Team Us

We all want to finish well as couples, right? We sure do! Well, it's the daily decisions we make individually and together that influence how our marriages fare in the long run. Because of this, it's important to be purposeful to live out the day-to-day in a way that positively affects the years to come. So how can we keep moving toward the finish line united? Listen in as we share why right now matters to the long-term of your marriage. You'll hear how the choices you make today affect your relationship tomorrow, next year, and even a decade from now. 2 Ways to Help You Finish Well 1. Make today's decisions with a long-term perspective 2. Have a realistic view of your own weaknesses Us Time Challenge Visit a cemetery this week. Walk slowly through it and read the epitaphs. Think about your marriage as you do. What do you want those closest to you to say about your marriage when it's wrapped up? What can you do now to help make that legacy a reality? *** Team Us Resources: Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage FREE Team Us Study Guide Connect with Ted and Ashleigh: Website | Instagram | Facebook Episode Image Credit: Getty/Tanya St

Today, we're talking about how the friends we keep make a difference in our marriages. It's not only important that as couples we have community, but also that we're purposeful in whom we bring into our confidence. So, we're going to share what we call a “friendship inventory” you can do to make sure you're confiding in the right people. It's also a helpful tool to determine whether you're being this kind of friend to others. Plus, if you're struggling to even have the right people in your life, we'll share some ways you can seek out these kinds of friendships. Friendship Inventory Questions: 1. Does this friend esteem marriage? 2. Does this friend view the opposite sex with respect? 3. Does this friend build up my marriage and not just me? Ways to Develop Godly Friendships: 1. Join a church that values marriage 2. Get involved in that church 3. Become members of a small group Us Time Challenge Take the friendship inventory to see how you're doing at being a friend who esteems marriage, respects the opposite sex, and builds up your friends' marriages. Think about ways you can do better. *** Team Us Resources: Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage FREE Team Us Study Guide Connect with Ted and Ashleigh: Website | Instagram | Facebook Episode Image Credit: Getty/Nadya Ustyuzhantseva

We'll tell you that having kids is well worth the effort. There's nothing like it. We've found that God uses parenting to refine and change us in a way other things can't. That said, parenting has been one of our most challenging team efforts yet. Sometimes the different upbringings and different personalities we've brought to our marriage complicate rather than contribute to and enrich our parenting. We've had to work hard not to allow these areas of difference to divide us. While we're definitely not parenting experts, we've learned a few things along the way about how to parent together. So, listen in as we share three things you can do to better parent as a team. 3 Ways to Better Parent as a Team: 1. Appreciate each other's perspectives 2. Learn from each other's approaches 3. Actively support one another's parenting choices *** Us Time Challenge: We know that we don't want to use our words to tear each other down. The thing is, we can actually speak words of life. Think of some specific ways you can encourage your spouse as a parent, and build them up in the eyes of your children. *** Team Us Resources: Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage FREE Team Us Study Guide Connect with Ted and Ashleigh: Website | Instagram | Facebook Episode Image Credit: Getty/Oleksandra-Bezverkha

Sometimes we sit back and wonder how we made it through our weeping years. But here we are, still married, still friends, and still liking each other. It wasn't easy to remain united when miscarriage, multiple job losses, debt, and a house that wouldn't sell desperately fought to pull us apart. While an attitude of “us vs. the problem” helped, we realized we couldn't stop with the idea of us against the world. We needed more. Today, we're talking about how to walk together through the really hard situations, seasons, and losses that we experience as couples. We're looking at what we can do to remain a strong team during them. So, listen in as we share three practical things you can do to better brave sorrow together in your marriage. 4 Ways to Brave Sorrow Together: 1. Refuse to play the blame game 2. Face defeat together 3. Allow freedom to grief differently from each other 4. Point each other back to God's character *** Us Time Challenge: Make a list of the ways God has been faithful to you as a couple. Tape it to your fridge or bathroom mirror as a reminder of His goodness even in difficulty. *** Team Us Resources: Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage FREE Team Us Study Guide Links Mentioned in This Episode: Braving Sorrow Together: The Transformative Power of Faith and Community When Life Is Hard *** Connect with Ted and Ashleigh: Website | Instagram | Facebook Episode Image Credit: Getty/Rudzhan Nagiev

For us, laughter and a sense of levity or lightheartedness has carried us through the years. Laughter has been, as Proverbs 17:22 says, “good medicine” for us. But laughter isn't something that comes easily for all couples. While we're not experts on why other couples struggle to laugh together, we do know one of the reasons we can. It's because we make intentional efforts to live out our marriage with unburdened hearts. An unburdened heart is a lighthearted heart. Why? Because it's one that's not weighed down by grudges. It's challenging to feel lighthearted and at ease in a marriage, if we're keeping tallies on each other. If you want a lighthearted marriage, too, listen in as we share three guiding principles that we've found helpful. 3 Ways to Have a Lighthearted Marriage: 1. Practice the 49 percent/51 percent policy 2. Serve with no strings attached 3. Have a common enemy Us Time Challenge: Actively look for an opportunity this week to give in on something small with your spouse. Put into practice our 49 percent/51 percent policy and see what happens. Team Us Resources: Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage FREE Team Us Study Guide Links Mentioned in This Episode: The Benefits of Laughter article from Psychology Today Connect with Ted and Ashleigh: Website | Instagram | Facebook Episode Image Credit: Getty/Cosmaa

Bilbo Baggins once referred to adventures as “nasty disturbing comfortable things that make you late for dinner.” In some ways, he's right. Adventures aren't simply exciting, thrill-seeking activities. They stretch us in ways that force us to change. What does this have to do with conflict in marriage? Conflict is often uncomfortable and inconvenient. It disturbs our status quo and can even disrupt dinner plans…or gasp!…date nights. We often react like Bilbo and think, “Sorry, I don't want any conflict, thank you. Not today.” But it's important that we work through conflict in healthy, team-building ways. When we choose to put our marriage's long-term health and mission ahead of our individual agendas, it's well worth the effort. Not only are we strengthening and deepening our relationship, but we're also ultimately choosing to reflect Christ. Listen in as we talk about conflict as an adventure, how to face your disagreements with a team-first perspective, and why your timing in resolving issues matters. Strategies for Facing Conflict as a Team 1. Embrace conflict as an adventure 2. Trade a me-first perspective for a team-first perspective 3. Choose carefully how and when to work through conflict Us Time Challenge Think back to when you went on an adventure together. Talk about what was hard, but how you worked together to overcome the challenges. Discuss how that brought you together. Then talk about how you can apply some of the things you did to how you face conflict now. Team Us Resources: Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage FREE Team Us Study Guide Links Mentioned in This Episode: The Hobbit Connect with Ted and Ashleigh: Website | Instagram | Facebook

After we got married, we were surprised by how differently we celebrated holidays and birthdays. One of us loved to go big, while the other preferred to treat them like any other day. But, as we've slowly learned over the years, differences like that don't have to divide us. When we approach them with the right attitude, they can unite us. As a couple, our differences can serve as a great reminder that we need teamwork. We need unity, cooperation, and commitment. And, as we band together for the common good of our relationship, instead of focusing on the places where we feel disappointed or our likes rejected, it becomes easier for us to appreciate, and not despise, the other's uniqueness. What are some practical ways you can do this in your marriage? Listen in as we share three things we do so that our differences help us grow together and not apart. 3 Ways to Grow Together and Not Apart 1. Build on common interests 2. Don't force change 3. Learn to stretch by trying new things Us Time Challenge Go on a date. You can either pick your favorite common interest that you share, or one of you can decide to try something the other enjoys. Plan this week's date around it. Team Us Resources: Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage FREE Team Us Study Guide Links Mentioned in This Episode: The Princess Bride Connect with Ted and Ashleigh: Website | Instagram | Facebook

From its inconceivable R.O.U.Ses to its iconic lines, the 1987 film The Princess Bride is a favorite at our house. For us, one of the most memorable characters is Inigo Montoya. His patience and persistence as he hunts for the six-fingered man remind us that it takes time to execute a “death wish.” But what does a “death wish” have to do with marriage? While we joined a new team when we promised, “I do,” that doesn't mean the unity and cooperation we talked about in episode 1 are going to be easy or automatic. It takes time after we get married to make that transition from “me” to “us.” One reason is that all of us come to marriage with ingrained habits. These are the things that steal joy from our relationship, keep us from walking in unity and practicing cooperation, and can even weaken our resolve to stay committed. Listen in as we share three practical ways you can practice patience for the old as you and your spouse work together toward the new. 3 Ways to Practice Patience, Persistence, and Grace: 1. Pick your battles (recognize the difference between our spouse sinning and our spouse just annoying us). 2. Make a Communication Sandwich 3. Focus on progress, not perfection Us Time Challenge: Take some time to make a list of a few ways you've noticed that the other has made progress in an area. Figure out a fun and creative way to affirm each other for their growth. Team Us Resources: Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage FREE Team Us Study Guide Links Mentioned in This Episode: The Princess Bride Connect with Ted and Ashleigh: Website | Instagram | Facebook

Have you ever watched curling matches during the Winter Olympics? We have! One year, we found ourselves hooked on this sport that's nicknamed “chess on ice!” And, as we observed the strategy, intentionality, and sweeping that curling requires, we couldn't help but compare it to marriage! Every team, whether it's in curling or in marriage, does better with a game plan. Yet, it's the sweeping—or grace—that helps us as couples bring home the gold. Grace is to marriage what sweepers are to curling. So, if you're not sure what sweeping even is, listen in as we explain the basics of curling. We also chat about anime volleyball, and give you practical ways you can create a game plan for your marriage. 5 Game Plan Strategies for Your Team Us: 1. Literally get on the same page 2. Have a shared understanding of grace 3. Believe the best about each other 4. Play to each other's strengths 5. Celebrate the victories, not the defeats Take the "Us Time Challenge": Like we did, schedule a time and place to literally get on the same page. Grab paper and pens and go to a park, a coffee shop, or sit down together at your dining room table. Spend some time writing down qualities you'd like to see better characterize your marriage. Talk about specific ways you can work toward each ideal. Team Us Resources Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage FREE Team Us Study Guide Links Mentioned in This Episode Haikyu!! Curling for Dummies Cheat Sheet Connect with Ted and Ashleigh: Website | Instagram | Facebook Episode Image Credit: Getty/artbesouro

As a couple, we've had a lot of firsts! From the first time we met over 19 years ago to our first kind-of date to the first time we held hands. So, on this very first episode of the Team Us podcast, we share some of those firsts with you. Yet we don't stop there! We also talk about the very first human team—Adam and Eve. They're a duo we consider history's most infamous couple. Because, as we all know, they really messed up. But here's where our conversation might be different from a lot of what you usually hear about Adam and Eve. Our primary focus isn't on how they messed up. Listen in as we talk about them pre-fall and lay a foundation for what makes a good team. You'll discover three “team us” qualities that characterized Adam and Eve's marriage that you can practice too! 3 Qualities Every Team Us Needs: 1. Unity 2. Cooperation 3. Commitment Us Time Challenge: Set aside some time as a couple to enjoy a few episodes of The Amazing Race on your streaming service. Think about and discuss the following: • Which teams are most successful? • What qualities set them apart? • Which teams do you find yourself cheering on the most? Why? • How can you become more like the teams you admire? Team Us Resources Team Us: The Unifying Power of Grace, Commitment, and Cooperation in Marriage FREE Team Us Study Guide Links Mentioned in This Episode The Amazing Race Connect with Ted and Ashleigh: Website | Instagram | Facebook