Taco Friday

Que pendejadas are you guys talking now? I think Eric wanted to throw putasos with Jaydog over some bullsh*t. Pero tranquilo, cabron. The orange chicken is getting cold, and Jaydog's just talking mamadas again. Besides, you guys got the world's problems to solve. Juntos, amigos, y ya! Now pass the chow mein, foo, I'm hungry.

¿Naranjas? Well... I have been feeling a little mocoso recently. ¡Ay cabrón! Hey, I heard oranges are good for vitamin C. But you know what will fix me up better is a pocket full of cash and it sounds like you two crazy foos got all the inside story on how to take your orange hustle up to mafia levels. Just don't try to get me to subscribe to your money-making system, foo - I got my own buyers and suppliers. Ya sabes.

You can talk all you want about celebrities, but hey, foo, don't be talking about my girls the Kardashians! You're going to ruin any chance of making them my hyna. But, hey you're doing the Lord's work by double checking on where our tequila comes from, even though no one cares how it got in the shot glass. En serio, no one cares if it came from Chicago or from El Guapo's stash from what he stole from the citizens of Santo Poco before those foos fought back. Que Viva Los Amigos! Que Viva!

Would someone please find this woman? She's in all the salsa music and nobody seems to know where she ran off to. I don't know if these two stand any better chance, but hey, can't blame them for trying. That girl has tumbao like a Kardashian. She'll be easy to spot once you find her. While they're looking for this hyna, Jaydog and Eric debate whether we really landed on the moon, and who has the better celebrity chisme. They sound like a couple old ladies, fa real. (Ehhhhh! just playing!)

The Season 2 Opener - Taco Friday is BACK, foo! That's a lot of menudo to get over the Season 1 hangover, homies. The pandemic really did a job on these vatos and they lost all their patience for just about everything, except for tacos and beer. And tonterias. Lots of tonterias. Dang... another season of you two clowns? Alright, where are my seeds?

Season 1 Finale - FINALLY! Ehhhhhh! Just in time for Cinco de Boracho! Daaaaaang... how long did you foos get locked up for? When did you get out??? Jaydog said he found this episode in the back with the other Hispanics, but this episode smells more like The SHU than Fabuloso. So let's see, the lost episode, huh? Riiiiiight. Eric's got a new business going with his Chamacos On Loan program, Jaydog gives a clinic on roasting coffee on the barbecue, and they're both trying to figure out a good appliance to give the novios at the next wedding they get invited to, I mean, if their PAROLE OFFICERS say it's okay. Chale, homes. Know wut? Next time you get thrown in the pinta let a guy know, for we could come visit, foo.

Ta chao? Stah chow? Tah Ciao? WTF?

This is the place to figure out how to get over on the Tuesday Discount Pizza Night deals, while at the same time teaching the younger homies not to expect Ariana Grande to leave her day job as President to pop up and cook the posole for your sorry a$$. What I'm saying is there's good old fashioned advice here on how to live your life, homes. Get with the program. The lowrider ain't gonna fix itself - you better learn to turn a wrench, before the women take all the good jobs. Fa reals.

Orale, the only way to get Eric to stop cussing is to cut out his f&%ing tongue. Apparently that won't stop him from going up against a world heavyweight in two-facedness when he goes to challenge Jaydog to stop cussing for an entire episode. How long can they both last? Can Eric go the distance? Chale, homes. You're just gonna have to listen to Eric's story about going back to night school for his AA for like the 27th time yourself. No self-respecting vato is going to give away the surprise here in the description, cuz know what? C's get degrees, but snitches get stitches, loco.

Hey, foo. That's on you for getting married in the first place.

Awww yeah, homie. Run that HUSTLE, foo. Jaydog's talking that cash-resale value of taxpayer-funded free lunch tickets, and Eric's all about that right now. Ya sabes, foo. But you got nothing on that free power and cable coming in from the tree line, just don't let the electric company see or they'll call the land lord and then we'll all have to move again. Wait - you're talking about small business ownership y que la chingada? What, you think you're all bad now that you file your taxes? Chingao!

Hey man, you go to the winery but didn't even same some for the homies? What's up with that? You have to endure an entire afternoon with white folks (sure, they're really nice people... yeah, yeah whateverrrrr) but you didn't even bring home a bottle to split? That ain't even right, foo. Now all we're stuck with is listening to you two jug heads talk about their problems all the way home. Fijate, Jaydog - you gotta nice ride, we get it. Why you gotta be throwing it in Eric's face? Yeah, and know what? We can hear the engine noise too. Damn, homie! Is that a 386 you got powering that thing? Okay, G. That's pretty cool. No mames.

This is not the Geneva Convention! Who invited UNICEF? What are you doing playing with a Jewish girl, guys? Fa real tho you are taking this multicultural crap waaaaaaay too far. I mean, Jaydog might have some kind of crazy claim to the Holy Land in an alternate universe, pero Eric is kind of stretching the Jew roots. And apparently she don't know the rules of the block cuz Diana showed up and she didn't even bring a 40 to share. Know what, though? Do you.

Dammit...what's next? Now you're going to tell us the earth is flat, right? Come on, Eric! You know all the lyrics to every show tune ever written. WE THOUGHT ALL THAT WOMANIZING WAS JUST A COVER UP! And now, we find out you're just... just... oh forget it! Everybody's done trying to figure you two vatos out. Jaydog is supposed to be the voice of reason over here - I mean, between the two of you, he's the only dad. How could he allow this kind of lying in his household?? Come on Jaydog! Give this guy back his colorizer and his ability to gossip and send him back in, coach! Maybe he's a 4th quarter kind of performer. Ya sabes, wey.

Okay look, Eric's gone too far now. You're VOTING??? I think you're taking this 2020 a little too far, ese. Pero sabes que? If you're gonna do it, vote for the proposition that gives the lightest jail term, homes. I'm waiting for my cuzzin Cuco to get out. What is that thing, a scantron? I haven't seen one of those since I flunked out of English class and had to go to Saturday school. Crazy! I didn't know those things still worked! Jaydog, you should take his test away, I seened him cheating!

How could you, cabrón? We trusted you, homie! Oh, wait... you're still down? Chale. How you say it? You coulda fooled us, foo. Hey, at least you still got the sense to call up the cousins when you get in trouble. Well, hey, now that we all know the truth, can you put in a good word for us with the District Attorney? Tryin' to shave a couple months off of that sentence - ya sabes. Hey, puto - know what? Your Spanglish is better than most kids these days anyway. You're going to have to lend your Cholo-To-English dictionary to the chamacos with a quickness. NO MAMES!

These foos think they're qualified to talk about skilled labor and equity initiatives now. No te crees, wey! Jaydog thinks he's a construction manager all of a sudden, and since the supply of chuntis dried up at Home Depot, he's doing the work himself, pobrecito. A peaceful discussion about how the Mexican lady at the front desk is a unique asset to any organization turns into a full out guerra about the precise number of Mexicans that should be allowed in major motion pictures. It's getting ugly between these two vatos, en sério, pero ¿sabes que? Nothing that can't be solved over a tall can.

Eric's in a storytelling mood, and now we gotta hear all about his childhood exploits - including some oldies but goodies like "Vaquero Eric and the Little Horse That Just Wished They Would Kill Him Already" and one of Jaydog's favorites - "Eric Lit the House on Fire and Forgot to Tell Someone." Hijole with all the fires in Califas it just seemed appropriate. Classic Eric! We're not surprised you ran off and joined the circus when you were seven, or however old you were, you pinche payaso.

Oh what you think you're all bad now cuz you got your stove working, Eric? Chingao, vato. Leave the cooking to comadre and sit outside with a Miller High Life where you belong. Rules for the kickback and rules for talking trash with the homies in this episode - but keep it trucha and stay out of trouble. Ay wey!

Otra vez Eric's going back to night school to get his credits, and Jaydog, como puto, is trying to talk him out of it. We don't know why he's gotta always put in his two cents, but Jay's convinced you can learn anything on Youtube, and he's got the footage to prove it. Learn about civilizations, study criminology, how to make the best machaca, or even how to dig a swimming pool and forge iron tools with just a stick and some ancient wisdom. No mames! Who needs night school? Put that college catalog down and pick up a 40 oz por you could enjoy life, cuz you know what? There's plenty of time to cry. Shiiiiiiiiiiit. You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about! No? Okay then. Smile now, and cry later.

Getting a check is getting harder and harder these days. No mames, the struggle is real, vato. Eric's trying to improve his credit score so he can afford his flying car (whenever they come out). Jaydog gets touched by the holy ghost and starts going off on worthless jobs and high school career counselors. And speaking of spirits, these guys get all into the ancient wisdom of their old dead mentor, and conjure up all kinds of advice that the homies might want to take to heart. Mijo, you need to LISTEN, cabrón. No, shut up, stupid. LISTEN.

In addition to learning the proper preparation of your street corn, Eric insists on a round of "Name That Mexican." We put brand name battles to the test when we pit Cholula vs. Tapatio, and even introduce a 3rd party candidate! And speaking of that - what would happen if we had a Latino as Vice President? Jaydog's got a pretty good idea it would be some combination of cholo logic and someone who'd be willing to waive your late fees, but you'd have to stand in some long line somewhere to make it happen.

Ohhhhhhh great... what the hell are these two vatos talking about now? How in the HELL did a trip to the wrecking yard become a discussion about how dark you need to be to spit real talk with the homies? Where is Busta Rhymes when you need him? We definitely need a mediator on this. And a good lawyer. Daaaaamn foo.

Off to the SWAP MEET with this pair of tontos in our first on-location duet. Nothing like the remate to unite vatos in pursuit of questionable merchandise. Find out how deals are done, get the post-game play-by-play, and find out the fair market value of those fully-licensed, totally legit NFL-approved pandemic masks. Raider Nation foo! A Raider a day keeps the COVID away. Those plastic bubble-butted mannequins in hot pants got both these foos in a sweat, and they gotta cool off with a piña and a shaved ice. Does Eric get his hoopty-ass stereo fixed finally? No te crees. 

Dammit! Growing up in the basement of society was not what the vatos call "ideal" but we had some good times! And ¿sabes que? We trusted kids a lot more back then, porque now everyone wants to be a helicopter parent n' shit - but you real ass m'fkrs are still letting your 6-yr-old cook the papas in hot manteca. Ah... now that's life as it should be. Meanwhile, we got 40-year-olds still on their mom's cell phone plan. ¡Que la chingada! Get off your ass, foo. Stop making mom pay for that shit, and get your old lady to do it, like a real G.

Uh oh, now these guys are giving away inside secrets with a deep dive into the creatures mas cabrón del mundo - Latinos! Latin men have, shall we say, quite a reputation... ay wey! Show us some respect, or pay the price! But if we've been drinking, don't expect that shit back! No mames. Find out what happens to Hector's drunk ass when he comes home at 2am. And, hey man, is just "being there for your kids" enough? All the while, Eric's trying to figure out how to get over with a new bribery app for Los Federales, and Jaydog is just trying to pick his video game character - Latin Metro vs. El Mecánico! Da le bitch! Get ready for chingasos!

Know what, foo? Beer makes everything clear, especially when it means sorting out your corporate strategy for starting your first gang. Learn from the best, foo, like the Hell's Angels. So while Eric sucks on his saladito, trip out with Jaydog and work your Vision and Mission statement to establish a territory, forma tu familia, and get your Core Values aligned so you don't have your best friend betray you just for a laugh. Jump that fucker's ass and teach him some respect for the homies. And that's on TFP.

Hey slow down wey, for the chotas will pull you over and you talk yourself into a ticket. In this episode, Jaydog's feeling all feisty since he just watched "Blood In, Blood Out." Eric can't stop talking about his chorizo, and la jura is just waiting for both of these tontos to slip up. But don't worry, Jaydog's too slippery, and Eric's too big to be hauling out of the car by his nalgas anyway, so instead, enjoy a tutorial on how to wiggle out of a ticket, vatos. You can thank us later. Who needs that abogado you seen on the freeway billboard when you got Jaydog and Eric in your corner? But we didn't need to tell you that - ya sabes.

Nothing sucks your will to live like bullshit online fighting, porque if you said some of that shit in public you'd end up with a coscarrón the size of the Yucatan Peninsula. And that's on Walter Mercado, foo. Some of you pendejos' life force energy is all wadded up like a knot tied in your Ben Davis gorilla cuts, homie. Get outta here cuz you're killing the buzz, vato. Some of us just want to kick back for a minute. We got work in the morning. Follow us on YouTube Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Follow us on TikTok

It's Jaydog's birthday, and hopefully he doesn't die of smoke inhalation from all them damned candles in his chocoflan. And what better cumpleaños discussion than one of Eric's favorite topics? We're talking the most confusing, volatile, loyal, sexy, loca creatures on the planet - we're talking Latinas. And unless you're a candidate for Cialis, men can agree that once you have one of these beautiful humans in your corner, your life will never be the same, and even then, vato! Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Facebook Follow us on TikTok

If you don't know how to talk right, you might get your ass kicked by your cousins or any of the neighbor kids, so get it right! Here's your cheat sheet on good Mexican pronunciation, for you could pass the test - but just barely! Hey, but if you want that job with the County, you're gonna have to do better, so get your vato that works there to put in a good word when the application window opens up. Plus, Jaydog gets all worked up about politicians acting stupid again, and Eric can't believe we're talking about social issues instead of hot chichonas. Don't worry though, stupid. Plenty of time for that a' rato. Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Facebook Follow us on TikTok

Get a load of this shit when Eric and Jaydog both try to choke down how everyone is allergic these days. But they'll both make an exception for one nasty ass "food" that gives them asco just thinking about it. (BONUS EPISODE)

Know, what, homie? We went there. Sorry, but there's something religious about the panadería, and we're not talking about the candles of the Virgin they sell next to those crazy painted terracotta piggy banks. Also, if you need to get a bill or two paid or just cash a check, kick that Dora the Explorer piñata aside and get in line, cabrón. This ain't no regular bakery. Meanwhile, Jaydog opines on the meaning of separate but equal cell phone service, and Eric goes and brings up child molesters, but we promise, it all works out in the end.

Your Chicano Latino Studies class didn't teach you this, cabron, but the real lessons begin here. Jaydog waxes prophetic on the power of the corner store, the wisdom of tall cans as an alcohol delivery mechanism, and why we should just leave dad alone with the Chevy. Eric seems fixated on Angelina Jolie for some reason, and can't seem to get mojarra frita out of his head. You can listen if you want, but don't say we didn't try to told you already.

Just listen to Eric's bullshit story about a recent trip to an LA Jack in the Box drive thru.

Your bumbling brownies are at it again, and this time they're off to the swap meet for some of that menudo Jaydog likes. Find out what happened to Eric's goat, why spiteful bitches with too much mascara are always telling you to step off, and then travel in the passenger seat on a wholesome car ride to San Jose. But you better chip in for gas, cuz that shit don't pay for itself. And put another can of oil for we don't get stranded.

In the first of their weekly series, your heroes, intrepid Hispanics Jaydog and Eric explore the perfect taco, the importance of authenticity, and white folks. And why not throw in some thoughts about riots for good measure? Seems like the thing to do. Help pop the podcast cherry, and take time to enjoy, because there will never be any other like your first. And don't worry... we saved you the trip to Google: in·trep·id /inˈtrepəd/ adjective fearless; adventurous (often used for rhetorical or humorous effect).

Why listen to Taco Friday Podcast? Because mom will give you a coscarrón if you don't. Now do what your mother tells you to do. ¡Apúrate!