Beyond Balance - Bartender Stories

“There are people who have the privilege of not being judged for the worse thing they’ve ever done.” . Beware of horses I mean a horse is a horse of course, but who rides is important Sitting high with a uniform, barking orders, demanding order And I'm scared that I talk too much about what I think's going on I got a way with this, they might drag me away for this Put me in a cage for this, I might pay for this So I just say what I want like I'm made for this But I'm just afraid some days I might be wrong Maybe that's why me and Mike get along Hey, not from the same part of town, but we both hear the same sound coming Woo And it sounds like war Woo And it breaks our hearts When I started this band, didn't have no plans, didn't see no arc Just run with the craft, have a couple laughs Make a buck and dash, yeah Get a little dap like "Yeah I'm the fucking man!", yeah Maybe give a little back like, "Here, I do what I can" It's all jokes and smoke 'till the truth start schemin' Can't contain the disdain for y'all demons Talk clean and bomb hospitals So I speak with the foulest mouth possible And I drink like a Vulcan losing all faith in the logical I will not be confused for docile I'm free, motherfuckers, I'm hostile . Choose the lesser of the evil people, and the devil still gon' win It could all be over tomorrow, kill our masters and start again But we know we all afraid, so we just simply cry and march again At the Dem Conven my heart broke apart when I seen them march mommas in As I rap this verse right now, got tears flowing down my chocolate chin Told the truth and I've been punished for it, must be a masochist 'cause I done it again - RTJ

“Whatever Forever.” . In this episode, Ramsey and I talk about the importance of queer spaces and how the pandemic has shuttered the doors for many gay institutions. We speak to the importance of why bartenders should advocate for themselves more in order to create change in your bar/restaurant. We talk about the significance of Ramsey’s project which created a safe space for members of the LGBTQ+ community and we also talk about the semi-recent displacement of unhoused individuals in Echo Park.

“Be the best version of who you are but, also don’t forget who you are.” . *Content Warning* Topics in this episode include self harm and substance abuse. . In the Season 4 premiere, I have the wonderful and talented Marina Spidla! We speak about her sobriety, the highs and lows of being sober behind the bar, and why people abuse drugs and alcohol. Marina shares the trauma that led to her excessive drinking and why recognizing the darkness of her thoughts helped her accomplish sobriety. We talk about social media and why it can be a toxic environment but also highlight the benefits of networking on said platforms.

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” . Have you missed every episode of Season 3? Have you been lurking but not listening? Then give this episode a whirl as I sum up Season 3 and share feedback on all previous guests. Thank you again to everyone who has supported and has made this podcast possible. Taking a small break from the pod and social media to regroup and invest in better equipment. See you all in little while!

“Just be a good fucking person.” . In the Season Finale for Season 3, Carissa and I discuss the latest controversy surrounding Gina Carano. We discuss how Carissa got into Boxing & Muay Thai, representation of women in combat sports, and why having a large social media platform comes with big responsibility. We discuss the broader issue of politics as it relates to our culture and why we are so quick to conform to the mob-like mentality of cancel culture. We discuss whether there is any room for forgiveness/teachable moments or if we’re bound to continue to de-platform/cancel/censor people and ideas we don’t like.

“You know we own our emotions, they don’t own us.” . In this episode, Kalena and I discuss the issues surrounding the conversation regarding mental health. We talk about emotions being data, toxic positivity, and dealing with grief. We talk about the rise of depression and suicide during the pandemic and why having difficult conversations is conducive to our growth and well being.

“I enjoy being happy while being light.” . In this episode, Aly and I talk about connections in and out of the bar. We share our perspectives on dating in the industry, cat calling, and infidelity. We talk about how dating within the industry is almost inevitable, and how working in close quarters with people is bound to yield feelings between co-workers.

“Your cocktail probably sucks.” . In this episode, Sherwood and I talk about our criticisms of the bar industry. We speak about competitions, suburban mom’s capitalizing on batched cocktails, and hierarchies in the cocktail community. Sherwood talks about the truth in every meme he shares and how nobody is impervious from his scrutiny. We do a deep dive on the lack of diversity in positions of power and why cocktails need to be accessible to everyone. *Pardon the audio, we had to move locations and the second location had a host of happy kids playing in a park which I found to be totally annoying. Ugh, kids are the worst

“Two Mexicans and a bottle of Whiskey.” . *Content Warning* - Brief description of sexual assault when describing immigration experience. . In this episode, Adhel and I talk about her days in booty shorts to working at some of the best bars in the city. We talk about being Mexican and the struggle with finding identity within ourselves. We speak about issues affecting marginalized groups in Mexico, why so much of our culture is embedded with a colonized way of thinking, and the importance/problems with decolonizing. We revisit the term LatinX and explore the nuances behind immigration.

“You were brainwashed into thinking European features are the epitome of beauty.” . In this episode, Ornella and I discuss her experiences as a black woman in America. We talk about her experiences during 2020 including Black Lives Matter. We talk about what it was like growing up being biracial, being a black woman in the service industry, and being in an interracial relationship. We do a deep dive on the cultural aspects of being a POC and why black people are not a monolith despite certain narratives that say otherwise. Anti-Racist Literature/Audio: Ibram X Kendi https://youtu.be/KCxbl5QgFZw Critical Race Theory: Kimberlé Crenshaw https://youtu.be/KNKbGFoYC1Q Advocates against Critical Race Theory/Anti-Racism: Black Intellectual Panel https://youtu.be/pHGt733yw3g Free Black Thought/Brittany Talisa King https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/arts-letters/articles/dubois-washington-black-lives-matter

“Cops loooooove to shoot their guns... until it’s a white man staring down the barrel back at you” . In this episode, Daniel and I discuss the most recent event at The Capitol. We talk about what happened, why we’re not surprised, and the aftermath. We go into detail why Trump and his supporters even came to be, why we shouldn’t fetishize politicians, (including Obama), and Social Media Censorship. We talk about the disparities in the treatment of BLM protestors and The Capitol Insurrectionists, and what our predictions are of what happens after the inauguration.

“Never underestimate the power of perseverance and a damn good playlist.” . In this episode, Lauren and I talk about the beauty of parenting. The sleepless nights, the incessant crying, watching your body change, and trying to keep a level head raising a baby during a pandemic. Sounds beautiful right? We speak about the kind of parents we want to be, where we come up short, and also remind ourselves that all things considered, we’re not doing that bad of a job.

“Balance is the key.” . *Content Warning* - Brief description of sexual assault. . In this episode, Marisa and I speak about issues affecting the LGBTQ+ community. We speak about gatekeepers, groups that are more susceptible to discrimination, and homeless youth. We have a robust conversation about Trans folk ranging from a recent celebrity coming out, legislation, and sports. Marisa shares a harrowing personal experience and we discuss how conversations regarding sexual harassment need to change behind the bar. Tulsi Gabbard Bill: https://apnews.com/article/tulsi-gabbard-legislation-hawaii-gender-identity-markwayne-mullin-fdc7d8b0461a54ee88c1a0c85a0893f1 Trans folk in sports: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/feb/13/transgender-athletes-girls-sports-high-school Elliot Page and Dead Names: https://variety.com/2020/film/news/elliot-page-transgender-ellen-page-juno-umbrella-academy-1234843023/ https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/29/opinion/twitter-deadnaming-ban-free-speech.html

“Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing is more difficult than to understand him.” . Are you staying safe at home for NYE? Nice. Crack open a bottle of booze, sit back, and listen to Ricky and I talk about 2020. I didn’t edit this episode because I wanted to share a version of a conversation that is raw and uncut. There are pauses, “ums,” bathroom breaks, and I feel it was more honest this way. Something that I hope becomes a theme for conversations moving forward. Diversity Training: https://www.realclearscience.com/articles/2020/12/05/research_shows_diversity_training_is_typically_ineffective_652014.html

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.” . Have you missed every episode of Season 2? Well you’re in luck because I break down over 20 hours of recording into 42 minutes. Give it a whirl if you’re bored at home, or give it a listen if you’ve got a drink in your hand and you don’t want to attend another TOTC Zoom meeting. Whatever the case, thank you all very much for continuing to support the little podcast that could. A big and sincere thank you to all of the guests up to this point and a much bigger thank you for those who continue to share with friends in and out of social media!

“Stay Curious.” . In the Season Finale of Season 2, Taylor and I talk about Feminism. We speak about what Feminism means to Taylor, the importance of Intersectionality, and why Feminism isn’t just one thing. We speak about the varying positions on the Gender pay gap, gender roles, also if Feminism includes traditionally conservative women. In the end, we also speak about Sex Workers and whether or not that kind of work is empowering to women. Pay Gap explained: https://youtu.be/mpE8ttCEd-w https://youtu.be/13XU4fMlN3w Panel of women discuss feminism: https://youtu.be/WMvih_KEMWo https://youtu.be/4OB8EfHMG4U https://youtu.be/E37swnRU2fs

“Never be sober again.” . In this episode, Carlos and I revisit a catalog of topics that we used to talk about when we were still allowed in bars. We clarify why I “troll the left,” why Carlos feels guilty about being a bartender, and why we need to examine this industry all together. We speak about how hospitality needs to be reshaped to dignify the employees who work in this industry, and how despite our cynicism, we remain hopeful for the foreseeable future.

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people” . In this episode, Dushan and I go through a rollercoaster of topics. We talk first and foremost about the role of a bartender, bar culture, and making the bar a safe space for all. We speak about capitalism, socialism, the divide in American culture, and the flaws of being human. We talk about gender roles, being fathers, and how to approach the people we want to cancel.

In this episode, Mike and I talk about the recent lockdown for L.A. County restaurants. We discuss how Covid has impacted our lives in both a positive and negative way, the inconsistencies of safety measures, and wonder what it’s like to eat at the French Laundry. In the end, we remain optimistic and look forward to better days.

“I’m not asking y’all for anything because y’all can’t and won’t be both my savior and oppressor.” . In this episode, I talk about how getting Trump out of office was pivotal, but maybe how the new regime isn’t as monumental as we’ve made it out to be. I also discuss why the DNC has failed its base and the commonality between progressives and Trump supporters. I talk about how 2020 was maybe the worst year in modern American History, but maybe a necessary one. For the immediate future, this will be the last episode I record for the podcast. This takes so much energy and the intent of it was to get people in our industry talking again. I really don’t enjoy hearing myself talk (as much as my close friends would disagree); so if/when there is a willingness to resume conversation, perhaps I will revisit this platform.

“Has our collective hatred for Trump blinded us from how truly awful Joe Biden is?” . In this episode, I talk about my experience at a Trump Rally. I talk about the bartenders I met, the liquor distributor I met, and the conversation I had with a guy twice my size. I talk about why encouraging people to vote isn’t resonating with people, why we may see another 4 years of Trump and why I can’t come to terms with supporting Joe Biden. IG: @knowtheflipside Youtube: https://youtu.be/_ZDQAsvNK3E

“Use your imagination.” . In this episode, Greyson and I get in the Halloween spirit and we share our stories of the paranormal; we talk about how ghosts/spirits/apparitions may really just be energy and why death is so foreign to us. Greyson shares his experience with a bar ghost and his run in with a desert Sasquatch; and I talk about almost stabbing my mom. We recorded this episode in the middle of Griffith Park at night and the entire time, it felt like we were being watched

“Understand that we're fighting a war we can't win.... They hate us, we hate them. We can’t win. No way.” . In this episode, Daniel and I revisit the police - a subject we covered in Season 1, Episode 2. We also cover the most recent presidential debate, white saviorism (and a specific example in our industry), and the term “LatinX.” We give our predictions for the election and why Daryl Davis is a real O.G.

“You gotta keep moving to get where you’re going.” . In this very lighthearted episode, Saeed and I talk about all things social media. Unless you’re living under a rock, by now you must have seen this handsome lad shaking things up on Instagram. I talk to him about my issue with “instagram bartenders,” and why my position has changed on that... sort of. With such a large internet presence, we talk about the ups, downs, the responsibility of having a large platform, and that pesky little word, “mixology.”

“Work hard and be nice to people.” . In the Season 2 premiere, Erin and I talk about cool ice, after hours conversations at the bar, church and the parallels to bar culture, and women’s reproductive rights. We take a deep dive on why the issue of abortion has become so stigmatized and work through why pro life people cannot agree with pro choice people. Abortion Rates decline: https://www.guttmacher.org/gpr/2019/09/us-abortion-rate-continues-drop-once-again-state-abortion-restrictions-are-not-main# Pro-Choice vs Pro-Life further dialogue: https://youtu.be/yRA0KMCEP2o

In this mini episode, I recap my thoughts on Season 1 and talk about what I hope to see more of in Season 2. Pull up, grab something to drink, and reach out!

“Be humble.” . In this episode, which is also the Season Finale for Season 1, Tony and I get real. This felt like more of a conversation that friends have after hours while breaking down a bar versus a traditional podcast episode. We talk about freedom of speech - specifically as it pertains to bars, as well as cancel culture. Trigger warning for White People - you may be tempted to call the cops while listening to this episode but I assure you it’s just two Brown Dudes shooting the shit, everything will be okay

“Let’s hope 2021 brings more dirty martinis, blue margaritas, and WAP.” . In this episode, Clare and I talk all things related to Covid 19 or SARS-CoV-2 for the nerds in the back. We take a deep dive into the emotional and mental toll that the virus, the closures, and the restrictions have taken on us. We discuss survivors remorse, and also what the future of restaurants and bars may look like.

“Couldn’t think of a good quote, so I’ll just drink until I do.” . In this episode, Teddy and I totally have like a 30 minute bro moment where we talk about getting a sick pump and being shredded. We take a deep dive into IG bartenders, fitness, fat shaming, and also Teddy’s experience growing up as the son of a Pastor. We explore conservatism and what modern day Christianity looks like compared to Progressive values as well.

“The key to happiness? Find what you love; love it unconditionally. Stop caring what people think, and drink your whiskey however the hell you damn please.” . In this episode, Manny and I speak ad nauseam about the Old Fashioned, seriously, brace yourself. Kidding aside, we do a deep dive on a cocktail that has been discussed on every bartending podcast; the difference is that Manny and I are straight up G’s

“Life can be funny, as long as you let it.” . In this episode, Ryan and I speak about working at the W Hotel, dealing with Disney pop stars, weird racism as a result of his ambiguous appearance, and his addiction to opioids. We take a deep dive into addiction in our industry, withdrawal, legalizing all drugs, and rehabilitation. For listeners who may be averse to hearing stories of serious substance abuse, please listen at your own discretion. In the end, Ryan and I gush over how powerful the women in our lives are and how we’re super grateful to have them.

“The good thing about wearing masks, is no one is telling me to smile.” . In this episode, Rachel and I speak about working at Applebee’s and making the fastest long island, dealing with indecisive/difficult guests, and sexual harassment. We take a deep dive into sexual harassment in our industry, as well as the many complexities surrounding the Me Too movement. For listeners who may be averse to hearing stories of abuse, please listen at your own discretion. In the end, we remain optimistic that as a society, we are moving towards a goal where more and more people are able to listen and understand.

“Stop drinking shitty tequila.” . In this episode, Max and I speak about Agave, Neo-Classic Cocktails, and we dabble in issues of immigration. We explore the many facets of what makes Agave spirits so beautiful as well as why it is also important to know why buying sustainable Agave spirits is so important. When addressing issues of immigration, Max and I discuss how it intertwines with the backbone of bars and restaurants. We also dive into why empathy is so important in and outside of the bar. Find Max at: Gracias Madre WeHo - https://www.graciasmadre.co Bat-Friendly Project: https://www.iucn.org/sites/dev/files/bat-friendly_tequila_factsheet.pdf

“Being nice isn’t enough.” . In this episode, Ricky and I speak about his early days as a flair bartender, managing two of the busiest restaurants in L.A., substance abuse, and fatherhood. We talk about the effects of alcohol and the sobering reality that becoming a parent means you can no longer snort cocaine in the Harvard and Stone bathroom. We also take a deeper dive on being a white father in today’s social climate. I make the point that the book White Fragility is flawed and if we want the issue of race to be thoroughly discussed, everybody needs a seat at the table. Find Ricky at: https://baveldtla.com Find out why Rob thinks White Fragility is silly: https://taibbi.substack.com/p/on-white-fragility

“There is no such thing as a ‘good cop.’ When one is corrupt, they are all corrupt. Hence making them ‘bad cops.’ ACAB.” In this episode, Daniel and I speak to making a delicious daiquiri, dealing with difficult bar guests, unequal representation in our industry, and for a majority of the episode, we speak about the police. We also discuss the injustices in our system, trauma that exists in people, how mental health is applicable to everyone, being a responsibly armed society, and the reality that cops are not your friends despite what the slogan on the side of their car says. We address the divisiveness in our country and how people need to relearn how to speak to people who think differently than they do.

Show Notes! Covid Timeline https://www.google.com/amp/s/abc7news.com/amp/timeline-of-coronavirus-us-coronvirus-bay-area-sf/6047519/ Fauci misleads public about Masks https://youtu.be/_2MmX2U2V3c New York data tracking does not track protestors https://youtu.be/EkDh5BmMkdY

Hello bar world! This is the introduction to my cool new podcast. Forgive the audio, music, and all that stuff. Still working the technical kinks out, but I wanted everyone to know what I’m working on! Please share any feedback as I am open to criticism! Thank you!