Podcasts about Sex Addicts Anonymous

An epic adventure to save Christmas with SEX!By cb summers. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Scene 1THE MEETING“Hi. My name is Kris, and I'm a sex addict.”“Hi, Kris,” replied the other sex addicts. I was too dumbfounded to speak.Of all the people in all the world that could have walked into the Anchorage Sex Addict's Anonymous Support Group, it would have to be him.Kris Kringle.I don't think anyone else recognized him, but the dark sunglasses didn't fool me. I'd known who he was the second he'd walked into the room and purchased a hot chocolate from the drink machine. He didn't look exactly as I'd pictured him. For one thing, he was taller than I expected. About a foot taller than me, which would make him almost six feet. And he wasn't as fat as he usually looked on Christmas card illustrations. Artistic license I guess… or maybe he'd been working out. And he wasn't an old man, which was surprising. If not for the snowy white hair and beard, he'd have passed for thirty-five, tops. But it was him. I knew it. I felt it in my heart and in my head. Call it woman's intuition. He had the beard, the long eyebrows, the handlebar moustache, the rosy cheeks and the cherry nose.But he didn't look very jolly. In fact, he seemed downright depressed. Prior to speaking, he'd sat quietly in his fold up chair, looking around the room. He was probably trying to figure out who was naughty and who was nice. But he needn't have bothered. Other than the facilitator, we were all quite naughty.Kris was wearing Bermuda shorts and a T-shirt with a silly slogan on it: “Reindeers Rule”. Probably something one of the elves gave him for Christmas. It was an odd outfit to choose. It was December in Alaska. It was ten below zero outside! He was obviously trying to go incognito. It's called Sex Addicts ANONYMOUS, after all. But I guess it's hard to be anonymous when you're Santa Claus.Kris took a sip of cocoa and started talking in a deep, sonorous voice that made my heart melt. He said he was the foreman of a large manufacturing facility. A year ago he'd started having sexual relations with some of his employees. Soon it became an obsession. He didn't want to get into the details, but the situation got so bad that his wife left him. And now his business was in danger. He had a big delivery coming up soon, but his employees were in full revolt as a result of his actions. If he missed the delivery deadline, he'd be ruined.The others took his story at face value, but not me. I could read between the lines. He'd done something inappropriate with the elves, pissing off Mrs. Claus… and if that weren't bad enough, Christmas was in danger of not happening at all!A shiver went down my spine. Christmas was everything to me… hell, it was my reason for living! My first job was as a department store elf, and later I worked at the Christmas store. Nowadays, I sold and traded Christmas tchotchke online. If there was no Christmas this year… well, it was too horrible to contemplate!I had to do something about it. I had to help Santa. I had to save Christmas!After he finished talking, Kris listened politely as the rest of the sex addicts spilled their guts, trying to figure out how their lives had gotten so f' up. When it was my turn to share, I passed. I didn't want him to know about me… not yet anyway.When the meeting adjourned, I went up to Kris.“Excuse me, uh, Kris, is it?”“Yes. It's nice to meet you, Virginia.”“Wait… how do you know my name?” But even as I said it, I already knew how he knew. Santa knows the name of everyone in the world!“Sam said your name when he asked you if you'd like to talk.”I didn't remember my name being mentioned, but if he wanted to play it that way, so be it, “Oh… right. Well, you're a good listener.”There were tiny little twinkles in his tired eyes as he said, “Sometimes, Virginia. I try to be.”His expression changed for a moment. He looked me up and down, eyes narrowing. I knew that look. I'd seen it on plenty of sex addicts. He was checking me out, but trying desperately not to think about fucking me. I was a pretty little thing. Though I was 29, I usually passed for younger because of my youthful, adorable face. I was skinny, so my c-cups looked nice and round under my thick, white sweater. My black hair was cut short. It curled around the sides, forming points near my cheeks separated by straight bangs cut straight, just above my dark blue eyes. My facial features have been described as cute or even ‘elfin'. I inherited my features from my grandparents, who'd emigrated from Iceland. I had their high cheekbones, pale white skin and slanty blue eyes. I kind of look like Bjork, but even cuter, in my opinion.“Well,” I said nervously, “Do you have a sponsor yet?”He sighed. It was obvious that he wasn't all that interested in the whole twelve-step process. He'd probably come to the group out of desperation, rather than an earnest commitment to change, “No, not yet. I suppose you're offering to play that role?”“Sure. I mean, it's up to you. But I'm not sponsoring anyone else right now. We all have sponsors. It's sort of… how it works.”He nodded, glancing impatiently at the door, hoping to escape as soon as possible, I suppose. He mumbled, “I'm not really sure what a sponsor does.”“Well… I guess I'd be someone you could call if you needed to talk about anything. Hey, we all know why we're here. We have urges to… do things that aren't good for us. Sometimes the best way to resist an urge is to talk to someone who understands… who's been there herself. Someone who can talk you down and refocus you on your priorities.”He nodded. “Okay… well, that sounds lovely. But I don't need help…”I laughed, “Oh, everybody needs help, Kris. These meetings are only once a week. But temptations pop up every day. Every hour of every day, if you're lucky.” I laughed.He smiled and shrugged, and we exchanged phone numbers. It surprised me that Santa had a cell phone. I didn't think they had cellular service at the North Pole. We shook hands and he walked off into the snowstorm, head down, and hands in his pockets, his sandals crunching through the snow. It was freezing out, but he didn't so much as shiver.“Virginia,” said a voice behind me. I turned to see Sam, the facilitator. He had a suspicious look on his face. “Were you talking to Kris just now?”“Kris?” I said, playing dumb. “Oh, you mean the guy with the shorts? Sure. We were chatting.”“Virginia,” he said knowingly. “He's not Santa Claus.”I laughed gaily, “Of course not! You thought I…? No, no. He's not Santa Claus. That's obvious! Too skinny for one thing.”Sam's eyes narrowed. “And… Santa Claus doesn't exist. Right?”I felt my hackles rising, but I stifled the urge to slap his smug face.“Well, that goes without saying. He can't be Santa because there is no Santa. Everybody knows that. I was just trying to be funny.”Sam nodded, still suspicious of my intentions, “You didn't speak today. Is it because you didn't want him to know about your… Santa issues?”I thought up another lie, but decided to sprinkle a bit of truth in it. “You might be right. I don't know. When he came in, well… the beard, the white hair… it sort of threw me for a loop. That's why I was talking with him just now. I wanted to feel him out. You know, assure myself that he's not… you know who. And he's not! Definitely not. I mean, how could he be? There is no Santa, duh. But even if there were a Santa, which there isn't, it wouldn't be that fella!”Sam was no dummy. He knew that I had this thing for guys with long white beards and bellies that jiggled like bowls full of jelly. He said, “Still, you should try to keep your distance from Kris. You've been celibate for almost a year now. You've got to avoid temptation. One slip and you're back to zero.”“I don't know what you're worrying about Sam. Alaska is full of guys that look like Kris. Sure, I feel urges… but I know now how stupid and pointless it is.”Sam nodded and said, “You can't sleep with them all.”“I agree,” I said nodding. It was true. I couldn't sleep with them all, and Saint Nick knows I'd tried! “But maybe it's a good thing that he's in the group. I need to get used to being around guys like him without feeling the urge to… you know.” I blushed. I may have banged over a hundred would-be Santa's in my day, but I was still basically a blushing little girl down deep.Sam nodded and patted me on the shoulder and went on to harass someone else. I didn't tell him that I was Kris' sponsor. He'd find out eventually, but keeping it a secret might buy me time to figure out my next move.After all, I had to save Christmas!Over the next few days I resisted several urges to dial Kris' phone number. I'd decided to tell him that I knew his true identity, but I figured it would be best to wait until the next meeting to spring that on him. If I played that card too fast, he might bolt and I'd lose him forever.But he didn't come to the meeting. Sam said he hadn't heard from Kris. I knew something was wrong. So after the meeting I tried calling Kris. But there was no answer, it just went to voice mail.“Hi, you've reached Kris Johansson's voice mail. Please leave a message, and I'll get back to you a.s.a.p.”I left a message, but he didn't return my call. I left a few more messages that week. Telling him that he could call me, any day, any time, it didn't matter. I was there for him if he needed meBut Christmas was coming soon, and I figured he was busy preparing for the 'big delivery', so I wasn't all that surprised he didn't call me back, just disappointed.I'd almost given up on hearing from him. Then about 11 p.m. the night before Christmas Eve, I was awoken by the clatter of jingling bells. At first, groggy with sleep, I thought Santa's sleigh was landing on my roof. I thought, that's weird, he's a day early, But then I remembered that I'd assigned a jingle-bell ring tone to Kris's number. I jumped out bed and scrambled for my phone; afraid I wouldn't get to it in time.“Hello?”My heart sang, when I heard Kris' deep, melodious voice saying my name, “Virginia. I need… Something is… I need help.”There was music in the background. It sounded like electronic club music, but with bells jingling to the beat. There were also occasional high-pitched whoops that could be heard over the music.I spoke in a clear, serious voice; just as my sponsor talked whenever I called her in the midst of a crisis, “Tell me what's happening. Are you safe?”“Yes. I'm fine. I just…” his voice choked up with emotion, “I don't know what I'm doing. I'm ruining everything.”“Where are you?”“In the el… at a club, I guess.”“A sex club?”“I don't know… I guess… sort of.”“Are you having sex?”“Yes,” he replied, his deep voice thick with shame.“Right now?”He started sobbing, “Oh… what's wrong with me?”I could barely contain my excitement. Santa Claus was having sex somewhere, and I was on the phone with him! How great is that?!“You need to walk out of there. Just stop whatever you're doing and leave.”He sniffed a few times then weakly said, “Okay.”“I mean it. Don't hang up. Stay on the line until you are out of there.”“Okay. Okay. Sorry guys. No. No, I gotta go.” There were high-pitched voices in the background, almost like someone was complaining in some weird language. Sounded Scandinavian.Elves. Had to be.I heard fumbling sounds, probably him holding his phone while pulling up his pants. Then there was the clicking sound of his belt being buckled, followed by heavy breathing and rustling. The music started getting softer, until it was cut off with the sound of a slamming door. I heard his feet crunching through the snow.“Okay, I'm out of there. But I want to go back in.”“Don't! Listen to my voice. Don't go back in there. Get on your sleigh… I mean, in your car, and… where are you?”“The… uh, near my factory.”“Where is that… never mind. Just… can you meet me?”“Where?”“How about… Moose Café?”“The diner next to the motel?”“Yeah, that's the one. How fast can you get there?”“I don't know… maybe ten minutes.” Wow, Santa's sleigh really is fast!“Okay, see you at the diner in ten minutes. Fly safe!”“What? Didn't catch that…”“Drive safe, Kris. See you in ten.”I hung up. My heart was thumping in my chest like twelve drummers drumming. He needed my help! Santa needed my help!SCENE 2YES VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUSAll my adult life, people have been telling me that there is no Santa. But my parents have always said I just need to ignore the naysayers and hold onto my beliefs. “Santa is as real as you and I,” my mother says whenever I start to lose faith. I live, eat and breathe Christmas. And I've always tried to be nice, not naughty. And every Christmas Eve I religiously leave Santa milk and cookies on the table near the fireplace. And as a reward, up until I was 26, Santa left presents under my tree every single Christmas! Not just any old presents, but the presents I asked for in the letters I sent to him at the North Pole. But, Santa's got a funny sense of humor. I once asked him for a new house… I got that idea from an old movie. In response, he sent me a little dollhouse! It was tiny, but beautifully made, and looked almost exactly like what I'd pictured in my mind. That Santa, what a joker! I loved that dollhouse (I can see it right now from where I'm writing, the centerpiece of my enormous holiday display).Three years ago my mean younger sister, Stephanie, called me on Christmas Eve and told me something that ruined everything. She said my parents had been flying across the country every Christmas eve, ever since I left home, picking the lock of my tiny little New York apartment, sneaking in, eating the cookies and drinking the milk and leaving presents in my stocking and under my tree addressed, “To: Virginia. From: Santa.” Can you imagine my sister telling such a heinous lie? But sadly, I believed her for one hot minute. That sounded exactly like the kind of thing my parents would do. They were crazy for Christmas. I should have called them but I didn't. I bawled like a baby and threw out my Christmas tree. Literally, I just opened the window and pushed it out into the street below. I didn't make any cookies either. Later on, I decided that's probably what pissed Santa off the most. He loved my cookies!When I woke up Christmas morning, I had a shock in store. There was a lump of coal sitting on the floor where my tree had been. Just sitting there, mocking me. I knew, right then, right there, that my sister was a liar. But it was too late. I'd rejected Santa!I was naughty!That was pretty much the worst day of my life. I fell into such a deep funk over the next few months that I got fired from my job at the Christmas store. When that happened, I had a bit of a… I guess you'd call it a nervous breakdown. I don't have any memory of what I did, but I woke up one day in a… facility. The doctors said I'd been ranting about Santa for days and days, opening windows and shouting out into the snowy air that I was a fool and begging for Santa's forgiveness. The doctors wouldn't let me go until I pretended that Santa wasn't real. But I got out in February, totally cured, and began my long search for Santa.Okay… maybe I wasn't totally cured. I sort of went through a slightly confused time after that. One day I saw a stranger on the street that looked just like Santa. He was a fat fifty-something with a big white beard. He had this jolly look in his eye, even though he was obviously homeless. He even smoked from a little pipe, just like in that poem about him. I became convinced that he was the actual, real Santa. Why was he homeless? Well, it was spring, I reasoned. The elves were making toys, and Santa was taking a break. It made sense to me at the time, but that just tells you how discombobulated I was back then. I struck up a conversation with him, and of course he denied being Santa. But that's just what the real Santa would do. He was stinky and hungry, so I invited him over to my apartment to bathe while I baked him some cookies.He had no idea why a pretty 27-year-old girl would invite him into her home, but he didn't object. I made his favorite chocolate cookies while humming 'jingle bells' and listening to him splashing around in the tub. He stayed in there a long time, enjoying the hot water, which I guess was a bit of a luxury for him. My first batch of cookies came out of the oven. I was so eager to give him a taste, that I took a plateful into the bathroom without even knocking.He was beautiful sitting there in the tub. So fat, so jolly… he had a big pile of suds on top of his head, and I laughed in spite of myself. He looked at me, shocked that I'd walked in on him like that, but he greedily gobbled up my cookies. Then he said, grumpily, “Well, if you're not gonna wash my back, get out.”I took that as an invitation to wash his back. I sat on the edge of the tub and soaped up his back, which was covered with curly white hair. I ran my fingers through it, feeling something… unexpected, stirring between my legs. And no, it wasn't a flea. At least… I don't think so.When I was done with his back, I decided to shampoo his hair, because he hadn't done a very thorough job. I kicked off my shoes, moved behind him and put my feet in the water. I could feel his hairy thighs against my ankles. He leaned back against me as I scrubbed his hair. It was so snaggled with twigs, it took forever to clean it all out. He must have enjoyed my attentions, because after a while, I saw the tip of his penis break through the bubbly surface of the water. He didn't try to cover it up, so I figured, if he's not embarrassed, why should I be?By this time the water was rank, so I emptied the tub and refilled it. I got a good look at his naked body then. Santa had a big belly… and a big penis. Big enough, anyway, to still look big in spite of all the fat around his abdomen. I hadn't seen many penises up to then. I'd always been pretty shy around men. The two guys I'd actually had sex with were fellow elves who'd worked at Santa's Winterland with me when I was 19. They weren't little people, just in case you're wondering. They were just regular guys, trying to earn a buck wearing pointy plastic ears and red shoes with bells. Neither of them were good lovers, but it turned out that making love with me made them realize they were gay. Can you imagine? This happened two weeks apart. My luck, I'm telling you. But I was a nice girl, so I played matchmaker for them, and soon they were fooling around in Santa's house after closing time, with each other, not me.Anyway, the point is, homeless Santa was the first man I'd seen naked in years and years and years. I found his body intriguing. So after refilling the tub, I kneeled on the floor to wash his legs. They were still pretty crusty. Then I just kept working up higher, and his eyes grew wider and wider. He didn't tell me to stop, so I didn't. I cleaned his balls, his cock, and his ass. I was happy to do it. And he enjoyed me doing it too. He had such a smile on his jolly old face. He particularly liked me cleaning his hard penis, stroking it up and down with my hand on one side and a sponge on the other. He kept telling me, “Yeah, don't stop. Just like that. Don't stop.” So I didn't stop. He was Santa. Why would I stop?I was as surprised as anything when a fountain of semen shot out of his penis and all over my hands. I paused for a second but he grunted, “No, don't stop!” So I kept cleaning, and he squirted a few more times, letting out a long croaking groan. Then he slumped back in the tub and unceremoniously fell asleep. I smiled. I was happy that I could give Santa pleasure like that. Maybe now he'd forgive me for doubting him. I looked at his sticky cum on my hands. I sniffed it, thinking it might smell Christmassy somehow, you know, cinnamon and spice, but it didn't. I licked it off my fingers. It was kind of salty.As Santa snored, I washed him some more, making sure to clean the crusty dried food out of his beard. I even cleaned out his ears, which were almost stopped closed with hair and gunk. Then I waited for him to wake up, making sure to keep the water nice and warm. I played with his balls, because it made him hum in his sleep. His cock got hard, then soft again, in response to my touch. That was kind of fun! I made a bit of a game out of it, seeing how many ball tickles it took before he was stiff again. He woke up an hour later. He seemed a little embarrassed and at a loss for words. He just mumbled, “Thanks, girlie”.I helped him get out of the tub. He was kind of creaky and old. I started to wonder how a man this weak could possibly control a sleigh or climb down chimneys or do any of the other strenuous activities required of Santa on Christmas Eve. I watched him dry off, and now that he was clean… well, he just didn't look as Santa-ish as before. He asked if I had any gin. I offered him eggnog instead. When he drank it I knew I'd made a mistake. He spit it out! Can you imagine? Santa Claus… spitting out eggnog? This old bum was probably expecting it to be spiked with some sort of alcohol, like my aunt used to do. But I preferred it right out of the carton, just like Santa.Well, that was a sore disappointment, I can tell you! But he was my guest, so I made dinner for fake homeless Santa. He ate it all up, but when it was over he grabbed my bottom and asked if I'd like to give him another bath. How rude! I told him, in no uncertain terms, that he shouldn't look a gift reindeer in the mouth and ushered him out of my apartment.I suppose I should have learned my lesson. You know the one about not judging a book by its cover. But I didn't.I tried to put my life back together. I got a job outside of the Christmas industry, and I tried not to think about Santa. But every time I spotted a white bearded fat man on the street, or in the subway, my heart would soar, and my gray world would grow brighter. I'd usually follow him for a while before deciding he probably wasn't Santa. If he looked particularly jolly… well, I found myself getting turned on. Sexually turned on. It was disquieting. I'd never had those kinds of feelings for Santa before. Later that spring I started having erotic dreams in which I was Mrs. Claus. These dreams would usually end with Santa and I making love in a pile of snow, under the aurora borealis. I would wake up turned on but terrified. So I stopped Santa hunting and concentrated on my job all through the summer.After Halloween, the Christmas decorations started going up all over town, and boom, just like that my obsession was back. I started wandering the streets, chasing anything in a beard. Now when I woke up after one of those vivid Santa dreams, I'd lay in bed, sometimes for hours, masturbating. I began to reconcile myself with the fact that I had the hots for Saint Nick. After all, I wasn't a child anymore. I was a 27-year-old woman. What's so terrible about being attracted to a vital, handsome, generous, jolly old elf?One day I saw a street corner Santa ringing a bell next to a donation pot. He had a real beard, not one of those fake ones. And his Santa suit was beautiful! Real leather boots and everything. And the way he said “Ho, Ho, Ho!” Well… I knew the moment I saw him, that this was Santa! The real Santa! Oh, yeah, it was definitely him! No doubt about it! And he was so sexy, the way his belly bounced when he swung his bell. I started wondering if he was a good kisser… if his penis was as big as homeless Santa's had been… if it would feel just as hard and meaty in my hand… if it would spurt just the same? I got so turned on I could barely breathe.I watched Santa until he was done for the night, then I followed him through the dark streets. I half expected that he'd go around a corner and hop on a waiting sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer, so I stayed close, treading softly so he wouldn't hear me. But he walked up to an apartment building and opened the door with a key. Before he could close it behind him, I ran up and pushed my way inside.“Santa,” I said, “I…” but I couldn't think of anything to say.He looked at me with a perplexed expression and said, “What?”I stared at him and tried like mad to think of something, but my mind was a blank.“Well, spit it out, girl. I ain't got all night!”I wanted to thank him for all the toys and presents he'd given me over the years, even that last one, the lump of coal, because it had taught me a valuable lesson about holding on to your faith in a world full of cynics.But instead, I kissed him.Yeah, that's what I said. I threw my arms around him and kissed Santa Claus right on the mouth. I couldn't believe I was doing it, but there I was doing it anyway. And he was stunned… shocked into immobility. My kiss was close mouthed at first. But… well, I don't know what came over me… maybe it was the smell of cinnamon in his beard… but I stuck my tongue in Santa's mouth. And doing that made me go mad with desire, I was panting desperately and hugging him tightly, making him stumble backwards into the foyer. I pushed him until he fell onto his back on the staircase, and I clambered on top of him, my little body rubbing like mad all over his big fat belly.After a while he began kissing me too, sticking his tongue in my mouth and rubbing his gloved hands all over my back and squeezing my ass. I was wearing a plaid skirt that night, and his hands reached right under it, and he started rubbing my crotch through my panties! His magical fingers found the nub of my clitoris, and soon he was fingering me to heaven. Oh, Saint Nick, it felt great!Anybody could have seen us from the street or the stairwell, but we didn't care, we just made out like two desperate snow bunnies. He yanked his glove off his right hand with his teeth, his eyes crazy with need, then reached down around my ass, and I felt Santa's naked fingers slip under my panties and into my pussy!“Oh, Santa!” I moaned into his mouth. I felt his hardening penis poking up into my crotch, and I rubbed myself against him so hard, if we were made out of wood, we would have burst into flame. All the while his fingers delved ever deeper into me. I reached under his fat belly, desperately searching for his zipper, but his fly had buttons, and I couldn't figure out how to undo them. He took his fingers out of my vagina long enough to unbutton himself, and before I knew it, his hard, huge cock was inside me!“Oh, Santa!” I shrieked in joy.His cock wasn't nearly as big as fake homeless Santa's, but it didn't matter. I hadn't had sex in almost eight years, so he felt huge inside me! And he was so hard! I grabbed the stairway banister with one hand and his beard with the other. I began to thrust myself forward and back, banging my trim little belly into his huge flabby belly, driving his North Pole deep into my nearly virgin vagina!“Oh, Santa! Santa! Oh, you feel so good inside me!!”“Ow! Ow! Ow!” he said, because I was pulling his beard with every thrust. But he didn't tell me to stop. Maybe he knew that his beard was turning me on… probably more than any other part of him. I didn't take my eyes off him the whole time we fucked. I just ate him up with my eyes, amazed and astonished that this was really happening. His suit was so red and fuzzy, his face so jolly and sexy! He was Santa Claus! I was fucking Santa Claus!I started shrieking, feeling the first orgasm of my life ripping through me.“Oh… God! Santa!! Santa!”He put his hand over my mouth to muffle my cries. If anyone had opened their doors, they'd have seen quite a sight! Well… for all I know people might have seen us. I wouldn't have noticed. I was blinded by the Christmas spirit.Soon after my orgasm, Santa grunted and grabbed my ass to stop my gyrations and held me down, as if I might fly away. Then I felt him cumming inside me. The feeling of it, so intensely intimate… it drove me wild!“Oh, Santa!!” I yelled, my eyes popping out of my head, “You're cumming inside me!!!!!” I shrieked loud enough to wake everyone in the building, if I hadn't already. After he was done with his spasms and his arms went limp, I just sat there, feeling his cock softening inside me. I looked down into his dazed, sweaty, amazed face… my heart filled with love. I petted his curly white beard with my hand and leaned over to sprinkle his face with little kisses.“I'm sorry about the cookies, Santa.” I said softly. Hoping he'd forgive me.“Wha… what? Cookies?” He said breathlessly. “Fuck, I'm burning up in this suit!” He was sweating profusely and reached up to take off his Santa hat.He was bald!Oh, no! I did it again! Santa isn't bald! But this guy, whoever he was, was as bald as a cue ball! I didn't say a thing. I just stood up and walked right out of there, leaving him lying on his back on the stairs, wondering what the hell had just happened. As I walked quickly down the street, overcome with disappointment, I could feel his cum oozing out of me and down my leg. It didn't disgust me… actually, I kind of enjoyed the sensation… but it wasn't Santa's cum. That's what I really wanted. I wanted to make love to Santa, not some random geriatric in an expensive Santa suit!Thank goodness for the morning after pill. The last thing I needed was to get pregnant… at least not with some fake Santa's baby.But a few days later I started to wonder if maybe I'd been wrong to judge that man based on having no hair.To be continued..By cb summers for Literotica

After the anger, grief, mourning, and loss, is there really hope for a relationship after a betrayal? Kate Conwell gives us a resounding "Yes!" Listen as she & Shane delve into the 3 stages of healing:Safety & stabilizationAnger, grief. . . all the feelingsPost-traumatic growthGetting support with a group really accelerates healing, both for men and women. You can find Kate's groups for women's support at www.journeybeyondbetrayal.com or on Facebook or Instagram. SA Lifeline has recovery groups for both sex addicts and their betrayed partners. Most offer a remote attendance option. Their website is https://salifeline.org . The general Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting directory can be found here: https://saa-recovery.org/meetings

In this episode of the "Porn to Purpose" podcast, I dig into another conversation inspired by my work in the 12-step recovery community. I share my personal journey navigating the ideas in these recovery rooms, including the struggle I initially had with the concept of powerlessness.  Top 10 Show Highlights: [00:10] Introduction to the episode and inspiration from Sex Addicts Anonymous. [01:35] Struggles with the idea of identifying as an addict. [03:22] The importance of keeping an open mind in the recovery journey. [05:14] How adopting the mantra “take what works and leave the rest” shifted my perspective. [07:18] Discussion on the concept of powerlessness and its role in recovery. [10:05] The challenge of accepting powerlessness while seeking empowerment. [12:47] Insights into how recovery tools help turn the ship around when relapse feels inevitable. [15:30] Reflections on the lifelong journey of managing addiction. [17:50] Emphasizing the importance of daily habits, community, and staying active in recovery. [19:40] Final thoughts on powerlessness, empowerment, and the gifts of recovery. Linked List of Sites or Resources Mentioned: Join the Porn to Purpose Community on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/porntopurpose):  Download a copy of the ‘Freedom from Porn Accelerator': www.porntopurpose.com

In this episode of the ‘Porn to Purpose' Podcast, I dive deep into my own recovery journey. Since starting in 2019, I've experienced both highs and lows, but my commitment to getting back up and moving forward has never wavered. I've shared three key elements that have been crucial in my journey and might just help you in yours.   Top 10 Show Highlights:   [01:10] - Embracing Recovery: My journey began in June 2019 with a focus on deep personal recovery. [02:45] - The Power of Coaching: Joining a group coaching program was the first step in taking my recovery seriously. [05:15] - High Ticket, High Commitment: The investment in coaching led to a greater commitment to my recovery journey. [07:00] - 30,000-Foot View: Coaching provided a broad perspective on recovery, giving me a solid foundation. [12:20] - Exploring 12-Step Recovery: After coaching, I found value in joining Sex Addicts Anonymous, which added depth to my recovery framework. [16:30] - The Importance of Honesty: 12-step programs taught me the value of honesty and vulnerability in recovery. [21:10] - Relationships Matter: Building real relationships in 12-step rooms has been crucial to my ongoing recovery. [26:40] - Discovering Therapy: Working with a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) allowed for a deep dive into the root causes of my addiction. [30:15] - The Role of IFS: Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helped me explore deeper aspects of myself and my addiction. [37:20] - Progress Over Perfection: Recovery is a journey focused on continuous progress, not perfection.   Linked List of Sites or Resources Mentioned: Join the Porn to Purpose Community on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/porntopurpose Download a copy of the ‘Freedom from Porn Accelerator': www.porntopurpose.com  

Here we have a person whose lifestyle is unique because of a fetish. this episode is for entertainment purposes only, and for that purpose I think you may enjoy it. sincerely sorry for the audio quality. personally I think it makes this episode kinda precious. when editing this I kept replaying the text convo between he and his gf at the like 23 minute mark and absolutely howlingggg. TW: addiction, abuse, BDSM, drug use, sooasidal ideation. I do not condone, support, or identify with anything discussed in this episode; treatment of other people, habits, and behaviour mentioned are worth recording and sharing because they are hilariously out of the norm and might be better staying that way, though each being having their own freak is wonderful as long as it's not harmful to others. Sex Addicts Anonymous: 800-477-8191. Substance Abuse and Mental Health hotline (incl porn addiction services) 800-662-4357.

Nira speaks to us on how to sit with Grief in this Afro-Euro meeting of Reco12.Here is a little about Nira in her own words:  I am recovered codependent and sex and love addict from Sweden, a member of CoDA, SLAA and SAA. I found my way into the rooms during the summer of 2022.My homegroup is The Nordic Primary Purpose Group of Sex Addicts Anonymous, or ”the Nordic Group” for short. You can find out more information about us and our meeting at https://www.saappnordic.org I need not fight for anything anymore since finding this way of life, and for that I am grateful.Reco12 Afro-Euro Timezone is a Reco12 Resource in and for the Afro-Euro time zone hosted by Karen A.  We hope that you will join us and draw strength and hope from these podcasts that we will host every other Wednesday at 9AM GMT / 11AM Israel time.Reco12 appreciates your help in keeping us working our 12th Step with these great resources and services for the addict and loved ones.  We gratefully accept contributions to help cover the costs of the Zoom platform, podcast platform, web hosting, and administrative costs.  To become a Reco12 Spearhead you can quickly and easily become a monthly donor here: https://www.reco12.com/support  or you can do one-time donations through PayPal (https://www.paypal.me/reco12)  or Venmo:  @Reco-Twelve .  Thanks for your support!If you would like to get in contact with either Karen A or Nira, please send an email to reco12pod@gmail.com and we will get you connected with them.Support the Show.Private Facebook GroupInstagram PageBecome a Reco12 Spearhead (Monthly Supporter)PatreonPayPalVenmo: @Reco-TwelveYouTube ChannelReco12 WebsiteEmail: reco12pod@gmail.com to join WhatsApp GroupReco12 Shares PodcastReco12 Shares Record a Share LinkReco12 Noodle It Out with Nikki M PodcastReco12 Big Book Roundtable Podcast

Yitzy has been in recovery for a number of years. His primary program is SA, although he appreciates all the S fellowships and utilizes what he can from each of them. Yitzy also has worked the program for codependency out of the big book, which essentially allowed him to become more emotionally sober and eventually start dating. More recently, he started working ACA (adult children of alcoholics), which helped him put a voice to trauma that he wasn't aware of. It's a continuing journey, and Yitzy has already had a spiritual awakening as the result of getting started with facing his childhood. By God's grace, Yitzy got married to his wife, who is also in recovery. We now they have a baby girl. That has taken both of them on a deeper journey into recovery, healing from trauma, self judgment, fear, and responsibilities.  He will speak to us on what it's like to be a new parent in recovery.Reco12 is all about exploring the common threads of addiction and sharing tools and hope from those on a similar path. We gather from diverse backgrounds, faiths, and places to learn and support one another. Our speakers represent various fellowships, addictions, and afflictions, thus showing the common threads of recovery, no matter our addiction or affliction.Reco12 values your support in carrying out our 12th Step mission, providing essential resources for addicts and their loved ones. We welcome contributions to cover Zoom, podcast, web hosting, and administrative costs. Become a Reco12 Spearhead by becoming a monthly donor at https://www.reco12.com/support. For one-time donations, you can use PayPal at https://www.paypal.me/reco12 or Venmo at @Reco-Twelve. Your support makes a meaningful impact – thank you!Resources from this episode:SASAAACABig BookInside Out Movie12 Steps and 12 TraditionsOutro music is "Just Can't Do this On My Own" written by James Carrington, Thomas Barkmeijer and Paul Freeman and performed by James Carrington and used with full permission of James Carrington.  To learn more about this music and performer, please visit https://www.jamescarrington.net/ and https://m.facebook.com/jamescarringtonmusic . Support the showPrivate Facebook GroupInstagram PageBecome a Reco12 Spearhead (Monthly Supporter)PatreonPayPalVenmo: @Reco-TwelveYouTube ChannelReco12 WebsiteEmail: reco12pod@gmail.com to join WhatsApp GroupReco12 Shares PodcastReco12 Shares Record a Share LinkReco12 Noodle It Out with Nikki M PodcastReco12 Big Book Roundtable Podcast

A friend said to me the other day that she feels like everything we do is becoming pathological. We eat a lot, so we're a candidate for Overeaters Anonymous. We have sex with more than one person, we should join Sex Addicts Anonymous. We got drunk, so we should join AA.If I choose to call an addiction “repetitive behaviour that causes you and those affected by your behaviour major harm, and you can't stop even when you want to”, then maybe you have an addiction.This was hardly a scientific definition, of course.Using it as an informal standard, think of the many things besides drugs and alcohol that we know people are addicted to.

While Joseph and Paula are traveling, they did not want you to miss valuable information. This episode is an encore of a popular discussion about dependent personalities, which followed the episode about Love Addiction. Enjoy! In the last episode Joseph and Paula talked about Love and Love Addiction. In this episode, they address sex addiction, erotomania, and dependent personality disorder.  They explore the signs, symptoms, and treatment of each.   If you or someone you know struggles with sex addiction, consider reaching out to SAA, Sex Addicts Anonymous. SAA states that their primary purpose to help people recover from sexual addiction. SAA is a 12-step program. It is not therapy. It is free and offered in person and online. To learn more about SAA, you can find them online at saa-recovery.org. You can call them at 713.869.4902 or email them at ⁠⁠info@saa-recovery.org⁠⁠     If you have a question, you would like Joseph and Paula to answer during an episode of Questions for Counselors, feel free to reach out through the website at ⁠⁠www.lifelivedbetter.net⁠⁠ or email them directly at ⁠⁠Info@lifelivedbetter.net⁠⁠      You can find information about this and other episodes on the website: ⁠⁠www.lifelivedbetter.net⁠⁠.      Just a reminder - anything shared by the pair during this and all other episodes is based on personal experiences and opinions. It is not to be viewed as professional counseling or advice and is solely the opinion of the individual and does not represent their employers or profession. We would love for you to rate our show and tell others about us. And remember, Knowledge leads to a Life Lived Better.     Resourced Information   ⁠⁠Dependent Personality Disorder | Psychology Today⁠⁠   ⁠⁠Erotomania, What Is It? Causes, Symptoms, Diagnosis, Treatment (webmd.com)⁠⁠   ⁠⁠Sex Addiction: 8 Signs to Look For (webmd.com)⁠⁠   --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lifelivedbetterpodcast/support

Joseph and Paula are currently traveling. They cannot wait to be back with you soon. In the meantime, we are sharing one of the more popular discussions about Love and Love Addiction. We hope you enjoy. Is it love or addiction? Joseph and Paula address the benefits of love and also look at love addiction. What are the signs, symptoms, and treatment? Listen to find out.    If you or someone you know struggles with sex addiction, consider reaching out to SAA, Sex Addicts Anonymous. SAA states that their primary purpose to help people recover from sexual addiction. SAA is a 12-step program. It is not therapy. It is free and offered in person and online. To learn more about SAA, you can find them online at saa-recovery.org. You can call them at 713.869.4902 or email them at ⁠⁠info@saa-recovery.org⁠⁠  Questions? If you have a question, you would like Joseph and Paula to answer during an episode of Questions for Counselors, feel free to reach out through the website at ⁠⁠www.lifelivedbetter.net⁠⁠ or email them directly at ⁠⁠Info@lifelivedbetter.net⁠⁠     You can find information about this and other episodes on the website: ⁠⁠www.lifelivedbetter.net⁠⁠.     Just a reminder - anything shared by the pair during this and all other episodes is based on personal experiences and opinions. It is not to be viewed as professional counseling or advice and is solely the opinion of the individual and does not represent their employers or profession. We would love for you to rate our show and tell others about us. And remember, Knowledge leads to a Life Lived Better.    Resourced Information  ⁠⁠7 benefits of being in love | Life (news24.com)⁠⁠  ⁠⁠Love Addiction: Definition, Symptoms, Causes, Treatment (verywellmind.com)⁠⁠  ⁠⁠What Is Love Addiction? - Addiction Treatment (apn.com)⁠⁠  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lifelivedbetterpodcast/support

Ashley S from North Carolina is grateful to be a recovered sex addict and codependent. She has a deep love for the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as it is the primary text that enabled her to enter upon a new relationship with her Creator and have a profound spiritual awakening to overcome her sex addiction back in 2021.  However, Ashley found herself hopeless once more as she was stuck in a toxic relationship in sobriety. By the grace of the God, she entered into the rooms of Al-Anon back in March 2023 and found a sponsor to take her back through the Big Book to heal from her codependency. Ashley's talk today is based on Steps 6 & 7 and another spiritual text which had a profound impact on her recovery journey – Drop the Rock. Today, she is passionate about carrying the message to the addict who still suffers as she found it was the solution to help her “drop her rocks.” Ashley is grateful to be back on Reco12 one year later after reworking the 12 steps to share her new story!Reco12 is all about exploring the common threads of addiction and sharing tools and hope from those on a similar path. We gather from diverse backgrounds, faiths, and places to learn and support one another. Our speakers represent various fellowships, addictions, and afflictions, reflecting the richness of our shared experiences. Join us in this journey of recovery and unity.Reco12 is self-supporting, and your contributions help us continue our mission. Thank you this last week to Anne, Lo, Katrina, Ashley, and John for becoming Spearheads and supporting the Reco12 cause.  If you would also like to support Reco12 and become a spearhead, visit www.reco12.com/support . For one-time donations, you can use PayPal at https://www.paypal.me/reco12 or Venmo at @Reco-Twelve. Your support makes a meaningful impact – thank you!Resources from this meeting:SAA - Sex Addicts AnonymousAll Addicts AnonymousDrop the Rock bookHow to Listen to God bookAl-anonBig Book Step Study MeetingsTo get in contact with Ashley, please send an email to reco12pod@gmail.com and we will get you connected.  Outro music is "Just Can't Do this On My Own" written by James, Carrington, Thomas Barkmeijer and Paul Freeman and performed by James Carrington and used with full permission of James Carrington.  To learn more about this music and performer, please visit https://www.jamescarrington.net/ and https://m.facebook.com/jamescarringtonmusic Support the showPrivate Facebook GroupInstagram PageBecome a Reco12 Spearhead (Monthly Supporter)PatreonPayPalVenmo: @Reco-TwelveYouTube ChannelReco12 WebsiteEmail: reco12pod@gmail.com to join WhatsApp GroupReco12 Shares PodcastReco12 Shares Record a Share LinkReco12 Noodle It Out with Nikki M PodcastReco12 Big Book Roundtable Podcast

From episode #45 with Dominick Quartuccio. Key Points from that episode: - Dominick shares some of this story - The final straw before rehab - Sex Addicts Anonymous - Is sex addiction real? - Defining addiction and relapse - Religion and negative attitudes towards sex - Reframing your relationship with sex - Talking to men about sex --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/cam-fraser/message

Welcome to SexyTime! A podcast where we answer your questions about sex, relationships, and everything sexy in-between. Hosted by: Aliz and BK Johnsen. Sexytime's goal is to encourage more open communication about relationships and sex positivity. All statements are personal advice and based on opinion.

His mother was a military officer who was harsh and abusive. The seeds of his addiction were planted by passing increasingly erotic, handwritten notes to a girl in high school, but he didn't have sex until college. His first sexual experience resulted in a pregnancy and the birth of his now 25-year-old son. He was a high school teacher and went through an 18-month investigation where he was accused of sexual assault by a female student. He didn't do that, but his conversations were very inappropriate. Even the grueling legal process wasn't enough to make him stop. He used social media for sexting and had sexual relationships with 26 different women while married. His staggered disclosure took 18 months. He is a business owner and avid golfer and now has three years of sobriety. He is practicing gratitude every morning and putting in some deep work in individual therapy, marriage counseling, and Sex Addicts Anonymous to continue rebuilding his new life where he and his wife are healthier than they have ever been. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/alphaquorum/message

One of our producers confessed to being a sex addict so we sent him to sex addicts anonymous. However, it didn't go to plan... have a listen to hear what went down!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In the last episode Joseph and Paula talked about Love and Love Addiction. In this episode, they address sex addiction, erotomania, and dependent personality disorder.  They explore the signs, symptoms, and treatment of each.   If you or someone you know struggles with sex addiction, consider reaching out to SAA, Sex Addicts Anonymous. SAA states that their primary purpose to help people recover from sexual addiction. SAA is a 12-step program. It is not therapy. It is free and offered in person and online. To learn more about SAA, you can find them online at saa-recovery.org. You can call them at 713.869.4902 or email them at info@saa-recovery.org     If you have a question, you would like Joseph and Paula to answer during an episode of Questions for Counselors, feel free to reach out through the website at www.lifelivedbetter.net or email them directly at Info@lifelivedbetter.net      You can find information about this and other episodes on the website: www.lifelivedbetter.net.      Just a reminder - anything shared by the pair during this and all other episodes is based on personal experiences and opinions. It is not to be viewed as professional counseling or advice and is solely the opinion of the individual and does not represent their employers or profession. We would love for you to rate our show and tell others about us. And remember, Knowledge leads to a Life Lived Better.     Resourced Information   Dependent Personality Disorder | Psychology Today   Erotomania, What Is It? Causes, Symptoms, Diagnosis, Treatment (webmd.com)   Sex Addiction: 8 Signs to Look For (webmd.com)   --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lifelivedbetterpodcast/support

Is it love or addiction? Joseph and Paula address the benefits of love and also look at love addiction. What are the signs, symptoms, and treatment? Listen to find out.    If you or someone you know struggles with sex addiction, consider reaching out to SAA, Sex Addicts Anonymous. SAA states that their primary purpose to help people recover from sexual addiction. SAA is a 12-step program. It is not therapy. It is free and offered in person and online. To learn more about SAA, you can find them online at saa-recovery.org. You can call them at 713.869.4902 or email them at info@saa-recovery.org  Questions? If you have a question, you would like Joseph and Paula to answer during an episode of Questions for Counselors, feel free to reach out through the website at www.lifelivedbetter.net or email them directly at Info@lifelivedbetter.net     You can find information about this and other episodes on the website: www.lifelivedbetter.net.     Just a reminder - anything shared by the pair during this and all other episodes is based on personal experiences and opinions. It is not to be viewed as professional counseling or advice and is solely the opinion of the individual and does not represent their employers or profession. We would love for you to rate our show and tell others about us. And remember, Knowledge leads to a Life Lived Better.    Resourced Information  7 benefits of being in love | Life (news24.com)  Love Addiction: Definition, Symptoms, Causes, Treatment (verywellmind.com)  What Is Love Addiction? - Addiction Treatment (apn.com)  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lifelivedbetterpodcast/support

INTRODUCTION: Dr. Vernon T. Scott is from the state of Georgia. He is currently pursuing a Sex Coaching certification from Sex Coaching University and earning a second masters in Marriage and Family Therapy with a Systemic Sex Therapy specialization.Vernon has years of experience in life coaching and sexual health research and education. He is also an advocate for Trans rights and fighting against rape culture and its systemic impact within society. Vernon plans to use his platform to provide healthy conversations related to the nuances of sexual expression and amplify the voices of those often forgotten by society.He is the host of the Heauxliloquy Podcast and the owner of Slaytor's Playhouse, LLC. The podcast focuses on bringing people outside the compressed box of sexual expression. Vernon and his guests have conversations that range from kinks to personal sexual experiences to mental health. As for Slaytor's Playhouse, it is a publishing company that currently provides journals, artwork, and books.Social Media, Website, and MerchVernon's IG and Twitter: @UrFavHeauxstPodcast Twitter: @HeauxliloquyBook link: https://www.amazon.com/Essential-Guide-How-Hoe/dp/173663190Xhttps://www.heauxliloquy.comhttps://slaytorsplayhouse.com  INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to): ·      Vernon's New Sexually Inspired Journal·      A Warning Against Overuse Of Technology·      A Warning Against Sex & Hookup Apps·      Gwyneth Paltrow Shade (The Loving Sort)·      How Do You Trust?·      Masturbation Is Not Secondary To Sex·      Moving On From Narcissists Is MANDATORY·      Men's Sexual Performance Issues·      Can't Turn A Hoe Into A Husband·      Are You A Sex Addict? HTTPS://WWW.SAA.ORG CONNECT WITH VERNON: Website 1: https://www.heauxliloquy.comWebsite 2: https://slaytorsplayhouse.comHow To Be A Hoe: https://amzn.to/3n86RIRPoetry Book: https://amzn.to/3AavxrxYouTube: https://bit.ly/3nicLXDInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/urfavheauxst/Twitter (Vernon): https://twitter.com/UrFavHeauxstTwitter (Podcast): https://twitter.com/HeauxliloquyTikTok: https://bit.ly/3xOIjcPLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/vernontscott/ CONNECT WITH DE'VANNON: Website: https://www.SexDrugsAndJesus.comWebsite: https://www.DownUnderApparel.comTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexdrugsandjesusYouTube: https://bit.ly/3daTqCMFacebook:    https://www.facebook.com/SexDrugsAndJesus/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexdrugsandjesuspodcast/Twitter: https://twitter.com/TabooTopixLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/devannonPinterest: https://www.pinterest.es/SexDrugsAndJesus/_saved/Email: DeVannon@SDJPodcast.com  DE'VANNON'S RECOMMENDATIONS:·      Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse & Codependency Support Groups (Virtual) - https://www.meetup.com/pittsburgh-narcissism-survivor-meetup-group/·      COSA – 12 Step Recovery For Victims Of Compulsive Sexual Behavior - https://cosa-recovery.org·      A Recommended Reading To Help Heal From Narcissism - https://amzn.to/41sg6FO·      Sex Addicts Anonymous: HTTPS://WWW.SAA.ORG ·      Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)o  https://www.netflix.com/title/81040370o  TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs ·      OverviewBible (Jeffrey Kranz)o  https://overviewbible.como  https://www.youtube.com/c/OverviewBible ·      Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed (Documentary)o  https://press.discoveryplus.com/lifestyle/discovery-announces-key-participants-featured-in-upcoming-expose-of-the-hillsong-church-controversy-hillsong-a-megachurch-exposed/ ·      Leaving Hillsong Podcast With Tanya Levino  https://leavinghillsong.podbean.com  ·      Upwork: https://www.upwork.com·      FreeUp: https://freeup.net VETERAN'S SERVICE ORGANIZATIONS ·      Disabled American Veterans (DAV): https://www.dav.org·      American Legion: https://www.legion.org ·      What The World Needs Now (Dionne Warwick): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfHAs9cdTqgINTERESTED IN PODCASTING OR BEING A GUEST?: ·      PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.https://podmatch.com/signup/devannon  TRANSCRIPT: [00:00:00]You're listening to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast, where we discuss whatever the fuck we want to! And yes, we can put sex and drugs and Jesus all in the same bed and still be all right at the end of the day. My name is De'Vannon and I'll be interviewing guests from every corner of this world as we dig into topics that are too risqué for the morning show, as we strive to help you understand what's really going on in your life.There is nothing off the table and we've got a lot to talk about. So let's dive right into this episode.De'Vannon: Dr. Vernon t Scott, one of our resident guests on the sex drugs in Jesus podcast is back with us this week to talk about his brand newsexual exploration journal Y'all. This journalism, like any journal I've ever seen before, is filled with erotic drawings, which you can color in, and it's filled with prompts from Dr. Scott himself to help you think about your sexuality from a whole new way. Now in this episode, we're gonna take a deep dive [00:01:00] and really unpack some of these prompts and questions that Dr. Scott has placed within this sexual inspired journal. We're gonna issue a warning against sex and hookup apps.We're gonna talk about why masturbation is not secondary to sex. We're gonna hit on men's performance issuesand talk about why you can't turn a hoe into a husband. We also encourage you to ask yourself the question, are you a sex addict?You could be, and we're gonna talk about.A way that you can find out.Thank you so much for listening and enjoy the show.hello, are you delicious? Delicious, delicious little chickies out there. And welcome back to the Sex Drugs in Jesus podcast. I'm your host Savannah that I have with Mia, believe for the third time, fourth, fifth, who's counting because the bitch is bad.Dr. Vernon t Scott of the Hell Podcast, the host of the Essential Guide on [00:02:00] How to be, I mean, the author of The Essential Guide on How to Be a Ho, also the author of Prose from a Soul Seeking Justice. That's the poetry book. Doc Scott is back here today to talk to us though about the journal that is called a New Sexual You.Which which is the latest work. And so we're journaling today. Girl, how are you doing? I am Vernon: doing very well. I, it's, it's, you know, life is lifeing but at the same time I'm embracing it because you only get one life to live, so you might as well make it happy regardless of what kind of downturns you may come across.Like just find the positive things and that's one of the things I'm working on, acknowledging that, you know, things are not where I want it to be, but figuring out how I can make them a lot better. So I'm in my own little process and I'm just enjoying the ride at this [00:03:00] point De'Vannon: on to the Fox. Yet it's not think there was a soap opera for a called One Life to Live.We only have one life to live to watch my grandmother and things. The Lord was speaking to us. Then you only come, come this way once. Vernon: You know, I, I kind of wanna be a soap opera actor just for like, it's like if you get in there, you're stuck in there for some time until they have to kill you off. And I'm just like, I just wanted to do the one episode.Like, I thought it was gonna be a cameo bitch.That would be so nice. De'Vannon: That's some stable ass shit. I wouldn't mind being on the young in the, they like it's stable income. But I wouldn't mind being on the Young and the Restless and doing a scene with Nick, that boy who played Nick Joshua, that fine ass boy. I think it's time for his character to become a little questioning.Vernon: I'm so done. Go away. De'Vannon: It's time for me to show up and help guide this young [00:04:00] man onto his questioning journey. Vernon: Go away. De'Vannon: Speaking of, speaking of guiding people on their journey, so y'all the way. Vernon has this journal laid out. He has a lot of prompts now. I've seen journals before that have a lot of blank pages in him and not that much written.His prompts as he calls 'em. I think there's like 10 prompts in total. Or it's one prompt, but there's like four or five different questions per prompt, and they're, and they're written, so it's probably like 30 questions or something, you know, throughout the whole thing. And they're written to help to guide you along.So you, so you kind of feel like Vernon's right there with you helping to guide and you can always, you know, reach out to him anyway with questions. You know, he's a sexual experience coach. He's coming from his own history of sexual abuse and trauma, which he's overcome to help the world do the same. And so what would you like to tell us about this [00:05:00] book before I start interrogating you with my 20 questions?Oh my Vernon: God. Not 20. I'm here for it. I'm here for it. I would say the, the great thing about it is that it allows you to question yourself, to dive a lot deeper. And one of the reasons why there are multiple questions in each prompt is because you, a lot of people, when you get that. That basic question, they don't know what's next.And sometimes having a little bit more thought provoking things that goes deeper and deeper into those questions that you're asking yourself, helps you develop your thought processes. It helps you critically think, it helps you find the answer a little bit. I can't say sooner because everybody's process is a little bit different, but it helps you go a little bit deeper into yourself.More than that basic, oh, how are you feeling? I'm feeling good. Okay. And what's after that? So the, the it's. [00:06:00] Phrased in a way that you get that what's after that at the forefront. In addition to that, it allows people who are exploring themselves to find their creative side too, because what is it like when it comes to sex in general?I personally believe that a lot of people's blockages, because they lack creativity, they lack the option of freedom. And that's one of the things that this journal allows people to do. You get to create these, yeah, they're already printed for you. Yeah, they already have their own structures, but you get to create your own na narrative with these images.You get to create your own characters with them. Like one of the things that is even mentioning in instructions, you get to gender bend however you feel is best for you. Like there is one image in there where it is a feminine body, but it, the journal in itself plays on the mask film.Throughout. But the feminine [00:07:00] body in this one comes within the masculine section of it. So it's like, oh, okay, so how can I dive deeper into that? So I would say it is just a way for you to explore yourself, be creative, and dive deeper into your own introspection and figure out how you can embrace your own sexuality a lot more.De'Vannon: You had me dive deeper. That's, that's, that, that's what I that's what I kept hearing. Maybe it's because I had this. This, this, this, this, this man over here, earlier this morning. Who, who, who dove really deep. Ooh, Vernon: we love a deep dive. Now hold up now. Let find one of those. It's been a dry, dry season, Lord.De'Vannon: But let me look, let me do like they do in church and extend my hand so that,but [00:08:00] like when the like when the cloud came out of the river, And they said, we, we hear the sound of an abundance of rain. And three year, it had been that three year dry spell. I think that was the process. Elijah or Samuel. It was one of the two. And he got in his chair and ran. And baby it hadn't rained in three years, but it rained Vernon: Chile Cha.I I'll accept a lot of rain at this moment. You can make it rain some cash. Why you at let, let not let me not let me start taking off my shirt. I'm joking. I'm joking. Not on the internet. On the internet. My, I'm sorry. De'Vannon: His website, the websites are ally.com and slaters playhouse.com. He's on Twitter.Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, all that will go in the show now. But yeah, honey, I was, do I, I let him come over here and do a deep dive. He he came so fast the first time, you [00:09:00] know, they called me the, you know, the diamond Princess too, you know? Ooh, ooh.And then I think he was so, He was so into it. And then also so feeling some type of way you know, maybe embarrassed that he decided to fuck me again, you know? And so, and we're gonna be talking about sexual performance because that was one of your prompts. You know, I have some questions about the way tops view sexual performance, cuz I don't view it that way, but but yeah, I understand the dry spell.You know, everybody knows, you know, I had to break up with my, my covertly narcissistic ex January. You know, so we're moving forward. But I had to go. I mean, aint nothing gonna take the place of being with like one person who you can get dick from five nights a week if you want to. You know, this shit was wonderful.You know, I, I thought the sex, you know, in our relationship unfortunately was like one of the best things. There's so much [00:10:00] more to life than that. But that's really one of the best things he could give me cuz he was so emotionally unavailable, but mm-hmm. You know, you know, we we're having to move on. And that's, and that's all that there is to it.I'm saying all this is say Mayo Dry, spell be broken in Jesus' name. Vernon: Amen. And we receive it. Oh my damn. I didn't, we De'Vannon: receive, I mean if it gets that bad, I'm gonna hop on the flight and come over there and break it myself. Okay. We love it.Vernon: Oh God yes. De'Vannon: And so, okay, so let's start at the cover, the book cover. I have a thing about book covers and yours is especially colorful, y'all. It's purple. I think he might be able to hold it up for us per chance. Yep. Right. And so there you go. Bling bling purple. It matches my lilac colored [00:11:00]Easter, well Easter inspired spring inspired beard right now.I'm seeing it looks like Star. Star. And this book is out on Amazon and everything yet, or is it yet to be Vernon: released? It is out, I believe it is on Amazon. What I would recommend doing, because it is a lot cheaper just getting from the source, just go to my website to purchase it at Slater's Playhouse.It's so much easier for everybody. Other outside printing sources charged like 30 plus I think, and that's for the cheapest version of it. And the rest is like 45 and 50. And you don't have to pay that, pay the 25 at the website or the 20 at the website. So, and it's. For some people who may not have those funds, because I love accessibility.There's also a digital version too, so that you can print it out at home and that's only $5 De'Vannon: and I think it's like 160 something pages. 160, 100 mm-hmm. Page. [00:12:00] And so it's not a little thin anorexic journal. You know, this one here has but I hate that man when I buy a journal or something like that, that is prompted by someone and not just a marble journal, like what we used in grade school.Mm-hmm. I expect some prompting in there, like what you gave, not these little one-liners every, every few pages. No, I felt like this journal has a lot of soul and depth into it. So people who have never journaled before are not, you know, this is great, you know, for them, but. I see like angel wings in the back.What, what, explain this cover to me and why you went with it. Vernon: So I've, I've been feeling a lot of like universal energy, let's put it that way. And a part of that is also connecting to the things that make me feel free. And part of that is feathers and flying and being out. [00:13:00] Like whenever I think of freedom, I think of birds because they can go wherever they want at any time and all they have to do just spread their wings and go.So that's why on many of my covers you may see some types of feathers, be it the wings that's Like shrouded in the back, in the center of the cover or even at the bottom. Something that, that's like a little small cloud area or galaxy. But no, it's actually just a collection of wings and it's just, it's just something that always gave me a sense of freedom.And because this is a journal that focuses on sexuality and finding the new you, finding the new sexual you and finding that sexual freedom, I thought, why not? Let's put some wings on there so that you understand that you too can fly and soar in all of that. De'Vannon: Lord, give me two wings so I can fly away from all of this bullshit.Amen. I'll get 'em when I die and so will [00:14:00] you. Yes. So. So you've already talked about like the purpose of the journal and everything like that. I think I've stated why your journal is different than others, but is there anything you would like to say about why your journal ain't like the other journals?Vernon: I would say I have yet to see a journal that gives you the freedom to draw color and all this other stuff in write to really make something your own. Yes. When it comes to like, just like the basic notebook that you get to write in, you get to draw on the margins or you get to figure that out as you go along.But this automatically gives you that permission upfront lets, you know, Make this yours, decorate it however you want to decorate it. Attach your creativity to your own journey of yourself. Make this something that is extremely personal to you on multiple levels. And I don't see that in two many other journals.And on top of that, similar to what [00:15:00] you said earlier many of those journals only have like a one sentence question. They don't really probe you to go deeper. And I, I made that mistake with my first journal that I made within the series, and I just was like, okay, let's put some thought-provoking questions at the front and go with it.Yes, they're helpful questions, but one of the things I realized is that what is the, like I said earlier, what is that next step? It's great to just have that question, but what's going to be the thing to help guide people through through their processes? Guide them through their their like.Figuring out what their thoughts are, figuring out who they are as a person. Like one of the questions if I can ask it. And it's also one of my favorite ones is from prompt two. As soon as I pull that up is related to consent. So most people are, who are unfamiliar with [00:16:00] the what consent is.They may have just that basic yes or no, but this actually focuses on yourself rather than like anybody else's definition. So the question asked what does consent mean to me? How does it look and sound? How does consent feel? And when I am most comfortable with providing wait, when am I most comfortable with providing consent?So it's like, you really have to think about these things. It's not just yes or no questions. It's figuring out how. These things relate to sexuality, really do relate to yourself as well. De'Vannon: I feel like I need to say that journaling is not like a, a male female thing. This isn't something like girls do.It's not, you're not less of a dude if you want to take your pencil out pen or whatever and write, it's not a like that because [00:17:00] journaling taps into the soul, to the mind is private anyway, cuz nobody needs to know you have the thing, you know? And so, I don't know. I just felt like I wanted to speak to like any sort of like mischaracterizations or stereotypes that might, or stigmas that might be attached to this.Vernon: Hmm. No, that's, that's it's good that you said that cuz many people do think that it's just something that women do because like even when you think about the media that we watch, you have that dear diary moment, our girls in their diaries and stuff like that. But yeah, you'll have men who journal, but this is usually somebody that's like a prominent figure.So like the journals of George Washington or a judge or, you know, whatever it is, whenev what, whatever like c s I related show that you're watching in it's some high powered individual was murdered. You find their collection of journals. But it is not often sa stated [00:18:00] that, oh, the everyday man has that permission to write as well.So I think it is good to mention that anyone can journal and journaling is good regardless of who you are. De'Vannon: And it's a developing skill. So you sat down to write your first page in your first journal. Don't think you gonna be like, Angela Lansbury and Murder she wrote, you know, or Oprah Winfrey or some damn body like that.You know, you have to crawl before you walk and just about anything you do in life. So it's not about writing it perfectly, like you say in here. It is about just speaking your truth and being truthful. Now tell me why is, why is truth important in journaling? Vernon: I would say in order for you to truly engage, let me using the word in this, but in order for you to truly engage with yourself, you do have to tell the truth.It's easy for us to be fixated in the lies that we tell ourselves or the lies that we tell other people. And how do [00:19:00] you truly expect for yourself to grow if you cannot be honest with yourself about the things that are really bothering you? So that's why it is. Pivotal for people to maintain truthfulness in their conversation.Sometimes it's too early to approach that truth, and oftentimes we do recognize that we have glossed over something. But when you recognize that, give yourself that opportunity just to go back and address that a little bit later on, or even address it in a different way and see what comes De'Vannon: outbecause it's a living thing. So what, what you write, you can come back and revisit and you can track your growth. I wanna say, I know we live in a technological age, doc Scott, I need you bitches to put the damn phone down. Yes. And [00:20:00] and pick up a pencil. A number two. Okay. Or some in fucking number two.Take your hands. And write in the damn journal. I know you have notes in your cell phone, but it's a different way that the brain is wired to your handwriting across paper versus clicking on that technological device. Mm-hmm. When I was doing my hyp hyp hypnotherapist hypnotist certification, we would have to hand write in pencil, you know, and then we could go back and interpret that handwriting, you know, by the way the letters lay and things like that.And learn everything about a person, you know, before they even much open their mouth. You know, there is something to physically writing as old school and archaic as it may be, but when you really, really need deep help and deep work done, we had to kick [00:21:00] this technology to the side and get back to our roots.Hmm. Vernon: You know, I think a lot of that is because when you do hand write, everything becomes so much more personal. Cuz when you do the digital thing, you, it's the screen. It's always the screen. Whatever you type, whatever you put out there is so far distant. You're not really, yeah. You can get carpal tunnel for like, typing all the time.Okay. Whatever. That's, you know. That, but it, it doesn't really do anything within your body. Whenever you are typing these things, you're just doing a task on a regular basis. But whenever you actually sit down and write something, when you write your signature, whenever you put your body to motion to articulate the things that you're trying to say, and in the language that your body actually understands, that tends to stick a lot more than when you just type, because these letters on the keyboard, [00:22:00] They don't speak our language, they just speak what the keyboard says.They, they speak in the idea that you're putting out there in the digital space, but they're not speaking the same language that your body has learned throughout the ages because you're not typing at first. You're learning how to write your name. You're learning how to write a sentence by putting it on paper.Your body remembers that. And outside of that, typing on a skill on the keyboard just becomes a skill and not a part of your identity. Not a part of De'Vannon: yourself. Fuck. Yeah. Like your handwriting is unique to like your d n a and you use this something that's basic as handwriting. And I like a pencil because that lead is more natural than ink.In spiritual circles. If in spiritual circles, if you do certain types of spiritual work, You must use a pencil to do it. Mm-hmm. And you don't have to go go as far as to use parchment paper or like brown paper that is untainted and [00:23:00] untouched by man. In order to access what you're trying to access, you gotta go back to the roots bitch.Mm-hmm. But your hand, but you can use, you know, like writing with a number two pencil. So you recenter yourself to refocus to remember who you are and get in touch with that. Like, like Doc Scott said, you start off right and then by the time you all know in fucking fifth grade you got a god damn tablet you're running around with and you clicking away at everything, you know, turn into that crazy bitch from Megan who's obsessed with that fucking doll and didn't wanna give a damn thing up.The ho was strung out on the damn electronic, you know, because she know the fuck she was apart from the technology. Mm-hmm. So, And we gonna be talking about apps later cuz in the, in the email you sent, you wanted to talk about dating apps and all of that. And I got some shit to say cuz that's a huge part of what, of what cost me my relationship.Mm-hmm. But I don't know. I dunno if you wanna talk more about what journaling has personally done [00:24:00] for you. Had an interesting thing happen yesterday, I went with a new friend of mine this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful man, his name is Landon. He has a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful wife and and everything.And they're just an amazing couple. And I love the way he adores her, both when he's with her and when he is not. And but he and I went to go see Dungeons and Dragons and I'm gonna tell you all hearted moves in mysterious ways. I was sitting there watching this movie. I'm not big in the d and d, but Landon is gonna teach me how to play it.The ex played it, but he never invited me to the games, even though that would've been nice cuz I was the one who took him up there and pushed him to start playing him. But that's a whole other thing, you know? But the Lord has given me better. I have a new person who does invite me to it and everything like that.And so but the characters in there reminded me of issues from [00:25:00] my previous relationship. And when I got home and I hadn't journaled in a good while, I, I broke out my, my famous red journal and and I wrote, and it took me a few hours and I just talked about, you know, how God was speaking to me about what happened in my relationship.And I felt a great sense of validation and everything. And I'm gonna release, I'm gonna release a show and I'm gonna read this journal, you know, to people. And It's like from Harry Potter when they have that pen, Seve, when they do that spell where you can take the thought outta your head mm-hmm. And drop that bitch into that pen, Seve and they'll fucking worry about it no more.But go pick it up when you want to. Mm-hmm. That is for me. Too much shit going on in here. Put it down on paper there. My brain feels relieved and the load has been lightened. Do you have like a, a very specific example of a time where journaling broke said, broke you free? Vernon: How [00:26:00] journaling allowed, helped me come back from psychosis.And like this was during the height of the pandemic in might as well say 2021 ish. And I just started with a new therapist and working with him and he suggested that I use journaling as a way to ground myself a little bit more into reality and everything that's going on and process a lot of the things that's been bothering me or just even some past experiences.And it helped me. Literally, it did help me ground ground myself back into reality. It helped me figure out some of the things that were still bothering me that I thought I resolved, but I did not necessarily get over. It also helped me get in touch with my creative side again and get more in touch with my writing side too.I, there's been [00:27:00] moments I will be writing in my journal and I will say something that I feel is profound and I will underline it or put a star next to it and I'll put a message to myself like, you need to use this line in like a story somehow and keep going back into exploring myself and figuring out what's bothering me doing the shadow work and all of that.Within my journal of course, but like, it has helped me tremendously. And I will say I did use one of those lines in one of I can't say it was a short story cuz I never really went back to it, but a story that I was beginning to write and it, it felt so freeing to address that in that way too.It helped me dive back into story writing and developing a world and all of that. So yeah, [00:28:00]journaling. It's that, it's that girl, De'Vannon: he's that bitch. Look and there are many, many of you suffering from mental health issues and emotional problems. And if you haven't tried journaling, what the fuck do you have to lose?You know, you know, when you really, really get desperate and need help and you really ready for it, you'll try anything. But you know, this is a very, very beautiful journal. So the pictures in here are in black and white. Like Doc Scott was saying, you can color them. It starts off, or at least at the, towards the beginning of it, it's like a beautiful lotus flower that I'm looking at with like a heart in it and everything.And these pictures I'm gonna tell y'all, get progressively Kenia Kia matriculate through. I see a few, I, I think asses in here. Definitely some torsos and such, some ti TAs and whatnot. A six pack or something along that. Somebody's straddling somebody, oh, I ain't gonna say it is [00:29:00] porn. It's, it's very like, expressive and it's very body positive.Not everybody in here has a six pack. I've seen some, some, some hips. Hips and curves and everything like that. And I think that that is fucking wonderful. Yeah. And so how interactive it is. Vernon: Yes. And you know, one of the things that I do it's my self-critique is that I could not find any more like thicker masculine body types sock put in there.But that's one of the things I'm working on fixing for like the, the third iteration of the sexual exploration journal. So I can, like, the theme of it is body. So I have to make sure I have like a lot more body representation throughout that entire journal for the people who like to color and, you know, do that work.So be on the lookout people. De'Vannon: I'm just, nobody's judging you. And if they do, then fuck 'em. Oh look, and [00:30:00]I'm impressed that you put the artwork and everything together yourself. That's quite a skill. And you know what? We, we give you a pass on not having everybody type. Just like, just like we forgave Gwyneth Paltrow for doing Love, sex and Goop on Netflix and having just about everybody represented except for two dudes being in a relationship, even though she had women, men, straight couple didn't see any trends either.Gwyneth, you know, Vernon: get your De'Vannon: Pete, get your Iron Man on all you want. But we holding out for the next season where we sh where we're sure you'll get to those which you weren't able to get to in the first season. The shade, Vernon: the, and I love it becauseI was like, I, I will say I did love to see the bigger bodies up in that bitch. I did love to see it, but I was also like, You could do De'Vannon: a little bit more. [00:31:00] Where, where, where is the Batman To My Robin.So for those of you haven't seen Love, sex and Goop, I guess it's still on Netflix. Super cool. It's all about couples exploring their sexuality and being guided through it because Mo a lot of couples have so, so much piss poor communication and everything. You would think that it would be just easy to reach over to your partner because people have so many fucking unresolved issues.And so, so we, we always use a little help. One of your prompts asked the question, what prevents me from trusting others?Yes. And I guess just one of the questions within that prompt, there's like four or five questions about trust. It's just one, we can't tell it all. We gotta tell on it. And this stood out to me because, I'm the type [00:32:00] until now who would just trust people too far, too much, too fast. You know, y'all love hard.I believe in people and everything like that, and I have no ill intentions towards people. I forget that, that everybody thinks that way. Mm-hmm. When it comes down to sex, sexual relations, relationships, trust is a multi-level thing. For instance, people will guard their hearts and don't trust people with their true emotions or to show their real self, but they'll pull their dick out without thinking about it.Or go run behind closed doors with somebody without telling anyone where they're at. So, so you're willing to trust somebody with your anatomical safety, believing they won't give you a disease? Well, we can see how the h i v pandemic and hepatitis is gone with that. Mm-hmm. And, and you know, you know, we have not been very smart in that.Not judging. I, I have, you know, a history of H I V and hepatitis B myself, so I'm the first one to say I wasn't smart with that. I trust it too much. [00:33:00] And you know, we, so we trust that people aren't gonna cut us up into itty bitty pieces when we get behind closed doors. Although the stories still come in of people going missing on hookups to this day.This not disappear when Dahmer died or whatever the hell. People are still getting cut up on hookups, y'all. So so talk to me about trust, what it means to you and what would you like to say to people about it? My concern is that we put our physical safety at risk. It really, our mental health at risk by the things we're willing to do.Even though we guard certain portions, it's like it's unbalanced trust and it doesn't balance out. See for Vernon: me I'm, I'm similar to you, I like to give people trust until they prove themselves otherwise of being trust trustworthy. But when it comes to, when I provide trust to other people, I also think about my boundaries and like.Moving [00:34:00] within a space of trust without boundaries is asking for destruction. Whenever you do have those boundaries, do know what you're comfortable with, with what you want to allow, that allows you to make a, a lot more different decisions. Most definitely when it comes to how far you go with a another individual.And for me, I like to have clear understandings of, of things. So in order for me to. Come into a space where I am open to providing my body with somebody I need clarity on what are your intentions here? What are you most comfortable with? What what are you interested in doing? Are you willing to send a picture of yourself if if not, what are you willing or comfortable enough sharing?Let's talk about things before we even get to that space of having sex. And another thing is I do feel like cause of some of the messages that we are receiving throughout, you know, [00:35:00] our upbringing is that we have always been given the permission to be sexual and trust people with our bodies in a way.But we have not been given that permission to trust people with like knowing us intimately on another level outside of sex. Meaning having those honest conversations about what, you know, comfort levels or. Oh do you want to cuddle after we are done hooking up or just having those healthier conversations about how you want to engage with other people?We do not receive that permission at all. We have to learn to do that after we've been traumatized or come across so many fuck boys or fuck girls or fuck people that we are just like, oh, maybe I should operate a little bit differently. Or like, we are not even given permission to engage in [00:36:00] love outside of what society says love looks like.But we can freely give our bodies, because most definitely with those who are within the queer, queer community, because we are oversexualized for whatever you find out somebody's queer, oh, you must be having a lot of sex. What the hell made you think bad? Because as the societal thought process is that if you're queer, you're engaging in a lot of sex.And that's not always the truth. But we many of us do enact that narrative because that's what we were told through our lives. So it's easier for us to just be like, oh, I can give you my body because that's expected of me, already not expected of me to actually find a healthy and loving relationship with the person before we even engage in sex.But that's the it's the flip side for a lot of women though. They are told that they have to find the love of their life before they engage in sex. They are to wait [00:37:00] on it until they find the right person that they're most comfortable with losing their virginities to and all this other stuff.However, Men, queer people, just go out there and fuck and enjoy your fucking and explore as much as you want until you may find somebody that you fell in love with or fall in love with and all the other mess. De'Vannon: I feel like on some level at my request for your next journal rendition, is that you include a prompt that has to do with sexual limitations in terms of taking it too far.You know, at what point is your sexual sexuality getting out of hand? Because I've been attending, like, sex addicts, sex addicts, anonymous groups to be sure that since now that I'm single again, I don't turn back into a grinder hole or anything like that. Acting out or trying to fill a void or anything like that.Or [00:38:00] and then I'm, that I'm checking myself, you know, in And keep, and, and, and keeping my thoughts, you know, from spiraling all over the place. Well, I'm also attending the Sex Addicts Anonymous group because I realize, you know, I think that like from a child, probably I was, and nobody ever explained sex to me.And so I learned it from television, like you're saying. And then when I got I v I shut down and stopped having sex pretty much all together. And I learned from reading the Sex Addicts Anonymous literature that that is still a form of like sex, having a sex problem. So either if you take it too far and you just fuck your brains out all through town, or if you do like me and cave in and just, just feel like you just begin to demonize it because you judge yourself.In my case, I judge myself for letting myself get h I v. Either extreme is bad. Now it's okay. You know, I think if somebody needs to pause for some time to get a perspective. Mm-hmm. But [00:39:00]pausing is one thing. Knowing you're gonna reengage as opposed to hating yourself. Like I did both of those extremes.Doing it too much or too little required guidance. And so, and so, that's why I'm going through that. And so I, I wonder, so I, I would like a, a, a prompt about restraint over sexualization and dangers. How can my sex life put me in danger in ways that I'm not thinking about. Mm-hmm. You know renting a hotel room or motel room and turning the lights off and being blindfolded and letting anyone come in there and, fuck, you might be kinky.Some people are gonna call that sex positive. Hey, do what you want, but let's be real about the risks involved in that. Mm-hmm. See? And so, and these are the kind of things that I talk with my s a a sponsor about, you know, just being super mindful. Yes. Society tells people sex is okay, love is not. The patriarchy has told women [00:40:00] how to be, how to act, how to feel, what to do with they posties and everything like that.You know, fuck the damn patriarchy. Exactly. Also, also, not just sexual orientation and lifestyles, but ages. One of the, one of the struggles that I had, and y'all, y'all gonna probably hear me reference that X eczema for some time to come. I believe that I went through what I went through to to help you cuz you know I'm gonna talk about it.I'm not gonna be quiet because somebody has gotta be warned. Also, also, as my hypnotherapist pointed out, since my dad's a narcissist, that older dude who basically molested me when I was 15 was a narcissist. You know, she believed that he came into my life in order to not just heal me of what I went through with him, but the other men too.And so I'm happy about this all. And so we don't tell it. But one of his things was he thought that since he was in his twenties, this meant being a slut and being a hoe. [00:41:00] And I said, there are 20 year olds who do that, but there are people in their twenties who do not do that. So if you're going to be about that life, just say it's because you are about that life, not because your twenties mandates that you be out in the streets like that.So don't have no excuses to hide behind if you know that's what you trying to do. But my whole thing is he let society tell him to, I don't know, to watching tv or he would never put his damn phone down, was always on Instagram. You know, tell him what he's supposed to do in his twenties. And I would say, what do you want?Mm-hmm. When, where did you come up with these things in your mind? From no answers. So we need to be sure that we're not letting television, social media, the church family, nobody tell us how we're supposed to be. Journaling is a good way to delineate that and to, and to get out your actual thoughts so you can separate that shit from the voices in your head [00:42:00] that are not your own.Mm-hmm. Like, like Impro team told Ray in that damn Star Wars movie, he's like, I'm every voice you have ever heard. Okay. He was like, I've been in your head bitch this whole time and you didn't even know. We gotta kick a basket like that out. They even got too comfortable in our minds. Mm-hmm. It ain't even in rent.Mm-hmm. Vernon: Exactly. And I, I love that you mentioned that because people really do think that because of a certain age, this is how they supposed to be, regardless of how old the person is or how young they are, like. Whenever people decide to subscribe to a certain narrative, they have to recognize that that's the choice that they're choosing to make.Like I remember being in my twenties and people saying, oh, this is the age that you're supposed to be finding love, getting in a relationship and doing all these other things. And I would tell people, many of them who often got mad at me that I'm not ready for a relationship. I know I'm not rel ready and I'm not going to [00:43:00] put myself in a sit situation where I am going to what end this relationship because everything is a mess because neither one of us is ready.Or if you are, I'm not. So what are we going to be doing here other than just saying, hey to each other and cuddling up together? And what else? Like, I don't have the foundation that I required in order for me to feel comfortable in a relationship, therefore I will not be in one. So people really do think most definitely like some older people too, that.Yeah, I'm in my fifties. I'm not supposed to be sexual because my sex drive is gone. No, it is not gone. You can have as much sex as you want, be free and be happy with if you're young, you do not have to be going through bodies on a regular basis. You can be in a relationship. You can be alone with yourself.You can have mono sexuality, which is just masturbating all the time. Whatever you want for yourself, you can have that option to [00:44:00] be that. But if you just choose to go with the narrative because it makes you feel comfortable and you feel like you supposed to do that, then that's just not true. You're choosing to do that and you can make your own narrative or you can make your own story about your own life if you choose to do so.De'Vannon: Amen. You better preach. Hallelujah. And and also I like, like to let people know that when you live that way and you don't know why you think what you think or why you think what you. Why you feel what you feel or why you believe, what you believe you are a slave to, to other people, and you don't know that you are a slave to the mindset, to the patriarchy, and they are controlling you because you have no idea what motivates you in life or why you get up and go and do the things you do.I would ask acc, acc ask, ask my ex shit. I'd be like, why'd you do that? He'd be like, I don't know why I did that. Why'd you say that? I don't know why I said that. I'm like, okay. He would be like, I don't look forward to getting older. I won't be able to have fun. Once I turned [00:45:00] 30. I said, okay, why do you believe that?You know, I don't know. I'm like okay. Okay. That's you. That's not everybody. But, but I, I've tried to level with him. I was like, okay, where did you get that from? Let's talk this out. He got all mad. Didn't want to get all deep. I was at the, I was at the nightclub, this club called Splash the other night with my delicious new friends.Just a good, you know, safe group of people for me to hang out with. And twirling and splash is like a, hmm, you know, 18 to maybe like 24 year old general dance club right outside of Louisiana State University. But nobody in there is judging you as long as you, you can be old as whatever, as long as you go in there.I had whatever color beard on, I was rocking and you know, they was like, cool man. Fucking, you know? Right. And there was this dude, old white haired, he had on like a fetish kink, kind of like Scottish Celtic dress leather. Updo, look, go. I was here for it, but when I left I heard these mean ass queens [00:46:00] in the parking lot throwing shade, I think at him talking about like, you know, talking about this old man in the club.And I said, you know what? Them little young fuckers don't understand that the bad karma that they're sewing for themself and Teddy like that because they not gonna be young forever, assuming, assuming that they're even blessed enough to get to these, that guy must have been 60, you know, 70 years old, walking around there with a spring in his step.Young and big mouth and arrogant like that is only gonna make you old and crippled. You know, because you're not sewing good seed for yourself. I respected the fact that he was in there. With gray hair twirling around with 18 year olds with full fucking confidence bitch. No one who can stop him, who can check him.He paid his cover, he pays, okay, it's a free fucking country. I respected the fuck outta him and I complimented him. I did not like seeing the damn queens in the club being petty. Oh, that stems from insecurity any fucking way. Vernon: Nothing but [00:47:00] insecurity and that's their problem. And I, that's the one thing I try to help a lot of people understand, is that when you go out your way to try to make somebody else feel bad or just comment on their existence just for being there, is cause you're insecure that it is something within you wish that you were that person and you need to explore exactly why.Because what did he do to you all to make you want to be so negative other than existing in your space and enjoying his life? Are you jealous that. This is a grown ass person enjoying their life and their, the youth of their age. Make it, make it to that point, like the man is doing whatever the fuck he wants to do.Are you, do you not feel comfortable enough that you can do wherever the fuck you want? That's your problem.De'Vannon: Yeah, people [00:48:00] shouldn't be so shook just cause somebody walked through the fucking door. You know? They should have been like dancing and twerking and popping their own pussy severely and not, not people watching like that. I don't like the people watch. I like to be in the middle of the crowd. I cannot spend my life watching other motherfucking people.That's why I don't like reality tv defies, reels and things like that cuz people just sit there and watch other damn people all day and then they don't have an attention span worth the damn, you know, can't explain shit. But they can tell you what everybody fucking did on social media. It's so fucking stupid.Vernon: Now I will say I'm a people watcher. I'm, I'm not going to lie, but I also like to live my own life. But De'Vannon: there's balance for everything. I'm not judging you If you wanna watch, but fuck you gotta get up engaged at some point. I'm not sitting around and watching none of y'all ho y'all can watch. I agree that's Vernon: there is something I did want to talk about.It is, it is related to your ex as well as people like him. I consider them [00:49:00] as NPCs. For those who are not gamers, that's just a non playable character. The reason why cause. My, my little cousin, he was an NPC at one point, and I had to make sure he pressed stars so he can get his, you know, a person playing.So these are people when you do ask them whether it's on their mind, it's just something blank. If they do act, they, well, let's not say act. They react. And when they react, there's no thought process and that, and sometimes they're just, In the motions of doing things with no thought behind it. So like, whenever you find a person like that, do your, if they're young and it's if, if it's somebody that you're you love a lot, help them learn how to critical critically think.Once you get to that point and they start to do that, there's a completely different shift in their energy and how they interact and how they respond and what they do. They start to think a lot more. It becomes [00:50:00] so much easier for you. Like my little cousin used to be like a problem child. Now he's like the best child in the house because they no way I'm going to have my own family member be a NPC out here.We don't uhuh. No, no. So make, make, contact your friends, contact your family members. Don't let them be an npc. That's all I wanted to say on that. De'Vannon: Well, that goes my that's a good Nod to my Dungeons and Dragons reference earlier. Right. Which it was. Which it was a cute ass movie. But but, you know, the Lord speaks us in all kind of ways, through movies, through shows, television, everything's just all about whether or not your, your ears are open to listen.Mm-hmm. I, I'm gonna say, you can offer help to these NPCs because God knows, you know, I, I, you know, I loved my boyfriend and I tried to help him. You know, one, one of his mindless times like that was when we had first broke up. And I [00:51:00] wish I hadn't gotten back together with him, but I didn't know that narcissistic personality disorder was a fucking thing.I just thought it was like immaturity or some shit. But he was out there for three weeks. He would complain about not having enough friends. But there's a reason people don't like being around him, you know, cause of that heavy ass energy that he has. He refused to let it go. So we're sing. So we're both single for three weeks, although I never limited it from having him, from having friends.What he decided to do was go rack up six different fuck buddies and one supposedly platonic friend all met through hookup apps. I say, okay, you complain about not having friends, but you chose to go rack up fuck buddies again. Okay? Narcissistic people do this. They create the shit they hate and then they blame other people or just bitch about it, even though they literally created it and did it.And so but this was when Covid was popping off. We had tests but [00:52:00] no vaccines. None of him and nor his hoes got tested. And then he came he let me come around him with no mask on and it was not a pretty night. Once I discovered that he had been out fucking cuz he left. A wine bottle, a pork wine bottle in his kitchen.Cause we were trying to be friends or sorted out or you know, I think I was thinking I wanted to get back with him or whatever and I'm like, you're not classy enough to buy something like this cuz I taught you everything you know about taste and design. So you've been with some dude. Otherwise this bottle wouldn't be sitting here cuz you're a box wine bitch.And so nothing against box wine. I have it in here too, but I also have the bottles and the crystal glasses. You know, that was one of those mindless like how in the hell? And the only thing that could come out of his mouth was, I'm single, right? I can go do what I want. True, absolutely. But that doesn't mean that you need to pass up CVS and don't get your nose swabbed.But you can go lay in bed all night with people and then you come around other folks who didn't even benefit from the damn sex and you don't bother [00:53:00] to tell them. Mm-hmm. That was his mindless moment. We hash that out and talked about it. This is why I had to break up with him. Years later, he's back at it again.This time he's out having sex with people knowing he's covid positive and didn't give a fuck. So you can try to talk since into some people when they're doing mindless shit where they just don't seem to be able to comprehend their actions and the consequences and a fallout. But if they are hardheaded or what the Bible calls to reprobate mind you from such turn away and let their go.Cause you gonna worry yourself out. Try not reason with people who don't wanna be reasoned with. Yeah, Vernon: I agree with that. Like, this is why you gotta make sure you get them while like your family members while they're young, because once they adult, once they're past age 25, 26, 27, when that brain is finalized.Oh no. All you can do is just offer them help. Just like, you [00:54:00] know, have you ever thought about therapy? You know, it, it, I've been in it, it is great. It's wonderful. I don't know if there's anything I know, I, I, I, I know, oh boy, he ain't going, he ain't going for that and that's his problem. But for those out there who may have somebody who may be open to that, do your best to get them into some kind of therapy cuz it's, it's a lot of work dealing with the narcissist.It is a lot like they, the, the self-fulfilling prophecy that they want to set up for themselves with nothing but failure or nothing but their own demise that's on them and they love to do it. You don't need to, you don't need to put yourself into that at all. De'Vannon: Hail to the, no. You talked about masturbation as an option.Okay. One of the things that I would like to point out to people, another point that was very difficult for me to try to get across to he who must not be named, is that [00:55:00] masturbation is not like a secondary stepchild to physical encounters with people. You know, some people in this world think that masturbation is the consolation prize.You know, like I couldn't find someone to meet up with, so I guess I'll just have to, you know, wa it and go to bed. Like it's a thing to be sad about. You know, you, you touched on this briefly by saying someone could have like a solo relationship with themself. Mm-hmm. And do you care to dive deeper into why masturbation is not supposed to be compared to sucking dick penetrative sex group sex and why?It's simply just another option. And actually you can connect with yourself through masturbation. You can't do that when you're with somebody else cause it's supposed to be about that person. Masturbation is a powerful tool, depends on how you look at it. Mm-hmm. Vernon: So, Ooh, I love me. So masturbation now it's, masturbation is just another way for you to show yourself how much you love yourself, but do it in a sexual way.When it [00:56:00] comes to like self-care, let's, let's just, Put it broad and just say self-care. Self-care can include masturbation. When, when it comes to self-care, self-love, you are doing things that make you feel good, make you wanna love yourself, and all this other stuff. Masturbation is just another form of showing yourself some kind of love.It also gives you the opportunity to find the pleasure spots that other people cannot find or that they don't know about. It helps you figure out what your sexual I forget your not sexual cycle. It might be sexual cycle, but the flow of your your body when it comes to peak to fall, it helps you understand, oh, in this.Point of my body wants a little bit more nipple play, or my body wants me to rub on my legs some, or a different part of my body becomes a lot more sensitive. So let me explore that a little bit. While I'm engaging and jerking myself off, or playing with my clitoris or playing [00:57:00] with whatever body part that you want to play with, asshole, whatever you engage into, well, you get to know your body in a new a new way, a new sexual way that engaging with other people don't often provide for you.And it also helps. Give them the cues that they need to make sure that they're pleasing you Well a thing I like to tell a lot of people is that if you don't know what you like, how can you tell another person? Masturbation helps you find out exactly what you like Now. Yeah, sometimes when you engage with other people, they may do a little tickle, tickle somewhere.You just like, oh shit. I did not know. I liked that. Hold up. Can we revisit that one more time and Oh, yeah. Right there. I know. I said one more time. We're going to just make this last. This one moment is going to be for a day. Thank you so much, Lord. Thank you. When you get into those moments, yeah, they happen, but those, [00:58:00] those situations are a lot more rare if you if you don't already know your body.So masturbate, it's a, it's a spiritual connection based off of who the person is, how they practice their spirituality. So do it. It's, it's, it's De'Vannon: rewarding.It's all about perspective and perspective is everything. And but, but people, masturbation is not less than penetrative sex or meeting with somebody. It's, it's hell, it's sex. No, you don't have to worry about STDs. You don't have to worry about the games. People play on apps. You don't have to worry about getting cut up in the edbd pieces.You don't have to. I mean, it's all you. You can, like candles, put on some music, drip your honey over yourself. Mm-hmm. You make it a whole thing. Vernon: Now you about to make me go off somewhere and hold myself out. Jesus,[00:59:00]call me a bad bitch Vernon. Call me a motherfucking bad bitch. Choke me a little bit. Please stop.De'Vannon: Look while you playing. My throat's still a little bit sore from earlier today because that man was strong and so Vernon: I love to see it. De'Vannon: And y'all, y'all know your girl over here is submissive and loves to be dominated. And so, let me see here. I wanna touch briefly on sexual performance. I think every man I've ever gotten there from, and I don't know if this is God's way of pushing procreation along or what, you know, he feels some type of way. It's like he's, he, it's almost like. It's almost like you feel like he's going to a job when he's getting in bed and something like that.And if that's just the x y chromosome way, you know, fine. And not here to judge men for this. But I just wish that they would take, [01:00:00] I'm stepping into my full woman mode now. You know? I wish you men would take this, the stress off of yourself. It's cause it's kind of like a's some, an anxiety. Mm. You know, that comes over men and I'm all like, we're here, we're naked.So you've been accepted. So why the, I get that. You want to, I don't know why it's there. It, it, it can become corrupt though, because a lot of times these men are out here needing to have sex for validation of themselves. Mm-hmm. Even though he's trying to get you off, you know, if he, even if he gives a fuck enough to do that, a lot of times it's not out of care for you.You know, it's just, To make him feel good that he did a good job, you know, which I don't like that, you know? Mm-hmm. You know, it's about, it should be about both people being vulnerable and enjoying each other and giving each other, [01:01:00] whatever it is they have communicated is going to make them happy. Mm-hmm.Period. So what, what is this whole performance? I gotta do this, this stress y'all be bringing into my bed. Vernon: Hey. So I literally just did, like last month, I did a workshop that was based on per performance anxiety. And it, it does exist for a lot of men, and there are reasons behind it. Like when you look at the narratives that are pushed towards men, it is that you have to perform very well just so that you can keep your partner.If you're not bringing your A game, then, then this person's not gonna ask you back, which is also a, a hit to their ego. It is. You also have that if you do not perform well enough, you're less of a man, which also is a hit to the ego. So it's so many different narratives that are pushed for men in general that makes us want to perform or outperform other [01:02:00] dudes.So. We have to just really let that go and recognize that when it comes to sex, don't go into this with expectations that it's going to be top-notch. Go into that willing and ready to enjoy each other's bodies or multiple people's bodies because it's a, it is an experience that an experience that's worth.Being lived not worth being a film. It's not worth being something that you are performing like you are doing some type of porn. Porno. And porn is also another reason why there's a, a lot of performance anxiety because people think that this, these sounds that these people are making are real. That, oh, I'm supposed to have my partner screaming out my name and all these other things.But no, some people are silent. Some people do moan. Some people do sound like that, but that's just how they express themselves. And if you need that kind of validation from your partner, like that verbal, then you have to [01:03:00] communicate with your partner about that too. But you also have to explore why is it that I feel as though I need that validation?And a lot of times it's because that's the narrative that people decided to purchase because it was given to them. And you don't have to do that. Another thing is when it comes to performance anxiety, is that. When we meet new partners, our we engage in sex with somebody, there's that fear of being the the topic of discussion in the group chat.And, you know, when you're in the group chat, it's not a good thing. So that makes people want to perform a little bit better to prevent any kind of shame or in indirect shame from after that sexual experience. Like, if this is a person that you're not gonna ever meet up again with, why are you worried?Like, just enjoy yourself. So that's just some of the stuff, [01:04:00]De'Vannon: even if it's somebody that you love or you wanna get to know anybody who's gonna judge you and dismiss you based on your sexual performance. It's not a good person. Mm-hmm. Agreed. You, you are a human, you're a child of God, and God created sex.Not PornHub, not grinder, not none of those plates. I don't care how they seem to have a monopoly on it. But no, you are more than your dick. You are more than your pussy and your titties and everything. And these people who say are like, say size queens and shit. And they're like, unless you have a big black talk, don't come over here, or this or that.Okay. They have their preferences. It is not right for them to demonize it and make it seem like it's a negative thing. If your dick is under a certain amount of inches, just be like, I prefer 10 and above, but no, no tea and no shade against nine point 11 inches in flow. You know? You know, and so people just got all kinda like fucked up in twisted [01:05:00] minds, but at the end of the goddamn day, It is a human connection that's supposed to be a beautiful expression of something that God created is not supposed to be done in such a way that ever causes harm to anybody else in any way or to yourself and I that's, and I just don't think that that's what it is in society anymore.Mm-hmm. So, so men have performance anxiety and he cannot attune. I like, I don't know what the other people told you. I am not judging you, you know, for the dick size, but you cannot accept what I'm saying because you have this anxiety so deep within you that you're panicking with me, even though I am not the source of your panic.Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I've had dicks that have been two inches all the way up to 17. Okay. And people ask me, people ask me, what the hell do you do with a dick that big whatever You can. And so anything but wrong, wrong anything but wrong thing will let you out the room anyway. But he, he just take his dick and block the door.You can't get out, trust me. And so, [01:06:00] but the point is, the point is, I didn't turn down the two inch dick dude or the 17 inch dick dude, because I valued them as humans. Any, anything other than that, fuck 'em. You know? Let anybody make you feel bad because of your anatomy and shit like that. If you're too fat for them or too scared, whatever, fuck all that, because that's just insecure ass people

INTRODUCTION: In this episode I give you an unanticipated update about my healing from my breakup with a narcissist and how Dungeons & Dragons inspired me to write a journal entry in this same regard. I know weird right? #ILIVEFORTHIS INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to): ·      The Benefits Of Writing & Journaling·      Stop Following Behind The Narcissist ·      God Speaks Through Movies·      KARMA Is Real·      Why Argue? Just why though?????·      Reprobate Minds·      Spiritual Understanding·      There Are No Secrets·      Relationship Burden Must Be Borne By ALL·      Give Yourself Some Kudos CONNECT WITH DE'VANNON: Website: https://www.SexDrugsAndJesus.comWebsite: https://www.DownUnderApparel.comTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexdrugsandjesusYouTube: https://bit.ly/3daTqCMFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/SexDrugsAndJesus/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexdrugsandjesuspodcast/Twitter: https://twitter.com/TabooTopixLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/devannonPinterest: https://www.pinterest.es/SexDrugsAndJesus/_saved/Email: DeVannon@SDJPodcast.com   DE'VANNON'S RECOMMENDATIONS: ·      Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)o  https://www.netflix.com/title/81040370o  TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs ·      OverviewBible (Jeffrey Kranz)o  https://overviewbible.como  https://www.youtube.com/c/OverviewBible ·      Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed (Documentary)o  https://press.discoveryplus.com/lifestyle/discovery-announces-key-participants-featured-in-upcoming-expose-of-the-hillsong-church-controversy-hillsong-a-megachurch-exposed/ ·      Leaving Hillsong Podcast With Tanya Levino  https://leavinghillsong.podbean.com  ·      Upwork: https://www.upwork.com·      FreeUp: https://freeup.net VETERAN'S SERVICE ORGANIZATIONS ·      Disabled American Veterans (DAV): https://www.dav.org·      American Legion: https://www.legion.org ·      What The World Needs Now (Dionne Warwick): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfHAs9cdTqg  INTERESTED IN PODCASTING OR BEING A GUEST?: ·      PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.https://podmatch.com/signup/devannon  TRANSCRIPT: Solo Dolo: Heartbreak Update + $925.56 Of Unpaid Debt + Dungeons & DragonsDe'Vannon: [00:00:00] Hello, hello, hello everyone and welcome back to the Sex Drugs in Jesus podcast. I'm your host Devan and Hubert, and I'm here with an update today about how I'm feeling dealing with this breakup. And we're gonna talk a little bit about journaling and ironically enough, Dungeons and Dragons as well. SoYeah, then I have my trustee and I guess a little bit crusty Red Journal here. As you can see, I've had this thing since 2013. So you know, I think she's holding up pretty fucking good if I do say so myself. So I, so me and me and me and this new friend of mine, his name is land. Beautiful man, beautiful soul, beautiful [00:01:00] heart.We went to go see Dungeons and Dragons the other day, and let me see, I wrote this on April the third, so I think we went to go see this on Monday. I hadn't journaled in like a while. While, and I, when I got home, I sat down and took a few hours to, to write about the way this movie this movie had inspired me Journaling is one of those things that's super healing in a, in a, in a very unique and strange way. There is a connection between the, the mind, the brain, and writing things physically down, not taking notes and whatever electronic device you have is not the same. It's like in hypnotherapy, I learned, you know, when we would have a client come in or, or something like that, we would have them write physically with, you know, like, like a pen, a [00:02:00] pencil, something like that, right Out what, whatever it would be in cursive.And we could tell so much about, you know, a client before they even said anything, just by getting a writing sample from them. I think, if I'm not mistaken, it had to be in 10. I don't know if they could use pencil. It was one or the other. Don't quote me on that, but but there's something about writing it just, I was almost like, you, you know, you're putting your, your soul down on paper.That's why, you know, you know, you can be tracked like by your handwriting. You know, handwriting specialist can tell is really your signature. If you really wrote this, you know, writing is like, kind of like a d n A as, as a technology. Age moves on and people write less and less and less physically with their hands, right?Less and less, you know, in schools you would've electronics, you know, over the place. Now who even needs a pen or a pencil anymore? You know, but we're, but we're losing a part of our, [00:03:00]our soul. Okay, by not getting back to the basics of just putting a a pen to paper, there's a lot to it. And journaling helps you to get your, your soul down on paper.It helps to alleviate weight off the brain. Cuz it's like, once you, for me, once I take it outta my head and put it on paper, it just helps, it just helps me to feel like maybe like this journal is helping to, to, to shoulder some of this burden for me. It's like my, it's like my little helper buddy. So,so I'll just start reading it and we'll just see how this thing goes. And, and overall, just, just so you kind of know a little bit of what's coming, it felt like, it felt like God was speaking to me through [00:04:00]this movie and particularly, This relationship that I just had to, to end and get away from so I wouldn't lose, you know, my mind completely.And I've been preaching this for years, you know, you know, God speaks to us in many different ways, you know, through movies, through shows, through television. And I really, really wish people would, would watch them, you know, for entertainment. Sure. But then also consider, you know, what are the real life implications here?What are the spiritual implications here? Are there any afterlife indications here? You know, that way, that way we're really gleaning from every experience that we have, all the theories to it, other than, whoa, that was tingling. It made my my flesh feel good for a moment. You know, what can we actually learn here and do something with on a more perpetual basis?And so I try to look beneath the surface in most things. Let me see here [00:05:00] today. Today I sent what I considered to be the final communications between me and the ex. In these messages, I berated him for failing to honor his word in terms of payments slash reparations. Okay, so let me explain to you what this is.I already had a running tally of, of money that, like I said, we'll just call him Ethan owed me this tally started that morning that we got back from New Orleans. You know, and his drunk ass, you know, took an Uber all the way from New Orleans back to Baton Rouge. That's like pretty much like at least an hour, because he was, you know, in that state of mind, come back to my house.He ends up hitting my car with his car, you know, you know, et cetera, et cetera. And so, And so begins the tally, you know, him paying me back, you know, for [00:06:00] all these things. That's the same morning I found out about you know, him and his secret fuck boy he's running around with and getting smoking weed with because, you know, he pretty much left here from hitting my car to go over and hang out with his secret fuck, fuck friend.Okay. And and and so I started like a running, like iPhone shared note and then as, as time goes on and I started learning more about his lies and his hoing around and everything like that, you know, I i's added more to it. I was like, you know, $500 ho fee or whatever the case may be. You know, trying to like find a way to balance it out.Did I ever really expect him to fulfill his word and do it? [00:07:00] Nah, not really. But if he, if there was ever gonna be a chance or a shot that, that, that, that, boy, you know, that, that that foolish boy would've ever been able to stay in my life, it would've had to cost him dearly. You know? And one thing I know, you know, pretty much every human likes money, you know, and they will stake, you know, people will try a lot harder to, and be more consistent going to work and making money, you know, than they will with, you know, like being that consistent in that dedicated to their significant relationships, supposedly significant relationships.And so, like, people will be late, they go meet their friends or to, to be anywhere, but they won't be late to go. To a place of employment that's gonna pay them. And then you got some people who are late to work all the time. But you know, if you, if they're late for work all the time, then they're [00:08:00] also gonna be late for their friends and late to church and every damn where else to go.And they're just late across the board. But when I can evaluate you and see that you're just late for me and not when you go over here and over there, but then this is something that, this is a way that you're disrespecting me. Cuz it's not that you're just late all the time, it's just over here, you know?So, and some might look at the list of charges that I levied against him and hell let me, let me just pull the damn list up. You know, I done said everything else at this point in my life. And if it's not being stated, you know, It'll be written. So yeah, it was like, you know, $775 for the car, another 380, 4 [00:09:00] 90 for the rental car.You know, 1 7 23, 500 bucks for yet another lie. How long he was with the fuckboy? You know, first he lied and said he had just met them and they hung out one time. Then he said, oh, well really it's two. Oh, nevermind. Actually it was four times we started hanging out. You know, we've been hanging out basically since September and Really, oh, we, we used to sleep around in college.You know, my blood pressure was so damn high dealing with this nonsense. I don't have high blood pressure. My blood pressure be like one 15 over like, I don't know, 90 or some shit. This is not a plague. I got problems, but blood pressure ain't supposed to be one of 'em, so I had to go buy blood pressure machine.And that cause is on here.I wanted to read that. I said $500 for yet another lie, [00:10:00] how long you were with the fuckboy. Plus aggressively manipulating and attempting to reinforce your lies, which have been at least nine lies, and most of which have been told in the past two weeks from the 7th of January. Even as I, in good faith, tried to trust Ethan and move forward,even though he had told those lies and everything, I still tried to work with him. I tried to go over there and everything, and his fool just kept lying. I added $225 for appointments with the the counselor, the couple's counselor, which he went and lied. I was like, I've wasted my time, money, gas for you to come here and gaslight and lie, manipulate to not just me, but the therapist too.This like this. May as well have not as happened. Andso basically when it was all said and done, the last payment I got was on the 2nd of March [00:11:00]for $200, which left Ethan with a balance of 9 25 56. So basically it's like he decided he is not going to pay for being ahoe and for line. Okay.That's his choice. I just wanted, I just wanted to.To for y'all to get an idea of this. And so he knew what knew what all of this was written down. This wasn't a secret, and it's something that he also agreed to. If he didn't want to do this, then he should not have agreed to do it. If he changed his mind about it, then he should have reached out to me in law, levied his case and said, here is such and such, and this throughout the course of our relationship, he never could.He would sit there and agree to [00:12:00] something and then decide that he was averse to it, and then not come and tell me and then go off and do whatever the fuck he wanted to do. And when I began to track this consistently in him, I told him like, you're acting like you wanna be single. You can go and have that life.I made it so easy for him. I was like, if you want to go out there and sleep with people and not tell anyone where you're going, There are people out there who want that sort of open relationship, that don't care for transparency, who don't want to know. I ain't one of those people, you know, I wasn't like, don't go and do, but since what you're doing could affect my health, I need to know.And you haven't demonstrated that you conduct yourself responsibly in terms of the health angle, you know, when you're out there doing these things. And so then I told him all that and he was all like, no, I don't wanna be single. But you keep acting like you wanna be single something with narcissistic people.Their words don't mean how they sound their life and what they do. Don't add up to what they say. [00:13:00] You know? You know, if you want to go be a hogo, be a ho. You know, nobody's stopping you from doing that, but you're not gonna have me sitting in here, you know, with one set of facts and you have another set of facts.I think they get off on the secrecy of it all. But in the Bible it tells us that the Lord laughs at such people like this because he sees that their day is coming. You know, Like I stated, there was a, you know, I didn't know if we were still gonna be able to be friends or not. Throughout the month of January and a portion of February, I tried to hang out with the ex and and it just never felt right. There was still. So much anger for me, so much it is stress from him. We still can hang out one time without some sort of argument or whatever.Now that he's outta my life, there's nobody else that I argue with. [00:14:00] I refuse to have arguments and fights with people over what we have too many blessings and I mean, we can get up, stand on our own two feet. Most of us. We can talk, communicate, we can travel, we can explore sexually, we can make money, we can lose money, we can have hope that we can gain back and that's gonna be all right, or whatever the problem may be.You know, we, we have a lot of options. When I was in the military, I used to go and hang out. I used to go and hang out with kids in the hospitals who had cancer, teenagers in hospital who had cancer, who should be out exploring life and doing things. And instead, they literally can't leave their room.You know, because of something that's no fault of their own, you know, we, we have no reason to be sitting around arguing, you know, but where does arguing come from? People wanting to control people. People not able to [00:15:00] express themselves properly. People of all kind of hell and confusion, you know, up in them.You know, you ever just feel just drained and tired and worn out after an argument because that, that spirit is not of God. And we all know that, that, that the devil comes not but for it to steal and to kill and to destroy. And so if you've done anything and you just feel like, just ghosted and ravaged and drained by it, you might not want to do that anymore, or, you know, or work on, on skills to help you do it a lot less until you don't do it anymore.And so I had all kinds of like, anatomical reactions to this stress I had like this weird. It felt like a moving, trembling all over my body. I didn't know what the hell was going on. Asked the, asked the Department of Veterans Affairs for a new therapist to help me with this, which they still haven't done.And so child waiting, waiting on the VA to help you with mental health or really anything is, is dicey. Sometimes you gotta get out [00:16:00] and just go do it yourself. And so, so the last text that I got back from Ethan was, you know, if your new therapist, it can help you work through this, then that will be good.I'm sorry this has affected you. So after almost five years, this is the surface level sort of responses that I would get from him, you know, and I'm thankful that I'm no longer waiting for him to arrive for that relationship because he never did. You see how non-committal his response is? I'm sorry this has affected you.So, but not, there's no ownership in that. He's looking at the thing that happened to me as though it's apart from him. You know, he's looking at his cheating, his manipulation, his opening me up to diseases and things like that as something that is over there somewhere. You know, I'm sorry that that thing happened to you.Not that I did this to you. [00:17:00] You know, he could not say what he wanted or to have any sort of like, accountability, but he just thought of himself all the time. You know, I'm sorry, this has affected you. So, until the other day, you know, I responded. I didn't respond to that. I just, I hadn't heard from him in a month.I said that I, I can see that you have decided to cease payments since I have not received anything since three, two. I sent this on April the third. Nor heard from you in any way. This is yet another broken vow on your part from which you will not be released. You know, we can't go around making promises to people and then thinking we can just disappear.You know, like, like without explanation. Like, that's not gonna catch back up to us. You know, spiritually speaking, I'm not about to go fuck up his house, [00:18:00] car life or nothing like that. That will happen to him anyway. And so I said, since you have decided to take this route, there isn't anything left between us.I am not your friend. Whatever connections were between us are permanently broken. Things have to be stated. You know, you know, you break up with somebody that, that closure in some way. Like, are you gonna be friends? Are you not gonna be friends over completely? You know, like that I didn't know, you know, I knew enough.To know for sure, you know, the romance, you know, gone whatever. I was the one initiating any romance between us anyway. And you know, had he acted right and, and actually paid what he was supposed to pay, I would've been put in a position to keep kind of like a door open cuz he would've done right. You know, and actually fulfilled [00:19:00] a promise.So he could have come back to me and been like, okay, I did everything I'm supposed to do. What are the chances we could at least try to be, you know, I don't know how soon I would've been able to do that, but I also at the same time, couldn't have been like a hundred percent no, because I was still like, kind of like on the fence about that.But, you know, you since, you know, he disrespected me through the whole relationship, lied the whole time. And then at the end made one last promise, which nobody forced you to do. And so then he said, okay, I will. And so then he changed his mind. You know, he could have, you know, he could have just said, no, I don't feel like paying this. But you can't do that and still think that we're going to be okay. You know?[00:20:00]I didn't like having these things unstated. Now, when I broke up with him, it was in person, but this here, I wasn't going to pay him the honor. Of of being in my presence or spending any more time than necessary. All he all, and he didn't even deserve a text. I did this to free me. You know, I didn't do this for him, but I didn't want it any kind of like confusion about exactly where we standnow. He didn't respond to that text. I sent another one a couple hours later cuz I needed to clarify. I said, let me be clear, I'm not waiting or actually even expecting you to do what you promised, because promises are things you don't mind breaking and lies are things you don't mind speaking. In March, you probably got paid three times plus whatever other income, pause, say in March.Most people get like three checks [00:21:00] unless you're a salaried. If you're like hourly or every, you know, every other Friday, Thursday, whatever, then you get three check. So that's why I say in March you probably got paid three times plus whatever other income. The last time I knew besides the, the job that, that he had or has or whatever, he also had another job as a bartender, which I also helped him get working for the same company, which I had to stop working for because the money trail could not be traced, you know, at, at this last bar that I was working at.And it was like, you know, so I had to like, you know, walk away from there. And so so anyway, and so I said, you, you sent, I said you yet, you only sent one payment, then went silent as you gain, the more you did, less my cousin. And I will receive good for helping you get the [00:22:00] sources of income you currently have. You will reap every lie you ever told me, every broken vow, every broken promise, every bit of deception, all of your manipulations than all of your knowing and willing fakeness from the last four and a half years.And it will be bitter. And those are the last words that I said to him becausefinal words have to be spoken, but what a shame for something that was, that has so much potential to be, to have to end in such a way. Although at the same time when I tell him that all of this dirt that he's done is gonna come back to him, it's not gonna be through me directly. You know, I'm not going to.Go and do anything. I'm not gonna send anybody to go and do anything, you know, to him or anything like that. [00:23:00] Because I don't want that coming back to me. When I was in the military, you know, I had dated this girl for six months, you know, and I really wasn't straight, fully. I was still trying to like, sort myself out and figure myself out.And I was under the influence of the church. That was, I was in the Pentecostal church in the military and just super confused about my sexuality and what it was, and what myself and several, you know, guys have done. We go and get these women, we go get girlfriends, wives, have children, and set up this whole life that we think we're supposed to have.This is so damaging to those women. And no, I didn't marry her. I didn't have kids with her and it was six months, but still I fucked her over. You know, I hurt that girl. You know, and she was there under the spell of the church too, and they got these girls sold on this pipe dream that they gotta [00:24:00]get married.And if they don't, it's a problem and that they have kids. And if they don't, it's a problem. And it's like, I initiated the relationship with her, the conversation and everything, but when it was over, I did not tell her, Hey, it's officially over, it's done. And this is why. There was none of that. I just ghosted her and just disappeared like a coward.I didn't do right by her and I broke her heart and and was worse as I just like kind of left her guessing about it. You know, I got my, the relationship ended months, I think months before I got, got my orders to leave. Well hell to get out of the military right. Altogether. And so The confusion the church placed upon me and all of that is not is no excuse. [00:25:00] You know, at the end of the day, you know, God says whatever you sow, you reap. Even if you don't believe in God. Anybody who has like half a spiritual mind and contract the way they're on life is gone can understand that everything that you send out comes back to you, however you want to describe it.So when I tell my ex thatthe dirt that he done, done is not something, he's just gonna be able to poof, poof, be gone, he's not gonna be able to go have a happy life. This relationship with with Ethan was the first serious one of length that I tried to have since the sense that girl in the military and all the dirt that I did to her.Has come back to me through Ethan. So, so it, so it's not gonna be like a time of peace. And for [00:26:00] him, he's so rotten and tragic the way he's done. People, I'll say he's done people so rotten.Like e even e even even on his hookups and things like that. I mean, intentionally giving someone covid, you know, he's not gonna have peace in his fuck life. He's not gonna have peace if he ever tries to be serious with somebody. You know, at least not until, you know, cuz he is gonna have, he got a whole lot of dirt and karma that's gonna have to come back to him, you know?And so that is why I ended my communication with him Now, I didn't say, you know, don't ever talk to me again, or whatever the case may be. But my therapist have been telling me, at least for right now, that the, that the goal, like I can't sort out anything that has to do with him what, while trying to sort out myself.I think that that's pretty good advice and I think I'm going to [00:27:00] follow it. Let me get back to this journal entry. so it says, Landon and I went to go see Dungeons and Dragons. It was super great. It was a super great movie and Landon is super knowledgeable. He's land is like a dungeon master and everything. He's been at this a long time.Ironically enough, the only reason I was able to meet Landon and really talk to him and befriend him is because I'm no longer with Ethan. It's like ever since his relationship has ended, I can see the value and the benefits of it. I've gotten, you know, new friends, I've I've never lost touch with my friends.I'm not one of those people who believes I'm in a relationship now, so I'm gonna do less with my friends or not talk to them or whatever. So, I will say that my bond with my friends have been strengthened, you know, [00:28:00] because of everything that Ethan did, because it's like, it, it, it has, it has grown compassion towards me from people.And for people that I've already known in a way that, that I'd never seen from them before. Ethan plays Dungeon and Dragons, you know, it was I who took him to a, to this gaming store in town in order to push him to make friends and things like that. You know, and you know, he never invited me up there to play or anything like that because he is rude like that.But I'm saying all this to say when you lose one thing or you let one thing go, God is able to give you something better. So not only has Lane then already invited me to play, but you know, he's gonna [00:29:00] intentionally, you know, set up things for people who are not as experienced to be able to play and learn. I'm so happy that I was able to go and see this movie with Landon.And then we were able to have a, a, a deep conversation about what it means and what the game means and, just on like so many levels. It was peaceful energy between us and everything like that. And it was so nice to be able to go somewhere and do something without feeling like I had like a weight on my shoulder or somebody, you know, it was just so nice to enjoy this without tension.And so now was the time I warned you about spoilers. So spoiler, spoiler alert, there will be some teething spells. If you have not seen Dungeons and Dragons then you might wanna close your ears. So in this movie, one of the main villains who was a big old bold face liar, and as I was listening to the things he said, I saw my ex in him untruthful, [00:30:00] zero con, zero conscious, a truth breaker, all that, not able to be satisfied.One of his main lines was that, and this was towards the the end of the movie where, The villain. He, he takes this little girl and puts a knife to her, her throat and everything. And he had been lying to her for years about all kinds of stuff. And, and then, and what he said was, he said, he said he's willing to do terrible things in order to get what he wants, even if it means hurting the people closest to him in those who care about and love him the most.I felt like God was telling me that he sees my affliction and I felt vindicated later on. This same person tries to lie to get out of jail because his low down lying, weighs, finally caught up to him. Kind of like what's happening with Trump right now, [00:31:00] I really, really hope and pray that this thing that we see happening with Trump in the, in the, with his indictments starting to come in.Is, is an indication of God getting ready to, to shift his, his energies and attention towards making the narcissists in our lives pay for the things that they have done. You know, cuz they've, they've wel at ease before too long just hurting people and walking all over people and getting what they want and going home and laying down like they've done nothing wrong.You know, I asked the Lord to take peace away from everybody who has taken peace away from other people.And I'm like, but this, I, I said, and, and, and I thought, and I, I wonder if they followed my ex around to come up with this character because he is exactly like him. And Romans, [00:32:00] Romans in the Bible, Romans chapter one, speaks about people who have a reprobate mind. And people of a reprobate mind like to debate.I'm just, just took a, a few pieces from it. They like to debate, they like deceit. It says that people would reprobate minds or without understanding. It says they're covenant breakers, promise breakers, truth breakers. People who will say something and promise it and don't give a damn, or they just fucking don't do it.You know, implacable means that no matter what you do, they're, you're never gonna make them happy. There's always gonna be something wrong. A fly in the soup, on the, you know, whatever the hell the case may be murderers. And look, just because you haven't killed somebody physically doesn't mean that you haven't killed them.They're a, you know, you killing somebody's soul and spirit. They're breaking their [00:33:00] mind to all forms of death, you know? And the Bible says not only. Do theydo such things, but they have pleasure in them that do them.And so in other words,you know, liars, you know, tend to hang out with people who don't mind lying. They don'tlike, like it doesn't, how can I say this better? Like, it doesn't bother them. So like my, so like my ex and night, we were at the varsity at this club out by Louisiana State University and he comes tapping me on my shoulder telling me that this guy who he slept with before was there and wanted to have a three-way with us.Now it would be later [00:34:00] on that he would come to tell me that this was that same married guy. Who's running around cheating on his wife that, you know, and he wasn't gonna tell me that that night. Well, at that point we, we didn't have any kind of open relationship anyway, but, but when I read how people who have all of these, we'll just call them issues, have they, they do these things and they have pleasure in them that do them.Like, they don't mind this. I'm like, so you don't mind committing adultery? And you also don't mind the fact that this person is out here running around on, on his wife. Okay. When I first started having sex again after this rape hub, then like, I like, like I've, like I've been saying, it seems like the people out here, you know, you know, in, in, in this world have just gotten worse on these apps or, you know, especially on these apps.It's like they just got [00:35:00] darker as though they couldn't go any lower. I'm like one of the first people you know, married, you know, trying to, and I, and I told him, no, no. Go home to your wife. I'm like, does she know? No. She doesn't know why. I'm like, I'm like you, you are literally out here running around, you know, having raw sex with men and then going home to your wife and you're like, entertained by this.And just like the ex, oh, I'm working on it, you know, telling her I'm working on leaving, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Look, any, any kind of man who we, we we're not gonna call these people, men, any of these males who who have the capacity to to make you these, these vo these blank promises. Bitch, they're not about to do it.Whatever it is they're saying that they're gonna get to, they're not. If somebody's [00:36:00] gonna do some shit, it would've been done already. It's not gonna happen. They want you to just wait while they slow tro shit. They're not going to do it.It's like, that's like my, it is like my ex, who clearly has a sex addiction. It was like, what? Probably, I don't know, the end of January before I was like, okay, I'm like done, done with this. He still, and we, we had started going to Sex Addicts Anonymous, I think on the 1st of January or the 31st of December, something like that.It was like the at, at the last time that I, I communicated with him back at the beginning of March. He still didn't have a sponsor because he wasn't trying to get one. Talking about know, these things can't be rushed and whatever the case may be. And I'm like, no, you're not taking it seriously.You don't, you, you know, [00:37:00] he still wasn't ready to fully believe he had a problem, which is another reason why I had to get the hell away from him. You know, saying things like, maybe I'll just do,maybe I'll just do six other steps instead of the 12, 12 other steps. I'm like, this fool is really sitting here trying to trying to I don't know, trying to diminish from the problem. You know? Basically what he's saying is, I might be bad, but not bad enough, can need all of this, and we'll just see how it goes completely. Therefore, than somebody who understands that the things that they have done have cost them so much in life that they need to stop whatever they've been doing okay, however long it takes, and get their asses redirected.Not compromise. Trying to trying to make it not as intense as what it is, but over time, [00:38:00]people who have done bad things can, this, this, it has this diminishing effect where they won't view it as bad as time goes on, or they're trying to make light of it in their head. And, and I wasn't about to sit around while he did that.Now you've gone, I was like, fool, you've gone and done all this, had your secret men and lived deliciously. Now when it comes time to do the right thing, two months into it, you still don't have a sponsor. Once I've set my mind to get one, within two weeks I had a sponsor. It was really in, in the Sex Addicts Anonymous program.I wanna be sure that my ass isn't getting off track either. It really wasn't that complicated. You know, I sent a few emails to a few people. I attended the six or eight meetings or whatever they said that you needed to when it was done. So it was,so let me get back on track.[00:39:00]But they, but they have pleasure and, and, and and people that do these bad things. But in the Bible it speaks about how the Lord is gonna gather all of these people together who don't mind casting spells or throw stumbling blocks in people's spaces who don't mind running around having double lives, who don't mind at all.And look, I'm not whining and complaining because so much good is coming of this. I get in, I don't know, a car, a Lyft car to go to a theater performance. The lady's telling me all about her narcissistic husband. You know, I'm here, I'm there. I already have opportunities to be a blessing to people and the minister to people in all kinds of ways.And I'm happy to help, you know, in whatever way that I can, had this not happened, I would not have the opportunity to talk, to be sitting here talking with you about it. And it's painful to [00:40:00] me to see how many people have been affected by people like Ethan, but my God, these people who I'm talking to, were married to these people.There's children, there's deeper financial in interest. There's they've done been with these people like over like over 10 years and things like that. And it could have been so much worse. You know, Ethan wasn't living with me. We had no financial interest tied together. The credit cards I had given him, I took those bitches back.And along with everything else too. And so. So physically in every way, I was able to just pretty much just stop and walk away. But there's people who can't just do that. They have a lot more to un to disentangle and everything, and my heart goes out to you.But baby, just keep praying and keep working with it, even if it's a [00:41:00] little by little. And eventually you going, you, you, you gonna be all right. You gonna be all right. You'll be able to work your way up outta that thing.Now let me keep reading. It says, I never expected to ex exit fulfill his vows because he is a coward. He would sit there and agree to things, giving his word, then change his mind and tell, and, and not tell me,said, so this is on par for someone of such low character. He never even responded to the two texts I sent at all,and he was never the type to handle confrontation or deep discussion at all.Yet he can go out and get naked in front of people he barely knows.It's like how I was able to hear the [00:42:00] spirit speak to me through a movie at the cinema. I tried to teach the ex about looking past the surface of things in life to find the the real life messages God has put there for us.I now know that narcissists have zero interest in looking beneath the surface. They prefer shallow interactions that require no genuineness, like sex with people they barely know. For instance,when my ex and I would watch or whatever, I don't know, animes or whatever, you know, I wanted to have conversations about like, you know what it meant deeply. And to him this was such like a burden. He didn't see the sense, you know, and all this deep talk. He would say that I was being extra or trying to analyze him, or whatever the case may be.At the end of the day, if you just want a shallow existence, then just go have a shallow existence. And what I've learned through this is there are some people in this world [00:43:00] as deep as I try to be, you know, I ponder this life, the afterlife, what is to come, what is beyond the stars, you know, and things like that, you know?But at the same time, you know, if I wanna masturbate and watch porn and just have me a moment, I'll just have a moment. I consider myself to be fairly balanced. But what I was hitting on with, with, with him, with my ex was this, this pension he has to try to not be discovered. And I didn't understand just how.PE people like what narcissism really was. Otherwise, I would've thrown this relationship ago a long time ago because I never, I never was gonna get anywhere. He would make it such a big deal, you know, that, that I dare to want to go like deeper into something. And he just made it,[00:44:00]you know, I would notice him have like incognito mode windows in his phone and everything like that, and I'm all like, who are you hiding from to hide what? Nobody's coming to look through your phone. You don't go out even much talk to people or anything like that. I'm like, what are you trying to hide?One day he was standing in my kitchen and I, and I walked by him and I could sense that he hadn't been reading his Bible. I'm, explain to you what I mean by that. If you. It changes you. Any kind of spiritual thing you do changes like your, your vibration, your, your in inner strength and things like that.So reading your Bible, spending time in the presence of God, like that enhances you and it raises you up even if you don't understand everything that you're reading. It's like [00:45:00] my evangelist, whenever I would be in the military or off somewhere, you know, I talked to her and she'd be like, if I had been reading my Bible, she could tell.If I hadn't, she could tell. She'd be like, Hmm, you know, sounds like a cup half full. She told me one time. And when I hadn't really been, you know, spending time with the Lord you know, it's, it's, it's something that you are not gonna be able to understand or comprehend unless you have spiritual understanding. But we know the light shines and the darkness and the darkness com comprehends not. You know, this is why I tell you to pray for spiritual understanding. You're not going to grow spiritually, you know, or be able to comprehend, you know, really like what is to come.Okay? If you don't have spiritual understanding, spiritual understanding is different than natural understanding. [00:46:00] Spiritual understanding is how you understand, like the more you give away, the more you get car A caral. Mine doesn't comprehend that a caral mine wants to, to keep everything, but I could, but I could tell that, that he hadn't been reading his Bible and I said, Hmm, you know, I can, I can sense that you haven't been reading.He got offend. And it felt, felt like his privacy hadn't been violated. You know, like, like how do you know? You know, he, he asked me, he was like, how do you know that I haven't been reading my Bible? I was like, I can feel it. I can tell. And what he never could accept was that God, what he exposes you or whatever, and is bringing something up is not trying to hurt you.You know, he's trying to help you, you know, so the thing to do is not to go try to run from God. What you can't do anyway has already been spoken about, you know, in the Bible, how people, [00:47:00]you know, when they see the, see the Son of God returning in the clouds or go try to run from the wrath of the lamb and you're not gonna be able to do that.You know, there is no running and there are no secrets. So not really, there really aren't. And so he wasn't. And I've explained that, you know, he was so trying to hide. Like he couldn't, he couldn't, he could not accept the benefit of what the spirit was trying to speak to him for being so mad that his secret was out.You know, I'm like,you know, I think about other dreams that I've had or, or dreams that I've had about people where Lord has shown me things that they've gone and done, and I call them to talk about it. And their knee jerk reaction is to, to, to, to quiet me, to tell me, don't tell [00:48:00] anyone, or, you know, it's just like, the thing is, you, you, you might can hide stuff from like a human for a while, but when the, when the spirit is sending me to you to talk about whatever your secrets are.Or I, or I can, or in the case of my ex, I can sense if he's been doing his spiritual work or not. You, you know, y'all get mad at, at, at, at the people, at the prophets, the visionaries, whatever kind of label you wanna put on us, the dreamers, you know, which is what I am, you know, people hate us for our vision and things like that, but you missed the whole point.You know? Nothing has been revealed to me that I just, just knew. You know, you have to understand if, if you're angry at me, you know, for knowing that you haven't been reading your Bible. And really what you're saying is that you're angry at God. You know, if you're angry at angry at me for whatever dream I'm bringing to you, then you're angry at God.I'm [00:49:00] just the messenger, you know. You know, I can't just know, like it has a thing has to be revealed to me or shown to me. So the question you should be asking is, who told the van in this thing, which he's now coming to us with, you know, you know, or how can he sense this? You know, whenever I'm talking to somebody who's like a tarot car reader or some sort of clairvoyant, my main question is always from where do you draw your power?Dead relatives, a devil God, who the fuck is talking to you? Because I know that this human setting in front of me is nothing more than a conduit. You know? So whatever they're coming to me with, and it's not them telling me it's whatever spirit they're dealing with and operating with, telling me.But these narcissists, you know, they just, they just have a veneer that they hide behind. You know, it's like a mask that they wear.[00:50:00]Towards the end of the relationship, I'm began to be able to see this mass. The morning that I went over to my ex's house to start taking more of my shit back he was sitting in there playing video games. I had sent him a super emotionally charged text that morning, which he had not responded to. I had waited like two hours.He's an early riser. He was up the floor, had been mopped. He's sitting in there playing video games. I come in there and I immediately dive into my read. I saw when his, he immediately shifted into victim mode, you know, he was like, oh my gosh, I just got up. I haven't had chance to do anything. No, you've been up for hours to stop with a to stop.And so, but he immediately shifted and, and went and put himself back behind that mask, you know, cause I, I started reading his facial expression at the moment. I walked through the door. And he had one facial [00:51:00] expression for talking to his friends on, on the gaming console. And then with me, he shifted into a different personality.I'm not sure how many different personalities he has, but it's at least a few. I would see him shift and change into a different personality when he would try to get something from his mom. I remember hearing his voice change whenever he's in the presence of say, like a man or, you know, a male or a dude or, or, or something like that.It's like he becomes something different whenever he's in front of a different person in order to achieve what he wants or what he thinks should be, or maybe what he thinks they want him to be or whatever. But the whole point is none of it was real. It was all pretend. How did Lady Gaga say it wasn't love?It was a perfect illusion, mistaken for love.[00:52:00]So I said they prefer shallow interactions that require no genuineness, like sex with people they barely know. They have no idea what this is really costing them. Professor, and the Bible says it like this, professing themselves to become wise. They became fools. These narcissistic people who, who's sitting up here playing these games and lying to people, it's like they sit back and laugh.But like I said, God laughs at them because he sees that their day is coming. There's one guy I hooked up with back when I was in the military. He had sex with me and thought it was, I guess, comical to then call his girlfriend, which I didn't know he had, you know, from my house. Okay. You know, like immature that is like, [00:53:00] why would you, I guess, I guess he considers himself to be the man or whatever the hell the case may be.No, that's a broken soul and a broken fool. I'm like, you know, the lies they tell are just, I mean, there's no good lie, but, but it, it is just like, it's, it's coming from such a deep place of brokenness when it's so much easier to tell the truth. Like, if you gonna run around and cheat on your girl, that's terrible enough.Why do you have to add insulted injury to literally be on the phone with her while you're in the presence of somebody who you're cheating on her with?Like, how, like how can this make a per a hu a human feel good. That's just, I just, but like my therapist has been telling me it's a waste of my energy to ever try to understand the way manipulative and [00:54:00] narcissistic people operate, because I don't think that way. Like I could never do these things, but there are totally people who can do these things and they thrive in doing these things.And so y'all, we have to stop worrying about trying to understand why. They can't even tell you why. Used ask my ex, my ex, why the hell are you doing this and that. He'd be like, I don't know why I did it. I'd be like, why'd you say this? He'd be like, I don't know why I said it. I'd be like, okay,okay.And the Bible says it like this. It says they, they deceived and were deceived. Like I said, the, you know, the Lord is gathering these people together. You know, encircling them, you know, until they won't be able to escape. But they have their portion in this life.[00:55:00]So let me switch gears now because there was another,there was another character in the movie that God was speaking to me through, which was,there was a good line spoken by one of the heroes as she lay down, she said she was okay without everything went, and that she was proud of what she had been able to achieve.So thi this is the direction I want my mind to transition into, focusing on the fact.That I could only have done what was in my power to do. [00:56:00] I wasn't perfect, but I was honest and genuinely and practically invested in Ethan. So I think it's okay for us to give ourselves credit for doing the right thing by people who we ultimately have to turn loose, be it an employee, a child, a business partner, a church, a preacher, a family member, or whatever.Because this experience has taught me that it takes all parties involved in a relationship to be truthful, genuine, and hardworking, to make it.So what I've learned is that this is like being in a relationship. It's not like, it's not like when, when I was in grade school and say the team project was three people in or five or whatever, and you had that [00:57:00] one bitch slacking off, and then the rest of us could just kind of like get it together and pull their weight because we were like, fuck it, you know, we can't let our grades fall.This is, let's do this stupid bitch's work. Or if you're playing like, you know, a a five v, five five player versus five player game on Xbox or whatever, and you got that one dumb bitch who keeps getting themselves killed, you know, dragging the team down, you can kind of compensate for that maybe. And ain't like that in real like, like in, like in real life, in in any, any of these relationships, everybody has to do their part of the ship won't work, period.I carried our relationship.You know, for, for, for five years, you know, and I see people do this, I would say, like they're children, you know, and business partners and all of that. You know, if you have a child, and I don't have children yet, I have two cats, honey. And I'm gonna tell you, I, [00:58:00] I don't see much of a difference. I really don't.I really don't. But but, you know, I've seen people really, really like be burdened and have to struggle. You know, wh when they're, when their kids are going through things and it's hard, hard, hard, hard. You're hard for a lot of parents to, to detach from a child that's hardheaded, won't listen. But you can only do your part.That's all you can do. And there's nothing wrong with being proud of that. If you have a business partner that lies to you, steals money out of the account, you know, when your preachers disappoint you because. You find out about their scandals and things like that. You know, you have an employee that won't show up on time and when they show up, they, they don't do the job.You know, you can only do so much training, say in the case of an employee, you can try and try and try, but if you have to turn them [00:59:00] loose, you have to, it, I think it should be done regrettably, slow, not with like rejoicing or anything like that in any of these examples that I've given. You know, if, you know, if it has to come to that, and I think it's good to step back and, and just give yourself a pat on the back, you know, for doing the best that you can for the part of it that was yours to do.Okay? So I want my, my mind to shift, you know, and stop thinking about the things that he did that angered me and started thinking about the things that I did that were honorable and right. Because ultimately that's the only thing that I was ever in control of anyway. I could have done everything right.And if Ethan just was insisted of upon being a grinder hoe, that he's just gonna go be a grinder hoe, you know, my goodness was never going to stop his weaknesses.Okay, [01:00:00] so, so when, when the thoughts come into my head, you know, about the, about the terrible stuff that he's done, I'm trying to reframe them with positive thinking. Let me brag about myself for a moment here, because God knows I have beaten myself down enough.And, and thank y'all for y'all's patience as I try to read through my choppy ass handwriting. What I'm saying is I'm glad that after what I went through, and again, I'm not whining about what I've been through or trying to play the victim. This shit happened. It is what it is. And so, but I, but I'm just happy that I'm not like running around with a chip on my shoulder feeling like life took this for me or that for me.I'm glad that I had enough ability to show love again and and, you know, and financially to come from literally having nothing to be able to [01:01:00] take care of, just not myself, but another human is like huge. You know, that's a really, really, really great thing that I'm thankful for. That, that, that I even had the capacity to do.These are some of the things that I did do, and I will be going into even more explicit imagery on this, you know, in the book that I'm working on. Okay.I helped. I helped Ethan improve his luck. When I met him, he was wearing the same old, dirty ass shoes for my ever many years in the same wrinkled ass clothes for my ever many years. And he would rotate through the same like four or five shirts, one or two shorts, shit would be wrinkled, faded, dirty, you know, hair was all like nap and shit.By the time I was done with him, he had a couple of new pairs of shoes to pick through. I had bought [01:02:00] him piles of clothes. I don't think I bought him any shoes, but piles of clothes. You know, I would just go like for every 21 or Gap or whatever, you know, Abercrombie catch cells and stuff like that. But I mean, a lot of clothes and I, I bought him so many clothes that he could have literally worn a different outfit probably every day for a few months.But like the creature of habit he is. He just wanted to just have a few things, you know? But,you know, and I did this because I wanted to see some exciting colors. You know, I get tired of seeing him in those same depressing ass colors, you know, and shit like that. But I didn't judge him for this either. I was like, but I also should not have tried to change him. I suppose my intentions were only good, you know,the hair, I introduced him to Mom Barber, you know, the per person I grew up with [01:03:00] owns a barber shop here. You know, the person who ended up eventually converting his hair, you know, into you know, into dreadlocks, you know, you know, at my urging all of that, you know, came through, through people that I know, trips to places that he'd never been.You. All of that. And then when we went, you know, we flew first class when we stayed, it was in the pimp suite baby. His house that he bought, it was his mom and I that got behind him and pushed him to believe that he could afford his own real estate. You know, it was us, you know, in his corner pushing him.The realtor that helped him get that house came through. My friends, his, his sources of, [01:04:00]sources of income that he has right now came through me and my people.And it wasn't just big stuff like this. I bought him pressure cooker knife said meat therm. So what are these things? Practical. I was always thinking of ways to make his life easier. You know, what need does. Like what was that? I think that was Mr. Big. Well, from that movie, robots find a need, fill a need.You know, I, it's like I was just seeking for ways and, you know, and, and Ethan's mother is the same way. You know, how can I help? How can I help? How can I help? You know what, I'm not even much gonna say that right now. I am gonna say if I hit one of one of one of Ethan's few f f Freie and slips of truth.You know, [01:05:00] he said that, you know, he just used to people giving him stuff, but I mean, over his almost 30 years on this earth. But that never converted in his head to being something that he should be like, appreciative for. It just like it just happens to him. So he couldn't, no matter what I gave him, he couldn't see it as, you know, an act of love.But these were practical. So everything from first class jet flights to places, to little things like a meat thermometer. Cause I'm going in there in the kitchen and he's burning the hell. A lot of chicken, making it, turning it into coal. I'm like, there's a process for that. There's technology for that.There's a way, there's a better way. I mentioned the credit cards. Yeah. I had given him, you know, a platinum MX and a Black American Airlines card. Those two things would've granted him access into the lounges. [01:06:00] This became like a super big deal cuz of the covid virus and everything. I figured the safer to be in lounges.So I got those cards and everything like that. You know, this is because I was anticipating the day would come that he would travel and go somewhere hopefully with somebody or go at least go home or somewhere without me. So, and I didn't want him, you know, setting out there, you know, with the, the hoards of people and stuff, it's a much nicer experience in lounges if you, if you have not lived the lounge life in an airport, darling, it makes looking forward to going to the airport a whole other different motivation.So if I didn't want him out there wanting him, you know, to have the best of life the counseling, the couples counseling, all of that was you know, that was another good thing that I did because I was trying to make the relationship work. And so all in all, you get the idea [01:07:00] so I can at least look back and feel proud about.How I triedand it makes me feel better and it makes me gain perspective. I don't feel like I could have controlled his choices. I feel insulted. I feel disrespected. I certainly did not feel envious. I don't feel jealous, you know?You know, not at all. It's like, I wonder, you know, how extensive, you know, Ethan's list would be if he, if he were to try to go. And, and, and see how he enhanced [01:08:00] my life and see how he improved it. You know, I accepted the fact that on some levels, that I would be able to do more than him, but it's pretty sad when there was a time that I asked him, cuz I felt so underappreciated in this relationship, I was like, what, what value do you bring?Or how do you treat me special? Or, you know, the only thing he could say was that I bought him for you and that I spend time with you.Okay. Well that's not really, I mean, it, it's, it's, it's pretty sad that like there's so much of his value is tied up into sex. That, that, that, that's like the first thing out of his mouth is sex. But that wasn't even true because I'm gonna tell you, when, when I broke up with him the first time, like I said, I wish I'd have just stayed [01:09:00] gone.Then we were apart for like three weeks. It only took him, what, five days to be getting naked with the next person and then that same person he bought him for. So, and then, so I'm like okay. Is, is that special that it only took you like five days to maybe two weeks to start doing it again After we had been together for years.So like what he meant was he just bottoms less, you know? So, but for somebody like that, you know, you know who, who could sleep with as many people as as as he is capable of, you know, it's not like it's just basically there really wasn't anything that he could say because his mind was not oriented.Towards enhancing the vannin. You know, I think that I really feel like this relationship was nothing more than an [01:10:00] extended almost five year distraction from his agony. Cuz like my hypnotherapist reminds me, narcissists are not happy people. What they are good at is presenting the facade filling their lives with activities to distract them.They're not happy and they're not happy because they don't want to be wrong. You can't ever be released from something that you don't have full culpability. So you can't be healed of something that you were never wrong about or fully wrong about because you never did anything wrong. And I'll talk more about that here in a little bit.So,I feel like this relationship was, was an, an extended Grindr [01:11:00] hookup. I feel like I should have left him just as a fuck buddy or friends with benefit is is he so like to use that word. Cause in that dream that I had years ago, where, where the Lord was telling me that, you know, basically he was not being what he seemed, I should have waited until the Lord came back and told me that he was being real before I moved forward with Ethan, I should have waited. Cause the Lord didn't tell me to leave, but he also didn't tell me to move forward either, you know? And so I should have just kept it as like a casual sexual thing, even though by this time I think he was [01:12:00] already living in my apartment, which happened way too fast.But I'll talk about all of that in more detail when I writeBut, you know, I had fear, you know, fear that, you know, if, if I don't make a move then you know, then someone else will come and scoop him up. But I've, you know, y'all fear should never be what motivates us. My mindset should have been, I'm gonna let this thing take its course, and if somebody else does well, then it was meant for them to move forward and not us, and be willing to just let that go instead of having anxiety about it and trying to hurry up.It's one thing to pursue somebody and want to get them before somebody else gets them, but you also have to get them only if the time is right. And so another lesson.Let's see now yeah. My ex actually spoke about [01:13:00] like having children and wanting children and I told him that, that he's not fit to have a child. That he's not mentally fit to raise children. It's not, you know, children aren't, not some like little cute pet or a pipe dream or whatever the hell you had to be able to teach a child mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and you have a child for the rest of your life and that matter, they're 18.It got to a point towards the end of end of my relationshipthat I, you know, I would look at Ethan and be like, no, I'm definitely not raising children with you. You know, you don't possess the, the morality, the character, depth of character. Anything that I would care to see imparted into a child, what would he have taught them? Hey, son, it's totally okay if you have sex with people and give them covid.It's totally okay if you lie to your partner and your [01:14:00] couple's counselors, it's totally okay if you manipulate people, like, what the hell? You can only teach what you. And if you're trying to teach your child something that's contrary to how you live, then the child is going to cut you off and not respect you because children can see the bullshit.And so,and also Ethan had extremely low goals in life. I didn't learn this about him until the relationship was almost over. Like, he only wants to make say, 40,000 a year. He only wants to have enough money to help him and maybe his friends, the friends from back in his home state because , I mean, while that's cute and all, but, you know, my whole thing is like, what about the rest of the world? You know, he was saying he's totally fine. It's like with his, you know, little town home he has or an, or an apartment. I'm. Because like I've, like I've told y'all, you have to grow you. possess true love and affection for the people that you grew up with. [01:15:00] Okay,the next, the, the next transformation I desire is for my anger to turn into pity.Pity, pity, pity. I mean,When I think about pity, I think about likesmiggle, a goum, you know, Lord of the Rings. Yeah. When you look at what, what the ring did to, to smiggle, you know, you feel sorry for him, but at the same time, you wanna throw that little bastard off of the side of whatever mountain you happen to be on because of the things he's willing to do to people.Okay. At the same time you like, you know, I fucking, you know, I fucking hate you, but the same time, damn.[01:16:00]So what does, so what does SMI and Goum represent? The way that if we get carried away with our desires, they will kill us slowly and turn us into something we can't recognize. So it's a ring for him, sex for, for youlying for another person or whatever the hell the case may be over gambling, I don't know. Whatever the fucking drain your life force gradually and slowly without you realizing it is what that ring of power represents. Hmm. You know,how does the Bible say it? I think you said it like, you know, people who, who live for pleasure like that are dead while they live. You know, and it's like Smiggle was only happy, you know, when he had that thing in his hands. [01:17:00] You know, the only, I think the only damn time.He was genuinely, genuinely happy, was at the end when he finally got what he wanted and it killed him. And soit is not true happiness if you're only happy in the middle of an activity or because of a possession. If you don't have true happiness when you're alone and all is quiet, you have some serious issues to work through. I mean, true happiness, I can't remember who in the hell said it, but somebody said something like, all of the world's problems stem from the inability of, of, of humans to sit still.You know, something [01:18:00] like that. And You know, where, where, where are you getting your happiness from? Where are you really happy? Have you ever really known happiness? You know, whoever you are, you know,you know this. These are the sort of things that I think of when I'm watching shows and things like that. You know, as I stated, my ex wasn't interested in all of this deep talk. We were watching the, the, the legend of Vox Makina, beautiful, beautiful anime, beautiful life lessons written i

Nathan Spiteri is a filmmaker, actor and writer. He is also a sexual abuse survivor, activist and advocate. Born in Canberra, Australia, Nathan was sexually abused as a child, threatened with his life and that of his family. He turned to drugs, violence and sex as a result to survive. Hitting rock bottom, Nathan finally came out the other side, through intense therapy, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics and Sex Anonymous. He has chosen to use his painful past to help others, aligning himself with organizations both in Australia and the US to raise awareness, educate people and act as an advocate for sexual abuse. In episode 346 of the Fraternity Foodie Podcast, we find out what life was like growing up in Canberra, Australia, what happened in January of 1987 when Nathan was at a local swimming pool with his friends, why Nathan kept going back to the abuse, what Nathan's reaction was when the abuser had moved out of his home, what happened in Sydney when cocaine, heroin and sex was used to cope, how he got help in New York City with Alcoholics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, his family's reaction to the abuse, how writing a screenplay helped him move forward, how he broke up with his abuser and then was able to forgive, and why it's important to feel our pain, cry, and share our vulnerability with others. 

CONTENT WARNING: this episode discusses child pornography, the pornography industry, sex addiction and potential suicide. Actress and playwright Maddie Corman became brave because she had to be. It was crisis time. About seven years ago her husband was arrested for downloading images of child sexual abuse material* (legally known as child pornography). And while it's important to point out that he never went further in any way, that shocking act would forever change their lives. Maddie wrote and starred in a one-woman play called Accidentally Brave that depicts the horrors and terrible loneliness she experienced in those early days, years and even now. But she has continued to fight for her marriage, protect her family and heal herself one day at a time. Maddie says there is opportunity when your life blows up.  Maddie won the Off Broadway Alliance award for best solo performance in Accidentally Brave.  *Thorn.org : “Child sexual abuse material (legally known as child pornography) refers to any content that depicts sexually explicit activities involving a child.” // “Those working to combat this type of abuse have begun using the term “child sexual abuse material” (CSAM), which more accurately conveys the content and is explicitly tied to the source of the problem.” If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes) Links of Interest: RAINN - help for survivors of sexual abuse S-ANON - support for loved ones of sex addicts SAA - support for sex addicts Accidentally Brave on Audible Also, from Season 1 of Go Ask Ali:  Casting Light on to the Dark Web w/ Julie CorduaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The oil rigs accidentally go to a co-ed Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting at 7am, Lucia purchases a bed for her phone with real money, and Caroline references visualizing bubble gum in earnest, as a spiritual practice.

An epic adventure to save Christmas with SEX!By cb summers. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Scene 1THE MEETING“Hi. My name is Kris, and I'm a sex addict.”“Hi, Kris,” replied the other sex addicts. I was too dumbfounded to speak.Of all the people in all the world that could have walked into the Anchorage Sex Addict's Anonymous Support Group, it would have to be him.Kris Kringle.I don't think anyone else recognized him, but the dark sunglasses didn't fool me. I'd known who he was the second he'd walked into the room and purchased a hot chocolate from the drink machine. He didn't look exactly as I'd pictured him. For one thing, he was taller than I expected. About a foot taller than me, which would make him almost six feet. And he wasn't as fat as he usually looked on Christmas card illustrations. Artistic license I guess… or maybe he'd been working out. And he wasn't an old man, which was surprising. If not for the snowy white hair and beard, he'd have passed for thirty-five, tops. But it was him. I knew it. I felt it in my heart and in my head. Call it woman's intuition. He had the beard, the long eyebrows, the handlebar moustache, the rosy cheeks and the cherry nose.But he didn't look very jolly. In fact, he seemed downright depressed. Prior to speaking, he'd sat quietly in his fold up chair, looking around the room. He was probably trying to figure out who was naughty and who was nice. But he needn't have bothered. Other than the facilitator, we were all quite naughty.Kris was wearing Bermuda shorts and a T-shirt with a silly slogan on it: “Reindeers Rule”. Probably something one of the elves gave him for Christmas. It was an odd outfit to choose. It was December in Alaska. It was ten below zero outside! He was obviously trying to go incognito. It's called Sex Addicts ANONYMOUS, after all. But I guess it's hard to be anonymous when you're Santa Claus.Kris took a sip of cocoa and started talking in a deep, sonorous voice that made my heart melt. He said he was the foreman of a large manufacturing facility. A year ago he'd started having sexual relations with some of his employees. Soon it became an obsession. He didn't want to get into the details, but the situation got so bad that his wife left him. And now his business was in danger. He had a big delivery coming up soon, but his employees were in full revolt as a result of his actions. If he missed the delivery deadline, he'd be ruined.The others took his story at face value, but not me. I could read between the lines. He'd done something inappropriate with the elves, pissing off Mrs. Claus… and if that weren't bad enough, Christmas was in danger of not happening at all!A shiver went down my spine. Christmas was everything to me… hell, it was my reason for living! My first job was as a department store elf, and later I worked at the Christmas store. Nowadays, I sold and traded Christmas tchotchke online. If there was no Christmas this year… well, it was too horrible to contemplate!I had to do something about it. I had to help Santa. I had to save Christmas!After he finished talking, Kris listened politely as the rest of the sex addicts spilled their guts, trying to figure out how their lives had gotten so f' up. When it was my turn to share, I passed. I didn't want him to know about me… not yet anyway.When the meeting adjourned, I went up to Kris.“Excuse me, uh, Kris, is it?”“Yes. It's nice to meet you, Virginia.”“Wait… how do you know my name?” But even as I said it, I already knew how he knew. Santa knows the name of everyone in the world!“Sam said your name when he asked you if you'd like to talk.”I didn't remember my name being mentioned, but if he wanted to play it that way, so be it, “Oh… right. Well, you're a good listener.”There were tiny little twinkles in his tired eyes as he said, “Sometimes, Virginia. I try to be.”His expression changed for a moment. He looked me up and down, eyes narrowing. I knew that look. I'd seen it on plenty of sex addicts. He was checking me out, but trying desperately not to think about fucking me. I was a pretty little thing. Though I was 29, I usually passed for younger because of my youthful, adorable face. I was skinny, so my c-cups looked nice and round under my thick, white sweater. My black hair was cut short. It curled around the sides, forming points near my cheeks separated by straight bangs cut straight, just above my dark blue eyes. My facial features have been described as cute or even ‘elfin'. I inherited my features from my grandparents, who'd emigrated from Iceland. I had their high cheekbones, pale white skin and slanty blue eyes. I kind of look like Bjork, but even cuter, in my opinion.“Well,” I said nervously, “Do you have a sponsor yet?”He sighed. It was obvious that he wasn't all that interested in the whole twelve-step process. He'd probably come to the group out of desperation, rather than an earnest commitment to change, “No, not yet. I suppose you're offering to play that role?”“Sure. I mean, it's up to you. But I'm not sponsoring anyone else right now. We all have sponsors. It's sort of… how it works.”He nodded, glancing impatiently at the door, hoping to escape as soon as possible, I suppose. He mumbled, “I'm not really sure what a sponsor does.”“Well… I guess I'd be someone you could call if you needed to talk about anything. Hey, we all know why we're here. We have urges to… do things that aren't good for us. Sometimes the best way to resist an urge is to talk to someone who understands… who's been there herself. Someone who can talk you down and refocus you on your priorities.”He nodded. “Okay… well, that sounds lovely. But I don't need help…”I laughed, “Oh, everybody needs help, Kris. These meetings are only once a week. But temptations pop up every day. Every hour of every day, if you're lucky.” I laughed.He smiled and shrugged, and we exchanged phone numbers. It surprised me that Santa had a cell phone. I didn't think they had cellular service at the North Pole. We shook hands and he walked off into the snowstorm, head down, and hands in his pockets, his sandals crunching through the snow. It was freezing out, but he didn't so much as shiver.“Virginia,” said a voice behind me. I turned to see Sam, the facilitator. He had a suspicious look on his face. “Were you talking to Kris just now?”“Kris?” I said, playing dumb. “Oh, you mean the guy with the shorts? Sure. We were chatting.”“Virginia,” he said knowingly. “He's not Santa Claus.”I laughed gaily, “Of course not! You thought I…? No, no. He's not Santa Claus. That's obvious! Too skinny for one thing.”Sam's eyes narrowed. “And… Santa Claus doesn't exist. Right?”I felt my hackles rising, but I stifled the urge to slap his smug face.“Well, that goes without saying. He can't be Santa because there is no Santa. Everybody knows that. I was just trying to be funny.”Sam nodded, still suspicious of my intentions, “You didn't speak today. Is it because you didn't want him to know about your… Santa issues?”I thought up another lie, but decided to sprinkle a bit of truth in it. “You might be right. I don't know. When he came in, well… the beard, the white hair… it sort of threw me for a loop. That's why I was talking with him just now. I wanted to feel him out. You know, assure myself that he's not… you know who. And he's not! Definitely not. I mean, how could he be? There is no Santa, duh. But even if there were a Santa, which there isn't, it wouldn't be that fella!”Sam was no dummy. He knew that I had this thing for guys with long white beards and bellies that jiggled like bowls full of jelly. He said, “Still, you should try to keep your distance from Kris. You've been celibate for almost a year now. You've got to avoid temptation. One slip and you're back to zero.”“I don't know what you're worrying about Sam. Alaska is full of guys that look like Kris. Sure, I feel urges… but I know now how stupid and pointless it is.”Sam nodded and said, “You can't sleep with them all.”“I agree,” I said nodding. It was true. I couldn't sleep with them all, and Saint Nick knows I'd tried! “But maybe it's a good thing that he's in the group. I need to get used to being around guys like him without feeling the urge to… you know.” I blushed. I may have banged over a hundred would-be Santa's in my day, but I was still basically a blushing little girl down deep.Sam nodded and patted me on the shoulder and went on to harass someone else. I didn't tell him that I was Kris' sponsor. He'd find out eventually, but keeping it a secret might buy me time to figure out my next move.After all, I had to save Christmas!Over the next few days I resisted several urges to dial Kris' phone number. I'd decided to tell him that I knew his true identity, but I figured it would be best to wait until the next meeting to spring that on him. If I played that card too fast, he might bolt and I'd lose him forever.But he didn't come to the meeting. Sam said he hadn't heard from Kris. I knew something was wrong. So after the meeting I tried calling Kris. But there was no answer, it just went to voice mail.“Hi, you've reached Kris Johansson's voice mail. Please leave a message, and I'll get back to you a.s.a.p.”I left a message, but he didn't return my call. I left a few more messages that week. Telling him that he could call me, any day, any time, it didn't matter. I was there for him if he needed meBut Christmas was coming soon, and I figured he was busy preparing for the ‘big delivery', so I wasn't all that surprised he didn't call me back, just disappointed.I'd almost given up on hearing from him. Then about 11 p.m. the night before Christmas Eve, I was awoken by the clatter of jingling bells. At first, groggy with sleep, I thought Santa's sleigh was landing on my roof. I thought, that's weird, he's a day early, But then I remembered that I'd assigned a jingle-bell ring tone to Kris's number. I jumped out bed and scrambled for my phone; afraid I wouldn't get to it in time.“Hello?”My heart sang, when I heard Kris' deep, melodious voice saying my name, “Virginia. I need… Something is… I need help.”There was music in the background. It sounded like electronic club music, but with bells jingling to the beat. There were also occasional high-pitched whoops that could be heard over the music.I spoke in a clear, serious voice; just as my sponsor talked whenever I called her in the midst of a crisis, “Tell me what's happening. Are you safe?”“Yes. I'm fine. I just…” his voice choked up with emotion, “I don't know what I'm doing. I'm ruining everything.”“Where are you?”“In the el… at a club, I guess.”“A sex club?”“I don't know… I guess… sort of.”“Are you having sex?”“Yes,” he replied, his deep voice thick with shame.“Right now?”He started sobbing, “Oh… what's wrong with me?”I could barely contain my excitement. Santa Claus was having sex somewhere, and I was on the phone with him! How great is that?!“You need to walk out of there. Just stop whatever you're doing and leave.”He sniffed a few times then weakly said, “Okay.”“I mean it. Don't hang up. Stay on the line until you are out of there.”“Okay. Okay. Sorry guys. No. No, I gotta go.” There were high-pitched voices in the background, almost like someone was complaining in some weird language. Sounded Scandinavian.Elves. Had to be.I heard fumbling sounds, probably him holding his phone while pulling up his pants. Then there was the clicking sound of his belt being buckled, followed by heavy breathing and rustling. The music started getting softer, until it was cut off with the sound of a slamming door. I heard his feet crunching through the snow.“Okay, I'm out of there. But I want to go back in.”“Don't! Listen to my voice. Don't go back in there. Get on your sleigh… I mean, in your car, and… where are you?”“The… uh, near my factory.”“Where is that… never mind. Just… can you meet me?”“Where?”“How about… Moose Café?”“The diner next to the motel?”“Yeah, that's the one. How fast can you get there?”“I don't know… maybe ten minutes.” Wow, Santa's sleigh really is fast!“Okay, see you at the diner in ten minutes. Fly safe!”“What? Didn't catch that…”“Drive safe, Kris. See you in ten.”I hung up. My heart was thumping in my chest like twelve drummers drumming. He needed my help! Santa needed my help!SCENE 2YES VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUSAll my adult life, people have been telling me that there is no Santa. But my parents have always said I just need to ignore the naysayers and hold onto my beliefs. “Santa is as real as you and I,” my mother says whenever I start to lose faith. I live, eat and breathe Christmas. And I've always tried to be nice, not naughty. And every Christmas Eve I religiously leave Santa milk and cookies on the table near the fireplace. And as a reward, up until I was 26, Santa left presents under my tree every single Christmas! Not just any old presents, but the presents I asked for in the letters I sent to him at the North Pole. But, Santa's got a funny sense of humor. I once asked him for a new house… I got that idea from an old movie. In response, he sent me a little dollhouse! It was tiny, but beautifully made, and looked almost exactly like what I'd pictured in my mind. That Santa, what a joker! I loved that dollhouse (I can see it right now from where I'm writing, the centerpiece of my enormous holiday display).Three years ago my mean younger sister, Stephanie, called me on Christmas Eve and told me something that ruined everything. She said my parents had been flying across the country every Christmas eve, ever since I left home, picking the lock of my tiny little New York apartment, sneaking in, eating the cookies and drinking the milk and leaving presents in my stocking and under my tree addressed, “To: Virginia. From: Santa.” Can you imagine my sister telling such a heinous lie? But sadly, I believed her for one hot minute. That sounded exactly like the kind of thing my parents would do. They were crazy for Christmas. I should have called them but I didn't. I bawled like a baby and threw out my Christmas tree. Literally, I just opened the window and pushed it out into the street below. I didn't make any cookies either. Later on, I decided that's probably what pissed Santa off the most. He loved my cookies!When I woke up Christmas morning, I had a shock in store. There was a lump of coal sitting on the floor where my tree had been. Just sitting there, mocking me. I knew, right then, right there, that my sister was a liar. But it was too late. I'd rejected Santa!I was naughty!That was pretty much the worst day of my life. I fell into such a deep funk over the next few months that I got fired from my job at the Christmas store. When that happened, I had a bit of a… I guess you'd call it a nervous breakdown. I don't have any memory of what I did, but I woke up one day in a… facility. The doctors said I'd been ranting about Santa for days and days, opening windows and shouting out into the snowy air that I was a fool and begging for Santa's forgiveness. The doctors wouldn't let me go until I pretended that Santa wasn't real. But I got out in February, totally cured, and began my long search for Santa.Okay… maybe I wasn't totally cured. I sort of went through a slightly confused time after that. One day I saw a stranger on the street that looked just like Santa. He was a fat fifty-something with a big white beard. He had this jolly look in his eye, even though he was obviously homeless. He even smoked from a little pipe, just like in that poem about him. I became convinced that he was the actual, real Santa. Why was he homeless? Well, it was spring, I reasoned. The elves were making toys, and Santa was taking a break. It made sense to me at the time, but that just tells you how discombobulated I was back then. I struck up a conversation with him, and of course he denied being Santa. But that's just what the real Santa would do. He was stinky and hungry, so I invited him over to my apartment to bathe while I baked him some cookies.He had no idea why a pretty 27-year-old girl would invite him into her home, but he didn't object. I made his favorite chocolate cookies while humming 'jingle bells' and listening to him splashing around in the tub. He stayed in there a long time, enjoying the hot water, which I guess was a bit of a luxury for him. My first batch of cookies came out of the oven. I was so eager to give him a taste, that I took a plateful into the bathroom without even knocking.He was beautiful sitting there in the tub. So fat, so jolly… he had a big pile of suds on top of his head, and I laughed in spite of myself. He looked at me, shocked that I'd walked in on him like that, but he greedily gobbled up my cookies. Then he said, grumpily, “Well, if you're not gonna wash my back, get out.”I took that as an invitation to wash his back. I sat on the edge of the tub and soaped up his back, which was covered with curly white hair. I ran my fingers through it, feeling something… unexpected, stirring between my legs. And no, it wasn't a flea. At least… I don't think so.When I was done with his back, I decided to shampoo his hair, because he hadn't done a very thorough job. I kicked off my shoes, moved behind him and put my feet in the water. I could feel his hairy thighs against my ankles. He leaned back against me as I scrubbed his hair. It was so snaggled with twigs, it took forever to clean it all out. He must have enjoyed my attentions, because after a while, I saw the tip of his penis break through the bubbly surface of the water. He didn't try to cover it up, so I figured, if he's not embarrassed, why should I be?By this time the water was rank, so I emptied the tub and refilled it. I got a good look at his naked body then. Santa had a big belly… and a big penis. Big enough, anyway, to still look big in spite of all the fat around his abdomen. I hadn't seen many penises up to then. I'd always been pretty shy around men. The two guys I'd actually had sex with were fellow elves who'd worked at Santa's Winterland with me when I was 19. They weren't little people, just in case you're wondering. They were just regular guys, trying to earn a buck wearing pointy plastic ears and red shoes with bells. Neither of them were good lovers, but it turned out that making love with me made them realize they were gay. Can you imagine? This happened two weeks apart. My luck, I'm telling you. But I was a nice girl, so I played matchmaker for them, and soon they were fooling around in Santa's house after closing time, with each other, not me.Anyway, the point is, homeless Santa was the first man I'd seen naked in years and years and years. I found his body intriguing. So after refilling the tub, I kneeled on the floor to wash his legs. They were still pretty crusty. Then I just kept working up higher, and his eyes grew wider and wider. He didn't tell me to stop, so I didn't. I cleaned his balls, his cock, and his ass. I was happy to do it. And he enjoyed me doing it too. He had such a smile on his jolly old face. He particularly liked me cleaning his hard penis, stroking it up and down with my hand on one side and a sponge on the other. He kept telling me, “Yeah, don't stop. Just like that. Don't stop.” So I didn't stop. He was Santa. Why would I stop?I was as surprised as anything when a fountain of semen shot out of his penis and all over my hands. I paused for a second but he grunted, “No, don't stop!” So I kept cleaning, and he squirted a few more times, letting out a long croaking groan. Then he slumped back in the tub and unceremoniously fell asleep. I smiled. I was happy that I could give Santa pleasure like that. Maybe now he'd forgive me for doubting him. I looked at his sticky cum on my hands. I sniffed it, thinking it might smell Christmassy somehow, you know, cinnamon and spice, but it didn't. I licked it off my fingers. It was kind of salty.As Santa snored, I washed him some more, making sure to clean the crusty dried food out of his beard. I even cleaned out his ears, which were almost stopped closed with hair and gunk. Then I waited for him to wake up, making sure to keep the water nice and warm. I played with his balls, because it made him hum in his sleep. His cock got hard, then soft again, in response to my touch. That was kind of fun! I made a bit of a game out of it, seeing how many ball tickles it took before he was stiff again. He woke up an hour later. He seemed a little embarrassed and at a loss for words. He just mumbled, “Thanks, girlie”.I helped him get out of the tub. He was kind of creaky and old. I started to wonder how a man this weak could possibly control a sleigh or climb down chimneys or do any of the other strenuous activities required of Santa on Christmas Eve. I watched him dry off, and now that he was clean… well, he just didn't look as Santa-ish as before. He asked if I had any gin. I offered him eggnog instead. When he drank it I knew I'd made a mistake. He spit it out! Can you imagine? Santa Claus… spitting out eggnog? This old bum was probably expecting it to be spiked with some sort of alcohol, like my aunt used to do. But I preferred it right out of the carton, just like Santa.Well, that was a sore disappointment, I can tell you! But he was my guest, so I made dinner for fake homeless Santa. He ate it all up, but when it was over he grabbed my bottom and asked if I'd like to give him another bath. How rude! I told him, in no uncertain terms, that he shouldn't look a gift reindeer in the mouth and ushered him out of my apartment.I suppose I should have learned my lesson. You know the one about not judging a book by its cover. But I didn't.I tried to put my life back together. I got a job outside of the Christmas industry, and I tried not to think about Santa. But every time I spotted a white bearded fat man on the street, or in the subway, my heart would soar, and my gray world would grow brighter. I'd usually follow him for a while before deciding he probably wasn't Santa. If he looked particularly jolly… well, I found myself getting turned on. Sexually turned on. It was disquieting. I'd never had those kinds of feelings for Santa before. Later that spring I started having erotic dreams in which I was Mrs. Claus. These dreams would usually end with Santa and I making love in a pile of snow, under the aurora borealis. I would wake up turned on but terrified. So I stopped Santa hunting and concentrated on my job all through the summer.After Halloween, the Christmas decorations started going up all over town, and boom, just like that my obsession was back. I started wandering the streets, chasing anything in a beard. Now when I woke up after one of those vivid Santa dreams, I'd lay in bed, sometimes for hours, masturbating. I began to reconcile myself with the fact that I had the hots for Saint Nick. After all, I wasn't a child anymore. I was a 27-year-old woman. What's so terrible about being attracted to a vital, handsome, generous, jolly old elf?One day I saw a street corner Santa ringing a bell next to a donation pot. He had a real beard, not one of those fake ones. And his Santa suit was beautiful! Real leather boots and everything. And the way he said “Ho, Ho, Ho!” Well… I knew the moment I saw him, that this was Santa! The real Santa! Oh, yeah, it was definitely him! No doubt about it! And he was so sexy, the way his belly bounced when he swung his bell. I started wondering if he was a good kisser… if his penis was as big as homeless Santa's had been… if it would feel just as hard and meaty in my hand… if it would spurt just the same? I got so turned on I could barely breathe.I watched Santa until he was done for the night, then I followed him through the dark streets. I half expected that he'd go around a corner and hop on a waiting sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer, so I stayed close, treading softly so he wouldn't hear me. But he walked up to an apartment building and opened the door with a key. Before he could close it behind him, I ran up and pushed my way inside.“Santa,” I said, “I…” but I couldn't think of anything to say.He looked at me with a perplexed expression and said, “What?”I stared at him and tried like mad to think of something, but my mind was a blank.“Well, spit it out, girl. I ain't got all night!”I wanted to thank him for all the toys and presents he'd given me over the years, even that last one, the lump of coal, because it had taught me a valuable lesson about holding on to your faith in a world full of cynics.But instead, I kissed him.Yeah, that's what I said. I threw my arms around him and kissed Santa Claus right on the mouth. I couldn't believe I was doing it, but there I was doing it anyway. And he was stunned… shocked into immobility. My kiss was close mouthed at first. But… well, I don't know what came over me… maybe it was the smell of cinnamon in his beard… but I stuck my tongue in Santa's mouth. And doing that made me go mad with desire, I was panting desperately and hugging him tightly, making him stumble backwards into the foyer. I pushed him until he fell onto his back on the staircase, and I clambered on top of him, my little body rubbing like mad all over his big fat belly.After a while he began kissing me too, sticking his tongue in my mouth and rubbing his gloved hands all over my back and squeezing my ass. I was wearing a plaid skirt that night, and his hands reached right under it, and he started rubbing my crotch through my panties! His magical fingers found the nub of my clitoris, and soon he was fingering me to heaven. Oh, Saint Nick, it felt great!Anybody could have seen us from the street or the stairwell, but we didn't care, we just made out like two desperate snow bunnies. He yanked his glove off his right hand with his teeth, his eyes crazy with need, then reached down around my ass, and I felt Santa's naked fingers slip under my panties and into my pussy!“Oh, Santa!” I moaned into his mouth. I felt his hardening penis poking up into my crotch, and I rubbed myself against him so hard, if we were made out of wood, we would have burst into flame. All the while his fingers delved ever deeper into me. I reached under his fat belly, desperately searching for his zipper, but his fly had buttons, and I couldn't figure out how to undo them. He took his fingers out of my vagina long enough to unbutton himself, and before I knew it, his hard, huge cock was inside me!“Oh, Santa!” I shrieked in joy.His cock wasn't nearly as big as fake homeless Santa's, but it didn't matter. I hadn't had sex in almost eight years, so he felt huge inside me! And he was so hard! I grabbed the stairway banister with one hand and his beard with the other. I began to thrust myself forward and back, banging my trim little belly into his huge flabby belly, driving his North Pole deep into my nearly virgin vagina!“Oh, Santa! Santa! Oh, you feel so good inside me!!”“Ow! Ow! Ow!” he said, because I was pulling his beard with every thrust. But he didn't tell me to stop. Maybe he knew that his beard was turning me on… probably more than any other part of him. I didn't take my eyes off him the whole time we fucked. I just ate him up with my eyes, amazed and astonished that this was really happening. His suit was so red and fuzzy, his face so jolly and sexy! He was Santa Claus! I was fucking Santa Claus!I started shrieking, feeling the first orgasm of my life ripping through me.“Oh… God! Santa!! Santa!”He put his hand over my mouth to muffle my cries. If anyone had opened their doors, they'd have seen quite a sight! Well… for all I know people might have seen us. I wouldn't have noticed. I was blinded by the Christmas spirit.Soon after my orgasm, Santa grunted and grabbed my ass to stop my gyrations and held me down, as if I might fly away. Then I felt him cumming inside me. The feeling of it, so intensely intimate… it drove me wild!“Oh, Santa!!” I yelled, my eyes popping out of my head, “You're cumming inside me!!!!!” I shrieked loud enough to wake everyone in the building, if I hadn't already. After he was done with his spasms and his arms went limp, I just sat there, feeling his cock softening inside me. I looked down into his dazed, sweaty, amazed face… my heart filled with love. I petted his curly white beard with my hand and leaned over to sprinkle his face with little kisses.“I'm sorry about the cookies, Santa.” I said softly. Hoping he'd forgive me.“Wha… what? Cookies?” He said breathlessly. “Fuck, I'm burning up in this suit!” He was sweating profusely and reached up to take off his Santa hat.He was bald!Oh, no! I did it again! Santa isn't bald! But this guy, whoever he was, was as bald as a cue ball! I didn't say a thing. I just stood up and walked right out of there, leaving him lying on his back on the stairs, wondering what the hell had just happened. As I walked quickly down the street, overcome with disappointment, I could feel his cum oozing out of me and down my leg. It didn't disgust me… actually, I kind of enjoyed the sensation… but it wasn't Santa's cum. That's what I really wanted. I wanted to make love to Santa, not some random geriatric in an expensive Santa suit!Thank goodness for the morning after pill. The last thing I needed was to get pregnant… at least not with some fake Santa's baby.But a few days later I started to wonder if maybe I'd been wrong to judge that man based on having no hair.To be continued..By cb summers for Literotica

An epic adventure to save Christmas with SEX!By cb summers. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Scene 1THE MEETING“Hi. My name is Kris, and I'm a sex addict.”“Hi, Kris,” replied the other sex addicts. I was too dumbfounded to speak.Of all the people in all the world that could have walked into the Anchorage Sex Addict's Anonymous Support Group, it would have to be him.Kris Kringle.I don't think anyone else recognized him, but the dark sunglasses didn't fool me. I'd known who he was the second he'd walked into the room and purchased a hot chocolate from the drink machine. He didn't look exactly as I'd pictured him. For one thing, he was taller than I expected. About a foot taller than me, which would make him almost six feet. And he wasn't as fat as he usually looked on Christmas card illustrations. Artistic license I guess… or maybe he'd been working out. And he wasn't an old man, which was surprising. If not for the snowy white hair and beard, he'd have passed for thirty-five, tops. But it was him. I knew it. I felt it in my heart and in my head. Call it woman's intuition. He had the beard, the long eyebrows, the handlebar moustache, the rosy cheeks and the cherry nose.But he didn't look very jolly. In fact, he seemed downright depressed. Prior to speaking, he'd sat quietly in his fold up chair, looking around the room. He was probably trying to figure out who was naughty and who was nice. But he needn't have bothered. Other than the facilitator, we were all quite naughty.Kris was wearing Bermuda shorts and a T-shirt with a silly slogan on it: “Reindeers Rule”. Probably something one of the elves gave him for Christmas. It was an odd outfit to choose. It was December in Alaska. It was ten below zero outside! He was obviously trying to go incognito. It's called Sex Addicts ANONYMOUS, after all. But I guess it's hard to be anonymous when you're Santa Claus.Kris took a sip of cocoa and started talking in a deep, sonorous voice that made my heart melt. He said he was the foreman of a large manufacturing facility. A year ago he'd started having sexual relations with some of his employees. Soon it became an obsession. He didn't want to get into the details, but the situation got so bad that his wife left him. And now his business was in danger. He had a big delivery coming up soon, but his employees were in full revolt as a result of his actions. If he missed the delivery deadline, he'd be ruined.The others took his story at face value, but not me. I could read between the lines. He'd done something inappropriate with the elves, pissing off Mrs. Claus… and if that weren't bad enough, Christmas was in danger of not happening at all!A shiver went down my spine. Christmas was everything to me… hell, it was my reason for living! My first job was as a department store elf, and later I worked at the Christmas store. Nowadays, I sold and traded Christmas tchotchke online. If there was no Christmas this year… well, it was too horrible to contemplate!I had to do something about it. I had to help Santa. I had to save Christmas!After he finished talking, Kris listened politely as the rest of the sex addicts spilled their guts, trying to figure out how their lives had gotten so f' up. When it was my turn to share, I passed. I didn't want him to know about me… not yet anyway.When the meeting adjourned, I went up to Kris.“Excuse me, uh, Kris, is it?”“Yes. It's nice to meet you, Virginia.”“Wait… how do you know my name?” But even as I said it, I already knew how he knew. Santa knows the name of everyone in the world!“Sam said your name when he asked you if you'd like to talk.”I didn't remember my name being mentioned, but if he wanted to play it that way, so be it, “Oh… right. Well, you're a good listener.”There were tiny little twinkles in his tired eyes as he said, “Sometimes, Virginia. I try to be.”His expression changed for a moment. He looked me up and down, eyes narrowing. I knew that look. I'd seen it on plenty of sex addicts. He was checking me out, but trying desperately not to think about fucking me. I was a pretty little thing. Though I was 29, I usually passed for younger because of my youthful, adorable face. I was skinny, so my c-cups looked nice and round under my thick, white sweater. My black hair was cut short. It curled around the sides, forming points near my cheeks separated by straight bangs cut straight, just above my dark blue eyes. My facial features have been described as cute or even ‘elfin'. I inherited my features from my grandparents, who'd emigrated from Iceland. I had their high cheekbones, pale white skin and slanty blue eyes. I kind of look like Bjork, but even cuter, in my opinion.“Well,” I said nervously, “Do you have a sponsor yet?”He sighed. It was obvious that he wasn't all that interested in the whole twelve-step process. He'd probably come to the group out of desperation, rather than an earnest commitment to change, “No, not yet. I suppose you're offering to play that role?”“Sure. I mean, it's up to you. But I'm not sponsoring anyone else right now. We all have sponsors. It's sort of… how it works.”He nodded, glancing impatiently at the door, hoping to escape as soon as possible, I suppose. He mumbled, “I'm not really sure what a sponsor does.”“Well… I guess I'd be someone you could call if you needed to talk about anything. Hey, we all know why we're here. We have urges to… do things that aren't good for us. Sometimes the best way to resist an urge is to talk to someone who understands… who's been there herself. Someone who can talk you down and refocus you on your priorities.”He nodded. “Okay… well, that sounds lovely. But I don't need help…”I laughed, “Oh, everybody needs help, Kris. These meetings are only once a week. But temptations pop up every day. Every hour of every day, if you're lucky.” I laughed.He smiled and shrugged, and we exchanged phone numbers. It surprised me that Santa had a cell phone. I didn't think they had cellular service at the North Pole. We shook hands and he walked off into the snowstorm, head down, and hands in his pockets, his sandals crunching through the snow. It was freezing out, but he didn't so much as shiver.“Virginia,” said a voice behind me. I turned to see Sam, the facilitator. He had a suspicious look on his face. “Were you talking to Kris just now?”“Kris?” I said, playing dumb. “Oh, you mean the guy with the shorts? Sure. We were chatting.”“Virginia,” he said knowingly. “He's not Santa Claus.”I laughed gaily, “Of course not! You thought I…? No, no. He's not Santa Claus. That's obvious! Too skinny for one thing.”Sam's eyes narrowed. “And… Santa Claus doesn't exist. Right?”I felt my hackles rising, but I stifled the urge to slap his smug face.“Well, that goes without saying. He can't be Santa because there is no Santa. Everybody knows that. I was just trying to be funny.”Sam nodded, still suspicious of my intentions, “You didn't speak today. Is it because you didn't want him to know about your… Santa issues?”I thought up another lie, but decided to sprinkle a bit of truth in it. “You might be right. I don't know. When he came in, well… the beard, the white hair… it sort of threw me for a loop. That's why I was talking with him just now. I wanted to feel him out. You know, assure myself that he's not… you know who. And he's not! Definitely not. I mean, how could he be? There is no Santa, duh. But even if there were a Santa, which there isn't, it wouldn't be that fella!”Sam was no dummy. He knew that I had this thing for guys with long white beards and bellies that jiggled like bowls full of jelly. He said, “Still, you should try to keep your distance from Kris. You've been celibate for almost a year now. You've got to avoid temptation. One slip and you're back to zero.”“I don't know what you're worrying about Sam. Alaska is full of guys that look like Kris. Sure, I feel urges… but I know now how stupid and pointless it is.”Sam nodded and said, “You can't sleep with them all.”“I agree,” I said nodding. It was true. I couldn't sleep with them all, and Saint Nick knows I'd tried! “But maybe it's a good thing that he's in the group. I need to get used to being around guys like him without feeling the urge to… you know.” I blushed. I may have banged over a hundred would-be Santa's in my day, but I was still basically a blushing little girl down deep.Sam nodded and patted me on the shoulder and went on to harass someone else. I didn't tell him that I was Kris' sponsor. He'd find out eventually, but keeping it a secret might buy me time to figure out my next move.After all, I had to save Christmas!Over the next few days I resisted several urges to dial Kris' phone number. I'd decided to tell him that I knew his true identity, but I figured it would be best to wait until the next meeting to spring that on him. If I played that card too fast, he might bolt and I'd lose him forever.But he didn't come to the meeting. Sam said he hadn't heard from Kris. I knew something was wrong. So after the meeting I tried calling Kris. But there was no answer, it just went to voice mail.“Hi, you've reached Kris Johansson's voice mail. Please leave a message, and I'll get back to you a.s.a.p.”I left a message, but he didn't return my call. I left a few more messages that week. Telling him that he could call me, any day, any time, it didn't matter. I was there for him if he needed meBut Christmas was coming soon, and I figured he was busy preparing for the ‘big delivery', so I wasn't all that surprised he didn't call me back, just disappointed.I'd almost given up on hearing from him. Then about 11 p.m. the night before Christmas Eve, I was awoken by the clatter of jingling bells. At first, groggy with sleep, I thought Santa's sleigh was landing on my roof. I thought, that's weird, he's a day early, But then I remembered that I'd assigned a jingle-bell ring tone to Kris's number. I jumped out bed and scrambled for my phone; afraid I wouldn't get to it in time.“Hello?”My heart sang, when I heard Kris' deep, melodious voice saying my name, “Virginia. I need… Something is… I need help.”There was music in the background. It sounded like electronic club music, but with bells jingling to the beat. There were also occasional high-pitched whoops that could be heard over the music.I spoke in a clear, serious voice; just as my sponsor talked whenever I called her in the midst of a crisis, “Tell me what's happening. Are you safe?”“Yes. I'm fine. I just…” his voice choked up with emotion, “I don't know what I'm doing. I'm ruining everything.”“Where are you?”“In the el… at a club, I guess.”“A sex club?”“I don't know… I guess… sort of.”“Are you having sex?”“Yes,” he replied, his deep voice thick with shame.“Right now?”He started sobbing, “Oh… what's wrong with me?”I could barely contain my excitement. Santa Claus was having sex somewhere, and I was on the phone with him! How great is that?!“You need to walk out of there. Just stop whatever you're doing and leave.”He sniffed a few times then weakly said, “Okay.”“I mean it. Don't hang up. Stay on the line until you are out of there.”“Okay. Okay. Sorry guys. No. No, I gotta go.” There were high-pitched voices in the background, almost like someone was complaining in some weird language. Sounded Scandinavian.Elves. Had to be.I heard fumbling sounds, probably him holding his phone while pulling up his pants. Then there was the clicking sound of his belt being buckled, followed by heavy breathing and rustling. The music started getting softer, until it was cut off with the sound of a slamming door. I heard his feet crunching through the snow.“Okay, I'm out of there. But I want to go back in.”“Don't! Listen to my voice. Don't go back in there. Get on your sleigh… I mean, in your car, and… where are you?”“The… uh, near my factory.”“Where is that… never mind. Just… can you meet me?”“Where?”“How about… Moose Café?”“The diner next to the motel?”“Yeah, that's the one. How fast can you get there?”“I don't know… maybe ten minutes.” Wow, Santa's sleigh really is fast!“Okay, see you at the diner in ten minutes. Fly safe!”“What? Didn't catch that…”“Drive safe, Kris. See you in ten.”I hung up. My heart was thumping in my chest like twelve drummers drumming. He needed my help! Santa needed my help!SCENE 2YES VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUSAll my adult life, people have been telling me that there is no Santa. But my parents have always said I just need to ignore the naysayers and hold onto my beliefs. “Santa is as real as you and I,” my mother says whenever I start to lose faith. I live, eat and breathe Christmas. And I've always tried to be nice, not naughty. And every Christmas Eve I religiously leave Santa milk and cookies on the table near the fireplace. And as a reward, up until I was 26, Santa left presents under my tree every single Christmas! Not just any old presents, but the presents I asked for in the letters I sent to him at the North Pole. But, Santa's got a funny sense of humor. I once asked him for a new house… I got that idea from an old movie. In response, he sent me a little dollhouse! It was tiny, but beautifully made, and looked almost exactly like what I'd pictured in my mind. That Santa, what a joker! I loved that dollhouse (I can see it right now from where I'm writing, the centerpiece of my enormous holiday display).Three years ago my mean younger sister, Stephanie, called me on Christmas Eve and told me something that ruined everything. She said my parents had been flying across the country every Christmas eve, ever since I left home, picking the lock of my tiny little New York apartment, sneaking in, eating the cookies and drinking the milk and leaving presents in my stocking and under my tree addressed, “To: Virginia. From: Santa.” Can you imagine my sister telling such a heinous lie? But sadly, I believed her for one hot minute. That sounded exactly like the kind of thing my parents would do. They were crazy for Christmas. I should have called them but I didn't. I bawled like a baby and threw out my Christmas tree. Literally, I just opened the window and pushed it out into the street below. I didn't make any cookies either. Later on, I decided that's probably what pissed Santa off the most. He loved my cookies!When I woke up Christmas morning, I had a shock in store. There was a lump of coal sitting on the floor where my tree had been. Just sitting there, mocking me. I knew, right then, right there, that my sister was a liar. But it was too late. I'd rejected Santa!I was naughty!That was pretty much the worst day of my life. I fell into such a deep funk over the next few months that I got fired from my job at the Christmas store. When that happened, I had a bit of a… I guess you'd call it a nervous breakdown. I don't have any memory of what I did, but I woke up one day in a… facility. The doctors said I'd been ranting about Santa for days and days, opening windows and shouting out into the snowy air that I was a fool and begging for Santa's forgiveness. The doctors wouldn't let me go until I pretended that Santa wasn't real. But I got out in February, totally cured, and began my long search for Santa.Okay… maybe I wasn't totally cured. I sort of went through a slightly confused time after that. One day I saw a stranger on the street that looked just like Santa. He was a fat fifty-something with a big white beard. He had this jolly look in his eye, even though he was obviously homeless. He even smoked from a little pipe, just like in that poem about him. I became convinced that he was the actual, real Santa. Why was he homeless? Well, it was spring, I reasoned. The elves were making toys, and Santa was taking a break. It made sense to me at the time, but that just tells you how discombobulated I was back then. I struck up a conversation with him, and of course he denied being Santa. But that's just what the real Santa would do. He was stinky and hungry, so I invited him over to my apartment to bathe while I baked him some cookies.He had no idea why a pretty 27-year-old girl would invite him into her home, but he didn't object. I made his favorite chocolate cookies while humming 'jingle bells' and listening to him splashing around in the tub. He stayed in there a long time, enjoying the hot water, which I guess was a bit of a luxury for him. My first batch of cookies came out of the oven. I was so eager to give him a taste, that I took a plateful into the bathroom without even knocking.He was beautiful sitting there in the tub. So fat, so jolly… he had a big pile of suds on top of his head, and I laughed in spite of myself. He looked at me, shocked that I'd walked in on him like that, but he greedily gobbled up my cookies. Then he said, grumpily, “Well, if you're not gonna wash my back, get out.”I took that as an invitation to wash his back. I sat on the edge of the tub and soaped up his back, which was covered with curly white hair. I ran my fingers through it, feeling something… unexpected, stirring between my legs. And no, it wasn't a flea. At least… I don't think so.When I was done with his back, I decided to shampoo his hair, because he hadn't done a very thorough job. I kicked off my shoes, moved behind him and put my feet in the water. I could feel his hairy thighs against my ankles. He leaned back against me as I scrubbed his hair. It was so snaggled with twigs, it took forever to clean it all out. He must have enjoyed my attentions, because after a while, I saw the tip of his penis break through the bubbly surface of the water. He didn't try to cover it up, so I figured, if he's not embarrassed, why should I be?By this time the water was rank, so I emptied the tub and refilled it. I got a good look at his naked body then. Santa had a big belly… and a big penis. Big enough, anyway, to still look big in spite of all the fat around his abdomen. I hadn't seen many penises up to then. I'd always been pretty shy around men. The two guys I'd actually had sex with were fellow elves who'd worked at Santa's Winterland with me when I was 19. They weren't little people, just in case you're wondering. They were just regular guys, trying to earn a buck wearing pointy plastic ears and red shoes with bells. Neither of them were good lovers, but it turned out that making love with me made them realize they were gay. Can you imagine? This happened two weeks apart. My luck, I'm telling you. But I was a nice girl, so I played matchmaker for them, and soon they were fooling around in Santa's house after closing time, with each other, not me.Anyway, the point is, homeless Santa was the first man I'd seen naked in years and years and years. I found his body intriguing. So after refilling the tub, I kneeled on the floor to wash his legs. They were still pretty crusty. Then I just kept working up higher, and his eyes grew wider and wider. He didn't tell me to stop, so I didn't. I cleaned his balls, his cock, and his ass. I was happy to do it. And he enjoyed me doing it too. He had such a smile on his jolly old face. He particularly liked me cleaning his hard penis, stroking it up and down with my hand on one side and a sponge on the other. He kept telling me, “Yeah, don't stop. Just like that. Don't stop.” So I didn't stop. He was Santa. Why would I stop?I was as surprised as anything when a fountain of semen shot out of his penis and all over my hands. I paused for a second but he grunted, “No, don't stop!” So I kept cleaning, and he squirted a few more times, letting out a long croaking groan. Then he slumped back in the tub and unceremoniously fell asleep. I smiled. I was happy that I could give Santa pleasure like that. Maybe now he'd forgive me for doubting him. I looked at his sticky cum on my hands. I sniffed it, thinking it might smell Christmassy somehow, you know, cinnamon and spice, but it didn't. I licked it off my fingers. It was kind of salty.As Santa snored, I washed him some more, making sure to clean the crusty dried food out of his beard. I even cleaned out his ears, which were almost stopped closed with hair and gunk. Then I waited for him to wake up, making sure to keep the water nice and warm. I played with his balls, because it made him hum in his sleep. His cock got hard, then soft again, in response to my touch. That was kind of fun! I made a bit of a game out of it, seeing how many ball tickles it took before he was stiff again. He woke up an hour later. He seemed a little embarrassed and at a loss for words. He just mumbled, “Thanks, girlie”.I helped him get out of the tub. He was kind of creaky and old. I started to wonder how a man this weak could possibly control a sleigh or climb down chimneys or do any of the other strenuous activities required of Santa on Christmas Eve. I watched him dry off, and now that he was clean… well, he just didn't look as Santa-ish as before. He asked if I had any gin. I offered him eggnog instead. When he drank it I knew I'd made a mistake. He spit it out! Can you imagine? Santa Claus… spitting out eggnog? This old bum was probably expecting it to be spiked with some sort of alcohol, like my aunt used to do. But I preferred it right out of the carton, just like Santa.Well, that was a sore disappointment, I can tell you! But he was my guest, so I made dinner for fake homeless Santa. He ate it all up, but when it was over he grabbed my bottom and asked if I'd like to give him another bath. How rude! I told him, in no uncertain terms, that he shouldn't look a gift reindeer in the mouth and ushered him out of my apartment.I suppose I should have learned my lesson. You know the one about not judging a book by its cover. But I didn't.I tried to put my life back together. I got a job outside of the Christmas industry, and I tried not to think about Santa. But every time I spotted a white bearded fat man on the street, or in the subway, my heart would soar, and my gray world would grow brighter. I'd usually follow him for a while before deciding he probably wasn't Santa. If he looked particularly jolly… well, I found myself getting turned on. Sexually turned on. It was disquieting. I'd never had those kinds of feelings for Santa before. Later that spring I started having erotic dreams in which I was Mrs. Claus. These dreams would usually end with Santa and I making love in a pile of snow, under the aurora borealis. I would wake up turned on but terrified. So I stopped Santa hunting and concentrated on my job all through the summer.After Halloween, the Christmas decorations started going up all over town, and boom, just like that my obsession was back. I started wandering the streets, chasing anything in a beard. Now when I woke up after one of those vivid Santa dreams, I'd lay in bed, sometimes for hours, masturbating. I began to reconcile myself with the fact that I had the hots for Saint Nick. After all, I wasn't a child anymore. I was a 27-year-old woman. What's so terrible about being attracted to a vital, handsome, generous, jolly old elf?One day I saw a street corner Santa ringing a bell next to a donation pot. He had a real beard, not one of those fake ones. And his Santa suit was beautiful! Real leather boots and everything. And the way he said “Ho, Ho, Ho!” Well… I knew the moment I saw him, that this was Santa! The real Santa! Oh, yeah, it was definitely him! No doubt about it! And he was so sexy, the way his belly bounced when he swung his bell. I started wondering if he was a good kisser… if his penis was as big as homeless Santa's had been… if it would feel just as hard and meaty in my hand… if it would spurt just the same? I got so turned on I could barely breathe.I watched Santa until he was done for the night, then I followed him through the dark streets. I half expected that he'd go around a corner and hop on a waiting sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer, so I stayed close, treading softly so he wouldn't hear me. But he walked up to an apartment building and opened the door with a key. Before he could close it behind him, I ran up and pushed my way inside.“Santa,” I said, “I…” but I couldn't think of anything to say.He looked at me with a perplexed expression and said, “What?”I stared at him and tried like mad to think of something, but my mind was a blank.“Well, spit it out, girl. I ain't got all night!”I wanted to thank him for all the toys and presents he'd given me over the years, even that last one, the lump of coal, because it had taught me a valuable lesson about holding on to your faith in a world full of cynics.But instead, I kissed him.Yeah, that's what I said. I threw my arms around him and kissed Santa Claus right on the mouth. I couldn't believe I was doing it, but there I was doing it anyway. And he was stunned… shocked into immobility. My kiss was close mouthed at first. But… well, I don't know what came over me… maybe it was the smell of cinnamon in his beard… but I stuck my tongue in Santa's mouth. And doing that made me go mad with desire, I was panting desperately and hugging him tightly, making him stumble backwards into the foyer. I pushed him until he fell onto his back on the staircase, and I clambered on top of him, my little body rubbing like mad all over his big fat belly.After a while he began kissing me too, sticking his tongue in my mouth and rubbing his gloved hands all over my back and squeezing my ass. I was wearing a plaid skirt that night, and his hands reached right under it, and he started rubbing my crotch through my panties! His magical fingers found the nub of my clitoris, and soon he was fingering me to heaven. Oh, Saint Nick, it felt great!Anybody could have seen us from the street or the stairwell, but we didn't care, we just made out like two desperate snow bunnies. He yanked his glove off his right hand with his teeth, his eyes crazy with need, then reached down around my ass, and I felt Santa's naked fingers slip under my panties and into my pussy!“Oh, Santa!” I moaned into his mouth. I felt his hardening penis poking up into my crotch, and I rubbed myself against him so hard, if we were made out of wood, we would have burst into flame. All the while his fingers delved ever deeper into me. I reached under his fat belly, desperately searching for his zipper, but his fly had buttons, and I couldn't figure out how to undo them. He took his fingers out of my vagina long enough to unbutton himself, and before I knew it, his hard, huge cock was inside me!“Oh, Santa!” I shrieked in joy.His cock wasn't nearly as big as fake homeless Santa's, but it didn't matter. I hadn't had sex in almost eight years, so he felt huge inside me! And he was so hard! I grabbed the stairway banister with one hand and his beard with the other. I began to thrust myself forward and back, banging my trim little belly into his huge flabby belly, driving his North Pole deep into my nearly virgin vagina!“Oh, Santa! Santa! Oh, you feel so good inside me!!”“Ow! Ow! Ow!” he said, because I was pulling his beard with every thrust. But he didn't tell me to stop. Maybe he knew that his beard was turning me on… probably more than any other part of him. I didn't take my eyes off him the whole time we fucked. I just ate him up with my eyes, amazed and astonished that this was really happening. His suit was so red and fuzzy, his face so jolly and sexy! He was Santa Claus! I was fucking Santa Claus!I started shrieking, feeling the first orgasm of my life ripping through me.“Oh… God! Santa!! Santa!”He put his hand over my mouth to muffle my cries. If anyone had opened their doors, they'd have seen quite a sight! Well… for all I know people might have seen us. I wouldn't have noticed. I was blinded by the Christmas spirit.Soon after my orgasm, Santa grunted and grabbed my ass to stop my gyrations and held me down, as if I might fly away. Then I felt him cumming inside me. The feeling of it, so intensely intimate… it drove me wild!“Oh, Santa!!” I yelled, my eyes popping out of my head, “You're cumming inside me!!!!!” I shrieked loud enough to wake everyone in the building, if I hadn't already. After he was done with his spasms and his arms went limp, I just sat there, feeling his cock softening inside me. I looked down into his dazed, sweaty, amazed face… my heart filled with love. I petted his curly white beard with my hand and leaned over to sprinkle his face with little kisses.“I'm sorry about the cookies, Santa.” I said softly. Hoping he'd forgive me.“Wha… what? Cookies?” He said breathlessly. “Fuck, I'm burning up in this suit!” He was sweating profusely and reached up to take off his Santa hat.He was bald!Oh, no! I did it again! Santa isn't bald! But this guy, whoever he was, was as bald as a cue ball! I didn't say a thing. I just stood up and walked right out of there, leaving him lying on his back on the stairs, wondering what the hell had just happened. As I walked quickly down the street, overcome with disappointment, I could feel his cum oozing out of me and down my leg. It didn't disgust me… actually, I kind of enjoyed the sensation… but it wasn't Santa's cum. That's what I really wanted. I wanted to make love to Santa, not some random geriatric in an expensive Santa suit!Thank goodness for the morning after pill. The last thing I needed was to get pregnant… at least not with some fake Santa's baby.But a few days later I started to wonder if maybe I'd been wrong to judge that man based on having no hair.To be continued..By cb summers for Literotica

Do you wonder what your therapist thinks of you? Claire gives you some tips on ways to dig a little deeper into the relationship you have with your therapist. Plus, she answers a question from a listener interested in starting therapy for his compulsive sexual behavior.   Check out Claire's recommendations for resources on sex addiction:  Sex Addiction 101 by Robert Weiss Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Sexaholics Anonymous Center for Healthy Sex     Do you have something you want Claire's help with? Send her a question to be featured on an upcoming episode by emailing us at newday@lemonadamedia.com or submitting one at www.bit.ly/newdayask.   Want to connect? Join the New Day Facebook Group!  https://www.facebook.com/groups/newdaypod   Click this link for a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this show and all Lemonada shows go to lemonadamedia.com/sponsors.   To follow along with a transcript and/or take notes for friends and family, go to lemonadamedia.com/show/newday/ shortly after the air date.   Follow Claire on IG and FB @clairebidwellsmith or Twitter @clairebidwell and visit her website: www.clairebidwellsmith.com.   Stay up to date with us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at @LemonadaMedia.    Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at bit.ly/lemonadapremium.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Pete B in his own words: I've been in 12 step recovery since age 22, continually abstinent from all mind and mood altering substances since 1980, at the age 25. I've had a fascinating journey that's taken me through about 10 different recovery fellowships (NA, AA, Addicts Anonymous, All Addicts Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Freedom From Fear, Refuge Recovery, and Recovery Dharma). I got to help N.A. create its Basic Text on Recovery early on and established several N.A. Newsletters. More recently I was the editor for an AA newsletter. Today I find myself back in N.A., where my recovery journey began. Since the beginning of the pandemic, I have found myself privileged to actively sponsor addicts all over the world through the 12 Steps, including 6 different countries and 7 different states in this country. I've probably learned more about sponsorship in the past 3 years than I had in the previous 39.Reco12 is an organization with the mission of learning and sharing the similarities of addiction of all kinds and the similarities of recovery from all afflictions and addictions, and gaining and sharing tools and hope from others who are trudging this road. We are an open meeting for ALL, no matter your life experiences, faith traditions, nationality, or background.  Reco12 is a self-supporting service and we appreciate your help in keeping it that way. We gratefully accept contributions to help cover the costs of the Zoom platform, podcast platform, web hosting, and administrative costs. To contribute, you can go to https://www.reco12.com/support  or you can use PayPal . When you contribute, please specify the meeting number. This is meeting number 123.To join our private Facebook group or our WhatsApp group and now, even on Instagram and YouTube, to ask and answer questions there:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/291099645261990https://chat.whatsapp.com/Hl9ZZsTMvIZ0mPkNeErL57 https://www.instagram.com/reco12pod/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNHToLwCJhBB1Qqs10Ontzg Resources from this meeting:NAAAAll Addicts AnonymousSex Addicts AnonymousAl-AnonAdult Children of AlcoholicsBig BookNA BookOutro music is “Standing Still” by Cory Ellsworth and Randy Kartchner, performed by Mike Eldred and Elizabeth Wolfe.  This song, and/or the entire soundtrack for the future Broadway musical, “Crosses:  A Musical of Hope”, can be purchased here:  https://amzn.to/3RIjKXs This song is used with the express permission of Cory Ellsworth.Support the showPrivate Facebook GroupWhatsApp Community GroupInstagram PageDonationsYouTube ChannelReco12 WebsiteEmail: reco12pod@gmail.com

Your hosts, Tara Hedman and Diane Thompson welcome you to another episode of Examine Your Hedman Podcast. They are joined today by Heidi Dike Kingston.   Heidi vulnerably shares her family history of alcoholism and how her sibling's needs created a gap in her own needs getting met as a child. And the sexual abuse that transpired alongside the neglect. She shares how she discovered her need for the healthy rhythms of 12-step recovery in Love and Sex Addicts Anonymous and Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. Heidi talks about the places in her life and heart that required self-care and the many paths that can take to find healing. Her voice of experience is uplifting and authentic.    Life really can suck less, so examine your head, man!   *This podcast is not a substitute for a therapeutic relationship with a mental health professional.*

Your hosts, Tara Hedman and Diane Thompson welcome you to another episode of Examine Your Hedman Podcast. They are joined today by Heidi Dike Kingston. Heidi vulnerably shares her family history of alcoholism and how her sibling's needs created a gap in her own needs getting met as a child. And the sexual abuse that transpired alongside the neglect. She shares how she discovered her need for the healthy rhythms of 12-step recovery in Love and Sex Addicts Anonymous and Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. Heidi talks about the places in her life and heart that required self-care and the many paths that can take to find healing. Her voice of experience is uplifting and authentic.  Life really can suck less, so examine your head, man! *This podcast is not a substitute for a therapeutic relationship with a mental health professional.*

Do you wonder what your therapist thinks of you? Claire gives you some tips on ways to dig a little deeper into the relationship you have with your therapist. Plus, she answers a question from a listener interested in starting therapy for his compulsive sexual behavior. Check out Claire's recommendations for resources on sex addiction:  Sex Addiction 101 by Robert Weiss Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Sexaholics Anonymous Center for Healthy Sex   Do you have something you want Claire's help with? Send her a question to be featured on an upcoming episode by emailing us at newday@lemonadamedia.com or submitting one at www.bit.ly/newdayask. Want to connect? Join the New Day Facebook Group!  https://www.facebook.com/groups/newdaypod Click this link for a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this show and all Lemonada shows go to lemonadamedia.com/sponsors. To follow along with a transcript and/or take notes for friends and family, go to lemonadamedia.com/show/newday/ shortly after the air date. Follow Claire on IG and FB @clairebidwellsmith or Twitter @clairebidwell and visit her website: www.clairebidwellsmith.com. Stay up to date with us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at @LemonadaMedia.  Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at bit.ly/lemonadapremium. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here is a little about Al, in his own words:  I came to AA in January-February 1974.  Have been sober since! I came into recovery from compulsive sexual behavior in both SA (Sexaholics Anonymous) and SAA (Sex Addict Anonymous) at the same time in October of 1994.  After 3 years, I took a sabbatical to do some field research (relapse), but have been sober since January 15, 1998.  After weighing the pro's and con's of my personal needs, SAA is the program that fit best for me and it is my home program. I currently attend the ARP program for maintenance.  I sponsor extensively and make many contributions at the international level. Welcome to Reco12.  Reco12 is an organization with the mission of learning and sharing the similarities of addiction of all kinds and gaining and sharing tools and hope from others who are walking a similar path.  We come together from all places, faiths ,and backgrounds to gain tools and hope from others who are walking a similar path.  Speakers from our past meetings have represented many fellowships and identify with addictions with such variety of alcoholism, drugs, food, sex, gambling, theft, co-dependency, and the anon groups.  We invite recovering addicts with at least 1 year sobriety and who are actively working their recovery in their respective fellowships to share their experience, strength and hope on a live Zoom webinar, each Friday at 12:00 pm central time, for 20-25 minutes.  Then, we, the live audience, get the opportunity to ask questions of the speaker for another 20-25 minutes.  Reco12 is a self-supporting service and we appreciate your help in keeping it that way.  We gratefully accept contributions to help cover the costs of the Zoom platform, podcast platform, web hosting, and administrative costs.  To contribute, you can go to https://www.reco12.com/support  or you can click the link to PayPal (https://www.paypal.me/reco12)  in the chat of the live meeting.  When you contribute, please specify the meeting number.  This is meeting number 108.Resources from this meeting:A Gentle Path Through the 12 Steps by Patrick CarnesI Am Only One by Edward Everett HaleThe MeadowsMending a Shattered Heart by Stefanie CarnesOutro music is “Standing Still” by Cory Ellsworth and Randy Kartchner, performed by Mike Eldred and Elizabeth Wolfe.  This song, and/or the entire soundtrack for the future Broadway musical, “Crosses:  A Musical of Hope”, can be purchased here:  https://music.apple.com/us/album/crosses-musical-hope-by-cory/528476262  This song is used with the express permission of Cory Ellsworth.Support the show

This is a surprising and sometimes difficult conversation about sex addiction with psychologist Nicole Prause; Erica Garza, author of "Getting Off: One Woman's Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction"; and Charles (a pseudonym), who is heavily involved in Sex Addicts Anonymous. This episode first aired in 2019, almost exactly 3 years ago. We bring this back to our listeners after the recent episode with Anna Lembke about her book, “Dopamine Nation.”

Join us in celebrating Fight the New Drug's 13th anniversary as an organization. In this episode, FTND's Executive Director, Natale, sits down with host Garrett Jonsson to take a trip down memory lane. During this conversation, they reflect on 13 years of FTND's education, awareness-raising, and impact as well as talk about the growing arsenal of resources this organization has produced. Listen in as they recognize significant milestones from the past 13 years and look ahead at what's to come.Click here to learn more about the guest, and access the resources discussed in this episode.To learn more about the harms of pornography on consumers, relationships, and its larger societal impacts, visit FTND.org.To support this podcast, click here.As you go about your day we invite you to increase your self-awareness, look both ways, check your blindspots, and consider before consuming.Fight the New Drug collaborates with a variety of qualified organizations and individuals with varying personal beliefs, affiliations, and political persuasions. As FTND is a non-religious and non-legislative organization, the personal beliefs, affiliations, and persuasions of any of our team members or of those we collaborate with do not reflect or impact the mission of Fight the New Drug.

This week we're going in a different direction. I decided to talk about a very NSFW topic...porn. Specifically, what kinds people watch, why people watch it, effects of porn in a relationship, and I even scratch the surface on addiction. Majority of the facts shared come from Porn Hub's 2019 Year in Review article. In this episode, I share a vulnerable story with you guys. I talk about how a previous partner of mine had a porn addiction and I describe the effects it had on my self esteem. There's much much MUCH more to be said on this topic, so consider this part one. I love you all and thank you again for your support. Sex Addicts Anonymous 1-800-477-8191 Instagram @sarahmyerz @21st_sintury https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2019-year-in-review nodayswasted.co/sinner and use promo code "SINNER" at checkout --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/21stsintury/support

Welcome back to the Miss Amanda Chen Show. We are now in Season 4 of the 100 Masked Men series, where I anonymously interview different men from all walks of life about masculinity, sex and relationships, and how that contributes to our self worth. Masked Man #98 is The Sex Addict. He joined the 12-step program for Sex Addicts Anonymous after his partner seeked help with Partners of Sex Addicts. After losing his best friend from a stint with sexual allegations from his ex and his behaviour with porn and sexting ruining his relationship, he shares his spiritual journey on finding compassion and forgiveness for himself. I think this is an incredible story to listen to as someone who also struggled with sex addiction where celibacy is the path I am on today.  In this episode we discuss how we might reproach consequences to sexual misconducts, but more importantly, what redemption and re-acceptance would look like, because if there is no way to be accepted back into your community after a mistake has been made, then why bother trying to be better? Let's get into it. I hope you enjoy the show.

In love with the idea of being in love? Find yourself chasing the ultimate "sex high" only for it to fall short of Hollywood type expectations and porn level satisfaction?  Do you find yourself in dream relationships at first, only to have it coming crashing down with disappointment, shame and a sense of failure? Join the club... and maybe seek help! There are plenty of men and women with these same misguided ideals and relationship/sexual patterns. You're not alone and Brianne Davis is here to share her story so it might help you. Brianne Davis is a well known actress, model, director, producer and activist. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:How do you know you are a sex addict?Dating multiple people to fulfill different needsThe constant need for validationA hard path to recoveryHow you deal with stigma and shameLiving in sobriety with strict boundariesFeeling "the rush" in a relationshipWhat brings Brianne joyBeing your own soulmateThe porn pandemicIf you or someone you know is a survivor of sexual violence and needs help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673GUEST LINKS:Brianne Davis IGSecret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love AddictALLISON'S LINKS:Visit Allison's websiteFollow Allison on InstagramCheck out Allison's blogListen to The Podcasters' Journey PodcastAllison's Favorites - And some great deals for you!Weekend Podcaster - Launch Your Podcast in 3 days!

In this episode, we will talk about sex addiction with David S., a member of Sex Addicts Anonymous. David will help us understand sex addiction from his personal experience, review the terminology related to sex addiction, and describe a typical Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting. What we talked about Dave's story. The nature of addiction and […]

In this episode, I interview a member of sex addicts anonymous - Susan Lyons. Susan shares her inspiring journey of realizing she was a sex addict, coming to terms with her detrimental patterns and what she attributes to her healing. Connect w/ Susan on Insta: @thesusanlyonsConnect w/ Sacred Pause:Link To Sacred Pause Podcast: https://wavve.link/sacredpauseSubscribe to the Sacred Pause YouTube Channel & watch weekly episodes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC48be0Jas4LyoLjESjk7N5A?view_as=subscriberFollow Sacred Pause on IG @sacredpausepodcastFollow Kelsey on IG @kelseywkeilFollow our new upcoming podcast on IG @thoughtworkpodcast (Change Your Thoughts. Change Your Life.) Subscribe to Thought Work - https://thoughtworkpodcast.com/Love, Kelsey @sacredpausepodcast

While the question of "Am I a Sex Addict?" may seem simple, many of us in the program can attest that it surely isn't. Join us in this episode for a small group conversation where we explore the question together.   Be sure to reach us via email: feedback@sexaddictsrecoverypod.com   To take the self assessment quiz: https://saa-recovery.org/am-i-a-sex-addict/self-assessment/   Getting Started in Sex Addicts Anonymous booklet: https://saa-recovery.org/literature/getting-started-in-sex-addicts-anonymous-a-beginners-packet-for-recovering-sex-addicts/   To find meetings in the San Francisco Bay Area, be sure to visit: https://www.bayareasaa.org/   The content of this podcast has not been approved by and may not reflect the opinions or policies of the ISO of SAA, Inc.

#215 Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin   Curious with Jake Podcast feat Dominick Quartuccio: Sexual Performance, Sexual Shame and Sexual Health   ---------------------------------------------------------------   Why do we only hear about men’s sexuality when it’s a problem?   Why do we hear SO MUCH about the sex lives of Donald Trump, Tiger Woods and the fuckboys of the world...   ...yet we hear SO LITTLE about the sex lives of men who are genuinely doing it well?    We’re all fumbling around trying to figure out our sexual selves.   Naturally, we look to others to find our way.   We take our cues from those we deem “sexually successful.”   All too often those are the players, pick-up artists and porn stars.    Think about the implications of that for a minute. That’s dangerous. That’s unacceptable.    I’m here to play a part in tearing down the old model.   I’m stepping forward to help fill this void of healthy masculine sexual role models.   My sexuality was a problem for many years of my life because I had no role model to learn from or talk to.    I bottomed out and ended up in Sex Addicts Anonymous for 4 years as part of an intensive process to clean my shit up.    Now, my sexuality is one of the greatest gifts and most powerful forces in my life.    I don’t know what you want to hear from me or how my story might help.   But I do know I’ve got more to offer than the players, pick-up artists and porn stars.      If there’s something you want to see or hear more about...   ...my lines of communication are open.     Come find me in: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin   (PS - thank you to Dr. David Ley for introducing me to the concepts of “sexual role model” and “why do we only hear about men’s sexuality when it’s a problem?”)  

On this week's episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Dominick Quartuccio. Dominick is the host of “The Great Man Within Podcast,” a show for high performing men covering the subjects of purpose, masculinity and sex. He is the author of two books, “Design Your Future” and “On Purpose Leadership,” which both focus on living the best version of yourself. He also runs The Great Man Mastermind, a global community of men doing inner work and living their best selves. Dominick and I talk about his journey through Sex Addicts Anonymous and how he has reframed his relationship with sex. Key Points: - Dominick shares some of this story - The final straw before rehab - Sex Addicts Anonymous - Is sex addiction real? - Defining addiction and relapse - Religion and negative attitudes towards sex - Reframing your relationship with sex - Talking to men about sex Relevant links: Dominick's Instagram: @DominickQ Dominick's Website: https://www.dominickq.com/

Encouraging them to help themselves get out of the addiction is the only way to help a sex addict. You can't make them change or make it right unless they are willing to seek help for themselves. Help them locate a therapist or encourage them to participate in a Freedom Group or Sex Addicts Anonymous.https://recoverypartnernetwork.com/behavioral/sex-addiction

Ericka and Ebony have been dating for two years and Ebony is much more comfortable in their relationship than he used to be—but is Ericka aware of everything that's going on? When asked "What are you hesitant to tell me?," Ebony admits he thinks he's got an unhealthy addiction to pornography and has been going down an internet rabbit hole, dwelling on the Sex Addicts Anonymous subreddit. In a touching moment when asked "What's the pain in me you'd like to heal?," Ebony tells Ericka he'd like to be able to bring back Ericka's late mother. They also discuss Ericka's admiration for Ebony's love for all Black people as well as Ebony's secret weapon for cheering up Ericka (hint: it has to do with her toes). CONTENT WARNING: this episode contains discussions of sex addiction and adult situations. Nothing too graphic, but parents should decide whether they feel this is an appropriate episode for kids.

Karen Seltz has triumphed over Sex Addiction. One of Karen’s greatest gifts is her ability to see the beauty and possibility in people and mirror it back to them. Karen stopped ‘playing small’ and gained her confidence by doing the deep inner work that she now shares with her clients as a Transformation Mindset and Spirituality Coach. Karen has been called to be a “loving interruption” to the disempowering stories, beliefs, and patterns her clients have held that have kept them stuck. Karen supports analytical, perfectionistic women in connecting to their hearts, emotions, and bodies to step out of their comfort zones with courage and power. She assists women in learning to trust themselves and their intuition, and intentionally create lives filled with fun, joy, spontaneity, meaning, and contribution. Karen has Master’s degree in Counseling, is a certified Life Coach, and a Brain Gym Consultant. This is her story, and this is her Passion. PASSIONATE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT - Sex addiction - How should a woman act in society? - Choosing sex as a drug of choice - How to satisfy your partner - Manipulating men for sex - Overcoming depression - Equating sex to self-worth - Trauma release - The division in a relationship that pornography creates - Accepting pleasure - What is good sex? - How to romance yourself? - Accepting and loving your body - How to be beautiful? - How to be sexy? - How to attract the man you like? - 12 steps program - Allowing your emotions to be expressed - Giving yourself permission to love yourself - Positive Body image - Removing the inner critic - Learning to trust yourself - Tips to follow your passion SPREAD THE PASSION HOST: Luisa WEBSITE: https://passionharvest.com/ WATCH THIS INTERVIEW ON YOUTUBE https://youtu.be/snDYYgX3R0Y PASSION HARVEST ON SOCIAL YOU TUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/PassionHarvest/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/PassionHarvest/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/Passionharvest SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3BogbavOan3FP1r1JXLxmV SOUNDCLOUD: https://soundcloud.com/user-796690230 ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/passion-harvest/id1451566598 LEAVE A PODCAST REVIEW IN I TUNES http://getpodcast.reviews/id/1451566598 CONNECT WITH KAREN SELTZ WEBSITE: https://HappinessGuru.net FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/karen.seltz/ SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS: https://saa-recovery.org/ SEX AND LOVE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS: https://www.slaa.org.au/meetings

#179: Join the men's only Great Man Within Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin   I’ve always had a difficult time explaining what inner work actually is, but in one very real sense:   It’s combat training for the most difficult moments of your life.   If you’ve been keeping up with me lately, you know my flat white* ass has been getting kicked around these last 6 weeks. *not to be confused with the delicious flat white espresso drink   But amidst all the kicks-to-my-lower-extremities, a funny thing happened:   I started noticing I’ve never felt more powerful in my life.   How’s that possible?   Nearly 8 years ago, I had my world rocked in a similar sense when I bottomed out and entered Sex Addicts Anonymous…   …and I felt obliterated.      How could it feel so different this time?   After all, in my external world, I’ve been taking quite a few poundings:    The book “bok” publishing fiasco Porn-gate Losing about 70% of my revenue as a result of porn-gate Challenges in a meaningful intimate relationship   Of course, all of this stuff sucks.   Loss is never easy, particularly when it’s delivered via the sucker punch. I’ve felt a lot of pain these last 40+ days.   And yet, my inner world has never felt more safe, secure and solid.   All that inner work combat training specifically prepared me for moments like these.   You see, inner work strips away your reliance on needing to control the outside world – which is super fucking hard, by the way – to refocus on building an inner foundation that can find peace and confidence in nearly any situation. 8 years after my “bottoming out,” I’m experiencing the beautiful contrast of the inner power I feel now vs. the inner chaos I felt then.   This new awareness led me to think more deeply about power, and how it is derived.   As men, we organize much of our entire lives around things we believe will give us power.   But so much of the power we chase hinges on external sources that are fleeting and flimsy (like status, titles or wealth).   When your power is predicated on external sources that can change at any time, you never truly feel safe or secure.   All it takes is one external variable to change, and it can expose that hole-in-the-Deathstar type vulnerability where it feels like one well-placed shot can annihilate you.    Believe me, I know. I lived that life.   The inner power I feel now is the exact opposite:   Hit me with your best shot, sucker. It’ll only make me stronger.   So today, I sat down today and let rip 7 ways in which I used to experience power from an immature, externally-oriented perspective.   Then I wrote 7 ways I experience power today.   I thought you might find it useful.   7 Signs of Immature Masculine Power Derived from external sources such as wealth, titles and social status Relies on comparison to others Needs something or someone to dominate Shrinks – or explodes – in the face of criticism Experiences setbacks as weakness Power that’s unsafe to others Power that’s temporary and always at risk   7 Signs of Mature Masculine Power   Derived from internal resources such as Purpose, trust in self and inner peace Relies on comparison to self Helps others to find their power Expands in the face of criticism Experiences setbacks as training grounds to become stronger Power that elevates others Enduring and forever reliable

In this episode, Chris from Australia joins me as a guest speaker and talks to us about 12-step programs as well as sexual recovery programs, like Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), among others.How did 12-step programs evolve throughout the years and what do they entail? Who are "sponsors" and how do they support us with our recovery? What are some of the different sexual recovery programs out there, and how do they help us in our journeys of abstinence from sex, masturbation and/or pornography? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Links to resources mentioned in the episode:- "A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps" by Patrick Carnes- Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book”, 12 Steps and 12 Traditions- SA, Sexaholics Anonymous webpage- Same-sex lust recovery in Sexaholics Anonymous- Sexaholics Anonymous White Book- SLAA, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous webpage- SLAA Signs of Recovery- SAA, Sex Addicts Anonymous webpage

A Long Heart-to-Heart Convo For Us In These Challenging Days My Friend, Thank you always for being here with me. Today's episode is a good, long heart-to-heart for you and I. This conversation is more off-the-cuff than most episodes, and we cover a lot of important topics that are relevant for most all of us during these days of The Great Awakening: What we can likely expect in the next 90 days and understanding this reality more accurately - Relinquishing our ideas about the future and my personal thoughts - In regards to Trump - perceiving more accurately and compassionately - Humanitarian values and virtues -Expansion and Contraction - Dark forces and their influence and manipulation within our personal lives - Ascension symptoms - Addictions, Addiction Matrix of this reality and free support groups for different forms of addiction -Maintaining our health, wellness, resilience and stability during these days As promised, here are many resources to support this conversation: 12 Step Groups exist in most countries - Google "AA Meetings Near Me" etc to find telephone/online/in-person meetings near you. For example, here are links for US groups: Alcoholics Anonymous: https://aa.org/pages/en_US/find-local-aa Narcotics Anonymous: https://na.org/ Sex Addicts Anonymous: https://www.sa.org/ Self Mutilators Anonymous: http://www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org/ Codependents Anonymous: https://coda.org/find-a-meeting/international-meetings/ Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families: https://adultchildren.org/meeting-search/ Over Eaters Anonymous: https://oa.org/ And here are some of my steadfast resources for study and understanding of what's really going on. This is where I find more accurate 'news: https://qanon.pub/ X22 Report: https://www.youtube.com/user/X22Report Raven Moonstone: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCE9Tj37eVP1PONSUz_OBHHg Liz Crokin: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL5QWloOWiD_H6nc_05PHBA Dustin Nemos: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQ7VgW7XgJQjDEPnOR-Q0Qw Jordan Sather: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0jP5PZn1P-K5CKKiiL38455oi3YyqSX9 Destroying The Illusion: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMVTRzCXvIbdK0Y1ZxD-BlA Santa Surfing: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0v7VUtxrPnQWPgZx-WSzgw Praying Medic: https://www.youtube.com/user/prayingmedic :War-Castles: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFCcG0xBhCdkSg_8VrBzgvQ Frank Romanek Jr.: https://www.youtube.com/c/FrankRomanekJr Out Of Shadows: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEFU11eqmgnGj5P2DG4CkA The Next News Network: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLoNQH9RCndfUGOb2f7E1Ew Fall Cabal: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCthJtvcJZQgfCHG9QOWXjqw/videos King of UK - Joseph Gregory Hallet the New King: https://www.kingof.uk/ LA Late: https://www.youtube.com/c/LALATE Jimmy Michalek: https://www.youtube.com/c/JimmyMichalek Ascension Support: Kryon Channelling: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbzZmC-cvS57cWbeBe7XPoA Lorie Ladd: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXxn1HpP2HYaRjgqf1MXx0A Energetic Synthesis: https://www.youtube.com/user/EnergeticSynthesis/videos https://energeticsynthesis.com/ Sandra Walter: http://www.sandrawalter.com/ David Icke: https://davidicke.com/ The Door: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5wl-5XZhI3ZQPf5KyW0aBw Compression Breakthrough Blog for The Event (COBRA): https://2012portal.blogspot.com/ --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/inspiredsovereigntyradio/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/inspiredsovereigntyradio/support

For 25 years, Johnathon Schaech held a secret very close to him, he'd been sexually assaulted on his first film by the famed Italian director, Franco Zeffirelli. In 2018, at the peek of the MeToo Movement, Johnathon shared his story with the world. But going public, fighting for those who don't have a voice, plunged him further into darkness, anger, and shame. It wasn't until he discovered a program for sex and love addicts that he found recovery, peace, and the tools to live a shame-free life.______If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual violence, please call the RAINN sexual violence hotline 1-800-656-4673Or if you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.______Johnathon Schaech exploded onto the scene as one of Hollywood's most handsome leading men in Jocelyn Moorhouse's How to Make an American Quilt and Tom Hanks' directorial debut That Thing You Do! Since then, Johnathon has shown incredible versatility as an actor. Over the last twenty years, he's starred in over one-hundred and sixty Hollywood productions. Working opposite some of the most acclaimed and awarded actors, producers, writers and directors including Gwyneth Paltrow, Kenneth Branagh, Ed Harris, Idris Elba, Antonio Banderas, Bruce Willis, Tom Fontana, Gary Goetzman, Neil Moritz, Greg Araki, Cary Brokaw, Roy Lee, Jessica Lange and Bill Paxton. Schaech recently captivated television audiences as the eccentric movie-star in Showtime's hit series Ray Donovan (2014) and has portrayed comic-book legend Jonah Hex on the first three season's of DC's Legends. (2015-2018) Having aged into a ruggedly handsome man, he's fast becoming one of Hollywood's go-to stars for action roles. Starring in Renny Harlin's 5 Days of War (2014), Todd Robinson's Phantom (2015), Roland Joffe's Texas Rising (2016), Steven C. Miller's Marauders (2017) and soon takes the lead opposite Frank Grillo in the action-packed Reprisal (2018). Johnathon now uses his national voice for dyslexia, working with Harvard University accredited NoticeAbility.org; a nonprofit dedicated to helping students with the brain-based difference identify their unique strengths and build their self-esteem. Johnathon has a four-year-old son, Camden, newborn Lillian Josephine with his wife of seven years, internet influencer Julie Solomon. Johnathon’s latest movie Blue Ridge opposite Sarah Lancaster and Graham Greene is now exclusively available on Vudu (@vudofans) #Vudu! #BlueRidge - Imagicomm EntertainmentConnect with Johnathon (@JohnSchaech): Instagram & Twitter______TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE addiction, recovery, sex, and love addiction, molestation, career, acting, relationships and repairing damaged relationships.______If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources the Secret Life Podcast Website.______HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?Tell Your Friends & Share Online!Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple PodcastsFollow & Listen  Spotify |  Stitcher | Google PodcastsSpread the word via social mediaInstagramTwitterFacebook#SecretLifePodcastDonateYou can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.Connect with Brianne Davis-GanttInstagramFacebookTwitterWebsite

Friend of the show Brendan Moore joins Sharon and co-host Matt to discuss his year-long choice to abstain from sex, pornography, alcohol and marijuana. Show Resources: "The Power of Habit:" https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X Your Brain on Porn, resource site: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ Sex Addicts Anonymous: https://saa-recovery.org/ The post ‘Ship Talking: June 26, 2020 appeared first on Chapelboro.com.

Rob and Tami answer some common listener questions from both partners who have been betrayed and addicts who want to repair their relationship with their spouses. Rob answers questions like: How do you trust someone who has betrayed you? How can you best balance work/life and therapy? And answers the question if you can change your sexual arousal template.    TAKEAWAYS:  [0:35] How do you trust an addict in recovery?  [2:30] Why do you need to go to counseling when your partner was the one that betrayed you?  [4:10] Is it possible to reconcile with your partner after a huge 20+ year betrayal? Even when you feel like they were never attracted to you?  [6:30] Can you change your sexual arousal template?  [11:50] How can you help your partner understand that you want to do the work needed for therapy, but feeling overwhelmed by life's responsibilities?  [18:40] Rob has seen a lot of hopeless people come into his office because they've tried everything to stop and don't believe they can be ‘cured'.  [21:00] Check out Intherooms.com for more helpful info and resources. [22:40] He has cheated since day one of the relationships and his spouse wants to stay married but is hurt beyond all belief. How can they overcome this?  [24:40] What's the difference between Sex and Love Addiction vs. Sex Addicts Anonymous? [27:35] How can addicts better handle disclosure with their partner?    RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss   QUOTES:  “Men, in particular, what turns us on is visual imagery and novelty. Guess what, we really like porn because it's visual and ever-changing.”  “You're using addiction to escape because we don't have life tools.”  “I wrote Out of the Doghouse because I never, ever in the 24 years of treating men with intimacy and sexual disorders, I never met a man who could heal the wounds of betrayal.” “Addiction is about using people. It's not about seeing them as they are.” 

This week we will be talking with Yitzy about Step 11. Yitzy, while having a shorter sobriety date than most of those I have spoken with, has some good insights into prayer and meditation and Step 11. I am grateful to him for taking the time out to record this episode in this series. If this is your first episode of this series (or of this podcast as a whole), I highly recommend that you go back and listen to all of the previous episodes of this Journey In Recovery series at some point. There are 12 Steps and they are in a prescribed order for a reason. So, whether you do that now, or after you listen to this episode, I heartily invite you to listen to the others and then continuing with the last few episodes over the next two weeks. Step 11 reads, “Sought trough prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” In this and other conversations, you may be introduced to concepts that you have never before considered, or may even seem contradictory to what you have considered truth for perhaps your whole life, but these concepts are shared as honestly and openly as possible, using real experiences that cannot be denied as being true to these people sharing them. While you listen, take mental or physical notes of ideas of self-improvement that pop into your head. Then, at the end of this podcast, review those notes and make a plan about how you can implement them. Now, kick back, or hit the road, work out, do house or yard work, or whatever you do while listening to podcasts and be ready to learn and feel and gain insights like you may have never considered before. In this episode, there were, once again, some audio difficulties, but the message is strong and well worth the audio glitches here and there. Now for the housekeeping part of the program. Please go and check us out on Facebook and Instagram at @JTL Podcast, like and follow us. I have recently started reposting old and original episodes of the Know and Do Podcast on Facebook and in our blog at www.jtlpod.com. To learn of the origins of this project and podcast, I would be honored if you went and checked those out too. You can also drop us a note about your own experiences, strength, and hope at thejtlpodcast@gmail.com. Please visit our sponsors who I purposely did not put at the beginning of this episode or any other for this 12 week series. But they are helping this podcast continue forward. They are alifeuntold.com, www.sheppardbrackets.com, and www.radfordpineshomedecor.com . Use promo code JUSTIN with A Life Untold to save 10% on your order, and JTLPOD5 at Sheppard Brackets and Radford Pines to save 5% on your orders there. These conversations that I have recorded in this Journey In Recovery series have been life changing for me as I have been applying many new concepts into my own daily life from the lessons I am learning. And I am definitely becoming a different and better person for it. Have a good week, and press forward, one day at a time. Resources: Sexaholics Anonymous: https://www.sa.org/ S-Anon (for the loved ones of sex addicts): https://www.sanon.org/ Sexaholics Anonymous Lifeline: https://sal12step.org/ Sex Addicts Anonymous: https://saa-recovery.org/ Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: https://slaafws.org/ Resources for many different fellowships: http://www.reneweveryday.com/resources/the-lists/ http://www.reneweveryday.com/resources/family-and-friends/

This week we will be talking with Wendi F, another lustaholic/sexaholic. In this conversation we explore her life experience that led her to an eventual awakening. We discuss what it means to find the core of an addiction and how it differs from many of the ancillary or appendages to an addiction. We discuss a new life with a Higher Power and the absolute power of having a sponsor to help you walk through the steps of recovery. This is another powerful conversation that will help break the stigma of addiction if you allow it to. If this is your first episode of this series (or of this podcast as a whole), I highly recommend that you go back and listen to all of the previous episodes of this Journey In Recovery series at some point. There are 12 Steps and they are in a prescribed order for a reason. So, whether you do that now, or after you listen to this episode, I heartily invite you to listen to the others and then continuing with steps 8 through 12 over the next several weeks. Step 9 reads, “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” In this and other conversations, you may be introduced to concepts that you have never before considered, or may even seem contradictory to what you have considered truth for perhaps your whole life, but these concepts are shared as honestly and openly as possible, using real experiences that cannot be denied as being true to these people sharing them. While you listen, take mental or physical notes of ideas of self-improvement that pop into your head. Then, at the end of this podcast, review those notes and make a plan about how you can implement them. So there you have it. Step 9 . “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” At the end of this conversation, Wendi F discussed the 20 questions to consider asking ourselves. There are also questions that you can find and ask yourself about virtually any addiction out there. In fact, just substituting your own suspected issue with the words sex or lust comes up here will give you a good idea. I will link to several questions to ask oneself if one is an addict or not below. Once again, go and check us out on Facebook and Instagram at @JTL Podcast. Check us out online at https://www.jtlpod.com. Drop us a note at thejtlpodcast@gmail.com. Visit our sponsors. They are www.alifeuntold.com, www.sheppardbrackets.com, and www.radfordpineshomedecor.com . Use promo code JUSTIN with A Life Untold and JTLPOD5 at Sheppard Brackets and Radford Pines to save some money on your orders. Resources: 20 questions from SA (Sexaholics Anonymous): https://www.sa.org/test/ 12 questions from AA (Alcoholics Anonymous): https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for-you-twelve-questions-only-you-can-answer Questions for NA (Narcotics Anonymous): https://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/litfiles/us_english/IP/EN3107.pdf Sexaholics Anonymous: https://www.sa.org/ S-Anon (for the loved ones of sex addicts): https://www.sanon.org/ Sexaholics Anonymous Lifeline: https://sal12step.org/ Sex Addicts Anonymous: https://saa-recovery.org/ Resources for many different fellowships: http://www.reneweveryday.com/resources/the-lists/ http://www.reneweveryday.com/resources/family-and-friends/

This week we once again have 2 episodes covering the same step. This second episode will include Angie, a lustaholic, sharing her experience, strength, and hope in her path of addiction and recovery. In this conversation, Angie talks tactfully but completely honestly about the path of destruction that she had unknowingly left in her wake after some traumatic experiences in her childhood. She shares of her awakening to her own situation and he journey to make things right with herself, with God, and with her fellow humans, not the least of which, her family. This is a powerful conversation that may open the eyes of some of our listeners. Lust, sex, and other related addictions are not a men-only issue. And I am grateful that this stigma is being broken down, as it is a positive thing for all people to start to remove the stigma of all addictions, including sexual addiction. If this is your first episode of this series (or of this podcast as a whole), I highly recommend that you go back and listen to all 9 of the previous episodes of this Journey In Recovery series at some point. There are 12 Steps and they are in a prescribed order for a reason. So, whether you do that now, or after you listen to this episode, I heartily invite you to listen to the others and then continuing with steps 8 through 12 over the next several weeks. Step 8 reads, “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all” In this and other conversations, you may be introduced to concepts that you have never before considered, or may even seem contradictory to what you have considered truth for perhaps your whole life, but these concepts are shared as honestly and openly as possible, using real experiences that cannot be denied as being true to these people sharing them. While you listen, take mental or physical notes of ideas of self-improvement that pop into your head. Then, at the end of this podcast, review those notes and make a plan about how you can implement them. If you may be in a similar place as Angie and her family was before this, no matter what the cause of that place is, and If you have felt something in your heart or mind that is motivating you to start taking some steps yourself to get a personal shortfall strengthened, please, I ask you, act on it! It can and will make all the difference in your life. If Angie’s witness isn’t enough to motivate and provide hope to the seemingly hopeless, I hate to think what will be enough. Once again, go and check us out on Facebook and Instagram at @JTL Podcast. Check us out online at https://www.jtlpod.com. Drop us a note at thejtlpodcast@gmail.com. Visit our sponsors. They are www.alifeuntold.com, www.sheppardbrackets.com, and www.radfordpineshomedecor.com . Use promo code JUSTIN with A Life Untold and JTLPOD5 at Sheppard Brackets and Radford Pines to save some money on your orders. Resources: Sexaholics Anonymous: https://www.sa.org/ S-Anon (for the loved ones of sex addicts): https://www.sanon.org/ Sexaholics Anonymous Lifeline: https://sal12step.org/ Sex Addicts Anonymous: https://saa-recovery.org/ Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: https://slaafws.org/ Resources for many different fellowships: http://www.reneweveryday.com/resources/the-lists/ http://www.reneweveryday.com/resources/family-and-friends/

Step 2 moves to the next … well… step of recovery. It reads, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”. Today we will hear the second part of a long and very meaningful conversation I had with Harvey E in Toronto about Step 2. Harvey and I became fast friends in this conversation as I had only had 1 previous 1 or 2 minute conversation with him. I loved the manner in which he discussed Step 2. I love the way that his sponsor walked him through Step 2. And I love Harvey. And I think you may also grow to love him and his experiences, strength and hope as he walks through the depths of hopelessness and powerlessness towards a dim light that was shown to him about 6 years ago. And now, that light is bright and full of warmth. If you have felt something in your heart or mind that is motivating you to act on it – whether that be to share this episode with a loved one, or to start taking some steps yourself to get a personal shortfall strengthened, please, I ask you, act on it. It can and will make all the difference in your life. Once again, go and check us out on Facebook and Instagram at @JTL Podcast. Check us out online at https://www.jtlpod.com. Drop us a note at thejtlpodcast@gmail.com. Visit our sponsors. They are www.alifeuntold.com, www.sheppardbrackets.com, and www.radfordpineshomedecor.com . Use promo code JUSTIN with A Life Untold and JTLPOD5 at Sheppard Brackets and Radford Pines to save some money on your orders. Resources: Sitting in a Rowboat Throwing Marbles at a Battleship: http://rowboatandmarbles.org/wordpress/ Sexaholics Anonymous: https://www.sa.org/ S-Anon (for the loved ones of sex addicts): https://www.sanon.org/ Sexaholics Anonymous Lifeline: https://sal12step.org/ Sex Addicts Anonymous: https://saa-recovery.org/ Resources for many different fellowships: http://www.reneweveryday.com/resources/the-lists/ http://www.reneweveryday.com/resources/family-and-friends/

Step 2 moves to the next … well… step of recovery. It reads, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”. Today we will hear the first part of a long and very meaningful conversation I had with Harvey E in Toronto about Step 2. Harvey and I became fast friends in this conversation as I had only had 1 previous 1 or 2 minute conversation with him. I loved the manner in which he discussed Step 2. I love the way that his sponsor walked him through Step 2. And I love Harvey. And I think you may also grow to love him and his experiences, strength and hope as he walks through the depths of hopelessness and powerlessness towards a dim light that was shown to him about 6 years ago. And now, that light is bright and full of warmth. If you have felt something in your heart or mind that is motivating you to act on it – whether that be to share this episode with a loved one, or to start taking some steps yourself to get a personal shortfall strengthened, please, I ask you, act on it. It can and will make all the difference in your life. Once again, go and check us out on Facebook and Instagram at @JTL Podcast. Check us out online at https://www.jtlpod.com. Drop us a note at thejtlpodcast@gmail.com. Visit our sponsors. They are www.alifeuntold.com, www.sheppardbrackets.com, and www.radfordpineshomedecor.com . Use promo code JUSTIN with A Life Untold and JTLPOD5 at Sheppard Brackets and Radford Pines to save some money on your orders. Resources: Sexaholics Anonymous: https://www.sa.org/ S-Anon (for the loved ones of sex addicts): https://www.sanon.org/ Sexaholics Anonymous Lifeline: https://sal12step.org/ Sex Addicts Anonymous: https://saa-recovery.org/ Resources for many different fellowships: http://www.reneweveryday.com/resources/the-lists/ http://www.reneweveryday.com/resources/family-and-friends/

It's been a long time....but she's back. Miss Marilyn is starting 2020 off strong and returning to the airwaves! Seeing as it's been a while, there's a few things to catch up on...discussing her return to Sex Addicts Anonymous, the heartbreak that kept her busy last year and raising money for the fox hunt saboteurs! Do you have any kinky resolutions this year? Are you happy to say goodbye to 2019? Let's do our best. Or at least try to.

This is the second installment of the two part series on Modern Manhood – filmed live at our Discerning Dick: Sexual Wisdom for the Modern Man event here in NYC. Now if you’re one of those weirdos who’s listening to Part Two without having listened to Part One, Modern Manhood is the name of the book written by Cleo Stiller, an Emmy and Peabody nominated reporter. Modern Manhood tackles conversations about the complicated world of being a good man today. This episode was filmed in front of a live audience of about 70 men and women. This was our 11th such event and I’ve gotta say it ranks right up there for both me and Bryan as an all-time favorite because the audience was just lit up to discuss and debate these issues. So in this episode, we extra deep into the following arenas: Why locker room talk, the lowest common denominator of male bonding, serves as a gender divisive and unfortunately effective method of connection between men (and how we change that) Why our masculinity is constantly being tested… including a recent example of when one-testicle Bryan was told to “grow a pair” for not having a beer Why men’s worst behaviors are “tragic expressions of unmet needs,” as one of our guests, Shai, said. And an emotional moment for me, and many women in the room, where I read a Step 9 letter...which is an apology letter I wrote during my time in Sex Addicts Anonymous to a woman who I’d sexually objectified over a 10 year period of my life.

Dominick Quartuccio (Man Amongst Men podcast)! Follow Dominick Quartuccio! Instagram: @dominickq Man Amongst Men podcast Website Follow Rachel Klechevsky! Instagram: @rachel_sex_therapy Sexistential U podcast Follow Billy! Instagram: @BillyIsProcida Twitter: @TheBillyProcida Facebook fan page Snag yourself some manwhore merch! Join our sex-positive community on Patreon and access bonus episodes! Click here to become a member. Use promo code MANWHORE to get a 40-minute FREE TRIAL of ethical paid-for porn at HotMovies.com. Check out Hardcore G*ngb*ng starring Jynx Maze. Email your comments, questions, and boobies to manwhorepod@gmail.com. www.ManwhorePod.com

Since you all seemed to love the “How to Take 10 Days off Masturbation” episode, we thought we’d hit ya with the next big challenge: How to Do the 30 Day No Porn Challenge. Why Would I Torture Myself Like That? Here are just a smattering of benefits I – and other men who have taken the challenge – have experienced that you can expect for yourself: Electrified attraction with your partner Deepened connection with your partner Heightened sensations during sex (smells, feelings, sounds, tastes) Heightened creativity and energy More power and endurance in the gym And yes, these are ALL legit (trust me, I took 4 years off from both porn and masturbation). Take it from the Man Who Interviewed 25,000 Men Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich – the #1 best-selling personal achievement book of all-time – interviewed 25,000 men over a 25 year period. He said that ALL of the most successful businessmen were “highly sexed.” AND – they’d figured out how to use their sexual energy beyond just the physical act: The majority of men “dissipate their energies through over-indulgence in physical expression of the emotion of sex. The majority of men never learn that the urge of sex has other possibilities, which far transcend in importance that of mere physical expression.” I took 4 years off from porn and masturbation during my 4 years in Sex Addicts Anonymous (2013-2017). That’s precisely the time I got bold enough to leave a successful and lucrative 15 year career in financial services behind. In This Episode: The 3 steps to take the 30 Day No Porn Challenge: #1: Define Your Why (for doing the 30 day challenge) #2: Anticipate the Triggers (that’ll make you want to dive into porn) #3: Design Alternatives (to diving into porn) What Dominick learned from his 4 years of no porn and no masturbation The 5 Stages every man goes through in his lifetime relationship with porn How to choose No Porn WITH Masturbation, or No Porn WITHOUT Masturbation for 30 Days Also, You May Enjoy: Episode #9: Dominick’s 4 Years of Porn Abstinence Part 1 Episode #10: Dominick’s 4 Years of Porn Abstinence Part 2 Episode #29: How to Take 10 Days Off Masturbation

If you’ve been a regular listener of our podcast, you’re probably used to Bryan and I spilling our guts all over the interwebs about some pretty personal stuff. Namely, my journey through Sex Addicts Anonymous, 4 years off of porn and masturbation, and Bryan’s experience being diagnosed with testicular cancer and chlamydia on the same day. This episode is special because for the first time, we’re sharing YOUR stories. Two of our podcast listeners, let’s call them David and Ricky, have courageously and graciously consented to sharing their stories. David ·Early 40s, married, two kids, SVP of a Fortune 100 financial services firm ·Porn became his default after his wife’s desire for sex waned after having children ·Saddened by the loss of intimacy with his wife but perversely happy to have the air cover to dive into the private world of porn ·Listened to our podcasts on temporary Porn Abstinence and Sex Addiction ·For the first time in his life took a month long abstinence from porn and masturbation ·Experienced clarity and energy   Ricky ·Early 40s, single, successful entrepreneur with a high-profile online presence ·Slept with over 300 women ·In his 20’s he mastered the “art of seduction,” and learned how to perform in and out of the bedroom in a way that women would praise ·Could never hold a relationship longer than 3-6 months ·Would always end up cheating or being cheated on ·Now has difficult performing sexually and describes himself as a poor lover ·Wants a loving relationship with children but keeps repeating the same broken cycle in his relationships Both of these would be classified as “normal” men by the outside world. Before hearing my history of sexual addiction, David never thought he had anything he needed to look at when it came to his sex life. Then he took command. Ricky knew he had something wrong, but didn’t know where to turn. Each of these men are sharing their stories as an act of service to you, our listeners, so that you may find guidance and support along the way. If you have a story you’d be willing to share, please email me: Dominick@DominickQ.com None of your personal details will be shared without your consent. -DQ

Do you save photos of past lovers...even when you're entering another relationship? Are you still social media "friends" with old lovers...without your current partner's knowledge? Do you "follow" women on social media you secretly desire...without your partner's knowledge? In our conversations with men, many answer YES to some or all of the above. We've come to find it's not with malicious intent, rather a lack of awareness that any of these behaviors may be affecting their current relationships. Dominick and Bryan open the kimono of their lives and share candidly on these exact topics: Bryan wrestles with forever deleting a stash of 10 years worth of pictures of past lovers as his new relationship gets serious Dominick trashes 15 years worth of porn, videos, pictures of past lovers during his first month in Sex Addicts Anonymous recovery...which felt like putting down a trusted friend (like Old Yeller!) Dominick is surprised to learn a woman kept pictures of him during her committed relationship We've never had so much fun recording an episode as this one...enjoy!

A surprising and sometimes difficult conversation with Nicole Prause, PhD; Erica Garza, author of "Getting Off: One Woman's Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction"; and Charles (a pseudonym), who is heavily involved in Sex Addicts Anonymous

Why did Dominick take a 4 year hiatus from porn, only to go back on the sauce in 2017? How did temporary abstinence from both porn and masturbation influence Dominick's decision to leave a 15 year career in financial services and start his own business? Dominick explains why roughly 50% of the newcomers in his Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings were there for porn addiction. Men: This is a must listen if you want to understand the potential impact porn may be having on not only your sex life...but on the energy you bring to your entire life. Parents: Telling your kids "not to watch porn" is ineffective and irresponsible. This episode will help you understand the effects of trying to hide your children from porn, or creating an environment of guilt/shame when your child comes across it. Dominick and Bryan outline the first 3 of 5 stages a man unwittingly goes through in his lifelong relationship with porn (and why 95% of men will get stuck at stage #3)...and how that may lead to real-life impact to their intimate relationships and drive for life. Bonus clip: Award winning spoken word poet Max Stossel's live 6-minute performance from our Discerning Dick event on Porn on how porn taught him what it meant to be a man, sexually (a universal teenage male's experience).

Healing Sex Addiction and Beyond. Dominick enters Sex Addicts Anonymous in an attempt to save his relationship with the only woman he's ever loved. • Dominick's carefully curated public life and his hidden private life collapse, burying himself and others in the rubble • The eery and humbling experience of walking into the very first Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting and saying "Hi I'm Dominick, and I'm a sex addict." • In therapy, Dominick fully discloses all of his transgressions with his girlfriend, complete with a lie detector test at the end • Dominick eventually leaves the relationship, fearful that no other woman will ever want to date a "sex addict" • What it's like re-entering the dating world • Dominick abstains from porn and masturbation for 4 years (and what he learned) • After 4 years, Dominick leaves SAA to create a newer, healthier relationship with his sexual energy

The Making of a Sex Addict. This is Dominick's first ever public disclosure of the life events that led him - a high-achieving senior executive at a Fortune 100 financial services firm with a corner office in NYC and $1.4 billion sales goal - to a humbling (and life changing) 4 year journey in Sex Addicts Anonymous. In part one of this two-part series, Dominick goes into detail of the origins of his sexual beginnings: • Dominick stumbles across pornography at age 8 and masturbation at age 13 • How those seemingly innocent events kickstart a lifetime of secretive behaviors, culminating in a broken relationship and a humiliating trip to his first 12-step meeting • Dominick unpacks what he learned from his Faith, Family and Friends that taught him his sexual urges were "wrong" and why he needed to hide them Bryan wonders where he and other men may be on the "sex addict spectrum." Wondering if you're an addict (or on the spectrum?): Listen to these episodes. For Non-Sex Addicts: This discussion will illuminate behaviors and patterns that are unwittingly sabotaging your sex life.

What can we learn by tracing a line through Bubbles from HBO's The Wire, Jesus on the Cross, and the writing of St. Paul? That churches at their best are like a 12 Step Meeting. Vince's own experience has taught him that maybe it's worth expanding our understanding of the 12-Steps beyond just Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Sex Addicts Anonymous. Maybe all people need the 12 Steps.

Tonight on #SexOnKava we’re talking to local comic Nick Goulart! Ethan is in rare form as he manages to insult Nick within the first 2 minutes of the show, but it leads to an interesting discussion involving the word, “Faggot”, gay theater directors, and non-Trinitarian theology! Find out how being heartbroken and having a pussy-ass vibe can be a path to spiritual enlightenment! Plus, Newsgirl Jackie burns heretics, Ethan accidentally joins the Alt-Right, and we learn about the exquisite depravity of the average Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting! Also, Newsgirl Jackie is Hot for Teacher, Rich gets “The Talk” from his mom, and God fights The Devil live on the air! Keep it right here for #SexOnKava! Write us at sexonkava@gmail.com

Is SEX ADDICTION a myth? Sexpert Heather McPherson discusses AASECT's groundbreaking historical statement regarding the use of the term "sex addiction." She is the CEO & Founder of The Sexual Health Alliance (SHA). SHA is the first and currently the only organization that facilitates progressive communication among sexual health professionals and all therapists through lectures, roundtables and educational workshops. Heather  maintains a Private Practice (www.respark.co) in Austin, Texas specializing in Sexuality and Relationships. In addition to being a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor, she is also a Sex Therapist. Find her on twitter @ResparkLove. In this Podversation: How Heather got into the field of sex therapy Why board certification as a sex therapist can be so important Typical concerns or types of issues Heather and others in the industry work with How clinicians can manage the delicate balance of sexual issues and spiritual worldviews AASECT's groundbreaking historical statement regarding the use of the term "sex addiction" in both diagnosis and treatment (you can read it for yourself here: https://www.aasect.org/position-sex-addiction) Why Heather believes we shouldn't always focus on SEX per se, but rather individualized treatment Is there stigma associated with the term "addict"? How do we know if a sexual behavior has become a problem that should be addressed? Common co-occurring diagnoses with sexual compulsivity How shame perpetuates the cycle of sexual compulsivity Do religious followers have higher rates of sexual disorders and dysfunction? Heather's personal experience with religion and spirituality and how those values have impacted her practice How can clinicians approach topics surrounding sex and sexual issues with those who have sacred spiritual practices and beliefs? If we don't call it an addiction, does that mean we'll see more sexual disorders? Is the addiction model of sexual compulsivity treatment effective? Tamara's experience at a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting How to find help You can connect with Tamara at: https://aryatherapy.com/ https://talesfromatrapezoid.com/ Sound Editing provided by Pete Bailey: http://petebailey.net/audio/      

Sex Addiction recovery relies on several tools that addicts can learn from. One of those is the intentional decision to look at all behaviors and categorize them.  Certain behaviors are healthy, others are obviously sinful or dangerous, and other behaviors might not be “bad” but don’t lead us in a positive direction. Jorge and Doug […] The post Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 23: The Three Circles of Sex Addicts Anonymous appeared first on CASTIMONIA.

Sexual addiction is more than just the acting out, yet we tend to focus almost exclusively on the external results of an internal wound (or wounds). Like many people who talk about their sexual addiction, such as Audrey Assad, a lot of this starts with family of origin issues. The man we interview, whom we respectfully call Joey Joe Joe Shabadoo, started attending Sex Addicts Anonymous when he was 19 years old. He was living a double life and hated it: giving a theology of the body talk in the evening, and then meeting strangers for sexual hookups in dangerous places. This is a powerful interview. “Before coming to Sex Addicts Anonymous, many of us never knew that our problem had a name. All we knew was that we couldn’t control our sexual behavior. For us, sex was a consuming way of life. Although the details of our stories were different, our problem was the same. We were addicted to sexual behaviors that we returned to over and over, despite the consequences.” — Sex Addicts Anonymous, p. 3 John Paul II Healing CenterTheology of the Body InstituteIs SAA right for you? Do you have a Sexual Addiction?