Read It And Beep

SHE'S BACK!! This week I'm reading an old article I submitted to NYT Modern Love. The article and I were both rejected, so at least we can bond over that. If this was a Friends episode, it would be titled The One Who Went To Switzerland For A Guy- FLOP ERA EDITION. Well, what are you waiting for? Instagram: @lenahelz Tik Tok: @lenacuisine

Everything about 8th grade makes me want to pull my eyeballs out, which is why I am reliving it and re-reading it! You can view this episode on YouTube on my channel Lena Tries. TikTok: lenacuisine Instagram: lenahelz

BIG NEWS! This is the first episode I filmed and made a YouTube video out of. You can watch it here https://youtu.be/4htc62N0Jcg on my channel Lena Tries. This episode takes place in middle school and is up to eyeballs in cringe. At one point I do break out into a Christian camp song and I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening and be sure to subscribe to never miss an uncomfortable journal entry.

Gulp. We've done it. We've made it to middle school! Still using the In and Out lists and still crushing on Jack. Turns out middle school isn't much different- except that Alena is a Student Body Officer. And with that great power, comes great responsibility. Follow @readitandbeep for photos behind the stories.

This week I am joined by Sebastian Conelli, host of Loud About Nothing podcast and resident Staten Island man. I met Sebastian at one of his comedy shows at UCB in New York and stalked their Instagram page to find him. Sebastian is easily one of the funniest human people I've met and I'm so glad he's joining me on this special episode. Today we're reading our old elementary school books and poems. I don't want to claim we were prolific children, but I will. Listen to the Loud About Nothing podcast and follow us @sebastianconelli @lenahelz @readitandbeep

Did you read The Clique novels? No? Well then get out of here! Run! Quick, there might be time to save yourself! For the rest of you, do you remember Massie Block's iconic In and Out lists? Young Alena drew a lot of inspiration from those in the year 2006. Follow @readitandbeep because I said so.

Still in the year 2005 and it is gooooood to be here. Freddie Highmore the celeb and star has once again made an appearance. Alena thinks she is going to die and writes a whole list of goodbyes. My favorite line? "I know I'm not always fun to be around and you weren't either." follow @readitandbeep on Instagram to see the photo of Alena and her evil foam twin Alana

She's moved to a new school, a special school for the smartie pants. But - plot twist - she misses her old school where she was bullied because she is drunk on nostalgia. Classic! Also, who will she love? Taylor, Jack, or Tommy?! So many options. Follow @readitandbeep on the gram for photos and fun and polls and all that jazz. If you're new to this podcast, welcome! hi! howdy! I'm reading my old diary entries chronologically and we're currently in the year 2004.

Pretty self explanatory title! We finish my trip to Sweden with an unnecessary amount of details. I journal throughout my day as a 4th grader and surprise, surprise, bullying is involved! And then we end on one of my weirder entries. Follow @readitandbeep on Instagram for pictures and more!

Another week of making my way thru my old diaries. Still perfecting this format so please give your suggestions! This week we cover my 10th birthday party where everyone dressed up like Hilary Duff. Except for Jenny, who came as Lara Croft because her parents let her watch PG-13 movies. Jealous! We also travel to Sweden in the dead of winter. Not jealous. Follow @readitandbeep on Instagram for fun photos.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to listen to someone grow up through their diary? That might be a niche desire, but it's one I am fulfilling. Hi, I'm Alena and I have 2 decades worth of diary entries. I've done episodes with guests where we read our entries and now I'm going to read them chronologically on a weekly basis. Today's episode covers 2001-2003, a young elementary-aged Alena. Follow @readitandbeep on Instagram for photos from today's episode as well as other nostalgia content.

Alena reads entries she wrote in 2010 questioning her future career. Should she join the CIA or marry an architect? Would it be okay to marry an Orthodontist if that meant not moving to Connecticut? These are things that have kept her up for 10 years! Follow @readitandbeep on Instagram and @lenacuisine on TikTok

While moving apartments, Grace found the book of all books: an old composition notebook titled The Perfect Boy. All throughout middle school she, along with 4 other friends, wrote a book coaching their version of the perfect boy. They covered everything from style (bow ties ALL the way!) to how to handle a girl's menstrual cycle. Hint: she probably hates it just as much as you do! Grace sat down with me (and her boyfriend) and we read through this insightful and eye-opening book. If you're not already, follow @readitandbeep where I post funny journal entries and behind the scenes content. I also post photos of my dog so for that reason alone you should follow. If you or someone you know has some old journals they're dying to crack open, slide into my DMs.

Friends Ellery and Alena read from their middle school diaries. Both of them relive the moment their friends told them they needed to wear a bra. They read some sad entries talking about bad friends, mean teachers, and sick days. They go full emo in this episode, including singing "I'm not a perfect person!" For more content follow @readitandbeep and visit readitandbeep.com

Susan and I may have grown up in different decades and in different sides of the country, but our journals still ring relatable. In today's episode you'll hear Susan lament over boys who don't like her and a canceled Dawson's Creek. You'll hear me talk about a fateful day when a love letter ended up in the wrong locker. For photos and more fun check out @readitandbeep and readitandbeep.com If you like this week's episode, please rate and review the podcast!

After Kirsten and I secretly read her journals and deemed them "boring", Sammy has returned to prove us wrong and she does an excellent job. We both read old song lyrics, including one originating a genre I call "Post-Christmas" music. For photos and more fun check out @readitandbeep and readitandbeep.com If you like this week's episode, please rate and review the podcast!

This episode was recorded at Chismosas salon with my hilarious hair stylist Janely. Aside from reading from our journals, we chat about how we were type cast as Angelica Pickles from the Rugrats, David Archuleta, and putting an expiration date on relationships. Janely shares some wise advice like making your journal pass the Bechdel Test.

Stacey Harkey joins Alena in cracking open some embarrassing old journal entries. Alena misuses both anagrams and potemkin villages, but hey, she never claimed to be a genius. Stacey opens up about coming out and his fascination with Lou Bega's hit Mambo #5. For behind the scenes, check out readitandbeep.com as well as @readitandbeep. You can (and should) follow Stacey @staceyharkey.

Today I'm reading old diaries with my younger sister Kirsten. And not just anyone's diaries.... we snuck into our other sister's room to read from her's, despite the warning "Do not read or I will stab you!" What can I say, we're pretty brave. We read about the same day from their different perspectives, talk about cursed kisses, and almost get caught! For more fun, follow @readitandbeep

Alena interrogates comedian Meghan Bean in her LA home. They crack open old journals and talk about the times they've caught someone reading their journal. (Or they've been caught reading someone's journal.) Topics range from Limited Too vs. Children's Place to learning HTML for Myspace. Follow @readitandbeep as well as @megbean1

Alena interviews Ellee in her LA home using both of their old diaries. The first 15 minutes covers Alena's young obsession over Freddie Highmore. Skip to minute 19 to start hearing from Ellee's journal. The ladies chat about old flings, Ellee's first kiss, cancer, and what they want in their careers. Follow @readitandbeep and visit readitandbeep.com for more. Follow @elleeduke and stay tuned for her upcoming album!

A sneak peak of things to come! Read It And Beep is launching Oct. 29th with comedic interviews hosted by Alena and her childhood diaries.