revolupo - Poetry and Revolution

THE ODDSYour odds are really good If you're young and healthy And when you're young You do risky things all the time You might have taken a bigger risk Just this weekend A new drug… a fast car… Of course, you might kill gran That would be a bummer It's risky Maybe But you're feeling lucky 

WHY I LOVE YOUR SMILEUp the street at the end of the block, the worldWould take a strange and wild fairy tale turnThe asphalt would crumble, the sidewalk would curlRound a cedar tree and disappear in fernsAnd nettles and needles and leaves. All things greenAnd mysterious, all things wet and delirious, hidingBehind a sunlight and wind washed screenOh i was a happy child on the other sideAnd now when i look at you and see your lipsCurl and your teeth flash and your blue eyesTurn green, and i hear your laugh, you lookSo wise - as if we two were secret spiesIn a wind washed world where the green sunlightHolds court all day and long into the night  

(trigger warning) WHISPER This poem is for you, only for youI promise I had to write it downDig a hole in the sand and whisper it to the earthOnly the reeds will know the truth. I promise I can't get it out of my head That you were in your secret placeThe one spot you knew would be safeThat it was there he found youI believe it was an angelJust as you rememberWho licked away the blood from your legsWho led you from the fieldWho left you on the sidewalkNot crying. Who would listen I can't get it out of my headHow you'd run around all that morningTelling your friends, “I'm gonna fuck you”Because you knew it must mean something badWhy else would he have threatened you with it I can't get it out of my headHow I have known you all my lifeAnd had no idea. No ideaI knew you were braveI knew you could listenCould hear with your eyesI knew you had spent your entire lifeReading the secrets written in broken heartsI never knew why

WHEN MORNING COMES Christmas morning's not so bad for meThe night goes on forever – by the time The morning comes, i've lived a thousand livesWithout you and the heart grows numbI know it's wrong to want you on this dayWhen morning comes, i close my eyes and seeYou with your children, every kiss a crimeAgainst them, every day a thousand liesBut i'm too lost to stop, too tired to runWhen morning comes, you seem so far awayI wonder if i ever touched your faceAnd kissed your eyes and held you so close I felt my heart would melt against you Like a snowflake on a warm winter's day  

WHEN I THINK OF YOU When i think of you i want to cryI am too happy, too sadI think of the long wasted yearsA desert reaching back, stretching forwardYou and i are an oasis curled up Under the tall shade of your husbandA good man, better than meI don't care, i want youI think of your childrenSo lucky, so secureI don't care, i want youI think of my fickle eyeSo quick to wander when you are nearSo desperate to see you in the distanceWill i break your heart or mineI don't care, i want youI know love cannot be so selfish, so carelessBut what else could last so long, almost foreverI press my mouth into the warm curveBetween your shoulder and neckAnd try to suck you into eternity

WHAT SHE SAID I could have any man i wantedI am slim and pretty and self-confidentEvery man at the concert stared at me I find fault with what you doWhen you are mean to meYou find fault with who i amWhat i am, i am oldI am wrinkled. You are cruel 

IT IS SO NICE TO LIVE IN A WEBIt is so nice to live in a webSwim in a schoolRun with a packSurvive in a hiveStay warm in a swarmBut silvery threadsSo easily stretchSo painfully snapSo never come backIf i could give you my cousinsAnd nephews and niecesMy sisters and brothersGive you my fatherTake yoursShare mothersLove your children like an uncleCome to a manly understanding with your husbandThat he wouldn't kill meAnd i could still shag your brains outShare toothpasteJust with you

THE VALLEY The valley is so deepThe hills become mountainsThe mountains, cloudsAnd still the valley goes down No river has carved this bottomless crease In the fabric of the universe No other foot has trod, only yours And the way down goes on until The stars are gone and the light diesAnd the wind blows through you As though you were not even there But I can see you. I hear each footstep Your breath is a river running through my heartI know your voice. I shiver at your touch Wherever you goI am there beside youNo matter how lost  I will find you 

OKAY HERE'S THE STORY SO FARYou fell in loveOr at least went along with somebody falling in love with youAnd it went a little further than most things had been going latelyPartly because he had a lot to offer: a ticket to the big city, an introduction, maybe some inspiration Partly it was the wordsThey were goodYou liked that  And he seemed like a nice guyAnd he did turn on  But he was so much older than you It creeped you out what people might thinkAnd he was trying to get a hold on youAnd then he went back into the hospital and it got disgusting but that was really just the frosting on the cake I like this game. Let's playYou get to be the fairy tale princessCaptured and held prisoner A prisoner of your own loyalty, actuallyYour lines about him are some of your best You tell everyone about him How you won't break your promise(Not until you do)But in the meantimeYou can dangle it over every fish in the seaLook at them jump just for youAnd you genuinely do admire their beautyAnd hisAnd you don't want to hurt him And there were some genuine possibilities But maybe it's time to move on “That's not love,” he saidWhat did you tell him about usWas he just counting the yearsAnd his own desireOr was he giving you back what you had told him It can't go on like thisIt's too dangerous You let a stranger put his hands around your throatYou make yourself sickDeep down inside I think you knowIt's a life threatening diseaseAnd you wonder if I'm your last chance for sanityBut then you wonder if I'm not just an another safety wireThe last guy line holding you down. Maybe it's time to flyLive the dangerous lifePay the consequencesDeath is the ultimate derangement of the senses 

THE MEMORY OF LIGHT Let me try to explain what I don't understand I was a scarecrow in a barren land  No corn, no wheat, not even weeds No hat, no coat, not even straw for a body Just bones, a wooden cross staked in the ground  Then you smiled, and I was sun-kissed The field blossomed into green and gold My bones wore straw muscles and fine clothes Beneath the soil, my roots began to grow Inside the wood, my blood began to flow  I'm not sure if you can understand You love so easily. I find it hard I go for years alone, I don't know why I only know I feel ashamed Like something is missing Why can't I love  Do you see what you gave me Why I would do anything to keep your love Or at least, to go on loving you Even in the dark of nightTo hold onto the memory of light Yes, I was greedy for you But also, I loved you In a way that surprised me That made me into someone else Someone kinder, more human I'd always hated gardening But I could see it now The joy of watching something rise upOut of the earth and reach for the cloudsTake anything, I told you Use me to build your nest Tear up the corn, my clothes, the straw My roots, take everything  I will even try to stop loving you If that's what it takes To make you feel safe But that was the one thing I could never do 

SYMPHONY You have a smile like a song, like a symphonyLike a novel with a thousand charactersAnd a million secrets, like a newborn ponyOn stilt like legs, and i am embarrassed forThe way i can't take my eyes off youFor a minute, for second, for an ever afterHappily grinning like a love struck foolBabbling, gurgling, bubbling over in laughterBut it's all wrong, i don't belong in paradiseI keep hurting you, making you cryI would tear out my tongue, puncture my eyesStab myself through the heart and dieIf only i could take back all the stupid vileThings i say and do – and just make you smile 

STARCHILDThe problem is you sparkle You can't hide the inner light You could never be invisible Desire washes over you And dries into a second skin Walk in the sun and it shrinks Disco lights do the same thing Sometimes it's hard to breath When all you can feel is their need When the chemical river inside you roars Then dies into a whispered psalm Even love comes with a sweaty palm And the darkness inside – even that's too brightSweet child of light Stepdaughter of the night  

OTHER WOMENYou ask me if I look at other women in the gym Of course I doI look at every woman as a sexual objectAnd every man as a potential rivalThat won't stopIt comes from deep down But it's background noiseDrowned out by the trumpet blareTa-daI'm in loveWith youAnd maybe there's a million other women and men Who would have done just as well for me And probably better for youBut I fell in love with you And you with me And now we're hooked  I love your honestyI trust it because I know it doesn't come naturallyYou fight for itYou're both the alcoholic and the alcoholic's sober daughterI love the way you're at home with your bodyAnd the way you make me feel at home with mine I love the way you thinkSo different from meI learn new things every day And of course I love all the usual thingsYour laugh, your smile, your body and every freckle on it And maybe it's only the hormones talking But since I've loved youYour body seems to set the norm that every other woman should aspire to I can't imagine wrapping myself around anyone but youYour breasts in my hands Your stomach kissed by my lips I wish you were with me more of the timeI hate it when you go to that dark place that shuts me outI miss you when you're gone

PUPPY LOVE I'm so confused and ungluedI feel like a puppy with a growing up childI know you are smarter than me, kind of the bossBut know you need protection too, taking care ofKnow this is my job, if i can just grow upBig and fast enough, know i am clumsyWith big awkward paws, sometimesI jump up and knock you overWhen all i want to do is lick your faceWag my tail, and give you love  

POLE DANCEI saw you draped around the poleA long thin phallus From ceiling to floorFrom life to death This cant be right, I said It has no cross beam  How can they nail you to it But they did You were so beautiful Your blood as red as lipstick When you cried I tried to pull you downBut my hands were full I was holding the nails

POEM FOR THE X The body remembersThe limbic system It turns into a river of pain It hollows out into an empty cave Longing to be filled You write about me with an enchanted pen Spitting out hurt A thorn growing up out of the page Sticking into my eye But I can't hurt you back It's like we're in a boxing ring And I can't climb out There's no way home Maybe they've said only one of us can leave the ring alive But I can't take a swing I can't hit you You're too perfect Too easy to hurt How could I break you into piecesThey've already done that I tried to glue you back together I failed – of course I did But even in pieces, you take our breath away Those eyes You see the world with eyes as big as the ocean You fly over it with broken wings You sing like a piece of heavenly choir Fallen to earth When you walk Every footfall leaves a garden behind you I follow after My feet won't listen when I tell them to stop I reach out for the fruit But the branches twist away How could I swing at you There's nothing to hit Only the empty air That used to hold music    

ON DARK STREETS On dark streets and burning fields all over The world, hands and feet pound and push And pull life out of stone and leaf and seed The ocean roars a terrible sound of wind and grief The city cries out in the night for her lost children And lonely old men and women greet each dawn With shouts of amazed victory and sullen disbelief All over the world my wounded eyes are bleeding Only with you can i feel my heart believingMy mouth on yours and a hungry earth is feeding 

NORTHWESTPortland or Cannon BeachOrcas or San JuanCamanoVancouverClose to home or beyond reachi'd stop the moon and climb onTo be nowWith you dear

NEVERI never pretended I only said my love would be suspended  I did my best to help I never told you a lie I didn't tell myself  They said forget her My head said yes, my heart said never  

MOONLIGHTThe moon is cold and distant But the light still shines It doesn't warm It doesn't blind But it binds I carry it inside Like a knife How do you cut a knife  

MARKET LOVE On Wednesday the Shanghai Composite dropped 6.5% And the moon rose shining blood red through the volcanic ash floating over the rolling hills of the Kennewick HighlandsThis was shrugged off by U.S. Markets as the SPX rallied on the release of the FOMC at a new all time closing highIt's true, I looked at the moon and thought of you The next benchmark for the SPX will be to close over the loving miles and years of a life that galloped by over the all time intraday high set in March of 2000or was it 1999? But remember, no major market crash has ever occurred without a new all time high being posted firstAnd so it's no surprise our thirst for night skies, red moonsand volcanic ash has not reversed with age. The tumbleweedand sage brush get lashed by wind and lightning and the desert storms are a little frightening, but as you know we have had a sixteen-twenty-five topside target for the SPX for some time now. So while we did see rhyming with Feb 27th and even though we had a clue it would not carry over  because of the failure of the U.S markets to close on Tuesdayabove the targets we listed for the everlasting MondayStill we both know someday, somewhere, before the market closesYou and I will profit share and dine on bread and roses  

MAGIC MIRROR You've been staring into the mirror for so longThat's it's starting to become you The hard surface glaze, shiny and bright Has crept inside No sneak attack No big surprise You chose to invite  The stories you tell yourself become you The romance of the disaffected The acorn of disability grows into a mighty oak The trunk thickens and takes root The heavy branches weigh you down Until the leaves crinkle and dry, like promises that died They fall to the earth with you trapped inside Shade in the summer becomes compost in the winter When the leaves turn to dust, will you grow a new you Will the stories untangle and set you free Or sink back into the earth, tramped on by new feet Searching for the path you turned aside from

IS THAT THE WAY Is that the way you love me, david?It's truei love you like an investment broker loves his portfolio Counting the interest Eyeing up other possible investments Faithful to the bottom line I love you like a kid loves candy Don't care if it's good for me or how fat i get to be Just want to chew and chew and swallow you forever I love you like a boy loves his puppy Roll over and let me scratch your tummy I love you like a boy loves his mother You make the world safe for me When you are angry, i tremble I love you like my sisters and brothers Everyday family, secrets shared Life lived in constant company Never alone because you are there I love you the way a man loves a woman I love your body, your laugh, your smile I am driven to make you shake and sigh And need me the way i need you I love you in ways i don't understand and don't even know Selfishly, selflessly Counting the assets Giving you everything for nothing My love is so good, so bad, so cheap and mean So fine and full of heart And liver and kidney Oh kid Come with me Take a look at this 

IF YOU SAID GOODBYE  If you said goodbye, it would make A nice ending to this book. I might Even look noble. I could try to fakeIt, pretending it was my idea. The rightThing to do. As if i could tear off An arm. Why not? I've got two  Sometimes i think i'm a psychopathPracticing emotions. I know what they Should look like. I see them from the outsideSo i can fake it better than the real thing I can imagine what it would be like To love you. I've seen others do itSeen others love. Seen others love youI've practiced all my life by loving meCan it be so different loving anotherOr would i get jealous, hate the timeI gave to you, miss my own touchWhat if yours wasn't good enough I wish i could melt down my bonesPour them into a fresh moldChop up my heart and liver Bubble them up in a new stewWhat kind of a person would i beIf mushrooms could walkAnd turnips could rideSplashing the mountain dewSword and pistol by my sideStalking the wild with you Who would have thought it could come this farThat you wouldn't have seen through me long before nowSent me packing with a broken heart and a badly damaged axleWho would have thought i would get the chance to love you againLove you foreverWhat's wrong with meCould i put this in a puzzleDazzle it with rhymes and Greek mythologyMaybe it's just that now i've got the chance My body is too old Desire, desire i remember desireI remember it so well i desire desire But can it be real if it stays locked up in the headAnd the heart ArmsLegsFingertipsNever making it downTo the prick I want to hold you, just you, nobody but youI want to fuck every woman on the planetBe a man like genghis canKing cong had a empty tankFired blanks No thanksGive me a horseAnd i'll ride the rangeSail the prairieJohnny Applesemen I want youI want to cryI want to be young againI want a second chanceI never really had a firstCould anyone ever be as perfect as youWhen you smile like a summer breezeWhen you lay your head on my armI feel like i belong to the universe  

IF I WERE THEREIf i held on to you for an entire day. Didn't let you go anywhere without me at least holding your hand. If i kept kissing your neck over and over, kept wrapping my arms around you and hugging you, just hugging you tightly to me…  would you feel more loved or less if i wanted to strip you naked so i could get closer, touch you more, kiss you more, kiss you everywhere. I want to kiss your stomach now. I'm in love with your stomach. The smooth skin, the hollow inside your hip bone. If i could lay on top of you, let my weight press into you, press you into the earth or the softness of a mattress, trap you underneath me but in a loving way, make you feel captured and free, loved and freeInside me, part of me, but free, your own woman. But mine too.

IF I KNEW If i knew you were sleeping downstairs aloneI would call you and whisper words of love Sleepy with sleep You would pick up the phone that you keep by your pillow The quiet buzz no one else could hear would be our songAnd the long thin invisible line from mouth to ear would be our kiss The far away dawn would hide in the shadows like a timid mouseAnd you would be mine, only mine, and i would be gentle and kind With a quiet voice and strong arms that could reach across the seaAnd wrap you in moonlight. No traffic noiseThe dawn would nibble cheese in a cornerAnd we would touch and whisper please forever 

HOW TO MEND A BROKEN HEARTGood nutrition is so importantVitamins, minerals – and protein Essential for the repair of torn muscle tissue Complex carbohydrates are important too But probably not as important as kindness And friendship – so simple, so complex If you stay in your room with the door locked And windows closed, every wall becomes a mirrorAnd no matter what direction you look All you can see is your misery Unlock the door, open the windows Break them, if necessary Let in the fresh air Let the spirit roam free And breath  

FIVE IN THE MORNINGIt's 5 a.m. And i am waiting for you to callI  woke up from a dream about defending an ice fortressWith wooden clubs and anything that came to handWe climbed up on the high ground so the invaders Would slde back down on their assesWhen we hit them over the headBut the invaders never cameI kissed youAnd the iceMelted  

FESTIVAL Kittens like to be petted They like to sit on your lap and purr Sometimes, they like to be scratched on their tummy Or behind their ears But kittens remember They're not like dogs They don't forgive They can'tThey're wild inside They're hungry for kindness and affection And food Of courseWe all have to eat But inside They're wild And sweet  I should have been kinder It made me happy being kind to you But I keep remembering that one time Where something meaner slipped through I keep thinking Maybe it was the real me Leaking out  We all need to have special days Days where the loving kindness That should always be there Is taken out of its everyday wrapper Looked at Danced with Caressed Shared Festival Where cruelty is forgiven Love renewed   

(trigger warning)ANTI-LOVE He pounded into you Then he pounded you again Then he gave you to his brotherWho spit in your face And you pushed up and kissed him And sucked in his saliva And you didn't get wet They had to use lube But you liked it  How is that different from love, moist and wet Is it irresistible, is it some kind of anti-love That eats into the real thing, or is it the real thing And the warm, sweet, everyday kind of love Is just the best you can get Until the real thing comes along Or maybe this is a Which-wolf-do-you-feed situation Maybe you have a choice(Obviously, I'm an interested partySince I represent the moist and the wet) Or maybe it's a bit more dialectical Maybe you need both But which side rules?  Love happens on a battlefield Thousands of years Of the whip and the rod And the burning at the stake Love happens in flames AlwaysNo matter how sweet and pure  But I could be a warrior for you I would fight, I'm fighting now I want you to live I want you to love I want you to let me love you  

CHAMPION I am holding you in my arms and kissing youAsleep. The owl is in the air and its dark wingFills the sky, but I am here whispering to youBreathing into your mouth until the lark singsYou are my child, my baby, my good little girlMy fallen warrior, wounded but heart strongKnown throughout the seven kingdoms as a fearlessChampion of the small and weak, a righter of wrongsNow you are laid low by the creatures of the nightNow you are shaking with weariness and frightAnd your sword flashes at friend and foe alikeBut I bare my breast, for you will not strikeAnd I press my heart to yours. My darling, restTomorrow you begin again your quest    

BUTTERFLY Nothing happens all at once Everything has a long body  Lamplight through the green trees Read them like tea leaves Poi in the park Pie in the sky I guess I'll love you ‘til the day I die  Riding the wind You think it's your slave But you go where it blows youFrom cradle to grave Tonight was the night I saw it for true Feelings don't count Actions do    

BUFF  I am running and lifting weights all dayBending and stretching, swimming through Chlorine infested waters that would kill A shark the way a salt bath melts a snail On a green garden path. I am dieting and Taking pills of every size, colour and descriptionHoping for a body that will give you chillsThrills and make you wet with anticipationEven though i know you don't give a damnAbout any of this, well don't care muchAnyway, don't crave muscles and a well tannedHide, just want me, my body, such As it is, because it's got me inside itThere all the time, i guess, but it took you to find it  

EVERYBODY WANTS TO FUCK AN ANGEL Everybody wants to fuck an angelHeavenly light streaming from their eyesThe flutter of wings when they sighThe warm breath of creation hidden in a smileThe hope of redemption between their thighs Everybody wants to fuck an angelThey call it love, when it's only hungerThey say they care But all they mean isI am lonely – give me your tears  Oh my beautiful angelSo cursed with blessings of light and graceHow do I say, I love you, without joining themHow can I be for you What you have been for meWingsWings!       

ADDICTION I try not to think about itTwenty five years, a lifetimeAnd now you're goingYou're leaving him for meA good man does not deserve thisA strong man would still be brokenI imagine myself losing you after a lifetime Now that i'm old and getting weakerJust when i need you most Just when i ought to feel safeNow that i'm too far down the road To turn back and find anotherI know how much i love youIs it an addiction you askMore than thatI imagine losing you, the stars, the grass, all music, all joyI imagine myself alone for the rest of my lifeDo they make a pill for thisIf i swallow enoughWill it kill me 

GENDER1. IDENTITY Is kind of like a crab shell You can't live without one – if you're a crab… 

IDENTITY Is kind of like a crab shell You can't live without one – if you're a crab It's an interface with the outside world It's a tool It's protection And it's also your prison If you keep growing, if you keep getting bigger Sooner or later, you have to break out But then you're naked in the world An easy target for predators So without even thinking You start growing a new shell This one bigger and thicker Until sooner or later You grow a shell so big So thick That you can't break out And you die inside  

AMERINAM(September 11, 2001) Do people who die on TV really die?Some say yes.Some say no.Some say it's clear as black and white.Some preferRadio I had a dream where an old man in striped pants walked down the corridor of a nursery.He wore a hat with stars and bars, and he carried a basket filled with bombs.He stopped at every cradle, placed a bomb,it the fuse and passed on.I followed close behind him,stopped at every cradle,picked up every bomb, and I too passed on.At the end, I stopped him to return them.His heart melted into plasticas the bombs exploded and the babies cried.I woke up and smiled. Nine eleven, I'll never forget. It was the morning they found Frankie face down in a pool of blood outside his own front door. Face down in the dark, because the landlord couldn't be bothered to change the light bulb.Of course it wasn't the light bulb being out that did it. Whoever it was probably would have bashed his head in anyway, but we'll never know. It was probably drug dealers, but whether it was the old traditional kind or the new bastards on the block was hard to say.The ambulance came and took him away.The cops came and wrote down a few names.Nobody cleaned up the blood for two or three days.Nine eleven,There was a lot of collateral damage.If only they had got the white house too.But that was in the afternoon. Would I be willing to ride that airplane on either side of the knife?No. But when I heard they'd got the Pentagon, I leapt in the air and shouted, Yes!We all sat down and watched – amazed but not in shock.When the second tower collapsed, we couldn't believe our luck.No, no, noThey didn't deserve to die, if by ‘they' you mean the people who really did die, but then they never do deserve it, do they? It's the axis of evil who deserve it, the real axis of evil who die in their beds of old age. Maybe they die hard, but I bet they don't. I bet they mostly die happy little fuckers who didn't get to rule the world – nobody does – but they got to ride up on top, so far up on the tip top, tip top, that we can't touch them. We can't lay even one fucking finger on them, and so we kill our own kind, because they're useful to the people we hate. Well, not me of course. I'm only imagining what it must be like.I don't want to die any sooner than absolutely necessary,Not even for you.I'm a casualty too,Gut shot. Frankie didn't die right away. They kept him in the hospital for about 6 months while he tried to remember his name. Then they released him to “care in the community”, and he died after 27 days. I called the hospital about the post-mortem, and the nurse started to cry. She had thought he was still alive.   

5amIt's almost 5am. Going back to sleep in a minuteJust thought i'd blow you another kissThis one lands on your lips, light and sweetLike a hummingbird kissing a flowerLike a butterfly kissing the breeze The hummingbird doesn't always come back To the same flowerBut i do 

CHOCOLATE WORLD  Oh let meFeed you egg and oatmeal morningsJust like mother should have doneDress you warmly when it's stormingGet you smiling like a hot butteredBun filled girl with a cocoa mustacheAnd a big brother on every street cornerWaiting to kick the ass of any stupidFool dumb enough to try to harm you  Oh won't you be my bun filled girl And let me keep you fat and sassy Play with me in a chocolate world And you and i can be family  

MY SLEEPING VOLCANOWhen you rise upYou will shake the earthYou will fill the skyWith burning rockAnd rattle our brainsWith the shock Of the deep And beautiful

SLEEPING BEAUTYThe monsters came again last night. This timeThey stayed. They wrapped you up in spider webAnd filled your mouth with bitter taste, your eyes With shade. They danced a line around your bed And a forest grew. Thorns and brambles sprangUp through the floor. The clock stopped. The minutes Fled. And no sun rose for you. The rain Came down forever with no forgiveness  I am afraid of monsters and the brambles Tear my skin. I am afraid of spiders And the webs they weave. I fear the jungleBut i will not leave. I am your midnight riderWith a strong right arm and a captive heartAnd i will find a way into the dark  

NO LIGHTSNo lights, no stars, maybe a half moonBehind the thick clouds. After a whileYour eyes get used to the dark. The trees loomLike an almost remembered tune. A forgotten lineOn a roadsign comes to mind, and the wind whinesLike a lost child, or was it a cow's lowingAnd i'm showing you the night for the first timeYour hand in mine, fear turns to a half knowingConfidence and you laugh in the dark and let goAnd oh so proud am i to be your guideThat i forget i've brought you to a wildAnd scary place where time slows downTo a scream in a sullen forest with a hidden faceAnd even the crickets are not what they seem 

IT'S NOVEMBERI was counting the days for the first month or twoI thought i could hurry up the time by writing all the letters I should have written when i was with you But i wrote none of them My friends know i'm alive But are starting to wonder I think of them often I think of you often Are you well? Are you writing? Are you fed up with me? I leave for Paris on Wednesday If you want me to write I will

THE EARTH OPENED UP The earth opened up and swallowed meI held your hand in mine. Then it was emptyDarkness. Night. But hot and suffocatingWas it thunder or the sound of my heart breakingI open my mouth and dirt fills my throatMy limbs are frozen, my eylids pinned openI can't close my eyes. They burn. I chokeI am buried alive. No breath. No hopeAnd i remember how much you loved me So recently that i can almost feel Your lips in a dying kiss. And i believeYou'll come to rescue me, but the clock ticksAnd the time goes by, and you don't come backAnd the earth presses down, and my bones crack 

WAGON TRAINYou save them up And make a little wagon of each one Cargo of bitterness. Yoke of steel Our long sweet love broken on the wheel And every sin becomes a story Every story a rawhide whipMy back is torn and bleeding As i draw our caravan across the burning sandThis is love with no forgiveness, no forgetting A perfect desert in the iron grip of a perfect memory And every day another wagon joins the train I lift the yoke and dream of rain.   

RACCOON It wasn't a raccoon  you heard last night It was me I roam the streets around your house Hoping for a late night glimpse of you Walking the cat or watering the lawn (do they ever water lawns in seattle?) I hang out with the raccoons So i won't be noticed Except by the raccoons They think i'm kind of strange I make funny noises just like them But i tell such bad jokes And i'm always sighing And staring up at your window Your psychotic cat comes out and growls at me But it doesn't scare me It just makes me lonely I miss you I want you to scratch my tummy And ruffle the fur behind my ears I miss you The other raccoons are friendly But they're not much fun And they never laugh at my jokes I miss you I want to bite your neck Kiss your lips And hear you sigh  

THE MUSIC OF SNOW You are the middle of a river With no beginning and no end A child opening a rainbowOn the first birthday party of the universeA wise old woman Who finally remembers how to sing againAfter a thousand years of listeningTo the sun riseAnd the moon fallYou are my love hidden in surprising placesSmooth still water and ocean tidesI love your mouthBecause you taste of lemon and sunlightWhen i kiss you, i hear the music of snow falling   

MICEI put them in a box with a checkerboard bottom and counted the squares they coveredI counted the boli too, mouse turds – another sign of activity, the professor told me – then I put them in a cage and filled the sink with waterI lowered the cage slowly into the waterand watched the tiny bubbles rise to the surfaceI didn't feel bad, not at all, well maybeI felt a little bad about not feeling bad in the biology lab, men in white coats would cut off the tops of the headsand put the tiny brains into a centrifugesome of the mice had been raised in a happy farmwith lots of playmates and plenty of toys and gamesothers had been raised alonethe theory was that these lone mice would grow up with smaller brainswould be less active – even shitting less –we also learned that if you gave them friendship and then took it awaythey would cower in a corner and shake with grief

Where do you go When i'm not thinking of you Skiing in Aspen or hiding in a haikuAre you a snowflake or a yellow black tigerWhen i forget you are you still my girl Nobody else can hurt me so bad Just by not being thereNobody else can make the day so fairOr the night glad How do you disappear so perfectlyInto the bone, into the boneI look at you and i see home  

BASTARDI was a bastard although i didn't mean to be, programmed to make myself unhappy along with anyone else foolish enough to get involved. I don't generally bother to tell the story any more because every woman has heard it, had it so often, she just gets bored and irritated by it. Boy gets girl, feels tied down, so is mean and nasty and drives her away, only then realising what a treasure he has lost. Obviously to the extent i really love you, i would walk through fire to keep you away from me or anyone like me. I used to think the next time would be better because now i understood how stupid i had been, but that only meant i could see it coming not that i could do anything about it. Why am i still here?