Not Safe Podcast with Nikki Glaser

Hey squirt-nation, be sure to check out Nikki's new podcast, You Up w/ Nikki Glaser made from the best stuff of her SiriusXM radio show on Comedy Central Radio. Come join us, won't you? SUBSCRIBE NOW: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/you-up-with-nikki-glaser/id1399714847 ... Nikki loves to know about dating and relationships. Here's a collection of stories from a variety of guests. Friend of the show Andrew Collin is in to navigate through the podcast. SUBSCRIBE NOW for the best stuff from You Up w/ Nikki Glaser and listen every Monday thru Thursday at 10am Eastern/7am Pacific on Comedy Central Radio, SiriusXM, channel 95! 679916

Nikki Glaser and Tom Thakkar now have a podcast made from the best stuff from their SiriusXM radio show on Comedy Central Radio (ch 95). Subscribe now to get a condensed version of their funniest moments and their best interviews! Come join us, won't you? Available on on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Play, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Squirt, Squirt!

The future of the podcast is up in the air so make sure to follow Nikki on Twitter for more information. No politician writes their own joke. Everyone talks about the new iPhone update and all the fun ways to use the confetti function. It's time for everyone's favorite game show "Judge Dan's Text!" and Dan talks about his new job. Brian went to a wedding, still didn't dance, but he did realize the terrifying truth about having children. The gang tells you how easy it is to murder a comedian. Spoiler alert, they talk about the Amanda Knox documentary. Nikki breaks up with her therapist.

The fashion police are back! Brian went to Disneyland with Nikki's boyfriend and Andy Lee. They talk about how normies treat famous people. Dan went on his silent retreat with a bunch of wacky characters and he didn't get laid, but he did learn some things. How much money do you need in order to be happy? Listen and find out! Also Nikki took an expensive course, but she'll tell you how to do transcendental meditation for free. Later, It's car crash story time. Brian got free apples and Nikki poses a thoughtful question.

Dan and Nikki open up about how Edward Snowden talks funny, but probably deserves to be pardoned or whatever. Do you forgive artists just because they make great art? Nikki went to the Beyonce concert and tells us all about it and they talk about fame and whether it's worth it. Nikki doesn't feel like talking about sex, but they do anyway. Dan texts when he's horny and pays the price. He also says he's ready to settle down, but Nikki disagrees. They also talk about quitting comedy, but not really and they all take a relationship quiz together.

Nikki talks about the roast and why Anne Coulter sucked and how Rob Lowe is hot. Have you seen Sully? Now you have! Listen to find out what that means. Everyone reviews Brian's Bumble pictures and then they review Dan's photos. Dan talks about his experience with a ghost deer. Nikki tried to save a spider and failed and Brian almost got killed by a bear. Everyone has bear stories. What's the most disturbing thing you've seen on the internet? Dan's probably seen it. Who killed JonBenet? Nikki has the answers.

The gangs all here! Nikki, Dan, and Brian discuss Dan's latest sexual escapade which unfortunately involved a Q-tip. Everyone watched the Tony Robbins documentary and they discuss whether it's possible to change yourself in a week. Why do watermelon's have weddings? Listen and find out! Nikki accidentally gives her dog an orgasm which derails the entire podcast. Which Saved By the Bell character would you date? Everyone agrees it's not Screech. Also, it's Sweet Tango time! Brian brought in apples for everyone to try. There is eating on the podcast. Sorry.

It's a special Brian and Nikki Episode! Brian and Nikki talks about Brian's failed apple mission. Brian talks about his 15 minutes of YouTube fame and tells the story of the infamous 'Facebook Thread Killer.' How do you become a Vine star? Brian uses his dentist to help answer that question. Nikki reveals her biggest Twitter pet peeve. Are we overloaded with content? Listen to this podcast to find out! Also, Nikki feels guilt over her secret death powers and discusses food addiction. Nikki and Brian trade "getting yelled at" stories.

Nikki and Dan talk about doing stand up in NY vs LA. How do you review a review? They attempt to do just that. Nikki is doing the Roast of Rob Lowe and explains why Ann Coulter is such a good target. Also, they discuss rejection in the business and why it's important to hear 'No.' Dan talks about going to a wrestling after party as well as his dynamic love life and why it sucks to be 'in the blue.' Can sex be funny? This comedic duo has the answers. Also, Everyone's favorite game, 'Orange Soup' is back and Dan gets free hugs from his mom.

Nikki explains what talking with a grr is. The gang breaks down bad fashion choices. Why does no one flash or moon anymore? Nikki and the team investigate. Brian tells his Trick 'or' Treating Norwegian scam story and then it's street joke off time! Do plants have feelings? Brian has the answers to that and also the answer to life's greatest mystery. Nikki reveals she doesn't like horror films, but she likes hearing about them. Brian took a ride with the Pee-Bomber and lived to tell about it.

Brian is back and Nikki is annoyed that people aren't more excited. Dan tells his Skype sex story where things got a little shaky. Nikki critiques Brian's Bumble profile and they rehash their exclamation point argument and everyone reveals what emojis they use the most. Nikki defends the gangs inside jokes.

Dan and Nikki talk about the future of the TV show. Lindsay Crystal, producer on the show, joins the podcast and they all talk about how parents can screw up their kids. Nikki tells the story of an unnamed comedian who tried to get back at her through the art of sketch comedy and everyone admits to the horrible childhood crimes they've each committed. The gang ruminates on which job they would do if they couldn't do comedy anymore.

Dan and Nikki share stories from their trip to the Montreal Comedy Festival. Nikki's dog pees on the floor. It's Nikki's assistant's last week and Nikki reveals what new type of porn she likes.

Dan talks about his most recent date and about his dad reading his diary. Nikki asks Dan about his favorite serial killer. Everyone discusses the fear of death. Dan talks about life as a human bowling ball and the results of the company softball game are revealed.

Dan lists his comedy memorabilia. Nikki introduces Rob and they discuss sleep. Dan and Nikki talk about how their Moms can dish it, but can't take it.

Brian has a big announcement, Dan and Nikki reminisce about a terrible comedy festival they both performed in. Dan tells his famous Sinbad story.

Nikki settles an argument between Brian and his roommate Tim about dating advice, Dan talks about the ramifications of his parent’s divorce and Brian talks about sneaking into a movie premiere after party.

The gang talks about lucid dreams, Nikki sings Dan's praises, and Brian explains why he screams in the shower.

The gang discusses cam girls, cuckold porn and sexy movie scenes. PLUS Nikki talks about her giant canker sore, Brian talks about buying a plant, and Dan sees a super model at the Farmer's Market.

Nikki discusses all the places a guy can finish, Dan gives Brian some tips on how to sext, and the gang breaks down threesomes, masturbating and clean looking shafts.

Nikki and Dan talk about their weekend trip to Vegas, Brian talks about his chance meeting with a girl who likes aliens and Nikki and Dan reconcile over a pubic hair incident.

The gang celebrates Nikki’s birthday, Dan regales us with multiple DMX encounter stories and Brian reveals his famed top 5 apples list.

Dan talks about getting a lap dance from a stripper in training, Nikki lays some truth on a friend from high school, and segment producer Tim Convy stops by to talk about what it’s like to live with Brian.

The gang talks about selling merch on the road, Dan decides love is torture and Nikki learns about Cock Hero.

Nikki makes fun of Dan for trying to be a good person, Dan makes fun of Nikki for having trouble accepting a compliment and everyone makes fun of Brian for trying to learn how to dance.

Dan discusses his parent's separation, Nikki tests her Australian accent and at the end everyone talks about aliens.

Nikki opens up about her eating disorder only to have Dan interrupt to talk about swimming and Comedy Central Executive Gary Mann pops in to talk about seeing Nikki for the first time.

Special guest, the super famous Australian Andy Lee, joins the show to talk about getting stung by bullet ants, dressing up like a sloth and making a Lavasagna. Plus Dan manages to hurt his back in the most pathetic way possible.

Nikki calls out some pervs, Dan falls down in the bathroom, and we learn about getting angry.

Nikki watches porn with her boyfriend, Dan dances by himself in the corner and we all learn Nikki likes the same music as a girl who just got her first period.

Nikki talks about being propositioned for threesomes, Dan talks about his unwieldy butt hole and we all have a nice laugh about one of the writer's clothing choices.

Nikki talks about fainting on stage in 2007, Dan talks about pleasing a woman in bed and everyone's coolness gets rated.

This week, Nikki and Dan discuss holding babies, girls with height standards and Dan learns he's not that important to his therapist.

Kato Kaelin, famed witness of the OJ Simpson Trial, stops by to discuss sweatpants, celebrity run-ins and his take on The People v. OJ Simpson. Also, Dan is there.

Nikki delves into her gross medical infatuations, Dan discusses a run-in with a character from the OJ Trial and we play clips from Dan's break-out role in a 2014 Super Bowl commercial.

Nikki and Dan talk about Dan's battle with addiction, they figure out Dan's ideal type and Orange Soup gets a new angle.

Dan talks about masturbating for the very first time, Nikki reveals the secret to trolling creeps in AOL chat rooms and at the end everyone tries to say something nice.

This week, Dan's dad gets hit by a car, Nikki talks about how flying to Thailand is not the best time to meet your boyfriend and how you should just ignore what anyone says on the Internet.

Nikki figures out who in the studio has done anal, Dan gets beef for spilling soup on his crotch and we figure the only way involving your dad in sex can be hot.

Nikki and Dan discuss the joys of talking shit about people, Dan accidentally pets his dick in front of a co-worker, and the gang plays another rousing round of Orange Soup.

Nikki talks about being burp-shamed by her mom, Dan gets a depressing hand job at a massage parlor, and we find out which comedians might be better than Dan at playing the game "Orange Soup."

Periods Are Bad: Nikki and Dan discuss using periods at the end of a text, how to be a good friend, and break new ground in the realm of chlamydia geometry.