Who Let Me Read This | By Sexy Hackers Clothing

Johnny’s back alive with a brand new hairdo. He meets his biggest fan/copycat, Jimmy, but murders him when he finds out that Jimmy sexually assaulted one of his victims. Also because Jimmy is annoying. Johnny calls Devi and apologizes to her, but Devi, that beautiful, traumatized, rage filled angel, doesn’t forgive him because she shouldn’t have to and how dare he call her after what he tried to do to her? Johnny sneaks into Squee’s bedroom and has a heartwarming chat with him, wherein we realize that Johnny might be(?) the most positive adult force in Squee’s life (YIKES). Johnny ends up sitting on his car on a cliff, wanting to be “cold as the moonlight” or somesuch early Aughts emo nonsense. Which makes sense, since this book is the dark edgy catharsis Moon to the current generation’s cat video catharsis Sun.

While Johnny dies of his massive head wound, we follow 2 of his victims, including Tess, as they attempt to escape the house while fending off the tentacle monster that came through the blood wall (Maybe? If that was real? Is anything real? Will I feel like this forever? What even is life?). Tess is awful, but only marginally awful, which makes her one of the least awful characters in this series. EVERYONE IS AWFUL. Johnny goes to heaven and explodes some heads, then to hell, then gets sent back to Earth, because his existence on this plane is important for a… reason. The End. JUST KIDDING THERE’S ONE MORE EPISODE!

Johnny, a Homicidal Maniac, our protagonist, kills a bunch more people, but also saves his neighbor Squee from a pedophile, so is actually a good person I guess? He tries to kill his date Devi to preserve the fact that he’s happy hanging out with her, but Devi gets away and become the queen of our hearts. Johnny continues having hallucinations and soliloquizes some more. While dealing with her trauma (like the goddess she is), Devi calls Johnny, who answers his booby-trapped phone and gets shot in the head. Team Devi, y’all. TEAM DEVI.

Johnny is, as it says on the wrapper, a Homicidal Maniac. We follow him through a spate of violent murders, and even worse, soliloquies. We meet his neighbor kid, Squee, some victims, and a few hallucinations (RIP NailBunny). Johnny has to keep a wall in his house well-saturated with blood to keep “SOMETHING” from getting through from… somewhere else? Maybe? Or maybe he’s just imagining the whole thing? Or maybe it’s real? And maybe he can’t die? Or be caught? Either way, lots of murder done got did. We dive into the author a little, who it turns out is a pretty rad dude, which you wouldn’t necessarily expect based on these comics.

Episode 4: Sassy Volturi Bella and Alice arrive in Italy just in time to save Edward; as a result we finally get to meet some cool characters. The Volturi -- vampire royalty so bored with life they amuse their sassy selves by collecting fancy vampires with powers -- make Edward promise to turn her one day. They get home, and Edward is a pouty brat because when he told Bella he no longer loved her and left, she believed him! Meyer continues to drill into the heads of her readers that marriage is "the ultimate," sex before marriage will ruin you, and women being sweet and calm can prevent them from “losing their temper." It's terrible, and the whole series should be set on fire.

Join us every week as we dive back into the "inappropriate" books of our youth and how they impacted our lives, exploring our fresh perspectives on these reads as adult women. In this week's episode (part 3 of 4), Laura Holterman, Sarah Wallisch, Andrea Roedel-Schraeder, and Michelle White review and react to New Moon (The Twilight Saga Book 2). Part 3: Really, Alice? We are back for the third week of our review of Twilight : New Moon, and things are finally starting to happen in the book, sort of. Edward thinks Bella is dead, so he decides to go to Italy to kill himself. Bella and Alice (oh yeah -- Alice showed up and her vague-ass powers kind of tell us all this) chase after him. The Shakespeare comparisons go from there, and you can't miss them since Meyer pounds you over the head with Romeo and Juliet.

Join us every week as we dive back into the "inappropriate" books of our youth and how they impacted our lives, exploring our fresh perspectives on these reads as adult women. In this week's episode (part 2 of 4), Laura Holterman, Sarah Wallisch, Andrea Roedel-Schraeder, and Michelle White review and react to New Moon (The Twilight Saga Book 2). Part 2: Healthy relationship? JK Welcome back to the second part of our review of Twilight: New Moon. Woooo weee, it’s a doozy. Bella has migrated out of her catatonic state and found a friend, Jacob, who seems to be a pleasant companion. Just kidding -- he has the hots for her and lets her know he will be waiting. So, that’s uncomfortable and high pressure. Bella discovers that dangerous situations make her hallucinate Edward’s voice, so that’s a fun choice for her. Oh yeah, and Jacob tells her in the most roundabout way possible that he’s a werewolf...And we spend 200 pages reading about nothing.

Part 1: Soooooooo In Love Listeners, I hope you are ready for the emotional journey of Twilight : New Moon. Meet Bella and Edward, and they are SOOOOOOOO in love. Or codependent and controlling, whatever. Until Edward says he no longer loves her and leaves, because Bella is like a pie cooling on the windowsill and hes on the vampire version of Atkins. Bella is so sad she lies down in the forest to die. And somehow, Stephanie Meyer thinks it's appropriate to romanticize this behavior to teenage girls. It's terribly irresponsible and we rip her to shreds as a result.

To wrap up our review of Judy Blume’s Blubber, we are all dying for some redemption. For someone to learn a lesson and we really wish we could say that happens. It doesn’t. Jill’s punishment for Halloween vandalism is to simply rake leaves. That’s it. And for her weeks of harassment and assault on poor Linda, Jill is subjected to 2 days of her own medicine before they leave her alone and is forced to make a new friend. THAT'S IT. Join us for the thrilling conclusion where we discuss all the moments, we pitched this book across the room.

Jill and her buddies continue to harass their classmate Linda for her weight and we start to see moments that could be learning lessons. A chance for Jill to redeem herself, to right her wrongs, for parents to intervene but NOPE! Let’s just keep plowing along not holding anyone accountable.

In this week’s episode; we learn more about Jill and her terribleness, even outside of school, as she vandalizes and terrorizes her neighborhood all in the spirit of “Halloween pranks”. How dare she ruin the sanctity and glory of Halloween that way? Throw in some intense ongoing bullying and assault, throw in a little casual racism and Boom, Judy Blume thinks she has an appropriate book for 4th graders.

Join us as we journey through the most definitely not a YA book to teach the lesson of anti-bullying that it states it is. We dive in to meet our narrator Jill and her classmates as they begin their tale of bullying, portrayed as harmless fun, and the group of parents, teachers, nannies, and various other oblivious adults. Warning, this is not a kind book and we are not kind to it or its author, but maybe we can all learn more about accountability.

It's almost time for Margo's evil plan! Everything will be fine as long as no one talks to each other about the weird shit that keeps happening this holiday season. Elizabeth wears a very specific dress, and Jessica is chipper enough to attend an NYE party after the death of her boyfriend. Sure this will all be fine. And it is! And Jess has zero consequences for her horrible actions as we wrap up the thrilling conclusion of The Evil Twin!

The Wakefield twin’s parents are morons and are stranded in San Francisco on a fake trip that they never questioned. Margo, the evil twin, has an elaborate and meticulous plan that all hinges on Elizabeth wearing a particular dress so hopefully, she doesn’t change her mind! She doesn't, it's fine. Margo also has the best shoplifting scene ever and becomes our hero.

Elizabeth and Jess are still not talking because Jessica drugged her (whoopsie!) and the evil doppelganger Margo uses it to her advantage to go on a "sexually aggressive" date with Todd. Todd just thinks its Jessica and being the POS he is, doesn’t tell Elizabeth. Probably because he used to date Jessica when Elizabeth was in jail but hey, he’s handsome so it’s fine. Jessica’s boyfriend calls to meet her in a super creepy location to break up and he dies. Still, no one notices anything so get ready for a lot of sarcastic eye-rolling on our end.

Meet Jessica and Elizabeth, the SUUUPER different and beloved twins of Sweet Valley High and the cast of characters of their lives who seem incapable of having a basic conversation which would have prevented this whole terrible plot! And we do mean terrible. But, before we get into that, we need everyone to accept some basic things. 1. All blonds look exactly the same 2. Even your best friends and family cannot tell when an evil doppelganger in a wig is impersonating you 3. And no one is creeped out by the dude in the elf suit. We all on board for this somehow holiday adventure? Ok good.

Never has a lamer hero fallen victim to such a ridiculously self- inflicted murder. Bro, you knew what was happening. Your girl asked to tie you up with your clothes on, She has a horse trough full of bad coke she wants to use to murder you--wait what? Yup. There was slim to no chance anyone could save you Or is there...there isn’t. It’s fine. But listen in on our final Episode for the least sexy almost-sex scene and the murder we all kind of supported.

Theo is apparently a drunken sharpshooter rivaling any Marine Corps marksmen, Sammie can’t seem to vocalize why she so badly she wants to see the naked cheerleader pics, and Herb’s dream girl gets and entire sentence devoted to the horrific childhood trauma she suffered. Check out these SUPER well fleshed out sub-plots in Episode 3 of our review of Christopher Pike’s Die Softly.

In Episode 2, we dive into the dramatic mystery of developing film-ehh err sorry a murder plot. And Herb learns that it is totally normal for girls to sneak up on each other with bats, tee hee. Oh girls. Also kids throw water balloons at cars knowing they could kill them and everyone carries around trash bags of coke at all times. Sure Pike, that’s normal.

Meet Herb, arguably the worst book hero ever, who just wants to take pics of cheerleaders in the shower. What’s so wrong with that? Everything Herb. Everything. But dont worry, Herb isnt alone in this cast of awful humans. Theo the town drunk who carries guns everywhere? Lisa the coke fiend? Or worst of all Sammie, the best friend who is dumpy. Enjoy episode 1 of our review of Christopher Pike’s Die Softly where we learn the tragic tale of our “hero”.

Justine's evil plan is revealed to our guests and they must find a way to escape! Fortunately it's fairly obvious! And we dive deep into the shenanigans that let this ridiculous book happen in our conclusion of the review and nitpicking of Halloween Party.

There should always be a responsible chaperone at a party and this episode proves our point. Our heroine Nikki will stop at nothing to learn Justines secret and our party host's suuuuupppprises become more and more deadly...or ARE They?! They Are. Or ARE THEY?

Justine our mysterious party host, continues to surprise and sometimes delight her guests with weird party games and spooooooky antics. But what is she really hiding at this bizarre party that was nothing like the parties of our youth. Not that we are jealous of this awesome party. Not at all. Whatever, we woudnt have gone anyway Justine.

Meet the teens of Shadyside High as they plan to attend an all night Halloween party on the most haunted street in town, hosted by the mysterious new girl in town. Hilarity ensues or should I say Hi-SCARE-ity? It's hilarity. Especially with their costumes and "prank war".

Join us each week as we dive into the inappropriate books of our youth and how it impacted our lives. In this week's episode, Laura Holterman, Sarah Wallisch, Andrea Roedel-Schroeder, Michelle White, and Madi Veeder conclude their discussion of My Sweet Audrina and the conspiracy theories and headcanon from this drama turned terrible Lifetime movie. Each month we'll cover a new book and discuss the inappropriate and sometimes awkward moments of our youth reading them. If you would like to watch the video version of our Podcast we publish them to http://youtube.com/sexyhackers or visit http://sexyhackers.tv for the latest show notes.

Part 3 of My Sweet Audrina by VC Andrews, it's getting real now in this Episode. Listen to Laura Holterman, Sarah Wallisch, Andrea Roedel-Schroeder, Michelle White, and Madi Veeder chat it up about this sassy book. We publish new episodes every Wednesday so make sure you subscribe and follow. Each month we'll cover a new book and discuss the inappropriate and sometimes awkward moments of our youth reading them. If you would like to watch the video version of our Podcast we publish them to http://youtube.com/sexyhackers or visit http://sexyhackers.tv for the latest show notes.

We continue our journey into My Sweet Audrina by V.C. Andrews with part 2 of our Podcast. Listen to comedians, actors, authors and general book lovers Laura Holterman, Sarah Wallisch, Andrea Roedel-Schroeder, Michelle White, and Madi Veeder as we dive deep into the waters of this crazy book. We publish new episodes every Wednesday so make sure you subscribe and follow. Each month we'll cover a new book and discuss the inappropriate and sometimes awkward moments of our youth reading them. If you would like to watch the video version of our Podcast we publish them to http://youtube.com/sexyhackers or visit http://sexyhackers.tv for the latest show notes.

Join us each week as we dive into the inappropriate books of our youth and how it impacted our lives. In this weeks episode, Laura Holterman, Sarah Wallisch, Andrea Roedel-Schroeder, Michelle White, and Madi Veeder discuss My Sweet Audrina by VC Andrews, the plot points, this book's twists and turns, and how VC's own life impacted this dramatic page-turner.