A Hamster With a Blunt Penknife - a Doctor Who Commentary podcast

The blood of the dead is stale and flat...we must feed on the living! We're into exposition territory now as we learn all about the Great War between the Time Lords and the Vampires...but delivered by Tom & Lalla in love.

What on earth word the names Joe Ford, Paul Dunn and Peter Ould become over the years? Is Aukon horny for Adric? Is Camilla horny for Romana?

Peter dazzles with his first Hamster recording, Paul is in the hot seat asking the questions, but and we head into E-Space for a chilling tale of vampires and crashed spaceships!

Jack isn't the biggest fan of the 13th Doctor's era, but he does really enjoy this episode and we thought we would have some fun picking both of those stances apart. Before the axe falls down on Frazer Gregory.

An ambitious production, a poignant emotional core, fierce regulars, a stunning guests cast and a complex dilemma...is this the best historical of the new series?

‘I'm waving at fat!' Joe joins me for 90 minutes of silliness and flirting as we navigate the weight loss business via Loony Tunes...let the madness begin.

All but one doomed to die...thus written in this podcast. How did Martin manage to wrangle A Hamster with a Blunt Penknife out of Joe's hands? Sleight of hands! He switched it back again! Oh audience, is there nobody you can trust these days?

'They are not ice crystals!' Joe & Martin hit their favourite episode of the serial and are deeply moved by the introduction of Binro, and laughing their heads off at Garron's absurdly operatic criminal past.

If you hang that little beauty around your neck you'll never suffer from the scringes, no matter how cold it be! Joe & Martin discover that no one makes a fool of the Graff Vynda K and lives...

All but one doomed to die...thus written! Joe & Martin are up to their old tricks again, selling planets, pulling the wool over evil despots and coming from the North!

Worthy of the bile that has been tossed its way...or an unpretentious fun adventure that is unfairly maligned? You mean to say you've been INTERVIEWING me?

Be scared - the contentious trio come together. Once, Dylan declared this the worst Doctor Who story of all time! Luke LOVES it! And now Joe can see some cracks. Bring on the debate!

'Will you kind stop addressing me as the creature, sir, or I may get exceedingly hostile!' It's our last episode of this absolute classic; Drashig-led political progress, Clare almost remembers and Vorg for President!

‘And here Joe and Paul watch the Drashigs with keen interest…waiting for the cranial egg sacs to ovulate and they prepare their ascent to give birth to the newborns…'

This delightful romp continues...but nothing serious, nothing political! We just put on a show!

‘Pooh!' Are we on Metebelies Three or Inter Minor or on the Indian Ocean? What happened to the SS Bernice? Watch out, Paul, an enormous hand coming to pick us up!

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a Hamster Book Club Christmas Special! And this time we are seasonally themed with the superlative Christmas chiller, The Chimes of Midnight!

A great lumbering monster that looks like it is made of butchers leftovers is on the move with the brain of the fearsome war criminal - Morbius - in his head! How will he be stopped?

The brain matter has slapped on the floor! Condo has been shot in the stomach! Sarah can see again and he's behind you! And the Doctor does a little British Gas engineering...

There's something screaming murder in the cellar, the manservant is looking for his arm, the surgeon is slicing and dicing and the butchers shop has lost its leftovers!

There's a Sargasso Sea of spaceships, something is stirring in the laboratory, the Sisters are weaving their magic and a storm is brewing. Hold my hand, please Rob.

A rich, heady brew of sex, political detail, history, unknowable slathering horror, Gothic atmosphere and the absence left in the universe by the destruction of Gallifrey...but what will Joe & Mark Donaldson make of it?

How will James cope with the numerous technical difficulties at the start of this episode - by trying out improvisational comedy!

Where are Melium and Baku? Why are the Monoids suddenly so stupid? Are there invisible people on Refusis II?

For Andrew, who has long been frustrated at a lack of backstory and explanation for Patricia ‘Trix' MacMillan. So I thought I would write my own. Go wild.

In a crossover with Too Hot for TV & We're All Stories in the End, Dylan, Iain and I have assembled to talk about the 50th anniversary special - The Day of the Doctor!

The virus is spreading, the human race is falling, the Earth is burning and the Doctor's time is running out... Also one of the best cliffhangers of all time !

Joe & James - in person! The intrepid explorers head to the Ark which itself heads away from a decaying planet Earth and Refusis II...

The greatest gift we can think of - an anthology of short stories celebrating the eighth Doctor range. Sam Jones, Fitz Kreiner, Compassion, Anji Kapoor, Iris! Just a delight to talk about.

This mammoth commentary comes to an end with a plethora of reasons to love this creepy, smart and funny tale. We're tossing salt (ahem), sucking in (ahem) explosions and realising we're too old for this sort of thing...

'I will be a God!' Every horror trope imaginable descends on Fetch Priory; cults, eldrich horrors, slavering monsters, ghosts...and Martin and I are raring to face them all!

The menace is afoot with clicky technology summoning an ancient evil, Ma Tyler is on the move, and who the hell did let the Doctor go?

We welcome Martin into the Hamster family, discover his Doctor Who journey and find out precisely what happened last night at Fetch Priory. 'A dead one what other sort is there?'

Joe & James talk to one of their favourite authors about writing The Chimes of Midnight and Jubilee, coming to terms with your own work, and the creating unique short story collections. A real insight into the writing process from one of the masters.

Quintessence of wickedness! Corruption incarnate! Until all the Atlas is pink! The Cream of Scotland Yard! Will Anthony and I finally get the answers we seek from the Ghost Light novelisation...

A brilliant ending to this six part classic...or a damp squib? And will Toby have the audacity to rewrite what is on TV to suit his reading of the story?

We're still mightily impressed with the production value, the thick atmosphere and the performances in this underground chiller...

Joe Ford & Toby Hadoke are very different people. One crude & coarse, the other erudite & charming. One selling a podcast on gossip & scandal, the other on trivia and critique. But one thing unites us: we both think this is one of the best episodes of all time.

Otherwise known as the one with the balloon people…although one of us was surprised by the reaction to the animation.

Troughton is taking a week off but we are ably supporting by a host of fascinating guest characters...and more importantly we can watch this episode!

Where we explore dark undergound passages, homicidal mythological creatures, sticky web and the joy of returned missing episodes...

Real life historical atrocities rub shoulders with mythological and cosmic horror rub shoulders with James Bond spy thriller! There is much to discuss in this neglected and surprisingly contentious book...

Evil sentient technology…a portent of the future? How does The X-Files tackle HAL? Agent Morris is with me to do all the hard work and let me take all the credit!

War in the Hamster Book Club! As we explore Christopher Bulis' gaping orifice, there is a huge spread of opinions. Is this the Middest of all Doctor Who writers...or are there some surprises?

That's taken care of the Cybermen! The most powerful tea tray in history! Is gravity the best weakness of the Cybermen ever? And have you ever seen a bigger ray gun?

What the hell her the ingredients of a Polly cocktail? Is this her best episode? And are Jamie and Ben both in love with her?

A throwaway New Series Adventure or a moving lesson in the human races extinction list? We tackle the thorny subject of extinction, of museums, and of conservation in this surprisingly touching book.

The first supernaural case in The X-Files - a woman haunted by her murdered boss who is trying to protect her from the people who killed him. Is this so serious that Frazer's journey will end before it begins?

Our discussion of this under appreciated story continues as we figure out…it's in the sugar! Troughton charms, and his scenes with Polly charm the most.

The maddest, most contentious, most laughter filled Strictly yet! How can the fag end of Hartnell provoke so many potent opinions?

Grab your Polly cocktails, zip up your quilted spacesuits, avoid the Phantom Piper...we're heading to the moon!