Tales from the Curtain Twitcher

They'd been hoist by their own petard, yet again - the Winchesters that is. And the PM feels the hand of history touch his shoulder.

In which the Swinton-Eagles scarper; Tara beds down with the cats and the royals brace themselves for yet more scandal, this time involving the heir apparent.

At last, there's some good news for prince Edmund and Annabelle but Mandy is in for a battering.

In which the Trudge-Joneses are confronted by the chaos of their own making and this great nation - its government and its people – begin to make their feelings known.

In which ‘partygate' and its grave consequences and prince Markus's trial by jury become the talk of the land.

In which the shenanigans and moral failings of the highest echelons of this land are coming back to bite and hard.

In which Prince Markus runs out of road, his fate being sealed in an interview with senior royals.

In which two privileged white males – prince Markus and the PM – get their comeuppence.

The noose is tightening round prince Markus's neck as Anoushka Blackwell is found guilty.

With the resignation of the nation's Brexit supremo, Lord Snow, the Prime Minister is dealt a body blow like no other but has no alternative but to ‘battle on'.

In which prince Edmund is exposed; the French president faux pas in franglais and the prime minister ponders past missed opportunities.

In which Ptolomy trudge-Jones wishes he had listened to Mandy's advice and realises his days are numbered.

In which the PM contemplates his health and life beyond politics.

In which the US president leaves an unwelcome calling card; prince Edmund and Annabelle have a heart to heart and Sabbeth Malek is left bereft.

In which the parliamentary standards commissioner survives a bid to quash her authority and COP26 drizzles on.

COP26 takes place amidst storms and protests; Potty continues to be hand-bagged and climate pledges are already being broken.

In which the royals watch Her Madge slowing up; Benedict Morgan scoffs at the budget and climactic matters take centre stage.

In which far-flung peoples and British politicians are uprooted.

Crisis after crisis is hitting our Prime Minister and our fair couple Stateside too. But bad fortune affects our two golden couples in very different ways as they react accordingly.

In which the American president's misreading of the autocue condemns a whole generation of Afghans to oblivion, Mandy and other key ministers stay on holiday and the PM is forced to return to Downing Street.

Unnerving travails in the royal household continue and the Queen's dresser, Linda, confides.

In which two key figures rue their words and actions and realise that ‘chickens come home to roost'.

England has reopened for business in spite of continued dire warnings from the medical experts that the pandemic is far from over.

In which the ex-health secretary is head over heels whilst the recipient of this love is already feeling jaded and the top three dogs are back in their kennels, missing the glories of Freedom Day.

The health secretary falls on his sword, a replacement is found in a trice and the by election result shows that the patience of the public is running out.

In which the start of the health secretary's affair is traced and elephants are to be sent packing.

In which the full extent of the carnage caused by the health secretary's affair becomes clear and his wife plans her revenge.

In which life's injustices are discussed and families matter.

In which it is announced that ‘the person who gives birth to a person who will eventually menstruate' are both home and doing well and an 8 hour inquisition proves pointless.

Wall-coverings continue to dominate the PM's life and prince Rupert's loose tongue causes angst for his wife.

In spite of excessive expenditure on ‘crazy gold tat', the Prime Minister comes up smelling of roses again; Sir Kieran tries to shift the blame for his party's abject flop and Steve Cannon is advised to just suck it up.

In which the full extent of prince Rupert's Americanisation becomes clear.

In which the Queen dresses her two wayward progeny down; the PM is sinking in a mire of yet more scandal and Mathew Shrove continues his weasel ways.

In which Benedict Morgan realises one of his sons is about to reap the rewards of his schoolboy pranks and prince Rupert is forced to acknowledge that life has consequences.

In which law-suits are two a penny and Scarlett Heavens makes a reappearance.

Neil Forthright, celebrity host and writer, gets the chop for his forthright opinions on Sassy Sparkle and the PM’s décor continues to cause a drama.

The interview has been broadcast and everything for the royal family has changed.

With the impending interview - second only to the ‘three of us in this marriage’ car crash one decades earlier - tensions are running high on both sides of the Atlantic.

Two demanding and feisty women, Sassy Sparkle and Mandy Swinton-Eagle, are giving their partners a hard time with their high expectations of love and life.

In which the second impeachment fails; Tony, the masseuse, succeeds and the Shroves discuss Mandy Swinton-Eagle’s influence.

In which Prince Markus and his ex celebrate some much-needed good news, though their firstborn is being tested, and the first minister of Scotland and her husband are swimming with the sharks.

In which Mathew Shrove consults Benedict Morgan about Priscilla van de Lare’s border gaffe and Mandy plans her future with both Potty’s father, Somerset, and Fleur Aspall.

In which the EU commission overplays its hand; the French take the opportunity to give the UK a good kicking and Mandy connects with new and influential people in her quest for a green and pleasant land.

The only ‘world-beating’ laurels to be placed on the head of our hapless leader are that for presiding over one hundred thousand Covid deaths; Nifti Kadva, home secretary, cracks on by crashing heads together and Melania glows on her final performance as FLOTUS.

In which Tony Hancock, health secretary, guesses a few unnerving uncertainties about Covid; Trump ups his antics and Prince Markus’s ex has some good news.

In which Sabbath Malek, business secretary, is looking forward to his next move; Melania makes her final move and the Cannon’s fowl fall foul of the WI.

In which the health secretary is blasted by Steen Playfair’s committee; William Gaunt, education secretary, has his return to school policy scuppered as the new British variant lets rip and Mandy plans her future.

It’s to be a Christmas Eve like no other when the news of a deal is broken and the nation breathes a collective sigh of relief.

Time is really fast running out: who will chicken out first? Only time will tell.

In which the PM realises the enormity of the changes to life post-pandemic, with unfavourable mythical comparisons.

In which vaccines abound, Melania contemplates a future without Trump and the chancellor has a new role as a magician.