Star Whores

We've officially figured out the one way in which Teddi Mellencamp could be an interesting and relevant C list star in any of our lives and you just have to LISTEN to find out HOW! Is the sound weird in this episode? Why yes it is. You didn't come here for professionalism.

We're BACK after a shit show of a year with a shit show of an episode. That's right it's all happening, these unqualified white women are BACK in YOUR EARS to ENTERTAIN and potentially ANNOY! We got gossip, we got astrology, we got vocal fry. Come and get it.

Star Whores: Quarantine Edition. It's Taurus season so woot woot for them, sry we can't come to your bday we probably wouldn't have attended anyway. Much love.

Also not really astrology content, but you know how this goes. AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW NOW YOU KNOW! Sorry I hate me too. Give it a listen cause we all know you have nothing better to do.

Finally someone wrote the best astrology based article ever written. No it was not us. Yes we will tell you about it. Also hope your Vday went well, this was supposed to get to before hand but WHOOPS

WELCOME TO THE END OF THE WORLD! Feels so good to finally be here what a joy what a treat what a privilege. Ever wondered what YOUR role would be in the impending WWIII?? look no further. These idiots are here to spell it out for you.

Also though, don't tell me cause why why why would I care. Other than to shit on Destiny Ray Cyrus cause obvi. If you haven't figured it out its SAGITTARIUS SEASON! So get excited

Luck 4 U thanksgiving is coming a whole week early here at Star Whores. Even luckier, mercury in retrograde is finally over. We're giving you the low down on your whack ass family and their signs. Get drunk and start some family feuds.

Scorpio season is HERE with a lil Merc in Retrograde to make your life hell. Or is it just the bullshit that is the modern era? who's to say. We also try for at least the fifth time to walk through the modalities of the signs so strap in for that and pray you learn more than we did.

Whip at that blue eye shadow ladies and gentz cause it's mother trucking Libra season. We all know the Queen of Reality TV is a Libra, but did you know YouTuber SSpider Wolf is?! Gen Z is bringing some really weird celebs into our lives you guys idk

Virgo season is here in full force and we DISCUSS this on Beyoncé's bday but of course it is no longer Beyoncé's birthday (unless you truly believe)

lol we don't have studio. But she was really on my couch! Crazy Gemini Megan of @the.skinny.on.skin dishes on what its like to be a two faced psychopath. Jk we love her and she's only a LEETLE psycho.

Leo season is here and everyones fighting over each other to get their moment in the spotlight (looking at you Brody Jenner). Cameron's cusp-ness is out in full force and we'll try to describe what that means, you determine if it actually makes any sense.

Sry we were too busy addressing our emotions to get this episode out during actual Cancer season but if you're still listening to this podcast idk what else you expected from us.

Listen, did we publish this episode in a timely manner? No. Will we do better in the future? Eh. But WHATEVER! Gemini Season is over now (tg), but we wallow in it a LITTLE longer. LISTEN UP!

It's us we're back and we're desperate to be loved. We know we missed Taurus season sry our mad hope you materialistic fox bought yourself a present to compensate. Don't you worry though we are HERE for Gemini season ready to shit on every single one of you. WE MISSED UUUU

Hey we're back I know we missed you too. and its ARIES SEASON! Our favorite little Aries ripped off Goop and we don't hate it? Idk. So much is happening so LISTEN UP

Welcome to another fun filled week here at Star Whores. Mommy and Daddy celebs are doing shady shit to get their kids into college, the worlds hottest couple is getting MARRIED and its Pisces swimming so the world is rife with fish and ocean related shit. If my rock isn't the size of J Lo's I will be mad spread the word.

So the oscars happened which is neither here nor there BECAUSE we finally talk all things Jordyn Woods. For those of you on the edge of your seats for this red table epi, samsies. But speaking of cheating bastards, Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper are also def tryna get after it. So everyone just double check your mans/womans because it's a free for all out there people.

This episode gets dark and sexy and crosses a lot of lines, but what else is new. Obviously we need to discuss Stormi's bday party so please @ us with your thoughts on that [@STARWHORESPOD PEOPLE]. Then we've got you SET for the sexiest most astrological valentines day of your damn lives. What's the difference between a dildo and a vibrator? What else can you shove up your vag? We got you. STRAP IN

Brrr it's cold in here, there must be some AQUARI-I IN THE ATMOSPHERE. I'm so sorry about that but happy Aquarius season to you kooky crazy unique individuals. Shout out to Cameron's mom. Wanna know more famous Aquari-i? we gotchu. Want to know how all the signs are dealing with the polar vortex? we also got you. All the bases are covered this week so TUNE THE FUG IN

IT'S TIMEEEE PEOPLE! And by time we mean the beginning of the bdays for the Kardashian "triplets" and if we don't get a full People spread of that bday party I will actually lose my mind. We also talk about what's going on with the stars. It's still Capricorn Season.

HELLO WE MISSED YOU TOO! Happy fugging New Year, don't you worry you're pretty little mind we will be here to guide you through it. We discuss resolutions and more like lack there of and don't worry Capricorns, we haven't forgotten about you.

If you can afford to buy people presents this month then this episodes for YOU!

IT'S US! And it's still Sagittarius season so happy birthday to you archers (a weird sign but still better than a crab *sigh*). We play a little game and Cameron spends way to long talking about Amy Schumer. Also whip out your nicest unmentionables because Venus is moving into Scorpio and it's about to get hot in here.

We're keeping it hot fresh and saggy this week to welcome you to SAGITTARIUS season. Professional podcaster Cameron really fucked that up so DON'T GET IT TWISTED! But ya it's cute it's short FUGGING LISTEN TO IT

Start your deep breathing exercises now because Mercury is going into retrograde just as we are all heading home to deal with our families for a long weekend. A little alcohol will probably also help. Finally we KNOW you want to know what your sign is as a thanksgiving food!!!! and GODDAMMIT we'll tell ya!

VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE

Nobody's sober, but why be sober? Sober is for squares (unless you're into that in which case do you were not trying to pressure anyone). ANYWAY if you came to this week hoping for talk about astrology, our bad, but what we do have is a lot of polygamist talk. Jk and then some astrology WE'RE PROFESSIONALS

WHO IS PRINCESS EUGENIE?! We got you. Spoiler she's an aries and don't worry we don't talk about her for long cause who really cares about Eugenie. We've got some hot goss (that's gossip for those of you not hip with the kids) on the royal fam this week. CHEERIO!

Sloan decided to watch some informational television and came back with a ridiculous notion that maybe astrology isn't real and now Cameron is pissed so tune in for some hot drama. Also Khloe isn't moving to the Cleve, thank god, and it's a Libra New Moon. Get on it

WE ARE LEARNINGGGG!! We got some hot fresh knowledge for you this week as Cameron talks a mile a fugging minutes (seriously wtf). We talk about what your birth chart has to say about your relationship with your family. Sloan also gets down and dirty with what the elements mean. Strap in.

Idk what it is about Libras and their sexual vibes, but we at Star Whores are feelin. it. From Pete Davidson getting WAY to TMI to some of the more X-rated commodities on goop.com we're here to down and dirty with all of it. Except for the Pete Davison stuff cause god is it so upsetting. Still grappling.

I mean aren't we all a little psycho? Sloan spills some TEA (Cameron just learned that hip new term) and then we talk about some celeb compatibility cause we're all looking for the Chrissy to our John or whichever.

WELL HELLO THERE!!! REMEMBER US?! We're sitting here chatting about all things astrology and life in general, hopefully providing some entertainment along the way. THIS WEEK we get into the Nicki Minaj and Cardi B beef. what. is. the deal. Don't worry we'll tell you.

We're not NOT on board with Kim and Drake's *alleged* affair. So what's the deal with Scorpio and Libras. LET US TELL YOU! Also, Sloan dates a guy who actually cared enough to look up their astrological compatibility, so what's it like dating an emotionally available guy?

New season, new vibez, new us. Jk same us. But it IS Virgo season!!! So get your panties in a knot cause these hyper organized, earth sign, mother fuckers are having a moment. We'll tell you all about these baby-faced creatures with a special Dear Star Whores at the end!!!! TUNE THE FUCK IN!

Literally wtf. There's so many astrology buzzwords being thrown around it's insane. But don't even worry about it cause that's why we're here, to kind of half explain shit that we really don't know anything about! Welcome to Star Whores. But seriously, a butt ton of retrogrades are happening and we get to the bottom of this "eclipse season" business.

WE'VE GOT THE EYE OF THE [LION]! Sry. But seriously, it is Leo season so all the lions in your lives are 'bout to come out the woodwork with all their leadership skills and desperate need to be treated like royalty. Tell them they're pretty and buy them something nice cause maybe they'll be president some day.

We're not dead yet! It's episode 14 and we're still churning out this shit! Strap in for this quarter moon crisis with a hint of libra and pinch of cancer. Anne Frank is mentioned and Sloan makes out with a dad. But he's a scorpio so we're here for it?

Don't do wine, kids. We're comin at you LIVE (not live) and TOGETHER (really together) WAHHHH!!!! It's also Sloan's bday so go ahead and hit that rate review subscribe as a lil prezzie to her. Tom Hanks also wants that from you cause it's his bday too. Hailey Baldwin and Justin Bieber are engaged and IS THAT RING AN OVAL OR A PEAR SHAPE?!?!?

You can neither run nor hide because CANCER SEASON IS HERE!!!! So nestle in our little homey nurturing bubbles cause we bout to hunker down. We get it, we're emotional, but there's some dope shit about cancers too. For one thing, Ariana Grande is one and yes we're getting into this engagement. It's wet wild water sign extravaganza.

First off, if you didn't realize this show was now in the double-digits you do now. Everyone's thrilled. Someone pay us. Second of all, we're still not sure how we feel about being told what do based on our signs. It's inherently contradictory cause duh what is astrology for, but also do I need you to assign me sex music based on my birth month? Def not. Will I read what mine is though? Obviously. Also we learn some actual astrology shit. Join us.

HAPPY MORNINGS Y'ALL!! Turns out were the most productive worker bees you ever did see and can now record at 7 am. Wow what a feat. Anway, this week we get into wtf is going on in the sky cause duh thats the point of this show and THEN we dig into the birth chart of America's sweetheart, Melania Trump. #freemelania #jkshespartoftheproblem are our hashtags getting too long? LET US KNOW!

IT'S SO LITTLE!!! This week we got a little teaser for y'all with a very brief interview with Cam's boyfriend, Trevor. He is very uninterested, but nonetheless she persists. How brave. Cameron and Sloan chat about Trevor and the interview and general bullshit per usual. xoxoxo

SUPER COOL WEEK YOU GUYS!!! This weeks episode is a little shorty as we get back into the swing of things after a brief hiatus. Cameron's a cusp (I know, right?) so we get into that. Spoiler alert: she's still self absorbed. There's a full moon comin in Sagittarius and we talk about how it's gonna go down in this crazy Gemini season. ENJOY! And stay tuned for a lil mini bonus comin at you later this week!

Got some fresh meat on this weeks episode with the help of a sweet friend named Fiona who actually knows some stuff. We talk about why we got into astrology, compatibility, and something called a Saturn Return that neither of us had ever heard of so STRAP IN STAR ADVENTURERS!!!

We try to branch out into some other signs with little success. HBD to Taurus (we know we're a week late, no one here's a professional)! In other news we learn that Scorpios are associated with the occult and that Sloan doesn't know what the occult is. Honestly, Scorpios, what in the actual eff is wrong with you people. Sloan finds a new flame and finds out another one lives in an apartment with no furniture. Tragic.

Mercury in retrograde has finally ended, but now Pluto's in it and nobody knows what's going on. Which is extra dope cause that shits in retrograde for the next 5 MONTHS! V important you listen to this episode to know how to deal (spoiler alert we have no idea how to deal). Also Sloan went to Coachella and Cameron went to war with nature. And we're all supposed to figure some stuff out this week about ourselves, so hope that's going well for you.

FINALLY a (mostly) Kardashian-free epi filled with some actual info, people! WTF is a "house" vs your "sign" and where do the planets get involved with all of this? LISTEN UP cause we'll tell ya. We also spread the love to some other signs and chat about the various ways in which you're lives will get effed up this week. Hint: Geminis are crazy as ever. Take notes. Grab some wine. Get ready to rock.

This week we dive into our drunk personalities and what our signs have to do with our weekly drunken shit shows. We also get into Kourtney K and debate the merits of her two lovers based on their signs. A rift forms between Sloan and Cameron and the idea of t-shirts is floated. PICK A SIDE! Also Cameron finally googled when Mercury Retrograde ends and everyone's ready for another new moon this Sunday.