The 365 Project Pt. II

we all get here eventually beginnings and endings are all the same blips on radar screens on and off again forgetting the before and after and in between what happens between flashes of light is the mystery of darkness where we become who we really are where there lost in the dark we are always found make your middles count the riddle of the hill is in the climbing the quickest way down is to bow sand becomes the glass and the glass returns to sand like three vultures up in the tree behind my house still no not yet boys maybe next year make your middles count the riddle of the hill is in the climbing the quickest way down is to bow epw 4.19.08 perrysburg, oh

everything in its place every nothing in its nowhere from nothing sprouts green again in everywhere there is void our hearts sutras beating out form and nothingness our unfortunate heads lost in clouds formerly pieces of oceans we are of each other and for each other our blood the roads of antiquity the spirals of everything to come why am i crying i still have tomorrow but i hate calendars now i understand what that all means and i’m sorry i made you to die we are of each other and for each other our blood the roads of antiquity the spirals of everything to come and i’m sorry i made you to die epw 4.18.08 perrysburg, oh

every day we try to do our best or something as long as we try we rise i am lost again in the forest in my heart through the soft pines the wind sings pines and the sea always there for me the moon and stars always a mystery i will not forget the birds have eaten the bread crumbs but there’s no need to return pines and the sea always there for me the moon and stars always a mystery epw 4.17.08 perrysburg, oh

i want to get lost in space it’s like the ocean so cold you can’t breathe but it’s as big as everywhere i’d take one last look at the christmas lights below before reconciling my differences with the moon floating and sinking it’s all the same thing buoyed up or pulled down by something unseen either way you let yourself go i want to take a minute and stretch it wide pull it hard enough and make it last as long as forever floating and sinking it’s all the same thing buoyed up or pulled down by something unseen either way you let yourself go epw 4.16.08 perrysburg, oh

not until you dip your toes into a soggy desert or walk across a dusty sea will you finally know that every contradiction is righted in each and every disbelief we turn out the light to say goodnight we wave goodbye to taillights down the driveway and sometimes hello really means goodbye i’m raising my hand one of everything every year and every year another my basket is nearly full maybe the wrong number messages on my machine are really for me but joseph it seems he’s in a heap of trouble we pull our own oars but i’m so tired one of everything every year and every year another my basket is nearly full epw 4.15.08 perrysburg, oh

this day picked like a bouquet burns brightly then fades withering in a glass on the table until in moonlight it is gone we cut them short of our own desire forgetting the cut we give ourselves stealing what it gives easily for free seize no day surrender and be swept away seize no day be ready for anything the glass is good for pinching sand and killing lilies the watchmaker an undertaker and the florist the mortician seize no day surrender and be swept away seize no day be ready for anything epw 4.14.08 perrysburg, oh

what gets touched into existence isn’t always touched nor does it always exist but there it is regardless the woods grows to and from the sun bending and twisting a vocabulary its own before the axe rewrites i didn’t lose myself i didn’t disappear what now crudely paint over the top of what was before listen now no more of this we’ve had our fill let this be testimony i didn’t lose myself i didn’t disappear what now epw 4.13.08 perrysburg, oh

over and over and over and done these are the best days these are the last wake with me tomorrow be here the next soon now i’ll lay you to rest how many flowers countless come go and come again when the green is wet and the sun is new winter’s moon has set and soon will you we can relive this all again we can relive this all again i’ll leave it here for you let’s water our beds one last time and see what new will rise from this clay wake with me tomorrow be here the next soon now i’ll lay you to rest we can relive this all again we can relive this all again i’ll leave it here for you epw 4.12.08 perrysburg, oh

like whistles made of bones wind blows through and we sing again before our dust melts into clay like lowering yourself into a bathtub full of lightbulbs careful now be gentle or you’ll soon be ribbons no fetishes or shrines no socks over our hands will protect us from harm or deliver us from ourselves like irises smell of grapes protected by green swords and beestings be wary or soon you’ll be honey no fetishes or shrines no socks over our hands will protect us from harm or deliver us from ourselves epw 4.11.08 perrysburg, oh

all ghost stories are mostly true oh you poor dead what can you do trapped here you fools what are you holding on to we grieve and let go but you refuse to leave it’s ok there’s nothing you can can say we understand go now it’s time for you all to all leave float away disappear don’t you understand once i would have killed to be you but that was a long time ago now i can wait we forgive you dying it comes to us all how many times we wished we could leave and when it’s time we drag our feet and our chains float away disappear don’t you understand once i would have killed to be you but that was a long time ago epw 4.10.08 perrysburg, oh

there ain’t much chance of gettin’ by all alone in this world everything is all too much even the stars in the sky every one they’ve all got names so whatcha gonna do sittin’ all alone in your cave better start looking hard for someone who you know you won’t drive insane and jesus he don’t answer his own phone it’s either been disconnected or no one’s home so who ya gonna call there ain’t much time to get this done everything is all too much sooner or later the pieces fall and where they land is where you’ll stand and jesus he don’t answer his own phone it’s either been disconnected or no one’s home epw 4.9.08 perrysburg, oh

you were there but i didn’t fully recognize you among the old and plumping kids from school you were the same as then but now streaks in your hair we held each other and said everything i woke up sad but still you can’t lose what you never had and later after everything and more we rolled tape and played weirdly knowing thurston would approve i woke up sad but still you can’t lose what you never had epw 4.8.08 perrysburg, oh

i was shocked to see jim in his gaudy leather suit made soft by tannic acid and pee before we went outdoors to the halloween parade with its egg races and hugging contests i squeezed too hard and stepped over the line later in a gallery some changes were made and i observed pictures of furniture and letches in old cars from a bed in the center soon it was clear i was unwelcome so i found something to eat and thought long and hard about minneapolis epw 4.7.08 perrysburg, oh

today we look down and smile every tiny sprig coiled and ready to become every worm wakes to make his way through the damp today the sun will warm the backs of our necks through a breeze still cold with winter’s dying breath birds wing above the end of sleep it’s all over too soon barely goodbye and now another how could i have known one year ago today i put the basement to rest shut down the blue fire horseshoe tossed out the box of dust and broken glass bulb spider hulls it’s all over too soon barely goodbye and now another how could i have known one year ago epw 4.6.08 perrysburg, oh

i’m still stunned i am amazed at smallness in the face of simplicity the songs have have begun water retreats into the soft mossy damp o primavera your fates ghostly in orange groves arrows of desire soon to fool away the robin and jay reclaim branches ready to swagger in green and violet o primavera your fates ghostly in orange groves arrows of desire soon to fool away epw 4.5.08 perrysburg, oh

every saturday wished for is a friday forgotten how many can you afford to miss it’s moving too fast it won’t slow down like cards flipping through spokes it doesn’t stop today means everything now like yesterday did then and tomorrow will again write every book of friday each with no beginning every ending a different surprise today means everything now like yesterday did then and tomorrow will again epw 4.4.08 perrysburg, oh

most of these are whiskers grown from follicles of morning each touching the edges of the day to judge its size and see if i’ll fit but these are faulty antennae allowing me to pass through each time regardless of whatever warning is implied or forgotten lacking agility and grace i trip my way through each time every day a fishmarket in china and glass and my attraction only threatens to destroy it epw 4.3.08 perrysburg, oh

rise oh rise and shine erase a night of dreams things aren’t what they seem i showed you where the bees were in bowls above our heads barefoot insensitive we didn’t know never trust anyone who says trust me never believe anyone who says believe me rise oh rise and shine every day is unmeant we pretend they are more trust me trust me i don’t believe you i don’t believe you epw 4.2.08 perrysburg, oh

everyone’s afraid of something spiders dreams or dying sometimes i’m afraid of everyone i wish i could stay inside and not come out for days everyone’s mad at something ignorance or the guy on tv sometimes i’m mad at myself i wish i could do it all over and not make a single mistake stop worrying no brown recluse or chain gang dreams are going to put an end to this everyone’s in love with something money beauty or living sometimes i’m in love with nothing like everything’s a prison and together we have it all stop worrying no pretty face or sacks of gold can make something of this epw 4.1.08 perrysburg, oh

hope filled like so many balloons can rise and float away tugging us along held by strings we refuse to let go we are pulled down strange city streets and through country lanes the moment we stop looking up we arrive what we let go floats higher and away when seen by strangers a thing of mystery and wonder when strange streets reveal their patterns and the codes of backroads deciphered grow routines it’s time to let go what we let go floats higher and away when seen by strangers a thing of mystery and wonder epw 3.31.08 perrysburg, oh

march out your lions tamed by lambs what flowers will april’s fools bring water cycles in and out of my basement pushed out by pumps into the yard to sink into the yellow grass and return again and again push your lilies and bleeding hearts out into april we’ll mourn the dead and kiss new life into everything left behind we will dream of years to come epw 3.30.0 perrysburg, oh

crystal blue showing through the trees the ice melts again the snow recedes how many more times how many more times we wake and wonder what does each day bring but really we bring the day every time every time every time every time my three buzzards will be back soon to see if i have grown fat or wasted as a rail i don’t know what they will make of me they haven’t changed and they never will every time every time how many more times how many more times how many more times epw 3.29 08 perrysburg, oh

hello again snow i have no choice but to accept you and i am amazed no date in a book tells you when to come and go you fall when you will and this is the truth we lost it long ago i won’t wait when it’s time to fall we know inside when it’s time anyway and this is the truth we lost it long ago epw 3.28.08 perrysburg, oh

sometimes we’re stunned into sunlight too quick to adjust our eyes still living by sleepy moonlight flowers trapped inside our tongues still taste like each other but days push envelopes of resistance we open them dead letters all blank sheets for us to write ourselves into and out of lies white paper flags of surrender we’ve all lost us some things might as well give ‘em away first lighten the bones loosen the ropes everything be all right soon a moment in forever means more than an hour to a day like firefly ovaries they are tiny but mean everything to lightening bugs set on sagging through summer we’ve all lost us some things might as well give ‘em away first lighten the bones loosen the ropes everything be all right soon epw 3.27.08 perrysburg, oh

fifty million birds in the trees push push they’re impatient to get on with spring and all together chatter and sing fifty million specks in the trees push push bold and lean bellies eager for seeds from trees still to leaf in greens for the last time this year the moon collapses in on itself fifty million screams of joy and release push push swirling around me as the sun holds out just a little longer each day for the last time this year the moon collapses in on itself epw 3.26.08 perrysburg, oh

we’re not growing old together you and i no i did you in from the start soon one of us has to go and we both know who i didn’t think it would be like this yet again i count down to another end this i have made myself there is no stopping it from now on none as bad as this i will do my best i will do my best and knowing this the seasons cycle but unlike me this thing will be done and you and i will be one i’ll show you from now on none as bad as this i will do my best i will do my best epw 3.23.08 perrysburg, oh

ghosts and the living haunt me the same there’s no difference between waking and the dead nothing that can be touched is real but everything i hold in my arms is warm and true every night we walk to the place but we both know better than this and i inscribed every name on each of them with my fingertips my blood in every stone all my own every night we walk to the place but we both know better than this epw 3.24.08 perrysburg, oh

i never thought that i would make it this far seems like everything’s made up and that nothing’s real here’s to fuckin’ up let’s raise our glass and spend it all i remember every single time that i was wrong you didn’t think i was counting but you were gone it’s time i make amends for this but i don’t know how i would do anything to change everything that i have done but it would never be enough i promise you to my dying day that i will never forget anything that we dreamed would be everything that we promised we’d never lose i would do anything to change everything that i have done but it would never be enough epw 3. 23.08 perrysburg, oh

nothing rushes in to fill this vacuum the hollow remains there’s no putting your finger on what’s not there soon everything is filled up with whatever finds its way there mostly runoff and refuse but i am prepared i did this to myself i do not know why once i dipped in the stream but instead of using my gils i sprouted legs for land now i cannot go back forbidden to return the once cool water now salty and warm tears of my own making but not my own epw 3.22.08 perrysburg, oh

oceans of endings wash over me wash over me i sink willingly into your blue and green permanence i am here of my own accord i dove headfirst into the warm brine a sea of my own making and as i sink above me is the walnut shell canoe i left you for your safe departure into forever oceans of endings wash over me wash over me what have i done what have i done epw 3.21.08 perrysburg, oh

there you were under our feet all along a miracle of birdseeds and peanut dreams how did you do it did you make the leap fall through the cracks where did you go when hope is lost hearts will still be mended stitched up in miracles and wonder soon you’ll be back in your socks and the world will be new again we’ve changed when hope is lost hearts will still be mended stitched up in miracles and wonder there you were under our feet all along a miracle of birdseeds and peanut dreams how did you do it did you make the leap fall through the cracks where did you go epw 3.20.08 perrysburg, oh

last night listening to nico she told me i was beautiful and alone she was half right i took down the mirrors long ago i remember we found two aerosol cans in a field we tossed them into the sky and they sprayed us with insecticide everybody’s insides are full of surprises stop looking in order to see none of this means a thing yet it’s all true every day has passed and the ones still to come are undone they wait everybody’s insides are full of surprises stop looking in order to see epw 3.19.08 perrysburg, oh

all of us and more waist deep formed a circle in the shallows hand in hand we started to spin clockwise faster and faster and when i jumped i missed the raft and everybody laughed but i had already made my plans for raw fish in france at some point everyone needs to escape first chance you get let yourself go the spinning circle soon collapsed in on itself made a huge splash i soon discovered that raw fish in france is only good for cats at some point everyone needs to escape first chance you get let yourself go epw 3.18.08 perrysburg, oh

yesterday everything was brown like the cold that’s trying to warm toledo was yawning and above it a yellow kite flew tethered to a wish spring is ready to open its eyes what will today bring how will i remember another year i have nothing to fly over this sleepy city you can let go your string or wind it back everything that wakes sleeps again no holding out on inevitability the spinning never stops day to night cold to hot sunlight to moonlight white to green to brown again you can let go your string or wind it back everything that wakes sleeps again epw 3.17.08 perrysburg, oh

anything that can’t be undone can still be forgiven in the moment there is only now and what will be the failure of the word cuts the cat in two the flute silent until we stop trying then the song returns like trees growing in eaves troughs the world is where we make it self like robes dropping away is merciless ashamed of our nakedness so let it go and sing with me now like trees growing in eaves troughs the world is where we make it epw 3.16.08 perrysburg, oh

i can tell it’s almost time you’re almost ready to wake again you smell of moss and mud hullo hullo how did you sleep what did you dream did you miss the moon and stars did you think you wouldn’t wake it’s time again i’ve missed you remember me i waited for you take your time but don’t wait too long there’s water and light enough for you here to awake awake it’s time again i’ve missed you remember me i waited for you epw 3.15.08 perrysburg, oh

morning is hollow and strong like bamboo it props up each day effortlessly and through it our breath sings how many times i have wished you away holding out on night afraid you would kill my sad old moon no but it was me my hands still dusty with the deed but that was then now i hold morning tight giver of life a daily miracle bedclothes of the tired moon as for me my hands still dusty but now i can see epw 3.14.08 perrysburg, oh

all night long turning and turning give a dog a bone the moment the choir intones the last hour is the longest a crazy plane too powerful for the sky explodes the holes where everyone falls are four feet deep in solid stone i can’t make it stop it won’t go away a meal in the making feasted upon by dreaming the wrong house and the wrong family you called and i couldn’t talk it was easter in the kitchen and i was bound for the hill i can’t make it stop it won’t go away a meal in the making feasted upon by dreaming epw 3.13.08 perrysburg, oh

where does it all come from is it new or has it always been here waiting i skied across an ohio hillside at night chased by a white leopard that didn’t eat me pictures of locker rooms in a book i didn’t want to see on the cover an ocean horror a girl turning into a fish in agony before being swallowed by a rusty mechanical whale why am i so upset by this epw 3.12.08 perrysburg, oh

i want to make a day of sleep and for a night stay awake wrapped in a blanket of dark pierced by silver freckles of light when it was over i would try to remember every second of both and try to make something of it even if it was nothing as it is every day i feel like i’m losing ground i feel like every day i’m further behind just to count hours as if they were days minutes or seconds for each to be lifetimes rising and falling i would write their histories as it is every day i feel like i’m losing ground i feel like every day i’m further behind epw 3.11.08 perrysburg, oh

the amp hum tone arm drop and pedal click all a simple ecstasy in utter simplicity your theresa’s entrails pierced and burning like no bernini dare fuck with his angel no yours a beauty in direct shuddering communion sculpted in vacuum tube heat and wire all drifting and round and later you with the bearded prophet fahey make dark the night and cold the ground again before the terror and mercury-tasting dread of the sea sublime in horror and capacity overwhelms desperate shouts incapable of overcoming certainty dumbfounded by arrogance and pointless resistance and here your shaking stops like the heart before golden arrows penetrate and rend us immune epw 3.10.08 perrysburg, oh

we give and take away daylight as if we can every four years an extra day because we don’t understand universal clockwork who needs clocks when we have the stars mark each month by hot or cold sense of smell and the color of light dissolved in water none of this matters anyway mark them however you want returns return and back again light and dark are made by myth and desire there is nothing else to know just accept and give yourself to the invisible coil that turns it all none of this matters anyway mark them however you want returns return and back again epw 3.9.08 perrysburg, oh

do flowers dream of becoming trees sick of their hollow stems full of milk for flowers and food for bees what ocean doesn’t dream of falling into the himalayas or rolling down the faces of lovers before returning we are ashes once and again from the ground and back again one day the sky will take it’s leave and like the moon the earth sad cold silver dust endlessly spinning we are ashes once and again from the ground and back again epw 3.8.08 perrysburg, oh

and soon it was time and i didn’t want to let it go but there it was in the white room with the drain on the floor eventually we’re all empty dry hollow husks depleted vessels of memory so i squeezed and the drain did its job and all i wanted was to tell you one more thing but it was too late and the doctor wasn’t right his eyes wide red and damp showed me how to make it nice and neat but never happy eventually we’re all empty dry hollow husks depleted vessels of memory epw 3.7.08 perrysburg, oh

eventually the bubbles in us rise there will be clarity from the hillsides all things grow before they die we will rise we will rise behind a white flag is no place to hide i was wrong and what i’ll pay is nothing compared to this before i die i will rise i will rise apologies like murdering crows won’t save the corn there are always feathers everywhere i will find a way out of myself somehow so none of this goes to waste all things grow before they die you will rise you will rise apologies like murdering crows won’t save the corn there are always feathers everywhere epw 3.6.08 perrysburg, oh

how many last straws and camel’s backs how many lives left in this poor cat i’ve given it all i’ve paid in full this white flag is all i have left we’ve already been through this there’s no use trying to push me more i’ve given it all i’ve paid in full besides you gave me your word it’s almost over anyway just a few more weeks and i’m gone start counting there’s no going back don’t know what i’d do if i could it wouldn’t change that i’ve given it all i’ve paid in full remember you went after me it’s almost over anyway just a few more weeks and i’m gone start counting epw 3.5.08 perrysburg, oh

it was still daylight wandering from room to room taking one last look i tossed one lit stick of dynamite into the living room and out the fire escape i leapt moving quickly farther away it was suddenly dark as made my way down main street when the light flashed the street rippled and for a moment i was lifted off the sidewalk and i heard glass starting to fall closer but by the time it hit me it was only water i looked back no pillar of salt and everything was gone epw 3.4.08 perrysburg, oh

like everyone else i live in houses made of cards pictures pasted on each a museum recreated in celluloid and last night this one complete with cardboard friends from the past and open walls to the outside collapsed shuffle the deck roll the bones read the leaves it’s gonna rain again regardless they all go up and come down again get used to beginnings and endings change is unavoidable shuffle the deck roll the bones read the leaves it’s gonna rain again regardless epw 3.3.08 perrysburg, oh

soon begins winter’s gracious leave accepting receding disappearing into the underbrush and overpasses we can all feel it softly begin the thrush no longer deceived fills himself with beginning and sings i begin my goodbye everyday i was here with you and i will be again the sky plump with blue and promise reflects and contains all that pushes against it which is to say we are our own skies i begin my goodbye everyday i was here with you and i will be again epw 3.2.08 perrysburg, oh

it’s remarkable what’s forgotten and what is not fishing line caught on a car sinking to the bottom a sea lion in a boat his flippers poking through the holes all this for mercy strange misunderstood joy what i can’t erase becomes a tragedy or comedy of helplessness that i dove into headfirst i dove into headfirst and that wasn’t all when the boats pulled round and everyone pulled and pulled in i went and saw everything attached sad faces and everything wrecked all hooked to invisible lines which i proceeded to cut epw 3.1.08 perrysburg, oh

venus your birth heralded in egg whites and minerals far less delicate than the waves licking at your pearlescent emergence blown into existence by cherubim winds reverent and adoring in awe of your immediacy and immodesty you know what it means to drop your finger across your breast just enough to reveal what later your creator would try to destroy insane with righteousness repentant for the audacity of genius and youth but now and forever it is you eternally in birth your suspect virginity against greens and blues your oyster opened forever your smile saying more than you are willing to admit epw 2.29.08 perrysburg, oh