It's Not Casablanca

This podcast also does whatever a spider can, though perhaps not as well as this movie.

Well, that's a pleasant surprise. Mostly.

Michael Fassbender and Ridley Scott are great? Well, that's a shocker.

For those counting, it took about 40 seconds.

Our first release-day episode! Thanks, Thursday night screenings!

If Keanu Reeves and Common shooting at each other through a crowded Greenwich Village subway station doesn't do it for you, well, what are we even doing here?

Stop listening to this ridiculous podcast and go watch the best movie of the year. Of a lot of years. A LOT of years.

Insert... Star Wars joke... here? Is there something useful to even say in this space?

Benedict Cumberbatch does magic stuff. It's pretty neat. Also there's a bad guy, sort of, a little, because it's a Marvel movie.

"Hey, I've got an idea. Let's make a neo-Western crime movie with Captain Kirk and the Dude." Someone had that thought, and that someone is a GODDAMNED GENIUS.

Hey, kid! Do you love those Jason Bourne movies? Well have we got a surprise for you!

Bryan Cranston is pretty good. You probably knew that already; just thought we'd repeat it for funsies.

Who you gonna call? Kate McKinnon, that's who. For anything and everything.

Oh wow is this movie awful. Not even an attempt at witty banter here. Its badness will knock your socks off.

In which Poe Dameron and Macbeth fight... uh... I actually can't think of really anything else that James McAvoy is particularly famous for. Band of Brothers? Sure. Fassbender was in that too, you know!

Hey kids, do you like Russell Crowe? Do you like Ryan Gosling? You don't? Then get the fuck out. There's no place for you here.

Disney owns all these things now, right? You kind of wanted Luke Skywalker to show up and say "civil war? Is it a GALACTIC civil war? Meh. Not that impressive." And then Cap says, "we have Robert Downey Junior." Then the real war starts. Over Robert Downey Junior.

Key and Peele, the world's cutest cat, and Method Man reprising his role from the Wire. We really don't know what the hell else you want.

Hey kids! Do you hate fun? Then have we got the movie for you.

In honor of our movie's subject, we're not even going to try to be talkative here.

We break all the rules for Star Wars in a special extra-long show. Well, there's really only two rules, but we do break both of them.

Let's see how delicately we can put this: holy shit this movie is amazing.

DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAH DAH DAH! Sorry, all I can think of is the James Bond Theme over and over again. Because this movie is so awesome.

Anyone else think feel like before it was a Spielberg movie "Bridge of Spies" sounds like it would have been a hair-metal power ballad? "On a BRIIIIIIIIIIDGE... of SPIIIIII-EEEE-IIIIIIEEEEESS!"   Just me?

It's like a riddle: if you make a ghost movie that doesn't really have anything to do with ghosts, will people hate it? (Spoiler: god let's hope so.)

MATT DAMON! GET YOUR ASS TO MARS!Wait. You already did. That's the problem. Carry on.

Chicaaaaaago, Chicaaaaago, that toddlin' town... What, sorry, I was singing old Sinatra songs to take my mind off this tire fire of a movie.

New podcast contest: some sort of silly non-prize to the best person who can come up with a spelling for that noise that Ian McKellen makes. Also, hey, Sherlock Holmes is fun.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make a good Mission Impossible movie when your name isn't Brian DePalma or Brad Bird.   It is called Mission IMPOSSIBLE, mind.

We started working on this podcast 10 years ago and somehow it STILL isn't finished.

You know, at some point, there's only so many robots you can send back in time.

You wouldn't think the word "offensive" would get thrown around so many times as regards a movie about dinosaurs. And yet, here we are.

The return of Max Rockatansky brings the first true split decision to our fair podcast, and it's a 29-28/29-28/30-27 humdinger. Nobody in the movie wears seatbelts and neither did we, and those were mistakes.

We finally get around to seeing Joss Whedon's little indie remake of Pinocchio. It goes pretty well, all things considered.

It's about family.

Jupiter Ascending is what you get when you take really bad acid, and then fall down a flight of stairs, and then make a movie.

It turns out that ignorance does in fact have some unexpected virtues, one of which is deciphering Alejandro Innaritu's Birdman. We mean deciphering in the fun way. That's a thing, right?

Spoiler: Bradley Cooper and Clint Eastwood are really, really, really good. (This, admittedly, is not much of a spoiler.)

It turns out that we do not, in fact, know when to fold them. Which is why we saw the deeply-flawed remake of The Gambler starring Mark Wahlberg. And why we make that joke. Yeah, we know. We apologize.

We return from our hiatus with our first discussion of a holiday prestige release: Foxcatcher. Why Foxcatcher? Because even though we both love history, we often ignore it.

After one abortive attempt we finally managed to see Interstellar in its entirety and can confirm that it is, in fact, a movie. Anything beyond that is probably speculation.

Jake Gyllenhaal does what he does best - be really weird and really good. Thankfully he does them at the same time in Nightcrawler, Dan "Not Tony" Gilroy's ode to Los Angeles. 

Dracula recast as a tragic hero. Sure, that can be a thing, why the hell not? Dracula Untold both asks and answers that question.

David Fincher brings what we'll diplomatically call his unique perspective to the film adaptaion of Gillian Flynn's bestseller. Also we record a podcast before we settle on a title for it. Spoilers ho! (Also adult language.)