The PlayHers Circle

This is the last segment of a trio of great discussions based on IWLCA Blogs. This one is authored by Kara Mupo, Assistant Coach, Stanford University; with supporting guests Jenna Handshoe, Head Coach, Presbyterian College & Kate Leavell, Head Coach, Adams State University The Power of Vulnerability: https://iwlca.wordpress.com/2019/01/16/the-power-of-vulnerability/-By Kara Mupo, Assistant Coach, Stanford University @StanfordWLaxPerception is reality. A common quote my first boss used frequently, now serves as the phrase that has inspired my coaching career indefinitely. While I always knew this to be true, it never truly resonated with me until my first end of year meetings as a collegiate coach. A player of mine expressed her intuitive struggle of understanding the intention behind my coaching, until I had faced and shared a time of immense vulnerability.In this field of work, day-in and day-out we are surrounded by a group of individuals that for about 8-months of every year we are with more than our own families. As a group we experience the highest of highs, and lowest of lows emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have been fortunate enough to be on the other side, and face similar experiences as a player, which has given me a multitude of experiences to draw from in the moments of joy, and the moments of pain. These moments I have garnered as a player, and now a coach, have helped me understand the true meaning and power of pulling from our own personal experiences, and using them to connect and empower our players through the sport of lacrosse.Roughly 2 ½ years ago I tore my ACL in the UWLX Semi-Final game. As expected, it was a devastating experience. I realized that for the past decade, I had been living in a world that was comprised of one thing: lacrosse. My purpose, my identity, my pain, my joy, was all derived from a single entity, and in a heartbeat, that entity was taken from me. To feel as if I had lost an entire piece of who I was, was extremely overwhelming. Trying to figure out who I would feel most comfortable with for my surgery, trying to wrap my head around how I was going to balance the rehab with the workload of being a Division I assistant coach and wondering how I was going to be able to balance the emotional roller coaster of what I had heard the return to play rehab process was like. For the first time ever, I had felt an unparalleled sense of self-doubt. Not only because of the inability to relate to something like this before, but now being a position where I felt like I was going to go through this alone opposed to with thirty or so other teammates. It was the first time in my life that I had questioned my confidence, my purpose and honestly, my mental, emotional, and physical strength. It got to a point where the thought of, “I can't do this anymore,” became almost a daily thought process. While the daunting moments of negativity and self-doubt seemed to be never ending, it turned out that these couple of months of rehab were where I learned how powerful vulnerability could truly be. These were the most transformative months of my life thus far.“I hope you won't take this the wrong way, because I mean it in the best way possible, but it wasn't until these last couple months, where we as a team watched you rehab in the training room and grow everyday through your experience with your knee, that we truly felt like we got to know you as more than just our assistant coach. We felt like we got to know you as a person. While I never would wish something like that upon anyone, I just wanted you to know it really helped us understand the reasons why you coach us the way you do and that you truly do care for us.”I will never forget those words above. It put so much into perspective for me not only as a coach, but as a person. I had never realized the power of others' perceptions until this moment. From the way I was raised, to the way I was coached; put your head down, work your hardest in everything you do, and tough love is the sincerest kind of love. My whole life, those ideals were all I knew. Both in my athletic and personal relationships, that kind of love became the only language I understood, and the only language I spoke. It was not until those words from a 19-year old freshman, that I realized the importance of perception. It was evident from my player's end of the year meeting comment, that prior to my injury, the lens in which my players viewed me, and how I was perceived by them was not necessarily how I wanted to be viewed. While my coaching style to this day still tends to lean more towards that side of the spectrum, I never took into consideration that my players, in my first-year coaching, truly may not have understood my intent behind pushing them in the ways that I did.While it is never easy to be vulnerable, especially in a position where you are being perceived as a central pillar of strength and steadiness in a well-oiled machine, I soon learned the importance of vulnerability and the power that lies within. I truly believe that these are the qualities that connect us as humans, allowing us to generate more inherent power and will in an individual's heart more than any dumbbell or wall-ball session can.With vulnerability comes growing pains, but with growing pains comes growth. Sounds familiar, right? It is a concept that we all, in some way or another, preach to our players throughout the four years they spend at their respective institutions. Both academically and athletically that is the nature of our job, to shape young women to be successful in every facet during their tenure, but also to set them up to be powerful figures and role models in their future endeavors. Mastering the art of being comfortable being uncomfortable is something I have tried to carry with me every day. Letting those around you understand the way in which we perceive things, along with the experiences that have shaped us into the individuals we are today can help us relate to our players, as well as cultivate an environment where everyone feels they can reach optimal success.With the start of the 2019 season just kicking off for some of us, and those who are beginning on January 19, best of luck! I hope within these next couple months you, your staff, and your players can find the beauty in the great amount of courage, strength, bravery and uncertainty that comes with the vulnerability of every new opponent you put yourselves up against this season. Remember, perception is reality.

This is the 2nd of a trio of great discussions based on IWLCA Blogs, this one authored by Kate Leavell, Head Coach, Adams State University; with supporting guests Jenna Handshoe, Head Coach, Presbyterian College & Kara Mupo, Assistant Coach, Stanford University It's a Journey Not a Destination: 5 tips for getting your mind ready for success in collegiate lacrosse: https://iwlca.wordpress.com/2019/01/02/its-a-journey-not-a-destination-5-tips-for-getting-your-mind-ready-for-success-in-collegiate-lacrosse/-By Kate Leavell, Head Coach, Adams State University, @ASUGrizzliesYears of stress about getting recruited, getting seen, getting playing time, getting recognized and getting offers has players entering the collegiate playing world in a broken mindset. The end result of all that drive is not the social media declaration or the day you're handed a jersey. The end result of that hard work is not a destination, it is the beginning of a long, difficult, but rewarding journey. It has nothing to do with getting anything, and everything to do with giving the result of all that hard work to a group of athletes who all dreamed that same dream to become something incredible together. The coaches who chose you? They chose your potential. No one is recruited to come stay the same and play as they did in high school. The work isn't done, it hasn't even scratched the surface. The act of being recruited is all about racing towards the opportunity to join a bigger race.The problem with all that focus on getting a spot on the perfect team, is that often when the time comes to get to work and all the announcements, gear handouts, Instagram Pics and stories are over, it no longer feels like the prize that was built up in the athletes' heads. It doesn't feel like a trophy! It maybe even feels a little like punishment, and work that's beyond what's been done before, stress, and disappointment because it's not perfect or even close. “The coach loved me when she recruited me, but now the season has started, and I can't do anything right!” could be muttered by almost every freshman on the pitch.The athlete turnover rate or drop off rate at many programs is very real, even the great ones, because the expectation and reality of playing collegiate lacrosse is being overshadowed and downplayed by the excitement of announcing the coveted offered roster spot.Here are five tips to get your mindset prepared for what's ahead so that you can have a rewarding collegiate career. Enjoy the announcement BUT save your real excitement for the journey that's coming ahead in your next four years. Because it's the journey that holds the real prize, the joy, and the memories. It's the process that builds sustainable grit, commitment, success, and growth. It's the daily interactions and triumphs over obstacles that take a little girl's dream and turn it into an experience that she'll remember and cherish for a lifetime. It's not a destination, it's an adventure!1.Train at the level you want to play for, now. If waking up at 5 am for lifting followed by running all before breakfast and then a full day of classes, study hall, and finishing the night with a rigorous practice seem like torture now, then you may want to reconsider your plans. You won't suddenly be all about it just because you're in college.2.Practice building relationships with your teammates and classmates, especially the ones you struggle to mesh with. Because your ability to contribute to a great team culture is held back by strained relationships and cliques. If you find fault with many people on your team now, you won't be better off on your new team. Those personalities exist everywhere, and you'll struggle even more when the pressure is double. It's not about needing a new team, but about being a better and more effective teammate yourself.3.As Jon Gordon says, be a dose of vitamin C instead of a Germ. When things get hard, be the positive voice that gets people rallied behind encouragement and belief rather than a complainer. Your enjoyment during your collegiate career is hinged completely on how you choose to view every situation, and your influence on the team is a big piece to your program's overall success.4.Reframe every struggle from being an obstacle to an opportunity. Playing time, injuries, personality differences, misunderstandings, and mistakes are all opportunities to make you a better person, teammate, and athlete. Train yourself to find the lesson in the disappointments before they derail you. Then, tackle those opportunities with action and excitement at what's to come.5.Be grateful in everything. For every athlete who gets that spot to play in college, there are several who never realized that dream. They may not have had the exposure, the athleticism needed, or they weren't encouraged, and they quit, or they had career-ending injuries, or a life catastrophe, and some maybe didn't get to live long enough to live the dream out. For every one of those girls who didn't get to put on the jersey you have hanging in your locker, fill yourself with gratitude no matter what you are facing. It's not fun to run in 30-degree weather before the sun is up when you had to study late and have a cold. It can be miserable, but it's also a gift. Because that training is an opportunity so many others wished for and it means that come game day, you're going to pile into that bus with your teammates and live the dream. Every day you get up and get to be a part of something you worked so hard for is an opportunity to say “I GET TO” do this today! But don't wait until college, start practicing gratitude right now for your high school team, imperfections and all!For all the work you put in to find the best fit for you academically and athletically, don't neglect the work in mindset that will help you love the journey all the way through and get the most out of it. That NLI isn't the goal, it's a gateway and you must be prepared for what's on the other side, so you can find the real reward.

This begins a trio of great discussions based on IWLCA Blogs, with the first authored by Jenna Handshoe, Head Coach, Presbyterian College; with supporting guests Kate Leavell, Head Coach, Adams State University & Kara Mupo, Assistant Coach, Stanford University Remembering Our Why: https://iwlca.wordpress.com/2018/12/19/remembering-our-why/-By Jenna Handshoe, Head Coach, Presbyterian College @PCWomensLaxIt is another year and another IWLCA Annual Meeting has come and gone. Every year, we find ourselves sitting through the various coaches' presentations, business sessions, and professional development presentations. Every year we have that one take away that we sit and ponder on, then next thing you know season is starting and we are off to the races. This year, I find myself reminiscing on one point driven home: “remember your why.” I am sure that I am not the only coach that has found themselves wondering if this is the right career for them or when is it time to step away? Then something small happens and reminds me why I wanted to be a coach to begin with.We won't talk about what year it was (and yes, I know I'm not really that old). However, I can still remember that day in seventh grade when my basketball coach asked me about camp. Coach Rogers happened to be my math teacher as well, therefore, this conversation happened during class. Keep in mind, she was the one teacher in the entire school you never wanted to make mad or draw too much attention to yourself around her. We had just moved for the umpteenth time and I told her I wouldn't be going to North Side the next year. Her response was “do you still want to go to camp?” Of course, in my seventh-grade embarrassment I had to say my mom couldn't afford to send me to camp, and anyone that knows me knows I can turn a brilliant color of red when I get embarrassed.While that may seem like a boring story of seventh grade Jenna, I will say that was possibly one of the most profound moments of my young life. While the embarrassment of having to admit that I could not afford to go to basketball camp, it was nothing in comparison to the appreciation I still feel for that coach for helping me to attend. Fast forward about ten years, I finally make my way back to my hometown in Elkhart, Indiana. I decided to surprise my aunt who works at the middle school in the library. During that trip, I remember being able to sneak upstairs to see Coach Rogers, who at the time was still teaching in the same classroom as that dreaded seventh grade math class. I was greeted with the biggest hug and coach was in tears at how much I had grown up. I remember standing in her classroom that day and bringing up that basketball camp, just thanking her for the opportunity she had given me. That camp was so much more than just a basketball camp, there is no amount of thank yous or trying to pay coach back for that camp. That camp got me out of a terrible home life situation even if it was just for a few days.To this day, I keep in touch with Coach Rogers via text messages, those casual breakfasts at Stacks Pancake House, and our love for Notre Dame women's basketball. While I am still embarrassed by the story (occupational hazard of being me), I'll never forget that basketball camp. Now the real reason behind this story is not to reminisce on my basketball days, rather to remember my why.I love my job, I love the teams that I have been privileged to lead over the years, I love that I get to still be involved in the game of lacrosse. But there are still those days that I find myself wondering if it is time to hang up the whistle and if this is really for me. Lacrosse has literally saved my life and I feel that I owe so much to this game. Lacrosse, like Coach Rogers, is something that I hold very close to my heart and I will always want to be involved in the game in some way, shape, or form.When I start to think about why I coach there are many things that come to mind. The biggest is that we have the power to impact others' lives in a positive way. I do not pretend to understand or know everything going on in my student-athlete's lives, however, I hope that I can make a small impact in a positive way like Coach Rogers did for me. I hope that 20 or 30 years down the road those that I have coached don't remember the games we won or lost but rather the moments they shared with their teammates on the bus or in a locker room. Or even just coming into the office to tell dad jokes back and forth. When remembering my why, it is more than just a game. Yes, we all want to win, but at the end of the day I hope they have the best four years of their lives, while making lifelong friends, before embarking in the real world. If I can impact one athlete's life in a meaningful way, then all these years of coaching have been worth it.

This is the final in a series of 4 shows discussing key issues in women's sports, as conceived by a current college student Athlete (Katrina Vogue), with co-guests who have the perspective of the new generation of professional women athletes (Rachell Vallarelli) and one of todays' most knowledgeable women's sports advocates and leaders (Becky Carlson).More About Katrina: linkedin.com/in/katrina-voge-773b77166Katrina is student athlete, in her 4th year at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, as a member of the dive team, where she has earned high academic accolades such as: CSCAA Scholar All-American, Academic All-Big 10, Nebrasca Scholar-Athlete Honor Roll, Herman Team GPA Award, and the Tom Osborn Citizenship Team. Katrina was my guest on a previous show for her work with I AM THAT GIRL, helping young women to take the pledge of “…I'm not alone, I'm beautiful, my voice matters, and I am enough.” At Nebraska-Lincoln, she is a member of the N Club Inner Circle Leadership, where 40 student-athletes are selected based on showcasing leadership skills within the athletic community and within the public community; and she is also an Appeals Member of the University Conduct Board, where she and others review breaches of the student code of conduct.More About Rachel: raventerprises.wordpress.com (Blog)Rachel loves to motivate and inspire those around her and is a believer in inspiring change and action, while being a continual lifelong learner. Her greatest pride of all is being a part of something bigger than herself; being an ambassador for the game of lacrosse, and inspiring young women to achieve their dreams. Currently she is a Professional Athlete for the Baltimore Ride, Box Lacrosse Goalie in the Boston Box League, owner of Rachel Vallarelli Lacrosse LLC, Writer for Lax All Stars, Director of Girls Lacrosse at Chelsea Piers CT, and a photographer. She was also the UMass starting goalie (holding UMass, A-10 Conference and NCAA records), a US U19 Women's National Training Team Member, a New York Athletic Club Athlete, and a 3-year College Coach.More about Becky: thefearlesscoach.org (Blog)Becky is passionate about being a leader in Women's NCAA Rugby and three-time national championship coach, currently with Quinnipiac University. But she is far more passionate about the health and welfare of our coaching population. She is interested in connecting with other coaches who are challenged daily through this profession with today's generation. More important than coaching is her mission of commitment to equity in college athletics. Athletics remains a staple in a long line of vehicles used to create social change, and she's a firm believer that if we have truthful conversations with the next generation, both male and female about equity and treatment, we can solve unfair hiring and ethical practices in athletics. Ultimately this will lead us to a healthier society with both women and men having equal representation in law making, policy development and in the workforce. If you are having trouble as a coach finding your voice and asking for more, please connect with Becky, and learn from one another.

This is the third in a series of 4 shows discussing key issues in women's sports, as conceived by a current college student Athlete (Katrina Vogue), with co-guests who have the perspective of the new generation of professional women athletes (Rachell Vallarelli) and one of todays' most knowledgeable women's sports advocates and leaders (Becky Carlson).More About Katrina: linkedin.com/in/katrina-voge-773b77166Katrina is student athlete, in her 4th year at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, as a member of the dive team, where she has earned high academic accolades such as: CSCAA Scholar All-American, Academic All-Big 10, Nebrasca Scholar-Athlete Honor Roll, Herman Team GPA Award, and the Tom Osborn Citizenship Team. Katrina was my guest on a previous show for her work with I AM THAT GIRL, helping young women to take the pledge of “…I'm not alone, I'm beautiful, my voice matters, and I am enough.” At Nebraska-Lincoln, she is a member of the N Club Inner Circle Leadership, where 40 student-athletes are selected based on showcasing leadership skills within the athletic community and within the public community; and she is also an Appeals Member of the University Conduct Board, where she and others review breaches of the student code of conduct.More About Rachel: raventerprises.wordpress.com (Blog)Rachel loves to motivate and inspire those around her and is a believer in inspiring change and action, while being a continual lifelong learner. Her greatest pride of all is being a part of something bigger than herself; being an ambassador for the game of lacrosse, and inspiring young women to achieve their dreams. Currently she is a Professional Athlete for the Baltimore Ride, Box Lacrosse Goalie in the Boston Box League, owner of Rachel Vallarelli Lacrosse LLC, Writer for Lax All Stars, Director of Girls Lacrosse at Chelsea Piers CT, and a photographer. She was also the UMass starting goalie (holding UMass, A-10 Conference and NCAA records), a US U19 Women's National Training Team Member, a New York Athletic Club Athlete, and a 3-year College Coach.More about Becky: thefearlesscoach.org (Blog)Becky is passionate about being a leader in Women's NCAA Rugby and three-time national championship coach, currently with Quinnipiac University. But she is far more passionate about the health and welfare of our coaching population. She is interested in connecting with other coaches who are challenged daily through this profession with today's generation. More important than coaching is her mission of commitment to equity in college athletics. Athletics remains a staple in a long line of vehicles used to create social change, and she's a firm believer that if we have truthful conversations with the next generation, both male and female about equity and treatment, we can solve unfair hiring and ethical practices in athletics. Ultimately this will lead us to a healthier society with both women and men having equal representation in law making, policy development and in the workforce. If you are having trouble as a coach finding your voice and asking for more, please connect with Becky, and learn from one another.

This is second in a series of 4 shows discussing key issues in women's sports, as conceived by a current college student Athlete (Katrina Vogue), with co-guests who have the perspective of the new generation of professional women athletes (Rachell Vallarelli) and one of todays' most knowledgeable women's sports advocates and leaders (Becky Carlson).More About Katrina: linkedin.com/in/katrina-voge-773b77166Katrina is student athlete, in her 4th year at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, as a member of the dive team, where she has earned high academic accolades such as: CSCAA Scholar All-American, Academic All-Big 10, Nebrasca Scholar-Athlete Honor Roll, Herman Team GPA Award, and the Tom Osborn Citizenship Team. Katrina was my guest on a previous show for her work with I AM THAT GIRL, helping young women to take the pledge of “…I'm not alone, I'm beautiful, my voice matters, and I am enough.” At Nebraska-Lincoln, she is a member of the N Club Inner Circle Leadership, where 40 student-athletes are selected based on showcasing leadership skills within the athletic community and within the public community; and she is also an Appeals Member of the University Conduct Board, where she and others review breaches of the student code of conduct.More About Rachel: raventerprises.wordpress.com (Blog)Rachel loves to motivate and inspire those around her and is a believer in inspiring change and action, while being a continual lifelong learner. Her greatest pride of all is being a part of something bigger than herself; being an ambassador for the game of lacrosse, and inspiring young women to achieve their dreams. Currently she is a Professional Athlete for the Baltimore Ride, Box Lacrosse Goalie in the Boston Box League, owner of Rachel Vallarelli Lacrosse LLC, Writer for Lax All Stars, Director of Girls Lacrosse at Chelsea Piers CT, and a photographer. She was also the UMass starting goalie (holding UMass, A-10 Conference and NCAA records), a US U19 Women's National Training Team Member, a New York Athletic Club Athlete, and a 3-year College Coach.More about Becky: thefearlesscoach.org (Blog)Becky is passionate about being a leader in Women's NCAA Rugby and three-time national championship coach, currently with Quinnipiac University. But she is far more passionate about the health and welfare of our coaching population. She is interested in connecting with other coaches who are challenged daily through this profession with today's generation. More important than coaching is her mission of commitment to equity in college athletics. Athletics remains a staple in a long line of vehicles used to create social change, and she's a firm believer that if we have truthful conversations with the next generation, both male and female about equity and treatment, we can solve unfair hiring and ethical practices in athletics. Ultimately this will lead us to a healthier society with both women and men having equal representation in law making, policy development and in the workforce. If you are having trouble as a coach finding your voice and asking for more, please connect with Becky, and learn from one another.

This is 1 in a series of 4 shows discussing key issues in women's sports, as conceived by a current college student Athlete (Katrina Vogue), with co-guests who have the perspective of the new generation of professional women athletes (Rachell Vallarelli) and one of todays' most knowledgeable women's sports advocates and leaders (Becky Carlson).More About Katrina: linkedin.com/in/katrina-voge-773b77166Katrina is student athlete, in her 4th year at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, as a member of the dive team, where she has earned high academic accolades such as: CSCAA Scholar All-American, Academic All-Big 10, Nebrasca Scholar-Athlete Honor Roll, Herman Team GPA Award, and the Tom Osborn Citizenship Team. Katrina was my guest on a previous show for her work with I AM THAT GIRL, helping young women to take the pledge of “…I'm not alone, I'm beautiful, my voice matters, and I am enough.” At Nebraska-Lincoln, she is a member of the N Club Inner Circle Leadership, where 40 student-athletes are selected based on showcasing leadership skills within the athletic community and within the public community; and she is also an Appeals Member of the University Conduct Board, where she and others review breaches of the student code of conduct.More About Rachel: raventerprises.wordpress.com (Blog)Rachel loves to motivate and inspire those around her and is a believer in inspiring change and action, while being a continual lifelong learner. Her greatest pride of all is being a part of something bigger than herself; being an ambassador for the game of lacrosse, and inspiring young women to achieve their dreams. Currently she is a Professional Athlete for the Baltimore Ride, Box Lacrosse Goalie in the Boston Box League, owner of Rachel Vallarelli Lacrosse LLC, Writer for Lax All Stars, Director of Girls Lacrosse at Chelsea Piers CT, and a photographer. She was also the UMass starting goalie (holding UMass, A-10 Conference and NCAA records), a US U19 Women's National Training Team Member, a New York Athletic Club Athlete, and a 3-year College Coach.More about Becky: thefearlesscoach.org (Blog)Becky is passionate about being a leader in Women's NCAA Rugby and three-time national championship coach, currently with Quinnipiac University. But she is far more passionate about the health and welfare of our coaching population. She is interested in connecting with other coaches who are challenged daily through this profession with today's generation. More important than coaching is her mission of commitment to equity in college athletics. Athletics remains a staple in a long line of vehicles used to create social change, and she's a firm believer that if we have truthful conversations with the next generation, both male and female about equity and treatment, we can solve unfair hiring and ethical practices in athletics. Ultimately this will lead us to a healthier society with both women and men having equal representation in law making, policy development and in the workforce. If you are having trouble as a coach finding your voice and asking for more, please connect with Becky, and learn from one another.

This 2-part discussion on the need for coaches to take care of their own mental health is based on the IWLCA Blog (Behind The Whistle): ‘Dark Times and Bright Futures'By Remington Steele, Head Coach, Bucknell University Women's Lacrosse Team. Joining Remi is Eliza Kelly, Head Coach, University of Denver Women's Lacrosse Team. The full article can be found here: https://iwlca.wordpress.com/2018/12/05/dark-times-and-bright-futures/Here are some excerpts from the article:“I really shouldn't be here right now. I shouldn't be sitting in this office. I shouldn't have had the opportunity to meet such amazing people. I shouldn't have been able to represent my country or play college lacrosse (or even high school lacrosse, for that matter). I shouldn't have been able to travel the world, or experience world cups. I shouldn't have this incredible life, filled with opportunity, joy, and reward. And I owe it all to this sport, that was never supposed to be a part of my life. This is what I know, and what I truly believe… but the mind doesn't always work the way it's supposed to……I didn't give these warning signs the attention they deserved, instead I chose to ignore them, pushing these dark thoughts further towards the back of my mind, hoping they would disappear. At first it worked, they would disappear, for a day, a week, a month, before something would shoot them back to the forefront of my mind, hitting me harder than ever before. Around my fourth year of coaching, my second year in Division I, the depression and anxiety stopped going away. It was hitting harder and more frequently than ever……I finally got help. I started talking to our department's sports psychologist, and he helped me put things into perspective and become motivated in a more positive and less stressful way. I saw a doctor and got on medication for my anxiety. I started making more time for friends and trying to do things that I enjoy outside of lacrosse, and I changed my approach to coaching and interacting with the players……So why did I write this article?...Coaching can make you feel like you are on an island, but it doesn't have to. If you are having these issues: reach out to friends and colleagues, use your departmental resources, talk to a doctor, whatever you are comfortable with is fine… just do something, don't suffer when you don't have to. We have the most amazing job in the world – you deserve to enjoy it!

This 2-part discussion on the need for coaches to take care of their own mental health is based on the IWLCA Blog (Behind The Whistle): ‘Dark Times and Bright Futures'By Remington Steele, Head Coach, Bucknell University Women's Lacrosse Team. Joining Remi is Eliza Kelly, Head Coach, University of Denver Women's Lacrosse Team. The full article can be found here: https://iwlca.wordpress.com/2018/12/05/dark-times-and-bright-futures/Here are some excerpts from the article:“I really shouldn't be here right now. I shouldn't be sitting in this office. I shouldn't have had the opportunity to meet such amazing people. I shouldn't have been able to represent my country or play college lacrosse (or even high school lacrosse, for that matter). I shouldn't have been able to travel the world, or experience world cups. I shouldn't have this incredible life, filled with opportunity, joy, and reward. And I owe it all to this sport, that was never supposed to be a part of my life. This is what I know, and what I truly believe… but the mind doesn't always work the way it's supposed to……I didn't give these warning signs the attention they deserved, instead I chose to ignore them, pushing these dark thoughts further towards the back of my mind, hoping they would disappear. At first it worked, they would disappear, for a day, a week, a month, before something would shoot them back to the forefront of my mind, hitting me harder than ever before. Around my fourth year of coaching, my second year in Division I, the depression and anxiety stopped going away. It was hitting harder and more frequently than ever……I finally got help. I started talking to our department's sports psychologist, and he helped me put things into perspective and become motivated in a more positive and less stressful way. I saw a doctor and got on medication for my anxiety. I started making more time for friends and trying to do things that I enjoy outside of lacrosse, and I changed my approach to coaching and interacting with the players……So why did I write this article?...Coaching can make you feel like you are on an island, but it doesn't have to. If you are having these issues: reach out to friends and colleagues, use your departmental resources, talk to a doctor, whatever you are comfortable with is fine… just do something, don't suffer when you don't have to. We have the most amazing job in the world – you deserve to enjoy it!

This is part 2 of a discussion on coaching the modern player, written by Cheslea Rosiek - head women's lacrosse coach for St. Bonaventure University. Supporting guests include Dr. Chris Siuta, Professor and Director of Counselor at St. Bonaventure; and Bonnies student athlete, and winner of the Jay B. Nash Award for Recognized Outstanding Major) Abby Lagoner. The full article can be found at: https://www.insidelacrosse.com/article/rosiek-coaching-the-smart-phone-generation/53161More About Coach Rosiek: She was announced as the St. Bonaventure University Women's Lacrosse Head Coach on Dec. 21, 2015 and enters her fourth season as head coach in 2019. Rosiek was a standout player while at Temple: a two-time All-Atlantic 10 performer for the Owls, she posted 26 goals and 29 assists as a senior in 2010 while leading the conference in assists per game (1.71). Her efforts earned her a spot on the 2010 All-Atlantic 10 First Team after a selection to the conference Second Team in 2008 as well as Atlantic 10 All-Tournament honors in 2008 and 2010.Additional guest info can be found at:-Coach Rosiek (bonnieslax@sbu.edu): https://gobonnies.sbu.edu/sports/w-lacros/coaches/Chelsea_Rosiek?view=bio-Dr. Siuta (csiuta@sbu.edu): https://www.sbu.edu/academics/msed-in-school-counseling/faculty-and-staff/siuta-christopher-r-Abby Lagoner: https://gobonnies.sbu.edu/sports/w-lacros/2017-18/bios/lagoner_abby_vhut?view=bio

This is part 1 of a discussion on coaching the modern player, written by Cheslea Rosiek - head women's lacrosse coach for St. Bonaventure University. Supporting guests include Dr. Chris Siuta, Professor and Director of Counselor at St. Bonaventure; and Bonnies student athlete, and winner of the Jay B. Nash Award for Recognized Outstanding Major) Abby Lagoner. The full article can be found at: https://www.insidelacrosse.com/article/rosiek-coaching-the-smart-phone-generation/53161More About Coach Rosiek: She was announced as the St. Bonaventure University Women's Lacrosse Head Coach on Dec. 21, 2015 and enters her fourth season as head coach in 2019. Rosiek was a standout player while at Temple: a two-time All-Atlantic 10 performer for the Owls, she posted 26 goals and 29 assists as a senior in 2010 while leading the conference in assists per game (1.71). Her efforts earned her a spot on the 2010 All-Atlantic 10 First Team after a selection to the conference Second Team in 2008 as well as Atlantic 10 All-Tournament honors in 2008 and 2010.Additional guest info can be found at:-Coach Rosiek (bonnieslax@sbu.edu): https://gobonnies.sbu.edu/sports/w-lacros/coaches/Chelsea_Rosiek?view=bio-Dr. Siuta (csiuta@sbu.edu): https://www.sbu.edu/academics/msed-in-school-counseling/faculty-and-staff/siuta-christopher-r-Abby Lagoner: https://gobonnies.sbu.edu/sports/w-lacros/2017-18/bios/lagoner_abby_vhut?view=bio

Ep#2 is about playing time - how to help sports parents help their student athletes advocate for themselves, and advice for parents to avoid the many traps of becoming too involved. Let the Journey be theirs.Guests in this discussion include Karin Corbett, head coach of University of Pennsylvania women's lacrosse; Janine Tucker, head coach of Johns Hopkins University women's lacrosse; and Dr. Michelle (Fearon) Deering sports psychologist and author of "What Mothers Never Tell Their daughters" (https://curativeconnections.com/what-mothers-never-tell-their-daughters/)From the IWLCA Blog, behind The Whistle https://iwlca.wordpress.com/2018/10/03/the-role-of-parents/By Karin Corbett, Head Coach, University of Pennsylvania @PennWomensLaxI have been coaching for many years and the level of parental involvement has changed drastically. Today, coaches coach at the college level for the same reasons they have always coached: the love of the game, the chance to teach life lessons to young women as they mature, to bring together a group and create a unified team with a common goal, and to compete. All coaches have the hopes that every player they recruit will be able to see the field during competition, but just as top collegiate players in all sports can't make it in the pro-level – the game moves faster, the athletes decisions need to be made quicker, the game is more physical and sometimes different skills sets are needed to succeed – many top high school players can't make the jump to play in college.All parents want their children to be successful and be happy. Parents have invested so much time, money, and energy into helping their children be successful in sports and it is never easy to see your child “not make it” at the next level. Student-athletes might not be seeing playing time their freshman year, or maybe not much of their college career. However, they are growing from girls into women and they need to be given the room to grow and own their own experience. Owning their own experience includes talking to their coaches if they are not happy with their playing time. I have coached some kids who are fine with their playing time, but their parents are not. Too often, parents consider it a reflection of themselves if their child is a superstar or if they are not seeing any playing time. What is a reflection of you as a parent however, is how mature your child is, how hard your child works day in and day out, how responsible they are, how polite they are, how they make eyes contact when speaking to you, and how good a teammate they are.As coaches we ask your kids to compete every day, work hard on their individual game, be coachable, responsible, and be a good teammate. We play the 12+ players who work together and will give us the best opportunity to win – it is as simple as that.It is important for parents to let their daughters have this experience and to understand that the questions you ask about playing time are sometimes hard for them to answer. You should encourage them to discuss things with their coach if they are unhappy, but then listen to their answers. It is not easy for your daughter to tell you she isn't as good as someone else, or not quite ready to play at this level, because she knows how much you have invested in her success. When she hears you boast about her being recruited by school X, and going to school Y, etc. – she understands that you have invested in her both financially and with your time, but also emotionally. When you question her about playing time and why she is not on the field, she becomes aware that she is disappointing you on a personal level. Many coaches have experienced parents who are willing to blame a coach for their daughter's lack of playing time rather than the circumstances themselves and some student-athletes are inclined to let this happen, but this blame game moves them further away from taking ownership of their game and their development. Student-athletes must take ownership of their own development and game. By blaming outside influences, what does that teach your child?As a parent your job is to love them – simple as that – whether they get on the field or not. With that in mind, a great question you might ask them is “what exactly is upsetting you?” And then, listen. “What are some things you think you can do to change that?” Ask them questions about how they like the team and their experience of playing lacrosse at their school. Remember they are now young women and they need to work their way through this. As a parent it is hard sometimes not to look at them as the child they once were and needed more help. College is a growing experience and some experiences may be tough, stressful and disappointing, but this is part of the process of them learning about who they are and who they want to become. Questions that challenge them to look inside themselves help them take that ownership which in turn, help them become more confident because they are figuring out what they want and how to achieve those things on their own.Parents need to be proud of their children for making the team and being recruited because it's not easy to be recruited into a college. A parent should not be their daughter's manager and manage their experience – they are maturing and learning through this experience how to become adults. Support them in this growth and encourage them to earn things and work hard, but also to be proud of themselves no matter what the outcome. If they have done this and can say “I grew from this experience, I was a good teammate, and I am proud of my role on this team” – then you should be proud of them as well.

Guests: Dr. Justice is the Founder and CEO of EQmentor Inc. http://www.eqmentor.com/Lyndsey Boswell, Head Coach, High Point University @hpuwlaxDr. Jen Fraser: https://www.buildbetterbrains.net/This podcast episode was inspired by the IWLCA blog, Behind The Whistle: https://iwlca.wordpress.com/By Lyndsey Boswell, Head Coach, High Point University @hpuwlaxEmotional Intelligence (EQ) is our ability to identify what we are feeling, why we are feeling it, how our feelings affect our physical performance and of those around us. The ability to actively change emotions during competition presents a significant competitive advantage. I have a team and coaching staff that has benefited greatly from investing time in learning about emotional intelligence and using their new language in our daily practice. When I say daily practice, I am referring to lacrosse, but more importantly, life. I have learned through my own experiences with emotional intelligence, that instead of teaching drills, and extending practice two extra hours for conceptual X's and O's, to spend that time training the mind, and using an EQ language that puts my players' minds (thoughts and emotions) in a place where they are making great decisions under pressure.Photo courtesy of High Point Athletic Communications.Earlier this year, I attempted to motivate a player by talking about her accomplishments before and during game time. I saw great potential in this athlete, but she was not performing to her potential, not because she was not capable physically, but because she had a mental block. This player was crushing practice, doing all the right things off the field and in the weight room, but when it came to game-time, she couldn't perform the way we knew she could. I used an old school way to try to motivate her with statistics, and playing time, and it did not work.We then sat down and chose a holistic approach instead of physically drilling her for weeks on the things we knew she was already capable of. Through our emotional intelligence training, and using our EQ language, she committed to a more mindful way of training. Rather than focus on the outcome, or the metrics, we chose to send her senses to focus on very small stimuli on the field during game time, something called “micro-focus,” and using all the abundant sights and sound stimuli to be present in a single moment, and not mind-wander. It is based on the neuroscience (EQ) principle that a conscious effort to think about one thing is a subconscious thought to not think about another. This allows the brain to make the best possible decision in critical situations. The outcome for this specific student-athlete is that she now plays with no fear of mistakes, she has fun, she is contributing like never before and reaching her full potential; not because of her skills, but because of her mental toughness. Her weakness has become her strength.We no longer focus on outcomes, instead we set an expectation every game to be at our best. We set a high standard of being mindful. Instead of throwing out clichés that dilute our messages, we use very specific micro and macro focuses, to anticipate, and stay in the moment.We now have a framework, and a language. My team knows how to read each other's emotional temperature and change it in the moment to get themselves and each other “green” – that emotional state of being fully present, in a zone. When my team is emotionally green – we make great decisions, and we have fun. It's the daily practice for life – not just lacrosse. While X's & O's are a huge part of our daily practice, about half of what we do is emotional and mental work to increase our ability to be at our best. We learned all this from EQ Master Coach, Dr. Izzy Justice. It is my daily goal in life to show these young women that they are the STAR of their lives, and it is their job to make the best decisions for themselves for pure happiness – not just on the field, but in life!