Citizen: Grief.

This episode explores how grief impacts our work life, how colleagues will fail to rise to the challenge. We talk about the signs your workplace is affecting your mental health, even before grief hits. And finally, we'll give you some helpful tips on how to prepare yourself for the return, armed with the right ways to respond, and how to keep yourself safe.

Author, writer, and fellow brother-loss survivor Marina Mularz joins me on this episode discussing what makes sibling loss a unique and deeply misunderstood experience. We connected on Instagram after I read some of her beautiful poetry about grief and adapting to the loss of her brother. I admired her ability to be open (#freegrief) about her journey, and believe it's so vital that we allow our communities and the world into the experience of sibling grief. Unfortunately, despite the ubiquity of loss, the fallout is often deemed private and is deeply misunderstood, leaving the griever adrift and often alone. In this episode, we laugh, we cry, and we get real. We talk about our brothers, how their loss affected us, what the dynamics are now and how they were before, and our rituals focusing on the question, "hello grief, what are we going to do today?"Biggest takeaway: you can be joyful and still grieve.

Did you know Citizen: Grief. is produced, hosted, and was created by an Indian-American woman? As a first-generation Desi, she wanted to spend some time addressing current events. She brought a friend with her, Tara Ashraf, a Pakistani-American who runs a blog called, In-Between American. This episode is full of humor, wit, honesty. It explores grief, as she is grieving her mother and your host, Grief and the Modern Girl is mourning her brother, what it means to be brown in the United States of America, and what we can do to become better allies to Black Americans fighting for their rights. It's a long episode, so Part 2 is coming that delves more into the #BML movement and what Desi Americans can do to find their place in this fight and how to be a better supporter and will be on a spinoff podcast yet to come. Check the blog - citizengrief.com - for the episode notes that has resources, more details, and explanations that help clarify some of the vocabularies used that might be new to some of you! Thanks for listening!

As a PoC, specifically an Indian American, exploring how to be an ally means learning about your roots, and learning what you also need to unlearn. Through this conversation with blogger Tara Ashraf, a self-described "In-Between American," we discuss what it's like being a first-generation immigrant in America, how we can show up for our black friends while acknowledging what we also need to atone. We end with five ways Indian Americans can show up as an ally, and I even share moments I've unlearned ingrained ideas through my editing of the episode. Please reach out and share your thoughts, and remember, if I got anything wrong, if you would like to discuss, reach out! I'd love to hear from you.

Raw, uncut and unedited. This is grief and sleepless - unfiltered. How do you deal with sleeplessness? What keeps you up? Have you tried hypnosis to help it? Have you had dreams with the one you lost - have you spoken to them? I get into all these questions and then share some tips I've found to help myself, and maybe you, get to sleep. Also - it's 3 am.

The world has come to a screeching halt and we are all absorbing collective trauma. But, there are grievers, and now new grievers and how the hell do we navigate loss without being able to be with our support network. Without being able to have a proper sendoff and gain an iota of closure? How do we acknowledge and respect those who are already enduring the unimaginable during a time of separation? I get into all of this in this episode. Stay safe and share if you find it helpful.

As I approach the first anniversary and the holidays - all rolled up into one painful ball, I enlisted the support of a certified Grief Counselor and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Kirsten Belzer, to provide some guidance. I talk through what makes this hard for me, perhaps you can relate too, and Kirsten and I have a conversation about what to expect, how to prepare, why to prepare and what you can say to that cruel uncle who just doesn't know when or how to stop pushing your buttons. Give it a listen. Share it, and most of all, take care of yourself. Reach out to me on Instagram; I'd love to hear your experience, thoughts, and what's going on with you around this time of year. Additional Resources/Sources: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/coping-with-grief-and-loss-during-the-holidays-201112244028https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK66052/https://hospicefoundation.org/End-of-Life-Support-and-Resources/Grief-Support/Journeys-with-Grief-Articles/Three-C-s-for-Holiday-GriefKirsten Belzer, https://www.linkedin.com/in/kirsten-belzer-lcsw/

Most companies offer three days of bereavement leave - for all types of losses. I was lucky, I went back to work a mere two weeks after the tragedy struck, just two days after the memorial. Upon returning, my colleagues met me with dismay wrapped awkward joy. It was perplexing. I never felt more exposed, cold, and vulnerable. This episode explores how grief impacts our work life, how colleagues will fail to rise to the challenge. We talk about the signs your workplace is affecting your mental health, even before grief hits. And finally, we'll give you some helpful tips on how to prepare yourself for the return, armed with the right ways to respond, and how to keep yourself safe. Thank you for being here. I'm glad we found each other.Resources:themighty.com/2019/11/job-hurtin…HnBwnZwxZzf7NfJqtQhbr.org/2017/04/returning-to-…k-when-youre-grievingCredits:Sound effects, The Office by Iwan Gabovitch under CC-BY 3.0 License

In an effort to be supportive and experience the holidays, even during deep grief, I found myself at a live performance of It's a Wonderful Life. Here's how I managed to enjoy the show and what I learned. Grieving during the holidays is excruciating. It's okay to have trouble understanding. I did.