Head Cannon

This week, its time once again for a Franchise Retrospective, where I take a deep dive into a whole series of films I've never seen to find out if they were worth the trouble in real time. This time around, its the decades spanning quintilogy about an evil mortician with an army of little people and a fleet of floating stab happy balls - Phantasm.Download HERE

This week I take on Americathon, a prescient political satire that predicted many things about our insane modern world, and perhaps more importantly, finally solves the ancient mystery of Poopy Butt. This is a weirdy but a goody with the great George Carlin, the slightly less great but still great Harvey Corman, and the late great John Ritter, and also Elvis Costello is in there somewhere maybe. Enjoy.Download HERE

Sorry for the unexpected two weeks off, family obligations and sickness waylaid me from posting this kind of boring episode about a really boring movie called Lethal Target, which isn't technically porn, I don't think, but might as well have been, and probably would have been better with insertion. Back to a regular schedule from this point forward, and hopefully better movies too.Download HERE

This week I pass through 4D Man, a cheesy 50's scifi flick about Gary Seven from Star Trek learning the fine art of phasing through solid steel and other even stronger and faker metals, which like all mad science experiments of the era, instantly makes him evil for no apparent reason. This one was a bit of a slog and you can hear the frustration in my voice as I try to milk even an hour's worth of podcast about it. You might say it was immaterial. If you were a fucking asshole you might say that.Download HERE or on Itumes HERE

This week I take on the traditionally animated Rankin and Bass cult classic The Flight Of Dragons in what might be my nerdiest episode yet. I get deep into the weeds with a fantasy adventure that asks some interesting questions about the dichotomy between science and magic and somehow ends up on literally every possibly permutation of that binary simultaneously. Just describing this is making me want to go watch sports.Download HERE and on Itunes HERE

This week I take on Exterminator City, by far the weirdest movie I've watched for the podcast so far, and that's saying something. This is a hidden gem if there ever was one, full of murderous robot puppets, demons with Hitler mustaches, screaming porn stars, and a fiercely independent approach that inspired a deep and thoughtful examination of the true meaning of art. And boobs. Many, many boobs.Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week I take on my first Double Feature Special with the Full Moon cult classic Sci-Fi Western Duology Oblivion. It's Gunsmoke in space, if Matt Dillon was the wimpiest motherfucker you've ever seen in your life. There's a lot of fun, a little cheese, and some offensive Native American brown face just for good measure. Enjoy.Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week I take on Cyber Ninja, a tokusatsu martial arts movie that tickled all of my 20 year old Power Rangers kid fancies with giant robot pagoda tanks, regular sized robots that are also ninjas, boss monsters and boss monster bosses, electrified bullet swords, and a tender story about brotherly love where everyone dies horribly. Enjoy.Download HERE, or on Itunes HERE

This week I tackle Sorceress, a Sword and Sorcery epic from the mind of Jim Wyrnowski so bad it compelled feminist exploitation legend Jack Hill to leave the film-making business altogether. It's got skinny dipping twins, dong waggling Satyrs, self-immolating Kung Fu Gandalf, vagina stabbing gauntlets, and the scariest Lovecraftian hand puppet you'll ever see. Enjoy?Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week, I watched Rubin And Ed and instantly regretted it. It has Crispin Glover in it, who is good as always, and even he couldn't save it. When my first reference point for a movie is the Gus Van Sant film Gerry, you know you got problems. Enjoy.Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week, I take on Light Blast, an 80s action movie starring Erik Estrada and a giant face melting laser beam. Never before has a movie been so satisfying while being built around the same special effect stolen from a much better movie, and just repeated over and over again. Also, Erik Estrada is a fine looking man and when he wears nothing but a speedo, I discover some new things about myself. Enjoy.Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

Welcome to Season Three of Head Cannon! This week I take on Neon Maniacs, a movie that's kinda dumb, and only kind of a movie. Pieced together from spare parts after several budget shortfalls and production stoppages, the result is an uneven mess of a thing with some potential, and a lot of bullshit to sift through to find it. Enjoy!Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week, its another Franchise Retrospective, taking on the entire Mangler Trilogy, a series inspired by one of the shortest Stephen King short stories about an antique laundry press possessed by the devil. Or is it a computer virus possessing a private school? Or is it a homemade meat grinder in some dude's house? It's all these things and more, or maybe less. One of these is the worst movie I've watched for the podcast, and the others are kind of okay I guess. Enjoy.Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

Okay, so its the holidays, and I didn't have time to edit the next episode, so I'm cross posting this for the week. If you don't listen to either of my other podcasts, sometimes on the Dirty Sons Of Pitches we do a thing called What The Hell Did We Just Watch?, where we deconstruct a movie that we both saw that made use angry, confused, bewildered, or all of the above. We recently did one on the new Mary Poppins Returns, because it kind of broke us. I don't like to do this, since it feels like a cop out in lieu of a new episode, but this happens to be the most fun I've had on a podcast in a while and maybe one of the funniest I've been a part of in some time as well, so I think its a fine exception.New episode next week, a Franchise Retrospective that features my new worst movie watched for the podcast. That's right, worse than Project Metalbeast, worse than Robin And The Dreamweavers. Even worse than The Invisible Maniac. See you in 2019. Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week, its a special choice episode where I dispense with the randomization and pick a movie I just want to watch for the hell of it. My selection is the 1990 anime film A Wind Named Amnesia, a movie I watched as a kid while looking for boobs on the Independent Film Channel, instead discovering a world of mech robots and post apocalyptic tragedy that sparked an abiding love of Japanese Animation in me that persists to this day. It also has boobs in it. Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week, I take on the 1965 Mario Bava film Planet of the Vampires, a movie definitely set on a planet with literally no vampires. Not even like there might be vampires somewhere else on the planet we don't see. It's an alien world with the only life, undead or otherwise, clearly indicated as decidedly not vampiric. EnjoyDownload HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week, Head Cannon crosses over with my other podcast Saturday Night Jive, where my brother and I take on the specially requested animated film Delgo. For the sake of consistency, I won't go into further detail, so that this description is as mediocre as the movie itself. Also, I'm a lazy piece of shit, which is a bigger twist than anything in the movie Delgo.Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week, I take on The Assignment, the somewhat controversial straight to video action film about a forced gender reassignment surgery on the wrong guy slash girl. It's incredibly underwhelming, but my pitches for the franchise are at least whelming or better. Enjoy.Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week, I take on Project Metalbeast, a movie that should have been about cyborg werewolves, but wasn't. This movie cheated me out of the coolest thing ever, and it doesn't deserve its bad-ass title or Barry Bostwick. I try to salvage my disappoint by pitching much better movies vaguely inspired by this shitty one. I think I mostly succeeded, but admittedly it was a low bar. Enjoy?Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week, I munch on Matango, a Japanese monster movie about killer mushrooms that terrorize a crew of shipwrecked vacationers, and by terrorize, I mean they don't really show up until the last twenty minutes, and then just sort of shuffle around and laugh maniacally, unless you're stupid enough to eat them even after you've been told they're poisonous. They're mushrooms, what are you gonna do? Download HERE, or on Itunes HERE

This week I take on Collision Course, a delightful buddy cop movie from both the 80's and the 90s where Jay "Poopy Butt" Leno and Pat Morita doing a funny voice team up to solve racial tensions in economically depressed Detroit. Spoilers: This movie contains the greatest sequence in the history of film.Download HERE, or on Itunes HERE

This week, I take on Robin And The Dreamweavers, a movie with XXX Big Boobs and other things that help with search engine optimization, because for some reason people who search for podcasts still look up porn that they can listen to I guess. This movie is garbage, but the podcast sifts through the trash like always.Download HERE, or on Itunes HERE

This week, I take on the Joe Don Baker Kung Fu classic Golden Needles, a wacky globetrotting scavenger hunt for an ancient Chinese acupuncture model promising orgasmic immortality to whoever is willing to commit arson or wrestle naked old dudes to possess it. Yeah, this one was weird. The phrase "montage of dick explosions" comes up at one point. Enjoy.Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

This week I take on the 1980 horror flick Fade To Black, a character study of a young movie nerd who busted out cosplay before it was cool and before there were interesting pop culture icons to dress up as. So instead we get Hopalong Cassady. Ugh. Sorry for the weird edit at the beginning, but I'm bad at editing podcasts and too lazy to go back and correct a simple mistake. Download HERE or on Itunes HERE

Welcome to Season Two of Head Cannon! This week I take on my first Jim Wyrnowski movie - The Lost Empire from the year of my birth 1985, a cheesy riff on old serials filled with boobs, boobs, and more boobs. And also some boobs.Download HERE or on Itunes HERE