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In this episode of The Brave Enough Show, Dr. Sasha Shillcutt and Dr. Zarya Rubin discuss: The importance of Vitamin "J" How to downregulate our nervous system Our stress response and why it is important to understand in building female relationships "Social media is the Saber-tooth tiger of our generation." -Dr. Rubin Guest Bio: Dr. Zarya Rubin is a Harvard-educated functional medicine physician, TEDx speaker, and burnout expert, specializing in helping smart women heal from chronic stress and burnout that is impacting their physical and mental health. She studied neurology at McGill University and the Neurological Institute at Columbia in New York. She trained at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, studying with Dr. Andrew Weil, Dr. Mark Hyman, Dr. Deepak Chopra and other holistic health leaders, and went on to become certified in Advanced Functional Medicine at the School of Applied Functional Medicine. Download your FREE burnout toolkit Listen to the Outsmart Burnout Podcast The Boundaries Blueprint, my new, short, on-demand course, is designed to be your toolkit for making small changes that add up to a big reset. In just three easy modules, you'll walk away with your personal plan to: Stop the daily drains on your energy, Set boundaries that stick, Protect a pocket of time that is yours (no excuses). This isn't about overhauling your entire life. It's all about the small shifts that bring powerful change. It's simple, practical, and takes less than one hour! Brave Balance is about transforming your professional and personal life in a safe, small group setting. You will grow deep in self-awareness, set clear boundaries, and develop strong time management skills to create the work-life balance you desperately need (and deserve). Change your mindset to let unhealthy behaviors go, and create long-lasting work-life control so you can live well on YOUR terms. Follow Brave Enough: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | LINKEDIN Join The Table, Brave Enough's community. The ONLY professional membership group that meets both the professional and personal needs of high-achieving women.
Hidden Killers With Tony Brueski | True Crime News & Commentary
The defense is fighting back in the Brendan Banfield double murder trial, and today they brought the receipts.Day 6 opened with police body camera footage from the morning Christine Banfield died. The jury watched Brendan Banfield at the hospital, heard him ask about his daughter, heard the doctor tell him his wife's wounds were unsurvivable. And they watched him cry — both on the footage and again in the courtroom watching it back.But before any of that, defense attorney John Carroll tried to get Juliana Peres Magalhães' entire testimony thrown out. The judge shut it down cold. The au pair's words stay in the record.Then came the counter-attack. Defense blood spatter expert LeeAnn Singley disputed the prosecution's crime scene analysis and dropped a loaded statement: perpetrators sometimes self-inflict wounds. The implication hangs in the air. Digital forensics experts followed, building the case that Christine Banfield — not Brendan — may have been the one using FetLife.Child endangerment charges move forward. A snowstorm threatens to compress the trial timeline. And the jury has to decide whether Brendan Banfield's tears are evidence of innocence or the performance of a lifetime.We break down every moment from Day 6.#BrendanBanfield #HiddenKillers #AuPairMurder #ChristineBanfield #TrueCrimePodcast #FairfaxTrial #BloodEvidence #DefenseStrategy #JulianaPerezMagalhaes #DoubleHomicideJoin Our SubStack For AD-FREE ADVANCE EPISODES & EXTRAS!: https://hiddenkillers.substack.com/Want to comment and watch this podcast as a video? Check out our YouTube Channel. https://www.youtube.com/@hiddenkillerspodInstagram https://www.instagram.com/hiddenkillerspod/Facebook https://www.facebook.com/hiddenkillerspod/Tik-Tok https://www.tiktok.com/@hiddenkillerspodX Twitter https://x.com/tonybpodListen Ad-Free On Apple Podcasts Here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/true-crime-today-premium-plus-ad-free-advance-episode/id1705422872This publication contains commentary and opinion based on publicly available information. All individuals are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Nothing published here should be taken as a statement of fact, health or legal advice.
The first day of defense witnesses in the Brendan Banfield trial left me frustrated. The opening swing-for-the-fences motion to dismiss, the crime scene body-worn camera audio and the full-court press on the digital evidence, because if you can't prove who was behind the screen, you can't prove who was behind the setup. But the thing that really tightened my jaw was the defense pushing the idea that Christine Banfield may have had a “blood disorder” that may have made her bleed more easily. NO! Having your throat slit is what makes you lose blood quickly. Her carotid arteries were cut, and her neck was catastrophically wounded by someone wielding a knife. That's what killed her and the state says her killer, was her husband. #BrendanBanfield #ChristineBanfield #JosephRyan #JulianaPeresMagalhaes #AuPairAffair #FairfaxCounty #Virginia #MurderTrial #TrueCrime #CourtroomDrama #BodyCam #DigitalForensics #BloodstainPatternAnalysis #FetLife #CatfishTheory #ReasonableDoubt #JusticeForChristine #JusticeForJoseph See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Send us a textToday's topic is Healing the Wounds: The Freedom of Amends
In Zechariah 13:6, we read a prophesy of Christ receiving wounds in the house of a friend. We know this came to pass when Christ was betrayed by Judas, and crucified by the very people he came to minister to. We all have suffered wounds, but Jesus bore the scars so He could heal us of our wounds.
Show SummaryOn today's episode, we're featuring featuring a replay of a recent conversation that PsychArmor's own Carole Turner had with Jim Lindsay on the Howard's Huddle podcast. Provide FeedbackAs a dedicated member of the audience, we would like to hear from you. If you PsychArmor has helped you learn, grow, and support those who've served and those who care for them, we would appreciate hearing your story. Please follow this link to share how PsychArmor has helped you in your service journey Share PsychArmor StoriesAbout Today's GuestHoward's Huddle Podcast is a show where untold stories find their voice and unfinished missions find their ending. During the show, Jim explores the lived experiences of veterans, military spouses, and the employers who believe in second service. The show honors the legacy of Sergeant Howard Gumm, a WWII hero who gave his life in service and was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross. Now, they're on a mission to upgrade his honor to the Medal of Honor During this conversation, Jim has a conversation with Carole Turner, Senior Advisor at PsychArmor, joins Howard's Huddle to share her journey as a military spouse, advocate, and champion for military families. With over 30 years of lived experience, a background in communications and education, and leadership in both nonprofit and volunteer roles, Carole brings powerful insight into the challenges and opportunities facing military and Veteran communities.Links Mentioned During the EpisodeHoward's Huddle Podcast on YouTubePsychArmor Resource of the WeekThis week's PsychArmor Resource of the Week is The PsychArmor course 15 Reasons to Hire a Military Spouse. As an employer, you are looking for untapped talent pools. One talent pool that can be overlooked is the diverse and highly educated group of military spouses. Take this course to learn the top 15 Reasons to Hire a Military Spouse. You can find the resource here: https://learn.psycharmor.org/courses/15-Reasons-to-Hire-a-Military-Spouse Episode Partner: Are you an organization that engages with or supports the military affiliated community? Would you like to partner with an engaged and dynamic audience of like-minded professionals? Reach out to Inquire about Partnership Opportunities Contact Us and Join Us on Social Media Email PsychArmorPsychArmor on XPsychArmor on FacebookPsychArmor on YouTubePsychArmor on LinkedInPsychArmor on InstagramTheme MusicOur theme music Don't Kill the Messenger was written and performed by Navy Veteran Jerry Maniscalco, in cooperation with Operation Encore, a non profit committed to supporting singer/songwriter and musicians across the military and Veteran communities.Producer and Host Duane France is a retired Army Noncommissioned Officer, combat veteran, and clinical mental health counselor for service members, veterans, and their families. You can find more about the work that he is doing at www.veteranmentalhealth.com
In week three of Upside Down Glory, Pastor Dave Hentschel addresses one of the most difficult and misunderstood questions Christians face: where does disability come from, and what does it mean for our faith when God does not remove weakness? Walking through Exodus 4, Genesis 32, and John 20, this message confronts the popular but unbiblical idea that “God never gives you more than you can handle,” and instead reveals a God who sometimes wounds, withholds healing, and still sends His servants on mission. From Moses' speech impediment, to Jacob's lifelong limp, to the resurrected Christ who still bears His scars, Scripture shows that weakness is not accidental, meaningless, or disqualifying—but often the very means through which God dismantles self-reliance and displays His glory. This sermon challenges prosperity-driven assumptions about healing, reframes disability as a place of dependence rather than failure, and calls believers to trust God's wisdom even when strength is diminished.God's Kingdom advances not through unimpaired servants, but through those who cling to Him because they cannot stand on their own.
Episode 144 - Angela J. Herrington - Embracing the Old Witch in the WoodsIn this episode of still Unbelievable! Matthew interviews Angela Herrington author of Embracing the Old witch in the woods. Angela has written another book, Deconstruct your faith without losing yourself. She is a beautiful human being who puts enormous effort and thought into affirming others and guiding them into being validated versions of themselves. We found her book thought provoking and challenging as well as heart warming and helpful. When you've listened to this, please support her by buying her books. Links below.Angela, is the first of several author conversations that we will publish in 2026. This year is going to be a busy year here at Still Unbelievable!1) Embracing the Old Witch in the Woodshttps://www.broadleafbooks.com/store/product/9798889835233/Embracing-the-Old-Witch-in-the-Woods2) Angela's websitehttps://angelajherrington.com/about/https://angelajherrington.com/press/https://angelajherrington.com/books-by-angela-j-herrington/3) The Relentless Indigenous Womanhttps://relentlessindigenouswoman.ca/https://relentlessindigenouswoman.ca/pages/podcast4) intersectionality explainedhttps://www.britannica.com/topic/intersectionality5) perpetual virginity of maryhttps://www.catholic.com/magazine/print-edition/how-to-explain-the-perpetual-virginity-of-mary6) Mary did not have consenthttps://blakehereth.com/uploads/1/2/7/5/127509046/w_mary_did_you_consent_.pdf7) Wilda Gafneyhttps://www.holytroublemakers.com/revgafneyhttps://www.wilgafney.com/8) Wounds into Wisdom by Tirzah Firestone https://amzn.eu/d/8GeBkgphttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tirzah_Firestone9) other trauma healing resourcesIt Didn't Start with You - https://amzn.eu/d/3kL8uaZMy Grandmother's Hands - https://amzn.eu/d/3Y6C8FCThe Body Keeps the Score - https://amzn.eu/d/iS56mLXHealing Collective Trauma - https://amzn.eu/d/85L1mM6Break the Cycle - https://amzn.eu/d/bVJObFTSurvivor Café - https://amzn.eu/d/8iYALqBhttps://www.balancedmindstherapy.com/blog/healing-intergenerational-traumahttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-flourishing-family/202107/breaking-the-chains-generational-traumahttps://thepsychologycompany.co.uk/unraveling-the-threads-understanding-and-healing-intergenerational-trauma/Still Unbelievable! book: https://amzn.eu/d/fmsN1CwApostate book: https://amzn.eu/d/9RIUZYxTo contact us, email: reasonpress@gmail.comour YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@reasonpress2901Our Theme Music was written for us by Holly, to support her and to purchase her music use the links below:https://hollykirstensongs.com/https://hollykirsten.bandcamp.com/
The Father's character is the bedrock of God's family which is the strong place to do the hard work of dealing with your own mess and the messy parts of your family.
In this powerful continuation of our conversation, Annie Bertrand returns to take us deeper into her signature work: ancestral astrology, mother wounds, karmic cycles, and the soul-level patterns that shape our families across generations. In part one, we explored the foundations of astrology and how to understand your chart. In part two, we turn toward the lineage-level healing work — the real-life applications that influence how we mother, how we relate, and how we break the cycles we were born into.Throughout the episode, we explore the real-life tension points most moms face: the self-awareness trap, the fear of “messing up” our kids, the feeling of holding three generations' worth of emotional weight, and the challenge of navigating growth when our partners or families aren't on the same path. Annie offers a grounded, compassionate reminder that healing our own patterns is what shifts the lineage — and that change often ripples through our families without forcing, convincing, or controlling anyone.If you've been craving a deeper understanding of your family dynamics, curious about ancestral healing, or looking for tools to better support your children's emotional world, this conversation will leave you both expanded and grounded. Annie's approach to astrology is practical, accessible, and deeply validating — offering a map for healing your lineage, supporting your kids, and embodying the parent you were meant to be.In this episode, we explore:Ancestral astrology as a tool for understanding inherited patterns, family karma, and the soul contracts we choose before birthHow mother wounds, generational trauma, and lineage stories show up in the Moon sign, Saturn, Chiron, and the IC (lineage axis)The difference between talk therapy vs. energy healing, and why emotional patterns must be addressed through the body and nervous systemHow past-life imprints, karmic memories, and unexplained fears can resurface through motherhood and parentingThe ways parents unconsciously repeat generational patterns — and how to break cycles with awareness, compassion, and energetic workHow to navigate sibling dynamics, emotional mismatches, and conflicting personalities through family astrologyThe “self-awareness trap” and why mothers often feel pressure to parent perfectly when doing lineage-healing workWhy children under seven are especially attuned to their mother's emotional field — and how your healing directly shifts their subconsciousHow to show up as the energetic invitation when your partner or family isn't on the same growth or healing journeyHow astrology helps you honor your unique blueprint, break free from conditioning, and parent from intuition rather than fearBe sure to hit subscribe so you never miss the latest episode!Connect with Annie:Website: anniebertrand.com
In this episode, Diana's special guest Jake Doberenz, founder of Theophany Media and host of the Creatively Christian podcast, shares his expertise on effective Bible study. The discussion covers essential principles of biblical interpretation, the importance of studying scripture in community, and approaches to understanding difficult passages. Listeners are also guided on selecting appropriate Bible translations and utilizing various online resources, ensuring a comprehensive and balanced approach to scripture study. The episode concludes with a prayer for listeners' spiritual journey and their engagement with the scriptures. Bio: Jake Doberenz isn't one thing. He identifies as a polymath, a Renaissance man, or a multipotentialite–one interest or specialty can't contain him. But enough of the third-person. I am a writer, speaker, minister, and creative thinker living in Oklahoma City, OK with my wife Samantha. My most significant role is the founder and president of Theophany Media, a Christian education company dedicated to helping Christians engage with culture through new media. I have earned my Master of Theological Studies at Oklahoma Christian University, the same place I earned my Bachelor's degree in Bible with a minor in Communication Studies. I also worked at my alma mater as a Resident Director and Bible TA. I write fiction and nonfiction in a variety of mediums, including poetry, short stories, books, stage plays, academic essays, and devotionals. I also venture out into other mediums, like podcasts and video. My favorite topics of choice to discuss and write about (though always changing) include: creating Christian art, helping people understand the Bible better, Christian identity, theology of social media, use of humor in faith messages, superheroes and theology, and a Christian response to culture. If you want to see his progress, achievements, and appearances sign up for the newsletter so you'll never miss an update! website: Home – Jake Doberenz 00:00 Introduction and Sponsor Message 00:47 Welcome to the Podcast 01:44 Introducing the Guest: Jake Doberenz 02:43 Jake's Background and Interests 05:56 Jake's Teaching Journey 10:46 Bible Study for Abuse Survivors 13:25 Choosing the Right Bible Translation 18:42 Understanding the Bible Without Knowing Greek or Hebrew 21:34 Basic Rules of Bible Interpretation 25:43 Embracing Uncomfortable Bible Stories 26:47 Using Jesus as a Lens for Interpretation 30:54 The Importance of Community in Bible Study 34:14 Red Flags in Spiritual Leadership 37:02 Recommended Bible Study Resources 41:33 Exploring Different Perspectives 44:58 Connecting with the Speaker 46:29 Closing Prayer and Final Thoughts Website: https://dswministries.org Subscribe to the podcast: https://dswministries.org/subscribe-to-podcast/ Social media links: Join our Private Wounds of the Faithful FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1603903730020136 Twitter: https://twitter.com/DswMinistries YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxgIpWVQCmjqog0PMK4khDw/playlists Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dswministries/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DSW-Ministries-230135337033879 Keep in touch with me! Email subscribe to get my handpicked list of the best resources for abuse survivors! https://thoughtful-composer-4268.ck.page #abuse #trauma Affiliate links: Our Sponsor: 753 Academy: https://www.753academy.com/ Can't travel to The Holy Land right now? The next best thing is Walking The Bible Lands! Get a free video sample of the Bible lands here! https://www.walkingthebiblelands.com/a/18410/hN8u6LQP An easy way to help my ministry: https://dswministries.org/product/buy-me-a-cup-of-tea/ A donation link: https://dswministries.org/donate/ Jake Doberenz [00:00:00] Special thanks to 7 5 3 Academy for sponsoring this episode. No matter where you are in your fitness and health journey, they've got you covered. They specialize in helping you exceed your health and fitness goals, whether that is losing body fat, gaining muscle, or nutritional coaching to match your fitness levels. They do it all with a written guarantee for results so you don't waste time and money on a program that doesn't exceed your goals. There are martial arts programs. Specialize in anti-bullying programs for kids to combat proven Filipino martial arts. They take a holistic, fun, and innovative approach that simply works. Sign up for your free class now. It's 7 5 3 academy.com. Find the link in the show notes. Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer songwriter, speaker and domestic violence advocate, [00:01:00] Diana . She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help. Now here is Diana. Hey there, everybody. Come on in, set for a spell. How are you guys doing? I appreciate your support in listening to the podcast, and I hope that you are enjoying some really encouraging words and practical things for you to do your own Bible study and read the word of God for yourself. We have a new guest on the show now I'm very familiar with his podcast, creatively Christian. I've been on his podcast. His show has a few different interviewers. And so [00:02:00] Andrea Sandifer, who you guys know that was on the show, she interviewed me on her show. And our guest today, Jake Doberenz, the man behind that podcast, he is a funny guy. He likes to bring humor from the Bible. And I've been reading his blog and following his newsletters. And his Facebook group. So I thought he would be a great addition to the podcast , and I think you're gonna love him. I'm gonna tell you a little bit about him. He has a lot of interest here, so here we go. Jake, Doberenz isn't one thing. He identifies as a polymath, a renaissance man or a multipotentialite. One interest or specialty, can't contain him. So he [00:03:00] says of himself, but enough of the third person. I'm a writer, speaker, minister, and creative thinker, living in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. My most significant role is the founder and president of Theophany Media. A Christian education company dedicated to helping Christians engage with culture through new media. I have earned my Master of Theological studies at Oklahoma Christian University, the same place I earned my bachelor's degree in Bible with a minor in communication studies. I also worked at my alma matter as a resident director and bible ta. I write fiction and nonfiction in a variety of mediums, including poetry, short stories, books, stage plays, academic essays, and [00:04:00] devotionals. I also venture out into other mediums like podcasts and video, my favorite topics of choice to discuss and write about. Although always changing, include creating Christian art, helping people understand the Bible better. Christian identity, theology of social media, use of humor in faith messages, super heroes and theology, any Christian response to culture. So this is gonna be awesome. So I hope that you enjoy my conversation with Jake Doberenz. Please welcome to the show, Jake Doberenz. Thanks for coming on today. Sure thing, anytime. I'm glad to be here. I really enjoyed being on your [00:05:00] podcast, A creatively Christian, and Andrea interviewed me and then she was on my podcast and I follow your Facebook group and get your. Very humorous email newsletter. And so I thought you were the perfect fit to come on to the podcast. And you're a bible geek like me, and you have a different perspective on life. In the Bible, you find humor in the Bible, which a lot of people don't find the Bible very funny. So welcome to the show. Yeah, I'm glad to be here providing some humor and quite possibly even some wisdom and intelligent comments. We'll see if we get to that part. So you haven't been on the podcast before, so. Tell the folks a little bit about yourself and your family. Okay? Yeah. Always a fun question because where do you [00:06:00] start? Where do you end? But yeah. I am in Oklahoma City right now. I'm an Oregon native and got stuck in Oklahoma. Stuck sounds too negative, but I got planted here. That sounds better. I got my bachelor's degree in biblical studies with a minor in communication studies. I have a Master's of Theological studies and for a while I was kind of going down the Bible professor route. That was gonna be my thing. And it's not like completely off the table right now, but it is not my chief kind of path anymore because there are not a lot of jobs in that area and there's a lot of different things there that make it quite challenging. A lot of schooling, a lot of debt for maybe not so much reward, but we'll see what the future brings. I am still flexing my desires to write and teach. That has always been what I wanted to do, even when the subject changed, even when it [00:07:00] was cat psychology or whatever, I always wanted to write and teach and so I'm still doing that in in different ways. I'm certainly still using my degrees, even though I'll be going into teaching middle school geography this year. Ooh, kind of a new adventure. Add some more skills and weird things on my resume. That's kind of how I do it. So geography. Cool. I think that's me. Yeah. Yeah. That's very brave. Middle school, that particular age, did you pick the age group you were teaching or did they just kind of throw you in there? I applied to high school and middle school. I wasn't going to do anybody under middle school and the high school jobs never called me back. And the, I got some different offerings on the middle school side of thing, so I said, okay, that's what you want me to do. God, I will walk into this wilderness. And then they gave me some kind of choices between, and I chose sixth grade specifically, so I'll be with, with sixth graders. [00:08:00] They, uh, we still have some childlike heart and wonder. They're not so jaded like they get when they're a little older, but they're just mature enough where you can start to get a little more serious. So good age. Hmm. I liked sixth grade. It was a good year. We'll be praying for you either way, because that's a lot of work and mm-hmm. But geography's cool. I like Bible geography. Ever since I went to Israel in 2019. How different reading the Bible is when you've been to those places. Have you been to Israel? I haven't. No, I haven't. Yeah. If you're into geography, you would really love going to Israel for obvious reasons, of course, but geography, it just makes the Bible come alive when you've been to the place where Jesus put legion into the herd of pigs and over the cliff. Sure. And I've been to that cliff, and so you can see it now in your head. It's awesome. Or you've been on the Sea of [00:09:00] Galilee and you can actually imagine Jesus walking on the water and because been in the boat. So, yeah, I'm just getting into being interested in geography right now. There you go. Yeah. Cool. What would you say is your particular specialty as far as Bible goes? Yeah. I did my master's thesis on Paul's view of spiritual formation, specifically from one Corinthians chapter three, verse three. Four, just around there. So that's a very specific kind of thing. Most of my training has actually been more on the New Testament side. Specifically Paul, I've done a lot of more academic work with the use of children as a metaphor in the Bible. I've done work with that in both Paul and the Gospels. Sexuality in the New Testament has been something I've kind of explored. [00:10:00] Nowadays though, I have more of theological interests and I'm asking some different kinds of questions. You don't divorce theology from the Bible, but they're just different kinds of questions and different kinds of, and ways and sources for that. But in terms of Bible, yeah, a lot of studying Paul and a lot of thinking about sort of how he makes arguments and specifically like in that thesis, it was all about how he used this metaphor about. Being an infant in Christ, what does all that mean? And how does that reflect how we grow as people? And so I've gone down those kind of rabbit trails a lot my my day. That's really interesting. A Paul's usually a favorite Bible character. Most people, though you can, you never go wrong with the Apostle Paul now. So today we're talking about Bible study for abuse survivors. And reason why we're doing this is because when we've gone through abuse, usually there's some spiritual [00:11:00] abuse involved and we want to distance ourself from God because we've experienced that spiritual abuse and that affects our relationship with God. And a lot of people once they leave or get out of the abuse. Then they're like, okay, I don't wanna read the Bible, I don't wanna pray, and I don't wanna go to church anymore. I don't trust anybody. But I'm trying to encourage on this podcast to come and if you have questions, let's talk about the questions. So, so I've kind of answered my own question, why should we study the Bible for ourselves? But what would you say to that or add to that? Yeah, I think what I would add to that is that, um, one thing that our teachers or pastors or scholars don't have is that they're not you. You are yourself and you come with your experiences and you come [00:12:00] with your own personality and identity, and you are gonna often pick up things that other people might miss, or you're gonna just sort of focus on things more realize as a thread of a theme or something like that. We, we shouldn't come to the Bible biased necessarily, or with too many preconceived notions. 'cause then the text starts to say what we want it to say. That's not what I'm saying. But we do bring ourselves to the text and we have to admit that like, I'm not reading this in a vacuum. I'm reading this because of who I am and what I've experienced and all these things like that. And I think that's really powerful. And I think the Bible is, it's strong enough to take it. Like it's not about pulling whatever meaning you want from it, like I said, but it is about seeing things that are hidden in this multi-layered onion like text here that has so much stuff in it that we can't expect. Even a really smart [00:13:00] guy to just know everything. So yeah, we gotta study the Bible for ourselves. We gotta do our own digging and our own reading. See what we can find. Yeah, I like that answer. Bringing yourself to the table that's. Different than what somebody else would bring to the table. So let's start with something everybody asks about. When it comes to Bible study, you go to the bookstore and you're trying to pick out a Bible, and there's a gazillion different Bible versions out there, and too many versions, in my opinion. Which one do I pick? Does it matter? At the end of the day, it probably doesn't matter. There are those that are better than others, and I'm the term better here. You can use that in different ways. I'm using the term better as in. More accurate to the text, although, hey, we are translating language here. [00:14:00] Translation is an art, not a science, which makes us a little uncomfortable. We can still get that meaning across. You're a, you're an artist and you're a creative. You can still communicate accurately and faithfully even through a song or something like that. And so in the same way, translation is a little bit of an art form and there are people that have to choose certain words, and I think this means that. So yeah, there are some that are more quote unquote scholarly and others that are more paraphrased, like the message, or it's something like the amplified Bible that is just trying to sort of squeeze some more possible meaning out there by becoming like glorified the Sorut. So you got some different options. Most readings are probably not gonna hurt you, at least. As long as you understand like kind of what's going on here. I know in the past the King James has had the word unicorns in it and that that threw some people off and then later we're like, actually we should have translated that. Like Gazelle was not supposed to be translated unicorn. So [00:15:00] okay, we can get some things here that might throw some people off, but as long as we kind of give some grace to the translators, something like the King James is older and we have some different data. We have some older manuscripts that we're pulling from now. So yeah, it's gonna be a little bit more closer to what the originals were saying kind of thing. So yeah, there are those considerations, but I don't think you're gonna make or break your faith if you read the ESV over the NRSV or something like that. Yeah, well I came from a camp that, uh, they were very definitive in what Bible you should read and which ones you should not read and Sure. And they were very dogmatic in that I've changed my stance since then. Because I've actually dug into that sort of thing that okay, you, so you're saying that most of the mainline translations out there, we will still get the main [00:16:00] point of what Bio was trying to say. Right. Yeah, I don't know any that are too left field and crazy or something like that. There are versions, like, I could be wrong about this, but I think the Jehovah's Witness has versions of the Bible that seem to play a little fast and loose with some things and have cut out some different stuff. So obviously I wouldn't necessarily recommend that for Christians. The only other thing I would say is make sure a bunch of different people were involved. Most translations are. Large groups of people. And then you have things like I mentioned the message that Eugene Peterson did, it was just him, but he wasn't necessarily trying to make a definitive thing. That's more of a paraphrase translation, which is like a devotional rather than something to study. So there are just different uses for all these different things. There are, I could go into the weeds. My dad used to own a Christian bookstore. Oh. And so you have your thought for thought translations and then you have your word for word. And [00:17:00] some people think word for word is better because it's more accurate. But the thing, the problem is the Bible might literally say X, but when we translate that word to today, it makes no sense because language is weird like that. And then so the thought for thought is going to be more of an interpretation, but they're trying to say, okay, but what this is trying to say is this and, and here's a thought that you can digest and that makes sense to you. So it's just kind of what you want, but thanks to the internet. In fact, on another screen here, I have pulled up Bible gateway.com. That's what I use a lot. You can look through all sorts of different translations and compare and contrast. If I really wanted to study with more than one, it's legal in most states, so go for it. It's funny you mentioned the message because that was my first Bible when I got saved. My okay friend that I met in high school, I told her I had gotten saved and I didn't have a Bible, and she gave me the message, which [00:18:00] was her Bible, and I loved it. Oh yeah. I highlighted that thing and Oh yeah. And I just tore it up with underlining and I couldn't wait to read it. And then of course you get to Bible college and they tear it out of your hands, so yeah. But yeah, I like the ESV today. I have. A really nice archeology study Bible I bought and I've, I've read the King James most of my Christian life. And switching to another translation was really eye-opening. All this different stuff that I hadn't seen before just popped out, like I didn't know the Bible said that. Wow. It's pretty neat. So along the same lines, do we have to be a Greek and Hebrew scholar to understand the Bible? I hope not because I struggled through Greek and barely made that alive, and so languages are not my strong [00:19:00] suit. Uh, but I think the answer is of course, no. You don't have to be. It depends on what kind of study you're doing, and I probably should have mentioned that earlier, but there's a way to look at the Bible in an academic, scholarly way, and there are some Christians that. Think that's wrong or bad? I don't think it's bad. It's just one way to look at it. When I am in scholarship, when I'm writing this college paper, I am, I have to kind of slice and dice it and I'm doing a work that an atheist could do. It's that kind of work. But then there's another way to look at the Bible that is much more pastorally or for spiritual formation, the kind of thing that treats the text as sacred that an atheist can't do. So if you're doing the academic work, it really helps to know the words because you're trying to get as precise as possible and getting into there. But luckily for us, other people have done the work for us and we have these English translations, so woo. You don't need to know Hebrew and Coin a Greek and [00:20:00] a little bit of Aramic and like Daniel or whatever. Like we don't have to know that because somebody else has done the work for us. And I mentioned already like. There's a lot of people involved in a Bible translation, not just one guy. It's, a lot of people have done this work and they've argued and yelled at each other and come to some conclusions to say, this is the best we can do right now. This is what we got. So, yeah, we don't have to, we don't have to be language PS so, woo. Lucky. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I'm a language geek. I love languages. Personally, I speak two languages besides English, but I haven't taken any Greek or, or Hebrew, maybe someday, but they didn't cover that in my Bible college. But it's good that we already have the tools online that, hey, this is a translation for that word in. There's really no, no real argument about it is there along mainline denominations. Yeah. Most people probably aren't gonna tell you. You have to know all those languages unless somebody there. There are groups of people that would say [00:21:00] the only inspired text of the Bible is the actual original Greek and Hebrew. And so our English translations are not inspired. But that's a minority view. That's not super common. Yeah. Yeah. The most people can understand. The inspiration still comes through, even when it's translating different languages. The word of gods for the whole world, not just those that can speak actually dead languages that nobody speaks today like Latin. Yeah. So now we're gonna get into the nitty gritty here. Okay. When we are sitting down with our Bible and we're deciding to. Study a passage of scripture or maybe a book. What are some basic rules of interpretation? Now we use the fancy big word hermeneutics, but like the basic ones that you really shouldn't ignore in order to. Do a proper Bible study. This is one that gets definitely drilled [00:22:00] into in Bible school and in other contexts, but it's that actual, it's a word context like context is key. Context is king, and one of the best things we can do is zoom out. So if we're looking at a particular scripture. Like one verse, we zoom out to the chapter. Those headings or whatever aren't like God inspired or whatever, but they're helpful to kind of see what the flow of things are. Then we can zoom out to the book level and sometimes zoom out to the biblical level and things like that. But that is always key. Sometimes we get into trouble thinking that the Bible is just like, the whole thing is like Proverbs, where everything's just disconnected and you got these good one-liners and they're fun and they're good zingers, but most of it is some kind of story or, and Paul, I mentioned that being some of my background, Paul's letters are arguments they build on top of each other, and so you can see if we're trying to look at something wild like. One [00:23:00] Corinthians 14 or something, we can understand it because by just kind of going a little backwards and Oh, okay. So that's always really important. And a lot of times authors in the Bible will also tell us kind of their themes and tell us what they really want us to get across. The gospel of John, for instance, is written so that we may believe Luke talks about writing in a, an orderly account of things. So we have some of these statements that if we zoom out a little bit, oh, okay, we can make sense of this in light of that. And so different things like that. But we could go all day into the hermeneutics and then the other fancy word, X of Jesus and that kind of stuff. But at the end of the day, a tool anybody can use is something I learned in elementary school when there was a hard word. It was called rat read around the text. Read around the text. Ooh, that's the acronym there. And that just helps us understand, wait, what is going on? What does Paul mean when he says this? Why is [00:24:00] this guy saying this in judges? Let's take a look. What else is going on here? So it's just a great tool that anybody can use be if they can just zoom out a little bit and read the rest of the Bible and the rest of the passage. Everybody gives a different answer to that question. Now, obviously when we read the Bible, we come upon these passages or some of the stories that are either difficult to understand or it's a topic that we don't wanna deal with. It's really hard to swallow. Like a lot of times it's the genocide passages, of course. Mm-hmm. And or similar things like that. What do we do when we encounter those passages? Yeah. There are also passages that are sometimes called, and the genocide fits into this, but passages called texts of terror. A lot of passages about different abuse situation, and [00:25:00] I won't go into all of those, but I'm sure a lot of us can come up with some things that mm-hmm. Can be triggering in the Bible that seem just really messed up and stuff like that. So I think what's important, first of all is we recognize the, the gut feeling, the awkwardness talk to the beginning about how I see humor in the Bible and I do, I think there are some things in the Bible that we should laugh at. It's actually hilarious. Tell us about what Jonah gets swallowed by a big fish. That's funny. You should be laughing. And it's hilarious that he wants this city destroyed and he's supposed to be a prophet of God and he's not doing his job description and stuff like that. So like. When it's funny, we should laugh and when it's not funny, when it's uncomfortable, we should be okay being uncomfortable. I, I remember when I did college ministry for a time, we talked about the story of, oh man, I can't remember if it's Eli, I think it's Elijah. [00:26:00] And when they make fun of him for being bald and he calls these, she bears to attack these 40 youths, and he, this kid would kid could not get over it. He's like, why is this in the Bible? This is ridiculous. And I just tried to help him. Yeah, let's feel that first. Let's feel that, oh boy, we got some emotions here. So step one, I think it's totally okay to feel those things and then we can do some digging. Again, it's that zooming out. Let's look at the context here. Let's look what's going on there. A lot of times I think some of these texts of terror or uncomfortable texts, um. Sometimes they're not as bad when we look at it through maybe a historical lens or something, but sometimes we can't just justify them really nice and neatly, like some of the stuff about genocide. So ultimately, I have to go back to Jesus because. Jesus is the ultimate expression of God. It is the best [00:27:00] lens into the divine that we've ever seen. It's through this person of Jesus. And so sometimes we got to use our Jesus magnifying glass and look over the scripture and say, that's awkward. I don't like that very much. This makes me, this triggers me. This is, uh, but we put Jesus over and say, but through Christ, we don't have to live like that. We can recognize that there. There are plenty of examples of what not to do in the Bible. Jesus calls us to a different way and Jesus shows us that some things that maybe people thought were really godly and divine at certain points were not. So at the end of the day when things make us uncomfortable, I say feel it. But then ultimately, let's just go back. What does Jesus say? And if Jesus words are kind of. Don't seem to jive with this other crazy stuff going on here. Let's just, let's follow Jesus over some of this, [00:28:00] this other uncomfortable things. Hmm. So it's probably not a satisfying answer, but that's kind of like the point, like we try too hard sometimes to wrap everything in a pretty bow, but sometimes we just can't. With the Bible, the Bible is complicated and that's what makes it powerful. It's not always so neat and tidy and doesn't always make you feel good. It is a like Christ. It is both human, fully human and fully divine. And in that there's some awkward tension. There are some, there are human emotions and human things that that bleed through the divine pages of scripture. I appreciate the honest answer and yeah, I think that was a great answer. It was just reading through the patriarchs and wow, you just wrap your head around how much they messed up. And that's not how God wanted us to live. That's just an example of God just lets [00:29:00] everybody see how these people messed up. But still, God used them in a mighty way. God still gave them grace and forgiveness and love and mercy. I was just on Twitter and that's a dangerous place is Christian Twitter. Oh my goodness. And there was a big thread about some people, they didn't believe that Jesus was the same God as the God of the Old Testament. They cut the line because they thought Jesus over here in the New Testament, his attribute seems so different than. The God of the Old Testament. I don't necessarily agree with that, but that was an interesting concept. That's how they dealt with those horrible stories. I'm just gonna just trust in Jesus and just believe in Jesus and throw everything else away. Yeah. That's a heresy in the second century that, um, yeah. You know, unfortunately haven't quite gotten rid of completely, but is that's what that's called still alive and, [00:30:00] yeah. Oh, that's what you call it. Okay. There's your little fun little historical theology trivia, but yeah, there's probably a word for it. But that goes into my next question is how do you study the Bible and read it and make sure that you're not slipping into some heretical teaching, because I personally know some people that they believe some stuff that's way off base that nobody else. And mainline Christianity believes in, but they're like quoting Bible verses and taking them outta context. How do we avoid going down that path? Yeah, yeah. I had a youth minister who used to joke that if you wanted to, he could justify kicking babies across the room from scripture. Like that was just his wild example because yeah, people can kind of justify the whole gambit of things. So I think now we talked about why it's important to study the Bible for yourself. [00:31:00] At the same time though, I think this living, breathing scripture. Is something that we must read through community. You can do your own work, do your own prep, but ultimately the Bible belongs to all of us. And so we need to read in community. And that can mean your pastors and teachers and your scholars. It can also mean your neighbor and your friend and your kids and your mom and your cousin from a couple states away. But it can also mean dead people, not like seance or whatever, but like, um-ing, you know, read these old preachers and read the church fathers and the church mothers and like, we got 2000 years of Christian history here. There's some wild stuff, but there's some good stuff too. So I say we read scripture in community and you come to your own conclusions. Don't just copy paste whatever Mr. X, Y, Z says, but. What do they [00:32:00] think? And when we start looking at, oh, Christians have kind of seemed to think this for a long time, probably a direction we should lean in. I don't know. I guess people could be wrong, but the way the spirit works I think is a lot of times through community. And it's a way to check, it's a checks and balance for ourselves. So I think that sometimes we can get a little, a little wild with our own interpretations, but we bring in other people. What do you think? Did you see this too? Is this accurate? Is this, does this fit in with historical context of first century Palestine? Or whatever kind of questions you want to ask community. So that's flesh and blood people, but that's also books and podcasts and all sorts of things. I just think we're made to be together. And honestly, when I studied Paul's view of spiritual formation for my thesis, I didn't get to dive into it too much, but what I kept coming across is spiritual formation is not a. You on your own [00:33:00] kind of thing. It is something that happens with people who are this great cloud of witnesses that is cheering you on and it's helping you out. So I think that's a great way to kind of check, check ourselves, and then of course, use your brain. Let's be logical here that scripture probably not actually talking about America because it was written 3000 years ago. I don't know. Thank you. Um, so, so stuff like that, we gotta use our brains. Yeah. I like when you talk about community, because I think, and I've seen this before people go off the rails, is that they're isolating themselves. Mm-hmm. They don't wanna go to church because they don't trust, they don't trust people that they've been hurt. But even if we can't drag ourselves to church just yet in our healing process, yeah. There are other ways to create community and checks and balances. So that's a really good point. We really don't want [00:34:00] to be that guy that started his own denomination on a couple bible verses. Yeah, we got plenty of denominations. I think we're set for a little bit, so let's just chill out for now. Yeah, that's crazy. So like if we're in a community, we're under our Bible teacher or a pastor or Sunday school class, what would be like a red flag that would put your antennas up? Hey, you may wanna check this out for this preacher teacher saying is not a good thing. Are there any like red flags that you would look for? I think arrogance is definitely a big red flag. Ooh, good one. And that is how you get into spiritual, spiritually abusive situations. Definitely. And what I mean by arrogance is people that are not willing to be corrected, not willing to admit the wrong, not willing to learn. I was privileged to have professors where I was getting my Bible degrees. People with [00:35:00] PhDs from the prestigious British universities who would listen to student comments and be like, that's really interesting. Or, heard it like that. Tell me more about that. And one of my Hebrew Bible professors spoke like nine languages. Most of those are dead ones. And still he's curious to know what these 20-year-old college students are thinking. Which is wild because he is way smarter than us. But he is. These guys were adopting this posture of, I can learn from anybody here. I want your perspective. And I could be wrong. We gotta have some things where we have a firm foundation and where we don't sway. We absolutely have to have those. There are some people these days that I think sort of lean too heavily into the wishy-washy. It depends on the day, what I'm feeling, cafeteria style Christianity. We can't do that. But we also can't go over here where it's, I figured it out when I was 30 years old, when I was 40 years old, and now I'm like, [00:36:00] done. I'm done learning. Got it right. I to be the only one to get it right. And that's how denominations start, right? Ooh, everybody else got it wrong all the time. Now I'm right. So that's dangerous. So let's learn from people who are themselves. Learners who are willing to be challenged and to ask questions and wanna know your take on things. I know from being in ministry settings that oftentimes I am the guy with the more Bible degrees than most people in the room. But then there'll be these 70-year-old church ladies who have lived this and they've been in the Bible their whole life. I can learn from them. Mm-hmm. They have something to say, even though they've never read the text in Greek. They have something to add to the conversation. Mm-hmm. So we need to be learners. I love that. That is so awesome and so very true. The Holy Spirit speaks to each of us individually and gives us different [00:37:00] lessons and we can share those lessons. Now, you as a scholarly person, you must have some favorite resources that you use to study the bible. Can you recommend some specific resources that are maybe easy to use? Yeah, there's a couple websites, Bible gateway, I mentioned that already. They have. Some free commentaries and bible encyclopedias and things kind of on the sidebar there. So as you're looking to scripture, you could glorify and study Bible or have access to chunks from different commentaries. And for a while, while I was doing some more preaching, I actually did the paid, there's a kind of a paid version that it was like five bucks a month or something really cheap like that. It just got access to more things so I can have the scripture here and then all my resources next to it. And that was handy. Bible hub.com is also another one. [00:38:00] Um, that one's especially good if you do wanna look at the language stuff, knowing that you're not a scholar, you can say, but what is that Greek word? And you can click on it and it will show you the definitions, show you other places in scripture it's used. You can kind of get a feel for that. So that's a really good one for people who are not, who don't know the languages or. Like me who always needed help with my Greek homework or something like that. So yeah, those come to mind. But man, like we are, we at our fingertips. There's a lot of good stuff out there. A lot of bad stuff, no doubt. But there are podcasts and all sorts of books and there's just, there's a lot of good stuff there. Wouldn't even know where to begin, just sort of thinking broadly. But I think Bible gateway, Bible hub, easy. Anybody can access those for free. And you don't necessarily need a giant library or really expensive commentary sets 'cause they're really expensive. Yeah. That's why my parents get me one commentary for my birthday and [00:39:00] for Christmas each year. And so in 50 years I'll have the full set or whatever. That's not true. That's, it'll actually probably be. I can't do the math however it takes to get 66 books. But anyway. Wow. All I had in bible college that we were allowed to have is Matthew Henry commentary, which is kind of on the dry side. Yeah. Most Bible professors would pass out hearing you say that. It's not bad stuff, but bad, but it's not, it's not easy to read it's thing, let's just say. Yeah. And we were allowed to read Weirs, BE'S books. It's a pretty good series about where I came from. John MacArthur's commentaries were like hearsay. Oh, okay. The Baptist didn't like the, at least the churches that I was in, they didn't like MacArthur's stuff, but, and I had the actual strong concordance. I still own that's, yeah, sure. So sort of a free way to get that, besides if you don't want to get a giant [00:40:00] volume. Yeah. I like to read the physical books too. Sure. Nothing, not knocking the physical. But yeah, if people are on a budget, yeah, people are on a budget and you can't go and buy those big, huge coffee table books. Or if you're near a Christian university, see if you can get a library card that's, they have tons of stuff. I can walk in there and there are a whole shelf of like Genesis commentaries or whatever. It could be information overload. But also I can, I'll pick up a couple different volumes of different perspectives and I'll read what they each have to say about the verse or chapter I'm dealing with and I can kind of synthesize a conclusion. And that's how you do it. Yeah. I'll also mention, I, we were allowed to. Listen on the radio, Jay Vernon McGee and yeah, he was definitely expository. He [00:41:00] would go verse by verse and go through the entire Bible verse by verse, which I thought was really good. And I don't agree with everything he said, but that's the way I learned a lot of stuff was through verse by verse radio program back in the day. Mm. I'm dating myself, aren't I? It's all good here. All good. No, we talked a lot about a bunch of different stuff. Is there anything about Bible study that we didn't talk about that you would like to mention? I know there's so much, uh, yeah, I just touched on it a little bit, but I kind of wanna bring it back. Look at different views than yours. If you are really charismatic, then look at something that's not quite charismatic, or if you are. I won't go. I'll skip all those differences. You know what? You are read some of the stuff that's a little different. Stuff that challenges you. That's how we grow. That's how we grow, [00:42:00] is to hear something a little different. And the thing is, you're not required to believe it. Right. You can just read it and at least know what they're saying. I know in my Christian upbringing, and not necessarily I was intentional, but I only knew my side of the argument. Or if I knew somebody else's argument, it was this straw man version that was just not accurate. And then I, you go to the big wide world and be like, oh wait, there are lots of different views. And those people are actually smart and they have things to say about this, but somebody else is the opposite and they're also a smart person. What's going on? It's just good to expose ourselves to different things. In most cases we could, we, you can choose your own boundaries and things like that. Mm-hmm. It doesn't mean if you're studying something in the Old Testament, you have to read the Jewish and the Muslim and the Mormon view of what. It doesn't mean you have to go there, but just check out some different things. Have your favorite commentaries. Do it, but every once in a while [00:43:00] peek into your, your local heretic and see what they have to say. I dunno, maybe not a heretic, somebody who's a little different. You, you, your istic. Yeah. Our last guest was talking about Calvinism and stuff, but yeah, doesn, excellent suggestion because I definitely was in my own camp for many years until I got out of my abusive situation and started looking into other views and I have since changed nothing major. I didn't change any major views, but I realized that okay, there are other Godly people. Now I see they can use scripture to defend their position too. And there's a little bit of wiggle room in there for sure. Sure. For different viewpoints. I went and did a study and looked at somebody else's view on a tertiary argument. Sure. Tertiary doctrine. It's not a doctrine of the faith, but [00:44:00] something that's very important and it's like, okay, I'm not gonna be judgmental. And that was hard for me to change my viewpoint. Yeah, yeah. But they gave me really great scriptural evidence. So yeah, that's kind of a sideline, but you made excellent point. But anyway, I appreciate you sharing all this valuable information and your view, viewpoint, and it's fascinating. Everybody has different answers for these questions. I've asked everybody the same questions. Right. And they're all giving me different answers, which I think that's very helpful. Oh yeah. Yeah. Very helpful. Yeah, getting people exposed to different things and again, like I am me and you are you, and we're different. And that's the point. Like we all come together with our different focuses and our different backgrounds and knowledge, and together we are the body of Christ. Amen. And that's beautiful. So tell the folks [00:45:00] how people can connect with you and you have resources and maybe if they wanna play stump the Bible teacher, they can email you. Yeah, you can find that all about me@jakedobern.com. D-O-B-E-R-E-N-Z as in zebra. And that's kind of my home base on the interwebs. If you do jake dovers.com/email, you can get on my email list that was mentioned earlier where I talk about. Funny stories from my life that have spiritual points, and I bring out spiritual points from that. And yeah, you can definitely contact me through social media or email, and that's all on my website there. So I'll let you track me down and tell me how wrong I am and all of that kind of stuff. That's fun. It comes with the territory, so totally okay with that. And then lastly, I do a bunch of work with Christian creatives, with Fiani [00:46:00] Media, and as was mentioned, I produce the Creatively Christian podcast. So I would love for you to check that out if that's kind of your thing, if that's your area. Yeah. You guys have a real great variety of guests on that show. It's not just one particular kind of art. You guys represent a lot of different ones, which is fun. Oh yeah. And we're trying to get more variety all the time. Awesome. Now. I don't usually have guests pray on the show, but would you pray for our listeners in their journey in the scriptures? Of course. Let's go ahead and pray. Heavenly God, we come to you in prayer on this podcast episode and we ask that whoever's listening now in the future, in a couple years, where wherever we are, that, that we can be receptive to how you speak to us through scripture and through our [00:47:00] communities that help us see scripture. Let the spirit guide us as we dive into this sacred but sometimes confusing and complicated documents. Lord, I ask that you give us the wisdom to be able to rightly divide your word and to remain faithful even when our own preferences might wanna lean in a different direction. Lord, thank you so much for the ministry of this podcast. We pray that people continue to have healing and continue to find themselves in a better place, both in the world and with you spiritually. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. Thank you so much for coming on the show. God bless you. Sure thing. God bless you. Thank you for listening to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast. If this episode has been helpful [00:48:00] to you, please hit the subscribe button and tell a friend. You could connect with us at DSW Ministries dot org where you'll find our blog, along with our Facebook, Twitter, and our YouTube channel links. Hope to see you next week.
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BEAUTY BEYOND BETRAYAL - Heal from Betrayal, Affair Recovery, Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Marital betrayal doesn't just break trust — it wounds the soul. If you've experienced infidelity and found yourself questioning God, your faith, or the meaning of your marriage vows, you are not alone. Betrayal cuts far deeper than emotions or behavior — it fractures the spiritual covenant of marriage, leaving shame, confusion, grief, and spiritual disorientation in its wake. In this episode, we explore: • The spiritual impact of marital betrayal • How infidelity breaks covenant and creates soul-level trauma • Why betrayal often leads to spiritual confusion, distance from God, or crisis of faith • The hidden spiritual cost of secrecy and living a double life • How God meets both the betrayed and the betrayer in truth, grace, and restoration • Biblical pathways toward deep, lasting healing — not just survival Whether you're the betrayed spouse carrying deep spiritual wounds, or someone seeking to understand the spiritual consequences of infidelity, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and hope rooted in Scripture. God sees the betrayal. God witnesses the pain. And God is not finished with your story. If you're ready to heal the spiritual, emotional, and relational wounds of betrayal God's way, learn more about the Roadmap to Recovery — a Christ-centered, trauma-informed healing journey designed to help you restore safety, rebuild trust, and reclaim your future.
Show SummaryOn today's episode, we're featuring a conversation with Navy Spouse Patty Sandoval, Founder and CEO of HomeFront Haven, an organization that provides clinically informed community support to military spouses and partners before, during and after a deployment so that no one carries the homefront alone. Provide FeedbackAs a dedicated member of the audience, we would like to hear from you. If you PsychArmor has helped you learn, grow, and support those who've served and those who care for them, we would appreciate hearing your story. Please follow this link to share how PsychArmor has helped you in your service journey Share PsychArmor StoriesAbout Today's GuestPatricia “Patty” Sandoval, is a proud military spouse and public health professional. She built HomeFront Haven™ after experiencing mental health struggles during her husband's deployment in 2023. During that period, Patty found that there was a critical need for evidence backed care focused on supporting positive mental health outcomes among military spouses and partners. During the deployment, Patty kept hearing “You knew what you signed up for” and friends would reassure her that she'd be “ok.” Instead, Patty found herself exhausted, anxious, and feeling incredibly alone. To ensure that others wouldn't have to experience the same journey, she sought to advance a preventative approach to mental health.HomeFront Haven™'s model prioritizes community-based support as a critical strategy to reduce reliance on crisis care systems. Instead of asking spouses and partners, “Didn't you know what you signed up for?” this program asks, “How can we support you, so you don't have to carry the home front alone?”Links Mentioned During the EpisodeHomeFront Haven Web SitePsychArmor Resource of the WeekThis week's PsychArmor Resource of the Week is The PsychArmor course Accessing Health Care. This course offers service members, Veterans, and their families an overview of the available healthcare options. You can find the resource here: https://learn.psycharmor.org/courses/Accessing-Health-Care Episode Partner: Are you an organization that engages with or supports the military affiliated community? Would you like to partner with an engaged and dynamic audience of like-minded professionals? Reach out to Inquire about Partnership Opportunities Contact Us and Join Us on Social Media Email PsychArmorPsychArmor on XPsychArmor on FacebookPsychArmor on YouTubePsychArmor on LinkedInPsychArmor on InstagramTheme MusicOur theme music Don't Kill the Messenger was written and performed by Navy Veteran Jerry Maniscalco, in cooperation with Operation Encore, a non profit committed to supporting singer/songwriter and musicians across the military and Veteran communities.Producer and Host Duane France is a retired Army Noncommissioned Officer, combat veteran, and clinical mental health counselor for service members, veterans, and their families. You can find more about the work that he is doing at www.veteranmentalhealth.com
This podcast episode is sponsored by AVEO Oncology. The product information in this podcast is intended only for US residents. This episode features a real patient and their care partner, highlighting their experiences with a treatment option for advanced kidney cancer. Please note that the patient's experience is their own and individual results may vary. This podcast is not intended as medical advice. Only a doctor can decide what medications may be appropriate for you. The patient and the caregiver were paid for their time and expenses. I'm honored to welcome Scott and Katie to the program. Scott's journey began in July 2021, when he started experiencing symptoms that ultimately led to a diagnosis of renal cell carcinoma, resulting in the removal of his right kidney. At first, no additional treatments were needed. But in January 2023, after a biopsy of a lesion in his lung, Scott learned that his cancer had returned as stage IV metastatic renal cell carcinoma. Today, we're joined by Scott and his wife Katie, who share their journey with renal cell carcinoma – the challenges they've faced, the lessons they've learned, and the support they've discovered along the way. Their story is not only about facing a difficult diagnosis, but also about the strength of partnership, perseverance, and hope. Through their experience, Scott and Katie remind us that no one has to face kidney cancer alone—there's a community of understanding and shared strength every step of the way. Whether you're a patient, a care partner, or simply someone seeking hope and information, we believe you'll find inspiration and connection in Scott and Katie's story. Important Safety Information: Before taking FOTIVDA, tell your healthcare provider about all your medical conditions including, if you have high blood pressure, a history of heart failure, a history of blood clots in your veins or arteries (including stroke, heart attack, or change in vision), bleeding problems, thyroid problems, , liver problems, an unhealed wound, if you plan to have surgery or have had recent surgery, or are allergic to FD&C No. 5 (tartrazine) or aspirin. Tell your healthcare provider if you are pregnant or planning to be. FOTIVDA can harm your unborn baby. If you are able to become pregnant: -Your healthcare provider should do a pregnancy test before you start treatment. -Use effective birth control (contraception) during treatment and for 1 month after your last dose. -Talk to your healthcare provider about birth control methods that may be right for you. -Tell your healthcare provider right away if you become pregnant or think you might be pregnant. -Do not breastfeed during treatment and for 1 month after your last dose of FOTIVDA. Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicine you take and any new medicine. Taking FOTIVDA with certain other medicines may affect how FOTIVDA works. FOTIVDA may cause serious side effects, including: High blood pressure (hypertension). High blood pressure may be severe, including a sudden, severe increase in your blood pressure (hypertensive crisis) that can lead to death. You should check your blood pressure regularly and tell your healthcare provider if you have increased blood pressure or experience confusion, headaches, dizziness, chest pain, or shortness of breath. Heart failure. Heart failure may be serious and sometimes lead to death. Your healthcare provider should check for symptoms of heart failure regularly, such as shortness of breath or swelling of your ankles. Heart attack and blood clots in your veins or arteries. Blood clots may be serious and sometimes lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider or get emergency medical help right away if you have, new chest pain or pressure, numbness or weakness on one side of your body, pain in your arms, back, neck or jaw, trouble talking, shortness of breath, sudden severe headache, vision changes, swelling in the arms or legs Bleeding problems. Bleeding may be serious and sometimes lead to death. Report or get medical help right away if you have, unusual bleeding from the gums, red or black stools (looks like tar), menstrual bleeding or vaginal bleeding that is heavier than normal, bruises that happen without a known cause or get larger, headaches, feeling dizzy or weak, bleeding that is severe or you cannot control, coughing up blood or blood clots, pink or brown urine, vomiting blood or your vomit looks like “coffee grounds,” unexpected pain, swelling, or joint pain Protein in your urine. Your healthcare provider should check your urine for protein before and during treatment. Tear (perforation) in your stomach or intestines or an abnormal connection between two or more body parts (fistula). Get medical help right away if you experience tenderness or pain in your stomach-area (abdomen) that is severe and does not go away. Thyroid gland problems. Your healthcare provider should do blood tests to check your thyroid gland function before and during your treatment and may prescribe medicine if you develop thyroid gland problems. Risk of wound-healing problems. Wounds may not heal properly during treatment. Tell your healthcare provider if you plan to have surgery before starting or during treatment, including dental surgery. You should stop taking FOTIVDA at least 24 days before planned surgery. Your healthcare provider should tell you when you may start taking FOTIVDA again after surgery. Reversible Posterior Leukoencephalopathy Syndrome (RPLS). RPLS is a condition that can happen. You're your healthcare provider right away if you have headaches, seizures, confusion, blindness or changes in vision, or difficulty thinking. Allergic reactions to tartrazine (FD&C Yellow No. 5). FOTIVDA contains a dye called FD&C Yellow No. 5 (tartrazine) that may cause allergic-type reactions, including bronchial asthma, in certain people. This occurs most often in people who also are allergic to aspirin. Common side effects include tiredness, diarrhea, decreased appetite, nausea, hoarseness, low levels of thyroid hormones, cough, mouth sores, decreased blood levels of salt (sodium) and phosphate, increased levels of lipase in the blood. Other side effects include vomiting and weakness or lack of energy. FOTIVDA may cause fertility problems in males and females, which may affect your ability to have a child. Your healthcare provider may change your dose, temporarily stop, or permanently stop treatment with FOTIVDA if you have certain side effects. These are not all the possible side effects of FOTIVDA. To report SUSPECTED ADVERSE REACTIONS, contact AVEO Pharmaceuticals, Inc. at 1-833-FOTIVDA (1-833-368-4832) or FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088 or www.fda.gov/medwatch. Please see the Patient Information in the full Prescribing Information at fotivda.com Thank you again for tuning into ‘Wait, How Do You Spell That?' and for listening to Scott and Katie's story. No matter where you are on this journey, there's a caring community here to support you and you are not alone.
We hope this message in our series "Exodus - Encountering God" is impactful and uplifting in your walk with Jesus!If you would like to dive deeper, check out the link below.Stay in touch with us on Instagram | Facebook | Spotify - True Hope ChurchCheck out our Website:https://www.truehopechurch.org
Send us a textWhat happens after someone comes to Jesus?In this follow-up conversation, James Gutierrez shares the deeper story of how his life continued to be transformed after surrendering to Christ. James opens up about receiving inner healing and deliverance from the wounds of an absent and abusive father—and how the Holy Spirit gently revealed areas of his heart that still needed healing.Through words of knowledge, prayer, and learning to listen to the Holy Spirit, James describes how Jesus restored his inner life and reshaped the way he loved and led his family. In a powerful testimony of grace, he shares how this transformation ultimately led to his wife's salvation and baptism, despite her Catholic background.This episode is an honest and hope-filled conversation about:Inner healing and father woundsHearing and responding to the Holy SpiritRedemption in marriage and familyThe ongoing work of Jesus in a believer's life❤️ SHOW YOUR SUPPORT - LINKS BELOW...➡️ Email me: https://www.karlgessler.com/contact➡️ DONATE ➡️ Join our team!https://www.givesendgo.com/karlgesslerfamilybandhttps://www.patreon.com/karlgesslerhttps://cash.app/$KarlgesslerSocial Media➡️Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100089357625739➡️Telegram - https://t.me/FaithoftheFathers➡️Truth Social - https://truthsocial.com/@UCLOvq6O4aIXLrkKxwXkq3uA#Christiantestinmony #deliveranceministry #innerhealing #Christianity #DiscipleshipSupport the show
Steve Futterman, US Correspondent, has the latest from Minnesota following the fatal shooting of a 37-year-old woman by a U.S. ICE agent.
Learn why father and mother wounds cut so deep and gain bible guidance on how to begin healing from those wounds!
Why attachment wounds heal best in safe relational contexts (mentorship, IPF, romantic, community), not in isolation. Today we discuss how this plays out. We explore the Buddhist wisdom of grounding and establishing inner safety in order to walk the insight meditation path, and how this parallels attachment repair. True awareness only blossoms when the body feels safe.✨ Just a few days left to join ✨Meditation x Attachment Level One (https://www.mettagroup.org/meditation-x-attachment-level-one)
Are you exhausted from trying to “fix” everyone else while secretly falling apart inside? In this Good News Mental Health episode, Dr. Uejin Kim sits down with Megan Babcock, Board-Certified Nurse Coach and trauma transformation coach, to talk about faith, emotional healing, abuse, “toxic” relationships, and what God actually says about your story. Megan shares her journey through: A domestic violence marriage and multiple “rock bottoms” Labeling, narcissism, and why diagnosis alone didn't heal her Learning to regulate her nervous system and stop running from pain Healing her relationship with her kids after parenting from fear and control Discovering that God is not abusive and doesn't take away free will We talk honestly about: When to leave unsafe situations and still let God work on your heart How childhood wounds shape perfectionism, people-pleasing, and bitterness Why you can't reparent your kids until you've let God reparent you Moving from “hurt people hurt people” to “healed people heal people”
Believing in yourself is tough. Believing in yourself after verbal and emotional abuse is even tougher. So often we have someone else's negative words in our head, and it can create a lot of self doubt. (If you missed it, go back and listen to episode 141. Core 4 Wounds of Narcissistic Abuse: Self Doubt.) Typically someone dysfunctional (and highly dysregulated) had to put YOU down in order to make THEMSELVES feel better. It was THEIR projection, THEIR insecurity, masked as inadequacy in you. But you don't have to take that on anymore. Believing in yourself is a choice, and some days we have to consciously choose it, because it's easier for our brains to NOT believe in ourselves. Keep listening as I share how to do this. And if you'd like some help believing in yourself more this year, Reclaiming your goals, your body, your self worth, I'd love to help. Schedule your free Clarity Call – A space to move from confusion to clarity together. www.bodyyoucrave.com/schedule Chapters (00:00:02) - Hungry for Love(00:00:26) - The Magic of Believing in Yourself(00:06:07) - How to Love Yourself When Self-Question is Triggering(00:15:23) - The Power of Codependency(00:18:33) - What Do You Want to Believe About Your Divorce?(00:20:33) - Believing in Yourself: The Weight Loss Journey(00:28:14) - What is it like to lose weight before getting married?(00:29:01) - What's For You?: Surrender to God(00:33:55) - Believing in Yourself(00:41:09) - Break the Cycle
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In this episode, Krista breaks down the biggest myths around “finding your purpose,” revealing why your pain + personal journey—not your talents—may be the true key to fulfillment. Get ready for raw stories from Krista, spiritual insight, and new motivation to step into your most powerful self. Are you feeling restless, misaligned at your corporate job, or haunted by the question, “Am I living the life I was meant for?” Krista shares her unfiltered journey from corporate burnout to podcasting powerhouse, giving you the inside look at how her struggles + wounds became her greatest gifts. Plus, Krista explains the ancient concept of Dharma, rock-bottom awakenings, and why 2026–2027 will be pivotal years for women ready to answer their soul's calling. If you've been searching for meaning, this conversation is the wake-up call you've been waiting for. We also talk about: Why your deepest wounds are the doorway to your true purpose The role of Dharma in modern spiritual growth How to let go of shame + use your story to inspire others Lessons from missing out on big opportunities—and why they matter The pressure + promise of the 2026 “alignment year” for soul-led women How to recognize if you're a “chosen one” (and what that actually means) Shifting from ego-led ambition to soul-driven contribution The connection between personal healing + genuine leadership Inner child work as a tool to rediscover your essence The reason hiding your gifts will only get harder in the years to come Resources: Instagram: @itskrista Website: https://itskrista.com/ Join Metamorphosis, Krista's six-week small group immersion for women ready to transform from the inside out. You'll leave with deep appreciation for your body, freedom from food and body shame, an empowered mindset, and the support of a loving community. Save your spot today at itskrista.com/metamorphosis! Order our book, Almost 30: A Definitive Guide To A Life You Love For The Next Decade and Beyond, here: https://bit.ly/Almost30Book. Sponsors: Our Place | Visit fromourplace.com/ALMOST30 and use code ALMOST30 for 10% off sitewide. Fatty15 | Get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to fatty15.com/ALMOST30 and use code ALMOST30 at checkout. Ka'Chava | Go to kachava.com and use code ALMOST30 for 15% off your next order. Hero Bread | Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to hero.co and use code ALMOST30 at checkout. Revolve | Shop at REVOLVE.com/ALMOST30 and use code ALMOST30 for 15% off your first order. #REVOLVEpartner BetterHelp | This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/almost30 and get on your way to being your best self with 10% off your first month. Chime | It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to Chime.com/ALMOST30. Paleovalley | Head to paleovalley.com/almost30 for 15% off your order! To advertise on this podcast please email: partnerships@almost30.com. Learn More: https://almost30.com/about https://almost30.com/morningmicrodose https://almost30.com/book Join our community: https://facebook.com/Almost30podcast/groups https://instagram.com/almost30podcast https://tiktok.com/@almost30podcast https://youtube.com/Almost30Podcast Podcast disclaimer can be found by visiting: almost30.com/disclaimer. Almost 30 is edited by Garett Symes and Isabella Vaccaro. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Show SummaryOn today's episode, we're featuring a conversation with Michael Bailey, Deputy Director of Leadership Programs for the George W. Bush Institute. We talk about some of the initiatives of the Bush Institute, including the Veteran Leadership Program, the Democracy is a Verb initiative and the Bush Institute's efforts to celebrate America 250.Provide FeedbackAs a dedicated member of the audience, we would like to hear from you. If you PsychArmor has helped you learn, grow, and support those who've served and those who care for them, we would appreciate hearing your story. Please follow this link to share how PsychArmor has helped you in your service journey Share PsychArmor StoriesAbout Today's GuestMichael Bailey serves as Deputy Director, Leadership Programs, for the George W. Bush Institute. In this role, he manages the Stand-To Veteran Leadership Program, which focuses on developing the leadership skills of veterans and those who serve them and their families. Bailey also supports alumni engagement efforts for the Institute's international leadership programs.Prior to joining the George W. Bush Institute, Bailey provided operations, media, and communications support to The American Choral Directors Association, a music organization dedicated to the excellence and advancement of choral music.Bailey is a native of Arlington, Texas. He received his Bachelor of Arts in Music (Voice) from The University of Oklahoma, and he holds a Master of Business Administration with concentrations in finance and real estate from Southern Methodist University Cox School of Business. He has a passion for running and enjoys racing in half and full marathons.Links Mentioned During the EpisodeGeorge W. Bush InstituteStand-To Veteran Leadership ProgramAmerica 250Democracy is a Verb initiative PsychArmor Resource of the WeekThis week's PsychArmor Resource of the Week is The PsychArmor course The Myths and Facts of Military Leaders. This course identifies four of the most popular myths about military leaders and how they don't align with the reality of working alongside Veterans and Service members. You can find the resource here: https://learn.psycharmor.org/courses/The-Myths-and-Facts-of-Military-Leaders Episode Partner: Are you an organization that engages with or supports the military affiliated community? Would you like to partner with an engaged and dynamic audience of like-minded professionals? Reach out to Inquire about Partnership Opportunities Contact Us and Join Us on Social Media Email PsychArmorPsychArmor on XPsychArmor on FacebookPsychArmor on YouTubePsychArmor on LinkedInPsychArmor on InstagramTheme MusicOur theme music Don't Kill the Messenger was written and performed by Navy Veteran Jerry Maniscalco, in cooperation with Operation Encore, a non profit committed to supporting singer/songwriter and musicians across the military and Veteran communities.Producer and Host Duane France is a retired Army Noncommissioned Officer, combat veteran, and clinical mental health counselor for service members, veterans, and their families. You can find more about the work that he is doing at www.veteranmentalhealth.com
What if this life after divorce never gets better?What if this is just how it is now?What he ruined everything? What if I can't be healed?If those thoughts have been looping in your mind after divorce, this episode is for you.In the Season 5 premiere of Dear Divorce Diary, we're opening a powerful six-week series devoted to naming the thing under the thing—the deeper, often invisible forces that keep women stuck in anxiety, overthinking, and emotional exhaustion after divorce.And today, we begin with one of the scariest experiences of all:the fear that the way you feel right now is permanent.Here's what most of us have never realized:Those thoughts aren't coming from weakness or fear.They're coming from a nervous system trying its best to keep you afloat while you're completely collapsed.In this episode, we're not fixing anxiety—we're explaining it.Because understanding what your body is doing is often the first moment it finally exhales.In this episode, we explore:Why divorce anxiety often intensifies after the divorce is finalThe difference between panic… and the deeper fear of permanenceHow anxiety gets mistaken for identity—and why that mattersWhat happens when trust has been wounded by loss, betrayal, or overwhelmWhy solutions often arrive from places you never could have predictedHow protective, pessimistic parts can reject help—and how to soften that patternYou'll also hear personal stories from Dawn, Joy, and Tiffini about moments when they couldn't see a way forward—until something unexpected showed up and changed everything.And at the end of the episode, we debut a new community segment: ✨ Small Wins, Big Shifts ✨ where we share listener-submitted moments that prove healing after divorce doesn't have to be dramatic to be real.If you've been afraid that this feeling will never end… If you've wondered whether you'll ever trust yourself—or life—again… Let this episode remind you:Nothing you're feeling means you're broken. It means your system learned how to survive.And survival is not the end of the story.
NBL NOW | Everything NBLAron Baynes & Jowl Peterson Take away from an exciting three weeks of games. Defensive strategies are crucial for winning championships. Nathan Sobey's dedication to fitness is paying off at 35. DJ Mitchell's impact off the bench is significant. What the Kings need to adjust. HoopsFest is almost here! Brisbane Bullets face cultural and performance challenges. D-Mac is respected and has potential for long-term success. Coaching stability is essential for team development. Who leads Coach of the Year race. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In this episode, the focus is on clergy abuse—a topic made even more pressing by recent headlines. The featured guest, Sandy Phillips Kirkham, shares her harrowing ordeal of being abused by a charismatic youth pastor starting at the age of 16. Sandy discusses the grooming process, the five years of abuse, and how she was ultimately expelled from her church while her abuser was merely relocated. She delves into the long-lasting impact of the abuse on her life and her spiritual journey, how she concealed her trauma for 27 years, and how she ultimately confronted her abuser. Sandy also provides valuable insights and actionable advice for preventing abuse and supporting victims within church communities. Her story is also detailed in her book, ‘Let Me Prey on You,' which offers a detailed account of her journey from victim to advocate. 00:00 Introduction and Sponsor Message 00:47 Welcome to the Podcast 01:32 Introducing Today's Topic: Clergy Abuse 02:17 Sandy Phillips Kirkham's Early Life and Church Involvement 06:22 Meeting the Abuser: The Charismatic Youth Pastor 08:43 Red Flags and Grooming Tactics 13:51 The First Inappropriate Act 16:37 The Abuse Escalates 21:06 The Aftermath and Church's Response 28:15 Life After Abuse: Marriage and Keeping Secrets 32:09 Protecting Future Generations 35:17 The Importance of Sex Education in the Church 36:32 Techniques for Discussing Sex with Children 37:22 Personal Experiences with Sex Education 38:20 Triggering Memories and Emotional Breakdown 40:13 The Journey of Healing Begins 41:31 Understanding Clergy Abuse and Self-Forgiveness 43:52 Confronting the Abuser 47:07 Challenges in Seeking Justice 54:47 Preventing Abuse in the Church 01:00:31 Supporting Victims of Clergy Abuse 01:05:07 Final Thoughts and Resources Sandy Kirkham and her husband Bill enjoy life with their two grown children, two beautiful granddaughters, and two fairly well-behaved dogs. Sandy continues to use her voice to help victims of clergy abuse. She currently serves on the board of Council Against Child Abuse. Sandy has spoken before the Ohio Senate, a Maryland court, and appeared on a local television show in Boston. Her story, “Stolen Innocence,” was told in a documentary produced by The Hope of Survivors. Sandy works with survivors conducting victim support conferences. She has participated in The Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) panels moderated by SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests), sharing her perspective from the non-Catholic point of view. Sandy has been a presenter/speaker at major events on clergy abuse including the Hope & Healing Conference. Sandy has earned a certificate of completion from the Faith Trust Institute entitled, “A Sacred Trust: Boundary Issues for Clergy and Spiritual Teachers.” https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/ https://www.facebook.com/KirkhamAuthor/ sandykirkhamauthor@gmail.com Purchase her book “Let Me Prey Upon You” on amazon: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/shop/let-me-prey-upon-you/ Link Tree Website: https://dswministries.org Subscribe to the podcast: https://dswministries.org/subscribe-to-podcast/ Social media links: Join our Private Wounds of the Faithful FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1603903730020136 Twitter: https://twitter.com/DswMinistries YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxgIpWVQCmjqog0PMK4khDw/playlists Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dswministries/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DSW-Ministries-230135337033879 Keep in touch with me! Email subscribe to get my handpicked list of the best resources for abuse survivors! https://thoughtful-composer-4268.ck.page #abuse #trauma Affiliate links: Our Sponsor: 753 Academy: https://www.753academy.com/ Can't travel to The Holy Land right now? The next best thing is Walking The Bible Lands! Get a free video sample of the Bible lands here! https://www.walkingthebiblelands.com/a/18410/hN8u6LQP An easy way to help my ministry: https://dswministries.org/product/buy-me-a-cup-of-tea/ A donation link: https://dswministries.org/donate/ Sandy Phillips Kirkham [00:00:00] Special thanks to 7 5 3 Academy for sponsoring this episode. No matter where you are in your fitness and health journey, they've got you covered. They specialize in helping you exceed your health and fitness goals, whether that is losing body fat, gaining muscle, or nutritional coaching to match your fitness levels. They do it all with a written guarantee for results so you don't waste time and money on a program that doesn't exceed your goals. There are martial arts programs. Specialize in anti-bullying programs for kids to combat proven Filipino martial arts. They take a holistic, fun, and innovative approach that simply works. Sign up for your free class now. It's 7 5 3 academy.com. Find the link in the show notes. Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer songwriter, speaker and domestic violence advocate, [00:01:00] Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help. Now here is Diana. Hello. Welcome everyone. Welcome to my regular listeners, as well as some new listeners that have joined us today. I have a great guest for you today. We're going to be talking about clergy abuse today. Religious leader, abuse. Pastor, youth leader. You've seen this in the news recently with all these preachers being arrested or charged with sexual misconduct or rape or [00:02:00] pedophilia. I'm sure you've seen the news. Well, today we're going to hear a story about a woman who's been victimized in that way and she's fighting back. So let me read her bio for you. A church is where an insecure 16-year-old girl should feel welcome, happy, and most importantly, safe tragically. For some, the church can become a place of great harm. Sandy Phillips Kirkham details her account of how charismatic youth minister preyed upon her, a betrayal which left her broken with a shattered faith and the ultimate shame of being blamed enforced from the church she loved. Despite a successful and happy life, is a wife, mother, and friend. Sandy successfully concealed her abuse for [00:03:00] 27 years until a trigger forced her to face the truth. Sandy's story will take you on her journey of healing. Her strength and courage will inspire you. Let me pray upon you her book details. Sandy's journey from innocent 16-year-old, a victim to a survivor, and advocate. We please welcome Sandy Phillips. Kirk, welcome Sandy to the show. Thanks so much for coming on. Well, thank you for having me. I'm glad to be here. Wow. So I've been listening to you on the Preacher Boys podcast and thought you had a really great story, and so I wanted to come and bring you on so my listeners can hear your story as well. Mm-hmm. So tell us a little bit about your home and your church environment growing up. Let's [00:04:00] start from the beginning here. Okay. I'm the oldest of five. My parents were divorced when I was about seven, which that was really the impact of my life, of just how it altered everything about that time in my life. Then my mother remarried and we moved in with my stepfather shortly after my father remarried, and so I was dealing with these blended families and it was just very confusing for me at the time, my parents and stepfather did not attend church. So I, I wasn't a part of a church until I was about eight, and that's when my best friend who lived up the street invited me to go with their family, and I went with them and I went every Sunday after that, I absolutely fell in love with church. It was a place that I felt safe. I think it provided for me a place away from home that I felt comfortable and I got attention there. I was very active even as a small child. I went to vacation Bible school, church camp, love Sunday School. I sang in a junior choir. Really, it was a just a great place for me to [00:05:00] be. When I was 13, I was baptized and then my faith really deepened and my involvement in the church became even more so, started teaching Sunday school and teaching vacation Bible school. I started serving on committees with adults and doing more of the activities that would, , just be more in depth than just typical youth group activities. So, it's just no exaggeration to say that if the doors of the church were open, I was there and I loved it. I loved serving God. I felt that was the place for me, and everything about it was brought me joy and peace in the church. Wow. You really, were very sincere in your faith. It was not a fake one. I hear a lot of stories of. Being brought up in the church and being made to go to church and, you just go through the motions kind of thing. But it sounds like it was the opposite for you. It was that you really believed this with all your heart. Was that a fundamental Baptist church you were going [00:06:00] to or what? It was a church, Christ Christian Church, which is similar to the Baptist. It's an independent church. Yeah, that's the church. That was so something happened while you were serving the Lord and loving God. You met your abuser? Yes. Shortly after I turned 16, our church hired a new youth pastor, and from the moment he arrived, he was totally different than anyone we'd ever seen before. He was very charismatic, very dynamic. His sermons were really like nothing we'd ever heard before, and people were just drawn to him. He had a personality that people found themselves wanting to be around him. They wanted to please him. So he was very good at asking people to do things and they didn't hesitate. It, it was just a different kind of atmosphere. When he came to the church, the youth group exploded in numbers. We went from like 25 to almost 200 in a very short time. Even the [00:07:00] adult church was growing because people just came to hear him preach because he was so good at what he did. He was 30, married with two children, but he really acted more like our age group. He dressed like we did. He. Went to our football games at school, he knew our music. So he just, he really, he was tuned into us and in return we found ourselves, all of us being willing to please him and wanna do anything we could to make the youth group and the church better. So when people think of a profile of a child abuser, they usually think, oh, some dirty old man, that his roaming fingers or what have you, but this youth pastor sounded like, okay, he was really good looking and hip and really loved the young people. Mm-hmm. Is that typical of. Well, it's, it's typical in the sense that it's not the, dirty old man hiding in the bushes. Most abusers [00:08:00] are people we know. They're people that we like. They're usually people that, connect with people very well, and that's what makes them so dangerous because they're not obvious with what they do, and they're very good at that. They pretend to be one of us. They pretend to care, but in reality, their goal is to find a way to take advantage of the most vulnerable in, in the group. And so, predators are usually drawn to places where they will find vulnerable people. The gymnastics team is an example of that. The Boy Scouts, anywhere where you can, and certainly the church because we are welcoming into people who are in need. Oftentimes. Then there are many people in the church who are vulnerable to these types of men, and sometimes women. Were there any red flags? That you should have seen or noticed when you were around this youth pastor? Well, he came with so many different ideas and different ways of doing things. And one of the things that he was doing now, this was in the [00:09:00] seventies, so cultures were changing and it was free love and kind of thing. But he came into our church and he expected everyone to hug each other. So we were always hugging each other. And he also expected us to say how much we loved each other and that we love you and not just that I love you in Christ. He would simply walk up, give you a hug and say, I love you. Now you know, that may seem innocent, but that's a little odd for that pastor to be saying those kinds of things. And it also blurs the lines because when you say to someone, I love you, that can be confusing to. Young teenagers and even to vulnerable adults. So, but he did that with everybody. It wasn't like he picked someone else special, but, so the hugging in the contact was kind of a red flag in the beginning. But for me personally, I babysat for his family. His wife worked evenings. Mm-hmm. So one night after he came home, he asked me to go to his basement and listen to a song by Neil Diamond. [00:10:00] Well, it felt a little weird 'cause I'd never. I've been around a pastor that wanted to talk to me about anything but church in the Bible. But I went to the basement. Yeah. I mean a Neil Diamond song. So I went to the basement. I know, but that's a trigger factor for me sometimes. So anyway, I went to the basement and he put this record on and I sat down on the couch and instead of sitting in a chair or another place, he came on the couch and sat very close to me. And I remember feeling uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything. 'cause I thought, well, he is just sitting next to me. It's no big deal. But that's a red flag that I felt because it felt uncomfortable to me. And then the other times that I would babysit for him. His wife wouldn't come home till late in the evening, so he would come home around seven or eight and after the kids were in bed, instead of taking me home, he wanted me to sit and talk with him all evening. So we'd talk about the Bible or we'd talk about church, and sometimes he'd ask me what I thought of his [00:11:00] sermon, which at age 16, I'm flattered that this man has any idea that I would have some opinion about this great sermon that he just gave. So I didn't see anything wrong with that because he's my pastor. But had that occurred with my 30-year-old neighbor down the street, every time I went to babysit, I know I would've come home to my mother and said, okay, this is weird. Mm-hmm. Every time I babysit, this man wants to sit and talk to me all evening. I mean, what interest would I have as a teenager wanting to talk to this 30-year-old married man? But because my pastor was who he was and he tapped into our common connection of the church and God, and again, many times he would give me books to read 'cause he wanted me to get better in my deep, in my spirituality. So I didn't see anything wrong with it because of who he was. And so I just accepted that behavior, which is another tool and technique. They look for ways to get into you. Mm-hmm. [00:12:00] That don't seem obvious. And that was, so those were two red flags for me. Now as far as the congregation goes, I was in his office a lot by myself, but so were other kids, because he would actually call us into his office and say, I want you to come in and tell me what's going on in your life. Talk to me about your problems. Instead of us going to him, he would encourage us to come into his office. So while that probably wasn't a good thing, no one saw it as a bad thing. It seemed normal, but he called me into his office a lot more than the other kids. And later on there were people who did say to me, there were times when I wondered why he said something to you like that, or I noticed something one time. And so I think people notice some things, but no one thought enough of it to say, okay, there's something going on that doesn't seem right. So those were the red flags that I think in the beginning were very subtle. But they were hard to see, [00:13:00] and this is really important to distinguish these things because I was groomed by a guidance counselor in seventh grade. Mm-hmm. But he was one of those dirty old men that, he was doing creepy stuff. Yeah. But I never would have seen myself. A pastor and he's talking about spiritual things and he's talking about God and mm-hmm. He's not talking about sex. He's not watching, you're not watching dirty movies together. No, he's not, buying you sexy lingerie. It's, Hey, he's doing spiritual things. Mm-hmm. It's a setup. It's that grooming process you're talking about. It's pulling someone in to gain their trust, in a very di diabolical way, because he's using the church to do that. That's really scary. That scares mm-hmm. Scares me to death. What were the first times that he did something really inappropriate that you were just like, whoa? Well, the very [00:14:00] first time, was after a youth group meeting that was held in my home. I was the song leader. He put me in a leadership position, and it was very important to him that the evening always go well and that we were to make people feel welcome. And so at the end of the evening, I was nervous because I wanted to make sure that he thought everything went well. And he came up to me in my hallway and began telling me how great the evening was and how proud he was of me. And I was on Cloud nine. I was flattered that he felt that way. I felt good that the evening went so well. And then he just slowly bent down and he kissed me. And it wasn't, it was a kiss, but it seemed somewhat innocent to some extent. And I, I remember thinking, I think he just kissed me. Then my next thought was, well, he's my pastor and I don't think he would be doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And it was just a quick kiss. And he's always hugging people. And so maybe this is just his way of showing his appreciation for the evening. It was really [00:15:00] the only way in my 16-year-old mind that I could justify it because I couldn't think about this man doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And this was a person that everyone loved and thought so highly of, so how could I think he was doing something he shouldn't be doing? So I just let it go. I didn't think anything more about it. I mean, did you have any sex ed or anything? Did you know the birds and bees? Nine. Well, yeah, I'm 16. I did. Yeah, I did. But I wasn't, I hadn't dated much. I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16, so I hadn't had any dating experience. I had one kiss before this with a boy at camp. So I wasn't. Worldly or knowledgeable about all those things. But, and again, it was such a quick innocent type kiss. He didn't grab me, he didn't push me against the wall. I just, and again, I think for me it was okay if he's, if this is more than just a kiss, then what do I do with it? So therefore I'm just gonna say it's [00:16:00] nothing because I don't know what else to do. Um, wow. I let it go. I let it go. But as I babysat for him, he, sometimes when I would leave, he would kiss me and sometimes he wouldn't. So, I didn't see it as a con, kind of a continual thing that he was always wanting to kiss me. He always hugged me. But the kissing became more intense as it went along. So it, it would be another year, before he would have sex with me. And so that grooming process and kind of pushing the boundaries each time he was with me, finally ended with him having sex with me. Oh, wow. Now, some of us listening are like an adult having sex with a child or 16-year-old. Can you unpack that a little bit more, the process of how he got to that point? I mean, that the first time you had intercourse, I mean, did he, you know, go to a hotel with you and you had a candlelight dinner, or was it in the backseat of the car?[00:17:00] Was it an accident? It wasn't an accident. He was very deliberate and I had every intentions of having sex with me that night. I babysat, I was babysitting, I put the kids to bed, I walked down the steps. I assumed that we would go into the living room. Or the family room, sit on the couch and talk about the things we always talked about. But instead, he stopped me at the bottom of the stairs and he took me into the living room, and immediately put me on the floor and began undressing me. Um, and wow, I froze. I, I literally froze and I kept thinking to myself, he's going to stop. He's going to stop. And that the entire time he's whispering into my ear how much he loves me, that he would never hurt me, and that he can, I can trust him. And then he kept asking me, do you love me? Do you love me? And I, of course, I'm answering yes, because well, yes I do, because that's what I've told him for the past year. I, I, I just, I was so confused and what my real reaction was, I froze. Mm-hmm. Um, he, he sort of pushed my head under the [00:18:00] stereo. And so when he is starting to get farther than I thought he would ever go. I blocked, I just blocked it out and I started reading the serial numbers underneath the stereo. Oh my goodness. Just to be thinking of anything else. Um, at one point he then just picked me up and took me upstairs. He literally put me on the bed, penetrated me, and that was it. And I was horrified. I was absolutely horrified. I, I wanted to cry. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Um, he left the room, told me to get dressed, and he would take me home. And I remember sitting on the bed and I put the bedspread around me because I was so embarrassed that I didn't have my clothes on. Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. Um, and then I just remember thinking I just had sex. I'm no longer a virgin. I just had sex with this man and. He took me home. Now, in the [00:19:00] book, of course, I go into a little bit more detail, but Right, he took me home and just before I got outta the car, he said to me, now, you know, this is something between the two of us, you can't tell anyone. And of course I'm thinking, who would I tell? I, I don't want anybody to know. I just did this. So, that was the first time. And then I think I, at that point I kept thinking, you know, I've had sex with him. So now I'm committed to him again. I'm at this point, I'm 17 years old. I'm still like, what do I do with this? I don't, I don't know what to do with this. Um, and he was convincing me that he loved me. He was convincing me that he needed me in his ministry and that God, this was God's will in our lives. He threw that at me. Eventually he would say to me that we were married in God's eyes. I mean, twisting the scripture and using God as a reason that we should be together. And so. I started to accept that. There were a couple times I went to him and told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I felt [00:20:00] guilty. He would respond in one of two ways. One, he would say to me how much he needed me, how much he loved me, and that he couldn't live without me. So that was the guilt part of it. Or he would respond and by saying to me, you know, you're no longer a virgin. No one else is gonna want you. I'm the only one that knows how to love you, and you are committed to me, and this is gonna be the way it is. And I saw no way out. I didn't see a way out. And so the relationship continued for five years. Wow. Five years. It went on for five years. That is a long time. And it, during that time, he became more aggressive physically. Uh, he hit me. He became sexually more deviant. It just progressed. It got worse and worse. And to a point that I finally, I was, my self-esteem was so low. I hated myself for what I'd been doing. So I finally just accepted that this was my life. I knew [00:21:00] I'd never get married. I knew I'd never have children, and this wouldn't be over until he said it was over. This went on for five years and nobody in the church noticed it. Your parents didn't notice it. You know, people say, well, where were your parents? Well, first of all, my parents were thrilled. I was in church. I mean, this was a time in the seventies when drugs were. Prevalent girls were, having free sex. So for them, what safer place could there be than to be in church? So, and they saw his intention toward me and his involvement with me as a good thing. I mean, he would take me on hospital visits with him. I mean, they saw this as being positive. And they knew how much I loved being there and that it was a place that I liked to go. So they didn't see it. And many in the church didn't see it began because who suspects the pastor of such behavior. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And especially in the seventies when this wasn't an open topic like it is now, you wouldn't have dared thought anything like that. And so [00:22:00] it's not uncommon for people in the church, to miss the signs and to ignore what they really do see, because they just can't believe that it would be something that would be happening in their church because then they'd have to do something about it. Yes, exactly. When did it all come crumbling down? It does crumble. Eventually it does. Two elders became suspicious and followed him one night and found us together in a hotel room. And then from then on, the next month and a half was an absolute nightmare for me. Hmm. It was initially hoped that they could keep what he had done, quiet and keep it from the congregation. Now, I have to say one thing before I forget. This wasn't his first incident of sexual misconduct. Oh. Prior to and just after he was awri, he arrived at our church. A young woman from his first church came forward and accused him of sexual misconduct. When he was [00:23:00] confronted by my elders, he didn't deny it. He said it was true. He asked for forgiveness, that it would never happen again. It was a mistake. So within six months. That's when he was kissing me in my hallway. So this, so these elders were aware that this was the second time that there had been an incident with this man of sexual abuse and misconduct. But in spite of that, they tried to keep it quiet in hopes of moving him to another church. And so I was told during that time where I was to sit, how I was to respond to questions. I wasn't to talk to anyone. I wasn't to tell anyone about what had happened, including my parents. And this was all in an effort to keep it quiet. Well, that effort failed. And so it was determined that he should address the congregation. He did it in a very vague way, just simply said that he'd sinned. He'd sinned against God, and he'd sinned against his wife. And that was his confession. That was it. Two days later, he had me meet [00:24:00] him in a hotel room after that confession in front of the congregation. Now. He was moved to the next church. He was given a going away party. There was actually a vote to maybe keep him, but the vote failed and they decided to move him to the next church. About, two weeks, three weeks later, I was called in by the elders, and this is probably the hardest part of my story for me. Mm-hmm. I was called in by the elders and I was told that because of my behavior I was to leave the church. I was devastated. I loved that church. It was the only church I knew, and here I was being told by these two elders that I wasn't fit to worship there any longer. Mm-hmm. He could be forgiven and given a second, third chance. I couldn't be, I was told that to leave the church. I wasn't given any counseling. I wasn't helped in any way. I was simply told to leave and I did. I left. [00:25:00] And that I told people many times, as horrific as the abuse was, having been told to leave, that church had a greater impact on me spiritually than the actual abuse did. I don't think I ever recovered from that. It still haunts me to this day to some extent. That response of the church really devastated me. So that was the crumbling, as you called it? It came crashing down and I would, I left the church. So did that change your perception of God? What was your relationship with God this time? Yes. You were kicked outta the church, but. Well, I felt a disconnect from God. I never blamed God. I never felt like God caused this to happen. I, in fact, I carry the blame and the shame. I felt guilty for what I had done. And so I never blamed God, but because of the relationship being tied in with God and the [00:26:00] prayers that this man would give, and then, you know, he'd give these wonderful sermons about marriage and sanctity of marriage on a Sunday morning after having sex with me the night before. I had difficulty separating all of that, and there were so many trigger factors associated with the church and prayer that God really did. It was hard for me to have any kind of relationship with God. I did. I didn't become an atheist like a lot of victims do, and who become angry at God. I simply just. I just put him on the back burner. I knew he existed, but I didn't have a connection with him any longer. So for 27 years, I, I never prayed. I never opened my Bible. I went to church because when I met my husband, he was a Methodist. And I thought, well, I'll go to the Methodist Church. It's a different denomination. Mm-hmm. I'll just go on. It should be fine. It didn't work that way. I had anxiety attacks in church. I, his [00:27:00] reminders of him were constant, but I forced myself to go. I made sure that I went because I knew when we had children, I wanted them to have that church experience. But every time I walked past the minister's office, I got a knot in my stomach. Oh yeah. It had nothing to do with that minister. But you understand that. I mean, it, but I did that for 27 years. It became my norm. I just knew that when I walked past that office, I was gonna get a knock my stomach, certain hymns. I can tell you what his favorite hymn was, and every time that was played, that's who I thought of. I couldn't pray. It was so, I did have a deep, deep disconnect for 27 years, and I have to tell you, I missed it. I actually mourn that loss of my spiritual life, but I didn't know how to get it back. Because I'm keeping this secret. I'm still carrying guilt and shame. I couldn't forgive myself. I didn't feel worthy to be in church. So with all of that mixed in, I just put myself on autopilot and said, [00:28:00] well, this is the way my life will be and I'll just have to accept it. It just sounds so unfair. Somebody that loves the Lord so much and served in the church and so innocent and being kicked out. Oh, but it sounded like maybe meeting your husband would've been a positive thing for you. How did you guys meet? I actually worked at his office, so I met him there. We dated for about two years, and I just found him to be a kind, loving soul. He was very unassuming. He wasn't arrogant. He didn't, he wasn't a boastful type of person. He didn't like taking credit for things, even though he deserved it sometimes. He was just a good hearted person, and I just, I fell in love with him immediately. I really did. I thought this was a great, great guy. I mean, I will tell you, I have said many times because before I met him, I was on a destructive path. I did not have any self-esteem. [00:29:00] I saw myself just simply as some sex object that, I was only good for that. And so when I met him, he saved my life because he loved me for who I was and showed me that I was worthy. So I've often said to him, you saved my life, and he will respond back with you made mine, and you can't get any better than that. So meeting him was a turning point for me, but I kept a secret from him for 27 years, and I lived in fear that he'd always find out that I'd had this affair with a married man. And I know in my heart that it wouldn't have made a difference to him. But people who've been abused never forget the words, don't ever tell. And I never forgot those words. And I never forgot what the consequences could be if I were to tell someone. Because when my elders found out, they blamed me. And I, I couldn't bear the thought that if I were to tell him. [00:30:00] Somehow he would find fault with me, or I wondered, would he wonder why I didn't feel confident enough to tell him? Would he feel betrayed that I kept a secret? Would he see me differently sexually? All those fears that I had while unfounded were still present in my mind. And so I never could tell him. And I had to do a lot of play acting and pretending, through our married life in the sense that the times I was having trigger factors, I had to hide them. And I know he would've been supportive, but I couldn't see that. Because while trauma affects you at the time of the abuse, it's lifelong. It doesn't leave you. And so I lived with that for 27 years. So did you have. Intimacy issues when you were together? Was that what you're talking about? The triggering? No, I, know a lot of victims do, and that's understandable. I really didn't, because he was so different from my abuser [00:31:00] and I recognized that my abuser was emotionally violent mm-hmm. And physically, he just wasn't loving in any sense of the word. I was simply used for sex. Mm-hmm. And I didn't have that with my husband. And so I could separate that a little bit. But I think the guilt of hiding the secret had an impact on our marriage as far as my able to be intimate with him in an emotional way. I'm really glad to hear that. I, you are not the first person that I've heard that. The victim has hidden a secret from her husband. I passed her and a pastor's wife and her husband did not know. Mm-hmm. Children didn't know, and it was a family member that was the abuser. And I kept telling her, you've got to tell him. Mm-hmm. You know why? It's because, and I was thinking this when I was listening to your, the other shows that you were on. I'm thinking about your children and your grandchildren. If I was abused, [00:32:00] I would be like. How do I keep my children and grandchildren from going through what I just went through, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, that's an interesting thing because most people would assume that my daughter, I would've been all over it and worried sick every time she left the house. Yeah. But I actually had the opposite, reaction because keep in mind, I didn't see myself as an abuse victim. I saw myself as someone who participated, who willingly went into this relationship and stayed in it willingly, which is not the case when you're abused. There's the control, the manipulation, all of those things that play into keeping a victim in a relationship and they see no way out. So for me, I just assumed I got one bad apple in the whole barrel, that this didn't happen to other people and that I had an affair. But my daughter, who I knew, she would never have an affair with a married man, I just knew that. So I. Sent her on [00:33:00] retreats. I sent her to church camp without fear because again, I'm thinking, okay, this just doesn't happen to other people and this is not something I need to be concerned about with her. However, with my granddaughters, it's totally different because now I understand what really occurred and the damage that can occur when you've been abused. And so with my granddaughters, her mom and dad have talked to them, about good touch, bad touch. And I too have talked about to her, but I've been a little bit more probably detailed about it. Mm-hmm. And as she gets older, these men, the techniques change as you get older and they, after they go after teenage girls, so mm-hmm. Hopefully I'll be able to help her understand, what happens when someone's grooming. I want her to understand her personal space, that if you're not comfortable when someone hugs you, it's okay. That's right. Say I, I don't want you to touch me that way. Mm-hmm. Or say if they don't feel comfortable and we put a lot on kids to do that. 'cause here [00:34:00] we're asking a child to say to an adult, no. Mm-hmm. So it's okay to go to your mother or your mom and say, can you tell so and so Uncle Jimmy or whoever it is, I don't wanna be hugged. So we need to make sure our kids understand that their personal space is their space. And if they don't want someone in that space, it's okay to say no. I also think it's important to tell kids that good people can do bad things. Yeah. Because, as we talked about earlier, our abusers are not strangers. They're not mean people. Mm-hmm. They're usually good people. They're usually people who've given us gifts. They're people who help us. They're people who tell us how wonderful we are. So it's hard for children, even adults, to see this individual who. Who on one side is a good individual who does a lot in the church, who's done all these wonderful things. And so we, we have to tell these kids, just because they're a good person doesn't mean they can't do bad things. And so that's kind of the message I hope to get to my granddaughters that I didn't give to my [00:35:00] daughter. And fortunately she didn't have any issues with church or any, anybody abusing her. But I certainly did not, guide her in the right way in that sense because I just, like I said, I just assumed that I was the only one that this would ever have happened to. Well, I think, I hear a lot in the church that they don't teach sex ed because they don't want the kids to go out and have sex. Mm-hmm. And so a lot of these kids are like ignorant as to, what is healthy and what is not proper, yeah. We need to teach 'em that our bodies or are going to respond. They were built that way. God intended us to have feelings. You know, when we are around the opposite sex, that's normal. Mm-hmm. So we need to make sure kids understand. But there are barriers and there are boundaries that need to be taken. But you're absolutely right when we don't talk at it, then we figure it out on their own. And we could, we can all imagine when you're leaving teenagers to [00:36:00] their own devices to figure out things. That's probably not gonna lead in a good spot. No, we have the internet now, which when we, right. When you and I were younger, we didn't have the internet. We didn't have cell phones. No. If you wanted a Playboy magazine, you had to go to that kind of a neighborhood to get something. Yes. You know? Yes. It was a lot more difficult. Yes, absolutely. But too many parents are embarrassed to talk to their children about sex and, you know, everybody listening needs to listen. You need to find a way to talk to them about these things. And one of the techniques that I use with my daughter, just in talking about sex in general, kids don't want to hear their mom and dad talk to 'em about this. So what I did would say, I read a magazine article about this girl who did such and such so that I put it off on something else that's, a non-entity of a person. And I'll say, or Have you ever heard of this? And of course I know she's got a little embarrassed, but I, it opened the dialogue without me coming [00:37:00] out and saying, have you heard of oral sex? Instead, I would talk to her and say, I heard this about this. This is what kids are doing, blah, blah, blah. So you kind of have to find techniques and ways to sneak around it sometimes, but you absolutely need to talk to, because they know it's out there and they're going to experiment. That's just part of being a teenager. Yeah, my parents chickened out. They just gave me a book to read. Same, probably the same book. I got, I forget what it was called. Where did I come from? Or something. It was a cartoon book. Mm-hmm. And I'm grateful for that. And, they just, after I finished the book, do you have any questions? Yeah, yeah. I had a lot of, older people that were friends and I would actually go to my older. Senior citizen friends and ask them questions rather than ask my parents. Right? Yeah, yeah. It's more comfortable that way for sure. Like I said, it's not the topic that we like to talk to with our kids and our kids don't wanna hear it, but being uncomfortable is not an excuse not to do that. And in school you get [00:38:00] the basics of the mechanics of it, but then that ends, that's all you get there as well. And that's not as helpful either. Yeah. The sixth grade menstrual cycle, health class. Yeah, exactly. That's it. They separate the girls and the boys. Yeah. We were all really embarrassed and Yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. Great information. So let's, circle around back to, okay, you've been hiding this secret forever. Mm-hmm. And nobody knows about your past. And then one day you got triggered. So what happened that day? Well, that's the first chapter of my book, and that is one day I was driving to a golf tournament in Tennessee. We live in Cincinnati. I was driving, my daughter was in college. She was playing in a golf tournament. I was driving down there and I was about halfway when I saw an exit sign for the town of Kingsport, Tennessee. And that is the. Town to which my [00:39:00] abuser was sent after he left our church, and it just sent me over the edge. Mm-hmm. All of a sudden I'm thinking, I'm in the town where he lives. Am I close to his house? Am I close to the church where he's now a minister? I mean, even though it'd been 27 years, I thought he was probably still there. I didn't know, but that's what my mind was telling me. I, all of a sudden I felt his presence in the car. I, I could smell him. I could hear him. Oh. I was, it was unbelievable to me what was happening to me. I didn't even know what was happening. I pulled to the side of the road Oh, good. And I sobbed. Yeah. I sobbed for about 20 minutes and I was just trying to figure out what was happening because anytime I had trigger factors before I could manage them, I could control them. I kind of let them happen and then I push 'em back down. Mm-hmm. This one wasn't going back down and I was a mess. I was just an absolute mess. I was able to get through the weekend. I drove back home and all I could think about was, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? [00:40:00] I wanted to stop thinking about him and I couldn't. I spent the next two weeks, really in anxiety. I, my husband would leave for work and I would just walk around the house, wring my hands, trying to figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. What was I gonna do with these feelings till at one point I finally decided I was gonna tell my best friend, and I was absolutely petrified to tell her because for the first time in 27 years, I was going to utter the words. I was sexually abused by my youth pastor. And I remember thinking, he's gonna find out and I'm gonna get in trouble. I just, I was 49 years old and I'm still afraid of this man. But I did tell her, it was, it took me a long time to, to get the words out, but I did, she was very supportive. She was very kind. She was patient as she waited for me to tell her. And so that started my journey of healing just by telling that first person. I then told two or three other of my close friends, so the four of us spent [00:41:00] many days and many hours on the screened in porch of one of my friends just letting me talk. Mm-hmm. And being able to express what had happened to me. I wasn't ready to tell all of the story. I mean, there's parts in the book that I won't go into here because they're pretty mm-hmm. Embarrassing and some things that I did. So I wasn't ready to tell them everything, but I told them enough that it helped me start to release what had been done to me. And so that was the first thing that I did, I think. And then the next thing I did, which was so valuable, and I encouraged victims to do it as well, I just read everything I could on clergy abuse or sexual abuse in itself. So I began to learn the terms of grooming, manipulation, gaslighting, and then I could see how he methodically used each one of those things on me to get me to do the things he got me to do, and to stay in that relationship for those five years. And that was huge for me. So [00:42:00] it was, for the first time as I began reading, I understood that I had been abused. Now, it still took me a while to admit that I really was sexually abused because I didn't want that label. I didn't wanna be an abuse victim. And there was a part of me. We all wanna be loved. And so there was still a part of me that I wanted to think that there was some part of him that cared about me, that this wasn't just purely about sex and that he wasn't just using me for his own gratification. And I had to get past that. I had to finally come to terms with, no, this man didn't do the no one who loves you, would do the things he did and ask the things he did of me. So that took me a while, to finally admit, okay, this was an abusive relationship. So I told someone, educating myself, and then I had to learn to forgive myself. I had to let, I had to let go of the guilt [00:43:00] and shame because any guilt and shame belongs squarely on him. This was a man that I should have been able to trust. It was in a place that should have been the safest place on earth for me. And he took advantage of a vulnerable teenager who had, I didn't have a major crisis in my life, but he knew my home life was an upheaval at times. He knew that I didn't see my dad very much. So he used that to against me. And I had to forgive myself for being who I was at the time and being able to respond the way I did for the coping skills I had at the time. Sure. You can look back. I, and I think, why didn't I say this? Why didn't I do that? But I couldn't because of, of the re of the relationship he had created between us. Mm-hmm. I had lost all power. He was in complete control of this relationship, so I had to forgive myself and that wasn't easy either. Then, and I don't know that this is something all victims should do, but I just felt this need [00:44:00] that I needed to confront him. I just felt like I couldn't move past this unless I was able to face him. Now, I had no contact with him for 27 years. I didn't even know if he was still alive, but I hired a private investigator and he found him ministering in a church in Alabama. And so I had my investigator contact him and we set up a time and a meeting that we would meet. And I took my husband, I took my friend who was a counselor and another friend who was at the church at the time. Um, I wanted her at this point. You told your husband at this point, I'm sorry. Yes, that's correct. I, it was probably three months after I told my friends, that I said to him I would like to meet him in his office and talked to him about something and. I was terrified. I don't know how else to say it. I just was so afraid. Not that I needed to be, but I was. And I probably sat there for almost, [00:45:00] I would say, 40 minutes and just cried. I was able to finally get out. I'm okay, the kids are okay, and then I started crying again. He couldn't have been any more supportive, more loving. I remember looking at his face and I said I was sexually abused by my youth pastor, and he didn't. His expression didn't change, and then I said. I was their babysitter and his face just dropped. And for the first time, I could see the pain I was feeling was reflected in his face. It was, I almost wanted to hug him to say, I'm sorry. 'cause I could see how much it hurt him to know that this had been done to me, especially as a baby. I mean, the picture became complete for him once I said that. And so he was very supportive. I think he was worried about me confronting this man, for a couple reasons. But one, I think he was worried that I would be disappointed in his reaction, and that I would be expecting too much of this [00:46:00] person to understand what he did to me and show any kind of remorse, and that I, it would hurt me even more. And one of my fears was that, I was afraid he wouldn't meet me. I was afraid that he was gonna say, no, I'm not gonna meet with you. And my husband said, oh, he's gonna meet with you all right? Because if he doesn't meet with you, you just tell him. Call the church secretary. We'll call every elder. We're gonna, he, somebody's gonna hear your story if he doesn't want to hear it. So he did agree to meet with me. I went down to Alabama and the meeting took place and I said the things that I wanted to say to him. I wanted him to get what he did to me. But he didn't, he never could understand the damage. It was almost as if, okay, I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry I did it. Okay, now what do you want? It was, get away. You bother me? Yes. And his greatest fear as most narcissist, and I believe he was, narcissistic, but his greatest fear was that I was going to demand that he be removed from the ministry. I mean, that's what he [00:47:00] was most concerned about, how this was going to impact him. And he should have been out of the ministry. So I went to his. Boss. I was told this, and something happened 27 years ago. He, we think he's safe. We're not worried, in spite of the fact that during the meeting he had admitted that there had been multiple occurrences of sexual misconduct throughout his ministry. Not all teenagers, some were most were probably women. And then he said he had gone to therapy because he had been identified as a sexual addict. And I kept thinking, who, what? What world, what world? Does this make sense that a man who has been identified by a psychologist as a sex addict belongs in the ministry? Nope. But here was this church. So I sent a letter to his 11 elders thinking, okay, somebody in this eldership is gonna see this. Is I something's wrong here. Not one responded totally [00:48:00] ignored me. 11 elders totally ignored me. Wow. No worries. So then, I decided to go to his denominational leaders, which were in Indianapolis. And there again, while they were sympathetic to my story and apologize that it happened, they said, we're an independent church. Our churches hire and fire their own ministers. We have no control and if they choose to keep this man, we can do nothing about it. And so what, I was shut down and basically I had no place else to go. I had pretty much. Done everything I could do. And it wasn't my place in the man that he be removed. I expected the church to be, the church was to do the right thing. Exactly. I assumed so naively that once they heard my story and once they understood the background of this man, surely someone would say, this isn't right. But again, keep in mind he's very charismatic. He brings in [00:49:00] people, he brings in money. And to be fair, and probably I'm being a little too gracious, these men are very good at manipulating not only the victim but the congregation as well. They're very good at getting control of the congregation so that they find themselves following this man no matter what he would do. Yeah. And that's basically what happened. There was going to be, I got a four page letter from his boss telling me that, know, I'm going to. Ruin this church if I continue on this path and that I'm going to feel all this guilt because I'm gonna be responsible for the damage that I will do to pe people's spiritual lives. I mean that, it was an incredible, I put the letter in the book, I, because it is so incredibly, hard to believe that someone write that to a victim of abuse. Just So that was What year did that happen? 2004. Okay. So we did have. We did have the internet. Oh, yes. And this was after the Catholic, [00:50:00] church had their, exposure of sexual abuse within their church. So yes, this was, it was out there for sure. This wasn't something that you would think, oh, I can't believe this happened. And again, he had admitted to these past instances. I mean, this wasn't someone who was saying, oh, I don't know what she's talking about. Or, oh, this is the only time it ever happened. He had been in therapy because he was a sexual addict, So he wasn't registered as a sex offender? I guess not. And in my case, at the time of the abuse, the age of consent was 16. So I had no legal recourse because of I was either legally age of consent. Now that has been changed in Ohio. It's now 18. It's now 18, but many states it's still 16. There are several states where the age of consent is 16. Now, the interesting about that is. His contact sexual contact with me was not considered a crime. However, if he had been my high school teacher, it would've been a crime. What, so pastors I know [00:51:00] does not make sense. It does not make a leg of sense. No, it does not. So it, they don't consider him a teacher. They don't cons, they don't, they considered an affair. A mutual. Relationship if he'd been my teacher, that's a different story. So yeah, I had no legal recourse. And that was frustrating. But I couldn't change that. So it was what it was. I just had to accept that he, yes, he belonged in jail. Yes, there's no doubt and should be registered as a sex offender, but I'm not so sure that even if he's registered as a sex offender, these people in Alabama and wherever he is now, would. Even take that as a concern. Well, you know, the millennials now, they'll just, they just post stuff on Facebook and Twitter and call the evening news and they have, yes. News people at their doorstep, right. Ready to mm-hmm. Track this guy's name through the mud. Mm-hmm. But you didn't choose to do that, I guess. No, you know, I'm very careful about naming him in the sense that, part of my story is that I [00:52:00] reconnected with his wife. She actually divorced him after they moved, because again, he committed sexual misconduct. She was 20, I think, at the time, so it wasn't a minor, but that's beside the point. This is a man in a position that, a professional who does not cross boundaries like that. So, to no one surprise, he committed sexual misconduct the third time, so she divorced him. And part of, I guess letting go of some of the guilt that I felt, I wanted to. Connect with her to at least tell her, not that I was responsible for what happened, but how very sorry I was for her pain and suffering as well because she was part of the youth group. I mean, she was there at the church all the time. We sang in the choir together. So it was like I had a relationship with her. Oh wow. To some extent. And of course when, we were found, when he was found out by the elders, she was upset and she of course, didn't wanna have anything to do with me, which is understandable. So I actually think I [00:53:00] also wanted to give her the opportunity to say whatever she felt she needed to say to me if she wanted to. I mean, I didn't know what she was gonna say or react. I thought maybe she'd hang up on me. I didn't know. So I called her one day. My investigator found her phone number and gave it to me, and she couldn't have been any more gracious. I, she never blamed me. She understood as she, as the years went on, what this really was just like I did. She's remarried. She's has a wonderful husband now. And so I visited her several times. We keep in contact. And so part of my not wanting to expose him too much is that it would be hurtful to her. And he does have children. Now. I know that, well, whatever consequences are as a result of this are all on him, but I don't feel the need to add to that. That's not my purpose in speaking out. And so, mm-hmm. I've gone to his church leaders, I've done everything I can to get him removed from the ministry. And nothing, it's just [00:54:00] he's still, I don't know that he's still a pastor, but he still remains in good standing within that denomination to this day. Yeah. I mean, sometimes we have to just let God. Right. Dish out the justice. It may not be in our timeline, it may not be the way that we think it should happen, but Right. He's not gonna get away with this. No. And again, I did my part. Yes. So my conscience is clear and I am able to say I did what I could do and whether or not they removed him, I certainly hope that I maybe put some doubt in some of their minds and maybe questioned their motives in keeping this man. I don't know. But, I feel I did what I could do and I feel good about that. I feel good about that. Absolutely, you should. And what I'm really interested in is, you're trying to keep this stuff from happening to other people, so, I mean, what can we do to prevent some of this stuff? Well, it's [00:55:00] difficult again, because these men are among us as wolves in sheep's clothing, and so they're difficult to spot. But a couple things. I think the first thing I would tell people is if something doesn't seem right. Keep your antenna up. Don't just ignore it or just don't think, oh, well that can't be true because he's the pastor. Mm-hmm. If it's behavior that you wouldn't accept in someone else, or it's something that you would question in someone else, then question it in the pastor or the choir director, whoever it is. Don't be blinded by the person. The persona that they're presenting to you. So that's the first thing I would say is keep your antenna up. The other thing is we, and we're churches, I think are doing better about this, but you've got to have policies in place that say, no, you're not taking a 16-year-old girl on your hospital visit with you. Yes. That's, that's not normal. That's not right. What is she doing going on a hospital visit with you in a car? And of course now we have the texting [00:56:00] and there should be absolutely no texting between a pastor, a youth minister, and anyone in the congregation. And that includes, no, don't forget the meeting for the church luncheon. No, there should be no texting because you, it's too hidden and it's too easily moved to the next step. And that's how it starts. You know, all of the abuse when it's someone you know, it always starts with small things and subtle things. It doesn't, innocent things. Innocent things that, yeah, that, that are innocent. But so that's why, so no texting. Yeah. So put in the policy, those places of, when you take a 10-year-old child to the bathroom, you make sure there's another adult with you. Absolutely. That's for your safety as well as for the child's safety. Mm-hmm. So I, I think we need to be aware. And then I would also say watch for the vulnerable in your, among your church or your group. Watch for the kid that's got issues at home and is looking for a father figure. Be aware that they're going to be more susceptible to someone who's a predator and pay [00:57:00] attention to their cues and kind of keep in touch with them as well in a sense of asking questions and how they're doing and be the kind of a person that they might feel comfortable coming to if something were to happen to them because they're the ones that are gonna be most vulnerable, to a predator. So that's kind of, an overview of what. Maybe a help to try and stop and prevent some of this. Yes, I like lots of video cameras. They're cheap now. You can put a camera, you can hide cameras all over the church facility and Yes. And I think too, talking to this about this issue to the congregation before anything happens, maybe having a person in your congregation who is the go-to person on this topic, who, who's researched what all these grooming and manipulation is so that they are even more equipped to, to notice the signs. So you have a person who's kind of in charge of that topic and then address it to the congregation once a year and say, here's our policy and here's what we expect of our pastors and here's what we would hope you would [00:58:00] do if you notice something. So it just brings it out so that people feel like if there is something that they know is going on or something's wrong, they feel comfortable going to someone about it. Those are all really great tips for leaders and, church members. So what, what if I am listening and I am being subjected to some of this stuff, what should I do? Well, what you need to do and what is the hardest thing to do is to tell someone. Yeah. And it's hard to do because when you're in an abusive relationship, you are being controlled by your abuser. And the narrative is what he is directing. And so he's going to tell you, look, you can tell anybody you want. They're not gonna believe you. And he tells you that over and over again. He's also going to tell you that you are going to be in trouble if you tell anyone. And then there's that problem of you sort [00:59:00] of care about this person. Here's someone that has been helping you, who's been your mentor, and you don't wanna get him in trouble. So with all those dynamics involved, it's very difficult for victims to come forward. But I am telling you, you don't wanna wait the 27 years that I did no. And live with this guilt and the shame and the angst and the anxiety. First of all, it's not worth it. You're not doing anyone any favors, especially yourself, because there is help out there. But they can only help you if you're able to be able to tell someone. And believe me, I understand how difficult that is. It's not easy. Mm-hmm. But I would hope that I hearing my story and others that you will understand that there is help out there and you need to tell someone. 'cause it won't end until you tell someone. And if you need to, you go to someone that you trust. And if you need to, you go outside the church. Yes. You tell someone you know is going to listen to you. [01:00:00] Hey, I tell my listeners, you can call me anytime mm-hmm. And email me and I'm sure you'd say the same thing. Exactly. Reach out to Sandy if mm-hmm. You need somebody to talk to. Mm-hmm. Or you don't know what is the next step I need to take here? Right. It is scary to make First step. It's very scary. Very scary. Absolutely. So then there's the rest of us, those that have not experienced clergy abuse, maybe we're members in the church, maybe we're friends or family. What are some helpful things for us to do to support a victim? Helpful things to say, maybe there's things we shouldn't say, well, that's a yes. First, I would say anytime you're aware of a victim of clergy abuse or anybody who's been abused, whether it's clergy or not, reiterate to that victim that it was not their fault and that there was nothing they could have done, should have done that would've prevented this. And by doing that, you are [01:01:00] telling that person they're free to speak to you. And victims need to hear it over and over again because we do blame ourselves. Children as young as five will blame themselves because they allowed someone to touch them 'cause mommy said not to. And the that guilt in that shame that victims carry, it's difficult to let go of it. So to hear someone say to us, it's not your fault is so freeing. So that's the first thing. The second thing I would say is. Let them know that you will listen to them without judging them, and you will hear their story without being shocked that you are able to say, tell me everything you need to tell me, or Tell me as little as you wanna tell me. Give them a comfort place to go to talk. And then I would say, and this is difficult for people who have spiritual lives or who are part of the church, be very much aware that things such as prayer and Bible reading and [01:02:00] scripture can be very triggering for those who've been abused in the church. Mm-hmm. So things that you would find comforting like prayer. Can be a very major trigger factor for victims. And so instead of saying to a victim, I'll pray for you, or Can I pray with you? The best thing you could say would be to phrase it in such a way as to say, I understand because of what you've been through, prayer can be difficult. And so I would like to pray for you, but I would completely understand if you don't want to pray or you won't, don't even want me to pray for you. And so you've opened up the door to say to this person, wow, I don't have to feel guilty because I can't pray. You know, when we've grown up in the church and we've been told how wonderful church and prayer and all those things are, we still carry that guilt too because we're no longer connected to God. So to have a person on the outside. Recognize that these can be trigger factors is again, a gift. It's a [01:03:00] gift. So those things I think would be the most helpful when dealing with a person of clergy abuse. And give them time. Don't push forgiveness. Don't push trying to get them back into church. 'cause some victims will never be able to go back to church if you let them find their own pace of time and you do it without judging them. And I know that's kind of hard sometimes for Christians and people in the church because we love the church and we find it to be such a wonderful place and we want this person back in the church. Yes. But it, it may not be the best place at that point for that victim. Such valuable advice. I That is awesome. And again, back to like, when you're talking about the sex education, open up the dialogue, you know? Yeah. Bring it up. Bring it up before they bring it up. Again, I read in the newspaper that this girl was molested by, a gym teacher. You know that, that ha I know that happens. And then let 'em know that if. It is, like you said, allowing that comfort to be able to [01:04:00] talk to someone. I think for me it was important to give my side of the story. No one had a clue that he was emotionally and verbally and physically abusive to me. They saw this as a little love affair and that we had this, magic little love affair. Evil temptress. Yes, exactly. And so I wanted them to know the full story. That was important for my healing too. And they did that. And, they welcomed me back to the church. I went back, I've been back a couple times for, a youth group reunion that we had. So, and that was difficult. But again, I thought that was necessary for me to move forward. I had to let go of my past. I had to figure out, not to forget it, but how was I going to incorpo
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Betrayal doesn't just hurt—it changes how you attach, trust, and feel safe.Dr. Laney Knowlton (LMFT-S, CSAT-S, CPTT-S, CCPS, CST, CCRDS-S, RAE) joins Amie and Alana and explains how betrayal trauma impacts attachment styles, why disorganized attachment is so common after infidelity, and how healing can happen even if your relationship doesn't survive.If you've ever wondered “Am I broken forever?”—this episode is for you.Together, we unpack:Why betrayal often creates disorganized attachmentHow attachment styles shift after traumaThe difference between innocent trust and earned trustWhy healing is possible—even if your partner never changesHow recovery can lead to deeper connection, confidence, and joyConnect with Dr. Knowlton by visiting her website, checking out her worksheets, or reading her book, Healing From Betrayal, Infidelity, and Problematic Sexual Behaviors Chapters00:54 Introducing Dr. Laney Knowlton04:07 Understanding Attachment Styles09:59 Impact of Betrayal on Attachment14:06 Navigating Betrayal and Recovery17:06 Challenges in Seeking Support22:15 Understanding Normal Responses to Trauma24:46 Stages of Recovery25:08 The Role of Healthy Sexuality37:58 The Path to Self-Connection and JoyRegister Now!Rise, Renew, Restore Somatic Healing Retreat in Costa Rica - Ready to experience deep somatic healing? Join us this July for a transformative 5-day intensive created specifically for women healing from betrayal trauma or navigating divorce. This is your opportunity to reconnect with your body's wisdom, release what you've been carrying, and heal alongside other women who truly understand your journey. Questions or topics you'd like us to address? Send us an email with “Choose To Be” as the subject to podcast@chooserecoveryservices.com. Watch us on YouTube.Follow us on Instagram: @choose_recovery_servicesSchedule a complimentary consultation.Join our email list to be notified when new episodes air.More from Choose Recovery ServicesBeyond the Facade Podcast - Podcast geared toward helping men live authentically and in harmony with their values.Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives. Foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. Beyond the Facade: Men's Healing Group - We help men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You'll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.The Empowered Divorce Podcast with Amie Woolsey for those who are leaning toward divorce.Dating From Within - Amie Woolsey hosts this workshop which teaches you how to date yourself first. Learn how to know if you are ready to date again and what a healthy relationship looks like. Should I Stay or Go? - Self-paced course designed to be a companion on your journey toward self-discovery and personal empowerment. Trauma Trigger Kit - Triggers can come out of nowhere. Keep a Trauma Trigger Kit on hand to help you use your five senses to stay grounded and connected to yourself.Believing in You - In this program Amie teaches you how to work WITH your brain instead of against it. Learn tools that will help you move forward to trust, love, and finding joy once again.Intimacy Within - Creating healthy intimacy with your partner begins with creating healthy intimacy within. Amie's self-paced course and guidebook will walk you through the seven levels of intimacy. Learn how to embrace authenticity and vulnerability even in the face of potential rejection.
A mother in New York now faces murder charges after a 15-month-old boy was found dead inside a Queens home as investigators try to determine how he died. A Texas child sex investigation centers on a substitute teacher and her boyfriend after police say a report from a friend led to arrests and multiple felony charges. Drew Nelson reports.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In this special end-of-year episode of Married and Connected, Kameran guides you through a "Holiday Reset Ritual."In This Episode, We Cover:The 2025 State of Marriage: A look at the top Google searches for couples this year (hint: it wasn't about money, it was about emotional safety).The "Three-Layer Gratitude" Practice: Why saying "thanks for doing the dishes" isn't enough, and how to use gratitude to reset your nervous system.Lessons from the Experts: The top relationship insights from 2025 featuring wisdom from The Gottman Institute, Esther Perel, Matthew Hussey, Marriage 365 and more.Wounds vs. Patterns: How to recognize if you are acting out of an anxious or avoidant attachment style, and how to heal it next year.The "Name It to Tame It" Ritual: A step-by-step guided conversation to have with your partner tonight to close the chapter on the hard stuff and seal your intentions for 2026.Key Quotes:"Every couple wants to feel like they are on the same team. Not roommates. Not co-parents. But a safe place to land.""Gratitude isn't just manners; it is a biological reset button for your relationship.""You don't drift into a great marriage. You decide your way there."Resources Mentioned:The Gottman Institute (Micro-moments of connection)Esther Perel (Erotic Intelligence and Attention)Topics: Attachment Styles, The Mother/Father Wound, Mental LoadWork With KameranOption 1: For Couples (1:1 Coaching) Are you tired of having the same fight over and over again? Do you want 2026 to be the year you finally break the generational patterns holding your marriage back? Listening to a podcast gives you the what, but coaching gives you the how.I currently have 2 spots open for couples to work with me 1:1 starting in January. This is intimate, deep-dive work where we look at your specific attachment styles, your communication loops, and build a custom roadmap for your connection.Link: Book your Consultation for 1:1 Couples Coaching HereOption 2: For Wives (Edifying Eden Group) Starts January 5th | Limited to 10 WomenIf you are walking into the new year feeling the heavy weight of resentment, or if you are tired of the cycle of yelling to be heard only to feel guilty five minutes later—this is your invitation.Edifying Eden is my exclusive small group for the wife who is ready to turn her home back into a sanctuary. Together, we will:Ditch the Resentment: Clear out the bitterness that keeps you disconnected.Stop the Yelling: Learn to regulate your emotions so you can respond, not react.Be Heard: Learn to speak so your family listens the first time.Biblical Womanhood: Step fully into the grace and wisdom of the Proverbs 31 wife.We begin January 5th. Because this is a high-touch sisterhood, I am only accepting 10 women. Email Kameran at coaching@recognizingpotential.com for more info.Connect with Kameran:Instagram: @married.and.connectedWebsite: www.recognizingpotential.comSubscribe & Review: If this episode helped you reset, please leave a review! It helps other couples find the tools they need to stay married and connected. Happy New Year, friends!Support the show
A knee shattered in World War I. The same knee hit again in World War II. Archibald Roosevelt's story isn't about chasing glory; it's about answering the call when every excuse would be understandable. We trace that rare resolve to a deeper root—faith, duty, and a willingness to serve when comfort urges retreat.We walk through the Roosevelt brothers' grit, then pivot to a different kind of strength found in scripture. Paul's teaching on marriage reframes love as mutual devotion, not contract math. Jesus' words in Matthew 6–7 tackle worry, judgment, and the daily practice of the Golden Rule: seek the kingdom first, trust God for needs, clear your own vision before you try to clear anyone else's. Paired with Psalm 8's awe and Proverbs 2's promise of wisdom and integrity, the path becomes clear even if it stays narrow.History widens the lens again with FDR's 1941 Day of Prayer—a national moment of confession, consecration, and courage in the face of war. We connect that call to today's cultural pressures and the ideologies that erode freedom by promising shortcuts. Along the way, we spotlight Corporal Samuel Bowden's Medal of Honor citation, a reminder that countless acts of bravery shaped the ground we stand on.If you're hungry for a conversation that blends hard history with lived faith and practical takeaways for marriage, worry, and daily character, you're in the right place. Listen, reflect, and join us in choosing service over ease and wisdom over noise. If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a quick review to help others find the show.Support the showThe American Soul Podcasthttps://www.buzzsprout.com/1791934/subscribe Countryside Book Series https://www.amazon.com/Countryside-Book-J-T-Cope-IV-ebook/dp/B00MPIXOB2
Silent wounds live deeply. You may have survived a year but the survival taught you to cope. Silent wounds require deep healing. In this podcast you will learn how silent wounds take time to heal.
Jarrod Noll, 18, allegedly shoots his mom and dad outside the family home in southwest Pennsylvania and walks into the woods. Two younger siblings inside the house call 911. Noll captured after 24 Hours on the loose!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In this episode of the PFC podcast, Dr. Jim Ducanto, an experienced anesthesiologist, discusses the critical aspects of airway management in emergency situations. He emphasizes the importance of decision-making, assessing neurological status, and effective communication with patients. The conversation also covers the necessity of planning and preparation for airway interventions, as well as the significance of thorough physical examinations. Dr. Ducanto shares valuable insights and advice for new practitioners in the field, highlighting the challenges and responsibilities they face in high-pressure environments.TakeawaysAirway management is a critical skill for anesthesiologists.Effective decision-making is essential in emergency situations.Assessing neurological status is the first step in airway management.Planning and preparation can prevent complications during procedures.Communication with patients is vital, even when they are unconscious.Physical examination is key to understanding a patient's condition.Practitioners must be ready to act when necessary, as no one else may be available.Wounds in the neck generally heal well and are not usually disfiguring.Understanding the tools and techniques available is crucial for success.New practitioners should focus on thorough assessments and clear communication. Chapters00:00 Introduction to Airway Management03:32 Decision-Making in Emergency Situations10:26 Assessing Neurological Status17:12 Planning for Airway Management23:33 Communicating with Patients During Emergencies32:04 The Importance of Physical Examination38:42 Advice for New PractitionersFor more content, go to www.prolongedfieldcare.orgConsider supporting us: patreon.com/ProlongedFieldCareCollective or www.lobocoffeeco.com/product-page/prolonged-field-care
Send us a textIn this deeply illuminating episode of Spiritual Spotlight, Rachel sits down with Jill Brown, certified evolutionary astrologer, to explore how our souls carry memory across lifetimes—and how astrology helps us heal it.Jill shares her extraordinary journey from working with NASA and Disney to fully embracing evolutionary astrology after a mystical moment sparked by her daughter's haunting song. Together, they unpack how karmic carryovers, past-life imprints, and subconscious wounds shape our present-day experiences—often showing up as childhood patterns, emotional triggers, or a deep sense of “I've been here before.”You'll learn why Chiron, the wounded healer, holds the key to transforming pain into purpose, how shame can be transmuted into strength, and why healing doesn't have to be heavy to be effective. Jill introduces the idea of cosmic accountability—radical responsibility without self-punishment—and explains how astrology can be a powerful tool for empathy, joy, and self-trust.This conversation is for anyone who feels called to understand their soul's story, reclaim their power, and bring more lightness into their healing journey.✨ Topics include:Evolutionary astrology & karmic memoryChiron and the wounded healer archetypePast-life patterns showing up in childhoodTurning pain into purposeWhy joy accelerates healingUsing astrology for empowerment, not prediction Support the show
This week, Jake and Bob discuss the relationship between healing, deliverance, and spiritual warfare. They explore the nature of spiritual strongholds (patterns of thoughts or beliefs that oppose the reality of who God is) and why these strongholds often obstruct emotional and spiritual healing. Jake and Bob also nuance the distinction between ordinary and extraordinary experiences of grace and how the supernatural is hidden within the quiet or ordinary moments. Finally, they address the role of spiritual authority within the Church, the importance of recognizing your own authority, and why authentic healing flows from relationship with Christ rather than technique. Key Points: The healing and deliverance processes are deeply connected Spiritual warfare is part of everyday life Strongholds are built from repeated thoughts, beliefs, and lies that oppose the reality of who God is The ordinary is often where the supernatural is most active. Extraordinary experiences are not a measure of God's presence in our lives Wounds can become entry points for spiritual influence if left unaddressed Deliverance often involves dismantling lies and beliefs (strongholds) rather than confronting extraordinary manifestations Prayer, the Sacraments, and virtues are our weapons in spiritual warfare Healing comes from relationship with Christ, not because of a specific prayer formula or technique There are different levels of spiritual authority within the Church Chapters: 00:00 Introduction 03:02 Engaging in a Spiritual Battle as a Catholic 12:21 How Do We Pull Down Strongholds in Our Life? 18:21 The Supernatural isn't Exclusive to Extraordinary Moments 25:11 Ordinary and Extraordinary Dynamics in Healing and Deliverance 34:56 The Difference Between Human and Angelic Intelligence 43:55 What are the Different Levels of Authority in the Church? 57:43 How Can We Exercise Our Authority? Connect with Restore the Glory: Instagram: @restoretheglorypodcast Twitter: @RestoreGloryPod Facebook: Restore the Glory Podcast Never miss out on an episode by hitting the subscribe button right now! Help other people find the show and grow in holiness by sharing this podcast with them individually or on your social media. Thanks!
In this unforgettable episode of I Am Redemption, Lydia Richards opens up like never before.Lydia shares the truth behind her journey through childhood trauma, substance use, mental health struggles, and her experiences working in the sex industry, realities that are far more common than most people realize, yet rarely talked about openly.This conversation is raw, emotional, and unfiltered. At moments, you can literally see Lydia shivering as she recounts the memories that shaped her life. Nothing is sugar-coated. Nothing is held back.This episode isn't meant to be comfortable, it's meant to be honest. If you've ever lived through trauma, survived addiction, struggled with your mental health, or felt trapped in survival mode, this episode will hit home. Lydia's story is painful, powerful, and deeply eye-opening, a reminder of what happens when someone finally speaks the truth out loud.New to I Am Redemption?I Am Redemption is a podcast and community hosted by Shawn Livingston, built around real stories of transformation through pain, purpose, fitness, and truth. We don't tell polished success stories, we tell what comes before the breakthrough.
Show SummaryOn today's episode, we're featuring a conversation with Marine Corps Veteran Andy Gasper, CEO and President of Warrior Foundation Freedom Station, a nonprofit organization that has created Freedom Stations, recovery transition centers and housing facilities that provide injured Warriors with the acclimation time, guidance and resources to successfully make the transition from military service to civilian lifeProvide FeedbackAs a dedicated member of the audience, we would like to hear from you about the show. Please take a few minutes to share your thoughts about the show in this short feedback survey. By doing so, you will be entered to receive a signed copy of one of our host's three books on military and veteran mental health. About Today's GuestAndy Gasper is the President and CEO of Warrior Foundation Freedom Station, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting wounded, ill, and injured service members as they transition from military service to civilian life. Warrior Foundation Freedom Station provides transitional housing, peer support, mentorship, financial and career guidance, wellness services, and community connection through its Freedom Station residences in San Diego, helping medically retiring warriors prepare for long-term success.Under Andy's leadership, the foundation has expanded its mission to include a structured 18-month transitional housing program that offers wraparound support services designed to empower residents to pursue education, careers, and independent living. The program integrates peer-to-peer support, counseling, mentorship, and practical life guidance to foster meaningful community and improved quality of life for veterans navigating the challenges of recovery and civilian transition.A Marine Corps veteran himself, Andy brings both lived experience and professional commitment to his work, emphasizing the importance of community, dignity, and holistic support for America's warriors. Under his stewardship, Warrior Foundation Freedom Station has opened multiple transitional housing facilities and continues to scale its impact to serve more medically retiring service members and their families.Warrior Foundation Freedom Station supports service members and veterans who are seriously ill or injured, affected by post-traumatic stress or traumatic brain injury, undergoing therapy, or navigating medical retirement and reintegration into civilian life.Links Mentioned During the EpisodeWarrior Foundation WebsiteWarrior Foundation VideoPsychArmor Resource of the WeekThis week's PsychArmor Resource of the Week is The PsychArmor course How to Build a Successful Transition Plan. Join General Peter Chiarelli, United States Army (Ret.), in PsychArmor's course “How to Build a Successful Transition Plan” as he discusses the importance of setting realistic expectations, goal-setting, and flexibility during your transition. You can find the resource here: https://learn.psycharmor.org/courses/How-to-Build-a-Successful-Transition-Plan Episode Partner: Are you an organization that engages with or supports the military affiliated community? Would you like to partner with an engaged and dynamic audience of like-minded professionals? Reach out to Inquire about Partnership Opportunities Contact Us and Join Us on Social Media Email PsychArmorPsychArmor on XPsychArmor on FacebookPsychArmor on YouTubePsychArmor on LinkedInPsychArmor on InstagramTheme MusicOur theme music Don't Kill the Messenger was written and performed by Navy Veteran Jerry Maniscalco, in cooperation with Operation Encore, a non profit committed to supporting singer/songwriter and musicians across the military and Veteran communities.Producer and Host Duane France is a retired Army Noncommissioned Officer, combat veteran, and clinical mental health counselor for service members, veterans, and their families. You can find more about the work that he is doing at www.veteranmentalhealth.com
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Happy Holidays! For our final episode of 2025, we are finally diving into A Christmas Carol, Muppet-style! We discuss the character of Ebenezor Scrooge and why he is so attached to money instead of relationships. We examine how his childhood created attachment wounds that impact the rest of his life until he is supernaturally intervened with on Christmas Eve. From all three of us at Popcorn Psychology, we wish you a peaceful end to this year and tons of love in return for the love we feel from you :)Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/popcorn-psychology--3252280/support.
The leader of Shelby County's Community Services Division talks about the safety net of programs and the balancing act that comes with uncertain money.
Heather Ann Ferri – Author, Speaker, Healer, and Educator. Heather Ann Ferri wrote her first book, Victim to Victory (2018), in a time when she lost the ability to walk. Pen to paper, she activated her next decade of work. Hired by professionals in medicine, law, construction, and alternative healing, she found patterns. A disconnect from where the root of pain or problems was manifesting within. She had to set her World Record tap shoes aside and activate her voice and healer psychology. Heather Ann Ferri's new classroom involved her mastering eight sciences. How do you reprogram CPTSD while training your breath, voice, and mind? How can healing programs access ancestral memories for empowerment? Is resilience defined by how fast you recover or by the time spent healing the roots of the wounds? A pioneer who found herself lost in the matrix of how women had to be and work in society. Her tap shoes led her to writing off Broadway shows to empower the next generation of leaders. Her private trauma practice led her to be able to speak from authentic experience. Transcending Victim to Goddess series addresses my roots and how she healed from the shadow masculine programs. How she balanced and healed both the divine masculine and feminine within her. This series is a soul purpose to share her love for self and Mother Earth. Heather Ann Ferri's Website
In this week's episode, Jennings sits down with financial advisor and author Shannon Ryan to explore the psychology of money. Shannon reveals how our emotional "money wounds" shape financial decisions and why confidence with money isn't about your net worth; it's about aligning finances with your values. Discover why we keep "moving the goalposts" of financial security, how to have honest money conversations with your partner, and practical strategies for breaking free from limiting money beliefs. Shannon shares wisdom on building cash reserves, especially with irregular income, and finding emotional freedom through thoughtful financial planning. Thanks for listening!
At a rehabilitation facility in Kyiv, some of Ukraine’s wounded warriors are working hard to learn how to use their new limbs. As John Yang reports, a very special dog named Lavr is giving them inspiration to persevere. PBS News is supported by - https://www.pbs.org/newshour/about/funders. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy
At BossMom, we're normalizing the conversations that help you grow a business while raising a family. In this episode, Dana breaks down the critical difference between sharing that builds your business and sharing that kills sales. She explores the concept of wounds versus scars—why sharing too soon can make customers back away, and how waiting for the lessons to crystallize creates content that converts. From her own experience with grief tanking her revenue to learning when vulnerability becomes a powerful teaching tool, Dana gives you the framework to know exactly what to share online and when to share it. Explore More Resources from BossMom BossMom is your go-to home base for content, support, and community designed specifically for moms growing businesses → https://bossmom.com
Did you know that some species of worms can be cut into multiple pieces and each piece will make a new worm? Some can even make a whole new brain. Wild, right?While not all forms of healing are quite as miraculous as this, the body's ability to repair itself is pretty darned cool. So today, we're answering your questions about healing. Like…Why do we pick at scabs?Why do animals lick their wounds?How does breath work affect the nervous system?What's the best outdoor activity to help heal from heartbreak?For our next Outside/Inbox roundup, we're looking for questions all about love! From what happens in our bodies when we fall in and out of love, to whether animals fall in love. Send us your questions by recording yourself on a voice memo, and emailing that to us at outsidein@nhpr.org. Or you can call our hotline: 844-GO-OTTER.Featuring Mansi Srivastava, Mona Gohara, Susan Taylor, Henk Brand, Jane Sykes, Aditi Garg, Carolina Estêvão, and Sandra Langeslag.For full credits and transcript, visit outsideinradio.org. SUPPORTOutside/In is made possible with listener support. Click here to become a sustaining member of Outside/In. Follow Outside/In on Instagram or join our private discussion group on Facebook Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Terrified of being abandoned… or suffocated… or never truly chosen in love? That's not you being “too much” or “not enough.” That's your attachment wounds talking. In this powerful episode, I sit down with psychotherapist and attachment expert Jessica Baum, LMHC, to unpack why you feel the way you do in relationships, and how to finally feel safe in your own skin and with the people you love.Jessica breaks down attachment styles in a way that feels like someone turning the lights on in a dark room. You'll learn why you get anxious, avoidant, or shut down, what “earned security” really means, how to anchor your nervous system when you don't have a safe person, and how somatic work helps trauma leave your body instead of ruling your life. We also explore what to do when someone you trusted isn't safe, and how to parent with presence so your kids grow up with a rock-solid sense of “I am worthy of love.”If your relationships, health, business, and self-worth feel tangled up in old pain, press play. This conversation is your roadmap back to safety, belonging, and secure love.Head to www.melissaambrosini.com/682 for the show notes.Join my newsletter: www.melissaambrosini.com/newsletterGet my FREE ZenTone Meditation: www.melissaambrosini.com/zentoneFollow me on Instagram: @melissaambrosiniGet Time Magic: www.timemagic.me Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This week, Jake and Bob are joined by Jason Evert, a Catholic speaker, author, and expert on the Theology of the Body. Together they explore the history of gender theory, how contraception shifted culture, and why it's important to root our identity in God. They also discuss how wounds and unmet needs are often tied to the experience of gender dysphoria and how our culture avoids addressing the source of suffering. Key Points: The term gender has only recently entered into our vocabulary Wounds, past traumas, and unmet needs for belonging, love, and safety are often the root cause for someone experiencing gender dysphoria Many European countries and leading medical institutions are now rethinking their gender-affirmative protocols after evidence showed these interventions often failed to resolve underlying distress and caused harm Rather than addressing the source of suffering, our culture has told us our bodies are the problem The different gender labels within society today offer an identity and community to those feeling rejected or isolated Our identity is as beloved children of God and shouldn't be reduced to how we feel or our social affiliations The truth can become a weapon if we don't first listen in love and acknowledge the experience of suffering Resources: Jason's Website Male, Female, Other? A Catholic Guide to Understanding Gender by Jason Evert Male, Female, Other? booklet by Jason Evert with an introduction by Chole Cole Theology of the Body in One Hour by Jason Evert Navigating Gender with Charity and Clarity Course Gender Resources Chapters: 00:00 Introduction 02:36 How Jason Discovered the Theology of the Body 05:35 The History of Gender Theory 15:45 When the Body is Made the Problem 23:54 Addressing the Experienced Suffering 29:51 Same Sex Attraction and Finding Your True Identity 38:33 How to Share the Truth without Using Truth as a Weapon 46:44 They Need to Trust You Before They Will Trust Your Ideas 54:33 Resources Connect with Restore the Glory: Instagram: @restoretheglorypodcast Twitter: @RestoreGloryPod Facebook: Restore the Glory Podcast Never miss out on an episode by hitting the subscribe button right now! Help other people find the show and grow in holiness by sharing this podcast with them individually or on your social media. Thanks!
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