Between Two Curtises

Back after a short 63-week hiatus, Curtis & Curtis drop their longest, least edited episode yet. The lost second season. Sweet and sticky, just how you like it. Binge hard, binge often. Follow us at: https://twitter.com/BetweenTwoCurts https://www.instagram.com/betweentwocurtises/ Drunk Squirrel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bbXICmvSUs Drunk Man in Convenience Store: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjTCWLjuBzQ Crazy Eddie Commercials: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml6S2yiuSWE

We interrupt this triumphant 10th episode with Breaking News. A new (but really hundreds of years old) martial art that hits us right in the cockles; winter delicacies you should avoid eating; what not to do when you find your child's porn collection; how to do the "Target Shuffle;" and why Mad Dog comes in those bright colors. Plus, we "review" The Matrix 4 (in 4D!), interview a "fish out of water" about his well-deserved Best Hip Hop VMA, and bring Curtis back from the edge of despair with a lively discussion of the M.A.S.H. sequel.  So take the next Ausfahrt and join us for what may or may not be our last episode! Follow us at: https://twitter.com/BetweenTwoCurts https://www.instagram.com/betweentwocurtises/ Iron Crotch Kung Fu: https://www.reuters.com/article/china-kungfu/chinese-iron-crotch-kung-fu-masters-fight-to-preserve-a-painful-looking-tradition-idUSKBN28J2A6

Curtis found a sound effects CD from 20 years ago and went crazy in the editing, further delaying the release of an already out-of-date season 2 premiere. Recorded decades ago when Trump was still president and had a Twitter account, this episode includes a new guest, new theme music, not-so-breaking news on Mel Gibson's next movie, and the podcast equivalent of a barrel of monkeys. Ba Dum Tish Comedy Punchline Drums by djlprojects: https://freesound.org/s/415215/ Follow us at: https://twitter.com/BetweenTwoCurts https://www.instagram.com/betweentwocurtises/

Travel back in time to this day, December 22, thirty-five years ago for the tale of one bear's epic journey from Georgia's Chattahoochee National Forest all the way to Las Vegas, Nevada and back again. Also, a dog's journey from Russia to Massachusetts. And finally, the journey of two Curtises from podcast obscurity to "coke bear heist" infamy. Plus, irresistible holiday gift ideas, Walmart Tex goes out for wine, and we invent another new and totally unnecessary BTC word. It's a Christmas miracle, y'all! Follow us at: https://twitter.com/BetweenTwoCurts https://www.instagram.com/betweentwocurtises/ Watch the commercial for a fake "Deck the Hall & Oates" Christmas album: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRTglKhAtC4 Read the full story of Cocaine Bear as told by the Kentucky Fun Mall: https://kyforky.com/blogs/journal/cocaine-bear

Dear Listener, You've helped make our 2020 a little brighter and lighter, and we hope we've done the same for you. We wish you a happy winter holiday and an amazing 2021. Best wishes and sincere gratitude, Curtis & Curtis P.S. Come say hi at: https://twitter.com/BetweenTwoCurts https://www.instagram.com/betweentwocurtises/

Confession time as we recount stories of unintentional sexism, split pants, passed gas, and computer snafus. Also discussed: fist bump spectating, how to get a date with a plumber, Santa's new special yummy treat, negotiating a dog hostage from Russia, and the most convoluted "save the mink" slogan ever. Plus, Walmart Tex stops by for a visit. Follow us at: https://twitter.com/BetweenTwoCurts https://www.instagram.com/betweentwocurtises/

Trigger warning: This episode is the podcast equivalent of your toilet exploding. The squeamish beware as we channel our inner six-year-olds to talk about the joys (and consequences) of teaching little kids (and parrots) to swear, define another new word, debate what is and is not real licorice, and give Good & Plenty the BTC slogan treatment. So come visit our arctic jenkum farm and get your free assy bowl with caca nips ... if you dare! Follow us at: https://twitter.com/BetweenTwoCurts https://www.instagram.com/betweentwocurtises/

How bad does your ear itch? Then come for a ride in the Wienermobile! We have ointment for that. Plus the Germanic conclusion to last month's very special episode of Guffaw & Order. Balloon naughties. James Cameron and his Avatar sequels. Dick Wolf's inspiration for Law & Order: Criminal Intent. How to get a car tire around an elk's neck. Why Amazon.com is so profitable. And a guaranteed way to enjoy this podcast more. Plus Wienermobile slogans for the whole family. Buckle your seatbelts, motherfuckers.

If you measure the quality of your comedy by length, then we've got exactly what Dr. Procter Gamble ordered. What's in store this time? The secrets of Sasquatch, how to rob a store with a watermelon, advice from Curtis (and Curtis), Warby Parker's questionable business practices, Crest slogans, how to speak in iambic pentameter, the art of the haiku, and boomerang investment tips. And that's just in Part 1! Dun Dun!

With a little help from a friend, we surmount an entirely surmountable technical problem to bring you a riveting discussion of the virtues of an authentic cannoli, the aerodynamics of being bald, weaponized pizzas, how not to respond when a stranger starts rubbing your stomach, the dangers of dropping your smart device on your own face, the petty satisfaction of using one's strong work ethic to screw over others, and magic beanstalks. You're welcome.

Episode 2: Electric Boogaloo! Russell is back and so are slogans. We reeeeeeeally hope you like slogans because Joe Biden 2020 and Axe Body Spray -- um I mean, Deodorant -- get the full BTC treatment. An encouraging text from our first fan. A cliffhanger to outdo Who Shot JR? We review a rough edit of Mission Impossible 7. And Bernie Sanders calls in to say hello. Plus the pitfalls of photographing chipmunks.

Take a ride on Przewalski’s Horse in a premiere episode that pulls no punches! We review the upcoming James Bond movie, No Time to Die, craft a bold mission statement for the podcast, field options for show sponsors, pitch advertising slogans for organic Gatorade, discuss The Rock's seemingly universal box office appeal, and even invent a new word. If you need more Curtis or more comedy in your life, you're home.