Alive Not Just Breathing

Recently I've been more focused on making YouTube Shorts. I likely will return to this podcast too, but at the moment I'm making more content there. If you're interested my channel is @ColRothwell on there.

If you find it really hard to keep up a healthy exercise and/or diet routine then you may be struggling with the key elements of why you do them. In this episode I describe what I believe are the biggest two game changing factors for long term improvement and mental resilience when it comes to healthy routines and how the same elements apply to all changes we make in ourselves.

Right now is a key time for putting focus onto choosing yourself and accepting where you're allowing unhealthy relationships to deplete you before they damage your self worth any more. Face those truths, accept them and then take the action to let them go. Let them go...so you can heal and grow.

As great as it is to learn and grow in various ways, we need to take time for ourselves just to switch off and rest. We also need to remind ourselves how well we've done and get comfortable with where we are now rather than always trying to push on ahead. Also, try to remember that the answers we seek are very rarely found in or from others...the vast majority of them lay deep in ourselves, but we have to take the time to allow ourselves to find them and listen to them naturally.

Are you someone who is triggered easily by other people's comments or do you find yourself either reacting or overthinking what people think when someone has said something about you? When we take a step back and also realise that aside from the other person usually highlighting their own insecurities by attempting to trigger you, there must also be a reason it touched a nerve, that then allows us to do the work to inspect why that is and where it comes from. When there is zero truth in what people say about us, it won't trigger us. But when any tiny part of us feels there is an element of truth in what's been said (or our mind tells us we do) that's when we tend to react badly. This episode touches on this and other things to take into consideration about self esteem, how we perceive ourselves (and how that affects the energy we give off to others) and how to learn to stop allowing anyone to have that power over us.

One thing we humans don't always realise is that we don't own anything. Everything we're lucky enough to have or to get in our lives are simply borrowed. Whilst this may be a lot to get your head around, it's actually a super comforting thing to understand and will help with a positive mindset of gratitude massively in the long run.

Following on from the last episode, it's also important to realise that grief can be a part of change too. Grief is not just about the death of people but also about the death of who we once were or the people we used to have in our lives that are no longer the same or no longer healthy for us. A big part of positive and healthy change is still accepting that there will be grief for what you once knew, had or were. It's a difficult thing but knowing, accepting and understanding it can make the transition that bit smoother.

We all can fear change even though for some it's worse than others...but have you ever made positive changes only to still feel off or anxious? Why is it that exciting opportunities can still sometimes feel scary? The mind will always fear what it can't yet see. Being unhappy and uncomfortable can still feel safe if it's what we know. But the truth is we'll never feel the magic in that place even if we do feel safe. Learning to sit with these feelings and overcome them is the key. We are not our minds, despite how easy it is to think we are. There's so much more for us beyond what the mind can see and fears. At the end of the day, in order to reach our potential we will always just have to hold on tight through the initial steps being a bumpy ride.

There's no official episode this week due to the fact I very much work to my own schedule and in a flow state rather than forcing anything, plus I've been working through more things myself the past couple of weeks so am allowing myself time to do so. As there has been times this podcast has gone dormant before I thought I'd post an update just to let people know there is still much more to come, and where I'm at...but we all need time to work on ourselves and take a break too. We're all in this together and are always all doing the work together (well, those that choose to anyway) don't let the so called gurus that claim to have it all figured out convince you differently!

Today's episode ended up being more talk about healthy or unhealthy relationships and the issues which sometimes lead us to falling into the same behaviour patterns. I touch on why we can easy find certain relationships or people 'passionate' or 'boring' and be attracted to drama and turbulence subconsciously, even though it's what we don't consciously want. Other bits include the problem with being a 'nice guy' (or girl) and needy energy, the real damage you cause yourself when keep trying to fix people and accepting less than you want and deserve, the ridiculousness of playing games, 'Treat them mean to keep them keen' overly 'Alpha Male' energy and more... Note to self for future content, don't do it on an empty stomach

A quick extra add-on to the episodes on emotional issues in relationships and becoming unavailable due to trust issues... A lot of times we talk about not being able to trust someone or being scared to, yet really it's more about learning to trust ourselves and not only recognise that we DID get warning signs about the people we shouldn't have trusted, but we also chose to ignore them. When you trust yourself to pay attention to gut feelings and things that seem off, and actually act on them by investigating and exploring further rather than either ignoring the feelings or automatically assuming the worst without checking if you're right first...then you put yourself in the position to be empowered in yourself AND in relationships. Don't cut yourself off through fear, learn to love yourself and that includes your intuition which we all have too. Learn to question and most of all learn to COMMUNICATE healthily with people in all areas. We miss so much through fear, anxiety, assumptions or ignorance to what we picked up on for a reason.

Following on from the chat about emotionally unavailable people, I thought back to past realisations about subconsciously looking to fix people and the validation/self worth boost that provides. Do you look to 'fix' others or keep finding yourself attracting people that appear to need 'fixing' or are you someone that tends to look to be 'fixed' by someone else? Neither are healthy. Eventually all roads lead to realising that we can only work on ourselves and understanding the difference between healthy support versus being totally reliant on someone else and giving away your power to them. I also touch on how Empaths commonly find themselves in these situations and why, and how it's not always in relationships that we can see ourselves or be seen as the 'fixer' etc.

Today I'm talking about attracting emotionally unavailable people. Do you attract people like this continually? Do you know or wonder why? Are you emotionally unavailable yourself? Do you know why that is? Do you intend to work on it? I also discuss how and why this happens often for Empaths and touch briefly on things like the difference between healthy loneliness and neediness, staying authentic and going with the flow naturally in meeting people amongst other bits which will most likely become full episodes in future. This episode is more of a discussion plus being open and vulnerable about difficult circumstances rather than advice. Feel free to contribute in the comments.

Where did the podcast go and why is it back?! Today I'm touching on what happened and what things led to me shelving the old podcast before I ultimately decided to bring it back under the same name but with a slightly different vibe. Parts discussed include neurodiversity, labels, avoiding the perfectionism trap and just doing things, the aim and style of the podcast and how it's evolved in the time away and more... Bonus points for picking up on how many times I say "you know"

This is almost like a part 2 for the previous episode. How do YOU define success for yourself? Personally I've learned to think about that in much more depth as I've gotten older. I now have been able to rethink what success in life is to me which then enables me to much easier feel it and flow with it rather than always seeing it as some future event. Another episode which was part of the late night sessions.

It's very easy to compare our lives to those we deem as successful in various ways and feel inferior. One thing I've learned to do from my own issues is to remind myself that other people's success hasn't often come without other sacrifices. Sometimes those sacrifices may be ones that we really wouldn't feel able or like to make. The human mind often sees the grass as greener elsewhere but it's important to break down if that's actually fully true when it comes to what we potentially define as success and achievements. This is also part of the late night sessions!

Part of what I'll call the late night sessions seeing as I recorded a batch when unable to sleep! I find there can be a heavy pushing of hustle mentality these days which when overdone can be very toxic and damaging. As much as there are elements of good in some content, I think this constant mega push on hustling so much over healthy rest, sleep and balancing certain mental and emotional needs in life needs to be much more kept in check in order to stop it from creating new health issues.

Music is absolutely huge and sometimes can be easily forgotten. Never underestimate what the power of music can do for us mentally. There are odd bits I like to throw in or discuss briefly which are much shorter and to the point so these can be the Shorts episodes.

2 things we all easy do are thinking we are/have to be in control of everything in our life to be happy and planning on being happy later when we've got something we don't currently have. But there is no end destination where everything is now great for good and we simply DON'T have control of everything that happens to or for us...no matter how much we want it. We need to learn to flow with what life brings us more, to live NOW rather than putting it off and presuming things will be better when...the mind does not want that. It needs to know how everything will be but it never can. The sooner we learn to spot this, to accept it and then learn to trust ourselves and flow rather than swimming against the tide, the more smooth things will be.

When we're struggling with everyday tasks due to depression/burnout or just not being our best, using intention is a clever way of really making those tasks a little better. It's also a super powerful tool to bring yourself fully into the moment mentally and actually makes things FEEL way more rewarding and enjoyable generally too. This can be applied to so many different scenarios and situations in life which helps to make you feel more alive and part of things rather than the walking around on autopilot thing which all of us easily fall into at times.

More talk on being your true authentic self and overcoming being able to be open and vulnerable without fear of others comments and judgement. As I'm expanding myself and allowing myself to push more out of my comfort zone by being more vulnerable I'm sharing how important I feel it is to be authentic and to remember why it's pointless holding back and shrinking for fear of what others think of or will say about you. I also touch on more about being able to change yourself in a healthy way in every moment.

Where I'm at and why there has been a gap (along with previous gaps) inbetween episodes. I touch on what I do to cope best with all that's going on and where I intend to go from here.

A quick background touch on personal struggles and how we need to take it to the next level of vulnerability as men.

How do we expect to hear answers or advice if we never take a break from the noise to hear? How do you expect to see signs if you don't take a moment to look for them? No matter if we're spiritual, religious or neither...we can't take time to hear/see/figure out solutions if our senses are hammered 24/7...and that includes the distractions that WE choose.

Finishing off the long message on letting go. I touch on depression, anxiety, what's wrong in society and how we're taught to live, loneliness etc. Last episode for now until things become clearer. Keep fighting the good fight.

An honest and frank statement about where I'm at and why I'm letting go of a lot of things. We all have things we need to let go of in order to find ourselves again or find ourselves for the first time. The noise is getting heavy right now but I'm hopeful times are changing...

We all want so much for all different reasons. But we live in a world where we're CONSTANTLY being sold all different things under the illusion that they'll make us whole and happy. It's so easy to get lost battling and fighting for all these things we never really needed and don't actually change anything aside from leading us to the next thing we want. If we take a moment to examine what we want and then why we actually want it...it can allow us to really think about if we do need or want it for the right reasons or if we need to think about what we DO actually want or what we need to work on instead.

How much do we all put things off until it feels like the perfect time? How often do we hold ourselves back because we're more worried or defeatist about trying to compete with other people than we believe in what we have to share? Everyone in self help and motivation says it these days about taking action now I know, but it's simply the truth. You can plan, you can debate with yourself if it's worth it, you can wait until the time is right or until you have better equipment and all of that...but until you make a start you're just letting the dream die piece by piece. Some of us never recover from that and never end up creating anything. Don't think about that on your deathbed, all that regret. Just make a start now, don't compete...CREATE.

We all have those days where nothing seems to go to plan, where we just don't feel right...and no matter how hard we push we just can't seem to right the ship. The worries I see as issues with this are that some of us will then panic and allow the fear of a bad patch to consume us and easily become a self fulfilling prophecy when it was never any more than a bad day all along. The other is that we can also try SO hard to break the cycle too quickly that we burn out even more and/or make ourselves feel even worse when we're unable to shift our mindset as fast as we'd like. The key is to remind yourself to let go of thinking a bad day is some disaster which will build into a catastrophe. It's simple in theory but when we're surrounded by success and advice, and we push ourselves so hard to keep positive it becomes very easy to forget. So allow yourself a bad day, and let that be all it is.

A lot of us are currently facing having to start afresh in various ways. Thanks to what we've all been living through since early 2020, some of us have had to literally start over from scratch. When our lives change drastically or unexpected events take us right back to the beginning, we can feel lost, angry, hopeless and confused. It can be very easy to just sink and not know how to get up. But it's also a fresh opportunity. It's a chance to rebuild, to maybe build a whole new life and experience all new things that we'd never dreamed of previously. Starting over can be hard but it can also be incredibly rewarding and lead to a whole new outcome and experiences.

The ALIVE Not Just Breathing Podcast has been resurrected! Times are a changing, a new world is developing. Now is the time to restart, rebuild and get moving.

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed by life. We can so easily get stuck and not see a way out of the hole we find ourselves in. The key is not to think big picture and not focus far ahead. Instead we can make a start to making things better by changing ONE small thing at a time. Focus on just today right now, and just ONE small thing. That's where we start. That's how we build.

Talking about recent things I've observed around sexuality and people's judgements on it. Thoughts & experimentation does not make your sexual preference different or need to be announced publicly. Labelling people needs to stop, especially when it comes to sexual preference. Also I touch on Toxic Masculinity and how different genders can label men which can then do major damage to mental health. We need to remove our own personal labels and learn to be comfortable with ourselves, even if society won't.

Episode 2 talks about why we see others as better than ourselves (celebrities, successful people etc) and why it is we have problems communicating with those people. You're just as good as anyone else, regardless of their status. Celebrate you and be the person you really are. Treat everyone the same. Break down those boundaries.

An intro to myself Col Rothwell and what Alive Not Just Breathing is all about.