. We can be with moments of struggle, pain and loss rather that feeling like we need to run from it or cover it up, knowing that it will pass. We can also develop a greater sense of appreciation for all of the good people, experiences and other things in our lives. Take a few minutes to listen, and see how understanding impermanence may be able to help you.

A decades long ongoing study by Harvard University on health and happiness, often referred to as the Grant Study, has found that relationships are the greatest factor in overall health in life. This boils down to the quality of connection. Establishing meaningful connections in our lives helps develop a sense of love and belonging. It also helps provide confidence and security to move forward in our desire for a fulfilling life. A recent Harris Poll showed that only 33% of people considered themselves to be happy. Pursuing deeper connection is a step toward improving that statistic.

Mendoza line is a baseball term for the lowest acceptable batting average, generally considered to be .200. In life, this can be the equivalent of keeping our heads above water. Rather than trying to make big moves, sometimes the small changes or improvements are all that are needed to improve our lives in each area. This, over time, translates to a much greater improvement in overall quality of living. For more visit http://lucascatton.com.

Sometimes it is easy to get caught up doing something in one area of life, and we all do it. But when this goes on for too long, other areas of our lives suffer as a result. Part of creating a fulfilling life is to maintain a sense of balance. Here we look at many examples of things we can do to live in a more intentionally balanced way.

I just released a memoir that covers parts of the last ten years of my life or so, and it is called Reconnection. It's about digging out from a hole of despair and rebuilding a beautiful life with love and meaning. It's not about the particulars of my struggles and successes, but that we all have struggles and successes. This shameless self promotion has a purpose, as so far the feedback has been uplifting in that many people have found it applicable to their lives and how they can continue making progress and be happier as a result. For more information visit http://lucascatton.com.

Although traditionally men are less likely to seek therapy help, that trend is starting to improve. Join us as we chat with Matt Wagner, who is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Nationally Certified Counselor who specializes in areas including men's issues. He offers some great insight, advice and resources for guys here to get the support they need. For more information about Matt, check out his site at http://mattwagnerlpc.com/

I first met Mayer Harris a little over two years ago and was intrigued by his knowledge of the Bible and its history as well as how it relates to other spiritual practices. He is one of the nicest and most caring people I've ever met, and embodies the purpose of this podcast by naturally diving into deeper topics of conversation that have more significance to life and living. If you want to know more about him, visit his coaching site https://www.personalpeace.me/

There have been many flawed leaders, sports heroes and other famous people in history. What makes them flawed? Who or what do we have more of a tendency to forgive, and why? Do money, power and fame cause more people to become corrupt, or is it just easier for them to be who they already are? These are some of the things we discuss on this episode.

I'll admit it. I am a dreamer and I often make lofty goals and set idealistic expectations that are likely out of reach. In my mind I gravitate toward huge success stories of self-made billionaires. I'm sure I'm not alone in that. There is a whole industry of people who are building wealth by promoting products and services that cater to that same desire - to catapult someone from obscurity to legendary status. Ploys to develop mastery, to be a high performer, to 10x your growth or to max out your life are plentiful. I, too, have consumed content from many of these people and programs as well. This is in no way a condemnation of them or anyone's desire for success, because I believe their intent is good. However, even among many of these people, they will share bits of things that have actually improved the quality of their lives the most, and by and large they don't involve the massive accumulation of wealth. Usually they have to do with things like service, faith, connection, meditative or contemplative practices and other contributing lifestyle enhancements. I have become someone who now looks for patterns and similarities in messages, sort of decoding things through these perceptions and identifying repeat melodies even among otherwise very different songs. What I have found is that the chasing of that big jump - in anything - is very rarely what actually works. Rather, it is an accumulation of incremental changes or improvements that surmount to those sought-after ideals in life.

What meaning can be derived from past experiences? How can we use them to move forward in life? Doing this can be a powerful exercise. Similarly, how can we assess our purpose for actions in the future?

From the time we were kids through today, we are constantly receiving messages from external sources of how we're supposed to look, what we're supposed to like and who we're supposed to be. Maybe it's time to look within ourselves to examine our values of who we really want to be, and to then display those outwardly instead. We can choose our own identities and shed any labels that don't really define us.

Too often in life we fall into the trap of placing our happiness on the attainment of a specific goal, object or result. We attach our self worth to specific outcomes and if it doesn't turn out exactly that way, we allow ourselves to feel down, rather than appreciating the experience, learning from it or finding a suitable substitute. Understanding how to avoid unhealthy attachment in life can be incredibly liberating, and actually help us achieve more of what we really want.

Real forgiveness is liberating, and sometimes people have misconceptions about what it means. A great resource that has helped me is the book by Desmond Tutu called The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World. Are there things that you've held on to that could be let go through forgiveness?

Our wonderful county needs an upgrade to our two party political system. It is not an accurate representation of Americans. The us vs. them attitude isn't helping us and a lot of time, money and attention is wasted on battling each other rather than trying to move forward as a collective. An overhaul of the Electoral College and making it easier for more parties to be included in the political process would be two ways our system could be improved.

We all could benefit from more kindness in the world. The givers and receivers are both rewarded, and there is even some great scientific research to support the benefits. In short, kindness isn't just fluff. How can you be kinder today?

Susan Cain's book "Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" was a revelation for me when it came out a few years ago. As a self confessed introvert, it helped me to understand more about myself as well as others, especially those closest to me. I think it is important to help identify the situations and environments that we thrive in, and also to balance those out with other experiences as well.

September is National Recovery Month, which is now in its 30th year celebrating those in recovery and people working in the treatment and recovery fields. We're all in recovery from something at some point in our lives, and this is important to remember to have compassion when other people are struggling. If you need help finding help, please visit http://AdvancedRecoveryResources.com.

Rather than pointing out what is wrong with religions, maybe we should celebrate what is right about them and question why ours are telling people that other human beings aren't as deserving of love. Instead of criticizing beliefs, I think we can isolate the harmful actions and focus on the benefits of religious practices, of agnostics, spiritualists, atheists, and other communities and help reform acts of judgment and hate and turn them into acts of love for one another.

With the rising student loan debt, I think it is worth a conversation about the social and economic results of traditional four-year degrees vs. specialized job training and certification.

In Episode 2 of what was originally called the Support For Guys podcast, we take a look at what to do when you feel like your back is against the wall. We talk about grit, resilience, awareness and much more. Thanks for listening!

This is the inaugural podcast by Lucas Catton. This was originally called "The Support For Guys Podcast," but has since changed its name to be all-encompassing, though continuing the purpose across all genders and identities. There aren't enough resources where people can talk about things on a deeper level with more meaning and less judgment. This is an attempt to open up more conversations about living and to provide a venue for support. The first episode also includes read thing "We Are All People, A Children's Book About Tolerance," as well as some background about the book.