Us Illuminated: {THE AND}

Here's an intimate conversation between husband and wife Marcela and Rock about the obstacles in their marriage of 7 years. It's a fan favorite in The Skin Deep community. It premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. It launched The New Yorker digital channel. It's an incredibly powerful conversation — an incredibly profound story with a profound truth. If you've never heard Marcela and Rock you're in for a treat. Trust me. Play {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

What's the value of boundaries in friendship? Alberto and Gaby were friends for a while and Alberto started to develop some romantic feelings. Gaby then set the boundaries and made clear they will be friends and not romantic. That actually deepened the relationship. On top of that, they're also sober buddies. As Alberto says, he's been jumping on and off "the sobriety bandwagon." So they're both navigating that challenging journey of sobriety together. They support each other on that path. We all have friends in our lives and we're always navigating those friendships. What's the place for boundaries? This conversation illuminates some beautiful ideas around the meaning of friendship, the commitment of friendship, the payoff of friendship, as it walks its way through the experience of life. Play {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

11 years together have given Sala & Danette a loving foundation to navigate their blended family and the opportunity to grow intimately with one another along the way. Drop into their moving conversation as they break down the ethos of their connection and Sala reveals an incredibly important realization around behavioral patterns of abuse that he may have never recognized if it weren’t for Danette. Play {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

Teenage brothers Julian and Thomas only found out they were adopted recently. Growing up together all that time without knowing the truth didn't get in the way of them building a strong sibling bond, and now they're figuring out together what family really means. They're questioning everything, facing some health challenges, and realizing they’ll always have each other.  Play {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

Nicole and Jin are a gender nonconforming couple of trans experience. How are society's labels used against us and how do we allow them to shape us? What is it like to break them? And what do you face when you break them? Nicole and Jin are sharing and supporting each other as they face those challenges. This conversation is incredibly illuminating for those that identify as cisgendered and heteronormative. For those that are gender nonconforming it may reinforce experiences, questions, or feelings they've had. International Transgender Day of Visibility is March 31st and we wanted to share this conversation because it's real, it's raw, and it's honest. It sheds human light on what it means to be transgender today. FROM THE EPISODE: NICOLE: My first memory that I liked a lot was when we went to McDonald's bathroom. I'm going to cry. I felt very safe with you. And I liked that we both used the women's bathroom. And I felt really protective of you when you used the bathroom after I did, because there were men giving you stares and I got really pissed that they were looking at you. And I didn't want you to see that... JIN: Yeah, that was fun. Wasn't it? NICOLE: How do you describe our relationship to others?  JIN: Sometimes I like to say that you're my boyfriend...If they ask, I say, "Yeah, I have a boyfriend. He's really cool. He has a lot of tattoos." NICOLE: That feels good.  JIN: Yeah, I figured you'd like it. NICOLE: Do you ever say "girlfriend"? JIN: No. NICOLE: Do you ever say "partner"? JIN: Yeah. Sometimes. NICOLE: Do you ever say, "My gender nonconforming so-and-so? My trans..."?  JIN: No, I don't feel like that's super relevant or people don't really need to know...or maybe it's that I don't feel like that's my thing to disclose. NICOLE: What would you like me to describe you as, when I'm talking to people? I say "girlfriend" or "partner." JIN: That's fine. Do people see me as a girlfriend? Are you sure?  NICOLE: I'm like, "Isn't she hot?" JIN: What do you get from me that you don't get from your other relationships? NICOLE: I don't get relate-ability on this level...I don't feel reflected in some of my other relationships, meaning the trans part, yeah, we're reflecting each other's lives sometimes. In a way I don't see with like my cis male partners. I feel the femininity portion a lot with you and I also feel...what's the opposite of reflection? I feel like a boy. Not because I think you're a boy, but because I feel like your boy,  JIN: I like that.  NICOLE: That feels good. It feels really good. I hate talking about things in this way, but I want to protect you like a boyfriend. JIN: That's awesome. I think that's cool. I'm a sucker for weirdly internalized patriarchy things, but only in the sense that they make me feel more like a girl. For example, this isn't with you, but with my coworker who is a cis man, he's a little older than me, he's Latin American. So he comes from this machismo sort of experience and certain things that I guess would piss off a typical feminist, he'll just be like, "Hey, mami." Or "Hey, muñeca" and say stuff that's objectifying...it's common sense to be like, "get the f*ck out of here, but at the same time, I kinda I like that. It's weird cognitive dissonance there. Needs some clarifying... — Play {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

Mauricio came very close to death. He's recovering from COVID and in this conversation you'll hear his oxygen machine in the background. Because we just passed the one year anniversary of when COVID was declared a pandemic in the US, we're presenting this conversation between Mauricio and his wife of 20 years, Daysi.  This is somebody whose wife thought he was going to close his eyes for the last time. You'll hear him confess how he spoke to his god and you'll be surprised to hear what came up for him in those last moments. You'll hear what his wife experienced and how she reacted to this experience of facing death and not knowing if her husband would live. It's an honor and a privilege for us that Daysi and Mauricio trusted us and stepped into this space to share their experience. To have more meaningful conversations like you hear in this podcast, try {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

In honor of Women's History Month, here's two unashamedly strong women: mother and daughter, Dorian and Tyla. How honest can you be with your parents? How honest can you be with your children? 18-year-old Tyla has an extremely honest mother — often she thinks Dorian is TOO honest. Dorian says she has a commitment to being truthful, and not "sugar-coating," putting on a face, or playing a role, which she feels doesn't serve anyone, especially her daughter. It's easy to forget just how hard parenting is. Nobody hands you a manual. So you have to use love, respect, and compassion to fumble your way through. TYLA: What is our greatest misunderstanding and what can we do about it? DORIAN: My delivery. But I'm honest. The truth is the truth. Whether you sugarcoat it or whether you just bluntly say it.  TYLA: But people listen more... DORIAN: No they don't. TYLA: I would. DORIAN: No you don't. There are instances where I'm like, "Tyla, could you do this?" or "I suggest this" and you're like, "BUT MOM! I DON'T WANNA DO THIS" So I'm like, "the hell with it." And then I'll be mean and the brutally honest part comes out and that's the part that sticks with you for a few days. But when I was trying to be nice? TYLA: You make me feel so insecure. DORIAN: But I don't mean to. This world is hard, you're going to get your feelings hurt. I feel like why not hurt them first? I don't want to, but I say things in my honest opinion... I love you. I love you to death but not everybody's going to love you. People are going to give you their honest opinion and at least you'll be prepared. But I'll work on it. To have more meaningful conversations like you hear in this podcast, try {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

To honor International Women's Day, we explored our "database of human conversations" that we make accessible to everyone and highlighted moments exploring womanhood. These are parts of conversations uplifting and supporting women, reflecting on the power of women, and articulating the experience of being a woman. We're presenting this bonus episode on womanhood as a recognition and acknowledgement of the powerful women that surround us. To have more meaningful conversations with your loved ones try {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

Sara and Jose are a married couple in Texas. Jose is an EMT, a firefighter, and a policeman. Texas recently experienced the worst storm in three decades: 4.5 million homes and businesses left without power, and (as of this recording) 70 deaths reported, half of which were in Texas. The sudden demand for heat overloaded the power grid, causing rolling blackouts and leaving people without power amidst freezing temperatures. Sarah and Jose's power was out for five days and you’ll hear the couple discussing the challenges that faced their relationship because of this experience and the stress and fear Sara faces generally because of Jose's work as a first responder. FROM THE EPISODE: [JOSE] When have you been the most worried for my safety and why? [SARAH] Everyday you'd been on shift. You're obviously a firefighter, a paramedic, and a police officer. And, in your department, you respond in all three capacities in whichever you're needed... 135 people had just been in a wreck, a few days prior. And another officer in the next town over had just been killed on the highway while working a wreck. And so I know that you had worked a dozen wrecks at that point, and I was just worried that somebody speeding or not paying attention would plow into you while you're trying to assist another wreck. Or, if you're responding in your medical capacity or providing traffic control — I was terrified, because how many times has your fire apparatus been struck in a year? How many officers are killed on the highway? And so it was terrifying, stressful. So I have been the most worried about you in the last two weeks. But maybe not as much as when you got hurt in the fire…but firefighter wife was worried last year, cop wife was worried the last two weeks...  Then you're working on a wreck and you're working both as a paramedic and a cop at the same time. And you're trying to go and move your unit and you end up hurting yourself...because reckless people are out there speeding, knowing that the roads are frozen, putting your life in danger and their lives in danger and everybody else's lives in danger. And I get...that phone call of, “Hey, babe, I’m okay but I'm going to the hospital”...I've had this call how many times?  [JOSE] I think I'm just accident prone, unfortunately. I did tell you everything was fine. Better to get a call from me then one of my chiefs or someone else. I wanna be the one that called you. I figured that would be better than the last time, which was the hospital having to call you and then a follow-up from my fellow officers calling you to keep you posted and let you know that I was okay but you were gonna need to go down there and probably be fairly quick in arriving at the hospital. No, I understand the stress level.  [SARAH] In therapy, I had talked about…preparing for that phone call and we prepared for that phone call for two years. I still got the phone call and I was still so under-prepared emotionally to get that call and then to physically make the drive to you. I couldn't even think straight. I literally called every police department on my way to you. “I need a police escort.” I'm sure they thought I was crazy. Even thinking about that day… it’s a lot.  [JOSE] So do you think that regarding this week, with the snow and ice, your anxiety level was higher because you had already experienced that phone call and you didn't want to experience that again? or do you think you're maybe more prepared? “If I get this phone call again, this is what I need to do.” Almost like a checklist. [SARAH]They’re just so different. They were different because I knew that you were eventually going to be okay last year. This year it was the unknown. — To have more meaningful conversations like you hear in this podcast, try {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

Tommi and Lisette used to be lovers and still live together — even though they've broken up. In this conversation, Tommi admits to Lisette she's dating someone new now and it's serious. Lisette tells Tommi she's moving out and leaving town. They both want each other to be happy and their respect and honesty is evident during this tough, sometimes uncomfortable, but ultimately loving interaction. FROM THE EPISODE: TOMMI: Describe the moment you realized that you could trust me. LISETTE: What comes to mind is, as we built our foundation long distance, obviously we did a lot of talking and getting to know one another. I think when I shared with you something I experienced as a kid when I was babysitting and the way you responded was not what I expected and nonjudgmental and very comforting. I was like, wow, if I could tell you that and you respond the way you did and it doesn't change the way you feel about me… That was huge.  TOMMI: That was a big moment. So disclosure in that way: I remember that for sure and I remember thinking, “Oh, she trusts me. “ LISETTE: What about me? TOMMI: You’ve told me some things that were uncomfortable and that's probably…when I think about our relationship and trust, our trust — for me — has been built in those situations where the hard stuff had to be said. Even with the break-up, it's a prime example. It's doesn't feel good, but it's honest. So you remember when you shared that you had that experience? You remember that experience with two other people? I was like, “okay, so she's not going to hide, she’s going to tell the truth, and she's going to run the risk of that being uncomfortable.” And we have to wade through that. So I remember that was a big one for me now. It was like, “At least she’s honest.” You’re not hiding things.  LISETTE: If you could go back to our first date, what advice would you give me regarding being in a relationship with you?  TOMMI: I guess the advice that I would give you is what you did: which was keep trust and honesty at the foundation, because if that's not there, then we really don't have anything. That's the advice I would give and you did well — that a girl.  LISETTE: Thank you. I would tell you, I would tell you to go super slow and to be a little cautious because I was so new to exploring my sexuality and I wasn't quite ready. And I do remember telling you when we were on the beach, when you brought it up for the second time about being in a relationship, that I didn't want to do long distance and I wasn't quite ready. But I really liked you and I didn't want to miss out on the opportunity, so let's do it. TOMMI: Are you glad we did? LISETTE: I am. I actually don't have regret. I'm sad about where we are now. Who knows how it would have transpired if I would have been completely honest with you and followed my inner voice, but I don't regret anything.  — To have more meaningful conversations like you hear in this podcast, try {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

Mother and daughter Tamala and Althea demonstrate the deep power of family members sticking together and the love necessary to do it. They discuss Tamala's expression of love and commitment to her daughter that came at a particulary vital moment in Althea's life. In the words of Tamala, it's "loving each other in the midst of the storm." They talk about the difference in parenting styles between Althea's father and her, how this has affected Althea and her brother, and how Tamala accepts Althea for who she is. In a beautiful show of an adult daughter's love and understanding for her mother as another woman and human being, Althea tells Tamala, "I want to hear *your* dreams." Is a relationship's strength directly commensurate with the challenges it's faced? Althea and Tamala have a moving and intimate conversation, discussing their love, fath, and trust in one another. FROM THE EPISODE: ALTHEA: What do you feel is the most valuable lesson you've taught me. And why do you think that is?  TAMALA: Oh, I think the most valuable lesson I've taught you is to be comfortable in your own skin and be comfortable with being who you are and what you are. And I say that because of your sexual preference. I feel like you felt like you had to hide that. I think there was a difference of parenting between me and your father. So that was the starting point for me of knowing that it was important to let you know that you needed to really be comfortable with who you are. No matter if the masses didn't agree.  ALTHEA: I like that. And I appreciate that. I still to this day remember your phone call that morning. You called me and told me that you loved me. You cared about me and wanted to have an open relationship and dialogue about my life and what's going on. And that was a big major step. I want to take further steps into opening up with you about that kind of stuff. And every time I think maybe I can’t, I do revert back to that day that you called me and was like, “Hey…I didn’t know you felt this way but I want you to know I support you and I love you.” So I get it.  TAMALA: What do you think is the biggest challenge in our relationship right now and how can we overcome it? ALTHEA: I think that’s the main reason why I brought you here today [to have this conversation]. I think we have great conversations; we can talk all day. We can have an amazing exchange of words, but I think I sometimes see your relationship with my siblings and I wonder, why I can't have that closeness with my mom like that, and I think that just boils down to…it’s just a little bit of fear. I know on my side I'm going to be me regardless of who accepts me or not, but because of the negative energy and pain that I got was from a parental figure. I don't have a lot of room for error when it comes to trusting that figure, especially now being an adult and having had to accept myself when people that were supposed to love me the most were not [accepting]…It takes a little time to shed some of those layers and feel free again, feel open and feel comfortable again. And it's beautiful to watch everyone grow around me and change. And like my pops down here, my step pops, like watching him grow and evolve and everything is beautiful, but I still have to deal with my process a little bit differently. I think that now it's time just to take a step where I'm open and transparent about my process with you and bring you along that part of the journey with me. So that way. I think we can create that space so we can start forming that relationship and that real, genuine, closer bond that I want to have with you. I think there are a lot of things that connect us without us trying, but I think I'm ready to make actual effort in our relationship.  TAMALA: Adult to adult, because you're an adult now, so yeah. And I'm open for that… — To have more meaningful conversations like you hear in this podcast, try {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

For Black History Month and Valentine's Day, from the thousands of one-on-one conversations that are part of {THE AND} library, here are a few moments to celebrate and cherish Black love. We treasure everyone who participated openly and vulnerably in our project. If you’re interested in exploring more of these conversations, see videos at each of the links below:  I Want to Invest in Our Lineage, Because That’s How We Stay Alive: Kamil & Rodney Why Did You Adopt Me?: Cyrus & Calvin Married Couple Moves Apart Effua & Doctor Even As Successful Black Artists, We’re Underdogs: Misty & Kyle Rediscovering Your Sister After a Big Fight: Sharmane & Anissa How Will We Raise Our Family? Storm & De Siblings Raised Countries Apart: Hans & Fruwah (Part 1) You’re My First Healthy Sexual Relationship: Ericka & Ebony (Part 1) I Can’t Always Be My Full Self With You: Atiya & Stephanie (Part 1) Best Friends Inspire to Dream Big: Syndia & Emmanuel Formerly Incarcerated Husband Admits Biggest Regret: Vanda & David You’re Sexiest When You’re Vulnerable: Ikeranda & Josette We’re The Most Beautiful Couple in the World: Melisa & Lloyd To have more meaningful conversations with your loved ones try {THE AND} Relationship Card Games: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

Gabrielle and Luna have been friends for seven years, and their friendship has been getting deeper. Recently the line between platonic and romantic is getting hard to find. How hard is it to express your love for someone? How do you navigate your feelings for someone else when you're having a hard enough time navigating it for yourself? Is it the fear of losing what you had before? Is it the fear of being rejected? It isn't just you, it's the relationships with your previous partners, the relationship you have with yourself and your own sexual expression. We carry everything that has happened before. — Thank you to Gabrielle and Luna for participating openly and vulnerably in our project. Their conversation was recorded in New York City in May of 2019. We’d also like to thank YOU, our community, without whom this podcast would not be possible. Us Illuminated is an extension of THE AND documentary project and is produced by the Emmy Award-winning creative studio, THE SKIN DEEP. Us Illuminated is hosted by Topaz Adizes. Directed, edited, and produced by Nicholas D'Agostino and mixed and mastered by Luz Fleming. Gabrielle and Luna’s {THE AND} conversation was directed and produced by Mériem Dehbi-Talbot with technical assistance from Nicholas D’Agostino, Dane Benko, and Ashika Kuruvilla. Our music is by Adam D'Agostino. Jacob Bronstein is our Executive Producer and Topaz Adizes is our Executive Director. To have more meaningful conversations like this, purchase {THE AND} Relationship Card Games which are available on our website: TheSkinDeep.com/Store

Listen in to Huia and Mark: dear friends who share a profound connection and rare emotional intelligence. The respect that underlies their relationship showcases a unique friendship that isn’t without its challenges, but these two display an impressive forthrightness that you can hear has served them both well. Huia serves as a living example for all of Mark’s greatest aspirations and they drive each other to continue growing while focusing on the need to prioritize “what truly matters” when it comes to their time together. If you’re looking for a new, humble perspective on friendship, their conversation illuminates a beautiful connection that warms and welcomes you. FROM THE EPISODE: HUIA: How am I most like you and how does that scare you?  MARK: It’s very simple. You are indefatigably honest. You reek of integrity and that scares me, because that's a holy grail for me. I talk about masks. I cannot abide people who hide constantly and spend a lot of time hiding…and the lack of integrity that often accompanies that. So with that comes—talk about us not needing to talk a lot—there is an innate trust. And that trust comes from that place within you. Why do you think I'm in your life? HUIA: I think this wasn't the first lifetime, so I think this is a lifetime I’ve often met in my lifetime. It's the lifetime of common soul intention. And I feel like there's all these souls that I've had experiences with in other lifetimes. And we've come together with a certain intention to *shift*. We're transitioning paradigms, social consciousness paradigms, and I think that's why we're in this life together. It's to share that innate common knowledge. So that sense that we don't have to talk much, but somehow we know something about each other without having to communicate. So it's just an incredible blessing for me to have you in my life, because I can certainly listen to your bullsh*t and have a cup of tea and coffee and cake. But the subtext is always we know that we're here to do something really important. So it's precious. MARK: Thank you. HUIA: If this were to be our last conversation in this life, what would you want me to never forget?  MARK: You are enough. You’re more than enough. You know no doubt I'm starting to attend increasing numbers of funerals. And I think that it’s important that we share with each other what really matters because you never quite know what might happen.  HUIA: Yeah, you are enough.  MARK: So are you.

Listen in on Maggie and Christopher, who after years of dating online, never in person, finally met in person. If you’ve ever been hesitant to share your burdens with a loved one, this conversation beautifully touches on not only the source of that worry, but ways to overcome it. They discuss the long distance nature of their early relationship and lack of daily physical contact and offer a unique insight into what a relationship really is. What do we carry of our partners that becomes part of us? How much of that is based on our physical relationship and our proximity? Maggie and Christopher share an insightful conversation about balancing their love with the ever-important need to grow and develop on their own.  FROM THE EPISODE: CHRISTOPHER: If you could go back to the first time we met, what advice would you give yourself regarding our relationship?  MAGGIE: We were young. I don't even think I ever thought, “am I ready to be in a relationship?” We just went in it...We had to grow separately, without each other knowing sometimes. CHRISTOPHER: Honestly, if you're in a unit, that unit isn't going to work if the two people aren’t content themselves, if they're not okay with themselves. MAGGIE: So I think I would say [to myself] “girl, you're young!” and when we're younger, we just accept a lot of things for what they are and just move, without thinking, CHRISTOPHER: I think young people accept and romanticize a lot of things about relationships. MAGGIE: It’s not just flowers all the time. It’s crying. It’s being upset and mad. It's getting over it and through stuff. When do you think I need you the most and why? CHRISTOPHER: When something's going on. It's not that I think you *need* me, but I know it'd be nice to have something else to focus on, some other energy, as opposed to certain things completely compounding at once. Maybe I could take some of that away, sing a jingle… When have you seen me the most vulnerable and what have you learned from it? MAGGIE: I just don't like thinking about it, but it was that night when you were just feeling really bad. Hold on…I ain't crying… You just think you're a bad person sometimes, and you're not... And that night... You were just very vulnerable ,,, and alone. And you already know how I feel about being alone with your thoughts and not sharing them. I just learned from that night to always check up, even if you seem like you're doing fine. CHRISTOPHER: I’m good… MAGGIE: You always say that though. That's what I'm saying…  CHRISTOPHER: I learned a lot from that. I know I'm not a bad person, as humans, we carry that…we carry the flip side. So I guess that was my hardest thing to deal with is wanting to be this version of myself that I want to be, but then seeing all the effects of the other side of myself. But I'm good… MAGGIE: What am I always carrying that I should let go of? CHRISTOPHER: I think just the way other people around you affect you. I think you should not hang on to that. Just let it go. I feel like there's a better way to say that though, because it's not necessarily what they think, but like the way other people's energy affects you. Cause it can linger. Once you got that out the way, man, you're a bird, you can fly all the way up there and just go… MAGGIE: I definitely agree.  CHRISTOPHER: What do you admire most about me? MAGGIE: I admire your confidence a lot and your drive. I think that's what is most of your energy. It's just, “let's just go do it. Let's do it right now”. Your drive and your confidence in yourself and your thoughts and your morals and your beliefs, and just being like a nice example of energy.  CHRISTOPHER: That was beautifully said. Wow. “A nice example of energy.” You might have to write that down somewhere. MAGGIE: I got it. CHRISTOPHER: Wow. Thank you.

Listen into the emotional space between two people as they ask and answer intimate questions. Lean in as two people (couples, family members, siblings, and sometimes even strangers) share what they love—or maybe don't love—about their relationship. Based on the Emmy award-winning documentary {THE AND}, this seemingly-simple format sets up a powerful space for vulnerability and deep listening through dialogue and offers all who enter the opportunity to reflect on the rich spectrum of human emotion. Hosted by the founder of THE SKIN DEEP and the creator of {THE AND}, Topaz Adizes. New episodes every Friday.

Jordan and Sam meet for the first time on a blind date and hold nothing back as they get to know each other and find a chemistry between them. Sam gets frank about how his past experiences with cheating and masturbation have forged his non-traditional approach to relationships and Jordan reveals how she's come to better understand her sexuality while working in the sex industry and navigating double standards with men. Listen in on one of the most honest blind dates ever and experience how open these strangers become with just a few simple questions.  CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains adult language and may not be appropriate for younger listeners. Listener discretion is advised. FROM THE EPISODE: SAM: Why do you think I'm single? JORDAN: I don't like that question. Because you're born into this world single and you'll probably go out single. All of our life is an individual experience and if you couple with somebody you just happen to partner with them. But a single life is a valid life, so I would say you're single because you were born this way. And probably because you want to be, I’m guessing. If I’m wrong, please stop me, but I kind of feel a little bit of jealousy towards guys...I feel like guys can get in relationships and get married kinda whenever they want to. I might be wrong about that, but that’s kind of my impression of how things work these days. SAM: Yeah. I kind of feel like that sometimes. Like I can put off finding love for another ten, fifteen years because I know when the time comes, I can just go and find someone maybe. JORDAN: How long have you been single? SAM: Three and a half years now. JORDAN: Now for me to answer that question. You’re probably single because guys just suck and it's like, truly no options out here anyways. SAM: Those could be reasons. I guess I try not to subscribe to that view that all men suck, because that's not true. There are a lot of great men and, yeah, some of them are my friends. I might not be dating them, but — JORDAN: Why? Are they single?  SAM: Okay, so this is where it gets complicated, because I dance. That just sheds a light into another side of men. So working in the sex industry, it kind of like just pulls the wool from over your eyes. Like you see the real deal of what's going on. So I would say I'm single because I am more filled up and I'm more content with who I am and I'm not really trying to jump into something just because it presents itself. So for me now, I really want to make sure that the energy's right. The intent is right. Almost treating my relationship like a business. JORDAN: How do you deal with being lonely?  SAM: I'm really big on positive thinking. Some of my past I haven't gone into but I was adopted so there's a really strong pool for me to stay in the past. Like trying to figure out what's happening with that and analyzing that. So I'm constantly trying to be present and focus on being mindful and projecting how I want my future to be. So anytime I feel myself saying, “Oh, I feel lonely,” I try to just switch that energy and go outside and find friends to be with, because there's no reason to be lonely. So I don't really feel like I'm lonely.

Virgie and Kelly ponder changes to their mother-daughter relationship as Virgie faces complications of old age and Kelly shoulders a newfound worry whenever her mother doesn’t answer her phone. Worrying aside, they keep the conversation light as their loving exchange and Virgie’s frank outlook on dying bring a unique perspective to their situation and to the experience of getting old. This is an incredibly heartwarming conversation between a mother and daughter as they balance their love and worry for one another. FROM THE EPISODE: KELLY: Well, to diverge from the questions: people told you you shouldn't have me.  VIRGIE: Oh yeah. Geriatric mothers usually don't deliver nice babies; they aren't so lucky as to have a full term pregnancy. KELLY: And in 1970, how old were you?  VIRGIE: I was almost 40.  KELLY: And what else was going on with you?  VIRGIE: What else was going on with me?  KELLY: They gave you monkey juice. The Rhesus Serum because of your RH factor.  VIRGIE: Oh yeah. I got the monkey juice, yes. Yes, I forgot about that. It's been so long. Yeah, the Rhesus Serum because of my RH negative. And of course you were watched very carefully, but you grew up to be a nice, beautiful, adorable, perfect daughter.  KELLY: I'm always reflective about how many people told you you shouldn't have a baby when you were that old. So thanks for not listening to them. VIRGIE: Oh, you're a gift. You're a gift from God.  KELLY: Let's move on. What are you hesitant to tell me?  VIRGIE: I think I'm probably hesitant to tell you things that are happening to us physically, not psychologically. Your dad and myself. And after I think about it a little while, I think, with your mind, your maturity, you can handle it. KELLY: I freak out when you hold things back from me.  VIRGIE: I know, but sometimes I don't think you're ready for it.  KELLY: That's not fair. VIRGIE: I take a gamble at times.  KELLY: If I call you at our appointed calling hours and you don't answer, and I call you over an hour's period of time and nobody's answering, do you know the second place I call? VIRGIE: Yeah, the hospital. Anyway. Sometimes we go out, on rare occasions.  KELLY: You don't ever go out.  VIRGIE: Yes, we do. KELLY: No, you don't. So you have to be honest with me.  VIRGIE: You just have to accept some of those silly times. But I'll be honest with you if we had to have CPR or something like that.  KELLY: Great. Okay. Thanks a lot. VIRGIE: What happened to me that scared you the most and why? KELLY: When you called me saying, "don't worry if you call and I don't answer; the EMS squad is here and they're taking me to the hospital." So yeah, that was a little worse.  VIRGIE: But I survived.  KELLY: You did, but you still are not confronting the issue that got you to that point. VIRGIE: That's all right. Let's forget that. I want to move on.  KELLY: I am sure you want to move on, but I'm daily worrying about you. VIRGIE: That's okay. I'm glad you're like that, but if there's a crisis, I'll definitely let you know.  KELLY: That's terrific. Thanks. What is the hardest thing about being a mom?  VIRGIE: I'm worried about your security with the job you have now. You travel from Jersey to New York City and I live in mortal fear and it's obvious as to why I worry about you. KELLY: But I work in a really safe building. VIRGIE: The Tower was safe too for awhile.  KELLY: If your number's up, your number's up.  VIRGIE: I don't want you to have a lackadaisical attitude about that. KELLY: I don't have a lackadaisical attitude—  VIRGIE: But I do worry about that. KELLY: At least it's mutual. 

Engaged couple Rachel and Kristoph are on the cusp of taking the next step in their relationship: getting married. This conversation is a moment to reflect on the role they play in each other’s lives and how “surrendering themselves” allows them to be wholeheartedly present in their relationship. You may not know what happened in Alaska, but you will feel how deeply they love one another after hearing this episode.  CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains adult language that may not be appropriate for some listeners. FROM THE EPISODE: Kristoph: How have your feelings for me changed? Rachel: I think at one point I'd felt like I could help you. And that made me feel good. And that changed when I realized it wasn't me helping you. It was us helping each other. In ways that you weren't even aware of you've changed me too and made me a better person too, and made my days brighter. That realization was huge for me. The feeling that I've never had before: just complete surrender. You’re my person, actually the person that I want to have a family with…the person that I want to grow old with.  Kristoph: When did you surrender?  Rachel: I would say Alaska. Yeah. And that was the moment where I stepped into a new…a whole new world for me, that I've never accepted with anybody else…of complete surrender to, to trust you. How do I make you better?  Kristoph: How do you make me better? I don't know. I feel more connected to myself from being with you. You don't let me hide. That was my whole thing. Whenever conflict or anything would come up, I would hide and not deal with it. You literally don't allow that, you just don't. And at first I hated it. It's not easy. And so you've made me more able to connect with you and connect with other people. Now I understand how people connect. Being perfect is not the way they connect with somebody; it’s being real. And conflict. Sometimes the rawness that might not be perfect underneath is what actually connects people. Yeah, I didn't really know that. If you could go back to when we started our relationship, what advice would you give yourself? Rachel: Fuck…a lot. As much as we've been through…I wouldn't give myself any advice…we had to go through everything that we've been through and I had to have the learning experiences and you had to have the learning experiences to get to where we are. I think that any little thing, if I had any piece of advice that might've changed it and I think I’d say: you have to be here. So buckle up. That's the only advice. 

Listen in on a conversation between Alexander and Deon, close friends who breathe new life into the idea of a “support system”. In an exchange that feels more like a private, deep, late-night chat, Alexander and Deon dig into how they’re able to bring out the best in each other and how they can offer even more support,  when their friend finds themself at their lowest. CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains adult language that may not be appropriate for some listeners. FROM THE EPISODE: [ALEXANDER] How you view yourself can really put into perspective the things that you do after that. And I think that you're really good at—even if you might harvest not the greatest thoughts of yourself or the energy you keep is not one that you're putting out into the world is not great—you’re still very good at being able to keep it positive. And I feel like that’s— [DEON] You preaching? You gotta preach to the people on Sunday!  [ALEXANDER] I'm just saying that's something that I admire you for so deeply. [DEON] Thank you. [ALEXANDER] When do you worry about me the most and why then? [DEON] This is a question. This is a question. I think I worry about you most when you…hit very low points. I think it scares me so much because I've experienced depression, as a lot of us, as a lot of people have. And I think I see the signs of what it can do to somebody. And your lows to me make me feel like I'm in lows. Truly, because I feel as connected as we are, if you're going through it, then I'm going through it. There are times when you hit lows that [make me] fear for you because I can't read you as well at those times. That's when I have to go into survival mode essentially. I have to turn on everything that I know to make sure that Alex is okay. I fear that sometimes what I'm doing is not enough. I have a fear of letting you down. If that makes sense. In the situation of needing a support system or needing somebody and I want to make sure that I am that person at all times.  [ALEXANDER] I completely agree with you because when I hit my lows—and I know this for myself—and it's just something that I try to work on. That's when the barriers go up. I might be in the darkest place ever and you're not going to know. At that point when you're in your darkest, or I'm in my darkest, that’s when it's most hurtful to be not communicative. That is when I'm not. And I think you have a right to fear at that point. [DEON] It’s very strange because, like you said, sometimes it's not always on the outside. In moments when I'm not feeling my best—like in most instances when my thoughts aren't as kind to me, and when I'm feeling really low, it's very coincidental that you will always text me whenever I'm going through that. Believe it or not, no matter what meme you're sending me, no matter what texts or song or anything, it's almost always in the timing that I am not okay. And you just always end up following it…It’s so coincidental, it's actually scary, it's so weird. Like you'll either call me or you'll text me, while I'm in this dark place. And believe it or not, it's helped me, It's done a lot for me.  [ALEXANDER] I got you, bitch.  [DEON] Thank you….

In this episode we meet married couple Melisa and Lloyd. These lovers of seven years were always drawn to each other, but their capacity to learn and grow together provided a foundation for their relationship to really flourish. In this conversation, they take time to revisit Lloyd’s painful decision of choosing the love of his life over his mother, cherish the transparency that originally brought them together in a time when they were drifting apart, and reaffirm their encouragement for one another to be the best versions of themselves. Melisa and Lloyd describe themselves as the “Most Beautiful Couple in the World” and this conversation might make you agree. FROM THE EPISODE: [MELISA] How do you think our lives would be different if we never met? [LLOYD] I think I still would be on edge. I think I would be a little less compassionate. I think I learned a lot about women being with you and how women feel and what do women like. And me being an only child, how not to think of myself only when I was doing that for so long. So definitely when I moved in with you, it got real. I was like, "okay, this is serious stuff. People don't volunteer [this stuff];" the only way you'd know about it is living with the person, experiencing it with them. So definitely, that'd be like a key takeaway for me. When is the last time you considered ending this relationship and why didn't you? [MELISA] It was a time where I felt like you had to choose between me and your mom. And that was a rough time for me. And a lot of people that know us don't know. Now, having a relationship with your mother after seven years of being together. And she didn't come to our wedding, that was really rough for me. And I don't think I let you know, as much as it really hurt me. When I came into your life, your mother kind of slammed the door and was like, “Stop right there. Don't come no further. This is my son and I don't want no dealings with you.” Cause we did break up for like two weeks, which was not long— [LLOYD] It felt like two years! [MELISA] I was ready to be done with the situation because I felt like I knew how close you and your mom was and I didn't want to be that wedge between you guys. So I was going to sacrifice myself and lose out on a great person. So she could win and y'all could keep your family together. Even though maybe that's not what you wanted, but I was tired of fighting. And only God has it now that she's like, “My daughter-in-law” and we have a great relationship and stuff like that. But the times before that was rough. I was worried about you for the wedding day that she didn't show up because you know, your dad is deceased and she's your only living parent. I was hurting that she wouldn't be there for you. Cause both of my parents were there. it hurt me too that she didn't come and I didn't let on. Cause you know, it's like all those other people were there. What really bothered me—and this was several times I wanted to break up because of your mom—I’m sorry to say that.  [LLOYD] It was definitely a dealbreaker for a lot of people. And as far as her not coming to the wedding, I was kind of well-prepared for that. So I felt it affected you because you kept asking me about it and I wasn't mentioning it. [MELISA] To me it kind of looked bad. [LLOYD] Absolutely. But again, it was something that I was prepared for. Especially the closer it got to that date. That was something I wouldn't be surprised of. So, again, it was something that I was at peace with, but—like I say to you many times—for her to be present in her grandchild's life is more important, if I have to choose, than her being at the wedding or anything during that time prior.

What's your relationship like with your grandmother? Marianne and Hollis' relationship as grandmother and granddaugher is beautifully honest, filled with a respectful compassion, and amazingly transparent. In this episode, Hollis reveals to her grandmother she identifies as queer and dates both men and women. They talk about Hollis' concern about discussing her sexuality with her grandmother following early childhood experiences around gender with her parents. We hear about why Marianne has had such satisfaction watching Hollis grow up, she shares some startling—and instructive—thinking on aging, and they come together over the strained relationship Hollis has with her mother and they both reveal how each other's love and their relationship has been a force for good in their lives.  FROM THE EPISODE: [Hollis] When I reach your age, what advice do you have for me? [Marianne] Don't sweat the small stuff. There's too much of it. Life is too short. When you get to be my age, be happy to be that age. Don't look in the mirror and—I’m guilty as charged —and look in and say, “Oh my God, what happened to you? Where did that person go?” That person is here and on my better days, which are most of my days, I realized that. And I wish for you, never to have to go through that. The aches and pains of aging, they're there. We were talking earlier about young women being whistled at, and called out to, and all of that, and you can't go to her out for a run dressed in whatever. And then you get to my age and you're ignored. That really ticks me off. So I make noise and try not to be ignored. Don't let them ignore you. When you get old, older, I'm not old. I'm older. End of story. What's something I don't know about you? [Hollis] I don't think you know that I identify as queer. So that I date men and women and have dated women. I told my dad, maybe a year and a half ago or something. [Marianne] Does it bother you to tell me this? [Hollis] No…not that I'm like ashamed of or anything. I'm not sure why I am more on the quiet side about it. Maybe there is something internally that I'm not addressing or something. I think it's hesitation, cause—I don't know if you remember—when I was like 12 and I was in a chat room or something and I was talking about a girl and my mom used to read my conversations online but I didn't know. So she saw it and told my dad. And then my dad was like, “Are you gay? It's okay if you're gay.” And I was like, “I'm not”. So I didn't want to have them be right or something. I dunno. Maybe it is a little ashamed or something. I don't know why. I don't actually feel like it’s anything that's wrong. [Marianne] Do you think that it would matter to me? [Hollis] No. [Marianne] Because it doesn't. Anyone you ever bring home to my house, I will welcome with open arms because people are people. And you're Hollis, and nothing can ever change that. And if Hollis loves any person, that person will be loved by me as well. I think it's a great world now because you have the freedom to identify yourself in ways that you feel from deep within. When I was growing up, we didn't have that freedom. I can see where it probably causes you a lot of anxiety in some ways. As far as, you said you questioned yourself. Why?  [Hollis] What do you mean? [Marianne] Why do you identify as queer? Why do you question that any more than you would question why you are the height you are?

Meet Alexa and Parker, siblings who grew up as part of a religious group their family ultimately left. Now both in college together, they use this conversation to share the ongoing effects of abandoning their church and the unexepected depth to which their religious teaching is embedded in both of them and manifests in their lives even today. They reveal the sometimes contradictory assumptions they’ve made about each other since leaving the church, they discuss Parker’s inability to fully understand Alexa’s queer identity, and they confess how their relationship may look if they weren't siblings. Here’s Alexa and Parker’s conversation about their experience as siblings, a powerful reflection on what it means to be family.

Meet Georgia and Alyx, former best friends turned lovers, six months into their romantic relationship. As their connection evolves, they reflect on the moment they realized their feelings had changed for one another and they recognized that they wanted to be more than friends, confess the insecurities they still hold, share their expectations of the future, and appreciate the feeling of safety they experience together that’s unlike their past relationships. Here’s an honest account of love evolving, as Georgia and Alyx open up about why gender has nothing to do with sexual intimacy, leaving “the friend zone” behind, and the "Drunk Baking Night".

Join Cyrus and Calvin, a thirteen-year-old boy and his adoptive father, in a lovingly frank conversation about Calvin’s childhood in and out of foster care and the ways it informed his decision to adopt Cyrus, Cyrus’ curiosity about his birth parents, their hopes and dreams for Cyrus as he grows up, and how they both navigate their relationship as parent and teenage son (even when Calvin’s dancing in his Instagram videos might get a little embarrassing for Cyrus). At this time of year, we wanted to feature an episode about family, and we couldn’t share a more candid and caring conversation than Cyrus and Calvin’s. Listen in...

Ericka and Ebony have been dating for two years and Ebony is much more comfortable in their relationship than he used to be—but is Ericka aware of everything that's going on? When asked "What are you hesitant to tell me?," Ebony admits he thinks he's got an unhealthy addiction to pornography and has been going down an internet rabbit hole, dwelling on the Sex Addicts Anonymous subreddit. In a touching moment when asked "What's the pain in me you'd like to heal?," Ebony tells Ericka he'd like to be able to bring back Ericka's late mother. They also discuss Ericka's admiration for Ebony's love for all Black people as well as Ebony's secret weapon for cheering up Ericka (hint: it has to do with her toes). CONTENT WARNING: this episode contains discussions of sex addiction and adult situations. Nothing too graphic, but parents should decide whether they feel this is an appropriate episode for kids.

This conversation between exes Jake and Melanie is at times painful to witness, but the emotional wisdom they realized from their breakup is also deeply heartening. They reflect on meeting at a young age and their years of dating through high school, as well as their upsetting—even devastating—split and the way they've both processed not only their reactions to each other's behavior, but also the climate created amongst their friends. This is Melanie and Jake’s perspective on growth and the valuable lessons they both learned about letting go. Content Warning: this episode does contain some "adult language" that may not be appropriate for kids, so please be advised.

Ivo and Kevin have been married for 22 years and share an intimate conversation that demonstrates the inherent value of transparency in relationships. The couple explores the significant role anxiety and managing anxiety has played in their marriage and how learning from each other has built a strong foundation for their family. They answer questions like, When do you feel closest to me?, How do you think I describe you to others?, and What are you hesitant to tell me?

Emily and Bobby are 2 months into a romantic relationship and grappling with their very real feelings for one another. As they're unsure about what direction their passions, their careers, and their lives will take them, they find themselves reluctant to share those feelings with each other. Drop into their conversation as the couple face saying "I love you" for the first time and they confess their fears of repercussions for becoming vulnerable to one another. They ask questions of each other including, "What do I do that turns you on?", "When do you feel most sexy with me?", "What is a secret that you have been too afraid to tell me?", "What are you hesitant to tell me?", "What is a weakness I have in this relationship?", and "What do you see as the next steps in this relationship?"

Kamil and Rodney share a sincere bond as niece and uncle that has grown deeper as Kamil has entered adulthood. In this episode's conversation, they reflect on their love for each other, Rodney reveals the fears he has about facing death and what could become of their family after he's gone, while Kamil voices feelings about an incident within the family that only illuminated the unconditional love they all share as kin. Listen in as they share a heartfelt discussion about preserving their family’s legacy in the face of conflict, time, and loss.

Ben and Sidra have a conversation about the current phase of their marriage: parenthood. They have two young children and Sidra talks about the feeling of putting their romantic relationship on hold while they get through their second child's first year of life. After months of sleeping in separate beds, Ben talks about feeling disconnected from Sidra and what it means for their love.

Johnny and Khalil share stories of incarceration, both the trauma and the triumph, as they sit down to reflect on their experiences living both in prison and since they've been free. They discuss the days in which they felt most alone and how important a strong relationship with themselves has helped to overcome darkness.

It’s been three years since Krystal and Steven ended their relationship and they've barely spoken. Now they sit across from each other and vulnerably explore the love they once shared, the cheating, the lying and the truth, and the aftermath of their break-up.

New episodes every Friday: Step into the emotional space between two people as they ask and answer intimate questions—and allow you to listen in. Lean in as two people (couples, family members, siblings, and even strangers) share what they love—or maybe don't—about their relationship. Based on the Emmy award-winning documentary {THE AND}, this deceptively-simple format sets up a unique space for vulnerability and deep listening through dialogue and offers all who enter the opportunity to reflect on the rich spectrum of human emotion. ♡ Produced by THE SKIN DEEP