Shove It Down

I was feeling really bad. Maybe I still am? Really sad. Really angry. I don't get the world. That is becoming a common statement in this podcast. There are things that make sense, and for reasons I can not comprehend, the world, our nation (because I'm in the US) aren't aligning with what feels like common sense anymore. That's only a piece of this. The other part of this is what's happening to us right now. Are you making a will? Have you considered it recently? I have, well, I've considered it. Regardless of how very little the world makes sense, there are some things that have become reality. They're real, and they exist whether we want to acknowledge them or not. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I do believe that we each, individually, have more power than we realize. We don't need government officials to tell us what the right thing to do is. We have the power to sort that our for ourselves, but... But... *Deep breath*I don't see things getting better. I'm sad for all of us. I'm sad for how out of control we each feel, and the things we feel we HAVE to do, even when they don't make sense. Hang in there. This one is long, and I'm just depressed, and scared. I'm sure you understand. Song: Until You're Gone by Johny Grimes. You can find it as a free download on the Youtube Audio Library.www.bottledupfoundation.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

I've been wondering something. Why don't we reach out for support? We know we should, but we don't. No matter how many inspiring things we see in cute little quotes on the internet, or after hearing a loved one say "just call me!" we just don't do it. So why not? I have some theories. I've been in therapy, and have come to some conclusions of my own, but I am not a therapist. I am no where near qualified to tell you the answer. I think it's all subjective. You may need to discover the answers for yourself. Song: I Am Okay, by Vishmak. You can find it as a free download on the Youtube Audio Library. www.bottledupfoundation.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

Welcome to Season 2! Should I say I'm excited to do this again? To talk about all the things we are all suppressing? Excited is the wrong word. We are all in this together now, not that we weren't before, but now more then ever all of our problems are right in our faces! And I've never felt quite so connected to all of you. How lovely. You guys get me. I get you. I know it sounds like I'm joking... I'm actually not funny. I considered trying to start a funny podcast, but I don't know how to keep that up. I literally have no idea how to start something like that. Life feels like a huge joke to me, but the wrong kind of joke. The kind of joke that leaves you breathless because you just got punched in the gut, but somehow it made sense to get punched... Wait, no it didn't... F***king nothing makes sense. I'm going to swear sometimes. Deal with it. Love you guys. Hang in there. This world is a mess. Let's talk about it. www.bottledupfoundation.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

I want to know, with the current state of the world, how many people will forgive others for their shortcomings? We are ALL struggling right now. Covid-19 is very serious, and we are seeing some serious issues that are otherwise hidden, on a global scale. It's not just the threat of a virus. Humanity has lost control. In our confusion and panic, we are under the threat of so much more then just a virus. Our world is very unforgiving, and we do this to one other. The amount of extortion happening today is maddening. The jobs lost, the homes lost, the lives lost... We lose our sanity when we lose our control, and so much more is at risk. SO.MUCH.MORE.Have we lost our humanity?**Please excuse the audio in this episode. Due to the threat of corona virus, my children are now staying home from school, and I changed my recording location. The intro/outro have a different quality of audio that you'll hear throughout. I hope you'll forgive me for that. We are all certainly doing our best. I think.**Stay safe and healthy friends. Reach out for help if you find yourself in need.

I am not anti-drug. Something that get's misconstrued because of all that I do, write, and share in my life. Maybe it's like the sentiment that guns don't kill people, people kills people. Largely this feels like the same issue. All medicine can be used to aid us in this life, but the bigger question to epidemics like this isn't how do we get rid of the drugs, but how do fix the system that is very clearly broken. Where people can take advantage of people, and profit on the death of another human life. Maybe not the most eloquent episode. Mostly, I'm just mad. I'm so mad that there are still people in this world who use and manipulate each other. Do we value one another? Are we playing the game right along side them?This is a people problem, not a drug problem. www.raisedbynarcotics.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

Mental health is a lot like what these podcasts would look like if I didn't edit the audio I record. Our mental health is not some phantom belief that if we just think differently, we can be different. In this episode I share with you my own depression and how I felt like a failure because nothing I did made me "better". Maybe "better" isn't the answer though.www.raisedbynarcotics.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

Experiencing the death of someone close to you can, and will, cause emotions that don't make sense. Wishing for the death of someone close to you, in place of someone you just lost... that might, in fact, be considered crazy. Have I lost my mind?Probably. www.raisedbynarcotics.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

I'm not successful, and I may never be considered successful in what I'm trying to do with the books I write, the podcasts I record, the paintings I'm creating in hopes to be an illustrative author some day... Financially it doesn't matter, it can't matter. Why do I do all that I do?I get caught up in the comparison game online too, just like so many of us do. I get trapped wondering if I should continue because I don't reach a wide audience, because I don't have a lot of followers, because I don't sell very many books. I forget what it's all about. And this episode is a reminder to me and to all of you of how I got here, and why I'll continue no matter what happens. Because that one person out there who might stumble across what I do, and feel,I dunno, better hopefully... I do it for that person. You guys matter to me, and this episode is more then how I got here, it's how I got help. How long it took me to get help, and how long it took me to realize my story meant more then just the grief and pain I felt over losing my family. www.raisedbynarcotics.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

We are being handed prescriptions for death, and selling death for a quick buck. Everything in our lives is pushing us into our graves. There is no one to point our fingers at to place blame. What can we do with that pain? Is our pain worthless?We have isolated those of us who are surviving this horrible epidemic. Each of us alone at our own empty table, wishing things could be different. How do we make things different? What now?This is the deadliest pyramid scheme of our generation, possibly ever. When we are driven to be as happy and rich as possible, what are we left with? What was it worth?www.raisedbynarcotics.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

Alyse has been grieving for half of her life. Grief is at least half of the message that ties into the opioid epidemic, neither of which we are prepared to face. In this episode Alyse talks about her own weird addictions, because she needs control, but what did that control cost?When there is a pill for everything we deal with, no wonder we are so disconnected from one another, and use other things to suppress our emotions and become addicted to our outlets. Are our "healthy" habits just as toxic as our drug addictions?Opioids. Death. Epidemic. Powerful words that have lost their potency due to the trendy nature of what's happening in our world. How do we prepare our children for that world?www.raisedbynarcotics.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

What words and photographs do for us. What they mean in a world of broken memories. What do our memories mean if we look in between the moments that we deem worthy of taking a photograph, or writing about on a blog or in a journal?Are we hiding behind our words and photographs on social media?I was. What if we looked a little closer?What about the moments we don't share?www.raisedbynarcotics.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

What does your family look like? And what does that word "family" mean to you?In this episode we explore what my strange family looked like, and just how harshly they were judged, we were judged, because of our circumstances. What is support supposed to look like? We don't seem to do it right. Does anyone?When an already broken family is handed crisis, such as the opioid epidemic, how are we meant to heal and move forward into a better quality of life? Many families understand this dilemma, because the support we all need does not exist. We can change this, but it will take time. www.raisedbynarcotics.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

The opioid epidemic is about so much more than opioids. More than pills, more than drugs. It's about family, love, support, empathy, and all that you lose as a result of the pills/drugs. www.raisedbynarcotics.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com

Author of the memoir Raised By Narcotics, Alyse begins her story by sharing that painful winter's night when her mother passed away as a direct result of the opioid epidemic sweeping our nation. Although at the time, she didn't know that. In this first episode we discover that her mother had secrets, and like mother like daughter, so does Alyse. Growing up in a household of four women, Alyse included, she is now the only survivor of the opioid's that came into her home and destroyed the family she thought she loved. Now she is set to tell her story, share the secrets her family guarded, and help others understand that everything we shove down inside of ourselves, is incredibly damaging to us and our families and friends. It's a story we are all very familiar with. Now she hopes to shed light on this devastating topic, and create the support and community we are all severely lacking. www.raisedbynarcotics.comInstagram: @AuthorAlyseFacebook: @AuthorAlyseauthoralyseneibaur@gmail.com