The Open Marriage

What a time! The world went into lock down and we opened up. We hope it was fun, thought provoking or relatable in some small way. Thank you for listening along, Summer and Jason

This might be our most awkward one yet. Not so much in content, but the difficulty of asking and considering some of the more practical questions around monogamy and innovation as it may or may not be suited to marriage and family life. We're primarily reflecting on a School of Life video, an Esther Perel podcast, and Gaslighter, the new album by the band formerly known as The Dixie Chicks.

How do we weather criticism? Is it helpful or hurtful? Does it have a place in our romantic relationships? And what about in our parenting? This is an examination of the dynamic of our own contrasting approaches when it comes to giving and receiving criticism.

We want to be beautiful, but not vain. We want to be attractive, but not at the expense of our true selves. We want to be comfortable in our own skin and appreciated for who we are and we also want to dress it up and relish in the magic of a little airbrushing now and then. We're talking about how we reconcile our many different faces and forms throughout life and within a long term relationship.

Why is pleasure a buried treasure for too many of us? I envy those who have it sorted and are very in touch with this aspect of themselves - sensuality and sexuality. For those where this feels a less natural aspect to our being we fumble on, still in search of the holy grail. Not just for us, but also for how we relate to our children on the important topics of sex. How do we begin to prepare ourselves and know how we hope to parent our kids with respect to sexuality? Especially where we endeavour to change the narrative from one of shame to one of acceptance.

In this week's episode we interrogate the archetype of "The Devouring Mother". The fine line between supporting our kids and smothering them can be a tricky one to get right. We approach the subject with curiosity and examine how the dynamic played out in our own childhood contexts. Join us in examining the shadow sides to parental power dynamics and the cautionary tales within myths and archetypes that we can learn from as we try to help our kids grow into deeper confidence and self-sufficiency.

This episode is a call to engage. Even when it's uncomfortable and we'd rather put it off or ignore it entirely. Conflict that surfaces is an opportunity to more deeply communicate with each other. It's a challenge to get more clear with ourselves, to share our perspective or experience openly and honestly with those we need to hear it, to ask for what we want and allow others the chance to respond, and to either meet us there or add to the picture something on their side that we're not seeing. In this conversation we weave in and out of how we're developing these life skills in our relationship and also in our parenting with the kids.

How creative are we willing to get to feel the way we want to feel? What conversations do we need to have with our partners to outgrow lingering dissatisfactions and improve our sexuality? How much rebuilding is needed in a long term relationship after kids come along and the dynamics shift dramatically? These are questions Jason and I continue to grapple with. This conversation captures some of that. This is part 2 to the episode titled ‘His Side'.

In this episode we talk about how the consideration of an open marriage began for us. Jason takes the lead here, sharing what that conversation felt like to him and the ensuing journey of personal development that resulted. CW: There is a brief mention of suicide from around 26:15 - 28:05. We mention it in the context of learning from others how to heal from trauma. If the subject is too heavy for you right now, feel free to skip over this bit.

Let's take things slow. This debut episode is like a first date – short and sweet, just to see how we get on. A bit of casual banter; calling out awkward starts; name-dropping our favourite relationship therapist, Esther Perel; the challenge of disrupting boredom in long-term relationships and explaining why we're opening up these personal, ongoing conversations to a larger audience.

Go on, have a listen and see what we're all about. Music is 'Bloom' by Paper Kites