GAMEOLOGY

If you are not constantly considering what is in it for the person you are trying to convince you will not easily persuade. People consider doing things that they can see benefiting them. They don’t want to be sold on features. Put them in the story you are telling and they will do the convincing of themselves on their own.

There are two main components to communication. 1. Sending messages and 2. Receiving messages. This means that when communication goes wrong it is only because there has been an error in one of these two areas. Here is some insight how you can get better at both!

Have you ever wondered what makes a specific person so mean? Some of us have an instinct to diagnose people with a “cause” for why they behave so cruel. We want to know WHY. Here are some thoughts on how to think about this.

Spoiler alert, you can’t. Well, their mind may end up changing but it has to be them that does the changing. All you can do is be a facilitator. This is how.

Everyone seems so polarized right now. Pick a social issue to put on the discussion table and you will get opposite views. Should you have to wear a mask? Who should you vote for? What lives matter? Should schools open up? We all have our opinions on these things but why are we all over the place? Here is some insight.

these personality types a very different. You will get further in life if you pay attention to which a person is because what matters to them is going to be different. Know that difference and win the conversation over.

Superheroes come in a lot of packages. We have the hero kind of hero who ooze virtue and then we have anti-hero’s who sometimes do good things for the wrong reason and sometimes those are the ones who we gravitate too. Why? Because there is more human in the anti-hero than in the flat out hero. Anti-hero’s have flaws and that is why we can relate to them. They are a lot like us. We are flawed, we know it and yet we still try our best and we love when that is good enough :)

When someone needs you the last thing you want to do is say the wrong thing. Sometimes sympathy is not appropriate and that is because sympathy is something we should reserve for the rare instances where we actually can relate. If something happens to someone and it hasn’t happened to you before, you want to use empathy and NOT sympathy. Here is how you do that!

Human behavior is easier to work with than it may feel like when you have to talk to an angry person. Anger is just another emotion and luckily most people can’t sustain being fiercely angry all day long. Try these things the next time you find yourself talking to an angry person and watch how different things go.

Angry people can be tough to talk to. It won’t be you who makes them calm down. They have to calm themselves down. If you can start thinking of yourself as a person to help them calm themselves down you are halfway there to accomplishing your goal.

How can we know the difference between a difficult person and a narcissist? When it is never about how you feel and always about them- that is one giant red flag. But in general when someone else is making you feel like you are living in a a different reality it is usually because they are the ones who are living in a different reality. These personality types are manipulative and you may never get an answer from a doctor about what is wrong with them because these people tend to refuse to go to a doctor because in THEIR reality nothing is wrong. If you are experiencing emotional pain I don’t need to tell you that you need to break away from someone who is making you hurt. You already know. Most of us just need to hear from someone else that we are not crazy and this list is here to do just that. If the person you are questioning does a lot of the things on this list then it’s time to leave.

Getting away from a narcissist is not easy to do by communicating a lot with them or explaining how you feel to them. This is because these people do not have much of a capacity to understand how others feel and they for sure do not care unless it come how negatively impacts them. The best method for getting away from these people is to limit your communication and not accuse them of anything. You have a natural human instinct that makes you want answers and I am telling you that you will have to decide what is more important. Is it your future or winning an argument? If the answer is you want to feel whole again then you must let go of “making yourself understood”.

The Vikings set their ships on fire and burned them as soon as they reached new land. But why? Wasn’t this the only way they could sail back home if things didn’t work out? Yes, that is exactly what it meant. Here is why they did it anyway.

Embracing discomfort when you are building something is a requirement for pushing past pain barriers. Why push? Because if you do not push yourself you will not get to the next level. Discomfort is something to be danced with and not avoided. So don’t avoid it. It is your turn. Take it.

It has been said that Rome collapsed under its own weight. By the third century, Rome suffered from what we would consider a cash flow problem. When something becomes too big and there is a reduction in the returns on investment, it becomes almost impossible to sustain a massive infrastructure. It becomes natural that people break away from the status quo and fragment. Rome had barbarians break away from the Roman army and we have smaller brands being created out a similar scenario. Summary: By the time something collapses, you can bet that every system that used to function is gone.

Feeling a deep need to predict the future freezes some of us in the mental misery of the “what if” game. This can apply to many situations. Maybe the person you loved was self-destructive and hurt you so deeply during a vulnerable period of your life that the experience has left you traumatized and has paralyzed your ability to trust. Maybe in order to keep growing professionally you will have to disrupt other people’s dependance on you. The decisions and leaps of faith you make are yours. No one on earth can judge you on the way you make a decision unless you allow them. The world may respond in a way that makes you feel judged but that is only valid so far as you allow it to be. Your own past can so easily become what you analytically judge the character of others on rather than letting your Emotional intuition preside over your judgment. This, of course, can work in reverse if you are more the intuitive persuasion. Those with deep emotional intuition allow their heart to make an emotional decision when it comes to the big calls in life. I won’t debate which method of decision making is better because I can’t. You are the judge and the jury of what you decide to do. Likely, you will need both your head and your heart to start talking openly about their communication problems. There is a reason we think and feel with both our heads and our hearts. Full disclosure and pure probability: I know that despite how hard we try we all will continue to fail sometime. Silver lining: “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill Here is what you may find helpful: The future is not this far off place we arrive at one day and proclaim “ok here we are in the future”. The future is today. Inside every decision you make in the present, you are inside of the future. There is no predicting the future and there is no arrival date. What you seek is seeking you. There is only the doing and the deciding in the right now. Every now moment is the future. You are living the future you created out of the decisions you made yesterday. The future we desire is what we do with today. All of these actions track to our current state and the current state is the future we have made given every single situation we have been a part of before today. Food for thought: Do not let yourself become sidetracked by secondary activity. Secondary activity is anything that does not positively influence the day-like worrying. The definition of worry is experiencing failure and disappointment in advance. There is no magic wand to tell you how your life will end up. If you maximize the enjoyment and good you can do in the now and truly be generous at heart- the rest will take care of itself. You have greatness within you. Find the thing that allows you to quiet your mind and you will experience a well of energy inside of you that you won’t be able to explain. Continue moving forward. Get up when you fall. Do it with enthusiasm. #strikeamatch #thoughtsbecomethings #howtodecide

Is that not the first thing we think of when we have just gotten through one “roadblock” situation only to immediately find another “road closed” situation? We want there to be this grace period where things just coast for long enough to catch our breath. We want to celebrate that we overcame our last obstacle before knowing we must face another… Yet how seldom we get the chance to revel in the tranquility of nothing going on. No, there is rarely nothing going on. Because “it is always something”. Maybe we should look at things differently. What if life was the opposite? What if the more common saying was: “it is never anything” If life was a series of nothing ever happening to us would that be better? Would you trade endless days of “never anything” happening for the people and responsibilities in your life that cause the “it’s always something”? Here is what I mean… If your husband or wife is always asking you to help them with yet another project, would you prefer not have them in your life in order to ensure you never have another project to do? It forces you to think about the source of these “always something”. The source, in this case, is that most of us would never trade the love of our spouse just to avoid the “its always something” complaint. Actually… When we force ourselves to think from that perspective we would welcome the very somethings that drive us crazy. Keep the roadblocks coming if they mean that we are not alone. Keep the roadblocks coming if it means we are alive enough to experience this “always something” at the side of that person. Or… If the “always something” situation is frequent because we have kids that demand a lot of our attention and energy… Does that mean you would give them up? No, you would walk through fire for them even when you are at the peak of your frustration. So they are worth all the rapid-fire battery of “it’s always something’s” that the world could ever throw at you. Your art. Your Job. Your passion. When those three things are what you get to do every day, it is worth the pain. When you really think about the things and people that cause most of your “it is always something” complaints… They turn into the very things that are also at the top of your gratitude list. Maybe, in a way, it is better to hope for more “something”. #strikeamatch #onyou #ownit

This isn’t about how you perceive you or even who you are as a person. This is about the message you send with the way you present yourself and whatever you want that to be. Own it. But be practical about your expectations making sense with the energy you are actually putting out there. People have a perception of who you are the instant they encounter you. This can be a good, bad or ugly moment. Either way, it will create a story in the eyes of other people Many of us perceive this as an obstacle rather than an opportunity. Today we will begin to remove the first impression obstacle. First, you should know that controlling the perception of others will depend on your effort. Why? All I can do is give you information. Unfortunately, information is not power. Information is dormant potential. You must do the work to empower yourself. and most importantly, You must step outside your comfort zone. (IF) Do the following and you win. 1. Adapt in order to impact the impressions you make on other people. People who perform in theatre productions do this every night. 2. Strangers shouldn’t judge you on sight. That won’t change the fact that they do. Constantly being observed can be a gift if you embrace it. 3. It may not feel fair that strangers immediately judge you. That won’t change the fact that they do. Fighting this reality is futile. 4. Never spend time resenting things that are out of your control. 5. The obstacle is not that people make immediate judgments about you. The obstacle is that you think you have no control over someone’s perception of you. You are in control of the impressions you make. In most situations, we know what sensory information creates a particular perception. Meaning, we can change the impressions we make by creating new sensory information for people to observe. Here is a practical timeline of how a perception is created about you: The person observing you has a memory bank of observations and experiences they have had in the past. Your movements, sounds, and appearance all create a perception in their head about who you are. They piece together the new sensory signals you are giving off and unconsciously compare them to people they have observed in the past. The way you walk, talk or act will trigger pieces of other interactions they have had and a new story will fill in the blanks. If you want to impact someone’s perception of you all you have to do is give their 5 senses purposeful messages that trigger what you want from this person’s memory bank. Think of the sensory messages that would tell the best story about you. (slow footsteps Ask yourself, what is the story you want to tell about yourself? If you are going to impact another person’s perception, you had better know how you want to be seen. Take a moment and think about what you want people to think of you when they encounter you. Think about what you wish they thought about you. You and I both know we want other people to think highly of you. What I don’t know… What I won’t be convinced of… Is how you can expect to be treated differently without doing the work. And it is work. It is a conscious, deliberate and determined effort you must make for people to see you in your best light. Here is what changing how you are perceived comes down to… It’s never been easier to command respect. If you are not getting what you want out of your work and your life. You have to change it. I can help you with the How. But you have to be your own WHY If you feel you deserve it. Represent it. #strikeamatch

Microbody language. People can look at the smallest shift in the way your body moves and in microseconds get an impression of you. That is our human ability to draw conclusions and judge quickly based on previous situations we have been in. When it comes to deciphering body language it helps to think about what a “normal” response/approach would typically look like. But what about when body language is missing from a conversation? For example: If a person is claiming they care but their body language is totally relaxed, it sends us mixed messages. Understated body language can make a person look timid or unsure of their cause. Most of the time understated body language is our attempt at not looking nervous, but for the observer, our lax posture can feel like we do not care. 93% of your agenda is conveyed by your body. Solution: practice moving. Not because we are practicing to trick people but because we are wanting to be sure they know we care as much as we actually do care. When your goal is to convince someone- make sure you look convincing. You can always tell a liar who isn’t sold on their own advice because it sounds like they are trying to convince themselves. When you are convinced of your cause you speak from your heart. Simply saying the words you care will not be felt as sincere if your hands are in your pockets. 93% of the message “I care” by a person with their hands in their pockets is actually “I don’t care”…leaving the words “I care” with little or no meaning to the person hearing them. Speaking from the heart when you are convincing someone is ten times more sincere when you let yourself gesture. Be authentic by being the whole package. You are the whole package to someone when the things you say match your body language because it conveys unity in what you say is truly what you mean to say. Be present in the moment mind and body, committed to your job. So what does that look like? Here is the scenario: You want to tell your client that you understand how they feel and that you are the one to keep this deal together and ultimately bring them what they want. In doing this you want to reassure them they hired the right person in hiring you. This means keeping your torso open, shoulders back, and when making hand gestures, you are making sure the movement originates from the center of your chest. Keeping your arms folded says: I am uncomfortable. Keep your forearms raised, hanging arms do not show feeling. Also, every time you make a gesture look at a person’s eyes. It is alright if a person looks away as you make eye contact with them, do not take that as a sign you have done something wrong. If a person looks away after you make eye contact it is because they were not prepared for your sincerity. If they do look away nervously then you can make them feel relaxed again by only holding eye contact (3 seconds or more) when you make the chest connecting hand movements. There is a fine line between asserting sincerity and making someone uncomfortable. Look for the cues. Stay aware of how the other person is reacting to you. Sometimes it is the smallest adjustments in our strategy that makes the biggest difference. Ask someone close to you to tell you what your signature body movements are. I guarantee they have noticed.

Aggression and panic will never be a match for subtle confidence. Panic’s weakness is that it is telling. On the polar opposite of the emotional wheel, you will find composure. The silent poise and subtle confidence of the composed person are magnetic qualities. composure leaves room for good interpretation because there is nothing we can see visibly overpowering a poised person. The observer is left with no choice but to wonder… “What is this person thinking?” “Why are they so nonreactive?” The mysterious nature of composure can be authoritative and yet paradoxically calm at the same time. When the rest of the world overreacts, the poised individual waits and then responds. They may not respond right away but when they do it is more likely the better way. Calm and considerate people good to have around. These are people we would not mind following. (hint: show me your friends and I can show you your future.) Being poised is easier if you have a good understanding of what is going on around you and why it is going on. Recognition of opportunities and threats requires a state of mind that is at rest and not vulnerable to raw emotion. The poised person thinks of the possible outcomes several decisions could bring. Their reactions are what is controlled about them. If you are in the service business and selling something of high value (like homes) your clients may feel they are at the mercy of a lot of economic factors outside of their control. Factors like interest rates, supply and demand can panic people quickly. You will have a hard time comforting these people if the same factors send you into the same panic. It is good to remind yourself: You are always in control of presenting information. You are the sounding board and the guide but not responsible for any final decision. No matter what happens the answer is action. Keep moving. Sometimes things will not end in your favor but if you keep moving other opportunities will come. Calm well thought out actions happen as a result of making well-informed decisions and not by waiting around for some other figurative “what if” shoe to drop. #strikematch #onyou

It is one thing to be competitive during a transaction but when it gets personal it can get intense. Our instinct is to snap back, protect the client, do what is right but...sometimes you will feel like you are stuck. Usually you have to do the hardest thing ever in these moments. What is the hardest thing? Being calm, listening, acknowledging and trying to help everyone win.

Bad reviews are written by people who feel they were promised something that wasn’t delivered. Being honest up front about what you can do, what you cannot do, how you fix things, and what you hope to do for people will set you apart from your competition because well...most people are afraid they won’t get picked if they are honest. Today, the best thing you can do for telling people what your brand is about is by being honest and vulnerably human. In fact, we need you to be.

Persuasion is not only about sharing what YOU believe. It is about understanding and acknowledging what THEY, the other, believes.

The first rule of fishing is to fish where the fish are. In this episode we discuss how not all people are going to qualify and meet the criteria of what makes a person a client. The key is to identify quickly-here is how. Happy fishing!

We chase dreams too often before truly identifying the things hat make us truly happy. Life is long and it is worth being bold enough to pursue only the things that make you happy. What makes you happy? If that question overwhelms you...this short talk may help. I hope it does.

The world of business is shifting so fast and I just want as many people as possible to understand it and profit from it. In a moment of extreme clarity about 7 years ago I realized how important it is to put things together for the larger picture. Today Spotify acquired Anchor and at the same time today Spotify reported lower earnings than anticipated...my first thought was “how fast can I get to my computer to buy more Spotify stock and here is why...

Everything you do has to be for the consumer and not yourself.

This is the worlds fastest break down of what a hustler is, an example of a hustler, and the one thing you have to do to be one.

There is a time and a place to apologize...most of the time we use “I am sorry” as a fixer sentence but we shouldn’t. This is a reminder of when NOT to apologize. I love Realtors! You guys are amazing but please stop saying you are sorry when you haven’t done anything wrong.

The first step to resolving an argument is to enter it the right way. This is hard to do! However, this works and with some practice it can work for you too.

Literally run! Run from anyone who needs convincing when you know for a fact (and based on success) that you know what you are doing. Never change or waste time for the 2% of people who don’t want what you have to give. The rest of us in the 98% need you to not change.

Is this a real law? I have a better question-does it matter? If something works for you does it need to work for everyone. I don’t think so-do you?

Who are you? It isn’t easy to define yourself. The reason for that is because we have feelings about who we are but the human brain just is not great at describing feelings. Gameology is the practice of better navigating YOU. Welcome!

You want to surround yourself with people who understand your road success. Starting from scratch takes grit! Find other people with grit to support you!

Who is it for? The answer to that question can’t be you. Define and describe who are the people who will benefit from your project.

Just because you love something doesn’t automatically mean you will make money from it. This is how to think about it so that you will get paid.

Humor has a huge impact on positive thinking. Where is the humor in your routine?

Realtors have the challenge of overcoming the public perception that what they do isn’t hard. Not all consumers feel this way of course but the one that do can make it very difficult for Realtors. The reality is that guiding someone through a real estate transaction is not easy and conveying that is even harder.

Taking action is the only way to prevent overthinking.

If you work for a company that has thousands of employees you may have noticed that communication within your company is a major issue. You are not alone and there is a silver lining.

Being confident doesn’t happen after you become successful. Confidence is a decision to pursue what you do from a “yes I can” perspective. It comes from inside you.

Narrow down the thing you love to do and then focus on and get excellent at communicating how that will make your clients ecstatic.

You will likely think you know exactly what you do until the day you are challenged to define what you do.

When you are the boss everything is your fault. You don’t have the luxury of blaming your boss when you are the boss. What do you do when everything is up to you? It starts in your head.

Having emotional intelligence will increase the demand for your work. Your ability to recognize what other people are feeling can overcome objections before they become the reason people tell you no.

Do you use scripts? If you are thinking about using them listen to this first.

Rejection is nothing more than a response to your story. Resection isn’t personal and it isn’t really even business. You have your perspective so don’t look at the word “no” the same ever again.

There is so much opportunity available out there. Stop everything you are doing and consider this advice. Very rarely can you spend less to get more business. This is one of those times!