Stello Fello Podcast

Discussing my "second step" in working thru the hurt and anger that I have experienced in my time working in the church - and specifically dealing with: 1. Who am I actually mad at? 2. What do I do when I'm mad/hurt/angry with someone and there's nothing I can do to change the situation. This one is long because I ran some side rabbit trails and spent probably 3x's the amount of time to say: 1- I was angry at God - so I had to look thru scripture for the answers to: Is God watching? Does God care? What's God's desire in brining rightness to a situation? 2- I was mad at others who brought hurt - that I can't change and hasn't been appropriately owned - so I've had to continue to try and position my thoughts and emotions in positivity for the sake of wanting softness or peace as opposed to anger.

Sharing from my experience in this process of being "hurt" by those I served under (not all - but a few people) throughout my time working as a pastor - and the desire to help us as a group not throw everything out - but rather recognize there is a problem at large in our churches today, but there is also something that we as group of people can do something about it moving forward... Step 1 - this is not an easy step. 1. Don't quit. 2. Allow yourself the window of time to "take a breathe". There's not a set amount of time that it should take you - you may count to 10 and that may take 10 years to count that high...and that's ok. 3. While breathing... take the time to begin to ask Jesus, "What's wrong with me?" ("Jesus, draw a circle around me and change everything in the circle that is not of You...and then when that's done - please show me how to invite others into that circle.") Ps. 139:23-24 - David prays a very similar prayer in asking the Lord to change what was wrong with him.

So I attempted to do what I normally do in my proverbs discussions - and really struggled today to really get anything of substance out at a all. So why publish it? - It's ok to not always have a good grasp on something at the moment That idea that - it's ok to be where you are. It's where you are. But you may want to do something about it in the future if in fact you want to be further down the road in __________. Today was a good reminder that I don't have all the answers - in fact today I didn't really have any answers, but showing up consistently is part of the journey. - Today was a struggle for sure. But struggles can help highlight it's own takeaway. 1 - I don't know as much as I thought I did. 2 - "Don't be wise in your own eyes." (today was a humble reminder) 3 - Fear the Lord and run from evil... (regardless of how great my grasp on history or high academic knowledge - the basic application is the same as Agur's from ch. 30 "rely on and honor the God".

Destin Garner Lead Teaching Pastor at RockPointe Church in Flower Mound, TX - joining in again on the PodCast and talking about church, wins, losses, how we lead matters and why. Destin answers the questions of: - What's a win - What's a loss - What should we be doing as people who say we believe in Jesus and as groups of people who meet together consistently and call ourselves a "church".

Discussing Proverbs 2:1-8: Solomon talking with his "son" - don't know which one or if it's an address for multiple or all of them... 1- Accept my teaching: Taking that to be true. Is there a process to that? There is one for me... I don't always immediately just agree with what I read. There may be a period of wrestling with or trying to reconcile or rationalize the truth of a statement or concept that gets me to a firmer belief and agreement with that particular issue. 2- "store" up my commands - filing those away in our minds and in a place where I am going to come back to those for applying them to life, circumstance, situations, decisions, etc... 3- Where do we get or hear from "the Lord's" mouth - and as it pertains to knowledge and wisdom... 4- Founding our lives on truths - so that it then dictates the direction of life as we refer back to the foundation. Proverbs 2:1-8New International Version Moral Benefits of Wisdom 2 My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, 2 turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding— 3 indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, 4 and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, 5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. 6 For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. 7 He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, 8 for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.

This was initially going to be a discussion over the first 6 verses - 38 minutes into it, I realized that I had only talked about the first 2 verses and run at least 2 rabbit trails that took a moment to wrap back to where I was trying to go... Points discussed: 1 - "wicked" men don't or aren't able to truly maximize their potential at ________. "wicked" being simply living out consistently in contrast to God's desire for our life. 2 - wisdom, knowledge coming from the fear of the Lord and how that concept bleeds into all aspects of our lives Proverbs 28:1-2New International Version 28 The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. 2 When a country is rebellious, it has many rulers, but a ruler with discernment and knowledge maintains order.

Discussing Proverbs 27:1-6 Points in the podcast: 1 - Don't run your mouth 2 - If things are said about you, let someone else do that... 3 - Be careful with who you surround yourself with 4 - You don't know who your friends are until someone tells you what's wrong with you - (in love). Proverbs 27:1-6 New International Version 27 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring. 2 Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips. 3 Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but a fool's provocation is heavier than both. 4 Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? 5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

This episode was not intended to be a part 1 and 2 - but for recording sake that's just how it ended up happening. This is the wrap up of about an hour of me sharing experiences from working in a church, growing up, becoming an adult and then rationalizing what we do with the things that are right, the things that are wrong and then how I have "practiced" trusting Jesus as it pertains to this entire idea.

Continuing the Proverbs discussing in chapter 26. The reference to a "fool" is brought up 11 times (3 reference to folly) Quick outline of discussion: 1. a "fool" is the disobedient or godless 2. Honor is "weight, value, reverence, position, authority - giving to one by others" 3. Control what you can control - which all I can control is me... and don't worry about the rest, we can trust that as long as we are in line with what God wants us to do or be... then it will be fine. 4. All the discussion about how negative or destructive a "fool" is... what's worse is to be one who thinks the are "wise in their own eyes..." Proverbs 26:1-12New International Version 26 Like snow in summer or rain in harvest, honor is not fitting for a fool. 2 Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest. 3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the backs of fools! 4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him. 5 Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes. 6 Sending a message by the hands of a fool is like cutting off one's feet or drinking poison. 7 Like the useless legs of one who is lame is a proverb in the mouth of a fool. 8 Like tying a stone in a sling is the giving of honor to a fool. 9 Like a thornbush in a drunkard's hand is a proverb in the mouth of a fool. 10 Like an archer who wounds at random is one who hires a fool or any passer-by. 11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. 12 Do you see a person wise in their own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for them.

Discussing this idea of Reconstructing Faith as opposed to Deconstruction inside this new "me too" type church movement in the wake of the Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast (which I thought was a quality podcast - that has a gold takeaway if you are able to self evaluate throughout that podcast rather than finding yourself pointing fingers, getting angry or whatever it may be that is the negative emotion/thought process that can be a takeaway...) I had both amazing and awful experiences working as a Pastor in similar and drastically different environments... The healthy situations were incredible... the unhealthy situations created all kinds of internal turmoil for me personally, and yet it is not and was not a result of God not caring, not being involved, or not existing... It's the exact opposite. I've been wrestling for years now with the things that just infuriate me about those times. I've asked hard questions in my time praying, I've made some brash statements in times of being angry, hurt, afraid, just pissed, etc... But at the end of the day - the concept that "Heaven is enough" continues to be the reassuring/recurring theme in the answer to all those questions or things that I've wrestled with. Correction: the Hebrews passage I reference as "in Heb. 12" is actually Hebrews 13:17.

Continuing with the daily discussions of Proverbs - today talking Ch. 25:1-8. Started out realizing I need to do a little homework on the first sentence in knowing when Proverbs was actually completed, how that happened and when we believe that the book in its entirety was accepted as "Scripture". Points hit on throughout this discussion: 1 - overlooking offenses and the idea/s of dealing with conflict relationally with one another. 2 - what do I do when I offend someone or when someone offends me? 3 - surrounding those in power and position with those who are genuine/high integrity/high capacity leaders to help influence those who lead 4 - let other's honor you when it's appropriate. ("Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, just thinking of yourself less.") - idk who said this first but I didn't - but I do think it's a really good statement to make a practice.

Discussing Proverbs 22:1-6 as we continue to make our way through the book of Proverbs (not in it's entirety but in snippets each day.) 1- A good name is more desirable than riches 2- The commonality with all men is our maker 3- Living wisely is wise 4- Not thinking less of our self, but less about our self - and being obedient to Jesus brings life 5- Raising our kids to 1. Have a good name, 2. to live wisely, and 3 to be kind, genuine, honoring people will lead them to have good name. Proverbs 22:1-6New International Version 22 A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. 2 Rich and poor have this in common: The Lord is the Maker of them all. 3 The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty. 4 Humility is the fear of the Lord; its wages are riches and honor and life. 5 In the paths of the wicked are snares and pitfalls, but those who would preserve their life stay far from them. 6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Discussing Proverbs 21:1-3 as well as talking about when I recognize that I'm either off track or out of sorts simply because I'm not spending time intaking quality "content" - meaning I'm either not reading, listening, and digesting the things that stir my affections for God, family, work, life, etc... Proverbs continues to be my staple to go to for this: Proverbs 21:1-3New International Version 21 In the Lord's hand the king's heart is a stream of water that he channels toward all who please him. 2 A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart. 3 To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice. The discussing shifts in and out a little and I mention a few books that also have been beneficial over the years in stirring those affections: Shoe Dog - Phil Knight You Can't Make This Stuff Up - Kevin Hart Fighter - Andy Lee (I misnamed him during this episode - my apologies Andy.) The Third Door - Alex Bayanan Surprised by Hope - NT Wright (not mentioned in the podcast, but was reminded of it when I was making a list to send to the guy who had asked me about book recs.)

We are back this week with our very own Campbell Stites. Not only does he start at Mike LB for us - but he also is the proud owner/operator of @JCS_Graphics. Check him out on insta - and here as we talk all things about starting up a biz at 17 and the upcoming football season, players to watch and what we are most excited about over the next 9 months. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Got a chance to catch up with my boy Yung Clova on the podcast! Discussing how he's getting started, his quick road to 100k downloads and upcoming news and his first album dropping on April 8th! Go find him on Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/6tdCgC... --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Interview with my man Steve Schwarz - Steve and I worked together for years ... got a chance to catch up and laugh like crazy together again. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Comparing the Jordan 5 Fire (2020) to the Jordan 5 Fire Off-White Sail. The Jordan 5 Fire is and has always been my favorite sneaker of all time dating back to 1990 when I was in 4th grade. I've now got both the 2020 version and the Off-White. While the Off-White has more $$$ attached to it, it's hard to beat the retro color way and the vintage feel to an all time great shoe.   Get it here:  Jordan 5 Fire (2020) - https://rstyle.me/+9itqHW7iLDfa04rNeG... Jordan 5 Fire Off-White Sail - https://rstyle.me/+zIhXrDANvvRjQLhzv7... --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Parenting a teenage daughter is a challenge and one that comes with an ever moving target. Sharing 4 quick tips that I am currently trying to put into practice in our home especially when things are tense. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Revamping the StelloFello podcast after a 2 year hiatus - finding more direction with the podcast and will focus on being a dad... not meaning that there won't be any posts about Faith or Fitness, but the focus will end up being more family than the first approach. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

What makes me a better dad? I love to refer to this as understanding as “what stirs my affections”. I always begin this question with: “What stirs my affections for God?” - Why? Because those things in turn stir my affections for life, for my wife, for my kids, for work, for being me at a higher level. With understanding the things that stir me also comes the understanding of the things that don't. It's just as important for me to do the things that do stir me as it is to not do the things that don't . --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

More than one person has asked me, “Why did you get out of ministry”? That’s a fairly deep question and takes some effort to answer. (Click here if you want to listen to a recent podcast I was on discussing this). - So to answer this more in depth I wrote a blog - Why I Got Out Of Ministry: and then came back and did a podcast based on that blog...

Reading and interrupting myself just to add a little more flare... Because it's always more fun to make fun of yourself while you try to read your own writing than just reading it :-)...

Continuing the series: The Perfect Church - We Tell People About Jesus Every Time We Get The Chance

Wrapping up Part 2 of Lazy Churches Suck. The whole point I'm getting at today is the fact that we as churches too often don't focus on the most important things. We tend to neglect to do the basic things we are supposed to do as pastors - share the gospel and follow up with people really really well. Like, we should be better at that than anyone else, and most of the time we aren't.

There was a point a few years ago when I looked at Riane and I said, “I don’t feel like parents anymore. I feel like we’re just grown ups that yell a lot.” I think I had just wrapped up another great teaching moment with my daughter when the only way to help her hear and understand what I wanted to communicate was to turn the amp to 11. (If you missed that movie, then you should be ashamed of yourself). Life is stressful. We work a lot. Our kids are really busy like all the time. We are in non-stop go mode…just like everyone else. Life seems to be speeding up. The problem is, it also feels like our kids continue to age even faster. When we moved back from Austin, Tanner was a 4th grader and now Dax is as old as she when we got here. It’s crazy to think we only have another 5 years left with her at home, and we are more than halfway thru the kid years with both of them. I desperately want use the moments we have left for making memories and laughing as much as we can.

One of my favorite quotes that is original to me is: “If you have to say it out loud it’s not true…” I’m leading with that to make an acknowledgement about my next statements. This is not meant as a malicious comment. Churches are lazy. Lazy churches suck. Yes - that’s a L-slap. (If you don’t know the term, don’t look it up because it’s not a real term). Wait? Did you just tell us that we all suck and try to smooth it over with a joke? - Yes. Here’s what I’m getting at - I don’t think that pastors and churches are actually lazy. I think those guys work really hard. I’ve been one of those guys working really hard, but I also think that a lot of times we work really hard at the wrong things. So what do I mean by lazy? Let me ask you this:

Travis Stephens - an executive pastor in a small town in Tennessee, specializes in helping churches understand how to reach more people in small towns and navigate the differences in the culture in more rural areas joins me in discussing the currents state or the church, our culture, and what we as believers should be doing about it.

I am convinced that the mind of a teenage girl is the most complex thing in the world that no one other than Jesus understands. I’m also convinced that my teenage girl does not understand it herself. I don’t know how many times I’ve sent her to her room for begin rude and disrespectful to her mother only to have her return 5 minutes later to apologize and she is sent back again for the same thing she is apologizing for and somehow repeating the offense in the middle of the apology. There are days when I think she is going to laugh, cry and punch someone all at the same time - and the kicker is: NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. It’s just a normal day, everyone is fine except the world seems to be ending in someone’s mind, I just don’t know why.

Sharing some of mine and Riane's experiences in our 17+ years of marriage as well as from our time dating and trying to figure out how in the world to do this thing together...

Destin Garner, teaching pastor at RockPointe Church in Flower Mound TX, joins me today to discuss: The temperature of the culture, the state of the church and what our next steps as followers of Jesus should be. Had a great time chatting it up with an old buddy and talking church, faith, family, life, travel, etc...