Birthing Freedom with Serena Oliveira

I invite you to look at how your inner critic and how your own inner wisdom influences your life. How do you share your voice? Your desires? Your needs-AND FEEL HEARD? I dive right into it this topic through today's episode. It's short, 20 minutes. Bring a pen to write down important journaling questions to guide you in your own process of addressing this inner narrative (or inner self-sabotaging b*tch). You got this! Disclaimer: I may swear once, so put on head phones if you have little ones or your conservative uncle nearby... :)

Welcome to Episode 1 of Season 2! What does LOVE mean to you?! Valentine's Day brings up alot on the juicy topic and I dive into how we are on the cusp of the season of spring and how the origins of Valentine's can be linked to older celebrations and connections to the land and fertility traditions. I also touch on ideas of how to ~accept yourself~ ~love yourself~ and ~own yourself~ based on my own practice that I share.

I've laughed till I cried and cried till I laughed and back round again many times in the last 40 days. My sister described the timelessness of grief as mileage on our souls. I've embraced this time as transformative and a process of letting go akin to giving birth. Through memories and missing and knowing a void that breaks me open I trust the love and simple recognition that there's alot more inside of me that I underestimated until now. Thanks for listening, this is my 40th day out of 40. A season in a podcast yes, also a season of casting out love for my dad in my personal lifecycle season.

Conjunction. That place of meeting and joining...an intersection or crossroads. An opportunity for choice of direction....what comes to mind for you when you hear this? Jupiter and Saturn have been demonstrating how rare but incredible the Great Conjunction is for us this week (correction to this recording: my son corrected me after listening that the earth is moving and thus no, the conjunction is not the same bright star that I see at dawn lol) Tonight I walked out into a snowy dark forest under the setting sun and the light of the moon to talk about conjunctions in diversity, in the void, in connection, joy, acceptance, in perspective, as well as in who we are and how we show can show up in this world in our unique and collective brilliance. Ultimately, we are each ornate beings of consciousness, allies in reflecting and celebrating "light" and connected in our desire to affirm the power of light as a triumphant element of our lives. I touch on Christmas, Diwali and everything in between that's on my mind as I reflect on my 39th day out of 40 since my Dad took his last breath.

The art of letting go is a process of more peacefully making room for change. It comes with feeling breaking open and embracing it for what it is. Getting through the hard shite. Facing fears and how I faced my death at the age of 5...and how I became a parent (postpartum) were some of my biggest challenges, tonight I dive deeper into resilience and embracing grief and the power of our hearts. And how the act (and lifecycle reminders) of slowing down can ultimately help us long term to guide us through our biggest challenges. Slowing down means to halt, integrate and to expand.

The Power of Tears, of making Dahl and of Remembering my Dad. I live off grid, raise two kids on a mountain.... I love cooking and facing my fears. My Dad was one of my biggest fans ...as I was his. We cheered eachother on and love eachother so much. I fell asleep at 8:30pm tonight when my eldest woke me up to say goodnight. I've committed to take time to record so I got up to share this with y'all. This is Day 37/40. xo Thanks for listening

Each life is a flicker in time on our wheel of life. I reflect on our breath, how as a young girl I often wondered if any of my ancestors had breathed the same air that I inhaled. The simple wonder in recognizing the ancient exchanges of time, seasons and yes my breath. Tonight I also chat about "how to" give birth, and to live and the fear of dying is often portrayed by pop super stars and the media. Tonight I talk about how on this wheel of life, on this planetary wheel of seasons, there are constellations amidst us that can help us to tap into our freedoms to recognize the reverence for our inner wilderness. The old growth wisdom that we can breathe in, by not being afraid of the simple complexity of the lifecycle wheel that is within and outside of us. Thanks for listening

Sharing my process I hope brings some hidden gems that I'm uncovering everyday. Also, I feel called to be vulnerable and open to my process. As a birth worker I find that there are so many comparisons to grief and birth, but I don't find many folks openly talking about it as normal as it is...This is day 35/40 of me integrating life in new ways since my Dad passed away in his sleep. Today I talk about the snow, resourcefulness and my grief process. (p.s. lol I didn't edit my burp...whoops)

My mum says that had I needed a good cry today. I told her it was snowing as I sobbed and she told me to breathe through the tears. This is my season of tears. Tears of love that I've never had before flow like the tides these days. Like the king tides. The tides that come with a winter solstice. The tears that come from the deepest part of my heart. Water flows out of me like the wonder and healing from a stormy heart. After a storm there is calm and cleansing that comes with the stirring up and settling of sediment, the seasoned kind carried through wind, glaciers or water, making room for new growth.

My dad died 33 days ago. I've been taking time to record nearly every day since. If i could call him up tonight, this episode holds most of what I'd say... Dad, I'd update you on what kind of food or tea I'm trying out this week. I'd share an update on what my projects are and what I've been up to... I miss our chats enormously. So day 33/40 is an open "phone call" to my Dad.

Living through remembrance and the unknown. Community and sharing. Reminders of those who you loved and who have passed away or who are no longer in our lives. I talk about all of that stuff tonight. I talk about how the deep remembering amidst loss is a tool to tap into our love and how far it can extend. Also, how we also have a huge responsibility for our own gifts of having experience in life. And how being supported by others amidst painful times in our lives is crucial to healing and claiming space to continue loving ourselves in our full capacity.

Trust and confidence amidst living our lives and facing the known of the unknown. How do you live your life as best as you can knowing it's not always easy? When we can recognize our own inner nature, our true nature, our dharma, we can extend into what we are called to do in our own lives so that we can life fully. Also the beacons of love can be really subtle but potent when we remember those who have passed away. There are plenty of subtleties in our everyday habits that are echoes in time...I recognized one today and thought about my Dad, while simply wrapping up presents.

If this podcast was made to be a cozy blanket amidst all of the changes in our modern world, you'll see where I cross-stitch my awareness of intuition, relationships, and process of letting go. The fabric of this episode would be quilted pieces of how birth and death teach us how simple our power is. I talk about how I used to hitchhike and how I learned about Doulas, and how living in tune to the nature of lifecycle transitions and the mystery behind our own lifecycles are simply important to exalt in. (Day 30/40)

Parenting is not easy and especially as teenagers we can resent those people who parent us. But is there a word that can compliment the exchange and reciprocity between a parent and a child? I talk about how my dad was a pain in the but, and how parenting fails are crucial to who we are and become an opportunity for learning in our lives. I end on the note of how important the ecology of family life is embedded with mishaps and challenges and the fruits of love and the diversity of experience carry us forward in our diverse lives.

It's the New Moon. It's been 28 days since I experienced my personal largest loss of a loved one. I talk about the unknown that comes with life, death and birth. The concept of the void... And how we're inately curious about what's "hidden in the dark" even though we are taught to be afraid of the dark as children... but we're really afraid of what we can't see. I also share a written piece about Aditi the Hindu goddess of the empty form. The fact that this is the scratchiest audio that I've recorded, and I nearly cried at the beginning, I'm reminded that it's easier to welcome the imperfection that comes with everything.

Silence is key to me. Tonight I went on a thought stream to chat about alternatives to how we use our voice. Humming, toning, and singing can help to massage your power centers, your chakras and the pathway to your vagus nerve... As a part of and finding and using our voices sometimes we don't need to talk...or think too hard. Tonight I don't feel like talking or thinking too hard so I'll leave it at that.

Menstrual blood and death. Everyday experiences that we don't talk about but are universal...from loving candy to asking for a pad. The things I end up talking about everyday surprise me and what I find the most amazing maybe is how I can talk about anything under the sun at this point without feeling shy or embarrassed. Laying my Dad to rest 26 days ago has really helped me to cut through the everyday bs that prevents alot of us from being open and honest and living our full lives shamelessly. Thanks so much for living and casting out the freedom love alongside of me.

*SENSITIVE* (pregnancy loss) I touch briefly on how similar the birth and dying process are. I continue to reflect on how preparation and revelry for both are a part of what I "do" as I hold space for folks in their various lifecycle outcomes... I also share my written piece "Fertile Feelings" that I wrote last spring. Day 25/40

Forgiveness and getting over victimhood. As I continue to take time and cast out love to share a bit of my dad and life anecdotes, this episode in particular has a self help vibe to it. I also talk about how we can tend to our kids like gardens and not own them which can lead to solid connections later in life. If you have any feedback or to share your own reflection on these topics you can email me at doulaserena@gmail.com

Feeling good and solid are a part of our daily expectations. I shared a stream of consciousness about courage. If you're feeling confused or stressed out, or in the midst of an important choice, I talk about courage and how it can help us through the challenge. Courage can be used as a life raft. You can trust your own breath because you are a powerful being and ultimately... to tap into the potential for love and joy is about choosing how we choose to react to challenge. Our power lies in how we welcome and are ready for the unknown.

Change and love define alot about who we are. My process of remembering gives me strength and feeling into the memories is a part of my unique grieving process. In Western Culture we have unique milestones that are akin to modern rites of passage like getting your driver's license or starting school.... Paying attention to life transitions such as in birth or death and how we deal with various rights of passages in today's culture is imperative to long term wellness. With a lack in being able to be open about topics that affect every single one us (grief, menstruation, childbirth, illness, death) comes a pattern of avoidance to topics that are uncomfortable. I explore about how the feeling through life, including the tenderest moments in time brings forth a spectrum of choice and with that, defining moments of strength and courage. As well as how facing the hardships or transitions that come with grief, with care and at a slower pace can be an essential part of integration and healing.

Breaking through the patterns that hold us back from staying connected to ourselves and eachother~what does that look like? Slowing down and connecting with loved ones, tuning in to our inner wilderness as well as the natural outter world. I reflect on how the town that he worked at for 35 years doesn't have a newspaper and how I can't publish his obituary there because everything is now "online". Also, how staying connected with eachother and our resilience in this world of social media and cellphones means questioning what's important. My dad who held fast to his independence of the 3rd and 4th industrial revolution hustle and his value system helps to remind me of what to prioritize.

I started breathing deeply and holding back tears in a store that sold my Dad's favorite chocolate today. It's Day 19, not easier but trying to stay positive is a part of living my life without my dad. I find that it's like doing emotional pushups and remembering the sweet moments helps.

I'm starting to make connections with people who I've never met before. My Dad used to go to the Native Friendship Center across the street from where he lived in rural Northern Ontario. I remember rolling my eyes when he used to laugh and say "I'm an Indian too"... when he described how he would go there to meet with friends. So today I called one of my Dad's friends who worked there and we chatted and he shared what dying means in his culture. My Dad was a funny and quirky but courageous guy. The resources at this Center also helped him during big decisions and when he needed extra community support.

Going into the 3rd week after my father died. I describe the last few days, the growth, the love between my siblings and Mom and my journey back home. Everything has changed but the familiarity of bring broken open and healing is defining who we are becoming. This is a summary of days 15,16 & 17 out of 40 post death in my grieving times.

Grief is a sacred time to connect with your inner and outer worlds in ways that you've never done before. It may feel like you're losing your mind, but you are feeling the seismic change on your deepest old growth rings. Grief is a weather pattern that floods your soul. It's rare but everyone experiences it. I dive deeper into what it feels like and the simple tasks that become sacred and how it calls us into love and to feel through life in ways you've never felt before.

In this episode 13/40 of exploring the season of losing my Dad, I offer a couple of his unique approaches to dealing with challenging times which helped him through his initial immigration from India at the age of 18. In the last part of this episode I share a few ideas on how to better support someone who is experiencing the hardship of grief with the goal of how to best navigate our western culture which predominantly denies us from thinking or talking about the normality of death and dying.

(*Trigger Warning: I touch on a war survivor story, and bombing violence)

It's been 9 days. It feels like a month. In this episode, I share a bit about my Dad's uprootedness and an intro to his education during childhood. I also touch on the feeling of uprootedness and how important it is to connect with our ancestors and our own lineages.

Grief isn't just an experience that happens with death. I'm figuring out how it works and so much more about love and the lines of communication between myself, emotions and how I navigate relationships, memories and change. Thanks for listening

Grief sucks. I've had to figure out how to Iive amidst so much ache this week while surrendering completely to the pain and whirlwind of letting go. It's sad, variable to each person, private, personal and something that we can also relate to as a universal experience. Thanks for listening, not sure if this is the best medium to help me to process, so I may take a breather and come back... thanks for listening

I figure yes to these questions after this week of navigating the death of my dad. It's the first time I've viscerally felt the repercussions of having loved someone since birth and for being such a big part of their life and vice versa and having that disappear simply through death. I also touch on how I think it may be really important to my long term spiritual acceptance and ability to be really open to loving others by really taking the time to feel through the grief process. ~A note on the pic: These are my mom's feet beside some deer tracks that we walked, hugged and cried beside today.

Day 4: Today my father was cremated. I'm exhausted but we had a day of honouring and celebrating, hence why I haven't slept much. Here's a glimpse into what washing him and dressing him was like and how it helped in my process of letting go. Day 5: Reminiscing on the last phone call, featuring my nephew.

Today I learned a few adulty things: 1. That you can walk for a long time in the cold and not feel it because you're too sad-not numb. Just sad. 2. How mileage can be put on your soul. 3. That you don't need to describe in an obituary doesn't have space for details like the fact that your Dad's first car was a Dodge Colt that he saved up for and paid for from working at a gas station after immigrating and there's also not a tradition in mentioning things like he only had a quarter in his pocket upon moving and that he had to put newspaper in his shoes to stay warm during his first winter in Canada. So much to learn for the first time in the process of letting go someone so close to me...

I've been mostly awake for 36 hrs. I drove through a fresh foot of snow after a weird lighting snowstorm (yep, who knew?) and I'm finally about to crash. I saw my Dad today...his name is Colin and we had some really funny moments and sad moments while figuring out details... it's all kinda weird, being in the process of honouring, celebrating, remembering and letting go ... all while knowing he was just here a few days ago and I feel him everywhere.

My father took his last breath in his sleep about 24 hours ago. I had a mission to record his stories and share them on this podcast about his Indian lineage and his stories of resilience of growing up there in a British boarding school and his stories of coming to Canada at the age of 18. Instead this is my process of grieving the loss of him and for the skipping forth of reality and to maybe try to remember him while regretting having not recorded him in time. This is also to help break my isolation from not being able to honor and celebrate his memory in person with family and friends.