PigeonHoled

Have you ever wanted to go to space, but find that SpaceX and NASA are a little too bourgeois for your sensible tastes? Well Pigeon Holed is calling your name. On tall pines we’ve constructed the most stable (not yet tested) sustainably sources rockets for those looking to blast off on a budget. P-Holed, looking towards the stars.

What is the best kind of bear? A koala bear perhaps? Guess again, you dingus! That’s not even a bear. Did we just destroy your entire view of the known world, causing it to careen at near light speed into a void of unimaginable darkness? Leaving you a shell of man, with only a fleeting memory of the person you once were? Yeah, sorry about that. Subscribe to National Geographic for like $10 a year, you’ll learn more neat nature facts like that little tidbit. ... So yeah, Tim and Ian talk about bears this week.

On this episode we welcome esteemed boat-based YouTuber Nic from The Boat Life! Ian then loses all respect for Tim and his so-he-thought new best friend when they don’t believe him in saying that Robin Williams is in Schindler’s list. [This is Ian writing by the way, I am officially putting in my two weeks notice. I will be leaving the Podcast after one more episode, an episode in which Tim needs to apologize profusely and recognize Robin as a main character in a film I so lovingly abbreviate to The List. I’ll take my severance from the show in the form of stock options.]

Call those two sexually ambiguous guys from MTV’s hit show Catfish, because Tim and Ian invited a guest on the podcast who catfished the shit out of them. Just like in Animal Planet’s hit tv show River Monsters, their guest Kim, like a toothless functioning alcoholic from the Deep South, stuck her finger in the shallow waters of the internet and noodled around until the guys of Pigeonholed clamped down on that meat-stick tainted finger. Side Note: Tim reads Doonesbury. This is going to be a terrible episode...

After a brief hiatus (Tim birthed a human [jury is still out on that part] child), we’re bringing you all new, highly original, tree-based content! On this episode, Tim and Ian talk about arguably the worst thing in the world. No not modern day nazism, and definitely not the inevitable rise of communicable diseases with antibiotic immunities (looking at you H1N1, you about to glow-up), we’re talking about running for fun. Did you know, in the year of the lord 2018, there are still people who derive pleasure from running? Well, Tim is one of those sick bastards, knowingly spreading his illness to the world. Listen to him try to proselytize Ian with his poorly formed arguments.

Last night, Tim’s TV remote lost it’s battery power the second he was about to click past Fox News, causing it to remain there until a replacement pair of AAs were located. However, he became infatuated by the loud, Alex Jones style ranting and claims of fake news and ended up watching the nightly news for 6 hours. What you're hearing here today is the result of that binge of bullshit. Enter: New Tim. And, oh yeah, Ian and Tim pitch some movies.

The last thing a man wants to feel as he voluntarily leaps from a tree to escape the clutches of a lady Dr. Phil wannabe is the cold, clammy hands of a skinny white man who is also voluntarily leaping from said tree. You would think that it would be a moment of solidarity, but in truth, falling alone sounds much more ideal.

This episode of PigeonHoled is brought to you by Basements. Basements: built for murder holes, questionable home videos, and the early indoctrination into unrealistic sexual expectations. Introduce a basement into your life.

If it wasn't for the janitor, we still might be stuck up at the top of that rope. 1. Presidential Fitness Challenge 2. Elementary School Gym Class 3. Rope Climb 4. Ringing the Bell 5. Getting Stuck at the Top 6. Embarrassment

#LaraCroftCutsceneJerkoffTwitchStream 1. The Internet 2. Newgrounds 3. End of Ze World 4. Viral Videos 5. Shoes 6. Trending Videos 7. YouTube 8. Demonetization 9. Advertising

From Stanley Tucci to Stanley Kubrick, Ian and Tim gush over the national treasure that is Stanley Tucci. Oh yeah, and Michael Bay is objectively a great filmmaker. “Watch this psychologically traumatizing movie. Get some culture, you're almost six.” -Ian’s Dad before showing him A Clockwork Orange, probably.

To be honest... Tim spoke for most of this one. It was like 90/10 Tim to Ian. I don't know what else to say. If our memory is correct, Tim and Ian talked about grifting, the Fireman, the Priest, and the Diamond, the Village People, the village people from Monty Python's the Holy Grail, the Knights who Say Ni, Boogie Nights, John Travolta, and Look Who's Talking... we think.

Tonight on PigeonHoled: The true story of Captain Crunch. Humble Naval Caption, or low life recipe thief? Now with less plosives, Ian and Ian (wait, Tim) discuss breakfast cereals, Captain Crunch, imaginary admirals, admiral gas stations, those tiny sandwiches in plastic triangles you find at gas stations, food poisoning, and sitting on toilets for long stretches of time.

Short Flights. Perfect for a quick commute or the totally sane listener who can't listen to us ramble for an hour. On this short flight, we gave a bush a chance and realize that despite anyone says, we're still fond of a trim. And can't we just call it the "Chaplin Stache" instead of the Hitler? Because Ian is trying to grow one out without someone punching him on the street.

We’re starting a GoFundMe for our new production company. First on the docket? A film about a dog purge. Tim and Ian, who may or may not be a scientist, talk about reindeer slaughter, dog slaughter festivals, Chinese food, General T'so's chicken, Chinese-American cuisine, a documentary about General T'so's chicken, and Jiro Dreams of Sushi.

Apparently Canadians have no knowledge of one of the industrial revolution’s most beloved inventions. Yes, we’re obviously talking about trains. Ian and Tim talk colloquialisms, falling off the turnip truck, not liking turnips, not eating vegetables as kids, and being forced to eat vegetables.

Tim: Hey, Ian. What do you think about house plants? Ian: I really like the- Tim: Shut up they’re pointless. Tim and Ian climbed and tree and talked about house plants, calming, herbal tea, sleepy time, naps you used to take in preschool, bad Star Wars memories, Empire Strikes Back, Jar-Jar Binks, and racism.

Everything in life is a Venn-diagram and there are no Thanksgiving movies. Tim and Ian talk about Thanksgiving themed movies, thatThanksgiving horror B-movie, Krampus, horned demons, the devil from Tenacious D, cock pushups (you can only do just one), Pringles, getting your hand stuck in the tube, going the DMV drive-through window, and wasting time.

Tim approaches Ian at work, a crazed look in his eyes Tim: Hey, I have the first piece to tonight’s word association. Ian: What is it? Tim: The kid from Jerry Maguire. Ian: Jesus Christ.... Tim and Ian start their podcast journey by talking about that little boy from Jerry Maguire, The Little Vampire, tiny teeth, this kid from Ian's high school, class presidents, valedictorians, senior pranks, and horse manure.