GirlBossGuide: Lessons for Ladies who Lead

Working from home, you will likely find that you are either super productive or you are having trouble focusing and finding your ‘zone’. Deborah recommends a few productivity hacks, such as the Pomodoro timer technique, Robin Sharma’s 90-90-1 principle and using the ‘importance vs urgency’ matrix. You can also read Deborah’s article for Future Females from November 2018, titled “Multitasking is a Myth”

Tip 3 of 5 top tips to master working from home (WFH) Deborah shares the importance of taking a 10 minute break once every hour and of ensuring that you move around and get your step count up. During this global pandemic, there are so many free resources available to stream or watch on any device and keep your fitness levels going while you’re at home. Just google “free online workouts” or visit makeyourbodywork.com for their top 50 best free online workout resources - anything from Yoga to bodyweight to cardio and fat burning workouts - all free and all online.

If you’re working from home (WFH) and practicing social distancing during this coronavirus pandemic, you might be tempted to spend the day in your PJ’s and work on your bed. Deborah advises against slipping into this bad habit and instead, recommends a really awesome morning routine that you can follow to ensure you keep fit and stay motivated- and look great on all those video conference calls you’re suddenly having to join.

Coronavirus lockdown and social distancing has many people working from home (WFH) and facing new challenges in creating a balance and distinction between ‘work’ and ‘life’. Deborah has been WFH for 12 years and shares her top 5 tips for sanity. Power Tip 1: Space is Sacred. You need a designated workspace and you need to clear away all the work clutter at the end of the day, to ensure that work isn’t literally spilling over into every area of your life.

Deborah has been social distancing for a week now and is already feeling the financial impact of the coronavirus pandemic that is Covid-19. Amidst all the fear, confusion and anger, Deborah reminds listeners to focus on what they can control during this time and to seek out the positives. This too, shall pass.

All the convenience of the last decade has fundamentally changed the way that humans interact. As we enter 2020, Deborah invites you to let go of some of the people and relationships that no longer serve you and to commit to cultivating relationships with people who light up your soul and make you shine - curate your tribe!

As irritating as that old phrase is, most of the time, if we look back on our lives at the times we didn’t get what we really wanted, we find that things worked out better than we could have imagined at the time. The challenge is to just lean into life and trust that things always work out as they’re meant to.

After recently participating in a global 10 day gratitude challenge, Deborah shares some of her learnings and the importance of being more mindful of all the things we have to be grateful for, on a daily basis. Deborah talks about the free app “3 good things” that sends daily prompts to record 3 good things that happened or that you have to be grateful for, and encourages everyone to give ‘this gratitude thing’ a proper go!

After a rather long absence from the podcast, Deborah is back and explaining the 3 main reasons for her absence and the lessons she has learned in the process. Firstly, if you’re sick, you need to rest and recuperate and you shouldn’t be working or sending a sick colleague emails about work. Secondly, it’s impossible to do it all because there is a finite number of hours you have at your disposal and you need to choose how you spend that time and not feel guilty about it. And the final lesson is about being true to yourself and knowing what makes you happy at work and what drains you and doing more of what makes you happy.

Sometimes we forget that we have the power to make choices to change our situations and our lives. If you become aware of something that is causing you stress or making you unhappy, you can actively work towards changing it by either making some adjustments to improve it, or by walking away completely. Deborah reminds you to refer back to the GROW coaching methodology (discussed in an earlier episode) you need to make some changes in your life.

It’s ok to be sad or heartbroken or disappointed or to feel fear in a moment. Recognize the emotion. Sit with it for a while. Feel it and let it go. Don’t allow an emotion to control you or define who you become.

In our world of ‘always on’ we have all become socially conditioned to expect instant gratification. We are losing our ability to have patience and to understand that some things take longer than others. Deborah invites you to be realistic about your goals and the things you want and how long it would go to achieve or attain these, and to then actively practice patience in waiting for things to come to fruition or to unfold as they should.

After a 4 week absence due to illness, Deborah is back and sharing her very personal insights on the importance of looking after our own health and wellbeing and being selfish with our time. Money cannot buy us health and it cannot buy us more than the 24 hours we have in each day, so choose wisely and take care of yourself. For additional inspiration, watch the video by Jay Shetty about this very topic.

Instead of assuming that love is romantic or familial, Deborah encourages listeners to distinguish love-based actions and emotions from those that are fear-based and to act from a place of love, more often. For additional reading, check out Scott Stabile ‘Big Love’ and Sonia Chocquette ‘traveling at the speed of love’. Let’s make the world a better place by showing more love to all living beings!

You need to believe in yourself and your abilities, fiercely and unequivocally. Don’t let the fears of others - or your win negative self talk - get in the way of achieving your goals or taking risks to change the world. You are amazing and should be grateful just for ‘you’ every single day!

Are you still stuck on an event from the past? Something ended and you don’t really know why? Deborah talks about what she calls the ‘myth of closure’ and how you can move on by accepting an apology you will never get and making peace with an explanation you may never hear. Turn the page and move on with the story of your life after a chapter has ended, without clinging to needing some explanation or validation.

How many projects have you started and not finished? How many of those projects still belong on your to-do list? Deborah invites you to follow this inspiring mantra: stop Starting, start finishing and start where you are. No more procrastinating and no more feeling bad about all those unfinished projects. Do what you can with what you have and start where you are.

Your fear and self limiting beliefs are the only thing standing in the way of a world of opportunities for growth, Discovery, success and abundance. Deborah invites you to start a personal SWOT analysis to really start looking at the things that make you amazing and set you apart and to then identify just one opportunity that you can grab right now. The worst that can happen, is that someone says ‘no’. And there will always be other opportunities- the more you put yourself out there, the more you will see this to be true. What are you waiting for?!

The shadow side to being kind and empathetic and always willing to help others, is that we take on burdens that are not ours to carry. In this episode, Deborah reminds you that there are certain things in life which are possibly causing you anxiety and stress and overwhelm right now, which are not your job and not your responsibility. Identify the things that you’re objectively not responsible for and remind yourself that it’s ‘not my job’ and let it go, instead of adding more to your plate.

Deborah shares a very personal story about the importance of not internalizing the behaviors of others and not taking things personally. It’s important that we see people for who they are and meet them where they are on their journey and that we choose our battles wisely to conserve our emotional energy. Never take anything personally. It’s not a reflection of you - it’s a reflection of them.

Deborah shares the top 3 Lessons she has learned over the past few years about taking chances in life and going after your dreams.

Simply having knowledge about something doesn't actually lead to lasting change. If we truly want to change our lives, we need to change our behaviors and we need to create healthier, more positive habits for ourselves. In this episode, Deborah explains why you should set some small, manageable goals and use a habit tracking app to really internalize the change.

What is the best compliment you have ever received? A compliment about your character and your way of showing up in this world? What lasting impression are you leaving on the people you interact with? Even if the interactions are brief and fleeting, you can still make sure that you are remembered for your warmth and empathy and kindness and authenticity. Deborah invites you to think of your absolute best qualities and to shine those into the world more often. She also asks that you tell your friends and loved ones what their best qualities are, so that they too, may rise to meet their best self.

In this retrospective, Deborah encourages you to be the Architect of your own life, instead of being a construction worker for someone else’s dreams. Gain some Perspective on work and life and start doing more of the things that bring you joy and less of the things that drain you and make you feel ‘less than’ your best self. Do the wheel of life exercise. Start keeping a mood tracker. Audit your circle. Use GROW coaching on yourself to actively craft the life of your dreams! Visit deborahhartung.com for free resources.

As with all things in nature, human relationships also go through cycles and we can be a lot happier and healthier if we all let go of our expectation that human relationships should last ‘forever’ or that any kind of a relationship ending, is somehow a ‘failure’. Deborah explains the approach of ‘reason, season or lifetime’ and reminds you that all things generally come to an end and reach their sell by date. And that is ok.

Deborah recently got to spend time with one of her best friends who was visiting Johannesburg from Chicago. Being around someone who brings out the best in us, someone who encourages us to do better and be better, is one of the most rewarding parts of being alive. Deborah encourages you to find your tribe. People smarter than you. People who make you laugh. People who encourage and support you. People you can talk to and be vulnerable with and people who challenge you and help you grow. People who light you up and bring joy to your heart.

In a world of suffering, violence, poverty and efforts to erode human rights, Deborah invites you to be aware of what is happening in your community and to find a cause that sets your soul on fire. Anything - Animal rights or children or education or women’s or LGBTQ rights or the environment. Find something and DO something. Donate your time or your expertise. Support a cause that is bigger than you and your job and your friends. Positively impact and change the world and leave a lasting legacy.

Deborah shares some insights into how you can use mood tracking in your personal life and at work to create awareness and really improve relationships and overall wellbeing. Combining mood tracking with free apps or journaling, as well as a personal coaching companion, helps you make sense of your moods and track days that were super challenging or really awesome. Deborah has designed the mood tracking companion questions along the GROW coaching methodology, so it’s super easy for you to implement at work and at home. Free download at deborahhartung.com or keep an eye out for the articles dropping later this week.

In the corporate world, there are few phrases worse for innovation and growth than “we’ve always done things this way”. We have many traditions in our families, our communities and our workplaces that may well be outdated and not serving us or bringing us any joy. Deborah invites you to look at some of the traditions you uphold and do a quick audit. Are these aligned with your values and your purpose? Do these traditions bring you joy? Do they make sense? Or are they holding you back or causing you anxiety?

Deborah encourages you to realize that you are Enough, right now. You don’t need a better job or car or house. You don’t need to lose a few pounds, first. Your worth as a human being doesn’t depend on what you do for a living or what possessions you have or your physical appearance. You are Enough right now and you deserve to love yourself. Right now. Just as you are.

Conflict is inevitable. Combat is optional. In this episode, Deborah discusses the importance of embracing disagreements and conflict as a learning opportunity and truly knowing your motives and being aware of your ego. Engage with empathy and use active listening to build relationships. Don’t let your ego take over and escalate verbal disagreements into full-blown combat that breaks down people and ruins relationships.

Ever noticed how judgmental we are of others? What they’re wearing, their body type, their physical appearance in general? When we judge everyone else, we also tend to judge ourselves more harshly and we are dealing with a global pandemic of low self-esteem. Deborah invites you to quit the judgment on others. Be kinder to everyone you see and be kinder to yourself. It’s how we change the world.

There are really only 2 kinds of people in this world - those who energize and inspire us and those who drain and deplete us. Deborah invites you to be mindful of how you feel around certain people and to start becoming more selfish with your time and protecting your energy better, by spending as little time as possible with energy vampires.

If you’re dealing with some kind of heartbreak, be kind to yourself and allow your heart time to heal. Deborah shares 3 tips for recovering from heartbreak and making sure that you don’t compromise on who you are, simply because you’re hurting right now.

Deborah shares the transformative power of flipping the script on yourself and replacing every “I have to..” statement with a more positive grateful statement, starting with “I get to..”. Change your thinking and you change your life. Focus on positivity and gratitude and you will find you have more and more positive things to be grateful for.

If you want to change your life, start by changing your mind - the thoughts and beliefs that are holding you back. If you want to change the world, start with yourself. Be clear on your purpose and your goals and focus on those, ignoring the irrational fears and self-limiting beliefs. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by other people’s drama or problems. This is your journey, so just do YOU.

How often do you question your own motives or gain clarity on your intentions before you speak up or take action in your life? Deborah shares a personal account about a friend who had to ask this very tough question of himself recently and had to confront whether or not he was perhaps being manipulative. They key to changing the world is always in changing our own behavior and it starts with self-awareness. Know yourself and know your motives.

Listen to ‘understand’ instead of just listening to ‘respond’. Active Listening is a powerful tool that will help you improve relationships and make people feel genuinely seen and heard. By focusing your attention on the speaker and being respectful and empathetic, you will be amazed at how your relationships change for the better.

Actions always speak louder than words and it is possible to identify toxic people and avoid them, if you look out for the top 5 traits that Deborah has found to be common in all toxic people she has encountered. Keep an eye out for the article for Thrive Global on this topic, later this week.

When meeting new people or assessing current relationships, Deborah reminds us that people can say all kinds of things, but the real test is found in how those people act and behave. Don’t just listen to words. Watch actions and behaviours - those will tell you exactly who someone is.

In Part 2 of the Lessons on Digital Isolation and resultant loneliness, Deborah shares 4 practical tips to get you out of your digital cocoon and back to making some real human connections again. You will feel SO much better, both physically and emotionally. You can also read the article

Are you perhaps allowing technology and your digital life to become a replacement for IRL connections? Deborah talks about how technology could be contributing to feelings of loneliness and isolation and could be depriving us of human connection. Do a quick stock take of who is important in your life that you haven’t seen in a long time. Is technology creating a false sense of intimacy and connection?

Have you ever noticed a pattern repeating itself in your life? Perhaps in your relationships or your career? Deborah invites you to take stock of these experiences and ask ‘what is this trying to teach me?’. Listen to the expression of your soul in that moment. That inner voice, your heart, knows what to do and what is necessary for you to evolve and grow. If you listen to your fears and your ego, you’re just going to be stuck - Repeating the same experiences until you learn the lesson and move on.

Your daily and weekly schedule should reflect the priorities and things that are truly important to you. Deborah invites you to examine your schedule and see how much time you have scheduled for family or fun or fitness and to then make adjustments accordingly. In saying ‘no’ to activities that drain our energy, we are able to create more time to say YES to the things that add joy and balance to our lives.

Deborah invites you to learn to distinguish between real feelings in a specific moment and question whether the accompanying thoughts and beliefs, are really true. Chances are, the feelings are real but the thoughts are not. You can learn to flip the script and change the thoughts so that the feeling isn’t entirely overwhelming.

Deborah invites you to take a look at all the things on your ‘to do’ list and to examine how many of those are actually YOUR responsibility and how many are other people’s problems and responsibilities that have now become yours to solve. It’s ok to be more selfish with your time and to say NO to the people and activities that drain your energy. It’s the only way to have more balance in your life and to make sure you’re putting yourself, first. You cannot pour from an empty cup..

If you have identified goals you want to focus on this year, Deborah invites you to use GROW coaching to become un-stuck and to use Robin Sharma’s 90/90/1 Principle for exceptional growth. GROW coaching was discussed in Ep 21 and worksheets are available for download on deborahhartung.com. You can also read Deborah’s article for Thrive Global on creating more balance by design.

In order to create more balance in our lives, or embark on a personal journey to create the life we dream of, completing a ‘wheel of life’ assessment is a very useful tool. It allows us to see a visual representation of areas of our lives that need improving. A powerful tool to gain insights and to start a transformation journey with.

How others behave and act towards us, is never about us and always about them. Yet we are so arrogant and self absorbed that we are quick to make things personal and to become defensive or hostile. Deborah invites you to practice the Second Agreement (from The 4 Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz) and to approach all people with more empathy and understanding, removing yourself and your issues from the equation, in order to build better interpersonal relationships.

Stress and burnout don’t happen overnight and the signs are there if we just look for them. Headaches, digestive problems, changes to eating or sleeping habits or lack of interest in sex - all signs that you’re headed for burnout and need to make a change. Deborah encourages you to listen to your body, trust your intuition and find something that feeds your soul and doesn’t just line your pockets. No amount of money is worth your physical health or your overall wellbeing.

As leaders, we have to model the behaviour we want to see in our teams and we have to constantly ensure that our behaviours reflect the values we are trying to promote within the workplace and at home. People will do as we do and not as we say. Deborah invites you to get clear on your values and then break those down into behaviours that support the values vs behaviours that detract and break down. Then start displaying and encouraging the right behaviours and watch engagement soar and culture improve.