Podcast appearances and mentions of ray rigoglioso

Happy Pride and Happy Power! In this “A Quick Buck” episode, I dive headfirst into the special powers we have and why it's time for gay, bi and queer men to take the next step to evolve.Check it out as I talk about…Why we need a Coming Out 2.0 to step into full power as gay menGay men's roles, gifts, spiritual functions, and superpowers The work of thought leaders, Christian de la Huerta, Ray Rigoglioso and Toby JohnsonThe ability we have to balance the Masculine and Feminine The importance of maintaining our outsider perspective while learning to belongLearn more about me and how I help gay men like you live, love and lead powerfully by visiting www.buckdodson.com and following me on Instagram and Facebook. ResourcesGay Men and The New Way Forward by Ray RigogliosoComing out Spiritually by Christian de la HuertaGay Spirituality by Dr. Toby JohnsonAbout Buck Dodson, HostLearn more about me and how I help gay men like you live and love well by visiting www.buckdodson.com and following me on Instagram and Facebook. If you found this episode helpful, please ‘gay it forward' by subscribing and leaving a quick review and rating. This helps more gay men find Gay Men's Life Lab! 

How can we work together as a collective of queer thinkers to embrace, demonstrate, and advocate a humanitarian leadership of belonging?How can we – collectively as queer people – lead from the margins to metaphorically corral the disparate fractions of humanity, so that divisiveness between peoples may become less in proximity to create and foster a genuine diversity.There doesn’t yet exist a so-called “queer leadership” per se, or that I know of, but I am working on developing this new style of leadership that our world desperately needs. That starts here, with this “Living Document”, which I will continually add to, modify, and come back to as the foundations for what I hope to co-create with many other like-minded, queer thinkers. (If you would like to receive a copy of this document as soon as it’s available, subscribe to my newsletter so that I can send it to you.)In today’s episode:Why “Gay leadership” is not enough.Building upon the 14 distinct gifts that are unique to many gay men as discussed in Ray Rigoglioso’s book, “Gay Men And The New Way Forward.”What do we need to create evolutionary change in the world?What does “queer” mean and why is it vital that we embrace and reclaim the word.Embracing and honouring all the letters that make up our fluid “LGBTQ+” acronym.Making the pronouns, they/them the linguistic default.Moving from a politics of division to a politics of belonging.If you’re a creative person – a scholar, writer, or an artist – but you’re stuck trying to start or complete a project, maybe because you think that you don’t know enough, that you’re an imposter pretending to be an expert, then we should talk.Let’s discover how to use your insights, talents, and uniqueness to make a difference in the world and to Live OUT your mission. Find out more at DarrenStehle.com/coaching.Support The Way of Queer Leadership.More Queer Thought Leadership:Writing a New Narrative. The Power of Story to Save Humanity – LOP098If There Is No Binary, Where Does Gender Exist? LOP096What’s in a name? The Importance of Being Queer – LOP088How Can You Use Your Difference to Make a Difference? LOP072More about the Distinct Gay Male Gifts:Vulnerability: How Gay Men Teach the Cleansing of Shame – LOP080Ray Rigoglioso, Gay Man of Wisdom – LOP048How Gay Men Imbue Culture With Beauty and Creativity – LOP042Forgiveness and Acceptance of Internalized Homophobia – LOP039From Sissy Boys to Straight-Acting Gay MenIs Forgiveness of Homophobia a Gay Male Gift? LOP030Image credit: “Day 179: God Hates Fags, But I Love You” by Juli

Raymond Rigoglioso is the founder and executive director of Gay Men of Wisdom. Prior to starting the organization in 2012, he had an extensive career in the nonprofit sector, working with Gay Men's Health Crisis, The Picker Institute (a health care think tank), the United Hospital Fund, and other charitable and philanthropic groups. A certified life coach as well, he has taught at New York University's George H. Heyman, Jr. Center for Philanthropy and Fundraising and at the Support Center for Nonprofit Management in New York City. We spoke about Gay Men of Wisdom and what he means by promoting “awareness and understanding of the value of gay men’s differences” and “the power of gay men’s gifts for personal and social good. Learn more about Ray Rigoglioso here: https://www.gaymenofwisdom.org/About.html

Evolving Insights Into the Evolutionary Leadership Abilities of Gay Men.Possibly the most important and vital quality in a leader is honesty. I would also add the qualifiers, transparency and vulnerability.If I were to ask you and a group of people from all walks of life, the question, “What is leadership?”, I could create a massive list of attributes. We could also select from the hundreds of thousands of leadership books and come up with the top 10 books on leadership. We could even create a list fo the top 10 books as recommended by the worlds top 10 leaders! Yet we would still have the space to develop a new style, a new mode, a new path of leadership.But for this article I want to narrow down my focus to pull back the veil of my idea. I'm going to loosely term my explanations of the core essentials of leadership as “evolutionary” and “humanitarian”.The essentials of leadership are demonstrated in the following ways:Don't lead others directly. Lead by example. In other words, lead yourself with the utmost integrity, authenticity, and transparency, as if everyone is watching – even when no one is.Give people a philosophy. Give people better ways to think and ways to think more critically. Help people think in a way for the betterment of all humanity; to create a transformational, evolutionary change that impacts the world.The qualities of leading and characteristics of a great leader.What if we chose the path of influence, via the qualities of the 14 distinct gay male gifts (see Ray Rigoglioso's book, “Gay Men And The New Way Forward” and the resources listed below), for their capacity to lead the status quo in thinking outside the narrow confines of how they think that they're supposed to think?While we could look at the qualities of a great leader through the lens of aspiring to leadership qualities alone – including the confluence of several qualities at one time – what of leadership when a gay man understands and embraces his unique gifts to lead? Not just in leading other gay men, but all of humanity? And what does that style of leadership look like, or is it simply a choice to manifest the embodiment of the unique gay male gifts?Resources on The Distinct Gay Male Gifts:The Reluctance to Lead as Out Gay Men: Embracing Gay Spirit – LOP058Ray Rigoglioso, Gay Man of Wisdom – LOP048How Gay Men Imbue Culture With Beauty and Creativity – LOP042How My Parents Influenced My Gay Male Identity – LOP040Forgiveness and Acceptance of Internalized Homophobia – LOP039From Sissy Boys to Straight-Acting Gay MenIs Forgiveness of Homophobia a Gay Male Gift? LOP030

Praise for Gillette’s #MeToo ad on 'toxic masculinity'What is the opposite of toxic masculinity? I would suggest it is what Ray Rigoglioso refers to as “authentic masculinity” in his book, Gay Men and The New Way Forward, which is a balancing intelligence of the masculine and feminine energies or characteristics in gay men – but something I believe gay men can gift to the word, especially straight men.Earlier this week, Gillette released a video that has garnered both praise and toxic, abusive responses. Watch the video, “We Believe: The Best Men Can Be”:https://youtu.be/koPmuEyP3a0Gillette is taking a stand with their project, The Best Men Can Be, stating that,“It’s time we acknowledge that brands, like ours, play a role in influencing culture. And as a company that encourages men to be their best, we have a responsibility to make sure we are promoting positive, attainable, inclusive and healthy versions of what it means to be a man.”“From today on, we pledge to actively challenge the stereotypes and expectations of what it means to be a man everywhere you see Gillette. In the ads we run, the images we publish to social media, the words we choose, and so much more.”No doubt Gillette wants to capture a greater market, and there’s nothing wrong with that. They risk offending many “manly men”, who are acting childish, illogical, and like someone has taken away their favourite toy. The critics are up in arms, trying to defend their way of life, blind to the irony of their own toxic indignation.I for one will be keeping an eye on Gillette to see if they hold up to their promise of “promoting positive, attainable, inclusive and healthy versions of what it means to be a man.”The problem with “Just let boys be damn boys.”Piers Morgan tweeted his lack of understanding,https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/1084891133757587456I felt I’d offer my thoughts in a helpful way,https://twitter.com/DarrenStehle/status/1085131082758971393What’s much worse is the likes of James Woods who exhibits tremendous fear of change, of free thought, and the remotest possibility of equality and women’s rights:https://twitter.com/RealJamesWoods/status/1085288054820990976https://twitter.com/RealJamesWoods/status/1084956056218812416If boys are to grow up to be healthy, emotionally balanced men, and secure in their individuality as human beings, they won’t want to model James Woods for authentic masculinity! Modelling Woods will only lead to fearing the feminine, promoting and condoning oppression and violence in all its negative and toxic forms.Where does toxicity masculinity orignate?Far too many young boys are taught to “suck it up”, to “act like a man”, or to “stop crying like a little girl” while they are growing up. They are taught that expressing weakness in any form – physical or emotional – is akin to being a sissy or like one of the girls. They are forced to suppress their emotions, literally having to keep their feelings in the closet.This is similar to gay men who have experienced living in the closet for years. We had to suppress our authentic identity before finally coming out. When you can’t fully express your truth it eats away at your soul and makes you toxic. This is why finally coming out is a release and a period of healing. For straight men who are taught to suppress basic human emotions in order to “be a man”, over time this “straight-closet” can manifest as toxic – a bile of pent-up emotions that comes out as rage, fear of the other, aggression and defensiveness.Links mentionedGillette #MeToo ad on 'toxic masculinity' gets praise – and abuse

In today’s episode I speak with Raymond L. Rigoglioso, the founder and executive director of Gay Men of Wisdom (www.gaymenofwisdom.org) and author of Gay Men and The New Way Forward (Mond Press, 2015).Through his book, Ray synthesized the body of literature that explores gay men’s nature and purpose and created a framework describing gay men’s 14 distinct gifts. I’ve spoken at length about a few of these gifts in previous episodes of the podcast, listed below.What began as anger when Ray came out at 19 – as a human being to express his needs, wants and feelings – has turned into a creativity. According to Ray, anger is an energy that you can use for positive or negative ends. You can turn it inward or outwards. It can consume you, but if you channel it correctly, anger can do a lot of good if you channel it into something positive and thus creative.Interview Highlights:Teachers of compassion, generosity and the authentic masculineHow we responded as gay men to the AIDS epidemic was an indication of a positive and creative response. Gay men embodied the authentic masculine traits of taking action, being bold, courageous, and taking risks like shutting down the New York Stock Exchange. The entire movement changed the FDA’s approval process for drugs, which facilitated the quick release of anti-virals.But gay men also changed hearts and minds. Gay men and our allies created entire new systems of care. There was a lot of masculine energy that gay men channeled without violence. What’s interesting is that no one is surprised that we never did anything like bombings, nor did we shoot people up, yet we never reflect on this. It’s worth considering because this tells us a lot about who we are as gay men.How Gay men embrace the masculine and the feminine energiesRay asks us to consider three different levels of the masculine and feminine:Personality traits: things that any human being can express. As a culture we tend to identify certain traits as masculine and others as feminine. Being bold, courageous, decisive, and a leader are generally considered masculine traits. Being collaborative, cooperative, sensitive, nurturing, and empathetic tend to be considered feminine.External traits: the visual and auditory clues that tell you if someone is masculine or feminine. We all pick up on these cues. This includes tone of voice, how we speak, what we wear, posture, and how we walk.Energy: this level is more difficult to describe but it shows up in how we express ourselves via our personality traits compared to others.The secret language of gay menWe pick up on all of the clues and cues that tell us someone else is gay – our “gaydar” – but we haven’t developed the language to describe these clues. This is what Ray has attempted to do with his program, Gay Men of Wisdom.Magic happens when gay men gather with intention and purpose. When we remain open to each other and see who we truly are, we feel and step into a connection that defies language. Tribe is the only word that seems to define this “coming home”; that we are among our own. Tribe allows for an ecstatic communion and a continuity of our shared energy as gay men and how we express our role in society.What do we model as gay men that teaches humanity?Ray’s work helps gay men recognize their magnificence. He wants to change the conversation gay men and society have about difference – to recognize that differences are gifts. This doesn’t just apply to gay men, this applies to all of humanity. If gay men develop a way to value our differences, we can give this gift to the rest of humanity so that we can better get along and belong together on this planet. Ray want to break down the linear hierarchy of difference and help people see difference as something that is circular.Holding up the mirror to reflect back our gifts and to each otherAbout RayRay brings to Gay Men of Wisdom an extensive background in fundraising and writing for nonprofit organizations. In 1989, just months after he came out, he co-founded the Danbury (Connecticut) Area Gay and Lesbian Youth Group and facilitated this group for a year. Ray lives with his husband in Hudson, New York.Gay Men and The New Way Forward is available on Amazon for Kindle and in paperback.Living OUT episodes on the distinct gay male gifts:Forgiveness and Acceptance of Internalized Homophobia – LOP039How My Parents Influenced My Gay Male Identity – LOP040How Gay Men Imbue Culture With Beauty and Creativity – LOP042