Podcast appearances and mentions of dennis bob

Bob Frantz guest hosts for Dennis… Bob talks masculinity on the eve of Father's Day... Fewer responsible fathers leads to more social pathology. The Left wants to substitute the government for fathers, but that won't work. We have half a century of history to prove it. You can't have a thriving society without thriving families.  Both parents play a crucial role in raising kids, each in their own way. Dad is often the butt of jokes. That's fine — there's plenty of room for goofy dad humor — but it should never get to the point where family members lose respect for the head of the household.  Boys need fathers. And men need to be responsible fathers. Thanks for listening to the Daily Dennis Prager Podcast. To hear the entire three hours of my radio show as a podcast, commercial-free every single day, become a member of Pragertopia. You'll also get access to 15 years' worth of archives, as well as daily show prep. Subscribe today at Pragertopia dot com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Gina Laing and Dennis Bob are survivors of the Alberni Indian Residential School on Vancouver Island. Both experienced abuse at the school, and still navigate the effects of that trauma. But Gina and Dennis are finding ways to heal and to regain agency in their lives. That includes returning to the grounds of the former school. PLUS, 15-year-old Skyla Hart chooses to remain seated every Monday when O Canada plays on the intercom at her high school. For Skyla, it's a sign of respect to her Ojibwe and Cree ancestors. Skyla, her mom Raven Hart, and researcher Rob Houle share their thoughts on re-imagining O Canada for today -- a conversation that is starting with Indigenous youth, and inviting everyone.

Bob Frantz guest hosts for Dennis… Bob's lovely wife noticed that television, rampant with drug commercials, always has a laundry list of possible side effects listed that drugs advertised may cause… but, never with the Covid-19 vaccine.  Why?! Callers weigh in. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Guiding Your Son Through Boyhood Guest:                        Dennis RaineyFrom the series:       Stepping Up (day 2 of 5) Dennis:   You ever been lost?  Really lost in the woods?  Well, you know what?  I got lost, and there were no markers.  The land was flat, it was cold, and the sun was going down.  I didn't have a GPS on me.  I didn't have a compass.  I had no way to tell where to go or how to get out of there.  I admit that I was on the verge of panic.   That sense of being lost is what a boy can feel growing up today without a father guiding him.                                                                                                      Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, March 8th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  We're going to talk about what we can do to help boys get pointed on the right path and pointed in the right direction as they step up to manhood.   Welcome to FamilyLife Today; thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.  Just wondering what's in the water there at the Rainey house?  Your wife writes this devotional for families around courage.  Now, you've got this book for men on courageous manhood.  Are they spiking you with something out there? Dennis:  You know it is in the country.  There is no telling.  I do think Barbara and I have been preaching to one another.  Do you think? Bob:  I just sense a little bit of this passion in your souls to see men, women, and children kind of step up and be courageous. Dennis:  Bob, I think this culture is robbing us of our courage.  I think it is discouraging us.  I think many are losing heart in well-doing as a result.  If there has ever been a time when, frankly, men needed to be encouraged, I believe it's today. Bob:  Well, now, this is a theme that has been simmering in your heart for almost a decade, maybe longer than a decade, as you've been in a number of settings challenging men to step up to courageous manhood.  Now, you've written a book that's called Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood. You break the book down—this is interesting—into six sections to help orient guys to the progression that you're calling them to. Dennis:  We do.  The first section is just all about courage.  Then, each of the following five sections are about the steps: stepping up to boyhood, adolescents, manhood, mentor, and patriarch.  Each of those six sections of the book begin with a story of courage.   Bob:  Let me ask you about boys stepping up to boyhood.  It seems like boyhood is something that just kind of happens to you.  It's not something that as a boy you're all that intentional about.  In fact, you're just kind of going through life, and the question is are you heeding direction or are you just following your own impulses? Dennis:  I clipped a cartoon out of a magazine that had a picture of a five year old boy barefoot and no shirt in cutoff jeans walking down a dusty, dirty road.  He had two cats that he was carrying, whose tails were tied together.  He was carrying them, you know, where the tails kind of were caught in the crook of his arm.  The caption on the cartoon read, “And he was bound to acquire experience rapidly.”    That's what boyhood is all about.  He's growing up through the childish years getting all this experience, but what has to happen?  He has to have an older man in his life directing that experience.  So, that as he grows from boyhood into adolescence, there is character there; there's the wisdom to know the right from wrong and enough of a conscience that he can begin to turn away from evil and make right choices.   Boyhood does just seem like a time when life does happen to him, but it's a time when every boy needs a father. Bob:  Tragically, we live a culture where there are a lot of boys who don't have fathers.  If a boy doesn't have a father or someone stepping in to provide direction, to say, “Here's where manhood is, come on follow me. Come this direction,” then, the carnal impulses take over and what you have is masculinity gone amok. Dennis:  Yes.  Newsweek, a few years back, ran an article called “The Trouble with Boys.”  They said in that article that one of the most reliable predictors of whether a boy will succeed or fail in high school rests upon a single question, one question: does he have a man in his life to look up to?  Unfortunately, in many cases, the answer is no.   I ran across this quote.  I've not been able to find out who said it, but it has a pound of wisdom in it.  It says, “A boy without a father is like an explorer without a map.”  That's what a boy is.  He's starting out life, and it's uncharted.  He doesn't have the experience to know how to deal with it.  Who is he going to look to, to gain the experience he needs to know how to navigate the valleys, the danger spots, the mountains?   There is a lot of life that just happens to us, but as we know, there is a lot of evil that can occur in a boy and for that matter a teenager's life before they make it to manhood. Bob:  I don't think when I became a father for the first time that I understood the responsibility of calling sons to manhood.  I don't know that I understood that mantle being put on my shoulders.  Did your dad assume that responsibility in your life?  Did he understand what it was that God had called him to do, do you think? Dennis:  This is one of the more fascinating stories of my life, Bob.  My dad had a profound impact on my life, but I have no idea where he got the training to do it because his dad deserted him as a boy.  He was in his early teenage years when his dad basically abandoned the family of eight children and kind of went his own way.   I grew up in a town of thirteen hundred people—I like to say I had a big dad in a small town.  My dad was big in my life because he was involved in my life.  He coached my little league team.  The first game we got beat twenty-two to nothing to the Early Birds.  Three years later we played them for the semi-finals.  If we'd won, we'd gone on to the championship of our age group.  They beat us again, but it was only three to two.  Now, isn't it interesting that I can remember that?   Well, the reason I remember that is I had a dad.  I've still got this picture of all of us: scruffy, little, little league baseball players.  I had a dad who was standing right in the middle of the picture.  Not that the focus was on him.  He was on the back row, but he was the coach.  He knew how to coach us in the fundamentals.  He taught me more than just the fundamentals of baseball; he taught me the fundamentals of life, of obedience to God, of having a character that has integrity.   He modeled it.  His life was granite solid.  It was amazing as I became a father like you're talking about, Bob, how many times I would go back to pictures of my father who was steady, who didn't leave, who didn't abandon me.   I know as I say this there are a bunch of our listeners who didn't have something like that.  They've had to pick up that mentoring of an older man in their life from another man, but every boy today needs a dad who sees that young lad as his responsibility.  I have no question that my dad loved me and that my dad was doing his best with what he'd been given to train me to be ready for life. Bob:  When I was a kid, I remember going to the dentist office.  The only thing I liked about the dentist office is they had a subscription to Highlights magazine.  Do you remember Highlights for kids? Dennis:  Oh, yes. Bob:  It had puzzles— Dennis:  Right. Bob:  And games and cartoons.  In every Highlights magazine, there was a cartoon series called Goofus and Gallant.  It was two boys.  One, Goofus, was always making foolish decisions; and Gallant was making wise decisions.  It was really a cartoon instructing in character.   I've thought about that since.  I've thought young boys growing up need to be pointed in the direction of character because their natural inclinations aren't going to lead them in that direction.  That is part of the responsibility a dad has.  For a boy to step into wise boyhood, they need to say, “I'm going to listen to the wisdom of a father or of older men and follow in their footsteps.” Dennis:  Bob, the book of Proverbs is all about that.  It is all about an older, wiser father speaking into the life of a boy calling his son to step up.  Now, it doesn't say in the Proverbs step up to manhood, but it is all over the pages.  Calling him away from foolishness to—was that Goofus? Bob:  Yes.  Right. Dennis:  To step up to wisdom, to Gallant. Bob:  Gallant.  Right. Dennis:  To Gallant.  If he's going to do that, he needs an older man whose arm is around him.  You know I can still remember watching the game of the week with my dad on Saturday afternoon.  My dad worked hard.  He worked five days a week and a half a day on Saturday.  Some days he would work all day on Saturday. I would go to sleep with him there in the living room on that couch with his arm around me.  I can still remember the hairs on his hand and his arm kind of touching my boyish face.  You know there is something about that that builds security, stability, direction.  As we grow up, it's what we call upon as we face our own challenges in life.   I'll never forget going deer hunting a number of years ago.  I used to laugh at people who would get lost in the woods.  Have you ever been lost by the way?  Really lost in the woods? Bob:  I've never been that deep into the woods.  I don't think.    Dennis:  You stayed away from the woods.  Well, you know what?  That's a good way not to be lost.   Well, I got lost, Bob.  I went in circles because I began to notice where I had been.  There were no markers.  The land was flat, it was cold, and the sun was going down.  I remember praying and going, “Lord, I'm lost.  I need help.  I need to get out of here.”  I admit that I was on the verge of panic.   Now, this was like—I don't know—twenty, twenty-five years ago.  When I finally stumbled out onto a logging road where I knew where I was, I was thrilled.  I didn't have a GPS on me.  I didn't have a compass.  I had no way to tell where to go or how to get out of there.  Well, you know what?  That sense of being lost is what a boy can feel growing up today without a father guiding him. I want to give dads just real quickly four points of direction to guide their sons.  Let's just call them compass points. Bob:  Okay. Dennis:  Compass point number one, character: train your son in what is wise and also what is foolish.  We just talked about the book of Proverbs.  That is what it is about.  Wisdom is skill in everyday living as God designed it. Bob:  I think as a dad you have to keep in mind that your son is naturally going to be drawn to foolishness.  “Foolishness is bound up,” Proverbs says, “in the heart of a child.”  As a dad, you're going to have to use up a variety of means to call him away from foolishness and to godly character.  He is not going to be naturally inclined in that direction. Dennis:  I'll never forget going to my dad's place of work.  If he said this to me one time, he said it a hundred times, “Son, these people are working.  Do not bother them.”      I think I just had a blast walking through the office talking to everybody because my dad owned the little company, you know.  “Son, I want you to know they're at work.  Don't bother—” Bob:  Leave them alone. Dennis:  “—the people.”  That's a very minor foolishness; but nonetheless, it's is foolishness.   A second point for our compasses are relationships: how do I love others?  The first one talks about our character: people being able to trust us that what we say is good. Bob:  What kind of person am I?  Dennis:  Right. Bob:  Yes. Dennis:  How we love other people is how we relate to them, care for them; how we're gentle with them, kind with them, forgive them, resolving conflicts with them.Bob:  So, what you're saying is that a father has a responsibility to help a son understand how to have healthy relationships with other people: with women, with siblings, with friends.  Just understand how to relate to people. Dennis:  Your family is a laboratory, and you're training your son how to live life and how to love other people.  Some of the lessons you are going to pass on to your sons are going to be out of your mistakes.  When you make a mistake and you have to ask your wife to forgive you in front of your kids, as I have done on more than one occasion.   On those occasions, some of them I would turn to the kids.  I would say, “You know, you're not going to remember your dad was perfect; but I do hope what you remember about him is that when he made a mistake and hurt another person, he was enough of a man that he could admit it and ask that other person to forgive him.” Identity is the third one.  That answers the question, who am I?  There are multiple areas today where that's got to be addressed with a boy.  One is “Who is he in relationship with God?” because it is only as he determines who God is in the Scriptures in his relationship to Jesus Christ that he is going to have a proper identity of who he is.   There's also the issue of sexual identity and what does it mean to be a boy and not a girl?  What does it mean to be a man and not a woman?  He is getting his first cues from his father as to how comfortable his father is in his own sexuality and how he treats his wife in terms of courtesies, in terms of serving her, in terms of her distinct femininity as a woman.  It is really those snapshots that a boy catches growing up in his home where he gets his first picture of what is a man and how does a man relate comfortably with a woman. Bob:  So, identity revolves around sexual identity; but you also said spiritual identity, understanding that your nature is prone to sin and that you are in need of a Savior and understanding who God is and the fact that life is to be lived for Him.  What is the last point on the compass? Dennis:  Well, it has to do with our mission and why am I here.  What is my purpose?  Ephesians 2:10 talks about “We're His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works that He prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” I'll never forget a boy that my sons used to have over to the house, and I'll call him Mark.  His mom had, had four husbands.  Mark had not known a man in his life to be there consistently.  I don't know what prompted me one day, but I looked him in the eye; and I said, “Mark, God has a plan for you being here.  He has got something very, very powerful for you to do with your life if you'll but walk with Him and know Him and set Christ apart in your heart as Savior and Lord.”   It was interesting that was early in my adolescent sons' lives.  Mark continued to track with our kids all the way until his senior year, and he did some pretty dumb things.  Our paths crossed again.  I had to kind of pull our sons away and say, “You know I don't think it would be wise to continue to spend time with Mark.”   It was interesting Mark ran into me at school one day; and he said, “Mr. Rainey, I noticed that your sons are no longer running around with me.  I thought you believed that God had a plan for my life.”  Now, Bob, this is four years later.   Words to a young lad, especially a young lad growing up in the confusing years of adolescence, can be used in that boy's life to really center him and begin to set him on a course where maybe he begins to think about his life as something other than just on the human level; maybe he is created in the image of God; and there are spiritual purposes to his life that he needs to fulfill. A father, I believe, can have an enormous impact in his son's life reminding him of the truth about himself: that God has a plan for him.   Bob:  We're really back to the map illustration that you used earlier.  If a young child, if a young son, doesn't have compass points—doesn't have a map to point him in a direction, he will wander aimlessly and often wind up in a place that is not a good place.  It is a dad's responsibility to point him in the right direction and to give him those compass points; so, that where he winds up is a good place. Dennis:  Yes.  What a dad needs to understand is he possesses the DNA of life.  If you as a father are walking with Jesus Christ and you're in the Book, the Bible, you possess that DNA to pass on to your sons to show them how to live.  I love a poem that was written by General Douglas MacArthur because, as you might imagine as a general, he had a goal in mind especially for his son.  Let me just share this poem that I include in the book: Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.   Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be;  a son who will know Thee—and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.   Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and the spur of difficulties and challenge.  Here, let him learn to stand up in the storm; here, let him learn compassion for those who fail.   Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.   And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously.   Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.   Now, listen to how this general concludes this prayer and his poem:             Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.” There isn't a dad listening to us right now who doesn't understand the heart of that general because you want to impart the DNA of life and a sense of direction to our boys; so, they aren't caught off guard, but they live effective lives for Jesus Christ. Bob:  I think one of the things that causes dads to shrink back sometimes is that they lack confidence in their own direction.  They're not sure they are pointing in the right direction.  That is one of the reasons, I think, your book is going to be so helpful for so many of us because it gives us a clear picture of what the path to manhood looks like, what authentic, biblical manhood is.  Then, it takes us passed that to see that just being God's man is not where things stop, but God has a design for us even beyond that. I want to encourage our listeners.  This week we are making your book available to those who can help support the ministry with a donation.  All you have to do is go online to FamilyLifeToday.com.  Make an online donation or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.  When you do, you can request a copy of Dennis's new book, Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood.   Right now, the book is not available in stores or on Amazon; so, the only place you can get a copy is from us here at FamilyLife Today.  Again, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.  Make an online donation.  When you do, type the word “STEPUP,” all as one word in the key code box on the online donation form.  Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone.  Just ask for a copy of the book, Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood, by Dennis Rainey; and we'll get it sent out to you. If you're interested in multiple copies of the book, either for a men's group study or for whatever other reason you're interested in ordering additional copies, you can find the details for how to purchase additional copies online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Now, tomorrow we're going to talk about the transitional phase of adolescence that phase in between boyhood and manhood.  Just how long should a young man stay in that phase?  What does that look like to pass through it?  We'll talk about that tomorrow.  I hope you can tune in. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.   FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.  Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. We are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?2011 Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com 

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Manhood and Spiritual Leadership Guest:                        Dennis RaineyFrom the series:       Stepping Up (day 4 of 5) Bob:  Being a man involves taking some risks: stepping up, being courageous, leading, initiating.  Here is Dennis Rainey: Dennis:  What if I failed every time I've initiated?  Well, the easiest thing to do is nothing and to stop initiating.  The reason we fail to initiate is we may have trained our wives to just jump in and do it for us because we haven't stepped up and taken responsibility for our finances, for the spiritual well-being of our family, for the direction we're headed as a couple.  All of these demand initiative from a man who knows where he's going. Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, March 10th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  We're going to begin today to unpack some of the essentials that make up biblical manhood.   Welcome to FamilyLife Today; thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.  Do you think men know what it is they're looking for, they're aiming for?  I mean, do you think they understand what manhood looks like? Dennis:  No.  I don't.  In fact, I think there is so much taking place in our culture today it is like real manhood, as God designed a man to be, is an elusive goal at best.  For most, they have no—they haven't even got the foggiest idea what that looks like. Bob:  Well, I remember—this will date me a little bit, but I remember trying to figure it out myself and thinking, “So, as a real man the tough John Wayne, Rambo, you don't share your feelings; you just go out and get it done.”  Is that a real man? Dennis:  Don't eat quiche.   Bob:  Yes.  Or is a real man a sensitive, caring, kind of person who is tender and who is kind and who pays attention and listens to the heart of his wife?  Is that a real man?  We get such mixed messages in the culture that I think that a lot of guys are looking around going, “I want to be a man.  I'm just not exactly sure what that means.” Dennis:  Well, I don't often quote from advertisers, especially advertisers that advertise jeans, as an authority; but I ran across an advertisement for Dockers jeans where I just felt like they nailed it.  In fact— Bob:  Now hang on.  I'm wearing Dockers right now.Dennis:  Are you? Bob:  Okay.  Yes. Dennis:  Well, this is a good ad for Dockers jeans, but I want you to listen to this because this appeared in an advertisement for their jeans.  You tell me if you don't feel like they nailed it.  Once upon a time, men wore the pants and wore them well.  Women rarely had to open doors, and little old ladies never had to cross the street alone.  Men took charge because that is what they did, but somewhere along the way the world decided it no longer needed men.   Disco by disco, latte by foamy non-fat latte, men were stripped of their khakis and left stranded on the road between boyhood and androgyny; but today, there are questions are genderless society has no answers for. Now, I'm going to finish this, Bob, but can you believe this is for jeans?  Now I know Dockers makes other things too— Bob:  Right. Dennis:  But this is advertising their jeans.  They continue:             The world sets idly by as cities crumble, children misbehave, and those little old ladies remain on one side of the street.  For the first time since bad guys, we need heroes.  We need grown-ups.  We need men to put down the plastic forks, step away from the salad bar, and untie the world from the tracks of complacency.  It is time for you to get your hands dirty. It is time to answer the call of manhood.  It is time to wear the pants. Talk about politically incorrect.   Bob:  They've been reading your book haven't they?    Dennis:  Here's what they are saying, and again, an advertisement is not my authority.  I'm about to go to Scripture, but they are picking up on the theme of Scripture that there is a lot about manhood that is all about a man taking initiative.  Manhood is about initiative. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 talks about standing firm in the faith, acting like men.  Be a man, it says.  1 Kings 2 David is about to die.  He charges his son, Solomon.  He says, “Show yourself a man and keep the charge of the Lord your God walking in His ways, keeping His statutes, His commandments, His rules, His testimonies.”  I mean, he's calling his son up: be a man; step up, son; don't fritter away your manhood on lesser callings.   Yet, this culture is sending messages to boys that make the waters incredibly murky.  If there is someone that needs to be clarifying what it means to be a real man today, it ought to be followers of Jesus Christ who are tethered to the Scripture. Bob:  So, you would say that the Scriptures give us a clear picture of what mature manhood is? Dennis:  Right. Bob:  Okay.  So, unpack it for us. Dennis:  Well, first of all, let me tell you what it isn't: it's not passivity.  It has been suggested in the Garden in Genesis chapter 3, that when the serpent came to Eve that Adam was standing there.  Adam was present, but he did nothing.  It has been suggested that perhaps the first sin of man was passivity.   If you think about it, if initiative is the essence of manhood, could it be that the sin of arrogance and pride of doing nothing and just standing back watching may be the opposite?   I think there are three reasons—actually I'm going to give you a bonus reason.  Four reasons why men are passive today, they don't take the initiative.   First of all, taking the initiative is hard work, and I'm tired.  It is the end of the day.  I don't feel like leading my family in a devotion at the dinner table.  I don't feel like putting the kids to bed and serving my wife by helping the kids be tucked in and praying with them.  The easiest thing for me to do is to sit in my easy chair and become a giant amoeba and just do nothing. It is hard work to lead.  Being a man calls us out of our passivity, out of doing nothing into engagement, into serving, into helping others and shouldering the burden with them. Bob:  It is not just the end of the day when it is hard work.  I mean the beginning of the day, just heading off to work.  There are a lot of guys who are checked out of manhood at the very beginning of the day because, frankly, as you've said it is taking initiative.  That means you've got to step up, you've got to take some responsibility, you've got to go to work— Dennis:  Right. Bob:  A lot of guys are going, “Who wants to do that?”   Dennis:  If you want to be a man, it is going to include pain because I promise you, to deny yourself and to abandon yourself to serve others will involve self denial and that does involve pain.  No, I don't like pain.  My flesh doesn't like not getting its own way, but that is a part of being a man. Remember Mark 10:35-45, the disciples came to Jesus and asked how to be great.  He basically said, “The Son of man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”  I think that's the essence of manhood: serving others, giving up your life for another.   Another way men fail to take the initiative is they say, “I don't know how.  I don't know what it means to initiate.  I didn't have a father who did.”  The slate is blank, and so, they use that as an excuse.  I would say to a man who didn't have a father, either present or who didn't have a father who demonstrated this, “Find a man who does.”   Go and find a man who'll practically illustrate and coach you in what that looks like, like interviewing your daughter's dates.  You've never perhaps thought about interviewing your daughter's dates.  Well, you know what?  There are men who can train you in how to do that.  There are books that are written in how to do that to show you how to be a man and how to initiate and how to step into a fearful place and be the man. A third reason why men don't take the initiative is it means I might fail.  What if I failed ever time I've initiated or my wife has made me feel like a failure every time I've initiated?  The easiest thing to do is nothing and stop initiating.   That really leads me to the fourth one: our wives can do it for us.  The reason we fail to initiate is we may have trained our wives to just jump in and do it for us because we haven't stepped up and taken responsibility for our finances, for the spiritual well-being of our family, for the direction we're heading as a couple.  All of these demand initiative from a man who knows where he's going. Bob:  We back off.  We don't assume responsibility.  A wife who looks around and says, “The job's not getting done,” and starts to feel fear, she'll step in and do it.  That's what you're saying? Dennis:  That's right.  So, the opposite is also true, Bob.  Instead of being passive, we initiate.  What is one of the things we can initiate as a real man?  Well, we've taken surveys of more than a hundred thousand people in local churches around the country, and one of the top issues women are looking to their husbands to provide is spiritual leadership of their marriages and their families.   One of the ways a man can assume responsibility and take initiative for leading his wife spiritually is to begin to pray with her every day.   We've talked about this on FamilyLife Today numerous times.  I feel like it's one of my life messages.   Barbara and I prayed together last night.  It was a short pray.  We were both exhausted because of travel.  In our case, we have seventeen grandchildren now.  We just had the birth of a new little one, Alice Pearl.  So, Barbara and I prayed for her last night as we went to bed.   This morning I read in John 4 about Jesus' interaction with the woman at the well.  He made a phenomenal claim.  He said I want to give you water, that's living water.  If you take a drink from me, out of your innermost being will flow rivers of living water— Bob:  You'll never thirst again. Dennis:  Never thirst again.  The woman was astounded by this man who told her about her past and seemed to love her and speak genuinely kind to her.  At one point, she talked about the Messiah; and he said, “I, who speak to you, am He.”  Well, you know what?  Praying together is all about coming to the Messiah, Jesus Christ, coming to Him over and over and over again to get a drink of the living water.   If you drink from Jesus Christ, out of your life will flow rivers, it says, of living water.  If you picture a husband leading his wife spiritually, that means that stream can be rich and deep and crystal clear and pure.  It means a man can truly love his wife in a whole new level.  Bob, I think a lot of men don't love and lead their wives spiritually because they don't know how.  They've never had anyone challenge them to do it, and it is as if right now I'm on these steps of manhood and I'm reaching down to a guy who may be straddling manhood and adolescents. Bob:  At least in the area of this kind of spiritual leadership you're talking about. Dennis:  Right.  May not be taking the initiative.  I'm reaching down and saying, “Come on.  Turn your back on adolescents.  Turn your life away from excuses.  Step up and become the man God made you to be: loving and leading your wife spiritually.” Bob:  Don't you think, though, that there are men who are intimidated in this area because they know their own spiritual nature.  I mean they think if you're going to lead somebody spiritually you have to be—well, you've got to be ahead of them.   A lot of guys look at their wives, and they go, “You know what?  Spiritually, she's ahead of me.  I mean she's got time to go to Bible study fellowship or precept classes.  She's doing more quiet time.  I mean, how do I lead her when she's the one who is farther down the path than I am?” Dennis:  Well, if you are not involved—I'm speaking now to this man not to you, Bob.  If you're this guy that Bob is talking about, you've got to find a Bible study with a group of men that are absolutely being ruthlessly honest about their own lives and digging into the Scriptures to find out how to really become all that God created you to be.  There's a lot of guys today who are not engaged in any kind of a Bible study. I was with a man here recently, and I looked him in the eye.  I said, “Tell me what's going on in your life spiritually.”  And it was a blank look.  Every area of his life is full with business, family, other issues with his life, recreation.  Spiritually speaking, there is no food. Bob:  There's just no margin for that.  He says if I'm going to keep the business going and the family demands, I just—I mean I hear you saying get in a Bible study with other guys.  I've been in a couple of those, and it kind of you know—it didn't feel great.  I just don't have the margin for it. Dennis:  Well, you've got to create the margin for it because if you don't—this is the margin you create to live.  It is back to the illustration of Jesus being the one who claimed to be the living waters.  If you don't have time to study about Him and His claims about life and how you as a man ought to live, then how are you going to know how to live as a man?  How are you going to know what God expects of you?   It is instructive to me that as David as dying when he turns to his son, Solomon, it is primarily focused upon the Scripture.  He is charging Solomon: follow the law, obey the Scriptures, do all that God has commanded you to do today.  Why?  Because he said you are going to find life.  He didn't say you'll find you'll find the living water, but it might as well be written there.  That's what he's talking about.   So, the question for men today is “Where you going to find out about life?”  If you're just punching the clock and doing your forty, fifty, sixty hours a week of work and not taking time to grow spiritually, there are some warnings in the Bible about the man who is not into the meat of the Word.   He's not digging into the Scriptures and finding out how it applies to where he is today, to the choices he's making, and to his responsibilities as a man, husband, father.  Maybe a single guy needs to find out what does God expect from me today. By the way, Bob, there is nothing magical, mystical, or spiritual that is going to automatically make you a man of God when you get married to all of the sudden start leading your wife spiritually.  In other words, now is the day to begin tracking with other men and growing spiritually with them as a single young man.   If you want to know how to love, lead, care for, provide, and nurture your wife and cherish her and provide protection for your family, you need to get busy today as a single man practicing those spiritual disciplines of getting in a Bible study of daily prayer, of growing spiritually as a young man.  Marriage will not make you— Bob:  Right. Dennis:  A man. Bob:  Okay.  So, the guy who says, “Alright, I'm in a Bible study.  I am growing.  I'm reading my Bible.  I'm having a quiet time, but I still feel intimidated with the thought of coming to my wife and saying, ‘Let's read this together' or ‘Let's pray.'  I think part of the intimidation is she knows the real me.  She has seen my feet of clay.  For me to come and say, ‘Well, let's pray together.'  She's going to think, ‘Oh, how come you're all of the sudden so spiritual.  You, who I just saw being carnal thirty minutes ago?'” Dennis:  Yelling at our kids. Bob:  Yes. Dennis:  Okay.  So, we fail.  Who doesn't fail?  We're not all living out this perfect, cookie-cutter lifestyle of being these perfect, little Christians.  If we're speaking to a wife here who tends to be focused on what her husband does wrong, why don't you try catching him doing what's right?  Why don't you, the next time he does something to attempt to lead your family spiritually, say, “Sweetheart, that was fantastic.”   It may have only been prayer at the dinner table, but you know what?  He stepped up and stepped out and provided some spiritual leadership of his family.  So, rather than doing it for him as a wife, instead catch him doing it right and cheer him on and don't always be focusing on where he has failed. Bob:  You think this issue of a man providing spiritual leadership is central to being fully on that manhood step to really embracing what God's called us to be as men? Dennis:  I do, Bob.  The reason is as men who are standing on this manhood step looking down to our sons who are at various stages of growth, stepping up themselves.  They're locked onto our lives like little radar units: picking up what we're about, what our values are, what our priorities are.  Who we are as men, what we're attempting to be, and how we're attempting to lead is caught by our sons. One of my favorite poems that was shared here on FamilyLife Today a number of years ago by Coach John Wooden, was actually a poem that was given to Coach Wooden.  It just reminds us of how powerful a man's model can be to his family.            Coach Wooden [recorded message]:  Well, the poem you're thinking of was given to me when my son was born in 1936.  I finished a project for Harcourt, Brace, and Company.  They sent me a picture with a man walking along the seashore and his little son is trying to step in his foot stamps just behind him before the wind brushes them away.  There were some lines along the side that said: A careful man I must always be, A little fellow follows me.  I know I dare not go astray, For fear he'll go the self same way.   I cannot once escape his eyes. What err he sees me do, he tries.Like me, he says he's going to be, This little chap who follows me. He thinks that I am good and fine.Believes in every word of mine.The base in me he must not see, This little chap who follows me. I must be careful as I goThrough summer's sun and winter's snowBecause I am building for the years to be This little chap who follows me. Dennis:  Bob, as men, it is better for us to fail in an attempt of leading our wives spiritually than doing nothing.  Perhaps the greatest and most courageous thing a man who is listening to this broadcast will ever do, will be to take his wife's hand and say, “I want to lead you in prayer” or “I want us to pray together as a couple.”  These are not minor deals. When a couple bows before Almighty God, their souls can be knit together by the One who made them.  It is worth it, just like David's charge to Solomon: be the man, show yourself strong, obey God. Bob:  Yes.  I think a lot of guys miss the fact that our walk with God and our spiritual leadership is central to stepping up.  You know they look at kind of the machismo of the culture, and they say, “Well, okay, being a man is all about physical strength.  It's all about daring, courage, or heroism.”  We would agree with a lot of those things; but at the core, you've got to be God's man. Dennis:  Right. Bob:  You've got to be a man who is in pursuit of a right relationship with God in Christ and who is leading others in that direction.  Otherwise, it is all about self.   I am hopeful that many of our listeners are going to call us this week or go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy of your new book.  It is called Stepping Up—A Call to Courageous Manhood.  You can request a copy this week if you help with a donation to support FamilyLife Today.  We are listener supported.  Those donations are what keep us on this station and on our network of stations all across the country.   So, this week if you make a donation, we want you to feel free to request a copy of the new book, Stepping Up, by Dennis Rainey.  The book is not currently available in stores or on Amazon.  So, if you are interested in a copy, you'll need to contact us.  If you're interested in multiple copies for a men's study or a group's study, you can contact us; and we can let you know how you can purchase additional copies. If you make a donation this week online at FamilyLifeToday.com, just type the word “STEPUP” into the online key code box.  When we see that, we'll know to send you a copy of Dennis' new book.  Or call 1-800-FL-Today, 1-800-358-6329.  It's 1-800- F as in “family”, L as in “life”, then the word “TODAY”.  When you make a donation, just ask for a copy of Dennis' new book, Stepping Up; and we'll send it out to you. Now, tomorrow, when we come back, we're going to talk more about the characteristics of authentic, biblical masculinity.  That is coming up tomorrow.  I hope you can be here. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.   FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.  Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow. We are so happy to provide these transcripts. 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