Take Five

There's something very final about refrigerators, wouldn't you say?

This is a passenger announcement. If there are any doctors on the plane, please make yourself known to a member of the cabin crew immediately. Hello, yes, I'm a doctor. I heard the announcement. Oh, good. Thank you doctor. I just wanted to let you know that we're about to play a new episode of Take Five, which is about doctors. We didn't want you to be bored, so we'd like to offer you a complimentary pair of headphones and a 30 minute slot of the in-flight WiFi, so you can listen to anything else of your choice.

What happens to a dinosaur if you moisturise them? To find out, you'll need to listen to this week's episode of Take Five! Do you see what I did there? I piqued your curiosity by asking you a mysterious question, and then - in a stunning turn of events - I didn't give you the answer! Instead; I used it as an opportunity to promote this podcast!

You there! Do you want to be a parent? Well, you'd better know that it's a lot of responsibility. What if your child turns out to be a goth? Do you really want to be a forty year old trying to convince a thirteen year old boy not to put on eyeliner? Or, if you're also a goth... good work!

Squirrels are cute. Everyone agrees. If someone tells you that squirrels aren't cute, it's a test to see if you agree with them. If you do, you've failed the test and they will know you're a terrible person. Don't fail the test! Tell them that you also think squirrels are cute.

Aliens are probably pretty weird! But there's lots of weird stuff on Earth as well. Like those deep sea creatures that we never lay eyes on, which are all see-through and such because they've got no sunlight down there. How about those, eh?

Do you like adverts? Then you'll love the refreshing taste of Pepsi Max Cherry! All the flavour, none of the sugar. Now with that great cherry taste!

When two men who don't have children get together and talk about babies, one week after the episode about incest, you just know something good is going to happen. And then you're surprised when it doesn't. Nothing good happens at all. You feel angry and betrayed and wish that Anthony and Jack would get a life. Well; I've got news for you, dear listener! Not going to happen!

When a man and a woman love each other very much, and are closely related, and have no moral compass, they share a special illegal hug and... If you'd like to find out how that story ends, make sure you listen to this week's episode of Take Five, where "Incest" is on the table! I mean, not literally on the table, I hope. We eat on it.

The evil government wants your money so they can waste it all on silly things like making life better. If you want to get good and angry at them, listen to this episode on taxes. It's sure to make steam shoot out of your ears in hilariously comic fashion.

Emotions are a bit like rocks: They exist. We can't change that, so we can either ignore them like all men do, or try to be awesome and understand them them like cool geologists do. Oh man, I wish this episode was about rocks.

This episode is about Russia, where Russian nesting dolls are from. Sometimes I think that Take Five is like a Russian nesting doll: Lots of layers of meaning, one inside another, for the listener to discover ... is what I wish I could say. But it's not even remotely true. If you're looking for hidden layers of meaning, then this isn't the right podcast. On the other hand, if you want a podcast where you understand more than the hosts, you're in the right place!

I think a lot more people would become vegan if it gave you moral superiority and superpowers, like in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. ... Then again, maybe moral superiority is a superpower?

I probably shouldn't make any jokes about this one. If you think there's a chance you've got a sexually transmitted disease, please book an appointment with your doctor.

This episode is about games! But just because this happens to be something Jack and Anthony know a lot about, don't expect them not to have an inane conversation. A nane conversation? Is it "nane"?

Do you have teeth? If the answer is yes; that's really weird. Why do you have two rows of hard enamel lining your mouth? Don't you think that's really weird? It's all soft stuff in there and then you have a bunch of hard things gnashing stuff? Oh man; that's the fuel of nightmares. It's like filling a pillow with knives or something. But I'm not here to judge. "People" with teeth like yourself often get things caught in them, and need toothpicks! So here's an episode about toothpicks.

Populism isn't just a horrible disease! In fact, it isn't a horrible disease at all! Turns out it's political or something. Join Anthony and Jack as they slowly realise that they don't know what Populism is. I say "slowly", but it's almost immediate.

Fudge is not only the topic of this week's Take Five, but also a way for its inventor to eat pure sugar without anyone judging them. Why not sit back with a nice bag of fudge, and listen to this episode? (It's not actually only five minutes long. You're just hyperactive from all the sugar.)

Minimalism

If you're listening to this in the future, you might be sitting in your spaceship and laughing at the assumptions made in this episode. First, thanks for being a fan. Second, please send us a time-email with any information you think we should know about how spaceships turn out. We'll make sure to include the corrections in our next episode. Show notes and links: Campervan Hire UK & Europe (spaceshipsrentals.co.uk) You can rent a spaceship!

If you like podcasts about tangents, boy are you going to lo-Wait is that a butterfly? Haha! It is! It is a butterfly! Show notes and links: Thank You for Smoking (3/5) Movie CLIP - Ice Cream Politics (2005) HD (youtube.com) The scene from the film "Thank You For Smoking", which we discuss in the episode.

Sometimes you need to get somewhere. If you're afraid of trains, planes, and boats, then cars are your only choice, pretty much. That means cars are really important, so it's a good thing they're the topic of this week's episode. Where would you be if it weren't for cars, eh? And if you were afraid of trains, planes, and boats? Probably wondering what all the roads were for. Show notes and links: Benz Patent Motor Car, the first automobile (1885 – 1886) (daimler.com)

If you've lived in Brighton, listen to this episode! Or, maybe you should only listen to it if you haven't lived in Brighton? You've got more to learn, after all. Then again, we need all the listeners we can get, so you should listen to it no matter what. Show notes and links: Visit Brighton - Official Brighton & Hove Tourist Information Site (visitbrighton.com)

Things like teleportation are bad, because they'll probably never happen, but thanks to science fiction everyone knows what it is and wants it to exist. Science fiction is a tease. Which is not to say that fantasy isn't tease. Where's the magic, Tolkien? You've ruined existence.

The internet has changed many things. Take comedy, for example. It used to be that if you wanted to make a 13 year old laugh you had to make a reference to genitalia. Now you just show them a meme. I don't know if that's better or worse.

If you're into sleeping, then odds are you're also into pillows. So strap in and listen to the latest episode of Take Five, which is all about our fluffy friends. I would, however, ask you not to fall asleep while listening, but if you're able to fall asleep in under five minutes, I won't even be angry - that's impressive.

Electricity is everywhere, but how well do we really know it? Can we trust it? When we don't even know how something works, should we be happy that it's running through our walls and into our computers? I can't even wear a tin foil hat, because they conduct electricity :( Join Jack and Anthony as they discuss the sinister and unknowable force powering things that are "electric".

Who better to talk about the Wilderness than two people who have never experienced it?! Join Jack and Anthony as they discuss survival plans that would actually be quite the opposite.

Sometimes languages are silly, and homophones are a great example of that! Communication is full of these little landmines that will blow you up if you accidentally step on them. So great! Which is why it's just swell that "Homophone" is the topic of this week's episode!

Batteries power all sorts of important things, which is why it's a great topic for this week's episode. Incidentally, a great thing about Take Five is that because each episode is so short, it won't use much of your battery! That's called responsible podcasting, and is why Take Five's slogan is "Saving the Planet One Episode at a Time". Show notes and links: How do batteries work? A simple introduction (explainthatstuff.com)

This week's show covers probably the most risqué topic that's been discussed on Take Five! I'll... leave the description at that, since this all makes me deeply uncomfortable.

What separates humans from other animals? It's not our advanced communication skills, or our intelligence, or our technology. Those things are all trivial compared to the real difference: We've learned to care about how much we smell. All of humanity's hard work has simply been an attempt to develop technology that can help us smell less, and this week's episode is about our achievement: Deodorant. Finally, our journey is complete and we can die off.

People here in the UK love a drink "dahn nuh pahb", which is British for "down the pub". If you feel the same way (Perhaps because you're also British) then you might like this latest episode of Take Five, which is about alcohol. Listen responsibly. Show notes and links: Drinking and alcohol - Live Well (www.nhs.uk) The NHS site on alcohol, which is not biased at all!

If you've ever owned bread, you've probably toasted some of it at some point. Isn't it great? It's browner, warmer, and tastes a bit different. When you think about it, what can't toast do? I mean, except most things? Exactly. Best invention since sliced bread.

One of the Take Five hosts feels particularly strongly about Travel, which happens to be the topic of this week's show. Have a listen and see if you can tell who it is.

Most of us live in a house. But what if you wanted to live somewhere a lot less permanent instead? No, I'm not talking about a sweet mobile home with an extending section in case you have friends around. I'm talking about yurts, of course! That's right. Live in a round thing for a little bit! Buy a yurt! What, you're still here? You didn't immediately run to the yurt shop? If you're still not sure about the benefits of living in a yurt, give this episode of Take Five a listen. It probably won't teach you anything about yurts, but at least you'll feel better about how unsure of them you are, given that we're even more so.

Oh, God! What's that on your face?! Oh; no, wait, wait. It's just your eyebrows. ... Still, eyebrows are weird, right? Listen to Jack and Anthony talk about it for five minutes.

The topic of this week's show, hedgehogs, is a bit misleading. A hog is a pig, and they're usually big and ugly. But hedgehogs are cute and snuffly! Way to mislead us, hedgehogs! Don't worry - if you have no idea what hedgehogs are, this episode isn't about big ugly things. It's about cute snuffly things.

If your name is Marc, then you're in for a treat, because this episode is about you! Well, more accurately it's about your name. If your name is spelled "Mark", then maybe you won't enjoy it as much? Then again, it's a podcast and you can't read podcasts so it'll sound like we're saying your name. The rest of you who aren't named "Marc" or "Mark", you'll have to enjoy this episode purely because of the hosts' personalities.

Sometimes on Take Five, neither of us knows what the topic of that episode actually means. And when I say "sometimes", I mean "this is the first time". But I suspect it will happen again, so "sometimes" is still accurate. The topic for this week is "Automower", and this episode is proof that even if both of us are clueless, we can still make magic. Show notes and links: This link has no title (dictionary.com) Proof that not even the dictionary knows what an automower is.

We're always on the hunt for extra terrestrial life, but we're not paying much attention to the weird stuff we already have, are we? If you take a good long look at a starfish, for example, you start to realise that perhaps whatever we're looking for when it comes to aliens can be found right here in our own oceans. Because let's face it - Starfish are pretty weird. And awesome. Which is why it's a good thing that "Starfish" is the topic of this week's episode of Take Five! Get your weird on and listen now.

We all need things delivered to us, right? You order a door mat on Amazon, you get it delivered to you. Well, how do you think they delivered things before the postal service existed? That's right - Canals. Which is why we're discussing them on this week's episode of Take Five. I mean, that's not actually the reason. We pick these topics at random. But canals are very important which is why we know so much about them. OK, I'm going to be straight with you (Like a canal!) - I don't know anything about canals. Just... just listen to the episode.