Podcasts about yelling

If you've ever felt the pressure to be the perfect parent, what my Italian mother taught me about parenting without perfection will remind you that love, connection, and repair matter far more than getting every moment right. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge shares how her Regulation First Parenting™ approach helps families move beyond perfectionism to raise emotionally resilient, regulated kids. Trying to be the perfect parent is exhausting—and it may actually be making parenting harder. If you're constantly second-guessing yourself, feeling guilty after difficult moments, or wondering if you're getting it all wrong, you're not alone.This episode explores why parenting without perfection creates calmer parents, more resilient kids, and stronger family connections.Why do I feel like I'm failing as a parent?Many parents believe they have to respond perfectly every time. But chasing perfection doesn't calm your child—it overwhelms your nervous system.When you're carrying the pressure to "get it right," you're more likely to become reactive instead of regulated. Your child doesn't need perfection. They need a parent who keeps showing up with love and connection.Key takeaways:Perfectionism increases stress—not connection.You don't have to get every moment right.Consistency matters more than perfection.Can apologizing after I lose my temper help my child?Yes. One hard moment doesn't define your relationship.What matters most is what happens next. Repairing after conflict teaches children that relationships can survive mistakes, emotions can be repaired, and love remains steady.Imagine snapping during homework time. Coming back later to say, "I wish I handled that differently," helps your child feel emotionally safe instead of ashamed.Remember:Repair builds trust.Connection grows after difficult moments, too.Modeling accountability teaches resilience.Yelling less and staying calm isn't about being perfect—it's about having the right tools.Join the Dysregulation Insider VIP list and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit, designed to help you handle oppositional behaviors without losing it.Download it now at www.drroseann.com/newsletterDoes perfectionism increase anxiety in kids?Perfectionism often creates pressure that children absorb.When home feels like everything has to be done exactly right, kids can become fearful of making mistakes. Instead of building confidence, perfection can fuel anxiety and make it harder for children to problem-solve independently.Focus on this instead:Create emotional safety first.Celebrate effort over flawless performance.Behavior is communication.

Send us Fan Mail FTV On this week's episode I am joined by Laura ReardonLaura Reardon is a certified Child Behaviour Specialist, she is trained as an Emotion Coach, Childhood Anxiety Coach, and Parent Coach, and she's the founder of Laura Reardon Coaching. Laura helps parents who feel frustrated, worried, and unsure how to respond when their kid reacts to their big emotions like anger and anxiety and their big behaviors like lashing out and shutting down. We talk about a wide-range of things.What is Emotional Intelligence?Can it be taught?Why do children respond differently to big events happening in their life than adults do?Why is it completely normal for kids to "over-react"?How can you help your kids process the big emotions better?Why it makes sense to treat every child differently and take a personalised approach to raising kids.You can find Laura in all the usual places.Her lovely website where you can find a tonne more information.FacebookInstagram As always; HPNB is, and always will be, FREE for 3 months.If you decide you want to do the rest of the program, after only 5 months of paying $10/£8 a month you now get FREE LIFE TIME ACCESS! That's $50 max spend, in case you were wondering. Though I'm not terribly active on  Instagram and Facebook you can follow us there. I am however active on Threads so find me there! And, of course, you can always find us on our YouTube channel if you like your podcast in video form :) Visit healthypostnatalbody.com and get 3 months completely FREE access. No sales, no commitment, no BS. Email peter@healthypostnatalbody.com if you have any questions, comments or want to suggest a guest/topic        Playing us out; "garden song" by Shimmer 

China has introduced a humanoid robot to give buyers unconditional love, our angels are probably tired of trying to protect us, Kank promises he isn't yelling, and Neil the Seal is on a tear!

Send us Fan MailDo you feel like you're constantly stuck between being too nice and suddenly exploding at your strong-willed child?You're not alone.In this episode, Alena shares a recent situation with her own daughter and explains why the real challenge wasn't the child's behavior - it was what that behaviour triggered inside her own nervous system.Together, we'll explore why so many loving parents struggle with power struggles, why parenting techniques often disappear under pressure, and why the answer isn't becoming stricter or more permissive.Instead, we'll look at the generational patterns that shape the way we react when we feel ignored, disrespected, or out of control.In this episode:Why strong-willed children trigger us so deeplyThe hidden reason parenting scripts stop workingWhy healthy authority starts with your nervous systemThe difference between boundaries and controlHow generational patterns create power strugglesThe first step towards becoming a calm, predictable leaderIf this episode resonates with you and you'd like to explore Mental Fitness Gym, join the priority list to be the first to hear when enrollment opens:

RESOURCES- Step into your next level of growth and join me inside Lotus Rising Premium Coaching at danettecoaching.com- Fuel your day with Rootz Nutrition Protein Superfood: a clean protein plus greens blend designed to support energy, curb cravings, and nourish your body with real superfoods.Click this link to get your exclusive discount and try it for yourself.- Watch Trust Me: The False Prophet here: https://www.netflix.com/us-en/title/81758532- Learn about narcissistic disorder here- The book mentioned in the episode is: The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker- You are not alone, you can click this link to a number of resources hereCONNECT WITH DANETTEInstagram: @thedanettemayFacebook: Danette MayTikTok: @thedanettemayNEW TV Show on Youtube: @TheDanetteMayListen to The Danette May ShowRead my book: danettemay.com/embraceabundancebookGet The Rise book: therisebook.comWork with Danette: danettemay.comIn this powerful episode of The Danette May Show, I sit down again with Dr. Christine Marie from Trust Me: The False Prophet for a deeper conversation on trauma bonds, coercive control, narcissistic abuse patterns, and why leaving a controlling relationship or system can feel so confusing. We talk about how the “good times” can become part of the abuse cycle, how intermittent reinforcement keeps people emotionally attached, and why fear can sometimes be mistaken for love when the nervous system is living in survival mode.This conversation is about awareness, safety, and hope. Dr. Christine shares practical ways to begin seeing the truth more clearly, from tracking negative and positive interactions to listening to your body's signals, understanding the power and control wheel, recognizing coercion, and creating a safety plan if you are unsure how to leave. My hope is that this episode reminds you that you are not alone, there is no shame in what you have experienced, and your voice, intuition, freedom, and self-trust can be reclaimed.This episode is an independent conversation and commentary related to themes discussed around Trust Me: The False Prophet and is not affiliated with or endorsed by Netflix.IN THIS EPISODE:(0:00) Why abuse can feel addictive(0:40) Setting up the series(5:40) Hope after leaving control(6:23) How love bombing works(9:09) Sam and spiritual imposters(10:10) Trauma bonds and intermittent reinforcement(12:10) Ducklings and survival attachment(15:00) Why we get stuck(17:40) Stockholm syndrome vs. trauma bonds(20:44) Practical steps to find clarity(26:01) Body signals and walking on eggshells(28:37) Yelling, blame, and reactive abuse(30:29) The narcissism trend conversation(30:55) Psychopath vs. sociopath explained(32:25) The SPECIAL ME checklist(33:21) Jealousy and cult control(34:05) Nice guy red flags(35:45) The mask of sanity in religion(40:38) Red flags, boundaries, and the word no(42:21) Planning to leave safely(46:02) Resources, hotlines, and support(47:48) Protecting yourself with safety tactics(50:55) Signs of coercion defined(52:32) Releasing shame(54:30) Final thanks and wrap-upCONNECT WITH DR. CHRISTINE MARIEWebsite: https://www.christinemarie.comIG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.christinemarieLinks and social media: https://www.flow.page/christinemarie

You're not imagining it—many parents are seeing more disrespect, backtalk, and defiance than ever before, and this episode explores why it's happening and what you can do about it.You'll learn what's driving this cultural shift, how to respond without yelling or escalating the conflict, and practical strategies that build respect while preserving your relationship with your child.If you're tired of arguments and want to create a home where respect flows both ways, this episode will give you the confidence and tools to lead with calm authority.Go deeper with Sean ⁠www.SaveMyFamily.usSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on Those Weekend Golf Guys, John Ashton is joined by two of our favorite smart‑aleck swing whisperers, Scott Monroe and Jeff Smith, for a conversation that wanders all over the golf landscape — in the best possible way. We kick things off with the U.S. Open, where the golf was great, the crowds were… enthusiastic, and the etiquette was somewhere between “country club polite” and “rock concert adjacent.” From there, we jump into the hot‑button topic of music on the golf course — does it help you groove or make you shank it harder? Depends on who you ask. Scott drops an absolute gem of a story about a pro in Australia who literally blacked out mid‑round and kept playing. Yes, really. That leads us straight into the mental side of golf — why this game demands a totally different headspace than sports where you never stop moving. We dig into hypnotism, visualization, and positive self‑talk, including Scott's upcoming work with hypnotist Ricky Kalman, who might just be the next secret weapon for golfers everywhere. We also talk about the future of young talent: Can late bloomers still make it? How has NIL changed college golf? And what does the modern path to the pros look like now that 19‑year‑olds have sponsorship deals bigger than our mortgages? It's smart, it's funny, it's a little chaotic — in other words, it's exactly what you expect from Those Weekend Golf Guys Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Kyle Larson joins to talk about being the dad of two racing kids. He talks to Andrew Kurland and Brad Gillie about life as a racing dad and a racer. 

Wondering if it's ADHD or dysregulation behind your child's struggles? When focus, behavior, and emotions shift fast, the answer may not be what you think. In this episode, Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, creator of Regulation First Parenting™, shares how understanding the brain changes everything.Feeling confused about your child's ADHD—or wondering if it's something more? You're not alone. What often looks like ADHD is actually dysregulation, and once you understand the difference, everything about your child starts to make sense.In this episode, we unpack what most parents miss: it's not just ADHD—it's a dysregulated nervous system, and when you learn to see behavior through that lens, you can finally respond with clarity and confidence.Why does my child focus on things they love but not on schoolwork?This is one of the biggest clues that we're not just looking at ADHD—we're looking at nervous system dysregulation.Your child can focus. They just can't access that focus consistently.Focus requires regulation + activationPreferred activities regulate the brain naturallyNon-preferred tasks can overwhelm or under-stimulate the systemExample: Your child builds Legos for hours but melts down over homework. That's not laziness—it's a state shift in the brain.Behavior is communication. When we decode it, everything changes.How do I know if my child is overwhelmed or under-stimulated?This is the question that shifts everything.Instead of asking, “Is this ADHD?” ask:

Group Guide Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week. 2 Samuel 19:40-20 Spencer Cary Download TranscriptGood morning. My name is Spencer. I am one of the pastors here. We are continuing to walk through the book of 2 Samuel. We'll get towards the end, you guys. We're going to be in chapter 19, verse 40.We're going to go all the way through chapter 20 today. It's on page 310 in those black Bibles. And to 311, I encourage you to follow along with us as we walk through 2 Samuel. We are kind of having a moment in our country right now because the World Cup is here. And it's not just, which if you didn't know, that's soccer, you guys. It's not just that we're actually winning and it seems like we're pretty good.It's that people from all around the world have come to America. And they love it here. I've watched so many of these videos, it's ridiculous. There's so many videos of people from Europe, from Africa, from Japan, that are just so excited about Buc-ee's, about free refills, about Costco, and ranch. Ranch dressing is having a moment. But it's wonderful because there's all these things that they love.It's like, you know what? We've got some good things going on. We're just kind of celebrating a moment as a country. We're all united joyously for the first time in a long time. And the reason that it feels like it's the first time in a long time is because I don't know if you've been paying attention. The last decade plus has been a lot.It's been a lot of hostility. It's been a lot of disunity. I mean, it's been a lot of just tribalism and hate. And man. And I just want to capture that. I want to read some quotes.And these are from public figures, political leaders. But this kind of captures the last 10 years of kind of what we've been in. It's been just at each other's throats. There's a few different quotes from a few different people. We will root out the communist, Marxist, fascist, and the radical left thugs that live like vermin. That's talking about fellow citizens.Live like vermin. There's another one. If you see anybody from that cabinet, that political cabinet, in a restaurant, in a department store, at a gas station, you get out and create a crowd. You push back on them. You tell them why they're not welcome anymore anywhere. That's another one.The third one. We need a national divorce. We are two completely different countries living under one flag. And one side is trying to destroy the other. Straight up calling for it. A national divorce.Last one. You could put half of his supporters into what I call a basket of deplorables. So half of someone's supporters deplorable. Now, you can say, well, that's politicians. And many of them are like the worst of us. And I'm not going to fight you super hard on that because there might be some merit to some of that argument.But it's not just leaders like that. That's trickled down and been reposted and been recirculated on social media and break rooms and shop floors at family get-togethers. We've seen this over and over again. So much to the point where the word Nazi and commie has almost lost its meaning entirely. We've heard destroying America, threat to democracy, enemy from within, fascists, on and on and on and on and on. If you've been insulated from this, brother or sister, blessed are you.It's kind of hard to miss it. But if you've had any touch points with people, the Internet, there's a lot of angry people right now with a lot of alarmist, heightened, extremist rhetoric that is symptomatic of a deeper problem of deep disunity that many of us have observed and felt for a long time at this point. And we're getting ready to celebrate our 250th birthday. And I think the story we have in 2 Samuel is timely because it's going to highlight what happens when you have unresolved conflict that weaves its way through a nation. And that, paired with heated, intensified rhetoric and words, brings about consequences that we should be careful to take notice of.And as Christians, we should consider on a national level, on a local level, and within our own church, that we are called to live differently than many who are trying to tear each other apart today. And as we take a big step back from this, as we walk through this story, my hope is that we see Christ as our ultimate hope in the widening rift that we are currently living in. So let's pray, and then we'll walk this together. Heavenly Father, I thank you that our hope is in Christ alone. And that message resounds in beautiful, wonderful, unifying ways against the backdrop of history that is filled with broken people fighting for their own interest.God, I pray that you'd help us see the truth of the Scriptures, the hope of the Gospel, and that we leave here in faith and obedience and repentance. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen. Okay, so last week when Chet ended, where he ended, it was a moment after the civil war between Absalom and David where there was a lot of good happening. There was the pardoning of enemies. There was the rewarding of individuals.And this is exactly where Chet ended last week in verse 40. It says, The king went on to Gilgal, and Chimham went on with him. All the people of Judah and also half the people of Israel brought the king on his way. Okay. So that last sentence is really important context here.And it's a problem. Because after the civil war, they should be coming together, unified, and taking David back. But what's happened is, is it says, All of Judah and half of Israel. And what that is, is political positioning. All of Judah to put influence, to gain influence with David as he's being reestablished in Jerusalem. And half of Israel.That's a problem, y'all. If the American civil war ended, and afterwards the north said, You know what? We're going to give the south, I don't know, five to ten senators. And we're going to have forty to fifty. It would have restarted. Because that's not unifying.That's how you have unequal representation. That's not how it's supposed to go. And the people of Israel see this, And they are upset. Verse 41. Then all the men of Israel came to the king, And said to the king, Why have our brothers, the men of Judah, stolen you away?All right, pause there. Israel sees this, And they go to David, And they're like, Why have the people of Judah, our brothers, stolen you away? Now that kind of gets lost on us in the English. But in their language, in their context, With this being used throughout the scriptures, That's fighting words right there. That is a massive accusation. You are stealing our king.Why are they stealing you away? And it says, And brought the king and his household over the Jordan, And all of David's men with him. So, They level this accusation. Verse 42. All the men of Judah answered the men of Israel, Because the king is our close relative, Why then are you angry over this matter? They say, Because we're related to him.Like more than you. Like you're a distant cousin. We're close cousins. This is David we're talking about. Of the tribe of Judah. So, Why are you angry about this?They continue. Have we eaten at the king's expense? Or has he given us any gift? Have we taken advantage of the situation in a way that promotes us? Have we taken bribes? Have we taken favors?Why are you angry? Verse 43. And the men of Israel answered the men of Judah, We have ten shares in the king. And in David also, We have more than you. Why then do you despise us? Were we not the first to speak of bringing back our king?All right. Pause there. They're saying, We have ten shares. We have ten tribes. What are you doing? How do you as one tribe get all this influence with David?Why do you hate us? Why do you despise us? And they just keep going. It says, But the words of the men of Judah were fiercer than the words of the men of Israel. And you can see them devolving into a shouting match. And the words of the men of Judah were fiercer.Fiercer. Harsher. Louder. Intensified. Talking. Yelling.Over. One another. And what's happening here is the widening of an ongoing rift that is never going to heal in this nation. Wounds are not going to be healed that come out of this. And it shows that words matter. They matter.Israel comes in hot. They say, Why are you stealing our king? And Judah doesn't slow down. They answer back. Israel answers back. The words get more fierce.More intensified. And now they're at it again. In conflict. Raging. Now. Pick up in chapter 20 verse 1.There's somebody present. Who is going to take advantage of the anger in this moment? Verse 1. Now there happened to be there a worthless man whose name was Sheba. The son of Bichri. A Benjaminite.Okay. So. While they're all shouting at each other. There's a man named Sheba from the tribe of Benjamin. Son of Bichri. Okay.And he is an opportunist. Now he's described as a worthless man. We're going to see why in a moment. He's an opportunist. Who is going to seize on all the anger that is happening right here. It says, And he blew the trumpet and said, We have no portion in David.And we have no inheritance in the son of Jesse. Every man to his tents. Oh, Israel. So as they're shouting and yelling and the words are fiercer and fiercer and fiercer. He blows the trumpet. Gets everyone's attention.And declares independence. He says, We have no share in this mess. No share in Judah. Done with this. We're going to our own tents. Who's with me?Verse 2. So all the men of Israel withdrew from David and followed Sheba the son of Bichri. But the men of Judah followed their king steadfastly from the Jordan to Jerusalem. So in the heat of this argument, an opportunist steps in, declares independence. And because they're so angry, they're like, Yeah! And we're going home free!And that signals to the people of Judah, Oh no, we might be back in a civil war again. And they get around David, escort him all the way back to Jerusalem, keeping him safe. And when David gets back to Jerusalem, he has to both put together his household again, that's been broken, and also put down another rebellion. Verse 3. And David came to his house at Jerusalem, and the king took the ten concubines, whom he had left to care for the house, and put them in order, put them in a house under guard, and provided for them, but did not go into them. So they were shut up until the day of their death, living as in widowhood.So you want to get this little explanation that kind of finishes up this part of the story. It goes back to when Absalom was starting his rebellion, and it's very sad. Remember the events of Absalom, and what he did with David's concubines with his wives? After all of this, when David gets back, because of some prohibitions in the law, what he does is he cannot maintain this relationship with these wives in the way that he had before, so he puts them in houses, makes sure they're provided for, but they live in practical widowhood the rest of their lives, which is just sad. Women that were abused, women that now have to live in that shame and widowhood for the rest of their days.That is what happens in war, and it is awful. And that once he does this, he has to begin to put down this rebellion, starting in verse 4. Then the king said to Amasa, Call the men of Judah together to me within three days, and be here yourself. So Amasa went to summon Judah, but he delayed beyond the set time that had been appointed him. Okay. So Amasa, if you remember from last week, is now the commander of David's army, right, of the military.He replaced Joab. David is still upset with Joab because Joab killed his son Absalom in battle. Okay. So Amasa is now in charge. And y'all, Amasa doesn't seem to be a very competent general, doesn't seem to be very competent at all. Amasa, if I'm honest, kind of just fails up.It's like a lot of U.S. politicians that, I mean, you see sometimes they lose an election, and then they get elevated to a position of power in their political party. Or they commit an offense, and they rise in the polls. They just, this happens. It's not unique to American history. It's all over history. People just fail up all the time.But what's happened is, is Amasa led the rebellion with Absalom against David. That should be a strike against him. Another strike should be a failed rebellion. He didn't even win. He lost. So he fails at that, and now he's elevated to be the commander.And it's like, then he's given this job where it says, you need to go. You have three days time. Go. Let's gather the men of Judah together. We have to go and fight. And it says, but he delayed beyond the set time that had been appointed to him, which means he didn't get it done in time.You might think, well, that's a lot to ask to gather troops in three days. You know what? It's not. Because Judah is about the size of Lexington and Richland County. Okay? Not a very massive area.So you've got a bunch of men under you. You've got a thousand soldiers that are right near you. Just get them. Go. Go to every town, every neighborhood. Bring them back.He doesn't. And now David can't wait any longer. So it says in verse 6, and David said to Abishai, now Sheba the son of Bichri will do more harm than Absalom. Take your Lord's servants and pursue him lest he get himself to fortified cities and escape from us. All right.It's a lot of names in 1 and 2 Samuel. So Abishai, if we remember, is Joab's brother. So he looks at Abishai and says, all right, I don't know what Amasa is doing, but we don't have time for this. You need to go. Take some men. We need to put down this rebellion before it gets any worse.And Abishai isn't going out alone. Verse 7, And there went out after him Joab's men and the Cherethites and the Pelethites and the mighty men. They went out from Jerusalem to pursue Sheba, the son of Bichri. So Abishai is loyal to his brother and says, Hey, come on. Let's go.So he takes them, the mighty men, the mercenaries and said, We're going. We're going out together. And that isn't good because if you've been around with us for a bit, you know that Joab is an unsavory person to say the least. Pretty violent, gruesome person. Verse 8, When they were at the great stone that is in Gibeon, Amasa came to meet them. Now Joab was wearing the soldier's garment and over it was a belt with a sword and its sheath fastened on its thigh.And as it went forward, it fell out. And Joab said to Amasa, Is it well with you, my brother? And Joab took Amasa by the beard with his right hand to kiss him. But Amasa did not observe the sword that was in Joab's hand. So Joab struck him with it in the stomach and spilled his entrails to the ground without striking a second blow.And he died. So Joab, being a very violent man who holds grudges, has a plan of revenge and he assassinates and murders another threat. He keeps doing this. And this is not like, Oh, the sword spilled out. Oh, a moment. This was planned.He goes up to do a traditional greeting, which is like kiss on both cheeks. That's their equivalent of dapping him up. And the sword spills out on purpose. He picks up the sword and he violently thrusts it into him. One shot kill. And this is, listen, Amasa, I'll be honest, should have seen this coming.The moment he sees Joab, he should have said, Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He should have had men surrounding him. But he isn't very competent. He's very unsuspecting. He's very naive. And he goes up to a man with a history of violence, with a history of wanting to be in control and just unsuspectingly is murdered.It says, Then Joab and Abishai, his brother, pursued Sheba, the son of Bichri. Verse 11. And one of Joab's young men took his stand by Amasa and said, Whoever favors Joab and whoever is for David, let him follow Joab. That's a key part for me that just lets you know, Oh, this was planned. So he murders him and then he has one of his men come by and say, If you're with David, you're with Joab.If you're with Joab, you're with David. Joab's in charge now. Let's go. You're following. And they all, the men who just were following Amasa are kind of stunned at what's happening. Verse 12.And Amasa lay wallowing in his blood in the highway and anyone who came by seeing him stopped. So you got to think this is happening very quickly. All of a sudden, there the general of the army is lying. It was a one-shot kill, but he's not dying immediately. He's wallowing in his blood in the ground and they're all seeing this. A man that just, who was just their leader, they're looking at this and they're hearing the call.They're following Joab and that's a lot to absorb. And the people who are with Joab realize this. The man who just yelled that says, And when the man saw that all the people stopped, he carried Amasa out of the highway into the field and threw a garment over him. And it's like, all right, don't be confused. He's gone. Whoop.All right, we're going. Follow us, Joab. Here we go. And those men are going to fall in line or you'll die. And they do. Verse 13, When he was taken out of the highway, all the people went on after Joab to pursue Sheba, the son of Bichri.Verse 14, And Sheba passed through all the tribes of Israel to Abel of Beth-Maacah and all the Bichrites assembled and followed him in. Okay. We've got to read that very carefully because it's very good context for what's happening here. Remember, Sheba was an opportunist and he yelled, Everyone to his own tent! Declaring independence! But then, as we can see, he goes through all the tribes of Israel and Abel of Beth-Maacah is up in the north.It's about as far north in the promised land before you leave the promised land. So it looks like he's gone through all the different tribes trying to say, All right, you coming with? And what does it say? And all the Bichrites assembled and followed him. Y'all, that's his cousins. That's his clan.He's gone through all the promised land all the way of Israel trying to gather steam and everyone's like, Ah! I don't know about that. Which, listen, if you're a man, this makes a lot of sense. You really, I understand this. There are times where you get very angry and testosterone's flowing and all of a sudden someone says something that you think seems reasonable in the moment. It's like, Oh yeah, they did disrespect us.You know what? This can't stand. Oh, we gotta take care of this. Yeah, we should. Let's go.We're gonna go take them out. We're gonna go show them they don't do that again. And then you hop in the truck and you're going and you're like, once it starts to settle down and you're like, Ah! I don't know about this. I'm an adult now. This is assault.I now have a job. I don't, you know, honestly, I think I'm just gonna get off to the next stop. I don't really wanna, I don't wanna do this. And it just, it's what happens. Everyone at first is like, Yeah! We're going to our tents.And then they have some time to think about it. It's like, Well, I'm kind of tired of Civil War. I'm tired of death and dying. And, you know, honestly, I don't even know this guy, Sheba. So, it's got a weird name anyways. You know what?I'm out. And it doesn't work. And listen, that's just some free advice for the men in this room. Sometimes you just need a few minutes to calm down. You know, go on a walk, pray, breathe, let oxygen flood the brain again, and then come to reason. Also, for the women in this room.Wives, friends, just let them have some space for a minute. It's on us to calm down. But that's what happens. They calm down. They don't join them. And now, it's just Sheba and his cousins.Verse 15, And all the men who were with Joab came and besieged him in Abel of Beth-Maacah. So, they catch up. They're ready to fight. And it says, They cast up a mound against the city and stood against the rampart. And they were battering the wall down, wall to throw it down. So, they engage in some ancient tactics of war.They show up to the city, which they are in. They start building a mound against the rampart. They start getting a battering ram, ready to take this out. They're ready to tear this city apart. when a wise woman realizes what's happening and steps up to the plate. Verse 16, Then, a wise woman called from the city, Listen, listen! Tell Joab, come here that I may speak to you.And he came near her. And the woman said, Are you Joab? He answered, I am. Then she said to him, Listen to the words of your servant. And he answered, I am listening. Then she said, They used to say in former times, Let them but ask counsel of Abel.And so they settled a matter. I am one of those who are peaceable and faithful in Israel. You see, to destroy a city that is a mother in Israel, why will you swallow up the heritage of the Lord? She says, Joab, you know the reputation of our city. We are a peaceable city. We settle disputes.We don't fight. Why are you trying to kill us? Can we have a conversation about this? Why would you destroy the heritage of the Lord? Don't destroy us. What's going on?Joab answers. Verse 20, Joab answered, Far be it from me, far be it, that I should swallow up or destroy. That is not true. But a man of the hill country of Ephraim called Sheba, the son of Bichri, has lifted up his hand against King David. Give up this man alone. I withdraw from the city.So Joab says, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We don't have a problem with you. There's somebody in your city that we have a problem with. He's a problem. We're here for him. Now you might think, well, why did they let him in the city in the first place?And this is a Middle Eastern cultural thing that we don't understand here. In the Middle East, even into today, when you have someone who comes to you, you're hospitable, you take them in. And then they become your responsibility. So when they come to the city, it's just immediately, hold on, you're not, this is our responsibility. So it's a lot in the Iraq and Afghanistan war that some of those families would take in U.S. soldiers and protect them and care for them.That's what's happening here. It's, oh, oh, oh. But then she's like, wait a second. This is the most violent leader and all the mighty men. Can we have a conversation? Then she hears, oh, oh, he's a terrorist.Oh, he's a traitor. Okay. Now I understand why you're so upset. And the woman said to Joab, behold, his head shall be thrown to you over the wall. She doesn't hesitate. She's like, oh, okay.We're going to toss the head over. It'll be good, right? And Joab's like, ha ha. And then she goes to her people. Verse 22. And the woman went to all the people in her wisdom and they cut off the head of Sheba, the son of Bichri, and threw it out to Joab.So he blew the trumpet and they dispersed in the city every man to his home. And Joab returned to Jerusalem to the king. So she successfully persuades the people. Sheba gets his head cut off and the fighting is over. Everyone goes home. And the chapter ends with really a summary of the leadership that's really going to stay in place that we're getting towards the end of David's reign.This is the leadership list that's in place throughout the rest of David's reign. Verse 23. Now Joab was in command of all the army of Israel, which that just tells us, y'all, Joab, David's not fighting Joab anymore. He's done with this. He is going to keep him in power.Joab is going to get what's coming to him, but it ain't right now. And Benaiah, the son of Jehoiada, was in command of the Cherethites and the Pelethites. And Adoram was in charge of the forced labor. And Jehoshaphat, the son of Ahilud, was the recorder. And Sheba was secretary. And Zadok and Abiathar were priests.And Ira the Jairite was also David's priest. And that's how chapter 20 concludes. Now, at the beginning, I said that this would be, what we would see is the widening of a rift between Judah and Israel. But the fault lines were there. Influence in the nation was being fought over. And this widening is continuing.Now, as this split is coming many decades later, one of the people we just read about, Adoram, is going to be the first casualty in that civil war. So I want to skip to 1 Kings chapter 12 because this helps us see where this is going. So let me give some context before we read this together. This will be on the screen, but stay with me for a moment. This is David's grandson, Rehoboam. So David has Solomon, who's the king next, and Solomon's son, Rehoboam, takes over.Rehoboam immediately doesn't recognize the situation because Israel and Judah, this widening has continued and continued. Even through Solomon's reign, it's continuing. And Rehoboam listens to some foolish younger man's advice on, you know what? You need to be strong and you need to enforce more harshness on the Israelites. He doesn't read the room at all. And this division is widening and not coming back.So that's where we pick up in 1 Kings. When it is widened so far, verse 16, And when all Israel saw that the king did not listen to them, the people answered the king, hear this, What portion do we have in David? We have no inheritance in the son of Jesse. To your tents, O Israel, look now to your own house, David. Now, what does that sound like? That's what Sheba said.That's almost a verbatim quote. They remember what he said and his rebellion didn't work, but they bring it back and they quote him. That's intentional. And they say, No, we are done with this. What portion do we have in David? We have no inheritance of this.To our own tents, Israel. They're declaring independence. So Israel went to their tents, verse 17, But Rehoboam reigned over the people of Israel who lived in the cities of Judah. Then King Rehoboam sent Adoram, that's who David put in place, who was taskmaster over the forced labor, and all Israel stoned him to death with stones. And King Rehoboam hurried to mount his chariot to flee Jerusalem. So Adoram later receives the first violence in a civil war that never heals.This nation is never the same again. From this point forward, it is not the 12 tribes of Israel. It is the northern kingdom of Israel and the southern kingdom of Judah. It never heals. And you can trace it throughout history and you can see it in the story we saw today, just this widening that happens. And from this point forward, there's only violence, there's only hatred, there's only disunity.And this is the result of it that goes forward. They could have at any point slowed down, could have at any point hurt each other, could have at any point reconciled, but they choose harsh words, fierce words, which we read. They speak fiercely, they choose their sides, they dig in their heels, and all the people that were once unified as children of the covenant of Abraham. They're now enemies for centuries to come. Now, what I want to do is I want to help picture what's happening in this division over time and ultimately the only hope that shows up in fixing this. So, as I said, around 930 B.C. is when Israel and Judah permanently divide.That's the situation with Rehoboam. So, they divide at this point and you have the northern kingdom and the southern kingdom. And they're never the same, never with each other again. Now, Israel quickly devolves into a lot of pagan practices. They mix their faith with some idolatry and they quickly over the next two centuries start to really fall apart to the point where God brings judgment on the northern kingdom of Israel and sends in the Assyrians over a period of time to completely destroy their kingdom. And, next slide, 720 B.C. that's what happens.Israel is completely destroyed. The northern kingdom is done. So, they destroy them. It's never a national kingdom again. And then, they send, they bring people out, they bring some foreigners in and they leave some of the Israelites behind and those Israelites end up marrying with those people and many of them settle down into a region called Samaria. And, in Samaria they have some of the old faith mixed in with these idolatrous practices and they stay there for centuries to come.So, the descendants of Israel, the northern tribes, are there while Judah keeps going. And, over time, Judah has its own judgment that comes upon them but the people of Judah stay together and they later are called the Jews. So, the people, the descendants of Judah is where we get Judaism from, the Jews. So, the descendants of mostly Judah and Benjamin but the kingdom of Judah. So, the people of Judah continue but then they're still living side by side with Samaritans and they hate them. They hate them.They hate Samaritans. They hate that they share some bit of faith. They hate them for their old differences, this widening rift that continued for so long. They hate them. They're racist towards them. I mean, you have to, if you live both in northern Galilee to get through Samaria or to get to Jerusalem, the straight line is to go through Samaria but they wouldn't do that.They go all the way around Samaria because they don't want the dust of that people on them. They don't want to see them. They don't want to deal with them and that continues with that kind of hatred and that kind of division for centuries. So, you can trace what happened in our story and it continues and it continues and it continues over time where these people are just hating each other. And then, centuries later, Jesus comes and Jesus begins to speak of a kingdom that's not of this world. He begins to speak of a kingdom that is going to last for eternity.He begins to describe and picture what this kingdom is going to be like and one of the things that Jesus does in His ministry is instead of going all the way around Samaria, He goes straight into it. And when Jesus begins to minister around 27 AD, He goes into Samaria and He meets a Samaritan woman in John chapter 4 and He has this wonderful conversation. If you've never read it, you should sit in it today. It's beautiful as He articulates the gospel to a lost woman and He declares to her that He is the Messiah and He hints at that this old division is going away. And then Jesus takes that ministry to the cross where He dies for hostile, angry, disunified people and He resurrects creating a new people that are no longer to reflect the divisions of this present world.And then He commissions His church. He ascends at the right hand of God the Father. And then when you get to the book of Acts, which, by the way, that's our next book. We get done with this book at the end of this month. We're going to be in the book of Acts for the next season. So, spoiler alert.When you get to the book of Acts, one of the things that we're going to see is that as the church begins to spread, they go into Samaria just like Jesus did. And then when they minister in 33 to 35 AD, when they start ministering to Samaritans and they start bringing the gospel to them, the people that had been disunified for almost a thousand years are now finally unified again. And it doesn't stop there. The gospel continues to spread and it starts reaching other Gentiles, Romans, Greeks, Ethiopians, Ephesians. And then you see that this household of faith is going to have a whole bunch of different people.But what unifies this people is Christ primarily. And when you hear the book of Ephesians as they're addressing some of these differences between Gentiles and Jews, God through His servant Paul says in Ephesians chapter 2, for He Himself, this is Jesus, is our peace who has made us both one and has broken down in His flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances that He might create in Himself one new man and the place of two, so making peace that Jesus Christ through His redemptive work breaks down walls of hostility, breaks down differences that we cling to in this present world because it's in Him that we are unified. The most important thing about Christians is Christ Jesus and it says and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross thereby killing hostility that through the cross of Jesus Christ every petty difference, every temporary difference, everything that we make primary in this present life that separates us goes to die because the primary expression of unity is found in Christ in His people. And that gospel continues to spread.It spread and spread and spread. And then, as God's people unified in Him, caring most about what we have in Him, not caring about the racial differences, ethnic differences, political differences, philosophical differences because the most important thing about us is Christ. We have a different way of speaking. And in James chapter 3, ministering to a church, teaching them how they might speak, verse 5 and following, it says, so also, the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire.And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. But that is a reminder that your tongue, that our speech, is powerful in a way that when it is used for ungodly purposes, can set communities on fire, can destroy unity amongst peoples. And then when you skip to verse 10, it says, from the same mouth flow blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not be so. Now, that leads us back to where we started.We live in a culture that only blesses their friends and curses their enemies. That's the way we do this today in our culture. You bless your friends, you curse your enemies. Enemies now are defined by us and them. And them is defined by not from our tribe, not from our political party, not from our region of the country, not from our race, not from our sex, not from our people. It's them.They're the problem. And that's how our culture rages right now. And that leads to violence, to dehumanization, to evil prevailing. And the more the culture rages, the more angry it gets. We of all people who belong to Christ, a God who reconciles us who was once enemies of him to make us friends in him, to see Jesus as most primary about us, descendants of Israel, Judah, Rome, Ephesus, Ethiopia, and beyond. All of us should be the people who understand what it means to be on the same page.The most important person is Christ in us. And therefore, everything that this world is clinging to, all the power plays, all the frantic energy, it's like, we don't, it's not us. We're not doing that. We're going to choose love. We're going to choose peace. We're going to choose to bridle our tongues and to restrain our speech.We're not going to engage in other-side-is-evil business. We're not going to do that. We're not going to dehumanize people. We're not going to be people of tribes of this world because we belong to the most beautiful, wonderful tribe that is Christ Jesus. And that means we change the way we operate in this culture. Listen, I love America.I love America. This Saturday, I'm going to go so hard. I'm going to America 250 so hard. I'm serious. I do love, I love this country. As Jeremiah prophesied to the people he was prophesying to, he said, seek the good of the land that you are in.I want to seek the good of the land that I'm in and I'm thankful for all of our bright spots and I'll seek to evangelize through everyday mission and all the parts that are broken. But not for a moment should we forget where our main citizenship is. It is not here. It is in heaven. And from it, we wait a savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who would transform these broken bodies to be with him in glory for eternity. That's where our hope is.So, that means that the present divisions that we see everywhere around us, if you have gotten wrapped up in them in any way, shape, or form, you need to repent. I have had to do the work of repentance. I'm having to repent. If you have gotten caught up in the frantic nature of everything's falling apart, no, no, no. We need to be grounded in what is eternal and what is true. That the vile language that is unbecoming of Christian living has to go.It cannot be reposted. It cannot be said in jokes. It cannot be said in conversations and shops, rooms, and break rooms, and community groups. And it's got to go. It has to go. So, may we be a people that are salt and light and a culture filled with darkness that if this continues in a direction that it is going, will breed more violence and more violence and more violence and more hate.May we be a people that stands in the middle of it and says, no, there is a better way and that better way is Jesus. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, I pray that you might help us compel us to gospel hope that doesn't put hope in all the present divisions that are at play right now that we would as Christians repent where we've spoken harshly and fiercely about other people. As that's trickled down into how we think about each other in our own church, may we repent that we speak kindly, speaking the truth in love, that we embody wise speech that flows out of a primary allegiance to you. And Lord Jesus, if there's anyone here that's put their hope in this present world and all of its political forces and all of its temporary hope, may you compel them to primary faith and allegiance to you.In Jesus' name. Amen.

The essay is called Motherf***er. And the accompanying photos are of one of the world’s most beautiful women, breastfeeding a doll. What in the rage bait is all this? An Outlouder’s dilemma: Sportsday makes your daughter cry. Does she still have to go? Support independent women’s media and get our biggest offer of the year. Subscribe here for 30% off your annual Mamamia subscription. Code applied at the checkout. Offer ends June 30. Plus, won’t something think of the plants? Garden centres are a hot-bed of criminal activity. The letterbox to nowhere that might just help with loss and… This week’s recommendations: Em recommends America's Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Season 3. Clare recommends Maternal Instinct the one part documentary on Netflix. Holly recommends the Dreamfarm Garject Garlic Crusher. Keen for more? Check out the Mamamia Out Loud newsletter. What To Listen To Next: Listen to a DCC on No Filter: Payrises & Ponytails: Inside Faith Ward’s Life as a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Listen: Unpacked: Rivals, The Rompiest Show On Television Listen: EMERGENCY MEETING: Karl, Tommy & The Sack Listen: 'Australia Aged Me 13 Years' & Did Pauline Hanson Say That? Listen: Two Bachelorettes, Zero Chill: Taylor’s Mystery Party Listen: A Very Cranky William & A Very Wicked Woman Connect your subscription to Apple Podcasts Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here including the very latest episode of Parenting Out Loud, the parenting podcast for people who don't listen to... parenting podcasts. SUBSCRIBE here: Support independent women's media You can now watch our show in full length video on the Apple Podcast app - make sure your phone is up to date and we can't wait for you to see Mamamia Out Loud on Apple What to read: Em Rata thinks the world wants her to be relatable. She couldn't be more wrong. Every Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader shares the same signature look. Except Australian Faith Ward. Kids sport in Australia is broken. Taylor arrived at hospital with a newborn baby. The blood she was covered in wasn't her own. THE END BITS: Check out our merch at MamamiaOutLoud.com GET IN TOUCH: Feedback? We’re listening. Send us an email at outloud@mamamia.com.au Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message. Join our Facebook group Mamamia Outlouders to talk about the show. Follow us on Instagram @mamamiaoutloud and on Tiktok @mamamiaoutloud CREDITS: Hosts: Holly Wainwright, Clare Stephens & Emily Vernem Acting Group Executive Producer: Sasha Tannock Executive Producer: Grace Rouvray Video Producer: Josh Green Associate Producer: Tessa Kotowicz Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.Become a Mamamia subscriber: https://www.mamamia.com.au/subscribeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

(2:00) ACC Kickoff lineup announced (4:00) Old men complaining about the system (27:00) Which reason protects, plunders Norvell's job (38:00) SMU predictions (41:00) High on the OL? (49:00) QB or DL? (59:00) Best days behind us? (65:00) Torres talk Music: STMNTS - Fixture Follow CumminsLifestyle on IG   Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/square.com/go/warchant! #squarepod Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% Off @Ridge with code WAKEUP at https://www.Ridge.com/WAKEUP #Ridgepod https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

(2:00) ACC Kickoff lineup announced (4:00) Old men complaining about the system (27:00) Which reason protects, plunders Norvell's job (38:00) SMU predictions (41:00) High on the OL? (49:00) QB or DL? (59:00) Best days behind us? (65:00) Torres talk Music: STMNTS - Fixture Follow CumminsLifestyle on IG   Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/square.com/go/warchant! #squarepod Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% Off @Ridge with code WAKEUP at https://www.Ridge.com/WAKEUP #Ridgepod https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3053: Jen explores practical ways to guide children's behavior without relying on yelling, focusing on empathy, validation, connection, and logical consequences. These simple techniques help parents build trust, improve communication, and create more effective discipline strategies that encourage long-term growth rather than power struggles. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://thistimeofmine.com/discipline-without-yelling/ Quotes to ponder: "Our kids want to be understood, no matter their age." "Knowledge is power" "When we start with love, we reinforce that the relationship is one of trust." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The #WUBro Boys are Back! On this episode of the WHAT'S UP BRO Podcast, Nery Saenz, Mike Mercadal and Mike Valdes discuss Zach Snyder rebooting ESCAPE FROM LA,, EDDIE MURPHY getting the AFI Lifetime Achievement Award, and movie news & rumors featuring KING CONAN!! Also, we Have MERCH MERCH MERCH available at this link: GEEKMORE MERCH  Or you can search "GeekBro" on Amazon or go to TeePublic.com  The podcast now has DONATE button and an AMAZON banner that you can click on to support the show.         

Stopping yelling and punishing often feels like the only option, but it rarely helps dysregulated kids learn new behavior. In this episode, parents learn what actually works instead. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge is an expert in Regulation First Parenting™ and child emotional dysregulation.When you're overwhelmed, exhausted, and nothing seems to get through to your child, it's easy to believe you're failing. But the truth is simpler—and more hopeful.Most parents aren't “bad at parenting,” they're just using strategies that don't reach a dysregulated brain. This episode breaks down why yelling and punishment don't create lasting change and what actually does.Why does my child get worse when I yell or punish?When your child is escalated, their nervous system is in survival mode, not learning mode. That means yelling or punishment adds more threat—not understanding.Their brain is focused on protection, not reasoningMore intensity = more escalation or shutdownShort-term compliance may happen, but no real change sticksReal-life example: You raise your voice to stop a behavior. Your child freezes or explodes again the next day. It feels like nothing is working—because the nervous system never actually calmed.What's really happening in my child's brain during a meltdown?A meltdown isn't defiance—it's dysregulation. The brain shifts into fight, flight, or shutdown, making it nearly impossible for your child to listen or learn.Stress response overrides logic and connectionThe child cannot “absorb” correction in this stateBehavior becomes communication of overwhelmBehavior is communication. Tune in to what the brain is saying.Instead of asking, “Why won't they listen?” try asking, “What state is their nervous system in right now?”Trying to understand your child's patterns more clearly? The Dysregulated Kid offers practical guidance to help you respond with more clarity and less overwhelm.What should I do instead of yelling and punishing in the moment?This is where real change begins. Instead of escalating, you become the calm anchor.Regulate first: lower your voice, slow your body, reduce stimulationConnect next: simple phrases like “I see this is hard”Correct later: teach only after calm returnsReal-life example: Your child refuses homework and starts yelling. Instead of reacting, you pause, soften your tone, and say less. The shift in your calm helps their nervous system settle faster.Before correction can work, the brain must move out of threat and into safety. That's where learning finally happens.Yelling less and staying calm isn't about being perfect—it's about having the right tools.Join the Dysregulation Insider VIP list and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit, designed to help you handle oppositional behaviors without losing it. Download it now at www.drroseann.com/newsletterHow do I break the yelling cycle without losing control?Breaking the cycle starts with you regulating first. Not perfectly—just consistently. Staying calm is the real turning point.Regulate yourself before respondingRepair after yelling instead of spiraling in guiltFocus on progress, not perfection

A Plainfield man has been charged with yelling a racial slur at a child over the weekend. The DuPage County State's Attorney's Office says it happened in Naperville Saturday, after a girl reportedly damaged a fort being built by a nine-year-old boy.

A Plainfield man has been charged with yelling a racial slur at a child over the weekend. The DuPage County State's Attorney's Office says it happened in Naperville Saturday, after a girl reportedly damaged a fort being built by a nine-year-old boy.

A Plainfield man has been charged with yelling a racial slur at a child over the weekend. The DuPage County State's Attorney's Office says it happened in Naperville Saturday, after a girl reportedly damaged a fort being built by a nine-year-old boy.

All Classical Radio on air host and producer Lisa Lipton chats with flutist Maxx Katz, founder of Portland's Yelling Choir. Learn more on the All Classical Arts Blog: https://www.allclassical.org/portland-yelling-choir/

When a child is in meltdown, 30 seconds matter most. The 5 Phrases to Calm an Angry Child in Under a Minute gives parents science-backed tools to calm without escalating the nervous system. Roseann Capanna-Hodge is an expert in Regulation First Parenting™ and emotional dysregulation in children.When your child is angry, those first few seconds can feel chaotic and overwhelming. Your heart races, your voice tightens, and suddenly nothing seems to work. But there is a way to shift the moment—starting with your nervous system and the words you choose.Let me share how to respond in ways that calm the nervous system instead of escalating it—and what parents can do right now.Why does my child explode when I try to calm them down?When your child is already overwhelmed, even calm words can feel like pressure to their nervous system.Anger is not defiance—it's a full-body survival response where the brain moves into protection mode.The amygdala is in charge, not the thinking brainLogic shuts down when threat is perceivedYour child isn't choosing the reaction—they're stuck in itReal-life example: You say “calm down,” but your child hears “you're not safe,” and escalates further.What should I say in the first 30 seconds of my child's anger?Those first 30 seconds can either lower or raise the intensity of dysregulation.Here are simple, grounded phrases that signal safety and connection:“I see this is really hard right now.” → reduces threat“I'm going to stay calm with you.” → co-regulates the brain“You are safe, I'm here.” → signals safety to the body“Let's take one small step.” → prevents overwhelm“We can solve this when your brain is calm.” → delays reasoning safelyReal-life example:Instead of arguing during a meltdown, you sit nearby and calmly say, “I'm here. We'll figure this out together.”Yelling less and staying calm isn't about being perfect—it's about having the right tools.Join the Dysregulation Insider VIP list and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit, designed to help you handle oppositional behaviors without losing it.Download it now at www.drroseann.com/newsletterHow do I calm my nervous system when my child is melting down?Your nervous system sets the emotional tone in the room.When you regulate yourself first, you become your child's anchor.Slow your breathing before speakingLower your voice instead of raising itFocus on being a stable presence, not a perfect parentTry tools from Quick CALM and the Regulated Child Summit to get step-by-step, science-backed strategies you can use in real moments of dysregulation.Why doesn't reasoning work during emotional outbursts?Because your child's brain is not online for reasoning in that moment.When dysregulated, the prefrontal cortex goes offline, meaning:Problem-solving is temporarily impossibleInstructions feel like pressureEmotions override logic

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Send us Fan MailYou did not sleep. Again. And now you have a full day ahead, kids to manage, and a voice in your head already telling you it is going to be a terrible day.In this episode of the Zen Supermom podcast, Alena shares the 3 steps she uses to get through a productive day even on no sleep, without snapping at her kids and without burning herself out.This is not about pushing harder. It is not about spa days. It is about understanding why the mental suffering on tired days is actually optional, and what the real root of the problem is.What you will learn in this episode:Why lack of sleep is not actually the reason you lose your patience with your kidsThe concept of learned helplessness and how it connects to your childhoodStep 1 How to catch the poor me story and create space between the feeling and your reactionStep 2 What taking care of yourself actually means, starting with asking for help without feeling guiltyStep 3 The big picture helicopter view and the 99 year old grandma exercise that puts any exhausted day into perspectiveWhy the mental suffering on tired days is optional even when the physical exhaustion is completely realWhy taking care of yourself on no-sleep days is the most important thing you can do for your kidsNext step: join Alena live in the free Mommy Tantrum Masterclass: https://zensupermom.easywebinar.live/mommy-tantrum-masterclassApply to be coached live on the podcast: https://form.jotform.com/261413211817347Free Mommy Tantrum Masterclass: https://zensupermom.easywebinar.live/mommy-tantrum-masterclass Website: alenagomesrodrigues.com Instagram: @alenagomesrodrigues Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/ZenSupermom Book — I Yelled I Cried I Healed: https://www.amazon.com/Yelled-Cried-Healed-Supermom-Tantrums-ebook/dp/B0FNS4QRNCTopics: no sleep mom, mom burnout, sleep deprivation parenting, learned helplessness, mommy tantrum, emotional regulation for moms, generational trauma, people pleasing mom, taking care of yourself as a mom, calm parenting, stop yelling at kids, zen supermom podcast.Support the showHi, I'm Alena - founder of Zen Supermom and creator of the IDTR method (Intergenerational Developmental Trauma Repatterning).I work with thoughtful, committed parents who have already tried to understand themselves - and still find themselves reacting under pressure in ways they don't want.My work focuses on changing the underlying pattern that formed early, shows up in the nervous system under stress, and gets passed on to the next generation unless addressed as a whole.

New here? Start with our Start Here playlist — five episodes that will change how you think about motherhood. The Yelling Series: Part 1: Why You Keep Yelling Even When You Promised Yourself You'd Stop Part 2: Why Your Body Starts the Yelling Before Your Brain Does (And How to Stop It) Part 3: Why What You Do After You Yell Matters More Than the Yelling Itself — you're here You already know the guilt that comes after you yell. This episode is about what to do instead of drowning in it. In the finale of the Yelling Series, JoAnn shares the complete three-step repair framework — the exact words to say to your child after you lose it, why repair actually builds a stronger relationship than perfection ever could, and how to close the loop in under a minute so everyone can move forward. Because here's what the research on attachment tells us: it's not the yelling that causes long-term harm. It's the absence of repair. And once you know how to repair well, everything changes. What you'll learn: Why rupture and repair from attachment theory means the yelling itself is not what damages your relationship — and what actually does Why a mom who repairs consistently is doing something a mom who never yells but never addresses conflict cannot do Step 1: How to apologize simply and specifically — and the one word that destroys every apology (hint: it's "but") Step 2: How to take complete ownership of your behavior without letting your child off the hook or making them defensive Step 3: How to say what you'll work on in the future — and why promising effort instead of perfection is the only promise you can actually keep What all three steps sound like together in one real conversation — under a minute, no drama required How to teach your kids to apologize without ever telling them to — just by modeling it yourself What to do if your child isn't ready to respond right away after your repair Why if you've been yelling for a while, it'll take time for your kids to trust the change — and why that's completely okay "It's not yelling that causes most of the issues in relationships. It's the absence of repair. When repair exists, everything gets better. That's what creates the long-term relationship."

If you've ever wondered why your child melts down over small things, you're not alone—what looks like overreacting is often a nervous system that has already reached its limit. Learn more about what's really happening underneath these meltdowns, how emotional dysregulation builds throughout the day, and what actually helps calm the nervous system instead of escalating the behavior.It can feel confusing when your child holds it together all day… then falls apart over dinner, a simple “no,” or a change in plans. Parents often say, “Why is everything such a big deal?”Once you understand nervous system regulation in children, you stop reacting to the explosion and start seeing the pattern underneath it. And that's where real change begins.Let's break it down in a way that finally makes sense—and gives you something you can actually do about it.Why This Matters More Than You ThinkWhen you see why your child melts down over small things, it's easy to think it's just a behavior issue or a phase they'll grow out of. But what's actually happening is much deeper—your child's nervous system is telling you they've reached their limit. And when we miss that signal, we end up reacting to behavior instead of supporting regulation. Repeated dysregulation isn't just about hard moments at home—it affects sleep, learning, relationships, and your child's ability to recover emotionally over time.Once you understand that behavior is communication and not defiance, you stop asking “How do I fix this?” and start asking “What is my child's nervous system needing right now?”Why does my child melt down over small things after a “good” day?When parents ask why your child melts down over small things, they're usually looking at the wrong moment. The meltdown isn't caused by chicken nuggets, bedtime, or homework—it's the final drop in a full stress cup.Throughout the day, your child is constantly regulating:Following directionsManaging frustrationNavigating social pressureHolding it together at schoolBy the time they get home, there is simply no capacity left.Key takeaways:Meltdowns are delayed stress release, not sudden reactions“Good days” can still be neurologically exhaustingCapacity matters more than behavior in the momentReal-life example:A child seems fine after school, but at dinner, they explode because the smallest demand tips them over the edge. The issue wasn't dinner—it was everything before dinner.What causes emotional dysregulation in children throughout the day?Emotional dysregulation in children builds quietly through small, repeated stressors that adults often don't see. Each transition, instruction, or expectation adds weight to the nervous system.Over time, the system shifts into survival mode.What fills the Stress Cup:Academic pressure and focus demandsSocial masking and peer stressTransitions (class, home, activities)Sensory overload (noise, chaos, movement)Constant self-control effortWhen the cup is full, even small requests feel overwhelming.Parent-friendly insights:It's not about one trigger—it's about total loadDysregulation is cumulative, not randomYour child isn't refusing—they're depletedReal-life example:Harry gets through school by holding everything together. At home, his system finally lets go—not because he's being difficult, but because he's out of regulation capacity.Yelling less and staying calm isn't about being perfect—it's about having the right tools. Join the Dysregulation Insider VIP list and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit, designed to help you handle oppositional behaviors without losing it. Download it now at www.drroseann.com/newsletterHow do I calm a dysregulated child without making it worse?When a child is in a heightened state of emotional dysregulation in children, correction, logic, or consequences will not work. The nervous system cannot process language—it can only respond to safety.This is where co-regulation techniques matter most.What helps in the moment:Pause before respondingLower your voice and slow your paceSay less, not moreOffer calm presence instead of instructionWhat does NOT help:Explaining why they “should calm down”Asking too many questionsRaising your voice to gain controlParent example:Your child is melting down over dinner. Instead of correcting, you sit quietly nearby, soften your tone, and say, “That was a lot today.” The shift doesn't come from words—it comes from your regulated presence.VISUAL: What a dysregulated brain needs first = Safety, not solutionsWhy does parent emotional regulation change everything?One of the most powerful shifts in parenting a dysregulated child is this: your nervous system leads theirs.When you escalate, they escalate. When you regulate, they borrow your calm.That's why parent emotional regulation is not optional—it's foundational.What changes when you regulate first:Fewer explosive cyclesFaster recovery after triggersMore connection during conflictLess power struggle energyMicro-shifts that matter:Pause before correctingBreathe before respondingSlow your physical movementsFocus on connection before correctionReal-life insight:A parent notices that when they stop reacting immediately and instead lower their voice, their child's intensity drops within minutes. Nothing else changed—just regulation first.What is really happening in your child's nervous system?At the core of why your child melts down over small things is a simple truth: regulation takes energy. For dysregulated kids, it is not automatic—it is effortful.That means your child is constantly working to:Stay focusedFilter inputManage emotionsHandle transitionsBy the end of the day, their system has no flexibility left.Key nervous system truths:Low capacity = high reactivityStress reduces emotional flexibilitySafety restores regulation abilityReal-life example:A teenager who seems “fine” all day becomes irritable and explosive at night. It's not attitude—it's nervous system exhaustion.“It's not the chicken nuggets. It's everything the nervous system has been carrying all day.”— Dr. RoseannWhat You're Seeing Isn't the MomentIf your child is melting down over small things, it does not mean they are difficult—it means they are overwhelmed. Once you understand emotional dysregulation in children through the nervous system lens, everything starts to make sense.And the most powerful shift you can make today is simple: slow yourself down first.You're not alone in this—and you're not doing it wrong. You just needed a different lens.Take one step toward regulation first. That's where change begins.FAQsWhy does my child melt down over small things?Because stress builds throughout the day. The meltdown is the nervous system releasing accumulated overload.How do I calm a dysregulated child?Start with co-regulation: slow your voice, reduce language, and focus on calming before correcting.Is my child defiant or dysregulated?Often what looks like defiance is actually a nervous system overload, not intentional behavior.What is nervous system regulation in children?It's the ability to manage stress and emotions. When overloaded, children lose flexibility and react strongly to small triggers.When your child is struggling, time matters.Don't wait and wonder—use the Solution Matcher to get clear next steps, based on what's actually going on with your child's brain and behavior.Take the quiz at www.drroseann.com/helpDr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge is a licensed therapist, certified school psychologist, and leading expert in emotional dysregulation in children. With over 30 years of experience,

You've been the parent yelling. Or you've been the parent watching the parent yelling and thinking thank God that's not me, also it's kind of me sometimes. That's where Jonathan Carone started Healthy Sports Parents — standing on a sideline watching a dad reduce his nine-year-old to tears, feeling sympathy for the girl and empathy for the dad.Eighteen months and 100K+ Instagram followers later, Jonathan joins Chad and Craig to talk about the part of youth sports nobody puts on a brochure: the way it holds a mirror up to the parts of you that haven't been processed. The pride that swells when your kid scores. The rage that flashes when they jog. The 13-year-old running at your kid in a corner kick, who somehow turns into the kid who slammed you into a wall in 1999.We go places this conversation usually doesn't:Why the dads who knew the game best left rec league — and why that left Jim the Accountant coaching your eight-year-old off YouTube tutorialsThe "self-love and self-glory" framework Jonathan teaches in module one of his course — and why it explains every parent meltdown you've ever witnessedThe middle-school cliff that nobody talks about (top 10 of 300 kids make the team — what about the other 290?)The Let Kids Play Act, private equity vs. venture capital in youth sports, and the line between earning a living and preying on parents' fearsWhy Jonathan's book agent told him the parents who need his book most won't be the ones who buy itThe honest conversation about money: Healthy Sports Parents is a $16K-this-year side hustle. He's figuring it out in real time.Chad's daughter on a winning team who came to him and said "this isn't fun anymore" — and what they did nextIf you're staring down summer camps, all-star season, club renewals, or just one more Saturday tournament — this is the one to listen to before the games start.Jonathan Carone is the creator of Healthy Sports Parents — a podcast, social platform, and forthcoming book (Fall 2027) helping parents raise great humans through youth sports. Find him at healthysportsparents.com and @healthysportsparents on Instagram.

In a change heard across the world, Xbox is now XBOX!  And the crowd goes... mild?   Now on with The Regular Show!  

What if the goal of parenting is not to control your kids, but to become the parent they call when life gets messy?In this episode of The Men's Collective Podcast, I sit down with Wendy and Terry Snyder from Fresh Start Family to talk about connection-based discipline, strong fatherhood, nervous system awareness, and how dads can lead their homes with both firmness and warmth.We talk about why so many fathers default to fixing, controlling, threatening, yelling, or shutting down when their kids have big emotions. Wendy and Terry share how “connection before correction” helps parents build trust, reduce power struggles, and raise strong, emotionally resilient kids without relying on fear-based parenting.This conversation is especially for dads who want to stop repeating old parenting patterns, repair faster after conflict, and build a relationship where their kids feel safe, respected, and deeply loved.In this episode, we cover:Why dads often try to fix big emotions too quicklyWhat children actually need during stressful momentsWhy discipline means teaching, not punishmentHow to set firm boundaries without fear, shame, or controlWhy repair matters more than getting parenting perfectHow to stop using threats and bribes as parenting toolsThe difference between true strength and forceHow nervous system awareness changes the way dads respondWhy strong kids need connection, not dominationHow to become the parent your child calls when life gets hardLearn more about Fresh Start Family: freshstartfamilyonline.com

The News consists of Greg sharing a story of a child demanding a hot dog on ferry right next to him and Matthew Perry's assitant being sentenced to jail.

New here? Start with our Start Here playlist — five episodes that will change how you think about motherhood. The Yelling Series: Part 1: Why You Keep Yelling Even When You Promised Yourself You'd Stop Part 2: Why Your Body Starts the Yelling Before Your Brain Does (And How to Stop It) — you're here Part 3: Why What You Do After You Yell Matters More Than the Yelling Itself (coming Thursday, June 4th) You've tried counting to ten. You've tried breathing. You've read the books, you've watched the reels, and you still yell. What if it's not about trying harder — what if something else entirely is going on in your body? In Part 2 of the Yelling Series, JoAnn goes deeper than the standard coping advice. Your body starts the yelling before your brain even knows what's happening — and for some moms, the tools just don't work because the root cause isn't a mindset problem at all. This episode covers the physical mechanics of yelling, a breathing practice to try right now, and a deeply personal conversation about hormones, neurodiversity, and why so many women have been left without answers for far too long. What you'll learn: Why the rushing feeling Jenna Free talked about on Tuesday is your body's earliest warning signal — and what to do the moment you notice it The relationship between time and stress — and the reframe from The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks that will change how you talk about not having enough time Box breathing: what it actually is, how to practice it, and why it only works if you catch yourself early enough JoAnn's personal story of going on hormone replacement therapy — and how it eliminated her migraines, fixed her sleep, and gave her energy back Why so many women's symptoms (stiff shoulders, anxiety, waking at 3am, mood swings) are being treated individually when the underlying cause is estrogen The progesterone and sleep connection that nobody talks about enough Why women with ADHD experience perimenopausal symptoms up to 10 years earlier than the general population Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) — what it is, how it shows up in parenting, and why knowing about it keeps JoAnn calm when her kids reject her boundaries Why if somatic tools aren't working for you, it is not you — and what might actually be going on "If the tools aren't working, it might not be you. It might be hormones, neurodiversity, or biology that's worth investigating. You deserve to have the best relationships and best life possible — free of the guilt." Note: JoAnn's hormone story is shared from personal experience only and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your own healthcare provider about any health concerns. Resources mentioned: The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks — the time reframe JoAnn references in this episode Dr. Mary Claire Haver on the Armchair Expert podcast — perimenopause and menopause episode ADDitude Magazine article: Study: Perimenopausal Symptoms Are More Severe, Begin Earlier in Women with ADHD Tuesday's episode with Jenna Free: Why You're Always Rushing — And What Your Body Is Actually Trying to Tell You Remember: the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

AI subscriptions are becoming as essential as internet bills - and just as expensive. The vBrownBag gang takes a hard look at the real cost of LLMs and what happens when the free ride ends. Chris, Shala, and Damian dig into the Anthropic pricing plot twist, why AI data centers consume 10x the power of traditional racks, the DeepSeek distillation controversy, and what happens when the first hit's free phase ends. You'll learn practical strategies for reducing token burn, why local models are becoming a viable cost escape hatch, how to pick the right model for the right job, and why blindly using Opus for everything is lighting money on fire. This is the unfiltered conversation every AI practitioner needs to have - before the subsidies disappear and the real bills arrive. Timestamps 0:00 Cold Open: Get These Darn Kids Off My Lawn 1:27 Chris's Big News: Leaving IBM for Six Feet Up 8:09 How Many AI Subscriptions Do You Have? 16:41 Stack Overflow Is Dead, Long Live Claude 17:12 Don't Just Blindly Copy and Paste (AI Edition) 31:00 Anthropic Gross Margin 2025: Negative 53% 35:30 When Token Costs Exceed a Junior Dev's Salary 42:02 Find the Model That Fits the Job 46:11 AI Multitasking Is a Lie (Just Like Humans) 49:05 We Are Uniquely Bad at Making Money Off This Show 53:19 Supply Chain Attacks and GitHub Actions 54:45 Did We Solve Anything? Yes. No. Maybe. 55:58 Grateful for Friends & Wrapping Up Links from the show:

In this insightful interview, parenting success coach Sapna Radhakrishnan shares her journey from traditional to conscious parenting, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, emotional regulation, and connection in raising resilient children. Discover practical tools to reduce yelling, foster curiosity, and support your child's unique needs while maintaining your own well-being. Key Topics:Conscious parenting principles and practicesThe impact of emotional regulation on parent-child relationshipsStrategies to reduce yelling and increase connectionUnderstanding and meeting children's underlying needsSelf-awareness and healing for parents"Connection is more important than control""Yelling is a sign of overwhelm in parents""Journaling helps embody your desires"Chapters00:00 Introduction to Calm Parenting and Personal Journey02:39 The Shift from Traditional to Conscious Parenting05:25 Understanding the Emotional Needs of Children08:00 The Impact of Parental Control on Child Development10:40 Breaking the Cycle of Yelling and Creating Peace13:12 Recognizing and Addressing Misbehavior in Children15:52 The Role of Connection in Parenting18:45 High Achieving Parents and the Pressure to Succeed24:37 Redefining Success and Happiness26:01 Navigating Educational Paths and Personal Interests28:16 Exploring Identity Beyond Parenting31:32 Supporting Children While Maintaining Self-Identity35:44 Embracing the Empty Nest Phase38:33 Tools for Emotional Regulation and GrowthTo Connect with Sapna:Sapna Radash Coaching Instagram Yelling to Zenning (Book) - Link HereOther Resources:The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00A7U7V4QNeurolinguistic Programming (NLP) by Richard Bandler - https://www.nlp.comVipassana Meditation - https://www.dhamma.orgServices Offered By DawnDawn offers a range of services designed to help individuals harness the power of manifestation:​1:1 Coaching: Personalized sessions to help women connect with their inner selves, prioritize emotions, and embrace their new manifested selves with love and peace.​Reiki and Sound Healing: Energy healing sessions to balance emotions and promote holistic well-being.​Workshops and Activations: Group activities that provide practical tools and techniques for effective manifestation.​Yoga and Meditation: Practices aimed at enhancing mindfulness and relaxation, aiding the manifestation process.Connect with DawnFor more information or to schedule a session, reach out to Dawn at dawn@manifestmorewithdawnmaynor.com. Join the community and explore free resources available on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, TikTok, and Website. Share the LoveIf you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on social media. Your support helps spread the message of peace, purpose, and passion.Thank you for tuning in!Sending you all Love and Light, and remember to Manifest More with Dawn Maynor.conscious parenting, emotional regulation, parent-child connection, reducing yelling, self-awareness, parenting tips, child behavior, mindfulness, neurolinguistic programming, parenting journey, manifestation, personal growth, podcasting, real-life stories, self-improvement, manifestation techniques, positive mindset, life lessons

The war between Rosie and Kelsey rages on at trivia night, when Kelsey arrives wearing a Miss Slam Pig sash and the women end up in another screaming match…leaving Ashley mortified and in tears. Lauren takes us into the mind of Ashley during the trivia night, which Ben claims is even wilder than the original Kelsey/Rosie blowup!Plus, Liz and Alicia’s argument reaches a breaking point that brings on the tears!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The guys discuss how a defective port-a-potty will ruin your sex life, when having “special socks”  makes playing left field for the Mets at 50+ a possibility, and why having sex with your neighbor 72 times almost always results in a lawsuit. 

The Art of Communication: Finding Your Voice as a CoachJP Nerbun sits down with co-host Betsy Butterick to explore how intentional communication transforms athlete relationships, team culture, and coaching identity.TOC 3-2-1: 3 Quotes, 2 Questions, 1 Resource3 Quotes Worth Writing Down"Anytime someone says 'that's just who I am,' what immediately comes up for me is — no, that's who you've been. You get to choose who you get to be in the next moment." — Betsy Butterick"If we hope to teach them, we first need to reach them. It is arguably much easier for one person — the coach — to shift how they communicate than it is to try to change an entire generation." — Betsy Butterick"When you speak quietly, people need to come closer, lean in. That was exactly the space I wanted to coach athletes in." — Betsy Butterick2 Questions for Your TeamWhen you communicate with your athletes before a big moment, are you trying to inspire them — or genuinely educate and invite them into something? What's the difference for your team?Are there phrases or habits in your coaching communication that fall under "that's just who I am"? What would it look like to ask instead: Is this who I want to be?1 Resource to Go DeeperKids These Days by Betsy Butterick — the practical communication guide for coaches working with today's athletes. Packed with immediately usable frameworks, real-world stories, and a resource section built to last.Visit: betsybutterick.comKey TakeawaysCommunication is a craft, not a personality trait. Betsy's communication didn't come from natural talent — it came from decades of intentional reps: journaling, coaching thousands of young athletes, and a relentless curiosity about language. The implication for every coach: this is buildable.Inspiring a room and inviting athletes in are not the same thing. Betsy's goal is never to inspire — it's to educate. But the best teaching carries emotional charge, and the question you ask after a lesson is what bridges information to behavior change. Don't just tell them. Ask them what they got from it.Yelling is a tool — use it like one. In a decade of coaching, Betsy raised her voice about seven times — and believes every player could still tell you exactly why. Coaches who rarely yell make every raised voice meaningful. Coaches who yell constantly give athletes nothing to read."That's just who I am" is a pattern, not an identity. When coaches or athletes use that phrase, it closes the door on growth. The reframe Betsy offers: that's who you've been — not who you have to be. Adapting your communication style isn't lowering your standards; it's what makes holding high standards possible.Accountability requires co-creation, not just enforcement. Most accountability conversations fail because expectations were never truly shared — they were just announced. When athletes help build the standard, they're far more likely to hold each other to it. Peer accountability only works after shared understanding exists.Action Items for Leaders and CoachesAudit Your Volume: Track how often you raise your voice this week. Is it a tool — or a habit you haven't examined?End With a Question: After your next team talk, close with one question that invites athletes to reflect on what they just heard.Spot the Pattern: Notice when you or your athletes say "that's just who I am." Replace it with: "That's who I've been — is it who I want to be?"Co-Create One Standard: Pick one expectation you've been enforcing alone. Build shared understanding around it with your athletes this week.ConnectGet episode notes and team culture tools: tocculture.comJoin the TOC Coach community (free): tocculture.comBetsy Butterick — blog, book, and resources: betsybutterick.comIf this episode was helpful, share it with a coach in your life who is working on their communication. And if you haven't already, subscribe so you never miss an episode of the Coaching Culture Podcast.

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, my guest is Dr. Justin Coulson, an Australian parenting expert and father of 6 who has his PhD in psychology and is the author of 10 books on parenting and the co-host of the Happy Families podcast with his wife, Kylie. We discuss the psychology behind peaceful parenting, including how self-determination theory explains kids' challenging behavior. Dr. Justin also shared his three E's of discipline.Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them!And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU!We talk about:* 1:45 – Introduction to Dr. Justin Coulson and his personal parenting turning pointHow struggles with anger and discipline led him to rethink everything and study psychology.* 08:20 – Learning to regulate ourselves, practicing repair, and growing over time.* 15:50 – Why peaceful parenting starts with the parent's self-awareness and regulation.* 19:50 – Understanding behavior through compassion and curiosity.* 20:50 – The HALTS frameworkHow hunger, anger, loneliness, tiredness, and stress impact children's behavior.* 23:00 – Self-determination theory and parenting* 33:00 – The 3 E's of Effective Discipline* 41:50 – How to use the 3 E's in everyday parenting moments.Real-life examples: screens, sibling conflict & collaboration* 49:00 – Building trust and the “goodwill bank” with kidsWhy collaborative parenting pays off when tough limits are needed.* 53:30 – Advice to his younger parenting self: “soft eyes”A powerful reflection on kindness, connection, and showing up with compassion.* 56:30 – Where to find Dr. Justin CoulsonHis podcast, books, and upcoming work on boys and healthy masculinity.Resources mentioned in this episode:* Dr. Justin's website and podcast* Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player* The Peaceful Parenting Membership* Evelyn & Bobbie brasConnect with Sarah Rosensweet:* Instagram* Facebook Group* YouTube* Website* Join us on Substack* Newsletter* Book a short consult or coaching session callxx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Our sponsors:YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can't go where you don't want them to go and they aren't watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HEREEvelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HERESarah: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today's guest is Dr. Justin Coulson. He's an Australian parenting expert with a PhD in psychology, the author of 10 books on parenting, the co-host of the Happy Families podcast with his wife, Kylie, the father of six children, and, last but not least, grandfather of one.We discuss the psychology behind peaceful parenting, including how self-determination theory explains kids' challenging behavior. Dr. Justin also shared his three E's of discipline, which I just loved.If you like this episode, please share it with a friend so more parents can learn about peaceful parenting. If you're a fan of the podcast, you can help us out not only by sharing it, but by leaving a review and a five-star rating in your podcast player app. While you're there, don't forget to follow the show so you don't miss an episode.If you'd like to support us even more, you can become a supporter on Substack to help us offset the cost of making the show. We'll put a link in the show notes.Let's meet Dr. Justin. I hope you enjoy this conversation and get as much out of his insights as I did.Sarah: Hello, Dr. Justin, and welcome to the podcast.Dr. Justin: Sarah, I'm so glad to be with you. Thanks for having me on.Sarah: Yeah, and it's morning for you, evening for me—nice—and I'm just glad that we could make this time to talk to each other. I really appreciate it. Thank you. So, could you just tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?Dr. Justin: Sure. I grew up on the east coast of Australia, about an hour north of Sydney. Geographically, that kind of locates where I was. I was the teenage boy that every parent hopes they will not have. I don't think I was a particularly bad kid, but I certainly wasn't a good kid.My parents were spending a small fortune—I'm a 1975 baby, I turned 50 last year—but this was in the late '80s and early '90s. My parents were spending so much money to send me to a private school. Because we were on the coast—a very quintessentially Australian thing—I was wagging school.Do you say “wagging school” in Canada? Is that a term Canadians use?Sarah: No, but I think we get the context. I think it means not going to school.Dr. Justin: Yeah, I was truant. They thought I was there, but I wasn't.Sarah: We say skipping.Dr. Justin: I was skipping school. Okay, yeah. We call it a school wag.So I would go to school in the morning and get my name marked off in roll call. Then I would sneak out of the school. Across the road from the school, there were bushes—kind of a forest, or whatever you might call it in Canada and America. I would get changed out of my tie, long pants, and black school shoes, throw on some board shorts and a T-shirt.My surfboard was stashed in the bush, and I'd grab it from the hiding place. Then I'd jump on a bus, go to the beach, and surf all day. Afterward, I'd get a bus back to school in the afternoon, change back into my uniform, and race into the school just in time to get my name marked off, looking like I'd been at school all day.This was in the days before schools communicated with parents via email and text, because none of that existed. I was able to get away with it.So I finished high school. I scored in the bottom 15%—Sarah: Goodness.Dr. Justin: Not just my class, but of the entire state of New South Wales. My parents were devastated.I didn't care. I wanted to have a media career. I wanted to be a radio announcer. So I got into radio. If you've ever listened to the radio—and no offense to radio people—you know you don't have to do well at school to be good at radio. You just have to be able to sit on the microphone and say things that make sense.I knew I could do that, so school didn't matter to me. I didn't care about it. That's what I did.But this is where it intersects with parenting.About 10 years into my radio career, my wife and I were having some challenges, particularly around my parenting. We had a threenager and a newborn baby.That three-year-old—I had always held the opinion that my children would do as they were told, and if they didn't, I would make sure they understood that I was the father and that their job was to do as I said.So I was very punitive. I basically made all of the parenting mistakes you can imagine when I would get angry, frustrated, and ill-tempered. It's not that I was a bad father—I spent a lot of high-quality time loving my kids—but I was also really short-fused and highly aggressive.Frankly, I went from threatening to hitting really fast. You call it spanking; we would call it smacking. I was very, very quick to smack or spank my three-year-old, and it wasn't working.After one particularly bad incident where things escalated, I really did lose control. I didn't just spank her once. There were multiple spankings. This was like a 10-minute escalation session where it just got worse and worse and worse.My wife was out at the time. When she came home, I said to Kylie, “I'm a bad father. I'm not doing this well. I'm making a lot of mistakes, and here's what happened while you were out.”Full confession: Kylie has always been this wonderfully supportive wife—very kind, gentle, compassionate, soft-spoken, thoughtful, considerate, empathic—all of those beautiful attributes that I prize and treasure in my good wife.She was none of those things that day.She had fire in her eyes and said, “You are not living up to the father that I hoped you would be, and you're also not living up to the husband I need you to be.”And it took me back, because I was already feeling downcast. I felt like I was failing anyway, and she just—it was like she picked up a great big lump of wood and whacked me over the head with it and said, “No.”Of course, she didn't actually do that, but that's how it felt. It felt physical. Visceral. Like, Ow. This is serious.I left my radio career shortly thereafter.I was working at one of the biggest radio stations in Australia at the time, and I gave up all the backstage passes with global superstars and hanging out with record company executives at the best restaurants, eating their food so they could bribe me to play their music on the radio station. I went back to school.I became a full-time student. I worked part-time at three different jobs while studying full-time. I'd sleep under the desk at university so I could do the study and the work—Sarah: No surfing this time?Dr. Justin: No surfing this time, no. I was just so committed to it.After eight and a half years of full-time study, I graduated with a doctorate. I had to do a couple of other qualifications first, including a psychological science degree. I graduated with a doctorate in psychology and became a university lecturer.Along the way, Sarah, we went from having our two kids at that point to having our third child in my first year of study, our fourth child in my fifth year of study, and our fifth child while I was doing my doctorate. Shortly after I left the university setting, stopped lecturing, and started writing books and giving talks, we had our sixth child.So we're the parents—Sarah: Amazing.Dr. Justin: —of six daughters. Today, they range in age from 12—the youngest—to the oldest, who is in her mid-to-late 20s. She and her husband have a baby now. They've been married for a few years.Sarah: Wow. You're a grandpa.Dr. Justin: A grand—I'm a grandpa. We have a two-and-a-half-year-old grandbaby, four adult children, one in her teens, and a 12-year-old.So that's kind of my very short version of the journey.Along the way, I've written a bunch of books. We've got a TV show in Australia called Parental Guidance. We've had three seasons of that show on primetime TV. I've got a website and all the things that you'd expect—a podcast and so on.Sarah: What did you do when you had that aha moment—that realization that you weren't being the kind of dad you wanted to be, and your wife also agreed that you weren't being the kind of dad she wanted you to be? What did you change?Because you just mentioned that you spent eight and a half years going back to school. I imagine that you made some changes before you had six kids. So what did you do right away, maybe for anyone listening who can relate to those feelings of rage and feeling triggered by your child?Dr. Justin: Sarah, the first thing I'd say is that there was no linear change, and there were no immediate changes, because I didn't know what to do.I was unskilled. I was uneducated. I didn't know anything about psychology, and I clearly didn't know anything about parenting.But I found a mentor. I have a faith background, and there was a writer who wrote eloquently and compassionately. I just felt like he understood me, and he became a mentor to me.I also discovered a guy called Alfie Kohn. You might be familiar with Alfie Kohn.Sarah: Oh, Alfie Kohn was the first thing I ever read about parenting—Dr. Justin: Oh, great.Sarah: —before I even had kids. And he was on the podcast last year, which felt like a full-circle moment between how influential—I told him on the podcast, “You have probably had the biggest influence on me—not only in my parenting, but in my life's direction—of any single person out there.”So, sorry, fan-girl moment. I'm right there with you with Alfie Kohn.Dr. Justin: Yeah. I've gotten to know Alfie over the years as my academic career advanced and I began to understand where he took his research from.I read his book Punished by Rewards—I think it was a 1993—Sarah: That was my first one too.Dr. Justin: Yeah, it's a 1993 publication or something.Sarah, it was just so influential.What happened was, I was doing my university degree and learning things, and honestly, I'd be sitting there thinking, Hang on, the things they're teaching me in these university courses seem to clash with what Alfie Kohn taught me in Punished by Rewards.So I spent a lot of time in the notes section at the back—you know, all the references nobody ever reads?Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: As I went through them, I discovered researchers named Edward Deci and Richard Ryan from the University of Rochester in upstate New York.They had developed a theory known as self-determination theory.A large portion of Alfie Kohn's work is based on self-determination theory.So I really dug deep into that. I still love Alfie, but I moved very much into the academic side because I became a university lecturer and really got into the nitty-gritty of understanding the deepest depths of what self-determination theory is all about. That has become the foundation of the work that I do.And to your question: nothing is linear when you are trying to make improvements.Whether you're trying to change your diet, exercise, get your finances in order, or improve your relationships, you have insights. You have moments where you think, Oh my goodness, this is what I need to do. I need to show up with warmth on my face and soft eyes.And then three hours later, one of your children does something, and you forget what soft eyes look and feel like. You look at them with hard eyes, frustration in your voice, and short, clipped sentences.Then half an hour later, you think, Oh, self-awareness. I missed that.So it's this gradual process: two steps forward, one step back. Three steps forward, one step back. Four steps forward, three steps back. Eight steps forward, no steps back.Over the years, I had this beautiful experience—and maybe you've had a similar experience in your family as you've raised your kids.We were maybe in my third or fourth year of study. My wife has an early childhood background. She knows child development. She knows what kids need.She was a little skeptical about a lot of the things I was starting to talk about and discover as I went through university and got into the depths of what the research meant—comparing and contrasting it with what was mainstream, but actually not always quite right.We had some tension around how we should respond to the children. I was moving away from that authoritarian bent and developing ideas around exploring their world more.One night, I came home from university a little late. It was probably around 9:00 p.m. Our three children were still awake.As I drove into the driveway, all the lights in the house were on. The windows were open. Looking through the living room window, I could tell the house was—to put it politely—a mess.And as I stepped into the house, the kids—it was just awful.I walked over to Kylie and said, “Honey, it looks like it's been a pretty tough day.”I was trying to be compassionate and empathic. I was really trying to do what psychology says is the right thing to do.Kylie looked at me without hesitation and said, “Don't give me any of that psychology crap. I've had the worst day in the world.”Then she stormed out and said, “You fix it,” and walked into the bedroom and closed the door.Again, this is not how my wife usually is, but it had been a really rough day. The kids were feral. The house was a mess.I looked at my priorities. I sat down with the child who was struggling the most and worked with her for two or three minutes. She calmed down, I gave her a little food, and put her to bed.Within about 20 minutes, I had all three kids in bed, and I was so proud of myself.I stepped into the kitchen and started tidying up. I thought, I'll just give Kylie some space.After another 30 or 40 minutes of tidying, I stepped into the living room and said, “Honey, I know you're really upset. It's been a pretty tough day. I wasn't trying to be judgy or anything.”And she said, “It's fine for you. You're not dealing with it all day. You walk in and think you can just snap your fingers and everything's fine.”Then she looked at me and said, “But tonight, you walked in and it feels like you snapped your fingers and everything's fine.”And we had this beautiful conversation where she said, “I've been resenting the things you've been trying to tell me because it felt like you were telling me I was wrong.“But I've been watching, and I'm actually seeing that the things you're doing are working, and our family is feeling better.”It took four or five years to get there, Sarah.It's not like I had this epiphany—I'm a bad father, I need to change—and suddenly I was a good dad.There were many embarrassing, shameful moments after that epiphany where I still made terrible decisions and treated the children badly.Even today, I still lose my temper, say things I shouldn't, and get frustrated, because kids are kids and we're fallible humans.But we call parenting parenting because it's about us. If it were about children, we'd call it childrening.Which sounds silly, right?Dr. Justin: But what I've really discovered is that if I can learn how to regulate myself—high emotions equal low intelligence—then I can regulate my emotions, turn them up or down appropriately for the context, and keep them in harmony with my long-term goals, which are to have loving, kind relationships with my children.If I can do that, I'm going to approach them with a tremendously different focus than I will if I'm looking for a short-term fix.And that is something—Anger is a habit. Yelling is a habit. Time-out is a habit. Reward charts are a habit.We can create other habits. We just have to understand the processes and principles behind those habits and then practice them, like we practice a song on the piano, until we finally get it right.Sarah: I love that.So you and Kylie really had a journey—a back-and-forth dance of your own processes and your own development.I do love how you say it's really about us. Whenever I'm working with clients, after a couple of sessions they'll say, “You know what? This isn't even about my kid. This is just about me.”Dr. Justin: Yes. Yes.Sarah: Nobody wants to believe that at first, because it's so much easier to think, I've just got to change them and what they're doing.But it's really all about what we're bringing to the moment and what we're bringing to the relationship.Dr. Justin: I get in trouble sometimes for being overly provocative and saying things that are insensitive, so a quick warning:I want to say what I'm about to say with all the compassion in the world and all the tenderness and care in the world, because I work with people every single day who are dealing with exactly the struggles you're talking about.I want to step into the world of neurodiversity—ADHD, autism, trauma—those kinds of areas.What we're talking about applies there as well. It's just harder.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: But ultimately, if I'm raising an ADHD child or a child who's been through a traumatic experience, once again, parenting is not about them. It's about how I show up for them.So I can say, “Well, my child's like that,” or, “I'm like this because of the diagnosis,” or because of the label, or because of the trauma, or because of the neural networks doing what they're doing.I can say all of those things, and many people do. It's understandable, and I have all the compassion in the world for them when they do.But the key thing I want to highlight is that in spite of all of those challenges your child might be facing—or even that you might be facing—today begins now.It begins with what you put on your face and what you think in your mind.If we can soften our features and go to our children with kindness and compassion while still holding appropriate limits—or working with them to develop appropriate limits—then what we can say is:“Yes, that bad thing happened,” or, “Yes, we are dealing with this difficulty, so what are we going to do about it?”We can fall into the I can't do anything way of thinking, which is really ineffective and doesn't help at all.Or we can step into I have this incredible thing psychologists call agency, or self-efficacy, where I can make a decision now, and if we work on it, we can actually improve things.It might be a longer, harder road. There may be more obstacles to climb over than a typical family without those challenging circumstances.It may be harder.But we can always improve.I never want to be the person who puts limits on what kids can do or what parents can do.If we change our language, change our focus, and recognize that this is a long game—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —which requires sustained effort every single day, it's extraordinary the progress we can make and the changes we can create in our home and our family.Sarah: For sure. Yeah.And unfortunately, it's a long game, right? Because I think today we always want quick answers and solutions.Really, it's just showing up every day as best you can and repairing when you don't show up the way you wish you had.And I think another really important part of it—which you were talking around a little bit—is trying to understand our child's experience and see things from their perspective.I was just talking to a client about that today:What's the most emotionally generous explanation you can come up with for their behavior?Because we don't actually know why anyone does anything, since we're not in their brain.But we often jump to, They're being rude on purpose, or They're trying to annoy me.Really, if we can think, Well, I don't know why they're doing this, but there's probably a reason, because kids want to be good. They want to be connected with us.And just reminding ourselves that they're not giving us a hard time—they're having a hard time.That actually makes it easier, I think, to show up as your best, most compassionate self—with, as you say, soft eyes and warm features.Dr. Justin: Yeah.No child wakes up in the morning thinking, Today's the day. I'm just going to ruin everything.This is the perfect opportunity. My parents are tired and frazzled. There's a cost-of-living crisis. There are all these challenges happening, and if ever there was a moment—it's now. I'm going to do it today.They don't wake up thinking that.Like you said—and you said it so perfectly—kids really do want to please us.I know some parents listening to me say that right now are thinking, No, no. My child does not want to please me.And so the question becomes: Why? Why are they struggling?And maybe this is a nice way for me to bring in some of the principles I learned as I went deeper into self-determination theory.There are a couple of times when children are almost guaranteed to be challenging, and this has nothing to do with self-determination theory. This is just general psychology and wellbeing.I always think of Germany. A police officer tells you to stop, but they don't say the word stop because they're German.In German, the word for stop is halt—H-A-L-T.So we add an S to the end, and the acronym becomes:Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Stressed.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Those are the five times when you can all but guarantee your children are not going to be doing well.If they are hungry, get some food into them—ideally a little protein, because it's satiating and helps them feel full quickly.If they're angry, then we've got to remember: high emotions equal low intelligence.You can't think straight in a high emotional state.So our job is to get curious, not furious, because if we fight fire with fire, we end up with a scorched-earth policy and everything gets burned.Dr. Justin: Lonely.I could be sitting right next to you, Sarah, and feel disconnected and lonely—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —even if we were very close.Our children are sometimes literally sitting at our kitchen bench, and they feel alone. They feel a little lost. Because of the way we're responding to them—with hard commands, correction, and direction rather than connection—they feel lonely.Tired.I don't even need to explain that.Even as adults, I don't know any couple who, at the end of witching hour—or whatever you might call it in North America, that 5:00 to 7:00 p.m. stretch when the kids—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: —are just oof…It's the end of that period, and you're exhausted, the kids are exhausted, and you look at your husband or wife and say, “You know what? We are so tired. We're shattered. But boy, are we nailing it tonight.”Nobody ever says that when they're tired—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: —because you're not nailing it. You're just hanging in there.And it's the same with kids.Then the S is for stressed, and that includes sickness, because sickness is a stress on the body as well.Those five indicators are going to let you know when your child is likely to be challenging, and I think they're really good to watch out for.But if we go a little deeper and talk about self-determination theory, it says that each of us has these needs.You have them, Sarah, and I have them, and our children have them—even your mother-in-law has them.We have three basic psychological needs.When we're in environments where those needs are supported, oh my goodness, we thrive. These are environments we're drawn to and attracted to. We approach them with a smile on our face and can't wait to be there.But if the environment is what researchers call need-thwarting or need-frustrating—meaning it frustrates and thwarts those needs—then we avoid it.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Or, if we're in those environments, we act in ways that are challenging.So the basic psychological needs are:Number one: a sense of relationship, or relatedness. That's the technical term they use.Relatedness is a sense of mutual belonging.Sarah: So would it be similar to mattering? Like you feel like you matter to somebody?Dr. Justin: Yeah. There's been a lot of talk recently about mattering.But it's reciprocal mattering. It's not just one-way.It's I matter to you, but you matter to me.Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: Let me use Mother's Day as an example.We just had Mother's Day in Australia at the start of May.If I've got a great relationship with my mother-in-law, and it's Mother's Day, I'm probably going to spend the morning with my wife and family while my children celebrate their mum. Then maybe at lunchtime, we head over to the in-laws to celebrate my wife's mum.If I feel like that relationship need is supported at my mother-in-law's—meaning there's mutual belonging, I matter to her, she matters to me, we enjoy one another's company, and it feels good—I'm going to say:“Great. Let's get in the car. Let's go. What do we need to do?”But if I'm going to a need-frustrating environment—if there's tension, antagonism, snide remarks, eye rolls, silence, defensiveness, or wounds from bad things that happened in the past—that environment doesn't feel good to me.So I'm going to say to Kylie:“Honey, why don't you take the kids to your mum's? Have a great lunch. We've made a big mess this morning, and I think the best thing I can do for your Mother's Day”—and I'll frame it nicely, of course—“is stay home, tidy the house, clean up the kitchen, get everything ready, and put dinner on for tonight so you can have your perfect Mother's Day dinner. I'll see you in four hours.”And then I send her out the door.Why?Because my in-laws' home has become a need-thwarting or need-frustrating environment. I just don't want to be there.And if I am there, I'm going to be sullen and sulky. I might try my best for half an hour and then say, “Oh, this is too hard,” and retreat—Sarah: Or text. The adult version of misbehavior.Dr. Justin: Yes, exactly. Exactly.But if I'm a child in a need-thwarting or need-frustrating environment, I'm going to get into fights with the kids I don't like.Or I'm going to say, “I don't want to go to school because everyone picks on me because I don't regulate my behavior properly because I've got ADHD.”Right?So school becomes a place I don't want to go.Or maybe you have a faith background and your child doesn't have any friends at church.Or you've signed them up for soccer, but they don't know anyone on the team.And they're saying, “Yeah, but I don't want to go.”It all comes down to relationship.Relationship is the basic psychological need that's being thwarted.Now, the second basic psychological need is competence.Competence, I would describe as feeling like I can do the thing I'm being asked to do.Sarah: Or that I want to do.Dr. Justin: Yeah. We'll get to want to in just a second, because want-to is the third basic psychological need—autonomy.So stay with me on competence for a second.Competence is capability. Capacity.It's not even necessarily about being able to do something—it's about feeling like you're making progress toward the goal.Let's say I'm joining acrobatics and trying to learn how to do a handstand.That's really tricky. It's a tough skill.If I show up every week to acrobatics, even if I've got great friends there—so my relationship need is supported—and I love my coach, but every time I try to do a handstand my shoulders buckle, my elbows aren't straight, my form is wrong, I fall over, or I can't stay up…After four or five or six weeks, I'm going to say:“I don't like this anymore. I'm out.”I had a daughter who wanted to come cycling with me.I'm a really keen cyclist. I ride on the road. I'm a middle-aged man in Lycra.But I also ride on the velodrome.You've seen those velodrome bikes at the Olympics—the indoor track where they go around and around and around.You might have noticed that after they finish the race, they keep pedaling and do another 10 laps.The reason is twofold.Number one: there are no brakes on those bikes.And second: they use what's called a fixed gear, meaning that when the wheels are spinning, the pedals are spinning.If you stop pedaling, you're going to get thrown over the handlebars because the wheels are still moving, which means the pedals are still moving, even if you try to stop them.So you just have to keep riding until the bike slows down.My daughter wanted to come to Friday night velodrome racing with me.We didn't have the money, but we spent all this cash on a bike, the Lycra, the helmet, the special shoes—it cost a lot, and I was a poor university student.But my daughter wanted to cycle with me, and I wasn't going to miss that opportunity. So we sacrificed and made it happen.Unfortunately, she was competing against girls who had been riding for four, five, or six years.For the first few weeks, she gave it a good go, but she was losing by several laps every race.After about a month, she said:“Dad, I don't want to do this anymore.”And my response was:“But I've spent all this money.”But what was really going on was that as much as she liked the girls and the atmosphere, she didn't feel competent—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —and she didn't see progress.She didn't feel like she was ever going to master the activity, so her motivation and wellbeing plummeted.Cycling became a need-thwarting environment for her.Whether it's piano, violin, rock climbing, cycling, swimming, math, PE class—it doesn't matter.If your kids don't feel like they can do the thing, they're going to push back.They're going to say:“This is too hard. I don't like it.”They won't use these exact words, but what they're really saying is:“This is a need-frustrating environment for me. I don't like it. I don't want to be there.”And then they start to act out.My mom got to the stage with me as a 13-year-old boy where she was physically holding me by the arm and dragging me into my piano lessons.Dr. Justin: Which brings me to my third and final basic psychological need, which is autonomy.A lot of people hear the word autonomy and think it means freedom—that kids can do whatever they want. They think it means independence.That's not what autonomy means, certainly not in the strict scientific form we're talking about within this theory.Rather, autonomy comes down to identifying the value of an activity and therefore endorsing the actions required to do the activity.See, if I, as a 12-year-old, looked at piano and thought:This is going to be a lifelong skill that will bring me joy, that I'll be able to share with others, that I can use in service of my family and community. If I can play piano or keyboard, I could be in a band. I could do all of these things.If I identified the value in the activity, then I would endorse the work required to learn it.So autonomy is not about freedom and independence. It's about choice based on values.That's a lot when you're thinking about three-, four-, and five-year-olds, but not necessarily—Sarah: No, I love that.We talk about that all the time in my communities—how important it is for kids to have autonomy.And I think you can have autonomy even when kids can't be independent, right?Because you can't have a four-year-old who's independent, but you can have a four-year-old who can make decisions that matter.Dr. Justin: Yes, yes.And that decision goes well beyond, Do you want to wear the blue suit or the green one?Sarah: I'll quote our friend Alfie Kohn. He says, “Kids should have the ability to make decisions that make adults gulp a little bit.”Dr. Justin: I love it. Yes. Beautiful.Let me give an adult version of this, and then I'll swing it back into childhood, because sometimes parents hear this and think, This isn't quite computing for me.In Canada, you drive on the right-hand side of the road.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And it's true that if you choose to drive on the left-hand side of the road, the authorities will probably get involved. You may cause harm to somebody. You could even end up in prison.But even in the middle of the night, when nobody's on the road, I can't imagine there are too many Canadians who get in the car and think:Tonight's the night. Nobody's watching. I'm gonna drive on the left.You are being absolutely controlled by the government and by the law. You're driving on the right-hand side of the road.But because you identify the value in driving on the right-hand side of the road, nobody has to compel you to do it.You just do it because you endorse the idea that driving on the right is safer. It's what you need to do.So our job with our children is twofold.First, when it comes to these basic psychological needs, we want to help them be in environments—or create environments—where those needs are supported.We want to send them to a school where they have good relationships, where somebody says, “Hey, come sit with us,” where teachers know them by name and smile when they see them and are excited to support them.A school where they're able to experience progress—which might mean less emphasis on grades and more emphasis on developing capability.And a school where they feel like they have some say in where they're going and what they're doing.Rather than being forced to attend a school like I was when I was a teenager, they get to say:“No, I want to go to that school because that's where my friends are.”Or:“That's where the teachers help me feel good.”Or:“That's where my interests lie.”That's the basic psychological-needs concept.Now let's bring that into discipline, which is what started this whole conversation.Based on this theory—and I guess it ties back to a lot of what Alfie Kohn has said as well—I developed a little model that's really easy to memorize and even easier to enact.I call it the Three E's of Effective Discipline.The Three E's of Effective Discipline are need-supportive.If you look at the root of the word discipline, it comes from the idea that we teach, guide, and instruct—that we show the way to follow.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: But if you look at the modern definition of discipline, the modern definition is punish.Punish means exact retribution. It means hurt. It means make someone pay a price.Sarah: Make people feel bad on purpose.Dr. Justin: Yeah. That's exactly right.And I'm interested in disciplining our kids, not punishing our kids.Punishment is need-thwarting, right?If you make someone feel bad on purpose, there goes the relationship. They feel incompetent, and you've taken away their autonomy.So standard discipline strategies—whether it's time-out, spanking, yelling, withdrawing privileges, taking away the iPad, bribery—all of those standard discipline practices trample over basic psychological needs.We've got to come up with something better.So I developed the Three E's of Effective Discipline, which are basically this:On a beautiful bed of empathy, we explore, we explain, and we empower.Sarah: Ooh, I love that.Dr. Justin: Explore basically means I sit down with my child at an appropriate time.Because we always try to fix things right here, right now.Sometimes we need to, but often intervention simply to make sure people and property aren't hurt—that's all you need.Then you can say to your child:“We'll have a chat about this later when nobody's got a head full of steam.”Kick it down the road.You don't have to fix things right here, right now. Most of the time, it's just not necessary.So once everyone is calm, you explore.You say:“Hey, I've noticed there's been a lot of tension in our home lately between you and your brother.”Or:“Have you noticed that for the last few weeks we've had so much conflict about screens?”And your child says, “Yeah.”And you say:“I just want to listen because parenting's about parents, right? I must be getting something wrong here. Can you help me understand what I'm missing? Where am I going wrong? What's the real problem from your perspective?”Now, there are three things that make this better.Number one: never do it with an audience.Kids always want to save face. They don't feel competent when we start these conversations in front of other people.Number two: have some treats.Because once you're feeding them, they're like:“Oh, I'm not in trouble. We're just chatting, and there are cookies,” or a thick shake, or something like that.And number three: take notes.When you're trying to solve problems—and that's really what discipline is—The Three E's of Effective Discipline are about problem-solving.Discipline—meaning helping, teaching, guiding, instructing—is really about solving problems.So if I want to solve problems effectively in my home—if I want to discipline my children well—I'm trying to say:“Where are you coming from? What am I missing?”When you take notes on what your kids are saying, it's amazing how much information they give you because they realize:You're really listening to me.Sarah: Yeah. You're taking me seriously. You're writing down what I say.Dr. Justin: They're blown away by it.So they'll tell you a bunch of stuff.Now, every now and then they won't. Sometimes they'll shrug and say, “I don't know.”And you can say:“Well, if you don't know, that's fine. But if you did know…”This drives kids crazy, but it's my favorite sentence.“If you did know, what do you think the answer would be?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And they roll their eyes.“Well, I don't know. That's what I said. If I knew, I'd tell you, but I don't know.”And I say:“I know you don't know, and I understand that if you did know, you would tell me. But if you did know, what would you tell me?”Sarah: I love that.Dr. Justin: They get this feeling—it's like this horrible psychological trick where:I don't know the answer, but if I had to come up with one, I guess I'd say this…And now the conversation starts.You get momentum.Sarah: You Jedi mind-trick them.Dr. Justin: Yeah. It's beautiful.And you write it down.At no point are you allowed to interrupt.At no point are you allowed to tell them they're wrong.At no point are you allowed to respond with your adult wisdom.You just listen.Sarah: Okay, and we're still on explore?Still on the first E?Dr. Justin: We're still on the first E.You make all these notes, and once it sounds like they've told you everything, you say:“All right. So what you're telling me is…”And then you read the notes back.This is the oldest psychological strategy in the book—I'm not saying anything new here.If they say, “Yes, that's what I'm saying,” you say:“All right. Great. I've got it.”If they say no, then you say:“Oh, what have I missed? How did I get this wrong? Clarify it for me.”And they give you more information.But there's a really valuable question at the end.When they say, “Yes, that's what I'm saying,” you ask:“Fantastic. Is there anything else?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: The power of asking that extra question is profound.It forces them to go deeper.Sometimes they'll say, “No, that's it.”But often, their first answers are shallow answers to get you off their back.They're thinking:I'm telling you what I think you want to hear.But when you say:“Got it. You're happy with this answer? Fantastic. Is there anything else going on?”That's when they look at you and think:Oh—you're actually serious about this. You really care.Sarah: And you're really listening to me.Dr. Justin: Yeah.And it's profound what children will give you after you ask, “Is there anything else?”Once you've got everything written down, confirmed, and you're clear, the next step is explain.Dr. Justin: Now, there are a couple of things around explain.Explain is basically the part where you tell them what they need to know. This is the parent bit.But all too often, we step into lecturing, and the kids fall asleep. They're like, “Oh, here we go again. I thought this was going to be different, but it's no different after all.”So there are a couple of things we need to get right here.Number one: if you're going to explain anything to your children, my recommendation is that you keep it to less than 20 seconds.Now, there's no science around this. This is just my experience in talking with parents and kids in my own family. I find that if you talk for more than 10 to 20 seconds, kids really do tune out, and it goes back to the way things have always been.The second thing is that I always ask permission.“Now that I've listened to you, Sarah, there are just one or two things I'd love to run by you about what's going on. Do you mind if I do that?”I want to make this absolutely clear: as a parent, you do not need your child's permission to tell them things. I really, absolutely, honestly believe that. As the parent, you have the right to tell them stuff they need to know.But this isn't about rights. This is about effectiveness.If I launch into, “Well, Sarah, now that I've listened to that, I get it, but I need to tell you these two things,” I'm already bringing defensiveness back into the relationship.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Barriers are coming up.Whereas if I say, “Sarah, this is so helpful. As I've listened to you, two things have come to mind. Do you mind if I share both of those with you?” Your instant response, even as I say it—I'm watching your face—Sarah: I'm nodding.Dr. Justin: And you're going—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: Yeah. I actually want to know.You're opening up your heart and mind to me, and we're just role-playing this.Sarah: Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And that's what our kids do. They're like, “Oh, okay.” Because we've given them the courtesy of listening—Sarah: Well, and you're not trying to use your power over them.Dr. Justin: Exactly.This is a non-coercive, really supportive conversation.And I still haven't had this happen. A lot of parents will say, “Well, what happens if they say no?”And I'm like, “I've raised six kids, and they've never actually looked at me and said, ‘Now that I think about it, no, I don't need to know anything that you…'”They've just never done it.But even if they did—Sarah: Well, if they do, it's probably that they're—what did you say? When emotions are high, intelligence is low. Maybe it wasn't the right time to have the conversation.If they're saying no, then they're probably still angry and holding onto whatever was going on for them.Dr. Justin: Exactly.But if they're that angry, they're probably not going to have explored nicely with you anyway.Sarah: Yes, exactly. So pick—Dr. Justin: A different time.You're probably not even going to—Sarah: Get to that point. Yeah.Dr. Justin: So it's very much: keep it really short, ask permission, and then share.Sarah: Okay. So give me examples.You said, “We've been fighting about screens,” was one example. You also gave the example of, “You've been fighting a lot with your brother.”So in the explain—10 to 20 seconds—choose one of those scenarios. After hearing your child, what would you say in that 10 to 20 seconds?Dr. Justin: I did this just the other day with my 16-year-old daughter, Lily, who is on social media more than she should be. There's been some tension and conflict.I listened. She shared some ideas, and I said, “There are just a couple of things I want to run by you. Is that okay?”She said, “Sure, Dad.”I said, “Great. There are certain times when we're trying to connect or have family time, and there are certain contexts where you're on your device and we just can't reach you.”She looked at me and said, “Yeah, I know.”I said, “Okay. The second thing I want to highlight is that we've noticed you're sleeping in because, even though you're not supposed to, you've been taking your phone into your bedroom at night and staying up late scrolling. Unless I'm reading it wrong, I'm pretty sure that's what's been happening.”And she said, “No, I have been, Dad. You're right.”So it's just two really succinct sentences where I'm stating what I'm seeing. I'm sharing my experience.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: If it were the sibling fighting, I'd say, “Yeah, your brother is really annoying. I get what's going on. Sometimes I wish he didn't live in our house as well.”I might have a joke with them about the challenge associated with that.And then I might say, “So when this happens, can I just share how it feels for me? It breaks my heart. I love both of you so very much, and my dream is for our family to enjoy being in one another's company and to look forward to conversations and jokes and doing the things we do. When this stuff is going on, it feels like that's a pipe dream.“And secondly, psychologically—you know I've got this PhD in psychology—I know that there's damage being done to the way your brother feels about himself. That's what I'm worried about.”So I've had both of those little conversations on two different topics, sharing two different things, and both were about 10 seconds each.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Again, it's conversational. It's not lecture-style.Sarah: And it's from the heart.I can feel it, even though this is just an example you're giving. I can feel that it's from your heart—that you're really being open and sharing with your child what your true concerns are.You're not trying to power over or control. You're really sharing a heartfelt sentiment.Dr. Justin: Yeah. Thank you. That's the goal.You won't always do that, but that's the goal.The reason there's a problem is because your values are not being upheld in the home, and you're trying to communicate that in a way that shows you honor them and that they've got a brain.Now, we've used two really grown-up versions—or teenage versions, I guess. But you can have the same conversations with three- and four-year-olds. It's just shorter. It's simpler.Usually, with those conversations, in a pretty tight timeframe—60 to 90 seconds—you've done the whole process.There is a higher-order—Sarah: Okay, so what's the third part?Dr. Justin: Just before I get to that one, if you really want to do the advanced version of explain, what I'll often do after I've explored with my child is say:“Okay, so this is the bit where I'd normally explain what's going on from my point of view. I wonder if you can tell me what you think I'm going to say here.”Sarah: Ah.Dr. Justin: And so I get them to explain the explain to me.The reason that's so effective is that whenever my mouth is the one that's moving, my brain is the one that's working.If I can get their mouth moving, their brain is doing the heavy lifting.Sarah: Love that.Dr. Justin: That's really, really effective.And then the last one—Sarah: Is empower.And you're also helping them see things and develop empathy, right? To see things from somebody else's perspective.Dr. Justin: Yes. Powerful.The last one is empower.That's literally as simple as saying, “Okay, so I get where you're coming from. We've had that conversation very thoroughly. You know what my challenge is here. What do you think we should do?”“Where do we go from here? How do we solve this in a way that we can both feel good about?”It's true that every now and then, your child will shrug their shoulders and say, “I don't know.”Or they'll shrug and say, “Well, we should just do what I want to do.”And as a parent, that's where you step in and say my favorite line:“Don't you just wish? Don't you just wish we could?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Because—well, let me ask you, Sarah. When I say, “Don't you just wish,” or, “Wouldn't it be good if we could?”—same thing—what have I actually said?Sarah: Total empathy. Heaps of empathy.Dr. Justin: Total empathy.But I've also said something else really clearly.Sarah: That that's not going to work.Dr. Justin: Correct. The answer is no.But it's a no with so much love, kindness, empathy, and gentleness in it—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —that your child goes, “Oh, yeah. I know.”And then you say, “So let's see if we can come up with a solution that will work.”What else might work for you when it comes to your brother?What else might work for you when it comes to the party on Friday night that I'm not willing to let you go to?What else could work when it comes to our screen challenges? Because this is an ongoing issue for us, isn't it?Every now and then, you won't get an answer right away. You'll say, “Well, let's talk about it again tonight,” or, “Let's talk about it again tomorrow once you've had some time to think about it.”But I'm big on deadlines.“We need to have this worked out by the end of the weekend, okay? I don't want to go through another week of this. We've got to find a solution. If we haven't had another chat by tomorrow night, we're going to sit down and work it out then.”And I also don't have a problem at this point—Laura Walker is a researcher at BYU in Utah, and she did a study published in the Journal of Adolescence where she found that parents who use these kinds of strategies—she's not talking about the Three E's of Effective Discipline, because that's the thing I developed, but it's based on the same sort of theory that she researches—Parents who use these kinds of strategies, even when they do have to step in and say, “All right, well, we haven't come up with a solution, so it's going to be my way,” kids are much more likely to be responsive and compliant—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —because we've been through a process with them that is not autocratic. It's not authoritarian.They've felt like they had a voice. Their perspective has been seen and heard. They've had some input.And even though they don't get what they want all the time—because we're the parents, and sometimes the fact that we've climbed 47 rungs on the ladder of life and they've only climbed 13 is all we need.Sarah: That's what I call in my work the goodwill bank.When your kids experience you as collaborative, non-coercive, and not power-tripping—when they know, over the period of their childhood, that they can trust you to take their preferences into account and be respectful of them—then when you do have to say no about something, even if they don't like it, there's this goodwill bank behind you and this level of trust.When you mentioned, “You can't go to the party on Friday,” I never had that issue with my kids because everything was so collaborative.We'd have similar conversations. I didn't have—I'm not very good at thinking of things like the Three E's—but similar kinds of processes where they'd say why they wanted to go, I'd say what my concerns were, and then they'd invariably say, “Oh, yeah, you're probably right.”It was never, “You can't go.”It was, “These are my concerns. This is what I've been thinking about.”Because they experienced that whole process over years of parenting, you don't get the pushback because they don't feel like you're power-tripping them.Dr. Justin: Yeah.Sarah, I had an experience with one of my adult children who was still living at home. I think she was maybe 19 or 20 when this happened.She wanted to go and do something, and I said to her, “You're an adult. You do get to choose for yourself whether you will do this or not, but I've got some really big concerns about you doing it.“I actually think you're putting yourself into a dangerous situation. There's some history, some volatility, and some challenges if you go and involve yourself in this particular activity. Tell me why this is so important to you.”So she walked me through it, and I said, “Okay, I get it. How do my concerns stack up against your desire to be there?”And she said, “Dad, I get what you're saying, but I want to go.”And I said, “Okay, so…”You used that beautiful term, the goodwill bank. I can't remember exactly what my words were, but I'm going to use your term right now, because I essentially said:“I'm going to use the goodwill I've built up with you over the last however many years and step in really firmly and say you're making a mistake.“As your dad, even though you're an adult, I want to forbid you to go. That's how strongly I feel about this. To the degree that I can, I forbid it.“Ultimately, you will choose because you are an adult, but I don't want you there.”Sarah: I'm going on the record.Dr. Justin: Yeah, yeah.“I need you to trust that this is a bad idea. We can come up with any number of other activities you could do instead, with different people in a different location, but this is a bad idea, and you have none of my support should you go.“If you go and something goes wrong, you call me and I'll come rescue you. But it is a bad idea, and I forbid it.”And I couldn't believe I was saying those words. I've never said them in my life, and now I was saying them to an adult.But she looked at me and said, “Okay.”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: She didn't fight me. She didn't say, “I can do what—”Sarah: No, because you built up the history with her of how she experienced you.Dr. Justin: Yeah. She was like, “Wow, this is serious. He's never said that before. If he feels that strongly, maybe he's right. Maybe I need to find an alternative.”So anyway, that's the Three E's of Effective Discipline.I feel like I've talked too much, Sarah. I wanted to be much more conversational, but I get carried away when we—Sarah: No, no. I love it.I feel like it's very complementary to the things that I teach, and you've given me some new things to teach parents as well.I love having sort of snappy—the Three E's of Discipline. I think that's great. I love it. I'll share it.Dr. Justin: Yeah, please. Absolutely.It's helped so many millions of parents.Sarah: Yeah.Well, I love that we've connected across the world—from the other side of the world to each other—and I look forward to hopefully talking to you again in March of 2027 when your book Boys comes out.I figured we were going to talk about that, but we had such a lovely conversation about peaceful parenting, discipline, and—oh my God, it's gone right out of my head—Dr. Justin: Self-determination theory.Sarah: Self-determination theory.I think it was a really great conversation, and I really appreciate you sharing all of your experience and wisdom.Dr. Justin: I loved the conversation.Like I said, it was too one-sided. I wish we'd been able to go backward and forward a bit more, but let's do it again.Let's chat again next year when the book comes out, and we'll talk about boys and how to help them.There's so much talk about toxic masculinity.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Wouldn't it be great if we could give them a view of healthy masculinity—a model of that to follow?That's what my book is all about: how we can guide boys into a healthy form of masculinity.Sarah: Well, for folks in Australia, your book is coming out in June 2026. For folks in North America, it's not coming out until spring 2027.So I will definitely be ringing you up and having you come back on to talk about the book when you've got your North American release. I know we're going to have a great conversation then.Before I let you go, though, I have a question that I ask all my podcast guests:If you had a time machine and you could go back and tell your younger parent self something, what advice would you give yourself?Dr. Justin: Jean-Jacques Rousseau said there is—I can't remember the quote exactly—but: What wisdom is there that is greater than kindness?I've paraphrased it. It's not perfect, but it's something along those lines.Interestingly, Rousseau had, I think, five children—maybe six—and he put them all into orphanages somewhere in the first 18 months of their lives so he could spend more time writing and focusing on how to be a good person, which I just find criminal. I can't believe it.So take it for what it's worth, but “What wisdom is there that's greater than kindness?” is what Rousseau said.I've mentioned this idea of soft eyes a couple of times. If I could go back, I would teach myself about kindness. I'd teach myself about many of the things we've talked about today.But I just want to quickly share the story of soft eyes.As an academic, I want everything I say to be evidence-based. There is no evidence that I'm aware of where people have done any kind of randomized controlled trial where parents are asked to interact with their children with soft eyes, neutral eyes, hard eyes, or anything like that.Soft eyes is this idea—I was giving a presentation at a public library one time, and an elderly lady stepped into the back of the room, sat down, and listened to the last 25 or 30 minutes of my presentation. She must have liked what she could hear from the corridor outside, and she stepped in to listen.After everybody had left, she walked over to me and said, “I really enjoyed what you shared. I'd love to tell you something my grandmother said to me.”So we're going back into the early 1900s.Her grandmother said, “Whenever you're talking to your children about matters of discipline, make sure you have soft eyes.”And I thought, I really like that.Because if you try to have a conversation with somebody and your eyes are soft, you just can't say mean things. You can't say harsh things. You can't have harsh thoughts.If you soften your eyes, your face softens and your heart softens. You have this beautiful compassion and kindness, this ability to see the best in them rather than the worst in them, to assume positive intent.There's something gorgeous about soft eyes.So I would go back and quote Rousseau better than I just quoted him to you, and I would tell my younger self that soft eyes will make a tremendous impact on all of my relationships.Sarah: Ah.There's an American—I don't know if you've heard of him in Australia—but he's a pretty well-known marriage counselor, Terry Real.Dr. Justin: Oh, yeah. I quote him in my book.Sarah: Yeah, yeah. He does a lot of work about—well, he says something like, “There's nothing that harshness can accomplish that kindness can't accomplish better.”Dr. Justin: That's so beautiful.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Thank you. That's inspiring. I'm so glad you shared that.Sarah: Yeah. I love it.It's hard to remember, but I think it is true. And I wish that—and I know the world needs a dose of that right now.Dr. Justin: Yeah. Yeah.Sarah: One hundred percent.Well, thank you so much.Where's the best place for folks to go and find out more about you and what you do?Dr. Justin: Probably my podcast, the Happy Families Podcast. My wife and I drop a 15-minute nugget of parenting wisdom every day, five days a week.Sarah: Oh, wow!Dr. Justin: Yeah. It's a lot of content, but it's bite-sized chunks, and it's entertaining. We're fun. We get to do it together.And the Happy Families Podcast. I've got a website called happyfamilies.com.au, but basically, if you like what we've talked about—Sarah: We'll link to all of that in the show notes. We'll link to your website and your podcast, and I'm sure it's easy to find you.Dr. Justin: That sounds great. Thanks, Sarah.Sarah: Thank you so much.Dr. Justin: What a great, great conversation. Lovely to be with you.Reimagine Peaceful Parenting with Sarah Rosensweet Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

New here? Start with our Start Here playlist — five episodes that will change how you think about motherhood This is Part 1 of the Yelling Series — three episodes all about why you yell, how to stop it in the moment, and what to do after it happens. You promised yourself today would be different. And then it happened again. If you're stuck in the yelling cycle — the yell, the guilt, the promise to do better, repeat — this episode is for you. JoAnn breaks down what's actually driving the yelling (hint: it's not anger, and it's not a character flaw) and gives you the first tool in breaking the pattern for good. What you'll learn: Why knowing better is never enough to stop yelling The meaning problem: what your brain is actually reacting to in the moment Why the guilt spiral after yelling makes the pattern worse, not better How to identify your personal yelling triggers — and what they're really telling you The 3-question Yelling Audit to do after this episode Next week: Part 2 — the body reset tools you can use in under 60 seconds, even when you can't leave the room. Remember: the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the gut–brain connection is driving emotional dysregulation in your child? Hidden gut imbalances may fuel mood swings and meltdowns. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, expert in Regulation First Parenting™, helps families calm the brain and restore emotional balance.If your child's meltdowns feel unpredictable or tied to physical discomfort, you're not imagining it. What if the gut–brain connection is driving emotional dysregulation in your child?This episode unpacks how gut health impacts mood, behavior, and stress—and what you can do to help your child feel calmer and more in control.Why does my child have emotional meltdowns when they're hungry or have stomach issues?You're not alone in noticing this pattern. Behavior is communication, and sometimes your child's body is sending signals before their brain can explain them.When the gut is out of balance, it can increase irritability, anxiety, and emotional reactivity—especially when blood sugar drops or digestion is off.Mood crashes when hungry can signal unstable blood sugarFrequent stomach aches or constipation may point to gut imbalanceAnxiety tied to physical discomfort is a major clueImagine this: Your child melts down every afternoon before dinner. It looks behavioral—but their nervous system may actually be overwhelmed by hunger and gut stress.How does the gut actually affect my child's brain and emotions?Let's calm the brain first by understanding what's happening underneath. The gut and brain are constantly communicating through the vagus nerve—like a two-way highway.Here's what matters most:Most serotonin (the “feel-good” chemical) is made in the gutThe gut microbiome helps regulate inflammation and brain signalingSignals travel from gut to brain more than you thinkWhen the gut is balanced, your child's nervous system can regulate stress more easily. When it's not? That “stress cup” fills fast—and spills over as meltdowns.Yelling less and staying calm isn't about being perfect—it's about having the right tools.Join the Dysregulation Insider VIP list and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit, designed to help you handle oppositional behaviors without losing it.Download it now at www.drroseann.com/newsletterWhat are signs my child's gut is affecting their behavior?It's not always obvious—but there are patterns parents can learn to spot.Look for these clues:Mood shifts after certain foodsDigestive issues (constipation, discomfort, picky eating)Energy crashes or fatigueBehavior changes when sleep is offThese don't automatically mean it's the gut—but they're signals worth paying attention to.One parent shared: After addressing gut health alongside nervous system regulation, their child's emotional outbursts didn't just improve—they dramatically shifted. That's the power of looking at the full picture.

Andy and Jeff unload their frustrations on the Cavs giving up a 22 point lead and dropping game 1 to the Knicks in overtime.

In Dumb Ass News, Chaz and AJ played a news report detailing the firing of a bus driver, after brake checking the kids on board and yelling at them. (0:00) A bakery in Louisiana made a $600 cake, then purposely destroyed it on camera. (9:29) Nick Stevens was in studio with Chaz and AJ this morning, to talk about his career on Boston radio, thanks to his character "Fitzy." Nick also addressed rumors that he'd lost his job because of his take on Mike Vrabel. (14:19) The New Jersey angry driver, Nick Goldsack, was on the phone with Chaz and AJ this morning to talk about idiots on the road. Nick has gained quite a following, even though his wife, Lisa, can't understand it. (23:10) What's with the lobster roll war in Connecticut? Matt Rader was on the phone to talk about the Guilford LobsterFest in June, and went through all the details of years of lobster roll wars in CT. (30:54) 

The boys talk 76ers and Flyers, all winners who went on to defeat their respective opponents and certainly did not get swept. Also featuring Rin yelling loudly from the couch and talking shit about Jayson Tatum. Shoot a message or leave us a voicemail (leave your name and pronouns): 267-371-7218 Find our bonus episodes and Discord on Patreon. Follow us on Bluesky:  Podcast Liam Tom  

Mukhtar Kadiri: When the Smartest Person on the Team Becomes the Biggest Bottleneck — And Explodes in a Meeting Read the full Show Notes and search through the world's largest audio library on Agile and Scrum directly on the Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast website: http://bit.ly/SMTP_ShowNotes.   "A lot of times, the problem is not necessarily technical. It's a human problem. Just figuring out the human dynamics removes the obstacles and makes the project flow." - Mukhtar Kadiri   Mukhtar was brought into a healthcare software project where the team couldn't hit any of their milestones. The product manager, engineering team, and head of engineering were supposed to be self-sustaining, but chaos reigned. What Mukhtar found through his one-on-ones was a pattern of finger-pointing — product blaming engineering, engineering blaming product. Then, in one meeting, the head of engineering exploded. He burst out yelling in front of the entire team. In a private conversation afterward, Mukhtar discovered the root cause: this brilliant architect was a bottleneck. Everyone depended on him, he was stretched across multiple projects, and the frustration had been building with no outlet. Mukhtar's approach was direct — "Your name is on this project. Yelling is not going to help." But the real insight came from what happened next. Once the head of engineering started controlling his outbursts, team morale improved almost immediately. Combined with basic structure — regular meetings, low-hanging-fruit milestones — the team built momentum and eventually became self-sufficient. The lesson? No matter how technical the challenge looks, it's always a people problem. And one-on-ones aren't just status updates — they're pressure valves that prevent public explosions that can cause irreparable damage to team morale.   Self-reflection Question: Is there someone on your team who's carrying too much load in silence — and what would it take for you to create a safe space where they can express that frustration before it boils over? Featured Book of the Week: HBR Project Management Handbook by Antonio Nieto-Rodriguez Mukhtar recommends the HBR Project Management Handbook because, as he puts it, "A lot of project management books, I can read them and it's almost like I'm not really learning anything new. But this one had substance." After stumbling into project management and leading projects for seven years before even pursuing his PMP, Mukhtar found that most PM books simply codified what he already knew from experience. The HBR handbook was different — it offered breadth, depth, and fresh approaches to common project management challenges. He also recommends the Rita Mulcahy PMP Exam Prep for those preparing for PMP certification, noting that studying for the exam crystallized frameworks around things he had been doing instinctively.   [The Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends]

His mom loves to show up unannounced and this time he snapped. Is he the jerk?

In this solo episode of Robot Unicorn, Jess tackles a common parenting struggle: How to find a middle ground between being passive and resorting to yelling. Tune in to gain practical insights that will empower you to break negative cycles and lead your children with respect and calm authority.Learn more about our Parenting Little Kids course here.Get 10% OFF parenting courses and kids' printable activities at Nurtured First using the code ROBOTUNICORN.We'd love to hear from you! Have questions you want us to answer on Robot Unicorn? Send us an email: podcast@robotunicorn.net. Credits:Editing by The Pod Cabin Artwork by Wallflower Studio Production by Nurtured First  Head to nurturedfirst.com/bodysafety to learn more about our Body Safety & Consent course!

Hey Heal Squad! Parents, listen up…this is the episode you didn't know you needed. We're with world-renowned parenting educator and author Jon Fogel, and trust us…this will completely reset how you think about raising kids. Jon literally wrote the book on it (loll), called Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice, and today he's breaking down why punishment and yelling don't work long-term (even if they feel effective in the moment), and what actually does. Jon shares real-life tools you can use immediately...like how to handle meltdowns without escalating them, and the surprisingly simple “game” that can turn chaos into connection in seconds. Plus he's sharing top tips like why you should never try to reason with a dysregulated child, what strengthens secure attachment, why apologizing to your kids might be the most important parenting tool you have, and a must-hear relationship hack for couples navigating different parenting styles (this alone is worth the listen!).Bottom line: this isn't about being a perfect parent. It's about being an intentional one. Small, consistent shifts can totally have a massive impact on your child's future. Hope you love this one, because we just know you're going to walk away with tools you can use today! HEALERS & HEAL LINERS Punishment doesn't teach, modeling does: Punishment might stop behavior in the moment, but it doesn't create lasting change. Kids learn far more from what we show them than what we say or threaten.  Regulate first, teach later: When kids are in meltdown mode, their brains are in survival, not learning, mode. In those moments, your only job is to help them regulate (through movement, games, or calming their body). The teaching and boundaries come after they're calm. Repair is more powerful than perfection: You don't have to be a perfect parent, what matters most is how you show up after you mess up. Learning how to apologize, repair, and reconnect actually builds stronger relationships and emotional intelligence in your kids. Join Us at Heal Squad's Day of Reset: https://www.healsquad.com/reset  HEAL SQUAD SOCIALS IG: https://www.instagram.com/healsquad/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@healsquadxmaria HEAL SQUAD RESOURCES: Heal Squad Website:https://www.healsquad.com/ Heal Squad x Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/HealSquad/membership Maria Menounos Website: https://www.mariamenounos.com My Curated Macy's Page: https://stylecrew.macys.com/@mariamenounos EMR-Tek Red Light: https://emr-tek.com/discount/Maria30 for 30% off Airbnb: https://www.airbnb.com/host AG1: drinkag1.com/healsquad  GUEST RESOURCES: Follow Jon Fogel (aka Whole Parent) on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wholeparent Follow Jon Fogel (aka Whole Parent) on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wholeparent Website: http://wholeparentacademy.com Order Punishment-Free Parenting: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/751238/punishment-free-parenting-by-jon-fogel/ The Whole Parent Podcast: https://www.wholeparentacademy.com/copy-of-about-jon-2 ABOUT MARIA MENOUNOS: Emmy Award-winning journalist, TV personality, actress, 2x NYT best-selling author, former pro-wrestler and brain tumor survivor, Maria Menounos' passion is to see others heal and to get better in all areas of life. ABOUT HEAL SQUAD x MARIA MENOUNOS: A daily digital talk-show that brings you the world's leading healers, experts, and celebrities to share groundbreaking secrets and tips to getting better in all areas of life. DISCLAIMER: This Podcast and all related content (published or distributed by or on behalf of Maria Menounos or http://Mariamenounos.com and http://healsquad.com) is for informational purposes only and may include information that is general in nature and that is not specific to you. Any information or opinions provided by guest experts or hosts featured within website or on Company's Podcast are their own; not those of Maria Menounos or the Company. Accordingly, Maria Menounos and the Company cannot be responsible for any results or consequences or actions you may take based on such information or opinions. This podcast is presented for exploratory purposes only. Published content is not intended to be used for preventing, diagnosing, or treating a specific illness. If you have, or suspect you may have, a health-care emergency, please contact a qualified health care professional for treatment.

If you've ever found yourself repeating the same direction six times, voice rising, before your child finally moves — this episode is for you. The truth is, you don't have a bad kid. And you're not a bad parent. What you have is a defective pattern. And patterns can be changed. In this solo episode, Albiona revisits one of the most downloaded and shared episodes on the show — why kids don't listen — and goes even deeper with real-life examples, coaching language you can use today, and the mindset shift that makes all the difference. Inside, she explores: →  What a “defective pattern” actually is — how kids collect data from their environment to decide when they actually have to listen, and why recognizing this changes everything →  The repeating cycle most parents are stuck in — and how priming your child ahead of time breaks it without yelling, threats, or emotional spirals →  The negotiation trap: why strong-willed kids learn to play the odds, how small moments of flexibility accidentally teach them to push limits, and what to do instead →  Why your action matters more than your words — how to give yourself something clear and followable so you stay regulated when your child tests the new pattern →  How to identify the pattern you've created, name the outcome you actually want, and build a new one — practically, without judgment, and in a way your child will respond to Connect with Albiona: →  Book a Free Discovery Call (1:1 Coaching) — https://www.theparentingreframe.com/coaching →  Follow Albiona on Instagram — @theparentingreframe →  Join Albiona's Paid Substack Community — https://theparentingreframe.substack.com →  Email Albiona directly — albiona@theparentingreframe.com Loved this episode? Please rate, review, and share it with a parent who's in the middle of a power struggle right now — the one who's exhausted, second-guessing themselves, and just needs to hear that there's a way through. Patterns are always fixable. And you've got this. Until next time, Albiona

Have you ever felt that soul-crushing mom guilt that comes from completely losing it on your own child — especially when you're supposed to be the one holding it all together while helping them with their big emotions?What if that guilt isn't the sign of a bad mom, but actually the sign of a great one?And what if there's so much more in your control than you think?In this episode, Emily Hamblin — neurodivergent mom, teacher, and emotion health coach for neurodivergent families — shares the brain science behind why you keep losing it, simple emotional regulation tools to catch yourself before you explode, and why your child's regulation journey and yours are more connected than you realize.You don't need more guilt. You need better tools. Let's find them.Connect with Emily on Instagram: instagram.com/emilyhamblincoachingJoin the Brain-Body Emotional Regulation for Neurodivergent Kids Waitlist at https://emily-hamblin.com

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Ever threatened something ridiculous in the heat of a parenting moment… like canceling Christmas?You're not alone.In this episode of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, Flora McCormick shares a powerful shift that helps parents discipline without yelling, threatening, or escalating power struggles with kids.After working with a dad of three who found himself regularly reaching for extreme punishments when his kids ignored him, Flora introduces a simple but transformative tool: Notice + Curiosity Questions.Instead of commands like “Why can't you just listen?”, you'll learn how curiosity can help kids move into problem-solving mode and dramatically increase cooperation.You'll also learn:• Why discipline is meant to teach—not punish • How the “discipline pyramid” helps reduce constant consequences • The common Coo-Coo Cycle parents fall into with commands and punishments • How curiosity questions help stop power struggles with kids • A powerful reflection tool (WWHD) that teaches kids what to do differently next timeIf you're looking for positive discipline strategies, gentle discipline tools, and realistic ways to get kids to listen without yelling, this episode will give you practical language you can start using today.Because Sustainable Parenting is all about raising resilient, cooperative kids while staying a calm, confident parent.✨Want more?  ✨JOIN me in an upcoming event: https://sustainableparenting.com/events✨ Get my 3 KEYS to Calm, Confident Parenting (30 min. FREE webinar) - https://view.flodesk.com/pages/63640a05c74edb4b6bdce1f3✨ Buy a 3 session Coaching Bundle (saving you $100) - for THREE 30-min sessions 1:1 with ME, where we get right to the heart of your challenges, and give you small, powerful shifts that make a huge difference fast.✨Schedule a FREE 20 min clarity call with Sustainable Parenting, so we can answer any questions you may have about working with Flora.✨Purchase a $19 short course on Etsy✨

Passion is great—until it turns into tension. In this episode, you'll get a practical framework for running ownership meetings with clarity, respect and accountability so you can build unity instead of resentment.   Next Steps: