Podcasts about Dammit

National Mascot Day; Graduation nonsense; Things I do that irritate my wife; Devil Woman and fake marriage; Dammit, Dog!; 1000 years in prison; Lemonade Stand Dangers; Tasty Tuesday; Murder Museum; Fla Man Mayhem.

Cars into Buildings; El Pancurrito Review; Have you been to Sticker's Grove?; Crazy Conspiracies; Idiots at museums; Dammit, Dog! Titleist Attack; The TP controversy of our time; Florida Man and Florida Woman mayhem.

***Please subscribe to Matt's Substack at https://worthknowing.substack.com/***There's no denying it: Donald Trump is much better off than he was a week ago. Last week, he was getting pummeled by former ally Elon Musk, getting stiffed by wily figures like Putin and Netanyahu, and losing on tariffs, prices, and corruption. This week, the focus has turned entirely to immigration and unrest. So, did he set a trap that we all fell into? Could it have been avoided? And what about the underlying--and now back burnered--disaster of his "big beautiful bill": can anything be done to soften or stop it? Matt is joined on his Substack Livestream by Michaeleen Crowell, former chief of staff to Bernie Sanders and legislative director for civil rights icon John Lewis, to talk about the power and risks of protests, Senate strategy, and some great behind the scenes moments with notable leaders.00:18 Trump's Media Manipulation04:12 Trump's Immigration Strategy10:24 Discussion on Protests and Political Capital18:42 Legal and Political Responses22:20 Debate on Protest Effectiveness32:41 Democratic Party Dynamics and Healthcare Focus34:28 Discussion on the Big Beautiful Bill38:21 Medicaid Expansion and Political Irony47:19 Economic and Social Impacts of Legislation53:48 Behind the Scenes with Michaeleen

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 3Karen Embarks on a cure campaign.Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Karen sighed, "Might as well. Let's go kill the libido of an entire civilization, Holland."Holland took her arm and soon the cell where she was held disappeared and another space formed around them. Captain Hemsworth and several crew members from the ship stood nearby, as well as Ensign Holland who was still holding her arm, reassuringly. Looking around, Karen saw that they were in what appeared to be a sound-booth of sorts. One crewmember activated some equipment and moved one protruding tentacle closer to Karen's mouth and another toward Captain Hemsworth's."Are we ready, Ellis?" Captain Hemsworth asked, clearing his throat. Ellis nodded and stepped back from the tentacles. Hemsworth tapped the end of the tentacle and a booming noise reverberated around the room. He cleared his throat several more times and straightened his collar. "People of Priam! Your deliverance has come! You sent us forth among the stars to find the cure to the horrid addiction of filth that has infiltrated our minds and we have not failed you! We have dedicated our lives to this effort, foregone having families, and any comforts of home to bring you this salvation! Behold; The Karen!" he proclaimed, gesturing for Karen to speak."Um; hi?" Karen said, unsurely. Hemsworth glanced at Ellis who was reading some type of display. Ellis frowned and motioned for her to continue speaking. "Um; my name is Karen;""Hi Karen;” several crew members responded unanimously before Captain Hemsworth cut them off with a gesture."Um; I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to say. I heard you're all having some troubles. I'm sorry. I know what that's like. I've had some troubles, too. I married the wrong person; someone who didn't really love me. I wasn't brave and I tried to avoid trouble too much. I had four kids, but they grew up seeing me treated badly, so they don't really see me as being worth much; if they don't need me to be a mom anymore, what good am I to them? I love them, but; I wish I had done more with my life. Now, I'm getting a divorce; and now that I'm in my 50's, I'm not young and beautiful anymore, so it's like I'm invisible to most people. My body hurts more than it used to; and I'm afraid most days. I don't know what's going to happen to me. Everything keeps changing and I don't know where I belong. I feel like I've failed all the time. But, they said that maybe I could help you, so; I hope I can help make things better for you. I'd like to see something good come out of all this," Karen said, wiping some tears off her cheeks. Holland stepped next to her and took her hand. She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder."Ellis?" Hemsworth asked.Ellis looked up from the display, a disconcerted expression on his face. "I don't understand;” he murmured, leaning down and feverishly working on the equipment. "They're hearing it. I know they're hearing it;”"It's not working? She just spoke more than it took to knock out the entire bridge crew! What do you mean it's not working?" Hemsworth said, frustrated. Karen looked at Holland, who simply shrugged.Captain Hemsworth frowned with determination and motioned to Karen, "Speak again. Louder. Talk about the cobb salad! Men, brace yourselves!" he ordered."Cobb salad?" Karen repeated, surprised. "Oh, well, um; it's just yummy. It's got hard boiled eggs, tomatoes, bacon, and avocado on a bed of lettuce; chives and bleu cheese over the top is good, too. The nice thing is that all the ingredients are put into neat little rows across the lettuce, so you can choose exactly what you want in each bite! It's not just a big mess like other salads. You know, I could make you one ; do you guys have avocadoes?" she said enthusiastically, looking to Holland.Holland immediately began looking up something on his hand-held computer. "Av-o-ca-does; do they yield their young willingly, or do we need to;""What the hell is going on???" Captain Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland's ear and looking inside. "Holland! You're not wearing protection! Why aren't you unconscious on the floor?""Oh, um; they were kind of uncomfortable, and they made it hard to hear what she was remembering, and;""You Remembered With The Karen? What Is Wrong With You?" Hemsworth shouted, before calming himself. "Momoa, get some caffeline ready. I need to hear her again," he said, bracing himself as he pulled what looked like slugs out of his ears. "Speak again about the salad;”"Okay, uh; most like to eat it with a vinaigrette? I think that gets to be a bit too much if there's bleu cheese on top, though. Sometimes I'll get it with ranch or something creamy because then;""What the hell, Holland! What did you do to The Karen? I barely feel anything!" Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland by the uniform."Um; I don't know; we just talked and remembered; you know, she's really nice, if you get to;""Dammit, You've Broken The Karen, Holland! How Are We Supposed To;" Captain Hemsworth yelled until he was interrupted by a knock nearby.Lieutenant Ellis activated a control on his display and a hole formed in the wall of the room. An assembly of Priamites entered the room, as smoothly as if they were rolled in on a platform together. The crew of the Onan immediately fell prostrate on the floor before them. Karen, unwilling to lie face-down on a floor she hadn't cleaned herself, looked around uncomfortably and gave the assembly a small wave. One Priamite raised her hand to return the gesture but was quickly stopped by her neighbor."Welcome, crew of the Onan," one of the assembly said, followed by the rest of the assembly nodding agreeably. "We are most appreciative of all your; efforts. We realize that you have dedicated several of your lifetimes to freeing our civilization from the throes of pornographic addiction, and for your many sacrifices, we thank you," the speaker said, then glanced around uncomfortably at the others. "Most unexpectedly, ah; while the Eros Curse was most distressing to the initial generations, the subsequent generations acclimated to it rather quickly. Then, as fashions changed, the Eros Curse became more of a joke, really; dance mixes were made, memes;”"Excuse me?" Captain Hemsworth said, lifting his face from the floor."I mean, sure, the Eros Curse is still out there. It's just that it's just become something people live with. It doesn't take over our lives, but some indulge in it a little after the kids have gone to bed for the night. I mean, it's not really such a big deal. It adds a little spice to an otherwise boring life, you know?""Boring life?" Hemsworth repeated, rising to his feet. "Are you telling me that all of Priam just walks around, living life, thinking about; that?""Well, yes, but we are very grateful for all you and your crew have done for us. We express our thanks to all the crews of the ships we loaded up with uptight intellectuals that were determined to rid our civilization of; alternative thoughts. We have come here to present you and your crew with a commemorative plaque for all your;""Is this some kind of joke?" Hemsworth said, pacing around. "I've been trekking throughout the universe looking for a cure to your abhorrent lust-filled thoughts and now you just want to give me a plaque for a lifetime of sacrifice because you don't see a problem with your disgusting sticky existence?""Well, there's no need to kink-shame;” the assembly spokesperson muttered, "Honestly, you never wondered why they sent the most uptight assholes on the planet off on a vague 'mission' and never really asked for progress reports?""I don't believe this;” Hemsworth said, his eyes bulging, nostrils flaring. "We've sacrificed our lives for nothing???""Oh, I see where this is going;” Karen said to Holland, who seemed to be trying to assume a duck-and-cover position."How could you do this to us???" Hemsworth yelled."Use the diaphragm for projection, baby; you can do it;” Karen encouraged."I Want; To See; The Manager!" Captain Hemsworth yelled at the top of his lungs, causing a feedback loop to screech throughout the room. The last thing Karen saw before falling unconscious was the sight of every Priamite in the room projectile vomiting on each other. The stench was overwhelming.Karen's Humility.Karen lifted her face off the bathroom floor, overwhelmed by the stench. She brushed off a spare piece of toilet paper stuck to her face, as she tried to remember what had happened. Her lungs burned from what she slowly recognized as pepper spray. She gathered her purse and stumbled out of the stall and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red, and a bruise was swelling where her cheek hit the floor. She splashed some cold water on her face and wiped off the makeup that streaked in the process. This was Snookers; not Baker's Pie. She had just ripped a kid a new asshole for not having cobb salad on the menu. What was she doing with her life?Upon exiting the bathroom, she ran into Travis the Waiter, who looked like he had just splashed water on his face, too. Dread and unease filled his face upon seeing her before it was quickly masked into concern. "Oh, um; are you okay? Can I get you some ice for that?" he asked, looking at the bruise on her cheek."What? Oh, no, honey. I'm okay. I just fell," she said, before meeting his eyes and taking his hand in hers. "Travis, I'm so sorry about the way I treated you. That was awful, and I have no excuse. You didn't deserve that.""It's okay; it happens," Travis said, carefully."It shouldn't, though. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. Would you mind if I just gave you some cash to cover the meal and snuck out of here? God knows what that group of biddies will gossip about when I go out there like this," Karen said, gesturing to herself."Yeah, that should be no problem," Travis said, taking the money she offered. "Are you sure you're okay?"Karen nodded, "I'm fine. I've just got some things to do. You've got a sweet heart, honey. Keep listening to it."Karen swallowed nervously as she went up the walkway to the small suburban house. She hadn't called before coming. It was rude of her not to call ahead of time, but then again, she was pretty sure that her number had been blocked. She didn't know if her oldest son had gone "no contact" or just "low contact" with her, but she was pretty sure her daughter-in-law would threaten to call the police within five minutes of her ringing the doorbell. Nevertheless, when she got up to the door, Karen put her finger forward and rang the bell."What do you want, Karen?" Hailey's terse voice came through the doorbell."Oh; you got one of those camera doorbell things; that's nice;” she began, unsure of how to say what was in her heart without a face in front of her."What do you want?" Hailey repeated."Um; I wanted to talk with you;""The last time you wanted to 'talk' with me, you just wanted to see my kids while you criticized my inadequate housekeeping, my inept child-rearing, and my unattractive post-pregnancy body. So, forgive me if I'd prefer not to have a heart-to-heart, Karen," Hailey interrupted."You're right," Karen said, looking at the dark circle holding the doorbell's camera. "I did that. I did that. I have not been kind to you. When Cal Jr. brought you home, I was not welcoming. I should have been; because you deserved that. You deserved it because you made my son happy. You have made him happier than I've ever known him to be; and that's what I've always wanted for him. If you were just like me, if you did all the things that I obnoxiously told you to do; he wouldn't be half as happy as he is with you; just as you are. If for no other reason than my son's happiness, you have my gratitude. I'm sorry that I've wasted the chances you've given me to know you better. You're brave and confident and funny. Honestly, I think you're the person I wished I could have been at your age. I'm sorry for a lot of things but being wasteful; saying thoughtless things that hardened people's hearts; those are the things that I wish I could take back the most. So, um;” Karen said, checking her notes on her phone's notepad to make sure she got all the points she wanted, "that's pretty much it. Oh, and I put that chocolate mousse recipe you liked on this index card so you can make it, but feel free to call me if you can't read my writing; or if you, you know, ever need anything."Karen nodded at the doorbell and started back down the walkway toward her car, blinking back tears. She had wasted so much time, so many chances. She didn't know if there was a point in trying again now, but she had to. She wasn't getting any younger.As she reached the end of the walkway, she was nearly knocked over by two little bodies running into her and grabbing onto her legs. Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she bent down to pick up her grandchildren, kissing them until they tried to wiggle away. As they started simultaneously telling her everything they had been doing while she was away, Karen's eyes drifted up to the doorway where her pierced and tattooed daughter-in-law stood. "Thank you" Karen mouthed silently over her grandchildren's backs.Karen pushed open the doors of Forest Glenn Hospice Care, her bag stuffed with an array of items and went up to the front desk. "Karen Weaver. I'm here for Dana Stevens," she said.The new girl at the reception desk looked at Karen with quiet unease. "Um; Ms. Stevens has requested only visitors who have;" Karen smirked and lifted the wig off her head, revealing her clean-shaven head. "Oh! Great! Go right in," she said, relieved.The corridor of the hospice facility was peaceful and quiet; exactly the kind of thing the old Dana would hate. Entering her room, Karen looked for any signs that other visitors had been to see Dana but saw nothing. Dana was napping again, her face drawn and gaunt, but thankfully not in pain. Karen put down her bag in a nearby chair and took out a rolled-up electronic piano keyboard and unfurled it on a table next to the hospital bed. As she was on her hands and knees trying to find an outlet to use, she heard Dana clear her throat. "What the hell is that?" she asked, smirking as she nodded at the keyboard."Your afternoon's entertainment. I ordered it on Amazon; you should have seen the bitchy reviews. Reminded me of you. Mind you, I haven't played since Cal got rid of the piano when it didn't fit in the Brooklyn apartment, so you're in for a treat," Karen said, rubbing her hands together and moving her glasses on top of her head so she could see the keyboard controls."Calvin Carmichael in a Brooklyn apartment. My god. What was it that emptied the Carmichael family coffers after they stole you away from me, again?" Dana asked, her sunken eyes taking in every detail of Karen's face as she hovered over the keyboard."Bernie Madoff; cleaned 'em dry. His parents were ever so shocked when they had to sell their properties and move to Florida," Karen said. "They weren't poor; they had enough to retire, but; they were horridly middle class.""Karma's a bitch," Dana said, pushing back against her pillows to sit up more. "Kare; I'm so sorry I didn't talk with you when you came back to the apartment. I could have helped you; we both would have helped you."Karen's smile faded, remembering and wondering what might have been. Dana would have helped her, but she was certain Dana's help would be help to get an abortion; and then she would never have had the joy of knowing her grandchildren. Dean would have; well, it was impossible to know what he would have done, but he would have helped. "Well, consider this your punishment," Karen said, stretching her fingers. "Are you ready?""I'm on opiates, baby. Bring it on;” Dana said, a smile moving across her face.Karen's fingers moved across the keys, and at first, she was put off by the strangeness of the keys and the sensation of tapping on something flat instead of the feel of a piano. Then, memory took over and her hands remembered the dance. Years fell away as she was filled again with the joy of making music. She started with "Clair de lune," a gentle Debussy chosen to respect the frailty of her friend's condition.Upon playing the final chords, she looked up for her friend's reaction to see that Dana had covered her face with a pillow in an attempt to smother herself. "God, you're rusty. You used to be better than me. What have you been doing with those hands?" she complained."Raising kids; kneading dough; finding random women's' panties when I changed sheets on the bed," Karen said, ruefully."Should've jumped Dean while you had the chance;” Dana murmured.Karen bit her lips and closed her eyes. "Um; how; how is he?"Dana stared into Karen's eyes for a painfully long moment, then looked out the window, away from Karen. "Life; life wasn't kind to him. After I graduated, he moved back home to take care of Nana. He only came to the city to look after me, anyway. Living alone hardened him. I haven't seen him in years; not that I'd want to see what he's become. Sometimes you just need to let people go, Kare," she said, sighing sadly. "Anyway; I need a laugh. Show me how pathetic your Jerry Lee Lewis catalog is.""Yes, ma'am," Karen said, blinking back tears and starting into "Great Balls of Fire."The wind coming through the drivers' side window ruffled the inch-long cap of vivid red hair that had grown on Karen's head as she drove down the winding West Virginia roads that she hadn't seen in 30 years. The beauty of this place still softened and relaxed her as much as it had, oh so long ago. Despite Dana's warnings, Karen's heart demanded that she make this trip; and after all she had lost, she was determined to listen to her heart from now on, until she could no longer hear it.She frowned at her passenger and began coughing as a noxious odor swirled around, filling her SUV. She rolled her window down further in self-preservation. This was probably a bad idea; but after all these years of thinking things through and being sensible, she felt entitled to indulge in a few harebrained schemes."Country road; take me home; to the place; I belong; West Virginia; mountain mama; take me home; country road;” she sang, smiling as the wooded foothills rose up in the distance. The path became rough when she turned by the Stevens mailbox and began bouncing up through the woods toward the cozy home. Her passenger surveyed the woods around the vehicle with increasing excitement.Karen started doubting herself, though. It was ridiculous, the more she thought about it. All her emails had gone unanswered. The phone number she was given was out of service. Three decades had passed since she came here; why would he want to see a 50-something woman with an unflattering haircut and stretch marks just because he had fallen in love with the 20-something version of her? Would Dean even remember her at all? She ran through her plan again in her mind again. It sounded really stupid, now. At least it would let her make a quick exit if things didn't work out, though.She broke out in a cold sweat when the house came into view. It was just as she had remembered it, maintained well, but not changed. It was like a holy place, kept perfectly through the ages in reverence for what it represented.She pulled up to the house and parked. No one emerged, so she would have to go in. She would have to go knock on that door and see the unrecognition or even disappointment in his eyes. She needed to go tell him about his sister. Opening the door, she slid out and hopped to the ground and stretched her legs. Suddenly, a braying roar filled the air and a wall of fur launched itself from behind the house and came for her. "SIT!" Karen yelled. Her command, though impressive, appeared only to be a gentle suggestion to the monster that continued to charge her. "STAY!" Karen shouted. This recommendation also appeared to go unheeded."BUSTER, NO!" a voice from the porch yelled, and Karen couldn't help but stare at her first glimpse of Dean in decades. He looked wild. Wild hair, wild beard, a body that had to be formed by the wilderness, itself. Not a drop of civilization tainted the essence of this man; and it made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Karen began walking toward him, completely forgetting about the fearsome beast avalanche coming to bury her. Dean jumped down from the porch and began running toward the flurry of fur and teeth that had bent its path upon Karen's destruction.A split second before Buster reached Karen, the passenger of her vehicle silently flew out, tackled him with a full-body slam and the two went rolling back from where Karen now stood next to Dean. The two tumbled, tearing up the grass and knocking over the woodpile in the commotion. Buster yelped loudly and jumped free of the massive shaggy-furred beast that was still intent upon teaching him some manners. "Judith, come!" Karen called, and with a final snarl at Buster, Judith returned to where Karen stood and sat by her side, still glaring to where Buster stood looking dumbfounded."Well, I'll be damned;” Dean murmured, looking at the still-cowed Buster in wonder."Girl dog privilege," Karen replied simply. "What is that thing, anyway?" she asked, nodding to where Buster now stood whining and trying to approach the growling Judith."Bernese Mountain Dog; Great Pyrenees; and probably a bit of German Shepherd;” Dean murmured, turning toward her. His eyes traveled over her slowly and boldly."Judith's Akita and Malamute; she was turned into the shelter because she always thinks she's right," Karen said. "That, and she farts something awful."

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 3Karen Embarks on a cure campaign.Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.Karen sighed, "Might as well. Let's go kill the libido of an entire civilization, Holland."Holland took her arm and soon the cell where she was held disappeared and another space formed around them. Captain Hemsworth and several crew members from the ship stood nearby, as well as Ensign Holland who was still holding her arm, reassuringly. Looking around, Karen saw that they were in what appeared to be a sound-booth of sorts. One crewmember activated some equipment and moved one protruding tentacle closer to Karen's mouth and another toward Captain Hemsworth's."Are we ready, Ellis?" Captain Hemsworth asked, clearing his throat. Ellis nodded and stepped back from the tentacles. Hemsworth tapped the end of the tentacle and a booming noise reverberated around the room. He cleared his throat several more times and straightened his collar. "People of Priam! Your deliverance has come! You sent us forth among the stars to find the cure to the horrid addiction of filth that has infiltrated our minds and we have not failed you! We have dedicated our lives to this effort, foregone having families, and any comforts of home to bring you this salvation! Behold; The Karen!" he proclaimed, gesturing for Karen to speak."Um; hi?" Karen said, unsurely. Hemsworth glanced at Ellis who was reading some type of display. Ellis frowned and motioned for her to continue speaking. "Um; my name is Karen;""Hi Karen;” several crew members responded unanimously before Captain Hemsworth cut them off with a gesture."Um; I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to say. I heard you're all having some troubles. I'm sorry. I know what that's like. I've had some troubles, too. I married the wrong person; someone who didn't really love me. I wasn't brave and I tried to avoid trouble too much. I had four kids, but they grew up seeing me treated badly, so they don't really see me as being worth much; if they don't need me to be a mom anymore, what good am I to them? I love them, but; I wish I had done more with my life. Now, I'm getting a divorce; and now that I'm in my 50's, I'm not young and beautiful anymore, so it's like I'm invisible to most people. My body hurts more than it used to; and I'm afraid most days. I don't know what's going to happen to me. Everything keeps changing and I don't know where I belong. I feel like I've failed all the time. But, they said that maybe I could help you, so; I hope I can help make things better for you. I'd like to see something good come out of all this," Karen said, wiping some tears off her cheeks. Holland stepped next to her and took her hand. She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder."Ellis?" Hemsworth asked.Ellis looked up from the display, a disconcerted expression on his face. "I don't understand;” he murmured, leaning down and feverishly working on the equipment. "They're hearing it. I know they're hearing it;”"It's not working? She just spoke more than it took to knock out the entire bridge crew! What do you mean it's not working?" Hemsworth said, frustrated. Karen looked at Holland, who simply shrugged.Captain Hemsworth frowned with determination and motioned to Karen, "Speak again. Louder. Talk about the cobb salad! Men, brace yourselves!" he ordered."Cobb salad?" Karen repeated, surprised. "Oh, well, um; it's just yummy. It's got hard boiled eggs, tomatoes, bacon, and avocado on a bed of lettuce; chives and bleu cheese over the top is good, too. The nice thing is that all the ingredients are put into neat little rows across the lettuce, so you can choose exactly what you want in each bite! It's not just a big mess like other salads. You know, I could make you one ; do you guys have avocadoes?" she said enthusiastically, looking to Holland.Holland immediately began looking up something on his hand-held computer. "Av-o-ca-does; do they yield their young willingly, or do we need to;""What the hell is going on???" Captain Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland's ear and looking inside. "Holland! You're not wearing protection! Why aren't you unconscious on the floor?""Oh, um; they were kind of uncomfortable, and they made it hard to hear what she was remembering, and;""You Remembered With The Karen? What Is Wrong With You?" Hemsworth shouted, before calming himself. "Momoa, get some caffeline ready. I need to hear her again," he said, bracing himself as he pulled what looked like slugs out of his ears. "Speak again about the salad;”"Okay, uh; most like to eat it with a vinaigrette? I think that gets to be a bit too much if there's bleu cheese on top, though. Sometimes I'll get it with ranch or something creamy because then;""What the hell, Holland! What did you do to The Karen? I barely feel anything!" Hemsworth yelled, grabbing Holland by the uniform."Um; I don't know; we just talked and remembered; you know, she's really nice, if you get to;""Dammit, You've Broken The Karen, Holland! How Are We Supposed To;" Captain Hemsworth yelled until he was interrupted by a knock nearby.Lieutenant Ellis activated a control on his display and a hole formed in the wall of the room. An assembly of Priamites entered the room, as smoothly as if they were rolled in on a platform together. The crew of the Onan immediately fell prostrate on the floor before them. Karen, unwilling to lie face-down on a floor she hadn't cleaned herself, looked around uncomfortably and gave the assembly a small wave. One Priamite raised her hand to return the gesture but was quickly stopped by her neighbor."Welcome, crew of the Onan," one of the assembly said, followed by the rest of the assembly nodding agreeably. "We are most appreciative of all your; efforts. We realize that you have dedicated several of your lifetimes to freeing our civilization from the throes of pornographic addiction, and for your many sacrifices, we thank you," the speaker said, then glanced around uncomfortably at the others. "Most unexpectedly, ah; while the Eros Curse was most distressing to the initial generations, the subsequent generations acclimated to it rather quickly. Then, as fashions changed, the Eros Curse became more of a joke, really; dance mixes were made, memes;”"Excuse me?" Captain Hemsworth said, lifting his face from the floor."I mean, sure, the Eros Curse is still out there. It's just that it's just become something people live with. It doesn't take over our lives, but some indulge in it a little after the kids have gone to bed for the night. I mean, it's not really such a big deal. It adds a little spice to an otherwise boring life, you know?""Boring life?" Hemsworth repeated, rising to his feet. "Are you telling me that all of Priam just walks around, living life, thinking about; that?""Well, yes, but we are very grateful for all you and your crew have done for us. We express our thanks to all the crews of the ships we loaded up with uptight intellectuals that were determined to rid our civilization of; alternative thoughts. We have come here to present you and your crew with a commemorative plaque for all your;""Is this some kind of joke?" Hemsworth said, pacing around. "I've been trekking throughout the universe looking for a cure to your abhorrent lust-filled thoughts and now you just want to give me a plaque for a lifetime of sacrifice because you don't see a problem with your disgusting sticky existence?""Well, there's no need to kink-shame;” the assembly spokesperson muttered, "Honestly, you never wondered why they sent the most uptight assholes on the planet off on a vague 'mission' and never really asked for progress reports?""I don't believe this;” Hemsworth said, his eyes bulging, nostrils flaring. "We've sacrificed our lives for nothing???""Oh, I see where this is going;” Karen said to Holland, who seemed to be trying to assume a duck-and-cover position."How could you do this to us???" Hemsworth yelled."Use the diaphragm for projection, baby; you can do it;” Karen encouraged."I Want; To See; The Manager!" Captain Hemsworth yelled at the top of his lungs, causing a feedback loop to screech throughout the room. The last thing Karen saw before falling unconscious was the sight of every Priamite in the room projectile vomiting on each other. The stench was overwhelming.Karen's Humility.Karen lifted her face off the bathroom floor, overwhelmed by the stench. She brushed off a spare piece of toilet paper stuck to her face, as she tried to remember what had happened. Her lungs burned from what she slowly recognized as pepper spray. She gathered her purse and stumbled out of the stall and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red, and a bruise was swelling where her cheek hit the floor. She splashed some cold water on her face and wiped off the makeup that streaked in the process. This was Snookers; not Baker's Pie. She had just ripped a kid a new asshole for not having cobb salad on the menu. What was she doing with her life?Upon exiting the bathroom, she ran into Travis the Waiter, who looked like he had just splashed water on his face, too. Dread and unease filled his face upon seeing her before it was quickly masked into concern. "Oh, um; are you okay? Can I get you some ice for that?" he asked, looking at the bruise on her cheek."What? Oh, no, honey. I'm okay. I just fell," she said, before meeting his eyes and taking his hand in hers. "Travis, I'm so sorry about the way I treated you. That was awful, and I have no excuse. You didn't deserve that.""It's okay; it happens," Travis said, carefully."It shouldn't, though. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. Would you mind if I just gave you some cash to cover the meal and snuck out of here? God knows what that group of biddies will gossip about when I go out there like this," Karen said, gesturing to herself."Yeah, that should be no problem," Travis said, taking the money she offered. "Are you sure you're okay?"Karen nodded, "I'm fine. I've just got some things to do. You've got a sweet heart, honey. Keep listening to it."Karen swallowed nervously as she went up the walkway to the small suburban house. She hadn't called before coming. It was rude of her not to call ahead of time, but then again, she was pretty sure that her number had been blocked. She didn't know if her oldest son had gone "no contact" or just "low contact" with her, but she was pretty sure her daughter-in-law would threaten to call the police within five minutes of her ringing the doorbell. Nevertheless, when she got up to the door, Karen put her finger forward and rang the bell."What do you want, Karen?" Hailey's terse voice came through the doorbell."Oh; you got one of those camera doorbell things; that's nice;” she began, unsure of how to say what was in her heart without a face in front of her."What do you want?" Hailey repeated."Um; I wanted to talk with you;""The last time you wanted to 'talk' with me, you just wanted to see my kids while you criticized my inadequate housekeeping, my inept child-rearing, and my unattractive post-pregnancy body. So, forgive me if I'd prefer not to have a heart-to-heart, Karen," Hailey interrupted."You're right," Karen said, looking at the dark circle holding the doorbell's camera. "I did that. I did that. I have not been kind to you. When Cal Jr. brought you home, I was not welcoming. I should have been; because you deserved that. You deserved it because you made my son happy. You have made him happier than I've ever known him to be; and that's what I've always wanted for him. If you were just like me, if you did all the things that I obnoxiously told you to do; he wouldn't be half as happy as he is with you; just as you are. If for no other reason than my son's happiness, you have my gratitude. I'm sorry that I've wasted the chances you've given me to know you better. You're brave and confident and funny. Honestly, I think you're the person I wished I could have been at your age. I'm sorry for a lot of things but being wasteful; saying thoughtless things that hardened people's hearts; those are the things that I wish I could take back the most. So, um;” Karen said, checking her notes on her phone's notepad to make sure she got all the points she wanted, "that's pretty much it. Oh, and I put that chocolate mousse recipe you liked on this index card so you can make it, but feel free to call me if you can't read my writing; or if you, you know, ever need anything."Karen nodded at the doorbell and started back down the walkway toward her car, blinking back tears. She had wasted so much time, so many chances. She didn't know if there was a point in trying again now, but she had to. She wasn't getting any younger.As she reached the end of the walkway, she was nearly knocked over by two little bodies running into her and grabbing onto her legs. Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she bent down to pick up her grandchildren, kissing them until they tried to wiggle away. As they started simultaneously telling her everything they had been doing while she was away, Karen's eyes drifted up to the doorway where her pierced and tattooed daughter-in-law stood. "Thank you" Karen mouthed silently over her grandchildren's backs.Karen pushed open the doors of Forest Glenn Hospice Care, her bag stuffed with an array of items and went up to the front desk. "Karen Weaver. I'm here for Dana Stevens," she said.The new girl at the reception desk looked at Karen with quiet unease. "Um; Ms. Stevens has requested only visitors who have;" Karen smirked and lifted the wig off her head, revealing her clean-shaven head. "Oh! Great! Go right in," she said, relieved.The corridor of the hospice facility was peaceful and quiet; exactly the kind of thing the old Dana would hate. Entering her room, Karen looked for any signs that other visitors had been to see Dana but saw nothing. Dana was napping again, her face drawn and gaunt, but thankfully not in pain. Karen put down her bag in a nearby chair and took out a rolled-up electronic piano keyboard and unfurled it on a table next to the hospital bed. As she was on her hands and knees trying to find an outlet to use, she heard Dana clear her throat. "What the hell is that?" she asked, smirking as she nodded at the keyboard."Your afternoon's entertainment. I ordered it on Amazon; you should have seen the bitchy reviews. Reminded me of you. Mind you, I haven't played since Cal got rid of the piano when it didn't fit in the Brooklyn apartment, so you're in for a treat," Karen said, rubbing her hands together and moving her glasses on top of her head so she could see the keyboard controls."Calvin Carmichael in a Brooklyn apartment. My god. What was it that emptied the Carmichael family coffers after they stole you away from me, again?" Dana asked, her sunken eyes taking in every detail of Karen's face as she hovered over the keyboard."Bernie Madoff; cleaned 'em dry. His parents were ever so shocked when they had to sell their properties and move to Florida," Karen said. "They weren't poor; they had enough to retire, but; they were horridly middle class.""Karma's a bitch," Dana said, pushing back against her pillows to sit up more. "Kare; I'm so sorry I didn't talk with you when you came back to the apartment. I could have helped you; we both would have helped you."Karen's smile faded, remembering and wondering what might have been. Dana would have helped her, but she was certain Dana's help would be help to get an abortion; and then she would never have had the joy of knowing her grandchildren. Dean would have; well, it was impossible to know what he would have done, but he would have helped. "Well, consider this your punishment," Karen said, stretching her fingers. "Are you ready?""I'm on opiates, baby. Bring it on;” Dana said, a smile moving across her face.Karen's fingers moved across the keys, and at first, she was put off by the strangeness of the keys and the sensation of tapping on something flat instead of the feel of a piano. Then, memory took over and her hands remembered the dance. Years fell away as she was filled again with the joy of making music. She started with "Clair de lune," a gentle Debussy chosen to respect the frailty of her friend's condition.Upon playing the final chords, she looked up for her friend's reaction to see that Dana had covered her face with a pillow in an attempt to smother herself. "God, you're rusty. You used to be better than me. What have you been doing with those hands?" she complained."Raising kids; kneading dough; finding random women's' panties when I changed sheets on the bed," Karen said, ruefully."Should've jumped Dean while you had the chance;” Dana murmured.Karen bit her lips and closed her eyes. "Um; how; how is he?"Dana stared into Karen's eyes for a painfully long moment, then looked out the window, away from Karen. "Life; life wasn't kind to him. After I graduated, he moved back home to take care of Nana. He only came to the city to look after me, anyway. Living alone hardened him. I haven't seen him in years; not that I'd want to see what he's become. Sometimes you just need to let people go, Kare," she said, sighing sadly. "Anyway; I need a laugh. Show me how pathetic your Jerry Lee Lewis catalog is.""Yes, ma'am," Karen said, blinking back tears and starting into "Great Balls of Fire."The wind coming through the drivers' side window ruffled the inch-long cap of vivid red hair that had grown on Karen's head as she drove down the winding West Virginia roads that she hadn't seen in 30 years. The beauty of this place still softened and relaxed her as much as it had, oh so long ago. Despite Dana's warnings, Karen's heart demanded that she make this trip; and after all she had lost, she was determined to listen to her heart from now on, until she could no longer hear it.She frowned at her passenger and began coughing as a noxious odor swirled around, filling her SUV. She rolled her window down further in self-preservation. This was probably a bad idea; but after all these years of thinking things through and being sensible, she felt entitled to indulge in a few harebrained schemes."Country road; take me home; to the place; I belong; West Virginia; mountain mama; take me home; country road;” she sang, smiling as the wooded foothills rose up in the distance. The path became rough when she turned by the Stevens mailbox and began bouncing up through the woods toward the cozy home. Her passenger surveyed the woods around the vehicle with increasing excitement.Karen started doubting herself, though. It was ridiculous, the more she thought about it. All her emails had gone unanswered. The phone number she was given was out of service. Three decades had passed since she came here; why would he want to see a 50-something woman with an unflattering haircut and stretch marks just because he had fallen in love with the 20-something version of her? Would Dean even remember her at all? She ran through her plan again in her mind again. It sounded really stupid, now. At least it would let her make a quick exit if things didn't work out, though.She broke out in a cold sweat when the house came into view. It was just as she had remembered it, maintained well, but not changed. It was like a holy place, kept perfectly through the ages in reverence for what it represented.She pulled up to the house and parked. No one emerged, so she would have to go in. She would have to go knock on that door and see the unrecognition or even disappointment in his eyes. She needed to go tell him about his sister. Opening the door, she slid out and hopped to the ground and stretched her legs. Suddenly, a braying roar filled the air and a wall of fur launched itself from behind the house and came for her. "SIT!" Karen yelled. Her command, though impressive, appeared only to be a gentle suggestion to the monster that continued to charge her. "STAY!" Karen shouted. This recommendation also appeared to go unheeded."BUSTER, NO!" a voice from the porch yelled, and Karen couldn't help but stare at her first glimpse of Dean in decades. He looked wild. Wild hair, wild beard, a body that had to be formed by the wilderness, itself. Not a drop of civilization tainted the essence of this man; and it made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Karen began walking toward him, completely forgetting about the fearsome beast avalanche coming to bury her. Dean jumped down from the porch and began running toward the flurry of fur and teeth that had bent its path upon Karen's destruction.A split second before Buster reached Karen, the passenger of her vehicle silently flew out, tackled him with a full-body slam and the two went rolling back from where Karen now stood next to Dean. The two tumbled, tearing up the grass and knocking over the woodpile in the commotion. Buster yelped loudly and jumped free of the massive shaggy-furred beast that was still intent upon teaching him some manners. "Judith, come!" Karen called, and with a final snarl at Buster, Judith returned to where Karen stood and sat by her side, still glaring to where Buster stood looking dumbfounded."Well, I'll be damned;” Dean murmured, looking at the still-cowed Buster in wonder."Girl dog privilege," Karen replied simply. "What is that thing, anyway?" she asked, nodding to where Buster now stood whining and trying to approach the growling Judith."Bernese Mountain Dog; Great Pyrenees; and probably a bit of German Shepherd;” Dean murmured, turning toward her. His eyes traveled over her slowly and boldly."Judith's Akita and Malamute; she was turned into the shelter because she always thinks she's right," Karen said. "That, and she farts something awful."

On today's show, we got Jean Claude Van Damme, Rob Schnieder, Paul Sorvino and Lela Rochon as we give you Knock Off! Show Rundown: Troubling allegations against Jean Claude Van Damme, We look at Van Damme's The Gardener, Rambo getting a prequel? Drago throws out the first pitch, Tom Cruise will never retire! We say goodbye to George Wendt, Trouble for David O Russell, and the Madden movie, Billy Joel cancels the rest of his tour amidst health concerns, R-Truth and Carlito are gone from the WWE for now, Tsui Hark, Double Entendres, Paul Sorvino, Storyline, Budget and film gross, Did Moody and Groo hate this movie? Pee Wee as himself, and Predator Killer of Killers. For our next episode of Nothing Worthwhile, we look at a Nothing Worthwhile favorite. It's Billy Joel's 7th studio album., and it's one with a harder edge, Glass Houses! For our next episode of Van Dammit, Van Damme does his historical Rambo thing as a boxer turned Foreign Legion officer with Legionnaire! No Retreat, No Surrender

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 1Desperate aliens kidnap a Karen to save their world!Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.On the starship Onan, the Priamites dubiously watched the screen display the creature. Dr. Fehr's algorithm had brought them trekking across the galaxy to a smallish, blue planet around an unimpressive star. While there was no denying the power emitted by the angry, festering organic matter before them, the thought of containing it and bringing it back to Priam was daunting. Still, the fate of their world hung upon the success of their mission."Do we have; uh; audio yet, Lieutenant Cavill?" Captain Hemsworth said, pausing briefly to joylessly ejaculate into his cumsuit, which quickly reclaimed the essence he emitted and channeled it into one of the suit's containment pouches to be resorbed as nourishment.Ever since the people of Eros had unleashed their horrific weapon on them, the Priamites orgasmed almost constantly. The Eros Curse, which seemed like a gift at first, became a tool of enslavement and oppression as the great Priam civilization devolved into listless people who passed the time sitting and staring at nothing in particular. Even special holidays were simply spent gathered in each other's' houses, grunting intermittently. The children of Priam, spared by the curse of Eros by living in growth pods, were never exposed to the disease or its effects until the seemingly arbitrary age of 18, so at least there was no trouble with the censors. The demands of orgasming so frequently took its toll on the Priamite's bodies. Dehydration, muscle spasms, and fatigue were common. The effects on the mind were worse. It wasn't until the invention of the cumsuit, which not only reclaimed the fluid loss and prevented dehydration, but also reduced arousing sensations until the wearer was nearly numb, that it was possible for them to journey out into the stars in search of a cure.Guided by the ancient journals of the revered Dr. Fehr, the Priamites had come to a small planet where it was foretold that there was a force of great and terrible power. It was hoped that this force could be used to break free of the cruel Eros Curse, but time was running out. Even wearing the cumsuits, the crew of the Onan, who were the most stoic, intellectual and sexless men of Priam, felt themselves progressively weakening to the Curse. It was only a matter of time until they lost all sense of duty and simply went adrift through the universe."No audio yet, Captain. The resonant frequency is so shrill that if we don't modulate the pitch; uh;” Lieutenant Cavill replied, closing his eyes and shaking as he orgasmed, then collapsed and stared blankly at the control panels as he recovered.Another crewman took over at the panel, "Captain, I can give you audio, but only for a short time. Even on their planet, they; they; oh; oh fuck;” the replacement said, stiffening as he spurted inside his suit, then shook his head to clear it and looked to their leader for orders. Captain Hemsworth braced himself in his chair and nodded for him to activate audio.A horrendous braying screech filled the bridge, “ No Idea Why You People Can't Even Take An Order Right! I Ordered The Cobb Salad With Extra Avocado! I Don't Care If It's Not On There Or Not! Fix The Damn Menu! I Have Been Coming Here For Over 15 Years And I Know For A Fact That You People Had Cobb Salad On There Two Years Ago When You Were Called Baker's Pie;"Another voice interjected, soft and conciliatory, "Oh, yes, ma'am; I see the confusion. The Baker's Pie that was here went out of business. This restaurant is Snooker's, now, so we don't have the same menu, but our club salad is very similar to;""Are You Actually Interrupting Me? Get. Me. A. Cobb. Salad. Extra Avocado! Do You Understand? Extra Avocado! Mucho Amortado! Comprendo Estupido?"Even in that short interlude, most of the Onan's bridge crew had begun bleeding from their ears and collapsing onto the deck. Captain Hemsworth, a man of rare tolerance and stamina, struggled past their unconscious bodies to the control panel and lowered the volume until it was barely audible. "Computer, disburse caffeline into bridge life support systems, 15 parts per million," he mumbled, leaning on the control panel for support as the strong stimulant hissed into the room. He didn't like to use the drug, because the heightened energy it gave often led to periods of prolonged involuntary masturbation, but he couldn't afford to waste time for the crewmen to awaken naturally. Not when conditions were so dire on Priam.Lieutenant Cavill groaned and rose weakly, climbing back into his console chair and checking the readings. "What happened, Captain? Our scans showed a primitive civilization on the planet without any meaningful defenses. What was that? Some kind of weapon?" he asked.Captain Hemsworth did a double-take at the crewman in wonder, but he said nothing. All around him, he watched the rest of the crew slowly getting to their feet and going back to their positions. All the men were alert, aware, and focused on their duties. Several of them were talking to each other; in full uninterrupted sentences. No one drooled, no one's eyes rolled back; not one of them stared off into space, as if dully re-living the curse that had infected their brains. He, himself, had not even felt the urge to sexually relieve himself once, even with the high levels of caffeline in the air. Indeed, he had not felt anything below the waist; not since he heard that voice. He doubted whether he would have the urge to orgasm ever again. They had finally done it."That was no weapon, Cavill; it is what we came here to find. It's the cure that Dr. Fehr told us was here all along. Contact High Command and tell them; tell them we found it. Tell them we have found; The Karen.The man-eating woman.After straightening out the incompetent waiter on her order, Karen Carmichael excused herself from her prayer group's table and walked to the restrooms, incensed. What kind of man actually cries when taking an order for a salad? Probably gay; or whatever kids were calling themselves these days. Was there such a thing as "gay" anymore, when people "identified" themselves as whatever the hell occurred to them? What was the point of picking a sexuality when people didn't even have a species anymore?Of course, Travis the Waiter had to play the victim about it, too, making the entire restaurant gawk over at their table like they were monsters. He probably knew they were a nice church group and went out of his way to make trouble. Sure, they all scream for "tolerance," but their types couldn't wait to attack nice people of faith like her who showed the world what it was to be decent and pure of heart. Well, he could just kiss his tip money goodbye! Tipping had gotten ridiculous anyway; a generation of whiny babies feeling entitled to extra money just for doing their jobs. ‘If ‘; they did their jobs. She couldn't even get a salad; and, by God, if the Manager didn't make things right, her Yelp review on this place would burn a hole through people's screens!Karen pushed on the door to the restroom tightly clutching her can of pepper spray, because sexual predators were always trying to rape women like her in public restrooms, and she nearly screamed when the door opened. Wet paper towels were everywhere. The garbage bin was overflowing, and some slob had splashed water all over the sink area! Now, she'd have to make the Manager take care of this, too! More drama, when she just wanted to have a nice lunch with her friends. And, of course, the Manager would just try to ‘handle ‘; her; as if she was some unreasonable bitch just for wanting to use a facility that wasn't absolutely disgusting! Then looking near her, but not at her, the Manager would apologize in that fake-nice voice and offer to comp her meal; offering her even more of what was bad in the first place. Managers and their fake apologies. They weren't sorry. The soulless jerks never meant it. They just wanted her to go away; acting like she was a scamming thief instead of someone who just wanted to be treated decently.She settled on the toilet and tried to calm herself. Lately, half the time she wanted to cry, or scream, or tear out her hair; but it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change. Everything changed around her, though. Menus; her children; hairstyles; prices; everything changed. It felt like everything had just left her behind. She looked everywhere for the things she used to love, but she couldn't find them anymore; and if she did find them, they weren't the same as they once were. Nothing made her feel her joy like she used to. That was it. Maybe she was done; that her turn at having any real joy was over. Now, the only time anyone tried to make her happy, or even looked at her, was when she screamed at them.Karen opened her eyes to a rattling sound at the door of her long, handicapped-bathroom stall. "Occupied!" she called out. To her dismay, the dial holding the sliding bolt turned all by itself and the door unlocked. "Hey! Get out!" she yelled, grabbing her pepper spray and holding it in front of her while she tried to stand and pull up her yoga pants."Nice human; good human;” a vaguely disembodied male voice said as a dark, hooded figure in a bizarre form-fitting spacesuit stepped into her stall holding what looked like a staff with a flexible loop affixed to the end of it. It slowly stepped toward her, as cautiously as one might approach a spooked animal. "Human want a nice piece of kale? Yes you do! Yes you do! Who's a good human?" it asked, holding out a curly dark green leaf to her and shaking it temptingly."What the hell?" she yelled, fumbling with the pepper spray can and trying to figure out how to make it work, just as the loop at the end of the staff went down over her head and around her neck, cinching tight.Karen choked, clutching at the loop with one hand, trying to loosen it so she could breathe, and with the other she emptied the can of pepper spray into the hooded face of her attacker. She struggled wildly, but the staff with the loop effectively controlled her and prevented her from landing any punches or kicks on her attacker. As darkness started creeping in on her vision, the last thing she saw was the figure deeply inhale the cloud of pepper spray and hold its breath, then say in a choked voice, "Ready for transport, sir; and man, they've got some good shit down here;”The forgotten leaf of kale fell down next to where Karen's cheek was pressed against the filthy bathroom floor, and with what she feared was her dying breath she choked out, "I want; to see; the; Manager;”Karen's ne victim."I used kale, Sir. Worked like a charm. It's one of the most nutritionally dense materials on the planet, so naturally, it was irresistible," a larger Priamite said to Captain Hemsworth, as he stripped out of his protective suit in a small enclave, bathed in an undulating light.Captain Hemsworth nodded. "Good work, Commander Momoa. Decontaminate for a full four cycles and I want protective measures in place for all personnel. God knows what this thing is capable of when it wakes."Karen heard garbled voices nearby, but kept her eyes closed and tried to steady her breathing. What had happened? The air smelled odd; almost crackling with ozone and energy, like a storm coming. The ambient sounds of the room told her she was not in Snookers anymore. Probably human traffickers. She saw a whole show about it. The bastards kidnapped her and were going to sell her into sexual slavery; except that she wasn't a teenager. She was 51 years old. Nobody would pay for sex with her, much less risk a felony conviction for it. Any ransom demands sent to her husband were going to have disappointing results, as well. So, what was going on? Why was she here? The kids were in college and wouldn't even notice she was gone until Christmas came. Her friends; her passive-aggressive competitors, if she was being honest; they'd just assume she left in a huff and stiffed them on the lunch check. The cold, hard truth was: nobody cared about her anymore and she knew it. That meant, if she was going to get out of this, she would have to do it herself. Her cheek hurt where it had hit that disgusting bathroom floor and she reached her hand up to touch it. The voices yelped in alarm and Karen opened her eyes to see two figures backing away from the enclosure she was imprisoned in."Who the hell are you, and what have you done with my purse?" she yelled, pushing herself to her feet. She walked toward them, crossing her arms and glaring. "I want whoever is in charge over here right now! I mean it!" she yelled, pointing as she walked toward them. One of the figures screamed, clutched at his ears and doubled over, staggering around the room dramatically. The other, larger one she recognized from the restaurant bathroom was in some tanning-booth-looking-thing, half naked and gorgeous in a likely-sexual-predator kind of way. Rather than flailing around the room, he seemed to have gone into a catatonic trance. God, people were useless. "You! Himbo!" she shouted, pointing at him. "Where is my purse? Did you even think to get it when you kidnapped me, or am I going to miss my Ozempic shot? I hope to God you assholes have good lawyers!"The beefy kidnapper in the tanning booth wobbled, then vomited loudly. Karen snorted as he slid down to the floor, unconscious. Pathetic. The smaller figure dove toward a panel on the wall next to her enclosure and pressed a few buttons and she heard the ambient noise of her room change, like it was encased, somehow."I've muted it. It's become even stronger than before;” Captain Hemsworth gasped, helping Commander Momoa to his feet again."How are we going to get it back to Priam? We could choke it out again every time it awakens; give the privilege out as a reward to the crew?" Commander Momoa suggested eagerly."No," Captain Hemsworth said, coming closer to the force field separating him from the angry Karen still yelling and pointing from inside the enclosure. "The cumulative effects of throttling it constantly might affect its functioning. We need The Karen at full power if we are to rescue Priam. We need to keep it conscious. We must feed it, provide it breathing gasses, and keep it clean; it appears to be constantly decaying. That reminds me ; cleaning duty goes to Ensign Holland. He's still on my shit list after the incident with the Zendayans.""Aye, sir."Captain Hemsworth cleared his throat and pressed another button on the side panel. "Hail Karen, bringer of blessed flaccidity, destroyer of abhorrent lust, and banisher of all erotic thought. We are men of the planet Priam. We mean you no harm. We come to you seeking aid, and we come in peace. Actually, until we found you, we would come almost constantly. It was disgusting. Everything was sticky. You see, our enemies from Eros sent us the most perfect pornographic images disguised in an innocent-looking email attachment. Once they were seen, they could not be unseen. They were burned into our brains, cursing us with perpetual arousal. The first wave of Priamites were taken by surprise once they activated the link. The next wave fell victim when the first wave posted the link on their social media because it was just so unbelievably; anyway, after the rest of our population fell out of curiosity or boredom, our civilization was nearly destroyed. We have been searching the stars for a cure, but to no avail. Then, just as all hope seemed lost, we found you; we heard your voice; and our loins finally withered. You are now a guest on my ship, The Onan, en route to my homeworld Priam. There, we will deliver your noxious, strident sounds to everyone, freeing them from their intransigent arousal. Then, after we are assured that all have been cured, we shall return you to your home."At this, Karen made an unpleasant face and began breathing on the clear wall of her enclosure, fogging it. Then, she quickly wrote a short message. "What does it mean?" Commander Momoa said, squinting at the squiggling lines she had made.At this, the computer made a chirp and began speaking, "The message, from the American dialect of the language English translates to: Why didn't you just make a recording?"Captain Hemsworth's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Commander Momoa's eyes went wide and he clapped his hand over his face in exasperation. "Fuck;” Momoa said in realization. "A recording;”"Dammit. We didn't have to take her at all, did we?" Captain Hemsworth groaned.Karen glared at them and wrote another word on the wall. As certain as Captain Hemsworth was that he did not need or want the translation, the computer was already on the job. "'Dumbasses,'" the computer cheerfully intoned, "a colloquial phrase, plural of the insult 'dumbass,' meaning 'a foolish or stupid person.'""End translation. Yes, Karen, if we had thought to record your voice instead of kidnapping you, this might have been a much shorter story, and considerably less inconvenient, but as it is, we are closer to Priam than Earth at this point, and our course is set. We will bring you to Priam and then return you home. Perhaps kidnapping you was not the most well-considered solution, but I defy you to think clearly after constantly watching porn for eons and let me know if you do any better."Karen's new calling.Great; as if getting old wasn't insult enough, I've actually become an intergalactic sexual repellent, Karen thought to herself as she paced around her cell. A lifetime of trying to do things right, and this is what it gets me. She wasn't so surprised that there were aliens in the universe, or that they had somehow weaponized porn, but that with all their advancements they were still so stupid!Sighing, she closed her eyes and listened to the ambient sounds of her cell. Life had been so noisy, the last 30 years. Everyone needing her, pulling on her for one thing or another. No peace. Lately though, with the kids gone and Cal; otherwise occupied; life had gone silent. The silence that she had wished for held no peace when it finally came. It just reverberated with the memory of things that had left her behind, making her anxious to fill the emptiness with noise. Nothing came to lure her mind away from the silence, no pleasurable temptations; her duties were done and it felt wrong to do, or even think about, anything else. My god, she had been kidnapped, was flying through the galaxy, and was surrounded by beefcake aliens and she was still thinking about that stupid loose tile in the master bathroom; she needed to get it fixed before the house was sold.A slight sound outside her cell drew her attention. "Who's there?" Karen asked, softly, opening her eyes.A wide-eyed figure peered around the edge of her cell, moving with cautious curiosity. It seemed younger than the other ones. It moved with a sense of barely-restrained eagerness, adorable and earnest. It also held a curved sort of wand in its hand."Honey, if you're here to anally probe me, I'll pass. I already had a colonoscopy this year, I'll have them send you the records;” she murmured, not expecting an answer.After a pause as the figure listened to the translation, its large eyes got even wider. "Is that how you poop?" he asked."What?" she asked, looking more closely at the young alien."I'm supposed to clean your cell when you poop; but you haven't pooped yet; wait, do colonoscopies make you poop?" it asked, scandalized.Karen closed her eyes and shook her head, "No. Colonoscopies put a small camera up your ass so that we can pay a doctor to do what we were afraid aliens like you would do to us if we got drunk in cornfields too much. They don't make us poop. In fact; well, never mind;” she trailed off, embarrassed.She still had vivid memories of her first colonoscopy earlier in the year, drinking gallons of preparatory laxatives, and the resulting quality time with her phone on the toilet. It was an odd experience; not awful, but not one that she could talk to anyone about. Her friends only talked about their kids and their successes, or whose husband cheated on them with some young thing, viciously salivating over their friends' misery with barely concealed glee. Forget about talking through her fears about it with Cal; that wasn't something he was interested in. Not anymore.After the procedure, she had been scared and disoriented from the sedation. For whatever reason, Cal hadn't shown up to give her a ride home. The stupid clinic wouldn't let her leave until someone could drive her home and take care of her. She just sat there getting more and more anxious. Eventually, she called an Uber and begged Xabiib the driver to pretend to be her neighbor; or just someone who cared about her. She spent the ride home trying to say his name correctly while he chuckled and repeated it for her. It was so horrifyingly embarrassing. It's one thing to have no one care about you, but another thing to have the whole world know about it when you were helpless and confused.Tears had rolled down her cheeks and she absently wiped them off with her hand. The young alien sat up and craned his head to look at the liquid on her hand. Karen snorted, "At ease, Holland. It's not poop. You're not getting anything out of me unless you have some heavy-duty magnesium supplements or yogurt."Holland's eyes went wide, "Are humans telepathic???" he gasped. "How did you know my name? Wow, that's so cool! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?"Karen suppressed a smile. Closing her eyes, she pressed her fingers to her temples and swayed from side to side, mysteriously. "I see something; something in the mist; something about; could it be; no, it makes no sense. Is it; a Zen; Zendayan? Does that make any sense to you?" she asked.Holland dropped his curved instrument in shock. "Yes! Yes! We just met them! We negotiated with them for supplies! I was there to carry stuff and; and;” he paused, shrinking in on himself a bit. "They are so beautiful. The Zendayans? So beautiful; and super nice; and just; like wow; I was supposed to just stand there until they were done with the talking and bowing and stuff, but they were just like so beautiful.""Well, what happened?" Karen asked."Captain introduced me and I bowed to them. I was feeling dizzy because, you know, their beautifulness just keeps radiating off them. Then; then; the most beautiful of them; she smiled." Holland stared at nothing, immersed in the memory, then wobbled, tipped over, and lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.Karen bit her lips in amusement. "I see. What did you do then?""I; I; I started talking and then I just couldn't stop because I was just trying to say how beautiful she was and how it just made my mind explode when she smiled and then I might have peed on the floor.""Oh dear," Karen said, cringing in sympathy. "We don't always put forward the face we want to when we are in our feelings, do we?" she said, quietly."Yeah; I've been cleaning poop ever since;” Holland sighed. After a while he sat back up, picked up the curved instrument and began twirling it in his hands. "So, like; what about you? Have you always made horrible noises?" he asked.Karen huffed, but then she saw the oblivious earnestness in Holland's face and sighed. "No; I wasn't always; like this. In fact, until about 30 years ago, I made beautiful noises. I was a pianist," she said."But, wait, they said you were a female;” Holland said, confused."Pee, an, ist," Karen repeated slowly. "I played the piano. It's an instrument; I was a musician. I was a student at Juilliard. It's a school on Earth; it was like a dream to even get in. I was on a scholarship, living in this shoddy apartment with my roommate Dana;” she trailed off, thinking about those days when everything seemed possible."Wait! Are you remembering?" Holland asked, breaking her reverie. "Can I remember it, too? Nobody wants to remember with me ever since the Zendayans, so I'm just left with my own memories and it gets so boring.""What are you talking about?""Well, it's kinda like; um; let me just show you. Computer, scan The Karen and project her memories," Holland ordered. A humming noise filled the room and a beam of light shot out of the wall and passed over her several times. Suddenly, her cell transformed into her shoddy apartment in Newark, New Jersey."Oh my gosh; it's just like it," Karen gasped looking around."Humans dream of getting into this?" Holland said, scrutinizing a cockroach scurrying along the floor."No, silly. This was our apartment across the river. We lived here when we weren't at school. Dana and I moved off campus in our second year. We took jobs on the side through an agency. That was when;” she sat down and a phone in the apartment's bedroom began ringing.A long, pale arm reached out of a pile of blankets on the bed and grabbed the phone. "Hullo?" Dana mumbled. A voice on the phone sounded irate. "Yeah, I'm almost there," she said and hung up.

 Karen Saves The Universe: Part 1Desperate aliens kidnap a Karen to save their world!Based on a post by LingeringAfterthought, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.On the starship Onan, the Priamites dubiously watched the screen display the creature. Dr. Fehr's algorithm had brought them trekking across the galaxy to a smallish, blue planet around an unimpressive star. While there was no denying the power emitted by the angry, festering organic matter before them, the thought of containing it and bringing it back to Priam was daunting. Still, the fate of their world hung upon the success of their mission."Do we have; uh; audio yet, Lieutenant Cavill?" Captain Hemsworth said, pausing briefly to joylessly ejaculate into his cumsuit, which quickly reclaimed the essence he emitted and channeled it into one of the suit's containment pouches to be resorbed as nourishment.Ever since the people of Eros had unleashed their horrific weapon on them, the Priamites orgasmed almost constantly. The Eros Curse, which seemed like a gift at first, became a tool of enslavement and oppression as the great Priam civilization devolved into listless people who passed the time sitting and staring at nothing in particular. Even special holidays were simply spent gathered in each other's' houses, grunting intermittently. The children of Priam, spared by the curse of Eros by living in growth pods, were never exposed to the disease or its effects until the seemingly arbitrary age of 18, so at least there was no trouble with the censors. The demands of orgasming so frequently took its toll on the Priamite's bodies. Dehydration, muscle spasms, and fatigue were common. The effects on the mind were worse. It wasn't until the invention of the cumsuit, which not only reclaimed the fluid loss and prevented dehydration, but also reduced arousing sensations until the wearer was nearly numb, that it was possible for them to journey out into the stars in search of a cure.Guided by the ancient journals of the revered Dr. Fehr, the Priamites had come to a small planet where it was foretold that there was a force of great and terrible power. It was hoped that this force could be used to break free of the cruel Eros Curse, but time was running out. Even wearing the cumsuits, the crew of the Onan, who were the most stoic, intellectual and sexless men of Priam, felt themselves progressively weakening to the Curse. It was only a matter of time until they lost all sense of duty and simply went adrift through the universe."No audio yet, Captain. The resonant frequency is so shrill that if we don't modulate the pitch; uh;” Lieutenant Cavill replied, closing his eyes and shaking as he orgasmed, then collapsed and stared blankly at the control panels as he recovered.Another crewman took over at the panel, "Captain, I can give you audio, but only for a short time. Even on their planet, they; they; oh; oh fuck;” the replacement said, stiffening as he spurted inside his suit, then shook his head to clear it and looked to their leader for orders. Captain Hemsworth braced himself in his chair and nodded for him to activate audio.A horrendous braying screech filled the bridge, “ No Idea Why You People Can't Even Take An Order Right! I Ordered The Cobb Salad With Extra Avocado! I Don't Care If It's Not On There Or Not! Fix The Damn Menu! I Have Been Coming Here For Over 15 Years And I Know For A Fact That You People Had Cobb Salad On There Two Years Ago When You Were Called Baker's Pie;"Another voice interjected, soft and conciliatory, "Oh, yes, ma'am; I see the confusion. The Baker's Pie that was here went out of business. This restaurant is Snooker's, now, so we don't have the same menu, but our club salad is very similar to;""Are You Actually Interrupting Me? Get. Me. A. Cobb. Salad. Extra Avocado! Do You Understand? Extra Avocado! Mucho Amortado! Comprendo Estupido?"Even in that short interlude, most of the Onan's bridge crew had begun bleeding from their ears and collapsing onto the deck. Captain Hemsworth, a man of rare tolerance and stamina, struggled past their unconscious bodies to the control panel and lowered the volume until it was barely audible. "Computer, disburse caffeline into bridge life support systems, 15 parts per million," he mumbled, leaning on the control panel for support as the strong stimulant hissed into the room. He didn't like to use the drug, because the heightened energy it gave often led to periods of prolonged involuntary masturbation, but he couldn't afford to waste time for the crewmen to awaken naturally. Not when conditions were so dire on Priam.Lieutenant Cavill groaned and rose weakly, climbing back into his console chair and checking the readings. "What happened, Captain? Our scans showed a primitive civilization on the planet without any meaningful defenses. What was that? Some kind of weapon?" he asked.Captain Hemsworth did a double-take at the crewman in wonder, but he said nothing. All around him, he watched the rest of the crew slowly getting to their feet and going back to their positions. All the men were alert, aware, and focused on their duties. Several of them were talking to each other; in full uninterrupted sentences. No one drooled, no one's eyes rolled back; not one of them stared off into space, as if dully re-living the curse that had infected their brains. He, himself, had not even felt the urge to sexually relieve himself once, even with the high levels of caffeline in the air. Indeed, he had not felt anything below the waist; not since he heard that voice. He doubted whether he would have the urge to orgasm ever again. They had finally done it."That was no weapon, Cavill; it is what we came here to find. It's the cure that Dr. Fehr told us was here all along. Contact High Command and tell them; tell them we found it. Tell them we have found; The Karen.The man-eating woman.After straightening out the incompetent waiter on her order, Karen Carmichael excused herself from her prayer group's table and walked to the restrooms, incensed. What kind of man actually cries when taking an order for a salad? Probably gay; or whatever kids were calling themselves these days. Was there such a thing as "gay" anymore, when people "identified" themselves as whatever the hell occurred to them? What was the point of picking a sexuality when people didn't even have a species anymore?Of course, Travis the Waiter had to play the victim about it, too, making the entire restaurant gawk over at their table like they were monsters. He probably knew they were a nice church group and went out of his way to make trouble. Sure, they all scream for "tolerance," but their types couldn't wait to attack nice people of faith like her who showed the world what it was to be decent and pure of heart. Well, he could just kiss his tip money goodbye! Tipping had gotten ridiculous anyway; a generation of whiny babies feeling entitled to extra money just for doing their jobs. ‘If ‘; they did their jobs. She couldn't even get a salad; and, by God, if the Manager didn't make things right, her Yelp review on this place would burn a hole through people's screens!Karen pushed on the door to the restroom tightly clutching her can of pepper spray, because sexual predators were always trying to rape women like her in public restrooms, and she nearly screamed when the door opened. Wet paper towels were everywhere. The garbage bin was overflowing, and some slob had splashed water all over the sink area! Now, she'd have to make the Manager take care of this, too! More drama, when she just wanted to have a nice lunch with her friends. And, of course, the Manager would just try to ‘handle ‘; her; as if she was some unreasonable bitch just for wanting to use a facility that wasn't absolutely disgusting! Then looking near her, but not at her, the Manager would apologize in that fake-nice voice and offer to comp her meal; offering her even more of what was bad in the first place. Managers and their fake apologies. They weren't sorry. The soulless jerks never meant it. They just wanted her to go away; acting like she was a scamming thief instead of someone who just wanted to be treated decently.She settled on the toilet and tried to calm herself. Lately, half the time she wanted to cry, or scream, or tear out her hair; but it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change. Everything changed around her, though. Menus; her children; hairstyles; prices; everything changed. It felt like everything had just left her behind. She looked everywhere for the things she used to love, but she couldn't find them anymore; and if she did find them, they weren't the same as they once were. Nothing made her feel her joy like she used to. That was it. Maybe she was done; that her turn at having any real joy was over. Now, the only time anyone tried to make her happy, or even looked at her, was when she screamed at them.Karen opened her eyes to a rattling sound at the door of her long, handicapped-bathroom stall. "Occupied!" she called out. To her dismay, the dial holding the sliding bolt turned all by itself and the door unlocked. "Hey! Get out!" she yelled, grabbing her pepper spray and holding it in front of her while she tried to stand and pull up her yoga pants."Nice human; good human;” a vaguely disembodied male voice said as a dark, hooded figure in a bizarre form-fitting spacesuit stepped into her stall holding what looked like a staff with a flexible loop affixed to the end of it. It slowly stepped toward her, as cautiously as one might approach a spooked animal. "Human want a nice piece of kale? Yes you do! Yes you do! Who's a good human?" it asked, holding out a curly dark green leaf to her and shaking it temptingly."What the hell?" she yelled, fumbling with the pepper spray can and trying to figure out how to make it work, just as the loop at the end of the staff went down over her head and around her neck, cinching tight.Karen choked, clutching at the loop with one hand, trying to loosen it so she could breathe, and with the other she emptied the can of pepper spray into the hooded face of her attacker. She struggled wildly, but the staff with the loop effectively controlled her and prevented her from landing any punches or kicks on her attacker. As darkness started creeping in on her vision, the last thing she saw was the figure deeply inhale the cloud of pepper spray and hold its breath, then say in a choked voice, "Ready for transport, sir; and man, they've got some good shit down here;”The forgotten leaf of kale fell down next to where Karen's cheek was pressed against the filthy bathroom floor, and with what she feared was her dying breath she choked out, "I want; to see; the; Manager;”Karen's ne victim."I used kale, Sir. Worked like a charm. It's one of the most nutritionally dense materials on the planet, so naturally, it was irresistible," a larger Priamite said to Captain Hemsworth, as he stripped out of his protective suit in a small enclave, bathed in an undulating light.Captain Hemsworth nodded. "Good work, Commander Momoa. Decontaminate for a full four cycles and I want protective measures in place for all personnel. God knows what this thing is capable of when it wakes."Karen heard garbled voices nearby, but kept her eyes closed and tried to steady her breathing. What had happened? The air smelled odd; almost crackling with ozone and energy, like a storm coming. The ambient sounds of the room told her she was not in Snookers anymore. Probably human traffickers. She saw a whole show about it. The bastards kidnapped her and were going to sell her into sexual slavery; except that she wasn't a teenager. She was 51 years old. Nobody would pay for sex with her, much less risk a felony conviction for it. Any ransom demands sent to her husband were going to have disappointing results, as well. So, what was going on? Why was she here? The kids were in college and wouldn't even notice she was gone until Christmas came. Her friends; her passive-aggressive competitors, if she was being honest; they'd just assume she left in a huff and stiffed them on the lunch check. The cold, hard truth was: nobody cared about her anymore and she knew it. That meant, if she was going to get out of this, she would have to do it herself. Her cheek hurt where it had hit that disgusting bathroom floor and she reached her hand up to touch it. The voices yelped in alarm and Karen opened her eyes to see two figures backing away from the enclosure she was imprisoned in."Who the hell are you, and what have you done with my purse?" she yelled, pushing herself to her feet. She walked toward them, crossing her arms and glaring. "I want whoever is in charge over here right now! I mean it!" she yelled, pointing as she walked toward them. One of the figures screamed, clutched at his ears and doubled over, staggering around the room dramatically. The other, larger one she recognized from the restaurant bathroom was in some tanning-booth-looking-thing, half naked and gorgeous in a likely-sexual-predator kind of way. Rather than flailing around the room, he seemed to have gone into a catatonic trance. God, people were useless. "You! Himbo!" she shouted, pointing at him. "Where is my purse? Did you even think to get it when you kidnapped me, or am I going to miss my Ozempic shot? I hope to God you assholes have good lawyers!"The beefy kidnapper in the tanning booth wobbled, then vomited loudly. Karen snorted as he slid down to the floor, unconscious. Pathetic. The smaller figure dove toward a panel on the wall next to her enclosure and pressed a few buttons and she heard the ambient noise of her room change, like it was encased, somehow."I've muted it. It's become even stronger than before;” Captain Hemsworth gasped, helping Commander Momoa to his feet again."How are we going to get it back to Priam? We could choke it out again every time it awakens; give the privilege out as a reward to the crew?" Commander Momoa suggested eagerly."No," Captain Hemsworth said, coming closer to the force field separating him from the angry Karen still yelling and pointing from inside the enclosure. "The cumulative effects of throttling it constantly might affect its functioning. We need The Karen at full power if we are to rescue Priam. We need to keep it conscious. We must feed it, provide it breathing gasses, and keep it clean; it appears to be constantly decaying. That reminds me ; cleaning duty goes to Ensign Holland. He's still on my shit list after the incident with the Zendayans.""Aye, sir."Captain Hemsworth cleared his throat and pressed another button on the side panel. "Hail Karen, bringer of blessed flaccidity, destroyer of abhorrent lust, and banisher of all erotic thought. We are men of the planet Priam. We mean you no harm. We come to you seeking aid, and we come in peace. Actually, until we found you, we would come almost constantly. It was disgusting. Everything was sticky. You see, our enemies from Eros sent us the most perfect pornographic images disguised in an innocent-looking email attachment. Once they were seen, they could not be unseen. They were burned into our brains, cursing us with perpetual arousal. The first wave of Priamites were taken by surprise once they activated the link. The next wave fell victim when the first wave posted the link on their social media because it was just so unbelievably; anyway, after the rest of our population fell out of curiosity or boredom, our civilization was nearly destroyed. We have been searching the stars for a cure, but to no avail. Then, just as all hope seemed lost, we found you; we heard your voice; and our loins finally withered. You are now a guest on my ship, The Onan, en route to my homeworld Priam. There, we will deliver your noxious, strident sounds to everyone, freeing them from their intransigent arousal. Then, after we are assured that all have been cured, we shall return you to your home."At this, Karen made an unpleasant face and began breathing on the clear wall of her enclosure, fogging it. Then, she quickly wrote a short message. "What does it mean?" Commander Momoa said, squinting at the squiggling lines she had made.At this, the computer made a chirp and began speaking, "The message, from the American dialect of the language English translates to: Why didn't you just make a recording?"Captain Hemsworth's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Commander Momoa's eyes went wide and he clapped his hand over his face in exasperation. "Fuck;” Momoa said in realization. "A recording;”"Dammit. We didn't have to take her at all, did we?" Captain Hemsworth groaned.Karen glared at them and wrote another word on the wall. As certain as Captain Hemsworth was that he did not need or want the translation, the computer was already on the job. "'Dumbasses,'" the computer cheerfully intoned, "a colloquial phrase, plural of the insult 'dumbass,' meaning 'a foolish or stupid person.'""End translation. Yes, Karen, if we had thought to record your voice instead of kidnapping you, this might have been a much shorter story, and considerably less inconvenient, but as it is, we are closer to Priam than Earth at this point, and our course is set. We will bring you to Priam and then return you home. Perhaps kidnapping you was not the most well-considered solution, but I defy you to think clearly after constantly watching porn for eons and let me know if you do any better."Karen's new calling.Great; as if getting old wasn't insult enough, I've actually become an intergalactic sexual repellent, Karen thought to herself as she paced around her cell. A lifetime of trying to do things right, and this is what it gets me. She wasn't so surprised that there were aliens in the universe, or that they had somehow weaponized porn, but that with all their advancements they were still so stupid!Sighing, she closed her eyes and listened to the ambient sounds of her cell. Life had been so noisy, the last 30 years. Everyone needing her, pulling on her for one thing or another. No peace. Lately though, with the kids gone and Cal; otherwise occupied; life had gone silent. The silence that she had wished for held no peace when it finally came. It just reverberated with the memory of things that had left her behind, making her anxious to fill the emptiness with noise. Nothing came to lure her mind away from the silence, no pleasurable temptations; her duties were done and it felt wrong to do, or even think about, anything else. My god, she had been kidnapped, was flying through the galaxy, and was surrounded by beefcake aliens and she was still thinking about that stupid loose tile in the master bathroom; she needed to get it fixed before the house was sold.A slight sound outside her cell drew her attention. "Who's there?" Karen asked, softly, opening her eyes.A wide-eyed figure peered around the edge of her cell, moving with cautious curiosity. It seemed younger than the other ones. It moved with a sense of barely-restrained eagerness, adorable and earnest. It also held a curved sort of wand in its hand."Honey, if you're here to anally probe me, I'll pass. I already had a colonoscopy this year, I'll have them send you the records;” she murmured, not expecting an answer.After a pause as the figure listened to the translation, its large eyes got even wider. "Is that how you poop?" he asked."What?" she asked, looking more closely at the young alien."I'm supposed to clean your cell when you poop; but you haven't pooped yet; wait, do colonoscopies make you poop?" it asked, scandalized.Karen closed her eyes and shook her head, "No. Colonoscopies put a small camera up your ass so that we can pay a doctor to do what we were afraid aliens like you would do to us if we got drunk in cornfields too much. They don't make us poop. In fact; well, never mind;” she trailed off, embarrassed.She still had vivid memories of her first colonoscopy earlier in the year, drinking gallons of preparatory laxatives, and the resulting quality time with her phone on the toilet. It was an odd experience; not awful, but not one that she could talk to anyone about. Her friends only talked about their kids and their successes, or whose husband cheated on them with some young thing, viciously salivating over their friends' misery with barely concealed glee. Forget about talking through her fears about it with Cal; that wasn't something he was interested in. Not anymore.After the procedure, she had been scared and disoriented from the sedation. For whatever reason, Cal hadn't shown up to give her a ride home. The stupid clinic wouldn't let her leave until someone could drive her home and take care of her. She just sat there getting more and more anxious. Eventually, she called an Uber and begged Xabiib the driver to pretend to be her neighbor; or just someone who cared about her. She spent the ride home trying to say his name correctly while he chuckled and repeated it for her. It was so horrifyingly embarrassing. It's one thing to have no one care about you, but another thing to have the whole world know about it when you were helpless and confused.Tears had rolled down her cheeks and she absently wiped them off with her hand. The young alien sat up and craned his head to look at the liquid on her hand. Karen snorted, "At ease, Holland. It's not poop. You're not getting anything out of me unless you have some heavy-duty magnesium supplements or yogurt."Holland's eyes went wide, "Are humans telepathic???" he gasped. "How did you know my name? Wow, that's so cool! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?"Karen suppressed a smile. Closing her eyes, she pressed her fingers to her temples and swayed from side to side, mysteriously. "I see something; something in the mist; something about; could it be; no, it makes no sense. Is it; a Zen; Zendayan? Does that make any sense to you?" she asked.Holland dropped his curved instrument in shock. "Yes! Yes! We just met them! We negotiated with them for supplies! I was there to carry stuff and; and;” he paused, shrinking in on himself a bit. "They are so beautiful. The Zendayans? So beautiful; and super nice; and just; like wow; I was supposed to just stand there until they were done with the talking and bowing and stuff, but they were just like so beautiful.""Well, what happened?" Karen asked."Captain introduced me and I bowed to them. I was feeling dizzy because, you know, their beautifulness just keeps radiating off them. Then; then; the most beautiful of them; she smiled." Holland stared at nothing, immersed in the memory, then wobbled, tipped over, and lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.Karen bit her lips in amusement. "I see. What did you do then?""I; I; I started talking and then I just couldn't stop because I was just trying to say how beautiful she was and how it just made my mind explode when she smiled and then I might have peed on the floor.""Oh dear," Karen said, cringing in sympathy. "We don't always put forward the face we want to when we are in our feelings, do we?" she said, quietly."Yeah; I've been cleaning poop ever since;” Holland sighed. After a while he sat back up, picked up the curved instrument and began twirling it in his hands. "So, like; what about you? Have you always made horrible noises?" he asked.Karen huffed, but then she saw the oblivious earnestness in Holland's face and sighed. "No; I wasn't always; like this. In fact, until about 30 years ago, I made beautiful noises. I was a pianist," she said."But, wait, they said you were a female;” Holland said, confused."Pee, an, ist," Karen repeated slowly. "I played the piano. It's an instrument; I was a musician. I was a student at Juilliard. It's a school on Earth; it was like a dream to even get in. I was on a scholarship, living in this shoddy apartment with my roommate Dana;” she trailed off, thinking about those days when everything seemed possible."Wait! Are you remembering?" Holland asked, breaking her reverie. "Can I remember it, too? Nobody wants to remember with me ever since the Zendayans, so I'm just left with my own memories and it gets so boring.""What are you talking about?""Well, it's kinda like; um; let me just show you. Computer, scan The Karen and project her memories," Holland ordered. A humming noise filled the room and a beam of light shot out of the wall and passed over her several times. Suddenly, her cell transformed into her shoddy apartment in Newark, New Jersey."Oh my gosh; it's just like it," Karen gasped looking around."Humans dream of getting into this?" Holland said, scrutinizing a cockroach scurrying along the floor."No, silly. This was our apartment across the river. We lived here when we weren't at school. Dana and I moved off campus in our second year. We took jobs on the side through an agency. That was when;” she sat down and a phone in the apartment's bedroom began ringing.A long, pale arm reached out of a pile of blankets on the bed and grabbed the phone. "Hullo?" Dana mumbled. A voice on the phone sounded irate. "Yeah, I'm almost there," she said and hung up.

This Week on The Casual Hour…A little local weather catastrophe may have slowed us down, but Bobby and Chase are back this week to finish up our top Xbox 360 games of all time lists. Which Mass Effect game will rise to the top? What obscure bullshit game will Chase try to sneak in? Find out on this edition of The Casual Hour!// T W I T C H------------------------------------------------------------------------------------M W F @ 9 PM CSTtwitch.tv/thecasualhouryoutube.com/thecasualhourinstagram.com/thecasualhour// S U B S C R I B E------------------------------------------------------------------------------------https://www.youtube.com/thecasualhourWe post Quick Looks and VOD from previous streams weekly!// F O L L O W------------------------------------------------------------------------------------One link to rule them all: www.thecasualhour.com// T H E   C A S U A L   H O U R------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Bobby Pease - https://linktr.ee/bob_ombyChase Koeneke - http://Linktr.ee/chase_koeneke// M U S I C------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Love our theme music? It was created by Patric Brown. You can follow his antics on Twitter @insaneanalog or check out more of his music and download our theme at www.insaneanalog.com

Amy gets fingered for the first time.In parts, by Djmac1031- listen to the ► Podcast at Connected.Tommy sat by the edge of the pool, alone with his thoughts as he waited for Amy to come back out of the house.Both of them had made it back unseen and unquestioned from their little secret getaway into the woods.He had just gotten back poolside when Amy's best friend Cindy came over to him.“If you're looking for Amy, I just passed her in the house a minute ago,” Cindy said. “She looked kind of strange, and freaked out a little. You two love birds aren't fighting or something are you?”Tommy sighed inwardly. Cindy was a good friend to Amy, but she was always so damn nosy. She'd been “shipping” the both of them since long before “shipping” had become a catchphrase, and a stupid one at that, Tommy thought.“No, of course not,” Tommy replied, as casually as he could. “I haven't seen her since the Marco / Polo game broke up a while ago and everybody wandered off.”Cindy looked skeptical. “Thought I saw you two still chatting after I got out of the pool,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You sure somethings not up? You better not have upset my bestie!” she growled.“I don't know what you're talking about,” Tommy said, a little too defensively.“I'm gonna talk to her about it later tonight, ya know. I'm sleeping over. I'll get her to dish, whatever it is, you know that right?” Cindy claimed boldly.Tommy shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. “You guys have fun, talk about whatever you want, I don't care.”Cindy gave him a look that said she didn't quite believe that, then spun and walked away.Tommy watched her leave, relieved she was finally gone. He caught himself looking at her plump ass as she retreated, then quickly averted his eyes.Cindy was cute, even beautiful he had to admit. If he was being honest with himself, he found her attractive sexually. But he certainly didn't have any feelings for her. Not like he had for Amy.Tommy's thoughts drifted back to Amy, and their time alone in the woods, and what they'd done together, a series of firsts for both of them.He thought of her final words to him before she left the wooded path for the house: “I love you too.”Was it love, he thought? It was certainly more than just some teenage “crush.”Was it just sexual? No, he thought. He'd had feelings for her long before what became their first sexual explorations together this evening. He was just finally getting around to admitting it to himself, and understanding that Amy had these same feelings too.It was all so new, so confusing. But exciting too, he had to admit.He sat there alone, feet in the water, thinking about all of that, and trying not to think about the handjob Amy had given him just minutes ago, or about seeing and touching her breasts for the first time. The last thing he wanted was to pitch another tent right there by the side of the pool.He looked up from his thoughts and saw Amy's mom heading into the house.Tommy had a moment of panic. He hoped Amy was done doing, well, whatever she was doing in there. She'd been gone awhile.But he supposed she had to clean up the mess he'd made. She was probably washing her suit and towel out, making sure no telltale stains were left behind.He didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he saw Amy bound out the door and down the steps into the yard, and he let it out in a rush of relief.She looked happy and carefree enough, so if she'd encountered her mom it must have gone okay.Amy paused, looking around, and her face lit up in a radiant smile when she spotted him.Amy had to keep herself from running over to Tommy. She felt like she was floating over the grass, not simply stepping across it as she walked towards him, butterflies in her stomach.He stood as she approached, and it struck her, not for the first time, just how handsome he was.His eyes were a strange but beautiful combo of green and brown, with yellow flecks you could only see up close.His hair was a darker blonde than hers, although it was lightened now by the sun and spiky in a short summer cut.His body was lean and lanky, with wide shoulders and long legs. While not super muscular, what he had was lean and firm and strong from the various forms of physical work he always seemed to be doing.Amy's eyes traveled down his hairless chest to his stomach, then (not for the first time) to that hint of a V shape that started just under his abs, pointing the way towards his,“No, stop, not now,” Amy thought. “That way madness lies,” she laughed to herself, remembering her Shakespeare.She hoped he hadn't caught her looking, then realized maybe she wouldn't mind so much if he had anyway.His eyes seemed fixed on her as she approached, and they were speckled moonlight.Amy felt her heart flutter and a tingle between her legs. “Oh girl,” she thought. “If this is love, you're in trouble,” she groaned inwardly.Then they were together, standing face to face.Amy desperately wanted to hug him, to kiss him, but they both knew they couldn't risk such open displays of affection just now.So she instead simply spoke, “Hey there.”“Hey,” Tommy replied, almost a whisper.They both stood there, smiling like, well, two young lovers. Neither knew what to say next. Tommy broke the silence. “Wanna get a snack?”“I'd love to,” was her reply.They spent the rest of the party almost entirely by each other's side. Oh they socialized, chatted with their other friends, even played horseshoes for a while. But they we're always at least close by, making eye contact and sharing secret smiles.The party eventually started to wind down, and people began saying their goodbyes.Tommy kept a respectful distance as many were approaching Amy to congratulate her and say goodnight. She stood for a while with her parents, thanking each guest in turn for coming and for their thoughtful gifts, etc.He felt a sudden tap on his shoulder. It was his mother.“Hey sport, I'm gonna go. Do you want a ride back with me or are you staying for a bit?” They only lived a few blocks away, an easy walking distance, but his mom had driven so she could bring over the food she'd volunteered to make and the graduation gifts they'd gotten for Amy.“Is it okay if I stay a bit? Amy's parents said it was okay if a few of us stayed and watched a movie,” I explained. “I can walk home after, no problem. It's a nice night.”Mom looked at him and grinned. “Wanna spend more time with Amy, huh?” she said knowingly. “Don't think I haven't noticed how much time you two have been spending together lately.” Tommy gulped but said nothing.His mother relented. “Well, okay. I trust you, and I trust Amy's parents. You won't get into too much trouble I think. Just behave yourself, you hear? Be a good gentleman. And be home by midnight.”Tommy smiled and nodded. “Sure mom, you bet. Thanks.”“Just remember: God is watching you.” And with that she turned to make her goodbyes to Amy and her parents.“Yeah, well, we gave him a hell of a show earlier then,” Tommy thought to himself, and had to stifle a laugh.The popcorn was made, some fruit juice poured, (“You guys have had enough soda for one day” Amy's mom had said, stern but kindly) and they were settling down to watch the movie.The only person who wound up staying besides Tommy was Cindy, who of course was sleeping over.Amy and Cindy were on the center couch. Tommy sat alone in a recliner chair off to the side, as Amy's parents came in from the kitchen.“We're heading up to bed now,” Amy's dad started. “We expect you kids to behave yourself.” Amy's mom turned and looked directly at Tommy. “I expect you'll be a gentleman and show respect for our house?” she asked him.“Yes ma'am, yes sir,” Tommy replied, addressing both parents.Mom nodded, then turned to Cindy. “Cindy, you're chaperone. Keep a watch over these two. They've been making eyes at each other all night.”“Mom!” Amy cried, embarrassed.“What? You thought we didn't notice? We're not as blind as you think we are,” her mom shot back.Amy flushed crimson, but said nothing more.“Cindy?” Mom continued, “you heard me right? You're on guard duty. Understand?”Cindy barely contained her eye roll but nodded and replied, “Yes ma'am, of course.”“Just remember,” Dad said suddenly, “leave room for the Holy Spirit,” and looking directly at Tommy, dropped him a wink and smiled.Tommy gulped. He had no clue what to make of that at all, so he simply nodded.Mom threw dad a sharp glare and his smile quickly faded. “Straight home after the movie young man, you understand me?” Mom said.“Yes ma'am, I understand,” Tommy replied.Then they both gave Amy a kiss on the cheek and went upstairs to their bedroom.The room was silent for several moments after they left, finally broken by Cindy. “Well that was awkward,” she blurted.They all laughed, breaking the tension.They'd all changed into some dry clothes earlier, (Tommy had only just remembered to fetch his from his mom's car before she left) and Tommy couldn't help but notice how cute Amy looked in her sleepwear; a pink Hello Kitty pajama top and matching shorts.It was, as all her outfits were, modest, but it left her shoulders bare and he could see the tan lines made by her bathing suit. Suddenly he was thinking about her breasts, exposed and pale in the moonlight, as she'd slowly slipped down the straps,He was snapped out of this memory by a voice. “Tommy? Earth to Tommy!”It was Cindy. “You can't see the TV well from there. Come sit on the couch with us. I'll scoot over, you can sit next to Amy.” She smiled wryly, and Amy elbowed her good naturedly, but put up no further argument.“Yeah, sure, makes sense,” Tommy said casually, trying not to sound too eager.The girls scooted over and he sat down next to Amy, who was now in the middle, Cindy to her left at the other end.Their hips touched as he sat, and he awkwardly tried to figure out what to do with his left arm. He decided to put it around Amy's shoulders. He made sure to keep his hand up on the couch, a safe distance from the tempting curve of her breast.Amy settled her head on Tommy's shoulder, sighing almost imperceptibly in contentment. Cindy heard it though, and this time did not contain her eye roll, but smiled knowingly.They watched the movie like that for a while, in silence. It was some rom-com the girls had picked out, one of their favorites. Tommy didn't really care what they picked. He wasn't there for the movie.It was a PG film and a pretty tame one at that. No sex or nudity of course. Although there were a couple of kissing scenes and during them Tommy could feel Amy shifting slightly under his arm, and knew exactly what she was thinking.About an hour into the movie, Cindy suddenly stood up. Making a show of stretching (Tommy could not help but notice the way her large breasts pushed out from her less modest tank top, despite himself) and, mock yawning, turned to address them.“I'm tired, I think I'm gonna go to bed,” she announced, looking slyly at Tommy for a second. Then to Amy she added, “your parents bedroom is right across the hall from yours. Keep your cell phone nearby. If I hear them stir, I'll text you.”Turning back to Tommy, she said, “There's about 30 minutes left in this movie. If Amy's not upstairs and in her bed in 35, I'm personally knocking on her parents door and waking them up.”“I know your parents told me to chaperone,” she continued, “but I figure if God sees all, let Him keep an eye on you two.”And with a sly wink and a totally knowing grin, she turned and went upstairs.Tommy and Amy both sat silent and shocked as they watched her go.Tommy broke the silence. “I, I can't believe she just did that,” he muttered.Amy just sighed, cupped his face with her hand, turned it towards her own, and whispered, “she's a good friend.”And just like that they were kissing.Tommy's mind was spinning happily. She smelled so good, clean and fresh after her earlier shower. Some kind of floral scented shampoo, he thought, and he also caught a hint of what he guessed was perfume; a light, almost fruity scent. Her hair was loose, wavy, and flowing around her face and neck.He could taste her lip gloss, sweet with a hint of cinnamon.It wasn't long before the arm he still had half on the couch dropped to a more comfortable, intimate position.Breaking the kiss a moment, he looked at her, head tilted, eyes questioning. No words were needed. She simply nodded her consent and shifted herself into a better position for his hand to gently cup her breast.Again he felt her hard little nipple underneath her shirt, already swollen. He could see her neck and what little skin that was exposed just above her chest flush with excitement as she squirmed under his touch.His hand then slid under the soft cotton fabric and found the bare skin of her breast beneath. He was surprised she wasn't wearing a bra, but supposed the top was generally modest enough that she didn't need one.Or, he speculated, she'd left it off on purpose.Amy rested her head back on the couch and closed her eyes, focusing on the incredible sensations, as his hand explored her firm young flesh. He was so gentle, and every time his fingers found her nipples her body jerked as if shocked.Tommy's voice broke through her trance, whispering. “Amy, are you  okay? Tell me if I hurt you, or,”“I'm fine, just, sensitive,” she stammered. She opened her eyes, imploring, “don't stop, please.” She leaned in, finding his lips again.As they continued making out, he felt her hand land on his upper thigh, slowly moving towards his crotch.The loose fitting shorts he was wearing were containing his throbbing erection, but just barely. Then her hand was over it, feeling it's length for the second time that night.Suddenly she was tugging at his waistband, trying desperately to free it.It took all of his willpower to grasp her hand and remove it.“Amy, we can't. It's too risky. And too, messy.”She groaned and frowned. “I know, but,”Tommy lifted her chin up to face him, and spoke softly, lovingly. “Amy, I want it too, but we have to be smart. If your parents walked in on us with my pants down, or if I made a mess again all over your couch,” he paused, removed his hand from her breast, and with one finger made the “throat cutting” gesture across his neck.She nodded, regretfully. “Yeah, you're right. Dammit.”They sat quietly for a moment, just holding each other.She looked at him suddenly, with a determined glint in her eye.“Would you,” she paused, licked her lips, swallowed nervously, started again:“Would you, touch me, somewhere else?” Her voice was a weak whisper.“Where?” said Tommy, not getting it yet.Amy smiled shyly, looked down, and slowly parted her legs.Understanding dawned in his eyes. A huge grin spread on his face, but was quickly replaced by gentle concern.“Are you sure?” he asked sweetly. “Because I don't want to pressure you, or make you feel like you have to,”Amy cut him off sharply but lovingly. “Tommy, if you don't touch my Kitty right now I'll wind up screaming in frustration. Please. I need this.” Her voice was a harsh whisper that contained a desperation he'd never heard from her before.Tommy was utterly taken aback by this outburst. Then he broke into a goofy grin. “Your kitty?” he said incredulously.Amy flushed with embarrassment. “It's what, it's what I've always, called, it. I know, it's silly.”“It's adorable,” said Tommy, “and so are you.”His hand went to the bare skin of her right thigh, slowly caressing her soft, tan skin.Her breathing became heavier as his hand slid higher up her thigh, finding the hem in the leg of her pajama shorts, then slipped under it.His fingers found the edge of her panties where they met her thigh, then paused.She moaned, put her hand on his, pushed it further. “Please,” she groaned, “please keep going.”His fingers started to work their way under the edge of her panties when she suddenly stopped him.“Just don't, just don't push your fingers, inside. Not all the way,  okay? I'm still a virgin, and I wanna stay that way for now. At least till we're ready to,” she stopped herself, then shrugged, “, well you know. Touch anywhere else you want, just don't push inside,  okay?”Tommy nodded, understanding. He knew enough about the female anatomy to understand what the hymen was and how it could be broken. He certainly didn't want to push Amy beyond what she was ready for.“Don't worry, I don't ever want to hurt you, Amy. Please tell me if I do. And stop me if I go too far. I've never done this, and I want it to be right,” he said.“Just touch me,” she hissed. “I'll guide you if needed, okay?”Without further hesitation, his hand slid up again, finding her panties, but instead of going under them he suddenly changed direction and went over the fabric, cupping her entire “Kitty” in his palm.What he found was warm, almost hot, and he could feel moisture seeping its way through the gusset, warm and slippery like a lotion or oil.He looked at her with happy confusion, and she smiled. “It gets that way sometimes. When it's, excited.” She winked at him wickedly. “But you're torturing me, Tommy. Here, let me just,”With a quick move, her hand was suddenly inside her pajama shorts, and with a jerk she pulled her panties aside, allowing him easier access. He instantly felt the hot wet flesh of her virgin cunt under the palm of his hand.He wasn't sure who gasped louder at the moment of contact, him or her.Amy's eyes rolled back in her head as his fingers started to explore her soft folds.Tommy was mesmerized by what he was feeling. His fingers gently probed and explored her swollen labia, then found where they separated as his fingers slipped between them, locating the entrance to her vagina.He stopped there, remembering his promise not to probe too deep.Cautiously, he stuck a finger tip in, then looked at Amy. “This okay? Not too much?”Her breath was hitching, as she struggled to keep quiet despite the immense pleasure. “Ya, yes, it's fine,” she stammered. “Juh, just a little deeper. There, stop! Now just slide it in and out a bit.”He followed her instructions and she closed her eyes again, imagining, as she had when she'd masturbated earlier, that it was the tip of his cock sliding in and out of her virgin hole.She felt like a fire hydrant the way she was gushing from the gentle fingering. Tommy felt it too.“It's so wet,” he said, his voice a low marvel. “I know, sorry,” she stuttered, barely able to speak.“Don't be,” he whispered in her ear. “I got you way messier earlier, remember? Besides, I'm assuming this means I'm doing a good job, right?”“Oh, yes, yes you, oh, oh God, don't stop, a little faster, oh, oh Jesus, I'm gonna,” Amy suddenly bit down on her lip so hard she thought it might bleed, as she felt the wave of her orgasm hit her, knocking her head back against the couch, her arm squeezing Tommy's waist so tight he could barely breathe, her other hand flying to her mouth to cover her scream as her body shook uncontrollably.“Don't stop don't stop don't stop,” her voice came muffled from under her hand as she felt a fireball of pleasure spread outwardly from her vagina, simultaneously up towards her head and down to her toes. Then her sounds were no longer words, but high pitched squeals. Her body rocked forward, then back, then shook with what looked like a convulsion. Her eyes rolled back in her head.Amy gives her first blowjob.Amy had been sitting with her eyes closed in a state of utter relaxation, wrapped in Tommy's strong embrace. Suddenly they opened, and looking down, she saw Tommy's erection, still straining against his shorts.“Oh, Tommy, I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about, that,” she gestured to his crotch. “Are you sure I can't, you know, help take care of it? It seems so unfair to leave you that way.”Tommy glanced at the TV. There were maybe ten minutes left in the movie. Plenty of time, really. But he was still worried.“Amy, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to. But I'm just concerned about making another mess all over you, or worse, on your parents couch!”Amy looked sad, then thoughtful. She looked up at him suddenly, with a gaze that was both shy yet determined.“I have, I have an idea,” she said, her voice shaking, “but I don't know what you'll think of it.”Tommy looked at her quizzically, so she continued, “I could, I could, you know, put it in my, in my mouth.” She blushed at her own brazen words.Tommy's eyes went wide. “You mean,?”Amy simply nodded. Her face still flushed but also filled with love and determination. “Yes,” she answered. “I want to please you that way. Please?” she begged, pouting.Her plea broke any remaining willpower he had left to resist. He kissed her, then smiled. “How could I possibly refuse that pretty face?” he chuckled.He sat back, loosened his shorts, then slid them down. His cock sprung free immediately.Despite having seen and touched it in this state earlier that evening, Amy still couldn't help but giggle at how his penis bounced and twitched all on it's own.“What would be the, you know, best way to, you know, do that?” she asked, suddenly feeling bashful.“Um,” Tommy thought, “maybe on your knees? On the floor?”Amy nodded and slid down to the floor, placing herself between Tommy's legs.This seemed like a good position, she thought, as she got her first really good, close up look at his penis. There was a long, thick vein that ran up the underside of it, from the bottom of the shaft up to the strange indentation of flesh just under the tip that reminded Amy vaguely of her own folds just above her clit. She observed his balls again, in their strange little sack of flesh, covered in small dark hairs.“It's all such a strange looking thing,” she thought to herself, “but somehow beautiful, and arousing.”Amy took his throbbing member in her hand, feeling it pulse in her grip, then started to lean forward towards it.Just as her lips approached his swollen head, she froze. Letting go, she looked up at him, suddenly afraid.“I,” Amy started, “I don't, I don't know what I'm doing,” she stammered. “What if I hurt you?”“You don't have to do this, Amy, we can stop right now,” Tommy said, concerned.“No, no, I'm just, I wanna do good,” Amy smiled weakly, “just afraid I won't be.”“Relax, take your time, go slow, you'll be fine baby. I'm so worked up this won't take long anyway,” he laughed, calming her. Then he echoed her earlier words, “I'll guide you if needed,  okay?”She nodded, smiled, then advanced once more towards his throbbing cock. She felt Tommy's hand touching her face in gentle reassurance, then brushing her hair back away from it. She met his gaze and smiled.Her lips found his head and kissed it tentatively. As before in the woods when she touched it for the very first time, it suddenly started bouncing up and down like a diving board someone just leapt from.She suppressed her mirth this time, determined to get down to business. Again taking his thick shaft in her tiny hand, she held it steady, as she kissed the tip more confidently now. Tommy gasped, feeling the warmth of her lips make contact with his sensitive glans.Feeling bolder, Amy parted her lips and slowly took the tip in her mouth.Tommy winced suddenly, and whispered through his clenched jaw, “mind the teeth!”Amy's mouth let go immediately, and she blurted, “Shit, sorry! You  okay?”“Fine, I'm fine, just, it's  okay baby, try again,” Tommy said reassuringly.Amy's cheeks flushed hot, but she nodded and slid her lips over the tip of his cock again, this time making sure to keep her teeth clear.She got past the tip easily enough, then took another inch or so. Here she paused yet again. She had no idea how far she should or could go, or what to do next.Sensing her confusion and hesitation, Tommy spoke to her softly. “Only go as far as you're comfortable, baby, then just slide it in and out, kinda like what you did with your hand earlier, but using your mouth instead. Does that make sense?”“Mmm hmm,” Amy replied through her full lips, the vibrations causing a groan of pleasure from Tommy. She made a mental note that he liked that.Slowly, Amy started to move her head, up and down, feeling the hot flesh of his cock sliding across her tongue, feeling the ridge of his tip passing in and out of her lips; a very strange yet pleasurable sensation.She was starting to get the hang of it. Using her right hand to hold his cock steady, her grip gentle yet firm at the base, Amy continued to bob her head up and down over his cock, although she still only dared to take about a third of it.It was incredibly hard, yet also felt somehow soft and spongy in her mouth. She was surprised to realize it had no real taste to it at all besides a hint of salt.She was so busy concentrating on what she was doing that she barely remembered to check to see how Tommy was handling it.Looking up, she saw him covering his mouth with his hand, trying to contain his groans and gasps. But his eyes spoke volumes as to the pleasure he was receiving.Their eyes met again, and Amy somehow managed a smile despite having the first penis she'd ever seen, touched, and now sucked in her mouth. She started humming again softly, grinning up at him with a wicked sparkle in her ocean blue eyes.That sent Tommy over the edge. These sensations were all too new to him, far more intense and pleasurable than anything he'd ever managed to create with just his hand. There was no way he could hold back for long.Amy suddenly felt his penis swell in her mouth, like it was expanding somehow. The earlier handjob she'd given had clued her in on what this meant of course; his climax was imminent.Now was the moment of truth, Amy realized. Would she be able to handle him squirting all that thick, sticky stuff in her mouth?Despite being completely inexperienced, Amy was a smart girl. She decided the best course of action in a split second.Quickly she lifted her head up so that her mouth now only held his throbbing cock head. Her lips sealed tight around the ridge forming a vacuum. The hand that had been gripping his base now started to stroke his shaft up and down as he'd taught her before, jerking him while applying gentle suction with her mouth.If she was going to try to catch all of his squirt, she decided she should treat his cock like a straw and try to suck it out. That's just what she did, and she felt the first blast pushing its way up his shaft under her hand, forcefully shooting out the tip.It hit her tongue; hot, salty, but also sweet somehow. The texture was thick and creamy, like some strange combo of yogurt and egg whites. Amy tasted it for only a microsecond before acting on instinct and working the slimy glob to the back of her throat and swallowing.Just in time for the second blast. This one caught her less prepared, and she choked slightly, then kept going.But there was simply too much to keep up with. Her mouth was filling up faster than she could swallow, and with horror she realized some of his cum was leaking out past her lips despite her best efforts at containment and about to drip on the couch.Suddenly she felt a hand just under her chin. Tommy, thinking quickly, had grabbed some fortunate nearby napkins and was using them to catch the run off oozing from her lips and down her chin.She took the napkins gratefully, and quickly mopped up her chin. Amy pulled her mouth back until her lips were resting just over the slit of his tip, then slowly stroked his still hard shaft, feeling the last few drops squeeze out on her tongue.She rolled his cum around on her tongue a bit, savoring the taste this time. It didn't taste bad, nor did it taste good, she thought. Just, odd. But it certainly wasn't terrible or anything. And just the notion of what exactly it was, and just how it had wound up in her mouth, sent pleasant little shivers through her.Amy looked up at Tommy, the tip of his penis still on her lips, and grinned proudly. She'd done it! She'd actually made him squirt with her mouth! And managed to keep it from getting truly messy by actually swallowing almost all of it.Amy felt his penis starting to soften slightly in her hand. She marveled at the fascinating biology of it all for a moment before deciding on a whim to lick him completely clean of the last few splashes of cum that were stuck to him.She heard Tommy moan, and felt his body tremor, as she gently finished cleaning his shaft and head with her tongue. Then, giving it one last kiss, she reluctantly let go of his slowly deflating penis.Amy then felt a sudden pang of guilt. Not for giving her first blowjob, no. She actually felt proud about that. She just felt bad for being so focused on what she was doing that she'd totally missed out on seeing most of Tommy's reaction.She looked up at him again. His face was flushed, but grinning ear to ear. She noticed with some alarm that his lower lip was bleeding, and called his attention to it.“Really?” Tommy muttered, as if coming out of a trance. He tentatively touched his lip, saw the blood on his fingers, then chuckled softly. “Well, it was either bite my lip or scream so loud I'd wake your parents. Small price to pay, I guess,” he said laughing. “It's not bad, it'll be fine, don't worry.” He dabbed his lip with a fresh napkin, wiping off the blood.Amy got up off her knees and sat beside him on the couch, then simply wrapped her arms around him in a warm hug that he returned in earnest.“That was beautiful, Amy. Absolutely amazing. Thank you so, so much,” he whispered in her ear, followed by, “I love you.”“I know,” she whispered, grinning again. Tommy laughed. “Well played, princess.”Looking up, Tommy noticed the credits were now rolling on the movie.“Shit, I better get moving,” he sighed, reluctantly letting go of Amy and reaching down to pull his shorts back up.“Wait,” whispered Amy, “just a second, I just wanna, ,” her hand wrapped around his now soft penis and gave it a gentle squeeze, “say goodbye.” Then she giggled. “It's so strange how different it feels when it's soft,” she marveled.“Yeah, well keep that up and you'll wake it up again,” he said, only half joking. He already felt it starting to stir despite having just had his second orgasm within a couple of hours.“Take a last look,” he cracked before pulling his shorts up and adjusting everything back to normal.Their eyes met again, and Amy gently kissed him, taking care not to put too much pressure on his sore lip. But it had already stopped bleeding and he didn't wince at her kiss, simply returned it.Finally they broke the kiss, and Tommy stood up. “Time for me to go, babe, sorry.”Amy nodded, then suddenly looked troubled. Noticing the look, he asked, “What is it? What's on your mind?”Amy took a moment to gather her thoughts, then finally spoke. “Tommy, I, I've really, enjoyed everything we've, done together tonight. All of it. And I don't feel guilty or shameful about it. Does, does that make me, a slut?” she asked with a gulp.“No, God no,” Tommy gasped. “Do you love me?” he asked her, looking in her eyes.“Yes, so much,” she replied earnestly.“I love you too, Amy. And I don't think it's wrong for two people who love each other to, to do these things, to, to make each other feel good. To, please each other,” he said, “no matter what some guy in a collar says from a pulpit.”Amy's face relaxed and broke into a warm, grateful smile. “Thank you,” she said softly, “that makes me feel better. Because I feel that way too.”“I gotta say,” said Tommy, “It kinda surprised me the way you swore when you were orgasming. It was, it was kinda hot.”Amy blushed but grinned. “Yeah, that surprised me too, actually,” she said, then just shrugged.They shared one last embrace, a quick final kiss, and then Tommy was out the door.He turned to look back at her, waved, and whispered loudly, “I love you. See you again soon.”“I love you too,” she mouthed silently, blew him a kiss, and closed the door.&l

Amy gets fingered for the first time.In parts, by Djmac1031- listen to the ► Podcast at Connected.Tommy sat by the edge of the pool, alone with his thoughts as he waited for Amy to come back out of the house.Both of them had made it back unseen and unquestioned from their little secret getaway into the woods.He had just gotten back poolside when Amy's best friend Cindy came over to him.“If you're looking for Amy, I just passed her in the house a minute ago,” Cindy said. “She looked kind of strange, and freaked out a little. You two love birds aren't fighting or something are you?”Tommy sighed inwardly. Cindy was a good friend to Amy, but she was always so damn nosy. She'd been “shipping” the both of them since long before “shipping” had become a catchphrase, and a stupid one at that, Tommy thought.“No, of course not,” Tommy replied, as casually as he could. “I haven't seen her since the Marco / Polo game broke up a while ago and everybody wandered off.”Cindy looked skeptical. “Thought I saw you two still chatting after I got out of the pool,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You sure somethings not up? You better not have upset my bestie!” she growled.“I don't know what you're talking about,” Tommy said, a little too defensively.“I'm gonna talk to her about it later tonight, ya know. I'm sleeping over. I'll get her to dish, whatever it is, you know that right?” Cindy claimed boldly.Tommy shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. “You guys have fun, talk about whatever you want, I don't care.”Cindy gave him a look that said she didn't quite believe that, then spun and walked away.Tommy watched her leave, relieved she was finally gone. He caught himself looking at her plump ass as she retreated, then quickly averted his eyes.Cindy was cute, even beautiful he had to admit. If he was being honest with himself, he found her attractive sexually. But he certainly didn't have any feelings for her. Not like he had for Amy.Tommy's thoughts drifted back to Amy, and their time alone in the woods, and what they'd done together, a series of firsts for both of them.He thought of her final words to him before she left the wooded path for the house: “I love you too.”Was it love, he thought? It was certainly more than just some teenage “crush.”Was it just sexual? No, he thought. He'd had feelings for her long before what became their first sexual explorations together this evening. He was just finally getting around to admitting it to himself, and understanding that Amy had these same feelings too.It was all so new, so confusing. But exciting too, he had to admit.He sat there alone, feet in the water, thinking about all of that, and trying not to think about the handjob Amy had given him just minutes ago, or about seeing and touching her breasts for the first time. The last thing he wanted was to pitch another tent right there by the side of the pool.He looked up from his thoughts and saw Amy's mom heading into the house.Tommy had a moment of panic. He hoped Amy was done doing, well, whatever she was doing in there. She'd been gone awhile.But he supposed she had to clean up the mess he'd made. She was probably washing her suit and towel out, making sure no telltale stains were left behind.He didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he saw Amy bound out the door and down the steps into the yard, and he let it out in a rush of relief.She looked happy and carefree enough, so if she'd encountered her mom it must have gone okay.Amy paused, looking around, and her face lit up in a radiant smile when she spotted him.Amy had to keep herself from running over to Tommy. She felt like she was floating over the grass, not simply stepping across it as she walked towards him, butterflies in her stomach.He stood as she approached, and it struck her, not for the first time, just how handsome he was.His eyes were a strange but beautiful combo of green and brown, with yellow flecks you could only see up close.His hair was a darker blonde than hers, although it was lightened now by the sun and spiky in a short summer cut.His body was lean and lanky, with wide shoulders and long legs. While not super muscular, what he had was lean and firm and strong from the various forms of physical work he always seemed to be doing.Amy's eyes traveled down his hairless chest to his stomach, then (not for the first time) to that hint of a V shape that started just under his abs, pointing the way towards his,“No, stop, not now,” Amy thought. “That way madness lies,” she laughed to herself, remembering her Shakespeare.She hoped he hadn't caught her looking, then realized maybe she wouldn't mind so much if he had anyway.His eyes seemed fixed on her as she approached, and they were speckled moonlight.Amy felt her heart flutter and a tingle between her legs. “Oh girl,” she thought. “If this is love, you're in trouble,” she groaned inwardly.Then they were together, standing face to face.Amy desperately wanted to hug him, to kiss him, but they both knew they couldn't risk such open displays of affection just now.So she instead simply spoke, “Hey there.”“Hey,” Tommy replied, almost a whisper.They both stood there, smiling like, well, two young lovers. Neither knew what to say next. Tommy broke the silence. “Wanna get a snack?”“I'd love to,” was her reply.They spent the rest of the party almost entirely by each other's side. Oh they socialized, chatted with their other friends, even played horseshoes for a while. But they we're always at least close by, making eye contact and sharing secret smiles.The party eventually started to wind down, and people began saying their goodbyes.Tommy kept a respectful distance as many were approaching Amy to congratulate her and say goodnight. She stood for a while with her parents, thanking each guest in turn for coming and for their thoughtful gifts, etc.He felt a sudden tap on his shoulder. It was his mother.“Hey sport, I'm gonna go. Do you want a ride back with me or are you staying for a bit?” They only lived a few blocks away, an easy walking distance, but his mom had driven so she could bring over the food she'd volunteered to make and the graduation gifts they'd gotten for Amy.“Is it okay if I stay a bit? Amy's parents said it was okay if a few of us stayed and watched a movie,” I explained. “I can walk home after, no problem. It's a nice night.”Mom looked at him and grinned. “Wanna spend more time with Amy, huh?” she said knowingly. “Don't think I haven't noticed how much time you two have been spending together lately.” Tommy gulped but said nothing.His mother relented. “Well, okay. I trust you, and I trust Amy's parents. You won't get into too much trouble I think. Just behave yourself, you hear? Be a good gentleman. And be home by midnight.”Tommy smiled and nodded. “Sure mom, you bet. Thanks.”“Just remember: God is watching you.” And with that she turned to make her goodbyes to Amy and her parents.“Yeah, well, we gave him a hell of a show earlier then,” Tommy thought to himself, and had to stifle a laugh.The popcorn was made, some fruit juice poured, (“You guys have had enough soda for one day” Amy's mom had said, stern but kindly) and they were settling down to watch the movie.The only person who wound up staying besides Tommy was Cindy, who of course was sleeping over.Amy and Cindy were on the center couch. Tommy sat alone in a recliner chair off to the side, as Amy's parents came in from the kitchen.“We're heading up to bed now,” Amy's dad started. “We expect you kids to behave yourself.” Amy's mom turned and looked directly at Tommy. “I expect you'll be a gentleman and show respect for our house?” she asked him.“Yes ma'am, yes sir,” Tommy replied, addressing both parents.Mom nodded, then turned to Cindy. “Cindy, you're chaperone. Keep a watch over these two. They've been making eyes at each other all night.”“Mom!” Amy cried, embarrassed.“What? You thought we didn't notice? We're not as blind as you think we are,” her mom shot back.Amy flushed crimson, but said nothing more.“Cindy?” Mom continued, “you heard me right? You're on guard duty. Understand?”Cindy barely contained her eye roll but nodded and replied, “Yes ma'am, of course.”“Just remember,” Dad said suddenly, “leave room for the Holy Spirit,” and looking directly at Tommy, dropped him a wink and smiled.Tommy gulped. He had no clue what to make of that at all, so he simply nodded.Mom threw dad a sharp glare and his smile quickly faded. “Straight home after the movie young man, you understand me?” Mom said.“Yes ma'am, I understand,” Tommy replied.Then they both gave Amy a kiss on the cheek and went upstairs to their bedroom.The room was silent for several moments after they left, finally broken by Cindy. “Well that was awkward,” she blurted.They all laughed, breaking the tension.They'd all changed into some dry clothes earlier, (Tommy had only just remembered to fetch his from his mom's car before she left) and Tommy couldn't help but notice how cute Amy looked in her sleepwear; a pink Hello Kitty pajama top and matching shorts.It was, as all her outfits were, modest, but it left her shoulders bare and he could see the tan lines made by her bathing suit. Suddenly he was thinking about her breasts, exposed and pale in the moonlight, as she'd slowly slipped down the straps,He was snapped out of this memory by a voice. “Tommy? Earth to Tommy!”It was Cindy. “You can't see the TV well from there. Come sit on the couch with us. I'll scoot over, you can sit next to Amy.” She smiled wryly, and Amy elbowed her good naturedly, but put up no further argument.“Yeah, sure, makes sense,” Tommy said casually, trying not to sound too eager.The girls scooted over and he sat down next to Amy, who was now in the middle, Cindy to her left at the other end.Their hips touched as he sat, and he awkwardly tried to figure out what to do with his left arm. He decided to put it around Amy's shoulders. He made sure to keep his hand up on the couch, a safe distance from the tempting curve of her breast.Amy settled her head on Tommy's shoulder, sighing almost imperceptibly in contentment. Cindy heard it though, and this time did not contain her eye roll, but smiled knowingly.They watched the movie like that for a while, in silence. It was some rom-com the girls had picked out, one of their favorites. Tommy didn't really care what they picked. He wasn't there for the movie.It was a PG film and a pretty tame one at that. No sex or nudity of course. Although there were a couple of kissing scenes and during them Tommy could feel Amy shifting slightly under his arm, and knew exactly what she was thinking.About an hour into the movie, Cindy suddenly stood up. Making a show of stretching (Tommy could not help but notice the way her large breasts pushed out from her less modest tank top, despite himself) and, mock yawning, turned to address them.“I'm tired, I think I'm gonna go to bed,” she announced, looking slyly at Tommy for a second. Then to Amy she added, “your parents bedroom is right across the hall from yours. Keep your cell phone nearby. If I hear them stir, I'll text you.”Turning back to Tommy, she said, “There's about 30 minutes left in this movie. If Amy's not upstairs and in her bed in 35, I'm personally knocking on her parents door and waking them up.”“I know your parents told me to chaperone,” she continued, “but I figure if God sees all, let Him keep an eye on you two.”And with a sly wink and a totally knowing grin, she turned and went upstairs.Tommy and Amy both sat silent and shocked as they watched her go.Tommy broke the silence. “I, I can't believe she just did that,” he muttered.Amy just sighed, cupped his face with her hand, turned it towards her own, and whispered, “she's a good friend.”And just like that they were kissing.Tommy's mind was spinning happily. She smelled so good, clean and fresh after her earlier shower. Some kind of floral scented shampoo, he thought, and he also caught a hint of what he guessed was perfume; a light, almost fruity scent. Her hair was loose, wavy, and flowing around her face and neck.He could taste her lip gloss, sweet with a hint of cinnamon.It wasn't long before the arm he still had half on the couch dropped to a more comfortable, intimate position.Breaking the kiss a moment, he looked at her, head tilted, eyes questioning. No words were needed. She simply nodded her consent and shifted herself into a better position for his hand to gently cup her breast.Again he felt her hard little nipple underneath her shirt, already swollen. He could see her neck and what little skin that was exposed just above her chest flush with excitement as she squirmed under his touch.His hand then slid under the soft cotton fabric and found the bare skin of her breast beneath. He was surprised she wasn't wearing a bra, but supposed the top was generally modest enough that she didn't need one.Or, he speculated, she'd left it off on purpose.Amy rested her head back on the couch and closed her eyes, focusing on the incredible sensations, as his hand explored her firm young flesh. He was so gentle, and every time his fingers found her nipples her body jerked as if shocked.Tommy's voice broke through her trance, whispering. “Amy, are you  okay? Tell me if I hurt you, or,”“I'm fine, just, sensitive,” she stammered. She opened her eyes, imploring, “don't stop, please.” She leaned in, finding his lips again.As they continued making out, he felt her hand land on his upper thigh, slowly moving towards his crotch.The loose fitting shorts he was wearing were containing his throbbing erection, but just barely. Then her hand was over it, feeling it's length for the second time that night.Suddenly she was tugging at his waistband, trying desperately to free it.It took all of his willpower to grasp her hand and remove it.“Amy, we can't. It's too risky. And too, messy.”She groaned and frowned. “I know, but,”Tommy lifted her chin up to face him, and spoke softly, lovingly. “Amy, I want it too, but we have to be smart. If your parents walked in on us with my pants down, or if I made a mess again all over your couch,” he paused, removed his hand from her breast, and with one finger made the “throat cutting” gesture across his neck.She nodded, regretfully. “Yeah, you're right. Dammit.”They sat quietly for a moment, just holding each other.She looked at him suddenly, with a determined glint in her eye.“Would you,” she paused, licked her lips, swallowed nervously, started again:“Would you, touch me, somewhere else?” Her voice was a weak whisper.“Where?” said Tommy, not getting it yet.Amy smiled shyly, looked down, and slowly parted her legs.Understanding dawned in his eyes. A huge grin spread on his face, but was quickly replaced by gentle concern.“Are you sure?” he asked sweetly. “Because I don't want to pressure you, or make you feel like you have to,”Amy cut him off sharply but lovingly. “Tommy, if you don't touch my Kitty right now I'll wind up screaming in frustration. Please. I need this.” Her voice was a harsh whisper that contained a desperation he'd never heard from her before.Tommy was utterly taken aback by this outburst. Then he broke into a goofy grin. “Your kitty?” he said incredulously.Amy flushed with embarrassment. “It's what, it's what I've always, called, it. I know, it's silly.”“It's adorable,” said Tommy, “and so are you.”His hand went to the bare skin of her right thigh, slowly caressing her soft, tan skin.Her breathing became heavier as his hand slid higher up her thigh, finding the hem in the leg of her pajama shorts, then slipped under it.His fingers found the edge of her panties where they met her thigh, then paused.She moaned, put her hand on his, pushed it further. “Please,” she groaned, “please keep going.”His fingers started to work their way under the edge of her panties when she suddenly stopped him.“Just don't, just don't push your fingers, inside. Not all the way,  okay? I'm still a virgin, and I wanna stay that way for now. At least till we're ready to,” she stopped herself, then shrugged, “, well you know. Touch anywhere else you want, just don't push inside,  okay?”Tommy nodded, understanding. He knew enough about the female anatomy to understand what the hymen was and how it could be broken. He certainly didn't want to push Amy beyond what she was ready for.“Don't worry, I don't ever want to hurt you, Amy. Please tell me if I do. And stop me if I go too far. I've never done this, and I want it to be right,” he said.“Just touch me,” she hissed. “I'll guide you if needed, okay?”Without further hesitation, his hand slid up again, finding her panties, but instead of going under them he suddenly changed direction and went over the fabric, cupping her entire “Kitty” in his palm.What he found was warm, almost hot, and he could feel moisture seeping its way through the gusset, warm and slippery like a lotion or oil.He looked at her with happy confusion, and she smiled. “It gets that way sometimes. When it's, excited.” She winked at him wickedly. “But you're torturing me, Tommy. Here, let me just,”With a quick move, her hand was suddenly inside her pajama shorts, and with a jerk she pulled her panties aside, allowing him easier access. He instantly felt the hot wet flesh of her virgin cunt under the palm of his hand.He wasn't sure who gasped louder at the moment of contact, him or her.Amy's eyes rolled back in her head as his fingers started to explore her soft folds.Tommy was mesmerized by what he was feeling. His fingers gently probed and explored her swollen labia, then found where they separated as his fingers slipped between them, locating the entrance to her vagina.He stopped there, remembering his promise not to probe too deep.Cautiously, he stuck a finger tip in, then looked at Amy. “This okay? Not too much?”Her breath was hitching, as she struggled to keep quiet despite the immense pleasure. “Ya, yes, it's fine,” she stammered. “Juh, just a little deeper. There, stop! Now just slide it in and out a bit.”He followed her instructions and she closed her eyes again, imagining, as she had when she'd masturbated earlier, that it was the tip of his cock sliding in and out of her virgin hole.She felt like a fire hydrant the way she was gushing from the gentle fingering. Tommy felt it too.“It's so wet,” he said, his voice a low marvel. “I know, sorry,” she stuttered, barely able to speak.“Don't be,” he whispered in her ear. “I got you way messier earlier, remember? Besides, I'm assuming this means I'm doing a good job, right?”“Oh, yes, yes you, oh, oh God, don't stop, a little faster, oh, oh Jesus, I'm gonna,” Amy suddenly bit down on her lip so hard she thought it might bleed, as she felt the wave of her orgasm hit her, knocking her head back against the couch, her arm squeezing Tommy's waist so tight he could barely breathe, her other hand flying to her mouth to cover her scream as her body shook uncontrollably.“Don't stop don't stop don't stop,” her voice came muffled from under her hand as she felt a fireball of pleasure spread outwardly from her vagina, simultaneously up towards her head and down to her toes. Then her sounds were no longer words, but high pitched squeals. Her body rocked forward, then back, then shook with what looked like a convulsion. Her eyes rolled back in her head.Amy gives her first blowjob.Amy had been sitting with her eyes closed in a state of utter relaxation, wrapped in Tommy's strong embrace. Suddenly they opened, and looking down, she saw Tommy's erection, still straining against his shorts.“Oh, Tommy, I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about, that,” she gestured to his crotch. “Are you sure I can't, you know, help take care of it? It seems so unfair to leave you that way.”Tommy glanced at the TV. There were maybe ten minutes left in the movie. Plenty of time, really. But he was still worried.“Amy, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to. But I'm just concerned about making another mess all over you, or worse, on your parents couch!”Amy looked sad, then thoughtful. She looked up at him suddenly, with a gaze that was both shy yet determined.“I have, I have an idea,” she said, her voice shaking, “but I don't know what you'll think of it.”Tommy looked at her quizzically, so she continued, “I could, I could, you know, put it in my, in my mouth.” She blushed at her own brazen words.Tommy's eyes went wide. “You mean,?”Amy simply nodded. Her face still flushed but also filled with love and determination. “Yes,” she answered. “I want to please you that way. Please?” she begged, pouting.Her plea broke any remaining willpower he had left to resist. He kissed her, then smiled. “How could I possibly refuse that pretty face?” he chuckled.He sat back, loosened his shorts, then slid them down. His cock sprung free immediately.Despite having seen and touched it in this state earlier that evening, Amy still couldn't help but giggle at how his penis bounced and twitched all on it's own.“What would be the, you know, best way to, you know, do that?” she asked, suddenly feeling bashful.“Um,” Tommy thought, “maybe on your knees? On the floor?”Amy nodded and slid down to the floor, placing herself between Tommy's legs.This seemed like a good position, she thought, as she got her first really good, close up look at his penis. There was a long, thick vein that ran up the underside of it, from the bottom of the shaft up to the strange indentation of flesh just under the tip that reminded Amy vaguely of her own folds just above her clit. She observed his balls again, in their strange little sack of flesh, covered in small dark hairs.“It's all such a strange looking thing,” she thought to herself, “but somehow beautiful, and arousing.”Amy took his throbbing member in her hand, feeling it pulse in her grip, then started to lean forward towards it.Just as her lips approached his swollen head, she froze. Letting go, she looked up at him, suddenly afraid.“I,” Amy started, “I don't, I don't know what I'm doing,” she stammered. “What if I hurt you?”“You don't have to do this, Amy, we can stop right now,” Tommy said, concerned.“No, no, I'm just, I wanna do good,” Amy smiled weakly, “just afraid I won't be.”“Relax, take your time, go slow, you'll be fine baby. I'm so worked up this won't take long anyway,” he laughed, calming her. Then he echoed her earlier words, “I'll guide you if needed,  okay?”She nodded, smiled, then advanced once more towards his throbbing cock. She felt Tommy's hand touching her face in gentle reassurance, then brushing her hair back away from it. She met his gaze and smiled.Her lips found his head and kissed it tentatively. As before in the woods when she touched it for the very first time, it suddenly started bouncing up and down like a diving board someone just leapt from.She suppressed her mirth this time, determined to get down to business. Again taking his thick shaft in her tiny hand, she held it steady, as she kissed the tip more confidently now. Tommy gasped, feeling the warmth of her lips make contact with his sensitive glans.Feeling bolder, Amy parted her lips and slowly took the tip in her mouth.Tommy winced suddenly, and whispered through his clenched jaw, “mind the teeth!”Amy's mouth let go immediately, and she blurted, “Shit, sorry! You  okay?”“Fine, I'm fine, just, it's  okay baby, try again,” Tommy said reassuringly.Amy's cheeks flushed hot, but she nodded and slid her lips over the tip of his cock again, this time making sure to keep her teeth clear.She got past the tip easily enough, then took another inch or so. Here she paused yet again. She had no idea how far she should or could go, or what to do next.Sensing her confusion and hesitation, Tommy spoke to her softly. “Only go as far as you're comfortable, baby, then just slide it in and out, kinda like what you did with your hand earlier, but using your mouth instead. Does that make sense?”“Mmm hmm,” Amy replied through her full lips, the vibrations causing a groan of pleasure from Tommy. She made a mental note that he liked that.Slowly, Amy started to move her head, up and down, feeling the hot flesh of his cock sliding across her tongue, feeling the ridge of his tip passing in and out of her lips; a very strange yet pleasurable sensation.She was starting to get the hang of it. Using her right hand to hold his cock steady, her grip gentle yet firm at the base, Amy continued to bob her head up and down over his cock, although she still only dared to take about a third of it.It was incredibly hard, yet also felt somehow soft and spongy in her mouth. She was surprised to realize it had no real taste to it at all besides a hint of salt.She was so busy concentrating on what she was doing that she barely remembered to check to see how Tommy was handling it.Looking up, she saw him covering his mouth with his hand, trying to contain his groans and gasps. But his eyes spoke volumes as to the pleasure he was receiving.Their eyes met again, and Amy somehow managed a smile despite having the first penis she'd ever seen, touched, and now sucked in her mouth. She started humming again softly, grinning up at him with a wicked sparkle in her ocean blue eyes.That sent Tommy over the edge. These sensations were all too new to him, far more intense and pleasurable than anything he'd ever managed to create with just his hand. There was no way he could hold back for long.Amy suddenly felt his penis swell in her mouth, like it was expanding somehow. The earlier handjob she'd given had clued her in on what this meant of course; his climax was imminent.Now was the moment of truth, Amy realized. Would she be able to handle him squirting all that thick, sticky stuff in her mouth?Despite being completely inexperienced, Amy was a smart girl. She decided the best course of action in a split second.Quickly she lifted her head up so that her mouth now only held his throbbing cock head. Her lips sealed tight around the ridge forming a vacuum. The hand that had been gripping his base now started to stroke his shaft up and down as he'd taught her before, jerking him while applying gentle suction with her mouth.If she was going to try to catch all of his squirt, she decided she should treat his cock like a straw and try to suck it out. That's just what she did, and she felt the first blast pushing its way up his shaft under her hand, forcefully shooting out the tip.It hit her tongue; hot, salty, but also sweet somehow. The texture was thick and creamy, like some strange combo of yogurt and egg whites. Amy tasted it for only a microsecond before acting on instinct and working the slimy glob to the back of her throat and swallowing.Just in time for the second blast. This one caught her less prepared, and she choked slightly, then kept going.But there was simply too much to keep up with. Her mouth was filling up faster than she could swallow, and with horror she realized some of his cum was leaking out past her lips despite her best efforts at containment and about to drip on the couch.Suddenly she felt a hand just under her chin. Tommy, thinking quickly, had grabbed some fortunate nearby napkins and was using them to catch the run off oozing from her lips and down her chin.She took the napkins gratefully, and quickly mopped up her chin. Amy pulled her mouth back until her lips were resting just over the slit of his tip, then slowly stroked his still hard shaft, feeling the last few drops squeeze out on her tongue.She rolled his cum around on her tongue a bit, savoring the taste this time. It didn't taste bad, nor did it taste good, she thought. Just, odd. But it certainly wasn't terrible or anything. And just the notion of what exactly it was, and just how it had wound up in her mouth, sent pleasant little shivers through her.Amy looked up at Tommy, the tip of his penis still on her lips, and grinned proudly. She'd done it! She'd actually made him squirt with her mouth! And managed to keep it from getting truly messy by actually swallowing almost all of it.Amy felt his penis starting to soften slightly in her hand. She marveled at the fascinating biology of it all for a moment before deciding on a whim to lick him completely clean of the last few splashes of cum that were stuck to him.She heard Tommy moan, and felt his body tremor, as she gently finished cleaning his shaft and head with her tongue. Then, giving it one last kiss, she reluctantly let go of his slowly deflating penis.Amy then felt a sudden pang of guilt. Not for giving her first blowjob, no. She actually felt proud about that. She just felt bad for being so focused on what she was doing that she'd totally missed out on seeing most of Tommy's reaction.She looked up at him again. His face was flushed, but grinning ear to ear. She noticed with some alarm that his lower lip was bleeding, and called his attention to it.“Really?” Tommy muttered, as if coming out of a trance. He tentatively touched his lip, saw the blood on his fingers, then chuckled softly. “Well, it was either bite my lip or scream so loud I'd wake your parents. Small price to pay, I guess,” he said laughing. “It's not bad, it'll be fine, don't worry.” He dabbed his lip with a fresh napkin, wiping off the blood.Amy got up off her knees and sat beside him on the couch, then simply wrapped her arms around him in a warm hug that he returned in earnest.“That was beautiful, Amy. Absolutely amazing. Thank you so, so much,” he whispered in her ear, followed by, “I love you.”“I know,” she whispered, grinning again. Tommy laughed. “Well played, princess.”Looking up, Tommy noticed the credits were now rolling on the movie.“Shit, I better get moving,” he sighed, reluctantly letting go of Amy and reaching down to pull his shorts back up.“Wait,” whispered Amy, “just a second, I just wanna, ,” her hand wrapped around his now soft penis and gave it a gentle squeeze, “say goodbye.” Then she giggled. “It's so strange how different it feels when it's soft,” she marveled.“Yeah, well keep that up and you'll wake it up again,” he said, only half joking. He already felt it starting to stir despite having just had his second orgasm within a couple of hours.“Take a last look,” he cracked before pulling his shorts up and adjusting everything back to normal.Their eyes met again, and Amy gently kissed him, taking care not to put too much pressure on his sore lip. But it had already stopped bleeding and he didn't wince at her kiss, simply returned it.Finally they broke the kiss, and Tommy stood up. “Time for me to go, babe, sorry.”Amy nodded, then suddenly looked troubled. Noticing the look, he asked, “What is it? What's on your mind?”Amy took a moment to gather her thoughts, then finally spoke. “Tommy, I, I've really, enjoyed everything we've, done together tonight. All of it. And I don't feel guilty or shameful about it. Does, does that make me, a slut?” she asked with a gulp.“No, God no,” Tommy gasped. “Do you love me?” he asked her, looking in her eyes.“Yes, so much,” she replied earnestly.“I love you too, Amy. And I don't think it's wrong for two people who love each other to, to do these things, to, to make each other feel good. To, please each other,” he said, “no matter what some guy in a collar says from a pulpit.”Amy's face relaxed and broke into a warm, grateful smile. “Thank you,” she said softly, “that makes me feel better. Because I feel that way too.”“I gotta say,” said Tommy, “It kinda surprised me the way you swore when you were orgasming. It was, it was kinda hot.”Amy blushed but grinned. “Yeah, that surprised me too, actually,” she said, then just shrugged.They shared one last embrace, a quick final kiss, and then Tommy was out the door.He turned to look back at her, waved, and whispered loudly, “I love you. See you again soon.”“I love you too,” she mouthed silently, blew him a kiss, and closed the door.&l

Chef Andre Rush is an esteemed White House chef, U.S. Army combat veteran, and passionate mental health advocate. Known for his viral 22 push-ups a day campaign spotlighting veteran suicide awareness, Chef Rush combines military discipline with culinary artistry and a heart for service. Having turned adversity into purpose, he’s been recognized with countless accolades—from the Veterans Hall of Fame induction to national honors for suicide prevention. His life’s mission transcends the kitchen, inspiring millions to keep going, never give up, and support one another—whether in the military, through tragedy, or in everyday life. Takeaways: Purpose Through Service: Chef Rush emphasizes that his drive comes from having “no choice” but to serve—turning pain and loss into a relentless mission to uplift others and raise mental health awareness. The Power of Checking In: Both the host and Chef Rush highlight the importance of simply reaching out, reminding listeners that small gestures—like a text or a call—can mean everything to someone struggling. Redefining Strength: Chef Rush’s story proves that true strength isn’t just physical; it’s found in resilience, perseverance, and being vulnerable enough to seek help and lift others up. Sound Bites: “Keep going. Never give up. You can do anything.” “Instead of saying survivor’s remorse, it’s survivor’s strive—it’s a remembrance to remind everyone that life is short.” “You don’t have to be the person going through it to help. You can be the person that checks in.” Mick’s Quote: “If your heart is beating, you have more to give, you have more to do.” Connect & Discover Heather: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realchefrush/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ChefRush TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chefrush Website: https://chefrush.com/ Book: Call Me Chef, Dammit! A Veteran’s Journey from the Rural South to the White House FOLLOW MICK ON:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mickunplugged/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mickunplugged/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@mickunplugged LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mickhunt/Website: https://www.mickhuntofficial.com Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mick-unplugged/ Mick's New Book: How to be a Good Leader When You've Never Had One- https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-to-be-a-good-leader-when-youve-never-had-one-mick-hunt/1146931848?ean=9781394357956See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Nothing but the pure life for Wells this week. Sun tans, surprise birthday decorations, spanish TV, and wait…back pain? Dammit. Side effect of turning 41 we guess. But hey, no complaints when you're in paradise, right? Meanwhile, Brandi just wrapped up at Sand In My Boots Festival where by all accounts her sets were straight litty kitty, and now she's got The Sphere in her sights as she preps for 5 weeks in Vegas w/ country music guy Kenny Chesney! Your hosts then debate the merits of street vs book smarts, wonder if you can watch a TV show AND read the book at the same time, and dive deep into an Aladdin revision theory that actually kinda makes sense…speaking of The Sphere, have you been? And have you ‘enhanced' your experience with anything? We wanna know! Hit us up in the VMs with your thoughts. Till next week…ok byeeee. Favorite Things this week: The Eternaut (en Español!) Assassin in Paradise (game) The Order Handmaid's Tale Sunset on the Reaping (book) The Stand (book) Thanks to our awesome sponsors for supporting this episode!  Mood: Get 20% off your first order at Mood.com/YFT with promo code YFT. Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life. Go to Hungryroot.com/yft and use code yft. Happy Mammoth: For a limited time get 15% off on your entire first order at happymammoth.com and use the code YFT. Prolon: Visit ProlonLife.com/YFT to claim your 15% discount sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Quince: Treat your closet to a little summer glow-up with Quince. Go to Quince.com/yft for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Article: Visit article.com/yft for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. Betterhelp: Visit BetterHelp.com/favoritething to get 10% off your first month. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow Your Favorite Podcast! Plus, keep up with us between episodes on our Instagram pages, @yftpodcast @wellsadams and @brandicyrus and be sure to leave us a voicemail with your fave things at 858-630-1856!  This podcast is brought to you by Podcast Nation.

The guys break down the Wolves series clinching win over the Warriors, Tommy Olson is back in studio, the gang share their thoughts on the Vikings 2025 schedule

The guys break down the Wolves series clinching win over the Warriors, Tommy Olson is back in studio, the gang share their thoughts on the Vikings 2025 scheduleSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The guys break down the Wolves series clinching win over the Warriors, Tommy Olson is back in studio, the gang share their thoughts on the Vikings 2025 schedule

The weather outside's delightful, and there can be no better time than to sit in a dark room, and enjoy some crap chat and nine nifty songs from ROTHCO, Caught On Sight, Kathleen Turner Overdive, GOK2, NOX, Eville, The Sex Organs, 3615 Francis and Larry 73.Voice of Jeff, Comedy Suburbs, Dammit, Tony has your Facebook comment, last week, Andor, Tony had a gig in Whitchurch, Wedding band, book, Eastern European historical fiction, pope, Forest, car, From the Vaults, Tony's International Gig Guide, Apocalypse Babys, this week, gig in Bolton, Norway Day, Forest v West Ham, no Izzatwat, live bed, Poetry Corner and a reminder of the ways you can listen!Song 1: ROTHCO – Coming In HotSong 2: Caught On Sight - BYEgonesSong 3: Kathleen Turner Overdive – End Of The LineSong 4: GOK2 - B.T.F.D.Song 5: NOX – Dentro Il CovoSong 6: Eville – Get With MeSong 7: The Sex Organs - ItchSong 8: 3615 Francis - PlayboySong 9: Larry 73 - Radio Silence

Dammit...See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On today's show, we will check out the latest Jean Claude Van Damme movie franchise, Kill Em Alls with Kill Em All and Kill Em All 2. Moody and Groo update you on their latest comings and goings, including Las Vegas for WrestleMania and Dead & Co. Show Rundown: Maria Shriver's book of poetry, Robert Patrick is joining the cast of Tulsa King for season 3, No go for the newest incarnation of a live-action Street Fighter movie, Ralph Macchio talks about a potential for a My Cousin Vinney sequel and we are all a bit skeptical, Avengers Doomsday is coming, HBO Max and Billy Joel are teaming up to take an extensive look into his life and career, Kill Em All, Hanging with Peter Stormare in catering, Maria Conchita Alonso, Does Kill Em All cop too much from Usual Suspects? Kill Em All 2 the sequel that nobody needed? We head right into exposition and action, Expectations on movies that are straight to streaming, Final reviews, Cheech and Chong's Last Movie, Vice Tv's The Grudge, and Jeremy Renner details his recovery on Joe Rogan. For our next episode of Nothing Worthwhile, we are live from Tampa Bay. It's a Moody bucket list concert and Groo's 50th birthday celebration, It's AC/DC! For our next episode of Van Dammit we move ahead to 1998, Jean Claude is back this time teaming up with SNL funnyman Rob Schneider for Knock Off! What happens when a fashion designer joins forces with a C.I.A. agent to combat terrorism, It's JCVD gold! No Retreat, No Surrender!

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit rethinkingwellness.substack.comHealth-misinformation researcher and science communicator Timothy Caulfield returns to discuss his new book THE CERTAINTY ILLUSION, why being too certain about anything makes us vulnerable to misinformation, how intellectual humility can help protect us, why science is sometimes “full of shit” and how to be a critical consumer of it, and more. Behind the paywall, we get into why it's so hard for public figures to show intellectual humility, whether being smart makes people less intellectually humble and more vulnerable to misinformation, the role of narcissism in misinformation belief, the Dunning-Kruger effect, and why so many researchers lie about their work. Plus, Christy asks Tim for advice on how to navigate an alternative-medicine recommendation for IVF, and whether refusing to do it is a hill she wants to die on.Paid subscribers can hear the full interview, and the first half is available to all listeners. To upgrade to paid, go to rethinkingwellness.substack.com.Timothy Caulfield is a Professor in the Faculty of Law and the School of Public Health, and Research Director of the Health Law Institute at the University of Alberta. He was the Canada Research Chair in Health Law and Policy for over 20 years (2002 - 2023). His interdisciplinary research on topics like stem cells, genetics, research ethics, the public representations of science, and public health policy has allowed him to publish almost 400 academic articles. He has won numerous academic, science communication, and writing awards, and is a Member of the Order Canada and a Fellow of the Royal Society of Canada, the Canadian Academy of Health Sciences, and the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry. He contributes frequently to the popular press and is the author of national bestsellers: The Cure for Everything: Untangling the Twisted Messages about Health, Fitness and Happiness (Penguin 2012) and Is Gwyneth Paltrow Wrong About Everything?: When Celebrity Culture and Science Clash (Penguin 2015), and Relax, Dammit!: A User's Guide to the Age of Anxiety (Penguin Random House, 2020).  His most recent book is The Certainty Illusion: What You Don't Know and Why It Matters (Penguin Random House, 2025; Bookshop affiliate link). Caulfield is also the co-founder of the science engagement initiative #ScienceUpFirst and has written, hosted and produced documentaries, including the award-winning TV show, A User's Guide to Cheating Death, which has been shown in over 60 countries, including streaming on Netflix in North America.If you like this conversation, subscribe to hear lots more like it! Support the podcast by becoming a paid subscriber, and unlock great perks like extended interviews, subscriber-only Q&As, full access to our archives, commenting privileges and subscriber threads where you can connect with other listeners, and more. Learn more and sign up at rethinkingwellness.substack.com.Christy's second book, The Wellness Trap, is available wherever books are sold! Order it here, or ask for it in your favorite local bookstore.If you're looking to make peace with food and break free from diet and wellness culture, come check out Christy's Intuitive Eating Fundamentals online course.

The big man that hits DINGERS for the 'Stros.. Well he's no stranger to injury issues..

There's a lot more Republicans can do to help Trump remove the shadow illegal immigrant nation Biden imported. One governor is already removing thousands. This is the way. Now the rest must join in. (Please subscribe & share.)

Fresh off the release of his debut album “The Real Me,” Kyle M joins Brandon Wardell on BJS Radio for a serious one-on-one interview and a performance of the titular track “The Real Me” and a cover of Blink-182's “Dammit”. Previously known for his work on Good Neighbor on YouTube, Nathan For You, SNL, Saturday Morning All Star Hits, Brigsby Bear, Y2K, and more, Kyle M's new project is an album that spans genres including Rock N Roll, Country, Dance, and R&B. Listen to his album or buy it on vinyl: sthrow.com/therealmeVideo episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKgC-D5qqoMFollow Kyle on social media:instagram.com/kylemooneyX.com/kylemooneyFollow Brandon and the show on social media:instagram.com/bswardellinstagram.com/thebrandonjamelshowx.com/BRANDONWARDELLBuy tickets to the 5/2 LA show here:https://www.eventbrite.com/e/brandon-jamel-and-friends-tickets-1324604701319?aff=ebdssbdestsearchJoin The Brandon Jamel Show Patreon for weekly bonus episodes and our audiobook reading series for the “Side Chick Catching Main Chick Feelings” trilogy, the DiddyWatch special, livestream archives, and more: https://www.patreon.com/thebrandonjamelshow

Dan and Grant (finally) drop their 2025 NBA awards ballots, including a HANDFUL OF BRAND-SPANKING NEW CATEGORIES nominated by our subscribes! TIMESTAMPS⬇️0:00 - INTRO1:25 - Our approach2:50 - MVP17:47 - All-NBA 28:14 - Defensive Player of the Year36:39 - All-Defense45:40 - Rookie of the Year50:34 - All- Rookie59:24 - Most Improved Players1:06:33 - Sixth Man of the Year1:09:03 - Coach of the Year 1:12:36 - Executive of the Year1:17:31 - Clutch Player of the Year1:20:27 - Best Finisher Under 6'5"1:22:47 - The Aaron Wiggins Award1:24:48 - The Jaxson Hayes Award1:27:48 - Worst Contract 1:28:52 - Black Hole Award1:31:44 - Stars Who Made The Biggest Sacrifice Award1:34:57 - They Should Have Played More, Dammit! (Duop Reath Award)SUPPORT THE SHOW BY PURCHASING HARDWOOD KNOCKS MERCHJOIN OUR DISCORDSUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE CHANNELFOLLOW US ON SOCIAL⬇️TikTok: @hardwoodknocksTwitter @HardwoodKnocksInstagram: @hardwood_knocks Dan's Bluesky: @danfavaleDan's Twitter: @danfavaleDan's IG: @danfavaleGrant's Bluesky: @granthughesBUSINESS INQUIRES⬇️hardwoodknocks@gmail.comSUPPORT THE SHOW BY PURCHASING HARDWOOD KNOCKS MERCHJOIN OUR DISCORDSUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE CHANNELFOLLOW US ON SOCIAL⬇️TikTok: @hardwoodknocksTwitter @HardwoodKnocksInstagram: @hardwood_knocks Dan's Bluesky: @danfavaleDan's Twitter: @danfavaleDan's IG: @danfavaleGrant's Bluesky: @granthughesBUSINESS INQUIRES⬇️hardwoodknocks@gmail.com

Every day it continues, Trump wreaks havoc on our institutions, ignores the Constitution, and attacks who and what America is, and every day Democrats hem and haw and hesitate and huddle to maybe figure out how to possibly respond. Huh? Dammit Dems, wake the hell up and fight. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I had plenty of moving boxes, just in case of whatever. I didn't feel like I was home–perhaps this was the cause of the depressive mess. I was working out okay, and eating…okay… kind of. –besides being unable to actually tell if I was hungry or not unless the circumstances were extreme. Lentils and pasta with garlic salt–cause I don't give any kind of fuck right now. I knew something might be wrong when I was just eating raw cabbage with squirts of japanese barbeque sauce. I'm enjoying myself thoroughly, but thinking– “God, this just seems…this just feels wrong.” It's just cabbage. I'm like, “Fuck it, this is good.” It was as if somewhere in my mind if I cleaned up the mess to my standards, it would be too perfect–and that when things were perfect, it gave life an excuse to come crashing down. One of the last thoughts I had just before my son died–the night before–was that things were perfect. They weren't–obviously–but from where I had been, they were looking up. So far up, that they seemed perfect. And as for perfect was concerned…I had never seen a more perfect human being in my life. My son was gorgeous. Of course, most mothers feel that way about their offspring, even when to say the least, it isn't entirely true–but to a mother, this is always true. But this boy, everyone thought was absolutely perfect. A beautiful boy. He might have even been about 6 feet tall. Might have been. But if things were perfect, and they weren't–but I had at least let myself think so–the universe might have worked itself around this tragedy. Instead in my mind, things were perfect, and so life came crashing down. I thought things were perfect, the next day, my son drowned. By the grace of God, I still had one son left. He was also perfect. Now, apparently, [redacted] Well, what do you expect? Maybe I was a little crazy. I very rarely thought about my son, because if I spent time doing that, I might have been a wreck. –more of a wreck. Actually, I was increasingly put together–outstanding considering the previous circumstances. But everyone has a story. None of this makes me special– Especially in New York City, where almost everyone thinks they're special, and almost nobody is. Almost Nobody. And that might as well have been my name. I wasn't nobody– I was Almost Nobody. An honest nobility. But– And I might have looked through Will Ferrell on any other day, because like most big time movie stars, he was invisible to me. Once you're ‘this many' famous, it's almost like a reversal effect on my psyche. I don't hate you. I don't like you. You're just–too famous. I.e.--invisible. –Besides this, however, was the fact that I was peeling my eyelids back with toothpicks from having them shut before what I considered as a full “work day” was over. And on this day, in the documentary that I considered as “work…” Actually, very hard work– Very hard work– He happened to have been wearing a shirt that reminded me of the shirt my son was wearing in one of the last ever photos I took of him. —actually, both of them were wearing that shirt. We were all dressed alike. Family pictures. Matching outfits. You know–the kind of shit you do when you're happily married– Or unhappily, but still married with children and making the best of it because you're married with children That sort of shit. And that day was probably the very best day because I took the very best pictures of the very best boys– But of course, I didn't remember anything about that day besides taking those pictures. So there, in my mind, it stood. Now, what does this have to do with Will Ferrell's shirt? Almost nothing, besides making a point of sense memory. Anyway, isn't it obvious? {Enter The Multiverse} When something invisible becomes suddenly visible, you have no choice but to look at it as some sort of miracle. An act of God. What kind of miracle was this? I didn't know. The Complex Collective © Sure, let's just chalk up all this uncontrollable crying and depressive nonsense to that. Under the circumstances–to chalk it up to anything else? [The Festival Project ™ ] [A MAN exits THE STUDIO in the shadow of night.] V.O. That could be devastating. L E G E N D S – The Return of S U P A[Redacted]™ [A MAN is tied to a chair in a dark and murky chamber; a spotlight shines onto him from above; the cheesecloth Lol cheesecloth how fitting. Classic. –is removed from his mouth. Naturally, he immediately begins speaking.] Why–am I sitting here– In–a fuckin'--suit?! That's your work uniform! What the fuck! You don't like it? What the– Haha. [his arms are taped tightly to the armrest] What–NO–i don't like it. Well then, you don't know who you are. [The man pauses, as a blank look falls over his face–suddenly this seems true, as if his mind been completely erased. As if–he's just realized–he bears absolutely no identity.] Holy shit. Jeezus. That is terrifying. INT. STAIRWELL. NIGHT [The sound of the thunderous stormy rain batters the house almost hauntingly–the television sets all bear a static loss of signal–young STEPHEN runs in a panic up the stairs to the GALLEY, where his UNCLE JACK is often found] UNCLE JACK! UNCLE JACK! I buy things with pennies not worth picking up– I live in a dumpster made of don't-wants. Over a period of time it slowly began to occur to me that I had no idea what I had written–that is, what had been published, or who had read it. It was certain: someone had. However… to what limit was this exposure. And–was it dangerous? Fuck. I knew nothing entirely of the redactions, except that I'd redacted it. But what about the text surrounding the redactions. What the fuck exactly did I write about? I forgot how high I was–or where i'd been. Not literally high, of course, but….figuratively speaking. Fuck. Hurry, hurry along, It's been a long time I can't help you along, Die alone, ride along It's been a long time… See, I told you the Upper West Side was the best side. maybe it's just the least not-great side. ehh , tomato-potato. For the crust, try flax seed meal cinnamon agave Oil What time is it on the West Coast? The ghost of Conan arrived Under a blanket of blue light, and sighed “I've been wasting my time here” I had to disagree, kind of. What time is it here? I'm locked in for one more day; I'm locked in for one more hour I'm wasting valuable dark time with my life shit But I'm so tired my eyes are burning And I'm so sore My arms are stuck. I should run for the coffee; Or turn for the cornbread They're all getting sick of us They're all getting sicker I decided to pack my life up And hault all of it over I woke up sore But I wrote a song On a four leaf clover It was four in the morning The ghost of Conan Won me over It was four in the morning I'm locked in for one more hour It was four in the morning An hour ahead A four leaf clover It was four in the morning I needed a water It's one more hour A four leaf clover The ghost of Conan I start recording To cut the corner Conan O'Brien It's one in the morning— You're one hundred years old; You ought to be sleeping. … It's midnight. I live in Hollywood. And i'm a vampire. Ah. Sweet dreams. // Happy Trails. L E G E N D S Shapeshifting is simple— not the process or practice of changing one's form, but simply shifting one's consciousness into another vessel either partially, or entirely. But— Just because it's simple, doesn't mean it's also easy. {Enter The Multiverse} Often times in matters of consciousness, anything is dangerous. I did have strange dreams—so, as to say instructed by ‘the ghost of Conan O'Brien', I was decent at following directions, being as his tone might have been dauntingly sarcastic, or sardonic—but I kept forgetting to look up what the latter meant, and so it was with heavy sarcasm after I awoke to transcribe whatever frequency waves I was being blugeoned with under the pure blue light of my otherwise darkened studio—as blue light always seem merciless to whatever was lurking in the corners of my deep subconscious, I wasn't altogether too suprised that this time it was Conan “Snowball” O'Brien, because I had been so recently impressed with his Oscar's performance—and before that, English tends with the type of comedy that had given him the nickname I had chosen for him—or codename, because, by now, the hosts had come one by one with a point to make and a line to put across, and though it had been at some kind of increased trajectory since He who might should probably not be named for fear the sudden and highly publicized combustion of the then currently raining Tonight show host— it was as if it had been raining everymans in blue suits and shined loafers for the inside of a year, however, it had indeed kind of presently enough started with my co-worker “Kimmel”, who was fascinated with the kind of Television that breeds a familiarity with these kinds of people— and Jay Leno was also sort of like some sort of fairy that just kind of occurred randomly at times, living back in LA. I was sure it had been Jay Leno in LA traffic in some kind of a classic car— only later to find that he indeed was a collector and enthusiast of cars and motorcycles, and I tried not to hold the later against him. My dreams had been odd at best and filled with people I very rarely thought about— the man in Los Angeles I once lived with who I was sure was a [redacted[, and also just happened to look the way Will Ferrell would age to eventually look. This, I found fascinating. Will Ferrell didn't look like that at the time, But he did now— and even his style of comedy was growing on me, because I didn't find myself capable of it. What kind of comedy was I capable of? Right now, the invisible kind. After a heavy breakfast, I had finally realized why ‘Tears of A Clown' was incomplete— Apparently I had to include all of my performances—- This would make the album hard to listen to, at least for me. But the concept was the concept. I had already hidden other comics amongst the tracks and probably without too much trouble— from recordings I had taken myself and were impossible to find elsewhere. This side project was beginning to be a whole album project, and [rarity] was still just not even something I moderately even wanted to consider doing, however— ‘story.' had somehow come to the top of the page where my masters were kept, and it reminded me that perhaps I was in the same kind of pressure position now that I was then— and that in order for things to change— to get a new apartment or to visit with my son- I would have to medicate in order to write the kind of music i wasn't writing; the anxiety had finally collided with impatience, and lack of focus, and all the classic symptoms of ADHD's spiraling depression, but I was still glad I hadn't become dependent on the girl next door for her adderall prescription. I wasn't gonna be her little bitch. Especially not in that way. It seemed a pattern amongst these people to create a need and dependency in order to gain power and control— and thusly, the dynamic had lost my trust and respect, and so I was just kind of… around— out there, and not caring really what it was or what it all meant. I had woken up to immediate breakfast still early but late for me— a day off of the gym is what my muscles cried and ached for, and even the scrambled tofu rice breakfast like my dad used to make with tofu instead of scrambled eggs wasn't all the way satisfying or complete without the chocolate and banana malt shake— now I shouldn't be hungry, but it wasn't hunger that was doing me in— I almost refused coffee because I wanted to go back to sleep. I had slept early enough that it shouldn't have been an issue, but I was exhausted. Come on, you defunct dinosaur motherfucker! 97! A baby! The reptilian hides his true identity in order to conform. [The Festival Peoject ™ Presents] Will Ferrell In “The Guru” Wait, I Gotta go write this other thing. Wow, Tina Fey looks great. Worth the new email address? It was already said and done. I could eat this fucking documentary for lunch. –yesss. Stephen Colbert had the middle name of an equally middle aged black man. But this was besides the point. I was already 30-and-a-half-seconds exactly into scooping up a new email addressed when I realized– Oh no. Emergency brakes initiated. If this is a documentary about Saturday Night Live– And its on Peacock– (And it's on Peacock) –then there's a pretty good chance– –and Tina Fey's in it. -she looks incredible. Jesus! –then. Fuck. Dammit. There's a slight chance [redacted] might just–not–be in it. Might not be. Hm Well, let's see. Worth the risk? Worth a shot. To the face (or of Tequila) I hate Tequila. It's not for you. It's not– Give me that. Goddammit. Fu–darnint. Goddamit I had avoided Jimmy Fallon's face for like a year straight at least– Call it two if you count the moment exactly from the Thanksgiving Macy's Day Parade, that one year. THE COSMIC AVENGER SUPRISE. NO. GODDAMMIT. Does it matter that the word “surprise” here is spelled wrong? No. It's almost like–it should be. THE COSMIC AVENGER FANGIRLS! That's worse than fiddlesticks! Worth mentioning that. Really. All from an ad? Two ads, i caught a snippet of the Booking.com commercial Apparently, you did this. STEPHEN COLBERT YOu did THIS. Shut up, not now Tyrone. So he's just He's Tyrone now. Obviously. Look. No Look at –0 Noh. [A group of surfers sit huddled beyond the break.] Oh. No swell. So…so flat. Nah…There's a wave coming. Just wait for it. This is pathetic, man. No, there's something. I can feel it. It's like a fishbowl man. Nada. Just–wait, sharkbait! Forget it, I'm going home. [two surfers paddle away reluctantly] MEANWHILE A storm spotted just off the coast of Los angeles california may bring the entire western coast Tsunami-like waves. [read: Tsunami] [the bottom of the screen is issuing an emergency evacuation silently over b-roll of the red carpet] But first WHAT THIS UP AND COMING STARLET WORE TO THE MET GALA Lol Classic {As Seen On TV} [Enter The Multiverse} I had developed quite the fascination with Saturday Night Live; Not because of Jimmy Fallon, of course, who arguably ruined the show by creating the trend of breaking character On camera With his world-class smile, and entourage plethora of adoring female fans. Stay away from him Not a problem. He's venomous. Alright. Noted. Liz, I have some documents for you to sign. Documents. What documents. *squints really hard* I'll be right back. First of all, Lets just get one thing straight: I am not a fangirl of, Nor am I obsessed with[redacted} Right. Ok. And in case you need closure, here's what I am obsessed with, here. [the 34,000 multidimensional and extraterrestrial life forces which use [The Host of The Tonight Show] as a portal and/or vessel.] OH. WOW. THAT'S– Yeah. WOW. How–is that a regular blacklight? Does it look like a regular blacklight? Nothing is regular about this. Jesus effing.. God! Yeah. Wow. YEAH. You don't want me to shine a real blacklight on this guy– Trust me. OK? Gross. HOST1 I don't know what you're insinuating. [squints really super extra hard] Nothing. L E G E N D S So…worth it? Worth it…Tina Fey…worth it. Alright. I win this one. Win what? Are you playing this dumb game too? The prize winnings are sustaining my lifestyle. [Tina Fey eating corn chips sustaining her lifestyle.] Luxe. Isn't it? It was like staring into the sun. [The Festival Project ™ ] Lil bitz Man, I use my googles sparingly. I really do. If I google something that's kind of iffy– even in incognito, Or with a VPN I hurry up and erase my history. I erase everything Shit. I erase my history faster than the white power movement. I'm serious. I erase my history harder and faster than a white supremasist. “that's in your mind!” What's in my mind? Nothing happened here! THOSE DAYS ARE OVER. Why is this all in one document? idk i just kinda suddenly noticed how NBC is so left learning it's almost too forcibly progressive. Look, this is all just–too much for me! Okay? Too much for you?! Oh please! If anybody asks me anything, I'm going to admit it! Admit what?! You don't do that! You don't admit anything! Admit what?! Exactly! Jesus Christ. It's all good in practice, but when it comes down to it, i'll break. Don't let them break you! I'll break. Listen to me. I'm being violated. Listen to me. This is offensive! Shut the fuck up. I can't believe you said that! What did I say?! [doe eyes] You know what. Fine. Fuck it. [super wide eyed blank stare] You're right. If anyone comes for you, just–run, goddammit. What. Run at em, for christs sakes. You gargantuan motherfucker. I'm–not that tall. I meant your ego. 0.0 This is a calamity. I'm astonished you think that. Listen, Larry. Larry. Right. When we're finished playing Atari, I gotta have a real heart-to-heart with you. Heart to heart what? [Ron produces a bleeding, beating human heart, seemingly out of nowhere; ‘LARRY' jumps back and stutters in shock and confusion] –WOAH. [RON emotionlessly presses a combination into the controller.] Oh look. I win. I–WHAT?! You dropped your controller. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? Special combination: it's not a cheat code. People say it's a cheat code. THAT'S A HUMAN HEART. YOU'RE A MURDERER. I'm not a murderer; it's still beating, look: That's–[crazy]--That's–put that back. That's what I need your help for. My help what?! With that?! Don't be a sore loser. [IMMORTAL COMBAT] What?! “Heart To Heart” Tall tales, and heads, then tails again Trails and tears and trails of blood lead on thy stool Thy path as wilted flower waits And blue eyed gaze barely, Hold tongues and does shatter glass hearts and bare minds, And bare breasts And peach flesh, And Bare bones And blank stares and Fair is fair the frier the fire The goal the goal And the eye is the eye And the eye is golden I like fair shadows {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

Most of us trust that our legal system will deliver the right judgments and hold those who commit heinous crimes accountable. That trust extends to the support we expect to follow — the assumption that resources will be available after an unexpected tragedy. But the unfortunate truth is that not everyone is afforded these privileges, making the path to recovery and closure all the more complicated for survivors of violent crime who are left to pick up the pieces on their own. For the family of 70-year-old David Flaget, that journey was filled with obstacles. They were ultimately forced to take matters into their own hands in seeking justice after their beloved grandfather was murdered in a situation that was entirely preventable. Special thanks to Brittney and Tamber for taking the time to talk with us and tell us about their  Grandpa Dave. Written by Trevor Pason, Edited and Engineered by Scott Ecklein, and Executive Produced by Michael Ojibway. View full episode source list at https://www.invisiblechoir.com/listen/dammitdave  Support Our Sponsors:  Squarespace: Go to https://www.squarespace.com/choir for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code “CHOIR” to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain!  Rocket Money: Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to https://www.rocketmoney.com/invisible.  HungryRoot: Go to https://www.hungryroot.com/choir to get 40% off your first delivery PLUS get a free item in every box for life!  DraftKings Casino: The Great Rewards hunt is on! Sign up with code “CHOIR” and start playing to get up to $1000.00 in casino credits back with a minimum $5 net loss.  Green Chef: Go to greenchef.com/invisiblefree and use code “invisiblefree” to get started with FREE salads for two months plus 50% off your first box!  Spot & Tango: Go to https://www.spotandtango.com/choir for 50% off your first order!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tacos! If Mexican food is your bag then get some munched, along with nine songs from The Yum Yums, Lone Creep, Elephant Jane, Cataphiles, Stiff Little Fingers, Mondo Wave, The Clashnikovs, The Phantim and Real Sickies.Moss, Voice of Jeff, Comedy Suburbs, Dammit, Tony does not have your Facebook comments, Quiz Time for Tony, last week, work, Mothers Day, Severance Season 2, Reacher, FA Cup, Klingonz, From the Vaults, Tony's International Gig Guide, this week, work, Forest v Man U, Pennyworth, KFC, Wankum, no Izzatwat, Adolescence and a reminder of the ways you can listen.Song 1: The Yum Yums – Got Me GoodSong 2: Lone Creep – Grumpy Old GitSong 3: Elephant Jane – Scorched Earth AgendaSong 4: Cataphiles – Reality IsSong 5: Stiff Little Fingers – You Can't Say Crap On the RadioSong 6: Mondo Wave – Out N AboutSong 7: The Clashnikovs – A.I. PubSong 8: The Phantim - GuillotineSong 9: Real Sickies - Paralyzed

Drones dropping stuff on cars; TV Houses you'd live in; Ohio Man hiding stuff in bad places; Is Jim Morrison Alive EMAIL; Dammit, Dog!; Dayton Live Preview of the 2025/25 Broadway Series.

In this episode, I unpack the common misconceptions and mislabelling of introverts. As a leadership trainer and coach, I often encounter scepticism about my own introversion due to widespread misunderstandings that equate/conflates it with traits like shyness, social anxiety, or even arrogance.   These labels can significantly impact mental health and self-esteem, especially for those lacking resilience. Through this discussion, I aim to shed light on these myths and provide clarity around what being an introvert truly means.    Dear listener, introversion is not synonymous with negative stereotypes such as lack of ambition or antisocial behaviour.   We introverts have unique strengths including deep thinking and thoughtful listening, which are often undervalued in society's extraversion-biased lens.   By understanding these distinctions better, we empower ourselves to harness our quiet power effectively both personally and professionally, and flourish without societal constraints.   ** Key Points **   ⤷ Introversion is often misunderstood, mislabelled, conflated ⤷ Empower ourselves to overcome societal biases ⤷ Advocating for accuracy   #MythsAboutIntroverts #Introverts #FlourishingIntroverts   *** Resources ***   Visit https://hub.flourishingintroverts.com/resourcesp for tools and resources mentioned during the podcast.  

Negotiating With Isabella.Based on a post by Ostrich Mack. Listen to the ► Podcast at Steamy Stories.Sex sells: Isabella's New Skills.Isabella Cobelli admired her reflection in the mirror. As you could guess from the name, Isabella had Italian roots.Her father emigrated from Italy in the eighties and met and married Isabella's English mother.Isabella was an only child and after her father passed away suddenly when she was 14, she became very close to her mum.Now 23 years old and graduated with an honors degree in marketing, she had matured into a beautiful young woman. Isabella had Raven-black straight hair which hung all the way down to the small of her back. She often wore it in a French plait which meant her pretty face was plain to see.Isabella had light olive skin and funnily enough an sprinkling of freckles across her nose. Her hazel colored eyes were almond shaped and her eyebrows were thicker than was considered classical beauty. Her lips looked eminently kissable.Today Isabella had chosen a slightly daring red lipstick to emphasize the shape of her pretty mouth.Her outfit was business-like and sexy at the same time. Thigh high stockings under a grey pencil skirt, topped by a matching Bolero jacket over a semi sheer impeccable white blouse. Isabella liked to dress in pretty underwear and had chosen a half-cup lace bra and matching thong. To complete the look, she had chosen two inch heels in black to give her a little more height than her 1 meter 65.So, why all this bother to get all dressed up? After graduating Isabella tried to break into a marketing job. As the economy was in a major dip, jobs in marketing were few and far between. In fact marketing experts were all looking over their shoulders, hoping not to get their exit cards.Isabella got a job eventually in sales. Not her strongest point and she hated when people assumed that sales and marketing were one and the same. ECO-Hygiene was an up and coming supplier of Eco-friendly products for industrial use.After two months there Isabella's sales figures were under target, and she was concerned that she might just get her marching orders if she didn't at least hit her goals. As a newcomer she was assigned an area in which her predecessor had failed to drum up enough business. This geographically difficult area lay half in the urban sprawl of London and half in the leafy suburbs of Sussex. Isabella was struggling and desperate to get some decent sales under her belt. Thus, what a relief it was when, two weeks ago, all of the sales reps were invited for a weekend sales seminar in one London's prestigious hotels. All of this on their free time of course.After checking in on Friday evening, Isabella decided to have one glass of wine at the bar to see if there was any male talent attending the seminar. For some reason, despite her beauty, she didn't seem to be able to hold down a relationship for long. Men of her own age bored her. They were mostly full of themselves and only wanted to talk about their amazing feats. Isabella had missed a father for her formative years and found herself graduating towards more mature men. Problem there was that most of them were married, or un-marriable, or just plain creepy.As she sat at the bar observing the melee of sales reps loudly proclaiming their victories, Isabella was shocked when a woman sat next to her and offered her a drink."Kate", the woman said."Excuse me?" replied Isabella."Kate Connors. Senior sales director for South East" came the reply."Oh, nice to meet you." Said Isabella. "Isabella Cobrelli, My friends call me Izzy" she replied offering her hand to Kate who shook it firmly."So what do you think? Any talent in here tonight?" asked Kate.Isabella blushed."Aw come on", said Kate. "I know the drill. Been here many times and had my share of dalliances""Well" said Isabella "Up until now, not much interesting to see here. Just lot of guys full of themselves holding a pissing contest."Kate laughed out loud. "I like it" she said. "You call it as it is young lady.""What in god's name brings a beautiful woman like you to a sales conference for Industrial Hygiene products?""Well, it wasn't my first choice, and it may not be sexy, but it pays the rent." Answered Isabella."It should damn well do more than just pay the rent." Answered Kate. "What are your sales figures like?" she asked.Isabella blushed once more. "It's a struggle." She answered. "I haven't been able to score any big accounts yet and I am worried I might not hit the target.""Well maybe I can help you." Replied Kate. "After all I didn't get my position by not meeting my sales targets.""Tell me your tactics." Kate asked."Well, I like to dress in a business attire so that I look serious about the product. I make sure I know all of the specs of the particular products that I want to sell on the day, so I am well prepared for the pitch. But somehow it just seems to fall flat when I am there.""What is business attire?" Kate asked."Trouser suit with a nice blouse. Low heels for practicality." Isabella replied."Humph," snorted Kate. "No wonder that the presentations fall flat. You need to make it personal. Sure, you should be all business, but you need to be sexy too. Let me guess, most of the clients are 45 plus males bored out of their minds. You need to give their day a boost. Bring something that gets their attention, and not just the product. Don't forget there are a so many industrial hygiene products on the market, and they all do the same thing. You need to make the men want to see YOU again."Isabella listened carefully to this charismatic woman, totally in awe of her self-confidence. She quietly wished she could be like her.Kate continued. "I have done all sorts to get my sales figures up, including entertaining the clients in the broadest possible sense. These men have a boring married vanilla life. They crave excitement and attention. While their wives are away at the Rotary Club organizing charity things, the men are sitting home bored out of their skulls. Work is the same thing day after day until YOU show up. Not in a pantsuit and a blouse laced up to the neck, but in something which gives their fantasy food for thought. The women too. I have also put myself out there and entertained women."Isabella was shocked and blushed intensely. Kate was basically saying she should whore herself out to get the sale."Women too?" she asked shyly."Don't knock it till you've tried it." Replied Kate. "I have had amazing encounters with women too. And though I am not gay, I do enjoy a dally with the softer sex. Haven't you ever experimented in college?"Isabella felt like she was turning purple. "No. Never." She replied."Well play your cards right and tonight might be the first night." Kate replied.Isabella was shocked and turned on at the same time.What if she could seduce her regional sales manager? She thought. That might go some way to keeping her job.Kate signaled the bartender. "A bottle of champagne." She ordered. The bartender nodded and made a gesture toward a booth on the other side of the bar.Kate wasted no time and took Isabella's hand in hers, dragging her across the bar.The sat next to each other, watching the show.Kate turned to Isabella. "Drink up. The show has just begun. Just watch how stupid it gets."Isabella took a sip of her glass and sat back to observe. "Idiots," she thought. "Tomorrow they will be too hungover to follow the seminar."The buzz from the champagne made Isabella relax and she began to fire more questions at Kate."What did you do with all those male clients then?" she asked."Everything." Replied Kate. "From flirting to blow jobs, from blow jobs to sex, to threesomes, to gang bangs. Just as long as I got my sales. My commissions were huge, I bought my house and car for cash with everything I earned. Men are stupid. They think with their dick, and once that is engaged then they will sign anything.""And the women then?" asked Isabella."Ah that is a different story." Kate replied. "That needs a lot more subtlety.""I can show you if you want." Kate offered.Isabella though about it for some minutes, whilst watching the meat market in front of them."Okay." She said. "Show me."Kate turned to her in shock. "Really?" She asked."Yes really." Isabella replied. "I have nothing to lose and everything to gain from your experience. And besides, for some reason the thought of it makes me horny.""Right." Said Kate. "Let's take this upstairs."Kate took Isabella by the hand and lead her to the lifts. They stepped in together and Kate pushed the button for the top floor. As soon as the lift doors closed, she took Isabella in her arms and kissed her gently on the lips. Isabella swooned from the alcohol and the excitement of this new adventure. It didn't take long before she responded to Kate, kissing her passionately back, her tongue exploring Kate's mouth.Kate moaned with pleasure. "Umm; Hmm. You're good at this. Sure you haven't tried this before?"Isabella grinned and said. "Definitely not. Good catholic upbringing don't you know."They arrived at Kate's floor and exited the lift. Kate's suite was just a few meters away, and when they got there Kate fumbled to get the key to work. Isabella took the key from her gently and held it against the lock. She was amazingly calm, determined to enjoy the ride wherever that might take her.Laughing, both Kate and Isabella fell through the door into the suite. Isabella couldn't help but be impressed. "So, this is what a Senior regional manager gets," she thought. "Not bad at all."There was a bottle of champagne on ice on the hall table and Kate proceeded to open it.She poured two glasses and passed one to Isabella. "Cheers Izzy." She said, raising her glass."Cheers." Isabella replied.Kate took a draught and put her glass on the table. She took Isabella in her arms and kissed her passionately on the lips. Isabella responded with her tongue and soon they were locked in a passionate embrace.Kate opened the buttons on Isabella's blouse one by one until it was completely open.She pushed the blouse back over Isabella's shoulders leaving er bra exposed. Kate bent forward and kissed Isabella's tits through the bra. Isabella held her breath, not knowing how she would react.She was surprised that it really turned her on to have all this attention to her tits. She felt her panties getting moist.Isabella decided to take some initiative herself, and opened the buttons on Kate's blouse. Kate groaned in anticipation. Isabella rubbed her thumb over Kate's right nipple and then over the left. Kate groaned even harder. Isabella moved her finger under the fabric of Kate's bra and pinched gently with her thumb and forefinger on Kate's nipples.Kate moved her arms around Isabella's back and unclasped her bra, freeing her 32c tits. Isabella's nipples were hard as bullets. Kate couldn't resist and lowered her mouth on first one and then the other nipple.Isabella felt a shockwave go through her whole body. Her juices were now flowing freely and she felt her panties get dripping wet. Not to be outdone she released Kate's 36 c tits from their restraint and copied Kate's sucking and licking.Kate almost crumpled at the knees. For a first timer Isabella sure learned quickly."Wait." She said. "Let's take this to the bed.""Yes please." said Isabella.They half stumbled to the bed, taking their skirts off in the process.Isabella stood before Kate with only her panties and her thigh high stocking still left on. Her cunt was on fire and leaking like a fire hydrant. Her juices were running down her thighs.Kate took a moment to admire this beautiful woman in front of her before slowly rolling her panties down her thighs, over the stockings and down to the floor.Isabella stepped out of her panties. She lay down on the bed, her hand demurely over her cunt.Kate knelt down at the side of the bed and removed Isabella's hand from her cunt. Kate sat admiring the neatly trimmed cunt in front of her, all the while sniffing the scent of Isabella's sex.Isabella was panting with desire. Her cunt on fire, her juices flowing freely and her nipples hard and sore. The anticipation of what was about to happen was excruciating.And then. Kate leaned forward and drew her tongue slowly from the bottom of Isabella's lips. Slowly licking and penetrating Isabella's sex.Isabella held her breath. Her heart was beating at 200 beats per minute, or so she thought.Kate was gentle. Each time drawing her tongue from under to above. Gently she penetrated Isabella with first one, and the two fingers. Isabella gasped.Kate moved once more upwards, and this time stopped at Isabella's clit. She gently licked at Isabella's love bud taking it gently between her lips and massaging it with her tongue.Inside Isabella something exploded. Her brain seemed to short circuit and her legs began to tremble uncontrollably. Her hands grabbed the back of Kate's head and pushed her harder into her cunt. Her orgasm was coming and there was nothing going to stop it.A tsunami of electric shocks shot through Isabella's body. There was no more control. Her muscles and nerves exploded in ecstasy and her juices simply spurted out of her cunt. Isabella screamed her orgasm out as hard as she could. It was an animalistic sound which she had never heard before.

Episode 486: It Could Use More Snot This week Host Dave Bledsoe proffered a Mickey Mantle rookie card in exchange for the clearance of his bar tab despite the fact that it was clearly printed on cardstock by an inkjet low on cyan. (They forced him to eat it before they tossed him out.) On the show this week we examine the disgusting kids collectible that swept the nation in the mid 1980's (It was like pervy Pokemon!) Along the way we discover that Dave had no friends as a kid. (Just like now!) Then we dive in collectible cards and where they came from. (Smarmy nobles and cigarettes.) Then we opened up a pack of Topps Bubble Gum to see what we got.  (Dammit it's Bobby Bonilla!) We discuss how Topps branched out in the parody “novelty” card market with some clever takes on capitalism and that morphed into a disgusting parody of the most popular toy of the early 80's: The Garbage Pail Kids.   Our Sponsor this week is Dave-O-Mon Cards, gotta drink ‘em all! We open the show with the trailer for the Garbage Pail Kids movie and close with the Donna's signing about the kids in this country. Show Theme: Hypnostate Prelude to Common Sense The Show on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/whatthehellpodcast.bsky.social The Show on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/whatthehellpodcast/ The Show on Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjxP5ywpZ-O7qu_MFkLXQUQ The Show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whatthehellwereyouthinkingpod/ Our Discord Server: https://discord.gg/kHmmrjptrq Our Website: www.whatthehellpodcast.com Patreon:  https://www.patreon.com/Whatthehellpodcast The Show Line: 347 687 9601 Closing Music: https://youtu.be/okCHKTYNFXk?si=bKqXncifC07skqFn Buy Our Stuff: https://www.seltzerkings.com/shop Citations Needed: Wikipedia: Cigarette Card https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cigarette_card The Snot-Soaked History of the Garbage Pail Kids https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/643322/garbage-pail-kids-history Trash for Cash: An Oral History of Garbage Pail Kids https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/77142/trash-cash-oral-history-garbage-pail-kids THEY'RE NASTY, THEY'RE UGLY, AND CHILDREN LOVE THEM https://www.nytimes.com/1986/02/05/nyregion/they-re-nasty-they-re-ugly-and-children-love-them.html Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

WE DO SPORTS TALK THE WAY IT SHOULD BE DONE! DAMMIT. Here's what Lee Hamilton thinks on Monday, March 17, 2025. 1)...MARCH MADNESS...WEEKEND OF UPSETS "SELECTION SUNDAY"   #1 SEEDS BEST FIRST ROUND GAMES TOUGHEST GAMES QUESTION MARKS   -------- 2)...AZTECS-UCSD...GAMES TO BE PLAYED "SDSU-UCSD...NEXT GAMES"   ------- 3)...NBA BASKETBALL...TROUBLED TIMES "SUNS-TOXIC...WNBA-HATRED" -------- 4)...PADRES...1-WEEK LEFT "MORE QUESTIONS-THAN ANSWERS"   5)...DODGERS IN JAPAN "HISTORICAL WEEKEND"   6)...ANGELS PROBLEMS NEVER END "INJURY WOES GROW"   7)...BASEBALL TROUBLE SPOTS "STADIUM-SALARY CAPS" ------------ 8)...LATE BREAKING STORIES "OFF THE SPORTS WIRE"   NHL SDFC F 1 ============== "   #nfl #DOLPHINS #JETS #CHARGERS #RAIDERS #EAGLES #GIANTS #49ERS #RAMS #SEAHAWKS #PADRES #michaelking #yudarvish #robertsuarez #jasonheyward #connorjoe #gavinsheets #stephenkolek #mattwaldron #joseinglesias #kylehart #DODGERS #shoheiohtani #yoshinobuyamamoto #mookiebetts #rokisasaki #blakesnell #daveroberts #ANGELS #anthonyrendon #miketrout #artemoreno #zachneto #kylehendricks #yoanmoncada #luisregnifo #yankees #gerritcole #rockies #rays #sandiegostate #aztecs #briandutcher #UCSD #ericolen #milesbyrd #nickboyd #MAGOONGWATH #AniwaniwaTaitJones #haydengray #tylermcghie #pharaohcompton #ASHTONJEANTY #justinherbert #seanmcvay #samdarnold #genosmith #howieroseman #kevindurant #suns #wnba #caitlinclark #f1 #landonorris #sdfc #mikeyvaras Be sure to share this episode with a friend!   ☆☆ STAY CONNECTED ☆☆ For more of Hacksaw's Headlines, The Best 15 Minutes, One Man's Opinion, and Hacksaw's Pro Football Notebook: http://www.leehacksawhamilton.com/   SUBSCRIBE on YouTube for more reactions, upcoming shows and more! ► https://www.youtube.com/c/leehacksawhamiltonsports   FACEBOOK ➡ https://www.facebook.com/leehacksaw.hamilton.9   TWITTER ➡ https://twitter.com/hacksaw1090   TIKTOK ➡ https://www.tiktok.com/@leehacksawhamilton   INSTAGRAM ➡ https://www.instagram.com/leehacksawhamiltonsports/   MUSIC ➡  https://www.purple-planet.com     To get the latest news and information about sports, join Hacksaw's Insider's Group. It's free! https://www.leehacksawhamilton.com/team/ Thank you to our sponsors: Dixieline Lumber and Home Centers https://www.dixieline.com/  

 @DammitJeff  is a tech enthusiast and YouTuber, with his channel amassing over 280k subscribers. His videos primarily focus on modding, disassembling, and repairing various tech and gaming devices, along with sharing his passion for the things he loves.Jeff's videos often feature him modding consoles, handhelds and accessories. Some of his projects include customizing lavender Joy-Cons for the Switch, hacking all kids of devices like the PS5, a guide to using Winlator, with retrospectives on devices like the Sony Xperia Play.Co-host:  @retrotechdad   〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰✨Became a Supporterhttps://patreon.com/RetroHandhelds or Discord sub• Access to Patron only Discord chat & marketplace• Earn merch, enter giveaways, and get free stuff• Device Modding Services

Dammit, Dog! (with a gun) and your dog's reaction to the TV; C'bus Creeper at TJ MAXX; Werewolf Boy World Record; Botox is NO LAUGHING MATTER; WING IT WEDNESDAY with the Boomershine Skill Center in Springfield. I'm looking forward to being by the

-ALL the latest on your spring-time Astros -Caserio somehow trades Kenyon Green to the Eagles for the return of STUD DB CJ Gardner-Johnson -Tiger Woods.. And now an Achilles.. Damn.

Would your rather? Wheel of Tranquility; Pothole Patrol; Women Breaking the Law; Coleslaw Wrestling; Dammit, Dog and SOCKS; Florida Man crashing into building; NEW FEATURE: Friday's Leftovers--news nuggets that are still somewhat edible.

Jean Claude Van Damme fans, this one's for you! Moody and Groo are back on their relentless quest to find that perfect Van Damme movie, diving into The Quest (1996) with OO7's Roger Moore and James Remar. From Phil Collins' health updates to The Rock's Smackdown return, 2025 Royal Rumble hype, and Arnold Schwarzenegger's four-word wisdom, this episode's packed! Was Van Damme blacklisted? Did Peter MacDonald ghost-direct? We break down The Quest's messy writing, production woes, budget, box office, and critical response—plus Groo savages it! Also: Rambo: Last Blood on Netflix, Charlotte Flair's divorce, SNL's 50th Anniversary Special, and the Tom Green doc on Amazon Prime. Next up: Kill Em All and Kill Em All 2 for Van Dammit, and Cobra Kai's final season for Nothing Worthwhile—will Ralph Macchio's wig steal the show?

Ep. 260, Recorded 2/18/2025. Weather or not. Mixon it up. Todd gets Technical. DinoToddlers Gettin it Done. This ad is pretty Gouda. Mmmmm… beaver. Live, from the undisclosed! Car yoga. Transporters. 

Moody and Groo continue their never-ending quest to find that elusive Van Damme movie. It's Jean Claude, OO7 and James Remar in The Quest (1996)! Show Rundown: Phil Collins' health, 2025 Royal Rumble, The Rock returns to Smackdown, Was Jean Claude Van Damme blacklisted? Rest in Peace E Honda, Four words of advice from Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charlotte Flair divorced, What does AC/DC stand for? Rambo: Last Blood now on Netflix, Van Dammit goes Retromade, The Quest is a writing and production nightmare, Did Peter MacDonald ghost direct this film? Frank Dux gets a writing credit, Roger Moore has heat with JCVD, Budget and Box Office, Critical Response, Groo savages The Quest, SNL 50th Anniversary Special and This is the Tom Green documentary on Amazon Prime. For our next episode of Van Dammit, there's nothing better than a Van Damme franchise! Moody and Groo cover Kill Em All and Kill Em All 2! For our next episode of Nothing Worthwhile, Moody and Groo cover the final season on Cobra Kai! Wil Ralph Macchio's wig make an appearance? No Retreat, No Surrender

CANADA WINS GOLD AT THE 4 NATION FACEOFF!!

Paul's back from Portugal just in time to listen through the latest Cherry Red release "Motor City Is Burning". So get ready for nine songs from The Stooges, The Deceased, The Woolies, John Lee Hooker, The Hawkins, Felix, The Rationals, The Del-Chronics and Iggy & The Stooges.Cherry Red, Voice of Jeff, Comedy Suburbs, Dammit, Quiz Time for Tony, last week, horse trailer, Paul went to Lisbon, hills, From the Vaults, Tony's International Gig Guide, Valentines, this week, Tony's birthday, Forest, Lux Lives, the book is ready, Izzatwat and a reminder of the ways you can listen.Song 1: The Stooges - 1969Song 2: The Deceased – Suburban DreamsSong 3: The Woolies – Who Do You LoveSong 4: John Lee Hooker – The Motor City Is BurningSong 5: The Hawkins – David's BridgeSong 6: Felix – Outside Woman BluesSong 7: The Rationals – I Need YouSong 8: The Del-Chronics - BurglarSong 9: Iggy & The Stooges – I Got A Right

Super Bowl reactions; Cupid beatdowns begin; Nerf War season; Romantic gestures, that aren't; Sweater vest shortage; Ohio Mayor arrested; Getting rid of the penny; Dammit, Dog!; Pete Rose remembered by the Reds; Dumb wifi names; Florida men acting like dogs.

00:00 Introductions 01:03  Plane Crash 03:42 DEI 09:39 Harvey Weinstein  11:03 Chinese Incels 16:01 Dank Demoss 19:15 Anti-Abortion States 21:12 Tariffs —The crash of American Airlines Flight 5342 is a tragedy. There's no other way to describe it.  Families are devastated, and will forever be changed. So, naturally, the media is trying to cash in any way they can. Clickbait headlines are generally awful, but when they're used to take advantage of something this horrific, it makes people want to believe in hell, that the “reporters” might burn their for their sins. Gibson Johns—if that's a real person an not a handle given to an article written by AI—and E! News (which should be in quote, “News”) cashed in my offering a scary headline about a chilling photo by one of the victims of the crash, a teenage boy who will be missed by his parents for the rest of their lives.  It's disgusting, and Jake has special words regarding the “reporters” who seek out families after a tragedy. —Speaking of cashing in on a tragedy, Donald Trump once again showed his complete inability to lead with grace, or compassion, turning an awful situation into an opportunity to rally his political base using anger, an ignorance. Blaming the crash on DEI right out of the gate was a bold move, but red meat the dumbest of the dumb could lap up like the dogs they are. In an interesting twist, however, he threw “dwarfism” into the mix as one of the reasons the plane crash happened.  Interesting. —A couple episodes back, Jake said Harvey got out of jail.  nathan was dumbfounded, “How did I miss that?!?” Turns out, nathan missed nothing! Harvey is still locked up in Rikers Island, just like he deserves to be. —Oh, China… You best America in so many ways—bullet trains, airports, education… and now, INCELS. Yes, while our INCELS go on rampages, and hurt people, yours go look at panda bears. Dammit, China. Stop being better than us. —Dank Demoss is rapper who hates several things: salads, walking, and reality. Dank weighs 489 pounds, and thinks that if she orders a Lyft, she should be able to get into whatever arrives, be it a Honda Civic, or a Mini Cooper.  When her ride arrived, the driver took one look at her and said, “Nope. My shocks and tires can't take that kind of abuse,” and locked her out. Naturally, this caused Dank to have a “come to Jesus” moment, where she turned her life around, began eating right, and exercising. Of COURSE I'm kidding. She's suing Lyft, because personal responsibility doesn't exist. —Is an exodus taking place from states with impossibly restrictive bans on women's health? The Los Angeles times thinks so. Why? Because speculation, that's why. In an article heavy on thoughts and light on facts, it is opined that a less than 1% population departure from states more interested in fairy tales than medicine, means it's got to be because of a political wedge issue. Great job, Los Angeles Times. Way to waste column space.  —Well, things are gonna get interesting.  Despite anyone and everyone with an IQ above that of your average turnip understanding that tariffs make things more expensive for the consumers of the country applying said tariffs, Donald Trump announced 25% additions to Mexican and Canadian goods, and 10% on Chinese imports. What was the immediate reaction? Trillion-dollar hedge funds started taking out massive shorts on the American Economy. In 2008, a few wise men beat the crap out of the banks and made hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars off their stupidity. Now, the American people will lose, and rich look to get richer. Yay. Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don't have to. Tune in and get your giggle on. Find Jake at @jakevevera Find nathan at nathantimmel.com

Greetings valued listeners! We return with another episode dedicated to the DLP news drought and try to find human connection in the way we prepare, fill and present our show. Not an easy task, you say? Well there is hope, and your relationship with this podcast is more intimate and relatable than you might think! Luckily Georgina saves us this time with an extensive LOL letter and trip report, especially useful for all you expectant mothers out there. Fathers to be can also get some nuggets of interest.  Get involved! The future of this show depends on the You You Are!    

January is nearly over, but there is plenty of time to sneak in another fine selection of nine songs from The Derellas, Gone Feral, Voodoo Love Gods, The Heaters, The Dickies, Chuck Jr, Matt Berry, Heart Attack Alley and Anarchicks.Voice of Jeff, Comedy Suburbs, Dark Jeff, Dammit, Tony has your Facebook comments, prequel, Cherry Red, last week, Wigan gig, Wedding band, Traitors, Forest, Carnival Row, Sumac, childrens book, From the Vaults, Tony's International Gig Guide, this week, work, Parking Tickets, Matt Berry, Izzatwat and a reminder of the ways you can listen.Song 1: The Derellas – Just Because I Smile Doesn't Mean I Like YouSong 2: Gone Feral - RochambeauSong 3: Voodoo Love Gods – Chinese SpySong 4: The Heaters – Melting PotSong 5: The Dickies - ParanoidSong 6: Chuck Jr – Do It MadlySong 7: Matt Berry – I Gotta LimitSong 8: Heart Attack Alley – Cryin'Song 9: Anarchicks – Dare To Think

On today's show, we welcome in the New Year with a Season Two Wrap Up of the Tulsa King starring our guy, Sylvester Stallone!Show Rundown: Happy New Year from Moody & Groo, Thoughts on the new trailer for James Gunn's Superman, Snuggling, Strong debate on Hulk Hogan's reaction on Monday Night Raw, Billy Joel's “sinister” Uptown Girl, Season Two of Tulsa King, Paramount +, Tulsa King spinoff? The excellent cast of TK, What did we think of the finale? Season Two review, Where might we go for season 3? ABC's Murder One, AP Bio is on Netflix, Moody and Groo love season two of Max Bookie.For out next episode of Van Dammit, we will give you our thoughts on Jean Claude Van Damme, 007 Roger Moore and an apparently no so young James Remar in The Quest.For our next episode of Nothing Worthwhile, Phil Collins is back with the documentary Drummer First, a look at his musical career as a drummer. Will Phil survive the entire documentary? Moody and Groo will let you know!Rip ‘Em!

First show of 2025 and we hit the ground running with a show filled full of greatness! Get ready for nine songs from Apocalypse Babys, The Clashnikovs, Market Wholesale, Slow Burning Car, Corners Of Sanctuary, The Mags, Degenerates Of Punk, Scanner and Miss Georgia Peach.Apocalypse Babys, not heard from Jeff, Paul has a joke for us, Dammit!, no Facebook comments, Quiz time for Tony!, last week, New Year, Wicked, new office, Rogue Heroes, Traitors, Forest, Black Panther, From the Vaults, covers, Tony's International Gig Guide, this week, Cover band prep, office, work..., illustrator, parking tickets, tax return, Degenerates Of Punk, Musk, Izzatwat and a reminder of the ways you can get in touch.Song 1: Apocalypse Babys – The More You Drink The Better We SoundSong 2: The Clashnikovs – Enough Is EnoughSong 3: Market Wholesale – Lost MyselfSong 4: Slow Burning Car – Hard Time WalkingSong 5: Corners Of Sanctuary - ParanoidSong 6: The Mags – My Girl My HeartSong 7: Degenerates Of Punk – I TrySong 8: Scanner – Letter To The HIPSong 9: Miss Georgia Peach – Shut Up And Drink Your Beer

Barehand Turkey Ripper. You Want Disgusting? Here, Hold My Pizza Wine. Stuck Between Thomas And Nancy. Musty Ibbott. There Were TWO CHUCKS. You Lost Me At Toasted Oak. Totally gassed on the treads. Cork dork. It's All Dirt To Me, Dammit! No Longer Orange Theory, It's Law. Forget Coverville, Welcome to Funkytown. TMS: Generally Wholesome. Rubbing the EMU in. Never a beer has passed my face. Oliver the Frenchman with Amy and more on this episode of The Morning Stream. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

People tell me all the time to get over it, you've got Trump derangement syndrome, you gotta move on, etc, etc. Move on? I don't even understand that. How can I move on from him when this country just voted to make him President again? He'll be more dangerous in two months than he is now. He'll have power again. I won't "move on" from that. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.