Podcasts about Spouse

We discuss how creating before-and-after photo books of renovations or improvements can bring satisfaction and preserve memories. Our happiness hack suggests visiting your local library (or museum) for the first time; that first visit can be surprising to make. We also share listeners’ strategies for handling a spouse who asks too many questions at inopportune times. Resources & links related to this episode: Order your copy of Secrets of Adulthood Read 25 in 25 Bookshop Pledge to Read 25 on June 25th Visit The Happiness Project shop for Father's Day gifts Elizabeth is reading: All the Way to the River: Love, Loss, and Liberation by Elizabeth Gilbert (Amazon, Bookshop) Gretchen is reading: The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (Amazon, Bookshop) Get in touch: podcast@gretchenrubin.com Visit Gretchen's website to learn more about Gretchen's best-selling books, products from The Happiness Project Collection, and the Happier app. Find the transcript for this episode on the episode details page in the Apple Podcasts app. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, we dive into an email from a listener wanting help with the complexities of desire and connection in marriage. A husband is feeling used in a relationship where sexual interest seems limited to ovulation periods. Our conversation dives into the dynamics of sexual desire, the impact of past trauma, and the importance of communication in navigating these challenges. We explore the need for emotional connection and understanding in relationships, highlighting the two-choice dilemma faced by spouses when their desires do not align. Enjoy the show! On the Xtended version … We continue the conversation and go deeper into the moves they each can make to better face the gridlock in their marriage. Sponsors … Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post Desire For Sex Or For Your Spouse #730 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Anna and Raven talk about how one celebrity gave away her cell phone number and how she will have to change her number! Anna thought about changing her phone number but worries it has been too long! Are you up to date on this week's biggest news story? Anna and Raven will get you caught up on the trending news stories including Todd and Julie Chrisley's pardon, Southwestern set their new baggage fees! French president Macron met his wife when he was 15 and she was a teacher 24 year's his elder! Anna and Raven want to know about your “unconventional” way that you got involved with your spouse? There is a huge spike of American's moving to different countries! Find out what is the number one country people are going to! Raven created a PSA about how great Portugal is!  King Charles visited Canada to put the Canadians at ease, find out what's going on and why they are so fired up! There's a trend going around of men calling their friends to say “goodnight.” Raven calls his friends to say “goodnight,” and their reactions are priceless! The Scripps National Spelling Bee began yesterday! Today is Day 2 of our spelling bee! Will Producer Julie spell both words right and will she owe more favors to The Office Squad? Find out! Anna and Raven speak with the parents of graduates who want to brag about their kids and have a chance to win some money for them! Billy and Deanna's daughter just told Deanna that she doesn't plan to break up with her boyfriend before she leaves for college in the fall. They decided to do a long-distance relationship and will stay together. Dad wants Mom to convince her that it's a terrible mistake because it will end badly. She should go to college with a clean slate and focus on education only. Mom says to relax, they'll learn that on their own, but they can't get involved. Plus, they've been dating since they were in eighth grade, maybe it'll work out. Ashley has a chance to win $400! All she has to do is answer more pop culture questions than Raven in Can't Beat Raven!

Passing the PE Exam is one thing, but doing it as an immigrant, with language barriers, and after hitting a wall multiple times before already?! That's a whole nother story — and it's real!

05-27-25 - BR - TUE - We're Gonna Lose Britney Spears Soon After Seeing Her Latest Crazy Video On A JSX Plane - Would You Put Sunscreen On A Stranger - Tehran Study Says You Can Catch Your Spouse's Depression From KissingSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In part one of this 5-part leadership series, Sasha and Laura Mirovich share what it's really like to run a business with your spouse—and how they've stayed aligned for over 30 years. From building trust to scheduling “coffee time,” this episode is packed with tactical insights for CrossFit gym owners navigating partnership, parenting, and leadership.--

I address a question from a wife who recognizes that her Relationship OCD and perfectionism struggles have highly influenced a critical eye towards her husband that has had a negative impact on their marriage. Today, I speak soberly to this issue and what the healing journey can look like. I provide some very specific steps […]

Dr. Nicole Villegas, occupational therapist and founder of the Sensory Conscious Institute, explores how understanding nervous systems and sensory patterns helps build relationships rooted in safety, connection, and clarity.• Beyond the five senses: interoception (internal feelings), vestibular (movement through space), and proprioception (body position awareness)• Creating collaborative solutions versus compromises for different sensory preferences• Using the Three C's: curiosity, compassion and consent in communication• How unaddressed sensory needs lead to seemingly disproportionate reactions later• The AHA method for regulation: Acknowledge, Honor, and take Action toward safety• Signs your nervous system is dysregulated: racing heart, difficulty focusing, feeling "buzzy"• Walking and talking as an effective strategy for difficult conversations• Recognizing when your partner is overwhelmed through body language cues• Using "I noticed..." statements instead of judgment when discussing sensory responses• Learning to appreciate how sensory awareness creates opportunities for deeper connectionVisit drnicoleotd on Instagram or sensoryconcious.com to learn more about sensory practices and sign up for Dr. Nicole's newsletter "Refine" for small changes that make big differences.Send us a text

How to Have More Empathy for Your SpouseEmpathy is the backbone of emotional connection in marriage, yet most couples never learn the difference between being “nice,” listening, and truly empathizing. In this episode of Reconciling Marriages with Coach Jack, you'll get a practical guide to building real connection through validation—not just understanding or fixing. If you want to break the cycle of conflict and start making your spouse feel valued and understood, this is where to start.What You'll Learn:Why empathy—not just listening or being nice—creates real emotional connectionHow to validate your spouse so they feel normal and rightThe difference between agreeing with ideas and empathizing with emotionsPractical examples of validation that you can use in your own marriageWant to Work With Coach Jack? If you're ready to build a closer marriage using proven, step-by-step relationship skills, learn more about my Re-Connections Coaching Package. Coaching is practical, private, and focused on helping you create the marriage you want.Key Takeaways:Listening is not enough—validation and empathy are required for connectionAgreement is for ideas; empathy is for emotionsFocusing on how your spouse receives your words changes the relationship dynamicValidation can defuse conflict and build long-term intimacyThese skills can be learned and improved by anyoneAdditional Resources:Connecting Through "Yes!" – Book on the skill of agreement in relationships and marriageFree Download - Help your spouse to enjoy talking with you again with these free lessons.Work one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

SummaryIn this Coaches Roundtable Q&A episode, Chase and Chris dive into real questions from their Facebook community and clients. They talk a lot about how to deal with health changes when your family isn't on the same page. They also talk about how to know if you're doing the right amount of workouts and nutrition, and how to balance protein and fiber in your meals. The guys share personal stories, give helpful tips, and remind us that it's okay to go slow and steady as long as we're being consistent.Chapters(00:00) Welcome and School's Not What It Used to Be(02:01) Dealing with Food Addictions and Unsupportive Spouses(06:39) The Power of Communication and Setting Boundaries(10:31) Changing the Family Dynamic for Long-Term Health(14:00) Understanding Fat Loss vs. Building Muscle(18:12) Am I Doing Too Much or Not Enough?(25:19) Getting Your Protein and Fiber in Check(30:13) Wrap-Up and What's Coming NextSUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS to be answered on the show: https://forms.gle/B6bpTBDYnDcbUkeD7How to Connect with Us:Chase's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/changing_chase/Chris' Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/conquer_fitness2021/Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/665770984678334/Interested in 1:1 Coaching: https://conquerfitnessandnutrition.com/1on1-coachingJoin The Fit Fam Collective: https://conquerfitnessandnutrition.com/fit-fam-collective

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseSo… your spouse wants a divorce and you don't? Oof. That's a brutal position to be in—and one we know all too well. In this candid, no-holds-barred episode, Andrea and Morgan dive into the exact steps you need to take—legally and emotionally—when divorce isn't your idea, but it's happening anyway. Whether the papers haven't been filed yet or you've already been served, this is your guide to protecting yourself, preparing smartly, and finding solid ground when your world feels upside down.What You'll Learn:The first 3 legal steps to take if your spouse hasn't filed yetHow to emotionally process being blindsided by divorceWhat to do (and not do) if your spouse has filedWhen discernment counseling works (and when it won't)How to avoid expensive legal mistakes just because you're overwhelmedWhy it's critical to understand your attorney's strategyBurning Questions Answered:“What if I don't want a divorce—do I have any control?”“How can I financially prepare if I'm in the dark?”“Is couples therapy enough to save us?”“What happens if I ignore the divorce petition?”“How do I hold it together when I'm falling apart?Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

Divorce negotiations can feel like a battlefield—two people locked in conflict, each fighting to protect what matters most. But what if you stopped viewing your ex as the enemy and started seeing the process as a strategic game—one where understanding, clarity, and emotional regulation could actually help you get better results? In this episode of the Journey Beyond Divorce podcast, I'm joined by Brenda Bridges—Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Divorce Coach, and Mediator. Brenda has not only helped countless clients navigate the financial and emotional complexities of divorce—she's lived it. After experiencing her own financially devastating divorce, she made it her mission to help others avoid the same mistakes by approaching divorce strategically instead of emotionally. Together, we explore how negotiating during divorce doesn't have to be driven by fear, anger, or reactivity. We talk about the importance of understanding your spouse's values—what they truly care about—and how using that insight can completely shift the way you approach settlement discussions. Whether it's financial security, time with the kids, or protecting their image, knowing what drives them can give you a surprising amount of leverage. We also dive into what it means to regulate your emotions, communicate with intention, and stay grounded during mediation or high-conflict negotiations. If you've ever felt stuck in a tug-of-war, always bracing for the next blow, this conversation offers a new perspective—one rooted in strategy, self-awareness, and the belief that you can walk away from divorce with clarity, confidence, and a future you're excited about. This episode is for anyone ready to stop playing defense and start negotiating from a place of strength and insight. Because when you understand the emotional and financial landscape of divorce, you can make smarter choices and protect what truly matters to you. Connect with Brenda: Website: https://bridgingdivorcesolutions.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bridgingdivorce Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BridgingDivorce/   "New Normal" Post Divorce Checklist: https://mailchi.mp/bridgingllc/jtzu34jo7l Resources Mentioned in this episode: Follow JBD on Instagram: @journey_beyond_divorce Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com  Join the High Conflict Divorce Support Group: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/hcdsg

Open Forum: Pastor Amos introduced a new Faith in Action discipleship group starting in June and meeting on Mondays from 7:30–9 PM EST. He also announced a focus on building joyful marriages on Sundays, following his previous teachings on divorce and remarriage. The group engaged in a heartfelt discussion about navigating friendships affected by differing beliefs, especially concerning same-sex unions. Jovanna and Doyin shared personal experiences of strained relationships, while Pastor Amos encouraged maintaining biblical convictions without legitimizing sin, yet keeping the door open for reconciliation. The conversation shifted to social media, where Doyin and Tyesha raised concerns about the imbalance in addressing women's versus men's accountability. Pastor Amos explained his intentional strategy of alternating focus and how social media algorithms often favor controversial topics involving women. Transparency before marriage was emphasized, with Pastor Amos urging individuals to disclose their full past early in dating to prevent future marital issues. The emotional impact of past relationships on men was discussed, highlighting the need for open communication. The group also explored healing generational patterns, prayer and intimacy in dating, and the theology of marriage as a covenant. LaToya shared reflections on marriage rooted in biblical love and sacrifice.   Partner with Us: https://churchforentrepreneurs.com/partner Connect with Us: https://churchforentrepreneurs.com                  

Meet today's guest, Jackie Dorman—author and successful matchmaker for thousands. She's giving us a breakdown into how YOU, yes you, can effectively know what to look for and find a partner.I'm encouraging you to take these practical tips and pair them with prayer so you can be expectant and led in your dating journey!Find Jackie's challenge and other resources at www.jackiedorman.com OR if you recognize this is a season of healing before you give your heart to someone, you can get the first chapter of Break Up with What Broke You free here: https://christianbevere.com/subscribefirstchapterConnect with Christian or find her book "Break Up with What Broke You" at ChristianBevere.com

On today's Take 2 with Jerry & Debbie our topic is: Do You Remember the First Time You Met Your Future Spouse?

On this MADM, Dr. Elisa Borah with Veteran Spouse Network is sharing about the importance of resources for military spouses. Listen & share. Sponsor: Premier Structures PremierStructures.com

Listen in as Dr. Elisa Borah with Veteran Spouse Network shares about her efforts to support military spouses. Listen & share.

We've got one more bonus episode to wrap up this season, so give it a listen! And keep an eye out next week for our an introduction to our next season! Find us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/oneanotherpodcast?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== Find us on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@oneanotherpodcast?si=7-JJ9raR9Fr0cQ9b Find us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4RGIMhed26LZsl9TI56yPN?si=2924a1be839549b9 Find us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/one-another/id1797190030

"So teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom." - Psalm 90:12 If you're a few years from retirement and your savings aren't quite where you want them, you might feel like you've run out of time. But maybe you don't need a time machine to solve the problem. Today, Matt Bell joins us with some encouraging words about beefing up retirement savings.Matt Bell is the Managing Editor at Sound Mind Investing, an underwriter of Faith & Finance. The Surprising Power of Working a Little LongerIn 2018, a Stanford study called The Power of Working Longer made a compelling discovery: delaying retirement by just three to six months can have the same impact on retirement readiness as saving an additional 1% of income every year for 30 years.Yes, really.This is largely due to two factors:Higher Social Security Benefits – For every month you delay past full retirement age, your benefit increases by 2/3 of 1% (8% annually). Better Annuity Rates – The older you are when purchasing an annuity, the more monthly income you'll receive for the same investment.But there's a caveat: the study is based on specific assumptions that may not match your financial situation.What the Study Assumes—and Why It MattersThe Stanford study uses a fictional worker named “John” who:Started saving at age 36Saved 6% of income and received a 3% matchRetired at 66 and claimed Social Security immediatelyUsed all savings to buy an inflation-indexed annuityIn reality, your income, savings rate, Social Security timing, and withdrawal strategy may differ widely. Not to mention, indexed annuities like the one in the study are no longer widely available. So while the study provides encouragement, its specifics shouldn't be universally applied.If you can delay claiming Social Security, it can significantly boost your lifelong income. For example, waiting until age 70 instead of 66 could result in a monthly check that's 24% higher. You'd need to live roughly 12 more years to “break even,” but many retirees today are living well into their 80s and beyond.Social Security is essentially a government-backed, inflation-adjusted annuity, making it a powerful foundation for retirement income.More Benefits to Working LongerBeyond Social Security, staying employed offers additional financial and emotional perks:More Contributions – Additional working years allow you to save more and delay withdrawals.Shorter Retirement Span – Fewer retirement years mean your nest egg doesn't have to stretch as far.Health & Community – Work often provides routine, purpose, and social interaction—elements many retirees miss.Working longer isn't just a financial decision—it impacts your time, relationships, and expectations. If you've long looked forward to travel, family time, or volunteering, extending your career might feel like a loss. That's why it's essential to consider both the math and the meaning.Couples should prayerfully approach retirement planning together. Decisions about timing affect both spouses, especially when only one is working. Unequal expectations can lead to tension, so it's essential to:Talk openly about your hopes and concernsUnderstand your financial picture as a teamChoose unity over independence in decision-makingThis is one of the most crucial decisions you'll make as a couple.How Much Do You Really Need?You may have heard that you need 70–80% of your pre-retirement income. That's a good rule of thumb, but it's far better to run the numbers yourself. Some costs (like commuting or saving for retirement) may go down. Others (like healthcare or travel) may go up. The best approach? Create a post-retirement budget based on your unique goals and lifestyle.If you're behind on retirement savings, don't panic—and don't go it alone. Tools on the Social Security website can help you run scenarios based on your age and income. Brokerages like Fidelity or Schwab offer annuity estimators. Most importantly, seek wise counsel and pray through your decisions with your spouse.If you'd like to read the full article from Sound Mind Investing that we discussed during this episode, read Matt's article titled Retirement Preparedness—What a Difference a Little Time Can Make at SoundMindInvesting.com. On Today's Program, Rob Answers Listener Questions:I now have the money from my tax return to pay my property taxes, due in two installments—one in May and one six months later. Should I go ahead and pay it all now since I have the funds, or is there a wise short-term investment I could consider in the meantime?Is there a reliable resource or organization that can provide information on charities that are requesting donations, such as groups like America Cares, CARE, or Mercy Ships?What are your thoughts on the cryptocurrency XRP? Is it something worth considering?Resources Mentioned:Faithful Steward: FaithFi's New Quarterly Magazine (Become a FaithFi Partner)Sound Mind InvestingRetirement Preparedness — What a Difference a Little Time Can Make by Matt Bell (Sound Mind Investing Article)Social Security Administration (SSA.gov)ECFA | Charity Navigator | Ministry WatchFidelity | Charles SchwabWisdom Over Wealth: 12 Lessons from Ecclesiastes on Money (Pre-Order)Look At The Sparrows: A 21-Day Devotional on Financial Fear and AnxietyRich Toward God: A Study on the Parable of the Rich FoolFind a Certified Kingdom Advisor (CKA) or Certified Christian Financial Counselor (CertCFC)FaithFi App Remember, you can call in to ask your questions most days at (800) 525-7000. Faith & Finance is also available on the Moody Radio Network and American Family Radio. Visit our website at FaithFi.com where you can join the FaithFi Community and give as we expand our outreach.

Are you constantly questioning your memory or feeling like you're "too sensitive" after your spouse's betrayal? You may be experiencing gaslighting—a subtle but powerful form of emotional manipulation that can keep you stuck in confusion, shame, and self-doubt. In today's episode, betrayal trauma expert Lisa Limehouse walks you through: What gaslighting actually is (and what it isn't) The top 5 signs you're being gaslit after infidelity Why it's crucial to stop gaslighting if you want to heal How to set boundaries and protect your peace Scripted language you can use to stand in truth and regain your voice Plus, you'll hear how to access to Lisa's new online course—The 7 Pillars of Healing from Betrayal God's Way—a powerful guide to help Christian women start their recovery with clarity, confidence, and Christ at the center. Download the new online course here: 7 Pillars to Healing from Betrayal Trauma God's Way Quotes from the Episode: “Gaslighting is not a communication issue—it's a manipulation strategy to avoid truth and accountability.” “You don't need to argue to prove your reality. You just need to know it, stand in it, and guard it.” “God is not the author of confusion. His truth brings clarity and healing.”   Leave a Review: If this episode helped you understand gaslighting in a new way, please subscribe and leave a review. It helps us reach more women who need hope and healing after betrayal.

Send us a textFREE MARKETING AUDIT: MavenMarketingAudit.comOur Website: https://frankandmaven.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/frankandmavenmarketing/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@frankandmavenTwitter: https://twitter.com/frankandmavenLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/frank-and-maven/Host: Brandon WelchCo-Host: Caleb AgeeExecutive Producer: Carter BreauxAudio/Video Producer: Nate the Camera GuyEpisodes Mentioned In This Podcast:How to Avoid Costly Mistakes and Be More Memorable - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9YvEydjKNoHow to Get Your Customers to Take Action - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Qs1oEARkn4Is Digital or Traditional Advertising Better? And Does Geofencing Work? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP1s6uE1TfIWith Word-of-Mouth Referrals, Do You Even Need Advertising? - Maven Marketing Podcast - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8WMbctIAiIHow To Close More Sales with Messaging & Math - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srVNpvUbYqEShould You Use Billboards? The Powers and Pitfalls to Remember - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcv7b21R3RMHow to Rank Higher on Google: What You Need to Know About SEO - Part 1 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mre_OSDbQDsHow to Rank Higher on Google: What You Need to Know About SEO - Part 2 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8tz9xjzv5MHow to Recruit Amazing Employees - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EmNOri9InUWhat To Do When You Get A Bad Review - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPcZECz4I9IHow To Make Your TV & Radio Ads Stand Out - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu8LW9ip7CoHow to Build a Tribe of Extremely Loyal Customers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2uwHg8Y6HgIs Email Marketing Your Most Powerful Sales Tool? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BxuRAZo8S412 Skills You Need to Close More Sales (Part 1) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uN8YhoklEc12 Skills You Need to Close More Sales (Part 2) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mU2t40uAndwAre You Missing the Boat with AI in Your Marketing? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6xnlHUqpXsShould You Move Your TV Budget to YouTube? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--FxA5zi_HsHow To Get The Best Deal on TV & Radio Advertising (Part 1) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqPBmo_9CX0How To Get The Best Deal on TV & Radio Advertising (Part 2) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCqsJcfwAyQHow to Build an Incredible Business with your Spouse (ft. Randy & Dee Do you have a marketing problem you'd like us to help solve? Send it to MavenMonday@FrankandMaven.com!Get a copy of our Best-Selling Book, The Maven Marketer Here: https://a.co/d/1clpm8a

Spouse Wants a Divorce? How to Save Your Marriage and ReconnectWhen your spouse says they want a divorce, it's easy to panic or argue. But if you want to save your marriage, the way you respond in that moment matters more than you think. In this episode of Reconciling Marriages with Coach Jack, you'll learn how to stop pushing your spouse further away—and start laying the groundwork for reconnection.What You'll LearnWhy your spouse's feelings and intentions today aren't set in stoneThe key mindset shift that prevents conflict and builds emotional valueHow to use empathy, not arguments, to re-open the door to your relationshipThe critical first steps to rebuild connection—without pushing or pleadingWant to Work With Coach Jack? If you're unsure how to respond to your spouse or what step to take next, the Re-Connections Coaching Package can help. You'll get expert, step-by-step support to guide you from rejection to reconnection—without wasting time or making things worse.Key TakeawaysWords reflect current feelings, not final decisionsInfluence comes from emotional connection, not logic or pressureDon't rush—rebuilding is slower than starting freshEmpathy and boundaries are your first tools, not persuasionStart from where your marriage is now—not where you wish it wasAdditional ResourcesConnecting Through “Yes!” – Coach Jack's Book on Ending Conflict and Building Connection.Re-Connections Coaching Package - Learn how to put an end to arguing in your marriage so you can enjoy each other again.Work one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

I've never highlighted a book as much as They're Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship.  It's my favorite book in 2025! Watch the Video Interview Author Dr. Isabelle Morley gives us a timely book that rejects the reckless proliferation of the following terms:  Sociopath Psychopath Love bomb Narcissist Boundaries Borderline Toxic Gaslighting Who is Dr. Isabelle Morley? Dr. Morley is not a chronic gaslighter trying to convince the world that she doesn't gaslight by writing a book about it. Here's her resume: Author of Navigating Intimacy and They're Not Gaslighting You Co-host of the podcast Romcom Rescue Contributor to Psychology Today Advisory Board Member of the Keepler app Founding Board Member of UCAN Member of the American Psychological Association Certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) The Gottman Method – Completed Levels 1 and 2 Relational Life Therapy – Completed Level 1 PsyD in Clinical Psychology from William James College, 2015 Doctoral project researching hookup culture's impact on relationship formation, 2015 Master's in Professional Psychology from William James College, 2013 Bachelor of Arts from Tufts University, 2011 My Fatima Story I dated a woman for two years. Let's call her Fatima. In the second half of our relationship, Fatima bombarded me with many of the highly charged and often misused words listed above. After she dumped me the fifth and final time, I finally pushed back on her barrage of accusations. I said to her, “So, you truly believe I'm a narcissist? Let's look up the clinical definition of a narcissist and see how I stack up.” She agreed. Perplexity wrote: To be clinically considered as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) according to the DSM-5, an individual must exhibit at least five out of nine specific characteristics. These characteristics, as summarized by the acronym “SPECIAL ME,” include: Sense of self-importance Exaggerating achievements and expecting to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements. Preoccupation Being preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love Entitled Having unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations. Can only be around people who are important or special Believing that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). Interpersonally exploitative Taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends. Arrogant Showing arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. Lack empathy Being unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. Must be admired Requiring excessive admiration. Envious Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them. These symptoms must be pervasive, apparent in various social situations, and consistently rigid over time. A qualified healthcare professional typically diagnoses NPD through a clinical interview. The traits should also substantially differ from social norms. I asked her how many of these nine characteristics I exhibited consistently, pervasively, and in many social situations. She agreed that I was nowhere near five of the nine. Admittedly, I sometimes exhibited some of these nine characteristics in my intimate relationship with Fatima. I'm certainly guilty of that. However, to qualify as a true narcissist, you must display at least five of these nine characteristics often and with most people, not just your partner. To her credit, my ex-girlfriend sheepishly backed down from that accusation, saying, “You're right, Francis, you're not a narcissist.” Later, I would educate her (or, as she would say, “mansplain”) about another of her favorite words: gaslighting. I mansplained by sending her a video clip of renowned couples therapist Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, who explained why standard disagreements and having different perspectives aren't gaslighting. Soon after explaining that, Mrs. Gottman explains why, in some ways, “everybody is narcissistic.” Watch 6 minutes from 1:35:30 to 1:41:30: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9kPmiV0B34&t=5730s After listening to an expert define gaslighting, Fatima apologized for incorrectly using the term. This is what I loved about Fatima: she wouldn't stubbornly cling to her position when presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. This is a rare trait I cherish. Narcissists and sociopaths are about 1% of the population, so it's highly unlikely that all your exes are narcissists and sociopaths. Still, Fatima flung other popular, misused terms at me. She loved talking about “boundaries” and “red flags.” According to Dr. Morley, my ex “weaponized therapy speak.”   Dr. Morley writes, “It's not a new phenomenon for people to use therapy terms casually, even flippantly, to describe themselves or other people. How long have we referred to someone as a ‘psycho' when they're acting irrationally or being mean?” Although weaponized therapy speak isn't new, it's ubiquitous nowadays. Dr. Morley's book sounds the alarm that it's out of control and dangerous. Three types of people would benefit from Dr. Morley's book: People like Fatima: Does someone you know tend to denigrate people using therapy speak? Are they intelligent, rational, and open-minded like Fatima? If so, they must read this book to recalibrate how they use these powerful words. People like me: Are you (or someone you know) accused of being a psychopath, a gaslighter, or a person with OCD? Actual victims: The explosion of use of these powerful words has diluted their meaning. As a result, the real victims of narcissists and sociopaths are now belittled. Their true suffering is minimized when every other person has a sociopath in their life. Their grievances are severe. Let's not equate our relationship problems with their terror. I'll list some of my favorite chapter titles, which will give you a flavor of the book's message: Chapter 4: Are They Gaslighting You, or Do They Just Disagree? Chapter 5: Do They Have OCD, or Are They Just Particular? Chapter 6: Is It a Red Flag, or Are They Just Imperfect? Chapter 7: Are They a Narcissist, or Did They Just Hurt Your Feelings? Chapter 9: Are They a Sociopath, or Do They Just Like You Less Than you Like Them? Chapter 11: Did They Violate Your Boundaries, or Did They Just Not Know How You Felt? I will quote extensively to encourage everyone to buy Dr. Mosley's book. Most quotations are self-explanatory, but sometimes I will offer personal commentary. Excerpts The trend of weaponized therapy speak marks something very different. These days, clinical words are wielded, sincerely and self-righteously, to lay unilateral blame on one person in a relationship while excusing the other from any wrongdoing. ========== Many times, we use these words as protective measures to help us avoid abusive partners and reduce our risk of “wasting” time or emotional energy on family or friends who don't deserve it. But using these terms can also absolve people from taking responsibility for their actions in their relationships. They can say, “I had to do that because of my obsessive-compulsive disorder” or “We didn't work out because she's a narcissist,” instead of doing the hard work of seeing their part in the problem and addressing the issues behind it. As a couples therapist, I'm particularly concerned with how the enthusiastic but inaccurate embrace of clinical terminology has made it harder to sustain healthy romantic attachments. With Fatima, our relationship woes were always my fault because I crossed her “boundaries” and I was a “narcissist.” If I disagreed, I was “gaslighting” her. Or I was being “defensive” instead of apologizing. And when I apologized, I did so incorrectly because I offered excuses after saying I'm sorry (she was right about that). The point is that she used weaponized therapy speak to demonize me, alleviating herself from the burden of considering that perhaps she shared some of the responsibility for our woes. ========== Their friend doesn't agree with their warped view of an event or their disproportionate reaction? The friend is an empathy-lacking narcissist who is actively gaslighting them. ========== In one memorable session of mine, a client managed to accuse their partner of narcissism, gaslighting, love bombing, blaming the victim, lacking accountability, having no empathy, and being generally abusive, manipulative, and toxic . . . all within twenty minutes. Although Fatima and I went to couples therapy, I don't remember Dr. Mosley being our facilitator, but that sure sounds like Fatima! LOL! ========== I'm certified in emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT), which is a type of couples therapy based on attachment theory. ========== For example, if you feel like a failure for letting your partner down, you might immediately minimize your partner's feelings and tell them they shouldn't react so strongly to such a small issue. (For anyone wondering, this isn't gaslighting.) That makes them feel unheard and unimportant, so they get even more upset, which makes you dismiss their reaction as dramatic, and round and round it goes. Welcome to my world with Fatima! ========== You could claim your partner is toxic and borderline because they're emotionally volatile and unforgiving. You could say their feelings are disproportionate to the problem, and their verbal assault is bordering on abusive. But your partner could say that you are a narcissist who is gaslighting them by refusing to acknowledge their feelings, showing no empathy for the distress your tardiness caused, and shifting the blame to them (just like a narcissist would!). You'd both be wrong, of course, but you can see how these conclusions could happen. ========== Weaponized therapy speak is our attempt to understand people and situations in our lives, yes, but it is also a strategy to avoid responsibility. It puts the blame solely on the other person and allows us to ignore our part. ========== However, the vast majority of partners and friends are not sociopaths, narcissists, or abusers. They're just flawed. They're insecure, demanding, controlling, emotional, or any number of adjectives, but these traits alone aren't pathological. ========== But doing such things now and then in our relational histories, or doing them often in just one relationship, doesn't mean we have a personality disorder. These diagnoses are reserved for people who exhibit a persistent pattern of maladaptive behaviors in most or all of their close relationships. ========== I wasn't an abusive partner. I was a messy newcomer to relationships, as we usually are in our teens and twenties, trying my best to navigate my feelings while following bad examples from television and making plenty of other blunders along the way. Stonewalling was immature and an unhelpful way of coping, but it wasn't abuse. ========== If we're looking for a partner who will always do the right thing, even in the hardest moments, we're only setting ourselves up for disappointment. As I mentioned before, really good people can behave really badly. ========== If we don't know the difference between abusive behavior and normal problematic behavior, we're at risk for either accepting abuse (thinking that it's just a hard time) or, alternatively, throwing away a perfectly good relationship because we can't accept any flaws or mistakes. Alas, Fatima threw away a perfectly good relationship. I was her second boyfriend. Her lack of experience made her underappreciate what we had. She'll figure it out with the next guy. ========== Disagreeing with someone, thinking your loved one is objectively wrong, arguing about what really happened and what was actually said, trying to find your way to the one and only “truth”—these are things that most people do. They are not helpful or effective, but they also are not gaslighting. ========== “What? I didn't say yes to seeing it, Cece. I said yes to finding houses we both liked and visiting them. Sometimes you just hear what you want to and then get mad at me when you realize it's not what I actually said,” Meg answers. “Stop gaslighting me! Don't tell me what happened. I remember exactly what you said! You told me yes to this open house and then changed your mind, and I'm upset about it. I'm allowed to be upset about it; don't invalidate my feelings!” Cece says, her frustration growing. Meg feels surprised and nervous. She didn't think she was gaslighting Cece, which is exactly what she says. “I didn't mean to gaslight you. I just remember this differently. I don't remember saying I would go to this open house, so that's why I don't understand why you're this upset.” “Yes, you are gaslighting me because you're trying to convince me that what I clearly remember happening didn't happen. But you can't gaslight me because I'm positive I'm right.” ========== Cece's accusation of gaslighting quickly shut down the conversation, labeling Meg as a terrible partner and allowing Cece to exit the conversation as the victor. ========== I find gaslighting to be one of the harder labels to deal with in my clinical work for three reasons: 1. Accusations of gaslighting are incredibly common. I hear accusations of gaslighting at least once a week, and yet it's only been accurate about five times in my entire clinical career. Boyfriend didn't agree with what time you were meeting for dinner? Gaslighting. Spouse said you didn't tell them to pick up milk on the way home, but you swear you did? Gaslighting. ========== You could say, “I want you to know that I really understand your perspective on this. I see things differently, but your experience is valid, and it makes sense. I'm not trying to convince you that you're wrong and I'm right, and I'm sorry if I came across that way.” WHAT IS VALIDATION? Validation is another word that suffers from frequent misuse. People demand validation, but what they're really asking for is agreement. And if someone doesn't agree, they call it toxic. Here's the thing, though: Validation is not the same as agreement. ========== You can disagree in your head but still validate how they feel: “Hey, you're not crazy. I see why you'd feel that way. It makes sense to me. I'd probably feel that way too if I were in your shoes, experiencing our interaction the way you did. I care about your feelings.” ========== “I bet it felt really awful to have me challenge your experience and make you feel like it wasn't right or valid.” I regret I learned this lesson too late with Fatima. I was too slow to validate her feelings. We learn something in every relationship. Ideally, our partner is patient with us as we stumble through the learning process, often repeating the same error until we form a new habit. However, Fatima ran out of patience with me. I couldn't change fast enough for her, even though I was eager to learn and dying to please her. By the time I began to learn about proper validation and apologies, she had given up on me. ========== My husband, Lucas, hates it when lids aren't properly put on jars. You know, when a lid is half on and still loose or haphazardly tightened and askew? I, on the other hand, could not care less. I am the only perpetrator of putting lids on wrong in our house. I barely screw on the top to the pickles, peanut butter, medications, water bottles, or food storage containers. I don't even realize that I do it because I care so little about it. This drives Lucas absolutely crazy. I love this example because it's what I would repeatedly tell Fatima: some habits are hard to break. Dr. Mosley knows her husband hates half-closed jars, but she struggles to comply with his wishes. We're imperfect creatures. ========== Is your partner always leaving a wet towel on the floor after showering? Red flag—they're irresponsible and will expect you to clean up after them. Is your friend bad at texting to let you know when they're behind schedule? Red flag—they're selfish, inconsiderate, and don't value your time. It's all too easy to weaponize this term in a relationship, in hopes that it will shame the other person into changing. ========== People aren't perfect. Individually, we're messy, and in relationships, we're much messier. We all make mistakes, sometimes repeatedly for our entire lives. Instead of labeling all unwanted behaviors as red flags and expecting change or running away altogether, try a new approach: Identify why those behaviors hurt you and share that with your loved one instead. ========== When confronted with the knowledge that we've hurt someone, many of us become defensive. We hate the idea of hurting the person we love and since we usually didn't intend to hurt them, we start explaining why our actions weren't that bad and why they shouldn't feel upset. It comes from a place of inadequacy, self-criticism, and remorse. If the other person responds like this but you can tell they care about your pain, this may be a good time to give them some grace in the form of empathy and time. Wait a few hours or even a few days, then try the conversation again. For every criticism I had about Fatima's behavior, she had 20 criticisms about my behavior. As a result, I had many more opportunities to fall into the trap of becoming defensive. It's so hard to resist. I'm still working on that front. ========== We all have a touch of narcissism, which can get bigger at certain points in life, ========== Conflicts are upsetting, and we've all developed ways of protecting ourselves, whether it's getting loud to be heard or emotionally withdrawing to prevent a panic attack. Underneath these less-than-ideal responses, though, we feel awful. We feel scared, insecure, inadequate, unimportant, and alone. We hate fighting with our loved ones, and we really hate that we've hurt them, especially unknowingly. We're not being defensive because we have a narcissistic belief in our own superiority; we're doing it because we're terrified that the person won't understand us and will see us negatively, so we need to show them our side and explain to them why we aren't to blame. ========== But whether it's an inflated ego, vanity, self-absorption, or just unusually healthy confidence, these traits do not make a narcissist. To have NPD, the person must also require external validation and admiration, and to be seen as superior to others. This is the difference between a big ego and grandiosity. Grandiosity goes several steps beyond confidence—it's a near-delusional sense of importance, where someone exaggerates their achievements and expects others to see them as superior. ========== Some people suck. They're immature, mean, selfish, and unremorseful. Some people don't respect other people in their lives. They lie and they cheat, and they don't care that it hurts others. But they can be all these things and still not be a narcissist. There's a lot of room for people to be awful without meeting the criteria for a personality disorder, and that's because (you guessed it!) people are flawed. Some people feel justified in behaving badly, while others just don't know any better yet. Our growth is messy and not linear. ========== The reality is that anyone who genuinely worries that they are a narcissist, probably isn't. That level of openness and willingness to self-reflect is not typical of a narcissist. Plus, narcissists don't tend to believe or care that they've hurt others, whereas my clients are deeply distressed by the possibility that they've unknowingly caused others pain. ========== As with gaslighting, I have rarely seen people accurately diagnose narcissism. To put it bluntly, I have never seen a client in a couples therapy session call their partner a narcissist and be right. In fact, the person misusing the label usually tends to be more narcissistic and have more therapy work to do than their partner. ========== person involved with a narcissist to accurately identify the disorder because people with NPD are great at making other people think they are the problem. It's an insidious process, and rarely do people realize what's happening until others point it out to them or the narcissist harshly devalues or leaves them. Now, you might be in a relationship with someone who has NPD, but instead of jumping to “narcissist!” it's helpful to use other adjectives and be more specific about your concerns. Saying that a certain behavior was selfish or that a person seems unremorseful is more exact than calling them a narcissist. ========== Love bombing can happen at any point in a relationship, but it's most often seen at the start. ========== Love bombing is also a typical follow-up to fights. ========== Humans are a complicated species. Despite our amazing cognitive capacities and our innate desire to be good (well, most of us anyway), we often cause harm. People act in ways that can damage their relationships, both intentionally and unknowingly, but that doesn't make them sociopaths. In fact, anyone in a close and meaningful relationship will end up hurting the other person and will also end up getting hurt at some point because close relationships inevitably involve a degree of pain, be it disappointment, sadness, anger, or frustration. Even when we're doing our best, we hurt each other. We can't equate normal missteps and hurt with sociopathy. ========== People love to call their exes sociopaths, just like they love calling them narcissists. Dr. Mosley focuses on the term sociopath because it's more popular nowadays than the term psychopath, but they both suffer from misuse and overuse, she says. If your partner (or you) use the term psychopath often, then in the following excerpts, replace the word “sociopath” with “psychopath.” ========== calling someone a sociopath is extreme. You're calling them out as a human who has an underdeveloped (or nonexistent) capacity to be a law-abiding, respectful, moral member of society. And in doing so, you're saying they were the entire problem in your relationship. Unless you were with a person who displayed a variety of extreme behaviors that qualify as ASPD, that conclusion isn't fair, accurate, or serving you. Again, you're missing out on the opportunity to reflect on your part in the problem, examine how you could have been more effective in the relationship, and identify how you can change for the better in your next relationship. If you label your ex a sociopath and call it a day, you're cutting yourself short. ========== Let the record show that I have never seen someone use the term sociopath correctly in their relationship. ========== some boundaries are universal and uncrossable, but the majority are personal preferences that need to be expressed and, at times, negotiated. Claiming a boundary violation is a quick and easy way to control someone's behavior, and that's why it's important to clarify what this phrase means and how to healthily navigate boundaries in a relationship. Fatima loved to remind me of and enforce her “boundaries.” It was a long list, so I inevitably crossed them, which led to drama. ========== There are some boundaries we all agree are important and should be uncrossable—I call these universal boundaries. Violating universal boundaries, especially when done repeatedly without remorse or regard for the impact it has on the other person, amounts to abuse. ========== The main [universal boundaries] are emotional, physical, sexual, and financial boundaries ========== Outside of these universal, uncrossable boundaries, there are also individual boundaries. Rather than applying to all people, these boundaries are specific to the person and defined by their own preferences and needs. As such, they are flexible, fluid over time, and full of nuance. If they are crossed, it can be uncomfortable, but it isn't necessarily abuse. ========== boundary is a line drawn to ensure safety and autonomy, whereas a preference is something that would make you feel happy but is not integral to your sense of relational security or independence. ========== While a well-adjusted person might start a dialogue about how to negotiate an individual boundary in a way that honors both partners' needs, an abusive person will never consider if their boundary can be shifted or why it might be damaging or significantly limiting to the other person. Instead, they will accuse, blame, and manipulate their partner as their way of keeping that person within their controlling limits. ========== The point is that as we go through life, our boundaries shift. As you can see, this is part of what makes it difficult for people to anticipate or assess boundary violations. If you expect and demand that the people close to you honor your specific boundaries on certain topics, but you're not telling them what the boundaries are or when and how they've changed, you're setting your loved ones up for failure. ========== And again, people unknowingly cross each other's individual boundaries all the time. It's simply inevitable. ========== It will create an unnecessary and unproductive rift. 3. We Mistake Preferences for Boundaries Boundaries protect our needs for safety and security. Preferences promote feelings of happiness, pleasure, or calm. When someone crosses a boundary, it compromises our physical or mental health. When someone disregards a preference, we may feel annoyed, but it doesn't pose a risk to our well-being. ========== You've Been Accused of Violating a Boundary If you're in a close relationship, chances are you're going to violate the other person's boundaries at some point. This is especially likely if the person has not told you what boundaries are important to them. However, you might also be unjustly accused of violating a boundary, perhaps a boundary you didn't know about or a preference masquerading as a boundary, and you'll need to know what to do. ========== I never thought of telling Fatima that she was “borderline.” It helps that I didn't know what the term meant. Dr. Mosley says that a person must have several of the “borderline” characteristics to have borderline personality disorder (BPD). Fatima only had one of them, so she did not have BPD. Here's the only BPD trait she exhibited: Stormy, intense, and chaotic relationships: Have relationships that tend to be characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation in which the person with BPD idolizes someone one moment and then vilifies them the next. Because they struggle to see others in a consistent and nuanced way, their relationships go through tumultuous ups and downs, where they desire intense closeness one minute and then reject the person the next. Fatima promised me, “I will love you forever,” “I want to marry you,” “I will be with you until death,” “I'll never leave you,” and other similar extreme promises. Three days later, she would dump me and tell me she never wanted to get back together. Two days later, she apologized and wanted to reunite. Soon, she would be making her over-the-top romantic declarations again. She'd write them and say them repeatedly, not just while making love. Eventually, I'd fuck up again. Instead of collaborating to prevent further fuck ups, Fatima would simply break up with me with little to no discussion. This would naturally make me question her sincerity when she repeatedly made her I-will-be-with-you-forever promises. You might wonder why I was so fucking stupid to reunite with her after she did that a couple of times. Why did I always beg her to reconsider and reunite with me even after we repeated the pattern four times? (The fifth time she dumped me was the last time.) Humans are messy. I expect imperfection. I know my loved one will repeatedly do stupid shit because I sure will. So, I forgave her knee-jerk breakup reaction because I knew she didn't do it out of malice. She did it to protect herself. She was in pain. She thought that pulling the plug would halt the pain. That's reasonable but wrong. That doesn't matter. She's learning, I figured. I need to be patient. I was hopeful we'd break the pattern and learn how to deal with conflict maturely. We didn't. I'm confident she'll figure it out soon, just like I learned from my mistakes with her. ========== If I had to pick one word to describe people with BPD, it would be unstable. Fatima was unstable in a narrow situation: only with one person (me) and only when the shit hit the fan with me. Aside from that, she was highly stable. Hence, it would have been ludicrous if I accused her of having Borderline Personality Disorder. Luckily, I never knew the overused borderline term; even if I did, I wouldn't be tempted to use it on her. ========== Just as with red flags, we all exhibit some toxic behaviors at times. I don't know anyone who has lived a toxic-free existence. Sometimes we go through tough phases where our communication and coping skills are down, and we'll act more toxically than we might normally; this doesn't make us a toxic person. Indeed, many romantic relationships go through toxic episodes, if you will (should we make “toxic episode” a thing?), where people aren't communicating well, are escalating conflicts, and are generally behaving badly. We need to normalize a certain level of temporary or situational toxicity while also specifying what we mean by saying “toxic.” This is the only way we can determine whether the relationship needs help or needs ending. ========== trauma is itself a heavy, often misunderstood word. Its original meaning referenced what we now call “big T” trauma: life-threatening events such as going to war or surviving a car crash. Nowadays, we also talk about “little t” trauma: events that cause significant distress but aren't truly life-threatening, like being bullied in school or having an emotionally inconsistent parent. ========== Avoiding relationships with anyone who triggers hard feelings will mean a very lonely existence. ========== a trauma bond is the connection that survivors feel with their abuser. ========== A captured soldier who defends his captors? That person is, in fact, trauma bonded. ========== soldiers aren't trauma bonded after going to war together; they're socially bonded, albeit in an unusually deep way. A captured soldier who defends his captors? That person is, in fact, trauma bonded. ========== None of us get to have a happy relationship without hard times and hard work. It's normal and okay to sometimes struggle with the person you're close to or love. When the struggle happens, don't despair. Within the struggle are opportunities to invest in the relationship and grow, individually and together. ========== If you determine your relationship is in a tough spot but not abusive, now's the time for some hard relational work. A good cocktail for working on your relationship is specificity, vulnerability, and commitment. ========== Making a relationship work requires you and your loved ones to self-reflect, take responsibility, and change. This process won't just happen once; it's a constant cycle you'll go through repeatedly over the course of the relationship. You'll both need to look at yourselves, own what you've done wrong or could do better, and work to improve. Nobody is ever finished learning and growing, not individually and certainly not in a relationship. But that's what can be so great about being in a relationship: It's a never-ending opportunity to become a better person. And when you mess up (because trust me, you will), be kind to yourself. As I keep saying, humans are wonderfully imperfect. Even when we know what to do, sometimes we just don't or can't do it. ========== In this world of messy humans, how do you know who will be a good person for you to be with? My answer: Choose someone who wants to keep doing the work with you. There is no perfect person or partner for you, no magical human that won't ever hurt, irritate, enrage, or overwhelm you. Being in close relationships inevitably leads to big, scary feelings at times, so pick someone who wants to get through the dark times with you. Remember that when people are behaving badly in a desperate attempt to connect—not control—they'll be able to look at themselves, recognize the bad behavior, and change. Pick someone who has the willingness to self-reflect and grow, even if it's hard. Someone who will hang in there, even during your worst fights, and ultimately say, “Listen, this is awful, and I don't want to keep arguing like this, but I love you and I want to figure this out with you.” Wow. So well said. And this, in a paragraph, explains where Fatima and I failed. I dislike pointing fingers at my ex when explaining why we broke up. I made 90% of the mistakes in my relationship with Fatima, so I bear most of the responsibility. However, Fatima was the weaker one on one metric: having someone who wants to collaborate to make a beautiful relationship despite the hardships. The evident proof is that she dumped me five times, whereas I never dumped her or even threatened to dump her. I always wanted to use our problems as a chance to learn and improve. Fatima used them as an excuse to quit. She tried. She really did. However, she lacked the commitment Dr. Mosley discussed in that paragraph. Perhaps another man will inspire Fatima to find the strength and courage to bounce back and not throw in the towel. Or maybe she will mature and evolve to a point where she can be with someone less compatible than I was for her. She would often declare, “Francis, we're incompatible.” I'd say, “No, we are compatible; we have incompatibilities. Everyone has incompatibilities. We just need to work through them. If there is a willingness to collaborate, we can solve any incompatibility. The only couples who are truly incompatible are the ones where one or both individuals refuse to budge or learn. We can overcome countless incompatibilities as long as we both want to be together.” ========== We have wounds and scars and bad habits. We rely on ineffective but protective coping mechanisms. We push others away when we're hurt or scared. ========== Everyone behaves badly sometimes. But even then, odds are they're not gaslighting you. Conclusion I'll repeat: They're Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship is my favorite book in 2025! Buy it! Feedback Leave anonymous audio feedback at SpeakPipe More info You can post comments, ask questions, and sign up for my newsletter at http://wanderlearn.com. If you like this podcast, subscribe and share!  On social media, my username is always FTapon. Connect with me on: Facebook Twitter YouTube Instagram TikTok LinkedIn Pinterest Tumblr My Patrons sponsored this show! Claim your monthly reward by becoming a patron at http://Patreon.com/FTapon Rewards start at just $2/month! Affiliate links Get 25% off when you sign up to Trusted Housesitters, a site that helps you find sitters or homes to sit in. Start your podcast with my company, Podbean, and get one month free! In the USA, I recommend trading crypto with Kraken.  Outside the USA, trade crypto with Binance and get 5% off your trading fees! For backpacking gear, buy from Gossamer Gear.

Topics discussed on today's show: National Hummus, Terror in Palm Springs, Mexican Navy, Eurovision Winner, Last Argument with your Spouse, Movie News, Severed Colon, Birthdays, History Quiz, Cheating Kids, Fake Friends, Favorite Child, 20 in 25, Favorite Child, Coaching Kids Etiquette, Get The Fake Out, The Strawberry Festival, and Apologies.

Have you ever found yourself prepping everything before you leave the house—or swooping in to “just fix it” when your partner handles a parenting moment differently than you would? It might feel helpful or necessary in the moment, but over time, it can quietly erode your partnership and leave you feeling more like a manager than a teammate. In this episode, I'm breaking down the hidden cost of stepping in too often, why it happens (hint: it's not just about your spouse), and how you can begin to shift this pattern in a way that benefits everyone in your family. This isn't about blame—it's about awareness, relief, and building the kind of marriage where you feel held, supported, and safe to let go a little. Tune in to discover: The deeper reasons why moms step in, even when they don't want to What stepping in too often teaches your partner (and why it's not helping) The emotional weight of always being “on” and how it builds resentment The powerful mindset shift that helped me finally stop doing it all Conversations that build real partnership instead of more to-do lists   Connect with me for a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call:  https://marriedafterkids.satoriapp.com/offers/277730-married-after-kids-intervention-call FREE Marriage Shutdown Checklist: https://marriedafterkids.com/marriage-shutdown?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=links&utm_campaign=MSoptin FREE TRAINING! The Three Secrets to a Happier Marriage: https://marriedafterkids.com/3-secrets Get your FREE EBOOK! 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less): https://marriedafterkids.com/freebie Follow me on Instagram so you don't miss a thing! www.instagram.com/marriedafterkids

After a brief hiatus, Pastor Kirchner returns to his series of lessons regarding what the Bible teaches on Marriage in specific topics. This week, he teaches what the Bible says is the proper way to treat your spouse in regards to 8 different topics. Tune in to hear what the Bible teaches is a healthy and God-honoring marriage.

Anthony Signorelli, aka Tony, endured the poor mental health of his wife, until her death due to cancer. With two young daughters at home the challenge was beyond the ability to function. Tony shares his story of trying to support and help his wife during this horrific experience, while running a business and keeping the household together. Tony also share his experience of being adopted at birth, and his findings of the commonalities concerning adoption along the way. He speaks of the natural fear of being abandoned, the fear of being left alone, the pain of having early life dreams squashed, and the feeling of never being able to live up. The risk of suicide plagued Tony's house, and we discuss how much of this chaos began to create another void. Roger shares his own experiences with his mother and her poor mental health, Roger's struggle with depression, writing into grief,  and the much larger theme of finding and living with truth. A vibrant conversation arises about acceptance, forgiveness, grace, allowance, and truth. Tony and Roger are both writers, and they have clearly spent thousands of hours by themselves figuring shit out. The net result of this episode is one of vulnerability, sharing, learning, and growing. The nuggets and valuable takeaways are many. The book:Daddy, Why Were You A Drug Addict?: Winning the War Amid My Angel and Devil Withinby Roger Ray BirdISBN 979-8218286651Available on Amazon for $11Roger's social directory: HERE

✍️ What to Do If Your Spouse Refuses to Sign Divorce Paperwork? | Los Angeles Divorce

Can we trust the wife she did zayin nekiiim and went to the mikvah?  Can we trust their kashrus if they say things are kosher or they didn't make the utensiks treif? Does their food have a din of פת עכו"ם ובישול עכו"ם? Is the wine they touch יין נסך? Can we serve them food knowing they won't make a brocha or wah their hands – לפני עור? Things they cooked on Shabbos is it Assur like ?מעשה שבת If they have chametz in the house on Pesach do you have to get rid of it? Is it Assur because of חמץ שעבר עליו הפסח? Making Brochos if they aren't dressed properly? If they want to send the childrens to ireligous schools, camps etc Can you impose your chumros on your spouse? with Rav Yosef Shusterman – Rav Chabad of Beverly Hills – 10:22 with Rabbi Benjy Goldschmidt – Rav Altenu Synagogue NY – 37:38 with Rabbi David L. Seidemann Esq –Matrimonial Law Expert – 59:20 מראי מקומות   

Voetberg Music Academy's Six Songs Of Summer Challenge is starting June 3rd! Get paid to learn new songs this summer. Join VMA this month to be part of the 2025 Six Songs Of Summer Challenge. Go to www.voetbergmusicacademy.com and use coupon code: PODCASTVMA for 10% off each month.- Top 5 Tuesday Join our weekly email list to keep up to date with the highlights of what is going on in our family life. https://www.nowthatwereafamily.com/top-5-tuesday-newletter- Send us your questions for future podcasts! You can submit them here: https://www.nowthatwereafamily.com/podcastquestionsubmission-Mentioned during podcast: - “Sixpence in her Shoe” by Phyllis McGinley - https://amzn.to/4jT6pKg

Send us a textJoin us as we sit down with Pacific Cascade Legal's Founding Attorney, Lewis Landerholm, to discuss why it's beneficial to continue following your divorce decree even if your ex-spouse is not, and the consequences of ignoring it entirely.As a leading divorce firm in Portland, our attorneys provide guidance on custody, alimony, separation, estate planning, and more. Learn what to expect in Oregon and Washington divorce cases and how we can help.If you would like to speak with one of our attorneys, please call our office at (503) 227-0200, or visit our website at https://www.pacificcascadelegal.com.Disclaimer: Nothing in this communication is intended to provide legal advice nor does it constitute a client-attorney relationship, therefore you should not interpret the contents as such.

Why do married couples see money so differently and how do you avoid letting it become a source of stress?In this episode of The Wealth Mindset Show, we're talking about what really drives your financial mindset (hint: it often starts in childhood) and how spouses can work together to build a strong, shared approach to money. Whether you're merging bank accounts or just trying to understand why one of you is a saver and the other's a spender, this episode's for you!Here's what we cover:How your background shapes your views on moneySaver vs. spender (and what to do if you're opposites)Should couples combine finances or keep things separate?Budgeting and goal setting that works for both of youHow to talk about money without it turning into a fightPlanning for the future together: retirement, investing, and more...For the full video, resources, and show notes, visit thewealthmindsetshow.com/s2e11Send in LISTENTER QUESTIONS via text➡️Download Free Resource: 8 Timeless Principles to Investing!

Megan's BF washes paper plates and reuses them...multiple times! Is that a sign they may not align on a key topics couples end up fighting about a lot? Then a batdog gets us into a hilarious convo about the bad times your dog picked to answer nature's call. Plus when your significant other vetoes a decision...do you fight that battle for the novelty truck plate? LOL And TBT celebrates a 5-year-old PLAYA with 3 girlfriends. #boss

Today's Topics: 1, 2, 3, 4) Does my spouse have narcissistic traits?  It can be hard to live in a marriage where I feel that my spouse does no love me and only cares about themselves.  But can I save my marriage? It is important to consider all aspects, spiritual, personality traits, and dynamics in our marriage to see how we can make improvements Today we explore narcissistic personality disorder and how it can affect others.  If we feel that this is affecting our marriage, don't underestimate the power of prayer and perhaps the need for therapy https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/ https://www.psi.uba.ar/academica/carrerasdegrado/psicologia/sitios_catedras/practicas_profesionales/820_clinica_tr_personalidad_psicosis/material/dsm.pdf

VHS is suddenly making a comeback! Have they found the site of Noah's Ark? And a new study says having a PET is as good as having a SPOUSE?! That's what Paul Layendecker is BuZzin' about today on The Daily BuZz!! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What does it mean to "love your marriage?" Is it something you've thought about? Or perhaps something you brag about to others? In this episode, Josh talks about what we mean by loving your marriage, the deeper meaning of marriage, and poses three revealing questions to ask yourself about your marriage. Time Stamps: 0:00 Introduction 1:50 Tender & Fierce coming up 2:55 What we mean by loving your marriage 9:50 The purpose of marriage 13:44 Falling in love over and over again 16:27 How our marriage influences our kids 17:30 Cultivating our marriage with the Bridegroom 23:00 Three revealing questions to ask yourself about your marriageShow Notes: Ladies, interested in the fall Tender & Fierce Coaching Cohort? Register here: https://www.famousathome.com/offers/dDt2Aobj/checkoutIf you're interested in a marriage you love, fill out form: https://www.famousathome.com/loveyourmarriage Download NONAH's single Find My Way Home by clicking here: https://bellpartners.ffm.to/findmywayhome

Send us a textIn this powerful episode of the Covenant Eyes Podcast, hosts Karen Potter and Sam Black sit down with Nate Larkin—founder of the Samson Society and author of Samson and the Pirate Monks. Nate shares his raw, redemptive journey from secret struggles with porn and sex addiction to freedom, healing, and authentic brotherhood.Discover how early exposure, emotional pain, and ministry stress fueled Nate's addiction, and how community, honesty, and spiritual growth led him to lasting transformation. Learn how the Samson Society creates spaces for real connection and why it's never too late to seek help.Whether you're in the middle of your own battle or walking alongside someone who is, this conversation is full of truth, grace, and hope.

Trigger Warning: This episode contains mentions of sexual abuse, rape, miscarriage, addiction, and suicide.  In this powerful and deeply moving episode, I sit down with Nicole B. Gebhardt—author, speaker, transformational coach, and military spouse—as she shares her personal journey through trauma, loss, addiction, and healing. Nicole opens up about how she turned unimaginable pain into purpose, and how she now helps others—especially military spouses—do the same. Nicole holds a Master's in Human Development & Family Studies and is a Certified Child Life Specialist, Reiki Master, and Emotion Code Practitioner. Named the 2025 Washington, D.C. National Guard Spouse of the Year, she is a passionate advocate for pregnancy and infant loss awareness, addiction recovery, and helping others rediscover their worth. If you've ever wondered if healing is possible or questioned your ability to rise after deep hurt, this conversation will remind you: you're not alone, and there is always hope. Better Together, Christine   Connect with Nicole www.nicolebgebhardt.com http://spirituallighthousehealing.com www.emotioncodereiki.com   Broken Wings Broken Dreams: A Mother's Life After Infant Loss and Miscarriage: https://www.amazon.com/Broken-Wings-Dreams-Miscarriage-Meaningful/dp/B0DPT5FMCV/   The Healing Cocoon : A Mother's Emergence After Infant and Pregnancy Loss: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DJZSR8WG   “The Queen's Companion Book: Rule Your Throne. Own Your Queendom” available to purchase on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CMWQLNM1   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nicolebgebhardt LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicolegebhardtheals Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicole.gebhardt   RESOURCES Work With Me Join The Free Community Free Clarity Workshop What Matters Most Worksheet Clarity Course Leave a Show Review. Pretty Please!

Running a lawn care business isn't just about mowing lawns and managing crews—it's about managing life at home, too. In this episode, Mike dives into the often-unspoken role of a supportive spouse and how their encouragement, patience, and behind-the-scenes work make everything possible. Mike shares  practical ways lawn care business owners can return that support, especially when their spouse is handling the household and kids during the chaos of the busy season.  https://www.instagram.com/sidehustlesquadpodcast/ https://www.instagram.com/coastalfertilization/ Branded Bull Website Design: https://www.brandedbull.com/ https://go.getjobber.com/sidehustlesquad (Get 20% off for 6 months) EQUIP Exposition (Save 50% with code: SIDEHUSTLE) Lawn & Landscape Technology Conference Save 10% on KUJO Yardwear: https://www.kujo.com/?utm_source=sidehustlesquadpodcast&promotion=10sidehustle

We're celebrating MiMi's birthday in style with her selection, the TV classic? Blood on Her Hands!Host segment: MiMi's favorite type of word; cheap hitmen; Susan Lucci is straight devious; we're upset about a distinct lack of Dennis Farina; getting arrested at your reception; J. Peterman is actually in financial trouble; we absolutely can make this a better movie; it's already a whore movie.

Go to BODi.com and use code TRENT for 15% OFF. Go to shipstation.com and use code: TRENTSTRAIGHTUP to sign up for your FREE trial. EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/trent Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee! Take my Self Worth Assessment here: https://forms.gle/ZWxcwwuFJZNdVW3t8 HEY REHABBERS: In this raw and hilarious episode, me and @MSMARIASHELTON get real about the things we don't like about each other, pet peeves, quirks, and all the stuff couples usually keep to themselves. But we don't stop there. We also talk about what we do love, what keeps us together, and how we handle conflict, connection, and growth in marriage. It's honest, funny, and real. If you're in a relationship (or want to be), you'll feel this.

Send us a text!Welcome to Bright Hearth, a podcast devoted to recovering the lost arts of homemaking and the productive Christian household with Brian and Lexy Sauvé. In this episode, Brian and Lexy talk about the difficulty of finding a godly spouse and they discuss the interview with Sam and Chase at the end of this episode. We here at New Christendom Press have a big announcement for you: Our 2025 Conference is coming up quick! Head to this link for more info on the conference, as well as our singles mixer.Want premium, handmade soaps without the seed oils or other nasty hormone disrupters? Check out our partners at Indigo Sundries Soap Co., and use code BRIGHTHEARTH for ten percent off your order!This episode is also brought to you by Live Oak Integrative Health. Visit https://www.liveoakintegrativehealth.com and connect with owner Rebecca Belch, who has served as a critical care and labor and delivery nurse for 20 years and is a licensed practitioner of functional medicine.Thanks to our friends at Gray Toad Tallow for sponsoring this episode! Head over to graytoadtallow.com and use discount code BRIGHT15 for 15% off your order.Check out Joe Garrisi at Backwards Planning Financial at https://backwardsplanningfinancial.com for all your financial planning needs!Visit KeepwisePartners.com or call Derrick Taylor at 781-680-8000 to schedule a free consultation. Looking for THEE gift to last a thousand generations? Check out Rooted Pines Homestead where they work together as a family economy to create natural wooden toys and herbal remedies. Visit rootedpineshomestead.com and use code BRIGHT10 at checkout for 10% off your first order.Be sure to subscribe to the show, and leave us a 5-Star review wherever you get your podcasts! Buy an item from our Feed the Patriarchy line and support the show at the same time at briansauve.com/bright-hearth.Become a monthly patron at patreon.com/brighthearth and gain access to In the Kitchen, a special bonus show with each main episode!Support the show

Quint and Logan talk about learnings your spouse's money DNA.

If we want to increase the intimacy and connection in our relationships, it is imperative that we show up as a safe person who creates a safe space. Often, the patterns we have established in our relationships are the opposite of safe, they cause our primitive brains to go into hyper protective mode and want to run away emotionally and physically. But when we can learn to show up safe, time and time again, we can create a space where our spouse may be willing to start engaging in vulnerability, in the openness and honesty necessary to deepen our engagement. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #3 Resolving Conflict #20 Blame and Responsibility #51 The Silent Treatment #60 Mental and Emotional Abusive Behaviors #61 Charity is the Antidote #75 Emotional Adulthood #143 Stuck in Perfectionism #193 No Back-Burner Issues #197 Connecting Through Conflict #230 People Pleasing #239 How to Own Your Own #240 Passive-Aggressive Behavior #242 Circling Back Around #270 People Pleasing and Kindness – What's the Difference? #304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives #319 Get Ready to Rock the Boat #357 How to be More Understanding Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Do you sometimes feel like, even after years of marriage, your partner still doesn't know how to love you in the way you truly need? In this episode, I'm opening up about a pivotal shift in my own relationship—one that completely changed the way I felt seen, loved, and supported in my marriage.   If you've ever found yourself wishing your partner could understand your needs without you having to constantly explain them, or if you've felt the slow burn of resentment building, this episode will speak directly to your heart. Tune in to discover: Why feeling unloved doesn't mean your marriage is broken What needed to shift in me before I could ever expect change in him The quiet ways resentment builds (and how I stopped it) How I helped my spouse understand the kind of love I actually needed What changed when I stopped dropping hints and started being clear Connect with me for a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call:  https://marriedafterkids.satoriapp.com/offers/277730-married-after-kids-intervention-call   Marriage Shutdown Checklist: https://marriedafterkids.com/marriage-shutdown?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=links&utm_campaign=MSoptin Follow me on Instagram so you don't miss a thing! www.instagram.com/marriedafterkids

Loving Well When You Feel Down Even the strongest marriages go through hard seasons. Whether you're facing emotional burnout, stress, or feeling spiritually distant, it's easy to feel like you have nothing left to give in your relationship. So how do you love your spouse when you feel depleted? This post is your quick “reset”—a reminder of what really matters in marriage and how to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy. Why Your Marriage Matters in God's Eyes Jesus gave us two commandments that anchor everything else: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. And your closest neighbor? It's your spouse. Your marriage is a reflection of how you walk out our love for God. Even when it's hard. What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Empty in Marriage We all go through tough seasons. Illness Financial stress Parenting challenges Mental health struggles It's in these moments that we have to boil it down to the essentials. When you're empty, don't try to fix everything. Just focus on God's call to love—simply and sincerely. Here's what that looks like: Essentials for a Husband: Love Her as Christ Loves the Church What does that mean, practically? Make her feel safe. Don't push, pressure, or demand. Be her steady place. Make her feel known. Ask her about her heart. Get curious about her thoughts, not just her to-do list. Make her feel cherished. Hold her. Smile at her. Take her on a walk. Celebrate her quietly and tenderly. These don't require a perfect mood. They require intentionality. And the reward is deeper connection—even in the middle of life's mess. Essentials for a Wife: Respect, Admiration, and Wholehearted Intimacy This can feel especially hard when you're drained. But again, focus on the essentials: Use respectful words. Even if you're not in the best place emotionally, try phrases like “Thank you for working so hard,” or “I admire how you handled that.” Don't argue or snap. Let kindness guard your tongue, even when emotions are high. Offer intimacy with a full heart. This isn't about obligation. It's about loving your husband in a way he receives love—with joy and generosity, even if you don't initially feel it. When You're Struggling—Love Anyway This is the path Jesus modeled for us. We don't love our spouse because they deserve it. We love them because Jesus asks us to love—sacrificially, tenderly, in the way the other feels loved. When you're struggling and all you can do is offer “just the essentials,” that's enough. God sees your heart. And He blesses your obedience. Final Thoughts Next time you feel like you can't give anything more—come back to this. Read it again. Pray again. Take just one small action. Unity is still possible. Even when you are down.   With love, The DYM Team   PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc   PPS - Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate: "We argued constantly! Literally almost daily. The constant arguing was mentally and physically exhausting! It felt impossible to have peace or joy if my husband was around. It was affecting me so deeply that I was struggling with intense fatigue...[After Delighted Wife], we can actually enjoy each other, we can actually focus on other things. I am not experiencing such intense fatigue all the time and am feeling like I can start getting back to being a productive human. My devotional and prayer time are spent seeking God, seeking Him in the scriptures, trying to catch His heat through His word rather than lamenting and focusing on all the bad. "

On Washington Wednesday, a federal crackdown on explicit deepfakes; on World Tour, the global response to reduced U.S. foreign aid; and a journey through illness and loss. Plus, regaining Olympic medals, Carl Trueman on the importance of the pope, and the Wednesday morning newsSupport The World and Everything in It today at wng.org/donateAdditional support comes from The Joshua Program at St. Dunstan's Academy in Virginia ... a gap year shaping young men ... through trades, farming, prayer ... stdunstansacademy.orgFrom Asbury University, where summer for teens can be an epic adventure. asbury.edu/campsAnd from I Witness, an immersive audio drama exploring stories of faith and transformation. On podcast apps or at iwitnesspod.com