So Good

Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. Narcissism is a common, destructive force among relationships. Today's guest, Ben Taylor, is a self-aware narcissist in recovery and he works with narcissists and their victims to heal the traumas at the root.  Part of the difficulty with narcissism is that the person doesn't believe that they're doing anything wrong. Today, Ben will give us some pointers on where to draw the line in relationships and how to move forward. “That's me - Ben Taylor, a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook. Also I try to help people with or abused by narcissism.” Please reach out to me if you are a: Victim of Narcissistic Abuse: Helping provide closure, reduce guilt and break free from the trauma bond that toxic people imprison you in.  Narcissist: I understand you better than you probably understand yourself because I have been there, I am there and I am fighting daily for a better life. You can do that too. April 6th Webinar: “How To Recognize and Overcome Narcissistic Abuse” https://strongerthanbefore.podia.com/how-to-recognize-overcome-narcissistic-abuse (https://strongerthanbefore.podia.com/how-to-recognize-overcome-narcissistic-abuse) Book a One on One coaching session here: http://www.calendly.com/rawmotivations (www.calendly.com/rawmotivations)   Home of the N.A.R.C. App (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Community) https://rawmotivations.com/n-a-r-c-app (https://rawmotivations.com/n-a-r-c-app) Raw Motivations - Ben Taylor Website http://www.rawmotivations.com/ (www.rawmotivations.com) Platforms Ben is on: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@raw_motivations (https://www.tiktok.com/@raw_motivations) Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rawmotivations (https://www.instagram.com/rawmotivations) Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/rawmotivations (https://m.facebook.com/rawmotivations)

I'm back from my unintentional break and I've missed you so much!  It's been a whirlwind couple of months and I've learned a lot. Something that's been coming up a lot with my clients is concern with the timeline and the journey.  They don't want to be 40 and just getting married, or they feel like they've paid their dues and are tired of the journey.  Thing is, the frustrated energy isn't going to call in the quality person you deserve. So what about the Lucky Charms? You'll just have to listen to find out ;) 

If you're not sure if this relationship is right for you, if you're confused and uneasy, this episode is for you. Why do we linger in relationships when our physical bodies are indicating that something isn't right? Are you biding your time, thinking that if you put in enough time you'll get what you want? Are you staying because you think if you broke up with him, he would suddenly change and be amazing for someone else? Are you on a good/bad rollercoaster and find yourself walking on eggshells or fantasizing about your life if things ended? Is he just a really nice guy, but you're not into it?  Now the question of the value of your time affects him too. If tomorrow all your problems were solved and you have everything you've ever wanted, do you want to be with this person? How do you truly value your life?  Are you willing to take the safe 6/10 because it's better than nothing or you're running out of time?  Write down everything you tell yourself and ask yourself if it's actually a fact.

I have a new riddle for you: What is something that most of us have struggled with that is applicable to both sexes that can be single or taken, any stage of life at any time? Answer: Decision making.  Today I want to share 3 ways to make decisions and choosing way easier. Resist venting to the well-intentioned, but misguided, girlfriends.  Seeking validation to make yourself feel better is only going to confuse you further. Address your belief around risk. Risk in itself is not avoidable, but discomfort isn't always a bad thing when it comes to making changes. Know what you're aiming for. Does this situation/relationship line up with what you actually want? Your dating life should be fun and it gets to be way more fun when you know who you are and you learn to just own that and be that all the time.

Admit it - you've heard all about manifesting your ideal relationship, so you've written out your detailed list of what your ideal partner will look like, act like, what he'll do for a living, and how you'll meet.  Today we're talking about how to drop the idea of what love is “supposed” to look like, especially in your dating life. Some of the most amazing things in your life have happened out of the blue, right?  We'll talk about: How to remember that there's so much you haven't experienced Surrendering to the magic of the universe How to let go of control and call in the magic that's right for you If you were to imagine yourself in your ideal relationship, feeling safe and seen, laughter and connection and orgasms, would it really matter where you met or how old you were?  The hardest part is letting go of the egoistic human expectations.  Cross off the characteristics from your list and focus on the character you want.

Analyzing celebrity couples has always been one of my favorite things to do!  It's official everybody, Bennifer is Back!  Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are back together, 18 years later and the reunion is so whimsical.    I'd love to see that this works out for them!  But, I'd also love to see them do it differently this time around.  The first time they burned so hot, so fast, went public right away, and flamed out.  Now that they have some more maturity, they have a much more relaxed energy together and it just feels serendipitous. Today I'll discuss what I consider the "2nd Time Around Rules" for getting back together.   It can work out if both are willing to do the work to repair the rift that caused the split The past is a place of reference, not ammunition

I see this fear of the unknown so often with my clients.  Today we're really diving into my process for finding your neutral space.   There are bound to be times when someone else's mood affects you, but if you can learn these skills those disruptions won't bother you as much.  Taking things personally boils down to a fear of judgement, fear of rejection, and a tendency to to people-please.   One thing you can work on, which isn't always easy, is trusting that people you interact with daily are able to handle mature interactions.   Notebook time!  List the 5 people that you surround yourself with the most.  Factor in their cognitive abilities and rate them 1-10 on how freely you can speak around them.  What would it take to get each of those to a 10? Who do you need to have a conversation with? Here's the thing though - don't worry so much about other people's perceptions.  If someone doesn't get back to you immediately, don't panic. The good news is that not taking things personally is a skill, and today we're going to learn it. Remember that everyone has their own preferences and they won't always line up with yours, and that's okay!  Your self esteem doesn't depend on your phone ringing.  The fear of not being picked is going to manifest as the anxiety that puts way too much pressure on a stranger. What if you feel like you need a neutral third party to hash out these problems, when you need it?  Somebody to help you grow your own self love and shut down the overthinking?  Introducing the Back Pocket Love Coach!  Get Voxer access to me for 30 days by visiting sogood.love !!

This next step in the series will explore Energetic Neutrality.  First things first though, energetic neutrality is NOT acting like you don't care.  It's not about being icy or rude, or pretending you don't give a shit.  Energetic neutrality is the way you stop the back-and-forth. When was the last time you felt really good?  Not manic, happy, drunk, stoned, just centered and content.  Write down every detail you can think of about that day. Now, what happened the day before that day?  From here, you can do a classic Venn diagram of those 48 hours.  The similarities become your “middle way.”  Your job is to make that baseline the foundation of your life. When you live in that neutral way, surprise stressors won't bother you that much anymore.  If you're secure in yourself, your life is good and full, and you're able to listen to your intuition that much easier. You are in charge of you.  You are in charge of your state when you're firm in your middle. Don't let the dopamine hit make you think that a relationship is better than it is.   After you've written out your happy vibes notes, start looking around your environment.  Does your environment support your happy vibes? Go live your life! You are the prize!  You do you and see if this guy, who's just a guy, brings something to the plate. There's some advice for the married crowd too.  Being able to stay neutral and logical in conflict, you can then learn how to not take things personally. There will be so much less unnecessary mental spiraling when you do.  In part 3 we'll go in deeper detail!

Does any of this sound familiar? Your day can turn grumpy if you haven't heard from the guy you're talking to.  You can't stop overanalyzing every text.  You check your phone, rotating through every social media hoping for a DM.  Today, we're talking about how to stop being so obsessive when you first start seeing someone. Why does it happen in the first place? No one's immune and emotions can run away with us.  With a brand new relationship, sometimes that spark and instant connection can make you lose your damn mind.  Those who are especially vulnerable to toxic relationships usually “need” external validation.  Time to take notes.  Let's get you some skills to keep off that slippery slope.   Relationships are mirrors.  In healthy relationships, feeling an intense connection is when both people bring out the best in each other and lift each other up.  In difficult relationships, the “mirror” gets distorted because one or both people doesn't have the internal validation to sustain the connection.   Don't fall for the magazine tricks of “send these 5 texts and he'll fall for you” because it will set an expectation that isn't real or organic.  It sets you up for more external validation, which just means more heartache. What tends to happen then is that your mood goes up and down based on what your phone is doing. The real hack is to enjoy yourself so much that anyone wanting to come into your life needs to be better than your solitude.  Getting a boyfriend won't make your life better automatically.   This is going to be a 3-part series this week!  We're going to look inward to find where your catch points are and how to work through them.  

In dating culture we talk about red flags and some of them are so obvious from the get go, but there are some that tend to fly under the radar. The first red flag that I never forget about people is road rage. I'm not talking about an occasional honk, I'm talking about cutting people off, yelling, speeding up and following people, the aggressive driver.  Healthy regulated people get annoyed, but get over it pretty quickly when someone does something in traffic.  People with emotional regulation issues have a very hard time letting go of trigger stimuli, plus they get really mad really quick.  Not good for a relationship.  If you're uncomfortable with the way someone handles themselves in traffic, do you think he's going to control himself with difficult conversations? Next is the guy who constantly talks shit about his ex.  The guy who talks shit about his baby mama, calls his ex the crazy bitch, is very emotionally immature.  He'll probably do the same thing to you later on.  It's the height of selfishness to degrade someone else in order to make your ego feel better. The good old fashioned inconsistent guy.  In and out, hot and cold, reluctant to make concrete plans, very chatty then MIA.  It's very tricky to step away from this one.  Odds are, they know that they can have their pick of women and won't commit to anything.  Watch for whether he's actually making plans, following through, and showing true interest in you.

To women, men can be a mystery. But it doesn't always have to be that way. It's actually quite simple. Today, let's get down and dirty and talk about what men actually want and discuss their needs. In this episode we talk about  The most obvious and basic aspect of men-- primal needs The feminine aspect of men- their emotional needs Why men need to feel fulfilled- their spiritual needs

In today's episode, I talk about lessons I've learned along the way of being a relationship educator. I wanted to share this with my audience because of the recent fall from grace relationship educators we have seen online. We are not all picture perfect as I have made mistakes myself.  In this episode we talk about  You can't dupe people...Be you, be yourself. Don't try and coach your partner Not everyone wants the help 99% of what I see as a relationship coach is absolute gold garbage There are some people who gets what you do and lives are changed

Did you ever see someone who you thought they were beautiful...until they opened their mouth and something horrific came out of it. Let's go deeper...beyond the surface levels of a partnership. We're talking about, looks vs personality here. Let's switch our perspectives in terms of how to actually know and cultivate your match for what you actually want. This episode is so good you don't want to miss it! In this episode we talk about  Understanding the basics of character vs. characteristics and what that looks like Going deeper into what you are looking for in a partner Concept of a “nice” guy and what that looks like in adult relationships Realizing that it's okay to wait for the right person to come along that matches your energy

How many songs have been written about sex? ALOT! "I want your sex" by George Michael. "Let's talk about sex" by Salt & Pepa. "Get Off" by Prince. The list goes on and on. Today, I am not going to sing about it but I am going to talk about it! What is sex REALLY about? Ok, procreation. But from a behavioral energetic and identity point of view, what is sex really about? Sex is beautiful and something not to be taken granted. Join me as I go through my experiences and share with you how sex is supposed to feel so good. In this episode we talk about  My journey through my sex addiction What having sex does to you energetically The act of asking questions can break that repeated chemical trance

I get asked this question on the regular. It's one of the most highly requested topics that I touch on and I'm giving you the in-depth answer to “Why am I single?” WARNING: This may be hard to hear and you may feel triggered. I am giving you the hard truth so YOU can have Good Love in your life. Let's take a deep breath and let's get started. In this episode we talk about  Am I rejecting what I want? Am I actually hating on the thing I want? Am I prepared and ready for what I want?

Kim and Kanye were the HOTTEST couple to get together after Jay Z and Beyonce....until they weren't! Most were not shocked when Kim filed for divorce but when did their troubles begin? Join Stephanie as she discusses when she began noticing Kim losing herself in Kanye's idea of who Kim should be. In this episode, Stephanie shares: Breaks down why fairy tale romances aren't sustainable What it makes to break energetically as a couple When Stephanie could tell Kim was getting ready to walk away The one thing that will poison any marriage

WARNING! Some of the topics discussed may be upsetting/triggering. If you have not listened to Part I of "My Story", it is strongly recommended! After her mother passed, Stephanie continued in a self-destructive pattern making every poor choice and finding herself with no one. At 28, she found herself barely employable and skirting the law of legality while cleaning toilets. In this episode, Stephanie shares: Why she was willing to give herself over to her partying lifestyle. What she did for the first time in 20 years. How a guided meditation exercise led her to something amazing. What she learned through her deep healing. Honorable Mentions: https://music.apple.com/us/album/acoustic-soul/1440785961?i=1440786167&ign-gact=3&ls=1 (Ready for Live by India.Arie)

Stephanie's parents wanted to be a POWER COUPLE! Wanting to live their own lives on their own terms, their dream did not involve children. However, unplanned, Stephanie was brought into this world in 1986. Before her first birthday, Stephanie's parents were divorced. In this episode, Stephanie shares: Why secrets had her reaching for alcohol at 15 years old. What situation occurred at 21 years old for her to realize she wasn't "doing all right." How her "moment that would change her life" only lasted 8 months. When she realized people need to feel good, to do good, to love good.

"Good Love" is not a singular phrase or a sentence that you can explain. "Good Love" It is AN ENTIRE MOOD!!! After 15 years in what Stephanie can only coin as "dating hell" because she believed all her problems would be solved if she found a boyfriend, she decided to climb out of the fiery ashy hole of despair and lay out a new path for her life. In this episode, Stephanie shares: Why magazine articles like "Lose 10 pounds to Get Your Man" and "How to Please Him in Bed" are harmful How begging and crying to a God she didn't believe in, changed her life What happened when she truly experienced really deep good love The feelings of good love Lovely Mentions: https://open.spotify.com/album/7EXstuWka51pNFzEAidEol?highlight=spotify:track:3ibKnFDaa3GhpPGlOUj7ff (Let Me Love You by Mario)